#Just wanna throw this out there ig
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Thinking about waiting for Ghost to be ready for a relationship (kind of continued from this post
(Kinda angsty, self doubt/depreciating thoughts)
When you ask 'What are we?', he panics. He doesn't know. He isn't ready to be a boyfriend, to meet your parents, to open up about his life-
His internal monolog is interrupted by your hand on top of his own. He hadn't realized how anxious he must have appeared- sweaty, hands trembling, shallow breaths, the works. He felt like he was being strangled, and all of this was over a simple question. Why did he ever think he could do this?
You tell him it's okay. You tell him you don't need an answer now if he's not ready. You say that you're fine with the way things are, and if he isn't ready to move forward yet, you'll wait for him.
You tell him you'll always love him regardless.
The world might as well have stopped spinning, because you love him?
He wants to tell you he loves you too, but he's scared. He's still waiting for you to leave. For him to lose feelings. For this to all have been a huge waste of time, or for you to realize you deserve better as soon as he confesses how he really feels.
For a split second, he thinks about leaving. About ghosting you. Maybe even breaking up with you- but that would require him to admit there was something there in the first place. It felt like you had snaked your way around his heart and were squeezing with all your might.
God, he couldn't imagine himself without you. He felt like a fool, naive and childish all over again. Why were you so patient with him? Couldn't you see there was something rotting inside of him?
Once again, he's dragged out of his mind by your presence. You look worried. He can't fathom why you would be worried about him. Nonetheless, he squeezes your hand in return. A simple gesture, but it means the world to you. You know he's trying. You know he's fighting with himself and losing half the battles.
You're determined to win the war.
#*sigh*#I think he'd accidentally be a little bit toxic at times#You won't get proper answers or communication for a long ass time#But he really does love you#He just doesn't know how to do all of *this* yet#He's a complicated guy#So much trauma fucking with the way he sees the world (and you)#And autism can make communication/understanding cues difficult sometimes#I think a relationship with him would be challenging and rocky at first#But you'll get there eventually#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x gn reader#gn!reader#simon ghost riley x reader#Mmm this would be great as a fic but all my wips are still rotting in my notes app#Just wanna throw this out there ig
281 notes
·
View notes
Text
Brb gonna go torch a Saab like a pile of leaves 🎶
#ore no kao#first vw show is finally in the bookssss#after 11 years (and a few streams this year alone) heard Diane Young live and i am renewed 😌#(did kinda wish a guy was with me--esp with the couples nearby being lovey during 'never known a love like this before ya' in This Life#[and if this guy i've missed would read/reply to my texts and communicate and not just view my IG stories it could've been him...]#buuut that aside i had a blast ✌🏽)#was fun relating with the guy next to me about our top songs and what we thought their encore would be#i am still so surprised they havent really played Cousins on this tour but tHEY BROUGHT OUT GIVING UP THE GUN AHHHHH 🔫#v fun v fun#did wanna throw in some of my Diane Young recording too but lemme let these selfies breathe lol
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
once again TROUBLED by how good my game is when flirting with my best friend, imagine if i actually used that with people im trynna pull
#shut up dave#the obvious point-out is. there ARE no ppl im trying to pull. if there were i might employ such skills#though what makes it so easy w riv is that we do think the other is hot but have no interest in hookin up. and also we know each other v we#so it doesnt mean anything when i push them against a wall like 'do you wanna find out' when they say that#'i have the vibes of those ppl who act like theyre vanilla but are super kinky' or whatever. bc its FUNNY#'do i look like i eat the souls of children for breakfast?' u look like u eat lucky charms cereal#cause girl your looks have charmed me and im hoping to get lucky tonight..............#tbf i flirt like that w dawn too so ig that means i can v much do it w ppl i AM interested in too <3#however here i get the debuff of no bilingualism. literally halving my potential :/// dawn u need to learn romanian. please.#JUST so i can throw more awful pick up lines at u <33
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds
#rat rambles#stars posting#I wanna make a thing for odile's parallel scene to the bathroom scene were sif forgets odile's name#but it takes place in the traps room by the wood carving tools which isn't the worst room to have to draw ig but I still dont want to#I could just take the lazy route and just sketch the scene so I can get it out of my head and I probably will#but at the same time I also should draw more stuff with backgrounds even if it makes me want to throw up and cry#but yeah the scene is basically just odile having a derealization moment while thinking abt the wooden odile carving sif made for her#just her looking at it and feeling nothing and trying to look ahead at siffrin expecting to be reminded of what it's supposed to make her#feel and just being met with the same emptyness in her chest as she can barely even recognize the person in front of her until they look#back at her and their expression shifts into a extremely concerned one#does that make sense? idk if Im explaining it well but I hope it makes sense#but yeah smth smth them becoming less real to eachother overtime much to the horror of both#also unrelated but I need to start rotating loop in this au in my head more theres so much to work with here#I have some vague ideas and thoughts but I have been too odile brained to properly elaborate on those in my head#Im honestly just glad Ive finally made an au that I can actually get invested in fleshing out#I havent rly found a good headspace to rly play around with the main cast but this is actually giving me smth to chew on#usually most thoughts I have abt isat just lead to me thinking abt my ocs lol#regardless Im having fun with this au and I hope that I can bring myself to commit to it#also Ive been trying to think of a decent name for this au and Im half tempted to call it from the top or smth but I feel like Im tempted#to call like every story I make that so Im on the fense abt it#especially since thats what Ive been planning on calling the prologue for spiraling upwards#not that I cant just do both but I wanna see if I can think of any alternatives
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
yalls i just woke up what the hell is happening
#why is someone throwing a whole child tantrum in people's dms#brother this is an adult fandom#if your game experience is easily disturbed by ppl just having fun maybe you need to go back to kindergarten#learn some co-existing and social skills#dean rambles#istg i wanna say that kind of behavior is not tolerated here#i AM block trigger happy#i will not warn nor let you know how to get unblocked#you're blocked for a reason#albeit sometimes it can be as small as in 'i dont like this ship so i dont wanna see it' to 'you guys are fucking deplorable'#but i do block whenever i want :))#ig i'll have to put out a serious PSA when i get home after class
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Straight men are not it!!!! They make me Sick!!!!!
#ray says#they're not even the majority of my coworkers it just so happens that in my position i am near them 10x more than anyone else#and many of em are security agents and i keep hearing their sick jokes and dumb takes!!!#it doesnt even matter that i let them know v firmly that i dont stand w that shit and that i love and respect gay men and trans women esp#cus then they will throw transmisogynistic jokes at me bc to them im an unfeminine dark skinned black woman so ofc ofc 🙄 perfect target#only thing that shields me is i dont id as a woman anyway but to think thats how they talk abt other people??? MY PEOPLE??? eewwwwww DIE#i swear sometimes i wanna quit cus of these guys cus it's all hehe and haha and then its bigoted comedy central like what is this????#and then when i get rightfully angry they find it funny? drop dead already 😭#and it makes me hate that most of the time i get along w em outside of political stuff bc we're from similar cultural backgrounds#but the morals rly went in different directions and now we both hate cops but you're in the military? the world's biggest cop corp?#and the thing is ik exactly how & why these moc turned out that way but what does it do for me to extend such empathy for ppl who would-#-want me dead if they knew i actually rly truly wanted to become a man myself. AND date other men. like its fine if im a gay woman ig#like!!!! ohh my god my bad i just got so heated and i havent found time to buy my diary yet. sorry sorry#first post in a while... ok bye#(this was sparked by a vid of a bw saying straight women should avoid lgbt-phobic men cus they are 100% sexist too. all fax)
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
ah yes i love mental illness
(she says while trying not to throw herself out of the window)
#yikes#ugh#hate it here#what is going on#what is wrong with me???#trick question#it’s the bpd actually#how i love living#not#i wanna throw myself out of the window actually#rip#god how i hate this#actually bpd#bpd#i wake up and i just feel like absolute garbage#but ig that’s what i am#soooo#but anyway gotta live for my concert Imao#and after that#well#suicide ideations#tw sui ideation#mental health issues#liesmultixxx talks 🩵
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
it takes everything in my power not to go on crazy rants about how weirdly and downright bad baizhu is being treated by hoyoverse 😶😶😶
#i just wanna know why#why didnt they just throw all the efforts into making him into another popular male character .. like they could??#why it feels like they give no fucks and just throw him in bc well he already exists and they gotta put him out yea?#anyways#i am shutting myself up#too bad he is like an incredible healer and dendro support and only ppl with big brains appreciate him#adry.txt#what are the odds of my ult fav dude being the only one treated like this (compared to like other male characters ig)
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I've realized something... Because my party's kind of base of operations right now is my character's house (because where else are we supposed to keep all these fucking people when the DM STEALS OUR AIRSHIP ☹), my character's parents have had to watch their only son come home many times after months of being away... with wounds that vary in levels of severeness, with scars that he's probably pretty reluctant to elaborate on how he got them, and also watch as he just progressively appears more and more upset and angry and tired all of the time. Hell it seems like if he's called that old childhood nickname one more time he might just break down into tears. And it's not like he's going to talk about it. Azazel would frankly rather drink until he's blacked out then even think about the possibility of him considering telling someone he might be unhappy... Despite it being pretty obvious he is, and despite him constantly very clearly losing it, or at least being on the verge of losing it. He'd rather claim everything's perfectly fine and get away from the conversation as fast as possible. And yeah, he's never been one to really open up, but this seems extreme, even for him. And I mean yeah, his friends have had to watch this take place too, multiple of which witnessing the fights in which he gains those scars and wounds... but also you have to consider that they went to Strixhaven with him. These people have witnessed Azazel at some of his lowest and highest points, this isn't really that new. "Oh Azazel's losing it again? Yeah no shit." I mean of course it doesn't mean they don't worry about him. I think Rubina is damn near ready to shove the little fucker in a psych ward, but, y'know....
#have his parents really noticed any of this?#i dunno man that's not my job it's the DM's ask him#but i do think it's interesting to think about#also i like writing little stuff like this#makes good practice#also i wanna talk about my lizard more#anyways i should make a full post just talking about his issues#cause holyyyyy shit#i really looked at this little lizard boy and went 'how far can i bend you before you snap'#and currently i don't know if i've found that breaking point#but if i haven't#and the campaign doesn't fucking fizzle out and die before we get to actually play again (i am crying and throwing up everywhere PLEASE)#the DM certainly will#so that's something to look forward to ig#IF WE EVER GET TO ACTUALLY CONTINUE OHHH MY GOD#dnd#dungeons and dragons#d&d#dungeons & dragons#dnd character#strixhaven#strixhaven a curriculum of chaos#dnd strixhaven#strixhaven dnd#strixhaven character#shoot do i need to TW for his rampant alcoholism#tw: alcohol mention#tw: alcholism#justtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt in case#possum rambles
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
welcome to another episode of I hate my neighbors 🫠
#rant.txt#it’s bad enough they somehow have 500 million fireworks and periodically fire them at random ass days of the year but from SONE REASON they#love this day so much and shoot so many giant ones and scare the living shit out of me and I’m sure any animal in the vicinity#and they hoot and holler about them like it’s fun and I’m just here trying to rest like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#like idc it’s a holiday they have zero consideration and ALSO it’s also like fucking dangerous????????#like these aren’t some little sparklers these are full ass giant fireworks and they’re so loud and they yell so loud#have you ever just wanted to throw a rock at someone before?#ugh I’m so annoyed bc I need to do stuff tmr and I’m not going to get a ton of sleep#I wish it rained this 4th so I could not deal with this#even then they’d still be out there tbh I wanna cry atp#like I WOULD BE THE VILLAIN HERE WHICH IS THE SAD PART#like I’d be considered the evil party pooper who isn’t being CONSIDERATE this holiday 🫠🫠🫠#they don’t stop until into the am too I’m gonna cry in bed ig
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#whew you know when you've been Going for a while and then you get a break and you're still tired but you're also so so jittery#S WHERE IM AT OHHH MY GOD#luxury problem and it's totally fine but i am crawling up the walls my friends#also update time ig!! took my family to the autism group meeting thing on tuesday bc it was a meeting esp for that#and they kept throwing me glances throughout the info part like lol it's you JDFHJDFH it was v interesting#bc throughout it all it's like... here i have info about autism and here i have my 25 years lived experience without thinking i had autism#and since i wasn't diagnosed as a kid i wasn't as ~obvious about it and i find it hard to reconcile examples with myself if they#don't fit 100% (it's . the autism) so anyways it was v helpful!!!#and my mum was like ah yeah i always had moments where i thought so?? but then it didn't fit the cold white boy stereotype bc i#am empathetic and i have humour etc so she never mentioned it to me bc it's a big thing etc and tbf i wasn't ~ready pre-this year#but now it's like... ah yes i was always upset on holidays and they never got why (the change in Everything)... i was picky with food#and with new shoes and i HATED shopping and it overwhelmed me so much (still does)#i would ask my mum what tf i was feeling and why i was crying and i would analyse social interactions#and i'd have obsessions with media and horses etc. was big know-it-all. was so slow with some subjects at school#like yknow when you had to copy letters 80 times? that'd take me ages and i'd get a fail bc i was being so precise#anyways. enough signs methinks dfjhdjh so now im just trying to see where stimming & eyecontact come in?#i never noticed a problem with eyecontact but im trying to let myself not do it and it's kinda nice?? but idk#and stimming idk i used to suck my thumb for a long time but?? i wanna try things but whew internalised ableism etc#so see then im like so ARE YOU ACTUALLY-- but anyways it seems i am#and my mum made me realise that'd. explain why i suddenly developed depression around age 11 and never got out of it again#so lots of Thinking!!! and wanting to shelve things like ok great figured it out NOW WHAT but noooo#also stupid to do this on tumblr and not rly talk about it with irl friends but what do you say like#hello im autistic? yeah it surprised me too. no i can't really explain how it works for me. no that's not how the spectrum works#so here we are yes#<3
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
THIS
Okay but the weirdest thing about the whole "Brotherhood is better you should skip 03" discourse that's become commonplace now, it sort of forgets the world Brotherhood came out in and why you should watch the original Fullmetal Alchemist. When Brotherhood came out, the original Fullmetal Alchemist was one of the most beloved and most watched animes of all time. Brotherhood assumes you the audience have already seen it because of course you have, everyone has seen it, so it skips important information and speeds the story up because it doesn't want to bore you with things you already know. Have you ever wondered "hey why does the first episode of Brotherhood kind of suck, and why am I being introduced to like 50 new characters, and why are they acting like I know what the hell an alchemist is?" It's because Brotherhood thinks you've seen 03.
The first 7 or so episodes of Brotherhood constitute dozens of chapters in the manga, and the first 25 or so episodes of the original Fullmetal Alchemist. The Nina Tucker episode in Brotherhood, in FMA 03 takes up nearly three episodes. Yoki gets a backstory in 03 and it's genuinely one of the best episodes and taken directly from the manga and Brotherhood glosses over it because: duh, you've already seen it. And so if you skip the original you miss out on dozens of really great character building episodes like Ed and Al meeting Hughes for the first time and getting to spend a whole episode helping him free a train from terrorists, or Ed and Roy having a duel that expands on the relationship they have, or episodes where the brothers just help out random people in towns before the major story gets going.
The original also paces itself quite a bit better than Brotherhood and is more in line with the mangas storytelling. In the manga we don't find out about The Gate until nearly two dozen chapters in, and the same goes for the original anime. Like, that's a twist reveal in those stories, and it's weird that the most watched series is the one where they tell you all about The Gate in the first two episodes because they assume you've already seen the original show.
What's more, people don't know that Hiromu Arakawa helped write for the anime while she was still in the middle of writing the manga, and as a result was inspired to write scenes in Brotherhood that the anime did first. That scene of Edward getting impaled by a falling beam? Directly inspired by a similar scene in the original anime. There's a lot of little instances of that and they're great when you can recognize parallels and things in Brotherhood that are direct references to the original anime, but people don't notice any of that anymore. Because the original anime is just an automatic skip these days, and it's a bummer because people don't realize what a giant it was back before Brotherhood was released. They treat it as *bad,* not realizing it was one of the most beloved anime of its time and the problems people take issue with have a lot more to do with personal taste than any kind of actual flaw in the writing. Brotherhood was never meant to dethrone it, and the original anime was always supposed to be part of the viewing experience which is why those first few episodes of Brotherhood are so fast paced. So like, please stop telling people Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 is a skip, or it's bad, or you don't need it because Brotherhood is better. Regardless if you think Brotherhood is better or not, the original wrote Brotherhood's check. It was huge, it was beloved, and Brotherhood is *banking* on the knowledge you've seen all of it and loved it. And trust me when I say there is so much to love about the original series. It's still my favorite branch of the FMA franchise, and it's worth your time, I promise you.
#i still like brotherhood better#but i have so much beef with people who insist on brotherhood only bc how#how do you not watch 03 at least once. especially if you call fmab one of your favorite animes#ofc nowadays it's next to impossible to find 03 to stream in the US so I can excuse availability reasons#so glad I got the bluray set for my birthday#but yeah even though i prefer bh out of the two there are still things I think 03 did better#I think Mustang killing Winry's parents worked better with his character but then again we wouldn't have the ed x winry gun scene so#equivalent exchange#my big thing is that 03 fleshed out characters better than BH but again.#perhaps that can be excused a bit in the vein of We Already Did That in 03#i also think the reasons for Dont Do Human Transmutation were better in 03 bc it didnt work and just made homunculi#meanwhile BH was just like#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you shouldn't do it bc we wanna see who breaks our rules and can succeed in human transmutation to use in our plot ig lol#anyway yeah watch 03 even if you want to throw things at the screen at the end and CoS is their flex tape on the ending lol
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
this bowl was practically overflowing when I started
#I. Have no idea how I managed to eat this much of it#My mouth feels ... fine ig#My lips are burning more than the inside bc I keep chugging water#Anyway. Now I just gotta wash everything up#This concldes the “Spruce accidentally made noodles way too spicy & didn't wanna watse em by just throwing them out” saga
0 notes
Text
good morning im hear to rant
okay so i just got asmos bath call
i already knew these calls werent actual goodbye calls because of the subreddit so i wasnt surprised, so thats not what im ranting about what im ranting about really is inconsequential and just small pet peeve of mine when it comes to ob3y me
i will say its was cute cause i love asmo and will take any crumbs i can get to hear him
but i wanna point out how it feels like the mc is stuck in the early stages of a relationship with the brothers for the past several years
like...the mc has known them for years at this point why do they (including the bros) get tripped over certain things that shouldnt matter if u been with someone for years?
maybe its cause of the nudity?
but i feel like the dynamic should have changed by now still and stayed that way. especially in the case of asmo cause come on, like if ur mc is interested in him and fine with nudity then this shouldnt be a new situation for them so like there should be an option throwing the same energy in his face. like i wanted to be like 'sick on my way' at the end but there wasnt one lmao
#also if someone like flirts with me early stage i may be a little shy but after like years of this#id be throwing the same energy back in their face#cause im now comfortable with them#and ive probably seen their butthole like 500 times by now#okay sorry lol#this is just MY personal issue#if it doesnt bother you thats cool#i just feel like...the romance happens in a bubble and after its over#u exit said bubble and time passes but the romance stays in the same spot#and also turns out i get over nudity pretty fast when it comes to being intimate with someone#so it takes me out of the experience ig and thats why this call doesnt do much for me romantic wise#like how many times has asmo tried to get mc in the bath with him#or tried to see mc naked#we should be past this by now#maybe asmo just likes the chase lmao#but i feel like this happens with the other brothers in different ways too#u dont need to scheme my guy#we can just talk to each other normally wsdnuwj#anyways end rant#sorry like i dont have much experience with this stuff in real life but i at least know that u start to settle in a relationship eventually#which isnt a bad thing#it can still be cute but just in a different way#ill be generous and assume this is happening in the past where mc went back in time#but even then#as a player i dont wanna go through these things again#ik these characters#AH okay im done#again it doesnt really matter its a small thing for me
0 notes
Text
my manager and coworkers keep throwing food at me ): they’re definitely starting to notice smth is up even tho i’m still huge, my guess is it’s bc i’ve been losing fast for neurotypical standards but i rly do not think the answer to my problems is restaurant food even tho they’re being kind ;-;
i literally had to cry today bc i puked in the bathroom and my new friend pulled me aside and she was so so kind and she was like are u eating enough? and she gave me a mint and gum too ;-; crazy im still fat as shit and alr getting questions but it’s prob bc my work bestie is very very ana so they’re worried since we’re close her habits are rubbing off on me (they are; as if they weren’t alr here im just on the tail end of the weight loss now so it’s more noticeable how fast im losing and the habits are getting worse)
i will say it’s a lot easier to starve myself surrounded by friends who care about me than rotting in my room alone so. win. hopefully i drop the rest of this awful weight before summer is over and start to maintain. i also hope that things keep going so well for me socially bc the combination of a mental breakdown and ugw would be scary bc i would absolutely just try and starve myself to death and it would be a lot lot easier at that point than when im fat as shit lololol.
it’s also crazy bc i always fantasized ab getting the questions like this when i was a neglected miserable fat little girl but now they r honestly quite jarring and i genuinely do not know how to react. ;-; also, my fucking pants i bought a month ago are alr huge on me and even the clothes i thought i would NEVER be able to fit into are getting too big as well which is an incredibly weird feeling knowing i still have so so much to lose
#what’s kinda scaring me is i can feel like the urges to starve and purge starting to like#become a comfort even aside from the al#**wl#like fasting and purging and restricting is just kinda becoming my way of life#and it’s amazing to be cared for for once but i’m so scared im gonna ruin it all when im ugw by resisting and being mean on accident ab ppl#trying to help me#):#it’s funny tho the same manager throwing food at me will comment on the portion sizes i’m pretending to eat like lmaooodhskshkshskshsk#tbf tho they do see me like snacking around and stuff and ig if u thought i was eating meals on top of tht it’d be worrisome#but no ♡#i do wanna stop doing that at all tho i’m wearing a rubber band to snap when i get the urge#and luckily getting very burnt out on the greasy food even just to grab a fry or anything in passing icks me out now#thank goodness
1 note
·
View note