#LIKE IF THEY DECIDE IM NOT AUTISTIC
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THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL MY AUTISM SCREENING RESULTS!!!!!!
#No gif can properly describe the pure terror I feel#LIKE IF THEY DECIDE IM NOT AUTISTIC#THEN I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT MYSELF#AND IM BACK AT SQUARE ONE#I’m so excited but SO FUCKING SCARED
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didnt plan on posting this today originally but decided that it actually fits really well with the beginning of the spooky season, so!
a fake doai movie poster inspired by posters for movies 'a short film about love' and 'on the silver globe', both by andrzej pągowski! and just for fun i also made a version with a shoddy polish title, how authentic am i right
#doodlesoup#doai#dreams of an insomniac#pastra#pastraspec#i love tags cause i can share additional stuff here while not feeling like im rambling too much#anyway lankmanns 'eyes' are actually the sun and moon and im mentioning it mostly cause i feel like it aint really obvious..#theyre both out cause i wanted the landscape of eastridge to look more surreal. one could almost say.. you know.. like a dream#one of an insomniac even#also to anyone curious the pl title is “town of hallucinations”#i had to get a little creative since the word 'insomniac' doesnt quite exist in polish#so i decided to keep the general vague vibe of the original title while trying to allude to the actual story#i also wanted to make it a little cringey and weird since thats how most of translated titles are i feel#in that sense its also inspired by the pl title of the fnaf movie which is basically “five nightmarish nights”#questionable but kinda charming yknow?#anyway im stopping the yapping session here lmao can yall tell im really autistic about translations?
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yea miraculous sucks but honestly they kinda popped off with a magical cat boy whose special magical weapon against evil is a lead pipe and the special magical power of stage 4 necrosis
#and he just smells like cheese 24/7#poor guy#I’m sorry this show is overtaking me. STAY IN THE BOX NOOOOOO STAY IN THE BOX NOOOOOO GET OUT OF MY SKIIIINNNN#deciding that he’s just my character now sorry#i could fix him narratively#cal.txt#miraculous ladybug#chat noir#I’m just very very autistic about the fact that his power is literally just. Destroy Shit#im telling y’all he and jack kline my disintegrating buddy over here they are Pals okay#mutuals you aren’t seeing this i. promise my only bad media is supernatural still#i am a very silly individual
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#you can tell i have a favorite lmao#im sorry i think about phoenix at all hours of the day#these are jokes kinda but im also serious about them#phoenix and franziska would be such funny friends#i need to make their relationship chart connect on every point#narumitsu are married franmaya are married miles and maya go to cons that leaves one pair#i also think that they hang out during the 7yg europe trips when edgeworth is busy#they should get into hyjinks and Phoenix should be her weirdgirl while Trucy helps miles in court#what im saying is that they can stand each other#ask me to elaborate on any of these I dare you#i have several ideas on how Phoenix is legally a Fey#he just has like four separate Feys look at him like he's a lost kitten and decide that he's one of them#i tried to keep them somewhat unique like obviously phoenix has adhd and miles is autistic and magic literally exists to an extent#we all know apollo has tboy swag#i think it's late enough in the day to be silly ill let myself have this#ace attorney#pheonix wright#kay faraday#franziska von karma#ryunosuke naruhodo#ryuunosuke naruhodou#andromedas poll hell#lana skye#trans phoenix wright
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“why are you always only ever talking about, like, spider-man 2099’s childhood and mental health issues instead of posting panels of him Biting People” uh. because... spider-man 2099 the comic book... also does this.?
#talking tag#spider-man 2099#spiderman 2099#miguel o'hara#xina kwan#marvel#comics#comic panels#i earnestly am not trying 2 gatekeep here lol i Desperately Want people to read spider-man 2099 and ALSO Like The Thing I Really Really Like#but. (deeply bitter) The Internet Does As The Internet Is i guess.#plus i Already Have posted every single panel of him Biting People that currently exists. and then ppl left viscerally uncomfortable tags.#..well. Viscerally Uncomfortable for Me. obv the people Leaving those additions seemed pleased as punch to publicly puke em onto my lap.#urgh woof i Know it's a Bad Idea 2 bring attention 2 it bcuz this specific breed of Pest thrives on Attention but like. i am so Tired#like one of those panels was an instance of the main character rebuffing an attempted assault Put Your Pants On And Quit Moaning. Christ.#this is My Personal Blog. i post abt this comic because im autistic and it's been my special interest for going on like 10yrs.#if i decide i want to Stop Posting about it then i will just Stop Posting About It. and i will tell people Why if it is for any reason.#but i just. /jesus/ yall. go be intolerably Straight somewhere else. my house isnt the place for that i just Block Creeps.
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fastest way to piss me off is to try and add something to a task im in the middle of doing because 'youre already doing it so this shouldnt be extra work tee hee' THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS
#i have planned this out. meticulously. in my fucking head#i have mentally prepared myself for every step. i have decided how much energy i need#i have Locked In. and u have just fucked everything up#this felt like a bigger issue for energy when i was depressed#but it turns out its still an issue because im Just Like That (probably autistic)#anyway. this all sounds catastrophic but this was inspired by being in the middle#of physically carrying plates and needing to rinse them#which is nothing really but my god did my temper suddenly explode. i think it was also the manner it was said#like tee hee just sneaking it in there youre already doing it so =) if i had been outright asked#before i started moving. i wouldnt have gotten so pissed off#and thinking back on it i wouldnt also have tipped off to nuclear if the extra plates#WERENT PUT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SINK WHERE THEYD BE A HUGE HINDRANCE#AND ID HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE THEM TO GET LITERALLY ANYTHING DONE#the simplest solution that absolves me of any assholery is to have said Hey.#next time tell me before i stand up instead of trying to sneak it in cos thats not cute.#unfortunately i was abruptly consumed by a haze of pissed off#tldr this all boils down to I had a plan i had allocated resources and everything was planned arnd it#and u threw a wrench in it. can u imagine what its like when bigger more substantial things#are interrupted. it involves drinking to avoid snapping at people
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disabled queer pride flag edits !!
gilbert baker pride + progress pride / gay + lesbian / pan + bi / trans + genderqueer / genderfluid, agender / bigender + nonbinary / aromantic + asexual / polyamorous + aroace / queer chevron + intersex
#text#I WANTED 2 POST THIS LAST DAY OF JUNE BUT. IM LATW. WHOOPS#i was 2 busy being autistic about my silly little show i 4got that it was almost july 😭#tgis was fun tho i might do more :D#there were a couple others i wanted to do but i a) didnt want the post to be too long and b) wanted it to have an even number of flags#in each line#also deciding which ones to put next to which . took way longer than i thought it would#i put the polyam and aroace flags next 2 each other bc theyre both like#challenging to amatonormativity + the expectation that everyone has 1 soulmate theyll meet & fall in love with etc#im rly proud of the intersex one it took a while to figure out how 2 get the disabled pride flag in there but i like the corcles :3#mine
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My least favorite plotline that shows up in like every single piece of media at least once is the "surprise birthday party". Literally cant stand it. I hate surprise parties so fuckin much. Even worse when the surprise is for a "i dont like surprises/parties" character OR they go with the "everyone pretends to have forgotten their birthday" plotline like i HATE it so so so much makes me feel like a rabid dog i wanna rip it apart with my teeth
#personally birthdays mean next to nothing its just an excuse to hang out with people#i only really like mine cuz its the day before my sisters so we just go do stuff together#however i HAVE been in the position where everyone has an excuse and refuses to hang out with you just to show up as a Surprise#and it was the most upsetting shit ever#i wasnt even happy about the surprise cuz im autistic and it became an uplanned break in my schedule which super stressed me out#but regardless there is something so maddening whenever a character goes 'oh i dont really do anything for my birthday'#and everyone decides to ignore them and plan a party#like the Doing Nothing WAS the birthday plan and its their day so leave them be#like i can get behind it if the character LIKES celebrating and throwing parties#then it CAN be kinda sweet maybe in theory#but ive never seen it happen
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told my fiance you'd drawn all the cats and he called it artism (art autism (/pos))
i dont evem know how to respond, this is funny as fuck does your fiance know that? and that hes on the never ending list of people who are peer reviewing me as autistic
#asked and answered#i just dont understand why everyone thinks im autistic im so neurotypical (/j)#like ik i had this weird attachment to this series for. near ten years? and decided to draw all 1000+ cats but anyone would do that!!! (/J)
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Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
#this is about autistic people.#that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it#it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject#and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole#that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong#you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back#that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up?#it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them#no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting!#its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF#i swear youre all asshole to us#no respect fr#its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong#youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying#and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive#just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!!#ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol
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Ive noticed a bit more traffic on my blog since i sent those messages
Im not going to publicly engage with that blog any further but just so it's on record: i tried to clear things up and understand what went wrong and was ignored. I'd usually hesitate to say that so soon after sending a message, but given that both of the public humiliation responses were made in less than five minutes after sending them as well as the fact that op has continued posting since sending that message, it feels safe to say that after twenty minutes they arent planning on responding.
#genuinely it feels like im being bullied for being autistic but im not going to say that to them#i dont want to be mobbed by the currently small crowd of people who have decided i meant cruelty
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People
They come they go they grow
they laugh and hug and kiss and dance
and they go to parties and make mistakes and slowly learn.
I stay still with quivering lips, rooted feet, trembling hands
looking like a statue— stone
they're alive like fire— waterfall
but inside there is a tornado in my mind
causing chaos around and making me blind
#original poem#poems and poetry#poems on tumblr#social anxiety#yes i've decided im going to start posting my poems#does it have anything to do with what I usually post?#ofcourse not#btw this is about not having a social as a teenager#most likely influenced by the fact im autistic#autism#my poem
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hoy oh boy i love when my mom very loudly and very openly complains about how much of a brat she thinks i am in front of other people that we haven’t seen in over two years in a public setting where other people can hear and are looking over and probably thinking i’m some spoiled brat because she paints me in such a negative light to threes poeple
i love how she openly jokes about beating me for not socializing tonight (or tomorrow because i know i’m gonna have a drained social battery by the end of tomorrow) and she even goes as far as to say there are mandated reporters and she doesn’t care
i love how she claims i’m not social or independent enough after proceeding to throw me to the wolves for 10 hours on my own and i can’t text her for help or she’ll just say i should’ve known what i’m doing already
i love how she complains that i’m not physical with her but i am with my dad because im a “spoiled daddy’s girl” even though in reality i can’t mention anything to her without her shooting it down but my dad listens to me and takes the time to engage with me
i love it.
#vent#i sound like a complete brat#i sound like a pussy#boohoo i don’t wanna socialize because my social battery is dead and i literally want to tear my head out thinking abt tomorrow#wow#twenty four hours from now it’ll be mostly done unless she decides to take my room key to force me to socialize or smth#she might do it. she’s threatened to#and i get it maybe i do need to socialize#but i had a mental breakdown this morning because i had no idea what i was doing and she offered absolutely no help#she said i had to be on my own#i sound like a brat#maybe that’s too much to ask#i’m literally so angry for no reason right now and i know there’s nothing wrong with my brain im just not normal ig#she’s told me to “stop acting autistic” whatever that means#whatever#ranted a bit huh?
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Inazuma eleven/detective conan AU where Handa Shinichi is actually Kudo Shinichi (like they call him kudo the entire time, there's a bit of confusion s3 for obvious reasons) and when he gets shrunk he still uses (probably changes/added for fun thematic and plot reasons) his hisatsus.
Detective work obviously takes away from soccer stuff, hence why he didn't make inazuma Japan and so on.
Basic plot would include the Detective Boys getting invited to a high school soccer camp type thing for whatever reason and conan does histasus and hits em with a "Shinichi-neechan taught me" which gets Kidou suspicious, shenanigans ensue from there.
#inazuma eleven#detective conan#handa shinichi#shinichi kudo#kidou yuuto#detective boys#i like doing this au stuff because its fun#im also obsessed with ina11 right now#my coworkers are getting tired of me talking about it all the time#its bad#ive also decided to put every soccer playing autistic anime boy i know into an ina11 au for funzies#so watch out for that
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Messaged my spontaneous/flaky/last minute friend to be like. Can we PLEASE arrange to meet up a few days advance to do something I know I can definitely do (that preferably doesn't involve a bunch of other people I don't know) because I CANNOT DO spontaneous meeting up and I feel bad every time she suggests meeting up, like, TOMORROW, with no details like time or place, and I have to be like "No." even if I'm technically free
#i love her but we are. very different and nearly incompatible in that way#it's because she does loads of stuff all the time and on any given day she'll probably have about three to five things she COULD do#so she doesn't actually decide what she's gonna do till the last minute#meanwhile im like PLEASE can we just COMMIT TO A DATE AND PUT IT IN THE CALENDAR!!!#it's annoying bc she's like. probably my only irl friend in my city and i genuinely don't DO much (and mostly like it that way)#but it's just SO HARD to arrange anything with her so i see her like once every few months maybe#pls maya im too autistic for this 😭
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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