#Literally cried an hour ago

[thelov3lybookworm]

Hows your day going?

Mine's going like shit 🙂😗

[fala-alfredo-pasta]

A very self indulgent tatted and pierced up Ichimatsu thas it

[thefirstknife]

The thing about the final lore tab is that, besides the fact that I'm devastated in ways I can't put into words, the way Saint was affected by this whole thing is unique.

This is obviously primarily Osiris' trauma that we can't really properly comprehend, but Osiris wasn't fully conscious for most of it. It fell to Saint to wait, and hope, that Osiris would be brought back and that he would wake up. There was no certainty for him there. And even before that, he watched "Osiris" being strange and distant and acting weird but obviously nobody could even begin to speculate that the person he interacted with wasn't Osiris at all, so the trauma went from there, from learning that he lost Sagira, then to the shock of Osiris being kidnapped and then the quest to bring him back and then him being brought back in a coma and then the 9 long months of waiting until he woke up.

The state of constant anxiety he experienced for almost 2 years total is nervewracking and gutwrenching. I don't think we can fully understand the impact of that on someone. And the best, or worst, thing is that Saint is infinitely patient. He is infinitely emotional and merciful and opts to be the better person and to wait and wait and wait. And hope that it can be fixed.

Except it can't. It can't be fixed. And not only can it not be fixed, but there will never be justice for it. It's impossible. There isn't a way to truly punish Savathun for what she's done. There is no relief or catharsis for Saint. While Osiris can mostly move on, Osiris did not really have to go through what Saint had to go through. Their traumas are different and Saint's is the type that no one can really understand and there is nothing he can do about it.

A younger Saint would've killed Immaru and then Savathun, 100%. But now he can't, because he isn't that person anymore. And yet, the grief and trauma remain and he has no outlet for them and nothing that can be done to enact any sort of justice. So he settles for pure rage, letting himself essentially vent that anger out, but still leave everyone alive. And there's really no true release here. He got a brief satisfaction of killing Savathun over and over, but at the end of the day, she will walk away and nothing will change and there will be no fix.

Which is why he comes back and just cries. As he said, this wasn't for Osiris, it was for him. It was his outlet for anger and nothing else. After that, there's nothing else left to do but cry. No one can really help him carry the burden of what he's gone through and besides: he's a Titan. He's the one carrying other people's burdens. Which just added to the trauma because for so long he's only cared for others, mostly for Osiris, and never really let himself fully grieve or talk about it. Saint never really processed the horrifying ordeal of constant concern for his loved one, then the realisation that his loved one isn't even with him, then the desperate search and then waiting for months and months for the hope that his loved one might wake up. Then Osiris is awake and we're forced to play allies with the person who traumatised both of them in an incomprehensibly terrifying way. Saint had no other way of attempting to make his peace with the situation.

Year of processing grief. I'm in shambles.

[girlbossdean]

[nobumebungaku]

the very last day of hyorotto danshi (part one) in celebration of umehara/nishiyama duo radio comeback

[spineless-lobster]

*shaking, emerging from a trench covered in blood with tears streaming down my face*

what… what is an intramolecular bond?

[thompsborn]

i know i’ve said that being able to do the stereotypical insane ao3 authors notes is fun and amusing to me but can the universe NOT take that as a challenge to add more shit to my list of things to add next time i post ???? like. fucking. Calm Down Please.

[voltrixz]

Gay people ruinging my life out here. Me and oomf were bored as hell at lunch today and she asked me what to draw and I suggested elector jokingly (knowing that like 1 class ago I was yapping about him endlessly ) and she went ‘yeah ok sure just show me a ref”, and EHEH GRINNED SO WIDE, and pulled out my phone that has a good amount of refs. Pulled out my phone and was showing her the refs and I scrolled a little too high AND SHE SAW A DOODLE OF ELECTRO AND SHOCKER KISSING I HAD SAVED THERE.

Immediately turned off my phone and looked away, I did not hear the end of it.

[roses-and-elixir]

.

[astrxealis]

sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing

[janeway-lover]

I always get just a little concerned when the dead mom song gets stuck in my head again

[sol-the-otter]

tw. death, addiction

i dont normally make personal posts or anything but i kinda just needed a place to put all of my thoughts and current feelings.

i dont really know where or how to talk about this?

how do you approach your friends and say 'hey i dont know how i feel right now because i just found out that someone i care about just died.' but like. man im just not sure how i feel rn because i just found out that someone i care about just died. he was a good friend, but like. the kind of good friend that you worked with every day 8 hours a day 5 days a week so you knew everything about each other, but didnt actually hang out outside of work.

tho he did help me fix my motorcycle several times. and was supposed to again. and we were supposed to go riding at some point before i leave mass.

he also was one of the only ones at that job who ever got my pronouns right. he was definitely like. Cis Straight Man all the way but very much the epitome of "he's a little confused but he's got the spirit" he was an amazing boss. and he was the most lively and energetic person i've ever met. even if he was Real Weird about it.

he struggled with addiction heavily... last i knew he was straight sober... but they're pretty sure it was a overdose. which is how my mom died over a decade ago. which is entirely why i have some issues with like. heavy drinking and other such things.

but like. the world keeps turning, right? he was there one minute, and now he's not but like. thats just how it is?

i have a weird relationship with death and im uh. attempting to come to terms with this. like. i'm ok. im not .... sad(?) though i do think i might be in the future? like when i go to visit him at the butcher shop and he's just not there? ever again? fuck see, its weird, right? but like i'm *leaving* mass in 2 months. the chances of me ever seeing him again was minimal anyway. gods. processing.

but like if 2023 could fucking. stop for just a minute? give everyone a break? please? we're all tired ya'll.

[ihearnocomplaints]

cries bc i need to sleep but my brain refuses to let me. it’s!!!! 3:36am!!!! I need to be up in two hours!!!!!!! SLEEEEEEPPPP

[lesbiacnh]

when i really needed a day off for mental health (two weeks ago) (after a family members funeral) i COULDNT take off. now that things have calmed down (at home and at work) my boss was like omg do you still need a day off

[softavasilva]

ive been holding back making an ava edit because i am not strong enough to go through her scenes over and over again specially in s1...

[phantasieandmirare]

235 hours later, I have 100%ed Tears of the Kingdom