#Like A Giant Mud Pie!

[theblackestofsuns]

"Like A Giant Mud Pie!"

Fantastic Four #63 (June 1967)

Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Joe Sinnott and Marie Severin

Marvel Comics

[aaizawashouta]

Wild

pairing: kiba x fem!reader

word count: 4.1k

summary: he's got your sent memorized. it's burned into his senses, his soul. there is no escaping him.

warnings: smut (18+, minors dni), softdom!kiba, p in v, cream pie

a/n: i had an idea. i liked it. this came out so much softer than i imagined. so here it is. enjoy!

Run.

It wakes you from your sleep. Drenched in sweat but still freezing, gooseflesh rising on your skin. It digs its nails into your consciousness. The only thing that makes sense is your sense of self preservation. You know better than to ignore your gut feeling — that fight or flight instinct. It’s late, no one sees you and your hurried steps leaving your home. Heavy breathing drowned out by the roaring storm around you. It’s your only saving grace, maybe enough to drown out your scent. You're dressed in nothing but a tank top and shorts, the wind whips your hair around your face angrily.

You disappear in the forest, holding your breath as if that would save you. But he’s got your scent memorized. It’s burned into his senses, his very soul. There is no escaping him. Kiba always finds you.

There is no time out here. You don’t know how long you’ve got until he’s on you. There’s no light, barely even a sliver of the moon. A hiss is ripped from you when branches start to tear at your skin. That isn’t good. Fuck. You can’t focus on anything other than moving forward. Breath choppy, hands pushing brush and tree branches out of the way. You're zigzagging, it’s exhausting, but it’ll keep him on his toes. The rain stings, pelting down on your exposed skin.

A grumble comes from beside you, hiding in the dense forest. Your heart drops into your stomach. There’s no way. You don’t think you’ll make it out alive this time. Lightning flashes and you see him — the giant beast beside you. Relief and dread fills you. Akamaru keeps pace with you, never letting you out of his sight. He’s been staying with you more now that he’s getting older. Or maybe it’s because Kiba feels better knowing that he’s there watching over you. Whatever it is, it’s turned Akamaru into your new best friend. Your shadow if only because you also belong to Kiba.

Akamaru grumbles again, breaking away from you. You whimper as you watch him. Would he lead Kiba straight to you? That’d ruin the game, you think. That’s what this is — a game. There are moments you have to remind yourself of that. He’s the predator and you're the prey, but he’d die before he’d ever hurt you. This was your idea after all.

“It’s okay if you run, bunny. It’s the thrill of the hunt that makes me crave you. Just remember, once I find you, your little game is over.”

So preoccupied with Akamaru and the game, you slip in the mud, your shin shredding itself on a jagged boulder. The scent of your blood was going to drive him mad. How can you possibly get away in these conditions? Cursing under your breath, you hobble along, eyes roaming around you. It’s in the air — even with the storm. The forest has gone silent.

He’s here.

Stay calm. Controlling your breathing you creep into a dense area, somewhere safe to hide for now. You would have missed it if you hadn't fallen. At least there was that to be thankful for.

“Little bunny rabbit goes hop, hop, hop.”

It’s sickening how his voice echoes around you. Hidden in the dark, dancing with the rain. Your blood is warm against your rain soaked skin as it runs down your leg. You have to bite back a whimper as your eyes rake through the dark. He’s baiting you, waiting for you to fall for the false sense of safety. As if you honestly believe he isn’t going to pounce on you at any moment. Horror burns in your stomach, heat running through your body. Numb limbs slowly turn to shadowy forest.

You see his eyes before anything else. How they shimmer and shine with desire and amusement. He’s laughing at you. You watch as that familiar smirk grows and stretches across his mouth. When he emerges from the trees, you forget your fear and bristle with irritation. Kiba takes his sweet time as he approaches you, probably waiting to see if you’ll dart like the scared bunny you are. He kneels down to your level, nose twitching before his eyes flash to your legs. You don’t miss the way the muscle in his jaw ticks at the sight of your blood.

His brows furrow when he reaches for you, and you flinch. “Are you afraid of the big, bad wolf?”

You huff. “When have I ever been afraid of you, Kiba?”

“You don’t have to lie. I can smell it on you, bunny.” He sighs, tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. “You ready to head home?”

“How far did I make it?”

His smirk is back. “Not even a mile.”

Kiba kisses your pout before picking you up and hoisting you onto his back. You know the real reason he wants to go home is because you’re bleeding. He’s always the one to indulge you. Especially when you’re feeling feisty, wanting to test out his senses. So you sigh, hitching a ride on his back, arms dangling over his shoulders. Warm hands hold you by your thighs, giving you a comforting squeeze every now and then.

You look down when a sudden brush is felt against your calf. Akamaru is at your side, tongue darting out to lick your leg. “You better not have sold me out.”

“He didn’t.”

You don’t know whether to laugh at the annoyance in Kiba’s tone.

The rain has stopped by the time you make it home. Now you're just wet, clothes sticking to you uncomfortably. You swallow, fingers digging into Kiba’s shirt as the warmth of your blood trails down your leg. It’s not until he walks you into the comfort of your home, sitting you on the kitchen counter that you look at the mess the forest made of you. A warm hand wrapping gently around your ankle makes you hiss. Kiba tsks under his breath, thumb spreading the blood along your calf that still hasn’t stopped.

“You’re fucking freezing, bunny.” His jaw tenses as he meets your wide eyes.

You hold his stare, your cheeks burning as you wet your bottom lip nervously. Your heart stumbles as the words fall from your lips in a bated, breathless whisper. "Then warm me up."

His brows raise, though you catch the dim flare in his eyes at the insinuation dripping from your comment. Strip me down, warm me up. He grabs your chin, tilting your head until your lips are inches from his. His thumb brushes over your lips once before his eyes catch your, searching curiously before settling on your mouth again as his thumb makes another lazy pass.

“Don’t want blood all over the bed.”

“Like that’s stopped you before.”

God, where is this coming from? Was it the chase? Adrenaline is still pouring through you. Every time you move electricity sparks at your fingertips, burning your nerves. It makes you pulse, makes you ache. You have to keep yourself from snapping your legs shut, to stop from rutting like a bitch in heat on the goddamn counter.

When he sighs deeply, your heart skips.

"Is that a yes?" You can hear the smile in your voice, and his only answer is a low groan in the back of his throat before pulling your lips to his. Breaking the kiss as quick he came, he pushes you onto your back before you can even thread your fingers through his hair. The cold, hard counter beneath you is a stark contrast to the calloused fingers cupping the side of your throat as his thumb traces the delicate line of your jaw. It's a gentle caress, and you smile at the tenderness of it, especially when you playfully nip at his lip. His returning bite isn't as gentle, and it sends an excited thrill through you.

"Never thought I'd see you play dirty, bunny rabbit." He seems amused, impressed with your scandalous negotiating skills.

"I dunno," you admit with a smile against his lips. “Might be the wild finally calling to me.”

His cheek twitches, kissing you deeper before pulling back to run his thumb across your bottom lip. "The wild." He repeats it like he wants to taste it, like he wants to remember the feel of it on his tongue. Deep-seated satisfaction flashes in his eyes as he says, "It looks good on you."

Heat climbs up your neck and pools in your cheeks, and he grins at the sight before kissing you deeply, sliding his tongue into your mouth with a low growl. It's an approving sound. One that you've found yourself searching for every time you’re alone, every time you’re tangled up like this. Your blood thrums hotter, heart careening in your chest.

The wild feels good — like fresh fallen rain on your skin, a calloused hand on your throat. Smoke and shadow and dark starry nights. It's intoxicating. Heady. Addicting.

And you can't seem to get enough of it.

You run your hands down his back, fingers tugging at the material clinging to his skin. You huff, nails scraping gently as his muscles shift beneath your touch. Kiba only pulls away far enough to help you take it off, the offending material making a plopping sound as it hits the floor. His tongue collides with yours, dominating and all-encompassing, and the heat building between your thighs flares.

"Bunny." His voice is throaty and rough, but his murmur is gentle against your lips. You smile into the kiss, realizing how fitting that is for him — roughly gentle. When he groans your name as you rock your hips against him, you can't help the smallest moan that echoes in the back of your throat at the sound. You've heard him say your name so many times now, in so many variations, but here, right now, with one hand sliding up your stomach, fingers splayed wide and the other gripping the thigh you have wrapped around his waist, this might be your favorite.

"Hmm?" You hum in response, brushing your tongue against his.

His thumb brushes over your pulse in the dip of your throat before sliding down to your chest. Your shaky inhale echoes between you as he palms your breast and skims a rough thumb over your nipple that’s peaking through your soaked shirt. The wet air bites the sensitive bud, but it's soothed every time his thumb makes a slow, teasing pass. Ice and fire, you’re drowning in both, and the contrast is sending your nerves into a frenzy. You arch your back, silently pleading for more.

His lips leave yours, heavy hands all but ripping your shirt off only to dip down to nip and suck your other nipple before rising back to your ear. His words are a whispered taunt that douses your nerves in kerosene, his thumb the lit match that sends your body up in flames. "Tell me what you want, bunny."

Your stomach tightens. You're practically naked under this man, silently pleading for him to give you an orgasm, but the thought of asking for it, saying it out loud, has the air in your lungs solidifying into ice. You thread your fingers in his hair and urge his lips back to yours, and he obliges with a ghost of a smile as you kiss him deeply, rocking your hips against his pointedly. Touch me! I want you to touch me!

A flicker of heat climbs your spine as his hand skims down your stomach, and you moan into his mouth as he slips his hand into your shorts. His teeth dig into your lip with a groan when he finds you with no panties. His thumb grazes your clit before he slides a finger into you, and the pressure between your thighs nearly explodes at the touch. He moves lazily inside you, his thumb barely brushing your clit with each slow thrust of his hand. It's enough to build the pressure in your stomach slowly, but as you rock your hips, trying to add more friction, your heart sinks at the realization that it's not enough. And he knows it.

He has you hanging by a thread.

A frustrated groan vibrates in your throat, and that ghost of a smile grows.

"Kiba." It's a breathless complaint, a begrudging plea. "Please."

"Please, what?" His voice is low against your lips, dripping with satisfaction as he nips at your jaw. "Tell me what you want, bunny."

He offers you one gloriously rough pass of his thumb over your clit as incentive, and it shatters your mind into a million desperate pieces.

"Touch me, please," you beg, unable to bite back your restless moan. It's loud enough to echo around the house, loud enough to usually set your cheeks on fire, but you're too consumed by the heat thrumming through your veins to even care. You tighten your grip on his hair and whisper a desperate, breathy plea against his lips. "Kiba, please, please just touch me; make me come."

His thumb and finger instantly find a much rougher pressure and pace, and your eyes widen, back arching at the instant rush of pleasure that shoots through you.

"Just like that," he groans against your throat. "Fuck, I'd give you anything if you asked me just like that." He captures your lips again, nipping at your lip before sliding his tongue into your mouth, and when he curls his finger, hitting the spot deep inside, the pressure in your stomach hits its peak, and your breath freezes in your throat as your orgasm surges through you.

You're on fire, engulfed in a delicious, mind-shattering flame, burning right here beneath him. An image of a moth going up in flames flashes in your mind, and you can't help but smile at the morbid thought that if this is how you’re destined to die, it's not such a bad way to go.

Death by fire — what an appropriate demise for something wild.

Opening your eyes, your heart races when you meet his molten gaze. Your body is searing, scorching, fiending for him.

Almost as much as your heart is.

You're completely, stupidly, madly in love with him. Not a sweet school girl crush. Not a lust-driven infatuation. Not a rose-colored fantasy. You have fallen for Kiba in ways you didn't even know were possible. You've fallen for the warmth of his lips on the shell of your ear as he whispers salacious sweet nothings. You’ve fallen for the feel of his cheeks pulling up into a broad smile as you cup his face, your thumbs sweeping slowly over his stubble-lined jaw. You’ve fallen for him in the quiet moments, the ones shared between you in the calm of the night, under the sunset sky, or where everything other than the two of you seems to melt away into nothing more than smoke and shadow. But you’ve also fallen for him in the loud moments — the heart-racing, lung-bursting moments, the ones that remind you of what it means to feel alive. You’ve fallen for this man's stubborn pessimism, for his wicked mouth and sarcastic tongue. You’ve fallen for him as a whole and in pieces, in his tiny details — in the way you fall in love with nature.

He presses a kiss to your neck as you slide your hand into his hair. The flames lick at your soul as you seal your fate with a single whispered confession. "Kiba, I want more." My heart seems to stagger with my breath. "I need to feel you...everywhere...all over...inside of me."

Death by fire it is.

If you weren't burning before, you are now. You’re on fire, a white-hot cinder burning in the middle of the kitchen. His deep visceral groan against your throat only drives your pulse faster, and when he pulls back to consider you, your heart aches at the sight of him — gilded in soft moonlight, the sharp angles of his face softened.

His thumb coasts along the soft line of your jaw, but you catch the amused twitch of his brow as he murmurs, "I got you."

Your eyes flutter shut when he drags his calloused thumb down your throat and along the line of your collarbone. It's the same path his lips always take, and the ache to feel his tongue drag up your throat elicits a new rush of goosebumps that race down your chest and shake your shoulders.

Lifting your chin, he brings his lips to your but pulls away just enough for you to catch his faint smile as he murmurs, "I’ve got you, pretty bunny rabbit."

He seems to sense that you’re not breathing because he waits for you to finally take a breath before connecting your lips in a soft, unhurried kiss. Keeping his lips on yours, his hands slide down your waist to and slowly slide down your legs, pulling your shorts with them. His hand guides yours to the button on his pants before finding your hip and sliding his hand down the bare expanse of your thigh. A trail of goosebumps follows in his wake, though with the heat now pulsing through your body, you both know it has nothing to do with the water still clinging to you.

"I forget how good you are at this," you murmur against his lips.

A haughty grin flashes as he breaks the kiss to laugh. "Which part? The orgasms or undressing?" He dips his head to nip playfully at your jaw, and ypu slide his button through the loop.

"At making me feel comfortable," you correct with a smile, though the word doesn't feel exactly right, and when you tug his jeans down his you, I realize why and quietly amend, "At making me feel safe."

His grip on your thigh tightens before he leans down and brushes his lips against yours. It's a heart-stopping kiss — deeper than the soft, slow kisses and infinitely more tender. You thread your fingers through his hair, drawing him closer, and when the heat in your lower belly pulses,you wrap your legs around his hips and urge him closer.

He tugs his boxer briefs down, and you watch wide-eyed as he grasps the base of his erection and slides the condom on in one smooth motion. This is hardly the first time you’ve seen his erection, but it seems even bigger now that it's about to be inside of you.

Heart racing again, you lean back against the counter, weight resting on your elbows. His lips are warm against your skin, trailing down your neck, between the valley of your breasts, but they aren't as soft as they were before, and when he guides your legs to wrap around his hips, you’re thankful for the dominating essence of his tongue against you. The clear, silent power dynamic, the unspoken acknowledgment that he's in charge, that he's in control here. The heat between your legs rolls hotter at the thought, and when his lips brush your throat, your breath lodges in your throat as he grips your hip gently and slides into you. You squeeze your eyes shut and dig your fingers into his back, biting back the whimper caged in your throat as the initial sting of that delicious stretch that only Kiba can give you slowly eases.

Oh, God.

Deep. He's so deep. Impossibly deep inside you.

"Breathe, baby," he murmurs against your throat.

You realize that you’ve stopped breathing until you force yourself to inhale a clipped, shaky breath. He presses another kiss to your throat before bringing his lips to yours and kissing you deeply. His tongue parts your lips, and when his hips begin to move again, the sharp jolt of pain doesn't shoot through you again. Instead, you feel the ache of loss every time he pulls out — a sensation of empty, longing, burning desire.

You moan softly into the kiss, moving your hips with his. Pulses of pleasure ripple through you, and the groan that vibrates deep in his throat sends electricity down your spine. His hand slides down to grip your ass, and he guides you into a deeper, more exaggerated roll of your hips until your clit brushes against him with each thrust.

Breaking the kiss, you roll your head back as each of your heavy pants becomes a breathy moan that echoes around the sleepy house. The muscles in his back and shoulders are taut with focused, self-restrained tension. He's going slower, softer than he usually would, and when a wave of pleasure rolls up your spine that has your mouth falling open with a moan, you don't want the diluted, desaturated version of sex with him. The version you know he’s giving you because you’re hurt. You almost roll your eyes — it’s just a scraped knee. You want to be with him, to really be with him.

Digging your nails into his back, you bask in the small twinge of pain from the stretch still lacing each thrust as you roll your hips against his, desperate to feel him. "More," you moan against the shell of his ear. "Please."

With a throaty groan, he gives you exactly what you want.

More of him. In every way.

Deep, rough strokes, a calloused hand palming the side of your throat, fingers intertwined with your own, locking arm above your head, and demanding kisses that steal the breath straight from your lungs. A complete surrender of control. Complete submission to the only man you’ve ever wanted to give your body to.

His fingers tighten around yours as he kisses a trail to your neck, and when he thrusts so deep that your heart skips a beat, you wrap your free arm around his neck, pressing your lips to his ear as delirious moans slip from your lips. You barely even realize he’s mounted you on the counter, knees braced on either side of you, ass out for the world to see. You can't focus on anything. It feels so good it hurts. It feels so good your body is writhing underneath him — a frenzy of white-hot pleasure.

"Goddamn," he murmurs against your shoulder, and a new rush of heat sears your skin at the desperation laced in the curse. Your heart is a deafening drum in your ear, but your heart stumbles over itself when he whispers against your throat so quietly you can't be sure you heard him right. "Can never get enough of you. I don’t know why you think you can run, bunny. I’d find you at the end of the earth."

His whispered words send you over the edge, and your orgasm explodes deep inside, rippling through you in swells of mind-numbing pleasure. Sated, blissful warmth courses through your veins, touching your skin as if you stepped out in the midsummer sun.

His arms wrap around you as your muscles loosen, too heavy to lift from the aftershocks of the orgasm pulsing through you like gentle waves crashing on the shore, and with a thrust that sends another wave of pleasure through your body like a bolt of crackling lightning, he groans into your neck as his orgasm rocks through him.

Chest heaving against his, you smile at the feel of his clipped breath warming your throat, just above your racing pulse. Threading your fingers through the hair at his nape, you hold him closer, trying desperately to remember this moment — how his body feels against yours, spent and sated and dripping with a scalding sheen of carnal sweat.

He pulls out, and an instant pang of loss resonates through you, leaving a hollow feeling between your thighs. Although any sense of loss is swept away when he lifts his head from your neck, and you savor the sight of his deeply sated gaze that lingers on your flushed cheeks before meeting your own.

His thumb skims your cheek, and you lift your chin to bring your lips closer to his. Eyes dipping to your mouth, his cheek twitches as he leans down to murmur against your lips, "Come on wild one, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Your cheeks warm and he grins at the sight before kissing you and when he finally pulls away, his gaze lands on the floor and narrows slightly as he considers the wet clothes scattered across the kitchen floor. And you know he’s hating the idea of having to clean up. You know he won’t let you do it. He chased you through the forest, ran you down to where you bled, and fucked you. Yeah, you weren’t lifting a finger for the rest of the night.

“Hey,” you say lightly, tracing your finger along his cheekbone.

His sharp gaze catches yours, dark eyes moving gently across your face. You don’t need to say more. The thing with Kiba is he knows. He always knows. He bares his fangs at you, a light growl escaping him and there’s less than five seconds before he’s chasing you through the house to the bedroom where he tosses you into the shower.

Wild, you think.

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐔𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐃𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟖𝟎'𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

↳ warnings: mention of one slur, (that is reclaimable don't come for me twitter), homophobia, death, etc

↳ song: american pie—don mclean

masterlist!

• Compared to the old giants that were London and Rome, Derry was an infant in terms of age

• But it didn't feel that way. The whole town had this sort of tint to it, like the stain of coffee on white paper—or the quality of an old polaroid that had been stuffed away and forgotten

• You had lived there most of your life. Gone to Derry Elementary, Derry Middle, would go on to attend Derry High, and would probably travel on to the closest college you could find to the area—unless something drastically changed that, of course

• It was almost like the whole place had a grip on its residents. And it wasn't like the comforting grip of your mother's hand as she led you through the grocery store. It was a harsher one. A cold and clamy grip, holding you tightly in place until you rotted away working a minimum wage job with no future in sight

• So thank god you had stumbled across the losers in your last year of middle school and changed just about everything

• It had been the last week of school when you had stupidly picked a fight with the biggest knothead in school and his gang of pimple faced idiots, figuring that if you were going to die anyway, might as well do it young

• Your school books had gone sprawling across the freshly waxed school hallway one fateful afternoon in May, the disaster courtesy of Derrys biggest doucuebag Henry Bowers

• In fact, you had told him he was such a thing to his face, which would be the reason you were currently being subjected to the pleasure of watching as Henry and his goons ripped up all of your school papers in front of everyone

• Math homework, eat your heart out

• You didn't, however, expect a stuttering voice to speak up from your left not long after watching the science paper you had worked so hard on get ripped to shreds

• "Guh-guh-guh-get fu-fucked Bowers!" A lanky kid spat out from your left, drawing most people's attention over to his blazing brown eyes instead of Henry's ugly mud colored ones

• You recognized your knight in shining armor, so to speak, as the infamous stuttering Bill Denbrough. He wasn't an unfamiliar face to you—in fact, you were pretty sure the two of you had homeroom together. But until that moment you'd never given him a second thought beyond asking to borrow a pencil

• Bill wasn't alone, either. Three more kids stood idly behind him, each one looking more anxious than the last. You'd later learn all their names to be Stan, Eddie, and Richie "Trashmouth" Tozier—the man of a hundered voices as he'd introduce himself. But right then, they were just more people to add to this already overcrowded shitshow

• "Muh-my buh-buh-bad Billy." Henry mocked Bill's stutter poorly, crossing his eyes crudely while he did it. "Duh-did I mess with one of yuh-your fag fruh-fruh-fruh-friends?"

• The shrill chorus of giggles that his friends let out at his words were like nails on a chalkboard to you

• "Takes one to know one." Richie had mummbled under his breath sourly, pushing the thick glasses he wore up his nose anxiously. The only people who heard him couldn't help but break up into a fit of sudden giggles—who of which just so happened to be you and Bill

• Both of you were found sporting black eyes the next day

• Ever since that odd school day, you had found yourself spending more and more time with each of them

• Riding bikes with Bill in his street as you got left in the dust by him and Silver, listening as Eddie rambled on nervously about all of the weird sicknesses he had gotten, furiously smashing buttons on arcade games in an attempt to beat Richie at least once, helping Stan organize all of his comics by color and alphabetical order—all became a part of your summer routine

• You quickly became a part of the losers club. Another peice to the odd puzzle you all made together. And you'd be lying if you didn't say it felt damn good

• It was only after Ben and the others showed up that things began to get both better and worse

• For starters, you had begun to see red balloons and dead kids everywhere—a detail that would later become a much bigger issue

• But you also found yourself making three entire new friends, which including Stan, Eddie, Richie and Bill, was the most you'd ever had

• Hot summer evenings down in the barrens and, eventually, the clubhouse now had a new sense of comradery to it

• You enjoyed talking with Beverly about certain book series the both of you kept up with and what songs she could play on the piano. Asking Mike about all the adventures he had gone on after hard days of farm work became a highlight of your Saturdays. Pouring over books in the library with Ben quickly became one of your favorite activities, the two of you sharing recommendations with each other. Even the librarian eventually got old of the two of you whispering excitedly to each other about story lines and character development

• Occasionally Bill or Richie would bring another kid down to the barrens to play with. It would be fun, but you all were thinking the same thing throught it all—that they were not a part of the club. That title was reserved for only the eight of you. And it would stay that way

• Together, all of you would eventually have to beat a common enemy together, sacrificing parts of yourself with it. But for now, you were content to watch as sticky syrup from popsicle sticks dripped down into your hands while you all walked to the movies, laughing about god knows what, feeling like nothing else in the world mattered but each other

[pettania]

Let me tell you a story

about a giant cat

ginger

like dry August grass

with a lone chest of white

and sad eyes

of green

as green olive oil

so often he squints his eyes

like has a thesis to study

‘cause here there’s not much of a sun

and when have you seen it last time

once

when autumn just started

he was a local mice’s bane

hey

that's the big ginger cat’s dugout

run for your life

pronto, pronto

they whispered one to another

Once he

tried to catch one of them

in a lazy

but phenomenal leap

flying over the stove

with the fire open and blue

and now burned

unkempt

funny curled

like one famous painter’s

and not-so-long-now whiskers

remind us of that epic leap

He’s sitting on the edge of the sleeping shelf

near the entrance of our dugout

covered with two layers of blankets

and watching something

through the little slits

or maybe

someone

an enemy or a friend

a fox or a human

he’s waiting

The cat knows

every small trail

every trench hole dugout

he has a secret

when outside roars and bellows

terribly loud and fearsome chaotic clamor

and the ground shakes

that’s ancient giants awaken

to go somewhere mind their own business

in a second, he jumps

into the hole in the sheathing

and he won’t lean out

no, no way

until the giants are tired

When he goes to sleep

he slowly stretches his tiny front paws

he dreams of summer

of an intact brick house

of chickens

that run in the yard

of children

who can treat with a meat pie

I accidentally drop my helmet

it falls into a mud

the cat awakens

squints his eyes

carefully checks his surroundings

that’s kin:

falls asleep.

The author of the poem is a Ukrainian poet, warrior Maksym Kryvtsov, who was killed yesterday. The cat died with him.

[lolotheparagon]

Every MLP G3 Special In a Nutshell

A Charming Birthday: A bunch of ponies construct a 50 ft tall friendship bracelet for the village hermit's birthday cos she've never been surprised before. I think that would surprise anyone tbh.

Dancing in the Clouds: Two ponies ride a rollercoaster, immediately get inspired to do a dance routine and then GOD APPEARS to summon butterflies to make the ponies fly. Cos why dance in a routine when you can cheat?

Friends are Never Far Away: This is the first time I've seen in a kids cartoon where the main characters meet indigenous people with the offering of friendship and not colonisation and seizing their land. Funny how MLP G4 completely spat on that idea.

The Princess Promenade: A pony becomes princess because she was given a flower by a stinky old lizard...oh and she also has to organise a flower parade as well because a pixie couldnt do it....Nah, being a princess is boring, let's make everyone princesses!

A Very Minty Christmas: Minty's OCD caused her to break a magic candy cane and thinks she's ruined Christmas for everyone so she goes on a perilous journey to fix things when all her friends want is her to be home. Awww.

The Runaway Rainbow: A unicorn filly who's a part of The Rainbow Justice League is teleported to Ponyville, spends a day rolling around in mud and eating cake and then says im tired i wanna go home. Oh and this filly is apparently a vital element of nature because without her making rainbows, THE COLOURS OF THE WORLD ARE FADING THIS IS A SIGN OF THE END TIMES

The Ladybug Jamboree: Pinkie has a brain blast that makes all her band members play successfully for the first time...moments before they go on stage

Greetings from Unicornia: Rainbow Dash and Rarity fuck around in a castle for a few minutes

Come Back Lily Lightly: A unicorn is scared of being judged because her horn lights up when she giggles... I have no idea what kind of metaphor this is supposed to be.

Two for the Sky: A lesbian couple desperately want to fly. They get their wish but they quickly hate it cos they cant sleep together with those giant wings in the way.

Positively Pink: The ponies pink-ify the entire town for Pinkie Pie's birthday but realise they just wasted a whole day because her birthday's not until tomorrow.

Pinkie's Special Day: Oh so this is what they did for her birthday: they gave her a clipshow! Wow, that's cheap. That's like the giftcard equivalent of birthday surprises.

Rainbow Dash's Special Day: OH GOD DASH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHY DO YOU SOUND SO WRONG?!

Star Song and the Magic Dance Shoes: Starsong and Pinkie try to do a dance routine without their shoes but realise its they cant dance without them. THE SHOES ARE A CRUCIAL ELEMENT IN DANCING WHERE'S THE SPARKLY PINK SHOES?!

Pinkie Pie's Party: Pinkie Pie has an anxiety attack during a trip about party and then goes to speedrun prepare for a party. Then her friends decide to make a party out of preparing for a party. Yknow Ponyville can make even paying taxes sound like a party.

Rainbow Dash's Party: Dash hosts a hat fashion show for all her friends where she likes everyones hats so much, she lets them all win. Even though one clearly should’ve won. I mean come on, Starsong’s has functioning piano notes on it. Do you know how much wiring goes into that? No, in fact Toola Roola's should win, its got the best motif and why arent easel-style berets a thing yet? Im way too into this. Lets carry on.

Cheerilee's Party: The ponies have a sleepover where they refuse to go to sleep. Hey, why dont we let Crane tell the scary stories. That'll help them stay awake.

Scootaloo's Party: Scootaloo hosts a sports day party for her friends and they decide to give her the trophy. Awww.

Starsong's Party: A pony gets stage fright about singing on stage but her friends encourage her to try anyway at a concert and whilst the pony is singing off stage, the curtains go up, revealing her talented voice to the world. And then G4 remade this plot into someone's nervous breakdown.

Toola-Roola's Party: Toola Roola spends a whole day waiting for her friends' painted plates to finish drying cos she doesnt know what a kiln is. Then she gets them mixed around cos the namecards are lost when its clearly obvious which is which. What a disaster horse.

Sweetie Belle's Party: The ponies put their own ideas for a cake into one batter, end up making something that even Buddy the Elf would have a heart attack and then Sweetie Belle suggests making them into a cake with separate layers….that’s still gonna taste like shit.

Twinkle Wish Adventure: A dragon steals a star Pokemon from the ponies because she thinks its a toy and by her logic, will help her get more friends. And then the ponies sing about how great their friendship is. Girls, she stole your property. Punch her.

Waiting for the Winter Wishes Festival: This is literally just a deleted scene from Twinkle Wish adventure. If you want to see Scootaloo fumble around doing a holiday tiktok dance, here it is.

Sweetie Belle's Gumball House Surprise: The core 7 ponies spend 5 minutes searching for Sweetie Belle in her house via scavenger hunt only to find she's just in the backyard. The little gremlin.

Pinkie Pie's Ferris Wheel Adventure: Pinkie creates/manages an entire theme park by herself just for her friends to visit. Pinkie, where did you get the money to create this theme park? Are you a rich kid? Do you have a trust fund?

So Many Different Ways To Play: Baby Scootaloo is just pure chaotic gremlin mode and drives her sister and her friend ragged. This is the content I want to see.

Over Two Rainbows: The baby ponies find out baby Sweetie Belle has god-like powers but just wants to have a dress up party. AND APPARENTLY BABIES ARE MADE WHEN TWO RAINBOWS FUCK

The World's Biggest Tea Party Live: It's weird to see me watch this without 3 ex-bronies screeching at the screen for how 'cringeworthy' it is and then go completely off the rails to talk about Tumblr memes and have nipple fights.

....Oh yeah, the plot of the show is that Pinkie and Minty have a miscommunication boo-boo and now their tea party's fucked cos they aint got a teapot. Then they ask the audience to summon a giant teapot with the Tea-necronomicon. There was much rejoicing

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Can you do a fanfic of Caleb taking little Pip with him to the demon realm and when he sees Evelyn he threatens her with his wooden sword, but Evelyn just sees how cute he is and showers him with hugs and kisses?

Evelyn:

Hugs and Kisses Everywhere

"Caaaleb, can we please go home?" Philip groaned in utter annoyance as he walked hand-in-hand alongside his older brother down a dirt road in the Demon Realm.

The younger continued to complain further. "I hate this stupid place. It's so dirty!"

As Philip says this, the two pass by a group of winged piglets rolling around merrily together in a puddle of mud on the side of the road.

One of the piggies spots the boys walking by and emits an oink at them.

Turning their attention to the pig, it smiles and oinks again, waving at the two.

Caleb chuckles and waves back while Philip simply blows a raspberry at the pig.

"See?" Philip told his brother. "Dirty."

Caleb let out a soft laugh, raising a brow at his little brother. "Don't you like rolling around in the mud as well? You do it all the time at home."

"It's different when I do it."

"How so?"

"I don't know it just is!" Philip would pout as Caleb proceeded to laugh a second time, using his free hand to ruffle up Pip's brown hair playfully.

With neither brother looking ahead, the two walk into a giant green leg.

"Oof!" They both go in unison as they rub their foreheads.

After looking at the leg, they both slowly bring their gaze up to discover that it belonged to an enormous ogre.

As he felt the bump, the orge looked down to see the two boys and realized he was standing in the middle of the road.

His green face quickly became red with embarrassment. "Oh! S-Sorry!" The giant orge apologized in a shy squeaky voice.

Caleb smiled gently at the man-like monster, cupping his hands near his month. "It's quite alright!" The blonde kindly reassured.

Giving the giant a glare, Philip did the same with his hands as he began to shout.

"Stop talking to us!"

"Oh, sorry!"

"I said stop talking to us!"

"Sorry!"

The gentle giant, still not over his embarrassment, quickly runs away, his enormous footsteps shaking the ground as he runs.

...

Philip and Caleb are now in a swampy area as they continued their stroll.

The brunette sent his brother a cross frown.

"I wanted to visit the horses today at the stable."

The horses at home, particularly Biscuit King, a brown stallion that he had named, must have been deeply saddened by his absence.

"I understand, Pip. We'll see them another time, okay?" Caleb assured him softly, patting his back as they approached a large tree stump house. "There’s someone I wanted you to meet. I'm certain you're going to like her."

The blonde proceeds to knock on the door three times as he and his brother took a step back.

"Sorry, I'm not interested in what you're selling," The voice inside told him.

The plain-spoken reply earned a small chuckle from Caleb as he rolled his eyes.

He released a gail sigh.

"Evie, it's me."

A massive gasp is heard from inside as the numerous locks on the door begin to unlock.

Upon opening the door, a witch with red hair, horns, and a dragon tail is seen standing on the opposite side.

"Caleb!" Evelyn exclaimed as she wrapped her boyfriend in a loving hug. "I didn't except to see you today! How nice of you to pay me a visit."

Philip's eyes widen at the sight of the witch hugging his brother as he quickly pulls out his wooden sword, directing it at her.

"Be gone, demon! I won't hesitate to stick my sword in your neck."

Taking notice of the boy, Evelyn gasped a second time, lowering down to his level.

She looked to Caleb, her eyes glittering with excitement. "And who might this little cutie pie be?" She asked him, patting Philip's head with her hand only to have him swat it away as he growled.

"Oh, that's my little brother, Philip. I wanted you to meet him. Philip, this is Evelyn. Evelyn, this is Philip."

"Oh, Philip, you are just the cutest thing! Come here!"

The witch wraps him up in warm and welcoming hug as she proceeds to pepper his cheek with kisses, causing him to drop his sword.

"Let me go, witch!" He makes an effort to pull away from Evelyn, but to no effect. "I'll kill you!"

"Aww, you say the silliest things~!" Evelyn giggled as she continued to shower him with love, not taking his threat seriously.

Seeing this situation play out caused Caleb to smile and chuckle at the two.

He could tell they were going to be great friends.

[cinnachaos]

Gjdkskaqk man, idk what else to ask I feel a little lost

So how bout you give me fun facts about ur ocs' pokemon? Can be just their main

you can also ask about my nonpokemon ocs!!! i can send u some posts about them :3

again 🩷 for rubie and 💗 for cacao (fun fact their names are based on ruby chocolate and dark chocolate because rubie is very sweet vibrant and interesting while cacao is more worried about the casual/romantic (not love, just romantic as like the ideology) aspects of life but is still very sweet and has his fields of expertise :3)

goood help whoever reads rhis

🩷 has armarouge (flare), garganacl (depos like deposits of salt!!), zoroark (miasma), skeledirge (apple fritter), vaporeon (reef), and tinkaton (lychee)

flare is MILDY haughty but generally very nice. he tries his best to help others and unlearn his bad behaviours from childhood. hes a trans guy btw!!! he also is a little bad with physical touch from new people but will show mild forms of affection so rubie feels loved.

depos is a gentle giant and very overprotective. they have a cat demeanour and love helping rubie with his homework!! he often needs a body double so depos will do research while rubie studies. very physically affectionate.

miasma is a little charismatic yet tricky bastard. he loves pulling pranks but has a hard time telling when someone genuinely doesnt like what hes doing so he tries to make sure they tell him if he does upset them. very cuddly with rubie and has a special bond with depos, often mirroring them!!!

apple fritter is a big baby /pos. shes such a cutie pie and is so nice to everyone despite her loud and rambunctious personality! she would never do anything to intentionally harm ANYONE. she will flop on rubies lap or lay down near other team members so they can lay on top of her. she has to be scrubbed often so her scales dont get crusty from her playing in mud :)

reef is extremely cunning and smart. he can come up with complex strategies to lots of problems within minutes and spends lots of time researching moves with depos. he isnt good at battle strategies but is learning !!! he likes to be the heavy damage taker, with many moves and an item healing him, to stall for rubie to figure out a plan.

lychee. oh dear god lychee. the kind of girl who will drink a monster energy, half drank, left out for hours, without a second thought. shes extremely strong, able to hold up all of her team members with ease. she loves teasing miasma and pulling tricks on him because she has very thick skin. she goes feral when someone upsets any of her team members, and specifically tries her best to be understanding with flare about his touch boundaries.

💗 dear god here we go. cacao has two teams, a travel/casual team (second team he built) and a powerful/overleveled team (first team)

first team members: squeaks (noivern), stinky (kingler, shes a girl tho so i call her queenler), jasper (cinderace), socks (boltund), expresso (thievul), and marble (espeon).

second team members: bubbles (dragonair), turaco? i believe (togekiss), kasib (scolipede), kingfisher (archeops), saffron (lilligant), and fanta (toxtricity amped form)

squeaks is shy scenemo rave kid and has a platonic crush on stinky, adores marble

stinky is big burly lady and gives big bear hugs. and is not actually stinky i just named her that cus she was a pain to catch n she beat up my team badly

expresso is kind of a wild card and pretty mysterious, but reaally loves cacao and seems to like socks

socks is literally golden retriever but gets tired out emotionally and physically easily. likes expresso

jasper is very hot cold with his personality, can be very energetic and loud one day and the next is very calm and tired. he mirrors his trainers personality which is why they get along so well!!! will give any team members cuddles if needed

marble loves any clothes that are comfy and fluffy/soft!! kneads stuff like a cat, indulges in scenemo stuff with squeaks and makes kandi bracelets w them

SECOND TEAM

fanta is a dramatic theatre kid with autistic burnout. love the college student sleepless gender, go boy give us nothing. he absolutely LOVES saffron to death

turaco is constantly worried about the fellow dumbasses (/aff) on their team and is constantly holding something healing on their person

kingfisher is super clumsy and verbally stims super frequently with cacao or turaco if cacao needs quiet no stimulation time. has a sibling like bond with turaco (hence their names both being birds, and their colors being similar! both flying types too :3) prone to echolalia

bubbles is very timid and quiet but loves cuddling with cacao and wrapping around him. bubbles tries their best to soothe cacao when hes having issues sleeping. bubbles has a sleepy mark so theyre extremely tired a lot of the time!!!!

kasib is always sticking her nose out at people and is very curious. she loves learning new things and stomps her feet (positive stim) whenever cacao infodumps to her!!! kasib is almost always watching anything interesting, but doesnt say anything so we'll never know if she ever has any thoughts behind them eyes/j

saffron is the team mom. she listens to everyones concerns and vents, sings lullabies for anyone whos having a rough bout of insomnia. she knows cacao has complicated feelings towards familial stuff, so she takes on the role of mom for him so he can feel loved. will definitely bring u your favorite food/plush/drink to calm you down

[voidswithinvoids]

Part III: Buried Memories

The drive back to his old house was about two and a half hours. There was once a time he would’ve longed for those stretches of time where he could be alone with himself. Being alone now felt harsher than it did before. It was as if living with someone threw off the discipline of being alone. Times of reflection were diminished into small talk, and meditation into bickering. Now he was completely out of practice and the aloneness was getting the better of him.

He was on his way down a wintered road. The sun was setting into a creamy calm hue but he barely minded to notice its beauty. Nor did he care for the gentle frost that cased the dormant wheat fields he passed. Mainly he listened to the sound of the car’s heater that blared his observable universe into a vacuum. In heartbreak and in pain, so much beauty becomes background noise.

His mind replayed inescapable memories. Indulging them, he basked in the suffering it brought him. Perhaps he thought it was just as well to be locked in a prison of memories. What else would his pathetic life amount to? Anyone could see by the eternal frown and puffy eyes that Vic had lost his light. That glowing warmth that once sang all the wrong words to American Pie on road trips. The silly dance he often performed when taking fresh cookies out of the oven. All of this had flickered out. The empty hum of the heater would continue on and nothing else.

Just down that road he just now passed was a treehouse that a man, decades ago, built for his children. It always seemed like a strange place to find such a large treehouse because there were no houses in walking distance. It stood alone with a window that over looked a small pond. It was there that he brought Fiona on their first date together. It felt like an eternity ago. He had borrowed an old picnic basket from his mom and had Julian get him some wine for the occasion. The basket was carefully packed with a charcuterie board, desserts, and small candles for after the sun had set. They sat in a lot of awkward silence that day but it was sweet and innocent. They threw rocks in the pond and listened for the heavy kaplunk their weight caused. A violent disturbance to an otherwise serene environment. He cursed even these good memories that came before him, for they brought him no solace.

The welcome sign to the city brought a shiver down his spine. Dreading the small words that he would exchange with her while he packed up his last small things that had been aimlessly abandoned within their own home. There would likely be no resolution today. Likely there would never be a resolution after the words that had been shouted during their last conversation. He didn’t have the will to ask for grace anymore. He felt as if he was made a fool to have loved her so dearly. Humiliated by the gooiness of making such an honest mistake.

He drove passed the coffee shops and the pubs they used to find themselves at when they first moved to the neighborhood. The emptied pool was gated up for the season but the two of them once jumped the fence for a midnight swim under a crescent moon on an unnaturally hot July night. The park trails that their dog would always seem to find the swampiest mud to roll around in, only to return home and shake droplets of brown sludge on eggshell white walls.

He had loved that house. There is a soft and sacred bond one partakes in when owning a house. Breaking the ground to grow flowers in the front. Washing dishes, scrubbing floors, patching holes. It was usually a bit messy, a bit wrong and out of place when Vic went about keeping his house. But he loved it for all it had offered him and all it had tried to promise.

Just a few more streets now and then a left at the crosswalk. Each house like orphaned strangers, all tucked under the same white bedsheet. Puffy grey clouds bellowed from rows and rows of chimneys. Just passed the house with the two large evergreens that stood like gentle giants whose arms outstretched towards the sky. And then there it was. The home he had left and locked the door not knowing it would be his last time. It was standing there in quiet darkness, on a night with no moon.

He turned the car off and let the new silence dissolve the vacuum world the car’s heater had been maintaining. He waited there a long time without moving. He waited until the cold crept back in and he could see his breath. He listened to the silence and thought of how the ringing in his ears felt like the loudest rendition of jingle bells. There was nothing else waiting for him so he continued to wait and watch the slowness of a street at night.

After the large portion of a long while, he took a deep breath and pushed the car door open and walked quickly towards the house. The fresh snowfall made the front porch look lumpy with snow. There had been a fresh layer that coated everything perfectly in white marshmallow, yet to be disturbed by scuffling feet.

His foot caught something heavy on the walk way up. Stumbling to the ground, Vic felt his hand move through a layer of snow and into a cardboard box. The snow stung his hand but the humiliation of tripping in front of your ex’s house was much worse. Trying to recover his composure he removed his hand from the box, but as he did he felt a soft something inside. He peered in to discover the teddy bear he had given to Fiona on her birthday one year. It was wet with snow that must have been sitting in the box for days.

His hand searched the box further to find the watch he only wore to weddings and funerals. His favourite mug he bought from a local market. A collection of DVDs he had watched over and over, even when Fiona was more than sick of them. He’d watch them and whisper the dialogue under his breath. Giggling at the same jokes and bawling his eyes out when they got too sad. There were books on plants and fish and bird watching. Near the bottom lay a poetry book about death completely soaked and ruined.

Vic’s face showed no signal of surprise. Nor anger or sorrow. If you were there to see it, his face showed quite nearly nothing but emptiness. As I have said, the light in his eyes had blown out long ago and this was just the last smothering of the wick.

His hand absentmindedly found the box he had tripped on and tore it open. It was full of photo albums and love letters. He saw the photo they took atop The Sleeping Giant, smiling and accomplished, as if they really had been on the top of the world. He remembered the bickering that followed that photograph. When the two of them took the wrong trail back and she threw her engagement ring into the bush somewhere in spite of him. It was likely the most immediate punishment she could have thought of. He spent hours searching for that ring, hoping that by some great chance some higher being would allow that thin gem to glimmer in the faded light. She walked back to the campsite and left him in the woods to search for that small symbol of eternity.

Beside that photo was a Christmas card from the year they had dressed up their dog like an elf. His ears poked up between the little green hat and an oversized toy candy cane was clenched in his teeth to make him look like he was smiling. That year, Fiona returned all the gifts he had boughten her. Perhaps gifts were simply not his strong suit. Perhaps that was just another shortcoming. And then he came upon a bundle of letters, unorganized and crumpled, at the bottom of the box. The first letter began:

Dear Vic,

Words cannot describe how much you mean to me. You’re sweet and loving, and no one can make me laugh like you do. In only a handful of months we’ll be married…

Another answered, frozen in space:

Dear Fiona,

Love of my life, you truly have made me a fool in love. I savour every minute I get to spend with you and wait impatiently for the hours to pass when we are apart. You make me so happy and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you…

The flowery words made him shiver on the frozen pathway. He cradled the soft cardboard box in his arms. The still life of his dead romance staring up at him. He no longer recognized the penmanship. The hands that had inked those pages did not feel like they could have ever been Vic or Fiona’s. What other worldly creatures interacted in such suffocatingly romantic ways. He thought to himself how blatantly obnoxious and ignorant his words had felt. Certainly, she saw right through his desperate attempt for attention and love.

He looked up at the old house. The lights were off. Who knows how late it had become. He supposed it was just as well that she didn’t greet him. Save him the embarrassment of hobbling around the house looking for forgotten items. Save him the contorted way his face twisted when his dog licked his tears from his face. Perhaps he was there too and the two of them were watching and snickering from a darkened room. Naked in their lust for one another. Laughing at the physical comedy of a clumsy man falling into despair again and again.

He lay down in his bed of snow and the stars looked closer than usual. He felt like maybe if he just had a step stool or maybe the ladder from his shed, he could breeze his hand through that luminescent light. There was no movement in those pinhole lights in the dark sky. They were just as frozen as all these buried memories, lost in the snow. He wondered about the unchanging nature of these things and didn’t know what to make of it all. He found that there was too much he simply could not understand anymore.

There was nothing left to do in that place. No epiphany or resolve. He got up and uncovered three other boxes buried under snow. One by one he packed them into the backseat of his car. He didn’t mind the dirt and snow that clung to the bottom of the boxes. Of course, there was no need for these items anymore. No sacredness or romance lived in them anymore. But it bothered him to leave them there on the street like that. After all, he was just as discarded as they were.

Packing the last of the boxes in the car he crumpled and leaned his head against the steering wheel. Once again his tears flowed down his face as his teeth chattered in the cold of the car. He placed his mouth around the wheel’s handle and bit as the blood rushed to his face. He whimpered to himself and screamed and let the snot clog his nose. He punched the steering wheel and rocked himself in the dark. The drive back was a blur with the car packed full of memories. Inconsolably weeping; there was no safe haven to be found in the comfort of the car’s heater or the hot void that once cradled such deep despair. It was just him, and the aloneness was suffocating.

[lordhelpme0-0]

Hello there! Can I request a mdzs headcanon for Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng as parents? Thank you in advance!

A/N: sorry if I responded late!!!! I was busy yesterday doing…things…

ON TO THE SHOW— I mean Hc-!!

Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, & Jiang Cheng:

Fandom: MDZS

Y/N Gender: uhhhh….ANY but maybe leaning towards female..

TW: fluff…lots of fluff and wholesome shit going on

Lan Xichen:

Short answer?

Wholesome, loving, doting, soft af papa over here

The moment you told him you’re gonna adopt/pregnant with a child

“Y/N’er…you’re with a child…?”

He cried…flat out cried when he found out

You worried as you try to comfort

He merely shrugged it off with a laugh

Expect this man to seriously dote on you if your pregnant

He will cuddle you, sing songs, and etc.

But that can be another hc for now

If you both adopted, expect him to be tender af

I can see him with a twin set of boy and girl

Or reference to as the Dragon and Phoenix

Lan Qiren is silently approving and already setting schedule up

Lan Xichen would not hesitate to teach them EVERYTHING

He would even allowed them to suck on Liebing

Flute dads doot do doot-!

Lan Xichen would always reassure them whenever they have a nightmare

Even keeping his door open to comfort

You both would be sleeping until two totters be rumbling in crying

Lan Xichen would smile and let you sleep

He would literally pick them up and comfort them as he continue to do work

Expect Lan Xichen to always be clingy

He already clingy as a husband but phew!

He would be attached and have literal commission on spiritual device of children safety from Wei Wuxian™︎

He would literally fight any man off with a smile for his daugther

His son, he would be careful on the women but lenient

The daughter will have your beauty or handsomeness

She is very calm and collected

Also, the older one by a minute

The son is more broad shouldered and tough

He is silent towards stranger but opens up to be cheerful and loving like his father

Okay maybe not the silent one—he got it from his ShuShu (Wangji)

Lan Xichen is the type of dad to literally have the whole clan to cheer them on whenever they’re in competitions

If his daugther loves to learn cultivation, he will endorse it

If his son wants to be a herbalist or physician, endorsing it

If both his children wants to be travelers, ENDORSE

Seriously, he will give everything to these bundle of joy

Don’t worry, they will be humble and take after their father demeaner

“A-Die, I grown some broccoli (it’s Chinese broccoli btw and it’s good!)”

“I see baobei.”

Yeah, if his sweet darlings give him a mud pie, he would try it literally no question ask

Definitely doting, definitely sweet, definitely papa material

Oh yeah—!

Secretly will give them sweets and pets

But honestly, Lan xichen will raised them to be better than he was

Nie Mingjue:

If he is able to live long enough, but for this. He will

Nie Mingjue will be shocked and stop

Definitely will need Nie Huasiang to snap him to reality

Definitely will doubt himself and wonder how long he can live to see them grow

Nie Mingjue is a gentle giant, but he is strict

Definitely raised them like he did Nie Huasiang

But only softer and more lenient

“Da’Ge! Why are you so mean to me!!”

“Cause you haven’t been a good ShuShu, how many times must I tell you to pick up your ink and brushes?!”

“…”

“A’Jue, be nice to Sang’er.”

“A’Y/n!—“

“Even Jiejie/Gege agrees!”

“Did I say that I agree? You need to be careful when there’s kids around.”

“…” - Nie Mingjue, Nie Huasiang

“JIEJIE/GEGE!!!~~”

“HUASIANG! LET GO OF THEM!!”

Yeah, Huasiang was the “first child” lmao

Nie Mingjue is horribly careful when holding them as infants

Will be tired but still doting

Definitely strict and hopes they don’t have to go through sabers

You and him will have a little boy or girl

But my bets are in the boys until many years later if possible to have a little boy again

The older son will gentle and take after you

The younger son is temperamental but has a baby face you canNOT say no to

The older son will most likely have interest in the arts, but he sticks to saber and military prowess liek his father

Definitely pouts like Nie Mingjue

He will regard Jin Guangyao warily

The younger son will be doted on by EVERYONE

Even Jin Ling and Sizhui will dote on him

I mean— he is young

Nie Mingjue will make sure they’re successful and have intellect

Definitely will send them to Gusu for schooling

Oh yeah, the younger son is a huge romantic like you (lmao—)

Nie Mingjue will definitely sing lullaby’s to them no matter what

Also, he will FIGHT anyone who messes with his child (children-)

Basically a strict yet gentle giant of a pop

He will nurture them while clumsily so

He will learn..eventually with you on tow

Jiang Cheng:

Jiang Cheng will be startled out of his wits

So tell him during lunch

He will be happy internally but crying outside

“A-a’Cheng?!”

“I’m not crying….”

“Jiujiu, why are you crying?”

“Shut up brat!”

“…” - Jin Ling

Prepare the PIER!

Jiang Cheng will want to keep it down on the low, cause of that person

Yeah…that didn’t work…

“I can’t believe my previous DiDi got a bun in the oven~!!”

“WEI. WU. XIAN!!!”

You both will have a quadruplets

Like seriously…

One older boy, and three girls

The brother is a fucking carbon copy of Jiang Cheng to the bone

I’m not even joking-

He will frown and always be pouty

You will chuckle at amusement of seeing them copying each other

There will be dogs, yes.

Jiang Cheng will literally give the whole world to them

Thing is, Jiang is insecure on how he will raise them

In one hand, he don’t wanna be a neglectful ghosting father

On another, he don’t wanna be a angry toxic mom cause of past affairs

Definitely will question everything, but you comfort him throughout it

He will be strict but falls every single time when they cry

Luckily, due to having Jin Ling he be a great dad

Though, same scenario as Huasiang, doting at fuck

Jin Ling will actually babysit them in Lanling so you both can just be with each other

Oh yeah, the girls are all variations

The second oldest is similar to Yanli but has your traits within

The third oldest is completely wild and will not let hesitate to annoy her older brother at times

The youngest is shy and a huge dog person

There is now 8 dogs: Magpie, Magnolia, Diamond the 2nd, princess, flower, Dragon, Tea, and Lotus

Expect Jiang Cheng tirelessly work and take care of four

You will help him out and demand him to sleep

The quadruplet will be innocent (except that the fourth one calls them out all the time)

Basically expect them to be a variation of Jiang Cheng and you

One of them have the same type of men like you do

It’s the fourth one—

Jiang Cheng is hella protective of the girls

The oldest son is also protective

If anyone man ask one of the daughters out, hold Jiang Cheng back before he breaks their leg

Will pout and sulk if they married to another

Jin Ling will be the best cousin, he will also be harsh on the suitors

Sizhui will sigh and teach the 2nd oldest how to do music cultivation

Basically, a protective yet soft dad who wants the best

A/N: I hope they’re to your liking Anon~!! Honestly, I had fun with this one. ^^

[mochinek0]

Rivals AU2

Part 1

"Maybe we'll stop by another time." Alya suddenly announced.

"Um, yeah." Marinette blushed, suddenly reminded that her friends were in the doorway.

"Well, I have to get back to the bakery. Marinette, you can finish dinner, right?" Sabine asked.

"Would it be edible?" Damian questioned.

"Hey!" Mari cried out, "That was one time!"

"You gave me a mud pie." Damian replied.

"We were kids." Marinette shrugged.

"It was actual mud; I took a bite out of it." he said, crossing his arms.

Marinette laughed at the reminder.

"I still won't eat chocolate." he continued, making her laugh harder.

"I think we should go." Alya whispered to the boys, "Bye, Marinette!"

Marinette quickly rushed over and hugged Alya and Nino. As she turned to hug Adrien, Damian shouted, "The food is burning."

"Bye!" she said, running towards the kitchen, "Why didn't you do anything?"

"Alfred banned us from the kitchen." the young Wayne answered.

"What did you do this time?" she asked, as they closed the door to the apartment.

Adrien frowned as the door shut. He had never seen Marinette so happy with a guy, especially not him.

"You don't really think her mom will make them sleep in one bed, right?" Adrien questioned.

"Nah. It's fine for when we're kids, but our bodies are different now and we're aware of that." Alya answered.

"Plus, she has that chaise in her room, too." Nino reminded him.

'Yeah.'

Adrien took one last look at the door and walked down the stairs after his friends.

The day faded to night and both made their way up to Marinette's room. Damian's bags sat in a corner of her room.

"You leave." they both stated.

"It's my room." Marinette complained.

"I'm the guest." Damian countered.

"Do you know what; fine! I can shower." Marinette huffed, grabbing her pj's and headed to the bathroom.

Damian smirked. He felt as if he had won the next battle. He changed into some pajama bottoms and made the decision to wear his wife beater. Damian made his way up to her bed to claim it. He froze at the top of the stairs when he noticed the cat pillow. He certainly wasn't expecting to see the giant cat that he had won for her all those years ago at the carnival.

'I can't believe she kept it. I thought she would have thrown it away by now. I can't believe she still sleeps with it. '

Damian looked down to the swing of her door. Marinette returned to the room with her hair is braided pigtails, a red camisole top with the robin crest and black short. It was easily noticeable that his rival had grown in charms. Damian got into the bed and faced the wall, hiding the flush that conquering his cheeks.

'Why did she have to wear something after me?'

"Night, Dami." Mari yawned, as she turned off the light and climbed into bed with him

'Dammit! I didn't think she would actually get in the bed with me!'

'Dami, doesn't look like a kid anymore. He's a lot more muscular. His shoulders are broader. He's definitely been working out with Dick and everyone else.'

'I just got to stay on this side of the bed.' they thought as they drifted off to sleep.

Sabine went up to Marinette's room as Tom began to set up the bakery. She went up to the bed to check on them. Sabine smiled at the two of them cuddled up in bed together. She hadn't seen her daughter's face this content in a long time. She seemed content with Damian's arms protectively around her. She pulled out her phone and took a picture. As she went down to the bakery, she quickly sent the picture to Bruce.

A couple hours later, Marinette and Damian woke up to the sound of her alarm for school. They blushed as they found themselves intertwined with each other.

"I have school!" Marinette cried out, rushing down the stairs.

She quickly rifled through her closet and was about to change when she froze. She turned her head back to her bed, only to see Damian smirking at her.

"Did you need me to leave?" he questioned.

"Yes!" she growled out.

"Maybe, I should stay." Damian spoke.

Marinette picked up her clothes and took them to her bathroom to change and get ready for her day in peace.

Damian chuckled.

'Point.'

"So," Alya began, "tell me about your mysterious friend."

Marinette sighed, unaware of their audience in the bushes.

"Who was that guy the other day?" the reporter questioned, "You dropped your bag and hugged him like you hadn't seen him in years!"

"I haven't seen him in years." Mari replied.

"Who is he?" Alya asked.

"Damian Wayne." Marinette spoke.

Adrien gulped, knowing the weight that name carried.

"I grew up in Gotham." Marinette began, "Maman and Papa knew his father. His family would watch over me while they worked."

"So, you guys grew up together?" Alya asked.

"Til my parents decided to move to Paris, yeah." Mari shrugged.

"How was it growing up?" Alya questioned, wiggling her eyebrows, "You two seem close."

Marinette rolled her eyes, "Damian and I….have always been at odds. Rivals, if you will. Not the same way Chloe and I are, but rivals, none the less."

"Is that what the point system yesterday was?" the reporter interrogated.

"Yeah. We keep points on who would one up the other since we were kids. Stupid stuff: taking the last doughnut, who was taller, who could get the most compliments, grades. That sorta things." Marinette answered.

"Was your mom serious about you two…you know….sharing a bed?" Alya questioned.

"Yeah. It wasn't a big deal." Mari replied with a shrug, "We've done it before."

Adrien frowned at the revelation.

"Like the same way little kids bathe together?" Alya teased.

"I guess. I don't really remember if we have or not, but I do know my size chart is etched into his house. He was so mad when I got taller then him." Marinette giggled.

"He's not so tiny now." her friend commented.

"Well, no." the Gothamite responded avoiding her gaze.

"And I'm sure he's grown in other places." Alya goaded.

Marinette looked down at her hands, blushing red, "I wouldn't know."

"Oh come on!" Alya shouted, "You're telling me you didn't even peek?"

"He's definitely muscular" Marinette responded, biting her lip, "but Damian's always been athletic."

"Really; how so?" the journalist questioned, "Football? Wrestling? Girl, give me the deets!"

"Um, well, we did gymnastics together with his eldest brother so I know we're both really flexible." Mari admitted, "He's skilled in martial art and with a blade."

"You mean fencing?" Alya asked, "Like Adrien?"

"No." Mari claimed, shaking her head, "Real swords, like samurai blades and stuff."

"Isn't that…I don't know…dangerous?" Alya asked freaking out.

"Well, his mother taught him when she had custody of him so he knows what he's doing. His dad wasn't happy about it, but he made sure that Damian does it in a safe area where he can't hurt anyone, since he wanted to continue doing it. Usually, it's when he needs to clear his mind and think things through." Marinette shrugged.

"So, what you're telling me, is that you have a literal Adonis sleeping in bed with you." she commented.

"I wouldn't really call him an 'Adonis'." Mari spoke, turning away from Alya.

'Although I did feel safe in his arms when I woke up. I was comfortable when I woke up on his chest and with his arms wrapped around me.'

"Really? What would you call him?" her friend teased, trying to get a good look at her friend's face.

"The annoying brat who steals my doughnuts." Mari responded without hesitation, making Adrien chuckle in the bushes.

"Is that right, Fairy Princess?" Damian asked, announcing his presence.

Marinette turns to see Damian and glares at him, while Alya is fascinated by their interaction together.

"Only Nona still calls me 'Little Fairy' now." Marinette commented.

"And what am I, but not your 'Fata Re', Titania?" he smirked.

Adrien glared at their interaction.

'Who does he think he is to call himself Marinette a queen and dub himself her king?'

Marinette blushed, as she got up and pulled him away from Alya.

"You can't call me that!" Mari stated, angrily.

Damian only smirked at her flustered state. He couldn't help but wonder why she seemed so scary when angered as a child. If anything, her face looked cute with her pouty angered look.

"Why not?" he asked, "Are you not mine, Titania?"

Mari blushed, but took a step towards him, "Are you mine then, Oberion?"

Damian took a step into her space, bringing attention to his new height as he overshadowed her. Damian leaned down, tilted her chin to him, and placed a kiss upon her cheek, before whispering, "One point for me."

Marinette stumbled backwards, holding her cheek where he had kissed her. Damian turned and walked away, deciding to walk around Paris.

Adrien couldn't believe that Damian had done that.

'He kissed Mari! It seemed much more intimate then when she had kissed my cheek a couple years ago; why is that?'

Alya's squeal brought Marinette back to attention.

"Damian, get back here or you're gonna be sorry!" Marinette shouted.

Damian looked over his shoulder and waved off her notion of vengeance.

Alya pulled Mari into her arms and cried out, "He kissed you!"

"For a god damn point!" Marinette hissed.

"What?" Alya asked, pulling away, "What are you gonna do?"

"Make sure I come out on top!" Mari declared, running after him.

"Didn't you kiss him first?" Alya shouted, causing Marinette to trip and fall.

Damian looked behind to see Marinette on the floor. Their eyes met and he could immediately tell she was hiding herself. This wasn't his Titania. He gave her a well deserved glare and walked away to cool off. Marinette lowered her head as she got up. She knew she had hidden herself away when she came to Paris. Apparently, Damian was aware of that now and wanted no part of the new Marinette.

"Are you okay?" Alya asked rushing over, as her friend took longer to get up.

"Yeah." she replied heading back to the bench and grabbed her stuff.

"Weren't you going after him?" Alya questioned, grabbing her things.

"No." Mari commented, walking in the opposite direction.

Adrien wasn't sure what had happened, but it was obvious something had happened in that small amount of time that she fell. Marinette remained distant and had a sad demeanor the rest of the day after her interaction with Damian.

Damian walked with Marinette back to the school when she said she wanted to cheer on her friends on the fencing team. She had said they were practicing for a tournament. Damian watched as the practiced but soon took to looking at his phone. Taking offense, Kagami went over to the pair.

"Are we boring you?" she questioned Damian.

"Yes." he replied, not looking up from his phone.

"Do you think you could do better?" Kagami asked.

"Yes." Damian answered, glaring at her.

"Damian!" Marinette scolded him.

"You know, as well as I do, this is child's play." Damian replied to Mari.

"I challenge you." Kagami demanded, "Or are you scared?"

"I'm scared of nothing." Damian growled, taking a stand.

Mari sighs as Damian walked with Kagami over to the fencing teacher, explaining the situation.

"Oh no." Mari grumbles as Adrien takes a seat next to her.

"Will Damian be okay?" he asks, making her jump.

Damian turns and glares in their direction. Marinette crosses her arms and sticks out her tongue.

"He'll be fine." she grumbled, watching as they took their stances.

Adrien was shocked as Damian was quick to strike Kagami. He hadn't even seen him move and from the looks of it, neither had Kagami. He glanced over at Marinette to see her rolling her eyes. Apparently, she knew he would do that. As they restarted the match, Damian stayed in stance and allowed Kagami to approach. He dodged and easily earned another point, deciding the match.

"Will you join our team?" Mr. Delencour asked, "We'll be unstoppable!"

"I'm only visiting." Damian spoke, "I haven't decided for how long yet."

Damian shed the loner equipment off his body, revealing his glistening muscles. Marinette blushed as she watched her old friend's muscles flex. Damian caught notice and quickly flicked the foil at her and pressed it under her chin, bringing her gaze up to his.

"Grab an ice cream with me, Fairy." He smirked.

Marinette nodded as Damian grabbed his shirt and left the equipment in their place. Adrien frowned at Marinette's reaction. She never seemed like the type to care about appearances.

"Who was that?" asked Kagami.

"Marinette's childhood friend." Adrien answered, grabbing the equipment to put away, "He's visiting."

"Seems like more then a friend to me." Kagami smiled.

"Like what?" the young Agreste asked, "Best friends?"

"Perhaps, but maybe, something more soon." she stated, "Keep me informed."

Adrien knew today had been hard on Marinette. Lila had been harsh with her treatment today and he could see Marinette wasn't having it. He knew Marinette was kind so he wasn't sure why she couldn't be kind to Lila until everyone else figured it out. He decided it was best to remind her to take the high road. He didn't expect to find her childhood friend yelling at her. Adrien opened her door very slightly to listen in and stop her friend if he was too harsh.

"What happened to you?" Damian shouted, "You've gone soft! Pink! I thought you hated the color? You always wore red! You said it made you feel powerful! You never let me push you around so why are you letting that liar do it to you?"

"I'm…taking the high road?" Marinette mumbled out.

"What kind of bullshit is that?" the young Wayne questioned, "Where did you go, Angel? This isn't you! You have always been a strong and fierce person. This….weak, clumsy act you portray isn't you."

"Someone one told me it was a better route." Mari spoke.

"Better for you or for her?" he demanded, making her shrink back, "Is that person even thinking about your feelings? I've been here for almost a month! I've seen you make multiple copies of your homework, knowing that your class will ruin it. I've seen how they trip you in the halls. I've heard the rumors and I know none of them are true. I hold you every night as you sob in your sleep. Have they seen how everyone turns away from you in her favor?"

Marinette's lip quivered as she tried to stay strong.

"Are they the one holding you? Are they calming you down when Akumas come after you?" Damian asked.

'Akumas?'

Adrien gulped as he watched tears flow down his friend's face.

Damian sighed, "I know you can handle yourself. We did the same training. You can easily dodge her attempts. So why listen to this idiot?"

"I liked him." Marinette admitted, not realizing Adrien was eavesdropping.

Adrien could feel his face burn, but at the same time, he was frozen to his spot. He couldn't look away; he couldn't breathe. Marinette had listened to him because she had liked him? Did she not believe in the high road, as he did?

Damian growled and pulled Marinette close to him, "He's nothing! You got that, Habibiti!"

Time froze as Damian grabbed her chin and forced her to meet his eyes.

"You're mine, Titania!" he declared before leaning down and kissing her.

Adrien waited with bated breath for Marinette to push her friend away, to shout at him, something….anything, but Damian pulled away first.

"Mari?" Damian whispered, as a new set of tears cascaded down her eyes.

"I'm yours, Oberion." Mari spoke, before pushing herself into the next kiss.

Wordlessly, Adrien left.

Next week, the class was shocked by Marinette's transformation. She had arrived to class early and dressed differently. She was wearing a black top, red shorts, black thigh highs and black laced up boots.

Marinette's new appearance radiated power, strength, confidence. Adrien felt like he was standing next to his partner. Marinette walked up to Bustier's desk and slammed a large folder on her desk.

"I am tired of sitting idly by and watching you all potentially ruin your futures." she spoke, "This folder contains all the lies Lila has told all of you! Lila claims to have a lying disability that both Mr. Damocles and Miss Bustier thought it was better you had no knowledge of."

Lila paled as people looked at the large folder.

"I believe it's harmful for you all to take her word on everything." Mari continued, "I'm not saying you all can't be friends. I want her to have friends. My only issue with Lila is that if she lies constantly and takes actions when she is stressed, like when she put the Gabriel brand fox necklace, she called an heirloom, in my locker. At that moment, that should have been a time to contact her mother to see what else she has lied about. Until better actions are taken, I will be resigning as class president and Miss Bustier, you can do your own work."

Marinette walked to her seat with her head held high as the class began to question their teacher and go look at the folders.

Alya turned to Marinette and frowned.

"Marinette, I'm really sorry I didn't believe you. You were right when you said it could effect our futures and I posted so much stuff on my blog. I should have never asked you for references; I'm the one who wants to be a reporter, not you." Alya apologized, "I have to ask though, where did you get the power-boost from?"

"My boyfriend." Mari smiled, "He reminded me of who I was. I don't need to please people and that's who I became when I moved to Paris. You can take the girl out of Gotham, but you can't take Gotham out of the girl."

"Oh, so he's your boyfriend now?" Alya teased.

"Yep." Marinette responded, enjoying the chaos around her.

"What about?" Alya asked, motioning towards Adrien.

"Adrien? He was a lost cause from the start. I think I knew that. I was always trying to put him first." Marinette shrugged, "Damian reminded me that I need to come first. Somewhere over the years, between Gotham and Paris, I lost myself. I hated the color pink and it's all I wore. I needed a major overhaul in my life."

"It's a big one!" the reporter complimented, "You look fierce."

"Thanks!" the little Gothamite replied, "I just wish I had been myself from the start."

"What's with the clothes?" questioned Alix, inviting herself into the conversation.

"My boyfriend helped me empty my closet and I donated those clothes. He took my shopping for a couple things and some fabrics. He said he wanted to see the real me, at least until I made myself some new clothes." Marinette answered.

"If this is how you're dressing now, I make take you up on a couple commissions." Alix stated.

"Me too." Juleka spoke.

Lila slammed her hands on her desk and shouted, "It’s all a lie! My boyfriend, Damian Wayne, will hear about this! He'll sue you and you'll be sorry that you smeared my good name, Marinette!"

Immediately, Alya and Nino broke down in laughter, while Adrien shook his head. He knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Lila questioned.

"Cause Damian Wayne has been here for two weeks. The 'weird' guy who hangs around Mari and is living with her; that's Damian Wayne?" Nino announced, "They're childhood friends and are now dating. Even her parents know him."

The class immediately turned on Lila and glared at her.

"You're just a liar. I don't mind being friends with you, I just won't believe you when you say something." Alya spoke up, "I'm not gonna waste my time waiting for you when we go to the movies, but you 'forgot' your wallet or 'suddenly' can't make it. Prove you want to be friends with us."

Lila gathered up her things and rushed out of class, upset the her plans had finally fallen through. They could all see through her ruse and she'd have to work hard to gain back their trust, even a bit.

The class quickly began to apologize to Marinette, ignoring Bustier's cries for Lila to return to class. They were all too busy to see the purple butterfly that fluttered onto her lipstick case once more.

"Settle down, Class!" Zombizou declared, "We need to show Lila how much we love her! Marinette, you are the first person that needs to show Lila how much we care about her. You have only shown her hate!"

Marinette got up from her seat and replied, "Of course, Miss Bustier! Lila needs to know how much we love her!" before fleeing to transform. Most of the class was hot on her heels, calling for Lila so they could 'forgive her' and hide quickly.

As she battled Zombizou in the class room, Chat Noir had managed to transform and show up.

Chat Noir dodged Zombizou's kiss flurry.

"I'm sorry!" he shouted, "I was held up!"

Ladybug wrapped her yo-yo around Zombizou's wrist, yanking the akuma towards her. She quickly ducked her akumatized teacher and smashed the lipstick.

"Miraculous Ladybug!" she cried and ran off shouting, "I'm sure you can take care of this, Chat!"

Marinette dropped into her room and sighed, "Tikki, Spots Off."

When she looked up, she realized that had been a mistake. Damian was standing in her room. She could tell he probably wanted an explanation, but instead that devilish smirk appeared across his face. Marinette panicked believing he would tattle on her. Instead, he walked up to her, pulled her against him and kissed her.

"Damian?" she squeaked out.

"I always knew My Queen was powerful, especially in red." he replied to the unasked question, "I'll walk you back to class. Besides, I have some secrets of my own to share. Tonight?"

Marinette nodded as she calmed her heart. Her secret was exposed, but Damian didn't seem to mind one bit. She had been told to guard it with her life. There was no chance of even speaking with Tikki, until later, to know what she thought.

"Let's take a walk through the park." Damian suggested, "You look like you need a moment."

Adrien ran back towards the school, but hid at what appeared to be an intimate moment between Marinette and Damian. He peered from behind the bush and saw something he didn't expect to: a red kwami he knew he'd seen before.

'Marinette is Ladybug!'

Adrien felt his excitement bubble up as he could finally be with his lady, but his dreams were quickly squashed.

"So, My Lovely Red Queen, I believe we have an arrangement to consider." Damian spoke.

"Arrangement?" Mari questioned, "I believe you will be returning to the underworld soon, My Dove."

"Soon, but then I shall capture you once more and you will be mine." the young Wayne quipped.

"I care not for cages." she smiled.

"You could soar under the stars with me." Damian replied.

Marinette giggled, "Can you even see the stars back home?"

"From the top of my tower." he answered.

Adrien watched as Marinette leaned against him and Damian pulled her closer.

"You know, I thought I loved before, but I was only under a spell." Marinette spoke, "I have no feelings for someone so beneath me, who wouldn't even take my feelings into consideration."

"What about the cat?" Damian asked, getting up from the bench.

'He knows?'

"Not yet." Mari replied, "I've told him I have no feelings for him. He is still my partner and my friend."

"If he lays a paw on you, I have no qualms taking his place, even by force." Damian stated.

"I'm not a damsel in distress." Mari growled back, poking him in the chest.

"No, you're not." the young Wayne spoke, "You never have been.

Mari leaned in, got on her tip toes and placed a kiss on Damian's lips.

"My Dark Knight turned King." she smiled, leaving her arms around his neck.

"My Fierce Queen." Damian smirked, before leaning down for another kiss.

Adrien panted as he leaned against the wall and let his tears fall.

All that time, his Princess was his Lady. He had never tried to see the kind of person Marinette was, not even when he had visited as Chat Noir. She had loved him and he had let her down. He never saw the strength behind her eyes, but her Fata Re did.

@daminette-december2019-2020

MASTERLIST COMING SOON!!!

PERMANENT TAG LIST:  @animeweebgirl @a-star-with-a-human-name @meme991001 @rosiesimone819 @alysrose-starchild @vixen-uchiha @abrx2002 @fandom-trapped-03 @dood-space @moonlightstar64 @saltymiraculer @loveswifi @marveldcedits20 @09shell-sea09 @icerosecrystal @animegirlweeb @insane-fangirl-of-everything @daughterofdeathgod

[thegirlwhohid]

Another soldier and activist, Victor Tregubov, translated this poem into English:

Let me tell you a story

about a giant cat

ginger

like dry August grass

with a lone chest of white

and sad eyes

of green

as green olive oil

so often he squints his eyes

like has a thesis to study

‘cause here there’s not much of a sun

and when have you seen it last time

once

when autumn just started

he was a local mice’s bane

hey

that's the big ginger cat’s dugout

run for your life

pronto, pronto

they whispered one to another

Once he

tried to catch one of them

in a lazy

but phenomenal leap

flying over the stove

with the fire open and blue

and now burned

unkempt

funny curled

like one famous painter’s

and not-so-long-now whiskers

remind us of that epic leap

He’s sitting on the edge of the sleeping shelf

near the entrance of our dugout

covered with two layers of blankets

and watching something

through the little slits

or maybe

someone

an enemy or a friend

a fox or a human

he’s waiting

The cat knows

every small trail

every trench hole dugout

he has a secret

when outside roars and bellows

terribly loud and fearsome chaotic clamor

and the ground shakes

that’s ancient giants awaken

to go somewhere mind their own business

in a second, he jumps

into the hole in the sheathing

and he won’t lean out

no, no way

until the giants are tired

When he goes to sleep

he slowly stretches his tiny front paws

he dreams of summer

of an intact brick house

of chickens

that run in the yard

of children

who can treat with a meat pie

I accidentally drop my helmet

it falls into a mud

the cat awakens

squints his eyes

carefully checks his surroundings

that’s kin:

falls asleep.

💔 A Ukrainian poet and soldier, Maksym Kryvtsov, was killed by Russians at the front. He first volunteered for the Armed Forces of Ukraine in 2014. After the full-scale Russian invasion began in 2022, he returned to its ranks to defend Ukraine.

Just yesterday, Maksym posted a photo with his new poetry book called "Poems from the loophole". It was recognised by PEN Ukraine, an NGO protecting freedom of speech and authors' rights, as one of the best Ukrainian books of 2023.

Shortly before his death, Maksym also posted a photo with his ginger cat on Instagram. The cat, to whom he had dedicated a poem, died with him.

Russia keeps killing Ukrainian poets and trying to destroy our culture. The evil must be held accountable for every crime, every life, and every word taken away.

Photos: Maksym Kryvtsov / Facebook

[bokettochild]

Perils of a Pumpkin Patch

Blame the lovely folks over at @ordonianhero‘s blog for this! This is on them and @mayonakaotsumami for creating this idea!

 Time sighs.

 He loved his pup, by some days, Twilight could be a real idiot.

 “Explain to me what the problem is again?” The eldest hero shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as Legend continues to cackle breathlessly, the veteran hero wheezing for breath that was only stolen with continued laughter, bent over and holding his ribs as he attempted to wheeze out words that continued to make no sense. “Deep breaths, kit.” He reminds, a small smile pulling at his face at the pure joy and mischief on the usually stoic teen’s face.

 “I’m trying!” Legend’s breath whistles between his teeth, giggles continuing to spill out for a few minutes as breath after deep breath was pulled into heaving lungs.

 “Now,” Time motions towards the vet, leaving the word hanging, it’s intent clear as Legend coughs lightly.

 The vet’s face was still flushed pink, eyes sparkling with mischief that makes him look far closer to his actual age, the teen practically bouncing on his toes. “Twilight got stuck.” Legend chuckles, smirk setting in with an almost feral hint to it. “In a pumpkin!”

 The old man blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice.

 “I’m not sure why I’m surprised.” He finally forces out, shaking his head again as Legend all but dances in place.

 “He needs our help.” Legend continues. “He’s in wolf form and if Wars sees he’s gonna lose it!” The vet cackled softly. “Honestly, I’m half tempted to tell him, but Twi says I owe him, and-” The vet shrugs easily. “He’s not wrong.”

 “Alright, kit.” Time isn’t dumb, he saw the pink bunny hiding in the bushes, and he knows a shifter when he sees one. Legend’s aura is full of diverse twists and turns, but there’s the dark strain of a shifter that weaves in with the other unique abilities and powers, and he’d known the instant that Legend walked back into camp weeks ago with pink hair, aura flaring and still settling down again, exactly what had happened.

 Callused hands reach over to ruffle the vet’s locks. The blue cap had been lost while they work the ranch, and it offers free access to fluffy pink hair, making the vet’s nose twitch as he darts away from the touch.  

 “Come on. We’d best get him loose.”

 Wolfie’s head is indeed trapped inside of a pumpkin.

 Time has to pause to hold back a laugh for a minute when he sees it, lifting a hand to his mouth to hide a smile that Twilight can’t see anyway from within the pumpkin prison. Harsh barks and whines echo from within the gourd as Legend saunters over, tone light and feet lighter as he moves towards the wolf, who’s paws push desperately at the orange walls around his head.

 “Twi, I got the old man. Hold still so we can get that thing off of you.” The vet giggles slightly as he speaks, and a strained whine meets the words. Time can almost see his protégé's face, unamused and nearly a pout, and the thought makes his laugh lightly as he steps over, inspecting his trapped pup.

 “Hylia, pup, you really got yourself stuck, huh?”

 “I would have expected this of the Champion.” Legend teases. “Not you ranch-hand.”

 Another strained whine sounds from the pumpkin headed wolf.

 “Alright, kiddo, we’ll get you out.” Time is already rolling up his sleeves, inspecting the pumpkin and dog combo with a calculating eye as Legend stands aside expectantly. “Kit, grab the pumpkin, I’ll get the pup, when I say pull, dig those pegasus boots-” He cuts off as his eyes dart down to see that Legend is...barefoot.

 One brow cocks, unimpressed, at the vet, who only shrugs off his stare. “They hurt my feet when I wear them too long.”

 “Get new ones?” He blinks slowly.

 “Doesn’t work.” Legend huffs, already moving in front of Twilight, hands working to find a grip on the giant orange gourd that traps Twilight’s head. “Flat feet don’t fit right in any shoe.”

 “Right.” He’ll need to talk to Four about fixing tat problem later. “Well, get a good grip on the ground and pull, I’ll hold him back.”

 “You act like he’s gonna charge me.” The vet snickers, and Wolfie’s whine joins the teen’s voice, nearly insulted.

 “Alright, on three. One. Two. Three!”

 Time’s arms lock around the giant wolf, but as Legend pulls at the lareg pumpkin the dirt underneath his skids and slips, and the vet’s feet fly out from under him, landing him firmly on his ass as Time snorts out a short bout of laughter.

 “Switch.” Legend grumbles, but doing so yields the same results, Time’s hearty pull on the pumpkin only dragging Wolfie out of Legend’s arms and sending the vet face first into the dirt.

 “New plan.” Legend groans, rubbing his sore backside as Time crouches to wipe mud off of the teen’s face.

 “I could try and cut it off, but-”

 Wolfie’s bark is desperate, and Legend frowns. “Might be our only option, pops.”

 The vet is sent to run back to the house, faster than Time and needing to loosen up his limbs again after being thrown to the ground like a discarded toy, and Time is left with his protégé, a pumpkin clad head resting in hs lap as he runs his hands through the canine’s long fur, stifling chuckles each time he glances down at the orange mess in his lap.

 “You really did it this time, eh Pup? What on earth could have prompted you to stick your head in there?”

 Twilight’s wolf form prevents him from understanding the whine that echoes from the pumpkin, and the reminded of his protégé's plight only has Time stifling laughter again, shaking lightly when Malon and Legend make their way to the garden gate, Malon with a sharp kitchen knife in hand as she weaves around the entrance, light laughter floating on the air as she watches Legend climb the gate rather than walk through, the vet darting back over with a sheepish smile as he meets Time’s eyes.  

 “Mamalon wouldn’t let me grab any weapons.”

 He wonders if Legend hears his slip, but there's no doubt Malon heard it if the way she smiles, pink tinging her cheeks as her eyes twinkle brightly while she crouches at his side.

 “Good heavens, how’d he come by this pickle?”  

 “Only Nayru knows.” Time shrugs, and Wolfie’s despairing whine only adds to the canine’s shame as Malon gently pats his shoulder.  

 “Don’t you fuss, love. We’ll get you out of there in a sec.” Green eyes dart up to meet Time’s own. “I brought a blunter one. It should cut through alright, but at the most will poke him a bit if it hits him. I haven’t sharpened it in ages, so he should be fine.”

 The eager and desperate wiggle of the wolf’s hindquarters and the thumping of his tail draws smiles to their faces, and Time nods firmly. “Give us your orders, ma’am.”

 It falls to Legend to hold the pumpkin still while Time keeps the wolf inside still, and it’s Malon who carefully slices through the orange gourd, handing off pieces to the vet, who carefully places them in a clean pail to prevent spoiling them in the dirt. When Wolfie’s head emerges, it’s covered in pumpkin guts and seeds, and the mutts nose it dripping orange as he sneezes and huffs.  

   Black swirls around them as dog transforms back to Hylian, and then the ranch hand sit there, head, shoulders and hair covered in seeds while laughter rings loud and boisterous in his ears from the family around him.

 “Right then.” Malon wipes some seed from her boy’s cheeks, laughter making her voice shake as he tries shaking off the rest of it, only succeeding in shaking gunk all over them. “Guess he’s free now.”

 “This is utterly disgusting.” Legend grins, shaking orange off of his hands and back into Twilight’s hair, prompting a very wolfie growl from the rancher, and then Twilight’s launching himself out of Time’s lap and at Legend, pinning the smaller boy to the ground and shaking orange gunk and seeds all over the loudly protesting vet.

 “I’ll run baths.” Time chuckles as he watches the two, helping Malon collect the last of the pumpkin’s flesh and the knife into her pail.

 “You do that.” A chaste kiss is pressed to his lips as green eyes wink at him. “I’ll get back to the kitchen, we might as well have pie for dinner after all this bother.”

 Her hsvand’s eyes light up, and Legend kciks at the larger boy on top of him, violet twinkling as he tries to meet their eyes. “Pie?”

 “No! Please! No more pumpkins!” Twilight pleads, shooting around to stare pleadingly at the two adults, giving Legend the perfect opportunity to break free, the vet knocking over his brother and darting behind Malon’s skirts with a cheeky grin when Twilight’s midnight eyes turn to him with a scowl.

 “You ruin a pumpkin with pay, I'm gonna make the best of the leftovers.” Malon scolds.

 “There was a keese.” Twilight protests, almost whimpers, red tinging his cheeks.

 Green, royal blue and violet stare at him, each blinking slowly as laughter breaks out again over the garden, Twilight’s protests and excuses snowballing as he tries, fruitlessly, to make the stop.

 “Right.” Malon, scoops up one of the pails of pumpkin. “Link, I trust you’ll help our pup clean up?”

 “Yes ma’am.”

 “Good.” Sharp eyes, rupee green, turn to the vet. “I hear you bake rather well; would you like to help?”

 “He’s covered in pumpkin too!” Twilight protests.

 Legend pokes his tongue out at his brother before turning an absolutely radiant smile on Malon, one that easily rival’s Warriors’ flirtatious one. “Lead the way, ma’am!”

[thatslikely]

Seasons- G.W. Headcannons

dating George Weasley through the seasons

Warnings: mentions of food, but it's all fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: just thought it would be fun! Let me know if you want this for any other characters!

George Taglist: @hufflepuff5972

if you want to be added to the taglist, reply to this post, send me an ask, or dm me!

I recommend listening to this playlist while reading for the best experience!

----

Winter

On the first snowfall of the season, you two definitely built an adorable little snowman, complete with coal eyes (you probably stole Ron's scarf for his neck). You told George about the muggle story Frosty the Snowman, and he tried to find a spell to recreate Frosty.

The next day, you two gradually started amassing a large snowman army. Inevitably, in the middle of construction, George betrayed you with an icy snowball to your back.

Naturally, this incited a five day-long snowball war that increasingly got more and more intense. George was surprisingly good at building sturdy snow forts, so you never really stood a chance against his defences. He could have probably constructed a 7 foot tall barricade in a matter of minutes!

Even if you two are locked in battle, he'll always take time to admire the way the white snowflakes rest in your hair so beautifully, as well as the fiery determination behind your eyes.

Fiesty battles aside, George always made sure that you were warm and cozy after a long day in the cold, making homemade hot cocoa using Molly's famous recipe.

One day, long after the ‘Snow Skirmish’, you convince him to go ice skating with you; he absolutely fell in love with it. For a while, he had to hold onto your arms for balance, which led to a lot of falls considering he's a giant compared to you.

Eventually he got the hang of it and you taught him how to play muggle hockey, which he picked up quite quickly. He eventually got all the Weasleys hooked, and they held weekly tournaments. You were always George's favorite cheerleader.

If he ever became a little too cocky, he'd fall face-first onto the hard ice, which always brought a small smile to your face. He always laughed with you, too.

On snowless days, however, you two went on 'expeditions', which entailed peaceful walks through the woods, hand-knitted gloves intertwined.

You'd always keep your eyes peeled for birds or foxes, and occasionally he swore he saw a yeti. You were surprised he never got Fred to dress up in a yeti suit, at least not yet.

Spring

One word: picnics.

You spent the majority of springtime down at the Burrow, enjoying the pleasant spring weather. There were huge multicolored flower fields surrounding George's childhood home, making it even more fitting for the season.

Some days, he'd take you down to the creek past the Burrow, and the two of you would stand ankle-deep in the cool, flowing water. Sometimes, if he was feeling a bit mischievious, he’d splash you with some of the refreshing water, you quickly returning the favor.

Occasionally, he'd try to catch a little leaping frog, holding it carefully in his big palms. He was enchanted by the tiny creature, and without fail, he always begged you to let him keep it.

"But Terrance needs a home! We can make him a terrarium and everything! Please?"

Some days, he'd take you up to the Tree, which laid on a soft, grassy hill in the middle of a luscious yellow flower field. A single tire swing hung from its burly and ancient branches.

Often times, he'd sit at the base of the trunk, either dozing off or humming a song from his youth. If you chose to sit with him, however, he'd braid your hair perfectly and pick some colorful flowers to accent it.

"My little Angel, you look so pretty with flowers in your hair."

You'd always pick some petals for his ginger mop, too.

"Now we're matching, Georgie. Daffodils compliment your hair beautifully."

He loved to push you in the tire swing. He was far too big to fit in it now, to your dismay, but he was perfectly satisfied pushing you back and forth in it. It almost reminded him of rocking a baby cradle.

On rainy days, he'd fetch old rain boots from the attic. He'd always wear Bill's old pair, you wearing his'. The area around the small creek was all muddy, and you can't tell me he wouldn't make mud pies. Even if he's way too old for them.

"Darling, would you care for a pie?"

"And what does it taste like, exactly?"

"It's my signature flavor, mud!"

Summer

I firmly believe George is a good cook. He just is (see my chef!George fic for elabroation).

One sweltering day, you and him went out to the gardens and pick ripe, ruby-red strawberries to chop up and make into homemade strawberry ice cream.

His ice cream would surpass Fortescue's by a lot. Like it's scary. From then on, he made it every Saturday morning, even on chilly winter days.

Sometimes he'd turn adventurous and try some new flavors, which were normally pretty good, until he got a little too creative and made caramel watermelon ice cream. From then on, he stuck with the classics.

In the evenings, a small bonfire was lit and all the Weasleys spent the night drinking and dancing. Bill held a guitar concert, George and Arthur grilled up some hot dogs (which were juicy and delcious), Fred set off some fireworks, and Ginny held fiercely competitive broom races.

When everyone went inside, exhausted, you and George stayed outside, listening to the crickets chirping and admiring the clear, country sky. He pointed out his favorite constellations to you, reenacting the myths behind them with you as his co-actor (you can't tell me we wouldn't let you fake-stab him and he'd fall to the grass super dramatically).

Beach days: a must have.

George would definitely wear red/maroon swim trunks, and there would always be a white stripe of sunscreen on his freckled nose, even after he furiously rubbed it in.

He'd always love the bathing suit you sported, whether it was a gingham bikini or a gorgeous silver one piece. He loved you so much, you never felt self conscious around him.

He'd take you to a secret, tucked-away beach, and you two would spend the day building elaborate sand castles, burying you deep in the sand, and searching for pretty sea shells and sand dollars.

“Where do you think you’re going, Mister? You can’t just leave me buried under the san like this!”

“Someone’ll find you eventually. I just want all the icecream for myself, what can I say? Oh fine, I’ll dig you up, darling.”

Autumn

Autumn at the Burrow was like nothing else. There was always a seemingly endless supply of pumpkin juice and apple juice on tap, and traditions were ampted up to the max.

Pumpkin carving was taken very seriously, and you and George were no exceptions. You and him were never artsy per se, but you always tried your hardest together to crave an intricately designed pumpkin. It always turned out pretty decent, to your surprise.

George and Fred would constantly wear scary masks and hide around he Burrow, or plant fake spiders in the cupboards in hopes of scaring Ron. It always worked.

Since the weather was so nice and chilly, he'd always go around the woods with you collecting a pile of some good sticks for a tree fort. He always carried the branches, and you collected the prettiest orange leaves you could find, for a collage or scrapbook.

All fall, he worked on building a small, secluded tree fort, which was definitely worth it in the end. You two stayed up late into the night, telling ghost stories, kissing, or inviting the whole Weasley clan for a good old fashioned game of Truth or Dare.

As for Halloween, you guys already know he goes overboard. He decorated every inch of every wall with black and orange streamers, fake cobwebs, and little baby pumpkins. It was always really sweet; he'd always wear a proud grin after the whole house was adorned to his liking.

For costumes, I'm 99% sure that you two would always do pun-y couple costumes think him dressing up as a cereal box and you as a killer, or him as a ghost and you a pepper).

You two would also 100% go to a costume store, and buy as much cheap hair gel as you could, all so you two could make each spiky Mohawks (you'd never admit it to George, but he pulled them off).

One time, he let you take him to a muggle farm for the day. You decided it would be fun to do a corn maze. The both of you got lost for three hours. From then on, he just stuck with hay rides.

Spending time with George was always fun, year-round.

[luckyxcharm]

Halloween Questionnaire

1. Childhood fear? The Bogeyman 2. Favorite childhood Halloween costume? Ariel 3. Favorite scary Halloween movie? Halloween 4. Favorite nonscary Halloween movie? Hocus Pocus 5. Creepiest experience? My brother wearing the mask from Scream! 6. Magic spell of choice? Accio 7. Favorite Halloween candy? Candy Apples 8. Nonfavorite Halloween candy? Reese’s 9. Favorite adult Halloween costume? Harley Quinn 10. Least likely Halloween costume? Spider 11. Place likeliest to haunt if you were a ghost? Zachary’s house 12. Are you a good witch or a bad witch? I can be both 13. Favorite scary creature/monster of the night ever? Godzilla 14. Would you rather meet a vampire or meet a werewolf? A vampire 15. Would you rather trick or treat in your neighborhood or a different neighborhood? In a different neighborhood 16. Would you rather visit a cemetery or visit a pet cemetery at midnight? A cemetery 17. Would you rather visit a haunted house or a haunted graveyard? Haunted House 18. Would you rather walk through a graveyard at midnight or spend a night in a spooky abandoned old house? Walk through a graveyard 19. Scariest movie villain of all time? Freddy Krueger 20. If you were stuck in a room with one horror movie villain, who would you pick? Michael Myers 21. Which cookie cutter shape is your favorite? A Ghost 22. Do you eat pumpkin seeds? Yes! 23. Are you scared of spiders? I used to be! 24. If a witch knocked on your door, would you let her in, close the door, or yell for Mom or Dad? Let her in 25. Do you believe in ghosts? YES! 26. If you found a witch's broom just lying about, where is the first place you would fly to? To the beach 27. Would you rather dunk for apples or carve a jack-lantern? Carve a jack O’Lantern 28. Would you rather get a surprise visit from Frankenstein's monster or a surprise visit from The Headless Horseman? The Headless Horseman 29. Would you rather be dressed up as Superman / Wonder Woman or as Batman / Catwoman? Wonderwoman 30. Would you rather go to a real haunted house or watch a horror movie marathon? A real haunted house 31. Would you rather have a creative costume or a scary costume? Scary costume 32. Would you rather be absolutely terrified of the dark or be afraid of the thing underneath your bed? Be afraid of the thing under my bed! 33. Would you rather get attacked by a giant spider or a spooky skeleton? A Skeleton 34. Would you rather be scared or make someone else scared? Both! 35. Do you ever see figures in your peripheral vision? YES! 36. Do you believe in multiple dimensions or worlds? I do! 37. Ever made a potion of any sort? Does a mud pie count? 38. You're home alone but hear footsteps in your house, what do you do? Hide in my closet 39. If you got trapped in one scary movie, which would you choose? Halloween 40. In a zombie apocalypse what is your weapon of choice? A knife!

[dwollsadventures]

The second part of a request from TheLOAD from... a while back. The initial one was the Nix/Nokk/Knucker piece. This one took me a little longer for a few reasons. Mostly school reasons. And writer's block reasons,  which is why this is taking the place of the monthly preview. And because, for research, I had to re-read the entirety of Drakon by Daniel Ogden for information. For those not used to my pedantry, this is not an "in-canon" family tree of the Greek dragons, such as you might see in those huge Greek mythology family tree pictures that are on the internet (I've got a few in my favorites from waaaaayyyy back as well). Rather, this is a way of showing how the concept of the dragon came about throughout time and how other beings are related through those branching lines. Of course this is presented as a lot more neat than it probably should be. If it were truly accurate it would have interconnected lines all over the place and obscure the little lizards. Before we talk about what's on the tree let's talk about what's not on it. Though Odgen talks about every (and I mean every) slightly Draconic being in Greek and Roman mythology, I've opted to include a trimmed down version. Because some, like Medusa and Lamia, I personally do not consider dragons proper, and others like the goddess Keto are relatively obscure and probably only exist to explain the existence of a related being (like the ketea). Creatures like Chimera and Typhoeus are included because, while not usually serpentine or draconic, they are in effect dragons; horrible, vaguely reptilian monsters slain by a hero. Not every individual dragon is depicted, only the ones I thought pertinent to include. (warning: LONG)

To start with, a drakon is a snake. The Greeks used the word to refer to both huge monsters and mundane snakes. Drakon itself is derived from the word dérkomai and is believed to literally mean, "the one who sees". The hypnotizing power attributed to snakes is present in drakons, traditionally given the job of the sleepless guardian of treasure. Going back even further, we see that the drakon comes from two disparate cultural perceptions of snake, each of which is still present in its classical form.

Snake Goddess - One of the native precursors of the Greeks were the Minoans. They had more in common with their Egyptian and Near Eastern neighbors than the Italians and Balkans. From what little we can gather of their culture, it appears the snake was a symbol of the goddess. Whether or not it was any goddess in particular is unknown. This theme survives into ancient Greece, however. Athena often uses snakes as agents when acting with mortals, Hera uses them as well (the twin serpents who attempted to strangle Heracles and the Hydra), and Medea had a chariot pulled by snakes. Earth goddesses in particular are heavily associated with them. Python was a direct product of Gaia, and the snake was a divine symbol of Demeter, who also had a rad snake chariot. Even in mortal women, their dynamic with snakes and dragons is nurturing. Several heroines sing to snakes as their masculine counterparts steal the treasure they guard, fulfilling a nurturing role in comparison to the destructive masculine one. Here the snake is a guardian, a creature of the earth and everything beneath it, including gold and the dead. These dragons are usually not slain, but pacified by the presence of a woman. In addition, the beard is an originally Greek symbol associated with snakes, particularly those connected to the gods. This was quite possibly a signifier of their supernatural status above mundane serpents. The goddess depicted above isn't any one in particular, though her dress does pull from a statue of Athena holding a curled python.

Drakaina - One way in which the snake goddess has survived is in the drakaina. This word is simply the feminine form of drakon, but also encompasses the numerous beings characterized by having the upper body of a woman and the lower body of a drakon. Numerous beings in Greek mythology fit this theme, but the one I've focused on is the Scythian drakaina, a woman who intercepts Heracles during one of his labors and kidnaps some cows. She offers to return the cattle in exchange for a night of intercourse. And then Herc is off and we're told the three sons of that union go on to become kings of great renown in Scythia. Some authors interpret this as a Greek adaptation of a Scythian myth, with one of the key pieces of evidence being that the drakaina's name is Hora, meaning "Seasons". Regardless of whether or not this is a goddess, it is a story where the snake-woman is neither killed nor stolen from, instead given the prestige of being the founder of a line of kings.

PIE Chaos Serpent - From the Proto-Indo-Europeans up North, we get the dragon we're all more familiar with. Serpents of this breed, such as Apep, Tiamat, and Jormungand, are all enormous, destructive creatures allied with darkness and the unforgiving seas. They represent the primordial chaos from what order sprang out of, and often have a hand in trying to return the world to that way. One of the primary themes associated with them is the dragon slayer: a god or hero who fights a dragon to save something, be it a land or treasure or an Ethiopian princess.

Typhoeus - This guy, though significantly more humanoid and giant-like than any others, is the clearest example of a PIE chaos serpent in Greece. It does not get more typical than a giant snake (like) monster fighting a storm god. Typhoeus probably sprung from traditions where he was more serpentine, but gradually added other aspects. Such as his own storm god qualities. In Greece, gods associated with the winds are always given wings, save for Zeus. The two's battle is reflective of a battle between the terrible whirlwinds and lightning strikes and the calmer, helpful rain showers that enable humanity to survive. 

And then we get to the drakon proper. Taking elements from both sides of the tree, the archetypal Greek drakon is an enormous, often monstrous serpent associated with both the underground and the waters in some way. They are agents of gods, most often goddesses, sent to battle heroes or guard priceless treasures. Sometimes they're killed, sometimes they're merely lulled to sleep by a helpful maiden. Rather than breathing fire (which everything from mechanical bulls to horses to giants do), they possess venoms and rows of sharp teeth. Mention of their terrible gazes is often made. This drakon has both a beard and a casque-like crown, common elements in drakon descriptions from Greece. Its face is much less serpentine, being modeled after a clay illustration of the Colchian dragon. This gives is a suitably monstrous look, as if it were being pealed from layers of mud.

Chimera - Despite its odd appearance, the chimera fits the pattern of a dragon terrorizing a countryside and being slain by a plucky hero. The chimera may in fact be the originator of the classical Saint George imagery, where the saint is depicted as towering over a crawling, pitiful dragon. A 3rd century mosaic from Imperial Rome may have started this trend. What makes her (because despite her mane the Chimera is a female) stand apart from all the rest is the sheer strangeness of her form compared to others. Especially the little goat that comes out of her back, like a rider. Which I had to cut for spacing reasons :(

Hydra - Another classical Greek dragon is the multi-headed hydra, who has given its name to a whole genre of creatures with more heads than they ought to have. In addition to having the attributes of a typical Greek drakon, the Hydra has two traits seen in Mesopotamian monsters as well. The first is the amount of heads. Having many heads is not as common in Greece as it is in the Near East, where the idea of an eleven-headed sea serpent pops up numerous times across several different cultures. The second is that the hydra, in its earliest mentioning by Hesiod, is said to have been raised by Hera specifically to combat Heracles. This same tactic is done by a few Mesopotamian gods. In their realm of influence, monsters are pawns of the gods, who send them out to do their bidding on Earth while they lounge in Heaven. Our Hydra may have been a later influence from Greece's neighbors to the East. Also, had to add in the crab that Hera also sends in to help the hydra. If this were a spec bio piece, I would make it a species of crab that evolved to clean the hydra of parasites.

Cetus - Sea monsters such as these are perhaps the furthest from the traditional Greek drakon, while still remaining core parts of the mythology. In form cetoi range from exaggerations of real whales and sharks to dog-headed serpents with frilly fins and ears. Or even animal-headed fish. Because they live underwater, they almost always function as tools of divine vengeance. Kinda hard to steal treasure underwater. Heavy metal tends to sink. While cetus was originally a word for any sea monster, it would eventually become the root of the scientific term cetacean: whales and dolphins.

But the tree doesn't end there. See, even after the culture we recognize as the Ancient Greeks and Romans faded, their dragons still lived on. Medieval Europe, with its glorification of Greco-Roman texts, derived many of their folk beliefs from their predecessors. Or, the people who they liked to imagine were there predecessors.

Draco - The Romans adopted the Greek drakon whole-clothe, like a lot of stuff. The only noteworthy original dragon to come out of the pre-Fall Roman era was the Dacian Draco. The Dacians used the image of a dragon as a standard during war-time, represented as a serpent with the head of a dog. When conquered, the Romans adopted this, possibly beginning the Western tradition of associating dragons with military power and identity. The dog-headed serpent would also survive to the modern period, showing up in descriptions of Balkan lamya. 

Indian Drakon - Here begins a tradition in Greek and Roman literature that claimed that foreign parts were full of large, dangerous, and more interesting fauna than the mundane peninsula they were all stuck on. This is a common theme of humanity in general, where everyone you're not familiar with is teeming with exciting and ancient life. Just look at cryptozoology. India in particular was a favorite of Greek tall tales, being far away for journeys to be rare, but also rich and full of exotic animals. Philostratus populated India with three types of drakons: the lowly marsh, the silver hill, and the dazzling golden mountain drakons. They were typical in every respect, having enormous sizes, red crowns, beards, and guarding treasure beneath the earth. An interesting addition was that they were the mortal enemies of elephants. Being the largest land-animal (in real life), they made perfect prey for these humongous serpents. Feeding on them was fraught with peril, however, as the struggle between reptile and mammal could result in the death of either party, or both. To symbolize the foreignness of the drakon, I drew it as a sort of hybrid between the drakon and the Hindu naga. 

Pliny's Drakon - This drakon is otherwise the same as the Indian, but is the start of another theme. As time went on, philosophers began taking more grounded looks at fantastical animals. While also perpetuating even more outrageous falsehoods. None was more popular than Pliny the Elder, hence the name. He believed that, while foreign drakons might be real, they were much more similar to the snakes of Greece than the monsters of legend. He scoffed at the crowns and hair they were adorned with. His Natural History was the first of many instances where the fantastical elements of the dragon were toned down to seem more palatable to a scientifically minded audience. It also introduced an interest into the life history of the dragons, treating them as real animals with lives beyond the myths. Our dragon up top evolved to resemble pythons, rather than the other way around to what probably happened in real life, where pythons were exaggerated to become dragons.

Then, we get two foreign influences, which would come to shape the modern definition of the European dragon. Christianity's influence cannot be understated here. As Jonathan Evans states in Medieval Folklore, the dragon came to be confused with several other desert animals. In Jewish and early Christian belief, desert animals were themselves demonic, living in inhospitable regions devoid of human life. Later, texts like Revelations would specifically denote dragons as heralds of evil, and even harbingers of Armageddon itself. This is in contrast to the morally neutral Leviathan. In the medieval era, dragons were beings of evil, without a doubt. Bestiaries were full of on the nose fables about how the natural lives of dragons. Like how they could not stand the breath of a panther (a symbol of Jesus Christ). Or how they could not catch birds that nested in the Peridexion tree (the tree being the church and the birds being Christians, who are safe from the devil so long as they do not stray from the arms of God). This is represented by a typical medieval devil, being brightly colorful and made in mockery of God's creations, aka a weird hybrid with a snake coming out of his butt. Then, the Germanic dragon. This is seen especially in Northern and Western Europe. The Germanic dragon is otherwise similar to the Greek, except that it began as a character of evil. Lindworms and other serpents are almost always antagonists, and there is no heroine who saves them from their fate of death. They also had a stronger connection to treasure. Greek dragons guarded treasure as a job, but the very existence of Germanic dragons is tied with their golden hoards. In addition, in Greek myths, getting transformed into an animal is usually the end of one's story. With the Germanic dragon, it's merely the beginning. Transformed dragons act as antagonists and moral lessons wrapped in one; a lesson to all to not be greedy. Germanic dragons, represented by the lindworm, reinforced their role as antagonists and agents of selfish evil.

Which finally brings us to the medieval dragon. In a way, this creature is a mix of everything above. The dragon is an animal and demon in one, simultaneously a figure of evil who spoils the land around them and a living being with its own life and needs. The medieval era also introduces the origin of dragons, showing them as having nests and young, not simply coming into existence out of the earth or sea like before. They also developed some less reptilian traits, like wings and hair. This was probably because of artistic traditions among the monks who wrote bestiaries rather than popular legend, which continued to conflate them with snakes and lizards and even crocodiles. This particular line of the tree would develop a life of its own, spreading far and wide across Europe and eventually reaching beyond the seas. Our modern conceptions of dragons are a whole 'nother story.

[snake-rot]

(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?