#Like I thought I was gonna hate him because everyone was talking about charlie's daddy issues

[atomicengineerdetective]

I've been watching Hazbin Hotel in prime. Just watched episode 5 and I gotta ask

Why, oh, WHY DON'T I SEE MORE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT "MORE THAN ANYTHING" WHEN TALKING ABOUT THE HAZBIN HOTEL MUSIC???

Like I get it, the song before it "Hell's Greatest Dad" Is a bop reminiscent of other music from the era its parodying. I loved it.

BUT why are you only putting clips of that song when this MASTERPIECE comes a few minutes after

I honestly don't even know where to begin with this song. The visuals are beautiful, especially when we get moments like this where you can just see the absolute LOVE this man has for her daughter is so sweet and Heartwarming I just-

The voices are fenomenal but what else can you expect from the broadway talents of Erika Henningsen and Jeremy Jordan.

There is also the whole Symbolism with passing the baton to the next generation and stuff. I- I can't even get into the specifics right now Im too emotional.

But above all else THE LYRICS

ESPECIALLY THAT LAST ONE

"I'M GRATEFUL YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER/FATHER MORE THAN ANYTHING"

DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY?? CAUSE I AM. I AM BAWLING MY EYES OUT RIGHT NOW.

It's just so fucking beautiful man. Probably the best song I will hear all year. Obviously my favorite from Hazbin.

[wishful-thinking64]

One Hell of an Unpopular Opinion #03

Characters like Barbie Wire, Chaz, Crimson, Octavia, and Stella only exist as plot devices to garner sympathy for other characters. _______ I knew fully well that Chaz and Crimson were going to merely be plot devices for Moxxie the more I watched Exes & Oohs. And sure enough, Chaz was killed at the end of that very episode and Crimson is yet another wacky cartoon villain that the narrative expects for you to take seriously. Both of these characters existed so that the audience could gain sympathy (or at least pity) for Moxxie being raised in a Mafia family and having been abused as a child along with being betrayed by his ex-boyfriend (who also happened to be Millie's ex-boyfriend for some reason.) Other than Moxxie's Mafia family upbringing making zero sense the more you think about it, Viv has basically done this exact backstory before in the form of Angel Dust (with the whole mobster backstory who was also abused by his father.) However, the Exes & Oohs episode and title actually stems from one of the HH mockup episodes that was originally about Charlie and Vaggie coming across Charlie's ex, Seviathan (yes, that's what Viv named him), and his sister, Helsa, while they were at a dinner party.

Now, do I think Chaz and Crimson could've had the potential to be good characters? In all honesty, no. Especially not Chaz. The guy is a harmful stereotype of pansexual people and how, "They'll sleep with anyone," which no, they won't. I'm not pansexual myself but that thought process is as gross as it is fucking stupid. The only person who I've seen even re-writing Chaz has been Loves Art23 (I mainly know her for YouTube videos being critical on Hazbin Hotel + Helluva Boss along with other shows like the disaster known as High Guardian Spice) and I think she's done a fairly good job so kudos to her for making him work. Personally, though I'm scrapping him as that gives me one less character to worry about when re-writing HB. Crimson would have to be heavily and I mean HEAVILY reworked/re-written in order for him to make any actual sense. That and I'm tired of every character having some variation of the same daddy issues in the Hellaverse. Which means he's also gonna get axed from me. Moving onto the ladies I mentioned, let's start off with Barbie Wire.

Having been foreshadowed since the pilot of I.M.P. (as seen when Tilla was still Barb's and Blitzo's older sister rather than their mother) Barbie Wire was an anticipated character by fans for years! And then her actual appearance finally happened in Unhappy Campers, an episode hated by practically everyone who saw it, and no one really cared about her showing up, other than the fact that the writers thought that having her seduce a BARELY legal adult would make for a good joke, when in reality, it only made everybody uncomfortable and several people dislike Barbie because of it. Sure, near the end of the episode she had that "emotional" scene with Blitzo that wants the viewers to feel bad for him and Barbie before she left but in the long run it didn't matter as fans barely even talk about it because of how uneventful it truly was. So, with that out of the way, would I keep Barbie Wire around for a rewrite of HB? To that I say, yes! There are several paths Barbie Wire's overall character could go in. If you're mainly sticking to canon, then what you have to work with is a former circus performer who lost her mother in a fire caused by her twin brother that left his own best friend to rot and be disabled for the rest of his life. It's very likely that this very fire, caused her to be out of a job and probably even homeless for a bit which could explain why she ended up becoming both a drug attic and a drug dealer. Homelessness is one of the few things that nobody wants to experience. It causes people to be filled with a sense of overwhelming loneliness and desperation as many of them either believe that there's nothing they can do or they do anything and everything that they can to get out of it even if that means resorting to crime. If you wanted to have her be loosely based on canon instead, you could make it to where she never learned about who started the fire and actually stuck with Blitzo well into adulthood. Have her become one of the members of I.M.P. and later down the line have her learn through someone like Fizz or maybe Cash (her and Blitzo's father) what actually went down that day. Have her be rightfully pissed off at Blitzo for screwing over multiple people along with being the one responsible for killing their mom. Anyway, let's proceed onto Stella and her daughter Octavia.

As much as the narrative wants me to hate Stella with a burning passion cause she hurts Stolas, I can't do it for multiple reasons but I'll list my top three. #01.) Stella's just as (if not even more so) stuck in this arranged loveless marriage as Stolas is. #02.) If the man I had no choice in marrying not only cheated on me with a man from one of the lowest classes in all of Hell but IN OUR OWN HOME & SHARED BEDROOM NO LESS? OH, FUCK NO!

#03.) This woman had to spend 9 months having to nourish and care for a baby inside her stomach that she had with a man that didn't even want to sleep with her. On top of that, she had to have become pregnant with Octavia when she was a young adult since current day Stolas and Stella are only in their mid 30s. I need you to let that information sink in.

In short, I can't hate Stella for loathing Viv's pathetic self insert bird twink with every fiber of her being.

Having said that, would I have Stella in my HB rewrite? Well, considering that I plan on keeping the war that happened in the bible that caused Lucifer and several angels to fall from grace, one of which being Stolas. Kind of. Allow me to elaborate, I would keep Stella as Octavia's mother but I wouldn't have her marry Stolas. I'd have her be a surrogate mother that way Stolas still gets an heir and Octavia could still exist. Speaking of Octavia...

We all know that she exists to make Stolas look like a better person as several stans of this show love to say how much of a good dad Stolas is when he isn't. He neglects Octavia frequently in favor of Blitzo and only pays attention to her when she's gone although EVEN THAT doesn't last long as shown in Seeing Stars where HE KNEW Octavia was missing on Earth but rather than ACTIVELY look for his daughter, what does he do? HE SITS THROUGH A STUPID LIVE COMEDY SHOW CAUSE BLITZO IS PERFORMING! HE COMPLETELY SIDELINES HIS OWN DAUGHTER IN FAVOR OF A LIVE COMEDY SHOW!

God, Octavia deserves so much better than to have a dad like him. I'm keeping Octavia for my HB rewrite so that this poor girl not only realizes how much of a bastard her dad is but eventually gets the found family she deserves. I don't plan for it to be through I.M.P. though. In closing, the characters of this show deserve to be better developed but especially the women in them.

_______

That was a long one to get through cause it's been on my mind for a while. Thank you all for reading through it and bye for now everybody!

[starlight-bread-blog]

I Watched The First Two Episodes of Hazbin Hotel

Overall I wasn't bored. It's a fun show from the little I've seen. I have thoughts and notes I'd like to give so here's how this is gonna go:

🔵 Is for things I liked/would like to be expanded upon in the show's future.

🔴 Is for things I disliked ranging from nitpicks and just general critisisms.

Whenever something about Angel Dust's trauma I will come up, I'll mark "————" at the beginning & ending so you can avoid the topic if you'd like.

So let's dive right in!<3

🔴 I am so confused. This is narrarated by Charlie. And her goal is to redeem sinners so they can enter Heaven to save their lives. But she also knows that Heaven doesn't kill sinners to stop over-population, it's just plain evil. So, what are we doing here again?

🔴 This is the first time her relationship with her father is mentioned in the show. And it's done though a joke made by Alastor in a commercial he made. (Also, how would he know about Charlie's "daddy issues"? This isn't common knowledge as far as I know).

————

🔴 WHAT THE FUCK? I'M SORRY. WHAT THE FUCK? I hate being this negative in the beginning but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I don't want to discuss this line any more than the shock I felt while hearing it. Next.

————

🔴 Everyone already talked about how the camera work is crap and I agree. But here's an idea: If they wanted to make something grandiose, why not make a classic musical number that's completely unrealistic, and then make the reality of Hell clash with it?

🔴 This scene could be cut off mostly entirely. The point here is to show how awful Adam is, and the second the talking's over, we get a better song that does just that.

🔵 At first I was gonna make this a critisism, but all it did was making me ask questions, which is good in a first episode. This has me wondering about the characterization of Heaven and how it came to be. I can accept them being a shitty bureaucracy who only appear good, but this is some Saturday Morning Cartoon villian stuff. I'm very curious about this.

🔵 Niffty couldn't say her lines and just stared at the camera and was completely unaware of the fact that she did a shitty job. How come? I wonder what they'll do with it.

🔴 This is edited. The scene didn't go like this. We cut from the hotel to the Vees before we see Alastor's counter-attack. They cut to a really long section of the episode, in the middle of something that could be dealt with in a second. I wasn't as invested as I could have been in the introduction of the Vees, because I kept waiting to come back to Alastor.

🔵 I'd like to know why Charlie is so naive. Optimistic? Yeah, makes sense. But naive? Now that's interesting to know. She clearly goes outside and sees how sinners aren't the safest people (ie Happy Day in Hell), so you think that spending eternity with them would get her acquainted with the culture and make her adjust her behaviors. But she's still looking at the guy who just tried to kill her and goes "Oh, hello again". I'm dying to know why she's like that.

————

🔵 I see where this is going<3 Despite it all, Angel Dust clearly still loves acting. So when he'll escape Val, he'll show his theatrical side by improvising and acting for Charlie<3

🔵 Despite Angel Dust not adoring the hotel, it's very much a safe place for him. A safe the Vees, from Valentino. Now, someone who worked for them just a second before getting discovered, is in. Can't wait to see more of this.

————

🔵 I liked the rivalry of Alastor and Vox. I liked how Vox is this perfect big shot, yet crumbles about Alastor when he's barely trying. Definitely a highlight.

To Summarize...

🔴 6 negatives 🔵 6 positives

I enjoyed myself a fair bit. Most of the negatives are either nitpicks or won't matter in five eps. It had some flaws but it's a start.

[herehavesomeheadcanons]

Hiii! I saw you write for Charles Grey and thought I’d request smth cuz barely anyone writes for that man and I love him sm lmao😭 so my request was headcanons of Charles as a father to a really smart teenage son that is quiet but is very elegant and charming and an adorable spoiled rotten little daughter as well who has a very high strung, bossy and sassy personality, basically the stereotypical rich daddy’s girl but is a absolute sweetheart to her parents and is very close with her brother<3

Ok this is adorable. I also adore Charlie boy and I hate that nobody writes for him! Hence why I'm writing for him, because he is SO UNDERRATED. Pro tip to the other people: requesting one of the characters on my list from Black Butler, Seraph of the End, Fairy Tail, and Case Study of Vanitas is an excellent way to ensure that I'll get to your request quickly.

Charles Grey as a Father~

Surprise, surprise. Got this one off Pinterest too.

🤍💙 Charles Grey with kids is a disaster. Not in a bad way, just in the sense that he's also a child at heart. You are definitely the only responsible being in the household.

🤍💙 This man is such a doting father honestly it's enough to bring you to tears. Catch him chasing the children around the house playing tag with them whenever he doesn't have important work to do. He'll have a tea party with his daughter if she asks.

🤍💙 Speaking of the daughter, she definitely takes after her father. The minute she was old enough to talk and develop a personality, you were like "oh shit there's two of them."

🤍💙 Both children are learning to fence. It's inevitable. He will teach them swordplay. Something tells me that your daughter has a special aptitude for the art!

🤍💙 Even though his son isn't quite as energetic and wild as Charlie himself is, he's still very proud. He tells everyone that his son will one day become a scientist or something and invent a flying machine or something.

🤍💙 He will constantly brag about his children at EVERY. SINGLE. SOCIAL. GATHERING. Nobody is exempt from hearing about how his daughter is growing into such a beautiful young lady, or how his son is going to be a lady-killer when he grows up. Phipps has heard every story at least five times, and probably stopped paying attention after the third recounting.

🤍💙 Speaking of Phipps, he is the godfather and basically the uncle of these children. He comes over for lunch every other weekend and the children love him!

🤍💙 Gonna be honest, the both of you are amazed at how well your children get along. It really isn't normal for siblings to be this close (trust me, I know. I've got two of em). But, hey, at least you don't have to deal with them trying to murder each other every five seconds!

🤍💙 Family picnics every couple of weeks. Let the children (and Charlie) run around in the grass and chase the ducks. You can probably get some peace and quiet to read a book while he teaches them to play cricket. Just make sure you have a first aid kit on hand in case someone gets hurt!

[that-darn-clown]

so. thought about the Fnaf kiddos and Neurodivergence. and i looked it up. there's. technically three types of ADHD. which i didn't know, so that's interesting. so you now get My Rambles.

before we even start: everyone's somewhere on the spectrum. not elaborating.

Charlie:

hyperverbal (in that he has a large vocabulary for someone his age, can talk about special interests at length (even if no one's interested anymore), and struggles with social cues to some extent).

got her father's interest in animatronics and mechanics. among things like dogs, ghosts, and Fucked Up Shit From The Victorian Era, apparently.

yes, he and Susie bonded by talking about dogs.

Charlie also has, as it is described, "combined presentation" ADHD (aka has a pretty equal mix of Inattentive ADHD and Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD).

this means that Charlie was just. in hell at school. still made good grades somehow. by some miracle.

Charlie can handle loud noises...Up To A Point.

she struggles with having wet clothes on (sensory hell), touching wet food on dishes (due to this, Charlie cannot do the dishes as a chore), and Can't do itchy sweaters. can, however, have stickers stuck all over his face.

moral OCD, but we've already been over this.

Henry, who took his kids to Fallfest: Uh...you alright, hun?

Charlie, who stood next to a loud game for Slightly too long and is visibly Vibrating™: hhhhhhh

Sammy:

nonverbal, for the most part (Can talk, but not for long. because it gets more difficult for him the longer he does it)

also can't deal with wet clothes, but Can surprisingly deal with touching wet food on plates.

doesn't know how Charlie deals with stickers on her skin.

he's got Charlie's sound sensitivity problems, but turn that up to a twelve. Henry, generally, keeps some spare earplugs (used for when he needs ear protection while working) for the twins to use. Charlie, usually, doesn't use them (even though they'd probably help), but Sammy uses them whenever he's somewhere that's gonna be loud.

Severe Anxiety. no one's sure what caused it. they don't know if he was born with it or not. after Charlie died, it worsened into paranoia.

around 1985-86, anger issues got added to The List.

Michael:

just not good with social cues and situations. like, there's a reason he only hangs out with a small group of friends, Charlie & Sammy, and his own family.

foxes as a special interest. and art. also The Immortal and the Restless-

Dissociative Amnesia (< like. one of the main plot points of the rewrite)

struggled with sleep after Cassidy died.

can mask...relatively well. the autism, not Anything Else.

Liz:

hyperverbal

hyperactive-impulsive ADHD

got rabbits and jesters as a special interest. probably also Sanrio, Care Bears, and Strawberry Shortcake. dunno, she just gives those vibes.

if you think MIKE is bad with social cues and situations, for Liz, it's her personal hell. but also her favorite thing. she's very outgoing.

she's got her Daddy's eyes and smile 😊 (< both of them have this wide-eyed hare-like look to them, but while Liz is able to make it look cute, in an OwO/OuO way...it just makes Will look like he's staring into your soul)

she used to Hate getting her hair wet when she was younger. made trying to give her a bath a Nightmare.

most of her sensory issues come from food and clothes. only soft clothes, and only foods that don't have Dramatic Texture Changes in the middle of eating them.

Cassidy:

semiverbal, but in a way that makes it difficult to distinguish with selective mutism (but trust me, there Is a difference).

struggles a lot with noise and texture. doesn't get tone or sarcasm too well. or non-literal phrases.

AFRID. not gonna elaborate.

Hyper-Empathy.

personifies/anthropomorphisizes plushies. i think this could be viewed as canon, but We're Not Making A Post On That Right Now.

very shy; doesn't usually like talking to people.

struggled with sleep after the MCI (specifically witnessing David's death); was the original Haver Of The Nightmares.

Fredbear Plushie was a comfort item, and i take no criticism with this

beloved <3

Susie:

hyper-empathy

personifies animals and video game characters that don't really Have any personality (like the Fruity Maze character) (this is actually somewhat implied by Samantha in "Do You Believe In Ghosts?" fun fact!!)

has dogs as a special interest. obviously.

struggles with non-literal phrases, or things with nuance where the nuance wasn't brought up (ex. Susie understands Stranger Danger, but not that Someone In A Costume Who Claims To Be A Fictional Character You Know would count as a Stranger. guess why this is important).

is usually described as "having her head in the clouds."

Fritz Jr.:

has Inattentive ADHD. yeah they. kinda struggled in school.

has scavenger animals (ex. Vultures and Coyotes), foxes, and pirates as special interests.

Foxy's his comfort character.

they don't spend a lot of time at home because his stepdad's Loud (drunkenly yelling either at Fritz or David. or in general)

cannot get sarcasm for the life of them.

Gabi:

Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD

can taste the difference between sodas from different places. Yes, Some Places Have Worse Soda Than Others.

does Not have a great attention span, and is impulsive.

not a great sense of volume control.

doesn't wear shoes often 'cause she doesn't like how they feel (kinda like Cassidy).

kinda hyperverbal? but like with emphasis on HYPER. (< will talk at length about random topics regardless of if you are interested or not)

has a special interest in horror movies. well, as much as a five year old would be able to, anyway.

really, really does not get why people would find her "annoying" or "too much." just thinks people are being rude.

Gabi: So they use corn syrup for the blood you see in horror movies, which I'm not sure why they don't use real blood because then it'd be realistic, but Jeremy's not told me why that is yet, so-

Some random kid at Freddy's that just sat next to her and nodded when she asked if they wanted to hear "something cool": ಠ_ಠ

Mimi:

very very quiet. that's just how their voice is.

very bad at small talk, or initiating it. it's why they like talking to Gabi. she does most of the talking for them, and initiates the conversations for them.

has space as a special interest; their dad's a teacher, and would bring them to his class (which had a projector) and show them lil movies and stuff about space (including the moon landing). they just think it's neat :]

is...hyperverbal, but not in the way you'd think (has a large vocabulary for their age, and is at a higher reading level than kids at their age would normally be (hyperlexia)).

due to all of this, and the fact that Mimi's bad at regulating their tone, Mimi sometimes comes off as pretentious or kinda like a smartass.

also had mild anger issues before dying, but no one's sure why. um...after death, though, their anger's more understandable (< literally got fucking murdered alongside their best friend on said best friend's birthday).

generally just really shy and cautious, and struggles with loud sounds due to sensory issues.

David:

ALSO has Inattentive ADHD. must run in the family or something

struggles with regulating their tone; can sound like they're pissed when they're really not.

struggles with stuff like empathy; doesn't feel empathy for a lot of people, and it makes them come across as uncaring sometimes

special interests include: Fucked Up Short Stories From Like The Mid-1900s (The Most Dangerous Game, The Lottery, Lamb to the Slaughter, etc.), Christianity in a sense (literally just everything from the book of Matthew onwards), cryptids, and the paranormal.

doesn't like the taste or texture of school food; usually asks Mike, Charlie, or Sammy to bring some for them.

my beloveds <3

(somewhat related: Harvey by Alex G is a Michael and Cassidy song to me)

Charlie and gabi are so mecore (low noise tolerance, low impulse control, inability to tell when people are annoyed)

This is a big win for fritz and david enjoyers <- guy who says that every time you bring up fritz or david

[lunawolfiefoxy]

...

...

Malon watched her girls as they had a mock sword fight with sticks, giggling at their playfulness. Folding a shirt, she heard the elder of the twins, Michael cry out.

"I'm going to be just like Daddy! I'm gonna be the best knight in the WHOLE kingdom!"

"No! I am!"

"You couldn't even fight a Deku Baba, Charlie!"

"Oh yea!?"

"Yea!"

She turned her eyes to her little girls, smiling warmly, then hears the patter of horse hooves. Excitement flooded her and she dropped the laundry, turning around to look for the familiar rust colored horse. Spotting Epona, she began to run over, until she noticed something very wrong. Link was slumped over in the saddle.

"Girls, inside, now!" She shouted, hoping they would listen to this for once as she bolted to the rushing horse. Meeting her halfway, she could smell monster blood, and Hylian blood mixed together. Gently prodding her husband with a shaking hand, tears welling in her eyes, she whispered: "You promised..... You idiot.....! You promised you'd-" then she realized. He kept his promise. Link kept it, just not how she hoped. He came home. Link WAS home. But. Link...

She pulled him out of the stirrups, and saddle, off Epona, into her arms, and she let out a caterwauling cry of anguish. Her beloved husband, caring friend, adoring father to their children, was dead.

××××

Dressed in black, staring at the tombstone, Malon felt the tears in her eyes again. Her girls were as stiff as the stone, justly. Malon, on the other hand, shook like a leaf. She couldn't seem to get it all out. Every time she thought she had cried all tears her body would allow she always felt more come and choked up before she'd start sobbing again.

"....what do we do now Mommy.....?" Malon turned her gaze to Charlie, who cling to her hand, as well as her sister's. She knelt down, a seedling of gladness inside for the distraction, and cupped both their cheeks.

"We do what he would have wanted. Just what we do for Tenshi. We live out lives with happiness, and visit them on their birthdays. Remember when we do this?" They both nod to her. Malon kisses their foreheads and smiles. "Good, see? You're already super good at this. He may not be with us that we can see, but I promise, Daddy is watching over us. He doesn't want us to keep being sad because he's gone, he wants to watch you girls grow into big, amazing knights, and the beautiful girls we both know you'll be. He wants to watch you fall in love, or not, have kids, raise a family, or maybe start something knew and live on the farm with me, or start your own farm, with friends, a husband, wife, partner, or maybe just farm dogs. Now, let's go home, it'll feel weird without Daddy, and we'll need to add farm chores, but, we'll manage. And I know, Daddy will be proud of both of you, no matter what path you take. And I mean that in a literal sense. I have, LOTS of stories to tell you." Her girls crack a small smile, then Michael turns her head and points.

"Who are they?" Malon turns and her face falls as she sees the rest of the Chain walking over. Dressed in black themselves. She walks over, hugging them.

"It'll be alright boys." She whispers, before she gives them a similar speech to what she told her daughters, while giving them comforting touches. Once everyone started to leave, Michael on Twilight's shoulder and Charlie talking with Wild about his Slate, she turned to the two gravestones. One was labeled: "Link Lon. Loving father, and husband. ××87-××27" and the other was labeled: "Tenshi Lon. Loving son. ××09-××13"

"Goodbye my boys. May we meet again soon."

(hi, here you go, have a bit of my Time lore, just a small crumb ☺️)

I hate that I saw this at like, 7:30 and thought "Imma make a story!" And then I almost started crying-

Do you guys think Time died on the battlefield on on the way home?

Think about it with me

In so many pieces of media that I’ve read, Time is super hurt with cuts and stuff all over him and he woddles over to the Ranch because he only feels safe while he’s vulnerable near his wife.

So what if whatever battle was won, he we didn’t want a rando dealing with him, so he checked his wounds, patched them as much as he could, and decided to head home

Or, option two, he knew he wasn’t gonna make it, but he wanted to see the face of his wife and children one last time, hopping on Epona’s back one last time, just to die on the way home, Epona delivering a corpse to Lon Lon Ranch

…eating option two but did I have to make myself sad at 7:20 in the morning😭

@trippygalaxy @lunawolfiefoxy @whiteperle3

suffer with me :]

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[bitch-im-your-biggest-nightmare]

It Doesn’t Matter What They say [Corpse Husband]

Hey! This is my first time doing something on Tumblr. If you’d like, go to my Wattpad because thats where this story comes from! Also, sorry if its not accurate. Im still knew to the Corpse_Husband fanbase and the people the people he is seen playing with (-Cr1tiKal and Pewdiepie] and im not familiar with personalities 

Summary: No one knew of Corpse and Y/Ns relationship. Until Corpse thought it was a good time to reveal it and maybe to make the people who simp way too much over him calm down a bit. he thought it was a good idea, so did Y/N. But the fans were not happy..

-------------------------------------------

Corpse really loved Y/N. He loved her so much that he let her see his face- a week after they met. They met online through Twitter and became best friends, and they totally hit it off. Y/N made Corpse happy, and he trusted her with all his life. Y/N was small, cute, and innocent. She had a soft high pitched voice and was short. She was the exact opposite of Corpse, and that's what he loved about her. He loved when she wore his hoodies, they were always way bigger on her and the sleeves went over her hands. He loved how kind she was. Y/N was a sweetheart, and Corpse didn't know how he was able to score this hard.

Y/N really loved Corpse. He loves so damn much it might kill her. She was happy she got her phone fixed after it stopped charging, if she didn't this wouldn't have happened. They became best friends and hit it off, and she loved when she made Corpse smile. She knows his real name- but calls him Corpse because that's what he prefers. She knows his birthday, his favorite foods, his favorite songs, his personality, how to cheer him up, she knows everything. She loved Corpses deep voice and how it soothed her to sleep. She loved how tall he was compared to her. She loved sitting on his lap while he made his videos and did his streams. He loved wearing his warm hoodies and snuggling up to his chest after long days. Corpse was the best, and Y/N didn't how she was able to score this hard.

Corpse and Y/N thought it would be a good idea to reveal their relationship to the world.

So they did.

In his last stream, he was playing Among Us and decided to tell everyone about Y/N. His exact words were "Guys by the way, I think it's pretty important to tell you guys that I now have a girlfriend. Her names Y/N, and shes the sweetest little thing."

"I'm not little!" Y/Ns voice rung out from behind him. She was sitting on his bed watching him play. Everyone he was playing with freaked out at how soft and high pitched her voice was.

"Her voice is the exact opposite of Corpses, how is this possible?" Felix said with a laugh.

"How can a demon score with an angel?" Charlie commented.

"She sounds so cuuuute!" Poki said, already falling in love with Y/N even she never heard her voice.

"Awwe now I feel lonely." Sykkuno said, sending a sad face in the chat which made them all laugh.

"Nice to meet you all!" Y/N said, walking over to sit on Corpses lap. She was wearing a familiar black hoodie that was way too big on her. Hmm.. wonder whose it is.

"Wha- are you wearing my hoodie again? I was looking for it all over." Corpse had a smirk plastered on his face and looked Y/N over. She was wasn't wearing any pants- but she knew that smirk meant he was just teasing her, they don't make love very often. They just have late night cuddle sessions and kisses.

"I hid it from you so I can wear it." Y/N said a little sheepishly. She was a little awkward talking to Corpse like this infront of everybody. But by how his friends greeted her, she knew they liked her. She was sure the fans would like her as well.

"Wow. You know I was very cold without that hoodie. I had to wear this plain white t-shirt that made me even more cold." Corpse shook his head in a teasing way. Though Y/N was very soft and innocent, so she thought he was being serious for a second.

She frowned, "I'm sorry! I'll give it to you now-" She started to take it off but was stopped by Corpse.

"Ay ay ay ay- no no no, it's fine I was just joking Y/N." He chuckled, hugging her tightly.

"How is she so pure?" Toast muttered, sitting there in disbelief.

"Shes so innocent." Aoc chuckled, already liking this Y/N girl. She really wanted to play a game of Among Us with her, she seemed like such a nice girl to play with.

"Corpse you better treat her like a queen or I swear to god I will-" Charlie was cut off by Sean.

"SHe sound so perfect for Corpse, I'm for ya dude." Sean said, knowing what to come with that sentence.

"Oh how dare you cut me off. I was about to speaks of wisdom!" Charlie said.

"You were about to say profanity. We need to protect this bean we know as Y/N" Poki said.

Charlie sighed, "Fine. But you better expect a fucking DM Corpse!"

Y/N decided to play along with this, She looked curiously at Corpse and said "Babe? Whats fucking?"

There was audible gasps, and Corpse looked at her in complete and utter disbelief. His little innocent bean just said the no no word, it was forbidden in her vocab.

"CHARLIE!"

"OH MY GOD!"

"NOOOooOOOOOOO!"

"DON'T TAKE HER INNOCENCE!!"

"pretty sure Corpse already took it if you know what I mean."

"Ew what the f--feck?"

--------

It was a fun night for Y/N and Corpse. Y/N enjoyed her time talking to the others and studying Corpses strategies as an imposter. She was excited for when she was gonna be able to play with them, she really looked forward to it. After the stream, Corpse went to record a video reading some more fan written horror stories. Y/N went and laid on the couch, waiting patiently for her boyfriend to finish up his recording- which was going to be a while. She scrolled through her phone, watching a few of Corpses videos and looking at photos of them on her camera roll.

But she made a mistake by going on Twitter.

"Corpses gf is so fake lmao"

"Y/N does not deserve Corpse! Shes sounds like such a bitch"

"I hope @T/N and @Corpse_Husband break up. I hate their relationship already 😭"

"Y/N sounds like a hoe and isn't worthy of Corpses time."

"I bet Corpse is so tired of @T/N lmao. its obvious in his voice loooooooool"

"I hope Y/N dies so i can get a piece of deep daddy 🤩🥰"

"I already hate Y/N and I haven't even seen her in any other vids XD"

"Yoo they sound like they hate her lol. I bet they're just putting on an act to make her feel better about herself."

The DMs, messages, and comments on her posts were even worse..

"You don't deserve Corpse. Fuck off hoe."

"You aren't worry of Corpses time."

"You're such a user."

"Bitch"

"User"

"I bet Corpse really hates you."

"I hope you fucking because Corpse doesn't need an ugly hoe like you in his life"

And they just got worse and worse. Y/N was shocked, why are they hating on her so fast? Does Corpse really not like her..? Is she really not worthy of his time..? NO! She pushed them away, Corpse loves you, and that's truth.

But even so, Y/N couldn't stop reading the messages. They were all so mean.. Only a few people stood up for her. She felt her heart break, everyone hates her... Just despises her! She felt tears run down her face. She cuddled into the hoodie, pulling the oversized hoodie her H/C hair. She felt hurt and hated, like no one wanted her, not even Corpse- the person who loved her the most.

--------

After an hour, Corpse decided to take a little break from recording and check on Y/N. He missed her soft voice and her cuddles, so he was on a mission to get just that thing. He stood up from his gaming chair and gave a nice long stretch and ran a hand through his black hair. He walked to his door, slowly opening it and quietly walking through the hallway. He planned to scare Y/N, and sense it usually takes him hours to finish his recording she wouldn't suspect a thing.

But when he got closer to the living room, he felt worry and concern overwhelm him. He heard the soft sobs and cries of his beloved girlfriend. He rushed into the living room, sitting on the couch and picking her up to hold her in his arms. "Hey babe- are you ok? Whats wrong?"

Y/N didn't say anything, she just snuggled into Corpses chest and hugged him tightly as she sobbed.

"Babe, you can tell me anything, you know that? What's wrong? Did someone say something that hurt you on stream? Wait- is it what Sykkuno said? Baby I'm not gay he's just a friend and you know that, it's just a joke that we're-"

"I-i-its not that.." Y/N muttered out.

"Then whats wrong?" Corpse asked, his voice full of nothing but worry and concern.

Y/N grabbed her phone and turned it on. She went on Twitter on looked up the hashtag 'HateY/N' and told Corpse to scroll through.

She watched as he scrolled through the tweets, and his expression twisted into one Y/N has never really seen before, anger. Oh he was livid. How could they say those things at his beautiful, sweet, and happy girlfriend? He thought his fans would support him and Y/Ns relationship. Why didn't they care?

He read some of the battles, some people loved Y/N.

"Bro stfu. Y/N is perfect for Corpse."

"lmao what? Shes ugly asf"

"Seriously? If you really cared about Corpse you would support him. Now fuck off."

Corpse pulled his own phone out and hopped on Twitter,  instantly typing a response to everyone who has been hating on Y/N.

He said "To everybody who has been hating on @T/N, my girlfriend. I love her with all my life and I do not like how some of you guys have been treating her. She has changed my goddamn life, and all this bullshit you guys have been spitting has made Y/N cry. So please.. just please stop."

After that, Corpse threw his phone onto the carpet and hugged Y/N tightly, kissing her temple softly. "It doesn't matter what they say, I will always love you Y/N."

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXXVIII

It was a love story from the very beginning

I Love You and Goodbye

(15x18)

Hi my friends! We are finally in episode 15x18 "Despair" or "The Truth". The episode in which Destiel went canon.

So, let's grab our napkins and let's start with this.

Remember this meta is a summary from my metas from season 15 with some new additions now that the show ended.

You can find my metas from 15x18 following these links: X, X and X.

The last Destiel mirrors

I want to start this meta summary with the last two destiel mirrors from episode 15x18. Both of them were foreshadowing the big lover separation at the end.

Charlie always mirrored Dean, so it's very interesting to hear her talking about how her relationship with Stevie started.

She mentioned she didn't want to try that love thing again, it's a parallel of Dean's past with Cassie earlier in the show. It started as a game could be also related to Dean first attempts of flirting with Castiel in season 4 and 5.

I'll go with you...

One of the most iconic Destiel quotes has to be recalled in this episode too. Loyalty, love and abnegation from Castiel to Dean.

Because I Love You (Romantically)

This whole description from the scene it had been taken from my meta, I want to transcript the whole analysis here just because the moment I wrote this I was still hoping Dea would rescue Castieo, and I was crying and laughing hysterically, so... I wanna share that to all of you:

This love confession was beautiful, and Castiel made it clear he was talking about ROMANTIC LOVE, because the whole prelude in his wordings were perfectly clear. There's not doubt he was confessing his romantic love for Dean. He even mention THE ONLY THING I CAN'T HAVE is the thing that will make him happy.

It's canon he was asking himself what happiness could be!!! It means CAS THOUGHT ABOUT HOW COULD IT BE TO HAVE DEAN NOT JUST AS A FRIEND!!!!

He says too FROM THE MOMENT HE TOOK THAT BURDEN! FROM THE MOMENT HE RESCUED DEAN FROM HELL!!!!!! 'It has always been you', Dean!'

I'm gonna stop here just a little to point out why the quote "IT HAS ALWAYS BENN YOU" said by Billie takes a huge significance in here. Because Dean is not just the centric problem of a Cosmic entity, like Death, but the centric topic in Castiel's confession.

The love confession from 15x18 was a recalling of the first Destiel scene in the barn. In which Castiel saw a broken soul, a man that thought he didn't deserved to be saved, and immediately he took that challenge in his arms. The challenge was to make Dean BELIEVE HE WAS WORTHY. That he deserved to be saved AND LOVED. That's why from this moment on, Dean will change the way he sees himself.

When Castiel says he understood HAPPINESS IS NOT ABOUT TO HAVE IT, BUT IT'S ABOUT TO SAY IT (FEEL IT) immediately after saying he couldn't have that thing (Dean) is marking to all the audience that knowing HE CAN'T HAVE DEAN, HE IS HAPPY JUST FEELING THAT LOVE FOR HIM. LOVONG HIM AS HE DOES IS WHAT MAKES CAS HAPPY, AND CONFESSING THAT LOVE TO DEAN, RELEASE HIM.

Because Death gave a speech that became a summary of all the villains through this show, Castiel is the one purifying each mean word by transforming them into Dean's virtues.

While naming Dean's sacrifices and protective behavior, and showing him HE DID IT FOR LOVE, Castiel is trying to make Dean to see himself as CAS sees him.

Love yourself, because you are precious, because I LOVE YOU. You are not a monster, you are all this good things I see on you.

Gif set credit @mugiwara-lucy

Castiel crying, loving Dean with all of his self, and Dean in shock (or silenced by the network and the writers).

All the foreshadows of Dean gagging, vomiting, swallowing, eating... all of that was for this moment here. Dean's silence. Dean eating his words, Dean being silenced.

We could try to find other explanation, or live forever inside Jackie's magnificent acting options (giving us that swallow and mouth shut, as if he was trying to speak... as if he was trying to reply to his angel...) but truth is... C*W and the writers silenced him.

And then Castiel was swallowed by black goo, again. And that was Misha's last apparition. The ultimate sacrifice for love. Again.

Castiel Love's confession word by word

I'm gonna talk about specifically of the Destiel scene. Word by word, as I wrote in the third meta on the top of this volumen, with some new additions.

“I always wondered, ever since I took that that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what...what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want...it's something I know I can't have."

It's canon now that Castiel was wondering what would it be to have Dean not just as a friend, but as a lover, and I'm.... Okay. (Internally screaming).

Pointed by @weird-dorky-little-d, the parallel here with Pamela (Dean's fem mirror in Rocky's Bar) in which she said DEAN ALWAYS WANTED WHAT HE COULDN'T HAVE. It means, both dumbasses in love thought their love were unrequited (in the worst scenario) but maybe to Castiel was the Sacred Oath? Perhaps...

"But I think i know...I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.”

This is such a deep thought and it talks about Castiel's maturity of character. He understood once for all, that loving Dean Winchester, feeling what he feels for him, and expressing that to Dean, is his true happiness. Because...

METATRON: "(...) You draped yourself in the flag of Heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human. Right?"

Dean: "What are you talking about, man?

This question coming from Dean shows the audience Dean didn't know what Castiel was trying to say. So this could be a clue about Dean thinking his love is unrequited.

Cas: “I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're...you're 'Daddy's Blunt Instrument.' And you think hate and anger, that's...that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it.

Cas: You know, ever since I met you, ever since I pulled you out from Hell...

I was hoping Dean to give us our angel back, but well. It was Jack. Hehehee.

Gif set credit @spnsmile

I recommend to go to the third link on the top of this meta and read @mrsaquaman187 amazing body language reading of this scene!

But now, about what Castiel is saying...

If you are still alive, i just want to point how romantic is this, because he is saying that Dean changed him for good. And he is naming all their family, Sam, Jack, and humanity, the world. Dean. So practically, Cas is saying, Dean showed Cas how to take care of others. Damn...

This is a call back to Castiel's talk with Ishim in 12x10:

ISHIM: The way you let those simians talk to you... Castiel, when did you get so gooey? You know why we're meant to stay away from them humans? Hmm? It's not because we're a danger to them. They're a danger to us. Case in point.

CAS: Well, my friendship with Sam and Dean has made me stronger.

Castiel rewording again, because he knows what Dean did on him, Dean changed him for good.

DEAN (quiet, resigned) Why does this sound like a goodbye?

CASTIEL: Because it is. I love you. (he smiles)

DEAN: Don't do this, Cas.

Dean's last words to Castiel... don't do this, don't confess your love for me and then die again.

It's painfully beautiful. Castiel was the light that touched Dean's life changing him for ever. He was loved and cared by this angel, and at the same time, Dean learned how to love Castiel in silence.

To Conclude:

The most beautiful love story ever told could've ended differently, happily, the way Dean and Cas deserved. But it ended up as a tragedy.

And we are here to fix it.

Destiel is canon and Destiel is forever.

Hope you like this meta. See you in the next one that will be the last one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Volume CXXI, CXXII, CXXIII, CXXIV, CXXV, CXXVI, CXXVII.

Buenos Aires, August 28 th 2021 9:03 PM

[fandomlovingfreak]

Incidentally In Love (2/?)

Charlie Weasley/Reader

Word Count: 1433

Rating: E for Everyone (Trigger Warning: Pregnancy, talk of pregnancy)

Masterlist Link I AO3 Link

Summary: Sleeping with Charlie Weasley was easy. He was charming, and handsome, and was quite talented in bed... Finding out you're pregnant with your casual fuck buddies baby was not easy.

Reader's journey through co-parenting, an overbearing Molly Weasley who wants reader to marry her son to give the baby a "real family", and maybe falling a tiny bit in love with her baby daddy.

Enjoy

"How the hell am I gonna tell my mum, though?" Charlie paces my small apartment's living room. It only takes him about six steps to reach each wall. I've counted each time he's paced across the floor. It would be funny if this conversation wasn't so—

"Charlie," I stand up wringing my hands, "if it's going to be a problem—"

He stops mid-pace, turning to face me, "no (y/n). I'm not going to just pretend this isn't my baby. I'm just nervous about my mum's reaction. She's old fashioned..."

"I don't want to be like a wedge in you and your families relationship—"

"No, no. She'll warm up to it eventually. She just won't understand for a while why we're raising her grandchild like this."

I roll my eyes, "it's really not a big deal."

"You haven't met Molly Weasley. It's going to be a big deal." He looks at me like he already knows exactly what we're putting ourselves through by co-parenting instead of just caving under his mother's pressure and getting married.

"Well, I'm not marrying you. I barely know you."

"Hey! We know each other (y/n)!"

"Yeah? What year did I graduate from Hogwarts? Or how about my birthday?" Charlie opens his mouth to respond, closing it quickly. I smirk, knowing I'm entirely correct. "See? If I'm around you, you're most definitely too preoccupied between my thighs to have an actual conversation." The way he blushes over this is cute. Like this wasn't the truth, and he hadn't been coming over to my little apartment solely for sex for months now. I didn't expect him to get to know me, just how I never expected to carry his child.

"I suppose you're right--but (y/n). I would have agreed to marry you if you had wanted it." There's nothing worse than an obligatory proposal of marriage, but something about the sincerity in his voice has little butterflies bubbling up in my stomach.

"I know, 'cause you're a nice guy...but--"

"So, you know that I'm a nice guy, but nothing else?" There's that flirty grin I'm used to.

"Nope. Well, that and you've got a very talented tongue." I can't help myself but flirt back. I watch his face burn as bright as his hair.

Charlie clears his throat before changing the subject, "I want this kid, (y/n). No matter what my mum says, I want what you want as well."

"Okay," I exhale shakily, hating that this is happening honestly, "and by the way, it's June twenty-third."

"What?"

"My birthday. July twenty-third."

Charlie tilts his head, grinning, "Yeah? I'll remember that for later."

***

Molly eyes me suspiciously at the dinner table. She's been nothing but kind, even as I've basically crashed their dinner as a complete stranger. Honestly, the whole family is acting odd with me around. Boy, am I really going to rock their world with Charlie and my little surprise.

"So, (y/n)," Arthur attempts conversation with me, "You know Charlie from work?"

"Yes," my smile feels unnatural on my face, "I work in the International Magical Office of Law department." Charlie's parents exchange looks, hopefully, an impressed look...I'm too nervous to really know.

"Oh, how's that?"

"Uh--" I set down my fork, "It's demanding but rewarding work. I travel some, which is interesting. I had a trip planned for later this year to America, but I had to change my plans due to--well, some things."

"Oh, that's too bad, dear. Do you think you'll go next year?" Molly asks politely. Damnit. No, I do not think I'll be doing anything I want for quite some time.

"I don't think so. It was a one time offer from MACUSA, unfortunately." Charlie gives me a look. I hadn't really talked much about the trip to him, mostly because I didn't think I'd be here in this situation. I'm sure he feels awful currently over this. He's so--

"Mum, Dad?" Charlie's voice throws me out of my own thoughts. Fuck, what the hell was he doing? We had a damn plan, for Merlin's sake! Going rouge was not part of this plan. "I've got to tell you something. Well, (y/n) and I do." This, for sure, catches Molly's attention. She looks even more suspicious of my being there at her kitchen table.

"Charlie--" He stops me before I can say anything more.

"I knocked up (y/n)." My eyes go wide, too petrified by embarrassment to really look at any of the Weasley family to gauge their reaction to Charlie's bluntness. Chaos erupts first from Fred and George, who knew me only briefly from school. They make crude comments, congratulating Charlie and betting between themselves if their mum would kill Charlie on the spot. Apparently, this was a bigger deal than I thought?

"Charles Septimus Weasley!" Molly's voice is screechy. She looks like she might actually help George win the bet.

"Mum," Charlie's so red as he leans further away from his mother, "We're going to raise the kid. We have a whole plan..."

"How irresponsible can you be, Charlie? We did not raise you to act this way. You've not only derailed your own life but (y/n)'s as well!"

I have to interfere here, "Mrs. Weasley?" I want to vomit when she turns her head towards me, "Please don't blame Charlie for all of this. I was obviously irresponsible as well--"

"Well, you two are obviously getting married as soon as possible. We can straighten this out, dear, don't worry." She pats my hand.

"What? No. I'm sorry, Missus Weasley, but I am not marrying your son." She looks wholly perplexed. "It's nothing against Charlie, of course. He's a good man. I just don't see why we'd get married just because of a child."

"You have to give the child a stable home, dear." Missus Weasley's brow is furrowed. I've clearly agitated the traditionalist homemaker in her.

"I will. It'll be just a little bit different than your definition of a stable home, ma'am. We'll figure out some sort of custody plan. I am willing to be flexible, and I won't keep the child away from any of you," I want the child to know it's father's family. And the Weasley's were friendly people. Despite the situation and the accidental part of this pregnancy, I wasn't opposed to the Weasley's being my child's family. Merlin knows I can't offer much in that department. "I'll be staying and working in the Ministry, and I assume that Charlie will eventually want to return back to Romania--"

"How can--How would that work? How will Charlie see the baby if he's halfway across the world?"

I glance over at Charlie, "Well--"

"Mum, we haven't thought all of it through yet. We'll figure it out in time. We have quite a bit of time."

"How far along are you, dear?" Molly asks suddenly.

"I'm around two months now, I believe." A silence overcomes the already somewhat tense room. Missus and mister Weasley seem to be sharing a silent conversation. I look at Charlie. He tries to give me a reassuring smile. My eyes flitter over to George and Fred, who don't even try to hide their shit-eating grins. I am still so nervous, the silence only enhancing the heat I feel on the back of my neck.

Molly sighs, looking between Charlie and me, "I'm still not happy with the situation, but I realize I can't force you to do as I please."

I offer her a small smile. I feel awful. "Thank you. I really do intend to let you and your family be apart of the kid's life. I don't have much family left after the War... it's important for me that he or she has some semblance of a family." It feels weird talking about my family so openly like this. I threw myself into my new job and, subsequently, into Charlie's bed, after the funerals.

Molly gives me a sympathetic look, "Of course you and the baby will always have a place in our home." 

***

"I didn't know about your family--" Charlie offered to walk me out once dinner was over.

"I don't like to talk about it." I sigh, breathing in the end of the summer air. We stand in comfortable silence. I suppose it's because he doesn't know what to say. Most people don't know what to say.

"Mum meant it." I glance at him for a second before glancing back up at the moon.

"Meant what?"

"You and our child will always have a place here. She meant that."

A little smile finds it's place on my lips.

Tag List: @hannah220506

[karlajoyner]

first of all: i absolute LOVE your write

also....can you write an enemies to lovers smut with reggie or jeremy (what you feel more comfortable with), and if you have a taglist for jatp could you add me?

(english isn't my first language, sorry if there's something wrong!)

Why Wait? (Jeremy Shada x Reader)

A/N: So I got two requests a Jeremy one and a Reggie or Jeremy enemy to lover one so I put them in one. I have a enemy to lover one coming out about Charlie. It’s a smut and gets well aggressive so make sure not to read it if it makes you uncomfortable! It was as well per someone's request so I hope you guys enjoy!

Requested by: @epikskool (Tumblr)

@agotzmann (Wattpad)

Warnings: None

(P.S I do not do smut for Jeremy, Madison, Jadah, Booboo, and or Sacha! Only for their characters!)

————

I sighed getting out my car unprepared for tonight's events. My best friend Savannah invited me to a game night with some of her co-stars from her new show on Netflix. They were nice people I visited on set a couple times when they were shooting in LA and got along pretty well with most of them. Well all except one. Jeremy. Jeremy Shada.

Flashback

I frustratedly walked towards Savannah's set beyond pissed. I was visiting my best friend on set today when I anonymously received photos from an unknown number. After 2 hours of sitting in her trailer I had just confirmed that my now ex boyfriend had been cheating on me and to make it worse it was with someone who I though was my friend. I finally reached the location she was filming at watching as she spoke to the director who was probably giving her instruction. She threw a glance at me realization hitting her what we had suspected since I got the pictures was true. I stood back as she said something to the director before making her way towards me.

"Did you talk to him?" She asked.

"Yeah. He admitted it to me. He straight up told me he cheated on me" I said on the verge of tears.

"He's such an asshole" She whispered pulling me into a hug.

“I know. I just don't know what I'm gonna do Savannah. I live with the man for fucks sake" I sobbed pulling away.

"Well for starters your moving in with me"

"I can't do that Sav, our lease isn't up for another 2 months"

"Your not staying with that jerk for 2 months y/n. Over my dead body am I gonna let my best friend stay in the same apartment with such a pig" She said getting ticked off. I sighed knowing there was no point in trying to argue right now when I was filled with too many emotions to count. I simply nodded fidgeting with my fingers.

"Go wait for me in my trailer. I almost done with this scene then I'm done for the day. After that we can go pick up some clothes then head over to mine for a breakup ritual"

"You really think that'll fix this?" I asked letting another tear slip out.

"No but it'll sure help. We'll order takeout, paint our nails, and have a high school musical marathon"

"Your just saying that because you can't wait to drool over Zac”

"Well yeah but your gonna be doing the same"

"Fair enough" I said smiling at the girl.

"See you in a bit k?"

"Okay" I smiled walking away.

I was walking back the route I came from when I received a message.

"You know we don't have to stop it here if don't want to😏" I read aloud making anger boil in me. He's such a fucking Asshole.

I groaned in frustration suddenly feeling myself collide with something hard.

“What the fuck!?" I cried holding my forehead. I looked up realizing I had just collided with an opening door.

"Oh my god are you okay?"

"Do I look okay? Are you fucking serious?"

"Look I'm sorry but you don't have to be such a dick about it" The person spoke. I finally looked up seeing a guy around my age who looked awfully familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it.

"I'm the dick? You hit me with a fucking door"

"Look I said I'm sorry" He said sticking out a hand to help me up. I was so fed up with men today. I scoffed standing up on my own.

"I don't need your help. Just watch where your going next time"

"It's not my fault. I didn't know anyone was gonna be passing by"

"So it's my fault I just got knocked to the ground by an opening door?" I shouted holding the part of my head that was now throbbing.

"W-well n-"

"You know what save it! I'm tired of men today I'm tired of everyone" I said passing by the dark haired guy bumping his shoulder in anger. That guy ended up being Jeremy Shada. Savannah's cast mate. And now my worst enemy.

“I brought lasagna” I announced to the group of people who were in the living room. Specifically Charlie, Savannah, Sacha, Owen, Jadah, Tori of course, and unfortunately enough Jeremy.

“Yes!” Sacha shouted with excitement. I giggled putting down the dish in the kitchen going over to greet everyone.

“Hey Charles!”

“How you doin?” He smirked making me laugh.

“I’m doin good baby. How you doin?” I played along. Recreated one of my favorite scenes from friends.

“This is why I love you! You get me!” He shouted pulling me in for a hug.

“Hey Owen. Sacha” I greeted the two boys with a hug.

“Y/n! We missed you the last couple weeks on set”

“Owen you were shooting in Vancouver”

“I know we just really missed you. Savannah was no fun”

“I was fun!” The girl shouted form the kitchen.

“What he means is we missed our biggest cheerleader” Tori corrected.

“I am great aren’t I?” I jokingly flipped my hair on my shoulder earning laughs from around the room.

“I beg to differ” Jeremy’s voice spoke making me roll my eyes.

“Seriously? I just got here and your gonna start?” I asked looking at him.

“Hey! Guys! It’s game night let’s chill out tonight” Charlie tried to reason shuffling the uno cards in his hand.

It wasn’t the first time he or any of the other cast tried to talk me and Jeremy down but sometimes his side comments got to me so much that I’d burst. God I hated his luscious dark hair. And his snarky little smirk. And his beautiful brown eyes. And his adorable dimples.

“Charlie’s right” I spoke calming down.

“It’s game night. I’m with my friends and nothings gonna ruin that. Even you Shada”

“It was ruined the moment you stepped in”

“Man chill out” Owen said placing a hand on Jeremys shoulder. I watched as the two small talked on the side before turning my attention back to the rest of group.

Internally groaning I took a seat in between Jadah and Savannah who had finally made it back to the living room.

“Glad to see your lasagna didn’t come out burnt” Savannah said making me let out a giggle. Referring to the first time I tried baking lasagna.

“Sav that was one time and it was an accident”

“I can think of other things that were an accident” Jeremy said my eyes going wide. Gasps filling the room.

“Dude yo chill out”

“That’s low even for you Jeremy” I said standing up and making my way down the familiar hallway. I reach a room I recognized as Toris. Locking myself in. I began to cry sitting down on her bed in the center of the room.

That was it. Those were the words that finally triggered me.

Flashback

“Your a drunk! Can’t even take care of your own daughter!” “She was a fucking accident!” “You don’t mean that daddy” I cried holding my chest to my knees. Drowning out the voices of my parents fighting. Wanting anything. Anything to happen that would get me out of this house. But nothing did.

My thoughts were cut off by a sudden knock on the door.

“Who is it?” I questioned wiping the stray tears that had escaped.

“It’s me”

“Who’s me?” I asked sniffling.

“Jeremy”

“Go away you fucking prick”

“Can we talk? Please” He pleaded confusion hitting me. Why would he want to talk to me? Why now?

I made my way toward the door slowly unlocking it.

“What do you want?” I asked moving back onto the bed.

“I wanna apologize. Savannah told me about your parents. She also said if I didn’t cool it she’d have my head” He said moving slowly to sit beside me on the bed.

“Yeah. She’s a sweet girl but she’ll have your head in seconds” I tried to joke only to have more tears fall down my face.

“Look I’m really sorry for acting like such a jerk”

“A dick” I corrected him earning a chuckle from the guy.

“A dick. I’m really sorry”

“For the sake of our friends outside. I guess I’m sorry too. Sav always talks about how much of a great guy you are but I never actually got to know you. I honestly I don’t know why I always went out my way to attack you”

“I do” He spoke. My head cocking to the side in confusion.

“I mean I know why I always acted like that”

“And why is that?”

“Maybe it was to conceal the big fat crush I had on you since the moment I laid eyes on you”

“What?” I questioned looking him in the eyes.

“Don’t make me say it again. Look I’ve acted like such an ass especially lately. But every time I see you I just remember the first time we met. How beautiful you were. But then we interacted. And now I realize how terrible I really was. Then the way you reacted didn’t help the situation. I mean it looked like you weren’t having the best day and I made it worse. And guilt has been eating away at me ever since but I could never bring myself to apologize because of my stupid pride”

“Your pride is pretty stupid. But your face makes up for it” I spoke with a nervous smile.

“Was that a compliment?” He teased.

“So what if it was? What are you gonna do about it Shada?”

“Well for starters.....I’m gonna take you on a date. A proper date. Maybe to the beach. We could have a picnic. Make a day out of it. The I’ll drive you back to yours and Savannah’s. We’ll walk hand and had up to your door. We’ll make casual small talk about how great it was. Then I’ll say we should do this again sometime and you’ll agree of course. Then I’ll lean in at the last second and....kiss you”

He said our bodies seemingly to have gotten closer within the period he had begun talking to now.

“Why wait?” I whispered finally looking straight at him to see him already looking at me.

We gazed into each other’s eyes until our lips met in the middle. The kiss was short but sweet. We finally pulled away looking down I watched as he intertwined our fingers. Smiles plastered on both of our faces

This was it. No more backhanded comments. No more glaring at each other from across the room. No more uncomfortable tension in the air.

It was me and Jeremy.

————

Up Next: Charlie Gillespie x Reader (Smut)

Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader

Sacha Carlson x Reader

[moldisgoodforyou]

Um that baby fic was everything I didn’t know I needed. Thanks for brightening my day with that! Saw that you’d be willing to write more domestic fluff and all I can think about is jj feeding the kid for the first time and having flashbacks to the food poisoning incident!

okay this is totally going against my rule of post mainly in order because I haven’t even mentioned the baby’s birth yet (will I write a post about it? maybe maybe not). but I thought this was cute and liked it so enjoy 

also kind of ignored the prompt but also kind of followed it so

wordcount: 1.4k

_

Charlie and JJ had been trying to get their baby to eat real food for a solid two weeks now, and she was having none of it. After a poorly timed joke of ‘well, I wouldn’t want to leave your boobs alone either,’ JJ decided to take it upon himself to try again when Charlie was taking a nap. Once he finally wrestled baby Caroline into the high chair, having to take her out at least twice to rock her so she wouldn’t cry, he found the food and tried his best. 

“C’mon baby, it’s good, I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you.” He took the baby spoon and pressed it to Caroline’s lips, but she just blinked up at him, resolute.

JJ groaned. “If you’re going to be as stubborn as your mother we’re going to have a problem on our hands.”

More blinking.

“You’ll be more fun when you can talk.” He lowered his voice, just slightly. “I promise I’ll teach you the good words.”

He swore Caroline’s eyes seemed to light up at that and he grinned, tickling her tummy a little. At her giggles he laughed, shaking his head. “I love you, little human. You gotta eat though or mommy will be mad at me.”

He sniffed the baby food on the spoon and recoiled at the smell. “Okay, fine, I see your point.” He scanned his eyes around the kitchen and grabbed a banana and a fork, then started mashing it up onto her plate. “I dunno if you’re supposed to have this yet, but don’t choke and we’ll be fine. Got it?” JJ asked, ruffling her feathery hair. She slammed her tiny hands on the high chair and he nodded. “Good.”

He loaded up some banana on to the spoon and hummed, making airplane noises as he brought it to her face. She opened her mouth, hesitantly, but seemed thoughtful as she accepted the food. “It’s good, right? That’s banana. Ba-na-na.” He told her.

Caroline hummed in what JJ took as agreement. “You know, this is going a lot better than the first time I made food for your mama. I fucked that one up - wait, shit - shoot.” He corrected himself, then put his finger to his lips. “You didn’t hear that, right baby?” 

“Fa.” She somewhat repeated and he winced, shaking his head. “You’re not supposed to actually talk for three months, so I’ll work on that one and you just forget what I said, deal?” He fed more banana to her and Caroline grabbed for the spoon. “Okay, deal. Your mama’s gonna have my head if she heard that. But I’m pretty sure she’s said her fair share around you, so if you say a bad word, it’s not my fault.” 

Charlie had woken up a few minutes ago and came out from the bedroom, quietly. She leaned up against the doorframe and watched, amused, until she realized what was going on with the banana peel on the counter. “JJ!”

He whipped around, dropping the spoon to the high chair. “What?!”

“Did you give her real banana?” Caroline grinned a gummy smile upon seeing Charlie, making grabby hands toward her. Charlie came forward and pressed a kiss to her head, murmuring “hi, baby” as she went.

“I - well - uh, yeah? I thought that was fine, she has banana in her little packets!”

“Not if it’s not - oh.” She stopped mid sentence upon seeing the clearly mashed banana in a bowl JJ was feeding her from, and as Caroline stuck her hand in the bowl and shoved her tiny fist toward her mouth. “I thought you were giving it to her whole.”

JJ rolled his eyes, addressing their daughter. “Mommy doesn’t trust daddy.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s partially true.”

Charlie just smiled and kissed his cheek, then leaned into his side. “I trust you. Just not completely sure if that’s the best idea if the doctor said we should wait...” 

“Your dad said I should just parent off instinct.” He replied but wrapped his arm around her shoulders anyway, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She laughed. “My dad also dropped me on my head as a child, so.” 

He grinned and flicked Charlie’s head. “Ahhh. Everything makes sense now.” 

“JJ!” She flicked him back, mock-offended. 

“A little mashed banana won’t kill her. Right, Caroline?” He asked, addressing their baby directly. 

Caroline answered with another slamming of her fists on the high chair and JJ grinned. “See? She’s fine. She loves it.” 

“Yeah? She’s gonna love repeating your curse words too, right?” 

He winced. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Uh huh.” Charlie wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into him fully. “She’s getting so big. I hate it.” 

“Yeah, but think about how much more fun she’ll be once she can talk and play games and stuff.” JJ grinned. 

“When do you think we could teach her to surf?” She mused with her face buried in his chest, sounding hesitant. 

“We’re not teaching our baby to surf in San Francisco, sweetheart, don’t be ridiculous.” He resisted rolling his eyes at the notion, then caught her chin and nudged it up to give her a kiss. “Hey. What’s up?” 

“Well. You know how I was talking about how I wish we were closer to my mom and dad?”  

“Yeah. I miss them too.” His face twisted for a moment. “I wish Caroline could grow up seeing her grandparents. Knowing they love her. But you still have a couple months on your PhD, and you love it here.” 

Charlie didn’t miss the way he didn’t say “and I love it too.” She knew JJ liked San Francisco, enough, but as soon as she got pregnant, he kept talking about how kids need to grow up with space to play, out in nature. He loved her parents, too. Once they had the baby, he called her dad at least once a week asking for advice, ranging from how do I button up this stupid onesie to why is she getting so old so fast? 

She bit her lip and JJ frowned, tugging it out with his thumb. “What’s wrong, Charlie, talk to me.” 

“I got a job offer for when I finish my doctorate.” She paused. “With the Carolina Panthers.” 

He thought for a moment, then his eyebrows shot up. “Wait, like. The Carolina Panthers? In Charlotte?” He grinned. “John B and Sarah are there. And Pope’s only a bit away in Raleigh.” 

Charlie nodded, trying to hold back a smile. “I know it’s a lot, you’d have to find a new job, but it’s closer to my parents, and it’s more money, and we wouldn’t be bleeding rent -” 

JJ cut her off with a kiss, hands on both sides of her face. “You’re incredible, you know that? I love you so damn much. I’m so fucking proud of you.” 

She was grinning by now and butted her head against his gently. “Hey! No cursing in front of the baby.” 

“She wasn’t listening.” He was beaming as he turned to their baby, bending down to get on eye level. “What do you think about moving to Charlotte, sweet Caroline?” He tickled her feet and she giggled, grinning wide. “Yes! She’s in.” 

“JJ, we can actually talk about this. I don’t want to just spring this on you.” 

“Nope. I’m all in.” He paused, smiling, and pressed another proud kiss to Charlie’s temple. “You do understand the irony of this, right?” 

“Hm?” 

“Everyone’s gonna think we named our baby after your team. And Charlotte’s going to be living in Charlotte.” 

She rolled her eyes. “If they’re respectful, they’ll address me as Dr. Walker.” 

“I still think Dr. Maybank just sounds so much better -” 

“JJ, once you can pass all my exams of your own accord, I will gladly change my name -” 

“Fine, fine, I get it.” He picked her up around the waist and spun her in a circle, beaming. “Caroline’s gonna grow up with John B and Sarah’s baby. Oh my god, it’s perfect.” Charlie laughed, meeting him with a quick kiss. “It’s not for a few months, but still.” 

“What’s their slogan again? Pound something?” 

“Keep pounding, and I don’t even want to hear whatever’s gonna come out of your mouth next.” 

He grinned, sheepish, and kissed her again, long and slow. “So proud of you.” 

[midnight-hotel]

Hi, can you please write sfw headcanons for Sir Pentious, Husk, and Alastor with pregnant s/o? I really like your work and wish you good luck with the blog :)

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy this as much as my past works.

Sir Pentious

When he was alive, Sir Pent had a son. Where his son is now, he has no idea, but he's super excited to be a father again.

This being said though, remember that his son still holds a special place in his heart, even if he isn't there to be part of your little family.

He is very doting while you're pregnant, especially during your third trimester. He always makes sure he's around to get things for you and help you around your home. If he isn't there, he's firmly instructed his egg bois to make sure you're comfortable and got whatever you wanted and/or needed.

It's around this time that he calmed down on the hostile takeovers. He couldn't be wasting time fighting Cherri when you needed him at home.

He built almost everything you needed for the baby. Why waste money on something he could make with things he already had?

He built the crib, the play pen, the toy chest and is even working on a baby walker with a mini ray gun attached so they can be just like daddy. Modifications will be made to the walker if the baby ends up with a snake body like his own.

He even made some toys from broken inventions and left-over materials he had laying around.

He loves touching your belly, waiting for those small kicks that get him all excited to see one of his greatest creations. He was kicked in the face once though, so he doesn't rest his head on your belly anymore.

He's extra protective of you while you're pregnant too. He doesn't like the idea of you going out while so obviously pregnant, worried that another demon will target you when you're unable to defend yourself as well as you usually would be able to.

So, if you really want to go out, he'll escort you to where you want to go and then take you home.

Now, he already tends to sleep with you in his arms but now that you're pregnant and his protectiveness has more than tripled, he'll coil himself around you in his sleep- so it's something he does unconsciously.

You often have to slowly peel him off you when you get too hot or have to pee.

All in all, he's a very excited demon- soon to be daddy.

Husk

Husk is an absolute nervous wreck. When he found out you were pregnant, he started drinking a hell of a lot more than he already did. He had a few people wondering why he was suddenly, almost literally, drowning himself in his liquor.

This went on for the first few weeks until you had a deep conversation with him about the issue. About whether or not he wanted a kid.

Of course, he doesn't want a fucking kid. Are you fucking crazy? He was a grumpy old man with a gambling problem, drinking problem and Alastor problem! How could he possibly want a kid?!

But he'll tell you to keep it all the same. If you want it, then he'll be a father to it.

The drinking continued on a little while longer but after that, he toned it back down to where he was before, calming down over the whole matter.

It picked up again when Alastor found out you were pregnant though. He was the one Husk was trying to keep it from the most. But- he was the only one in the hotel who knew the two of you were together so of course he found out.

Once again, he calmed down, now that you were in your second trimester. He became used to the idea of becoming a father and was even beginning to look forward to it a little. This being said, he cut back on the drinking even more and same went for the gambling. Instead of spending his winnings on more games, he brought it home to support you.

Believe it or not, Alastor was actually a little bit helpful. not very, but a little. He agreed to lending a shadow to you to keep an eye on you when no one else could.

Husk was doing a good job on keeping things on the downlow and would take you out to find some baby clothes, toys and such.

That's how Angel Dust found out, not only about your existence, but about the pregnancy too.

"Oh my god, Husk, you gotta broad pregnant?!"

"Hey! That's my fucking wife you're talking about!"

Yeah, it wasn't the neatest moment, but it happened and now everyone knows. Thanks Angel.

He's relatively calm throughout the rest of the pregnancy though, only having the occasional freak out based on whether or not he was ready to be a father.

He becomes super soft when he feels the baby kick for the first time. That's how he knew it would be okay in the end.

As long as Alastor didn't touch his fucking kid. (He's so gonna touch it.)

Alastor

"Alastor, I'm pregnant."

"... OH."

Alastor doesn't what to do with himself- not that he shows it of course.

He actually wasn't the first person you told- you told Charlie and Vaggie to see what they thought you should do.

They weren't any help, so you ended up just straight up telling Alastor- who had no idea how to take the news.

He was kind of hoping you were joking to be honest because how the hell was he supposed to be a father?!

"Oh?"

"That's wonderful news my dear!"

You weren't buying it but let him go to figure out what to do with the newfound news.

Al doesn't allow other people to see, but deep inside, he is a wreck. How does an ex serial killer turned overlord in hell, be a decent parent?

He turns to his books for help, looking for an answer they couldn't really give him.

As time ticked by, he becomes a little more used to the idea, but it still tends to startle him every now and then when he sees you with your round belly in all its glory.

Had it always been that big?

Alastor isn't a kid person. He doesn't hate them and is willing to raise one until it can take care of itself, but this is very different.

He was a little alarmed when you raced over to him, demanding that he place his clawed hand on your belly. He did as you asked however, only to recoil in shock when he felt a kick, staring at your stomach with wide eyes.

So, throughout majority of the pregnancy, you're dealing with an uneasy Alastor who only really starts to relax towards the end, seemingly coming to completely accept the fact that he was going to be a father.

It was around that time that he also used his powers to set up a nursery for the baby in your home.

It turned out a-okay in the end, even if the child still secretly scares the crap out of him at times.

[babysludgemonster]

Dean’s Perspective

so I just needed to write this and get the emotions out. it’s THAT SCENE extended a little bit so i could have some closure. i also posted it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27458362  i’m exhausted now okay bye

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I can’t stop it,” Dean said.

 Death—Billie banged on the door, her fist rattling the wood on its hinges. Once. Twice. Dean stepped closer to Cas, closer to the door, closer to their doom, dismay clawing at his insides as he finally understood that they had lost. This was it.

 “She’s gonna get through that door,” he said.

 “I know,” Cas rasped.

 “And she’s gonna kill you, and then she’s gonna kill me.”

 Cas glanced helplessly at Dean. A resigned acceptance seemed to settle over him.

 Dean shook his head. He’d failed his best friend, his brother, Jack. This was all his fault. “I’m sorry.”

 Cas’s brow creased. “Wait, there is— There’s one thing she’s afraid of, there’s-there’s one thing strong enough to stop her.”

 Dean lifted his gaze, uncertain hope flickering in his chest because Cas was always there, always fighting. Even when he was knocked down, dragged out, he always came back. Who else but Cas could figure a way out of this? Then Dean swallowed hard, his throat clicking, because something in Cas’s expression seized his heart in a cold grip.

 “When Jack was dying—” Cas began. “When Jack was dying, I-I made a deal. To save him.”

 A frown worked its way onto Dean’s features. “You what?”

 “The p—The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever.”

 Dread grasped Dean’s chest, choking him. “Why are you telling me this now?”

 Death knocked.

 Cas shuffled his feet, gathered his words. “I always wondered—ever since I took that burden, that curse—I wondered what it could be, what-what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want,” Cas shook his head, “it’s something I know I can’t have.”

 What did he mean? What true happiness could he not have?

 Tears welled in Cas’s eyes as he continued, “But I think I know—I think I know now. Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.”

 Dean’s heart pounded in his chest. “What are you talking about, man?”

 Cas stepped closer, his gaze never leaving Dean’s. “I know—I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken, you’re Daddy’s blunt instrument, and you think that hate and anger, that’s-that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not.” Dean’s throat ached. Why was he saying this? “And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.” No. “You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are.”

 Death knocked

 “You’re the most caring man on earth.” Stop. “You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.” You’re wrong. “You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me.” A tear broke free, rolling down Cas’s cheek. “Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you.” I’m broken. “I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you.”

 Death knocked.

 A sob escaped Cas’s lips. “You changed me, Dean.”

 “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

 Death knocked.

 “Because it is.” Cas took a deep breath. “I love you.”

 I don’t deserve it.

 Shaking his head, Dean whispered, “Don’t do this, Cas.”

 Behind Dean, a soft screeching sounded, like nails on a chalkboard. Dean turned, vision blurring with tears, to see the writhing black mass of the Empty bubbling into existence. This wasn’t happening. He turned back to Cas. The door flung open to reveal Billie, determined with her scythe in-hand.

 Wait.

 “Cas—”

 Cas touched Dean’s shoulder.

 Not yet.

 “Goodbye, Dean.”

 “Wha—”

 Cas threw Dean into the wall, out of the way. Dean’s head spun. Billie stalked forward. Cas smiled. With a deep breath, he faced the Empty, his face serene, at peace. The Empty reached out, engulfing Cas, swallowing Billie. The last Dean saw of Cas was that gentle smile, warm and happy and sad.

 He was gone.

 Dean sat against the wall. He cried. Not heaving sobs at first. Tears just leaking freely from his eyes, his body reacting before his emotions even got a chance. He stared blankly, for how long, he didn’t know. Then his phone vibrated, Sam’s name on the screen. That broke the spell. The shock, the adrenaline dissipated. Dean dropped his phone to the floor and curled into himself, buried his face in his hands. Cas was gone. Cas loved him, and he was gone, and Dean had done nothing to stop it.

 “Please.” The prayer was barely audible, whispered into his palms. “Please. Cas. Please hear me. I’m so-I’m so sorry. Come back. Come-come b-back, Cas. Just come back.”

   Sam and Jack found Dean on the floor like that, sobbing into his hands. He couldn’t speak. When they asked where Cas was, he shook his head.

 They led him to the kitchen. He slumped at the table, staring numbly at nothing. The scent of beer stirred his senses as Sam handed him a bottle.

 “Tea or even coffee would probably be better, but…” said Sam, sitting across from him, hands folded on the table.

 Dean glanced around the kitchen. “Where’s Jack?”

 “He, uh, he needed a minute.”

 Dean nodded. A long silence stretched as Dean clutched the bottle. Finally, he croaked, “He’s gone. The Empty took him.”

 Sam nodded, his expression tight. “Everybody. Chuck took everybody. Not just the resurrected and the ones from other worlds. Everybody. It’s just us now.”

 Dean stood, striding away as if physical distance from the words lingering in the air would make them hurt any less. He bowed his head, squeezing the bottle until he thought it might shatter. Then he sank onto the steps at the kitchen doorway because his legs couldn’t hold him any longer. Sam joined him.

 “He told me something, Sammy,” Dean began, head resting against the wall, “before—before he died. I don’t know— And now he’s gone, and I can’t— What am I supposed to do? I let him down, Sammy. I just couldn’t—”

 Sam cleared his throat. “We keep going. That’s what we do. It’s what-it’s what Cas would do. It’s what Eileen would do. Charlie, Bobby, Donna. We keep fighting until we can’t.”

 Dean sniffled, swiping the flood of tears from his face. “I don’t know if I got it in me anymore, man. I don’t know if we can win. I don’t know if I even care anymore.”

 “We don’t have to win. We just have to fight.”

 Dean gritted his teeth, sighing because everything was overflowing, and he had no way to get it out. “Why does it feel different this time? Why does it feel so final?”

 “I don’t know.”

 “He made a deal with the Empty. When he saved Jack, that was how he did it. The deal was when he experienced a moment of true happiness, that would summon the Empty and it would take him.”

 Sam frowned. “Moment of true happiness?”

 It hurt to swallow. “Yeah. He said-he said he knew he couldn’t have what would make him happy.”

 “So-so what happened?”

 “I don’t-I don’t know. I don’t know.” Liar. “He said all this crap about me and then he said he loved me and then it took him.” Traitor.

 Sam watched him silently. Did he know? Was he waiting for Dean to admit it? But he still didn’t understand. There was so much unsaid and unfelt, not given the chance to be said or felt. But Cas deserved better. He deserved better than God treated him, better than Dean treated him.

 He deserved better than Dean.

 “Me,” Dean choked. “I think it was me, Sammy. I— Fuck, he loved me. I think he-he wanted to be with me.” Dean pressed his head into the wall until it hurt, squeezing his eyes shut.

 Sam was silent for another long stretch until, “Yeah.”

 Dean opened his eyes. Sam was frowning at his beer bottle in his hands. “You knew?” Dean asked.

 Sam shrugged. “I’m not surprised.”

 Dean heaved a sigh, staring at the ceiling. “We fucked up, Sam.”

 Sam nodded slowly. “Now we gotta fix it.”

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader 

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k 

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.” 

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice. 

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters. 

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe. 

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…” 

I stepped out of the room. 

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,” 

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla” 

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me. 

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first. 

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,” 

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.  

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.” 

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,” 

“You, too,” 

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up. 

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while. 

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest. 

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation. 

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?” 

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,” 

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,” 

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side. 

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,” 

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse. 

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good. 

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored. 

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out. 

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park. 

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly. 

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek. 

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

 I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

  By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol. 

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure. 

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway.  Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry. 

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory. 

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now. 

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?” 

“Art,” 

“Why are you there? You love art,” 

“I’m not feeling it today,” 

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,” 

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show. 

“What season?” 

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math? 

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off. 

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,” 

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

 I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone. 

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year. 

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible. 

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back. 

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?” 

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature. 

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?” 

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. 

I drank some more of the water before speaking up. 

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said. 

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me again 

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to. 

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after. 

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,” 

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said. 

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?” 

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling. 

Bri ran towards me 

“Oh my god are you okay,” 

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,” 

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go. 

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you” 

“I insist,” I laughed again 

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,” 

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and  I’d like  to keep it that way. 

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry. 

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.  

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.  

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?” 

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?” 

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me. 

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,” 

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it. 

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.  

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race 

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status? 

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student. 

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)? 

Yes, as a child. 

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes. 

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes. 

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door. 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” 

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in. 

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me. 

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body. 

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move. 

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend. 

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well. 

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?” 

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.” 

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes. 

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,” 

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,” 

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch. 

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,” 

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death. 

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.  

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything. 

But I got the text. 

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,” 

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me. 

“Y/N-“ 

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass. 

I tried not to laugh at him and failed. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me. 

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now. 

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,” 

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me. 

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off. 

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?” 

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail” 

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,” 

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile. 

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room. 

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach. 

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore. 

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest. 

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible. 

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death. 

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart. 

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

 I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps. 

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways. 

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason. 

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself. 

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then. 

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’. 

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago. 

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it. 

Then unpaused it again. 

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it. 

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town. 

Holy Shit 

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood.  I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan. 

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive. 

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though.  I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.  

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face. 

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs. 

I followed after her, 

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes. 

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,” 

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded. 

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

“Yeah well right back at you,” 

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.” 

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating. 

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,” 

“Fine then,” She screamed. 

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying. 

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her. 

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained. 

“Hey,” I whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No,” 

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised. 

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap. 

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.  

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said. 

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really. 

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti. 

She smiled when she saw me coming into view. 

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me. 

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned. 

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,” 

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”  

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.” 

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said. 

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,” 

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too. 

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.  

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in. 

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans. 

Shit 

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar. 

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown,  the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance. 

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck. 

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg. 

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch. 

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds. 

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together. 

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’ 

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea. 

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was. 

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?” 

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice. 

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,” 

“Alright,” 

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire. 

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child. 

“Say it back,” 

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call. 

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up. 

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[themoonandotherslikeit]

Yo gimmeh some delicious coda for 15x18 to mend my bittersweet heart

Be careful what you wish for Giulia 

This is some Destiel trash, with loads of angst. Enjoy. 

You can read on A03 here. 

They’re Just Words

“Everybody's gonna die, Cas, everybody. I can't stop it. She's gonna get through that door.”

Desperation.

“I know.” The answer wasn’t exactly helpful, but he didn’t know what he expected, either. There wasn’t a good answer, if any answer at all.

“And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry.”

There were so many times that his hands were tied, that he couldn’t do enough, that he couldn’t save anyone.

I’m sorry.

The words didn’t seem like enough. No words seemed like enough when it came to Cas. Dean had lost Castiel over and over again. He lost him before, but there was always that sliver of hope that he would be back, because a life without Castiel wasn’t a life. It was just a movement, hands on a clock spinning meaninglessly. He had done it before. He’d lived a painful, pointless life, holding onto an old trench coat. He had laid in bed at night wondering what if.

What if he had been stronger? What if he had said what he was thinking? What if he wasn’t such a goddamn coward?

But at the end of the day, it didn’t make a difference. Castiel was an angel. He was crafted by Chuck, a thousand times over. He was just another tool for Dean’s own destruction. It didn’t matter that Cas seemed to see him in a way that no one else had in his entire life. It didn’t matter what he felt - what he thought he felt.

It was too damn late. It was always too late. He didn’t even have the time to kick himself for not being braver, because what fucking difference would it make?

He was going to die and Cas was going to die, and really in that moment nothing else fucking mattered. The world was cruel. It was crafted by a sadist that loved to watch Dean’s heart crack and break inside of his chest. Chuck had let him die and brought him back more than he ever deserved. But that was the thing, he always brought back Cas, too. It was something he could always count on. Not this time. He wasn’t God’s favorite anymore. He wasn’t the righteous man that Cas pulled from Hell. He didn’t recognize himself when he looked in the mirror.

He’d spent his entire life questioning everything. This moment was no different.

Except it was.

“Wait, there is... There's one thing she's afraid of. There's... There's one thing strong enough to stop her.” Dean always knew when Cas’ head was spinning. He loved to watch the wheels turn in the angel’s head. It was like the cogs were clicking in place, as the realizations brightened his eyes. “When Jack was dying, I... I made a deal to save him.”

This shouldn’t have been a surprise, a shock that made Dean’s stomach twist. They made deals all the time, sacrifices, they were martyrs. But yet, looking at Cas, and hearing the words come out of his mouth made Dean lightheaded. As if he didn’t have enough to worry about. I made a deal.

“You what?” He couldn’t breathe. The words hooked in the back of his throat and even though he wanted to yell, or shake him, or sob, all he did was stand there, mouth agape like a fucking fish.

“The... The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

Happiness? How was that even relevant?

“Why are you telling me this now?”

The look on his face told Dean everything he needed to know.

He didn’t need to hear it, as much as he wanted to hear it, he didn’t know what it could possibly help. It was a silent agreement that they had from the beginning. They didn’t say it. Not that. Not those words. They weren’t enough, anyway. How could anyone put simple letters together to mean what they meant to each other?

Every time he thought it his stomach would twist. He could hear John outside of the drag club when he was a kid. Men don’t do that. Ya hear me, Dean? Real men don’t do that queer shit.

Boys don’t kiss boys.

The only men you love are your brother and your father, and never like that. No exception.

Dean's heart picked up in his chest, his mouth cotton dry as he met Cas’ own wet, ocean eyes. He saw his entire life in those beautiful blue eyes. Every word that he was too fucking scared to say out loud floated in Cas’ eyes.

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what... what my true happiness could even look like.”

He was begging, screaming, sobbing inside of his head. No, Cas. Don’t say it. You can’t say it.

They agreed. Maybe not out loud, maybe not in actuality, but they had the moment he put the second side table from his bed away when Cas wasn’t human.

Their chance was gone . It was a pipe dream. The apple pie life wasn’t for him anyway. Especially not with an angel.

“I never found an answer,” Cas continued, his eyes baring into Dean’s like he needed Dean to listen. “Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being . It's in just saying it.”

One last chance for absolution. One last chance to take it all back, to hold it in, to not give in to the one thing they can never take back. Hearts are in a cage for a reason, Dean thought, they ain’t supposed to be so goddamned exposed. “What are you talking about, man?” There was a deep ache within Dean that he knew no amount of alcohol, and repression would heal. They were teetering a line, and once it was crossed there was no going back.

“I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean.” Cas chuckled, pained and teary eyed like the entire world was crushing him - because it probably was. “You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're... You're Daddy's Blunt Instrument . And you think hate and anger, that's... that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not .”

Castiel. The ethereal being. The angel. God’s soldier. The one who plucked him from Hell and could certainly throw his ass back in. Why he hadn’t done it before was completely confusing to Dean Winchester.

We have a more profound bond.

Every time Dean tried to throw himself into the fire, Cas was right there next to him. At first he assumed it was Cas taking responsibility. He was doing the right thing like he always had. It didn’t have anything to do with Dean or their supposed bond .

What a fucking fool he was.

Cas took a step forward, blood dripping from his palm, and Dean had to wonder why it wasn’t healing. It was like time had slowed down just for them, and in that moment they were impenetrable. Even the pounding of Billie’s angry fist on the door had dulled into the beat of his heart. “And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.”

There it was. The word that meant everything and nothing. The word he could never bring himself to say, not even to his little brother, or to Charlie, or Jack - or the one person that he loved more than he thought was possible. It was a fucking joke! How could four little letters do enough?

“You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.”

But as he looked at Cas, the reality of Cas’ words settled on him like new fallen snow. It wasn’t about the significance of the word. It was about saying something .

“You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.” His voice was cracking and breaking, falling out of his beautiful lips. He smiled through his tears and something horribly painful settled inside of Dean.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?” He had to ask, even though he already knew the answer.

The pain was unimaginable as it settled onto him. He felt the grains of sand between them, the time they had slipping through his fingers. He grabbed for Cas, but every breath in his chest was labored as the air shifted in the room. It was almost like a hunger enveloping them, circling around them.

It was loneliness, solitude, emptiness.

“Because it is.”

Cas’ hand reached out, touching Dean’s cheek. His hand was damp from blood, but Dean didn’t care. It was warm, and it throbbed with the beat of his heart. He didn’t realize before, that Angel’s hearts beat. The realization was a little earth shattering. He leaned against Cas’ hand, because why the fuck not? No one was watching. Everything was ending. Endings were the worst part. He could take a breath. He deserved that much.

The angel’s thumb traced Dean’s cheekbone and they looked into each other’s eyes.

It felt silly, now, everything that Dean had worried about up until that point. His life wasn’t his own. Everything was written for him. His feelings were not his own.

Had he really believed that absolute crock of shit?

How did he look in Castiel’s eyes and believe that this wasn’t real? That this was wrong.

“I love you.”

He said it like it was true, like maybe it was the only thing in his life that was true.

His jaw trembled.

Castiel loved him. He loved Dean . Even though he was broken, even though he was unworthy, even though his father always told him that it was dirty. He loved Dean anyway.

Dean half wanted to ask him to repeat it, to clarify. Okay you love me, yeah buddy I love you, too. You’re family. You me and Sam.

But that wasn’t what Castiel was saying, and if he could make the words come out of his mouth it would be an insult to the man standing in front of him.

He’s done that enough.

“Don't do this, Cas,” he begged.

Don’t change things. Don’t hurt me. Don’t leave me.

The angel stroked his lip with his thumb this time, slowly, desperately. It was like he was memorizing it. The room trembled under their feet. “Cas,” Dean breathed and before he could talk himself out of it, he pulled Cas close. Their chests brushed, and his arms wrapped around Cas and his stupid trench coat that he’s been wearing for way too long.

And Dean kissed him.

It had to be a sight, if there was anyone around to see. And he would’ve wondered if Chuck was cursing or cheering wherever the fuck he was. He would’ve wondered it if his mind hadn’t been screaming like a teenage girl.

I’m kissing Castiel!

He felt Cas’ lips curve into a smile as he pressed closer. A warm, soft moment of bliss before everything collapsed around them like it always did.

For a second, as Cas pulled back, his breath tickling Dean’s lips, that tingled with electricity and warmth, Dean thought that maybe love would be enough this time. That maybe those weirdo Ghost Facers were right, and two men professing their love for each other would be enough.

“You gonna make me say it?”

“No I…”

“Because I’ll fuckin’ say it. I’ll bitch the whole time, because this ain’t natural for me. Strap a bomb to my chest, send me to the moon, sell my soul… that shit is easy , Cas. way easier than this.” He pulled back, placing his hands on Cas’ shoulders. He squeezed them gently. “But you… You were different, man. You always were. There was somethin’ about you being an angel… immortal. I couldn’t lose you. There was a steadiness to that. I could count on you. You weren’t like the rest. I was a fool, because I seriously thought the only way you can lose a person is by death.”

Dean laughed and shook his head. Cas’ eyebrows came together. Confused as always. His beautiful angel.

“I’ve lost you a thousand times, Cas, and every time it happened I kicked myself for not bein’ brave. And now here you are… sayin’ everything that I’m too damn scared to say in my head, let alone out loud.”

“I know what you mean, Dean.”

“I know you do, but you deserve more, Cas. You’ve lived a millenia, and if I can’t even give you the one thing you need then what’s the point of me?”

“Knowing you was always enough.”

Heartbroken.

“No it wasn’t, Cas. Otherwise you would be gone already, right?”

Love wouldn’t heal them. It would destroy them.

A tear rolled down Cas’ cheek. “I think you’re right.”

“I thought… if anyone can survive the apocalypse it’d be you.”

“Dean…”

“Don’t go,” his voice cracked, his knees weak. Why was it always them? Why did he always have to give up everything. Why couldn’t he just have this one thing?

“I…”

“I love you, Castiel,” Dean whispered, absolutely defeated. “Always have. Nothin’ else matters. I love you, you hear me? Sorry it took me so long to say it.”

The angel pressed his palm to Dean’s shoulder, and the long-faded scar tingled. The ground rumbled, the space behind Cas ripping, darkness pouring out, thick like tar.

“Goodbye, Dean.”

“Cas!”

He called out like it mattered, like it made a difference, like the empty wouldn’t always have ripped Cas out of his arms before he could even process that he was holding him.

Dean Winchester was left there, on his knees alone, his heart hurting from the spell - and everything else - left with not even a soul left to pray to.