#Just as a warning

[goodlittlerobot]

Steve doesn’t really understand how he got here. His life has definitely been weird the past few years, but he thinks that hanging out alone, with Eddie “The Freak” Munson, in his bedroom, might take the cake.

He sort of knows how it happened, after everything happened last spring, things started to settle. The town worked on rebuilding, Vecna seems to be gone, or at least maybe under control, school started back up for the kids, work resumed, everyone was just trying to get back to whatever normal was now.

And as things slowly got a little more boring, Steve found himself with more time to spend with friends and less worrying about the world ending. But as Steve started forming a friend group, Eddie Munson somehow became a part of it. Which Steve wasn’t upset about, Eddie had won him over in the upside down. He didn’t dislike Eddie, he’d actually grown on Steve a lot, which was unexpected.

As unexpected as it was, Steve still gets how it happens, but ending up alone with Eddie like this? Technically he knows how that happened too. The whole group had gotten together for a while at Eddie’s, then Robin and Nancy had decided to split up and go have their own night, complaining that there was “too much testosterone in the air”. Steve didn’t blame them and was happy to see Nancy and Robin become friends as well.

But after Jonathan and Argyle left a little early, it was just Steve and Eddie. And that’s when Steve quickly became aware of the fact that he’s never really been alone with Eddie before, and he isn’t sure why that makes him nervous. Sure, they’ve been alone but not for that long and not like this. But even still, Steve isn’t sure why he’s getting so flustered.

Eddie is smiling and telling him all about…something. Steve realizes he stopped listening a while ago, but he knows Eddie’s excited so he’s doing his best to act like he’s listening.

Eddie finishes with a “you know?”, Steve nods and hopes it’s convincing. “Where’d I lose ya, Harrington?” -it wasn’t.

Steve sighs, “Yeah, I zoned out pretty hard there.” He admits, smiling a little.

Eddie laughs, Steve’s heart flips. That’s weird. “Okay, let me try this again…”

It’s a few hours before Steve leaves Eddie’s place, they’d both completely lost track of time while talking. Eddie played some records, and Steve didn’t even hate them like he thought he would. They ended up listening to music and laying on Eddie’s floor, they hadn’t shut up in hours but suddenly the room was quiet. Eddie has his eyes closed, his hands behind his head and a soft, small smile on his face. Steve cannot look away. He keeps telling himself to look away, he knows Eddie’s gonna catch him staring. Steve is searching Eddie’s face for answers, but he doesn’t know what questions he’s asking. His heart is racing and his hands are starting to feel like static, and he can’t look away.

And then it happens, Eddie’s eyes open slowly and he turns his head to face Steve, “Like what you see, Harrington?”

Steve’s breath catches and he doesn’t know why. “Yeah-“ he realizes what he says, as it comes out of his mouth. “I mean no-“ he finally tears his eyes away from Eddie to close them and run a hand over his face. “I mean, wait-“

Eddie laughs, “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you had a crush on me.” He looks away from Steve and grins at the ceiling.

Steve lets that repeat in his head, and it keeps repeating. His chest feels tight and his face is hot, shit he knows he’s blushing. He shakes his head, hoping the thoughts will just fly out. “No, no, no. I-I’m just-I didn’t mean to like, stare at you, I was thinking and I just-“ he is falling over his words, he isn’t even sure how he’s talking, the only thing he can hear right now is Eddie’s voice still echoing in the back of his mind.

A big smile spreads on Eddie’s face slowly, he’s the one staring now. “I was joking, jesus.” He chuckles lightly.

Steve starts to feel a little more relaxed, but he still feels like he’s…drunk? high? dreaming? He turns his head again and locks eyes with Eddie, the second he does his heart flips again and he makes a note to see a fucking doctor.

Neither of them say anything for a second, it feels like a lot longer to Steve. He’s never felt this self conscious before. He’s so aware of how much space is between he and Eddie, it’s less than a foot, and Steve can suddenly feel the heat coming from the boy next to him. He starts to wonder seriously if maybe he is dreaming, and then he finally pulls his eyes away from Eddie’s to the clock on Eddie’s dresser. “Holy shit, it’s late.” He says sitting up, “I completely forgot I have to work in the morning. I better go.”

Eddie sits up too and watches as Steve stands up and grabs his jacket off of the bed frame. “Lame.” He says, standing up to follow Steve out. “but responsible.”

When they say goodbye, Steve keeps thinking he’s forgetting something. He’s checked his pockets like ten times, he knows he’s good, what is he missing? He realizes as he’s walking to his car that he just doesn’t really want to leave, he wants to stay. He wants to keep listening to records and he wants to keep laying next to Eddie.

When he starts driving away, he glances back he notices Eddie, still leaning against his doorframe, still watching Steve. That’s when Steve starts hearing Eddie’s stupid joke playing in his head again.

And he hears it over and over and over, the rest of the night. He hears it when he drives home, he hears it when he showers, as he brushes his teeth, and it’s the loudest when he tries to sleep. He tosses and turns for hours, unable to stop replaying the night in his head, unable to think about anything but Eddie Munson. Usually he’d be grateful for a night with no flashes of monsters and death in his mind, but tonight he thinks he might prefer it.

Around 2am he sits up, throws his blanket to the side in frustration and just sits on the side of his bed for a minute. He debates going downstairs and just waiting out the next few hours until he has to go to work. He thinks about taking a walk, maybe that would clear his head? He’s way too tired for that though.

He just sighs and puts his head in his hands, he decides the only thing he can do right now is face it.

“If i didn’t know better, I’d say you have a crush on me, Harrington.”

He thinks about it one more time. He asks himself why is he feeling the same way he felt the first time he liked a girl, why was he as nervous at Eddie’s house as he was on his very first date? Why did his heart flip when Eddie smiled at him the same way it used to for Nancy?

Because that’s the thing, six months ago Steve was planning this big life in his head with Nancy. He was in love with her, he was attracted to her, he liked her. He doesn’t like Eddie. -Not like that.

Steve Harrington isn’t gay, he knows that. He knows that because he still thinks Nancy is beautiful, he thinks Robin is beautiful, he’s attracted to girls. Steve loves girls, he likes their long hair, he likes their soft lips, he likes boobs. If Steve knows anything, he knows he likes boobs.

Eventually he talks himself down enough to lay back down. He likes girls. He doesn’t even know why he was acting like that now, he feels like an idiot.

So, of course his heart wasn’t doing flips because he likes Eddie. He was tired, he was distracted, and it was his first time one on one with his new friend. He was just a little nervous? Yeah, no, he was just a little nervous. He likes girls. He didn’t think that when Eddie smiles the world feels brighter, and he definitely didn’t notice that Eddie’s hand accidentally brushed against his when they were talking, and he never even thought about how those brown eyes would just light up when Eddie got excited.

Steve likes girls. He likes girls with long, wild hair, he likes girls with big brown eyes, he likes girls with soft lips, he likes girls with tattoos, he likes girls with ripped jeans, he likes girls who play weird dorky games, he likes girls who listen to heavy metal, he likes girls who look at him for a little too long while they lay on the floor together. Steve likes girls.

And that’s what he tells himself the rest of the night, but the rest of the night only lasts a minute or two before he finally falls into a peaceful sleep.

He wishes. Instead he’s tossed right back into Eddie’s room, the faint sounds of guitars and laughter fill the space, brown eyes on him again. Maybe it is a little peaceful, until he hears his alarm.

He wakes up, the room finally bright again, he barely recognizes it after spending so long tossing and turning in the dark last night. He sits up and shuts his alarm off, he sleepily makes his way to the bathroom and somewhere between brushing his teeth and getting dressed he remembers his dream. He just remembers flashes, bits and pieces. He remembers Eddie. He tells himself it’s not a big deal, even though something in him is begging to disagree.

He ends up being a couple minutes late, and when he gets in he expects to hear Robin giving him shit about it, but instead he hears “What happened?”

He furrows his brow and looks at Robin, who is giving him a look for some reason. “Hmm?” he barely had the energy for that reply, but he makes his way in and throws his jacket on the counter as he gets the rest of his things ready.

“You look awful, Harrington.” Robin says from behind him, “Are you sick?”

Steve blinks, and turns to face her. “Actually, you know what?” He laughs a little, and Robin gives him a concerned look. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe.” It all makes sense, that’s gotta be it. He’s sick. He’s coming down with something and he’s just getting confused because he’s sick. He’s just sick. “You know, that would explain it. I’ve been feeling so weird.”

Robin frowns a little, “Do you need to go home? What’s wrong? fever? Chills? Headache? You know, I was reading this magazine with Nancy last night and it said that you could cure almost anything with tea-“

“I’m good, I’m good.” Steve smiles, cutting Robin off. “I don’t feel sick, but no like I’m probably about to be sick or something.” He rationalizes out loud. “I barely slept, I was up all night.”

Robin gives him a weird look, “Wait, you don’t feel sick? Why were you up all night?”

Shit. Now he doesn’t know what to say, he usually finds it hard to lie to Robin. Steve thinks her habit of oversharing must be contagious. He opens his mouth to reply, but closes it and just kinda shrugs. But she’s still looking at him, confused. “I was just…I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah?” She looks him over for a second before going back to her stack of returned VHS tapes she’s sorting through, without looking up she asks “How long did you stay at Eddie’s after Nance and I left?”

Steve looks at her out of the corner of his eye for a second, “I was there a while, I dunno.” He says quietly, pretending to be reading the cover of the movie in his hands. “I uh, I ended up listening to records with Eddie for a few hours.”

“A few hours?” Robin looks at him again, “With, like- you and Eddie alone?”

He doesn’t know what to say, or why Robin is asking like that. He’s had enough of confusion and questions in the past how every many hours, he just looks at Robin for a second, takes a breath as if he’s gonna say something and decides against it again, instead he simply walks away with the VHS still in his hands. He doesn’t even know what it is, he glances down and reads the title for real this time. It goes on the other side of the store, he turns and pretends he doesn’t notice Robin following him.

“Like just the two of you?” She asks again, on his heels. “Have you ever even been alone before?

He puts the tape away and sighs. “Yeah, we were alone. I don’t see why that’s a big deal.” He crosses his arms.

“What?” She scoffs. “It’s not, it’s just you guys are kind of…” She trails off and Steve raises an eye brow at her, “opposites.” she finishes.

Steve relaxes, he doesn’t know why he got so nervous. He doesn’t know why he thinks that Robin would think…-okay, he’s overthinking things. “I don’t know, he’s cool.” He shrugs, avoiding looking at Robin. “I guess we’re friends now.”

Robin nods slowly. “Just when I thought I’d seen it all, King Steve listening to heavy metal with the town weirdo.” She snorts softly. “Now that’s something.”

He rolls his eyes. “Let’s just do our jobs for once, okay?”

The rest of their shift goes by completely normally, it’s a slow day, there’s not a ton to do and they’re just about finished for the day so they have time to sit around and talk. Steve is thankful for the downtime, he is exhausted and all he can think about is going home and going to sleep.

He’s doing his best to not doze off right now, sitting on the counter and talking to Robin as she organizes the candy for probably the tenth time today. She’s rambling, and it’s comforting even if Steve isn’t paying close attention.

The bell chimes from the door and Steve begrudgingly slides off the counter out of habit, he goes to turn to greet whoever came in when he hears a familiar “Hey, Harrington.” and his heart does that thing again.

He blinks a few times and keeps thinking he’s going to respond but doesn’t. He’s thought about Eddie so much these past how ever many hours that he’s not even sure if Eddie is really here or if he’s just hallucinating. But then Eddie adds, “Buckley, my lady.” with a small, dorky bow.

Robin laughs and rolls her eyes, “Thank god you showed up, it’s slow as shit and I don’t know what you did to Steve last night but he’s been falling asleep for the past half an hour.”

Steve tries so hard to say anything before Eddie can, he already knows there’s going to be some kind of retort, but Steve’s too slow.

“Sounds like I wore you out, huh big boy?” Eddie smirks and looks up at Steve as he leans his forearms against the counter.

Steve’s chest feels like his heart might just burst out of it, it’s beating so fast. “Yeah, whatever.” He rolls his eyes, wiping his palms on his pants absentmindedly, why are they sweaty? He’s sick. He’s for sure sick. “What brings you in, Munson?”

“Well I’d like to say I just missed you nerds, but believe it or not I need a movie.” He taps his knuckles on the counter quickly. “Got a date, recommend something, Steve.”

“A date?” Robin and Steve say at the same time, but with differing tones. Robin sounds interested, Steve sounds shocked.

“Oh, is that such a surprise?” Eddie rolls his eyes and makes his way to the first rack of movies he sees.

“Kinda?” Steve admits, turning to follow Eddie. “You should have Robin recommend something, she’d be better at knowing what girls like.”

Eddie looks at Steve for a second and Steve knows there’s a reason for this look, but he’s unable to figure out what it is. “Probably so.” Eddie says slowly, “But hey, you’re ‘The Hair’, I know you’ve got moves.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugs. He looks around for Robin and notices she’d stayed behind at the counter, he also sees that she’s been watching them. Steve takes note of that but keeps talking to Eddie, he tries to hide that his hands are shaky while he gives suggestions.

They walk and talk around the store, it feels easy but it’s not. Not for Steve at least, he feels like his brain is running on empty. After a handful of recommendations, Eddie is reading the back of a case and Steve can’t stop himself from asking “So who’s the girl?” he asks quietly, and he’s not sure why.

Eddie looks at him, “What?”

Steve attempts a small smile, “Your date?”

“Oh,” Eddie blows out a laugh, but pauses, he looks at Steve for a second and now Steve feels like maybe he’s the one with answers on his face this time because Eddie has this look, and Steve can tell he wants to say something.

Steve doesn’t break eye contact though, even though his brain is begging him to stop looking at Eddie, he can’t. He isn’t sure why his eyes betray him this way, but he glances at Eddie’s mouth for a second and he nearly falls over when it hits him. He kinda wants…maybe- no. Steve likes girls.

“How’s the movie search going?” Robin asks, and Steve isn’t sure when she got so close.

Eddie looks at her as if he wasn’t just looking right into Steve’s soul, he smiles “Harrington here has been a delight, you should give him a raise.”

“If i had that power, I would use it to fire him for standing around and flirting with the customers all day.” Robin says,

“Oh my god.” Steve mutters, rolls his eyes and heads for the counter. “I’ll be over here, working, if you two wanna keep doing…this.” He takes a stack of movies and wishes he knew what they were for but he’s gotten pretty good at just looking like he’s working today.

Robin and Eddie stay behind, chatting. Steve tries his hardest to not listen, he’s not sure why he cares. He doesn’t care. There’s nothing to care or not care about. He does a good job at minding his business at first.

“So did you pick a movie for your date?” is all Robin says, but just the word date is enough to get Steve’s attention. But, he doesn’t care. He’s screaming in his head to stop listening, but doesn’t.

“Yeah, but movie nights aren’t really about the movie, right?” Eddie says and Steve doesn’t look but he can hear his smirk. “Mostly background noise.”

Steve feels a new feeling he can’t name. It doesn’t feel like it did last night anymore. Last night was weird, but it felt better than this. This unidentified feeling feels…bad. His heart is still beating like crazy, but not quite like it was. No, now he feels kind of like he’s mad. Why is he mad? Jealous? He feels kind of jealous. No. Steve decided that’s crazy, forces himself to stop listening and just takes a breath. He’s losing it.

He gets out of his head just in time to see Eddie and Robin heading back to the counter, he reminds himself to act normal but already knows he’ll fail.

“Alright, Harrington. I’m going to listen to you but if this movie sucks i’m never taking your advice again.” He puts the movie down and Robin takes care of the rest.

Steve leans on the counter behind Robin, facing Eddie. “Listen, just rewind it before you bring it back, ‘kay?”

“Whatever you say, big boy.” Eddie says, before grabbing the movie. “Tell you what, if it doesn’t suck, you can suggest another movie and we’ll watch it together, make a night of it.”

Steve can feel his face go red. He knows Eddie did not mean it like that, he knows that. He still can’t stop the images that spark throughout his brain. He can’t help but think about how a night like that might go. He takes a shaky breath, “Yeah-“ his voice is too high, he clears his throat a little. “yeah, no movie night sounds fun.” He glances over to Robin, who is a little wide eyed and Steve can tell she’s dying to say something but she can’t. “Movie night?” He says, a little quickly, nodding. “We sh-should do a movie night with like, all of us one night. That-that could be fun?” He says, putting a hand on his hip, and he’s not sure how to stop stumbling over his words and he’s also not sure why he’s only looking at Robin now. He’s spent this whole time nearly unable to tear his eyes away from Eddie, but now he can’t get himself to look at him. “Hmm?” He adds because Robin is still silent.

She nods, “No, yeah. That would be super fun!” She says, but Steve sees her wheels turning and he desperately wants to stop them for a second because he can tell she’s about to do something. “Oh, but like, I’ve been so busy with, stuff. and Jonathan and Nancy are…you know they’re in love and they do stuff-together i mean, they spend a lot of time together, as a couple. And you know, I think if it takes us a while to find a good time you and Eddie should solo it…i guess it’s not solo if it’s together but, you could be like, alone together, kind of poetic.” She smiles. “Just saying, you know since everyone’s so busy right now, maybe you guys should go ahead.”

Steve looks at Robin with a please oh my god stop look, “Yeah.” is all he can get out.

Eddie smirks and looks between them. “Alright, I’m out of here, kids.”

“Have fun.” Robin calls out as Eddie walks toward the door.

“Always.” Eddie replies, “Later, Harrington.”

Steve can only bring himself to wave. When Eddie leaves, Steve waits about one second, looks around the store, walks over and locks the door.

“We are not closed.” Robin says, “And I don’t think closing the store is good for business.”

“What is going on?” Steve says, feeling like he’s finally cracking. “I-I mean, like all night right? Like I was up all night, and then when I finally did sleep? Guess what? That was all…messed up too. Like, I think there’s something going on.” He turns to Robin, he can tell he looks a little crazy, and his arms are swinging as he talks with his hands, “So I wake up, I go to work, and like… today?”

“I am gonna need some kind of context, or a clue, Steve.” Robin says and then glances at the door. “Oh, duh.” She adds, mostly under her breath.

“No,” Steve shakes his head, wondering if she can see into it. “whatever you’re thinking no, no.” He turns to unlock the door but stops, “That was weird, right?”

“What? You locking the door and saying gibberish?” She asks, walking past him to unlock it herself. “Yeah, a little weird.”

“You know what I’m talking about, Robin.” He says, a little louder than he meant to. “Like that whole thing at the end?” He crosses his arms, “Since when is everyone I know too busy to hang out? I saw you all yesterday!”

“I know, but I thought maybe you and Eddie should spend some more time together, you know? He said he had a great time last night, and I think you did too.”

Steve can’t stop himself, “He said he had a good time?”

“A great time.” Robin repeats with a smirk. “So?”

“I’m not-“ he starts and suddenly his throat is dry, he shakes his head a little. “I’m not-“ He tries again and fails. Robin is waiting, Steve can tell she’s gonna try to let him talk. But he’s not sure if he can. “I don’t-…”

“Shh.” She presses a finger to his lips, “you have been a crazy man today, Steve.” She walks back to the counter and sits on top of it. “Look, if you wanna talk about whatever is going on, I am here to listen, and if you want to never speak of it, well, i’ll just talk enough for both of us, yeah?”

He nods. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on.” He leans on the counter next to her. “I just, I guess like…” he trails off, and looks at her, “I don’t wanna talk.” He admits, and even he can hear how pathetic he sounds right now.

“Good, my turn.” She smiles and Steve hopes she knows how thankful he is.

He goes about the next two days as well as he can, no one has noticed that he’s been avoiding pretty much everything yet. He goes to work, he does what he needs to and he goes home. And for two days that worked, but Dustin called and asked if he wanted to go do something so Steve picked him up, and they went out for lunch and hung around Hawkins, killing time in the few stores that had rebuilt already. It was nice, and Steve felt more relaxed than he had in days.

Until on the drive to drop Dustin back off at home, Dustin suddenly says “Shit, I forgot, could you drop me off at Eddie’s?”

The request takes Steve by surprise for no reason, he does this all the time. It’s a normal thing, why would Steve care? He doesn’t. Sure, he’s been avoiding Eddie like the plague for reasons that aren’t entirely even clear to himself but this is fine. It’s fine. “Eddie’s?”

“Yeah, I almost forgot, I got a few new comics that he and I were talking about so-“

“Yeah, no, I mean, yeah I can take you to Eddie’s.” Steve nods and thinks he manages to sound mostly normal, “like his place?”

“Yes.” Dustin answers slowly. “Did you hit your head? You’ve been so weird.”

“You’re weird.” Steve retorts but there’s nothing in his voice to back it up. “I haven’t been weird.”

“You’ve been weird, even weirder than usual.”

Steve scoffs, and they ride in silence for a minute. He doesn’t want to go to Eddie’s, he knows it’ll be fast, he’s just dropping Dustin off. But if he sees Eddie, he’s going to think about Eddie, and he’s going to think about Eddie’s date and then he’s gonna only think about all of that for the rest of the night. But now he’s already thinking it, and he can’t stop. They’re nearly there when Steve blurts out “Does Eddie have a girlfriend?”

Dustin looks a little surprised, “I don’t think so.” He says. “Eddie doesn’t really talk about girls.”

Steve nods. “Right, I was just wondering cause like, if he doesn’t…maybe I’ll set him up with someone, you know?” He hopes the lie at least makes sense, but judging by the look on Dustin’s face it doesn’t. “Like I-I figured, since we’re friends now and-“

“You’re friends?” Dustin asks, looking suspicious.

“Yeah,” Steve says, glancing over at Dustin, “is that cool?”

Dustin smiles and nods, “It’s very cool. I told you that you’d like him.”

Steve sighs, “You were right, okay?” He looks over at Dustin and things feel like they make sense again, for the first time in weeks, in months. Maybe years? “I do like him.” Steve says, but when he says it out loud it all kind of just hits him.

He does like him. He likes Eddie. He likes Eddie. He likes Eddie? All those feelings come flooding in, he starts to panic but this is not the time. Not only is Dustin smiling next to him in the passenger seat, but he’s also literally pulling into Eddie’s. His hands are shaking and feel a little numb when he stops the car, his ears are ringing and his chest is tight. He hears Dustin in the distance, but quickly realizes he’s still in the car with him.

“Steve?” Dustin says, again and Steve blinks back to reality. His eyes oddly damp, and his face a shade too red. “Steve?”

“Yeah?” He says, not looking away from the steering wheel. “Yeah. Sorry, I just remembered I-“ he stops, shaking his head a little. He smiles at Dustin before pulling him into a hug. “I just remembered that I should never doubt you.”

“Jesus, dude-“ Dustin pushes him off, “seriously, you are so weird.”

Steve laughs. “Have fun, don’t do anything stupid.” He says as Dustin gets out.

Dustin goes to say something but is cut off, no. Not now. “Harrington!”

Steve freezes, mouth open slightly, he looks at Dustin as he runs toward Eddie. Steve sighs, he thinks quickly about just absolutely gunning it. He could be gone in thirty seconds, he doesn’t even have to stop driving. He can just leave, run away, never talk to anyone again, change his name, start a new life- he opens the car door and takes a breath, when get gets out he feels like his legs are jello, and he stumbles a little before leaning on his car. “H-hey, uh I-“ He stops, seeing Eddie is too much right now. Steve likes him. He’s trying so hard to act normal, how does he act normal? He likes Eddie.

“You got a while? We’re gonna read comics and hang, you’re invited.” Eddie says, and it’s so casual. Steve doesn’t feel casual.

“No, no, I would, but I-I’m going to Robin’s so-“ he absolutely had no plans with Robin, but he decided before he even got out of the car that he was definitely going to her house as soon as he left here, he’s not even sure if she’s home. He doesn’t care, he’ll wait. “thanks though.” He attempts a smile, but he worries he looks more pained.

“Cool, maybe next time.” Eddie waves, Steve nods and goes to get back in the car, “Oh,” Eddie stops, and looks back at Steve. “The flick? It was good, Harrington. Movie night soon, yeah?”

Steve feels like he could scream, this is a lot for him to take at once. But when he actually goes to reply, his voice gets stuck in his throat and he can just sort of nod like an idiot for a second before choking out a quick “Yeah, yeah, absolutely.” He clears his throat, “Sounds good.”

Eddie smiles, and it’s so bright and warm and intoxicating. “It’s a date.”

Steve’s breath catches and he isn’t sure what the right response is. He is freaking out, he needs to get to Robin’s. He barely chokes out “I-uh, Robin-“ before he just decides he’s had enough, waves again, gets in his car and heads out.

The whole way to Robin’s, Steve keeps replaying the other night at Eddie’s in his head, but his whole perspective has changed. He has the questions now, he has names for these feelings, he has words for these thoughts.

He likes Eddie. But, Steve likes girls. How can that happen? Can he like both? Can he just like, make an exception?

He keeps trying to tell himself that maybe he’s losing it, and he’s making this up in his head. He thinks maybe he’s just confused, or sick, or tired, or something. Because he can’t like Eddie, right?

But then he thinks of the other night, and how maybe when Eddie’s hand brushed his, it wasn’t an accident. He thinks about how he couldn’t stop staring at Eddie because he didn’t want to, he wants to stare at him. He wants to look at his hair, and his eyes, and his body. He really wants to look at his body. Steve tries to hit the brakes on that thought, but can’t stop it. He wants to touch Eddie, he wants to feel his hair, he knows it’s soft. He wants Eddie’s hand to brush against his again, he wants it to stay there. He wants more.

He gets to Robin’s and wastes no time, barely remembering to shut the car door behind him before he darts to Robin’s front door. He knocks and things finally work out for once, she’s home and she answers. “Steve?” Her smile fades quickly when she looks at him, “Uh, you good? Did you run here?”

“What?” He realizes now that he seems a little out of breath, “No, no. I need to talk to you.”

“Everything okay?” She asks, her brow furrowed, “Is everybody okay?”

“Everyone is good, it’s me-I’m fine, but-“ he sighs and takes a quick look around, “I can’t talk about this here.”

“Lucky for you my parents aren’t home, I’m not supposed to have boys in my room.”

Steve chuckles a little as he goes inside and follows her to her room. Once they’re in Steve realizes he doesn’t even know where to start. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t even know if he should say anything.

What if he’s crazy and this is just like, something that’ll go away in a few days? What if this is all made up in his head and he doesn’t actually feel these feelings.

But it felt real, it felt real when they were sitting in Eddie’s room laughing together, it felt real when they were laying on his floor listening to records, it felt real when Eddie smiled at him. Steve tries his best to tell himself maybe it’s not real. But it is. He knows it is. He’s just stuck in this loop of uncertainty and he doesn’t know how to get out. He knows talking to Robin will help, that’s why he came over. He needs to say something, but where does he even begin? He isn’t sure where any of this began. One day he barely knew Eddie, and all of a sudden, they’re friends and Steve likes him?

Robin sits on her bed and looks up at him, Steve starts fidgeting with his hands and isn’t sure if he wants to sit or not. He feels restless. “So what’s going on?” Robin asks, calmly. “This isn’t like a spooky monster or government secret thing, right?”

“No,” Steve waves a hand dismissively. “Nothing like that, it’s…it’s personal.” Steve starts pacing just a little. “Like I’m physically fine but my brain is-“

“I mean everyone knows you’ve been acting weird this week.” Robin says, bluntly. Steve gives her a quick look of annoyance before she continues. “What’s going on? Is it like, girl troubles?” Robin raises her eyebrows.

“Robin,” He groans, -he knows he can tell her. Why can’t he tell her? He doesn’t think he has the guts to say this out loud. “Not exactly.” He says it slow, looking at her nervously.

“It’s not about Nancy, is it?” She asks, sitting up a little straighter. Steve can tell she’s fighting a smirk, she’s doing a good job of it but Steve can still tell.

“Oh my god.” Steve mutters. “Absolutely not, no. I told you, that’s over.” He runs a hand through his hair, “It’s not Nancy.”

Robin just stares at him for a second, waiting. Steve just holds her stare and she gives in, “Okay! So, what?” She throws her hands up a little, “This is about whatever has been making you crazy, right?”

Steve nods, and makes a noncommittal noise.

“So what is it, Harrington?”

Steve takes a breath and turns to fully face Robin again, “Look, whatever I say next stays between us, right? Like, no one else can know.”

Robin leans forward a little, “Of course, come on. We both have secrets.” She reminds him and it makes him feel better for a minute.

He drags a hand across his face and starts, “I-“ he stops, not sure what to say, not sure if he should even say anything, not sure if he should tell Robin everything, tell her that he’s having a breakdown because he thinks he likes boys, but he knows he likes girls, and that even if that wasn’t an issue, Eddie? Why Eddie? And can he even tell Robin that? Would that make all the times they hang out weird? But, he can’t bring himself to care as much as maybe he should. He knows he wants to tell her, he just doesn’t know how. He puts his hands on his hips, thinking it over for a second. He still has to say something, “Okay, look so, I like-“ he stops again, trying to choose his words carefully, “someone.” he finally says.

“Yeah?” She smiles, before gasping a little. “Love sick!” she says, pointing at him for a second. “That’s what was going on the other day, Steve.”

He rolls his eyes, “No, it’s not like-“ he scoffs, “I just, you know, I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Well, who is she?”

Steve feels his heart drop a little, this is the part he isn’t sure he can admit. Not only to Robin, but just out loud. He thinks about just making up a girls name and forgetting all of this.

But he can’t, because his brain has been caught on a loop of the past week. Eddie’s house, the video store, Eddie having a date, feelings having no names, he thinks of the heavy metal that was playing in the background and how he could barely hear it over his own heart pounding in his ears. He can’t fight it, he’s tried. He’s powerless.

“Robin,” He starts, weakly, leaning against her wall. His heart is beating fast again, and he can hardly bring himself to look at her, his eyes are wet now and he doesn’t know why. “This isn’t about a girl.” He admits, and he hopes she gets it.

She blinks at him a couple times and he can see that she’s thinking her next few words over carefully, something she actually does well for occasions like this. “Okay,” She nods, slowly, looking at Steve like he might break if she moves too quick. He doesn’t like it, but he can tell she’s just trying to keep him calm for this. “You like someone.” She starts, and looks up at Steve.

He nods and doesn’t say anything because he knows he can’t right now, he does not want to cry about this.

“And it’s not a girl?”

Steve swallows and shakes his head, “Nope.” He finally chokes out. “I, uh, I like…” He looks at Robin, he tries to stop himself, but he can’t. He knows this could mess everything up, but he feels like maybe he should tell her everything. It felt good to tell her part of it. Mostly, he just doesn’t want to be alone with these thoughts anymore. He sighs, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor. “I’ve been losing my mind, Robin.” He admits, his voice low. He feels himself losing the fight he’s been having in his own head, if he doesn’t get this over with he’s going to explode. He can trust Robin, he reminds himself before taking a breath and starting again. “The other night, I couldn’t sleep, I was up nearly the whole night thinking about him, right? And then I-I finally fall asleep and I fucking dream about him, I kept thinking about everything, I kept going over the whole night, you know? We talked, we listened to music, but the whole time I could barely pay attention to anything, I didn’t care about any of it. I just wanted be around him. And then, like, he says stuff that I know is a joke, but god, it still just…” He trails off and checks to see if Robin’s going to say anything, he’s sure she’s probably dying to ask questions or say something.

But Robin is just watching him, with somewhat concerned eyes, and just waiting for him to finish. She gives a small nod encouragingly when she notices him looking at her.

Steve looks away and sighs, “Robin, I like him.” His voice breaks again, just slightly. “I like him so much.”

“I know,” She says, nodding. “And that’s okay!”

Steve scoffs. “I can’t like him.”

“Why not?” Robin throws her hands up, “You can so like him.”

“I can’t like him.” He repeats, shaking his head. “For starters, I still like girls so-“

Robin gives him a puzzled look, “Steve,” she laughs softly, “You can like girls and like guys too!”

Steve just looked at her. “Are you serious?” He asks, sitting up away from the wall a little.

Robin looks at him for a second, smiling. “Yeah, Harrington. You can like whoever, you don’t have to pick guys or girls.”

“Shit.” He says, blinking and resting his head against the wall. “I thought I was like…the only one.”

Robin rolls her eyes, “Sorry, you’re not special.” She smiles, “You’re just bisexual.”

“Oh, huh.” Steve looks down, he lets it soak in for a second. This whole time he thought this was something wrong with him but it has a name. He can just like whoever he likes. He chuckles a bit, feeling a little embarrassed for freaking out about it. “Learned something new, I guess.”

“It’s not like you could have known. Look around this town, not a lot of people like us.” She says shrugging. “But welcome aboard, glad to have you. “

“Yeah, thanks.” Steve rolls his eyes. “That solves that but like, what do I do?”

“Well, technically you still haven’t told me who this is.” Robin says, grinning.

Steve glares at her for a second, “Robin, don’t make me say it.” He whines a little.

“How can I help if I don’t know who it is?”

Steve closes his eyes and presses his palms to his face for a second. “Robin, oh my god.”

She tries to hide laughter, but isn’t very successful. “it could be anybody!”

“Fine, fine!” Steve throws his hands up in defeat and looks at her, she is absolutely radiating excitement and he hates how endearing it is. “Eddie.” He says, but as quietly as possible. It still feels awkward to say out loud.

“Hmm?” Robin puts her hand to her ear, “I didn’t catch that?”

“Eddie!” Steve shouts a little, tossing his head back in defeat. “I like Eddie.” He admits and another weight floats off of him. “I really fucking like Eddie.” And now he feels like he kind of wants to keep saying it, it’s therapeutic after days of bottling things up and keeping secrets from himself.

Robin sits up on her knees, “I knew it! I knew it! I-I’ve known it for months!” She says excitedly.

Steve sits up straighter, “I’ve only known for like, an hour. How could you have known for months?”

“Oh, please.” She rolls her eyes, “It’s so obvious you guys like each other, all you do is stare and flirt. It’s pathetic!”

Steve’s whole body feels hot, he feels sick, but he feels almost hopeful. “He-no. You’re so wrong, there’s no way-“ he shakes his head. “You’re crazy, he doesn’t- he likes girls.”

“Steve, you like girls.”

Steve’s eyebrows go up and he nods a little, “That’s fair.”

“And how do you know? How do you know he doesn’t like you?”

“Why would he like me?” Steve shrugs, “Like we have almost nothing in common, you know?”

“So? He liked hanging out with you. If you guys are so incompatible, why would he want to hang out with you? Alone?”

Steve sighs, “There’s no way.” He says again, seriously. “And we don’t-we don’t stare at each other.”

“Yes, you do! All the time! Just like, get a room, oh my god. It’s disgusting.”

Steve laughs and for the first time he can breathe. He feels okay. He thinks maybe this won’t be so bad. Maybe he can just navigate this crush and somehow keep things together. But eventually he realizes he can’t just stay here in Robin’s room forever, and sooner or later he’s going to see Eddie again, they’re going to hang out and Steve is going to have to pretend that he isn’t hopelessly obsessed with him.

He and Robin talk for a while, and things start to settle for the night. It feels weird to just keep going through life after this. He’s supposed to just go home and go to bed after it feels like his whole world has flipped? He realizes he’s fucking head over heels for someone and he’s supposed to just act like he’s not?

It’s quiet for a minute and he and Robin are sitting across from each other on the bed, both lost in thought. He glances at her, “What do I do now?”

She looks like she thinks it over for a minute, before taking a breath, “You could go to his house, tell him how you feel and make out the rest of the night.” She looks at him and gives a small shrug, “That’s an option.”

Steve’s breathing gets a little shaky, that was definitely not something he’d considered. He tries to stop thinking about it, but he wants to. He shakes his head, “No, that’s not happening. I’m not gonna tell him.”

“Well maybe see if he wants to hang out, then you could kind of get a feel for things. Maybe you’ll see that he does like you and you can just see what happens.” She suggests and Steve doesn’t hate this idea.

He thinks it over, another night alone with Eddie, another night where Steve would get his full attention, another night where Steve could lay way too close next to him, a night where Eddie might let his fingers linger against Steve’s again. Steve nearly feels lightheaded just thinking about it. “Maybe.”

“Hey, he was just talking about a movie night, right?”

Steve’s eyes snap shut and he puts his head in his hands, “Oh my god.”

“Okay, so maybe not-“

“No, yeah. He just…when i dropped Dustin off he actually asked about that.” He looks at Robin a little nervously, he can feel his face going red. “I said sure, he said it’s a date, and I just-“ Steve makes a motion with his hand, “got the hell outta there, I came straight here.”

“Oh.” Robin says, “Even better, sounds like you already have plans!” Steve worries her face is going to get stuck with this excited smile she has.

“I don’t want to,” Steve sighs, nerves building already just thinking about it. “but yeah, i’ll try, okay?”

“That’s the spirit!”

The next few days, Steve tries his best to be cool. He’s not freaking out like he was, he knows better now. He knows more now. That doesn’t mean he feels quite like himself still. He’s still overthinking and over tired, the last few nights unfortunately have become dedicated to Steve just thinking about Eddie and all the different ways this could go, he’s played out every scenario. He doesn’t know what to expect, but he wants to be prepared for anything.

And yet, he finds himself very unprepared for Eddie’s voice coming through the line when Steve absentmindedly answers his phone while going through the mail. But the increasingly familiar “Harrington!” chimes in Steve’s ear and he drops the stack of envelopes he was holding.

Steve fumbles through the whole phone call, but keeps it together just enough to get by with using the mess he made as an excuse. He knows Eddie called for something, but he’s just kind of been rambling for five minutes and Steve starts to wonder if he might be a little nervous too. He also realizes that he has never given Eddie his phone number, he smiles a little to himself when he thinks that Eddie would have had to ask someone to give him Steve’s number, so he kind of went out of his way to call him.

“Anyway,” Eddie says, slowing down. “Look, you coming over tonight or what?”

Steve’s body does that tingly thing again, and his face is burning. He tries to respond but his words are stuck. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah, okay.” is all he mages to get out. It wouldn’t have mattered if he tried, he can’t tell Eddie no.

He hears Eddie laugh softly, and it’s basically the last thing he hears because he’s got a thousand thoughts running through his mind and he’s trying to sort through them. When he hangs up, he immediately calls Robin.

He does a double check to make sure he’s still home alone before she answers, “Hello?”

“What are you doing tonight?” He asks, quickly, skipping the greetings. He doesn’t really mean too, but his brain is moving too fast.

“Hello, Steve.” She says, huffing into the phone slightly. “I’m picking up a shift at the store tonight, why?”

“Okay, okay so no one else is going to Eddie’s?”

“No, everyone’s busy.” Steve can hear her smile through the phone, he knows she feels so smug.

He sighs, “Great.”

“You’ll be fine! You’ll have fun!” She reassures him, “Just relax.”

Steve tries to take that advice but he spends the rest of the afternoon doing anything but relaxing.

The last few days have dragged on so slowly, but today flies by, and he hates it. It’s all a blur of nerves, he spent 30 minutes just looking at the clothes in his closet. He didn’t even know why, but he just went back and forth between three different shirts before he realized he was taking forever and felt stupid for caring this much. After he gets dressed, he thinks that maybe he has done this before, once or twice before he’s gone to hang out with Eddie. He knows he changed twice before he went the other day, he couldn’t figure out why then, he figured he was just having an off day and brushed it aside. He feels like an idiot now.

He can barely drag himself to his car when it’s time to leave, he wants to go, but he also wants to just disappear. He’s unbearably nervous, and he circles the block once before he feels like he has enough courage to finally head in the right direction.

When Steve gets to Eddie’s door he pauses, he suddenly thinks about every scenario he played out last night. He thinks about the different outcomes, he weighs the pros and cons of knocking.

But before he can, the door swings open, “Harrington!” Eddie smiles before pulling Steve in gently by the wrist.

Steve feels like he would probably follow Eddie anywhere if he kept his hand wrapped close by his. “H-hey!” Steve wishes he was better at acting normal by now.

“Okay, you made it, so-“ Eddie let’s go of Steve’s arm and claps his hands together. He starts talking, going on about his ideas for the night, and Steve is listening but it’s difficult.

He’s trying so hard to think everything through, he doesn’t want to make a wrong move. He doesn’t want to be obvious, and he’s so worried he’s going to slip up and just say something fucking stupid.

Because every time he tried to play out all those different versions of tonight, he kept saying something stupid. He just doesn’t know how to not say something stupid.

After they settle in with some beers and a movie, it gets increasingly harder for Steve to focus on, well anything.

He’s basically missed the entire first half of this movie, instead he keeps taking too long and too frequent glances over to Eddie, who is sitting just a little too close to him, which is a major factor in Steve’s lack of focus. He keeps forgetting to focus on not slipping up, too. Once he and Eddie start talking, he can’t help himself. It’s just so easy that he forgets it’s supposed to be difficult.

When they’re talking, or even when they’re just in a comfortable silence, Steve forgets that Eddie doesn’t know, he forgets that Eddie doesn’t like him, he forgets that he’s worried about any of it. He’s just focused on Eddie, and that’s all that really matters.

Steve starts to realize that maybe the beer hasn’t helped him act normal, and that maybe that wasn’t his smartest move. But, he thinks he’s doing okay. Yeah, he’s still risking far too many glances Eddie’s way for it to not be weird, but he doesn’t think he’s been super obvious about it.

And yes, this time he’s staring again and he’s telling himself to stop, but somehow he just ends up resting his head on his hand and completely losing thought.

He doesn’t know why he thinks he’d get away this this, he hadn’t before. And just like last time, he gets caught. “You better stop looking at me like that, Harrington.” Eddie says, slow and quiet. He turns his head to face Steve. “You’re gonna give me ideas.”

Steve’s mouth goes dry and his heart is pounding in his ears, he thinks of a hundred lame excuses at once but can only manage a “hmm?”, hoping playing dumb would just work out for him.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “What’s on your mind? You’ve been looking at me for like five minutes.” he sits back and rests his own arm on the back of the couch, his body facing Steve’s. “I’m all ears, Harrington.”

Steve tries to blow out a laugh to seem casual, but feels like maybe it just makes him look more suspicious, “I-I haven’t been-“

“Steve,” Eddie raises his eyebrows. “Come on.”

Steve can’t help the small smile that spreads across his face, even though he feels absolutely crazy. He tries to think carefully and quickly about what to say, thinking about all the stupid stuff he wants to say and making sure none of that leave his lips. “I was just…I guess I-“ he sighs and looks at Eddie, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of Steve this whole time. He’s listening, whatever Steve says he’s going to listen and Steve doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. “I was just thinking, about something Robin said the other day.” He lies, thankful for his brain taking over for his heart.

“Yeah?” Eddie quirks a brow, “wanna share?”

“She said she thinks we should spend more time together,” Steve says, watching Eddie’s reaction for something he isn’t quite sure of. “I guess she thinks we make good friends.�� Steve shrugs and keeps waiting for a reaction, even though he isn’t sure what he’s expecting. He’s unsure that he’s selling this, he wonders if Eddie knows he’s not saying everything. “I think she’s right.” He adds slowly before looking back at the tv, but only for a second before he feels Eddie’s fingers lightly press against his cheek and turn his face back to his.

Steve feels dizzy, drunk, he feels like he’s floating and he hopes that maybe out of all the outcomes he’s prepared for, he’d get a good one.

“You know what I think?” Eddie asks, and his voice is quiet and low, it makes Steve feel weak.

“Huh?” Steve says, and he can hear how dumb he sounds, his brain is just totally off. All he can see are brown eyes looking into his, all he can hear is his own heart pounding and all he can feel is Eddie’s fingers still resting on his face.

Eddie smiles, “I think…” he lets his fingers trail down Steve’s chin and neck, it’s quick but Steve can feel his heat lingering for longer than he knows is possible. Eddie sighs and glances at the screen, then back to Steve. “I think you should come over more.”

Steve nods slowly, closing his mouth, and trying to come back to life. He can’t get his mouth to form words, he just takes a swig of his beer and looks back at the tv. He’s trying to ignore the fact that now Eddie’s the one staring, he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel about it. Why is he staring? He glances over and accidentally makes eye contact. “What?” He laughs a little, in the back of his head he notes again that the beer is definitely not helping.

“Oh, so you can stare at me all night but it’s weird if I do it?”

“I was not staring.” Steve lies, knowing there’s almost no chance that Eddie would believe him.

“You know I have eyes right?” Eddie asks, “And i use them? And I use them to catch you staring at me.”

“Oh, will you shut up, Munson? So I looked at you?” Steve rolls his eyes, his argument half hearted, he’s loosening up and it feels good. He’s fighting to not say or do anything dumb, and he worries he’s going to lose. “What are you going to do about it? hmm?”

Eddie smirks at Steve, and Steve immediately realizes what he sets himself up for. He only realizes now that he might have done it on purpose. “I have a few ideas.” Eddie says after a second that feels like forever.

Steve’s brain checked out about ten minutes ago, he’s scrambling to think of anything to say, something that he can get out of this with. He settles for rolling his eyes and just pretending to watch the movie. After a minute, he feels Eddie move just a little closer, he uses up all of his focus to just keep his eyes on the tv.

“You know what’s weird?” Eddie says, breaking the silence that Steve desperately wanted. He can’t say something he shouldn’t if they’re not talking.

“Do you ever stop talking?” Steve asks, rolling his head to look at Eddie, happy to have a reason for once. He tries to sound annoyed but the smile on his lips betrays him.

“I thought all the Vecna, Upside Down, horror movie come to life stuff was going to be the weirdest experience of my life,” He says, and Steve is all of the sudden very aware of just how much closer Eddie got. “but this? You and me, hanging out, being…friends? This is definitely weirder.”

Steve laughs softly, “No, you’re right. It’s kind of weird.”

“It’s weird,” Eddie repeats, looking at Steve for a second before he takes a breath. “But, I like it.”

Steve’s heart races, and he can’t stop his eyes from darting to Eddie’s lips for just a fraction of a second. He nods, “I like it too.”

Eddie doesn’t take his eyes off of Steve, “Good,” He smiles, “You’re stuck with me now, Harrington.” He says, going back to the movie.

Steve takes the opportunity to internally panic, both of them sitting just a little too close to each other facing the screen. Steve reaches for his beer and starts going through what the fuck just happened. He isn’t sure if he’s reading too into things, or if he’s just seeing what he wants to. But he’s starting to think maybe Robin’s right, maybe Eddie -maybe- has some similar feelings. He can’t stop himself from testing the waters a little, hoping to not be as obvious as he feels. “So, y-you liked the uhm, other movie?” He stumbles out, looking ahead, a little afraid that if he looks at Eddie, he’ll give himself away.

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “yeah, it was good.”

Steve decides he’s gotten this far and chances testing the water, “How’d the date go?”

“What?” Eddie looks at him, “Oh, yeah,” he laughs quietly. “It didn’t.”

Steve can’t stop himself from looking over, “It didn’t?”

Eddie watches him for a second, and Steve can tell he’s thinking something over. He’d give anything to know what. “Yeah, but it was for the best.” Eddie shrugs, “Wasn’t really what I want now anyway.”

Steve nods, “Well, she’s missing out.”

Eddie hums an agreement and goes back to looking at the screen.

Steve sits and tries to not get his hopes up for five minutes straight, and that’s when he feels Eddie’s fingers lightly brush against his own.

Steve instantly looks over at Eddie, who is focused completely on the screen in front of them. Steve blinks and looks back at the tv too. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t even know what to think. The only thing he knows right now is that he’s about to do something stupid.

He brushes his fingers against Eddie’s this time, slow and a little shaky. This time he ignores the other when he looks his way. Instead, Steve can’t even help himself and he does it again, this time letting his fingers go up to Eddie’s wrist, tracing against the edge of his bracelet.

They both go quiet and still for a second, and Steve starts to panic. Why did he do that? But why did Eddie start it? His face is burning and his hands feel empty and cold.

The panic subsides quickly when he feels Eddie’s fingers graze against the top of his hand. He smiles, and looks over at Eddie.

This time Eddie looks back, his head resting on the back of the couch, “What?” He asks, innocently as if nothing is going on.

Steve can feel the heat coming from Eddie, they’re so close and all he wants to do is fill the space that separates them. He looks at Eddie for a minute, he swears he hears those records from the other night playing somewhere in the back of his mind, or maybe it’s real he can’t tell. Nothing really feels real.

Steve’s starting to get exhausted, he’s not good at this. He’s not good at hiding feelings, he’s not good at lying, he’s not good at pretending. He thinks if he doesn’t leave right now he’s going to lose.

“I might do something stupid.” He says without thinking, reason and sense left him the second Eddie touched his hand.

“I don’t doubt that.” Eddie quips, smiling softly. He waits for a second to see if Steve is going to continue, and Steve notices. But he can’t bring himself to move or talk. Luckily Eddie rolls his eyes a little and keeps talking, “If you’re gonna do something stupid, promise to do it with me.” He whispers, Steve can nearly feel his breath on his face.

Steve looks at him, he’s grasping at excuses and subject changes in his mind but he can’t seem to hang on to any long enough to stop himself from thinking about kissing Eddie Munson. As soon as the thought enters his mind it consumes him. He remembers Eddie said something, and he pulls his eyes from Eddie’s mouth to his eyes, unsure of how long they’d been there. “I really-“ he stops himself, unsure of how he’d finish that sentence, the words on his tongue trying to escape. “I uh,-“ He tries to turn away from him, he tries to pretend things aren’t as intense as they feel. He tries, but he can’t and he’s right back to looking at Eddie, right back to trying to figure out what to do, how to tell him without saying it, how to make this less awkward. His thoughts are interrupted, and he’s almost thankful.

“Steve,” Eddie says, quietly with a new air of seriousness to his tone that Steve isn’t expecting. “Whatever it is that you want to tell me…” he trails off, and without any plan they both move a little closer, Eddie doesn’t look away from Steve this time when he moves his fingers against his. “I’m waiting.” he finally says, and doesn’t move away.

Steve can’t take anymore, he feels like he’s not dreaming for the first time. He feels like this is real, he didn’t make this up, it’s not in his head. He likes Eddie, and he can’t help but think that Eddie likes him too. He feels another soft stroke against his palm and he gives up. He takes Eddie’s hand, finally threading their fingers together. “Yeah, well-“ he starts, he looks from their hands, back to Eddie, he can barely catch his breath as he leans in, stalling for another moment to be absolutely sure he’s not dreaming, but then Eddie leans in slowly and he stops caring about any of the things he was worried about before. “I’m done waiting.” Steve says, before he finally closes the distance between them, slowly. He brings a hand up to thread through Eddie’s hair, and it’s just as soft as he’d imagined. He feels Eddie kiss him back, it nearly knocks him out. Eddie brings up a hand to rest on Steve’s side, and pulls him closer, he can’t stop the small noise he makes.

Out of every scenario he planned, every version of this he rehearsed in his head, nothing compared to how it actually felt. His heart is pounding, his hands are shaking while he runs them over Eddie’s body, he feels like he’s on fire, he’s overwhelmed but in the best way.

Everything gets a little colder though when he and Eddie finally pull apart, he desperately wants to just dive right back in but he takes a second to try to wrap his head around everything. The nerves start to creep back in quickly as he worries if he’s made a mistake. What if he read everything wrong?

He takes a breath, hoping he doesn’t let any of his panic show. He looks away and shudders out a soft laugh. “Sorry, I-“ he stops and looks over at Eddie, unsure of what to say or do.

But Eddie’s watching him, looking a little unsure himself. “So…” he starts slowly, both of them backing away a little. “Do we…talk about it or-“

“I like you.” Steve says, surprising even himself. He didn’t mean to say it, he didn’t plan on ever telling Eddie Munson that he liked him. He doesn’t know why he can’t stop, he couldn’t stop himself from touching Eddie, he couldn’t stop himself from kissing him, and now he’s just telling him this and he doesn’t know how to stop. He blames the alcohol but knows it’s not that. The words have been threatening to leave his lips since he realized they were there.

Eddie raises his eyebrows, giving Steve a second. “Yeah?” he grins, just kinda beaming at Steve expectantly, and patiently.

Steve sighs, realizing there’s nothing he can do now. He’s done everything he promised himself he wouldn’t, and now he’s just going to have to follow through with it and hope for the best. “Yeah,” he rolls his eyes a little when he notices the smug expression on Eddie’s face. “I can’t believe it, but yes, Munson. I like you.”

“See, I knew you had a crush on me.” Eddie says, before getting a little closer.

“Oh my god,” Steve groans a little, “don’t even start.”

Eddie laughs softly, and relaxes back into the couch again, glancing back at the credits rolling on the screen. “I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think I even know what happened in this movie.” He turns to Steve, fidgeting a little with his hands and watching him a second, “It doesn’t matter though, cause I didn’t ask you to come over for a movie. It was just an excuse to see you.” He waits a second before looking head again.

He starts to feel nervous again, but it’s different than before. Fears and uncertainty are now replaced with a need to get this right. It’s been a while since he’s gotten something he’s wanted, he doesn’t wanna ruin it. “You didn’t need an excuse.”

Eddie smiles, he barely glances away from the static on the tv, “This might surprise you, Harrington, but I’m not the best at talking about feelings.” He admits, locking eyes with Steve, “But, I like you too, okay?”

Sure, Steve kind of got that already, but hearing Eddie say it still made his stomach flip. He smiles a little, trying to wrap his head around it. He likes him. Eddie likes Steve.

Steve finally starts to feel better, his world is changing again, but it’s slowing down a little. He feels like even if he doesn’t know what happens next, or what he’s supposed to do or say, he’s going to be alright. He can’t remember the last time he felt like he was going to be alright, so he tries to soak it in while he can. “So…what now?” He asks, smiling a little nervously.

Eddie looks like he’s pretending to think about it, looking up at nothing with a small smile, tapping a finger against his lips, “Well, we could watch another movie.” He suggests, looking at Steve, and something about this look makes Steve feel nervous, but not in a bad way.

Steve takes a breath, he tries to assess the situation, trying to figure out if Eddie is implying what he hopes he is. “We didn’t even watch the last one.” He reminds him.

“Yeah, we aren’t going to watch the next one either, Harrington.” Eddie says, leaning close and pressing his lips to Steve’s, barely giving him time to react before he stands up. “Stay there, I get to pick this time.”

Steve just watches as Eddie runs off to find a movie, he feels completely dumbfounded as he takes this in. He attempts to figure out the exact moment this started, but quickly realizes he doesn’t actually care. It wouldn’t make a difference.

Eddie puts the movie into the VCR and quickly turns back to Steve, walking over to him, “The goal here, by the way, is to see as little of this fuckin’ movie as possible.” He says, before threading this fingers into Steve’s hair and kissing him, pushing him back onto the couch. “Sound good?” Eddie says, after a few seconds, taking a breath and pulling back to look at Steve.

Steve nods quickly, “Sounds great.” he pulls Eddie back down into another kiss, feeling him smile against his lips. He doesn’t care about anything other than this right now, he just wants to get as close to Eddie as he can. And he does, they spend the whole night together tangled up, nothing but the tv and the post lamp outside shining in the dark.

When Steve leaves, he kisses Eddie goodbye, this time he doesn’t feel like he’s forgetting anything, but he still doesn’t want to go, he’s already counting down until he can come back. And when he drives away, he checks his rear view and catches Eddie watching him drive away again and Steve knows he’s going to spend another night awake thinking about Eddie Munson.

He still isn’t sure how this happened, he knows he could sit and think about it forever before it made sense, but it doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t matter to him how he got here, he’s just happy that he‘s here now.

[flodaya]

imagine finding your person at 19 on the movie set of one of the biggest franchises of all time 😭 literally a love story for the ages

[queengloryoftherainwings]

Okay call me stupid, call me crazy, heck, call me a conspiracy theorist.

But something has been bugging me.

"Three Moons" is typically used in a way that resembles the usage of "Dear god" or "Jesus Christ" who are considered higher beings in religion.

Now think about this: We have dragonet named MOONwatcher who has both mind reading and prophecy seeing ability as much as Tsunami tries to deny it.

Now it could be that Secretkeeper was just feeling the vibe of the moons that night, but you can't tell me that now I bring it up it doesn't at bare minimum make a little sense that there is something to work out here.

don't bring this up with tsunami she hates the idea of fate.

[nefja]

Another thing we've been working on for quite a bit now -

Nefja, as a herding breed, likes to police other dogs. When other dogs are getting into a scuffle she either wants to break it up or team up with the dog she knows/likes better.

Nowadays she basically has an instant recall which is triggered by other dogs being mean/fighting because she knows she gets a treat from me every single time.

I basically started it on our walks by rewarding her every time we came across a dog that went nuts at her or just right out tried assassinating her with laser eyes.

TLDR: other dog being an ass -> get treat from human

[arkadias-pond]

[slusheeduck]

Champion

No one ever told you what happened to daedric champions after their task.

With good reason, of course, because for the most part, they just didn’t survive it. The forces of good would often triumph, typically with aedric glory. But, more often, it was because the average daedric champion was an idiot. They get one taste, one tiny taste, of power gifted by their patron, and suddenly they’re beset with visions of godhood and total dominion over all, including the powers of Oblivion. And then, on top of that, they have the audacity to be shocked when their Prince throws them out like the bad apple they are.

Taranil, however, had not been an idiot. He had not been stupid enough to believe that he was better than she who literally toyed with the strings of fate. And, while he’d thrown out a lot of his noble upbringing to survive the most hellish year of his life, he’d held on to the fact that gratitude was a must–especially when dealing with someone more powerful than you. It wasn’t lip service, of course; he was genuinely devoted, obsessively devoted to her. After all, she was the reason he was alive at all. 

“You silly boy, you didn’t even ask for a boon! You did all this yourself. Color me impressed.”

“I didn’t need one. You’ve already given me what I asked for, and I offered my service in return.”

The temple, squirreled away underground where it couldn’t be found by those who didn’t know of it, lay in ruins as he picked his way back to a familiar grotto. Abandoned for years now, the altars remained–subjects waiting for new fools to come up to them and bargain their way into Oblivion. He knelt in front of the one he sought, still humble, still obedient. Invisible hands roamed over him–grazing his scarred cheek, down his back, over his thighs, and one wrapping a strand of bright silver hair around a clawed finger.

“Still. You could have asked for something if you wanted it. Unmatched power…”

“I’ve never been good with magic.”

“Unparalleled influence…”

“I won that myself.”

“Not even an artifact!”

“It would have ruined the plot. It would have given me away before it was time.”

“Oh, Taranil. You are such a funny thing. I suppose that’s why I like you enough to name you my Champion. Well, then I suppose the best boon I can give you now is your freedom.”

“What? But…but you must have more need of me. You must have more tasks that need doing. Please, I offered my service.”

“And I may have need of it in the future. But for now? You wanted your freedom and your fortune. You can have it now. Go, live. Enjoy what you did actually ask for.”

“No! No, I…” But the hands were gone, and so was she.

There really isn’t a rush that matches being named Champion, especially when it’s given by someone like her. Before his bargain, before the bite, before Vvardenfell, Taranil had always seen himself as a stupid, pretty thing, because that’s all anyone had ever seen him as. 

But not her.

She called him clever. She called him beautiful. She made him stronger, made him ruthless, made sense of all the threads he’d seen–connections, betrayals, love and hate and convenience–and taught him how to weave them together and snap them in half. What boon had he ever needed? She’d unlocked his potential, and that was more than a gift than any title or estate could be.

And what highs, what spectacular highs, came with a purpose like this. Carrying out the will of his Prince, using what she had taught him to bind and cut and weave the threads of this silly cult together to serve his purpose. How satisfying to see their priestess, so hubristic in her position, crumble as she realized what he was, what he’d done, and how powerless she was to stop the stitches being ripped out in front of her. 

“How awful that this is how we meet again, Lor–Kinlord. My deepest condolences.”

“Very kind of you, cerum.”

“To be killed so viciously…and right before you came back from your wretched year abroad. You must be devastated.”

It had been so quick. The return home, and the immediate disowning. As if it had been his fault he’d been shipped away to Vvardenfell. One look at his parents had confirmed his worst fears: they had wished he was dead.

“Yes, well. You know as well as I that they never strayed from the path of Alaxon. I imagine in some ways, death must have been a relief. Imagine, getting to finally reach Aetherius. It’s the culmination of praxis, isn’t it?”

“Beautifully put, Kinlord.”

He’d gotten his mother first. There was a savage satisfaction as his teeth tore into her throat, finally silencing every sharp word, every disparaging hiss, every curse toward him and the gods that of all the children to be stuck with, she had him. As she fell back in her seat, blood seeped into the golden hair she’d been so proud of–he laughed, despite himself. After years of hating his red hair, she was stuck with it in her last moments.

His father had tried fighting back, but all it earned was sharp claws tearing into his chest. A black eye had been his parting gift to Taranil a year before; tradition said that the gift brought home should be twice as valuable, after all. And it certainly was–at least to him.

And just like that, the Caemorin family had a new Kinlord.

He’d expected to die. He’d wanted to die. How wonderful, how noble an end, to die in service to his beloved Prince. And, he was frightened, of course. He wasn’t immune to begging her to spare his life as his own thread came dangerously close to snapping. But he knew how these things always ended. Someone would strike down the Champion and save the day. 

But no one did. He lived. And now, he had to endure the agony of it. He’d known Mephala was one of the crueler Princes, but this? This was more than any mortal–or a rough approximation of one, anyway–should be forced to bear. 

Go, live, she had told him. It was nearly enough to make him hate her. Talking about treaties, going to soirees, managing books–this wasn’t living. Living was dancing along the razor’s edge. Living was frantically stitching a plot as dozens of hands tried to unravel it. Living was standing among the rubble of a powerful cult and knowing every toppled wall and mangled corpse had his hand to blame. 

All the money, all the prestige, all the sex and skooma and drink and blood in the world couldn’t match that high, not even remotely.

“Kinlord?”

Taranil was brought out of his reverie by a knock on his office door. He turned to see his chatelaine, a serious-faced, grey-furred Khajiit, poke her face in.

“Yes, Zirithi?”

“This one would just like to remind you that Kinlady Avinisse will be here to discuss borders. Again.” She rolled her eyes. “Zirithi would typically suggest an escape plan, but…”

“But I’ve already delayed this three times,” Taranil said with a sigh. He waved his hand. “I’ll be ready. Just give me a bit of warning once she’s here.”

Zirithi nodded, slipping back out. Taranil gave a long sigh, then turned to look out the window again.

He thought he’d been clever, managing to survive Mephala’s task to get his reward. Now, he realized, he was her most foolish champion yet. No reward was worth an existence like this.

[steel-and-fire]

//Anon, I don't even understand what you wrote, and I don't care too much to learn. If you have beef with someone, take it to them, not me.

I'm not here to care for political bs, especially American one, to put it bluntly. I'm not one, and my own country has enough problems of its own already.

[morgue-xiiv]

I qm at the middle of woods in a tiny hooped bivi and just woke up after the most bizzarre vibes dreams one you'd like was beuatifully brian froud art style animation of a faery sleeping somnophilia goblin cunnilingus sex scene. like intense good work imaginatiob.

[sincaraz]

hi! i've been a fan of tennis for a long time but only recently realized there's was a decent sized fandom here on tumblr for it. are there any blogs you'd recommend following?? i'm a nadal, alcaraz, and sinner fan with a soft spot for rune since he's very novak-like haha

okay this is basically going to be a list of all the tennis blogs I currently follow (if I miss someone I’m so so sorry my memory is terrible). some also post other sports or just other things in general

@auger-aliassisime @fedalev @hubillusion @charlitosalcaraz @jean--valswan @schumi-nadal @pain-to-my-auchocolat @andreyrubwehvs @jannlitos @igasaurus @allezassime @igasbagels @naomiosakas @wimbledon2008 @ruudnotto @yanniksin @jaagate @changeofends @thiembweh @elenarybakina @tennisdyke @candlelitutopia @caspersruud @mariasakkaris @tennis-shenanigans @rublenov @anapotapova @kodachromatics @game-set-canet @alcraz @secondserves

this is actually a long list but I think I’ve definitely missed people, if others have recommendations, definitely feel free to add to the list!

[mysisypheannightmare]

Letting Go

Word Count: 460

Warnings: Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Negative Thinking

--

It's all about should.

It's about what he is supposed to do.

He should be more productive, he was supposed to be reliable. Instead, he was letting them down when he should be helping.

He was supposed to do better, be better.

He should stop bothering them, but he was always complaining, never doing enough to encourage and instruct rather than argue and criticize.

He was supposed to be helpful. But he wasn't.

He stared down at the inky blackness below. It'd take so long to get to this spot.

He should be gone, but he kept uselessly hanging on. What was he hoping for? Some kind of reveal, something that explained that he'd secretly been helpful all along? That he was somehow more than just a burden to Thomas and the other sides?

That just wasn't reality. The only thing that could truly help them now was his absence.

This was the only way he could do better by them.

He should be gone.

He was supposed to be forgotten.

It was the right thing to do, for them. He needed to do this for them. He needed to leave.

But his grip on the railing wouldn't let go.

He was failing them, the longer he held on like this. They knew he was unreliable, they knew he was a fraud, they knew they couldn't find any use for him ever again. He had never been of any real use to them.

He was supposed to do this, to benefit them. Make it easier, so there wasn't some unnecessary variable in all their future plans. If he was gone, they could do so much more, they would be so much happier.

He just had to let go...

But his hand wouldn't listen. He stared back as it held tight to the bar, refusing as he silently plead for it to relax, just for a moment, just enough so he could finally do right by them...

He was supposed to do this. He needed to be reliable in this moment. Just let him help them, just this one time!

Please!

His hand wouldn't listen. If anything, it seemed to grip the bar tighter, as if to mock him and all his effort.

Why couldn't he just do something right, for once? He had finally gotten it all figured out, determined the best solution, made it through nearly every step of the plan ...only to be stopped by his own uselessness.

Should he even be surprised, though? His failure always came by his own hand, after all. Now it was just a bit more literal this time.

There had to be a way to still make this work, though.

Maybe if he just kept himself leaning away, he'd lose the energy to hold that grip so tightly, and he'd just slip off?

That would be nice. Not exactly as efficient as he'd like, but at least it was doable, right?

He had to do this. He should keep trying, after all. He was supposed to find the solution, and what else was there to do now but to find a workaround?

Mind made up, he waited.

He'd make sure he was successful...even if it took longer than necessary. He had to do this. He should do this. He was supposed to do this, no matter what.

[nootseirre]

Epson Printer Ink cartridge kind of aesthetic

also a persona update , heh

[sh1-n0bu]

There's a fucking catboy dottore 😟...

ew

[clockworkcheetah]

Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently - 2.6k - Rated Teen

(please mind the tags on the actual work!!)

[jonathanbyersphd]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler Characters: Jonathan Byers, Nancy Wheeler, Background & Cameo Characters Additional Tags: Future Fic, Married Couple, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Family Feels Summary:

An older Jonathan and Nancy preparing for Will and Mike's wedding.

A second Jancy oneshot based on @jancy-fanfic-central ‘s Spring prompts this time Rain showers & Weddings

[dem0nsiget]

My favorite part of ClanGen has to be the born with/permanent conditions. I played the online version for a bit, but it started not listening so I downloaded the updated version and ahhh I love it so much more

I can’t remember her exact name right now, but I have a cat named I believe Whisperfall right now who’s paralyzed, and I just love the addition of like, random things thrown in to add such a sense of realism.

I also love her, she’s so pretty. She’s a mediator atm, since I have like three medicine cats (literally had to retire one early cause I had four, two full med cats, one apprentice, and one who joined from another clan)

I’ve lost a few kits/apprentices to wasting disease, and it’s sad, but again, I love the sense of reality. It just adds so much to the game.

[notjustdragonspages]

okay, I am mildly sorry, but how are the turtles alive💀

Like, throughout the movie and everything, if they weren't super soldiers from Draxums biological engineering, they would be dead. And I might make a small comic on all their injuries, or at least description pages. I find Leo's injuries the most interesting tho, cause he definitely has spinal injuries and a fucked up jaw.

But maybe because they're super soldiers, they have super healing?? But that WOULD NOT keep them safe from everything. Like as much as I want to keep the babies safe, I have to admit they would be pretty banged up. I'm definitely drawing this now.

Time to send myself into the rise universe as my sona and help the boys >X3