#Like they feel like a high school friend group

[cute-little-fly]

Fuck, I relate so much to this it hurts, but seeing other people have this same experiences makes me feel not so alone on this. I realized I have never told my story so I will use this post to do it.

This is how I felt most of my school and high school years, except for a few friends that I managed to do until sixth grade of school and high school. So, in my case I have had friends, I have known what reciprocated friendship is like and that helped me so much. But I have also felt that sensation of being apart from everyone else by an invisible veil. Is very sad. I would really wish that we could be able to have better education as a society.

Even with all its problems for me school was better than high school. I managed to drag some people on my special interests like ants and insects. We fed them in school and got in trouble. I also managed to make everyone in school have a tamagotchi because I was obsessed with them. They sold them very cheap in the corner store near school. But I had to suffer so much before that, and even after that I struggled to maintain and have friends and still I felt appart sometimes. A lot of students came to my school only one year because their school flooded, then, they went away and I was alone again.

I remember I had this one friend in kinder garden whom I clung as if my life depended on it. Then, on first grade she told me she wanted to have more friends, to go and run and play and that basically she probably didn’t enjoy to spend time with me. I let her go, because she wasn’t forced to be with me all the time and I didn’t played like the other kids and I understood that. But I felt so broken. Even after that I expected that one day she would come back and I tried to. I had some friends during that time, short lived, only one was very close that was the queer guy everyone else bullied. I pretended to be his “girlfriend” sometimes, but we were really friends. Then he was put in other section so we could barely see each other and we started to have other friends, but still we kept in some touch and I didn’t felt the same trauma and rejection than with my other friend.

Then, in sixth grade of school I found my real and first girls friend group, they were all new girls that came from other schools for different life situations. They were trying to make me forget about thar friend (we never kept contact but for years, I still tried to befriend her again and again) until that moment I knew that she didn’t deserved me. My self steem was so low and I still clung to her so badly even if she barely talked to me, and I didn’t cared that she didn’t cared how I felt. My new friends made me see that, so I ended being loyal to them because they were the ones that actually cared for me and accepted me completely. They were the ones that supported me with my ants and tamagotchi. I think that was the best year of my childhood.

High school was ok I guess. At least I knew by that time that trying to be someone I wasn’t was not going to work, and that I could wait until I found my people. So I went alone to the high school library every day to read and play board games alone. I had some friend groups before them but didn’t worked, and they told me that I couldn’t hang up with them anymore. Just because I didn’t wanted to do some performance in class. Then, I met my new friends group there, in the next year, at the library. They were from another year, so I could only see them in breaks and after classes. But, it was ok, better than being alone 100% of the time.

I don’t use this blog for much personal stuff, but here I talk about autism sometimes so I figured that from my other blogs here is where it fits most :).

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

[richarlotte]

Hypergamy Opinion?

I think one of the most important aspects of hypergamy, especially coming from a disadvantaged background, is understanding that you have to create privilege for yourself. Now can I speak to what that privilege might look like for other people? No, I think it varies incredibly from person to person, but it does need to be there, and you do need to be willing to do what it takes to get out there and create it for yourself. 

Creating privilege for myself looked like testing into a better high school, getting involved in research and extracurriculars, doing well on my standardized tests, losing weight and finding my beauty, and then taking two gap years to save money and experience the world before moving to the opposite coast and starting my life again. Creating privilege doesn’t mean becoming a millionaire overnight; it means becoming a better person and creating better opportunities for yourself.

You should also look to put yourself in proximity to privilege. By making friends, joining groups, and being willing to get to know people, I have had some really incredible opportunities and been introduced to so many new people and different ways of life. If you put yourself in proximity to what you perceive as privilege and surround yourself with people who you want to be like, you’ll find that moving up in society and meeting influential people will start to feel easier with time.

[shadowthesim237]

ᯓ water fountain

warnings: angst, crying, cheating, commitment issues, a situationship, slightly suggestive if you squint.

( english isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes! )

⋆.˚ i should've built a home with a fountain for us, the moment that she told me that she was in love - alec benjamin .𖥔˚~

"I love chris, and he loves me back, he cares about me..right?" that's what you kept telling yourself for a year. a whole year of pain and heartbreak. you were so honest with him and quickly opened up about your feelings towards him. but he never made a move or a step further into your relationship..

you shared almost every class in high school, you'd accidentally make eye contact and feel like the rest of the classroom froze and there's only you both in it, so you took the first step and asked for his phone number with the lame excuse of helping each other with homework, but he knew it wasn't true, because he saw the way you'd get all clumsy when he walks past you in the hallway, and how you lose focus when your friend group is trying to have a conversation but he's looking at you.

chris couldn't help it, he caught himself thinking about you all the time that it drove him crazy. he didn't know what made you so special. you're just his classmate and that's all, but his brain kept fighting that information and would still drift back to your stupid smile and your horribly perfect eyes. so when you asked for his number, his mind was a complete mess. but eventually gave up and handed it to you because he was so curious about you, he wanted to get closer and to actually know you.

after only two months of being friends, you were standing by the little water fountain in the hall, you thought he looked so handsome today that you didn't even think twice before saying "i love you", those simple three words escaped your lips while his head was burried in the sink drinking, he almost choked from surprise but reacted casualy and made your feelings feel seen, but what bothered you is the fact that you never heard it being said back once. with every passing day you felt more and more humiliated. why did you ever accept to be in this situation? you let him treat you like you were his, you could hear the jealousy in his tone whenever that boy would try talking to you. but why would he be jealous when you weren't even together.

chris had serious commitment issues and refused to admit it, but it was so clear to everybody else how he kept people at a safe distance, he never passed the talking stage once in his life with a girl, so you thought you were special, he made you feel different than the other girls from the way he treated you, but again nothing changed. you remained unlabeled to him god he never even touched you once it never escalated to anything more than long make out sessions. until one day you decided that you should stop this. he keeps this going and you couldn't take it anymore.

so at that night you were invited to a party and went without telling chris, why should he know what you're doing afterall it was none of his business? you saw that boy who kept asking you out repeatedly making his way towards you through the crowd. you were half drunk and completely unfazed by the guy's tries to talk to you.

you couldn't remember what happened next that made you wake up in that stranger's bed no matter how hard you try to squeeze your brain. you can only form a blurry image of that boy grabbing your hips and pulling you in, you kissed.. you let someone else kiss your lips other than chris. he whispered sweet things in your ear, about how pretty and valuable you are, you know you shouldn't listen, but you yearned that affection, you needed someone to fix that emptiness that chris didn't bother to fill.

you couldn't face chris after what happened, there's no way you were gonna tell him. so you ignored him for a couple of weeks, leaving him on read and not answering his calls, he was dying to know what happened out of a sudden. did he do something wrong? until you couldn't keep hiding any longer, guilt was eating you alive so you just asked to meet somewhere to talk.

the air was thick around you as you tried to put together your thoughts and confront him with the ugly truth that left you feeling dirty.

"I messed up.." your eyes were glistening with tears that your were fighting back. chris just sat in front of you trying to take in what you were saying. you simply cheated on him..

"why.. how could you?" chris was completely shattered and realized how bad he made you feel that it led to this. you tried to apologize but was too choked up from crying. and now nothing could be done to fix this.

he knew you both messed up, he regretted his choices and hated himself for letting you drift away from him. he lost you way before you slept with that guy. now he would often think about how lucky that other dude was, he wished he was in his place, he wanted to hold you close and cherish your body like you were the rarest diamond, but it's too late now, all because he was scared of commitment. the idea of being someone's boyfriend terrified him and now all he do is cry at the memory of you.

he would imagine that you're back with him, his heart now was broken like that water fountain's handle. but he was willing to fix it for you. he thought that if you gave him a chance, he'll open his heart and give it to you. but it's all for no use now that he had lost you. the two of you were still young and naive to go through all that. but you can't go back in time and change it. you're not even friends anymore because you know you did each other wrong and no matter what you'll do it will only hurt you more. so you decided to walk away quietly from each other's lives for the sake of keeping your peace and your dignity. it was the right decision because you still cared about each other's happiness and comfort after all and regretting won't change a thing.

deviders by: @bernardsbendystraws <3

taglist: @anyaa2s @m0nsterhighluvr32 @ily-tothemoonandback @nateismybf @cupiidk1lls @sturniolos4life16 @breesturns @domtorettosfamily @mamamadssss @caroline12b @reader-lola @dealerchr1s @lemonhoney2460 @freakshow-420 @emely9274 @mattsturniolofuckingsexy @jessie-essie @marrykisskilled @meatballlover10 @chrissturnioloslvt @trevorsgodmother @sophand4n4 @stvrnioloslvt @sturnshood @chrisslut04 @courta13 @pair-of-pantaloons

[flyingwargle]

january fanfic recs!

the first round of recs are now here! i'm eager to find more life-changing bangers this year and share with everyone my favorites for each month <3 (also, i accept recs any time!)

all previous monthly recs are tagged with fanfic recs! check them out if you'd like more!

some of these fics are rated e!

sakuatsu

i would write ya a love letter t. 3k. sakusa is helping atsumu move when he finds an old love letter under the bed addressed to kita. love the premise and eventual getting together, as well as the comfort <3

i don't want you like a best friend e. 3.6k. atsumu is pining and everyone can tell except for sakusa. also, body worship, one of my favorite tropes.

particular e. 4.7k. mid-timeskip sakuatsu trying kink for the first time. always love rinpanna and winterwaltz's explicit works and this one doesn't disappoint.

parallax error: line of sight t. 11.6k. 2/2. i read atsumu's pov (parallax error: angle of inclination) last month and this one is sakusa's pov. it's really lovely to see how both sides fall for each other and both are beautifully written.

runner, runner t. 14.7k. atsumu, sakusa, and bokuto lose hinata during a night out in tokyo and try to look for him. amazing shenanigans, friendship, and feelings realization.

crypsis g. 16.1k. "what do you want, miya?" is the best quote to encapsulate this fic, with self-destructing atsumu afraid of taking the next step forward. beautiful prose and character dynamics.

On Love and Onigiri m. 20.5k. atsumu is a bestselling author and sakusa is a book critic who has never given his works 5 stars. atsumu is determined to change that. you'll also have to pry the trope of trying to impress your love interest from my cold, dead hands. i'll eat it up every time.

draw the line, and i'm losing my mind t. 26.1k. sakusa has his memory of atsumu wiped and atsumu, in petty revenge, does the same. this broke my heart and reduced me to my knees. it's angst with a hopeful ending, just in case you can't handle angst without a good ending.

NOT CLICKBAIT: Watch As Osaka Man Nearly Destroys Brother's Relationship t. side sunaosa. 27.9k. sakusa is accidentally roped into atsumu's scheme of helping both osamu and suna propose to each other separately. extremely funny and endearing. my favorite this month <3

sunaosa

touched down m. 20.5k. i have never read such a flavor of depressed osamu like this before, complemented with angst, introspection, and a hopeful ending. the prose will sink its teeth into you until you finish it all in one sitting.

sakuatsu & sunaosa

Sundays at Onigiri Miya t. 6.4k. the miya4 are always the best group to read, and this fic of sakusa and osamu trying to propose to their significant others doesn't disappoint.

iwaoi

please be a good man, please say you won't tell e. 21.9k. iwa accidentally sends a nude to the wrong person and now all of the jnt (read: atsumu) is trying to figure out who iwa's boyfriend is. also, he and oikawa keep getting sexiled. funny and heartwarming.

bokuaka

Catching Up e. 11.1k. akaashi finally realizes he may have feelings for bokuto but tries to quash them because surely bokuto won't reciprocate (spoilers: he does). great plot and spice!

A Second Chance e. 76.5k. 15/15. after breaking things off with bokuto four years ago, akaashi reconnects with him after he has to interview him after his match. imagine: mutual pining. hurt/comfort. angst. spice. mixed altogether with slowburn and you get this. an amazing read.

other

daybreak g. kagehina. 6k. kageyama study in the years between high school and when hinata returns from brazil. beautiful prose and feelings realization.

Infinite is Where We Live m. kuroken. 20.3k. glimpses of kuroo and kenma growing up together and all the ways kuroo is there for kenma, until it's kenma's turn to be there for him. you'd think kenma would be the anxious one but it's kuroo in this fic and wow, it's done beautifully.

A Split-Second of Violence g. hinata and karasuno-centric. 122.3k. 38/38. WOW. WAY TO BREAK MY HEART. the incident literally takes a split second and becomes a monster of friendship, hurt/comfort, and trauma. i hugged my hinata plush every night while reading this. we love and respect the karasuno family in this house.

[theamarischapter]

He’s Not My Boyfriend!

CHAPTER 03; the hangout

previous: chapter 2

a/n: hey everyone!! it feels like it’s been forever lmfao. it’s been chaotic but the chapter is finally here! if anyone would like to join the tag list, please lmk :)

w/c: 2.9k

genre: strangers to frenemies to lovers, high school au, slow burn…ish (?), fake dating (for a day)

warnings: none!

summary: your friends trick you into hanging out with him (alone). you should’ve seen it coming, really…but it’s not the worst. it’s actually fun! well, until…

fic below the cut! enjoy <3

It starts with an innocuous text from Kai.

hyuka!! : hi ^ - ^  do u wanna go to the movies on saturday ur bf will be there… (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

you: shut up 🙄 i’m free who else is going

hyuka!! : soobin yunjin said maybe  and me ofc!! ( ^ω^ )

you: okay 😛  lmk what time and everything 

Of course, you think nothing of the interaction. Why would you? It’s your cousin inviting you to see a movie…and your friends said they’d be there. You made sure to ask them directly. Beomgyu will be there too, but whatever. It’s not like it matters. He’s just another person in the group, nothing more. Of course, you’ll get teased and everything but it’s no big deal—it’s been a while since you all hung out, anyway. 

The rest of the week passes in a blur of boring classes and repetitive homework. Everything is so normal and your friends have been talking non-stop about the movie you’re going to watch. Honestly, you’ve become quite interested in seeing it—you even decided to watch the trailer. When the weekend comes, you find yourself smiling at the thought of hanging out with your friends. It’s cold out, so you put on a few layers before stepping out into the chilly breeze. 

The movie theater is about ten minutes away from your home, and Kai texted you to meet out in front. You type out a text to let everyone know you’re on your way since you’re running late; it’s left unread—weird…they’ve been nonstop in the group chat all week, so why the silence now? The large building slowly comes into view, sitting beside the rest of your town’s constantly overcrowded mall. The car slows to a stop beside the curb and your eyes scan the area. You spot Beomgyu standing alone in front of the large glass doors, fingers moving anxiously over his phone—texting someone, maybe. A weird feeling begins to bubble in your chest, eyes narrowing down at your own phone—still nothing from your friends. You glance at the time, and you’re about eight minutes late. With a resigned sigh, you step out of the car, waving goodbye as your mother drives away.

“Hey, uh… Where is everyone?” You ask, standing in front of Beomgyu. He startles and his head whips up, meeting your gaze wide-eyed, as though surprised to see you. He looks around, lips parting, then closing, then parting again. What’s up with him?

“Everyone?” He repeats, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. It takes a moment, and then a flash of realization passes through his eyes. His lips press into a thin line before he scoffs, shaking his head. “Kai said it’d just be him and Soobin.” 

“Really? He told me he invited Yunjin and Chaewon, though—they both said they were coming…” Your words slow down as the realization hits you, too. It’s already ten minutes after you were all supposed to meet and only you and him are here? And your friends, who usually spam the group chat, are suddenly silent? You let out a long sigh, looking away from him. You’re an absolute idiot. How did you not see it coming? It’s so obvious now that you’re here, alone with Beomgyu in front of the movie theater. This is a setup. 

“What the hell.” He mutters under his breath, eyes narrowing at his buzzing phone screen. He senses your curiosity, the unasked question in your gaze, so he turns the phone to you. On it you see a message notification from Kai that says “have fun ( ˘ ³˘)♥.” Neither of you say anything. The wind nips at your cheeks, and for a second, the only sound is the hum of traffic in the distance. His phone buzzes again and he ignores it. He brings his phone back down into his pocket with a long, weary sigh. There’s an unspoken tension as if you’re both waiting for the other to do or say something, afraid of making the “wrong” move. You’re unsure why you suddenly feel the need to fiddle with your sleeve and avert your gaze—you were fine a few seconds ago! But, that was also when you’d assumed there’d be other people to make up for the awkward feelings and thoughts that always bubble up when he’s around. You shake your head, dismissing the unwanted thoughts. What’s the big deal, anyway? 

“Well, um. I mean- we already…” You stumble over the words, feeling indescribably unsure of yourself. There’s this unfamiliar, tight feeling in your chest that makes your throat tickle and your tongue feel heavy. You aren’t the most charismatic person in the world—you’ve had your fair share of awkward interactions—but talking to people isn’t that bad. And it’s Beomgyu of all people! Why are you struggling? “We already bought the tickets, so we might as well stay…if you want to—um, you don’t have to! It’s cold out and everything so-”

“No, it’s fine. Um, I’ll stay.” His response is quick, almost eager, and he immediately regrets it. He shifts his weight back and forth, clearing his throat. His mind races—does this make it seem like he wants to be here? Because he doesn’t. Not really. It’s just—

His gaze flickers to you, and you’re watching him expectantly. No judgment, no irritation, just quiet, kind patience. A gaze he remembers, the one that captivated him in middle school. He allows himself to relax, exhaling quietly.

“I don’t mind.” He says, steadier this time. He gestures toward the wide glass door behind him, offering you a polite smile as he holds it open for you. A tinge of warmth flows through your chest and the tension in your posture eases—just a little. See? He’s nice. You have nothing to worry about. It’s just a normal hangout with… a friend. Beomgyu seems a bit more at ease too, since you’re both on the same page. He’s really nice and, apparently, he's the kind of guy who insists on paying for your snacks, even when you argue you have your own money.

— °˖✧✿✧˖° —

Beomgyu can’t help but feel a bit annoyed. It was just the other day that he told Kai about his crush on Yeji, yet here he is, sitting beside you in the movie theater. Then again, there are worse people he could be stuck with. It’s just frustrating to have his feelings so blatantly ignored by his best friend. And then there’s also the fact that every negative thought about himself tends to resurface whenever you’re around, almost like a learned response. It happens before he can stop it—the automatic scan of your expression, the way his brain scrambles to pick apart your every shift in posture. He begins to gauge your unreadable expression and pull from it illusory ideas of dissatisfaction or ridicule. 

You don’t want to be here. You’d rather be with anyone else. You think he’s weird. A loser. Awkward. Someone you tolerate at best. You two don’t get along—

He should know better by now. He’s not that kid anymore. But still—

Are you bored? Are you fidgeting because of him? Are you regretting staying? His stomach knots.

Why does he care, anyway? Middle school was a long time ago, meaning he’s had plenty of time to let go of those bygone feelings. But, maybe, he forgot to let go of ingrained habits associated with you. Maybe deep down there’s a part of him that still holds you to an unattainable standard. The girl who was never in his league, who never took a second glance at him, who probably only ever knew him as her cousin’s best friend. He really needs to stop doing that all the time. In any case, you’re the one who offered to continue the hang-out, your here by your own choice. Because, in reality, you’re not some special celebrity. You’re just a normal, average teenage girl. Just his best friend's cousin whom he happened to end up alone with because some people love to be stubborn. He’ll get back at Kai for this…just wait.

The movie passes by in a blur of flashing images. The tension in his chest fades for the hour and a half that he sits completely captivated by the story being told on screen. Well, okay, he fell asleep like forty minutes in but whatever! The first half was really good…so he’s sure the rest was, too. 

You almost don’t want to wake him from his peaceful slumber. Even as the lights gradually come on, you sit unmoving beside him, eyes lingering on his plump lips and long eyelashes. Get it together, idiot. You nudge him gently. He shifts a little, taking a slow breath as his eyes flutter open. They connect with yours and it feels like the universe pauses for just a moment.

“The movie’s over.” You say quietly, glancing at your hand, which remains gently placed against his shoulder. Oops. You pull it away hastily, clearing your throat as you collect your garbage and stand. You refuse to spare him another glance, which he’s actually grateful for. You won’t see the reddening tips of his ears. He regrets falling asleep—what if you think he’s weird now? Or boring? Or rude, or something? The warmth of your palm lingers on his shoulder. He walks silently beside you as you exit the theater. 

The lively chatter of others fills the silence between you. Some say the movie was good, others found it boring. The exit gets closer and closer. Perhaps you two hadn’t made as much progress as friends as he initially thought. Should he bring up the movie? He was asleep for half of it, though. Are you two just going to part ways without speaking? He’s holding the door open for you now, noticing the way your gaze avoids his. Did he do something wrong? The quiet breeze whispers by, and he stops in his tracks when you suddenly stop. Finally, the tension is broken. 

“So…um.” You start, conversation eluding you. Seriously, this needs to stop. It’s Beomgyu. Beomgyu. There’s nothing to stress over. “Did you like the movie?”

“Yeah. It was good,” he replies stiffly, hands clenched in his pockets. His lips purse, a soft breath coming out through his nose. He just needs to be himself. His real self—the one he’s been working so hard to improve. “I mean, the part that I saw, at least.” He laughs softly.

You laugh in response, easing up again. Internally, Beomgyu celebrates this exceptional achievement, which boosts his ego and encourages him to do more. The Beomgyu from middle school would be shaking right about now. “I was so invested and then the next thing I knew I was the main character.”

“What time did you go to sleep yesterday?” You ask, an amused huff escaping your lips as you smile at him. He looks away from you, a smile pulling at his lips as he rubs the back of his neck. 

“Well…I kinda lost track, but maybe 3 AM?” He replies, a touch of hesitance in his tone. You’re still smiling at him, shaking your head. 

“At least it’s the weekend.” You shrug, glancing over to the mall, which sits right beside the movie theater. There’s a lot that happens in your mind over the span of a few seconds. First, the impulsive thought to invite him to hang out a little longer. Then, the realization that you don’t need anything fueling your friends’ shipping. Then, dismissing that thought because you already watched the movie with him which is enough to have fueled the shipping anyways. And then your gaze connects with his, triggering your brain to give in to an unasked request in his eyes. Is that really all the convincing it took…? “Uh, do you wanna go get some ice cream or something? Since we’re by the mall already.”

His expression brightens a little, lips pulling into a pretty smile. He nods, his fingers mindlessly fiddling with the hem of his sweater. “Sure.”

— °˖✧✿✧˖° —

As you browse around the mall, you get to know him better, slowly making your way toward the food court. He's unexpectedly fun—goofy, even—and keeps you smiling the whole time. You’ve never really seen him break out of his shell like this, but it’s refreshing. Maybe your impression of him has been wrong all along—he’s not some awkward loser or intimidatingly reserved. In fact, he’s the exact opposite. He’s charming and kind, his presence exuding a natural warmth—now that he’s more comfortable with you. Since he bought your snacks for the movie, you make sure to pay for his ice cream, even though he tries to pay. You take a seat at an empty table in the food court, sitting across from each other. 

“Ice cream in the winter…” You murmur, letting out a small huff as you take a scoop from your cup. He raises an eyebrow, elbows resting on the table as he laughs softly. 

“It was your suggestion,” he teases. As he takes the first bite, he lets out an overexaggerated hum of delight. His eyes widen and his eyebrows shoot up. “It’s delicious.” 

You can’t help but laugh, unsure how to react to such an overblown reaction. You simply nod, deciding to go along with it. It’s a little annoying that it’s him who’s making you smile and laugh so much. Your friends are going to get the wrong idea, especially because you exchanged numbers on the walk to the food court. Either way, the hangout has been surprisingly nice—ignoring the fact that you were both tricked into being here. 

Tricked, but technically…not forced.

And, of course, when things are going well the universe has a way of interrupting. An unexpected face appears, displaying a bright smile and gentle gaze meant for Beomgyu. Her sweet voice rings out, interrupting the small moment you’d been having. It’s…Yeji. 

“Oh, Beomgyu! Hey! You two on a date?” She asks, her voice bubbly and naive. Her kind gaze shifts to you and, for just a moment, it almost feels like she’s sizing you up. Her gaze flickers down, then up, before settling back on Beomgyu.

A date? With you? Something about the thought makes his brain glitch, but he obliterates the thought in seconds. He promised himself to move on.

“What? No—no, not at all. It’s nothing like that.” Beomgyu replies hastily, shaking his head with wide eyes and a breathy laugh. His attention is fully on her now and for some reason…that bothers you.

More than that, however, is how quick that response was. You were going to say no, but it seems he was eager to make it very clear that you aren’t on a date, dating, or anything of the sort. Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean you aren’t a little offended. Like, is the thought of dating you that bad? You thought things were going pretty well. Anyway, it’s not like it matters. It’s better if he isn’t into you; it saves you the guilt of rejecting him. Plus, it’s just Beomgyu…his opinion doesn’t matter. At all. 

They seem to be having a comfortable conversation, even if Beomgyu’s leg is incessantly bouncing beneath the table. It’s all a blur to you. You spend the time trying to make yourself invisible because you’d prefer not to feel like some sort of third wheel. You scroll through messages, check the weather, and type random words in your notes app. Your ice cream has begun to melt by the time Yeji is walking away with a pretty smile, waving gently and sparing you one final, subdued glare. You sit up, clearing your throat to gain his attention again—his gaze had followed her as she walked away. 

“Well, I think I should probably go now. Um, I have some homework to do. So…” You say quietly, forcing a smile as you take a deep breath. He tilts his head, sitting up straight as he scrutinizes your expression. His eyebrows pull together faintly, but he simply nods. 

“Alright. I’ll…walk you out to the front.” He replies softly, standing with you and tossing his empty ice cream cup into the nearby trash can. You don’t have the will to argue or refuse, so you decide to walk beside him silently. As you approach the curb, your mother’s car sits there waiting for you. 

“Um, do you want me to wait with you?” You ask, gaze avoiding his. There’s an inexplicable tightness in your chest. As dumb as it sounds, perhaps there’s a part of you deep down that thrives off of the idea of…whatever this is. It provides a sense of comfort—a guarantee of prospective romance. Not because it’s him, no, it would be the same with anyone! He shakes his head softly in response, smiling sweetly. 

“It’s okay. I’ll see you around?” There’s a beat of silence, his gaze still carefully analyzing your expression. It’s like he can intuitively sense that the energy has shifted, but doesn’t want to mention it outright. You force a smile, looking into his eyes.

“Yeah. See you, Beomgyu.” You wave goodbye, getting into the car. Faintly, hidden beneath his dark hair, the tips of his ears warm up—that’s the first time you’ve said his name today. He can’t help but think it sounds nice coming from you. That thought is quickly dismissed, though, replaced by thoughts of how pretty and nice Yeji is and how he can’t believe he had an actual conversation with her—and she was the one to initiate it! He feels a flutter in his chest, smiling to himself as he thinks everything over again.

Yet somehow, it’s not as fulfilling as he imagined. Something changed.

taglist: @whatblop, @innies-goth-gf <3

a/n: hope you enjoyed it!! i feel like this chapter took me literally forever. the story is finally picking up! a bunch of denial and complicated feelings lol. i’m gonna try and have longer chapters from here on out, so it might take me a little longer. comments, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated! thx for your patience! (>_0) ♡

— °˖✧✿✧˖° —

upcoming: chapter 4 - the shipping gets worse the second you try to forget about his existence. beomgyu notices you avoiding him for some reason…and he has something to say about it.

[krystella-shifts]

Welcome to Krystella's blog‧₊˚ ✿˖˚ ༘𐙚 ༘⋆

About me ˚˖🩷ִ໋‧₊˚ ⋅♡🪐༘⋆🔮˚.⋆

- You can call me Krystella

- Master shifter , Master manifestor

- Feel free to DM to be shifting friends or just friends in general ! :D

- please ask questions in asks or anon asks unless you wanna have a discussion and/or deeper conversations (if so DM!! I love deep talks)

- ENFP/INFP/INTP/ENTP (ik it's complicated)

- me creative=i like Creative hobbies (drawing, writing,etc) + all things music!

- I'm into Kpop my ult groups are SVT, BTS and TWICE 𖹭

- i love you

- i think you can tell what's my fav colour lol

Tags ˚˖ִ໋🌷˚.💎⋆

- #Krystella shifts = orignal posts

- #Krystella asks box = answering ur questions

- #Krystella's favs = reblogs of others' posts i love

- #Krystella polls for fun = random polls (mostly shifting related)

Shifting posts˚˖👑˖˖𓍢ִִ໋໋🌌˚."💫'✧･ﾟ⋆

•

• All things visualisation (applies to loa, void too)

• Fame/kpop DR memezz

• Sad? Feel like giving up? Read this

• ACTUAL way of acting as if for shifting

DRs˚˖🍬˚˖˖˖𓍢ִִִִ໋໋໋໋🍭･˖🍨'✧･'⋆

- Home reality (wr)

- Kpop/fame DRs (twice,itzy,etc)

- original kpop group

- Friendship DR

- High school DR

- miraculous DR

- Pokémon DR

- Winx DR

Void state / i am state posts ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌟₊˚ʚ🌠₊˚

• how to ignore symptoms and detach from 3d

• You are Void state/God

• Void success

•

•

Manifestation & LOA ˚˖˖𓍢ִ໋.ִ໋✨˚.🎀*‧₊˚⋆💅🏻

- THE LAW IS SIMPLE!

- success stories: 1 , 2 , 3 ,

- My most popular post: everything will click

- stop standing in your own (manifestations') way

- physical world rules VS inner world

- Use doubts to manifest

- it's okay to waver but-

- unfavorable circumstances? Who?

[delswine]

FAKE DATING 𝄒 ⸝. P. SH ? —y/n's freak pack

⋆.˚ group name: lavish

⋆.˚ fandom: wish

⋆.˚ company: YG

⋆.˚ greeting: "make a wish for me, hello we're lavish!"

⋆.˚ concept: dark elegance, confident

⋆.˚ members:

˗ˏˋ ningning: vocalist, rapper, leader

˗ˏˋ onda: rapper, dancer

˗ˏˋ y/n (face as WINTER): vocalist, dancer, rapper, center, ace

˗ˏˋ shuhua: vocalist, rapper, visual

˗ˏˋ kyujin: rapper, dancer, maknae

just as face claims and names!

the reason why they don't disappoint anyone when it comes to the number of songs they have despite being a YG group is because y/n writes and composes the songs herself. although the other members of the group also write lyrics occasionally, y/n has credits on all of Lavish's albums. they are a group that quickly became popular globally.

it is known that y/n went through a bad period after their debut, when netizens made fun of her by spreading a photo of her from when she was a teenager that they did not like. you had lost weight in a short time and you were not feeling as confident as before.

your insecurity started here. you had overcome a lot of insecurity about your face in the past, everyone making fun of your face again made you very upset.

you're feeling a little better now that lynchings have been down lately. however, when you are sometimes shipped with an random idol, netizens would still make negative comments about your visual.

— y/n's another friends

beomgyu (txt): you've been friends for 2 years now, thanks to your similar personalities and Beomgyu's fun nature.

sullyoon (nmixx): you met Sullyoon when she was an MC, and thanks to the pleasant conversation you had, you had been friends for a year.

rei (ive): rei was someone you knew in high school. you've been friends for a long time.

yeji (itzy): a close friend you met during your internship.

chan (skz): as two songwriters and producers, you like to consult each other, chan is like a big brother to you.

bada lee (dancer): a sweet older sister whom you met when you were a dancer before becoming an idol.

i think i got a little too excited... since i love preparing these kinds of profiles, it was a little more detailed than usual. i had a hard time keeping myself from making it more detailed. i deliberately didn't touch on the character dynamics much, i want you to see it throughout the story. wait with curiosity, love ya!

[spork-supremacy]

I’ve been watching a few things from the persona crossover games like pQ and such

and I don’t know how to explain this but as someone who has only experienced P4 compared to SEES and the Phantom Thieves, the investigation team is just the scooby gang, the Scooby gang in a thriller, but the Scooby gang non-the-less. The other two teams just seem so professional and here is this seemingly random mix of teens who like solving mysteries and defeating evil.

you have these guys with matching arm bands that make them feel part of a team.

These ones in full costume with the cool red and black colour scheme.

And these goobers…

Just look at the bright colours and flowers and tell me you at least don’t a little think ‘Mystery machine ass design’

And their much more consistent colour coding (rise is probably an exception) in this game compared to the others, to me at least, which further sells the cartoony aspect.

I would argue something about teddie but every team has a mascot character.

Anyway my point is based on vibes.

[carnivalls]

.

See the thing is. I know I'm good at writing. Like I have my weak areas or things I need to improve in, but it's not a skill I otherwise spend a lot of time feeling insecure about because a) if I don't believe in my writing literally who will b) if I want to publish my writing I ought to at least feel a resting level of good about it because editors and agents likely will not be cradling my face like a prize cat and telling me how talented I am while asking for their edits c) I've always had an audience for my writing even at its worst– I started sharing my original works online when I was around 16 & that really helped sell to me the idea of 'there will always be someone out there who likes what you do' d) untalented men never think this hard about the quality of their works and they always end up published anyway and e) I don't have many other thoroughly developed skills so why not have one I feel good about. Having said this. Awkward feeling to realize you're one of the authorial weak links in your postgraduate creative writing degree's social circle

[ecrireverie]

okay lol mini rant in the tags sorry i just HAD to get this off my chest 😭 sorry if this is very incoherent and poorly worded or structured or whatever i'm just. pretty out of it and i cannot really think to write this properly. well, that or i am probably just illiterate actually. Yeah that's it lol

[hylianengineer]

When I was a teenager I felt like an outsider, isolated even surrounded by people. My chemistry teacher once described it as "being on the other side of a fishbowl" and I have never felt so seen and called out at the same time.

[llama--plumbobsims]

ciudad enamorada - day 4

[mojo-yous]

Reminder (to myself as well):

You don’t have to be any certain way to BE queer or qualify as queer/LGBTQ. This is something I wish I had realized in middle/high school/early college. Looking, talking, acting, or being a certain way does not make you queer or not queer.

I wish it was more accepted and known that no matter who tf you are and what tf you look like there are queer people in your demographic and in your niche because queer people don’t fit in a box. Being gay or trans doesn’t assign you with a certain quota of ‘gayness’ you have to have in order to be whatever identity you are.

Queer people are into art, music, sports, dance, theatre, science, math, trades. Queer people are in sororities, fraternities, every major that exists, every career that exists, and in every country and every city everywhere. We don’t exist to conform to what people assume gay people are supposed to be like.

[thecoddaughter]

Sometimes it feels like the world around you is collapsing. You think it’s you. You are the common denominator. But you aren’t. Cause it’s not just you that got left behind. The world doesn’t collapse if it’s meant to last. It collapsed cause something was wrong and no one knew or said anything. So now those remaining are standing on the island with you and you hug and laugh and say how strange it was that the world collapsed even though you’ve seen it before. You look at the horizon and you can see the other islands in the distance and you wish them well.

[astral-athame]

((Cas rarely drinks (mostly because she doesn't like feeling like she's not in full control of herself)... but she can make a damn good mocktail.))

[fandomfairyuniverse]

Poor ongsa was probably so worried about her new friends who she’s so excited and happy about would think she was weird for liking sun and then charoen was just like “don’t worry we’re all queer here” I love this so much