#Ur gonna have to look past the sad white girl

[starlooove]

Do ppl genuinely think jinx blew up the council for the liberation of zaun

[s-4pphics]

rip, halloweekend! (e.w.)

hi😳 it’s my last week as a student and i felt sad so i wrote fratadjacent!ellie lol. literally just wanted to reminisce on party hookups since they’re over for me </3 

wc;cw: 3.4k mmm, MDNI!!, NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL IM VERY BUSY LOL, all ocs r black coded y’all see it, mentions of (faux)blood and vomit like once, alcohol weed it’s a party duh, 21 and tee grizzley promo like pay me, girls kissing🤭, dubcon(every1 is faded af lol), ellie’s sleazy, mentions of orgies and anal? uh oh, ellie’s so cocky <3, dirty talk, fingering, eating out no mcdonalds, spanking ass and tits lol, okie yeah dassit <3 

everyone say thank u to the loml @fandomshitpostingqueen 4 the title :3

Your school always turned up and out for Halloween. 

You and your friends had been complaining about how trash the parties have been for months, but now the streets are littered with people dressed as bare as possible in the freezing cold. They were all shotgunning beers in the middle of the street, blasting trap music through their portable speakers, throwing up everywhere. 

And you were so excited! This was going to be fun. 

You never particularly liked going to frat parties: their houses were never clean, it was always boiling hot in the basement, and the cops almost always showed up to shut the entire place down (only for another party to blow up in the early hours in the morning, and they shut them down, too! Fuckers!). But after your first ever mind-numbing, toe-curling, drunken fuck with… her at the Alpha Sigma Phi house in September last year, you hardly ever stepped foot in clubs again. 

You two weren’t super close even though you fucked on and off, but you were friends with her housemate, Riley, so whenever she invited you over, you would discreetly watch Ellie silently making cereal—high out of her mind—in only her sports bra and gray sweats. You hadn’t seen her since the start of the semester, when she’d dropped off your wobbly, highly intoxicated roommate with after she’d snapped you a hey. ur roomie drank alooottt and is really fucked up rn imma drop her off leave the door unlocked pls lol. 

It was a mystery how they got past your building's security since your roommate could barely hold up her I.D. according to Ellie, but you didn’t press since she seemed in a rush to get back to the party she was at. She quickly laid your friend in her bed before throwing you a quick see ya! before fleeing out the door. You didn’t even have a chance to properly look at her before your own door slammed in your face. 

And now here you are, standing in the frat entry line freezing your ass off in your slutty, glittery angel costume with a cheap, but feathered halo atop your head. Your dress barely passed your thighs, and your white, lace-up heels were getting scuffed on the concrete. You didn’t even want to be an angel, but your friends forced you to match with them with their demands of Were gonna be Charlie’s Angels, bitch I’m not playing!, to which you’d argue, they weren’t actually angels, clown! But after three days of consistent glares and pleading from your googly-eyed group, you gave in. 

“Bro, I’m so fuckin’ excited. I need more shots, I need more shots! —“

“Can you shut the fuck up, you sound crazy,” your good friend, Cleo said to your… feening friend, Evelyn. A gust of Fall wind blew past all of you, and you shivered in unison. 

“It’s too fucking cold for this shit! If y’all would’ve let me down that Svedka bottle, I would be warm as fuck right now!” Evelyn pressed at both of you between chattering teeth. 

“Bitch, you almost peed in these people's kitchen sink the last time you did some stupid shit like that! In front of everyone!” Cleo scolded with a glare, and Evelyn scoffed before turning away to look at the moving line. Your friend then turned her attention to you. 

“You tryna see your girlfriend?” Cleo said to you with a smirk while she hit her dab, and you rolled your eyes so hard, they almost fell out. 

“She’s not my fuckin’ girlfriend, shut up,” you tried to say as convincingly as possible. They both snorted at your attempts, clearly in denial. 

Your friends always made it sound like you were in love with Ellie when she was brought up. You could admit to having a crush on her, sure, but you weren’t always craving her attention. You let her come and go as she pleased, and you did the same. 

Your thoughts were cut off by some drunk, obnoxious asshole screaming at the two of you to pull out your school I.Ds. You all did, and the door immediately pulled open, and you were hit in the face with the bass from the speakers. You all entered, hand in hand, and watched people dance in masks, people making out, people twerking on the counter. And you all were finally warm. 

You moved through the packed, LED lit house to where everyone was dancing, and you and your friends made a small circle in the middle of the crowded floor. Evelyn managed to snag an unopened bottle of Tito’s from the counter and you, and Cleo stared in shock as she downed three large gulps like it was water. You snatched the bottle from her before she could get any more down, only to take three large sips of your own, before turning to Cleo, ushering her to lean her head back so you could pour some in her mouth. 

You felt lighter. 

Thirty minutes passed, and Cleo was throwing it back on you, and you were throwing it back on Evelyn as she clumsily thrusted her hips into your ass, bottle in hand. Your halo was tipping, you were sweating out your press, and your glittery liner was smudging, but you couldn’t give a fuck. 21 was on, and nothing else mattered. 

Until Evelyn stopped, pulling you up to her chest and sloppily whispered that she had to pee. You shook your head as you giggled, pulling a very high Cleo up to guide her to the bathroom by her iced-out wrist.

The line for the bathroom was so fucking long. What the fuck. 

But you and your friends were finally next. Evelyn was leaning back against the wall as she squeezed her legs together, whining out quiet dontpeedontpeedontpee’s to herself with her eyes shut. You shook your head at her. 

However, you all immediately stiffened when you heard a desired squeal of fuck yes, like that! coming from the bathroom. That’s why y’all were standing here for so fucking long?! So somebody could get their nut?! 

Cleo shook her head with a I know you fuckin’ lying before banging her fist on the door. “Bro, hurry the fuck up! We don’t have time for this shit!”

“Hold the fuck on, damn!” and your back straightened at the voice, eyebrows furrowing. Ohh, shit oh fuck! —

And the door swung open, revealing a very flushed Ellie, lips glistening and eyes tinted pink with a black cloak on, Scream mask in hand. She even had fake blood smeared on her face. And a girl in a devil costume hopping off the counter, adjusting the horns on her head. 

You made eye contact with Ellie, and she froze, only to quirk her slit brow at you, slowly gazing at your attire from top to bottom before reconnecting your eyes. You shivered, and she smirked. 

The demon girl snatched Ellie’s wrist to lead her out of the bathroom as Evelyn rushed in, barely shutting the door behind her. You held Ellie’s searing contact as she trailed behind the girl, nodding her head in greeting as she brushed past you, leaving the hallway. You turned towards Cleo, who’d been barricading the door for Evelyn, shaking her head at you with a knowing grin. You let out a quiet fuck you as she busted out laughing. 

Sometime in the night, you all scurried back to the dance for when First Day Out blasted through the speakers. You have zero recollection of what happened after you ran towards the packed dance floor(all your liquor body-slammed you at once!), but your tongue was shoved in Cleo’s mouth as she grinded on Evelyn, holding her by her thigh to pull her closer. She pulled away, licking your bottom lip as you both smiled before your hazy gaze traveled behind Evelyn, locking with the ones you were conflicted about seeing tonight. 

Ellie was smoking by herself, just watching you. You held her stare as you wrapped your arms around Cleo, drunkenly waving your hand to lure her over. She smirked around her blunt before shrugging, shaking her head no. You sent her a pout. 

“Ellie’s over there,” you bent down to talk in Cleo’s ear. 

She hummed in acknowledgment against your neck, “We’ll be alright. Go see her.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, I got her,” She said in reference to a very drunk Evelyn screaming out YOU KNOW I BROUGHT MY KNIFE!

“Text me if anything happens, okay?” You demanded, and she nodded before encouragingly patting your ass. 

You unwrapped yourself from your friend, squeezing through the crowd until you reached a very… calm Ellie. She was leaning back with her head propped up against the wall, doing tricks with every exhale of smoke. You leaned up next to her, shoulder to shoulder. 

Neither of you said anything, but she held her blunt up to your face. You accepted, parting your lips to inhale the smoke as you watched the lit tip shine orange. You pulled away, leaving the remnants of your gloss behind, and breathed in before exhaling away from her. 

You watched as she pulled her phone out, slowly typing something out with one hand as she ripped from the blunt again. 

You felt your phone vibrate in your bra. 

You looked at her suspiciously before pulling it out, unlocking it to open the snap from Ellie.

e: cum upstairs? 

y: 😐

You turned to her and watched her smile before typing. You looked back down at your phone. 

e: lemme give u some imsorry head :(

y: 😐

e: pleek 

y: where

e: upstairs duh 

e: jesses gone 4 the weekend so ye

e: fuckin u in his room lol 

… Who the fuck is Jesse?

You didn’t get an opportunity to respond before you felt her grab your wrist, pulling you into the crowd. You couldn’t help but look up at her frame, loose strands of her ponytail falling out, her dangly earrings, her fucking shoulders, her neck moving every time she looked back to check on you. She looked so fucking good, fuck—

You felt a smack on your ass, and before you could turn to beat the fuck out of whoever it was, you caught your friends giggling at you. Cleo suddenly made her O-face as Evelyn pretended to hit it from the back before they started laughing at you again. You stared blankly at them. 

“Okay?” You heard Ellie say in your ear, lips brushing against yours. You only nodded before turning back to face her. 

You watched as she looked behind you before smiling and looking back down at you with a headshake. She turned and led you towards the staircase. 

She pulled open a door—Jesse’s, you guess— at the end of the hall. It was a bit messy, but you ignored it as she closed the door behind you. 

“Where’s Riley? I haven’t seen her at all,” you said as she looked at you. 

“Dunno.” She replied simply, ripping from her roach. 

“…You got bored quick,” You hoped she knew what you meant. 

“Mhm,” she said as she exhaled before stubbing it out on the dresser. 

And then silence. 

This is awkward. You hoped she would be ripping your halo off by now.  

“You look cute.” 

“You don’t,” you replied sharply. Fuck, yes she does, she always does. 

She snickered at you before kicking her chucks off, “That girl thought I did.” 

You’re going to strangle her. 

“Fuck you.” 

“You’re gonna,” she said as she stepped closer. 

“You’re a slut.” 

“I am,” Another step. She said with a slimy grin. “The dirtiest.” 

You hated how wet that made you. 

“Your friends are funny,” She said with another step, finally in your space as she spoke quietly. “And they’re hot.” 

“I know they are.” 

“Orgy?” She asked with a bright smile.

“Ellie, are we fucking or not? M’feet hurt,” you slurred out, rolling your eyes. 

“You look so good right now,” she said more to herself than to you, it seemed. She’d been so quiet, tone filled with awe. Your face ran hot. 

“Wanna kiss,” She said as she leaned forward. 

You placed a hand on her chest. “‘M not about to kiss you, you were just giving somebody head, like, an hour ago.” 

“So?” She said, grinning wider. 

“The fuck d’you mean so? That’s gross, Ellie.” you said with an agitated tone. 

“Wanna bend you over his dresser,” She said silkily, and it made you clench tight. “Missed you, y’know?” 

You didn’t reply as you looked at her skeptically. She didn’t care, grabbing you by your hips to pull you closer, bodies now flush against each other. She bent down to plant soft kisses on your neck. You would’ve complained, but her mouth felt so good, fuck.

“You wet enough?” She whispered out against your throat before sucking on the wet spot. You threw your arms around her neck, your knees buckling. 

“Gettin’ there, keep kissing me like that,” you breathed out in a shaky whisper. You felt her smile against you before licking over where she sucked. 

You felt her hands travel down to your ass, as she grabbed both cheeks tightly in both hands. You let out a breathy moan at her grip before you felt her slap a cheek, and then the other. 

“Take this shit off,” she whispered out as she hiked your dress over your hips. You pulled it over your head, tossing it near the bed along with your halo. 

“Fuck you, I spent time making this,” you said with a pout as she laughed softly. She grabbed your bare tits in her hands before sucking a nipple into her mouth. You moaned as you peered down to watch her flick it. 

She switched sides, sucking the hardened bud into her mouth while she hummed quietly. Your hips pressed against her.

“Prettiest fuckin’ tits,” She whispered against your breast. “Gonna fuck ‘em one day, I swear to god.” 

You moaned at her promise as you felt her slap your ass again before whispering a get over there, nodding towards the dresser. You scurried over as quickly as your heeled feet could manage, tits bouncing with every step. You leaned back against it with your hands propped up behind you as you watched her pull your halo from your discarded fabric. 

“Gotta keep this on,” she said as she walked over, dangling it between two fingers. “For… affect, and whatnot.” 

“Right.” 

“Mhm,” she said as she carefully placed it on your head. “Turn around.” 

You listened without question, and you were faced with your own reflection. Your wet nipples, your rising and falling chest, your wet thong. And her darkly looming behind you closely, all bloody and grinning. Another gush of wetness in your underwear. 

“You know what I think?” She said into your ear, meeting your eyes in the mirror. 

You hummed out questioningly. 

“We’d make a sexy cam-couple,” She whispered huskily as she licked your ear and you couldn’t stop squirming, pushing back on her as she grinded forward. “I could see it now: ‘slutty Scream murders cute angelic pussy’, we’d get paid so fuckin’ good.” 

“You’re stupid,” you shakily whispered out as she reached around to pull at your nipples. Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned back against her, one hand reaching behind you to wrap around her neck while the other dug into her jean-covered thigh. 

She slapped your tits as she messily kissed your neck, sucking more bruises into the skin as she moaned against you. You felt one of her hands disappear from your tits, and before you could move to bring it back, you felt it grab the back of your neck to push you down against the dresser, arms falling in front of you in reflex. Your eyes tore open, and you were met with your sloppy-looking reflection. Lip gloss completely gone, eye-makeup smeared, sweated-out press sticking to your forehead(dammit!), and your halo lopsidedly hanging off your head. 

“Uh huh,” she muttered out as she watched you through the mirror, slowly thrusting her hips forward like she was fucking you and fuck, you wanted to fuck so bad. You hated how you instinctively pushed back on her, propping yourself up on your elbows. “Would make a sexy little pornstar.” 

“Fuck, El, ‘m so wet, c’mon, please! —” 

“Gonna baby, just lemme look at you,” she said back, and you whined, pushing back on her again. You wish she had her dick with her! 

“Make me cum, El, pleeease,” you whined out again, and you felt her slam a hot hand on your ass. You cried out as your cheek seared. 

You felt her slowly pull your panties to the side. You lifted your head to watch her through the mirror: her brows pulled down, her lip between her teeth, and she had the audacity to release a glob of spit on your pussy. You felt a gush of wetness leave you as it trailed down your pussy. 

“You’re so nasty,” you slurred out quietly. 

She reconnected your eyes in the mirror, and she grinned cunningly. You felt her free hand come up to run slow, deep circles on your slippery clit, and you moaned out as your eyes fluttered shut. You dropped your chin on the dresser in relief. 

“Cutest fuckin’ pussy, can tell she missed me,” you clenched tighter gushed wetter at her tone, your pussy screaming missed you so much, daddy! You could tell she noticed when she snickered out a small yeah, you did.

And then you felt her slide a finger in. Your jaw dropped as you gasped wetly, and you hated how she immediately found that spot that makes you scream. Your walls were gripping her finger tight tight tight—

“Fuck, angel, gonna gimme this pussy later?” 

“Fuck yes, ‘s yours!” 

“Yeah? Say it again,” and she dug her finger in deeper. 

“‘S your pussy, daddy, make me cum!” 

She gently pushed another finger in and she grinded them into you, barely pulling out. You hadn’t even noticed that the grip she had on your neck disappeared, her other hand reaching around you to massage your clit. You stayed bent over the dresser so she could hit it deeper, and fuck, she made you feel so good!

Your eyes were glued shut as you breathed and moaned out, but you felt her press kisses all over your ass, biting the cheeks. Your eyes fluttered open as she sat up, slowing down her fucking. She met your eyes to ask, “You ever get your ass fucked?” 

You barely reacted at her bluntness due to your hazy mind, but you shook your head no. She nodded as she pouted. She went back to fingering your cunt. 

“Mmh, you can if you w-wanna, when you take me home later, shit—“

“Who said I was takin’ you home? Hm?” She said and you heard the smirk in her voice. She pressed up against that spot harder as she slid another finger in. 

“Fuuuck!—“ 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes, baby, yesyesyes!—“

You watched her drop to her knees and felt her suck your clit in her mouth and your eyes rolled back and it was about to make you cum—

The sloppy noises of her sucking your pussy and the soppy sounds of her fingers inside you made you hotter, and you felt that burning feeling pulling in your gut.

“El, fuck, baby, I’m gonna— “ 

“C’mon angel, get me wet, want it all over my fuckin’ face— “ 

You couldn’t hear all the nasty shit she was muttering on your pussy as she fucked you through your nut, her lips taking your throbbing clit back in your mouth as she massaged that spot inside you. She was eating you like you were paying her for it and fuck you would if she asked. 

“Taste so fuckin’ good, no one tastes this good, what the fuck,” she said dazed. You knew she was watching your pussy twitch as you rode out the aftershocks on your orgasm, slowly fucking her fingers into you. 

You felt her stand up, slowly rubbing your clit as you calmed down, planting gentle, wet kisses onto your back. 

“You good?” She whispered against you, and you nodded against the desk. 

She chuckled gently, massaging your ass in both her hands before pressing a kiss on a cheek, “C’mon, we’re leaving.” 

You barely could catch your breath, “W’na dance, still.” 

“No, you don’t,” she said, licking up your spine. You felt her press her lips to your ear before she whispered. “Text your friends and tell ‘em we’re leaving. ‘M dropping them off so I can fuck this ass.” 

You shuddered. 

And nodded. 

And she cheesed wide. 

see yall inna week or so lol c:

[wishchip106]

watching dark pheonix rn live commentary

charles hair looks wacky af girl get a fringe cover the forehead or something

he’s signing the adoption papers thats his daughter 😿

it said it was 1975 this does NOT look like the same school from dofp 🤨

WHERE DID ALL THE TREES GO???

ok now we’re in space huzzah 1992

uh oh the rocket broken

HE’S BALD

he got the president on speed dial damn

RAVEN WHAT IS THAT HAIR COLOR fuckass bob

no one getting that basketball back damn

nyoom

charles really needs to get side rails in cerebro other people go in there too they gonna fall off

he connected to nasa

yikes ominous space dust ☹️

raven is literally the leader of the x-men

ITS THAT WOMANS FAULT FOR MENTIONING THE CAPTAIN

how tf is jean breathing??? 🤨

that blast should’ve killed BUT ALSO HOW IS SHE CASUALLY FLOATING IN SPACE??

that part of the pheonix force or something?

the xmen got fans thats crazy 🤨

charles keeps canceling classes does anyone actually learn in this school?

RAVEN UR THE ONE WHO STARTED THE XMEN

“i actually can’t remember the last time you were risking something” saying that to the man who is bald and in a wheelchair???

idk whether this is bias or not but honestly charles doing stuff with the press and getting people to like mutants and the xmen is a good thing???

i get raven is upset about risking their lives and such but its honestly that or being persecuted and hunted down daily 🤨🤨

pissing me off

dinner party wowie

intro to the most forgettable xmen villian ever

fucking tree aliens what the flip

oh damn his chest constricted

dazzler!!! 🤯🤯🤯

jean thirsty damn

why is raven hiding still i thought mutant and proud meant something

raven if ur upset go to genosha or something

charles is besties with the president lol

jean needs to get a new skincare routine her skin cracking

charles dad senses starting tingling (despite being a shitty dad 👀)

does no one else get that if charles didn’t put shields in place in jeans mind a lot more people would be dead??? like obviously he could have slowly taken them down over time but still 🤨

one of the writers might have beef with charles

jean going after her deadbeat dad but she doesn’t know that

they planning to manipulate her

yikes flashbang

how tf jean get there so fast

knock knock its me ur estranged daughter

bro does not look happy to see her

raven clearly has beef with charles

this a “lets all blame charles” movie

struggling forreal i’m defending him every five minutes

jean realizing her dads a deadbeat blaming her for her moms death damn

if he had to pick between saving his wife or jean he would pick his wife

charles wearing his ex’s clothes 🤨

scott being like “i love you pookie dont leave me 🥺”

the girls fighting

raven being the one who steps up

ah shit she dead ☹️

jean really flew outta there

sad moment r.i.p raven

hank is angry

“is it true? jean killed her? 🤓” BRO SHE JUST DIED SHOW SOME RESPECT

girl going straight to the alcohol, some habits dont die

“its your fault she’s dead” BITCH THAT WAS HIS SISTER

you cant expect charles to admit when he’s wrong thats what he and his ex-husband have in common

“no civilians past this-“ ”fbi” “oh okay” can anyone just do that? walk up to a crime scene and say you’re fbi

bro killed him

GENOSHA

jean going to her stepdads house

ERIK HELLO

bro why he fly like that 🧍

did he really make his furniture really low down 🤨

waiting for his husband

wouldve been better if he had white hair 😔

damn military

jean in a killing mood

magneto saving human lives 🤨 never thought i’d see the day

bro looks so stupid oh damn he was flung

“i am protecting them, from you” DAMN no one wants to help her

the president revoked his bestie privileges after one incident

charles struggling

girl are you drinking age 🤨 i sure hope so i’m a rule follower

yes who are you jean

OH DAMN DIDNT NEED TO GO THERE

heheh charles sleepin

biggass binoculars

“what? no charles?” girl i think ur a tad bit obsessed

he yaps about him to anyone who listens

his bestie dead oh no 🙁 give him a sec

welp time to kill her that’s totally what raven would’ve wanted

damn those aliens got a nice place what the heck

woahh space and shit oh wow the milky way

the aliens were lurking

she is special yeah

she lying girl don’t listen she gonna kill you (although that wont really stop you)

whats this bald lady’s name?

i wanna see all the other stuff erik keeps in that box

i can see charles actually descending into depression this is crazy

lol they all putting him in place give him a break 😢

boutta reconnect with my ex wish me luck 🤩

erik trying to act cool in front of his friends

woah f bomb

charles im gonna kill ur daughter sorry not sorry 😁

hair whip

“ur not the only one who can control minds 😏”

girl this is the worlds most powerful telepath maybe think about this for a second

the girls fighting again

bitch pulled a train out of the ground tf did you need that for???

making a grand entrance

damn getting his skull crushed like the first people he ever killed

he got throw out the window ☹️

yeah girl thats ur dad

NAH WHY DID THEY DO THIS

MAKING THE DISABLED MAN WALK WTF

that alien really got her claws in her

yes please see that charles still loves you (AS A DAD)

thats her dad 😿

i hate this alien ur ruining the moment

no don’t give it to her ☹️☹️

scott to the rescue

THEY TAKING THE XMEN TO THE POUND DAMN

oh damn charles admitted he was wrong good job

maybe bring these guys to therapy or something

erik thats ur stepdaughter chill

the aliens have hijacked the train 🙁

once again humans being stupid

he clearly just healed from those bullets why are you still shooting

hell yeah train fight scene

LMAO SHE JUST DIED

anyway moving on 😁

kurt’s angry now

WHAT WAS THAT EVIL GRIN

honestly feel like charles could do a lot more

yay magneto being cool as fuck

okay all the lackeys were defeated onto the main boss

oh damn storm got blasted

“you wanted her dead” “i had a change of heart” bro never decides whether or not to be evil

dad-daughter moment

at least they’re all still on the train

“i know what you did, you did out of love” THANK YOU JEAN

hell yeah marvel girl

we nearly at the end guys 🤯 (talking to myself)

damn she disintegrating all of them thats cool

she got stabbed ☹️

nvm she good

final boss moment

cgi hair battle which one looks more like its underwater

oh no don’t disintegrare ur bf

go to space you’ll be fine girly

lots of cgi going on

she died 😔

its fine she come back

thats a cool looking bird

you’ll be fine scott she does this from time to time

girl lost his sister AND his daughter someone check up on charles

bro completely erasing charles legacy damn 😔

its time for the gay people 😁

gonna appreciate this scene hold on

god these guys are so gay

bro staring at him with love in his eyes

IM SICK OF THEM RAAHH

love you cherik

and thats the movie

my dad told me the aliens were supposed to be skrulls but since captain marvel came out earlier in the year so they had to change it lmao

anyway go home the movies finished

[onlyjaeyun]

DADDDYYYSSSS HOMEEEE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ greetings my beloved angel zadie <3 🤲 i have returned ☝️ as i had been spending my time the past few days attempting to collect my thoughts and opinions on CH in order to serve a full complete rant 🙏🏼😁 anywho so i might not be able to cover all the events for the past 3 or so chapters but hello 😀 hoon fist fuck event🧍‍♀️. see now i’m all about obsessive men and all that but what the actual FUCK. wdym jakyung begged him to be vocal but he couldn’t and bro was whimpering moaning AND panting her (yn) name while he was masturbating HELLOOOOOOOOOO 🏃‍♀️ the GRIP i had on my phone while reading that chapter what the hell help me ya allah what the HELLLLLL🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ im still losing my mind over it cuz not only is hoon hitting them beyoncè notes in the room when he thinks about yn bro ALSO can’t cum WITHOUT the thought of her😀 pussy so good left his dick non-functional 🤕 (i’m losing my sanity btw cuz now i know when hoon finally gets to hit it again 1) bros gonna be cumming the MOMENT he bottoms out and 2) bros gonna turn INTO beyoncè HERSELF.)

there’s just smth about the way that u wrote hoon being so pathetic and desperate for yn it’s just OOOOOO like it HITS THE SPOT MA’AM 🙏🏼 IT DO IT REALLY DO 🙏🏼 💯that whole chapter had me gripping my sheets. and the moment i finished it i started to literally feel earth’s rotation on heeseung i started seeing frequencies on niki i started hearing shapes like that shit altered my brain’s chemistry i’m telling u bro fr fr wallahi 🙏🏼 ANYWHO going back to the hoon fist fuck event (not really just pathetic hoon himself) i know his ass is gonna be dramatically sliding down the wall while gripping his hair and listening to needy by ariana grande when the gc brings up yn’s hook up with fuma 😭 like i know damn well bros gonna film 3 different sad music videos istg. looking at the camera all sad and shit. “you & i” by one direction but make it park sunghoon version. (also yn posting a very revealing sexy bad bitch hot girl summer ahh story with needed me by rihanna after she knows hoon is down bad diabolically expeditious for her When.) (i NEED sunghoon to rip his hair out at that like it’s not a want it’s a need i need him to lose his mind as payback for him being a sassy mf 😒) (u rlly think u the shit bitch. U NAWT EVEN THE FART 🥱) (i literally have no clue why i have beef with sunghoon rn don’t ask 😭) sunghoon u really fumbled the bag dawg 🤣🫵 pathetic ahh. look where your “snowflakes” and “ur parents never loved yous” got you sunghoon. IN MISERY FOR GOOD PUSSY 🤣🤣🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵 (ik he’s gonna win the bag again soon but let me have my moment) anyways sPEAKING OF FUMA 🙈 now when i tell u… that was so embarrassing. fuma why r u like this like r u not embarrassed. r u not ashamed of urself. do u have no dignity. what’s ur phone number. what’s ur address. what’s ur fav type of flower baby? white chocolate or milk chocolate angel boy? (do they make men like fuma anymore 💔) i’m so so so glad yn has a man like fuma in her life. (he did the bare minimum but he better be the fucking standard especially after that aftercare i’m LOOKING AT YOU BITCHASS SUNGHOON 🫵WITH YOUR BIGASS EGO DAMN😟) i can’t wait to see more fuma & yn (and sunghoon’s desperate jealous ass) like im so seated for all the upcoming events with fuma 🫶🏼🫶🏼 anyways so now let me ask u a serious question haha … 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂how do i become tsuki pls i need heeseung so bad this is not a joke😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂like bro i totally wasn’t punching air at all the tsuki & hee references😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂ion even like hee like that it’s coo😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂(typing this shit with tears in my eyes while looking at my heeseung lockscreen💔) idk what i was expecting when i became a heeseung stan hes a PLAYAAAA🗣️ always whoring around ☹️#Hee4DaStreets ❗️ANYWAYS let’s move on i can always reread poison (masterpiece sent from above) anytime which i will be doing very soon bcs i miss my man 🤕🤕

alright now that that’s out of the way idk what to say other than i love the triplets (the older ones) with yn sm 💔 especially jaeyun bcs him & yn r like this 🤞 fr. and hEESEUNG GOT HIS DICK BITTEN 🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵🫵 that’s what your ass gets for whoring around😒😒😒😒(i’m jk don’t jump me) but anywho jaeyun is just like me. idk how to act around hot Women 🙏🏼 (can’t spell women without W!!) he’s so real he represents me in the story so well. anyways thoughts & prayers for jongseong’s nonexistent dry ahh sex life🙏🏼 (side note: jay baby i’m always just a call away🫶🏼) (and to think that i was calling hee a whore i’m sorry *looks away* 😕)

anywho sending u so so so much love babyyyy !! thank u sm for the consistent updates (and i’m really happy u like my asks as much as i like taking over ur inbox with my yapping 😔🫶🏼) sending u so many hugs & kisses take care of urself angel !!! <333

-⁉️

THERES MY BABY GET YOURSELVES COMFY BC WE ARE IN FOR A RIDE LETS GO 🤭🤭🤭🤍

IM SO HAPPY YOU ENJOYED ALL THE RECENT CHAPS AND AS USUAL YOUR REVIEW WILL NEVER NOT MAKE ME GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET I LOVE AND APPRECIAGE YOU SO MUCH 😭😭😭🤍

1.) hoon's fist fuck event was a rollercoaster for us all and i love how i can tell you went from oh... to oh?? to WHAT THE FUCK?? bc that represents most of us very well im aftaid 🤕 and yk i gotta ghallenge that cocky fucker by twking away his ability to last long bc he's gonna cum the SECOND he gets another taste, we're talking face buried in her cunt hands free just humping the air and shit 🥰🥰

2.) AAAH PLS I LOVE HOW YOU NEVER NOT CLOWN CH!HOONIE BC HE DESERVES IT AND YOU ALWAYS EAT 🤥🤥 not the mvs and pathetic crying i love you sm ngl i was a little worried when i got to the fuma part bc i was like wHAT DID I WRITE ??? but then i realised youre just as down bad as we are 🤕 AND IM SORRY FOR GIVING TSUKI A GF THIS TIME I HAD TO MAKE HIM TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND YOU STAN A FLIRTY LIBRA WHORE SO THIS ISNT MY FAULT AT ALL 🤕🤕🤕

3.) i am SO relieved you guys sre enjoying their dynamics and actually know how close jaeyun and y/n are because their bond will be super important for future chaps!!!!

thank you so so so much for this baby, i hope you're taking good care of yourself and know how much i love and appreciate you 🥺🥺🥺 youre the best, my idol and role model ilysm 🤍💓💗💕💞

[never-mess-with-the-uchihas]

I love how Kishimoto always makes the Haters eat their own shit(Sorry, words)

Anti's Reactions during SS scenes (mainly from Anime reaction videos) -

Antis: WTF is Sakura asking Sasuke to stop, when he is being all Badass in the curse seal mode!!! GET OFF HIM, BITCH!!! I BET, Sasuke is going to throw away that bitch.

Kishimoto:*Not happening... This ain't your fanfiction.*

Sasuke: *Background goes white - he is stunned- turns around - Intense eyesmex- Her touch and tears brings him back to reality- Curse Seal Recedes - He is saved from being consumed by his darkness*

Antis: What was she thinking, going infront of Gaara with just a kunai, that too for a boy who doesn't give a shit about her. Sasuke will probably just leave her hanging on the tree.

Kishimoto: *You losers have no idea what's about to come next*

Sasuke: *Even If I end up dying...*"Never Again...I have already lost everything before, I don't want those dear to me die before my eyes again. "

Antis: Lol, Why the fuck is she crying and confessing her feelings when he is about to leave the village and, LOL Sasuke called her annoying again. Common bitch, Why are you making yourself look pathetic for someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about you.

Kishimoto: ...And I present you, the "Most voted emotional Scene in entire Naruto Original Manga"

Sasuke: *With Shy Smile - hidden eyes* "Sakura... Thank You.."

Antis: Sakura is finally shown her place. Even Sasuke outright called her useless. (Me: *Well...That's clearly not what he said* )

Kishimoto: *I am gonna make this girl save ur ass today, Sasuke* So...I present you one of the Sexiest scenes in SS History, that shook Twitter and tumblr, even before it was officially released. *My contribution to SasuSaku Month 2014*

Sasuke: *I am gonna catch you, and hold you close(for longer than required - if I may add). And Of course, how can we forget to have our intense eyesmex.*

Antis: What's with Sakura confessing her shallow feelings to Sasuke all over again. When he clearly finds her annoying. Lol bitch! There is no place in his heart for you. Good that he plunged a Chidori through her chesh *Me: It was a Genjutsu.*

Kishimoto: *Sigh* Since, You guys clearly don't understand what her love and "You are Annoying" means,even after 400 chapters. Let me make this even more obvious.

Sasuke: *His feet shakes hearing her confession**Her love for him, reminds him of his family* "That's probably strings from a failed past."

Antis: Sakura is such a pushover. Even, though Sasuke just plunged a chidori through her (Me: *It was a genjutsu*), She is still going after them after waking up. This girl has got no self-respect. (Me: *Naruto and Sasuke would bleed to death, if She chose to have those "ego problems" and not go after them*)

Kishimoto: Let me show you a rare and vulnerable side of Sasuke - who is hesitating to get his words out - who still continues to apologize even after he has just been asked to shut up. *Looking at Sakura with tender eyes and a sad expression*.

Sasuke: *Sakura...I...I am Sorry...for Everything.*

Antis: Hahah... What was she thinking, asking Sasuke to travel with him. Obviously He doesn't want to travel with you. Just because he apologized to her- which wasn't sincere obviously, doesn't mean he is gonna start returning her feelings or anything.

Kishimoto: KAAABBBOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!

Sasuke: *Shy smile with hidden eyes* *THE LEGENDARY FOREHEAD POKE* "Maybe Next time... Thank You."

Kishimoto: I bet you didn't see that coming 😏

Antis: Lol, Sarada looks just like Karin. What was even the point of Sakura simping over Sasuke for so long. Sasuke just made her a maid who is raising his and Karin's child. Or maybe, She just stole Karin's child.

Kishimoto: Haha... You guys just won't stop... So, here's my last gift to Naruto Series - "The Naruto Gaiden"

First, I will make sure that everyone GETS IT THROUGH THEIR HEAD that the ONLY THING Similar between Sarada and Karin are their GLASSES 👓

Second, I am gonna make sure Sasuke doesn't take Karin's name or acknowledge her existence EVEN ONCE in the entire manga spin-off.

BUT...Wait... That's not enough... At the same time, I am gonna make Sasuke call Sakura "My wife", again and again, till the point, Sasuke makes it CLEAR TO EVERYONE who his wife is.

Third, Not only am I going to give the proof that Sarada is Sasuke and Sakura's daughter, But also going to show Sasuke being a "soft" husband and make him outright confess that he loves Sakura to his child (Bonus - in front of Naruto and Chocho) - ON PANEL.

Antis: ...No...This is not true...SasuSaku is not canon.

Kishimoto: Oh...But IT IS.

[1eos]

hope this is ok 2 send but i really resonated w the anon you got earlier who talked about being mixed with racist white relatives like!!! i'm the same way i don't talk to a single person from my dad's side of the family bc of the way that having close relationships with some of them fucked me up so much in the past. tbh i know it's personal projection but i don't trust white ppl who get into relationships w people of color with plans to have kids because i don't personally know a single white person ready to do the work of unlearning their own racist biases + raising their biracial children with the full love/care/support/understanding/protection that they deserve + prepared to hold their relatives accountable for their racism and stand up for their kids. i have experienced and heard from friends too many horror stories and like u said facing that racism from your own family really does a number on ur psyche. anyways hope u have a good night <3

i typed out this long ass answer to this but stupid ass tumblr deleted it so here we go part 2. firstable i am so sorry you went through that anon 😔😔😔😔😔 thank god you can be separated from that part of the family. it’s a shame that so many people have to go thru that!!!! and i’m the same way tbh like i can’t help but to side eye white ppl that exclusively wanna date and have kids with people of color. like ik you should say it’s partially confirmation bias bc mixed kids with parents that actually have that racial awareness aren’t out here like ‘look at me i don’t have any racism based trauma from people in my family’. BUT at the same time i hear so many stories and anecdotes from mixed kids (or kids of color adopted by white parents) about how their parents did absolutely NO work on unlearning implicit racial biases. 

a lot of these white ppl are dregging up that stupid ass ‘colorblind’ shit but it’s like? that works for YOU it won’t work for your CHILD who is literally a person of color and unless they are crazy white passing and hide their parent of color they will never have the privilege of going thru life colorblind. like? it feels like not enough ppl are sitting themselves down and truly learning the reality of racism. are you willing to listen to the concerns and advice of your inlaws when it comes to race or are you gonna take it as a slight to your parenting skills? are you willing to go non contact with your racist family members? are you ready to pick up on the signs of your child facing possible racism in schools? bc it will fucking happen?

there are soooooo many things to consider when having a child of color bc we DO live in a racist society nd you do your child an absolute disservice when you don’t prepare them for the realities of that. or even worse brush them off when they try to talk about any feelings of race they feel!!!!!!! growing up is hard enough as is without having to navigate race politics on your own!!!!!

and one last thing when i was in college there was this asian girl that was very vocal about how she was adopted by white parents and i will never forget someone (a nonblack) brought up n word discourse nd this girl was like ‘idk why i can’t say it’. and when someone asked how she would react if someone called her an anti-asian slur she said she wouldn’t care and while i don’t know this girl i couldn’t help but to think that her ignorant behavior that whole convo was so reminiscent of that bullshit ‘i don’t see color we’re all human’ shit white ppl perpetrate while still benefitting from the racial hierarchy. and not only did that girl almost get her ass beat trying to be colorblind idk it just feels sad that your cracker parents have essentially divorced you from not only your culture but any kind of possible solidarity with virtually any person of color bc your white parents are in la la land 

[the8gates]

Naruto Characters and What Music I Think They Would Listen To Pt.1

Naruto

-You know those popular boys from school? The emoji tracksuit kids that like dunked on you when you walked through a door?

-Those vibes

-He listens to almost exclusively mainstream rap. It has to be 🔥🔥🔥 ya know? 

-Always talking about the new Drake album or the new Kanye album. LOVES Chance the Rapper and Childish Gambino i just see it in his eyes. 

Sasuke

-This fuckin guy

-See, my knee jerk reaction is like your emo classics. Pierce the Veil, MCR, Linkin Park. Screamo. Metal. 

-But no. We have similar temperaments and I think that kind of music would actually irritate him. 

-I think he’s emo but more mainstream soundcloud rapper emo. Lil Peep, $UICIDEBOY$, Lil Uzi Vert. LOVES XXXTentacion.

-Post screenshots of what he’s listening to on his snapchat story and you just know the boy is going THROUGH it.

Sakura

-OKAY so HERE is your rock and roll/metal baddie!!!

-hear me out. when she’s young its all pop. like y2k pop with R&B leanings. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce, etc. you get the idea

-but after training under Tsundae she picks up rock. starts with some classic rock at first, then slowly progresses. 

-this girl loves Metallica and Black Sabbath. she just loves rock. Zeppelin, AC/DC, Five Finger Death Punch. All of it. I will not be taking any criticism. 

-windows down in the car, headbanging always. 

Kakashi

-this one is a little difficult to nail down

-a part of me just wants to throw him in the pool of doesn't really care and will listen to anything

-i think he’s got a different playlist for every mood

-R&B sexy playlist with the Weeknd and some Justin Timberlake (yes he thinks that's sexy), soft sad boy hours playlist with Post Malone and Russ, a party mix with some your standard frat boy bops.

-overall, he listens to a lot of popular music

Yamato/Tenzou

-another tough one to nail down!!!

-i truly think Yamato is a man of all tastes as well

-however.... i get country music vibes???

-not like new, pop, country. but the classics. Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton.

-he also likes jazz! and big band/swing. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin. What i would refer to as whiskey drinkin music. kinda classy and fun

Sai

-girl

-i truly do not know

-the man is an enigma

-i think once he joins team 7 and kinda strays away from the foundation he’s gonna be all about trying new stuff

-so one day he’s listening to Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran and Ariana Grande. Radio pop, entry level shit

-and the next time you see him its songs he heard on tiktok exclusively

-eventually he’s down a rabbit hole, consuming music in mass quantities and he’s into Crystal Castles and Grimes. Then next week its Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. Then it’s Judas Priest and Guns N Rose. 

-everyone just gives up trying to keep track

Shikamaru

-oh its male manipulator music ALLLL DAY

-tame impala, mac demarco, the front bottoms, arctic monkeys, modern baseball, the smiths

-you get the idea

-dont necessarily think he's the ‘male manipulator’ type but he’s def the edgy smoking cigs and listening for the lyrics type

-i don't have to go into detail here you know I'm right

Ino 

-see, her and Sakura go down similar paths

-she started off with the y2k bubblegum pop phase but her progression is a little more understandable

-shes your typical indie (except they aren't really indie) pop darling. Lana Del Rey, Lorde, Marina and Diamonds, Melanie Martinez, the 1975.

-what I'm saying is she was definitely on tumblr in 2014 and just never moved past that phase (did any of us tbh)

-as time goes on though she starts to branch out a lil. loves the mainstream women of rap! Cardi B, Megan thee Stallion, Nicki Minaj, Doja Cat. constantly bopping

Choji

-i couldn't find any gifs of this cutie smiling and that's a crime i want addressed RIGHT NOW

-but music wise?? i mean he’s a sweetheart right?? genuinely likes pop music! Ed Sheeran, Maroon 5, Katy Perry. HUGE Bruno Mars fan surprisingly 

-i can see him just bopping his head along to the radio, just vibing and not being picky. loves a good ballad. Sam Smith, John Legend.

-hes just having a good time 

Hinata

-queen of yearning and pining

-girl in red, mitski, HOZIER

-i feel like her playlist just looks like someone let a closeted queer girl put it together

-ABBA, St. Vincent, Florence + the Machine

-also just soft pop vibes. she’s defo posting sunset videos with the Lumineer’s playing in the background. HEAVY cottage core inspo

Shino

-here is your true emo king

-the trinity of course. P!ATD, MCR, Fallout Boy

-then Twenty One Pilots, Paramore, GORRILAZ

-he gives me also like art kid vibes as he gets older? Weezer, Wallows, Cage the Elephant. you know the type

Kiba

-kinda smilar to Naruto tbh

-but it HAS to be FIRE. no sad music! bass turned up and LOUD always

-i feel like he even went through a dubstep phase. 

-hes the guy in the mcdonalds drive thru ‘you know what I'm here for’ *blasts Sicko Mode* 

-some stand out faves are Travis Scott, Tyler, the Creator, Kendrick Lamar, Freddie Dredd

-he’s actually pretty cool tbh

Rock Lee

-yall ever been to a football game and they play the same hype songs over and over? ever seen a workout montage in an 80s movie?

-thats this boy. he’s just constantly listening to workout playlists. Eye of the Tiger, Livin’ on a Prayer, Welcome to the Jungle

-outside of that, i would think some of his favorite artists would be things Gai would listen to. Billy Joel, Bon Jovi, the BEASTIE BOYS, Foreigner, Aerosmith

-what I'm trying to say is he listens to the same music ur dad listens to

Neji

-fucking music SNOB

-’you've probably never heard of them’ headass

-and then its like the strokes or vampire weekend or some shit jfc

-male manipulator music part two but 100% fits the stereotype. hes gonna leave you on read and then cry to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 

-some standout favorites are the Pixies, Neutral Milk Hotel, alt-J.

-likes some other stuff too. The White Stripes, The Black Keys, some Beck.

-decent taste if he wasn't such an a-hole about it!

Tenten

-ya know what

-hyper pop. 100 gecs, Charli XCX, CMten, SOPHIE, Slayyyter, A.G. Cook. 

-i would say she started off kinda like Ino, the 2014 tumblr pop stuff

-then that just got to be too boring. so now she's riding the wave of the super new age stuff. 

-neji fucking HATES it and grumbles all the time about ‘its just noise, how can you stand that’ and it only makes her like it more. 

[outerbonks]

complicated [2] - jj maybank

here’s part two! please enjoy and tell me if i should keep it going!

summary: you’re a kook and JJ doesn’t like you at all. That’s what he wants everybody to believe anyway.

word count:+2k

warning(s): sad shit, mentions of abuse, swearing

taglist (open):  @danicarosaline​, @yeehaw87​, @sspidermanss​

PART ONE

It'd been a few days since the party at the boneyard and you were meeting up with the pogues soon as per JJ's request.

You’d hung out with them before but something felt off about this time, Kie had been texting you all morning making extra sure that you were coming.

She was never usually this concerned about if you'd be coming or not, it was usually just one message about a half hour before you were supposed to meet but today your phone was buzzing non-stop.

Kie 🌺✨: So ur coming today right?

You: ofc 💞 meeting at John B's place right?

Kie 🌺✨: Yes but wear something cute 👀

You: okayyyyy

You: why tho? 👀

Kie 🌺✨: For the group pics obviously 👀

You: sounds fake but ok bby 😌✨ I'll dress cute... only for you tho 😉

Kie 🌺✨: that's why you're my girl 😘 

Kie 🌺✨: okay I've gtg do some stuff but I love you

You: love you too 💞

Kie 🌺✨: John B's at 1pm

You: I've got it, see you then

She was definitely up to something, you could tell, she never cared how you dressed especially not when all you were doing was meeting up with her friends.

Deciding not to worry about it, you threw your phone onto your bed and started to get ready.

Settling on your favourite white crop top, the one with a daisy embroidered in the middle you pulled it on along with a pair of denim shorts and your white converse, that had become dirty from the amount of wear and tear they'd been through since you got them.

The posing you were doing in front of your mirror was interrupted by your phone chiming yet again.

JJ Maybank: Hi. 

JJ Maybank: Kie gave me ur number

JJ Maybank: She told me to ask u to bring snacks

You: Sure I'll stop by the store on my way

You: Any preference?

JJ Maybank: Whatever is fine with me princess

You: Alright I'll see what I can do

JJ Maybank: Wait get chips

You: What's the magic word? 🥺

JJ Maybank: Are u really gonna make me do this princess?

You: I mean if you want ur chips 👀

JJ Maybank: Remember when I told you I didn't hate you? I take it back

You: Then starve 😌🥰

JJ Maybank: Fine. Pretty please will you pick up some chips

You: Why of course I will since you asked ever so nicely!! 🧚🌺✨💫💞

JJ Maybank: You suck

Laughing at his response you grabbed your purse and left your house, making your way to the store.

You couldn't lie, you enjoyed messing with JJ. Now that you had his number you had a feeling that the two of you were going to be annoying each other on a whole other level now.

When you arrived at the store you made sure to stock up on snacks, buying extra chips as an attempt to ensure today stays peaceful between you and JJ.

Soon enough you found yourself at John B's front door, knocking on the frame gently.

Kie answered the door with a bright smile, giving you a hug before pulling you inside.

"Did you bring snacks?" Was the first thing you heard as Kie ushered you into the chateau. You let out an airy laugh and held up the plastic bag in your hand for JJ to see, "As promised."

"Great! Both of you go sit down." Kie instructed and you obliged, sitting down on John B's couch and placing the bag of snacks in-between yourself and JJ who immediately started rummaging through the bag, you watched intently as he pulled out a bag of chips with a big smile on his face, "These are my favorite!"

Nodding your head at the boy you looked at him with a mockingly parental look, trying your best to hide the smirk forming on your lips, "That's what happens when you say please, sweetheart."

 JJ scoffed before looking around the room in confusion, "Where'd the others go?"

Neither of you had noticed Kie and John B sneak out the front door and realization washed over the both of you as you heard the engine of John B's van running.

The pair of you scurried out to the porch, watching as the van moved away and Kie stuck her head out the window, "We're going to get beer, we'll probably be a while! You two should talk while we're gone! Bye!" She shouted before John B hit the gas and the van sped off.

Sighing you looked at JJ with an unimpressed expression, "Guess we're talking then."

"Seems like it." The boy muttered crankily, following you into the house.

Spending time with you meant getting to know you and getting to know you would eventually lead to falling for you. JJ couldn't let that happen. But he had no choice, he'd rather talk to you than spend hours in silence waiting for his friends to return.

"Do you wanna play 20 questions?" You asked, breaking the awkward silence that has settled over the both of your once you returned to your seats on the couch.

JJ let out a huff, looking at you with his eyebrow raised, "What are we? Twelve?"

Letting out a scoff you couldn't help but roll your eyes, "You sure do act like it."

"Fine. You ask first." He sighed, sinking into the couch and digging into the chips you'd brought.

"Alright, start off easy… What's your favorite hobby?" The blond boy beside you shook his head and leaned his elbows on his knees, turning his head to look at you, "Surfing. My turn. What did you mean the other night when you asked me what age you were when it all started going wrong?" He fired, the question had been locked and loaded in his mind since the night at the boneyard. 

"It's kind of a bummer, you sure you wanna get into it?" You questioned, catching your lip between your teeth.

The boy only nodded, staring at you expectantly, "Well, when I was thirteen my mom got really sick, she's been in and out of hospitals on the mainland for the past three years, my dads never left her side so I don't see much of either of them anymore. She's in some private hospital on the mainland right now, we're pretty sure she won't be getting out again." You explained numb to the situation, it'd been three years of you pretty much raising yourself, your dad kept up with the bills and put money into your credit card but he hadn't actually been home with you unless your mom was healthy enough to be there too, but she hadn't been home in the last year which meant neither had he.

"Shit…" JJ murmured, looking at you sympathetically to which you shook your head at him and gave him a tight smile. You really didn't want anyone's sympathy.

"It's fine. But I guess to give you an answer to the question, everything started going wrong when I was thirteen." You added on casually as if you hadn't just opened up about your dying mother seconds earlier.

"My turn." You stated, keeping eye contact and asking, "Why don't you want to get close to me?"

His little speech the other night had left an impact on you, you wanted to know what was so bad about you that made befriending you so awful. 

JJ sighed heavily, shrugging his shoulders, "It's complicated, I've got a reputation here on the cut y'know? And you've got yours on figure eight. We just shouldn't mix." 

You didn't bother trying to hide your confused expression, you both knew that that was bullshit.

"Maybe we shouldn't. But since when have you ever gone by the rules of society?" You piqued up.

"Hey it's not your turn anymore, you already asked your question." He butted in, throwing a chip at you.

"Fine, you go but we're getting back to that one." You warned him, making him chuckle in response.

"After you asked me when things started going wrong, you said something else…" JJ threaded carefully, having a sinking feeling that he knew what you meant by the question in the first place but the curiosity was killing him.

You nodded patiently waiting for him to continue, you knew what he was about to ask and you mentally prepared yourself to give him an answer.

"So… why can't you wear dresses to parties?" He finished, his voice gentle but his eyebrow raised.

Swallowing thickly you fidgeted with the hem of your crop top, "Last year at a kook party-" You started, shifting your eyes away from JJ's, focusing on your legs instead, "-One of Rafe Cameron's friend's, he was a senior and I had just finished freshman year, well anyway I was wearing this cute little dress and he told me he really liked it so we started hanging out and the next thing you know he was kissing me and that was all good and fine, it was really great actually." You retold to JJ, pausing for a second to glance at his eyes that were looking at you intently, his bottom lip between his teeth.

Heaving out a heavy sigh you ran a hand through your hair before finishing the story, "But then his hands were all over me and I didn't really know how to feel, yanno? I was a virgin and I'd never had a guy be into me like that so I let him go on. Until he literally tore my dress right off me and I knew then that I definitely wasn't ready for what he wanted. So I told him to stop and he flipped out on me, called me a tease and a slut and told me that if I didn't want to be fucked then I shouldn't have dressed like it. And that is why I can no longer wear dresses to parties." 

You couldn't figure out the look on the boys face, it was an expression that was a mixture between anger and sadness and something else that you couldn’t quite place.

"Who was the guy?" He inquired, his voice dangerously calm.

The story made him angry, he hated when guys thought they could just take advantage of people, he couldn't lie and say that it didn't especially bother him that it had happened to you.

You just shrugged again, "Doesn't matter. Pretty sure he moved to the mainland for college." You explained seemingly unbothered, the same way you had been after answering the last question and JJ wasn't having any of it.

"It does matter though, why do you do that?" He wondered out loud, scooting closer to you on the couch while you avoided eye contact.

"Because JJ, if I start acting like it's a big deal it's going to become a big deal and I don't want a fuss over something that happened to me in the past while other people have bigger things to worry about." The blond beside you nodded in understanding at your statement, he got that, he felt the exact same way and he realized that the pair of you were a lot more alike than he thought.

"Just don't tell Kie or John B okay? I'm only telling you because I let it slip at the boneyard, you're the only one that knows." You whispered, finally meeting his blue eyes.

He nodded with furrowed brows, "Secrets safe with me, princess."

Giving him a tight smile you spoke up again trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere, "If you weren't so stubborn I think you and I would be really great friends."

JJ laughed, taking off his red cap and running his hand through his hair before placing the cap back on his head, "You know what you're probably right-" The boy let out and exaggerated sigh before going on, "Screw it. We're friends now, princess." He stated with so much authority that you had to laugh.

"Wow and all it took was my tragic origin story? If only I’d known sooner." You said sarcastically, shoving his shoulder with your own.

JJ laughed and so did you, it was so strange, if someone had told you a week ago that you'd be playing a way too personal game of 20 questions with JJ Maybank you would've laughed in their face and asked if they were stoned. But it felt oddly comfortable in the moment.

The giggling was hushed by your phone buzzing with a message from Kie.

Kie 🌺✨: We're on our way back 

"They're coming back." You turned your head to face JJ who was smirking mischievously, "Should we fuck with them?" He asked you while scooting closer to you and looking at your phone screen.

"Oh absolutely, here." You agreed handing him your phone watching as he began to text Kie.

You: Take ur time  😉

Kie 🌺✨: What's with the winky face?

You: No reason 👀

Kie 🌺✨: omg Y/n what happened? 😳

"What should we tell her?" JJ snickered and you gasped excitedly, "Oh my God, tell her that we "bonded" but put a bunch of sex emojis after it."

"Brilliant." He commented under his breath as he began typing again.

You: Oh nothing, me and JJ just did some bonding 😌🥵👅🍆💦

Kie 🌺✨: Oh god please tell me you didn't…

Laughing at her response, you snatched the phone back from JJ, leaning close to him so he could still watch the screen and started typing, unable to contain your laughter.

You: Oh yeah, we bonded reeeeeaaaallll good. Right here on John B's couch 😜

"They're gonna be real smug about this working." JJ chimed in and you nodded in agreement.

"True. But I'm kinda glad it did." You confessed almost shyly, not trying to inflate his ego.

To your surprise JJ nodded in agreement, "Yeah you're not so bad after all. But we gotta keep this low-key, I don't want the other guys on The Cut thinking I'm a kook sympathizer." He muttered dramatically with a grin.

"Oh of course not, stays between us and the pogues." You stated with a grin to match his.

The boy reached a closed fist towards you, "Truce?" He offered up hopefully.

"Truce." You told him, bumping your fist to his gently with a smile.

Things had always been complicated between yourself and JJ but you had a feeling that it was only going to get messier from here.

part 3

[feuillytheflorist]

the tomgreg coffee shop au i gave up on

i had good intentions but i’ll never finish this so i’m sharing it here. the unfinished coffee shop au that runs parallel to early season one where greg works at a fancy coffee shop instead of waystar (@@van1lla-v1lla1n & anybody else feel free to take any of this and put it in ur own shit! or pretend u never saw it)

The coffee shop downtown was full of uptight business men and women.

They came off Wall Street, out of the offices downtown and in the Financial District, and ordered either black coffee or fancy lattes and espressos-- it was a tossup, usually, Greg had found, though he and his co workers kept a running tab in the back of the orders.

(Greg didn’t know why they couldn’t make black coffee in their offices, but he supposed if you made a lot of money, five bucks for a large coffee didn’t matter.)

Most of them ordered while on the phone. One time a stern looking woman in a grey suit had been firing someone while she ordered a peppermint tea, a combination Greg laughed about afterwards.

He supposed it was good that they weren’t a chain cafe. Those places probably got the <i>really</i> angry people, who threw coffee back at you if it was wrong. The worst that had ever happened on one of Greg’s shifts was a middle aged man had taken a sip of his drink, made direct eye contact with Greg, and said it was the wrong drink, only for Greg to confirm that it wasn’t even his in the first place.

But hey, he wasn’t complaining. The place paid well enough, he got free coffee on his days off, and during the working hours, the clientele was mostly tourists and families.

Greg liked it most when the kids came in and he always somehow managed to have a screwed up cookie or some other snack that they were just going to throw away anyway. It made the kids smile, and the particularly hassled parents were usually thankful.

It was a break from the suits anyway.

Greg knew the regulars easily. He worked almost the same hours every week. Knew that the CFO of that accounting firm three blocks away was a tall blonde woman named Samantha who ordered an Americano every time unless she was especially stressed, because then she ordered tea and heaped sugar into it. One of the big name traders-- Greg didn’t know much else, was an older man named Matthew who was the only one who orderer hot chocolate all year round.

This man was new.

In general, it was fun to point out the customers you thought were attractive. He was sure it was a common occurrence, across countless coffee shops, in countless cities worldwide. Dani, the college student who worked Thursday morning with Greg thought that the daughter who sometimes came in with her banker father was cute, while Thomas, Greg’s Monday afternoon co worker had a thing for the red haired girl who studied there Monday mornings.

“So,” Dani leaned against the counter while Greg made the new man’s drink-- Tom, was the name he had given, and the name that was turning around in his head, “Are like, white collar forty year olds your type?”

“What?” She smiled, and twisted a braid around her finger, “Mr. Wall Street over there, in the fucking suspenders.” “Oh,” Greg frowned and topped off the latte. He wouldn’t have pinned Tom as a latte drinker, and he wondered if this was a regular drink for him, “What?”

She rolled her eyes, “He’s hot I guess, in a Dad kind of way.” “Hated that a little bit,” he put the lid on the cup, and returned to the counter. Tom looked up from his phone, where he’d been furiously texting for the past several minutes, “Here you go.” “Thanks,” he took the cup and then took a sip. Greg noticed this was common. They always took a sip before leaving the counter. Greg was <i>pretty</i> sure it was so they’d have easy access back in case it was wrong. Rich people were always eager to find something to complain about,

Greg smiled-- customer service smile, as Thomas called it, “you’re welcome. Come back soon.” Tom smiled back, a tight smile that people always gave them in response. He heard Dani laugh behind him, and when he turned she was looking at him, arms crossed. “Pathetic. Are you going to sleep with him?” “<i>What?</i>”

She laughed again, and returned to the register. Greg shrugged, and returned to the back, where he was supposed to be taking stock before the lunchtime rush really started.

In general, dating was off the table. Greg’s life was way too precarious to think about letting another person in to it, and besides, fantasizing about a customer you saw once and would possibly never see again was a fun thing to do occasionally, but was a waste of time. And <i>sure</i> he had thought Tom was attractive, but he thought plenty of people were attractive, this one was just obvious to Dani who happened to be watching him. It’d be fun to think about him when he walked in, but in general, unrealistic.

Greg put the thoughts of Tom the executive at the unknown location out of his mind, and focused on not losing track of his counting.

***

Evidently lattes were Tom’s thing because that’s what he stuck with whenever he came in.

“Suspenders is here for you,” Dani said, a week later, “He says you’re the only one that can make his fucking coffee. You better take care of this before I flip.” “Oh,” Greg frowned, “Uh, sure. You want to finish this order.” She nodded, “Anything to get away from him. He’s fucking annoying.” Greg shrugged, and went out front, where Tom was waiting at the cash register. Thankfully there wasn’t a line behind him that he was holding up-- people did that all the time and Greg was pretty sure it was eventually going to cause a riot.

“There you are, talented Mr. Greg,” he smiled, “You know I came here on Friday and you were absent? My latte was not as good.” “Oh yeah I’m off on Fridays,” Greg said, typing in the order. He didn’t bother waiting for Tom to actually tell him. He’d memorized it at this point, “Would you like anything else?” Tom shook his head, “No.”

“Four fifty,” Greg said, more out of habit than anything else, and Tom handed over his card. That was something else white collar people always did. Put everything on their card. Greg had only recently been allowed to use his card again, after it had been overdrawn for… several months, “It’ll be ready in five or so.” “I know,” Tom smiled tightly, “I’ve been up all fucking night. How much caffeine is in lattes, do you know?”

“Uh no,” Greg reached for a cup, “But like, if you want, I can add an extra shot of espresso. On the house.” “Would you?” “Sure,” Greg smiled, “You look pretty tired.” “My uh, future father in law is ill,” he said, “It’s been kind of a hectic time. I only just started a new job in addition to that.” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, about your father in law,” Greg said. He felt a jab of <i>something</i> at the mention of a father in law, but shoved it away. It was unsurprising, and he had no Goddamn right to be anything about it. But it was like when you found out a celebrity you had a crush on was engaged. There hadn’t been any hope to begin with, but the part of you that liked to dream big was still upset at the loss, “I hope he gets better soon.”

“Thanks,” Tom smiled tightly, and the conversation fell quiet. Greg went to make the drink. Tom returned to his phone.

***

“I’m going to need the biggest size you’ve got,” Tom said, before Greg could even open his mouth to ask how his morning was going, “I’m in deep, deep shit.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” Greg replied. He didn’t understand the world of economics and business very well, but that couldn’t be very good regardless. He was pretty sure Tom worked in an office, not on Wall Street, but he still didn’t know what company he worked for. Tom kept his personal information vague and infrequent.

“Yeah,” Tom ran a hand over his face, “Yeah.”

“Like, do you know what you’re gonna do?” Greg asked, ringing up the order.

“Not a fucking clue,” Tom frowned, “It’s bad.”

“Is your father in law feeling better?” Greg asked. He knew it was risky topic. Maybe the man had fucking died, and it would just make things worse.

“Uh huh,” Tom said absentmindedly.

“Yeah my great uncle was sick for a little bit,” Greg said. His mother had called to tell him such, but he’d already seen the news, “But like, we haven’t seen each other in a long time.” Tom squinted at him, like he was trying to figure out why, exactly, Greg had said that. And in reality, Greg wasn’t sure why. Sometimes he just said things.

“Right,” Tom said, “Coffee?” “Oh sorry. One second.”

*** “You finally came out for drinks!” Thomas exclaimed when Greg slinked over to the bar. Greg liked Thomas because he didn’t put up with shit from any of the customers. He was in law school uptown, and came from California originally and Greg thought he was nice, if a little intense. That was probably the lawyer side of him.

“Yeah I finally paid off my credit card debt so,” Greg shouted back. It was a loud bar, the floor was a little sticky under his feet, and he felt exceptionally large all of the sudden, the crowd pressing against him from almost every direction.

Dani laughed, and slapped his shoulder, “Greg’s just sad because his executive boyfriend is getting married.” “What?” Henrietta, Dani’s roommate who worked at the diner a block away from the coffee shop called back, “Greg you have an executive boyfriend?” “No like,” he shook his head. It was too hard to hear in here, and he knew Dani was just joking, but he didn’t want that kind of false information getting out, “He’s a regular at the shop. Dani thinks I think he’s hot.” “He is kind of hot,” Thomas said, “I mean, objectively.” “He’s engaged,” Dani explained, shaking her head dramatically, “It’s not meant to be.” “You could be his mistress,” Thomas offered. The bartender brought over drinks and Greg took whatever they’d ordered for him, “I bet rich people treat their mistresses, like, really well.” “Mm,” Dani nodded, “I bet so.” “Yeah maybe,” he took a long sip. It burned a little, but anything to get out of talking about this.”

*** On Saturdays, Greg didn’t work until the afternoon. A cursory glance at Twitter the next morning told him two things.

The first was that Tom worked for Waystar, his Uncle Logan’s company. He knew all about Waystar because his grandfather hated it with the passion of a thousand suns-- that’s how Greg saw it anyway. He knew this because several articles had been published about the RECNY Ball, which Tom attended with his fiancée, Shiv.

That was the second thing Greg found out. Tom was engaged to his cousin. They weren’t first cousins. Greg wasn’t much into genealogy, but it was like a cousin removed or something. They’d never been close growing up. His mother kept them on the Christmas card list, but Greg hadn’t seen any of the Roys in several years. Even when he’d come to New York City, they ran in such different social circles that they hadn’t seen each other.

Much to his mother’s disappointment. She still thought he’d somehow be able to secure a job at Waystar with his half Roy bloodline, but he’d hardly had the opportunity.

And now there was this. It was really six degrees of fucking seperation wasn’t it?

***

Greg drove up to Canada for Thanksgiving. His Grandfather had agreed to go to Logan’s for the holiday. Much to everyone’s surprise, Greg was sure. His mother had informed him Marcia said he could go. Greg thought that was bound to be a fun revelation for all involved.

“Cousin uh, Craig,” Logan had said, motioning vaguely to Greg standing next to his Grandfather. Ewan frowned.

“It’s <i>Greg</i> isn’t it?” Shiv said, “Cousin Greg?” “Uh yeah,” Greg replied. A cursory glance said Tom wasn’t there, not yet at least. He wondered where he was, then decided he shouldn’t be wondering it.

“We’re glad to have you,” Marcia-- actually he assumed it was Marcia, they’d never met-- said. Her accent was French maybe, he thought, “Both of you.”

“Well no shit,” Tom said, when he arrived, an hour or so later, “Cousin Greg is my barista.” “Really?” Shiv said, looking between the two of them, “Greg’s the one that makes you those lattes?” “Small fucking world,” Tom smiled, and clapped Greg on the shoulder, “Family huh?”

“Ha yeah.”

***

There was a week Tom didn’t show up at all. Dani called him Romeo and lamented over a love that was never meant to be. Greg laughed, told her she didn’t know the half of it.

[totheblood]

hi.. i know ive been missing but ive been busy having crisis after crisis forgive i plan on coming back but heres my full review of lordes album from top to bottom, i originally sent it to my partner so thats what i talk about n im not editing it for yall im sorry

- the path: INITIAL HARMONIES??? i like the lyrics so much… commentary on peoples life paths??? omg shes getting kinda deep…. and very soothing like im transcending…. wait the beat just came in…. it didnt add much but GOD IS THIS SONG GOOD??????? IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A SAVIOR THATS NOT ME? (paramore said it first) THE CHANGE IN THIS SONG IS IMMACULATE ! uh the ending is good.. she said we are all broken and sad.. ur fucking right lmao we got our sad girl back but shes like omg the sun is gonna save us???? hopeful moment but i think this is her midsommar moment, HARMONIES ARE INSANE

- solar power: letting it play for full effect but it was never my favorite but still good to me. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE IT SHOULD BE IN A RAZOR COMMERCIAL BUT IM ATTACHED TO THIS WOMAN

- california: the piano in this… omg its so good but its not a bop but the lyrics make me want to cry… basically commentary on how love in california is superficial or how she doesnt want love that doesnt feel like home. im definitely tipping towards the latter like not wanting a love that seems distant cold and superficial like only for show and its AMAZING u know im a sucker for lyricism and THIS??? amazing.. outros long af?

- stoned at the nail salon: again ive listened to it before but like … its so GOOD like this song resonated with me and its not a fun experience like yes i did grow out of the songs i loved at sixteen and i cant stop or avoid change like why is she making me think about this i think she hates me truly

- fallen fruit: shes a harmony god, THE MELODY IS AMAZING I CAN HEAR CLAIRO AND PHOEBE ON THIS ONE??? the symbolism in this album is insane and i stg im gonna punch this bitch in the face cause she said “how can i love something i know im gonna lose” and yeah bitch thats the STRUGGLE teach me how to fix it 😵‍💫 HOLD ON!! it CHANGED. SHES PLAYING W ME? this one is actually pretty jesusy but i love it i feel like im in a field in a pretty dress twirling around im !!!! shes gonna make me go sane maybe maybe im past insanity and im coming back down this is what this song makes me think of

- secrets from a girl (whos seen it all): SHE- first of all the TITLE??? this is the lorde i know…. “everybody wants the best for you but you gotta want it for yourself” shut thw fuck UP “REMEMBER ALL THE HURT YOU FELT FROM WHEN YOU WERENT DESIRED?” YES I FUCKING DO YOU MONSTER I HATE YOU. anyways this song is a bop but the lyrics are making me actually want to rip my brain out my skull CAUSE ITS TOO DEEP LIKE THIS SHOULD BE A FUN SONG I TURN UP TO AND DANCE LIKE A WHITE WOMAN BUT NO IM THINKING OF EVERY PAINFUL EMOTION Ive felt ever. “WELCOME TO SADNESS: the temperature is unbearable until you face it” im gonna . IM GONNA IM GONNA THERES SPEAKING WHO IS THIS VOICE????????? im gonna curb stomp this BITCH IM this song is good… in conclusion… the speaking at the end is… good but i hate how self aware i am….

- the man with the axe: shes so sad im gonna cry cause me too ..” moving the furniture when my back is turned” im emotional cause this one hits hard. i think she doesnt like being old.. this is so beautiful and im staring up at my stars and like wanting to cry.. wait no i am actually crying this bitch should be in prison….. the lyrics and melody on this one should be a crime “i shouldve known when your favorite record was the same as my fathers you’d take me down” i dont have daddy issues cause i hate my father but i felt that?????? like someone having that power.. THIS SONG IS SADNESS AND HEARTBREAK IN A SONNNNGGG.. the key change is unsettling but makes sense? im crying now cause this is so good i missed her so bad. this is a love song somehow? if thats the case i dedicate it to u cause u could probably ruin me if u wanted

- dominoes: ok a little groovy beat… IM GETTING THE SENSE THAT LORDE REALLY HATES THE IDEA OF GETTING OLDER SHES MENTIONED IT IN EVERY SONG AND NOW IM SCARED OF GETTING OLD TOO… i wanna pick the lyrics of this song cause rhey r simple n im just… this one isnt my favorite yet but it could change… i think this is my least fave i dont like it its like a banjo beat n im not okay with it.

- big star: hey my name!!!.. actually this song is making me so mentally scarred right now cause “i used to love the party now im not alright” okay. yeah i get it but this is a song to someone else about how bright they are and like … thats u but this is depressing as FUCK ! im so sad wtffffff baby you’re a big star. (you are, this is from me not lorde but im sure she feels that way too)

- leader of a new regime: harmonies AGAIN.. i love this one a lot cause its so simple and beautiful UGH THE PIANO ITS SO BEAUTIFUL… too short shes a monster. im gonna cry when im done listening to this. uhhhh i love her

- mood ring: again i listened to this but i love the fact that shes commenting on how mentally ill young women dont know how to feel or control their mood so they listen to trends like astrology i guess, i dont agree to an extent but shes a genius like ok girly get that bag. the SONG IS GOOD

- oceanic feeling: last song :( im sad but its slow so far and pretty ok, i feel like im drowning but in a good way like when water gets in ur eyes and u realize u can see underwater without goggles on omf so good, more harmonies tho girl… so long ong i love when shes speaks “i know ur scared so was i but everything will be revealed in time” like im finally breathing? “will she split a tab with her lover and laugh at the stars like her mother when she was a girl” gonna buy cherry black liptick also brb… Like so good i like this song butfft its so long and soothing like soothing.. THE END IT CHANGES SO ???? i love that omg a mans voice… shes so good such a good ending i feel content

ok time to give u my final thoughts, its very good but alot of the songs sound the same but alllll soothing. they all have really deep meanings that i want to tear apart but this is my initial listen! ITS SO GOOD! im gonna cry!zzzz its not melodrama tho so ?🗻 i give it 8/10 when melodrama is straight up 10/10 so

[zhuhongs]

When I was growing up I didnt understand why people shared food with others. I shared food with my mom and such, but that was it. I thought that sharing food was something people only did with those super close to them. I never once just considered sharing food with others like many families do.

I grew up as one of the only poor colored kids in a well off white neighborhood. My mom always had this weird complex. That she and the rest of our family "weren't like other Hispanic people" because we "didn't take handouts" and "didn't live like that" whatever that was supposed to mean.  I hate her internalized racism sm... it fucked me up so bad but i’m mostly over it and she is too thank god but that's a whole other issue for another text post) Thus she always ingrained it in me that I don't take food that other ppl are offering me. If a white person tries to give me food, they're probably just pitying me for being the poor girl. And if a poc gives me food, they need it more than I do, I should take it but pay them back later for it. To save face and not cause burden. I never thought twice abt it and it was rarely an issue. Most of my friends were white and their parents always thought it was kind that i offered to pay for my food but never let me. And my friends of color... well i didnt have many. I didnt have many friends growing up that I rlly remember. I was always just weird and quiet. I occasionally brought food on birthdays and got food for others on their birthday. But outside of special occasion I didnt go out of my way to give people food. If I didnt like something I'd give it to someone who did. And if someone was gonna throw something away, I ate it. I never let food go to waste. When I went out with people, I bought my food and they bought theres and we just ate. Nothing else. I never thought anything of it.

I remember a very distinct moment where I started to feel differently. I was in my second semester of university and my dance team was preparing for a performance over spring break. We had been practicing from 9am to 3pm and then decided to go to the mall to get food and just hang out for a bit. My university friend group is like.. notoriously bad at making decisions so I usually make the decisions for them bc theyre all so passive alkfjaslkfjd (THEY ALL HAVE OLDEST IMMIGRANT DAUGHTER OF COLOR SYNDROME like me too omg ik ur a ppl pleser but PICK SMTH, ily them... i’ll stop now) . SO we were deciding where to get food and settled on the food court and we all get what we want. So we did all that and sat a big table together and I just remember everyone putting the food in the middle and getting extra plates so we could take from each we wanted and have a little bit of everything. And at first i was like?? HUH!?? like I got what i wanted bc thats what I wanted and then planned to take my leftovers home to eat at work later that night. And that ended up working out, they could kinda tell that was my intention but ever since then I noticed that that friend group always does that. We all buy different things and share. I really used to find it dumb at first bc its my money and i paid for what i wanted. I didn’t want to take others food and I didn’t rlly want to give them mine. I thought that mentality was universal. I was always kinda on the outside with that group, we never fully meshed but I really wanted to make the effort to be friends with them because I knew it would be rewarding, even if we were just casual friends. And yea idk, just through them I began to kinda unlearn the way I used to feel about sharing food. It’s not about the money, it’s about the connection to others and about giving freely and letting others give to u. But money was always tight as a id. As I’ve started working and making money, thankfully i’ve abandoned this knee jerk reaction.

I read a chapter of a book for highschool english once called “Sharing Food as an Act of Communion” or smth along those lines and I got the concept but didn’t rlly think it was that deep. But in that moment, i started to understand it a lot more. Sharing food and sharing things in general isn’t about the object itself, its about what got u to that point to share something with someone. Due in part to way i was raised as I elaborated on earlier, I really wasn’t a loving or giving person. I was selfish. I was taught to be selfish. Because my parents had that mentality and passed it onto their kids. That was the cutthroat immigrant way of theirs. They were very much “pull yourself up by your bootstraps ppl.” My brother is still like that a bit. It’s very sad sometimes, I’m trying to get him out of it. Baby steps. My mom doesn’t understand why he’s so selfish. One of these days I think i’m going to sit her down and tell her that it’s her own doing. That how she raised us. But I know she doesn’t want to hear it, so for her sake and mine I just agree with her and let the issue pass without incident. I truly believe that kindness and community are the most radical things that humans have. I rlly do. It took me a long time to get there. I used to be so convinced I was better of alone. One man for themselves. I blame my father, i really do.

One time when things were really going to shit with my family, my dad came in my room and asked me how I could be so cruel to him when he was my father, completely unaware of the fact that I had been abused by him my entire life. He just didn’t register it that way bc it wasn’t physical. He said to me “You know Sage, I would expect this from your brother. But you’re a girl . I thought you’d be nicer, more loving and giving.” but it was his own actions that shaped this. And it wasn’t until I had stopped living with him at 18 that I was able to become more like how I am now.

Really, in the past I wasn’t a very nice or loving person. I wasn’t mean either!! I was just passive. A cold lake near a forest. I was nice looking on any surface level, but there was nothing warm or pleasant. A cold lake with jagged rocks underneath. With the help of others i’ve warmed, the rocks eroded down to something you would keep in a collection. I prefer it this way. I’ve healed a bit. I understand now what ppl mean when they say food is a love language. It isn’t one for me yet, but I recognize why it is for others. I get it now.

[rxsie-the-demon]

Brooklyn Baby | JJ Maybank

SERIES MASTERLIST | chapter one 

chapter summary: Nikki goes out of her comfort zone and bonds with Kie, while still remaining curious about what happened last summer. At a party, Topper gets a little too touchy, and Nikki (surprisingly) befriends Rafe and Wheezie.

warnings: drinking, smoking, HARD DRUGS, swearing (oops), HARRASSMENT (topper gets VERY touchy) so if that makes u uncomfy just skim over that, and a conversation about addiction/rehab and therapy

word count: 5029

Chapter 2: Cinnamon Girl

If I had to choose, B Days would be my least favorite. On B days, I have no classes with anyone I know, except English with Kelce at the end of the day.

And no one to sit with at lunch.

On my second day of school, when I realized I had no one to sit with, I ate in the library. You’re allowed to, so long as you clean up after yourself and stuff.

Walking into the huge cafeteria, with clean white titles and those long foldable school tables, I decided to do the same thing today; just sit in the library by myself, and maybe read or shop online, The tall walls of the cafeteria were decorated with motivational quotes and the school’s athletic accomplishments.

But when I was walking towards the lunch line, I saw Kiara sitting by herself out of the corner of my eye, head down on the table. Which made me feel really, really sad for her.

I stood in line quietly, AirPods in my ears, scrolling through Instagram when I found Kiara’s page. I didn’t want to seem like a stalker, but my curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on it.

Her page reminded me of this social activist that I follow that of a social activist I follow, the difference being that Kiara’s page was mostly environment-focused, with the occasional selfie and pics of her friends.

Clicking on one of her them, a selfie with her and her four friends on a boat during sunset, I saw a slightly sunburned brunet with his arm wrapped around one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. She’s probably a TikToker, I thought. Sunburn had a dark blue bandana wrapped around his neck and had his shirt unbuttoned. Major surfer boy vibes. 

Next to Tiktok, was Kiara, with bright eyes and a bright smile. Completely different from the girl who sits behind me in APUSH. The boy next to Kiara had dark skin and curly hair. He was wearing a hat, like Sunburn and the other boy next to him. And judging from the way his arm was around her waist, Hat totally had a thing for Kiara.

But the last boy, holy shit, if I thought Sunburn was cute, Hot Blonde Boy was another level. He was the one taking the picture, with one arm stretched out to hold the phone and the other one, covered shiny rings, was posing with, like, the rock hand sign? I think that’s what it’s called: with his index and pink fingers up, and the rest like they’d be balled in a fist. His messy blonde hair was being held together by a red snapback, and he was shirtless except for his shark tooth necklace. His tan went well with his bright, energetic eyes and big smile but...oh my gosh. His hands. They were big, with long fingers, and his arms were a little veiny and-

I put my phone away. Nuh-uh, I’m not going to be thirsting over a random guy’s hands, especially when that guy could literally be dead, or worse, the crazy dude who tried to shoot Topper.

Not that I don’t understand why someone would want to shoot Topper.

I grabbed my tray, putting a Chicken Caesar salad bowl (yum), a bowl of grapes (double yum), and a water bottle onto my tray. Remembering that Kiara didn’t have any food with her, I grabbed a hamburger, too.

I paid for my food and walked towards the utensil holder, debating whether or not I should just go to the library or sit with Kiara. I mean, I should sit with her, she’s by herself and is going through a hard time, but then again, I hardly know her. Besides exchanging numbers with her yesterday and not even texting her, I never interacted with the girl. She’ll probably think I’m just talking to her to get tea for Topper and Scarlet.

But then again, I already bought her a hamburger.

I walked over to her table. She was wearing a similar outfit as she was yesterday, the only difference being she was wearing light blue jeans. So, yay? A bit of color?

I sat down across from her and put my tray down quietly, not wanting to scare her. “Hey.”

Her head shot up immediately. Her soft brown eyes looked so tired, her light brown skin looking ashy and dull. Her dark brown hair, with it’s nice, defined beach wave curls, was tied back in a bun in her hood. When she saw who it was, her face softened. “Oh, hi.”

“I hope it’s ok I’m sitting with you, I don’t know anyone else in this lunch and I thought it’d be good to discuss our project.” I waved my hands around a bit before opening the plastic lid of my salad.

She nodded, eyeing my food for a second.

My heart hurt. Of course, she has the money to buy food, that’s not the issue. She probably hasn’t been eating out of grief.

“So I’m Indian, duh,” I waved my hand in front of my face and she smiled softly, “and I thought this was a chicken burger, but it’s beef. And I can’t eat beef, because, ya know, Hindus don’t eat beef. So, like, could you do me a solid and eat this for me? I hate wasting food and I’d feel awful if I threw it out.” I slid the burger towards her.

She nodded, pulling it towards her and taking a small bite.

I poured my croutons into my salad and started quietly eating when I heard Kiara mumble, “Thank you.”

I glanced up at her for a second, only to look back down. “Don’t thank me. I bought that on accident.”

“I saw you staring at me in line. And...I haven’t eaten in the past two days.”

I looked back at Kiara, who was looking everywhere but me. I decided to just ask.

“It’s because of what happened to your friends, right? You’re mourning?”

She nodded, still not looking at me.

“I understand. Grief isn’t something that has, like, a definitive answer. You just gotta let it run its course,” I said, putting my hand in front of my mouth because I was chewing.

Kiara nodded again and took another bite, a bigger one this time. I mentally high-fived myself for getting her to eat. I didn’t think it’d work.

“So, what do you want to do for the project?” I asked.

Kiara shrugged. “We could do current events. Maybe something environment related?”

“Like, an advertisement? We make a video talking about pollution or something?”

“Yeah! Or maybe we could organize something and get a bunch of people to come together and, like, clean up the beach?”

“Or we could go out on boats and find trash in the ocean?”

“That too!” Kiara’s eyes were shining now, and she was smiling. Wide. Much like the girl whose Instagram I was stalking.

“Sweet. Ok, so, the environment is one thing, do we have any other ideas? Like, isn’t the Outer Banks also famous for shipwrecks or something? I heard The Royal Merchant sank here. Maybe we could do a project on that?”

Kiara stiffened up when I mentioned shipwrecks. Did I say something wrong? 

Shit. Her friends died at sea, how could I be so stupid?

“That’s...not a bad idea, actually. I happen to know a lot about The Royal Merchant. More than I want to know, actually,” She chuckled. She looked down at her hands, and then looked back up. “John B, my friend who died at sea over the summer, he and his dad were obsessed with finding it. We actually-,” she leaned closer to me. “We actually found it. But, uh, the gold isn’t there.”

My eyes went wide. I leaned forward, too. “Well, where is the gold then? Do you know?”

Kiara nodded. “In the Bahamas.”

“How the f- How did it get there, if the shipwreck happened here and no one knew where it was until you and your Pogue friends found it?”

She sighed. “Long story. I’ll tell you another day.”

“Wait-”

The lunch bell rang. I sighed as we stood up and grabbed our bags, walking towards the doors to leave for class. I really want to know how the gold ended up in the Bahamas.

“Well, thanks for lunch, Nikki!”

“Of course, Kiara, that’s what friends are for,” I smiled.

Kiara beamed. “Call me Kie.”

I was overjoyed. A friend. A real, actual friend. “Kie. Fantastic. Hey, Kie, do you know anyone named Rafe by any chance?”

Kie narrowed her eyes. “Yea, why?”

“Oh, nothing, I was just invited to his birthday party this Saturday.”

Kie rolled her eyes. “Be careful around him, ok? Talk to you later!”

“Uh, bye!”

************************************************

Yellow, or blue?

I held both dresses up to myself, looking in the mirror.

Saturday came, and it was time for Rafe’s party.

The party starts at 9 and was gonna last all night, but Topper wanted to take me out to eat, so at 7:30, I’m still deciding which dress to wear.

Both dresses are sundresses, short, flowy with shirred backs and knotted straps. They are literally the same dress, down to the little polka dots, just in different colors. I could wear either one, because I kept my makeup simple: concealer, nude eye shadow, mascara, and clear lip gloss.

I texted Kiara, asking her to choose a color, to which she responded yellow. We managed to get really close in just three days, which made me happy, because I felt that she was my only real friend at school, and, well, I was her only friend there.

I slipped the dress on and matched it with my white Birkenstocks. I went over to my dresser table (yes I have two mirrors in my room, sue me) and put on my white tassel fringe earrings. I kept my ‘Om’ necklace on.

I admired myself. My light brown skin looks good with the yellow and white, and my jet black hair, which I decided to not straighten, had slight waves, and reached my shoulders. I look like a rich, beach girl. A Kook, I suppose.

I grabbed my phone, taking a quick mirror selfie and snapping it to Topper, captioned ‘i’m readyyy’. He opened it immediately.

‘Damnn u look hot,’ he typed out. Ew.

‘aw ty,’ I typed back. ‘where r u?’

‘I’m omw. U have ur bag? The party’s on a yacht and there’ll be a pool.’

‘swim suit’s packed’

‘Fantastic. I’ll be there soon.’

I locked my phone, putting it into my purple and black NYU drawstring bag that also held my black bikini and a towel. I grabbed the bag hopped down the stairs.

Mallory and Krish, my sister-in-law and brother, were sitting on the couch, watching TV. 

“Hey losers. My friend’s gonna be here any minute to pick me up.”

Mallory turned to face me, smiling. “Aw, you look cute! Have fun, and be safe, ok?”

“If you’re gonna be coming in, like, super late,” Krish added, not taking his eyes off the TV, “try to be as quiet as possible. Diya is a really light sleeper.”

Diya, my 5-month-old niece, made baby sounds. I took a couple steps forward and saw she was spread out on the floor, in her fluffy pink blanket, chewing on her gloved hands. I waved at her.

“Don’t worry, if I wake her up, I’ll take care of her. I don’t plan on drinking or smoking or anything tonight. Well, maybe drinking, but that’s it.”

They laughed. “Ok, ok, just have fun,” Mal said.

I sat on the floor, playing with Diya, until 7:50, when the doorbell rang, revealing Topper, wearing a black button-down shirt that was rolled up to his elbows (bless), Air Force 1s, ripped jeans, and a Gucci belt.

He smiled. “Ready to go?”

I smiled back. “Yep.” I turned to face Krish and Mal. “Bye Mom, bye Dad!”

“Bye, hun!” Mallory called out. They smiled and Top, too, and waved.

I closed the door and left, and Topper grabbed my hand to lead me to the car. “Sorry, I’d have introduced you to my parents, but they were too busy, like, ogling at my baby sister,” I half lied.

Topper laughed, “No worries. I’ll have plenty of chances to meet them, I hope?”

I smiled. “Yep, I hope so too.”

A complete lie.

******************************************

Dinner with Topper was...interesting. Instead of taking me to some fancy restaurant or whatever, he took me to this cute little diner closer to the beach, but not close to The Cut, according to him. “There are a bunch of restaurants here in the Banks,” he had said. “But not a lot of people know about this one. That’s why it’s my favorite.” He winked, and I nearly vomited in my mouth.

The place was real old-timey, with the little booths and a jukebox. We had burgers and shared a plate of fries and a milkshake. And honestly? It would’ve been really romantic if I actually liked Topper like that.

Don’t get me wrong, Topper is hot. He’s sweet to me, like cotton candy sweet, and really affectionate. I love touchy boys (consensual, of course, or they get their shit rocked), but he’s always grabbing my hand and playing with my hair. Which would be fine, but I barely know him.

And ever since he admitted to drowning that John B kid, whatever potential feelings I had just...disappeared. That paired with his Holier-than-thou attitude and his blatant classism makes him everything I would hate in a person, let alone a potential boyfriend.

Besides, I know the real reason he’s flirting with me. The Kook King of High School needs a Queen, and with his ex gone, everyone wants me to step into that role. Any other time, I’d be happy to be That Girl. But something just feels wrong about this.

Lots of people have told me I remind them of Sarah, apparently because she, too, was a bit of a social activist and an environmental freak (no wonder her and Kie were friends) which just confirms the fact that I’m just a replacement.

But, besides Kie, I have no other friends at OBX High. I have no choice but to go with it.

Driving close to the dock, I could hear loud music playing from somewhere. Leaning forward, I saw the yachts, one of them in particular already pretty full of people and neon lights.

“Yeah, Rafe tends to go all out on parties,” Topper remarked, gesturing towards the boats as he parked. “But they’re always fun.”

I nodded, plastering on a smile. I grabbed his hand. “Fantastic. Lead the way.”

**********************************************

Ok, I have to hand it to OBX kids. They know how to get turnt.

At 9:30, the yacht left the dock and headed towards the sea. By 10, the party was in full form, with kids dancing, singing, swimming, smoking, drinking, everything!

It was a glorious mess.

Right now it’s 10:30, and I’d been dancing with Top when we decided to go get something to drink.

We went to the bar and I told Topper to just one of whatever he was drinking for me, so he got two Mai Tais. The bartender looked really worried, because, you know, more than half the kids at this party are underaged, so I slipped him a 50 for his troubles.

Top and I walked away, laughing at the bartender’s confused face. The familiar feeling of alcohol started to wash

We walked around and talked about life and the universe, and when we finished our drinks, we went to the deck.

I leaned onto the railing, staring into the ocean.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked softly. Growing up in Brooklyn Heights, I was never one for the ocean. I mean, sure, there were beaches an hour or two away from my old home that I visited often, but I was always a city girl. But this, this was something else entirely. The way the pale, white moonlight shined on the dark blue ocean, it was comforting, almost.

“Yeah,” Topper whispered back, wrapping his arm around my cold body, “really is beautiful.” I turned and saw him staring at me, smiling just a tiny bit. I shoved him lightly.

“You’re so corny,” I laughed.

“Maybe, but I made you smile, didn’t I?”

“...Shut up.”

We laughed, and he wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close to him. I stiffened a bit. Calm down, Nikki. It’s not that big a deal. But it is. I hate leading people on and I hated that he was always touching me.

I snuck my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. I’m short, I’ll admit it, standing at a towering five foot four with my two-inch platforms. Topper, on the other hand, is six feet tall, so my head tucked in just underneath his.

We stayed like that for a bit, swaying softly to some pop song. I felt myself relaxing, but I knew it wouldn’t last long.

“Hey, Nikki?”

“Yeah?”

“I, uh, I really like you.”

I pulled back and looked at Topper, who was fidgeting with my hair, and I narrowed my eyes “Wait, actually?”.

I hope he’s joking. He’s known me for less than a week! I mean, sure, you can have an instinct attraction to someone, yadda yadda, and maybe he wants to get to know me better, or whatever. Fine. 

Maybe it’s because I don’t like him that, but I find his declaration of feelings a little ridiculous.

“Yea, I do. I know we just met, but I really want to get to know you more. No, I’m not asking you out...unless you want to date, that is, but I feel insanely attracted to you.” He brushed his hair back nervously.

I could reject Topper, and risk my popularity and social standing. It could end up well, it could end up terribly. But if I say I like him back, which is a lie, I guarantee my place as the most popular girl in the Outer Banks.

I place my right hand on his shoulder and my left hand on his cheek. Standing on my toes, I gently guide his face to mine.

As I close my eyes, I imagine that I’m not about to kiss Topper, but Hot Blonde Boy from Kie’s Instagram.

His lips are soft, really soft, and Top’s hands drop to my waist to pull me closer to him.

After we pull away, he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear and gently kisses my forehead.

“I like you too, Top,” I lied, “but I don’t want to rush into anything. We just met, and I’ve rushed into things before, and they never ended well, and-”

“Hey, hey, I get it,” he takes his hand to my chin and lifts it up so that I’m looking at him instead of the floor. “We can go as slow as you like, all right?”

I smile and nod. Top cups my face in his hands, and right before he can kiss me, I pull away and say, “Let’s go swimming! I’m going to go change, ok?”

He nods, ruffling his hair. I turn, pulling my phone out from my duffel bag and sending a text to Kie.

‘sos i just kissed topper.’

I walk into one of the changing rooms and change into my bikini. As I’m stuffing my dress into my bag, I see I get a text back.

‘dumbass!!’

**********************************************

Apparently, when I said I wanted to go swimming, it translated to yeeting me into the pool and then jumping in after, and then us splashing each other, non-stop. I mean, I guess that is what you do at a pool party, but I have no idea. Usually, I just stand around and eat food and, you know, don’t actually go into the water.

It was fun and all, yea, but I was uncomfortable the entire time because he couldn’t- no, wouldn’t- keep his hands off of me.

After it became too much, I jumped out of the pool and sat down on one of the chairs, wrapped my towel around myself and feeling really uncomfortable. Topper climbed out after me and sat down at my feet. “Did I, uh, do something?”

Yeah, you won’t stop touching me, bro.

“No, no, it’s fine, I just got a bit claustrophobic, that’s all.” I checked the time on my phone. I had an idea. “Hey, I’m going to go find Kelce and Scarlet, ok?”

“Uh, sure, do you want me to come with you?”

Not really, no. “Uh, if you want, but I was just gonna have, like, a girl’s talk with Scarlet?”

Topper nodded and smiled. I stood up, shoved my towel into my bag, slipped my shoes on, and ran off.

I felt a little weird just walking around in a bikini, especially since I don’t know anyone here, but remembering that everyone else was just as scantily clad as I was made me feel a little better.

I went to the highest deck, where the eldest kids (and by kids I mean like seniors and 20-year-olds), hoping to find Kelce or Scarlet there because I hadn’t seen them anywhere else. But I couldn’t see them on the deck.

I walked around a bit and then decided to text Scarlet.

‘where are you?’

I got a text back immediately. ‘Top deck, near the front. I’m with the little kid.’

Little kid? I walked towards the front side of the ship and indeed saw Scarlet, wearing a dark red colored bikini, sitting in a lounging chair with a girl who looks like she’s in middle school. The kid was pale, with freckles, dark hair, and glasses. She was the only one at this point not wearing a bathing suit.

Why is there a kid here?

I sat down in the seat next to Scarlet and gave her a hug. “Hey!” I slipped my bag off my shoulders and leaned forward to face the young girl. “Hi. What’s your name?”

She smiled. “I’m Wheezie. My brother’s the birthday boy.”

“Wheezie?”

“It’s a nickname, my real name is- Oh, hey, Topper!”

I spun around. Topper was standing in front of me, arms angrily crossed over his bare chest. “Hey, Wheezie. Nikki, can I talk to you?”

“I’m enjoying the company of my new friend.” I gestured over to Wheezie.

“Yeah, well, I want to talk.” He roughly grabbed my wrist and yanked me up.

“Ok, jeez, lemme grab my bag.” I pulled myself from his grasp and turned around to grab my bag. Scarlet mouthed the words be careful, to me. I nodded.

“Bye, Nikki, it was nice to meet you!” Wheezie called out. I shouted pleasantries back. Topper grabbed my wrist again.

After dragging me halfway across the deck, he let go of me and turned around. “What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?! What’s wrong with you?! You’re the one who, one, won’t stop touching even though we’re not dating and we barely know each other, and two, literally dragged me away from my friends when I was having a conversation with them! Are you like this with all the girls you like? Huh? Maybe that’s why your girlfriend left you for some Pogue, not because Pogues steal things, but because you-” I stepped forward and shoved Topper, “-don’t know how to treat a girl, no, a person, with respect!”

I stopped talking and realized that a lot of people had gone quiet. My face flushed with embarrassment until I heard someone shout.

“WOO! You tell him, Nikki!”

I turned and saw Scarlet and Wheezie jumping up and down and clapping. Soon, all the girls (and some of the boys) around me were clapping and cheering for me, congratulating me and telling Topper that he’s a dick.

I stepped towards Topper. “You and me, whatever thing you think we had going on, it’s done.”

I turned around and beckoned Wheezie and Scarlet to sit back down with me on the deck. The partying resumed, and I went off chatting with the two girls, but I saw out of the corner of my eye that Topper was getting all huffy and puffy.

I pointed that out to the girls. “Should I be worried?”

Wheezie wheezed laughed. “He’s probably just going to call Rafe and get him to tell you off.”

“...He’s gonna get the host of the party, who I don’t know and never met, to yell at me? Fantastic. Good thing he’s your brother.”

“Technically half brother, but yes, a good thing. Oh look, there he is right now!”

I turned around and saw Topper marching towards me with another equally tall, equally blonde boy right behind him. The difference is, this boy didn’t have as much of a hostile aura as Topper has right now.

“So, which one of you embarrassed my boy Top?”

************************************************

The boy, who introduced himself as Rafe, the host, beckoned Scarlet, Topper, and I inside of his suite. He closed the door on Wheezie, though. Bummer. I liked her.

Inside his suite were a bunch of twenty-year-olds, drinking hard liquor, dancing, and sitting around this big table. Rafe took his seat in the middle, told everyone else around him to fuck off, and had us, except Topper, sit across from him. Topper took the seat to his right.

He offered us a bag of white powder, to which Scarlet and I declined. Topper took it, though, and started setting it up to use.

“You use coke?” I asked Topper in disgust. I have nothing against most drugs, like weed or psychedelics, which can be fun to use sparingly at parties or whatever, but not hard drugs like opioids.

Topper shrugged at my question. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. What the fuck is wrong with y-?!”

“Ok, no fighting at my party, please?” Rafe sighed, rubbing his temples. “I brought you guys inside so that everyone else can enjoy the party while you guys have your little marital dispute-”

“WE’RE NOT DATING!” I shouted.

“Whatever,” Rafe sighed.

I stood up. “I’m gonna go hang with Wheezie. Scarlet, you coming?”

She was about to respond when Rafe stood up and said, “I’ll join you.”

I shot a confused look at Scarlet, who just shrugged.

I slipped my bag over my shoulder and walked towards the door, which Rafe held open for me, and we stepped outside, the air making me shiver.

Rafe pulled a pack of Dunhill cigarettes out of his pocket, put one to his mouth, and lights it. He gestured the box towards me and I take one, leaning forward a bit so that he could light it for me.

I rest my arms on the railing and close my eyes, breathing in the burning smoke and exhaling it slowly, being submerged in the light-headed haze of nicotine.

“How old are you?” Rafe’s voice interrupts my zen. I open my eyes and look at the boy, who’s very obviously checking out my bikini covered body.

I laughed and took another drag. “Sixteen,” I exhaled the smoke from my mouth.

Rafe’s eyes went wide, and he turned back to the sea. “Oh shit. My bad. Uh...how’re you liking the party?”

“It’s pretty good. Besides, you know, Topper being Topper, and you forcing me to talk to him.”

Rafe laughed. “Yea, I didn’t mean anything by it. I have a reputation of being a prick, and I’m trying to be better but, you know, not a lot of people respect you when you go from being a douche to a nice guy.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant by that. “Reputation with friends?”

He laughed. “Just,” he waved his hand free hand around, “Everyone. I wasn’t a good person. I’m trying to be better, but it’s hard when everyone already expects me to act a certain way and don’t give me a chance to change.”

I noticed the rings on his hands, like that boy from Kie’s Instagram. But unlike Hot Blondie, Rafe’s too old for me.

Which leads me to wonder…

“Did you know Sarah Cameron, by any chance?” I asked.

Rafe’s eyes went wide, and then he started coughing up smoke.

“W-Why do you ask?” He stammers, still coughing.

I gave him a weird look and just shrugged. “Curious, I guess.” I looked back at the ocean. “I’m the new girl, and everyone keeps telling me about all this stuff, but won’t tell me what actually happened, and I dunno, I’m just so confused.”

I turned to face Rafe, who was looking away, and I think I saw tears forming in his eyes. “Yea, Sarah’s my sister.”

Now it was my turn to cough up smoke. “W-”-cough cough- “Wait”-cough cough- “a minute.” I gasp for air and continue coughing. And after I finally manage to get some oxygen into my lungs, I say, “Sarah Cameron’s your sister? Shit, I’m so sorry, Topper never told me.”

Rafe shrugged, fiddling around with his rings. “It’s alright, I was just...surprised. No one asks me about Sarah or the Pogues anymore. After I came back from rehab-” He stopped, probably because he didn’t mean to say that, but he continued, “After I came back from rehab, I just...stopped beefing with the Pogues, especially JJ, Kie, and Pope. You know them?”

I nodded. “I know Kie, we’re friends. But not JJ and Pope. Never met ‘em, don’t even know what they look like, yet I’ve heard so many things about them.”

Rafe nodded. “They’re not bad kids, really. My time away made me realize how much of a prick I’ve been to them. Like, I caused them a lot of pain, and for what? For nothing. Literally just because I thought that, because they were poorer than us, they weren’t as good as us.”

I nodded. Then I turned and smiled, and stretched out my hand. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Rafe Cameron.”

He smiled and shook back.

_______________________________

chapter three

[dickd0c]

STRIKE

CHAPTER SIXTEEN — “day four, pt one”

Nic woke up at about 11:00 A.M. the next day. She checked her phone and frowned seeing how late it was, rolling over to turn onto her other side.

On the other side of the bed, Alpha was sound asleep. Nic had noticed for the past few nights that he never held her or cuddled when they went to sleep. It was like while they were having sex—or more specifically, while he was teasing her, considering he hadn't given her a single orgasm yet—he was openly flirty and humorous among other things, but as soon as they were having any other interaction, he was back to cold and distant.

Nic rolled her eyes. She was in no mood to deal with his volatile behavior. She swung her legs off the edge of the bed and plopped down onto the hardwood floor, adjusting her wrinkled clothes before heading to her room. There, she brushed her teeth and took a refreshing shower. Nic hadn't told anyone, but she had applied for a job interview a few days back, and the interview was today. Despite waking up so late, she still had time to make it if she didn't stall.

Nic quickly dressed herself in a white blouse, black pencil skirt, and a blazer. She grimaced at the blazer before putting it on, noting to herself that she should get a new one—she'd had that one since her debating days in high school.

Slipping on some modest heels and checking to make sure her hair wasn't too unruly, she grabbed her phone and portfolio folder. Nic quietly walked out of her bedroom and into the kitchen where Tank was leaning against the island shirtless. When he saw her walk in, he dragged his eyes up and down, quirking an eyebrow.

"Why are you dressed like that?" he asked her, setting his phone to the side.

"Job interview," Nic replied shortly, her voice giving away her nerves. She flattened her palms out on the sides of her skirt to hide their slight shaking. She really wanted this job—as nice as it was to simply lounge around the apartment all the time, she wanted to get out sometimes too.

"Oh, what's it for?" Tank smirked.

Nic opened her mouth, but she was interrupted by the rumbling of her stomach. Tank moved around the island to get to the fridge, pulling out some milk and grabbing the box of cereal that was already sitting there. Nic smiled at him gratefully.

"It's for this European makeup company. They have a location pretty close by, and they're looking for lab assistants," Nic said, smiling nervously as she grabbed the bowl of cereal from Tank and set it down in front of her on the island.

"Oh, I think I vaguely remember you telling me you do science shit in college. What's your major again?"

"Material sciences," Nic replied, muffled by the bowl she pressed to her lips to down the rest of her cereal.

"Sounds smart," Tank said thickly, a goofy grin on his lips.

Nic rolled her eyes, smiling as she placed her bowl in the sink. "I have to leave now, though. Would you let everyone know I'll be back in maybe two hours?" she asked, straightening her skirt.

"Sure," Tank shrugged. "I think everyone decided to sleep in, they might not even be up when you get home."

With a nod, Nic was out the door with her phone clutched tightly, walking down the steps of the apartment building to see her Uber was already waiting for her. She opened the door to the back and climbed in rather ungracefully, giving a small smile to the driver before he took off. Nic spent the twenty-five minute ride rubbing her sweating palms on the side of her dress, glancing out the window every five seconds expecting to arrive. She'd occasionally pick up her phone to aimlessly text someone or play a stupid game, but then she'd drop it and go back to being nervous. She opened up her portfolio and checked to make sure her resume, references, pens, and notepad were all in there, and then ten minutes later she did the exact same thing again.

Nic's phone vibrated against her thigh, and she picked it up instantly. What if the company was calling to tell her the interview was off?

She looked at the screen to see that Athena was texting her, and sighed out of semi-relief. Using her thumb, she slid up on the screen to see the message.

Athena Received 12:06 PM good luck bitch! ur gonna kill it

Nic grinned, shaking her head.

Athena Sent 12:06 PM i'm so ducking nervous literally shoot me

Athena Received 12:06 PM they'd be idiots not to take u. tho idk how ur lab skills are but still

Nic sighed, glancing out the window. As she looked back down at her phone to respond, the speeding car hit what must have been a road bump, making her phone fumble in her hands before it flew to her feet. The driver didn't even mumble an apology as Nic rolled her eyes and bent down to grab it, seeing the screen was still on messaging. She typed out a quick "i don't deserve you babe" and pressed send, turning her phone off and sliding it inside her portfolio.

A little later, the phone vibrated again. She pulled it out and swiped the screen open.

Alpha Received 12:09 PM what?

Nic frowned, wondering what his issue was. That was until she looked up just a bit to see the very first message in their conversation, sent by her just moments ago.

Nic's jaw dropped open as her fingers fumbled to type out a response.

Alpha Sent 12:10 PM shit. sent that to the wrong person sorry

He responded quickly.

Alpha Received 12:10 PM sure you did

Alpha Sent 12:11 PM it wasn't for you

Alpha Received 12:11 PM are you really that insecure around me

Nic rolled her eyes and turned her phone off. She was already nervous, so she didn't need Alpha making her annoyed too. A minute later, when he probably realized she wasn't responding, her phone buzzed with another text from him.

Alpha Received 12:12 PM what time is your interview?

Alpha Sent 12:12 PM 12:30

Alpha Received 12:13 PM what are you doing?

Nic huffed—what was with all the questioning? It was like she had already begun her interview.

Alpha Sent 12:13 PM sitting in a car.

Alpha Received 12:13 PM you should sit on my face instead

Nic barely had time to gasp at the message, because just as she started choking on her spit, the Uber pulled up to the make-up company she would be interviewing at. Shooting a smile and a thanks at the driver, she stepped out of the car with her phone and portfolio, watching him zoom away like he couldn't wait to get away from her. Nic frowned, slightly offended. She wasn't even a bad passenger.

You get three stars for attitude, she thought to herself, tapping at her phone as she turned and walked into the main entrance of the building.

Tucking her phone into the pocket of her skirt, she walked up to the receptionist typing away at her computer. When Nic got closer, she could see the screen reflecting on the forty-some year old woman, cringing when she saw the main screen of a popular dating website on it.

"Excuse me?" she cleared her throat, seeing the receptionist click the screen away.

The receptionist peered at her over her glasses, scanning her up and down with a scrutinizing look. "Here for an interview for lab assistant?" she asked monotonously, as if she were tired of Nic's presence already.

Damn, why are strangers so annoyed around me today?

"Yes, I am," Nic replied, straightening her back. She felt her phone vibrate against her thigh, but she ignored it.

The receptionist pointed to the hall on Nic's right, a long manicured finger waving in the air. "The third door on the left. Good luck."

Nic thanked the receptionist, turning on her heel to walk slowly down the hall. She noticed that with every step she took, she could hear her heels clicking on the floor. It made her straighten her posture and lift her chest up—that sound always made her feel like a powerful woman.

She pulled the third door on the left open, peering inside to see a few people about her age seated on their phones before she stepped inside herself. A few of them glanced up at her as she walked past them, but nobody said a word. Nic took a seat at a wall where nobody else was, looking up as she sat to see two doors on the other side. She presumed that's where each interview was taking place, two at at time.

Nic pulled her phone out to check the time, while at the same time it buzzed again with another notification. She swiped up with a scowl, seeing two new messages from Alpha.

Alpha Received 12:14 PM i woke up with morning wood and you weren't there to help me :(

Nic nearly laughed out loud at the sad face. It was truly astonishing how Alpha's behavior changed when the topic was about sex versus when the topic was about literally anything else.

Alpha Received 12:16 PM are you ignoring me?

Alpha Sent 12:16 PM yes

Nic shook her head at her screen, tapping the sides of her phone as she waited for his next messages. She couldn't wrap her head around it—he could be intimidating, terrifying even, one moment, but annoying and overly sexual the next.

Alpha Received 12:17 PM that's rude. might just have to punish you

Alpha Sent 12:17 PM do you ever think about anything other than sex?

Alpha Received 12:17 PM do you?

Touché.

Nic glanced up around the room, getting an odd feeling that someone was watching her. However, all the other people were just like her—staring down at their phones. Someone sniffed, and Nic turned her head instantly to see a girl with straight black hair blowing her nose.

Shaking her head, she looked back down at her phone.

Alpha Sent 12:17 PM yeah, I'm thinking abt my interview

Alpha Received 12:18 PM hmm. I'm thinking about you

Before Nic could even finish reading his short message, he sent another one

Alpha Received 12:18 PM *your ass

Alpha Sent 12:18 PM what did I do to have to put up with you?

Alpha Received 12:18 PM oh didn't you just say you don't deserve me though?

Alpha Sent 12:19 PM shut up

Alpha Received 12:19 PM make me

Nic stared at her phone, twiddling her thumbs, unsure of what to say.

Alpha Received 12:20 PM nica?

Alpha Sent 12:20 PM yea?

Alpha Received 12:20 PM good luck

Nic smiled small to herself, tucking her phone back into her pocket just as one of the doors swung open, a girl with wild blonde hair storming out the room without giving a glance to anyone. Everyone waiting looked up at her with open mouths, watching her leave the waiting area with furious tears down her eyes.

Nic gulped nervously.

"Anica Jean?" a woman peeped through the open interview door, scanning the seated people with tired eyes.

Nic stood up, straightening her pencil skirt, catching the woman's attention. She gave her a small smile and a wave, following her into the interview room.

The room was a little small, making Nic feel a little claustrophobic, but that was probably her nerves. She sat in a comfy little chair in front of a table, behind which the red-haired woman joined an older looking man.

"How are you, Anica?" the man asked, sounding much more awake than the red-haired woman looked.

"I'm great—Dr. Chaves, right?"

He nodded, smiling. "And this is Dr. Yanovna."

"Good afternoon, I hope your days have been fine so far," Nic greeted, hoping her nerves didn't show through her smile.

"Thank you—so to start off, would you mind telling us why you want this position?"

And just like that, her interview began, a circle of them asking her questions and her responding in ways she hoped made her seem smart but modest at the same time. Slowly, her nerves seemed to ease. All the questions they were asking her were questions that she had expected and prepared for.

"So, Anica, what would you say your greatest weakness is? How are you working on them?" Dr. Yanovna asked, twirling a pen in her fingers.

Nic opened her mouth right when her phone vibrated against her thigh. The people in front of her just smiled at her, probably because this has happened in other interviews as well. She cleared her throat. "Well, I guess it's both a strength and weakness. I'm good at following rules and guidelines, but that also means sometimes I'll follow people's words blindly—"

Her phone vibrated again, catching her off guard.

She cleared her throat. "—especially when I think highly of them. It's something I'm working on, both in professional and daily situations—"

Another buzz.

"—by forcing myself to take a moment to think over the possible consequences—"

Again, her phone vibrated.

Dr. Chave cut her off before she could continue. "Ms. Jean, perhaps you should check your phone. It may be urgent."

"Thank you," Nic hushed gratefully, slipping her phone out of her pocket. It lit up, displaying one name.

Alpha (3)

Nic bit her lip, forcing herself not to glower at her phone. She quickly silenced it, slipping it back in her pocket, swearing to herself that she had silenced it that morning before she even left.

She looked up at her interviewers rather warily, glancing between them. "Anything else?"

"Actually," Dr. Chave cleared his throat, placing his hands over each other, "I think we've heard everything we needed to." He glanced at Dr. Yanovna, who nodded in agreement.

They both stood up, holding their hands out to shake hers.

"Oh," Nic said quietly as she stood. She shook Dr. Yanovna's hand followed by Dr. Chave's, making sure her handshake was firm despite the crushing feeling in her heart.

Dr. Yanovna seemed to catch the look on her face. "Don't read into this," she said, a reassuring smile on her lips brightening her tired eyes just a bit, "your interview went well. You should hear back from us in a few days."

Nic instantly brightened, so obviously so that Dr. Chave chuckled at her. "Thank you, really, thank you," she said, gripping her portfolio to her chest as they opened the door for her. "And have a wonderful day!"

She didn't even hear the next name they called out, deafened by her rushing blood, a grin on her face as she walked to the door to leave the waiting room.

"Wait!"

Nic turned around to see a blond man stand up from his chair and approach her. She frowned, wondering what he wanted.

"Yes?"

"Were you at that protest? Where the old man fell?"

Nic's frown deepened. "Yes... who are you?" she questioned in an accusative tone.

"Don't you remember me? I got dragged away with you?" he chuckled, and Nic got a good look at his puppy brown eyes and floppy blond hair.

Nic's eyes widened. "Oh! Yes, yes I do remember you. Did you manage to get away? One of my friends pulled me away."

The man shook his head, a frown playing on his lips. "No, I got arrested for assaulting an officer—which I guess I kinda did, but he had it coming. Anyway, they let me go after a few days. Their evidence was more incriminating towards them."

Nic winced slightly, eyeing the man and memorizing his face. "How are you going to explain that in your interview?"

He shrugged. "I'll just be honest, I guess. I'm Lucas," he said with a sweet smile, holding his hand out for her to shake.

Nic took it and shook, smiling herself. "I'm Anica—Nic," she introduced herself.

"Can I get your number?"

Nic's eyes widened slightly, her hand slipping from his.

Lucas rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, keeping eye contact with her as his smile turned bashful. "There's something attractive about a girl who'll attack cops with me."

Nic smiled, which instantly made him brighten up. "Sure," she said, taking his unlocked phone and typing her number in. "Good luck—it's funny that we'd be interviewing for the same position," she said with a small laugh, passing his phone back.

"Yeah—but I heard they're taking three people. Maybe we'll be two of them," he said with a small smile, dropping his phone into his pocket.

Nic tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Maybe. I know I wouldn't mind. Listen, I have to get going now, but shoot me a text, yeah?"

"Yeah," he said with a soft laugh, and Nic could feel his eyes on her as she opened the door and walked back out into the hallway.

Nic was glad to see a different Uber driver on the way home. She watched the houses pass through the window, still riding a high from being told that the interview went well. Her phone buzzed all of a sudden, lighting up to show two tames.

Alpha (3)

Unknown (1)

Nic slid up, opening Alpha's messages first.

Alpha Received 12:40 PM so have you considered the whole sitting on my face thing?

Alpha Received 12:42 PM wait are you in your interview right now?

Alpha Received 12:42 PM crap sorry. you got this

Nic then moved her fingers to open her message from who she assumed was Lucas.

Unknown Received 12:51 PM hey this is Lucas. just thought this would make you laugh—I got up to get a coffee from the hallway and managed to spill it down my shirt. now they're going to think I'm a criminal AND dysfunctional.

Nic smiled down at her phone before turning it off and looking back out the window, a deep sigh flying past her lips.

[har-rison-s]

teenage dirtbag

request: Can you make a thor oneshot where the reader is teen and has a big crush on him and she or he is always trying to impress with modern culture but one day he reads i dunno her diary and finds loads of pictures ( that he didn’t even knew existed)of him and writings and he confronts the reader

A/N: This is so cute! And I hope I made it as cute as I hoped to. Really interesting to write Thor. I've never done that before. And I love Thor. He was the reason I even started to watch Marvel movies. And I love him. Many injustices were done to his character arc and development, but um... TAIKA WAITITI PLEASE DIRECT THOR 4. I love Thor Odinson. PLEASE SEND MORE REQUESTS WITH HIM!!! Happy reading!

main masterlist

mcu masterlist

Dear diary,

why do I even start my writings like this? It's stupid and sounds like I'm a helpless romantic girl in some movie. But if I would be in a movie, maybe my dreams would come true...

Yesterday I told Thor about Youtube and he couldn't understand it, not at first. But, when I showed him a couple of cat and fail videos, he found them amusing, and so the idea of using Youtube. He even asked me to help him set up an account. He said he wanted to “capture” the team training or having a fight. A succesful lesson of modern culture for him, that.

Said I'd help him do it tomorrow, which is today and I'm bound to help him whenever he asks. Now I'm going to have a shower and then join the others for breakfast. After that, me and Thor will make him an account on Youtube. I can't wait. Finally, for the first time, I'm going to be alone with him. Me and Thor. Only us two. I can't wait. I already said that. Well, whatever. 

Okay, then. I'll return to you later. Hopefully, after a succesful time-spending with Thor. 

Thor looks up from the notebook he was reading. His eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes squinted. “So, is she just writing here whatever she thinks? Is that what it's for? And why is almost everything about me?” He thinks.

Thor looked so good today. - June 15th

I miss Thor's long hair, so beautiful. Especially when he tied half of it behind his head. Maybe I should ask him for his hair routine, it's always shiny and flawless... - April 30th

Told Thor about 'yeet' today, in front of others. They made fun of me. And they always do. It's started to get on my nerves. I'm just a kid. Maybe that's exactly why they make fun of me. But Thor didn't. He thanked me for teaching him Earth's modern language. - November 16th

Training with Thor. First time for me. And I couldn't concentrate. One of the most stupid moments in my life. Couldn't stop staring at his muscles that were about to burst from underneath his Tony-given tank. Christ, I still see them now. - March 7th

We had Netflix & Chill today, with the whole crew. My idea again. We started watching Stranger Things, season one. Thor was silent through the episodes. Did he not like it? Was it confusing him? Too colorful? Strange things, if I must say so myself. - July 12th

So many mentions of his name. It seemed weird. And what was even weirder than that were pictures of him. Ones he didn't know were taken. But then again, he never knew when pictures are taken of him. But these ones... These were not taken in public.

One was of Thor in the kitchen, talking with Tony. He remembers that. They were still talking about what's worthy enough to hold Mjolnir. Steve Rogers came into the room later.

Another picture was of Thor smiling, surprisingly, sitting in the sofa, a drink in hand. Thor was remembering another childhood prank he played on Loki to get back at him.

There were some group pictures, with some small doodles around Thor's head. Hearts? Butts? A picture of Y/N and Natasha, a picture of Y/N and Steve. A picture where Y/N is photographed by someone else. And, taking the words underneath the picture, it was Sam Wilson who took the picture.

Then, there are some pictures of Thor in the gym and some with him just practicing with Mjolnir, some with him talking to Vision. Lots of different ones, but mainly with Thor in them. 

Some of the pictures looked like... printed chap-snats? Chat-snaps? Snapchats. Yeah. An application in the cellphones that Y/N showed him one day. Thor liked the funny effects the application put on his face.

What was this all about? The pictures, the writings, the doodles? Some sort of... obsession maybe? Or, maybe she's a big fan of him. Either way, the pictures were disturbing Thor only a little bit. So he had to ask her what's that about. They've got to stop, whatever it is. Secretly taking pictures is clearly a violation of privacy, even to a self-loving and loathing god like Thor.

Thor puts the notebook back down on the desk it was laying on before he picked it up. He was actually waiting for Y/N in her room so they could set up the “You-tube” account. Thor was actually excited for that, but what he'd found in the notebook lessened his good mood a bit.

He leans, slightly sitting down, against the desk and waits for Y/N to come in. She will be, he knows that. Thor only left breakfast early cause he wanted to see Y/N's room for himself first. He was afraid, though, so he didn't want to freak the kid out with his reaction. Anything could be in a teenager's room, it could look like a portal to the Dark dimension or just look like a battleground.

But her room is nice, very pretty, fitting to herself. Soft tones, black bed sheets, pretty curtains, shelves full of books and sketchbooks, flowers by her bed and on the desk. There's even a small plush bunny on her bed. Very cute. Thor smiles when he notices it. She must have had it from her childhood. 

Y/N walks into the room and stops dead in her tracks. “Thor.” She mumbles, eyes wide. She's actually eating some nuts she took from the kitchen, they scrunch beneath her teeth as she looks at Thor, eyes frozen on his. She's practically hypnotized. 

“Y/N.” Thor greets, nodding. “Still enjoying earthly breakfast?” Y/N nods. “Some foods here are good, but nothing like Asgard's was, I have to admit. But,  still, you people eat it and you're not dead yet.” 

Y/N laughs. Something no one else would do at Thor's strange comments, and it makes him glad someone appreciates his thoughts, someone hears them and doesn't think them weird. Well, at least that's what he thinks she's reacting like. 

“God, I always forget to give you Belgian waffles or French Crepes. They're the best, honestly.” She says and walks past him, her posture a bit strange. “You taste them and you have no doubt about our food being at small bit bad.” Thor hums. “So, you came here to set up your Youtube account?”

“Yes, yes, of course. I was waiting for you, lady Y/N.” He responds. “But I, uh, well, I have many questions on my mind, but one of them is uh...”

“Ask away.” Y/N says, opening her laptop. Her eyes are trying not to look at Thor every once in a while. Though, it's very hard. 

“What is your blue book for?” He asks, turning slightly to the young girl. She glances at him briefly. 

“What? This one?” She points at her diary on the desk next to her laptop. Thor nods. “Oh, it's um, it's only for... Well, not only, I... I leave pictures there and uh, write down whatever I want to. Nothing interesting, really.”

“Nothing interesting? There were some things that intrigued me there, I must admit.” Thor says, boldly, without faltering. 

Y/N hums, and only a second later does she realise what his words mean. “Wait, you went through my diary?” She asks, voice full of shock.

“A diary?” Thor echoes. “Yes, well, I did. I thought it... Well, I didn't really think anything, I was just interested cause it... looked pretty.”

Y/N chuckles, but quietly. “Wh-what did you, exactly, see—uh—read in there?” She stumbles over words. Her crush on Thor is about to become very evident, if it wasn't already.

“Oh, uh, your writings and pictures,” Thor says, “May I ask some more questions?”

“Uh-huh.” Y/N says, her voice high-pitched and worry-laced. 

“Why do you have pictures of me in your, uh, diary?” He asks and Y/N's entire being freezes. “I assume you're the one taking them.”

Y/N clears her throat. “I, uh, yes, I... I like to take pictures of, uh, of everyone.” She gives her best white lie. 

“Do you have, maybe, pictures of others? Like, Captain Rogers or Stark or Natasha? Just them?” 

“Natasha, some of her.” Y/N squeals. “The others, I don't... I don't find quite interesting.”

“Not as interesting as me?” Thor clarifies. “I'm flattered, Lady Y/N. But... why draw hearts around me? Do you draw them because you think I'm more interesting?”

“Oh, no,” Thor hears Y/N mumble as she throws her head in her hands. He looks at her with concern, worried if she's sad or anxious, “okay, I'm just gonna tell you and embarrass myself in the process, but at least I'll get it over with now and quick.” She rambles, looking into Thor's eyes. The god nods. “I, uh, I just... I kinda... Well, I like you more than the others. We call it a crush between teenagers. It's when you...”

“Oh, I understand.” Thor says, nodding. He looks away and Y/N anxiously watches him think it over, what she said. Oh, crap, he's going to laugh at her. He's going to laugh and then tell everyone else. Maybe she should not have said anything at all. “That's completely okay, Lady Y/N. Thank you for telling me.” He says. “It's all okay, but... you're just young. And returning those feelings wouldn't be right.”

Y/N nods. 

“You look sad, miss Y/N.” Thor says after they both nod in silence to each other. “Let me give you an embrace.” He opens his arms to Y/N and she nods once again before letting herself fall into the god's embrace. He rubs her back comfortably, but finding it strange that she's quiet, not saying anything. He has to make her feel better. “Can we watch the cats dancing again?” Thor asks and hears the familiar sound of Y/N's giggle.

Permanent taglist: @v0idbella @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @stfxlou @ur-gunna-h8-ths @one-taylor-one-vision@empressdreams @betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie @deardeacy @fvckyeahbenhardy @thewinchesterchronicles @mavieesttriste16 @mrsmazzello @benhardyseyes @langdonzvoid @intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131

[dulcetminds]

some (concept) playlists

find my spotify here ✨ & my fandom character/ship playlists

this page is updated monthly!!!!

💫 monthly, yearly & get to know me playlists:

 monthly mixtape: updated daily and refreshed every month with no correlation to anything what so ever.

twentytwenty: a song for each day of the year

the soundtrack to my life

my favourites

pass the aux cord, fool: car vibes

🍾🌉 playlists based off cliché concepts:

coming of age indie romcom soundtrack: cigeratte burns on film, a first kiss that tastes like beer and chapstick, and laughter falling on train tracks

not another coming of age soundtrack: red party cups and the never-ending feeling of nostalgia

Mother Nature reclaims: a soft apocalypse mix

tragedy in the dark: set in the 90's, you're driving at night on the highway, passing under street signs and street lights that illuminate your lovers tired face as they trace circles on your thigh

rise up!: (a futuristic teenage rebellion playlist) you live in a world full of holograms and plastic food, the government is corrupt and somewhere out there is a bunch of rebels that are fighting back

an angels kiss in spring: it’s the roaring 40′s and you hit the town in bold red lipstick, curled hair, flared dresses & traditional swing

a wispy field of sunshine: there's something alluring about falling in love under the sun, sipping on raspberry lemonade & kissing someone who tastes like chapstick

the air is fresh out here: i am lost beneath the earth; dirt and moss fill my lungs and i cough up ivy and rose petals as the trees whisper my name so soft, it gets caught in the wing of a butterfly floating by

3am dancing with my lover: fairylights are hung low around the kitchen, my lover has tired eyes full of wonder and we trip over our own two feet, laughter pumping our hearts alive

the last dancers at midnight: my prom could have been better so we're gonna visualise it like a teen romance movie; tired feet, starry eyes & a tender kiss under the disco ball in your high-schools' hall

even my phone misses your call: 'hey, this is [redacted] please leave your message after the beep!' 

you’re so nice to come home to: finally moving into a small apartment with your lover; succulents adorn the windowsills and you both have a love for vintage polaroids and dream catchers — a dreamers dream

I've been in love with you forever: best friends that live next door to each other & know one another like the back of their hand, connected windows, rooftop talks, sleepovers, & everything that comes along with we're best friends & i don't want that to change but i am definitely in love with you

found you in this life: my mother once told me that some of the people we meet in this life, we knew in a past life and it’s up to us to decide where it goes from here

raspberry stains: spring flings includes squashing raspberries between finger & thumb, and dancing under the sun

rollerskating disco rink fever: we're twelve years young & there's a disco ball highlighting our hair as we dance the night away & i'm pretty sure we've happened to scuff the linoleum floor

endless summer afternoon: hopping from shadow to shadow, blisters on our feet; summer, summer, summer!

summer ate me alive: and I want nothing more than to sleep through the next three seasons

ragtag band of misfits from the year ‘87: group of four trying to solve the murder mystery of their late best friend / everyone’s hiding something / he might be in love with the boy he’s known since childhood

[our hands are brushing against each other as we walk]: i want to slow dance with you in the middle of the street

hey, new kid!: its highschool and life is full of rumours and giggling girls & boys with sharp teeth and then english class rolls around ━━ and did the principal just introduce a new student?

🧚🏻‍♀️ specific concept playlists (mostly based on moments and emotions that I've experienced & can’t get over):

head’s a buzz!: stoned out of my mind, I'm pretty sure I met the girl of my dreams last night

 I should be sleeping: but i am walking aimlessly under street lights trying to forget your face, your taste, your voice; with vodka stained cheeks and chipped nail polish

pity party for two: the sudden realisation that the future is scary and we're two lost souls stuck in love with people who helped us grow

we’re under the same stars: It’s talking under the stars till the sun breaks through the trees with him, who makes your stomach ache full of laughter and although the wind is cold against your skin and the sleeping bag is thin, he burns just as brightly as the stars in the night sky, and you want to exist between 3 and 4am forever.

I fell in love for one night: he kissed my shoulder & held me tight

moments left unsaid: I love every part of you when it’s loud, when it’s silent, when you don’t know it at all (basically falling in love with your friends in the moment over the smallest of things like the way they dip their head back to laugh or hide their smile behind their hand or when they slow down waiting for you to catch up or pull you aside to ask if you’re doing okay, etc)

angel in disguise: can angels fall in love?

skate park shenanigans: I spent a the hours 8-11pm at a skatepark with my friends and we don’t even skate but this is the specific energy those hours gave off

you’re dreaming beside me: & I’m dreaming of you

how to be soft, sad & content at 4pm

I wish we could live forever: knowing someone you love is gonna die is the one of the hardest things you’re ever gonna witness

remember when we were in love?: 2015: yellow. open roads. a boy. a girl. my house. high school musical. clouds. stars. a pillow. sunflowers. beauty and the beast. skype calls. a bear. / 2017: a girl. blue, blue, blue. / 2019: a girl. a boy. picnics. skateboards. burgers. your house. an empty promise.

the pretty reckless: my friends fall in love too easily

the ceiling is staring back at me: it’s 1am and I'm thinking about everything and anything

me against the world, vol. 1

me & my apathetic brain: basically Russian roulette with I’ll die anyway by girl in red & just a girl by no doubt

🏳️‍🌈🌈 lgbt+ playlists:

this is for the gays!: for pride month 2019, gay bops to rock your socks to

all I see is her: girls r great!

we should fall in love or something: just kidding... haha... unless?

I don’t wanna b ur friend, I wanna kiss ur neck: yeah, it’s based off I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red & also my ex but we’re gonna take the former

please look at me the same!: my bisexual teen angst

🦋🏹 ‘old groovy, 70′s, 80′s, 90′s etc music’ playlists:

butterfly dust: old time music that goes together

groovy, groovy: 70′s, 80′s, 90′s

lovestrucklovestruck: nothing goes wrong when you live in your head

she’s gold dipped & cherry wine kisses

funky glow

🥁🍒 genre specific playlists:

metamorphic: rock n roll

devils advocate: it’s like white noise before you enter hell (mostly ghostemane)

you’re not indie till: you skate, own a pair of hot converses, have good fashion taste, drink ice coffee and and and

monsters live amongst us: hiding in plain sight, the people we call our friends / a horror pop playlist

hazy affection: anxiety reducing songs and study beats

softly, sweetly: relax your eyes & dream of simpler times

bubblegum pop: the radio is overrated but here we are

glazed eyes, cherry skies

darkness looms overhead

magic under fingernails / under veins

state of mind: kinda like rap but not, definitely an easy listen to while stoned

moon rockets: fly me to outer space where we’ll become another star in the night sky.

dream & folk pop

my dreams reach the stars: my mind is far away from here / starry-eyed and captivated

local neighbourhood party: songs I'd bang my head to at a party

heavenly hymns

fluorescent heartbeats

take me away, into the night

if you see me listening to this, look away: literally Disney musicals mainly Disney’s descendants & zombies

autumnal breeze: a mix of bedroom pop & 80′s tunes

blueberry feelings: is this soundlcoud or tiktok?

untamed glory: the songs dont vibe together as well as they should but i guess thats ironic given the name of this mixtape

all strung up: my favourite female pop songs & then there's sunflower, vol. 6 by harry styles

candyfloss kisses: baby pop

and that’s on tiktok luv: literally what it says

candle lit afternoons: candles + rain = a gentle quiet in it’s purest form

tenderness: soft, quiet, yielding; murmurs at dusk & the playing of hair

my bed is the warmest place: for rainy days & the chill in your nose

🚀🍁🍓 playlists to listen to when your doing this specific thing:

classic picnic bitch: (cute songs that give me picnic vibes) and we bond over a pack of UNO cards and strawberry-filled desserts

beach bums, baby!: a beach-y playlist

hotboxing ur friends car: get high w/ me!

🥺💫🌞🌻🤩🐝 playlists to grow & fall in love with yourself to:

falling in love w/ myself !!!!!: I'm still learning how I work

then I defy you, stars!

seventeen: I made this when I was seventeen and getting over my first heartbreak and realising that I should never wait for people who can only give half back

no negative vibes here!

💌💖 my romance / love centred playlists:

dancing in my room to the sound of you, you, you (middle school crush vibes)

love cluster: and i guess there are lot of love songs out there but there are also a lot of songs that aren't about love that got me feeling like i'm in love so which is it

lovelorn: (a unrequited love playlist) and we yearn for the hearts we cannot hold; lovelorn, lovelorn, lovelorn

our love has gone cold: I love & I loved

whimsical lovers falling out of love

baby boy blues: fell in love for a day with a boy whose smile is contagious and ever-lasting

you gave me panic attacks & I called it love: unsure if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? leave them.

regret in the simplest of forms: I could have loved you / I think a small part of me did

my favourite ‘what if’: soulmates who weren’t meant to be

seeking love among cruel hearts: perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. but then perhaps this is what lovers are.

it’s a long way down from your window: everyone’s favourite secret relationship trope

heartbreak hotel

i’m yearning for his heart while he gives me his body: I love you, don’t you love me too?

make out w/ me?: songs I'd kill to make out with someone too

miss you forever: sad pop love letter

I liked you better in my dreams: the idea of them has taken root in your mind and it’s much different to how they really are

little bit in love with u: alterous attraction? we KNOW her

drowsy cacophony of love

tracing you back to the roots of my house: I'm sifting through the memories of us, where did we go wrong?

love; a choice or a feeling?: and it is both I suppose, it is a feeling, it’s happiness and soft giggles, faint blush. and then it is a choice, a choice to stay with them or leave. it is a choice to not only love them, but yourself too.

tenderly, tragically: this used to be a collab playlist with someone who loved me fully and unconditionally, things have changed since, but this is whats left; it's our story compiled into a playlist

second chance at love: you make me hard, but she makes me weak

lonely in love: (it was supposed to be just casual sex but fuck, I think I'm in love with you)

silent lovers: skinny love (n.) a type of love where two people are in love with each other but are too shy to admit it

my first love: they say your first love never dies, and love, they’re right

my lover is a liar: victim to broken promises and false truths by a boy who died when he gave me his heart

love locket type of love: I loved you in secret !!

the charms of love: don’t fall in love with the moment & think your in love with the girl! (yes, she’s american by the 1975 lyrics)

almost lovers

💸💄💅🏻⛓ playlists that give off bad bitch energy:

rich girl$: my cash flow will never ever end

kiss the boys n make em die!: femme fatale, girl revolution, girl power

GIRLS. FOOD. GEAR: loosely inspired by people by the 1975

girl, interrupted

you’re like a rhinestone pick-up line: picture this — a girl with a hard attitude that you can’t just seem to get off your mind

back on my bullshit: just got my heartbroken; revamped!

👻👽 my halloween inspired playlists:

hallohalloween: basic halloween playlist

 the fae know my name: humans beware the manic pixies & lip curling fae for although they don't lie they are cunning creatures with kind eyes!

frothy vampire chick meets soft green witch: red fanged lover & a green house full of potions, spells & succulents

sirens lament: sharp teeth hidden under a pretty face

murder at the casino: (in breaking news: monster hunters just cant seem to catch a break!)

the howling

witchy renaissance

fuckin vampires, man!

🥀 if I were series (playlists that only feature one artist based off something specific):

if I were to dance in a faerie ring to hozier songs: maybe I want to fall in love with a faerie and be under Hozier’s rule

if I were to live my teenage years to Lorde songs

if I were to get high by the beach to skeggs songs: BIG greening out energy

 if I were to fall in love to tom rosenthal songs: tom rosenthal songs that make me feel like I'm in love!!

if I were to reminisce about heartbreak to LANY songs:

Hogwarts Houses:

🌻 Hufflepuff

🥊 Gryffindor

🐍 Slytherin

📘 Ravenclaw

[partyinthemysterymachine]

🌻🌻🌻🌻 🚜 it's like a little garden!

hello lil garden <3 im gonna pick all the floweurs :3

there are like two dreams i remember pretty vividly: one, i had stigmata. (fun fact: i’m a jew) i woke up and i could feel the pain in my palms and feet. i was like. maybe in fifth or sixth grade. everything happens when i’m 13 or 14 because i have exactly zero memory and Bad Brain Disorder Origin Years just makes everything a sad mockery of mashed potatoes

the second dream i remember vividly was essentially that i discovered a door to Wonderland (and listen here u lil shits: i’m not a big Wonderland person, not even a Mad Hatter kinda gal despite whatever my past has said about me, and also my Jervis Tetch is super valid and prob one of the best out there you’re welcome) in this honestly gorgeous old mansion. the kind that’s just. tons of dark wood, narrow halls, winding and yet there’s a lot of natural light, like gorgeous. and i found a door to Wonderland and holy fucking shit

what i would give to actually find a door to that Wonderland, bye y’all peace it’s been a gas but i gotta run

so after i left i wanted to go back, and i had a rough time finding the portal and ok long story short it turned out i had to go deal with a unicorn cult (it was more intense than that but hey, cults amirite) in order to get the reagents to go back to Wonderland and i suddenly found myself falling in a huge cave and the spirit healer from WoW was there so that says a lot about where i was in my life at the time

still tryna go back to Wonderland

i made this guy in Sims4 and he’s really fuckin cute and i named him Lane Morgans. i’m gonna put his tag on this post so maybe you’ll go take a look at him and see how amazing he is but i’m just gonna jerk myself off here too

(also sidenote, Salutations (my farmer in sdv, also top notch) is his uncle and when i wrote up his first char sheet i fucked up his last name bc his last name can’t be Morgans, but i’ll give him another one Soon(tm) (no i won’t))

Lane is a retired rollercoaster engineer who is now writing romance novels. he’s doing absolutely amazingly and his twitter a mess in a good way. he wishes he was Chuck Tingle’s bff. his novels aren’t modeled after Tingle’s (hehe), he writes very well rounded, interesting, and diverse romance that doesn’t take itself seriously. because i do what i want, he’s pretty well known and on several bestsellers.

he’s like in his 40s by now i think and he’s a late transitioner. he’s a divorcee (he and his ex wife are really good friends it’s all good) and he had his son Ellis awhile back (who is just a whole dutch cookie tin of crayons and then some). at a singles mixer he met a gardener who would be his future husband and everything is amazing now

also side braids and ponytails run in the family i guess

(actually Salutations has been side ponytail like all his life and Lane was enchanted by it so he side braids. Salutations is very proud)

i still think about it honestly i was really into keeping up to date with junk food news and food product for a while there but the popular sites were starting to piss me off with their rating systems and reviews like holy entitlement and superiority complex, batman! so i dropped out of it, like the only one that is still super valid is onsecondscoop.com tho it’s been a real hot minute since

i have a lot of my parents’ vinyls and that includes The Beatles white album with some water damage bc i guess my dad knocked something over at some point but also the good stuff like Fleetwood Mac, Linda Ronstadt, America, Seals and Crofts, a lot of musicals, James Taylor, Gordon Lightfoot, Cat Stevens (now Yusuf), Earth, Wind, and Fire, Marvin Gaye and more!!! (and i left a whole shitload in chicago too) and it’s very telling about my musical tastes. 

i had ordered Arctic Monkeys’s AM album and it skipped on No. 1 Party Anthem and some other song and so i was like :\ and ordered another and you’ll never guess,

a few songs stand out to me:

Gordon Lightfoot’s Approaching Lavender 

Seals and Crofts’s Hummingbird

Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs

James Taylor’s Never Die Young, Line ‘Em Up, Shower The People

(the Fleetwood Mac and James Taylor songs are specifically the ones i was introduced to with, as in the Live versions of Silver Springs and Shower The People)

for those who don’t know i’m also a huge Enya fan (LOTR was good to me) and Dark Sky Island was sick af btw, and also Donna Lewis’s entire Now In A Minute album is pretty fuckin close to my soul

however probably my favorite song, most sacred to me, hard to explain it but just the. whew the memories attached is I Love You Always Forever

furthermore a song that still really creeps me out (that also has an origin story attached to it) is 98 Degrees a cappella cover of She’s Out Of My Life (yep! still no thanks)

i grew up around a cappella since my mom is like a lifetime member of the Sweet Adelines womens a cappella organization or w/e so yeah and i’m not ognna link this on bc it’s a bitch to find just by itself, but Lida Rose from The Music Man is also a fist clench...

now on a more depressing note but one i have mention, Spice Girls’s Viva Forever is uuuhhh hhhhhhhhh hhhhhhnnnnmmmmmmmmmmm 

anyway my dad used to travel overseas for work and when i was younger he went to Germany (and he’d go back there several times after) and he brought me back my first jar of Nutella. naturally i lost my entire shit, and imagine my surprise when Nutella got really big in America lmao he’d brought that jar home like. uh. 7, 9 years prior?? idk guys, ages and math, but it was funny to me

best fucking gingerbread recipe is by Nigella Lawson and i found it in her book How To Be A Domestic Goddess and it’s right fucking here ur welcome 

i’m definitely one of those people who picks a book with a cool cover, reads a couple pages and then decides if i’m taking it or not and that’s how i found like so many good books

ask me about The Passage series and how i am both in love with it and kinda mad (also lmao @ the failed TV show y’all fuckin dumb as hell)