#and stimming idk i used to suck my thumb for a long time but?? i wanna try things but whew internalised ableism etc

[indigodawns]

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[aroacemisha]

I also checked how long special interests can last for autistic people, and the answer I got says it varies, and they can last for just a few years.

I’ve already done the RAADS-R test before, which gave me a score that would put me in the “definitely autistic” range, and now I’m also looking at a breakdown of the DSM-5 criteria for autism on the same website where I did the test.

For sensory processing, one of their examples is “tags”, and if it’s referring to tags on the inside of clothes, I always remove them. Mom says she was removing mine when I was younger as well, but doesn’t recall if I ever asked her to do it. There is a possibility I may have asked, but idk if there’s a way to know if neither of us remember. (She sometimes removes them on her own clothes, but not always)

For repetitive movements, my right leg gets bouncy sometimes (but only in the last couple years, or at least I didn’t notice it before, or possibly suppressed it), and I do have some repetitive movements I regularly do with my hands, it’s just not any of the most common/“stereotypical” ones - I rub the nails on the rest of my fingers with my thumb (of the same hand) in the same way, particularly the nails on the pinky fingers, and sometimes rub the nail of the thumb with the pinky and ring fingers (of the same hand) in the same way. And I’m pretty sure I’ve done these and a couple other repetitive hand movements for many years, possibly since as early as elementary school.

(My memory sucks, and the movements are too small/quiet/subtle/don’t immediately attract attention, and I only do them when my hands aren’t busy with something else, so my parents probably wouldn’t have noticed or wouldn’t have taken note of them. Plus I probably mostly did them when they weren’t present)

If I recall correctly, stimming or fidgeting can result from anxiety (which I’ve had since my early teens, or maybe just a bit earlier), so if I had these before then, it’s certainly an inborn neurodivergence (like autism or ADHD) thing.

Also, echolalia (repetition or imitation of words, phrases or sounds)- I assume that would include stuff like me copying my cat by meowing back at him, right?

For sameness, I generally stick to the same foods (and did so when I was younger too), and I dislike unplanned/spontaneous changes of plans (like, for instance, I will not go for a walk without planning it in advance first), at least in present day.

Additionally for socializing, I've always talked a lot/went on for a long time, and I also never really liked small talk. And I generally avoid eye contact.

I just asked my mom about the duration and intensity of my interests when I was a kid (under 10 years old), and it seems the pattern I mentioned before has been consistent since then.

I'd get fixated on something for 1.5-2 years, and during that time I wouldn't have other major interests, I only fixated like that on one thing at a time.

[cloverandcrossbones]

Autober: Autism pride and awareness challenge

Day 1: Stimming

Idk if I've started allowing myself to stim more since discovering my autism or if I'm just identifying them specifically as "stims" now and not habits, personal quirks, or nervous ticks like I probably used to!

Some stims are happy stims where I'm just so full of glee I can't keep still! Others are self soothing stims that calm me down when I'm nervous or upset. And some are stress stims when I am so full of bad feelings that I just have to Get. It. All. Out.

My stims:

Rocking/swaying: I sway side to side when I'm happy or eating good food, I rock back and forth when I'm anxious or overwhelmed

Happy feet tapping: usually I just tap the front of my feet up and down but when I'm really pleased (and lying down) I rock one or both feet back and forth from the ankles like a metronome (or a dog wagging its tail) I also like rubbing my feet against fun textures like soft blankets, sheets, or rugs that I like the feel of.

Leg bouncing: a classic. Helps me focus, prevents my leg muscles from falling asleep and helps with nerves. Fairly acceptable since neurotypicals so it too, but that also means it's frowned upon since they see it as just a bad habit.

Rapidly opening and closing my hands: I often alternate between having my thumb inside or outside of the fist each time. Kinda looks like I am making a poor attempt at sign language hand spelling...

Shake it off: letting my hands go limp at the wrists and then aggressively shaking them like when your hand gets sore from writing for a long time. Kind of like traditional flapping but side to side instead of up and down. I don't flap up and down as often.

Closing my fists and rotating them at the wrist: I've noticed a lot of neurotylical people do this one too when they're excited or looking at something cute! I think my threshold for excitement is lower for this stim than NT ppl though. I think this one is less noticeable than the shaking/flapping ones so I didn't register it as a stim at first.

Wiping hands/rubbing thumb across finger tips: kind of like when u get crumbs on ur fingers and are swiping them off. I do do this for crumbs but also after touching bad textures or trying to get a bad thought out of my head.

Thigh pushing: I do this when I'm very stressed, having or fighting off a meltdown or panic attack. I drive the heels of my palms into my thighs and pushing them along the length of my thighs (kind of like u might give a deep leg massage?). It provides good pressure for grounding myself and I can really dig my frustration into it without really hurting myself. It's better than digging my nails into my arms or pulling my hair like I used to do. This is usually paired with rocking back and forth.

Lip biting/chewing: trying to stop this one! It's bad for the obvious reasons that it's a damaging stim but also because I get cold sores so I have one spot on my lip that if I break it open it releases the virus cells and turns into a cold sore :( that sucks! If anyone has tips for avoiding this stim let me know!

Skin picking: like the lip biting I do this when I'm nervous or if there are textures on my skin bothering me. I've been wearing pimple patches over textured places so I can't feel them or pick at them.

Do you do any of these? Reblog with the stims we share (in post or tags) or make your own post to participate in Auctober!

[minibagel7]

hihiihhuiiiii hello I’ve been wondering if I’m autistic since mid august and I wake up solely to consume knowledge about autism and I think that in itself is a sign because I believe this is a hyperfixation and I looooove psychology sm I’d consider it a special interest. I’m just rambling sorry- onto the list!!! 🤭

• SPECIAL INTERESTS: I absolutely have special interests specifically in psychology, ANY form of art (drawing, painting, movies, music, ETC.), nature, animals, and colors I guess?? That’s a new one but they’ve always fascinated me.

• sensory issues: ah yes, throwing a fit and crying because my church dress was too itchy. “It’s made of cotton???” I DONT CARE MOTHER, THE STITCHES ARE P A I N F U L. Strong smells and tastes/textures immediately overwhelm me, like head aches, gagging, flappy hands, body wiggle, sometimes crying. I seem to hear things that other people don’t ahahahhahahaha- I literally hate that blazing ball in the sky that we call the sun 👹 some days it’s burning my eye balls the next it’s not bright enough idk it’s weird

• echoing: I’m literally a human mocking bird. If you said something a certain way or someone on TV did then I am going to repeat it. It’s an uncontrollable action 💀

• stimming: I can and will break into song at any given moment, mostly physically but mentally if I have to (like in class). I will shake my leg, rock back & forth, chew the inside of my cheeks, flap my hands, aggressively wiggle my body, kick, compliment people or things if I feel like it. Bouncing and spinning too <33

• hyperfixations: I’ve had like a billion of these and they vary with how long they last. Could be hours, days, weeks, months, and years if I’m lucky. I will consume every thing I can about it and sacrifice my sleep for it. I love buying merchandise like FUNKO POPS!!!!!!!!! I only have one but I’m trying to expand my collection.

• social interactions: ARE FUCKING EXHAUSTING. When I first learned what masking was I had an identity crisis realizing that I have no real sense of self because I’m just MIRRORING PEOPLE. ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I’ve always felt like everyone was better at socializing, and that I “missed that class” as if it really is a class. In elementary school it was awful, I was so obsessed with mine and other people’s behavior, and I was very sensitive and judgmental. I started doing that because when I tried to be myself I got bad reactions, so masking was kinda like a safety blanket, a very unhealthy and depressing safety blanket. However, thanks to the internet and probably a cartoon, I realized it’s better be myself so I started doing that…but only with people I’m close with. Which is two people (not including family members), another autistic person and the “quiet kid”. I still mimic other people, but now I’m just very passive and quiet to hopefully avoid social interaction as much as I can.

• eye contact: I can maintain it…I guess. When I think about doing it, it’s either very excessive or just “yikes eye contact im gonna look at their hands, the wall, or literally anything but their eyes” ahahahwhhsha

• social rules: I’ve never really understood these but I thought I would get in trouble or something if I didn’t do them.

• development stuff: according to my mother, I hit all of my milestones on time but I was a very quiet baby and I knew how to self soothe since birth, idk if that has anything to with autism but yeah. I sucked my thumb and used sippy cups until I was like 8-9. Apparently I was the only one that liked Frozen after age 7. Anyways

• rules: I was a snitch in elementary and people did NOT like that. I told my mom about it and she explained to me that “there’s just some things you don’t tell on people for” and it stuck with me for the rest of my life. Now that I’m a teenager I have trouble accepting that I can’t be in control of my own life 👹 I lie a lot with is normally not on autistic trait but I do it out of fear of punishment…pretty sure that’s normal.

• executive functioning: my executive functioning skills are such ass that I literally can’t function EXCEPT ORGANIZATION. I LOOOOOVEEEEE organizing and will GLADLY take time out of my day to organize things. When my mom is waiting in line for groceries, I’m happily sorting out the candy and making sure it looks nice and goes where it belongs. Ironically, my room usually ends up as an absolute mess but I like cleaning it.

• I don’t always understand sarcasm, it has to be a phrase I’m used to or said with an extremely obvious tone otherwise I won’t get it…I think.

• repetitive noises make my want to tear my brain in half…LOL!!

• I remember when I finally started being myself and suddenly I was “too much” for everyone. I had low empathy, no filter, very blunt, and SOOOOO much stimming.

OKAY I think im done, I’ll lost more about it later.

[teaboot]

Hey I just wanted to ask you something I don't know if its personal so maybe I'll start with me, my psychiatrist told me that I have asperger's syndrome and like my mom keeps asking me like what does that means because I think she sees people with autism as stupid and I'm at the top of my class so she feels like it's a mistake, I personally go mute for months sometimes except for like oral tests, and idk I forget about having a body and so I hit onto walls when I'm focused on something but *

"...*is not so exaggerated like I'm pretty functional I just forget that there are walls and doors and that I can't just transport me to the other room or so,I mean I feel like I'm just trying to find what my "weird or autistic" traits are to justify the diagnosis,I didn't asked my psychiatrist to elaborate on that and so I was wondering, what would you say that your autistic traits are?Also just in case,I know that autistic people can be hella smart and I think that you are really wise I admire you"

Thank you so much, that's very sweet of you to say!

Honestly, I'm sort of in a similar situation- My parents' reaction was to say, "you're too smart to be autistic" or, "Everyone of ~your intelligence~ is a little weird in the head, anyways", and then. Expect me to live up to all the positive stereotypes without ever getting bogged down by the negative realities?

This might not be very helpful at all of me to say, but as an adult who grew up in a rather unpleasant environment, there really isn't much help for a number of things except getting old and independant enough to move out, and then just accepting that their perception of reality isn't open to negotiation. You can try debating it, or meeting them on common ground with scientific basis, but in my case....

....well. There's just some things I now know not to talk about at family gatherings.

I'm sorry, I know that's probably not very helpful or heartening to hear. 

As for my personal grab bag of symptoms? I tend to hyperfocus on personal projects. When I'm really invested in an art piece, I often forget to eat or sleep or drink, and the only way I've learned to snap out of that is that if my hands are shaking or I'm falling over a lot, I probably need to eat something and lay down for a while, because otherwise- and yeah, not the healthiest motivator- otherwise I might start fucking up my hard work.

I also get overwhelmed by overlapping noises- if two people are talking at once, even if one is on a radio or TV show, I can't hear either of them and it stresses the shit out of me. White noise, like in malls or assemblies, also tends to burn my energy pretty fast.

Things like leaf blowers, people whistling indoors, and emergency sirens are physically painful. Repetitive noises like a bouncing rubber ball, sniffling, dogs licking things, and low-frequency vibrations from massage chairs, earthquakes, distant bass music, and some fluorescent lighting systems are impossible to ignore, which ranges from irritating to distressing, depending on my headspace du jour.

I hate bland food with a passion. It tends to make me nauseaus. I like lots of spice, lots of sugar, lots of sour and hot and acidic. I love strong flavours, and if I'm cooking for friends and family I often have to remind myself to tone down the seasonings for them.

Some textures make me genuinely ill, too- most types of meat, fat, and other animal bits result in.... Bad times for all. Polyester towels suck ass. Microfiber cloth. Thick cotton knit material. Any fabric covering my forearms. Thin, elastic denim. Vinyl. Polar fleece.

On the flip side, I looooove woven cotton blankets. Cotton sheets, cotton bedding- cold, heavy duvets are good, too. Acrylic, so long as it doesn't get damp. I have.... Perhaps a little bit of a problem here, as I do... Maybe, possibly, get a little impulsive with buying rugs, throws, and blankets when I come across one that feels right.

All my cups and bowls are handmade out of clay. I'm OK with smooth ceramics, but stoneware feels happy in my hands. I think of it as a treat, like packing a bit of chocolate with my lunch, or eating a whole bag of popcorn by myself. Again, I.... May go a little overboard when I come across A nice-feeling piece of dishware.

Basically, from what I understand, a lot of folks on the spectrum are under and over stimulated by various sensory inputs.

Me, I gravitate towards taste, inertia, tactile sensation, temperature, and dark lighting, while I find myself avoiding, limiting, or minimizing sound, light, color, oral texture, and smell.

As for more stereotyped behaviors, I find organizing things such as legal documents, filing cabinets, paint swatches, hardware, coins, stones, or colors to be very soothing and almost meditative. I go through special interests fairly often, and have been 'into' things like animals, insects, natural history, and art since before I could walk. I can't explain why they're such alluring subjects, they just make me happy.

I didn't realize until recently that I do stim, as well- I rock, sway, growl, swish water around, hang upside-down, rotate my thumbs, rub fabric, twirl coins, and flex my hands. I also (rarely) seem compelled to jump up and down in circles very fast when I'm particularly excited, or flap my arms against my sides like a penguin.

When I'm overstimulated, I go.... I'm not sure if you could call it 'nonverbal'. I get the feeling I COULD speak, it's just.... Overwhelmingly difficult. Usually I find a dark space or a corner away from people, put a coat or something over my head, cover my ears, close my eyes... Sometimes deliberate eye contact is hard, or I can't say more than one or two words at a time, or I find myself relying more on a hum or a grunt to communicate that I'm listening.

It... Probably all sounds weird to a neurotypical who may be reading, but I'm perfectly happy with myself as I am. I wouldn't change it if I could, except perhaps to minimize some of the more irritating things.

Mostly, my biggest peeve is being treated like a cool new pet or accessory. "Oh, this is my person with Autism- they're great at cleaning, you should get one!"- yeah, that can fuck right off. I'm right here, I can hear you, I'm a person. A little respect goes a long way.

But, whoops, here I've gone on a ramble- you want the best advice I have, though? Become comfortable with the person you are. Accept and seek out what things bring you happiness. Don't get hung up on the negatives. Love your experience, if you can, and don't worry about validating anything- you are who you are, and the words we use to explain ourselves fall so, so short when faced with the complexity of our individual existence.

The way I see it, the day before your diagnosis is the same as today, you just have one more tool to understand yourself with. The decision of how and if you choose to explain this to those around you is entirely yours to decide! 

I know this kind of went off the rail of your question. My answers are a little limited. I hope I could help anyways! Good luck!!