#Lord help us both
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So like I'm going on a date with this wonderful lady on Monday, and my ace heart is thinking of cute things we can do on later dates when we haven't even had our first date and part of my brain is like "This is going overboard." and the other part is like "Let me live my cute romantic life I've always wanted to spoil someone with cute shit but have been to afraid to branch out!!!"
Anyway Monday we're doing dinner and a scary movie, but the next time it rains I want her to come to my house, sit on the covered front porch with me in my rocking chairs, and drink hot tea together and just talk as we watch the rainfall and then maybe watch a movie afterwards.
I'm a simple enby with simple desires is this weird??? Or is it cute? I need feedback all the women in my life say it's cute but the men are like "That's weird. Only people who've known each other forever do stuff like that." and granted I've known her a year and in lesbian time that's a lot, and when she asked me out I thought she was kidding at first, but now it's happening and my heart is happy but at the same time scared that I'm going to run her off by suggesting too much too quickly.
Thoughts??
#Asexual and Demisexuals coming together to date#Lord help us both#I've only been on a semi date once before and her brother asked me out while we were dating and I just#had a panic attack#If that happens again I'm flinging myself into the sun
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i am wide awake thinking about that post canon jb au again when I should be sleeping ā¦!!! such is the nature of the jbrainrotā¦
#the whole setting is jb hanging out in the rock post war#and tyrion became lord of the westerlands / the rock is his but heās off doing stuff in kingslanding and jaime is just filling in for him#atm . but after tyrion comes back his original plan WAS heāll get married to brienne right away and they can move back to tarth or be#travelling hedge knights together or whatever brienne wants to do heās down for it. but the important thing is that he wants to stay with#her .. so heās using the time they have together currently to court her bc she deserves that at least !!#so jaime goes off trying to court and woo brienne but she just thinks theyāre hanging out bc they got relatively close in the war#so jaime being touchy feely isnāt anything new. jaime making innuendos and being kinda flirty isnāt anything new either#but this time he means it LOL heās like I want to kiss you SO badly and brienne will be like lol silly jaime (:#I was also thinking theyād help rebuild lannisport just bc itās a time for healing now and it would be good for the people to get to know#jaime and the lannisters in general bc of how they would just used to sit high above the rock looking down on everyone#but now jaime is like. actively helping and being known and being with the people rather than just being that absent distant lord#also heās thinking he might as well try and foster some relationship with the commoners to his house bc itās for tyrion anyway#so heās off doing that and brienne is tagging along bc she does not want to go home yet#she wants to stay with him and sheās helping out as an excuse to stay a little longer but she doesnāt exactly want to leave him#but how do you tell someone that and ignore the big glaring part that sheās actually in love with him and the fact that they both survived#the war is getting her hopeful???? u want her to admit that?? like a normal person??? no..!!#so sheās just staying and helping out bc a) itās the sensible thing to do b) so she can bask on the sun that is Jaime Lannister#for like a few more days. weeks. maybe a month bc the weather is soooo bad in the stormlands rn šš³#anyway jb hanging out! and everything is going well and good but jaime is now getting popular w the people and heās also looking quite#rugged and handsome post war now that heās thirty flirty and thriving and he also has a new scar across his lip that makes his#smirks even more ! rogueish ā¦ ! and he looks quite nice with the greying hair š so now thereās gossips around him#not to mention heās single too and I think if you were one of the heroes who helped win the war theyāll forget the kingslaying#man with no honor business so lo and behold brienne eavesdrops a group of ladies bc sheās a chismosa at heart and theyāre talking about a#potential marriage for a lord lannister (!!!) and thereās going to be a big tourney held in Kingslanding for it (!!!)#and brienne remembers jaime mentioning the ought to go to Kingslanding in the next few weeks (!!!) and now sheās remembering jaime IS a#lord though not theee lord of the westerlands STILL a lord from one of the seven houses and heās single and very eligible for marriage rn#and now sheās realising everything is returning back the way it was before the war where society rules matters and she has her own role as#now the evenstar bc rip selwyn and jaime has his own role too and the court is a whole different battlefield#one that she isnāt equipped in and even though she had found some new confidence in herself bc killing a bunch of ice invisible zombies#with your own magic sword will do that for you she doesnāt think (and sheās being objective not negative) she stands a chance in THAT
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Got busy this weekend and couldnt draw much so today I did this silly thing :3
Something sweet about the Prototype qwq I find it endearing those two would get so happy when the prototype is near while other toys would feel intimidated by them XD I will make more silly doodles about why Zero thinks so high of the Prototype in the future :D
Au by @asamary You should check their stuff :D!
Also Zero chirps when they are very happy (The only one who got to hear them is 1006 till now, Zero is a bit embarrased because he cannot control it but with 1006 he lowers his guard but also acts childish around him too HAHA)
#poppy playtime#catnap#sweet home au#poppy playtime sweet home#prototype#poppy playtime 1006#oc Zero Signal#poppy playtime oc#my art#I wanna put on a comic how zero little by little they managed and healed about their fear of other people and stopped being extremely#dependant of the prototype. like imagine he made chaos is hospitals or any other place cuz he would wake up from nigthmares of being back#and wouldnt be able to differenciate reality from the nightmare and would stop only by shutting himself in a room/closet or the prototype#assured him its okay then while healing the prototype made catnap one of his most loyal followers to met zero since he is very calm and#chill but funnily enough i like to think catnap just went. āim their favoriteā and started picking a fight in wich zero got frustrate and#they ended up fighting and making zero come out of his shell a bit (the prototype totally knew it would help probably HAHA)#and catnap being unable to use the gas because kaboom with electricity HAHAH#in the end both got scolded zero should know better cuz oldest of the two and catnap for picking a fight HJAHA#also zero calls him my lord in a non religious way but more in like how a servant would call a duke or nobility kings etc#the prototype collecting kids with trauma like pokemon card
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ULTIMATE TOLKIEN BLORBO ROUND FIVE: SECOND CHANCE BRACKET
BOROMIR vs. ELROND PEREDHEL
See the ULTIMATE TOLKIEN BLORBO MASTERPOST for details and follow #ultimate tolkien blorbo to cast your vote for the blorbiest blorbo of all!
#ultimate tolkien blorbo#lotr#lord of the rings#the hobbit#silmarillion#the silmarillion#tolkien#boromir#elrond#elrond peredhel#ngl I wanna use a picture of robert aramayo soooo bad because if I'm going to blorbify elrond it's going to be with him#he's so CUTE and PRECIOUS#but y'all are babies about the show so I CAN'T without skewing the RESULTS#anyway elrond rules regardless of actor like he's just the best.#but also boromir is so noble and tragic and he just wanted to help his people#and that should be respected#anyway vote as you will they both deserve the honor imo
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elladan has Opinions about aragorn's elessar outfit
(btw arwen & elladan have silver hair in this one bc of their treelight hair thing)
#silm#silmarillion#lord of the rings#lotr#aragorn#arwen#elladan#hc: elronds family uses the nickname 'el' for literally everybody#[el]rond; [el]ros#[el]ladan; [el]rohir#est[el]; undomi[el]#+ [el]wing; [el]ured; [el]urin#the sleeve things aragorn has are meant to be worn with a different shirt/robe#so you can have a fancy loose robe or shirt but functional sleeves#which is especially helpful for people with a craft where you dont want sleeves getting in the way#but aragorn for some reason is wearing a matching sleeveless shirt and shirtless sleeves and defeating the point of both#so is vardamir#though he at least has the excuse of having a craft that actually benefits from the separate sleeves
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Someone please make a fanfic about eda and raine if they met caduceia. šŖ
Knowing this fandoms history with Betas better specify what type of fanfic š¤Ø
#could range from raine and caduceia being related#to eda and caduceia hate fucking#or both#lord help us if its both#asks
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#āout of nowhereā she says like she hasnāt been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#itās been over two years since the last time we talkedā¦ absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! thereās a lot of things i used to like about myself that i donāt think iām ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole āmaybe i could make things rightā song and dance š#the thing is most of the time iām not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the āthatās really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldnāt have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?ā#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope sheās gotten some of her shit worked out#so iām not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i canāt think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so š#i donāt actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasnāt crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just donāt see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yetā¦ the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger personā¦#caseyposting
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kabru is like one the most interesting well developed kind and sweet characters in dungeon meshi and yet every post is either him wanting to kill laios or shipping him with laios i fucking hate it here so much
#CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HIS BACKGROUND HOW MEETING A DUNGEON LORD CHANGED HIM#PLEASE PLEASE UR NOTHING#i think itd actually be so epic to think about how hes probably the driving force behind bringing everyone together in the kingdom#itd be cool to see him interact with mithrun more post epilogue too since theyre both staying#anyway kabru going from being an expert in killing people (milsirils fault.) to being an expert in helping ppl and bringing them together.#and using ppl as a means to an end vs understanding everyones inherent worth and ability to grow and change UGH.#REFLECTING ON HIS OWN PERCEPTION OF HIMSELF AND HEALING HIS SURVIVORS GUILT#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT IT#going insane
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Was thinking about them today (the precursor to my Sydcarmy fixation) and how what happened to them was a crime so Ima need Chris Storer to let me have this one thing š
#I was in the trenches circa2020#Truly one of the best slow burns on tv at the time#Like I really told myself this was the last slow burn I would ever get invested in š#and the fact that my hyperfixation with Sydcarmy is worse then it was with themā¦.lord help me#David Shore is the gremlin responsible for this crime#Like I truly hope his pillows are CONSTANTLY warm (both sides)#I hope he bites his tongue at least once during every meal#I hope every carbonated beverage he opens explodes all over him#He deserves a stuffy nose YEAR ROUND#Chris I know youāll treat us better bae#Melendaire#chris storer
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Do ppl genuinely think jinx blew up the council for the liberation of zaun
#actually I need to rewatch bc from what I remember#jinxās ideals are making silco happy like I donāt see her actually upset about what ppl are going through or wanting real change or whatever#like i think sheāll def be some sort of hope to some ppl of zaun due to the action#but like. that was pure malice that wasnāt Justice for zaun#she killed powder for killing her family the first time and she killed the council for killing silco#Bc jinx couldnāt have done it since sheās perfect silco said so#and this isnāt a violence isnāt the answer thing NO#i think ekko should blow up the council too and I hate that heās hanging with that rat#heimerdinger and cailtyn are the same to me theyāre both annoying#stay away from zaunites ty#youāve done ENOUGH#the audacity to argue with ekko about who enforcers are#āthe Ppl dont want my help :(ā ok kys. ez#Uhm anyways thatās very subjective and again Iām biased against piltover theyāre literally nothing new to me#point is I donāt think jinx is the revolutionary some of yāall tout her to be#i know itās scary but if u want that ur gonna have to focus on a black character outside his white potential LI#I KNOW I KNOW! itās new to you itās hard you canāt see him as anything besides smth ur fave reacts to#but if u want the person protecting zaunites as best as they can bc they love zaun itself#Ur gonna have to look past the sad white girl#difference between jinx and ekko is oppression shaping a rebellious personality vs the choice to rebel and do better for your people#not in a theory vs praxis way but in whoās actually concerned with others welfare and how zaun will move forward#while ekko is willing to use violence for his cause heās more worried about keeping his own ppl safe which could potentially set him down#the road vander went - as opposed to vi who was like. traumatized into working with pilties this soon#Itļæ½ļæ½ļæ½d be a slow road for him. but also take into account he saw vander go down that path before and if itās one thing heās good at itās#learning from the past. bring in how the silco and vander wonāt repeat itself bc jinx whoās angrier at piltover and life in general than she#is hopeful for zaun might have to be forced to gain that compassion once interpersonally interacting with zaunites some who may genuinely#look up to her as a leader as opposed to local drug lords lapdog is gonna have to buck up and take responsibility#obvi vi and powder are vander silco foils duh but the way Iām thinking ekko and jinx could potentially be#wait for it#what couldve been
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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.
#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need#to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how#correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see#me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help#create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal#myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing#about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just#hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn#great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows#I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent#to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.
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one of the only gripes i have with Suki, Alone is that it makes her escape from the boiling rock....i don't know if hollow is the word i'm looking for, but? something along those lines?
like, all her talk with biyu about caring for the whole--
Suki, "...Maybe we can even grow enough to share with the other prisoners." Biyu, "The other prisoners?? Who cares about them?!" Suki, "I care about them. ... If we can get everyone better food, there's a chance for pushback against the guards. Maybe even a chance for us to escape."
Then later
Biyu, "I usually just look out for myself. But I'm starting to see the advantages of having friends around. Better eats, for one thing." Suki, "It isn't about advantages. It's about community. It we stand together, all of us have a better chance of making it out of this place. It isn't about using other people to make sure we survive. You understand that, right?"
and sure, plenty of that can just come down to the comic was released in 2021, and the episode aired in 2008. different times and different mediums.
idk. all this talk of community and wanting to take care of the whole, only for her to just drop all of that completely to escape with sokka, zuko, and hakoda... what about everyone else?? leave them all behind because what? biyu betrayed her?? :\
#thankfully with my own fic i can take the time for her to at least have some moments with everyone else#and even have them insist she gets out#something like ''you're escaping with the prince-- if you get out of here and help him and the avatar take down the fire lord#you'd be saving ALL of us eventually.''#OR#i let that hurt fester and really just let it put her at her lowest low to the point of mentally being unable to care about anyone else#or a mix of both#i'll burn that bridge when i get to it#writing tag
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deseret book is more persistent than duolingo.
i ordered 2 books for a church research project on Black saints in the early Church and also in the Reorganization, on which the one book had a small section us and all had info from the our shared early church history, and it was an ebook too!
and i get physical mail from them once a month. i have no idea how to cancel.
herald house, the community of christ publishing house, contacts me much less, and i buy books from them all the time.
and oh their church book app reminds me to read my scriptures and the words of their prophets regularly if it's not in sleep mode.
i have to admire the effort behind it, ngl.
#tumblrstake#the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints#Community of Christ#latter day saint#deseret book#i highly recommend both books#black saints in a white church#and āMy Lord He Calls Meā edited by Alice Faulkner Burch#she's really awesome so pls support her#i hang out with the genesis group bc i am playing with a similar group for community of christ#because the Black saints expressed interest#actually Black Saints in a White Church may have been elsewhere by Signature Books#you can read it for free on archive.org#and if you're at BYU you can access it too and papers on it#i'll promo them in another post eventually#white saints in my church don't get my vision bc their like āwe never had a priesthood banā#but i literally had to do the project bc they were speaking over us regarding anti-Black racism in our D&C#and people individually reached out. like Black church leaders. bc they be doing this.#we made so much noise and the first presidency reached out to ME bc i wrote a paper that spread through the church about it#wild moment. but yeah we need something like the Genesis Group and they were willing to help me out a bit#its too much for me to handle on my own tho. esp with the revitalizing our intepretation and use of the Book of Mormon projects#i always put too much in the tags. i should write a post about that and share my article#it was on our D&C 116 which is like our L-dS OD 2 on Race in the priesthood and specifically ordination of Black men#which they (some of the white saints) wanted removed š bc of the āministers to their own raceā part which led to segregation being allowed#but also explicitly affirms God calls people of all races to priesthood and also that Black congregations didnāt need white pastor oversight#so just leave it. and ig you feel guilty...cope#i personally believe it to be inspired but flawed#it was literally a mostly white church in 1865. not excusing tho bc some sects were always fully integrated like the Bickertonites#they had a Black apostle in 1915. representation at high levels of leadership#oh and women in the priesthood from the jump. if limited
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#i need to stop doomscrolling its four in the morning im so exhausted i technically have school shit i needed to finish and i have to get up#to go to class in a few hours too#it helps nothing either. its horrible to look and its horrible to look away and they both do absolutely nothing past a point just like w th#other endless amount of absolutely horrible things going on in the world rn#theres no new information now either. just the fallout and seeing what comes next#this and no other horrible thing going on in the world is abt us and how it affects us emotionally obviously like that's just specs of dust#on the thing itself#but. yeah. i. i dont think the human mind copes well w going from locally based ape empathy to exposure to every horrible thing everywhere#....... russia has bombed more apartments and civilian buildings too :( ppl caught under the rubble and dead#just. dear god.. i just keep thinking that. i just keep saying that to myself. dear god#dear god oh lord of duamne ya allah yarabbi whatever variation its most of what goes through my mind on loop#while my mind runs through so much of it. palestina and all the videos of dead and murdered and the children the videos from last week of#that tourist girl in israel the war in ukraina whats happening in kosovo armenia the uyghurs and china all the conflict in india and#pakistan the state of afghanistan yamen civilians being tortured by gangs in south america torture in general and the prisons around the#world and the slavery and the torture and the killing and the starvation and the pain and the million other things going on i don't even#know about and the fucking climate jesus christ the climate change???#and my mind just doesnt stop. it goes through so much shit it maps out this horrible web of pain and pain and pain throughout the entire#world ;;_;;#i uh. i desperately need to take more time in my life and for years on end ive needed to tske more time in my life to think#of the good things happening in ths world too. small things big things anything just anything good anything getting better anything thats#working any proof of humanity in this species#i just. .#.#i go through the full range of human emotion from rage to numbness and dissociation to bitterness to shock to nothing shocks me to endless#sorrow to disgust and i end up at the end#feeling like the same kid who wants to cry and ask why can't we just be nicer to each other please. as if its that simple. j wish it was.#god. i wish
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damn living here really does suck
#logbook#'going to a block party!!' its the neighborhood block party. not invited.#i hate having to park across the street bc they arent leaving space anymore. and oh you can tell us to move. why dont you just move then??@!#my room is an absolute living hell and mess. i dont even know how to begin to organize it i'll probably just. throw stuff together and cart#it over once we're approved.#and then last night it was like. lets go to a karaoke night! our dog has separation anxiety and abandonment issues and barks and whines the#whole time we're gone but we're not home so its fine. . .except its almost 10 at night and we have a roommate. but fuck our roommate.#if i start sleeping at rents it feels like im giving in but. i feel like im going crazy and asking for too much to be like. hey man.#im a person here too. 'csn you handle the dog while we're gone to a block party' SO ITS MY FUCKING FAULT?? IM A CHILD NOW?#my whole room at rents is taken over by all their shit but i really am tempted to just. only come back here to pack and couch surf.#im just going to be told this is how it is now and 'so you dont want to be friends'? lord help me#if i didnt have jael i wouldnt be so concerned. or the plants. but i have both so i have to come by frequently enough to care for them.
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God i want to write a raine whispers character study SO BAD.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#lizard-dumbass talks about stuff#text post#the owl house#raine whispers#i really really really want to write a multichapter post-canon character study abt raine#i want to think and write abt how theyre doing and their trauma and how the events of the show are affecting them#infact i want to dedicate an entire chapter or atleast part of a chapter to their mindset during that scene in WAD where theyre just#whistling their and eda's song when theyre trapped in the belos coral stuff in the castle#like there was definitely so much going on in their mind in that moment that i just want to write about so fucking bad#but unfortunately i dont have time to write this character study yet because im still busy as fuck with school stuff#so it'll have to wait until summer vacation#so basically im just sitting here on the verge of exploding because i have so many thoughts abt raine whispers that i cannot write out atm#lord help me#raine whispers my beloved#raine whispers my fucking beloved#im using both of those tags because i love them ok#i guess i can i use the little spare time i have to plan out the chapters
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