#Like first of all a dog pottying in the house for Any reason other than sickness/incontinence is a bad thing

[2024skin]

it's so annoying to me that my parents don't put any effort into training our puppy but I still have to share responsibility for cleaning up all the shit and piss he leaves around the house

[fireheartedpup]

Weird to have a supportive family that triggers the fuck out of you. Dad asked me to get dinner, which he paid for, and we ate together. He gave me meat from the freezer.

I tried to help with the puppies, and he didn't like me messing with their routine, and I'm nervous about them resource guarding, and they still have puppy pads in the house because for some reason the rescue they're working with recommends this???

I don't remember the rescue's name, but one of the first things you learn in house training is that if you use pads AND try to get them to pee outside, it can confuse them. You keep them in a room with you, tether them to you, or keep them in a crate until they're potty trained.

They are not doing this.

Little Bit is still scared of the puppies, and it's not funny anymore. I really only thought it was funny the first time because I was able to control the situation and I was trying to keep her safe.

Mom thinks it's fine and that she should get used to them, and tried to bring her up close to the puppies more than once. This is NOT how you're supposed to do it.

They got upset that I put the puppies back in their pen so we could leave in peace. It's the perfect place for them to get used to each other, since they can see each other but can't get to each other, but God forbid I don't follow the schedule exactly.

My dog was shaking when we came in. I was holding her, and the puppies were at my feet. I don't think bringing her over there is worth the stress.

Dad didn't want puppies, mom did, and she's the one who agreed to foster. Mom is also flying a lot, so dad is left to take care of the puppies on his own for long periods of time.

Before all of this, mom invited me to an event so I could meet her friends' adult kids. I know that no one there is going to be masking, or even give a shit about covid.

Called grammy. She's sympathetic about my dog's health issues. She said she'd help. She also said that she doesn't believe in covid.

Dad sent me a promotional email for a job fair. It's in person and I'm sure it's another crowd that doesn't give a shit about masking. I don't even know if I'd be interested in any of the companies there. Maybe some of the remote roles.

I was going to talk about the budget and what's realistic, but dad was tired and sad so I just told him I'd made a little money this week. Someone tipped me $20. It's the most hope I've had in a while. It's also a drop in the bucket. It's a huge deal to me, but I'm going to have to do this about a thousand times over if I want to survive on my own.

I avoided mentioning what it was because I do not want my parents anywhere near my current writing in any way, shape, or form, so I have no idea what he thinks I might be doing. "I get paid per view and people can tip me." What does that sound like? I'm not gonna clarify.

When I see my family I usually stay up even later than usual because I can't deal with it, but I have a vet appointment tomorrow. I can't fuck around this time unless I cancel before 9am, and I don't think I should cancel. I'm stressed about the money.

Dad's stressed about money too. The roof is going to cost about 10k to fix.

I should ask for help finding a therapist. I don't know how to make myself do things. I don't know how to stop feeling sad.

[mandana-the-service-pup]

QUMY Dog Boots: First impression + comparison to Ruffwear GripTrex

Mandana wears shoes every time she leaves the house, even for quick potty breaks. They protect her feet from hot/cold pavement, chemicals, gum, glass, thorns, foxtails, etc. and it’s also a huge help in keeping mast cell triggers from permeating our carpet & furniture.

Because she wears them so often we go through a lot of them. I think we average about 4-6 sets in a year. She usually has three different sets at a time that we swap out (2 different colors of Grip Trex and 1 set of Polar Trex that we only use for ice/snow or really wet conditions). Even with a discount, Ruffwear shoes are expensive and I’ve found that her sizes (3” in the front & 2.75” in the back) are often sold out and are only restocked a couple times a year. So we are going to be trialing some other brands to see if we can find an alternative that’s hopefully more affordable.

QUMY is definitely one of the big sellers on Amazon, so we decided to start with those. I ordered her a size 7 and they seem pretty comparable to the 3” Grip Trex. If I like them I’ll probably order one size down for her back feet and that will give me two sets.

Here are my first impressions:

- The mesh seems almost identical but the other fabric & leatherette areas seems lower quality. The rubber seems pretty comparable but the tread is notably less. Maybe it wouldn’t be a problem on a sidewalk but it’s practically nonexistent if you are comparing it directly to the Grip Trex.

- Theoretically the wider opening would make them easier to put on. That might be the case if your dog has long fur, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference for us. If anything, the long strap & loose construction took me longer to put on and get situated properly. Maybe that will get better with practice.

- There are two things I really like about them and think might be better than the Grip Trex. The first is that the rubber tread extends slightly higher on the front of the shoe. On the QUMY, Mandana’s nails hit the tread but on the Grip Trex they hit the grey leatherette area. That is the exact spot where her nails poke holes into the Grip Trex and the number one reason we have to throw them out. Even though the rest of the fabric is cheaper quality that might actually make the QUMY last as long if not longer than the Grip Trex.

- The second thing I really like is how the side of the shoes are constructed. Both shoes have fabric that bunches up on top of the foot and that’s unavoidable with most dog shoes. The Grip Trex has a continuous piece of grey leatherette that extends along the side. This adds structure to the shoe but it also make the sides stiff and they have to be broken in so they bend easier when the dog takes a step. QUMY cut out a section so that the problem area is mesh and then the two separate pieces of leatherette meet together with every bend. I’m not sure if this affects how it feels for the dog but I wouldn’t be surprised if the additional flexibility in this area is more comfortable.

- Something I don’t like is the cheap fabric and construction they use for the center gusset. It feels like the cheapest plastic drawstring bag you can imagine and the seams on the inside are exposed and not sewn down. It doesn’t seem to be as much of a problem as I expected because once the shoes are on the dog this loose fabric overlaps so much that it’s all kind of bunched up anyways. The seam that runs along the inside of the shoe also feel slightly more raised than Ruffwear and you can see some of the glue adhesive for the rubber sole on the outside. Ruffwear has superior quality when it comes being seamless, but I haven’t used the QUMY shoes yet so time will tell if this makes any difference.

- I’m also not sure how I feel about the leg portion of the shoe. It comes up really high and there’s a lot of loose fabric (which again might be beneficial if your dog has long hair). I’m tempted to put vet wrap over them or maybe experiment a little with cutting & sewing some of the excess for a better fit. The Grip Trex has a pretty minimal cuff area and it’s coated with a nice neoprene material that I imagine might keep the shoe from rotating/flipping as much. I use vet wrap on her legs for most of our longer outings so we’ll have to wait and see if that alone is enough to keep the QUMY in place.

- I’m also wondering if the strap will make any difference to her dewclaws. This is one of the main drawbacks to Ruffwear boots. Their hook/loop strap almost always lands right on the dewclaw which can cause irritation and swelling if you are careful and horrible bloody injuries if you are less considerate. The longer strap and wider hook area on the QUMY means I can choose where the strap goes. That could mean making sure the strap doesn’t put pressure in the dewclaw area but I won’t know until I’ve been using them for a while. It’s possible there’s only certain strap configurations that will keep the shoe on and in proper position.

That’s my first impression of the popular QUMY dog shoes. I’ll post an update after we use them for a while.

Note: I prefer (and recommend) mesh dog shoes over the water-resistant kind. In my experience, dog shoes are going to get wet and gross no matter what you do. At least the mesh ones dry faster so they aren’t as prone to the stinky dog foot smell. Paws are also one of the few areas where dogs can sweat so having breathable shoes is important in my opinion.

[robert-the-greyhound]

Welcome Home Robert

The first few weeks after bringing Robert home were full of ups and downs, twists and turns, odd surprises and small victories. Incidents were to be expected, considering this dog had never once set paw inside a home before, let alone an apartment in a city centre! All he knew were concrete kennels and coursing fields, so everyday things like wooden floors, stairs or windows were new to him, with some odd reactions to certain things!

He slept through the first night no problem, likely exhausted from the hullabaloo of moving. He plodded along softly when popped on a slip lead to be brought downstairs to the courtyard for a potty break, and once again walked straight into the glass window door on the way back up.

As the days went by, we kept things purposely boring so as to give Robert time to acclimate to pet life. He mostly slept through the night, didn't whine or bark, didn't do much of anything to be honest, but we took things at his pace. Walks were short and simple, just a lap around the block or a stroll through the grounds of UCC. He wasn't able for anything more, he simply didn't have the energy or stamina. He was underweight and under-muscled, having lost any condition in his time waiting for a home. On top of that he had some gnarly kennel sores along his elbows, belly and legs. His coat was in shocking condition; dry and tufty, what many refer to as "kennel coat". Underneath the coat his skin was dry and flaky, with a few spots of dermatitis, especially between his toes. His ears too had that funky Doritos smell commonly associated with yeast problems.

The rescue hadn't been kidding when they said he had "issues with food". I had purposely bought a bag of the kibble he had been eating for months in rescue to try and avoid tummy upsets, but that didn't seem to matter. He barely touched it, picking at it, taking a bite or two and walking away. What did go in came out the other end violently, announcing itself in advance with flatulence strong enough to clear a room. It was clear there was something seriously off with Robert and his food.

The first week or so went moderately well all things considered. There were some big adjustments needed. Robert decided that the perfectly curated dog corner was not to his taste and had instead opted to live in the alcove between bed and wall. A runner mat had to be placed in the kitchen so he wouldn't slip on the wooden floor. Washi tape had to be put on the large floor to ceiling windows to stop him trying to walk through them. Common issues like housetraining or crying were practically non-existent, though we know other hounds who have had trouble adjusting in these regards.

After a few weeks though, he started to hit some major roadblocks. He developed an issue with crossing thresholds. When inside the apartment, he was fine, but the second you tried to cross the front door, he would statue up and refuse to budge. All 36kg of him needed to be lifted over the little metal strip that marked the end of the hallway and the start of the balcony. Once he was outside, he was happy enough to potter along, but entering other doorways would result in the same freezing issue.

He also began to spook when out and about and in the house. The blinds in the kitchen snapped up one day, resulting in Robert skittering across the hand to grip floor and refusing to re-enter the kitchen for any reason for days. Three years later and he still legs it out of the room when anyone goes to touch the blinds. The 'wub-wub-wub' noise corrugated cardboard signs make in the wind would cause him to try and bolt, and with the summer ice cream weather upon us, this was a big problem. Buses, Trucks, Lorrys, Vans or anything larger than your standard Skoda CityGo would make him crouch low to the ground, tail tucked between his legs. Skateboards, Suitcases, Trolleys or anything vaguely rattling along on wheels was something that needed to be feared in his head.

None of these issues had been present during his first few weeks at home, but as he settled in, he went through a strong fear period, not unlike what young puppies go through when they first see the world. As Robert settled in to life in the apartment, he became more skittish and nervy. There was no point in "nipping it in the bud" though, the root cause needed to be addressed. And for that, we needed some specialist help...

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Mmkay so the Halloween matchup event looks fun and I wanted to participate, I’m mildly stupid so if I’m doing something wrong I’m apologize! Anyways I think I’m just supposed answer them questions you laid out

Mmkay so for three good things about me I’d say I’m a decent cook (I make a mean omelet), I’m creative? I like all artsy type things so yeah creative, and I know the basics for how to help with mental or physical issues (I was raises by a first responder and km obsessed with anything psychology I know how to patch up an injury and how to help with a panic attack). As for three flaws, I can name more than three, let’s see I am insanely clingy like you won’t get five seconds of privacy clingy, either that I forget you exist and leave you on read for three weeks, I have a horrible sense of humor, like my sense of humor consists mostly of das jokes, sex jokes, and deez nuts jokes, and I’m a chronic potty mouth I swear up a storm on a good day. Then three things I like about someone would be I like funny people, you make me die of laughter and I’ll marry you on the spot (joke) then I like affection, I’m a sucker for cuddles, and idk, as for 3 things I don’t like in a person I really hate it when people won’t talk to me, like it’s fine if you wnat me to leave you alone but if you straight up ignore me without any warning I will be very pissed, I don’t like people who don’t clean up after themselves, and once again idk, next for dealbreakers I have two, if you won’t get along with my dogs (especially since I have a pitbull and I’m verity protective of her) and if you just straight up ignore me without a good reason, I’ll be pissed. For pet peeves, I don’t have much to say there. Then I can hardly see myself in the next week how tf am I supposed to imagine myself in ten years? Okay then you wanted favorite pet, i have three dogs you tell me, and lastly favorite food, pasta is a huge comfort food for me especially ravioli. Mmkay sorry for the wall of text I hope you have a great day and I apologize if I misunderstood anything 👍

Hello, hello !

Lots of potential candidates for you. You could had have Grillby, US Papyrus, UF Undyne, HT Papyrus, HF Sans, HF Papyrus, DF Sans or Disbelief Papyrus! But you seem to have closer affinities with dramatic boys, and there's one boy more dramatic than the others that matches with you.

And it's...

DANCEFELL PAPYRUS (Tango) !

I hope you don't fear celebrity, because from now on, you're an Instagram star. Tango loves to share his own interest with his S/O, even if he is a bit exuberant about it.

He's a good cook too and he is obviously very creative since it's part of his job. In a relationship, he relies a lot on his S/O because of the high pressure he has on his back due to his celebrity. A S/O who knows what to say when he is in burn out or when he feels a little blue is more than appreciated and he loves that part of you.

He doesn't mind you being clingy. He is pretty clingy himself and he is happy when he can share most of his day with his S/O. He's very affectionate and present, and he likes to give small gifts or to organise surprise trips with you just to see stars shining in your eyes.

He's not a big fan of your sense of humor, but it's a bit like Classic Papyrus. He hates it but he's secretely likes it. He tries his best to stay serious everytime even if it's pretty obvious he's smiling like an idiot. He's also swearing a lot. He's a Fell boy, you can't ask him to be polite, he doesn't know how.

He shares your dealbreakers too. He hates being ignored and will always prefer to talk to resolve a conflict. He's also a maniac cleaner and hates when it's messy in the house. You're completing each other pretty well. He likes dogs too, even if he will always be a cat person in his heart and will try to convince you to adopt a cat. You can have the dog too if you say yes for the cat. And obviously, as a Papyrus, he loves pastas and can make you all the pastas you want.

I think it's the best match for you, even if your life will not be a peaceful river every day !

[im-the-punk-who]

Hi! I read your dog training post and firstly - so sorry people are idiots. I’ve been wanting a dog (not puppy) and everyone tells me I have to stay home with it 24/7 and if I work outside the house I shouldn’t get one but your post kinda seems to me that that’s what I SHOULDNT do since my dog won’t be properly socialized if I’m with it constantly like that. I’m interpreting that correctly right? If so then a lot of the dog owners I know are idiots too lol

Hey! So - yes and no. Lol. It really depends on the age of the dog you get and their particular behavioral needs but in general, no please do not do that lmao.

If you get a true puppy - like under 6 months - yes, you should plan to spend at least 6 months not being out of the house for more than 3-4 hours at a time. (The younger the dog, the less time you can have it be alone, and the longer you'll need to do that.)

This is for two reasons, but really the biggest is that puppy bladders are tiny and their attention spans are even tinier. I never actually consider a dog 'housetrained' until it is 14 months or older because that's when they pass through their adolescence. The time from 9-14 months is a REALLY BAD TIME TM for both dogs and owners, lmao. It's when most behavioral issues crop up, and also when the dog goes through a lot of biological changes(whether or not the dog is fixed, but particularly if it isn't) and this can crop up in a lot of weird gastrointestinal shit and a recurrence of potty issues. Just liek when you're stressed and your stomach acts up, dogs get the same. And if you're home you can make sure this doesn't turn into a longer term potty training issue.

The second reason you need to be home with a puppy is that otherwise they are *alone* - which is where the socialization problem comes in. If you have other dogs, animals, or people in your home this is less of an issue. But honestly either way, people should be bringing their dogs to get structured socialization from the time they are 16 weeks old. From birth until 18 months is when dogs do the bulk of their social learning. (I know that 'experts' like to say that you only have until the dog is 16 weeks and experts are dumb as shit. This *is* when they do their best learning, but a dog can *learn* to be social at any age. I have worked with dogs as old as 10 who learned proper social behaviors.) Any learning done before adolescence is finished is going to be the best learning because a) the dog does it while it's in 'baby' mode and is *seeking* biologically to learn, and also because they don't have to unlearn any bad behaviors. And frankly, humans are not equipped to teach dogs dog behaviors(unless you're like me and have been trained in behavioral work).

This is because when humans interact with dogs, we're frankly shit at teaching boundaries. Which is one of the biggest and most important lessons a dog is ever gonna learn. If Fido learns when he's a puppy that a dog growling at him means back the fuck off, he is gonna be a lot smarter about trying to approach a growling dog as an adult and also, that growling dog is gonna be a lot less threatened by a dumb little puppy than a full grown dog. (Now, obviously, do not bring your puppy up to a truly aggressive dog to learn. But even well natured dogs will growl when a puppy is annoying them. And a REALLY well trained dog will give them a small nip or bite if they truly cross a line. This is IMPORTANT. and GOOD. because that tiny bit feels a lot bigger to a tiny puppy, and they're going to remember that boundary without having ever been in true danger. And, they'll have learned BODY LANGUAGE OF DOGS. Which is another thing dogs are GREAT at teaching that humans aren't. And the more of this stuff you can have your dog learn by observation (whether that's on a pack walk, at a structured play group, or by even watching other dogs play at the park, the better that dog's brain is gonna be growing up.)

However most of this doesn't apply to older or adult dogs who have already been socialized. Now, if you're specifically looking for a rescue dog who has anxiety, or has been under socialized, yes I would say you need to be prepared to spend time with the dog when you first get it training it, teaching it that it's okay to be alone, etc.

But if you're just looking to get a well adjusted adult dog, then no, after the first few days your dog *should* have already learned these skills, and should able to be left alone for at least 6 hours. If that's not true, your dog needs a trainer to address whatever fear or anxiety it is having about being left. Now, you should probably plan on taking a long weekend when you first bring your pup home to really make sure the dog settles in, bond a bit, and make sure there aren't any surprise behavioral issues and *get the dog a dog walker if you're going to be out*. Even if later you realize it isn't needed, I always recommend getting a dog walker if your dog is gonna be alone for more than 5 hours. Dogs need socialization even when they're adults and not only does this mean they get exercise and attention during the day, it also takes the pressure off you to rush home and deal with your very bored attention starved pup who is probably crossing their legs.

But - to sort of answer the question - no, you should absolutely not pamper your dog when you first get it by spending every second with it because then when you *do* go back to work or heck, if something happens and you want to spend the night out with friends, family, or go away etc, your dog is going to have A Mental Breakdown TM. In my mind a big part of having a dog is building both 'alone time' and 'structured play' into their day. Even if I'm home all day, I will leave for 1-2 hours and my dogs go in their crates. And also every day they get either their 2 hour walk when I take my client's dogs, or if i'm off we go for a 45 minute bike pull so they get their mental stimulation.

It's just like people - socialization is not JUST for socialization, it's for mental stimulation and being around the same person day in and day out is a little like asking the same person 'how's the weather' every day and calling it mental enrichment. And I really just want to shake people who went through an entire pandemic being locked in a house 24/7(even with roommates or family) and were complaining about all the mental stress that caused and then turn around and think their dog could possibly be happy never seeing anyone but them. Like?????? Please. PLEASE lmao.

Anyway you should absolutely get a dog even if you cant spend every second with it, as long as the type of dog you get is conducive to your living situation and you are prepared to spend at least 3-4 hours a week purposely letting your dog interact with other dogs *or* getting a dog care professional to do it for you. <3 <3 <3

[thepropertylovers]

Happiness vs. Wholeness: The Kind of Day We Normally Wouldn't Post About

I have found, most of the time, real life is way more interesting and eventful than any book or movie out there. Such was the case yesterday.

Note: I wrote this post at 9p and as soon as I stopped typing, I fell asleep on the couch with my computer in my lap. Clearly I was just tired after a very, very long day :).

It was the kind of day we wouldn’t normally post on Instagram or Facebook or the blog. That’s not to say we don’t share hard days on social media (because if you’ve been following for a while you know we do), but it was just a frustrating, real life kind of day, and doesn’t it seem like social media is mostly reserved for the good highlights of your life, not the mundane and the difficult ones? That’s another topic for a different day, but I would love to dive into that more and change that somehow.

PJ started some new medication for an issue he talked about in our latest vlog (the comments have been SO helpful!!), and as the side effects started to kick in, he was sore all day and felt extremely lethargic. He’s also been working nonstop on the farm every day, so I think that was a big factor, too. He stayed home all day and rested on the couch while catching up on The Handmaid’s Tale, and I’m so glad he did. He works so dang hard and needs a rest every now and then.

Meanwhile, our 2nd oldest dog (and our smallest) Jolie, who turned 10 this year, has been dry heaving and coughing the last three days. Along with that, yesterday I came inside and found her laying on the floor on her side whining, and she’s since lost her balance and fallen over three more times (almost like a seizure, but not quite that severe). It was scary and awful and the thought of losing her, our original baby that we’ve loved for all these years, makes me nauseated.

We called our vet’s office but they couldn’t get her in until Friday. Knowing we couldn’t wait that long, we called three more vets in town until we finally reached one who said they would see her ASAP. Since PJ wasn’t feeling well, older brother and I took her in so they could check her out.

They said she would be fine (thank goodness), but that she has heart issues, so they put her on three medications, two of which she will have to be on forever. I felt relief knowing she will be okay and that she still has a few more years. However, the thought of having to keep up with two more medications every day, after having to give little brother medicine twice a day (for a condition we’ve never discussed publicly), sounds overwhelming in the most minuscule way. I know it’s such a small task, but it’s like it’s just one more thing to keep track of. Still, I would give her medication five times a day if it meant keeping her alive for as long as possible, so really I’m just venting right now. Remember, it was one of those days.

When we got home, I was in the office working while the kids were eating lunch and sis got up to get more water, something she’s been doing all by herself lately as she stands as tall as she can on her tiptoes. And then I hear a bang and a gasp and a “(little sis) spilled her water!” coming from the dining room. I go in to find she somehow not only spilled the water all over the floor, but also on top of her head and her shirt and her face. Poor thing. She was soaked from head to toe and felt so bad. I was frustrated at first, but once I took a breath I told her everything was okay and accidents happen; cleaned her up and changed her clothes and she sat back down to finish her lunch.

As I made my way back into the office to finish working, I stepped in something wet on the rug in the front room. For a split second I wondered how little sis’ water fiasco made its way all the way to the front room, but then I remembered that makes no sense and quickly considered another scenario. I am always expecting anything wet on the floor to be pee with two dogs and a cat living inside the house, so I smelt it and sure enough…it was dog pee. One of the side effects of the medication Jolie is on is that she will be a lot more thirsty and have to pee more frequently. My guess is she couldn’t hold it in and went on the rug. Again I say: poor thing :(. 

I finally finished working for the day around 7:30p and got out of the house to pick up some dinner for us since this was definitely not going to be a cooking night. Where had the time gone?

Like I said at the beginning of this post, real life is often so much messier and all over the place than what we watch on TV. And especially more so than what we as humans post on social media. I am choosing to look at today as just a normal day in the life of a family of five with young kids. Unpredictable, challenging, difficult, frustrating, wonderful, and…ours. Today was ours. This life is ours. 

A good thing about today? Sis didn’t go pee in her big girl panties ONCE; she went in the potty all day, which I honestly think is a first for her! How amazing is that? Also, knowing she doesn’t feel well, Meryl has been extra sweet to Jolie all day, laying with her in her bed and checking on her, and currently burying her nose into Jolie’s neck as they both are cuddled up on the couch beside me while I write.

After my quick late-night nap on the couch, I woke up and we all went upstairs to brush our teeth and get our jammies on. By the end of the night, all five of us were in the kids’ bathroom rolling around on the floor laughing for no reason other than we were all tired and had had a long day. Their smiles and laughs are so infectious. Nothing like a right-before-bed laughing session to end the day on a high note, right? ❤️

Days like today seem more frequent lately, but how we respond to them is what ultimately makes up the quality of our life. I’m finding more and more that in the moment I’m so frustrated at life’s mishaps, but when enough time has passed and I have a moment to really think about it, I realize I am grateful for it all. The ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult.

Because in the end, we’re all striving for wholeness, not necessarily happiness, right?

[euphoriatxt]

txt if they worked at an animal rescue center ♡

yeonjun

he’s in charge of walking the dogs and making sure all the outdoor cats come back by the end of the day

it’s not really a difficult job but it’s not easy either

there’s one dog that likes to gently headbutt every tree he comes across (his name is lorax)

if yeonjun doesn’t slow down and let lorax pat the tree with his head, he will throw a fit and start wailing

the cats usually don’t create any issues for him

it’s just that when they do come back to the center, they don’t go straight to him and just sit wherever

so he ends up having to take 30 minutes to an hour to find all of them

he loves dressing up the animals and matching with them

there’s an outfit for every holiday, color, weather event, sport, etc (the tiny rain jackets are his favorite)

he makes sure to prepare everything for future owners

he once sat down for 5 hours and went through every song on his playlist to find out each one’s favorite song

he has at least two personalized outfits prepared for each of them that he plans to give to their future owners

he gets really attached to them, and will cry when they get adopted

soobin

out of all of the boys, he spends the most time at the center

he’s there the earliest to feed all the animals and give them their proper medications

he spends his breaks comforting them and training others

before leaving he makes sure to check on every single one of them, giving them food, cuddles, or anything else that they would need

he just loves all of the animals so much :(

has a hard time accepting that some animals just aren’t that friendly

he had to learn the hard way when he found an injured skunk

he didn’t even get close enough to help it before it sprayed him, and he ended up running away

he still feels guilty about it, wondering if the skunk ever healed

he brings so many raccoons to the center for no reason?? and the raccoons just let him???

the boys are shocked that he hasn’t met a mean raccoon yet

“one day you’ll meet one that will try to scratch your eyes out.” - taehyun when soobin brought in the 12th raccoon that week

he always releases the raccoons after feeding them and making sure they’re healthy, but they just come back the next day

somehow able to recognize all of them and distinguish them by name

beomgyu

master animal trainer

he is the reason all the dogs and cats know basic commands and are potty trained already

has even trained some of soobin’s raccoons

absolutely fearless when it comes to helping the more “dangerous” animals

prioritizes the animal’s safety over his own :’)

literally gags when it’s his turn to clean the cages

he can’t last thirty minutes without nose plugs

he loves all the animals, but there’s this one cat that he has beef with

“this is the fifth time she’s put trash in her cage on my day, i know she’s doing this on purpose”

she refuses to be touched by him so they just end up getting into the most intense stare downs

teaches stray dogs how to swim uwu

clowns soobin about how the dogs swim better than him

it’s not often that they find abandoned birds, but when they do beomgyu gets so excited

especially when they’re able to talk

that bird will be able to call the other boys stupid by the end of the week, guaranteed

taehyun

he mostly works outside, overwatching playtime and keeping track of which cats leave

is actually really scared of soobin’s raccoons and how they multiply every time they come back

he tries to stay as far away from them as possible but for some reason they all really like him

he literally has a trail of raccoons following him wherever he goes

“i don’t understand why they like you more, i even built them a little house :( “ - soobin after a raccoon jumped out of his arms to follow taehyun

as much as he’s scared of them, he’s too nice to shoo them away so he tries to outrun them instead (it doesn’t work)

he went through a baking phase so he knows 20+ recipes for animal-safe gourmet treats

has managed to turn it into a side business

there’s a variety of meals/treats he offers that can be categorized by animal, specific allergy, illness, and diet

i guess you can call him an animal nutritionist?

even went as far as making a wedding cake for someone’s dog wedding

hueningkai

now if you thought yeonjun was attached??

this boy lives and breathes with the puppies

there is at least one puppy with him at all times

the puppies are just as attached as he is, it’s a bit concerning

he has full-on conversations with them and cuddle sessions that could go on for hours

he is basically their emotional support human

when he first started working at the center he would give cats catnip after their meals as a “treat” without knowing it would make them high

soobin literally screamed when he saw all the kittens rolling around on the floor

the poor boy had no idea until soobin yelled at him and gave him a lecture

he takes a selfie with every single animal they bring to the center and adds it to their wall of memories

every picture is marked with the animal’s name and the day they were brought in

he gets really emotional if he looks at the wall for too long and starts crying

he really is the purest baby

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Book 4: Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 54)

Description: A race to reach Diego and Alodia ends with a highly-anticipated arrival.

Tagging: @endlesshero1122 @feartheendlesssummer @mysteli @whatmcsaid@xo-endlessmayhem-xo @tigerbryn11

Chapter 54 : River Skye

Jake

“Sean! Pull over!” Varyyn’s voice comes over the car’s radio communication system without warning, startling me out of an anxious trance. It apparently startles Sean, too, because the car swerves sharply for a second before reorienting on the road. 

“Holy mother of god, Varyyn!” he yelps. “Don’t shout at someone who’s trying to keep three tons of speeding metal under control!” 

“Is everything okay back there?” 

“Alodia made contact!” 

I almost drop the Prism Crystal as electric energy shoots through every nerve in my body. I suddenly feel like my stomach, lungs, and heart are playing musical chairs in my torso and getting tangled up in each other in the rush. 

“What did she say? Is she okay? Where is she?!” The questions tumble out of me, and I have to force myself to bite my tongue to let Varyyn answer.

“I don’t know exactly where she is, and I’m not sure if she is alright. Sean, I need you to pull over so that I can touch the Crystal. I think I may be able to get a better lock on her now if I can handle the Crystal.” 

That’s all it takes to convince everyone to pull over. We stop at the side of the road and I scramble out to hand the Crystal off to Varyyn, willing myself not to pester him as he closes it between his palms and closes his eyes to concentrate. I can’t help pacing, but I don’t pester him. Finally, he opens his eyes. 

“...We are heading in the correct direction. I’m not sure how far off we are, but we are on the right track. She and Diego are in...I think it’s an abandoned house.” 

“But you don’t know?” I press him. “What did Alodia say when she made contact?” 

Varyyn purses his lips for a moment before answering. “Very little that was clear. She is scared, and I don’t think she is well.” 

“What makes you think that?” Michelle asks. 

“Her thoughts were very unfocused. And certain images that pervaded them invoked...well...fever. Illness. Pain. She seemed to confirm that she was hurt.” 

“Shit!” I hiss, grabbing fistfuls of my hair and pulling viciously to keep myself from punching either a car or one of my innocent friends. 

“...I-I really should go ahead,” Tahira says. 

Michelle shakes her head. “No. Not alone. We don’t know who we might find there apart from Alodia and Diego, and you’re still not completely healed. It’s best if we stick to the plan. We know the Crystal is leading us in the right direction, so we stick together and follow its path.” 

“And who the hell made you the dictator here, Maybelline?” I snap. Michelle fixes me with a steady eye. 

“I am aware that your wife is usually the leader in our family, but given that she is the one we’re currently trying to rescue, it seems like it falls on me to be the voice of reason. Tahira might need backup. If Alodia is hurt or sick, I need to be there since I’m the only one of us with a medical degree. And if Tahira takes the Crystal ahead, we lose our only compass, and we possibly lose valuable time trying to find our way--especially if Tahira can’t get past whatever guards Fiddler might have put on them. That is time that I could have spent making sure she and your baby were stable. If you or anyone else can refute any of those points, I am happy to listen.” 

Of course, no one really can refute those points. Tahira may be a superhuman, but the rest of us have actually fought Arachnid before. If they still have any of the technology they had on the island, being a superhuman might not be enough. Michelle nods, satisfied. 

“Right. Good. There is just one thing first.” She pulls out her phone and taps the screen a few times. We hear the purr of the line ringing on the other end. 

“What’s up, Michelle?” Zahra asks on the other end, not quite succeeding at nonchalance. 

“Quick version is that Alodia made contact with Varyyn and we know we’re heading in the right direction, but we don’t know much else, and Alodia might not be in the best shape. I think I might need Iris’s medical scanner when we get to her. We’re about six hours out from Northbridge now. Can Iris track us? Like with my phone’s GPS or something?”

“Pfft. Child’s play. I’ll have her in the air in two minutes. You heading towards Northbridge or away?” 

“Towards for now.” 

“Good. Unless you veer wildly off course or turn around completely, I’d estimate Iris will find you in under three hours.”

“... I just hope that’s fast enough.”

Diego

Eyes screwed shut, sweat running down her ashen face in rivers, Allie pushes shaking, hissing breaths out through a narrow, round gap between her lips, gasping as she inhales. Her ragged fingernails dig uncomfortably into the skin on the back of my hand, but her grip isn’t strong enough to hurt. That’s the part that scares me. She’s feverish and weakened by captivity and infection. She can’t have her baby here. Not like this. I wait for the contraction to pass and blot the sweat off her face with what I think is a relatively clean washcloth that I found in the closet. 

 “...I have to get help.” 

Allie whimpers, shaking her head. “...No…” 

“Allie, we don’t really have a choice here. You’re hurt, you’re sick, and now you’re in labor. I--” I feel my voice catching and struggle to keep it under control. “I am way out of my depth here.” 

“Varyyn is coming.” Her voice comes out in a weak, strangled moan. “Th-this is my first baby. We have time…” 

“Last we knew, your baby was breech, and you were possibly going to need a C-section. If something goes wrong…” I bite my lip against the swell of tears rising from my throat. “Allie, I can’t let you die…” 

“I’m...not going to die.” She opens her eyes and turns her gaze to meet mine. “...Don’t leave me alone. If F-Fiddler finds me...you won’t know where she takes me...Rourke will have River. ...Varyyn is coming. He’ll come for us.” 

“...Allie…” 

“Please…” she whimpers. “...I can’t do this alone. I need you. You’re my best friend. You’re my brother. Please don’t leave me alone…” 

I grimace, my teeth clenched against the rising surge of terror that threatens to come out in a frantic scream. There’s no way I can leave her when she’s begging me to stay. My hand shakes as I brush the sweat-soaked hair off her forehead. 

“Okay. Okay...I’m not leaving. I promise. Just...tell me what you need. What do you need me to do?” 

“H-help me time the...contractions. And...I need you to help me...get my pants off…” 

“Already? But...won’t you be cold?” 

“I have blankets. My pants are soaked. I’ll be colder with them on.” 

“Okay, fair.” I push back the blankets, wincing a little at the dark fluid stain on the crotch of her sweatpants. I force myself to smirk at her. “I won’t deny I feel weird about the idea of seeing my sister’s galleta, but I will endure because I love you.” 

She rewards me with a weak smile. “And I love you for doing this.” Her smile twists into a grimace as she attempts to lift her hips to give me room to draw down her pants and underwear. “...I’m sorry...for anything else I put you through before this is over. I’ve read...everything I could find about the process...if I...say anything mean…” 

I shake my head, almost smiling for real. “I won’t take it to heart. I promise. And just so you know, if it comes to it, I will absolutely deliver your baby.” 

“I hope it doesn’t come to that…” She abruptly falls back with a gasp, clutching wads of  the blankets in her fists. I hastily peel one hand away from the blanket to hold in mine. 

“I’m here. I’m right here.” 

“...It’s...going to get worse…” she groans through clenched teeth. 

“And I’ll be here when it does,” I promise. ...Though when it does get worse, I really hope someone else is here, too. 

...Hurry, Varyyn. Please hurry...

Caleb

“Zelda needs to go potty!” RJ’s singsong voice floating up from the back of the van makes me groan. 

“Jesus, again? Didn’t she go an hour ago?” 

“She’s a dog,” Dylan points out reproachfully. “She doesn’t understand time. Besides, she’s nervous. That makes her have to pee more often.” 

I don’t particularly feel like cleaning dog piss out of the upholstery, so I grudgingly pull over to let the kids take care of their dog’s business. Might as well take the opportunity to have a smoke, too. The kids complained about the smell when I tried to light up in the van. 

At the side of a long stretch of road running through a forest preserve, we pile out of the van. Dylan takes it on himself to clip Zelda’s leash to her collar, and the kids venture a little ways into the trees while I lean against the van and fix a cigarette between my teeth, lighting up with a quick snap of my fingers. I space out as I puff, just barely paying attention as the kids move through the trees. But then I see Ysa take off at a run. 

“Ysa!” Dylan yelps. He quickly passes Zelda’s leash to Alex, taking off after his cousin. I move to follow, shouting over my shoulder for the younger boys to stay put where they are. It doesn’t take too long to catch up to her. She’s stopped at the edge of a side road where a jeep is awkwardly parked on the shoulder. The distance is probably the equivalent of a city block ahead of where the van is parked. But I am breathless by the time we reach her. 

“What the heck, Ysa?” Dylan says irritably. “What did you run off like that for?” 

As I’m catching my breath, I get a look at Ysa’s face, and my gut gets cold as I realize she looks scared.

“What’s wrong?”

“They need help.”

“...Who needs help?”

“The people who were in this car,” she says shakily. “They’re in trouble.”

My eyes find Dylan’s and we exchange a bewildered glance. Clearly he doesn’t know what the fuck to make of what Ysa just said any more than I do. 

“Ysa, what...what do you mean?” 

“I mean that the people who were in this car are in trouble and they need help,” she replies with an impatient edge in her voice.

“How...do you know that?”

She shakes her head, scowling. “I don’t know how I know. But I know.” 

“Who are the people who need help?”

“I don’t know!” she snaps, frustration clearly mounting. “There are two of them. I think. Caleb, we should help them!”

In my opinion, going on some kind of wild goose chase after some unknown people who are supposedly in some possibly imaginary trouble sounds like the last thing we should be doing. But I feel like I can probably phrase it a little more diplomatically. 

“Easy, kiddo. I’m sure the people in this car are fine. They’re probably just hiking, and they’ll be back soon.” 

“But it’s going to be dark soon!” Ysa protests. “And cold!”

“All the more reason we should be getting back to the van and moving on. We’re gonna need to stop for the night soon.”

“But we can’t just leave them!” 

“Ysabel, we don’t know anything about these people! We don’t know if they are even in trouble at all!” 

“They are!”

“Caleb,” Dylan interrupts. “...There are footprints near the car. Maybe we could follow them just for a little ways?” Just to satisfy her, is the part he doesn’t say, but I can still hear. “If the people in the car are on their way back, we’ll probably run into them pretty quickly.” 

I groan. What did I get myself into with these kids? For fuck’s sake, I’m actually considering going along with this…

“Okay, fine! But wait here for a minute, okay? I’m gonna get the van and the boys and the dog. I don’t wanna leave the van on the shoulder out in the open.” 

Alodia

There are ghosts in this room. 

I’m being wrapped in a corset of white-hot barbed wire. My hands and feet are numb with cold, but the blood in my head has been replaced with boiling magma that melts a block of ice deep in the center of my brain and sends alternating trickles of ice and unbearable heat down my spine. I’m sweating and shivering as I cling to Diego, my brain flickering between lucidity, delirium, and something in between. In the space between, I find the ghosts. I am not the first mother to labor on this spot. 

I can hear the noises I’m making. Clumsy, gulping sobs interspersed with animal groans, grunts, and howls. The ghosts hear me, too. Many of them are making the same noises in their struggle to bring their children into the world. I am one with them, with every mother in history who opened her legs on this spot to sweat and push new life from her body. 

Some babies come easily. The house I labor in is new, and a young mother who is probably still alive somewhere in the world breathes through her labor and delivers her son with such quiet effort that her little daughter feels no fear as she plays at her mother’s head. The child absorbs an atmosphere of excitement as her new baby brother lets out his first cry. But not every mother is so fortunate, and as each contraction swells to excruciating heights, the lucky mothers’ happy tears are washed away in blood as an immigrant woman’s baby girl refuses to draw breath, or an indigenous mother bleeds out over her howling son.

Children born dead. Mothers killed in the process. I meet the dark eyes of a girl who can’t be more than fifteen, the first human to give birth on this spot more than ten-thousand years ago, whose ancestors had made a journey across lands that were later swallowed by the rising sea. She is not a primitive creature. She speaks in sentences. She has a family and a culture. The child she bears was conceived with a boy to whom she had given herself willingly, with the intent of creating new life. But her humanity is tested when the pain sets in, pain that has been a part of child-bearing for so long that no one remembers the days when we were apes and we gave birth with minimal effort. She is scared, and her fear is my fear. My pain is her pain. But my labor is not her labor. Hers was over ten-thousand years ago. Every other woman who has labored on this spot is past her pain, but I’m in the thick of mine. Still, their long-dead labors cling to me like the ropes of seaweed that drape treasures drawn up from a shipwreck. 

She won’t die. I won’t let my baby die. I won’t let her be sacrificed to the bloodthirsty deity who has circled mothers on this spot like a vulture for ten-thousand years, choosing whether to separate mother and child in death, or whether to take or spare them both. Whoever this deity is, they can’t have my baby. They won’t have her. 

...But as I feel delirium encroaching on my mind again, and pain rises to meet it, I have to admit that I am less confident they won’t have me. 

Caleb

We’ve been walking for awhile now. The younger boys are starting to complain, but Ysa is insisting we push on. 

“We’re going the right way,” she says confidently. 

I know she’s right because the trail we’ve been following hasn’t gone cold yet. Whoever these people are, they haven’t turned back toward their jeep yet. It’s a bad sign. As late as it is, hikers would have turned back by now, or set up camp if that’s what they were planning to do. As far as we’ve come, it’s not likely they’re either hikers or campers. Even if they were hurt and unable to move, we’d have found them by now, or the trail would have dropped off. It’s looking more and more likely that they abandoned their jeep because of some kind of mechanical failure and struck out on foot. Why the hell they didn’t just stay with the jeep and call for help is anyone’s fucking guess. But I’m starting to think Ysa’s right about them being in trouble. 

That feeling only grows when the area we’re in starts to look real fucking familiar…

...Oh, shit…

“Okay, that’s enough!” I say firmly, reaching out to grab Ysa’s shoulder and stop her advancing. “Time to get back to the van.” 

“No!” Ysa cries. “No, we’re so close!”

“And we wanna be getting a lot farther away!” 

“Caleb, what’s wrong?” Dylan asks. 

“I know this place. It’s very near to where a very dangerous person lives, and we should get outta here and get back to the van.” 

“But what about the people?!” Ysa wails. “We’ve come so far, we can’t just leave them!” 

“Ysa, you heard Caleb. It might be dangerous. If he thinks we should go back, then we should go back.” 

“No!” 

I gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting sweet little Ysabel to pull away from me. And I definitely wasn’t expecting her to take off running again. Where the shit does she get so much energy? 

“Dylan, you stay here with the boys and the dog!” I order. “Keep yourselves hidden and wait right here! I’ll bring her back!” 

Diego

“Dios te salve, Maria. Llena eres de gracia: El Seńor es contigo…”

I mutter the old, familiar words under my breath. They taste foreign on my tongue. You might think that being raised Catholic, the prayer would come naturally to me. It doesn’t. Prayer in general doesn’t come naturally to me. The God of my mother and father has been a stranger to me for so many years. The gods of my lover and my found family are...well...me, and the members of my found family, and the most powerful of them is the very woman I am trying to pray for. But prayer is all I have to turn to right now. 

“Bendita tú eres entre todas las mujeres…”

At first I thought about praying to Vaanu. Surely if any deity could protect Allie, it would be her father, right? But Vaanu isn’t really a god. Any more than I am, or Allie as the Endless, or any of the Catalysts. Vaanu is an alien with weird alien powers, but he’s not a god to be prayed to. 

“Y bendito es el fruto de tu vientre, Jesús.” 

The words are sticking in my throat. At first I tried to think back to my mother’s book of Saints, see if there was a patron saint of childbirth buried in my subconscious whose name I could invoke to protect Allie. Of course multiple such saints exist. There are patron saints of television and the internet, it would be stupid if there weren’t any saints watching over such a messy, dangerous, and common process that has been going on throughout human history. But what I mostly remember about patron saints of childbirth and mothers is that a number of them are weirdly sans childbearing organs. If I believed in a Mother Goddess, I might have called on her. Instead, I’m softly crying out to the only blessed being from the religion of my childhood that I vaguely imagine might hear me. 

“Santa María, Madre de Dios…” 

Allie buries her face in my chest, clutching my sleeves as she screams. Her body is slick with sweat, feeling like she might slip out of my arms. I hold her tighter, rocking urgently as I stroke her damp, greasy hair with a shaking hand. 

“...Ruega por nosotros pecadores,ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte…”

Caleb

I was right about where we are. Gigi’s abandoned squat is looming in the distance, and Ysabel is barrelling toward it. Fuck, does this kid ever get tired?! Call it adrenaline or a second wind or whatever, but somehow seeing where she’s headed gives me a burst of speed, and I finally overtake her enough to wrap my arms around her and roll us both to the ground. Of course she struggles, but I’m prepared for that this time, and I don’t loosen my grip. 

“Let me go!” she shrieks, desperation in her voice. “Caleb, let me go!” 

“I will, if you promise to stand still long enough that we can talk about this!” Ysa rapidly stills, apparently thinking this over. I prompt her, “Do we have a deal?” 

“...Yeah.” 

I cautiously loosen my grip, and when she doesn’t immediately take off again, I give her space to get up. I get into a crouch in front of her and take her by the upper arms, not hard enough to hurt her, but not loose enough that she can break away again without a struggle. I hold her gaze with mine. 

“Listen to me, kiddo. You don’t want anything to do with that place, okay? I know the people who hang out there, and they’re really, really dangerous. Especially for a kid like you. It’s time to go back to your brothers and cousins.” 

The moon is bright overhead, and I can see Ysa’s dark eyes shimmer with tears, her lips quivering. “But...the people...we have to help them…” 

I’m about to protest, but I’m interrupted by the faint, but unmistakable sound of a scream drifting out from inside the house. Fuck. Not like I’m gonna be able to convince her no one’s in trouble in there now. I groan through gritted teeth, briefly tightening my grip on the kid. I shake my head briefly to clear it, then sigh and look back at her face. 

“Look...I’ll take care of figuring out what’s going on in there, okay? But while I’m doing that, you need to hide, got it? Hide in the trees, and if anyone comes after you, you scream your lungs out. Understand?” 

After the briefest hesitation, she nods. When I release her and stand up, she moves back into the trees. I nod my approval, then steel myself to go back into Gigi’s squat. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to help whoever’s in there. I’ve at least got some hope that whoever it is, it’s not Gigi or any of her crew, that they really have abandoned the place. But no way Ysa’s gonna go back to the safety of her family or the van if I don’t try. I try to keep to shadows as I creep up to the front door. I press my ear to the door and don’t detect movement immediately behind it, nor are there any flickers in the front-facing windows. I know from experience that the door creaks when opened slowly, but usually if I open it fast, it mostly makes a faint squeak. I make a calculated decision and push it open quickly. Unfortunately, I am rewarded with the sustained, thunderous crash of dozens of unopened cans of food clattering against worn tile. A crude intruder alarm. Way too crude for Gigi, but it definitely destroyed any hope I had of sneaking in and stealthily assessing the situation. 

Well...I’m in it now. Might as well see what the screaming is about. 

Diego

I’m aware that I’m sobbing as I replace Allie on the mattress and stand with the fireplace poker clutched in my fist. Someone’s in the house. Maybe. I hope against hope that the crash of cans scared them off. But if not…

I plant my feet and raise the poker in front of me like a sword. Allie whimpers and moans behind me. I blink fiercely to clear the tears from my eyes. I need to be able to see. If I have to fight to protect her, I will. But I hope I don’t have to. Maybe it’s okay. Maybe even if the cans didn’t scare them off, it’s not actually someone who wants to harm us. Maybe it’s just someone desperate for shelter like we were. Maybe it’s even Varyyn, come to rescue us, or…

The shadows under the door shift as someone moves in the corridor beyond. The doorknob rattles as whoever it is tries the handle, but the lock holds. The next sound is a pounding knock. 

“Hello?” An unfamiliar male voice drifts through the door. “Everything okay in there?” 

“Wh-who are you?!” I hate how high and shaky my voice sounds. The last thing I want is to sound weak and scared, however well that describes how I feel. 

“Uh...well, my name probably doesn’t mean anything to you...but I’m not here to cause trouble. It’s just I know this area, and if you’re not from around here, you probably don’t want to hang around...Listen, it kinda sounds like someone’s hurt in there…” 

“M-my friend…” I hear myself admitting. I find that I’ve stepped closer to the door, too, as if drawn by the prospect of a friendly--or at least non-hostile--face on the other side. “Sh-she…she’s…” 

“I’ll level with you, I stumbled across your jeep a ways back, followed the trail you left. I got a van...I could help you get her to a hospital. Or...I got a phone if you wanna call for help…” 

“The phone,” I answer promptly. “Slide the phone under the door.” 

“Hey, hang on. How do I know I’m gonna get it back?” 

Irritation needles at me, temporarily distracting me from my fear. “My friend’s not in a condition to get out the window, and I’m not gonna leave her behind.” 

He groans. “...Yeah, okay. Fair. Fine. Just a sec.” 

I never thought I would cry at the sight of a smartphone, but right now, the shiny rectangle that our visitor wedges under the door is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in days. I drop the poker and pounce on it, my hands trembling as I thumb the home button. Just one further obstacle to get over. 

“...Passcode…?” 

Varyyn

I don’t recognize the number of the call coming through on my phone. But I answer, because the situation I am in is not one where a person ignores calls from unknown numbers.

“Hello?” 

“...Varyyn?!” 

My heart drops into the pit of my belly as a knot of tangled emotion wraps itself around my throat. I feel myself begin to shake. 

“...Diego…? ...Diego, my darling, is that you?” 

In the driver’s seat beside me, Estela stiffens. Her hand moves toward the switch that would allow our friends in the other car to listen in, but I block it with my hand, and she grips the wheel again. Not yet, I signal with a shake of my head. Not until I have something more to tell them. 

“Yes! Yes, it’s me! Wh-where are you? Allie said she reached you, and you were coming for us…” 

I bring my free hand back to caress the phone with my fingertips, as if I can reach through it to touch his beautiful face. My breath quivers in my throat. 

“We are coming, my own sweetheart. I promise. We’re following the Prism Crystal to reach you. You...you’re together, right? Are you all right? Are you hurt?” 

“I’m fine,” he answers with a catch in his voice. “But Allie…” 

“She seemed unwell when we spoke…” 

I can almost feel him nodding. “We escaped in a jeep. We were heading toward Northbridge, but it broke down. Allie was hurt, and then she got sick, and now she’s in labor, Varyyn, and I don’t know if she’s going to be okay…” 

“Wait, you were heading toward Northbridge?!” I sit up straighter, my heart pounding violently against my ribs. “Where did the jeep break down?! Where are you now?!” 

“We’re in an abandoned house somewhere. We were on highway fifty-eight, somewhere past mile-marker twenty-four, I think. We had to walk for awhile…”

“Twenty-four…we just passed that, just before you called! ...Estela, what…?” I suddenly realize that Estela has brought the car to a stop. She nods at the windshield. Ahead of us, I can see that our friends have stopped, and Tahira has emerged from the car with the Crystal in her hand. She turns slowly in place and leans over to speak to the others. 

“...Varyyn…? Are you still there?” 

“I’m here, my love. ...I…” 

The radio crackles to life, and Jake’s voice comes through. “Crystal’s pointing into the trees now. Don’t think we’re gonna find a straight road through. Might be best to continue on foot.” 

“Diego is on the phone!” I practically yelp in my excitement, and turn my attention back to my partner. “We’re close, my darling! Do you hear me? We’re very close now, my love, so just hold on for a little while longer and we’l--” 

A massive noise that I cannot decipher on the other end of the line swallows my words. My veins turn to ice as I hear Diego cry out. 

“Diego?!” I am answered only by the sound of scuffling and unintelligible voices just before the line goes dead. And then I hear my own voice, strangled and foreign to my own ears. “No!” 

Diego

I’m rooted to the spot, frozen in shock as I take in Stonewall looming in the destroyed doorway. I don’t recognize the brown-haired woman grinning in front of him, nor the shaggy-haired man slumped against the wall just outside. But the woman is staring at me like she knows me and I can’t take my eyes off her face. Then Stonewall, moving with shocking speed for a man made of rocks, lunges at me. The phone slips out of my hand as he grabs my wrist. I’m pulled like a rag doll, and in the dimly lit room, I can just make out the sight of the phone being crushed under his stone foot before my arm bone and the socket of my shoulder are forcibly separated. The pain is white-hot, shooting through my shoulder like a lightning bolt and temporarily blinding me. My own scream is distant in my ears, overpowered by the screech of static as my consciousness threatens to detach from the agony. When the world finally rights itself, I am crumpled on the carpet, sobbing as I clutch my arm. It’s still attached to my body, but it won’t move. I weakly probe my shoulder, but the flashes of pain and unnatural softness I feel there make my gorge rise. I try to focus on the face above me, the grinning, girlish face of the unfamiliar woman. 

“So it’s true. I do have Selected staying under my roof. And not just any Selected.” She turns her gaze toward the mattress where Allie is struggling to sit upright, a desperate attempt at a defensive posture. “...The Mystery herself. My killer.” 

She turns away from me, drawing something out of her pocket as she crosses to the mattress. A switchblade. I see it gleam as she flicks it open beside her. 

“Looking a little worse for wear, Alodia,” the woman purrs. “And what’s that going on with your stomach? Got a little parasite?” 

“...Who are you…?” Allie croaks out the question in something that’s equal parts a whimper and a growl. The woman kneels on the edge of the mattress, trailing her fingers along Allie’s leg over the blanket. 

“Not surprised you don’t recognize me. Had this pretty face hidden behind a helmet on our last encounter. But maybe you’ll figure it out when I tell you that on the day I died, you were dressed like a pirate straight out of a Disney ride. You and your friends boarded our ship, and thanks to you, I ended up overboard. I wasn’t someone anyone cared about enough to save, so I drowned.” 

“...I killed you…” Allie whispers. 

“Yeah, you did.” 

“...You...you were holding Sean and Craig prisoner. We had to get them back.” 

“Yeah, not really interested in excuses. Honestly, I find your reasoning totally understandable. I’m also probably not the only rank-and-file Arachnid you killed without regretting it.” Her hand is trailing further up Allie’s thigh now as she leans forward. “...I don’t want revenge because I think I was right and you were wrong. I want it because you killed me. And that’s just the kind of thing that needs to be answered for. I suppose if I were still dead, I wouldn’t even care. But somehow...I’m not.” 

Allie’s only answer is a strangled cry of pain. It’s probably another contraction, but it makes me try to sit up sharply, only to be forced down again by a flare of pain in my shoulder that knocks the breath out of me. The woman grasps the blanket and yanks it back, exposing Allie’s naked lower body. My heart wedges in my throat as she recoils, her expression twisting in pain and terror. 

“Stop!” I shriek. The woman ignores me as she grasps my friend’s knees and forces them apart. 

“Just as I thought. Little parasite is probably about ready to emerge. The question now is how to play this.” The blade in her hand flashes menacingly as she brings it to hover between Allie’s legs. “I could cut it out right here. Or reach in and yank it out and brain it against the wall.” 

“No...please…” 

“Leave her alone!” I plead. “Please don’t hurt her!” 

“Gigi, stop!” The male voice from earlier apparently belongs to the man who was slumped outside the bedroom door. The room is suddenly brighter, and when I realize his hands are engulfed in flames, it hits me who he is. 

The woman--Gigi--turns to raise an eyebrow at Caleb. “Really? You’re going to threaten me with fire in an enclosed space like this? You think you can burn me without burning up this bitch or her crotchfruit?” 

“I might be reckless enough to try.” 

“No you’re not. I know you well enough, Caleb. You’re a weasly, immature anarchist. But you have a soft spot for kids. You always have. And you don’t want a repeat of the DMV again. You don’t ever want to come that close to burning a kid alive again.” 

Caleb clenches his fists, lowering them slightly, but the flames don’t go out. 

“...You’re right. I don’t.” He raises his head, smirking. “...So I’ll let someone else worry about taking you out.” 

A terrible noise drowns out whatever response Gigi might be making, a deafening cacophony of twisting, groaning metal, splintering wood, and crumbling masonry. I instinctively curl in on myself, screwing my eyes shut as a blast of icy air washes over me. Even as the noise fades, I don’t let my eyes open again until I hear a familiar voice. 

“Nice of you two to join the party,” Tahira says blithely. “How did you find me?” 

I open my eyes and crane my neck to take in the scene through a slowly settling cloud of dust. Tahira--or Dragonness, I guess I should call her while she’s in costume--has Gigi by the throat and pressed against a wall with one hand, held up so her toes are barely touching the floor. It looks like she decided to rip the entire window out of the wall to get inside, frame and all. Talos and Minuet are in the doorway, with Minuet holding Stonewall captive in a shimmering time field. 

“Got an anonymous tip that you might need help,” Minuet explains. “Kinda seemed like a trap, but also too much fun to sit out.” 

“We’ll probably want to stake out the perimeter once we’re clear here.” Dragonness turns her masked gaze to me and Allie in turn. “How’re you two holding up?” 

“Th-think we’ve been better…” I manage to croak. “...Is...is Varyyn…?” 

“He’s not too far behind,” she assures me. “Jake and Michelle are with him. And Sean, Estela, and Rebecca.” 

“...Jake…?” Allie whimpers. 

“He’s coming. So you two just hang tight for a few minutes. In the meantime, Marci, can you connect me to emergency dispatch? Get the coordinates for this place ready for them, too.” 

Michelle

The sounds Varyyn heard as the call from Diego was cut off finally convinced us to let Tahira suit up and fly ahead. Luckily, by that point, Iris had reached us, and it was simple enough for her to connect with Marci in order to keep the rest of us on the right path. 

We arrive at the abandoned house to find a fresh gaping hole in one wall. Surprisingly, we also find Minuet outside, holding two figures face down on the grass in front of her in a shimmering time field. Light pours through the hole in the wall--and unmistakeable cries of pain. 

“...Alodia!” Jake picks up speed, sprinting toward the door, Varyyn close on his heels. Iris has already flitted in through the hole. 

“Emergency services are on the way,” Minuet tells me. “Dragonness has gone after Caleb and Talos is inside with Alodia and Diego!” 

“Caleb was…?” I shake my head. “No, never mind. Are you all right out here?” 

“Wouldn’t object to you sending the bronze idiot to give me a hand. Can’t hold these assholes indefinitely.” 

“Understood. Thank you.” 

“Oh, and watch for the canned goods in the front hallway!” 

Sean, Estela, Rebecca, and I make it to the front door and pick our way over the scattered cans before following the light and noise to the bedroom at the end of the hall. Jake and Varyyn are already there, cradling their respective spouses in their arms. They both look to be in bad shape. Unfortunately, I am only one doctor, and at a glance, it’s pretty clear that Alodia needs my help first. I strongly suspect Diego would agree with me, too. Jake looks fearfully at me as I approach. 

“She feels like she’s on fire…” 

I kneel beside her, giving her a quick once-over glance. The degrading bandage on her lower back doesn’t escape my notice, nor does the faint, foul odor wafting off it. It looks like sweat has been wearing away at the medical tape. But that’s not my primary concern at the moment. I quickly tie my hair back, securing it at the nape of my neck, and open my bag. I need hand sanitizer, and a fresh pair of vinyl gloves. 

“Iris, what’s the medical report?” 

“Alodia’s temperature is one-hundred two degrees Fahrenheit. Pulse is one-hundred thirty. Rapid respiration, BP is 90/60. Staphylococcus aureus infection is detected. She is also in advanced labor. Cervix is dilated nine centimeters. Fetal heart rate is 149. Frank breech position is detected. No signs of fetal distress.” 

I can feel my own heart pounding frantically against my ribs as I pull on my gloves, but I manage to keep the tremor out of my voice as I respond. “Thank you, Iris.” 

“What does that all mean?” Jake asks anxiously. 

“The baby is doing fine,” I reply with practiced calm. “Alodia has an infection that will need to be dealt with, but the priority now is going to be getting the baby out. Iris, what’s the report on Diego?” 

She rattles off his vitals, and her assessment of his condition: mild hypothermia, mild dehydration, anterior dislocation of the shoulder. 

“Rebecca, do you know how to stabilize a dislocated shoulder?” 

“Yeah, I’ll get on that.” 

“Thanks. There are cold packs in my bag. Should help with the pain for now. We’ll hold off oral rehydration as long as his symptoms stay mild in case he needs sedation for reduction. Alodia? Can you look at me, sweetie?” It clearly takes effort, but Alodia lifts her head off Jake’s shoulder and meets my gaze. I smile. “Good girl. I’m gonna help you through this, okay? But I’ll level with you that I’m a little outside of my wheelhouse. So I’m just going to make sure I’ve got someone over my shoulder to guide me. Sean, I need you to get my phone out of my pocket, and I’ll tell you the number to call.” 

Sean does as I tell him, setting the phone on speaker beside me once it’s ringing. It’s barely two rings before I hear a voice on the other end. 

“Northbridge General, Labor and Delivery.” 

“This is Dr. Michelle Nguyen. I need to speak to the nearest OBGYN, midwife, or L&D nurse. Tell them I’m in an abandoned house with a mother in labor and the baby is presenting breech. I’ve got EMS en route, but it’s not likely they’ll make it before she delivers and I could use a little advice.” 

“Understood, doctor. Someone will be with you in just a sec.” 

Jake

I don’t understand most of what’s said between Michelle and whoever she got a hold of at the hospital. Maybe I’d understand a little better if I paid more attention, but I can’t think about that right now. All I can think about is Alodia. All I’ve wanted for...how many days or maybe weeks now is to have her back in my arms safe and sound. Now she’s back in my arms, but she’s not safe. Her skin is searing hot against mine and she’s drenching in sweat, even though she’s shaking like she’s been out naked in a snowstorm. I try to steady her against me as she whimpers in pain, her teeth rattling in her mouth. 

“She’s shaking like a leaf, Maybelline. Should we get her warm or something?”

“We’re gonna keep her cozy as we can,” Michelle agrees. “But shaking during labor is pretty common. She’s doing a lot of hard work here.” 

“What can I do? How can I help?” 

“She’s the one to ask there,” Michelle replies, gently but pointedly. I feel a little stupid, but my embarrassment is fleeting. I look down at my wife’s flushed face, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. 

“What do you need, Princess? What can I do? I’ll do anything.” 

She brings a hand up to wrap her fingers around mine. “...Don’t leave me…” Her voice is weak, but the message is clear. I kiss her hot, sweat-salted forehead, and bring mine to rest against it. 

“I’m right here. I ain’t leaving you for a second. I swear. ...Don’t you leave me, either, okay?” 

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and their implication hangs heavy in the air around my head. I’ve been imagining my daughter’s birth for months, letting so many scenarios play out in my head like movie scenes. I knew it would hurt Alodia. I thought she’d have the option of pain relief, but I knew I’d be holding her hand through some rough moments. I didn’t always imagine the perfect happy ending, either, with River healthy and perfect in our arms. I let myself imagine complications. C-sections, River having trouble breathing. I even let myself face the possibility of a stillbirth or some other tragedy. Maybe it’s just my military background, but I felt like I had to at least acknowledge the worst-case scenarios. But now that the moment is here, I realize that I never did face the worst of the worst possibilities. I never accepted the possibility that Alodia would die in childbirth. 

I look over at Michelle, knowing she heard what I said. She meets my eyes. Her gaze is steady, but there’s concern that can’t be totally disguised. 

“...You said the baby was doing fine...” I murmur. My emphasis is subtle. I can’t ask the question out loud. I don’t want to ask it where Alodia can hear me. I don’t want to ask it at all. 

“Alodia’s vitals are concerning,” Michelle confirms. “Most likely due to the infection. But that can’t be dealt with until the baby is born. We have to focus on what we can do here and now. Alodia, it’s almost time, so we’re gonna get you into a good position. We’re going to try getting you upright since the baby’s coming breech. Sean, grab my phone, please. Rebecca, please grab that folding chair by the desk. Nurse Michealson, are you still there?” 

“Still here, doctor,” the man’s voice on the other end assures her. “Let me know when you’ve got the mother in position.” 

I feel Michelle is a photographer, posing us for the world’s weirdest family portrait as she directs us to get Alodia in position. I’m instructed to sit on the chair with my knees apart and let Alodia straddle my lap so I can support her from behind and help her keep her legs open. Sean and Estela kneel on either side, supporting her feet and ankles and giving her something to push against. I wrap one arm around her chest, taking her hand with the other. 

“I’m right here, Princess,” I murmur into her ear. “I gotcha.” 

“Jake…” She whimpers, her free hand shaking as she reaches back to caress my cheek with sweat-damp fingertips. “...She won’t die. River won’t die…” 

“You’re right. She won’t. She’s gonna be just fine.” 

“...I’m scared…” 

“I know. But you got this. You’re not alone. We’re right here. You can do this.” 

“Okay, Alodia, this is it.” Michelle grips Alodia’s knees, smiling encouragingly. “You’re almost through this. Remember you’ve got millions of years of instinct behind you, so don’t be afraid to trust it.” 

Alodia nods, and I feel a wave of calm washing over both of us. There’s no more choice in the matter. Nature has taken over, swept up my wife and child, and there’s nothing for Alodia, River, or me to do but let the currents carry us to shore. I brush my wife’s ear with my lips. 

“I love you more than anything, Alodia Rose Chandler,” I whisper.

“Deep breath, Alodia,” Michelle instructs, her eyes never leaving Alodia’s face. “And...push.” 

I close my eyes as Alodia goes rigid in my arms, her hands squeezing me for dear life. I grip back, speaking whatever encouraging words I can come up with into her ear. It’s not like I have to think hard to come up with them. I’m barely thinking at all as I tell her that she’s the strongest, bravest person I’ve ever known, that I love her with my whole soul, that I’m right here with her, that I’m never going to leave her. I can’t take her pain away, and I can’t labor for her, but I’m riding the currents of it right beside her, responding to keep her feeling secure and protected. She pushes. She rests. Push. Rest. She stiffens with a weak cry, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“It hurts…” 

“I know, Princess. It sucks, but I’m told having a baby tends to kinda smart.” 

“Bottom’s getting ready to deliver, Alodia,” Michelle says. “It’s going to sting for a moment or two, but then the worst will be over. Need you to pull back a little, just small, gentle pushes.” 

Alodia gathers her strength, and I try to add mine to hers. I dare to glance down, and catch a glimpse of tiny feet and legs. Then, a moment later, she’s here. My daughter is here, shrieking her little lungs out like she’s come out ready to fight the whole world. 

Something halfway between a laugh and a sob tumbles out of me as I look down at the furious creature flailing and howling on the blanket at Michelle’s knees while she clamps and cuts the umbilical cord. She’s like something out of a horror movie, wrinkled and wet with blood and god knows what else, but she’s so goddamn beautiful. I kiss my wife’s cheek over and over, rocking her as gently as I can manage with all the emotion coursing through my veins.  

“You did it, Princess. She’s here and she’s perfect…Princess…?” Her grip on my hand has begun to slacken. And just like that, elation turns to terror as my wife goes limp in my arms. “Alodia!” 

[thetruthlsoutthere]

i literally cannot make this shit up -A

like if yall serious enough, i will go back outside right now and take picture proof as evidence if yall want

but i went out to take the dog to go bathroom and right now, its 4:56 pm. The state where i live, it has been snowing and there has been wetness in the back lke maybe it rained a little but i know for sure, there was no rain at all BUT

tell me why during a snow season where there is no leaves on any tree’s, an ovate leaf falls just as i turn to look near the back of the house literally in the middle where there is no tree’s for it to fall to??

and another thing or two: i walk all over the sides of the yard, front yard and all over the backyard too and the only other few leaves i saw were of the same size and color to only one place i walked after reacting to the first. 

think nothing of that or do? ok then but that’s not all:

tell me why the flick flack crick crack patty wack thumb tack cracker jack cinnamon toast fuck am i seeing footprints bigger than mine, my mom and my sister. Like i did a size comparison of the shoes i wear outside are the same ones my sister and my mom can fit into and the footprints leading from by the fireplace TO THE FUCKING WOODS, the footprints are much bigger hence the size comparison of putting my shoes next to it, shoes that are like wet boots that me , my mom and my sister share.

And other shoes wouldnt be worn because they would get soaked and are the same size as these shoes i was just talking about OR smaller and it obviously wasnt my 7 month old nephew or the dog or the cat. PLUS, my mom and my sister have no reason nor have i seen when they have been home, anyway to fake those bigger prints and for what reason?? and so they just arent doing that towards the fucking woods & no one except me/my mom/my sister/my nephew and the 2 animals live here and when other family visits, they never go in that direction so??

like i cant even do anything as simple as take a dog out to go potty without wack shit happen most if not all of every single day. {im not complaining but damn}

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Meant To Be: Part 1

Pairings: Machine Gun Kelly x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, drug use, descriptions of an overdose

Word Count: 2876

A/N: Y’all can thank @wings-of-a-raven for this one....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘I wish that I loved you

Or that I cared

Or that I'd even give a damn if you were here

But you're gone so it's fuck you

I'm a player

I am everything that you wanted but you're scared’

Smoke curled in slow wisps in front of your face from the joint between your fingertips as you sat on the patio of your empty apartment and listened to that song on repeat. Each syllable cut you deep the first hundred times you listened to it but after a few hours, it barely phased you anymore. You knew you were only torturing yourself by listening to the song he wrote and dropped about your relationship, titled, ‘The Break Up’ but you couldn’t help yourself at the same time. A small, squeaked, cry from behind you made you turn around to look at the innocent and thankfully perfect two month old baby boy in his car seat, waiting with you for your Uber driver for your ride to the airport. You put out the last bit of the joint and left it for someone else to find and grab your cell phone from the rail of the screen.

“You ready to go, baby boy?” You cooed to your son as you shoved your phone in your back pocket and grabbed your diaper bag. “Ready to get the fuck out of this hell hole and far, far away from your shitty Daddy, hmm?” You received a small squeak in response as Gage  Michael Baker stirred in his sleep when you picked up his car seat. With one final glance around the bare apartment, you pulled up the handle of your carry on at the same moment your phone let you know your ride was there.

“You’re (Y/N), right?” A woman about your age asked as you headed down the stairs carefully. You nodded your head as she quickly stepped forward and took your bag from your hand. “Two stops? A house and the airport.”

“Just have to drop something off to an old friend.” You said as you set your diaper bag on the floorboard of the back seat and grabbed the seatbelt to strap Gage in.

“He’s beautiful.” The driver said as you got in the car behind her and put on your seatbelt. You couldn’t help but smirk at her.

“Grew him all by myself.” She pulled away from your old home with a giggle and started to tell you about her daughter and you took one last glance out the back window at the place you had lived in for the last ten years of your life. The home that you met him in… the home where your entire life changed countless amounts of times in different ways…

“Stop number one.” The woman said with a smile before you knew it as she pulled up in front of his house; a house you hadn’t been in in a long time. You grabbed a Ziplock bag filled with 10 dollars in nickels from your diaper bag and unbuckled the car seat.

“I’ll only be a minute.” You sighed as you got out of the car. You made sure to drop the blanket over the front of the seat so that he wouldn’t see his son, and weaved through the cars in the driveway toward the house. You heard the whispers start the second you walked through the door, but you forced yourself to keep your head held high despite the fact that you were absolutely mortified thanks to the stupid newest single he had wrote. You found him easily, surrounded by women and in the middle of a cloud of smoke, always the center of attention. You kept your steady pace and set the car seat down behind the couch as you ripped open the bag with your teeth. You dumped the entire contents on his head, which made him leap to his feet and yelp in pain.

“What the fuck!?” Colson roared as he turned around to look at you as you dropped the Ziplock and picked up the carseat.

“Pay back…” You said evenly as you searched his blue eyes and forced yourself to keep your heart and tears in check. “From the nickel thot.” You could see his stomach drop when he saw the car seat in your hand, but you turned and walked away before he could even come up with the words to say. You heard Dre, who had introduced you to the ‘great MGK’ in the first place, ‘ooo’ behind your back, but you didn’t turn around to look at him. Hell, he’d turned his back on you when you fucked up, too, so what was the point of pretending you were still friends, right?

“(Y/N)!” Colson shouted as you walked down the steps and headed down the driveway toward your Uber. “Hey, hold up! Wait, talk to me!” You shook your head as you slid into the back of the car and set the carseat down beside you.

“You can go to the airport now.” You said as you locked the back door with tears in your eyes. She looked back at you and then over at Kels as he pulled on the door handle and knocked on the window to get your attention.

“Are you sure? I mean he looks like he wants to talk…”

“I’m sure.” You said as you buckled the seatbelt for the carseat and looked up at her with a small, teary nod. “Please go. Please.” With a nod of her head, she put her car in drive and inched away from the curb while your ex started to knock harder and faster on the window to get your attention. Colson shouted your name louder, and took off at a run to get around to the other side, but your driver put her foot down on the gas and left him chasing after the car.

“You’re doing the right thing.” She said after a few moments as your phone started to vibrate in your back pocket. She glanced up at you as you hit ignore and turned your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ before dropping it in the diaper bag. “Leaving someone you care about if it’s for the best? It’s not easy…”

“Yea, he walked away from me exactly one year ago.” You said as you swiped at your tears and pulled the blanket off Gage’s car seat so you could see his cherub face that always made you smile. “He didn’t care then and he made damn sure I knew he still doesn’t care now. But I agree, it’s still not easy.”

——

You knew the second you pushed the plunger in, you had made a grave mistake. Your heavily tattooed arm fell to your side and you felt the all to familiar ‘crunch’ in your chest that heroin always gave you but it was too much. It was way to much. You took as deep of breath as you possibly could as your eyes landed on the counter in front of you but you weren’t really seeing it through your constricted pupils.

‘I fucked up.’ You thought for a half second as you tried to get more air, but it wasn’t working. Each breath burned in your chest. But for a few moments, you finally felt free- free of the bullshit, and the pain. Free of the fears and the voices that plagued your mind. Free of the hate and the drama that seemed to surround you every moment of the day… it was so peaceful.

As your breathing got more and more shallow, and your mind started to shut down, you realized you wanted to live in that moment forever. To die in that blanket of safety the heroin gave you but that wasn’t the plan…

“(Y/N)?” Your mom, Marie said for the third time, snapping you out of your own memory. “Are you obsessing about that song again?”

“No.” You sighed as you looked down at your son, who had long since fallen asleep on your chest after his meal. “Just… thinking.” She nodded her head slowly and sat down on the opposite end of the L-shaped couch so that her two dogs still had all the room they wanted between you. She put her feet up on the coffee table for a break from unpacking her groceries, and looked over at you with a sigh.

“Did you at least tell him?”

“He got the message.” You said as you picked up your cellphone and hit the side button to illuminate the screen. “Two hundred and thirteen texts and forty-nine missed calls since I left last night.” You nodded your head and turned off the screen again so that your phone went back into Do Not Disturb mode. “Yea, he got the message.”

“Serves him right.” She said with a single nod. “He’s a piece of bull poo.”

“Oh, such a potty mouth.” You teased as you brushed your fingertips down Gage’s back. Your mother, who was raised Catholic and never swore, rolled her eyes at you.

“Well, I’m glad you finally came home. You didn’t need to be out in California any longer than you already have been. It’s just so toxic…”

“Hence the reason I left California.” You interrupted before she could go on her ‘anti-California’ spiel yet again. “I came back home to you, covered in tattoos, recovering from a heroin addiction, and as a single mother that almost killed her son…”

“I’m gunna make dinner.” Marie said quickly as she jumped to her feet because she despised talking about your life on the west coast. “Spaghetti sounds good, right?”

“Sounds great, mama.” You placated with a nod as you got up to lay your son down in his pack and play so you could go out on the back porch and smoke a cigarette. “Sounds just great.”

——

“You should take her to court, man.” JP said as he sat across from Colson on the bus on their way to their first city for their latest tour. Kels barely shook his head as he slowly spun a large blunt between his fingers, while his friends continued to toss out ideas.

“It is your kid, yo.” Ace chimed in as he rolled a second blunt since Kels had been holding on to the one he rolled for the past ten minutes without even moving to pick up a lighter. “You got rights.”

“It’s kidnapping, bro. Simple as that.” Baze added as Dre walked out of the small bus bathroom.

“So what, you guys gunnin’ ta put his baby mama in jail?” He asked as he sat down beside the artist. “Shit’s fucked up.”

“She took off with his kid! And she’s a fucking gutter trash junkie. Kid’s better off without her…”

“Can y’all just shut the fuck up about it?” MGK asked as he stood up quickly and stepped around the already cluttered table. “Fuck, man. All you do is fuckin’ talk.” With an aggravated huff, he snatched his phone, his lighter, and his pack of cigarettes off the table and headed to the back of the bus for a little alone time. “Out.” He barked at Slim and the girl on his lap. He flopped down on the couch and unlocked the screen for what felt like the millionth time that day alone.

“Fucking crazy ass bitch.” He grumbled as he pulled up his Instagram and hit the search button at the bottom. His thumb danced across the screen to spell out your name as he finally lit the joint with his other hand. He clicked on your screen name, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see anything since he had long since unfollowed you and your personal page was private, but he was still able to see your profile photo.

There was no doubt in his mind that the little boy that was smiling at the camera beside you was his. He had the same bright blue eyes, same sharp jaw line, same slightly squared off face, and the same nose. Shit, he had your smile though, the same smile that Kels wished would stop haunting his dreams. No matter how many times he had said he was over you, he wasn’t. But he knew what being with you meant- the insanity and chaos. The fights and the fucking mind blowing make up sex. But he couldn’t get the sight of you on his bathroom floor out of his mind. And putting two and two together to realize that you were pregnant that night?

He exhaled sharply and sat up as he switched from Instagram to the one app you wouldn’t have thought to block him on. He had to wrack his brain for his account password and he took a deep breath when it finally loaded on his phone. He looked at your screen name for only a moment before clicking the call button to see if, after two weeks of ignoring his calls, texts, and emails, you would finally answer.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” You snapped when you actually answered the call, looking half asleep but still gorgeous in a pitch black room. “Will you give it the fuck up already? Thought you didn’t fucking care…”

“He’s mine, ain’t he?” 

“Fuck’s it to ya anyways?” You barked as you sat up in bed. “You don’t care, remember? Wrote a whole fucking song about it and blasted it so the whole fucking world could hear how fucking crazy I am and how the only thing you fucking appreciated was my ability to fucking blow you.”

“(Y/N), that’s just…”

“That’s just what, Colson?” You interrupted with a shake of your head. “Just a song? Sorry, boo. You made your fucking bed and with some other fucking bitch in it, too. Didn’t even wait a fucking day…”

“I had a fucking tour.” He tried to counter as he shot forward on the couch in aggravation. “And I wasn’t with some bitch…”

“Bitch… bitches… it’s all the fucking same.” You huffed and shook your head. “So, I’m gunna hang up now because unlike you, I can never get high enough to deal with you…”

“Babe, wait.” He said quickly as he shifted in his seat, anxiously. “Stop, let’s just fucking talk about it…”

“I’m sick of this shit, Kels.” You sighed as you got out of bed. “I wanted to talk about it for six months. Six fucking months I called you and texted you and emailed you but you just called me crazy and dragged me through the fucking dirt. And you know what really fucking gets me?” He hummed as you turned on a small lamp wherever you were. “At the end of the day, you’re getting everything you wanted from that song because of it and you’re still bitchin’. No calls, no stories told about you, not even your name on your son’s birth certificate.” He choked on air as you maliciously flipped the camera around so he got to see his sleeping baby boy for the first and last time. “So good bye, Colson. Just let me go already because you will never see my little boy again.”

“Don’t!” He shouted before the video call ended. He scrambled to call back but by the time he hit the button, you had already blocked him on the video call app. “Fucking bitch!” He roared as he threw his phone against the bus wall, shattering it to pieces. His fist followed a half dozen times in rapid secession before he flopped back down on the couch, momentarily defeated.

“You good, dog?” Dre asked as Kels ran his hands through his hair.

“That fucking cunt, man.” He muttered with a shake of his head as he sat up and grabbed the joint he hadn’t realized he had dropped and forgotten on the floor. “Fuck her.” Dre sighed and stepped into the room with a small notebook in his hand.

“I know you don’t wanna fucking hear it.” He said as he flipped open to a page in the middle and held the notebook out toward his friend. “But look at the list, bro.” Kels glanced over at his friend as he took a long pull off the blunt before trading it for the notebook. “You’ve been lost without that bitch.” Without another word, Dre walked out of the back room as Colson’s eyes slowly slid down the list of his songs that were written about and for you in the last four years you had been off and on.

“Fuck…” He groaned as he fell back against the back of the couch; hating himself for loving you and hating that he still really cared about you. He hated that he dropped that song, and that he even wrote it in the first place in a Hennessy fueled rage. But most of all, he hated himself for pushing you away when you needed him the most when you had stayed by his side through so much worse than an overdose. “Yo, someone get me a fucking phone!” He yelled out as he got up from the back couch, determined to at least try to work shit out with you.

Part 2

[handsomedogs]

When do I know it's the right time to give away my dog? I really like her, but sometimes she's a huge burden and I can't really take care of her. I barely manage one big walk a day and I rarely play with her. I feel that she is kinda happy, but she could be more happy... I don't want to give her away to a stranger. I might be alright if a friend takes care of her but I'm so scared of what will happen to her or to me as soon as she is gone. Can you give me any advice?

First off I will start this off by saying rehoming is okay in any instance for any reason. If a dog isn’t wanted or cannot be cared for it is the BEST thing for them to find a different home.

That being said, there are always going to be times where you won’t be able to do everything you want with your dog or everything they want. Life, work, our relationships, health, etc all also need our time and attention and sometimes those things are more pressing then more than one walk a day. 

I’m not really sure what your situation is or why you aren’t currently capable of doing the things your dog needs or for how long its been going on, but I will suggest that you try to make small changes. A small play session in the yard or during your walk, maybe you take her with you to a dog-friendly place you frequent. extra walks don’t have to be as long as the other, maybe its only 10 minutes, maybe only 5. A frozen kong, puzzle feeders, and more creative snack and meal based toys go a long away and are a minimal effort on your part. They help keep her brain occupied and she gets the chance to play and problem solve and you can do homework, nap, care for yourself etc if you need to. If you need ideas for recipes or set up @bindisbucketlist on instagram is a great place to start. Some of the stuff is really involved or weird ingredients BUT you can legit do whatever your dog likes. Or merely toss her regular kibble portion in there.

Also, keep in mind that every dog is different, not every dog needs/wants to go outside all day long or wants to chase a ball for an hour. If you are feeling this way bc you are comparing your life and relationship with your dog to people on the internets situation, step away. Evaluate based on your dog and your dog alone. Do you love your dog? Does your dog receive the affection she wants? Is she being fed and watered properly? Does your dog get to go potty at regular intervals? Do you enjoy spending time with her? Does your pup receive some sort of physical exercise? What’s her behavior like inside the house, does she pace and get destructive or does she nap or keep herself busy in an appropriate way? Remember that ALL dogs could be happier. After all things that make dogs happy would be unlimited playtime, maybe murdering the neighbor’s cat, never having to come inside, eating until u puke, owners never leaving without them etc. Stuff that just isn’t reasonable or good for them. I’m sure just about every single one of us could do something to make our dogs happier, but it might mean losing your job lol. 

All this aside, if you feel you cannot reliably care for her the way she needs then rehoming is the thing to do. Your apprehension about who she ends up with is evidence you care for her. Sit down and think of some things that would make you feel better, like a fenced-in yard, time to walk her, willingness to do a training class, kids or no kids, experienced dog owner or not, pets in the home or no. Make your requirements list. Contact some people you know who would like a dog, and see if they were interested. Invite them over, or meet them somewhere to get to know them, maybe visit their place, let them meet your pup. Go from there. The right person will come along. The only one who can know if its the right time is you. No one has any right to judge you, what you are going through, or what you can or cannot handle. All of us have felt overwhelmed, sometimes to the point where we doubted our ability to care for our pets, sometimes rightly so. You are clearly putting her needs first right now by considering rehoming but I can’t tell you if its the right thing to do.

-S

[vipers-hat]

Gatthew for the ship meme? 👀💕

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs | Gohn is gone, Blood on My Name is dead, and Gatthew is CANON

How long will they last? - 4 Lyfe

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Slowly, but all at once, just kinda ‘oh he’s kinda cute - shutthefuckupNicIdon’tneedawingwoman- what do you mean he’s interested? Oh no, there goes my heart.’

How was their first kiss? - Grant counts the undercover distraction fiasco as their first kiss, because it was fleeting and quick but made both of them go ‘Huh...’ once they got home. 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Iirc Grant does first, but Matt was planning on it. It was very very oversimplified and “hey do you wanna get married? We should.” 

Who is the best man/men/maid of honor/bridesmaids? - Nic’s Grant’s best woman, Jacob’s his best man. Nick and Sharky are Matt’s best men.

Who did the most planning? - Neither planned shit bc they’re not planners with the big events like this. John and Nic took the reigns for them and threatened them on pain of death not to interfere bc they were determined to make it as special as possible for them. 

Who stressed the most? - Matt. He was anxious about it all. Grant was a little bit of anxious but had the fallback “I’ve had a building fall on top of me, I can handle this” to consider. 

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.  Call it 7.5 because they wanted small and quiet but considering their two self appointed wedding planners it was small-ish and quiet but also the decor was top notch. They caved and had it at John’s house so the whole place was decorated to the nines. 

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Hurk Sr. Also, Cajun and Sundance and any of their other horse friends. 

Sex:

Who is on top? - Matt, more often than not.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Also Matt.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - A couple of rounds, they keep it at one once their family starts growing. 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Zero

How many children will they adopt? - Four

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - All of their kids were beyond the potty training stage at adoption time and they were never so grateful for that in their lives. 

Who is the stricter parent? - It’s Grant, but by a hair, just because he’s harder to break. Both of them are pretty laid back, spoiling-friendly dads. 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Grant. He’s caught Ezra midair straight off the jungle gym on more than one occasion. 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Both

Who is the more loved parent? - Also both, no contest. 

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Matt, for the sole reason of free baked goods. 

Who cried the most at graduation? - Both again.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Both, but it also depends on just what the trouble is. As cops themselves, they want their kids to learn that actions have consequences and the consequences need to be carried out.  Except if they know the cop who caught the kids doing something ‘Wrong’ was having a bad day/week/etc and they even feel the issue was blown out of proportion professionally, then they’d try to run interference. 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Either. They tend to alternate or just work together on a meal. 

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Matt, though its not as much picky as much as ‘this could be way way sweeter.’

Who does the grocery shopping? - Both

How often do they bake desserts? - At least a couple of times a week. Matt can’t be stopped, and Grant knows better than to keep his man from baked goods. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Neither are big on salads, so they lean more towards the meat end. Grant occasionally tries to give vegetarian stuff a try just to see how/why Jacob would choose to suffer like that. 

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - That would be another one of those cases where they just happen to do it at the same time so they end up having to rearrange schedules so both work out. 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Neither. They’re both homebodies and are content staying home, unless Nic, John, Sharky or Mary May twist their arm to swing by the Spread Eagle. 

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - Matt, probably, but it would take one Hell of a distraction for it to get that dire. 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both

Who is really against chores? - Both

Who cleans up after the pets? - Both, unless they’re on vacation and visiting Grant’s uncles. If there are horses involved, Grant’s on his own. 

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Matt, though he’s usually good about resisting the urge. 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Neither. A lot of their friends show up unannounced so they’re ready for anything anytime after a while. 

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Matt

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Matt

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Both

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - A couple of weeks before for Non-Christmas holidays, Christmas stuff will be up the week after Thanksgiving. 

What are their goals for the relationship? - Not scare the other person away, get married, have kids, raise happy family.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Matt

Who plays the most pranks? - Matt

[nebulawritings]

A Mistake and a Choice Part 3

Part three up and running. Inserted a cut on this one because it’s a  bit longer (I think) then the others. Thanks for the likes and reblogs so far, hope ya’ll are staying safe out there.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Four (and a bit)

Book: Open Heart, Book 2 [Choices Stories You Play]

Pairing: M!DrValentinexEthan M!DrValentinexBryce

Reading Time: ~ 5 minutes

Warning: Little naughtiness again and a few swears. Potty mouth Drs ahead.

__________________________________________

"I don't know how to apologise for last night again".

"Honestly, Bryce, it's fine. You can apologise by stopping apologising!"

"I had no idea Keiki would be home I swear! I promise I told her to stay away as long as she could, but-".

"My God, Bryce, you're telling me that you didn't know that your runaway teenage sister would be a distraught, crying mess because she got a fucked up message from your parents last night? How cruel of you not to be able to see the future". Although sarcastic, Casey's snide comment was meant in a sincere way. It was infuriating how Bryce was always the one to blame himself, but that selflessness made him...Well, him. He’d never met someone so arrogant and confident, yet completely humble.

"Alright, alright! No need to rub it in!" the surgeon responded, pushing Casey a little.

"Hey! Watch the coffee!". 

They'd met up at the subway station that morning and grabbed a takeaway breakfast on the way to Edenbrook after the previous night hadn't gone exactly to plan .They'd arrived at Bryce's place, clothes half off, but as soon as they got into his apartment any mood quickly disappeared as the sound of crying filled the apartment. Casey had then spent most of the night consoling the siblings, calming Keiki down and trying to make some sense of her distraught ramblings, and talking Bryce down from flying off the handle. It was the early hours of the morning before he left them to talk it out alone. When Casey got back to his own home, he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. "I just hope Keiki is alright...She was in all sorts of mess yesterday".

Bryce nodded as they entered the Atrium. "She's okay now, mostly thanks to you. I don't know how I got so lucky, you know".

Casey gave him a questioning look. "How so?".

The surgeon smiled, and gently stroked the back of Casey's cheek with his hand. "You're not only gorgeous, but you're kind and caring, and you spent your night talking with my sister for no reason. I mean, I know you're friendly with her but...I don't know. I appreciate it, is all. I appreciate you...And I like having you at my side. I could get used to it, you know?”.

"Bryce, she matters to you" Casey responded, smiling as he laced his fingers with the surgeons. "And you matter to me. I wanted to talk about us, actually, about...you getting used to it".

Before the pair could share any further conversation, a sharp clearing of the throat made them practically leap apart. "Oh! Dr Ramsey!" Bryce smiled easily, relaxing. "You made us jump".

"You know why that is, don't you?" the senior Doctor replied, face stern. "Because you're here to work, not to socialise. Dr Lahela, I assume you're expected in surgery. And Dr Valentine, I wasn't expecting you to grace us with your presence this morning. Won't Mass Kenmore miss you?".

"I'm here for my affects, Dr Ramsey" came a sharp response. Casey turned towards Bryce, his face apologetic. "Um, see you later?".

Bryce nodded, a little relieved to be able to walk away; the tension between those two was practically palpable. He assumed Dr Ramsey was pretty pissed Casey had agreed to go to Mass Kenmore for a spell. After saying their goodbyes, albeit a bit awkwardly, Casey turned to Ethan. "What do you want, Dr?".

"I meant what I said. I wasn't expecting you here this morning. But, now you are here, I wanted to talk".

Casey frowned. "Didn't you get the hint yesterday?". He moved to leave, but Ethan blocked his path. "About your transfer, then, purely professional. I need the particulars".

Casey sighed, relenting. "I'm going to the Diagnostics office to get my things, come with if you want to. There's a department meeting about distributing my patients, so it should be quiet. Although I imagine you're supposed to be in that meeting, right?". 

Ethan didn't respond, and the walk to the office was long and awkward; longer than normal. Casey daren't take the elevator; having one of Edenbrooks most prestigious Doctors burning gaze on the back of his head was enough closeness let alone being confined in an an inescapable metal box, even for 30 seconds. They finally arrived in the office, Casey feeling like he'd just walked into the lions den as Ethan shut and locked the door behind him. "So I'm guessing you wanting to keep it professional was a lie" the younger Doctor said flatly. "Then again, lying just comes easy to you now doesn't it". Casey turned around, ready to have another verbal fight with his superior, but the sight caught him off guard. Ethan was leaning against the closed door, shoulders slumped and head down. It was only now that the bags beneath his eyes and his untidy hair were apparent. He hadn't slept well the previous night...He looked stressed. Really stressed.

"When you left yesterday" Ethan spoke, his voice soft and sincere, "it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I didn't know what to do or think or...I was just picturing you with Dr Lahela and I...I couldn't focus or think straight. It felt so wrong that you were going out with someone else, not me".

Casey's gaze softened a little, and he took a step towards Ethan, before he remembered what had transpired. He stopped moving, gaze hardened, and responded. "But you had plans of your own, didn't you? Even though you invited me over yesterday. I saw you, last night, with Harper".

"What? How did...I mean I wasn't-".

Casey sighed, exasperated. "I don't know how many more times you can lie to me, Ethan, but it's not making this situation any easier". Casey turned away to start packing up again.

"You're right!" Ethan agreed, grabbing Casey's arm where the younger doctor had moved away. "I was with Harper last night. We went to the Opera".

Casey's heart stung at that. "And?”

"And we had drinks afterwards. I went to her place".

"Did you sleep together?"

Ethans silence was all the answer Casey needed. "You know what? I don't even care. It's none of my business, anyway".

"You slept with that male model wannabe, right?" Ethan retorted, as if trying to make is own sin lesser.  

Casey grit his teeth. "Not that it's any of your business, but no. I didn't. We went back to his place, but he had family issues so I went home. Alone".

"But you came in together this morning".

"Oh for Gods sake we met on the way in and got coffee. What, you want a play-by-play of my morning?".

"No...No, of course not...". The relief on Ethans face made Casey's stomach flip.

"I didn't sleep with Harper". 

Casey raised an eyebrow. "Oh come on, like I'm going to believe that. I saw you in the street together".

Ethan stepped towards Casey. "Believe what you want, but it's true".

Casey's eyes began to well with frustration and tiredness. He couldn't take it, standing this close to Ethan. He could feel the warmth of his skin and his scent was thick in the air, comforting and enticing when it should repel him, remind him of all the hurt. "Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered. “After everything, after I waited for you to come back to me...After asking the stars every night that’d you’d come home and we’d be fine, and then to find out you’d been...” he trailed off. “I was going to be with Bryce. I'd made up my mind, but I can't get you off of it, even last night when I was treated like a goddamned King all night I was thinking about you and the only thing that made me want to be with Bryce was because I saw you with her". A few stray tears fell down his cheeks, which were wiped away by Ethans warm thumb.

"You don't want Bryce, and I don’t want Harper" Ethan whispered boldly, toe to toe now. "You want me...and I want you, Casey, so much that I can't think straight and its driving me mad".

"You're right. I do want you...but its not healthy". Casey looked up into Ethans eyes. "You have no idea how hard it was for me when you disappeared, Ethan. What it did to me...coming to this place every day, not seeing you or hearing your voice...I walked to your apartment, sat outside for hours and hours just trying to remember what it was like to be with you. Sienna staged a damn intervention for Gods sake". He shook his head, ashamed and embarrassed to be telling Ethan this at all, how pathetic it sounded. "You know it, I know it. Us, me, this whole fucking situation isn't healthy. It never has been, not since we kissed in that hotel room. But Bryce...Bryce is good for me. Too good for me. You're...you're like some drug. I keep hurting, because you make me hurt over and over and I hate it but...God help me I want more". Casey's eyes fluttered closed and he inhaled, long and deep, savouring the smell in the air. "It's like the pain keeps me going some days, like I need it. I need you to just...Frustrate me. Toy with me. It's disgraceful, and shameful how much I want it".

"Then take it...because I want you too, Casey".

Take it...those two words. All at once it was like clarity after months of being in a storm hit the younger Doctor. He could see clearly for the first time in a long time. He could take it, if he wanted. The secrecy and the taboo that gave him such a thrill, stolen kisses and secret rendezvous from the man that broke his heart over and over, but could tape it up with a kiss or a gentle touch. The pain he'd become addicted to and reliant on because he'd had nothing else for so long, twisted into some sort of warped affection. Who knows, it could blossom into a proper, loving relationship where they had the dog, house and a damn picket fence. Or it might not. Or he could take an easy life. A healthy, happy life. Have a boyfriend who treated him right, showed him off in public, with a heart of gold. Someone who never hurt him, was loyal and funny and confident. "How much of a masochist do you think I am?" Casey breathed, placing his hands flat on Ethans chest. He heard the other doctor inhale sharply at the touch and he lowered his voice, trailed his tongue along his bottom lip and delighted at the sight of Ethans adams apple bobbing. "How about you? Are you a sadist, Dr Ramsey?". He looked up at Ethan through glassy, tear filled eyes, and slowly raised himself up on his toes, inching closer and closer, seeing how far he could push it.

The older doctor cupped Casey's cheek in his palm, trying desperately to be gentle but visibly struggling. "For you, rookie, I'd be anything".

Who moved first wasn't obvious, but what was obvious was how Casey clutched onto Ethan as their lips met, like if he let go the whole thing would be a dream and how Ethans arms easily slotted around Casey's body, remembering the familiar dance. How many days had Casey been desperate for this touch? How many nights had he imagined being with him again? Casey moaned

unashamedly, and was answered by a grunt from Ethan. Soon he felt his back hit the wall of the diagnostics office, the kiss becoming more and more intense, like it was air for both of them. His fingers and toes curled and heat coiled easily in his stomach, making him weak at the knees and red with blush. But a thought suddenly hit him, unwanted and sobering. Hadn't he been in this situation recently? Last night even? Back pressed against a wall, Bryce making him feel a mess of things, ready to go back to his apartment and forget all about Ethan? Casey suddenly pulled away and gently pushed Ethan back, leaving the other man flustered and wanting. "What the hell are we doing" the younger whispered, tearing up again. "What are you doing to me, Ethan?".

Eyes dark with desire, the other Doctor took a deep, calming breath; desperately trying to stay steady. "I should be asking you the same thing". 

Casey pushed Ethan back a little further and stepped away from other man. "Why didn't you sleep with Dr Emery?".

Ethans brow furrowed, and he straightened his hair, glanced away. "I couldn't get you off of my mind. The things you said...the thought of losing you".

Casey nodded slowly. "Did you tell her? Did you say you had feelings for someone else? That you weren’t getting back together?".

Ethan gulped. "No...No, I didn't."

"I didn't think so" he replied. "Keeping her as a fallback in case I said no, huh? In case you couldn't get back in my pants". Casey knew that was harsh, but being upfront with Ethan seemed to be the only way to elicit any sort of decisive answer.

The other Doctor floundered in response. "No! Nothing like that!" he insisted, "I just made my excuses and left, I...I didn't want her to make your life any harder. If I'd said there was someone, who do you think she'd guess? It would only be you, rook".

"I'm not your rookie anymore" Casey replied. "Your my boss, not my mentor. I want you to be my...I need you to be...Heh. You see?" Casey smiled sadly. "I don't even know what I want you to be". He took a deep breath and went quickly to the door, unlocked and opened it before he changed his mind. "I really do need to pack for Mass Kenmore...I won't see you for at least a week. Don't want to see you for at least a week. I don't want you to call me, or message me, or try and see me. I need time, Ethan, to get my head straight".

"To choose, you mean". Ethan walked towards Casey, fingers itching to reach out, but he respected the other Doctors wish and instead stepped into the corridor. "Yes. To choose. To choose between you, you infuriating creature. You, who I would've sold my soul to even be near a year ago. You, who tramples me over and over and God I keep coming back for more. I cant get enough of it. Of you". His cheeks flushed, and he looked away. "Or Bryce. Bryce who is warm and friendly. Bryce, who has waited for me and never hurt me. Bryce, who could have anyone he wanted on the nurse team and probably most of the Doctors because hes gorgeous and confident and selfless. Bryce...who spent half his pay packet on a freaking dinner and just my company was enough thanks".

Ethan cleared his throat. "If you choose me" he said gently, "I swear I'd do better for you. You make me want to be better...I don't do the whole touchy freely thing. Never have done, seemed pointless. Love is always one sided, that's what my mother and father showed me. I never wanted to be on the wrong side of it". He smiled, sadly. "But...for you, Casey, I'd throw away everything I've built to keep me safe over the years and I'd tear it down. I'd forget all I've taught myself, and damn anyone who tried to get in our way. I should've realised a hell of a lot sooner, but I need you, Casey. I-”.

"Don't you dare". 

The warning was short, but so severe it cut Ethans words off. 

"Don't you dare say anything else to me, don't say those words when you can’t take them back". Casey looked away, and slowly started to close to door. "Goodbye, Ethan. If I were you, I'd use this time to decide what, or who, you want. What you really, truly want. More than anything. What you'd sacrifice everything for. When I've chosen, I'll let you know...I just hope you've got your own answer by then" 

"Rookie its always-".

"See you sometime". Casey shut to door before his mentor could see the tears streaming down his face, and the weakness behind his eyes. Before he could say anything else. His knees were shaking, and his lips and legs still tingled from that kiss. Steeling himself, Casey smoothed his labcoat and gathered what items he'd need for Mass Kenmore. It was going to be a long, arduous week. 

@xxmultiangela

[theexleynatureblog]

Sorry, but letting your cat outside is a sign of a lazy owner.

Scientists estimate there is between 60million to 160million feral cats in the US. July, 2018.

“Bring in the dog and put out the cat!” - Yakety Yak. Letting our cats outside is almost a part of Western culture, since the days of Fred and Wilma. But we should all no by now that a cultural norm doesn’t make something automatically right.

At the end of every episode, Fred Flintstone let’s the family saber-toothed cat outside, only for the cat to jump back inside through the window and lock Fred out of the house.

Unfortunely, real-life cats aren’t as responsible. If you let your cat outside, and they are comfortable, they will take advantage of the opportunity. I know from experience living in a house with five outdoor-cats.

An article from Battersea.org gives instructions on how to safety introduce your cat to the outdoors, stating ‘your cat may want to explore.’

Well, of course they do! They’re a cat! It’s like telling a human they may want to walk. Here’s the thing: animals are high-wired to do what they want, not what they should. Because in the wild, the things they want is to find food and hunt, which helps them to survive. A captive cat doesn’t need to do that, but they’ll still have that interest in the outdoors and the high-energy associated with it.

The biggest arguments I hear for letting cats outside it ‘it’s their nature’, ‘they deserve freedom’, ‘they need the exercise/stimulation’. This is true. Cat’s are living animals who are designed to expend energy, just like us. Exercise is essential to a pet’s health, and as a pet owner, it’s your job to make sure they’re getting what they need. 

The problem is, if you’re doing this by letting your cat roam the neighborhood unsupervised, you’re doing it very wrong.

A cat wheel, recommended for owners of high-energy cats, like Bengals.

First, I’m before I list the many reasons to not let your cat outside, I’m going to list alternatives.

Number one - play

Did you buy a box of cat-toys for your new kitten? Did your new cat play with them a little bit and then loose interest playing by themselves? Purina recommends two 20minutes play sessions for your kitten every day. This time can change depending on your cat’s energy level. Obviously, a really active cat will need more, and an older cat may need less. You cant just dump a box of toys on the living room floor an expect your cat to keep itself busy all day like a toddler would, you have to engage with them!

Cat’s ‘play’ as an extension of their hunting instincts. They’re not doing it to pass the time, they’re doing it to learn and practice how to kill things. The key to productive play is thinking like prey. That long rope? Pretend it’s a snake. Grab that mouse toy and bounce it around in front of your cat like you think an actual mouse would move. Don’t poke or bonk your cats with they’re toys - its not encouraging their hunting instincts and may just make them annoyed and not want to play.

Aside from keeping them stimulated, playing with your cats every day can strengthen their bond to you. A happy and tired cat will have no interest in going outside. The amount of time you’d expect to play with/walk your dog is the same amount, maybe a little less, you should expect to spend on your cat. If you don’t have the time of day to take care of a dog, don’t get a cat.

Also, FYI, don’t use your hands as a toy, especially with kittens. A bad cat bite can put you in the hospital with a serious infection - even if your cat has lived indoors all it’s life. Using your hand to play instead of toys will teach kittens that your hand is in fact a toy. Good luck trying to pet them later.

Number Two - Cat furniture

Ever heard of puppy-proofing? Well, cat proofing is also a thing! If you want to take on the responsibility of owning a pet, be prepared to rearrange your entire house - and buy some new stuff. Cat’s are designed to climb and travel, so they may try to jump to to the tallest places in your house. Don’t want them up there? Consider getting a dog. Spray bottles and scolding may work, but unless you’re giving them an alternative to flex their muscles, it’ll only lead to behavioral problems down the road. 

Cat walks are a fun and safe way to let your cat have the run of the house. Not only will it be fun for them, but it’ll make them feel safer. If you cat feels trapped, it may hide a lot of the time. This is especially important if you bring another cat into the house. One cat acting scared may invite the other cat to attack. Cat-walks give your cat the advantage to ‘oversee their kingdom’, and escape a situation that makes them uncomfortable. 

But, I wouldn’t expect everyone to have this. If you rent your home, can’t afford this, or can’t build it yourself, it’s not an option. But you can be aware of how you arrange your furniture and shelves. If the cat’s gonna jump up on stuff, you might as well make sure it’s safe. 

The bare minimum cat furniture you need (besides a litter box) are scratching posts. Even a declawed cat will want one, because they’re not just shedding nails - they’re marking their territory.

Most predators have a way of marking territory to keep invaders away. Cats do too, with a host of special glands. One of those is called an interdigital (inter-digital) gland located - you guessed it - between their toes, or digits. In the wild, when cats scratch on trees, they are rubbing that scent gland on the bark, to warn other cats this is their territory. 

Your indoor cat probably won’t have to worry about invaders, but they will still want to use that gland. In their minds, your house is their territory that they must defend. This is why litter boxes are also important.

You may have seen pictures or videos of cats being trained to use and even flush toilets. It may be cute, but its actually not that great from a cat behavior standpoint. This article from The Dodo does a good job of explaining why NOT to potty-train your cat.

Don’t wanna deal with litter boxes? Get a dog! Because with cats, litter boxes are essential. Not only does it give your cat a place to do its business, but it allows them to exercise more of their natural behaviors. After all, ‘natural behaviors’ are the reason owners let their cats outside, right?

For every cat, there should be one litter box plus one extra. Two cats should have a total of 3 litter boxes, and so on. The boxes should be scooped once a day, with their litter changed about once a week - depending on specific needs. Sounds like a lot of work? Yeah - it is! Plus the smell of ammonia isn’t pleasant. If you don’t want to deal with this - Don’t. Get. A. Cat. 

Naturally, people look for short cuts, like training their cat to use the toilet, or letting them outside to do its business. Hey, it works for dogs, don’t it? Well - cats aren’t dogs. They have different behavior. While you can count on that fence keeping your dog in your yard, your cat is going to parkour over that like nothing. While dogs will go anywhere they feel comfortable, cats have an instinct to bury their feces. According to Live Science, this helps them hide from other predators. Cats can be eaten by anything bigger than them, and they know it. It’s a behavior that gives them security. Think about it like having a lock on the bathroom door - in a public place. Would you be brave enough to go without it? Personally, I’d hold it until I got home. Cats probably feel the same way, so they’re going to want to find substrate that’s easy to bury stuff in - fresh soil in a flower bed, or little Jimmy’s sandbox.

This is also why toilet-training is a bad idea. It’s not a natural behavior for cats, and it denies their instincts to bury their waste and mark their territory. Also, what happens when your cat gets elderly or injured, and they can’t jump onto the seat for a few days?

Your Cat can still enjoy the outdoors.

Did you know they make cat leashes? That’s right, you can allow your cat to transverse the yard and neighborhood in safety! The downside of this is cat’s don’t tend to be as excited about walks as dogs do. When I bought a harness and leash for my cat, they plopped on their side and refused to move. I never got to take him on a walk.

If your cat is similarly lazy, that doesn’t mean its impossible, it just means training will be required. With the right balance of motivation and knowledge, a pet can be trained to do anything physically possible. Yes, it’s consistent work and slow progress, but exactly the thing a good pet owner should be willing to do. If your cat is staring out the window and practically running out the door, then they might not even need training. With a lease, you can prevent your cat from killing small animals, keep them from climbing too high in a tree, and keep them out of the street and away from possibly dangerous animals.

On that note, now may be a good time to list the reasons why NOT to let your cat outside! (Warning, this next section may contain intense images of blood, violence, and dead animals. Reader discretion is advised).

Parasites.

Hold onto your stomachs, everyone! We are not taking the gentle road.

When I say parasites, I’m not just talking about fleas and ticks - very common and very overlooked. There are worse things out there. Toxoplasma, for one. This parasite that causes flu-like symptoms sheds from cat feces, and it can be much worse for pregnant mothers (this is why your doctor recommends not cleaning a litter-box while pregnant). To make matters worse, its one of the most common parasites in the world, spreading by - don’t throw up on me - fecal-oral contact, which is exactly what it sounds like. A cat can host the parasite without any symptoms and spread to humans, and that’s not the only one.

Outdoor cats are much more likely to get parasites and harmful bacterial. This is because they consume wild animals harboring parasites, and they can pick up stuff from the environment. A squirrel could defecate somewhere that a cat walks, and later licks themselves to clean. Boom! Infected. Now, your outdoor cat could spread stuff like toxoplasma to your neighbors! There’s your neighbor, working in their flower garden, unaware your cat used it for the bathroom (and buried it). Ope, now she’s whipping her nose with her unwashed hand! Boom! Infected.

Want to learn something really crazy? Cat parasites have made their way to aquatic mammals!

This National Geographic Article gives more information on how the ‘Kitty Litter’ parasite has made it to marine whales and dolphins. This is due to feral and stray cats defecating near waterways that eventually wash out to the ocean. While cats and some terrestrial mammals can host the parasites with out any major symptoms, marine mammals are very different. They are the incorrect hosts for these parasites, and anyone who’s studies parasites (like me) knows, parasites in the wrong host is a recipe for disaster. AKA, death. And like many other species, our marine mammals are going through enough troubles right now.

If you keep your cat inside and use a litter box, there is still a risk of infection, but you’ve significally lowered the potential spread. I say, anyone you takes the responsibility of cleaning a cat box is a hero. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You are doing your cat and your neighborhood a huge favor. I sincerely thank you. So, when you’re scooping or changing litter, wear gloves, wear a mask, don’t touch your face, and wash your hands thoroughly afterword's. Also, take note of the condition of your cats dropping. Sometimes, to can clearly see worms, or something may just not look right. Remember - as an owner, it’s your responsibility to monitor your pets health. If you see something that doesn’t look right, you can take them to the vet. You can’t do this if you let your cat outside to do there business in the garden a few houses down.

High Death Rate

For feral cats, lifespan is typically two years. 50% of kittens don’t survive their first couple of days. Cats are killed by anything from car collisions, poison, coyotes, raccoons, raptor birds, and other cats. Male cats constantly fight each other for territory and access to females. 

This brings up an interesting question. If cat’s death rate is so high, how are there so many in every town? A couple reasons.

Cats have a lot of kittens - multiple litters within a year. Even if only 50% of those kittens survive, that’s a lot of cats that are ready to breed themselves not long after. 

Another reason is artificial healthcare. What this means is people will feed, spay/neuter, or rescue injured animals, and then release them. Because of their cuteness, cat’s have a charisma advantage over native predators in a neighborhood like coyotes and raccoons. No one’s going to trap a coyote with a broken leg to take it to the vet. I know that if I hit a cat with my car, and it was still alive, I would definitely rush it to emergency care. Supplemental feeding goes hand-in-hand with this. When people see a large cat colony outside, they may want to leave food out for them to help them out. Cats will eat the food, but it won’t end there. You may end up attracting more cats to an area, increasing the population. But if you were to suddenly stop feeding them, the extra cats are going to starve. You have only provided the animals with limited extra resources. Also, more cats in an area may lead to more fighting amongst them.

Because cats have a high death rate, the population’s method of survival is putting out high numbers. Feral and stray cats are constantly competing for food and running from dangers, and the ones who can put up with the suffering the most survive. This is the reality of nature. Nature is not a garden of Eden with fairies dancing with deer. This is the brutality you are exposing your pet cat to when you let them wonder alone outside. 

Cats Kill Stuff

Cats are one of the few animals that kill for fun. Its not that they’re sadistic - they’re instincts tell them to bat that thing that moves, and they’ll do it until the thing escapes or stops moving. People automatically think about birds and small mammals, but cats will also eat insects, amphibians, and reptiles.

Some people swear by this argument, and some people counter the argument by saying stuff like ‘yeah, but windows and windmills kill more birds!’. Really? That’s your argument? Can you imagine if we said that about serial killers? Oh, its not a big deal if Freddy killed a few woman, James over there has killed a lot more!

Like... okay, that’s not as bad, but... we should still do something about it.

Cats, windows, and windmills. Instead of looking at these as three separate problems that we can only solve one at a time, step back and look at the big picture. “Human-caused fatality.”  An article from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services talks about migratory bird fatality numbers and causes. You’ll see a handful of different causes, each with different solutions needed.

You can’t solve a problem by pointing your finger at someone and say “They’re doing it worse”. EVERYONE involved in the problem has to do their part and correct it. For example, window collisions with birds can be decreased by window stickers and ecologically-mindful building planning (not building tall things in high-traffic bird routes). 

These small, decorative stickers can help prevent bird-strike deaths.

Another angle to combat the problem is reducing industrial-caused mortality. Open oil pits are a hazard to migratory birds, who land in and ingest the oily water as they migrate. The Migratory Bird Treaty Act hold companies who do not cover their ponds accountable for ‘preventable fatalities’. However, the Trump Administration recently attempted to roll back regulations like these, in order to increase profit of oil and gas companies. Contacting politicians and being a thoughtful voter can prevent policies like these, and save birds and wildlife.

Of course, cat owners can put their foot forwards to help save wildlife life by keeping their pets inside or on a leash. People argue ‘cat’s are natural hunters. So what if they kill a few birds?’. Okay, well, first of all, if you look carefully at the stats, its clearly not just ‘a few birds’. Second, do you know what kinds of birds? No? I don’t either. In fact, we have no control what kind of bird/reptile/mammal your cat will kill. They kill whatever they can catch. This includes endangered species.

This website lists North America’s Endangered Animals. Notice that some of these animals are large mammals, like cougars. But most of the species are small animals that cats are capable of catching and killing. And cats don’t care if a species is endangered. Now, I’m confident that NONE of these species are threatened by cats alone. That’s not how nature works, it takes more than one factor to wipe out a species. Species like the Yellow-legged Mountain Frog are threatened by predation, disease, habitat fragmentation, and climate change (which can make diseases and parasite spread worse). A road through a wetland may not look like a big deal, but that may as well be a ocean for small amphibians and reptiles to cross.

Not only do these animals risk getting crushed by pedestrians and vehicles, but they have no cover from predators - and predators WILL exploit these places. Keep in mind, these animals can’t always just pack up and go - they need specific resources for food, shelter, and reproduction. Some turtles will nest in the gravel of a road because it provides the best substrate for digging a nest. This includes suburban areas - where your cats are waiting. When you add exotic animal predation pressure to a species already suffering from diseases and habitat loss, well - that’s how we lost the passenger pigeon.

In conclusion, please find ways to keep your cat healthy and happy without allowing them to roam unsupervised outside. There are programs that help remove feral colonies using live animal traps, but there are others, like places in Australia, that use lethal means. I don’t like the idea of killing cats. After all - they are adorable, and it’s not they’re fault they are there. That’s purely our fault for releasing out domestic cats into delicate ecosystems. As much as I love cats, I prioritize the health of our ecosystems and environment more, and that calls for removing large feral cat colonies. A few random barn cats of course is no problem, but the thousands of cats living in suburb yards needs to be reigned in. Whether it is done with live traps or kill traps is dependent on the people. One thing is for sure - if we don’t take responsibility for our exotic invasives, we will be paying for it for a long time in the future.

Sources

nola.com

American humane society

Caticles

US Fish and Wildlife Services

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6 Reasons Why Two Dogs Are Better Than One

Dogs can bring so much joy into our lives: They’re loving, loyal, hilarious, and adorable, and many dog parents truly see them as family members. So, really, what could be better than a dog? Well, how about two dogs?

While it’s not recommended to have two puppies at the same time, having two dogs—whether it’s two older dogs, or an older dog and a puppy—at the same time comes with a boatload of benefits for you, your family, and the doggies themselves. And we’re not just talking double the cuteness (which, don’t get us wrong, is ​not a bad thing!). Read on to see why you might want to consider adding two furry family members to the crew, rather than one.

They’ll Keep Each Other Entertained and Exercised

Playtime is vital to any dog’s health, happiness, socialization, and overall development—but it can take up a good chunk of your day. Depending on your dog’s age, size, breed, and energy level, you can spend anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours a day exercising him or her.

One easy (and cute) way to ensure your doggy is getting enough exercise? Adding a second dog to the mix. You’ll still have to spend some one-on-one time with each dog every day—it’s actually super important for their socialization and development—but they can keep each other exercised and entertained.

Plus, they’ll keep each other company when you’re at work, school, or out running errands, so they won’t resort to boredom-induced hijinks around the house. Everyone knows a bored dog is a mischievous dog, after all.

Make Puppy Training Easier

It may be tough to teach an old dog new tricks, but an old dog can certainly teach a new dog some tricks—and the rules of their house. Dogs are pack animals and look to their pack leader for guidance, a role your older dog will naturally take on when you introduce a puppy to the family.

You might find puppy training is far easier with an older dog and a new pup—the puppy will look to his senior for guidance, and model his behavior after hers. Having an older dog can make potty training your puppy way easier, too. Why? Dogs tend to do their business where other dogs have already gone, so your puppy will probably poop in the same spots as your older dog.

Help Ease Separation Anxiety

Many dogs suffer from separation anxiety or feelings of intense anxiety that occur when they’re left alone. Although some dogs will simply grow out of their separation anxiety, some cases require extra attention and solutions, like specialized training, emotional therapy, or even medication.  

One way to reduce your dog’s separation anxiety is by bringing a second dog into the family. The dogs will keep each other company while you’re away from your home, and give each other the emotional support and attention they need to stay calm, cool, and collected. Plus, they’ll have a new playmate to focus on!

Save a Second Life

One of the best reasons to have two dogs, rather than one, is simple: If you adopt two dogs, you’re saving two lives.

It’s estimated that a whopping 3.9 million dogs enter animal shelters each year—and 1.2 million of them are euthanized. You can directly impact (and save) the lives of dogs by giving them a safe, happy home. Plus, adopting dogs from your local animal shelter creates more space for other animals-in-need.

It Doesn’t Cost That Much More

Good news for puppy parents: You can double your cuteness without doubling your finances. Aside from regular immunizations and check-ups, having two dogs at the same time doesn’t cost much more than having one.

Dogs can share many of their supplies, including toys, beds, grooming products, water bowls, larger bags of food, and treats. It is important to note that some puppy food is formulated differently than food for full-grown dogs, so talk to your vet about whether or not your pup and your older dog can share.

Double the Love

Why do most people add a second dog to the family? Their first dog brought so much love and joy into their homes, and they want more! There’s nothing better than coming home to a pet who loves you unconditionally—and you can double down on that love with a second furry family member.

Having two dogs can feel like a lot of work sometimes, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. From easier training to better mental and emotional health (for you and your dogs!), to saving the lives of animals, there are so many solid reasons to adopt a second dog today.