#Learn about what's happening from a trusted news source

[ranchstoryblog]

Fandom Memories: HMFarm

Hmmm. So, nearly a quarter of you whippersnappers wanna hear about the good ol' days, huh? Well, back in the day, you wouldn't just hang out on one or two big websites to try to find people who shared your niche interests among a million random users. Everything had its own dedicated site, with its own special pack of weirdos that you probably wouldn't find anywhere else. Home grown fandom, sprouting from the cement sidewalks of the freshly paved internet like so many weeds with pretty little flowers on top. So, let's take a little stroll down memory lane and visit one of the oldest fan sites with Archive.org's "Wayback Machine."

Ahh, just like I remember it. This here is "Harvest Moon Farm." 'course, we just called it HMFarm, like the URL did. This used to be the place to be. The prime progenitor of all farmin' fansites in the English speaking community. Maybe not the literal first, but up until around 2005, this was where you would go if you wanted to know anythin' about digital farmin'. It truly was a magical place to visit.

This screenshot isn't the oldest design, but it's the one I fondly remember. The majority of my time using the site was during the lead-up to A Wonderful Life, which was probably also when it was the most active as an information source. Seeing the screenshots, checking the forums, speculatin', wonderin', dreamin'... It's a warm feeling. I can't really describe how it felt to look at these shots for the first time. Granted, they were mostly sourced from various places like IGN or Newtechnix, but who wanted to go to THOSE messy sites when all the info I wanted was right here? IGN wasn't telling me how to revive the Vineyard in Harvest Moon 64 while I was waiting for AWL news either.

Our first look at the character we would come to know as Muffy, the sheer novelty of being able to go into the townsfolk's glorious, 3D-rendered rooms, the apparent misidentification of flowering tomatoes... The webmaster, Gamergirl87, would caption each one as well. Some of the captions of those screenshots ended up not being exactly true, but it was the closest thing to on-going coverage we really had. Who else was there to trust?

It's a little off topic, but I think at one point after learning about the GBA connectivity, I must have dreamed about this very gallery and seeing a screenshot of a Gamecube-ized Popuri with the caption that Mineral Town villagers would visit after connecting the GC and GBA together. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a dream. I've met some people who claim they saw the same thing, but none of us have been able to find that screenshot or comment again.

The one that would most catch my attention was the one on the left here. I didn't have a PlayStation 2, so I was coming fresh off of the GameBoy and Nintendo 64 when going into A Wonderful Life. The pond, the mysterious glowing plants, the mood and ambiance of their lighting, the little tree on the door... Naturally, I mirrored it on my first day the remake was available.

It's a real shame that the message boards are poorly preserved, since it doesn't look like there was a news post about the pre-order plush cow. I was hoping to find the name of whoever it was that convinced me to commit my first ever preorder. I still have the receipt, but without the forum post it's really only tangentially related to HM Farm.

'course, just learning about existing games and upcoming games wasn't the only good thing HM Farm was for. As I alluded to, there was a whole community here! While it's a shame that the message boards aren't well preserved by the Wayback Machine, you know what is?

The "ideas" list! This incredible time capsule was one of the first "interactive" parts of the site, starting in the year 2000. It's kind of fun to see how many of these ideas actually happened. Obviously, new characters and personalities were probably expected, but Animal Parade would eventually feature a honeymoon, several games have clothing and other customization, a mall, city, and pig would be added as soon as GBC 3, a goat would be in A Wonderful Life... It's actually amazing how prescient a lot of the suggestions are.

I'd share the whole thing, but the amount of e-mail addresses involved gives me pause. Still, there's a couple I wanna highlight:

Considering how often I still hear about people wanting to marry the moms and people attributing it to just "the fans getting older," it's funny to see Laserion lay out that, no, we've always been like this. Right down to using Manna's unhappy marriage and Lillia's husband never returning as valid reasons they should be available.

Tuan145, on the other hand, I just find extremely amusing because of the specific "2002 Escalade" part. Yes, this is clearly the ideal vehicle for all farmers in the Story of Seasons universe. This is now accepted headcanon. The boat was added in GBC 3 too, so obviously a 2002 Escalade is going to be added any day now.

Another thing that's amazingly well preserved is the site's fan art section. There's a few missing images here and there, but for the most part the entire thing is open to explore. People of basically all ages and skill levels happily submitted their creations, including original characters, digital art, traditional art, crossovers with popular series like Sailor Moon, a liiittle bit of drug use... Y'know, all the kinds of things you'd expect to see in a fan art gallery of the day.

Even better, some of the artists are still doing art today! Looking around, I quickly discovered one of my favorites, Rina Cat, is now on Blue Sky. I made sure to ask for permission to repost their art before including it here. Reaching out to everyone would be a bit much though, so I'll just encourage you to just browse the gallery using the Wayback Machine yourself. There's poetry and fanfics too!

There's a lot more to the site, including useful bits of history like keeping track of release dates for games, pre-release screenshots, and information that was only available on Japanese websites at the time, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Unfortunately, though the site continued to be updated until 2010 and stayed online until 2021, it's no longer available on the regular internet and the URL doesn't seem safe to access anymore. I wanted to include an interview with the former webmaster as well, but all their readily available contact information was tied to the website and I haven't had any luck so far in finding other means of contact. If I have any success, I'll be sure to make a follow-up! If you have any memories of HMFarm, or other fan sites, I'd be happy to hear about it.

[miraculouslumination]

Boy oh boy am I so glad I use my online space how I want and have the wherewithal to not cave into guilt trippy posts about how you should always all day every day 24/7 subject yourself to the horror of the world wide news and also make your entire blog about it

[bkgexe]

if all else fails, i was myself

bakugou x reader ✾ 4.6k

info! no smut sorry gang ✾ tw! trust issues that manifest as issues w physical intimacy/contact, dubcon in its vaguest definition (NOT bkg & reader) ✾ notes! ive been in perpetual writers block for months. is this trite idk. i miss my baby but anytime i write for him im like oops this is gonna be 60k words!!! so here is. a drabble lmao. also big lmao moment this is titled after count me out by kendrick lamar ldskfjdlkjf which was on repeat while writing so uh sorry mr. lamar abt the mha fanfic

katsuki has always known that part of him is wrong.

he’s never liked being touched. every kiss he’s experienced has made him tense as an elevator cable poised to snap. any attempt to go further than that has made him a little ill, made his gut feel like a stack of loose papers being torn to shreds, slow and loud.

it doesn’t help that he’s only ever had three kisses in his life: eijirou at a new year’s party (too many teeth), eijirou again at another new year’s party nearly a decade later (too much tongue), and then his fourth date with kyoka (when he tried to convince himself he just had to push through the discomfort to become normal).

things went further than that. it was a mistake. they both knew it right after it happened—kyoka first, and then katsuki after his head stopped pounding with what if i'm doing this wrong what if she's pitying me for fucking this up what if i don't know how to touch another person correctly what if i was supposed to learn at some point and i missed it how could i fucking miss it will it always be like this because i can't do this again i can't i don't—

“kat," she said after. she looked at him with something only a few degrees removed from pity, and poorly removed at that.

he attempted a halting non-apology. he attempted a real apology. failed at both.

"it's okay, you know," she said. "to not like it."

he scoffed even though he wasn’t entirely clear on what she meant by it, because there was so much he didn’t like. “i like it just fine.”

“if that was liking it, I’m honestly worried about your capacity for enjoying life in general.” it wasn’t a joke. her bluntness was something that'd made katsuki think he could push his boundaries with her. all of her thoughts were laid out plain for him to read, an open-source journal. “i'm just saying you don't have to like it. and you don’t have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. don't fuck yourself over for someone else's happiness.”

kyoka still texts him often, checks in, invites him to drinks with their friends. she’s kind. she’s normal. she doesn’t have this weird, shredded thing inside her that makes her balk at the idea of someone’s hand on her skin. that makes her think she's doing something wrong, even if she's not the one that initiated the touch.

when you started your job at the front desk of katsuki’s agency, he never thought that he'd be here, wishing above everything that he could just be normal. just for one fucking day, so he could laugh at your shitty jokes and maybe brush his knuckles across the back of your hand in passing and take you on a date where he could kiss you in his car after driving you home and the thought wouldn’t make his skin crawl, wouldn't tear up his insides to pulp.

because he fucked everything up. he's standing in his empty office where you'd been spending time with him and he fucked it up and hurt you and he's not sure how to unfuck it.

the thing is, he could grin and bear it. he could deal with the odd thing inside him that hates the contact and white-knuckle it through every kiss, every caress. but he’s never been a great actor. he wouldn’t be able to hide that from you.

(kyoka told him, years later, that it’s not that the sex itself wasn’t fine—what made it nearly unbearable for her was the fact that she could tell, only after it was too late, that being physically vulnerable with her pained him far more than he was willing to reveal.)

no one wants to feel like the person they’re with is grinning and bearing it. that they’re white-knuckling it through. katsuki knows this. he knows he’s basically a fucking virgin all but in title at thirty and that he’s got the personality of a dried-out fig you find in your fridge weeks after its last edible moments. he doesn't have much to offer.

but he walked into work one day and nodded at you, curt, a grimace on his face—and you smiled at him so kindly that his stomach twisted.

with you, it wasn't the feeling of something being torn apart. it was different, lighter. leaves wrenched into the sky by a strong breeze. still a kind of tearing, but different—less destructive.

he was wearing a deep carmine sweater his mom sent him in one of her bi-monthly care packages (as if he’s not an adult, and a pro-hero on top of that), and you said, “that’s such a nice color on you. is it new?”

there was that breeze inside his chest, strong, pulling at his bones. “yeah,” he grunted. then slowly, as if remembering how: “thanks.”

it was the attention, he thought at first, that piqued his interest. he wasn't used to it. people always watched him from afar, and he had fans online that were borderline obsessive, but people didn’t approach him. they didn’t say that’s such a nice color on you. they didn’t smile the way you smile.

he’s always had a shallow streak. it’s not like he doesn’t know this. it’s become a little muted over time, a little discouraged by the visible scarring on his face and body from his time in the field, but it’s never fully been eradicated. so it was simple, he thought. you paid him attention and stroked his ego, and he preened like a self-obsessed bird of paradise.

and then you started making these little origami whale sharks.

fucking stupid. it bothered him an annoying amount. you had a bunch at your desk, all different colors and sizes, some taped to your desktop monitor, some hung up with little pieces of string under the desk's storage overhang. you drew dots on the back of each one, a distinct spotted pattern that was unique for each shark. and you made them for everyone but him. eijirou bought you a pack of high quality origami paper and you made him his own fucking school, all with little faces, winking or surprised or angry, their wide paper mouths gaping and empty, the lines of their bodies pressed careful and sure.

he hated it. it was annoying and a waste of company time and he usually didn’t ever use dumb corporate slogans like “a waste of company time” but you were really pushing his fucking limits.

it was definitely just the attention he liked, he told himself, because surely someone doing something as dumb as this would annoy him to no fucking end if he spoke to them.

and then he spoke to you and he was wrong.

he asked why you made the damn things in the first place and you told him, “i like whale sharks. but to be totally honest, i just run out of things to do."

and he saw that as a challenge. you were running out of things to do? rest assured he could find more shit for you to take care of. so he did. tasks that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, they were so dull and time-consuming. and you were so achingly competent that it drove him up a fucking wall. you completed everything he asked of you in half the time it would take someone else, and you always reported back with a smile, and you always did good work, and he could see himself having a conversation with you about something other than work but he didn't want to try because he was worried he'd begin to like you as a person.

you're pretty. really fucking pretty. he can see that now, and he sure as fuck saw it then. you're hardworking. you're just likeable, and that's something katsuki had never been. it (reluctantly) impressed him. worse than that, it turned his feelings for you into a sort of interest.

but he knows he's not normal when it comes to things like this.

he tried to distance himself from you because of it, but it turns out that asking someone to do work for you means you do have to speak to them sometimes. and sometimes turned into a lot of times.

sometimes turned into bringing him coffee in the morning, not because he asked you to, but because you're sweet like that. sometimes turned into being the person he bounced ideas off of when he had a board meeting coming up or something otherwise boring and meticulous. sometimes turned into you laughing at his prickly comments rather than going quiet because of them. turned into you saying suck it up, dynamight, this is what it means to be the boss when he complained about doing paperwork.

sometimes turned into staying late with him at the office, getting take out for the two of you to share while you finished filing claims and damage reports and other stuff he hated taking care of by himself. sometimes turned into him asking you to stay late just because he wanted you there. because even when he was quiet, you'd tell him about your day, about things that happened in the office, about how much you like the book you'd both been reading. he loved listening to you talk. felt comfortable enough to tell you things about himself when he'd never felt comfortable doing that before.

sometimes turned into you holding out a piece of fried tofu from your take-out container for him to eat while he was approving time-off forms that he should have looked at much earlier that week, and you being so close that he could notice how good you smelled, and the warmth of your body basically radiated towards him, like all your energy was focused on him, and your smile was small but somehow even more lovely than usual, a secret for him to tuck away and keep, and when you finished feeding him and he had a little sauce on the corner of his mouth and you reached forward to wipe it off for him and your hand lingered there for a moment and your eyes fell to his lips and what if you try to kiss me and i'm wrong and you hate me for it and what if i can't give you what you want and what if i'm not actually what you want what if i've disappointed you already what if—

it was too much.

so he fucked it up. your thumb was so soft against his skin. he reeled backwards in his chair, rolling it whole feet clear of you, and he felt the tearing again, the bad kind, like paper unevenly shredded by clumsy hands, and he had to leave. he had to leave. he needed to leave so badly that it felt like pulling his skin off would be preferable to being in that office with you.

hiding in the bathroom was fucking pitiful. he remembered his breathing exercises. he remembered to ground himself. and when he came back to his office, you were gone.

if he was normal—and he wants to be normal, god fucking damn—he could have stomached your proximity. he could have eaten out of your fucking hand. he could have touched you back like a normal person probably would have and he wouldn't be here, alone, looking at a little purple sticky note you left him that says i finished organizing the pto forms. i hope you feel better!

he doesn't know whose pride you're trying to save with that. as if you didn't leave because he made things so fucking awkward by running away from you when you touched him. when you—maybe, if he was reading the room correctly—were about to kiss him.

and you don't speak to him for days. he doesn't want to push so he doesn't—just watches you out of the corner of his eye whenever you're both in the same room, which is arguably worse. he's not sure. he's just itching to fucking talk to you because he misses it.

he misses you. in a more-than-friends way.

it takes a while for him to realize this. when he does, it hits him like a metal rod up the side of the head. it's fucked up of him to miss you the way he does when he doesn't feel like he can provide you with the things a normal person could. and though he's worked on his patience over the years—worked on understanding that he can't have everything he wants—it doesn't stop him from being selfish and finally pulling you aside to talk.

and baffling as fucking ever, the first thing you say is sorry. "i know i should've talked to you about it earlier. i just—i shouldn't have done that. and i know it. i shouldn't have assumed that—i don't know. that you..."

you look helpless. it's one of the very few times that katsuki has ever felt the compulsion to touch someone. not because he wants the touch, per se, but because he wants to be able to provide comfort. he never figured out how to do that with words. he's so focused on his inability to comfort you that he barely has any idea of what you're actually talking about. instead of doing anything at all, he just stands there like a fuckwad.

"i just want you to know that i would never—like never—have touched you, or tried to... if i didn't think there was like, a vibe?" you shake your head, exasperated with yourself. "god, even that sounds so bad. i'm sorry, i just—"

"wait, what are—?" and then it clicks, because he's been slow on the uptake figuring out his shit when he should have been focusing way more on yours. "there was..." katsuki says, and he fucking hates that he can't find better words for what you were both feeling in his office, "a vibe."

the way your face changes when you're flustered is one of katsuki's favorite things, but it's not as enjoyable when he feels just as flustered as you look. "i—oh? so... so you—?"

his ears feel like they're being attacked by two heated straightening irons and he knows they're red as hell right now. he's gonna have to say this plainly even though he'd rather get his teeth pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers. "it's not you."

your expression loses any sort of hope it once held. you press your lips together and sigh, maybe a little exasperated. he's doing his best here but he knows his best is shit. "i can handle a non-cliché rejection," you tell him. "honestly, i'd prefer a non-cliché rejection—"

"i'm not trying to reject you," he says, and it's selfish of him. because he's really not. he isn't comfortable with the things you'd want from him, but he still wants you in some capacity. "i just don't—do shit like that."

"kissing?"

somehow knowing for sure that you did want to kiss him in his office makes him want you more. he likes that you're bold. he likes that you're not ashamed of that. he wants to be different than he is. "any... of it," he struggles to admit.

"at all?"

he nods.

"just—like touching, and stuff?"

it sounds so juvenile that he can't help but laugh through his nose, roll his eyes. "yeah. touching and stuff."

"oh."

you're disappointed. of course you are. it's not like he expected anything different, but—sometimes he fucking hates his life. hates that he can't be the thing people need him to be. hates that trying is so difficult, that it flings his stomach into space, like a throwing stone skipping across a still lake.

"so you don't go on dates, or anything."

"haven't tried."

"do you not want to?" you ask, and he can tell it's more of a genuine question than anything. you're curious about him, like you always are. it's more than he deserves, for all he can offer.

"doesn't make sense to."

"that's not what i asked."

it's not. and so katsuki listens as you ask your question again, and he really takes a moment to think.

considering the answer to your question leads him to his first date with you. and his second, and his third—his fourth, and he's keenly aware that his last fourth date ended with what he expects all dates are supposed to end with.

he takes you to the aquarium. because of all the fucking origami whale sharks. you still haven't given him one and it sticks in his craw like a bone. in front of the backlit tank that holds sharks of all types, shapes and sizes and teeth he's never pictured possible of a living creature before, he asks, "why sharks?"

you look at him, brow raised. "i don't know. they probably needed the biggest tank in the aquarium. and this looks like the biggest tank."

"no, dumbass—your sharks. the ones all over the fuckin' office."

"what, you don't like them?" you ask, but you're smiling, sly.

he shrugs. he thinks they're dumb as hell. he wants one to hang up at work, like the ones you've got hung up at your desk. "they're whatever. they clutter the fuck out of ei's office. and he's already got issues organizing." you've just made eijirou so many at his point, and it's getting ridiculous. "but what—are they easy to make, or something?"

you laugh a little. "no. not at all, actually." a whale shark swims by, its spotted hide shimmering in the tank's eerie blue lighting, and you watch it intently. "but it'd be boring if it was too easy."

this date ends with him walking you home from the aquarium a few blocks from your apartment and you smiling at him and telling him that you had a really great time, and he feels like a fucking freak because you don't even expect more. you don't wait for a kiss. don't look disappointed that he doesn't try to give you one. the way you look at him holds so much affection that he doesn't deserve and he has no idea how to reciprocate it to you, and somehow he lands on, "make me one."

"one what?" you ask, but he thinks you already know what he's asking. you like to play coy. he likes it when you play coy. when you're enjoying yourself.

"one of your little fuckin' paper things," he mutters, because admitting that he wants one of those dumbass sharks feels somehow demeaning. he doesn't want you to know how much he's wanted one. "ei's got a million of 'em."

your hand was on your door handle, but it falls to your side. he's keenly aware of its proximity to him. he doesn't feel that terrible ripping in his gut and its absence is almost frightening to him. your fingers tighten into a fist. it's cold out. "ah, and you're jealous?"

"no," he says, knee-jerk. "i just don't get why everyone gets one but me."

you smile when he says this and he could live in this image of you, delicate and small and made for him. he goes home and thinks about it until he falls asleep. thinks about it even beyond then, feels that strong breeze inside him tearing every leaf from its grounded perch.

here's the thing—nothing against jirou, but unlike his other fourth date, this one was enjoyable. more than. he loved watching you be amazed by the size of the whale sharks, and he loved watching you put a bunch of coins into the penny press and cranking the machine until one was squeezed out into the pattern you wanted, and he loved watching you lay your hand against the glass where the rubbery wings of a flood of stingrays battled for your attention, and—

he loved watching you. that's weird, right? he sounds like a fucking lunatic thinking that.

but he does. he hadn't realized until now how difficult it had been not only to touch people, but to look at them. maintaining eye contact, watching someone do a simple task out of interest instead of staring them down in an attempt to intimidate them. he's so much more fucked up than he thought but what makes it bearable is that he can do it with you. he can watch the way you enjoy things and feel like he's not intruding on something he shouldn't. without even trying, you make him feel welcome—wanted.

that's it. you make him feel wanted.

the realization affects him in a way he doesn't understand. at work the next day, when you smile at him over the top of the front desk, he feels something incredibly strong—something like instinct—that tells him to touch you. small. a thumb brushed across your cheek. his fingers grazing yours. he wants it in a way that can't be right because he's never wanted to touch someone like this.

he doesn't do it, but he thinks about it all day. your little smiles when you notice him watching you on your dates, the way your fingers graze your lips when you cover your laugh, the softness in the way you regard him. you're quiet, reserved, but when you laugh you laugh hard. he wants your soft, your quiet and your loud, he wants the feeling of your fingers on his lips, he wants your smallest smiles, all things he wishes he could fold up and keep and later display somewhere he can always see them. a school of paper fish, gaping mouths and drawn-on spots and such carefully pressed lines.

so on the eleventh date—(he knows it's ridiculous to count, but he's never spent this much time with one person before, not like this)—he reaches for your hand when you're walking alongside the bay, the air turning cold in the wake of the sunset that the two of you had just witnessed. that's romantic, you'd teased when he asked you to watch it with him. he'd rolled his eyes, shrugged you off.

but maybe he wanted it to be romantic. maybe he wanted to make this as normal as possible for you because nothing has been normal between the two of you so far.

you pull back when he reaches for you, as if on instinct. look up at him, confused, when he reaches out again. "katsuki..." you say, and it sounds as if he's done something wrong.

he tries not to let his brain spiral but thoughts drip inwards. water meeting a dented hull. what has he done this time? what else has he fucked up by being fundamentally wrong?

"you know..." you start, and you lose your words.

he thinks of kyoka, years ago. it's okay, you know. to not like it. he wonders if you'll still text him like she does.

your lips pull into a frown before you speak and katsuki can't breathe. "i was never gonna ask on my own because i know you don't like talking about things like this if you don't bring it up. but—um. katsuki—do you think i expect something from you?"

"huh?" he asks, dumb. breathing is still something he fails to do.

"i know that this is—different. i know you have some things going on that make the physical part hard for you." you look up at him so earnestly, and he loves looking at you. he loves looking at you and doesn't want to have to stop and he's worried that this is it. the moment he'll have to stop. you try to smile and it's small and he wants it all for himself. careful. delicate. secret, for him. "i'm not gonna lie to you. i don't know what a relationship without that kind of stuff looks like. but that doesn't mean i'm not willing to find out. it's—i don't need you to try to do something you think i want you to do."

"i'm not."

"it makes me feel a little sick, kat. honestly. it makes me feel like, i don't know—like i'm taking advantage of you, or something—"

"you're not."

"you don't have to do things like that to keep me around." you look flustered, eyes darting from his face to the skyline. "if you want me, i'm—you know."

it's okay, you know. "i don't know."

"i'm yours," you say, and cringe immediately at your words. "or like—i could be, you know, kind of whatever you wanted, if you—if that's what you want. would want."

katsuki can only remember a few times when his head was this quiet in the presence of someone else. when he trusted someone enough to let his mind go blank, to let himself act on instinct. "can i kiss you?"

you sigh. "this is what i was saying. i don't want you to—"

"no," he says, quiet, and he's closer to you than he's ever been. he likes the way you smell. he's not gonna apologize if that's weird. "i just want—god, i feel pathetic asking again. can i just—?"

just, just, just. just a touch, just a kiss, just a moment of your fucking time—it's all he wants. and he's never wanted like this. he's never trusted like this. his head has never quieted entirely because he's so sure that he's not going to disappoint you, or be something you don't actually want, or be wrong.

you've shown him that he can't be wrong with you, regardless of whether or not something within him is broken.

your lips are warm, a little chapped from the dry air, and he tries to remember what kissing chastely is but it's like something breaks in him further the second the two of you touch. his hands are cradling your face, his tongue is gliding against your tongue, his teeth are clacking against your teeth, and he knows the kiss is bad and wrong and messy but he suddenly needs it. he needs to feel you.

you make a noise against him and worry slices into his stomach before he realizes it's a quiet, breathy moan, and maybe you've been okay without the touch but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it when you receive it. he can tell he hasn't made his boundaries clear enough—your hands circle his wrists, too cautious to go further, too hesitant to grip him like he thinks you want to. like he wants you to want to.

his teeth hit yours again and you laugh, and he pulls back, stomach tight. there's a hope in him that's ready to be torn.

you see it in his face—the fear. "i love kissing you," you blurt out, as if it's the only reassurance you can think of in the moment. "i mean—you're just." you laugh again, and he realizes it's nerves. you're just as nervous as he is. "can i—can we go somewhere warm? and maybe do this more? or—if this was enough—"

he's pulling you towards his apartment before you can get another word out.

kissing you is easy because you make him feel like it's relatively new for you as well. maybe that's how it feels for everyone every time, but he wouldn't know. he just feels comfortable with you. like you're not so much better than him, like you're not waiting to laugh at him when he fucks up, like you're touching him because you really want to.

so he takes you to his apartment and puts you on his couch and kisses you until your back is against the armrest and he's looming over you and you feel comfortable enough that your hands stray from his wrists to his shoulders to his hair and he didn't even know touching someone could feel like this.

put aside the fact that he's nearly finished in his fucking jeans three times just from your fingers running across his back, from the way you cup his cheek when he pulls back for air because he keeps forgetting to breathe—just having you close is intoxicating. he wants to bury his face in the curve of your shoulder, he wants to bite marks into your skin that'll stay vibrant for weeks, he wants to etch himself into you so deeply that he doesn't have to leave. these wants aren't even sexual—it's something about having you be his. i'm yours, you'd told him, and he hadn't even known that it would be exactly what he needed to hear.

he's in love with you, which isn't shocking to him, but he knows he shouldn't be in love with you yet because people that aren't fucked up in the head don't feel shit like this so quickly. he's not gonna tell you this for a very long time, but he knows—so completely and confidently—that he will reach a point when he can tell you.

"you sure you want this?" he asks, breathy, between kisses.

you stop kissing him, brows raised in surprise. "katsuki, we don't... this is a lot for one night. we can take it slow, still."

"that's—i'm not talking about that." he gives in, then—lets himself bury his face in the crook of your neck, lets himself breathe in deep, lets himself find your hands and intertwine your fingers, and you can probably feel that he's hard as fucking metal for you but that's not what's important right now. it sure as hell makes it awkward to try to have a serious conversation, though. "you sure you wanna deal with all... you know. my stuff."

"are you sure you wanna deal with all of my stuff?" you counter, and he pulls back to look at you. kissed rotten and smiling. "of course i want to deal with it. i like you."

and he likes you too. god, he likes you so fucking much.

the next morning, long after you've left for home, he finds a little orange whale shark hidden behind the alarm clock on his bedside table, stars in the place of eyes, and the trace of you is enough to make him feel warm. to hope that over time his apartment becomes full of the little paper creatures until his home is its own aquarium, until everywhere he looks is a memory of all you've brought him—pieces of you, perfectly arranged and delicately folded by your careful hands, much too gentle to tear.

[klausysworld]

Hey.. Been having a rough few days mentally.. Is it possible you could write an angst/fluff fic about Klaus saving the reader from death when she tries to unalive herself..? Pills being her poison of choice.. Klaus becoming terrified he lost the one thing that truly made his life meaningful again. He uses his blood to bring her back at just the brink of time. When she's conscious Klaus holds her tightly in relief and its super fluffy at the end..?

(Triggering content‼️)

A Moment of Comfort

Klaus had taken an interest in Y/n from day one.

She was a quiet person in a loud town and it interested him.

Everyone was self absorbed, nosey, invasive and involved but she just didn't seem to care.

At first he thought she might be the sarcastic type, the one that would give little quips that made up for her mostly observant side but she just didn't care. Not about anything. He thought that would bore him but he wanted to know why. He wanted to know what she wanted, what she needed to pull some care and some love, some happiness from within her.

Klaus had watched her a little, wanting to learn about her, to know her. However she wasn't someone you could know from the outside, he needed to understand her mind, her thoughts and her feelings to ever have any idea about who she really was.

Which was how he ended up sat beside her in the grill, tracing little patterns on her arm with his forefinger and chatting her ear off for the entirety of the afternoon. Eventually he had pulled a laugh from her and it made his whole face light up to see the smile that lingered on her delicate face.

She ended up with that same slightly detached look in her eyes when she pulled her hands away and left to walk home. Klaus followed her to keep her safe before going to his own house, wondering about her.

He learnt quickly that there was something mildly wrong. Maybe something sad had happened or maybe it was just the way she had become. There wasn't something wrong per say but there was something about her that made him worry for her. He wanted her to feel safe and secure but it was clear that she didn't always have that. Klaus wanted to be her net to catch her.

But first, he needed her to like him. Just a little bit.

She started to aswell.

She liked talking to him, listening to him. He grounded her when she got lost. After a while he would invite her over to his house and she would get to appreciate the Mikaelson manor. It was void and peaceful, she liked that about his home.

Klaus had bought a new chair just for her, it was round in shape so that she could curl up like he knew she wanted to. It was a protective position, defensive and he would often wonder why she felt so scared sometimes or perhaps just unstable?

He wasn't sure how to offer the security that he had to offer. However he knew that to really protect her, he needed her trust. Their understanding needed to be mutual to build a relationship of sorts. She had to help him help her.

But Y/n didn't really know how to do that. Who does?

Klaus tried though. He would offer her affection and someone to rely on from time to time. He would hold her when he could feel that she wanted that. Sometimes she would be more hesitant but after a little while she got used to his touch and enjoyed being wrapped in his strength, it made her feel shielded from the evil of the world.

Klaus would play with her hair until her eyes got heavy and sleep overtook her sweet mind. Often whens she slept he would just hold her tight and keep her warm, very occasionally he would actually put her into his bed; usually if it was already night or if he knew she was particularly exhausted. Every now and then her eyes would be particularly tired, sometimes he wondered if she was asleep with her eyes still open. He would see her expression go blank and he would try to talk to her, bring her back but every now and then he would accept that she wasn't in with the conversation and he would try to supply a source of comfort.

She was a good girl. Klaus knew that, she was sweet and loving but she reserved it for small moments and for certain people. Klaus became one of those people.

He cared for her, he even started to love her.

She was what he looked forward to when he got home. Whether he got to physically see her (which he did usually) or if it were just a phone call, even a text conversation. Y/n was the highlight of each day and he was hers.

Each week had gotten a little easier since he had started talking to her. He wanted to see her whether she was talkative or not, happy or not. Klaus was always there for her and she loved that, she learnt to love his love and she tried to love him but she wasn't sure that she. could allow herself to.

She was troubled, some would say. Y/n had been in a pattern of lows that would absorb her life more often then she anyone could handle.

It wasn't the first time she had spiralled. Collecting pills had become a habit years ago. She would save them up, had to be enough to actually kill her, she would always worry that she needed more to really cut it.

To be honest, Klaus hadn't even crossed her mind when she twisted the cap off of the once forgotten bottle of tasteless wine that had collected its own coat of dust.

Nothing passed her thoughts, not really. She just knew what she had to do, she had thought about it for too long. The consequences wouldn't be hers, she wouldn't be suffering. That was how she had grown to look at it.

It was only after she had swallowed an uncountable amount of pills that she considered Klaus's reaction. Surely it couldn't affect him that much though, they had only known each other a few months and he was a busy man. He would be able to distract himself after a couple days. He had a family that would support him. He didn't need her.

But he did.

Klaus had been calling her on and off for hours, the first couple times she didn't pick up he thought she might've bene asleep but the fear that something deeper was wrong started to sink in.

He was in his car and at her house after the seventh missed call and he knew something was wrong.

The door was broken in within seconds and he was making his way inside, calling for her.

"Y/n? Love?" He yelled, brows furrowed as he pushed through the rooms to find her room.

Everything stopped moving when he saw her.

On the floor, leant against the side of her bed unconscious, wine spilt and staining the carpet but that didn't concern him. It was the barely beating heart in her chest and the few pills that she must've been too out of it to take.

"No no no no no" He whispered, his legs going weak causing him to crawl toward her, pulling her to him with urgency. "Oh love, it's okay" He uttered, tears welling in his eyes and his throat closing. "It's okay, I got you"

His hands lifted her head but she couldn't hold it up, her eyes wouldn't open and she couldn't breathe. He couldn't get her to breathe.

He bit into his wrist, forcing it to her mouth and tried to have his blood drip down into her system.

"Come on, come on, come on" He begged, cupping her jaw and kissing her forehead.

"Yes" He uttered when she groaned and coughed, spluttering a burst of his blood out. She gagged and he held her up, rubbing the top of her back.

She went heavy in his hold but she was alive and that's all that mattered so he just kept holding onto her. Burying his face into her hair and whispering his prayers.

"It's okay sweetheart, it's alright I have you"

His eyes stung as he clung onto her. He could see her vision returning and cupped her face gently but firmly in his hands.

"Look at me, love." he murmured, hidden desperation behind each word as she senses came to and she glanced around confused. For a split second she wasn't sure what had happened before the memory flooded in and she let out an exhausted cry. She closed her eyes and let her body stay limp, head against his shoulder whilst she breathed shallowly.

Faintly she could hear Klaus's begging whispers, she could feel his soft touch and smell his rich scent. It brought a small sense of comfort but did not stop the silent tears from slipping down the cheeks that his hands held. The press of his lips lingered for a moment on her forehead before she felt his arm slip under her knees and lift her body.

He held her to him whilst his spare hand hurriedly grabbed whatever necessities he could spot. A blanket was tucked against her and to his arm so she was shielded from the wind when they sped outside and through the streets of New Orleans. Within a moments thought they were within the warmth of the abattoir and Klaus's cologne swallowed her. She murmured uneasily as he lay her in his bed and wrapped both the sheets and himself around her, leaving her no opportunity to ever get away from him. Not that she had any desire to pull away from his hold in that moment. Waking up from what was supposed to be her death was only the slightest bit manageable with Klaus at her side.

Silently she thought about apologising but she wasn't sure it would be truthful so she remained quiet as he stroke her hair and pepper the tiniest of kisses across her face as though they were sun-kissed freckles.

"You cannot leave me like this" He whispered, his voice cracking in a way that hurt her heart and made her eyes squeeze shut. She worried he would be angry or upset with her but when his arms held her tighter and his forehead pressed to hers, and he muttered to her "I promise I will do all that I can to make you feel whatever comfort you need so long as you never attempt to leave me again", she didn't feel pressure or weight.

She content in a strange way, she felt a slight feeling of peace overcome her mind for a moment as she put as much trust as she could in his hands.

Klaus would never break that trust, he would never take away her comfort, he would never leave her alone again.

[crownmemes]

Concerned Sentences, Vol. 7

(Concerned sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Is everything okay? You seem annoyed about something."

"I don't know why you do this to yourself. You know it doesn't help anything."

"You need to stop reading the news. It's bad for you."

"Doing something rash isn't going to bring him back."

"No, you're not doing this! You're going to kill yourself!"

"I can take care of myself just fine, alright?"

"I appreciate this concern, but I'm not like you, alright?"

"Sometimes, I think you might have a penchant for self-pity."

"There are always unintended consequences to everything we do."

"Yearning won't make it happen."

"When exactly was the last time you had a psych evaluation?"

"You can't save everyone, no matter how hard you try!"

"There's only so much that you can do, and you've obviously reached the limit!"

"I just don't understand why you work so hard to be alone."

"To deny who you are is much more painful than confronting what you hate about yourself."

"You don't need to trust them, but you do need to trust me."

"You're desperate and scared, and desperate people make mistakes."

"Battle scars are not always of the body."

"Denial can be a very powerful thing."

"Things like this - all things, in fact - have consequences."

"You're lonely, and sometimes loneliness turns to bitterness."

"Sometimes there are scars than cannot be seen."

"The truth is, despite you're abilities, you're still just one man."

"How are you really in the grand scheme of things?"

"She's using you, just like all the others."

"Listen, I really want to keep this between you and me. Why don't you start by just telling me the truth?"

"You're a bit out of it tonight."

"You can't hide out here forever, you know. You have to go home sometime."

"This must be a lot for you to process."

"I've known you for a decade. I know your behaviour patterns and how you think. You acted very out of character today."

"You seem like you're making up for lost time."

"You've got to learn to be the hero of your own life again."

"Actually, I don't smoke. Neither should you."

"Why should an accident happen? Are you concerned for your safety?"

"This hero stuff is only going to get somebody hurt."

"You like fighting, don't you?"

"I came as soon as I saw the morning paper. I thought you might need a friend."

"There's something not quite right with you today, and I can't quite put my finger on it."

"You need to decide what you want. Stop dwelling on what you can't have."

"Do you need a hug?"

[jessilynallendilla]

Charlastor/Radiobelle AlastorXCharlie

Home Post

The Taxidermist  (EX) 

It's strange how things happen sometimes. Only three words are needed to ensure that a curious person does exactly what you expect them to. These three simple words will never fail you: Don't do it. It happened. She did it. And she was too late. 

Smiling Man  (EX 387,376) 

Moving to New Orleans to start up her rehabilitation hotel for criminals hasn't been all berries for Charlie, especially if everybody thinks you're some Dumb Dora with a complete horseshit plan. And it's another jam that she's starting to get stuck on Alastor, the charming yet eccentric radio host next door who's never fully dressed without a smile. But she's all smiles too, and that's made her out to be quite the dish to Alastor - in all senses of the word - and boy, was he ready to be entertained. 

Heaven Hell and Earth (T) 

A girl born of Heaven and Earth, a boy born of Hell and Earth, two hybrids raised in a secret organization that defends mankind from paranormal dangers. Both unaware that they were prophesied to bring about the world's end even though they have spent years protecting it. Which raises the question: Who decides their fate? And will the loving bond they share with each other and those around them be able to overcome the terrible hardships they must face? 

Nightshade Manor  (M) 

Charlie Morningstar only wrote to novelist Rosie Parish, to ask for advice on writing her own book. But instead she was invited to spend a few days at the historic Nightshade Manor. An elegant but mysterious estate located in an equally mysterious town. When she arrives it isn't long before she suspects that the town hides a very big secret. That the manor is occupied by something unspeakably evil. And that the master of the household, Alastor Nightshade has certain plans for her. If she hopes to get herself and her friends out of this situation alive then she must use clues from the past and messages from the dead to break a devil's curse. But the irresistible pull of forbidden love may or may not seal her to a doomed fate. 

A Horrific Fantasy   (T) 

Once upon a time there was a lonely girl who much preferred to live in a fantasy than in reality. One day she was drawn into a world of extraordinary imagination, where anything is possible and things are not always what they seem. At first she thinks it's a dream come true but she eventually learns that a fantasy is not always sunshine and rainbows. That there is a dark, more horrific side to it that threatens her and her loved ones. Now she must use faith and her own creativity to outsmart the evil that rules this world and rely on the aid of a strange boy who only wants to give her his heart. 

The Devil Take The Hindmost   (EX) 

Alastor Doucet’s ambition drives him to summon an infernal fiend, ready to enter a binding pact in exchange for arcane powers. But the Devil he summons isn’t very interested in his soul. She is determined to find an alternative to the brutal mass extermination of her people. In a desperate bid to prove that redemption is both possible and worthwhile, she journeys to the mortal realm to redeem sinners straight from the source. This tale features dark magic, jazz, the economic crash of 1929, Louisiana, a serial-killing radio host, and the blossoming trust between two very unlikely allies during desperate times. 

Beneath The Mask (EX) SERIES 

For every trial, for every task, there is a corresponding mask. A frown, a smirk, a pout, a grin, They shield the soul contained therein. But masks and faces, and manners too, disguise the single face that’s true. The face that’s under the facade, the one the foolish, charmed and awed, profess to see, to claim to know, although they’ve never seen it show. And so they pry through charm and guile, in hopes to see what’s ‘neath that smile. However, they are unaware, that mask and face are not a pair. For those that pry soon come to find they don’t like what’s hiding behind, because the face once locked within, might not be that charming grin. And thus the wise are dread to ask to see what’s there beneath the mask. 

You’ll Never Find Me  (M) 

New Orleans - early 1920's - Right after the sunset and the moonlight shines above the city, a radio host crosses paths with a young woman who has just arrived. She seems lost and has no place to stay. The man kindly offers his help. They thought they would never see each other again, but their paths keep crossing each other's. Time makes them connect to each other, but little do they know they are more alike than they believe: Both of them have their own dark secrets, but it gets harder to hide as they keep getting closer. Maybe it's destiny, maybe it's meant to be, either way, the cards have been played and now they have to fight against the rules of both of their worlds. 

Penance  (EX) 

“I’m interviewing you to see if you’d be a potential candidate for my rehabilitation idea. If you don’t live under a rock, you’d know that Hell is overpopulated—specifically the Pride Ring with Sinner demons. And the exterminations are… brutal,” she bit out, “senseless murder… these are my people. Some of them find a new life down here, some of them start families and make friends. I want to give them the opportunity to better themselves, and find a way out of this ring. It’s not fair.” 

“Fair?” A harsh scoff from the one before her, “Darling, we’re not here to be fair.” 

Charlie is given a rather impossible task by her father in order to contact Heaven for her project—she has to redeem one of Hell's most unforgivable sinners. 

Requiem For A Mourningstar (EX) 

Paranormal Investigator Charlotte Morningstar is headed to her ancestral home to finally uncover the dark secrets her family has been hiding for generations. But past sins are not the only evils lurking on Pentagram Rock. And Charlie soon finds out there's far more hidden in the dark than she bargained for. 

Oh Deer!  (EX 23,040) SERIES 

When rutting season brings Alastor to his breaking point, he tries to hold off on his very undignified desires. As time progresses he contains himself until Charlie’s own heat cycle is thrown off by life stress. When their seasons line up, nothing good can come of it. 

The Mark Of Judgement  (M) 

In the aftermath of his battle with Adam, Alastor sustained a wound that refused to heal. With each passing day, the wound grows. With each wretched act, the mark upon his chest makes itself known. Alastor was being judged, not by Heaven or Hell, but something else. Something without a name. And so Charlie, in her infinite goodness and need to help, has put it upon herself to try and save Alastor’s soul while simultaneously running her hotel. But the mystery only deepens the further the duo dives. Questions of fate, uncertain feelings, and connections that neither expected, come to light as they grapple with ‘The Mark of Judgment.’ 

Human Hotel Field Trip   (EX  26,357) 

A slowish-burn of Charlie and Alastor taking a field trip topside for the "business experience." And end up experiencing a seismic shift in their relationship. Oh, and there's a 1920s bash at the hotel. Just to piss Alastor off. 

Sinner And Salvation  (T 83921)  

In 1930's New Orleans, Alastor Bordeaux - famous radio host and undiscovered serial killer - stumbles upon a mysterious young woman deep in the Bayou. Not a charitable man by any means, but there's more to this girl than meets the eye - a power he can use for a little problem of his own... Unfortunately for him, Charlie has absolutely no memory of who or what she is! Left to pick up the pieces of a life she doesn't remember as she recovers under the kindness of a stranger, when the past comes calling will they be able to handle it or will dark secrets doom them both? 

Under My Skin  (EX) 

The new and improved Hazbin Hotel is open for business, and with a steady flow of guests seeking redemption, Charlie couldn't be happier. But when Alastor continues to shirk his duties as the hotel's host, she has no choice but to confront him. She's shocked to find him shut away in his radio tower, slowly succumbing to his deadly angelic wound. Much to the radio demon's chagrin, she dedicates herself to his recovery. Maybe his brush with death made him sentimental. Or maybe the infection from his wound messed with his brain. Whatever the reason, Alastor finds himself not only enjoying the princess's company but yearning for it long after he's recovered. More than just her positive energy begins to creep under his skin, and as he starts to see her in a new light, he begins to question things about himself and his reasons for being at the hotel. 

I Do Ms. Malveaux  (EX) 

Caught with a corpse between his legs, infamous serial killer Alastor Malveaux agrees to marry Charlie, the canary down at Rosie's Emporium and Speakeasy. While inconvenient, it wasn't a bad idea to get hitched to the doll, especially with her dire circumstances that pushed her to marry a murderer in the first place. Yep, Alastor could have his cake and eat it too. There were absolutely no setbacks to this plan and he could live as he wanted, unattached to his pretty little wife. His wife...Ha ha! 

Your Love Is My Torment  (EX) 

Nothing was out of the ordinary on that Morning in January for the Radio Host , But after he fires his rifle at a unusual looking doe in woods , He discovers that there are things in this world that cannot be explained and now he and her are thrown together in an ever changing , twisting love story that eventually becomes their torment and the beginning of a bloody history between them both, that will follow them to hell and back again . 

If You Like Pina Coladas!  (EX) 

As a rule Alastor could not be convinced to do anything that did not benefit him. Therefore the man was struggling to understand why he had agreed to this farce. Yet here he was, on Vacation in the human world with Charlie. He wondered how he had allowed himself to be talked into this.

The Riddle Of Magic   (M) SERIES 

Alastor and Charlie have struck a deal: He’s agreed to teach her magic; but what does he get in return? Seven spells, to understand magic’s most fundamental law. If the teacher asks, the student must answer: What is the Riddle of Magic? 

Just Roll With It   (M) 

To get Adam to agree to another year before another extermination, Alastor and Charlie say they are getting married. To each other. It’s a problem, and they need to fix it…or Just Roll With It 

A Tail Of Beignets (EX) SERIES 

After finding out the extermination would be 6 months early Charlie felt she deserved an evening for feeling sorry for herself and a few bottles of wine. She told herself it was a form of self care. A mini holiday. But she didnt expect to meet Alastor making beignets in the kitchen. She also didn't realise he had a fluffy tail. 

Bernadette   (M) SERIES 

Charlie has enough of everything going bad in her life, her parents returning after yet another failure was the last straw, so she join forces with Alastor and took over, as they literally brought heaven to hell. Vaggie, alongside unlikely allies, needs to stop the tyranny they presented while surviving on the mess they created. Will she succeed? 

Bride Of The Radio Demon  (M 50,501) SERIES 

A long time ago, an Overlord by the name Alastor plunged Hell into fear because of his power. The Seven Deadly Sins were able to weaken him and made him disappear to never be seen again. Seven years later, Alastor returned more powerful than ever. The only thing that would get him to stop terrorizing Hell is a few things in return. ... Including a willing bride to marry, who just so happens to be the Princess of Hell herself, Charlie Morningstar. Can she tame and melt the heart of the Radio Demon? 

A Different Kind Of Hell  (M) 

Heaven and Hell were often cut off from one another. Word got around but otherwise there was radio silence. Until Charlie and Alastor stormed Heaven’s gates. 

The Radio Songbird  (T) 

After not surviving a car crash, Charlie Magne finds herself in Hell. Unsure what she could have done to end up there she tries to make the most of her new situation. Making a minor agreement with the menacing but friendly radio demon. Alastor finds this new sinner quite charming, and her voice even more so. He offers her a place to live in exchange for singing on his radio show. Eventually hoping to lure the young woman into a more permanent deal, wanting to keep the little songbird under his thumb. Meanwhile Lucifer finds out someone has misplaced the Princess of Hell. 

Your Sweet Radio Demon   (M) 

Unaware of his true intentions, Charlie begins to develop feelings for Alastor. This doesn’t go unnoticed by the faux affable demon, who intends to take full advantage of the situation for his nefarious purposes. Vaggie, the only one aware of his true intentions, bows to do whatever it takes to protect her. Unfortunately for Alastor, those aren’t the only players of his little game. Two people from his past have set their sights on him and intend to expose him for who he really is. Charlie might have to question if she can set aside her ideals for him and Alastor will be obligated to question whether he's willing to compromise for someone else 

Soul Bound   (M) 

Charlie Morningstar has always been a curious girl with an active imagination unlike any other kid. Unfortunately, a creative mind such as hers comes with its downsides, such as lack of common sense and naivety that would often get her into strange predicaments. Luckily she has her guardian, Alastor, who has sworn to always protect her from harm for as long as she lives, but in exchange she must give her soul to him on the dawn of her 18th birthday to ensure they will be tied together for eternity. As she grows up, she begins to feel stronger feelings towards her protector. But the mysterious "friend" of hers raises concerns for her parents, who start to wonder if this imaginary friend she's made up is more than what she says... 

Fantasies Unwind (T) 

A collection of Charlastor works that explore other universes and fairy tales 

All It Takes  (M) 

Sometimes, all it takes is a moment, a single reckless choice... When Charlie, with the help of her friends, decides to throw a party to support her struggling hotel, little does she know that nothing will ever be the same. A few weeks later, her life takes a dramatic turn as she finds herself pregnant. The problem? No one remembers what happened that fateful night.Caught in the tangled web of her own choices, Charlie must confront her parents, her girlfriend Vaggie, and the judgmental eyes of everyone in Hell. How will she handle taking care of the Hazbin Hotel and a child? And who is this mysterious man claiming to be the father? Amidst the chaos and tangled relationships, Charlie learns that sometimes, to find happiness, one need not chase the rainbows but simply open their eyes to the world around them. 

A Lamb Astray  (NR) 

With his daughter on the lamb Lucifer couldn't exactly send the best Angels he had. Instead he's got some of the worst Sinners out trying to shepherd her home. Of course, what is simple in theory is seldom the same in practice especially when one shepherd is more a wolf in masquerade than anything else. 

Kiss Me Through The Radio  (NR) 

A Series of Charlastor stories that I couldn't turn into full length fics. Enjoy the musings of my mind and prompts from my friends! 

The Vacation From Hell   (T) 

The plan was simple: indulge the Princess of Hell in a little trip to a ‘human hotel,’ then sit back and enjoy her suffering once she realized what a farce hers truly was. That was how it was supposed to go anyway. Unfortunately for Alastor, Fate had other plans. 

I’ve Got No Strings On Me   (T 1,244) 

Charlie quietly unstitches Alastor's smile after freeing him from his deal 

Darling  (EX) 

When Alastor made a deal with Charlie Morningstar, he knew it was a chance for him to ascend the ranks. Now that it's been weeks since the events of the extermination battle, Alastor decides it's time to collect...what he didn't expect was to slowly fall for the Princess of Hell. But hey, a deal's, a deal. 

Appetites  (EX) 

Charlie and Alastor have just recently established a relationship that is now more than just business partners. Now that their relationship is out in the open, the two of them begin to have several intimate and sexual in counters in various places of the Hotel... when they should be working. 

A Wolf Wears Red  (EX) 

We all know the story of Little Red Riding Hood. But what if the wolf was the one wearing red? In that case who would be the wolf, and who is their prey? 

A Distant Memory  (EX  4,049) 

Alastor remembers the one and only being he had ever connected with but he had forgotten her and when he remembered.... It was too late 

Blood Sweat And Tears (English Version)  (EX) 

Alesteir Doucet, or as he likes to introduce himself: Alastor, is a criminal on the verge of execution. On the other hand, in Nazi Germany, a blonde young girl has been summoned from a portal of an occult research squad. The stories of Charlotte, the princess of hell, summoned by the Nazis, and Alastor will mixed in the years leading up to WWII. 

Firsts  (G 6,911) 

Charlie is planning Dawn's first birthday. Alastor thinks it's silly, she's only one! 

In Another Life  (T 20,044) 

It's 1932, Alastor Barrios is a radio host, known as "The Radio Demon" in New Orleans. He leads a pretty normal life, aside from the killing, cannibalism and hunting. He develops a routine: wake up, hunt, eat, go to work, go to the speakeasy for a drink, go home, repeat and he's sick of it. That all changes, however, when he goes to the speakeasy and hears Mimzy's newest singer. Everyone in Hell wonders how Charlotte Magne is so...cheery. She doesn't act like the rest of them. For her, that means she barely has any friends and the ones she does she never sees. Earth is her only chance of escape, and if she has to be up there, she's going to perform and she's going to have a great time doing it as the Devil From Heaven. 

The Golden Haired Demoness  (NR 1,525) 

And Alastor couldn’t help but find her absolutely breathtaking when she was covered in blood. A deep hunger in him awoke at the sight of her porcelain skin being smeared with the red thick liquid. It didn’t help that she loved to sing occasionally when they were out hunting as well. Her beautiful voice filling his ears and heart as he’d stop and stare at the tall demoness twirl around in the dead of night, without a care in the world. Or Alastor tries to summon a demon and is surprise to see that he had summoned the princess of hell herself. 

Something Unspoken  (M 4,075) 

Alastor and Charlie have to make major adjustments to their lives after a spell gone wrong. Perhaps it's not all bad as somethings come to light... 

A Small Interruption   (G 571) SERIES 

St. Peter just ruined a moment between the young seraphim and her secret lover 

Obsess With Her Soul  (M) 

Her soul is like a human's: soft, caring, extremely gentle and sweet. Alastor could have been wandering around all his eternity in Hell, but he'd be damned if he wouldn't try to get her for his own personal purposes, which later would no longer make any sense. 

All Of Creation   (T 727) 

He didn’t ask, all those months ago. Charlie just leaned on him, slowly approaching to give him the choice. She kissed him. And he let her. 

Final Farewell   (G 7,367) 

As Alastor gets redeemed it is time to say goodbye to Charlie. What is she supposed to do when everyone she held dear is gone? 

Like A Lamb To Slaughter   (EX) 

In seeking to deny a prophecy already written, four kings of creation inadvertently create their very demise. Now a vessel for an imprisoned god Charlie must foster a flock and guide them. But will it be in the ways of the one she serves or will she take a different path? 

Eden (M 3,119)

Charlie has no memory of her past life. Alastor, on the other hand, does.

Unexpected Happenings (M)

Alastor Nightengale, the famous Radio Host is hardly the charming man everyone believes him to be. Talking up a storm into his mic during the day and hacking innocent individuals to bits in the night.... Content with how entertaining things are he couldn't even fathom the possibility of a pawn coming so easily into his hands but this, Charlie fellow is unlike anyone he's ever known...what makes her so special? She could be used but something didn't feel quite right. When they meet again in hell, that something deepens.

Dearest Little Pet (EX)

‘Interesting...’ he mused, ‘A flicker. How long can I play with her before she cracks? It’s been a while since I had a pet to play with.’ Alastor and Charlie begin their work together and the Radio Demon has found a new toy to play with while the hopeful sinners they treat bumble around. Little does he know, he may be falling into his own emotional trap as well. Denial can be a terrible thing.

The Last Petal (M)

It was the chipper year of 1933. Alastor was in his mid 20's, being a typical radio host by day..but by night he was up to no good. Due to his newfound passion for the kill, Charlie whom was in hell wanted to intervene, sure she didn't have to but she had nothing better to do due to her old project failing on her. With her own power (and her father allowing her); she Left hell and went to earth..to possibly stop Alastor and help him to ensure his redemption and ticket into heaven. She was no angel, but being the daughter of a fallen one is all it took.

To Love And To Let Go (G 1,964)

Alistair, a radio host from New Orleans with a dark past must accept the sad hand dealt to him; and find a way to keep the one he loves safe.

Push And Pull (T)

It was just business. Or at least, that's what this arrangement was supposed to be.

Radio Demon May Cry (M)

After suffering a shameful defeat at the hands of Adam. Alastor was forced to flee and recover his strength. In his pain and isolation he contemplated about a few things that has happened in his afterlife, and realized two absolute truths: that he needed more power and that Charlie is very important to him. So the question now is, how can The Radio Demon hope to protect the one he cherishes the most if he can’t even protect himself?

My Professor is a Vampire, That’s the Tea!   M 

Anthony and Charlie have been friends since childhood, growing up together, going through school, and now it is time for them to attend College. However, Charlie soon discovers about rumors about their literature teacher having a few dark secret. 

“He is a VAMPIRE Charlie! An evil, blood sucking VAMPIRE!” Anthony screams at her. 

Now the two trouble making students are working together attempting to expose and take down this terrifying force. Mr. Alastor however is not a fan of their antics and just wishes they would focus on his lectures. What will he do when they fully discover his secret? Come discover their College adventures! 

Broadcast   EX 215973 

Alastor's ratings are taking a dive in numbers and he needs to figure out a way to get back on top. His show producer, Rosie, has the idea to bring on a local, ambitious young woman who is trying to start her own rehabilitation program for the city. The young woman who also happens to be Charlie Morningstar, daughter of New Orleans's most talked about politician. Alastor doesn't believe that Charlie's project will really work, but if he gets his ratings up, isn't that what's important? What he didn't factor, of course, was the chokehold that the young woman would have on him 

[nepherit]

Justice for Raphael

I'm very new to Tumblr, I created an account here a few months ago after I discovered all the amazing Bg3-related art content that this place has to offer. Since then, I've never posted a single thing and barely left any comments, I'm not a very social person...but today I was scrolling my favorite bg3-related feed, when I stumbled upon a post of someone who received a rather rude ask from an anon whose sole purpose was to mock their works and insult their (possibly) favorite character Raphael, who was referred to by that anon as a "100% canon two pump chump bottom cringe clown". 

It is saddening to get yet another confirmation that some people out there aren't capable of respecting others' likes, not even in a fictional/virtual environment...but I guess that's to be expected. Besides the obvious, what made me decide to write this wall of text as my very first post is that Raphael happens to be my favorite too, the one and only fictional character I've ever felt invested in, and probably the reason why Bg3 will leave a life-long lasting impression on me.

So here I am, trying my best to point out some facts that (apparently) are easy to go amiss for some people out here:   First of all, there's nothing canon regarding what Haarlep says of Raphael, as a character's opinion about another isn't a fact to begin with. Especially if said character is (proved by facts) very unreliable as a source: him being an incubus whose standards are undoubtedly different from any mortals' and the fact that he hates Raphael are but the most obvious. Not to mention that "Speak with the dead" isn't 100% reliable either by D&D 5e rules ("the corpse is under no compulsion to offer a truthful answer if you are hostile to it or it recognizes you as an enemy"). Besides that, even if everything Haarlep says is to be considered true, the mocking words the players can say to Raphael before the fight are NOT, as Haarlep never gives such info to the player (he only responds with a "no" if asked about the matter). That line we can say before the fight is but the player's guess/ childish mockery, certainly it's not a fact.

From a purely objective perspective, the only info Haarlep gives to the player that isn't merely his opinion is Raphael's obvious selfishness and narcissism (the HoH is covered with images of him) and the fact that he likely only sleeps with himself (he has his incubus wearing his shape, even his name). By no means does that make Raphael a "cringe clown", nor would it even in the case where Haarlep spoke entirely the truth. Honestly, it never ceases to baffle me how some people can be so shortsighted and shallow. But perhaps those people are yet to grow up and come to learn that there can be much hidden beneath someone's (fictional or not) behavior. There's nothing to mock about the "Raphael only wants to sleep with himself and only loves himself" statement. 

How could it be otherwise? How, when the only person who ever loved Raphael, the only one he could trust and rely on since his birth, was himself? How could he crave someone's affection and so, be seen as weak? How could he care for another or their feelings when he never got that care or respect, to begin with? Despite his theatrics and his facade, Raphael was born Cambion, a half-breed never to be considered more than the lesser of the devils in the hierarchy of the Hells. Cambions cannot rank up, no matter their blood ties, yet Raphael managed to achieve all that he has...his palace, his many souls, and his power. None of that was gifted to him, he fought hard and earned every last bit of it with his claws, his wits, and his determination. I admire Raphael for that, for striving to become something greater than what he was supposed to be...something better than his father's "half-devil" son.

To reduce Raphael, who's most certainly one of the deepest and most complex characters we can encounter in the game, to a "100% canon two pump chump bottom cringe clown" is beyond low, very immature, and a rather shallow view, more so if it comes from someone who hasn't even had the guts to show their name...

Well, that's all. I doubt someone will make it this far, as I wrote a veeeeery long paragraph. But for once, I wanted to have my say ^^

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Ive seen you reblobing a lot of evolotto (i love that little creature too) by any chance you have some headcanons about the little guy?

Or could you write some hcs about reader having one and showing it to the paldea gang, Carmine and kieran? Reader doesnt even remember when they found it.. one day evolotto just bonked its head on readers legs and hasnt stopped following them since.

((Sorry if im asking for a lot i just like that lil guy a lot and i love your writing))

YES EVOLOTTO MY BELOVED RAAHH

It is very special to me ofc I have some headcanons (both general and with the SV gang)

.......

General

Legend claims that Evolotto was Arceus' first attempt at creating a Pokemon; it was only intended to be a "template" for what the god wanted to bring into the world. But it was kept hidden away until it found its way to Earth all on its own.

Many have theorized that its power is the source of the Evolution phenomenon.

Stories claim that a single touch from this creature can evolve a Pokémon instantly regardless of stats, circumstances, or items. But this has yet to be proven.

Scientists keep trying to catch/observe its traits in the wild, hoping to understand its powers--without any success.

The only thing that has been documented thus far are its attempts to evolve, in which it takes forms resembling the various Pokemon body shapes, although it uses them more for self-defense than battling.

Despite this and its connections to Arceus, it's unclear if it can learn Transform, Judgement, or use any of the plates.

Has a texture akin to soft dough or clay.

Eviolites are said to be ordinary stones that were blessed by Evolotto from the moment it touched the earth.

Like Mew, Arceus Latias, Latios, and Mewtwo, it can understand human language and speak telepathically, but is rather shy about it, preferring to keep to itself.

Hcs with the SV Trio

The odds of you stumbling across Evolotto were one in a million...

And during your exploration of Paldea, you so-happened to be checking out some ruins when the creature lightly nudged against your leg.

While your pokedex provided very little information on it, you find it to be quite cute and so you decide to capture it.

Surprisingly, it rejects the pokeball, but doesn't break it.

You wonder how and why....but after Evolotto just stared at you with its beady red eyes, you stopped questioning it and decided to let it accompany you around Paldea.

It'll assume its more humanoid forms when it attends class with you, even sitting in a chair and listening to the professor like it was a student.

Eventually you tell your friends at the Academy about the new Pokémon you found, convincing it to demonstrate its abilities.

Nemona thinks it looks like some kid's art project in Hassel's class, only to be excited when it starts moving around and shows off some of its alternate forms.

She hoped to battle it, but after seeing it scurry behind you for protection, she feels bad and offers it candy as an apology.

Arven thought it was another food-themed Pokémon like Fidough, but not even you knew what it was supposed to be. No factual records at the academy's library existed on it that any of you could find.

It was all just speculation and theories, the most popular ones being "it was conceived by Arceus to make evolution possible" and "eviolites are ordinary stones blessed by it".

You decided to trust in these claims.

Even Penny was curious about it, although she thought it was...quite strange that nobody's been able to catch one. But it somehow warmed up to you.

Regardless, her Eevee team adored the fella, so it didn't really matter.

HCs with Carmine & Kieran

You brought Evolotto to Kitakami during your trip, simply because the little guy refused to leave your side.

And after getting to know the siblings better and wondering if they knew anything about it, you decided to show them....and both of them act like you just gave them a million dollars.

They've read about this Pokémon before! And it was in your hands!

It was real all along..

After calming down about it, Carmine lowkey gets annoyed that Evolotto doesn't wanna battle and just...sticks to you like glue, letting you carry it around like a puppy.

You keep telling her that it won't go into a pokeball (but she'll still tease you about trying to "show off" even when that's not your intention).

While Kieran finds it cute and defends it from his sister's rude remarks, he does get a bit jealous when you're also getting Ogerpon's attention.

But in the end, when she chose you over him, he vows to gain ownership over Evolotto as a "prize" for beating you in the championship battle when you arrive to BB Academy.

Of course...he doesn't win.

After you two reconcile, he asks if you've learned anything new about the Pokémon, but otherwise has regained enough respect from Evolotto to give it head pats occasionally.

[fairuzfan]

shalom sister. i love your blog and your writing. reading your posts always fills me with fire, i can tell you have a good heart. donating to your campaign makes me feel so good because i trust you and truly you are doing gds work. anyway i wanted to ask you a question!

when i hear new things from gaza, stories of hamas doing X and IOF doing Y, i ask around and i’m not sure what parts of that story is true, if any. anyway idk what to believe all i know is that israel is committing acts of genocide and while the rest of the world is allowing this greatest evil, israel pretends that to be jewish is to be a colonizer. anyway some of my family are zionists, but i cannot sway them because they only know farsi persian and hebrew, aka only trust extremely biased sources.

anyway i am fluent in english farsi and hebrew but my arabic is trash ): so i feel like i can’t get the full picture from palestinians. all i can read are bonkers iranian papers and the disgusting zionist articles, it’s horrible because i know they’re both lying, just about different things. a palestinian opinion is the only opinion i care about right now! anyway it got me thinking. i just wanted to know if you have tips for verifying online research? or go-to non arabic websites? or even a translation app haha. i just want my family to see the truth!

shalom<3

shalom! thank you so much for reaching out, i really appreciate it.

personally, i use different sources for different material. i use middle east eye (specifically maha hussaini) and also mahmoud abusalama for videos of what it's like in the north. i use the electronic intifada interview podcasts to learn about specific things happening (i just finished watching this one about the collapse of healthcare in gaza). i would check out @northgazaupdates on here too. there's euromedmonitor as well.

and really, there are a lot of diaspora palestinians who are relaying what their family tells them, and they post on twitter a lot. someone i know does this is samah fadil. there's also @el-shab-hussein who translates things from Mona. here's mohammad smiry who is in gaza and tweets primarily in english. dr. mustafa elmasri also tweets in english too.

i would use al-jazeera, i have a fact checking guide here about any news source really. i don't use it as much but there's also the palestine chronicle. sometimes i use quds news network.

i really don't know much about hebrew media so i can't really tell you about sources i recommend there. i don't know if @bringmemyrocks or @rodeodeparis can perhaps provide some input?

i will say, if you're looking for hebrew palestinian media, i dont think there's too much because there's a ridiculous amount of censorship in '48 right now (honestly it's been going on for years atp) but what a lot of palestinians are doing is relying on internal networks. if you want, there are some israeli historians like Ilan Pappe and Avi Shlaim but I'm not sure if they write in hebrew. but they for sure write in english and provide a historical perspective from within israeli society itself.

this is what comes to mind rn honestly, but i haven't even touched on instagram because i haven't been on it in a while. i might add on later if i remember any really vital ones that i recommend.

[night-raven-tattler]

Hello Mx Tattly, I hope I can request some angst for GN!MC x Jamil? Basically, what could be the reasons for them to break up, and how would Jamil handle the fallout?

Hello, anon! Mx Tattly is pleased with the request! Being a teen in love is hard, and first relationships are rarely successful. Mx Tattly still hopes you enjoy!

Relationships are...

Characters: Jamil × GN!Reader (romantic)

Warnings: angst, failing relationship, breakup, misunderstandings, mention of crying

By opening the document, you agree to Mx Tattly's terms of source confidentiality.

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

1. Relationships are a stupid idea, but everyone is a bit stupid sometimes, even Jamil.

The moment Jamil agreed to go on your first date, his first date, he knew there was no coming back

Something about the new territory and the uncertainty of teenage love made him nervous

He interpreted the nerves making his stomach twist and turn as the famous love butterflies everyone was talking about

Maybe in the beginning they were

When everything was nice and you both were riding the high of the relationship

You seemed to understand him so well, doing your best to support him by supporting him emotionally or giving a hand with his tasks around the dorm

You loved his cooking, his meticulous nature and his dedication to be on top of everything

And he knew that

He cooked you meals that he always called “leftovers” because admitting he put some of his time aside just for you felt a little too personal, too much

He memorized your schedule and always “just happened to pass by you” while you were heading to classes outside of the school building

He offered you the possibility of joining him and Kalim when they studied, wanting to help you understand more of his world without outwardly saying it

Jamil wished to be understood, to be read for once

But maybe the reading material he tried to offer you was in a language you were not ready to learn…

One evening after his club activities, you tried to invite him to spend the night with you

A sleepover, nothing more

Jamil would’ve loved that

Being away from Kalim for a night, enjoying some alone time with his sweetheart…

But he remembered Kalim needed help putting his uniform in the morning

And he also had to prepare his breakfast

And leaving at the crack of dawn just to help him and inconvenience you by waking you up was not worth it

He thought he did the right thing by refusing your offer- no, he knew he did the right thing

Inconveniencing you was unacceptable, his sweetheart deserved to enjoy their sleep

It’s the least he could do after denying your thoughtful offer

“...Okay. I get it. Maybe next time.”

Exactly, next time! When he will be able to trust Kalim more-

No, trust his dorm mates to care for Kalim better so he can have time for himself

But you have to accept the fact that Kalim was someone he was obligated to prioritize

And he knew you understood, he was sure of it by now

Otherwise, you wouldn't have agreed to date him, right?

『••✎••』

2. Relationships are far too complicated, why can’t the feelings involved just be easier to deal with?

Jamil wasn’t lucky enough to have a simple life

He cared for you, really

But the way you started being less talkative to him made no sense to him

He offered you dinner every evening, still calling it “leftovers” but now as an inside joke

And he even stood with you for a few minutes while you ate before running back to Scarabia after a frantic call from one of the students about Kalim

“Yeah, I understand. Go, Jamil. Hope you don’t have too much of a mess to clean up.”

And the next day, he’d make sure to walk you to your classes outside the main school building

Even if Kalim trailing after you like a hyperactive puppy

Or even if he could only walk you halfway through because he didn’t dare leave Kalim unsupervised for too long

Despite your silence, you still accepted his presence

And even warmed up to him back somewhat as you walked

But then things would get weird with your mood again

Jamil tried explaining a simple formula to you that you simply couldn’t wrap your head around

No matter how he explained it to you, it was something beyond your comprehension

“I know you can do it, Reader. Just focus.”

“I am focusing, Jamil. I think I just need a break, that’s all.”

“Alright, but after 10 minutes we’ll get back to it again. I can’t have you fall behind, even Kalim understands it.”

After the 10 minutes ran out, you made an excuse to leave and packed your things while you asked him not to text you for the rest of the day

Jamil wasn’t stupid, but feelings sure made him feel like it

After all, he was finally to put together the source of your frustration

『••✎••』

3. Relationships are a sham.

Talking to you about your frustrations with Kalim was fruitless

“You’re too glued to him, you deserve some space!”

“When was the last time we simply spent some time together without any disturbances?!”

“He won’t die if you let him on his own for a bit! What is he, a child?!”

He left your dorm more frustrated than before

Frustrated at Kalim for consuming his life like the parasyte he was

Frustrated at you for not understanding his position

Frustrated at himself...

For thinking you’d understand…

He never got what he wanted, why would this time be different?!

He collapsed on his bed and lost sleep over his self pity

『••✎••』

4. Relationships are tough… but is it that bad?

You came to him early in the morning, and apologized profusely for your outburst

You understood his position, you really thought you did

But the frustration got to you, no matter how hard you tried to push it away

Jamil accepted your apology, and you clung onto each other for the next few days, a reminder of the early days

But even after making amends, you never managed to quite find your old footing again

Jamil started forgetting about making your dinner with you and brought actual leftovers with him

It’s still the thought that counts, right?

You understood the moment you noticed the sudden abundance of spices

You also told Jamil he didn’t need to guide you around school all the time, you can just meet when you had classes around the same area

You went back to studying with both Kalim and Jamil, but you only payed attention when Jamil was explaining a concept both you and Kalim would need for your classes

You finally found a balance

That’s what he thought anyway

Yes, the time spent together seemed to diminish slightly, but no couple had all partners glued to each other all the time, right?

That’s why the return of your silence made his stomach turn

But, this time, you broke your own silence

“I don’t think I like the way things are going, Jamil.”

“I care about you, I do, but I know you’re spreading yourself too thin.”

“I miss having alone time with you, I… I can’t keep going like this. I’m sorry.”

You waited for a reply, any reply

Jamil only said one thing

“As you wish.”

You stood there for a few seconds, unsure what to do

Then you rushed out of his room

As a last act of kindness to you as his lover, he let you go

He finally realised you felt caged, so he released you

Jamil has felt caged his entire life

And doing that to you was too much for him

He let you go the moment you wanted out without putting up a fight

He could take his revenge on Kalim because he hated him

But you…

He couldn’t hate you, as much as he wanted to in that moment

All Jamil could hate was himself for not being better at this whole relationship thing, maybe that would’ve made you stay longer

『••✎••』

5. Relationships are not his cup of tea

Jamil was somewhat numb after the breakup

It was just a relationship, he didn’t need to fret over it for too long

He tried moving forward and simply sticking to his routine

A routine that he intertwined so much with yours that he often saw you in the hallways

When you saw him, you did your best to keep things brief and leave as soon as possible

You obviously were trying to “make things less awkward”

But he was clearly unbothered

He was fine

Everything was fine

So why didn’t you want to talk to him like before?

Did the friendship you had before dating just go up in flames?!

He soon followed your lead, avoiding you just like you avoided him

Kalim became the sole background noise of his life once again, but he had no more energy to be frustrated about it

He didn’t like to admit it but Kalim being his usual annoying self helped him slip back into his routine before meeting you

Except for when Kalim talked about you

A conversation topic Jamil refused to indulge with

Kalim missed you and became sad when you rejected his attempts at smoothing things over for his friend

And Jamil had no energy to argue with him anymore

After all, he deserved the silence and the awkwardness and the avoidance and the emptiness

The numb ache in his heart that reminded him of everything he did wrong

A growing dull ache that he never seemed to shake away

Until one night, when he woke up from a dream that had you in it

And he allowed to cry for you once

Just once

At least once

And it helped him slightly slip back to his old self again

His grumpy yet meticulous, clever yet in hiding, caring yet clumsy in the affairs of love

At the end of the day he had to accept the fact that whatever happened is over, and his only option is moving forward

The numb ache slowly dwindled as he saw you less and less, your past connection a blurry memory

Maybe relationships are not for him

He had better things to look after anyway

Like... you know, what he's always been doing

[safety-pin-punk]

Punk 101: A Guide To Critical Thinking

We all know that critical thinking is important, and it's something that any punk will tell you is an essential component of advocacy and pushing for societal changes. But, what exactly is critical thinking? As defined by the dictionary, it's “the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment”. And that's a good, short definition! But it can make the act of thinking critically seem a bit hard and over complicated for some people. So lets phrase it in a way that seems more manageable:

Critical Thinking is the act of taking in information, understanding it, and forming or connecting ideas because of it

Sounds easy enough, right! So then what are the steps one has to take in order to be a critical thinker? I’m glad you asked! Here's a list in no particular order:

Learn About Things - In order to fully understand information and evidence, you need to know about the topic! Whether the issue is social justice or environmental protection, you need to have a base knowledge on the topic in order to form opinions on it. Researching topics on your own or taking classes are great ways to get informed!

Recognize Bias From The Source And Prejudices From Yourself - No source of information will ever be without bias. A good example of this is how different new networks discuss the same event. One might praise it, while another says it was bad. When trying to understand the information to form your own opinions, it's important to separate the information from the biases of the source. In general, it's good to remember that a pure fact is just the information without an opinion attached to it. On a similar note, you also need to be aware of your own bias! When you form opinions, ask yourself *why* you have that opinion. Do you have a reason? If you were to have grown up with different life experiences, do you think your opinion would be different?

Go Straight To The Original Source - A good way to try and avoid bias is to go to the original source. Maybe news network A and news network B have differing opinions on a Tumblr post. Instead of trying to navigate those conflicting opinions to find the facts about the post, you can just go straight to the post itself!

How Reliable Is The Source And The Evidence - How much should you trust the source that you got the information from? Do they have a reputation of giving factual information? Can you find the information on any other sources? Or maybe someone is yelling about something online, but they’ve failed to add a link. It might make sense to trust what a well established researcher says without a source for their information, but maybe not some random person on twitter. Even if you have a primary source for where the information came from, it’s good to be cautious of the information itself. Sometimes false information is spread around on purpose or because of misunderstandings. 

What Is Being Excluded - Because biases exist, it is always possible that the source you are getting your information from is excluding more information either by accident or on purpose. To avoid missing information about a topic, it's good to check multiple sources and see if any have information that the others didn’t. A simple example of this would be two children playing on a playground. Child A pushes Child B, who gets hurt. When asked about what happened, Child A would say that Child B got hurt, but exclude the fact that it was their fault to avoid getting in trouble. Meanwhile, Child B and any bystanders would likely provide that information. 

What Is The Other Side Of The Issue And Why Does It Exist - You don’t have to agree with other sides of an argument, but it’s very important to be able to understand what they are, who thinks that way, and why they think that way. This will help you to see other points of view and counter any points they make in a discussion with understanding rather than anger or frustration. This is also important because it can expand your own opinions and judgments on a topic. Maybe the other side has points that you have never considered before, but now thinking about them has developed your own beliefs.

Avoid Black And White Thinking - Remember that the world does not exist in a good/bad duality. Everything will have problems, and the things that have problems might even have benefits. The world and its problems exist on a grayscale. To incorporate this into your thinking, try to understand *why* someone or something is doing something, the impacts it may have on multiple different communities, who it helps, and who it hinders. It's important to understand all facets of something before you form your opinion, otherwise you may be lacking very important details.

Don’t Forget To Fact Check - Never trust just one source, no matter how reliable it is! I usually recommend finding the information from at least 3 different sources before you confirm whether it's true or not!

Be Willing To Change Your Mind - Part of being a critical thinker that is often forgotten about is remembering to keep an open mind. Because critical thinking is based on the practice of learning new information, understanding it, and then forming/linking ideas, it is an opportunity to grow and change. You may start out advocating for one thing, but then through time, experience, and thinking, end up advocating for something slightly (or majorly) different. That is more than okay, and it's a sign of growth and maturity!

Resources to help learn how to think critically:

The Foundation for Critical Thinking https://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/index-of-articles/1021/

The University of Tennessee https://www.utc.edu/academic-affairs/walker-center-for-teaching-and-learning/thinkachieve/critical-thinking-resources

The Element of Thought https://theelementsofthought.org/further-exploration/links/thinking/

The Better Future Program https://www.betterfutureprogram.org/liberation-library.html

My entire masterlist can be found here!!

[bucked-it-up]

i wanted to ramble about where I think Buck and Tommy will be going into season 8 and what I think could possibly happen.

With the gap between S7 and S8 looking to be a shorter time skip and there not much development in the relationship, I’m quite excited to see what milestones they have passed together and which ones we will look forward to seeing.

This quote from Oliver interests me a lot “They’re still learning and figuring things out about each other and what a relationship might or could look like.” I feel like this could mean a few things, one being they are both firefighters and this is something new for Buck to navigate and also possibly new for Tommy as well. Both of them will have to get used to seeing the other leave for long shifts that mean they may not come home completely safe and sound. That will mean navigating the emotions that come with this, learning how to let one another go knowing that they will worry but they have to trust one another and having to live with the feeling that the other could get hurt without them being able to help/ get there as quick as they wish they could.

This is also the first relationship Buck has been in with a man and that will come with many obstacles, these could arise from being something that Buck hasn’t done before. A queer relationship come with pressures and negativity that straight relationships do not. Especially being in a queer relationship for the first time while having a boss like Gerrard and being separated from Bobby, someone he goes to advice and is a major part of Buck’s support network.

Another thing I get from this quote is they are working out how to be around each other and what they want their future to be like. This could include moving in which is something I would love to see but after this quote I am curious if it will be early season 8 or further down the line as a conversation talking about living situations could definitely come under what Oliver said.

I think as well the choice to bring back Gerrard will make things interesting for Buck and Tommy. I think it will give a good look at how they work through problems together and how they come to solutions. It will also show us more about how their relationship works, how they communicate and how they support each other. I hope that their relationship is explored in this arc because personally I think it would be a missed opportunity to not show how a newly out Bi character deals with a homophobic boss and how he communicates this with his boyfriend who has gone through it before.

Furthermore in S8 I really do hope we see many happy moments from them and we get to see ‘I love yous’ and milestones from them, I also hope we get to see some adversity. Preferably from outside sources rather than coming from within the relationship, such as one of them getting injured and having to navigate what that means for them and if they can cope. I would like to see them go through something like this and come out the other side even stronger.

As I have already said I would love to see them move in together and see Tommy’s house. To me this would signal that they (and the show) plan to stay with each other for a while and I would love to see Buck choose to live with his partner not because it just kinda happened like with Abby or out of some kind of guilt like with Taylor. I want him to make the choice and it be a deliberate and loving choice that allows him to spend more time with Tommy and increases their strength within the relatiionship.

To focus a little more on Tommy, I do hope he is featured in the opening arc in some way or another. I will be happy with any scenes he gets but i would love if he got a prominent role and we got to see his skills as a firefighter. I think having a pilot as a character is a good addition to the line up and allows for interplay between firefighters on the ground and in air support and means he can be included in more scenes as it has been shown he also does groundwork.

To end this ramble I hope that we get to see them happy and healthy. I hope the show explores their relationship and how different aspects of their life affect what they do and say. I truly hope that Buck is now off the hamster wheel and we don’t have to see him get back on it. I want to see Buck grow more within his professional life and outside of what he is like in relationships.

[andreas-river]

NIKTO HEADCANONS (but realistic)

TW: sexual themes, acute dissociative disorder mentioned, this man has definitely been through a lot.

A/N: I don't think I need to say this, but these headcanons are strictly from my perspective. Like many other people here, I enjoy writing for this character, and I have a lot of projects for the future. Anyway, y'all enjoy!

→ He loves cup noodles. He gives the vibes of eating them because they are quick to make and saves him a lot of time. But he’s skilled in the kitchen. Dmitry once founded him cooking in the kitchen’s base in the middle of the night. A glance from him was enough for Dmitry to turn around and walk away with another secret to hide.

→ He’s friendly only in private and only with his team, and obviously Sputnik. He feels comfortable around them, and he laughs only with them. He doesn’t hang out though. He doesn’t like public spaces at all.

→ Diagnosed with Acute dissociative disorder which may include symptoms of other dissociative disorders including dissociative identity disorder (source). This means that he experienced episodes where he dissociated, but since it’s acute, he had short but severe episodes (no, he’s not out of his mind). In my opinion, he doesn’t take any meds, or he would be discharged from the service. But he probably has periodic sessions with a therapist.

→ Possessing a hyena pet helped him find some balance in his life. For him, it’s like having a common dog, it doesn’t make any difference for him. He always finds it amusing when he uses him to scare Rodion, making him scream like a teenager. That’s how he discovered that Rodion doesn’t like anything that resembles a dog, even if Sputnik is a hyena. And he obviously uses this knowledge to his advantage.

→ He is neither hyposexual nor hypersexual (no, he’s not a pervert either). He actually has a normal relationship with sex and all the things that comes with. He doesn’t like sex without feelings. But if it needs it, he definitely jerks off at night.

→ He prioritize trust above everything, if he’s interested in someone. It will probably take him months to trust someone. Definitely a lot of trust issues, he’s really careful when he meet someone new.

→ Definitely not a religious person. He went through so much in his life that he’s more of a ‘realist’ person. He doesn’t think that there is a god, at all.

→ With the right person, he can be very protective: he has the ‘scary dog privilege’, and no one would definitely mess around with a masked big guy all dressed in black (most of the times).

→ He’s a reserved person and he appreciate the silence, especially if someone respect his own silence. Conversations with him can lead to a whole bunch of different topics at a deep level, and he loves when someone actually understand what he’s saying. He has a lot of knowledge and he used to read a lot of books, especially when he was a teen, and even more growing up and when he was recovering from his trauma. He still reads, and when he isn’t going to be deployed in a short time, he reads a lot during the night.

→ His trauma led him to a lot of insomnia, and a lot of nightmares when he actually manage to fall asleep. So, he usually goes for a walk, or he goes training, trying to take his mind off things.

→ Panic attacks are an occurrence, but he learned to acknowledge the symptoms even before it happens. He usually walks back to his room, finding the silence the thing that calms him the most. When he can’t go back to his room, the rest of the team usually has his back, and always managing to work something out. Every time they find a different solution, and that’s what helps him.

→ No one knows his past (and maybe it's better this way). Only Kamarov knows that he had to endure some bad shit back when he was a teenager. I can imagine living his years with her babushka before enlisting in the military. He doesn’t care about his parents since he lived in a toxic environment. Definitely doesn’t talk about it at all.

[teenytinytippy]

Some cute Hypmic headcanons I thought of at 3 A.M

(Spoilers ahead for some characters!!!)

Ichiro

Used to kiss his younger bros goodnight when they were little kids. Now he does it now and then when he thinks they're asleep (Sabs caught him in the act, though).

King of Bisexuality.

Jiro

Had a small crush on a tomboy he met at the orphanage. They used to play football together. One day, she got adopted, and he never saw her again.

Saburo

Has a little music box given to him by his mother when he was a baby. It's the only clear memory he has of her, so he holds it dear. It's also the source of his fondness for classical music. Nobody knows where he hides it, though.

Samatoki

Used to do Nemu's hair after their mother passed. As a result of this, he's very good at styling hair.

Also used to sing to his sister, mostly to calm her down during his father's violent outbursts. He sometimes hums to himself while thinking of her.

Jyuto

Had a gay awakening when he was a teenager. An upperclassman approached him so cunningly and lifted his chin with his hand while questioning him about something, similar to how Jyuto questions guys now. He still thinks about that boy from time to time.

Rio

Went to the U.S. when he was 3 years old and stayed there with his father's family for three years. His father is Irish-American.

Ramuda

He's intersex, as are most of the clones created after him. Some of them, however, appeared to be fully male.

Likes collecting fashion dolls from time to time, and has four custom ones: one of each Fling Posse member and another of the former owner of Empty Candy, Hanabi Maijou.

Has convinced his teammates to cuddle with him in bed.

Gentaro

Is on the Autism spectrum while his twin brother is not.

Is interested in FlingPoly fanfiction.

Ramuda gave him a boudoir doll as a present once.

Dice

Got a nosebleed after seeing Ramuda in a peculiarly cute outfit. The image stayed in his head for quite a long time. (Inspired by what Dice's new stage actor said in the cross talk, after seeing Ramuda's stage actor in costume for the first time)

He sometimes purrs unvoluntarily. Gentaro and Ramuda tease him for it.

Jakurai

Has sung Yotsutsuji to sleep on some occasions. He also did that to Hifumi and Doppo one night.

He was very popular with the girls back in the day, and word got out that he had a huge crush on someone. Hitoya even teased him for it. Little did he know that Jakurai's crush was Hitoya himself.

Hifumi

Was very effeminate growing up. He especially liked to play with his sister's necklaces and other jewelry.

Doppo

Cried when Jakurai sang them to sleep that one night.

He stims by drawing circles on the floor with his finger, something he has done since pre-school when he was alone. When he's angry or frustrated, he does it with his middle finger.

Sasara

Had a funny, contagious laugh when he was a baby or so his mother would say. Everyone who heard him in passing would smile or laugh as well. Maybe he was a comedian from the very start, after all.

Rosho

Learned to talk before he learned to walk and could say very complicated words and phrases for a toddler.

Rei

He can whine his hips pretty well.

Ichiro is the one who resembles him the most in his youth.

Sometimes, he sees himself and his wife/baby mama in Rosho and Sasara. He would never admit that to them, though.

Kuko

Can dabke and taught his teammates and also Ichiro how to dabke.

In the rare times when he feels like crying, he either meditates alone or next to someone he absolutely trusts, which, as of right now, includes his father Shakku, Hitoya, and Jyushi. The latter two were confused when it happened but felt more at ease and honored after Shakku explained this to them.

Jyushi

Sometimes does nail art on Kuko's nails.

He fluctuates between masc and femme styles on the daily. Kuko once mistook him for a young woman passing by when he came to the temple to greet him.

Hitoya

Was a big fat baby who grew into a skinny child.

Is actually swole.

Will become a father of girls (and the best father anyone could have).

Otome

In her teenage years, she would use poetry as a means to vent her frustrations. She would also go on to dedicate poems to her ex-husband and, later on, her first son Dice.

Was absolutely smitten with Dice in his first years, insisting on doing the motherly affairs by herself, much to the maid's dismay.

Really wanted a daughter and was seriously thinking about giving Dice a little sister before everything went down with her marriage.

Ichijuku

She and her sister would often wear matching bows to school in her younger years.

Lets Nemu adorn her hair with ribbons and flowers during their outings. She secretly loves the look, even if it looks messy.

Nemu

Was a premature child.

Is not good at styling her hair since it's something her mother and brother used to do for her. Sometimes, she unknowingly self-soothes by stroking it.

Was interested in ballet at some point in her childhood.

Queen of Bisexuality.

Honobono

Is a pretty good dancer and gymnast. She used to do ballet and acrobatics in her youth.

Was the type of girl who would absolutely destroy her dolls while playing with them.

Yotsutsuji

Sleeps in a fetal position.

Is pretty quiet when sneaking in. He even startled Jakurai once.

[nakedbibi333]

https://www.tumblr.com/nakedbibi333/714154377701687297/i-have-alot-of-desires-at-once-intelligence

How?

I’ve gotten so many questions like this.

How do I fulfill my desire?

Trust me, whatever you’re thinking is overcomplicating it. I truly believe that everything I had learned before a month ago had been overcomplicating the law.

However, to understand this, I first need to answer the other question I’ve frequently gotten: how can I identify with my inner man?

Once again, I’m going to tell you that you’re overcomplicating it.

What do you feel when you close your eyes and forget the world around you? It’s a feeling, right? There’s no body, no physical sensations inside there, but somehow you feel that you’re still here, you’re still you, despite not having the outer physical characteristics of you. That little voice inside your head is your inner man. Your inner man is not separate from you. You don’t need a ritual or time or anything complicated to reach him, because he’s always with you. (Please note that despite using he/him pronouns I am using it in the general sense and I do not mean that everyone has a little MAN inside them, it’s the inner you, the inner self—which is the self that you must change in order to manifest all your desires.)

Self is simply what you do and have in your inner world

So, how do you identify with your inner self? You simply allow what you do, have, and experience internally to have more weight than the outer world. I can already hear you asking me once again, how do I do that? But the answer is so simple. Practice.

You have to practice believing that the outer world is a reflection of your inner world. And how do you do this? You test the law. Think about it, you imagine worst case scenarios all the time. You imagine arguments, you expect to fail, and you constantly keep yourself in a loop of negativity and pessimism. So, flip that. Just catch yourself when you’re immediately going to the worst and just do the opposite. But don’t do it to make something happen, because then you’re focused on the outer world and the outer man. All your fears show you what the inner man truly desires. If you’re fearing being unsafe, then your inner man desires safety. If you’re fearing rejection, then your inner man desires to be wanted. Use those feelings to recognize what your inner man desires and then give it to them.

How do you give it to them? Well, now we’re back to the main topic: you fulfill those desires internally.

The only thing you need to do to manifest anything you want is to change self. Once again, self is what you have, do, and experience internally. Not in the outer world. You can’t change your face by applying makeup to a mirror. You must reach the source, the self. The inner man.

You want more money? Imagine that your bank is full. See the numbers rising and feel that it’s truly happening. Remember that you do not need to visualize to get to the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You can hear your friends telling you how much you’ve changed. You can imagine how your new car feels under your touch. You don’t need to see in your mind to feel. Repeat that and persist but only to fulfill the inner man. Continue persisting until your inner self is satisfied. Your goal is not to make anything happen in the outer world. You should not care at all about what’s happening in the outer world. Why? Because that’s not your job. Your job is to change self. And remember, the law is that self must be reflected upon the outer world. When you change self, truly believing and feeling that you have what you have desired, then it must be reflected. You don’t have to be consistently thinking and worried about the outer world changing because that is not your job. Change self and it will all be taken care of for you.

That is truly all it takes to manifest all your desires. Never worry if it’ll happen, when it’ll happen, or if it’s possible. If you can imagine it, then it already exists. And if it already exists, since it is you that is experiencing your desire, then you can reach it. Every version of yourself is yours for the taking, no permission or “worthiness” needed. Stop asking if you can or should do something. If you desire it, fulfill it.

All of this is based on Edward Art’s main series on Reddit. So, if you’d like to know more, go read it.

[everpresence]

why read books about the law + book recommendations

hello, gentle soul!

if this is your first time coming across this blog, i just want to say hi, i'm jas, and the purpose of @everpresence is to post teachings from renowned teachers of the law. this will range from ancient teachings to modern new thought leaders.

every once in a while, though, i will be making a post where i talk about my own personal experiences with the law. that'll start in a few weeks, though. i am going to be on vacation soon to a country i've been wanting to go to my whole life LOL! it's still unreal how the bridge of incidents leading up to it went, but nonetheless, i am SOOO grateful that i am going to be experiencing it for the first time.

anyways, for my first official post, i want to talk about reading books!

books! why should i read books?

while it undeniably is fun and girly-pop to read such beautiful and aesthetically pleasing posts about how easy the law is, i personally feel that it is best that we learn from source material.

when you learn from source, you start to gain a foundational understanding of the law and how it not only can be applied to your life, but how it is always shaping your life experiences regardless of whether you are using it consciously or not.

let's say that you're in college and you are assigned to write an academic paper. if you want to learn something and you want to understand it on an academic level, which would you want to go to first: social media or the books?

i'm not going to say outright that social media is not a reliable source. we have learned a lot from social media, especially during the pandemic. and i get why it can feel much easier to consume information in bite-sized videos or text posts. unfortunately, though, social media also happens to be a source of limiting beliefs and blatant misinformation about the law.

we take what we choose to believe to be true from social media. we choose to believe that we have to "take action" in order to get what we want. we choose to believe that we have to "spam affirmations" even when we don't feel like it.

we are choosing to accept beliefs from social media that are actually hurting us rather than helping us hone our innate ability to consciously choose the life we want to live and evolve.

but once you sit down and read the books, you'll start to learn just how simple the law really is. trust me.

i used to go through many reddit posts, youtube videos, tumblr posts, but it only made me feel more lost on what i'm supposed to be learning and doing. it is only when i sat down and actually started reading the books that i started really understanding how the law works.

and i give a lot of credit to the books for my successes hehe

reading books is not boring!

i also want to talk about a common belief surrounding reading books, and this is actually a perfect opportunity to touch on how the law works through this format. how exciting!

so if you say to yourself the following:

"reading is boring"

"reading books is a waste of time"

"i'm not going to get anything out of reading"

you are basically accepting this belief that is being translated to—for example—that feeling of dreadfulness or laziness when you are told that you have to read a book.

does that make sense?

your mental attitude surrounding the topic of reading books is what is currently being reflected as you are reading this post. and you should accept it for what it is, but you must also see that it can also (and thankfully) be changed. it's not a concrete fact that's true for everyone, but an idea that some people have agreed to believe in.

instead of choosing to believe that reading is boring, you can choose to believe that reading is fun and fruitful.

instead of choosing to believe that it's hard to understand a book, you can choose to believe that reading is easy.

and when you choose to believe that reading benefits you, you'll start to see how these beliefs shape your reality.

this is what's so crazy about the law. even when we are not using it consciously, our beliefs regarding EVERYTHING are always being reflected back to us through our physical reality.

we are always choosing what to believe to be true for us, and NOW is the time to choose beliefs that serve our greater good.

book recommendations

there's no particular order you have to read these books in, but whatever you feel pulled towards, definitely take the leap of faith and give it a read!

all of neville goddard's books -> i mean it when i say all of them because the more you read neville goddard's works, the more you understand that your life is a result of you using the law, whether consciously or unconsciously, and that you absolutely do have the ability change your life by changing your conceptions about yourself. his books are a great introduction for those who are starting to learn about the law. if i were to choose a book, though, it would have to be The Power of Awareness. for those who are completely new to the law, though, i recommend reading At Your Command and Feeling is the Secret.

Seth Speaks by Jane Roberts -> i want to preface this by saying that seth is a channeled entity. it honestly was weird for me first when i first found out about him, but through my own personal experiences, i saw how his teachings are not only phenomenal, but also true. before reading The Nature of Personal Reality, i feel like people would get a better understanding of what seth is talking about by reading Seth Speaks first. it's foundational knowledge about how consciousness is the only reality. there are also some interesting topics worth reading about such as near death experiences, how much sleep you should be getting, "coordinate points" (though you don't have to subscribe to such beliefs), etc.

The Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts -> i cannot emphasize enough how much this book has changed the way i view my thoughts and my emotions. i used to demonize the CRAP out of them until i read this book, and it has allowed me to be able to process them without critically judging myself. besides that, the ideas in this book go hand-in-hand with neville goddard's teachings and even expands on them. it is genuinely so groundbreaking, and every time i reread this book, i always end up learning something new. there are also some neat exercises in there about how to change your beliefs.

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy -> joseph murphy and neville goddard have both been taught by abdullah. i like how this book is straightforward and addresses certain topics like money, relationships, science, etc. he is mainly an affirmations girly.