#Jonathan Archer

[reginaldqueribundus]

op I need you to know that your url caused me to hear this in Archer's voice and it's sending me to another dimension

What if you figured out time travel was real because a time traveler defied the odds of time and space to repeatedly find and fuck your mom throughout her lifespan

[papanowo]

get a grip loverboy !!!

[graff-aganda]

🌴🥥🌊☀️✨

[reginaldqueribundus]

Star Trek TOS: what if the captain was a slut who got in fights all the time and did whatever the hell he wanted and it all sort of worked out anyway

TNG: what if the captain drank tea and gave speeches instead

DS9: what if the captain was a single father and religious figure trying to hold onto his morals in the face of an existential threat

Voyager: what if the captain was trying to get her unruly scout troop back home and also she had a GUN

Enterprise: what if the captain was a massive dweeb

Kelvin timeline: what if the first guy was actually a horny frat boy

Disco: what if the captain was a cryptofascist? no wait, what if he was just sooooooo handsome, like so mind-meltingly handsome that is just feels unfair? wait, what if he was a deer? no actually what if she did whatever the hell she wanted, but also felt emotions about it?

Picard: what if the captain was a secondary character driven into solitude by his PTSD, and then we suddenly replaced him with some dipshit from Chicago

Lower Decks: what if the captain was your well-meaning perfectionist mother

Prodigy: what if the captain was a purple teenager

SNW: what if the captain was your dad

[evviejo]

STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE - S1E5 Unexpected

[spockvarietyhour]

[startrekuniverse]

[doc-notarealone-salas]

I'm in season 4 of Enterprise and this is basically their relationship by now

[andruillus]

hello again shran/archer nation

[subrosa03]

Enterprise my beloved❤️‍🩹

[aspiringnexu]

Humans are Vulcan catnip, I swear to Q.

Spock and Kirk: No need to explain. In any universe they are drawn together and Spock abandons any sense of rationality if his Captain is hurt or just looks at him sweetly.

Sarek and Amanda: Admitted he married Amanda for love, not logic. Then made Spock.

Solkar and Zefram: Ten seconds off the spaceship and Solkar decides to do the diplomatic thing and make out with this human.

Surak and Archer: Archer was given Surak's katra without his knowledge and when T'Pau attempted to extract him Surak clung to the mental doorframe because he was safer here and he liked it better here, despite the logic of being housed in a nice logical Vulcan mind instead.

Solok and Sisko: Solok abandoned all pretense of logic when he won a wrestling match with a young Sisko and became so obsessed with him that he taught an entire Vulcan Starfleet crew how to play baseball just so he could beat Sisko again.

T'Pol and Trip: T'Pol became so attached to the Enterprise crew that she gave up her military career with Vulcan to continue to serve as First Officer, and to keep close with her boyfriend.

Tuvok and Janeway: Tuvok is fiercely loyal to Janeway, to the point that he will go along with her illogical plans just because he has such great faith in her.

Soval and Forrest: Soval respected Forrest but when Forrest died saving Soval it uprooted what loyalty he had left to the Vulcan High Command (who he then realised was corrupt) and he went rogue trying to save Vulcan from itself. (Really watch for the nose flare when he talks to Archer next to Forrest's casket, that Vulcan is pissed.)

[odo-apologist]

Every ENT character is the most character ever. Archer is a bitch he plays a fundamental role in the creation of the Federation he brings his dog on away missions which once causes a diplomatic incident he likes water polo he commits war crimes he saw a gazelle giving birth and implements it into his rousing speeches he had a wet dream about his first officer that included his dog's funeral he had to carry the soul of the creator of the main tenets of Vulcan philosophy in his head he gives a lecture on Tycho Brahe while getting his ass beaten during an interrogation scene. T'Pol is strict in her Vulcan beliefs she doesn't believe in time travel even as she's presented with irrefutable evidence and remains somewhat skeptical after experiencing it firsthand she is the funniest person on Enterprise she is more emotional than average Vulcans to the point that she had to have memories erased for causing her too much distress she could canonically pick up any of her crewmates and carry them bridal style she has Vulcan HIV she has it cured by the woman that later watches Spock and Kirk roll around in the sand in Amok Time she is technically canonically trans she is a recovering drug addict. Trip is a perfect gentleman he undergoes incredible emotional losses his favorite movies are Frankenstein Bride of Frankenstein and Son of Frankenstein he gets pregnant five episodes in he dies in the worst episode of the entire series (and the entire franchise) only to have that death retconned in the following tie-in novels he ran around the ship in his underwear he leaves the ship for a couple weeks only to come back after one person had been kidnapped another thrown in jail and the engines are on the verge of destruction and reacts like :/. Malcolm is gay he has 50 ex-girlfriends he has only had one friend in his life his own sister barely knows anything about him he dies alone he likes pineapple even though he's allergic to it he gets spacesick he worked as an agent for a top secret organization he's afraid of drowning he whined about getting a cold he had a spike driven through his leg and didn't complain at all he has a psychosexual obsession with a man he thinks is after his job and grows to respect once they had a homoerotic fight scene before witnessing him die. Hoshi is a linguistic prodigy she's the greatest contributor to the universal translator she has a panic attack on one of her first missions she ran a gambling ring she has a black belt in aikido and broke her superior's arm she has never been to the principal's office in her life she is afraid to use the transporter she became an empress in an alternate universe she is the only one who gets laid on Risa making her the first human to do so she reacted to the threat of getting worms injected into her brain to make her reveal secret information by spitting in her interrogator's face. Travis is the sweetest man ever he loves rock climbing he gets injured whenever he tries to use those skills he's a fan of ghost stories he grew up on a small freighter he gets neglected by the narrative his counterpart helps Hoshi become empress he works out when he's horny he dies in a alternate future where Earth is destroyed he's a movie buff who would probably love the Criterion Collection he likes to chill in a part of the ship with zero gravity which he calls "the sweet spot." Phlox grins like the Cheshire Cat he breaks doctor patient confidentiality to help figure out Malcolm's favorite food he goes crazy when the rest of the crew have to sleep through part of space because of how social his species is he has three wives who in turn have three husbands he responds to the news of one of his wives propositioning a crew member by being like "cool! have fun :]" he once nearly vivisects Travis because he's being affected by radiation and gets obsessed with knowing why the guy has a simple headache he has a menagerie in the middle of his sickbay. And they're all my best friends.

[papanowo]

devil on his shoulder

[marxistgnome]

The funniestvthing about enterprise so far is that the ship will encounter something and go ooo yay lets investigate it and tpol will be like vulcan protocols for tgese situations advise that we do this for safety reasons :| and archers always like we dont need to do that 😏 we're humans ✊✊✊ and were out here to explore 🤛🤛💪💪 so thats whst were gonna do 🦅🦅🦅🦅. And as someone who has watched star trek shows that are later on in the timeline i can recognise the thing t'pol brought up as like a key starfleet principle or a very strict away mission rule in tos/tng era trek so i immediately know that the mission is not only going to go tits up but its going to go tits up to such an extent that it will have a lasting effect on starfleets approach to space travel. The thing Vulcans misunderstand about humanity is that they can't accept anything based on logic at least 2 people hsve to get poisoned/stranded/pregnant/shot at for a safety procedure to be implemented. Enterprise is earths incredibly necessary fuck around and find out ship.

[creativecorvid]

the scott bakula brainrot is real

[evviejo]

STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE - S1E19 Acquisition