#Just some random thoughts I guess
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One of my goals this year is to become more and more earnest in the things I like and be true to the kind of person I am, whoever that is
Trying to keep myself from mindsets like "Oh, I'm so cringe for liking this for X or Y reason" or "Yeah I like this but I need to show that in an insincere sarcastic way because I somehow convinced myself that that will keep me from getting hurt"
Idk, I feel like I have so much love and passion to give to the world, and it's just a shame to waste it on insecure remarks 😂 At some point it's like I don't really know what personality traits I have because so much of my identity is buried under insecurities and trying to protect myself from people
#Jay Talks#Not really a vent#Just some random thoughts I guess#I have a long way to go in order to fully train my brain out of those thought processes#Specially due to trauma reasons and people antagonizing me over things I liked and how I presented myself#My real friends like me and I think Ive always tried to encourage my closer circle to embrace passion and have no shame for enjoying things#Maybe I should take my own advice lol
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I've been having a delightful time stumbling over my emojis being used in random servers, so here's more
#It's seriously so funny to see an emote of mine in random conversation from a private server#emojis#art#rain world#Some people went even farther and apparently started using other art of mine as emotes#Which is fine but absolutely buck wild to stumble over#Since some of the art they chose is literally wip versions of my current pfp#??? Sure I guess 😂#rw survivor#rw monk#rw saint#spearmaster#Most of these were requests. The rest were just the emojis I use the most turned into scugs lol#You get to decide which was which lmfaoooo#Also here's some lore: a while back I made 'hunterwheeze'#and the bit was everyone liked it so much they wanted it in the server#So I said bet and threw a bunch of emotes to the staff to hear their thoughts#And way more than I thought got added!#Except for hunterwheeze 🤣🤣🤣#Instead they chose a super edited screenshot of some animation frame I made a few months ago I added last minute for giggles#Which I was DELIGHTED by. It's perfect#Also the only instance of the emote since it's technically not on this blog 😉 not transparent anyway#Oh and here's my favorite 'wild' emotes I've found:#1) that person that dmed me to reveal there was an animated emote for every variation of rivulets face I made that one time#(I was not allowed to join the server)#2) discovering an emote has been in use for months in a server swathed in drama and in the throes of being orchestized from the community#3) that one nightcat-saint emote appearing on a random server announcement (it's so niche I was astounded anyone used it lmfao)#Most sightings are totally benign but these were just hilarious
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what was the point of lila thinking home was a feeling she didn't deserve and could never earn until she found diego. what was the point of them finding deep, meaningful love in each other. what was the point of lila opening her heart and confessing that all she really wanted was a family with him.
what was the point of developing diego and lila over two seasons, creating such a beautiful, chaotic bond, just to destroy it for no reason.
#the umbrella academy#diego x lila#lila pitts#diego hargreeves#what was the point!!!!!!#isn't it great when there's no character resolution and everyone just gets erased from existence#instead of giving us emotional closure they just added more pain and trauma and called it a day#what was it all for exactly. to give the handler a peaceful happy life of all people#don't even get me started on the bracelet or that awful pointless love triangle#steve blackman is gross and so is the way he talks about lila like she's not even a character in her own right but just an afterthought#someone who was there to pair with five while diminishing all that she is#five needed a love story so they just shoved lila into that role as if she were some random accessory to five's story#rather than her own character with thoughts and feelings#a woman's entire character arc is ruined just to give a guy a love interest#i feel sick#i've already mentioned some of this on twitter but whatever#as you can probably guess i'm not going to gif this so-called new season#lila deserved better. diego deserved better. we deserved better
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I was reading a post about CoTG and I realized: Rick has seemingly started to write every character pairing with the exact same dynamic, and he's not good at writing that dynamic and it doesn't make sense for 90% of the characters he writes it for.
It's that very specific dynamic of one half of the pair who is almost aggressive to the other party - "teasing" them constantly/insulting them, affectionately punching/judo flipping/maiming/etc, seemingly almost always exasperated with the other - and said other party usually just accepts this treatment or blanketly views it fondly, and may generally be framed as more incompetent than their partner and a little bit of a doormat (particularly relating to being insulted/teased/etc by their partner).
We start seeing this dynamic in HoO with Percy and Annabeth, as a sort of semi-inconsistent twist on their rivals-to-friends-to-lovers dynamic from the first series. Then the dynamic pattern develops further with Leo and Calypso. Then Magnus and Alex. Then Nico and Will, particularly in TSATS. And now in CoTG, it's Percy and Annabeth again but even more in this direction.
I know people have talked about Nico and Will's relationship over the series rapidly being shoehorned into Percabeth Two™, and it's extremely apparent in TSATS that Rick's doing it on purpose (including directly quoting Percabeth scenes but minorly tweaking them to be Solangelo). But recognizing it as an overarching trend in Rick's later books honestly reminds me a lot of how Rick started trying to apply the "Percy Formula" so-to-speak to nearly every protagonist in HoO (and then try to replicate similar character archetypes with Magnus and Apollo's narrations - moreso Magnus in being jaded and sarcastic, very much trying to be first series Percy. He only sounds unique because Rick failed at making him Percy 2. Apollo is more akin to later-series Percy characterization of being goofy and incompetent. Apollo [and Zeus] even got retconned to give Apollo a more similar backstory to Percy's). Rick seems to have decided that he thinks the audience wants this specific dynamic but 10 times over, except he's not good at writing it the first time because it's a bastardization of the time he did a different thing okay.
And Rick also seems aware of that too! Because he retconned Calypso and Leo at the end of TOA, probably because he realized how absolutely awful it was reading when they were written with that dynamic of Calypso just functionally hating Leo and constantly being aggressive towards him! The only time Rick's actually made the dynamic even semi-successful was with Magnus and Alex, because it actually fits within their characters, their dynamics with each other, and their environment. Alex beheading Magnus on the regular works out fine because there are no repercussions to that in Valhalla, Magnus will be fine, so it does genuinely come off as humorous. And Alex has been effectively established to be abrasive at times but have her genuine feelings shine through regularly, and that meshes well with Magnus' jaded-and-aloof-but-quietly-very-empathetic character. And Magnus has been established to, yes, not be great at combat, particularly compared to Alex. They are the only time that flavor of dynamic in that form was effective and cohesive.
Percabeth is no longer rivals-to-friends-to-lovers badasses on equal levels with shaky pasts who finally found some form of permanence with one another. Now it's super smart doting and affectionately aggressive girlfriend and her silly goofy 50%-of-the-time incompetent boyfriend who she judo flips/pushes off cliffs/etc - but affectionately~! Solangelo is trying to riff off of the early series "Poseidon & Athena are enemies" dynamic that Percabeth had but with Apollo & Hades being "opposites" but learning to accept each other, except it ends up with Will just coming off as a huge asshole and Nico being retconned to a complete doormat about it - when prior to that those characterizations would be completely contrary to their established characters (even just from TOA!). Calypso in HoO gets retconned from her PJO characterization to being snooty and aggressive, and Leo's false persona gets merged into his just normal personality except he just also becomes a doormat but more goofy than Nico with occasional haha-dark/depression-humor! Which Nico also got. Which was also a bastardized Percy trait that got redistributed.
It's exhausting. Rick write more than one relationship dynamic you can do it I promise
#pjo#riordanverse#percy jackson#tsats#annabeth chase#nico di angelo#will solace#mcga#magnus chase#alex fierro#leo valdez#calypso pjo#analysis#< bwah i feel bad putting that many tags but it is relevant#rr crit#< i guess?#tsats crit#< that one can be here though. the other crit tag is usually for Bad Stuff ergo why i feel weird putting it. this one's just random stuff#i feel like i should tag ships too cause it is an analysis of those ship dynamics in canon but i dont want it to come off as shipbashing :(#eh fuck it i'll ship tag. disclaimer- this is not shipbashing i am just doing analysis of how rick is bad at writing this specific dynamic#i am tagging these ships for relevancy and analysis purposes only. i do not intend to be mean about them re: fanon#fierrochase#percabeth#solangelo#caleo#i do think this is good to note though with writing these dynamics - like rick's intentions vs execution vs consistent characterization#i think you could also argue Carter and Zia exhibit some traits of this dynamic? like an early form of it in Rick's writing perhaps#i havent reread it in awhile though so i will save my thoughts on it for later#long post //#forgive if this post is semi-incomprehensible it was a quick late night rambly thing
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Prompt 168
So. Apparently halfas are like phoenixes or something, which Danny would’ve really liked to know.
See, usually with ghosts if they’re forced to retreat to their cores they reform as was, but apparently, since they’re still partially living, schrodinger's people and all that, halfas have to regrow their body from scratch. At least that’s what he’s understanding from Frostbite.
But how come he has to deal with it? It’s Dan’s fault for trying to pull such a stunt! Oh, it’s either him or Vlad? Well fuck, he might have calmed down and is going to therapy in both the living realm and the Zone, but he’s waaay not equipped to raise a child except for like, monetarily wise.
Well dammit, how long will this core incubation thing last, he has his new job in… let him check which offer he accepted again… He has his new job in Coast City that he needs to finish packing for and then all the rest of the stuff to do.
What do you mean it’ll take months?! He doesn’t have months?! Urgh, fine. At least being a mortician isn’t that exciting, nor dangerous. Just hand him Dan’s core and he’ll figure things out for the living side of things. He’s sure Tucker and Sam wouldn’t be against helping, if only to try and claim favorite aunt or uncle spots.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#Coast City is where Hal Jordan lives hilarious enough#I just chose a random city but honestly a green lantern city is hilariously on brand for where Danny would choose to move#He’s just a cheerful space core dude who is glaring down several ghosts & helping others move on while he’s working#He’s also slightly uncanny valley to people outside of Amity & doesn’t realize it#He runs into a reporter Wes at some point & okay the fact he looks like the lady doing math meme when seeing Dan?#Utterly hilarious#Danny holding a newborn with matching slightly pointy ears and claws :)#Wes who is *pretty sure* Danny is cis but is second guessing everything now:#Danny is going to do his best to avoid any hero BS#He’s trying to do his JOB#Who cares if he brings his baby to work he needs to eat and he isn’t going to hire a babysitter#Bby Jordan tried to set the house on fire during his last tantrum do you THINK anyone else can deal with him? That’s what he thought now ou#Ellie visits as well & straight up melts out of the wall sometimes like a horror movie#She has weaponized her goo powers and is also excited to show her dad her new gravity ones#Space Core Danny + Fire Core Vlad = Sun Core Dan#Ellie has a Moon core (something something phases of the moon & travelling across the night sky)#Danny is encountering so many rogues and heroes and just doesn’t acknowledge it because he has a literal BABY who can destroy the entire JL#He’s very tired and would like a nap now
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I like to think that there's at least one version of The Doctor out there somewhere in the vast multiverse who would've done anything to keep Jack Harkness by their side and never would've left him alone in the first place :((
#like youre telling me they were actually able to find someone#who loved them so much they were willing to spend pretty much all of their immortality with them#and they were just like 'nah i cant deal with all of this sorry' and then ducked out just like that??#i think the doctor has some sort of commitment issues#but then again i guess it must be pretty easy to grow use to never committing to anything#when everyone you love ends up dying eventually so#doctor who#the doctor#jack harkness#the doctor x jack harkness#mosses random thoughts
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This is how the joke started
And this is the joke itself
Anomaly design belongs to @htsan
#Then I got deep with that last drawing for SOME REASON#idk what happened#I guess I just thought it was cute#Big shout out to bestie for inspiring me to draw the most random things#This started because Reigen and Sans are a canon couple now#Also yes anomaly is holding two fingers at once#We all look confused#But we know we're not gonna let him go#And he won't take his fingers away either#He's enjoying it#sans x every simp
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have some kinitoPET content, 'cause why not
a version with YOU
+ a thing and a few YOU doodles
#silverware's art#kinitopet#kinito the axolotl#sam the sea anemone#jade the jellyfish#YOU#(yeah that's what i'm gonna call them)#all caps names are great. dontcha think?#750 pixel by 750 pixel canvases are usually what i draw on and some of these are bigger. i'm not too used to that-#i thought it would be important to mention they're not meant to be a Y/N. they are their own person- that being some random enby person#and their web world avatar CAN emote! however! WHENEVER THEY WANT! ('less they like. forget to actually have the screen display on-)#if they forget (or just don't wanna be like. really fucking expressive i guess-) it just says “YOU”#they all have a smily pin!! (well- YOU has a sticker but whatever-) and yes. kinito having it on his left#and the others having it on their right was.#very intentional#over the heart :)#also YOU having it on the left side!! (i imagine kinito made their avatar and made it match!)#FUN FACT! YOU can change the colour of the display! they just picked white (ik it's off white. but idc) because they know the HEX code#anyways. imma stop yapping lol
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something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something
anyway here's the post btw
#what if post dp3 logan struggles to emotionally accept that wade Will Actually For Real Survive Anything#and one time they are fighting some random baddies#and they somehow get in a few shots straight to wade's cranium and he drops like a bag of slutty slutty potatoes#and logan goes full berserker trying to get to him#like he just massacres everyone in his way and wade still isnt getting up ohnoohnoohnonotagainohno#(healing factor or no a few direct shots to the brain stem/t box take a bit to recover from)#(no more than five minutes but it's an eternity to logan)#and his heart sinks to the very core of the earth as he kneels down next to wade's body#and his hands are shaking and soaked in blood and he can't seem to sheathe his claws in his dazed adrenalined state#he tries to peel back wade's mask and fear is just *pounding* through his system because in that moment#all he can see are the xmen dead in massive pools of blood#and that feeling of unreality is rushing over him like thiscantbehappeningthiscantbehappeningnotagainohgodnotagain#wade's still and unresponsive and there is so Much BLOOD (hard to tell how much is Wade's and how much is just on his hands)#and logan doesn't even realize he's crying until suddenly wade's eyes light up like a computer restarting#and he's smiling and gasping and joking immediately#“well howdy there hot stuff what did I miss?”#and then he clocks that logan is Not Okay#“... well gee willikers golly goddamn peanut 'twas only a flesh wound! no need to go all waterworks over lil ol me”#“you know it would take a helluva lot more than that to make me shuffle off this here mortal coil!”#“see all better I'm hunky dory peachy keen right as fucking rain”#“I mean cmon I can't have been out for more than five minutes so let's just go back to you being exasperated with my bullshit antics okay??#“...okay sugarboobs? snookums? babycakes?.... Logan?”#and they just sit there on the floor holding each other for a while#wade babbling and logan crying about everything he's lost and wondering distantly how he has come to care so much#about this blithering jokester in like barely a week#that the thought of losing him brought him crashing back to the worst memory of his extremely rough life#anyway that's enough tag mini fic lolol I'm having feelings about my own drawing I guess 😵#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine art
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People often bring up the omake No Respect Time to use as Crocodad Propaganda, and y'know, I think there might be just a smidge more the omake can provide to Crocodad than what people have already discussed in the past
Like everyone's seen the comparisons between Crocodile and the anime screencaps of Don Luffyone, we all know how the two look so similar etc etc. But honestly, the resemblance is even more obvious (and hilarious) when you look at the OG manga version (Sidenote but Don Luffyone is the only one who smokes cigars in the omake... Everyone else has plain ol' cigarettes... That sure was a decision there Oda)
And yeah, you might be thinking I picked this mangacap of Crocodile in particular because the resemblance is the most obvious here and I have My Crocodad Agenda to push etc etc. But I will have you know that the original omake was from Log Book 5, which was published February 28th 2006. Meanwhile that Crocodile is from the cover of chapter 398, published February 6th 2006. So these were drawn by Oda around the same time. I didn't just cherry pick this cover page because it's convenient for my evil agenda, if these were drawn around the same time then the likelihood the resemblance is intentional does legitimately go up a little. (Also since they're both drawn by Oda instead of random animators, again, it's a bit less coincidental and could be a bit more intentional)
But as I said, I think there might be more to the omake than that.
In the past people have also pointed out and joked how a mere few months before Oda revealed Dragon was Luffy's father to us in the story (post-Enies Lobby), in the Monster Time-omake Luffy was depicted as a dragon.
Needless to say, people believe this was intentional foreshadowing (/trolling) to the Dragon reveal by Oda-- if not it'd be one hell of a coincidence at the very least.
The reason I'm bringing that up is that if people think it's safe to assume Oda was hinting at Luffy's heritage in one omake by making him a dragon like his father, then why couldn't Oda do the same in another omake (by making Luffy a mafia boss who smokes cigars like his father)? Keep in mind that Monster Time was published in May 2006 (in Log Book 7), just three months after No Respect Time. So again, these are from the same era. To me, that just makes the resemblance between Don Luffyone and Crocodile seem even less coincidental
Oh, but there's one more omake I want to bring up.
So people do often bring up Nerd!Luffy's appearance in One Piece Gakuen spin-off manga, pointing out how much he looks quite a lot like the Theoretical Child Oda gave to Crocodile in that one SBS. Yeah. So. 'Bout that.
There was this one omake called Red Hair of Class 3-Sea Time, in which Luffy was a loser ass nerd. And man, that resemblance
Like it's one thing when a spin-off manga drawn by a different artist does A Thing. It's another when Oda himself does it
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Crocodad#Sir Crocodile#3rd Year Class is from 2007. Can't remember what year the SBS Child is from but I'm guessing long after 2013??#Point is that I would considder the Theoretical Child the weakest piece of Crocodad Propaganda#Also just to re-iterate: even if Crocodile wasn't Luffy's other dad I'm sure Oda knows who Luffy's other parent is and what happened to 'em#Like it doesn't matter if it was some random chick who fell down the stairs or was kidnapped or whatever#It doesn't matter if Luffy's other parent is relevant to the story or not; I'm sure Oda knows The Truth himself#But also Crocodile's always been relevant in the story around the same time the rest of Luffy's other family is relevant to the story#You know what I might actually save these thoughts for a separate post hold on#POINT IS THAT THE FACT THAT THE TWO OMAKE ARE FROM THE SAME TIME#AS WELL AS THE TIME WHEN DRAGON AND GARP WERE REVEALED TO BE RELATED TO LUFFY#THAT'S A SUS COINCIDENCE. THAT'S THE POINT
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there seems to be far too many fans who can't seem to wrap their head around the fact that no relationship in the Vampire Chronicles is healthy. every relationship includes an element of abuse/power imbalance by normal standards. literally every single one.
they are all monsters who are no longer constrained by societal rules. so I don't think it's too crazy to expect them to do mosntorus things. the genre is Gothic HORROR. the show really prioritizes the HORROR element more so than other adaptaions, which i love.
i don't need louis to be a liar to enjoy lestat. if louis lied or misremebered things about the fight in episode 5, i literally do not care because it's never gonna make me hate louis. the baseline of what constitutes "evil" or "bad" is so different in iwtv because of the fact that they are NOT HUMAN. Claudia is literally a serial killer and she's still mother to me. ykwim?
the nature of vampirism is they have to kill to survive. so it would be really cool if people could accept louis, armand, and claudia as complex characters who are fundamentally not good people (because they aren't people!) without being racist about it. THEY ARE ALL KILLERS
im more interested in this exploration of the complexities of memory and seeing how the show integrates the other books into this story in a way that hasn't been done before than I am in discoursing about whether louis is a liar or not. who gives a shit???? grow up and realize that there are no good guys here and that's OKAY
#iwtv#tvc#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#I pretty much cleansed all my feeds so i dont actually see much racism more so than i see people talking about it#just some random thoughts i guess in the wake of the new trailer just because i know things are gonna get weird#it would be nice if audiences could be trusted with complex and morally grey characters of color but idk#but i also think the fact that there are racists is not a reason to NOT make poc characters who are complex#same goes for the people who will interpret the portrayal of a morally grey poc character AS racist#there are certain tropes i think that are always going to have racist implications ofc and im not trying to discount that#but lets all be real here and realize that revisiting ep 5 to add more layers to it is NOT going to exonerate lestat by any means#add more complexity and layers and possibly show that louis was not AS helpless as he showed himself to be? maybe#but they are not going to exonerate the white character to make the black character look evil#idk if any of this made sense im just stream of consciousness rambling
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Can't believe it has been a full year since I starting posting AvA/M fanart
so I redrew my first piece of fanart :]
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#avm#animation vs minecraft#avm red#I'm just gonna talk some random stuff in the tags#its going to be a bit self indulgent and cheesy from here onwards so feel free to ignore from here onwards#honestly#i didnt think i would get this far#never thought people would like my art at all#I'm glad that AvA/M was the first fandom i started posting fanart for#you guys are always so supportive and nice#and the fandom is filled with all sorts of creative and extremely skilled people#i couldn't really have asked for a better community to start posting art for#man#i cant believe that i managed to make 64 posts in a year#thats basically weekly#thank you guys for all your supportt#every small comment that you guys leave actually makes my day and makes me want to do better for you guys#gotten a bit long so yeah i guess i will close off here#so thanks for liking my art :]
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growing up is like, every single thing you thought would be so complicated and unmanageable and unthinkably difficult turns out to be, actually, pretty simple. and every single thing you thought was so simple and easy to understand and how come adults don’t get this turns out to be painfully hard to deal with, to actually understand and internalize.
the thing you thought you had all figured out—somehow, you forget the right way to handle it. the thing you thought would dictate the course of your entire life, the thing you thought would ruin you forever—you move on in 2 months. the worst thing to ever happen to you hasn’t caught up yet. maybe it never will. maybe life shouldn’t be based on which worst thing happens when.
a hobby you thought would be a silly one-off becomes an all-time favorite. a genre you could never see yourself getting into can offer you the best story you’ve ever experienced. an inherent belief you thought you’d never budge on starts getting cracks. a person you’ve only ever seen in passing and had short conversations with can become your closest three, five, seven years later.
everything you thought about yourself can turn out to be wrong. you’ll get better in ways you didn’t know you could. you’ll slip and fall just as much, get new scrapes along the way as you survive yet another mess of a job, a situation, a relationship. it might be fear, or it might be happiness when you’ll look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize who it is.
so yeah, i guess, if i had to describe what growing up feels like, i could say i’m closer to figuring my life out, or i’m even more lost than before, or that it’s like a rebirth, i’m becoming a new person, i’m finally getting to know myself, or the many, many other things people say when you ask them.
and they’re all right, of course—the future you dreamed for yourself at age 12 is no longer there to guide you anymore, but sometimes it does feel like you see things clearer, like the pieces occasionally click in your head even if you can never comprehend the puzzle. you’re still who you were at your core, but you’re also starting to peel back the layers, to find such things that you never even imagined could be you.
so yeah, i guess, growing up is all of those things and more. it never stops to wait for you to realize it’s happening. it’s changing, changing in a way you can never anticipate, changing in a way that will simultaneously ache deeply and make you the happiest you’ve ever been. it’s the most complex, most intricate experience a human could have.
but, like most complicated things, it’s also actually pretty simple.
i mean—it’s just plain fun, isn’t it?
#at the risk of sounding trite—i used to think i had relationships and mental health down to a T when i was a kid. i could seeeee it allllll#and i mean i very much might’ve had it all figured out! because middle school relationships are famously not that complex (most of the time)#so i guess back then i really could see it all. i handled all the conflicts and navigated what i could and just went with the flow#then you grow up and people change and *you* change and it’s like ohhhh. My world was so small#my world was so small and now with each day i expand it inch by inch and it’s just *exciting*. it’s just fun.#with each day i feel more and more like a person. like i’m taking up more space in this world and so are the people around me. i love it#crammerposting#so yes here is some random poetic late night writing for u. doing this shit instead of what i should Actually be writing#but i’ve been having these thoughts for a while. growing up is sooo (trails off forever)#looking over this again and it just reads like Such an inkskinned post#can u tell i am a huge fan of their work yet
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What if we had an update where the North and South Dragons were recruited, but instead of Dark Cacao, it was Dark Choco doing it? Like, he knows the Ancients are probably forming some sort of army against Dark Enchantress, and so he goes to recruit the two dragons for the cause. Maybe he sees it as some way of helping or atonement (though not a full atonement) considering the things he did. Also he’s associated with Oreos like them
I dunno, it popped into my head this morning and I thought it sounded neat. Also this from the art book
(Pretty sure it’s Dark Choco because of the shoulder pads)
#and if we want some drama with Cacao maybe DC tells them not to say who asked them to help#bc he wants to confront his father on his own terms#so the dragons show up for the fight but they won’t say who recruited them#but maybe they drop enough hints for Cacao to know or at least have a good guess#I just thought it was a neat idea#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#black dragon of the north#white dragon of the south#dark choco cookie#random stuff
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Marauders era characters as my self deprecating thoughts
cause I’m not doing well lol
James: Do people really like me ore do they just like the version of myself I decide to show them?
Sirius: If i will be dramatic enough when It’s not that bad people would normalize my real breakdowns
Remus: Keep a smile on, maybe this time “fake it till you make it “ will work. People don’t need to see when you struggle, it will make them sad and sorry for you
Peter: I don’t do enough for others, I’m not enough for others. Why can’t I be like the Others?
Mary : I worked SO hard not to be a people pleaser i think I became such a bitch people hate me
Regulus: God, I corrected them again I didn’t mean to be mean she is my friend she must hate me now, god that’s why nobody likes a know it all
Even: my friends told me they are a bit scared of me again, am I bad person for not completely hating it or am I just overprotective of myself after so long, I won’t hurt my friends, but maybe they wouldn’t hurt me again. I don’t want them to be scared of me, not really, I love them. How do I even have friends?
Barty: I got a good score on the test WHY DID I GET A GOOD SCORE ON THE TEST I didn’t study enough., it must be a mistake, just pure dumb luck I’m not smart enough everyone think i smart when i feel so fucking stupid
on a sirius note- if you need help, please get help. You matter and can rant to me any time 💕- edit written AFTER the breakdown lol
#just a random thought#rant post#marauders incorrect quotes#mauraders#the marauders#Wrote this in a mental breakdown#i will probably delete this later#i’m sorry#projecting my problems onto fictional characters again#Would i even be in the Marauders fandom if I wasn’t even a little depressed? Lol#dead gay wizards#dead wizards from the 70s#If you need someone to rant to my massages are open<3#Or even just a friend who can never snitch on you#I don’t know anyone with tumblr irl so i rant here a bit#going to read some fics to get better#slytherin skittles#marauders era#sirius black#regulus black#remus lupin#guess who I kin lol
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It's my night to work, and I can't, and I'm very sorry. Can't argue with the campus nurse though.
I am also very sorry about the grass out front of our main building. The circumstances were desperate and hopefully it will never happen again.
#random personal stuff#I thought the problem was that I needed to eat something#but apparently it was not#the system has declared a maintenance day#had some exhausting things to discuss with the counselor this morning#and saw my friend earlier and it was fine but apparently she thinks she's causing me not to make progress with the counseling#which is very much not true and I had to reassure her that I am responsible for my own reactions and that I'm fine and everything's fine &#she's fine and I didn't tell her that the weekend was rough because it would just make her feel bad and she did nothing wrong anyway#and I really think we'll be able to solve the problem#but in the meantime I have a lot of stuff to work through#there's a physical component to guilt I guess? and I don't think that helped#all this to say that I probably need a rest day anyway#and hopefully I'll be okay to fly Thursday#have I ever said that our nurse is just the kindest lady#she was so good to me today and I am eternally grateful
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