#captain archer

[subrosa03]

More Enterprise x text posts/tweets because although I’m watching Voyager atm I’m ALWAYS think about these mfs!!

[magpieandpossum]

been thinking a lot about Porthos :)

[misterparadigm]

The SIXTH in a series of full Star Trek cast pieces is complete! Star Trek: Enterprise, featuring Captain Jonathan Archer, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III, Commander T'Pol, Dr. Phlox, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, Ensign Hoshi Sato, one of the Sphere Builders, Crewman Daniels, Commander Shran, Admiral Forrest, Xindi-Primate Scientist Degra, and Xindi-Reptilian Commander Dolim.

[soiscla]

I recently started enterprise and omg Shran literally is so down bad for archer that he can’t sleep??!! Yeah blame it on owing him a debt, nah you’re gay.

[mrmistopher]

I think we need more Chief Medical Officers in Star Trek like Phlox. Forget curing people with lasers or tiny technobabble pills, I want more alien bat eggs or mutant leeches that cure people's cancer.

[princesscolumbia]

Star Trek Captains, A Review and Categorization

Star Trek is a show about a Neo-military organization that has rank structures, ships, and fights wars, so naturally there's plenty of captains to talk about, but for this post I'll be highlighting specifically the main cast captains, in something resembling chronological order. (But, I mean, this is Star Trek, so even that's kinda up in the air)

Captain Archer

That Guy who had to hand crank the warp engine up-hill both ways in the blinding ion storm. We don't need no stinkin' Prime Directive! Remember The Alamo Pearl Harbor 9/11 Florida! But...uh, maybe don't be dicks about it, not everyone who looks like the ones responsible for that thing we're never going to forget actually wants us dead. Got transformed into an alien, got possessed by another alien, slept with a couple more. Never got pregnant, though (that was his chief engineer)

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Wars started: 0

Wars ended: 3

Times on screen naked: 1

Nazi facilities destroyed: 1

Category: Grampa

Captain Pike

Midlife crisis? What midlife crisis? Everything's fiiiiine. Now eat something, it'll make you feel better. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. Number One, don't tell me I can't adopt more kids, I don't care that they're from the future they're mine now. Besides, we've already got a whole ship-full, what's two more?

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 2

Violations of the Temporal Prime Directive: -3 (yes, it's an irrational number, we're talking time travel, people!)

Musical Numbers Participated While On Duty: 3

Hair: Really Great

Category: Dad (or DILF if you swing that way)

Captain Georgiou

You will be captain when you can snatch the stone from my hand.

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Protege's who required a redemption arc: 1

Awesomeness: Transcendent

Category: Gone too soon, also, MILF who can kick your ass

(Edit: Courtesy of @cheer-me-up-scotty for pointing out an oversite on my part)

Captain Burnham

Cosplays as a Vulcan 'cause she's jealous of her adoptive brother. Accurately called an audience-stand-in-self-insert-mary-sue (shut up, Star Trek fandom invented the Mary Sue, it was a term coined by women fans, so shut up!), but by season 2 she actually gets interesting.

Scorecard

Mommy Issues: Has a subscription

Moms: 4

PTSD inducing life events: Like, all of them

Ships commanded: 3

Mutinies led failed: 1

Category: That One Cousin who married surprisingly well and made something of herself in spite of all expectations

Captain Kirk

Golden retriever energy, would be the Useless Bisexual Himbo if he didn't have so much game. Probably smarter than he lets on. Polyamory King and certified Alien Fucker. Boyfriend is a half-space-elf, main sometimes-girlfriend will go on to create the deadliest super-weapon ever built by humans by accident.

Scorecard

Number of Klingon Bounties on his head: [CLASSIFIED]

Number of women he's slept with: [CLASSIFIED]

Nazi regimes toppled: 1

Number of times he should have had a test that determines if you can stick your dick in it that got named after an upstart from that other science fiction show instead: 1

Ships Commanded: 3

Ships He's Stolen: 3

Category: Slut(affectionate)

Captain Kirk (the other one)

Golden Retriever that got left behind when his family moved away and had to lead a ragtag team of a crotchety older dog and a wet cat on a journey...

No, wait, hold on...

Right! That's the one!

Scorecard

Times he should have been kicked out of Starfleet: At least 4

Ships commanded: 3

Ground transport destroyed: 2 (that we know of)

Number of middle fingers given to Admiralty: 2

Category: Bad Boy

Captain Picard

You know that guy who you see going to the library all the time and always seems to have his nose in a book and always seems to be telling people off for breaking the rules and doing dangerous shit? You'd never know it but he used to be That Guy in college who got, like, ALL the girls and is going to be the Hot Grampa that you don't know how he has that much game, but he got it.

Scorecard

Ships lost in the line of duty: 2

Number of times he married and then estranged his best friend's wife who named their son after her dead first husband: 1

Number of toxic omnipotent and omniscient boyfriends who are obsessed with him and spends their spare time playing with ponies: 1

Category: Inexplicable Sexyman

Captain Badass Sisko

The Cool Dad with baggage. He's got game, but he's got priorities as well, and DON'T mess with his son or you won't even exist anymore to regret it. BLM before it was cool. Led a civil rights riot two centuries before he was born. Space Jesus who can make the best jambalaya you've ever had. Fought and won a war, punched a god, then became one.

Scorecard

Civilizations saved: 4

Native Cultures Treated With the Respect They Deserve: Many

Times He Bent the Rules so his CMO could get some nookie from a Cardasian spy plain, simple tailor: The counter broke

Successful black-ops assassinations completed: 1

Category: BAMF

Captain Janeway

THE single most decorated captain in Starfleet history. Successfully dropped the hammer on dozens of petty tyrants, oppressive regimes, roaming mass murderers, and the Borg. What Prime Directive? Your Mom. Also, probably slept with your mom, that's how much she is the Domme-est of Dommes. She told the Borg to use the safe word...and they DID!

Scorecard

Borg Daughters: 1

Times she told the Borg to step off: 3 (or 4...or 5? Honestly, with the time travel shenanigans it's hard to know for sure)

Nazis she's personally shot: 1

Category: Mistress, but it's "Ma'am" to you

Captain Freeman

She's angry AND disappointed! She's just as good as all the other captains in the fleet, and the good ones know it, but all the rest? They see "cali class" and assume all they're good for is the jobs nobody else wants. But jokes on them, because thanks to that attitude her crew are the flippin' Jacks and Jills of all trades and are more capable of fixing AND fucking AND "fucking" shit up than damn near anyone else!

Scorecard

Times the ship has nearly been destroyed but she and her crew got through it: ...uh...how many episodes are there? And then there's the times that get casual mentions that we never get the details on!

Daughters who should probably be captains now if they were at least a LITTLE more respectful and didn't actively try to piss off Admirals: 1

Times the Cerritos has had to be rebuilt to the point it might as well be called "The Ship of Cerritos Problem": At least 4

Category: Your mom...get back here, I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!

Captain R'El

Cinnamon Roll, just let m'boy into Starfleet! He just wants a home and a family! I'd like to see full-grown captains who can keep up with half of what this Best Boy is capable of!

Scorecard

Number of species his genetic code is made up of: All of 'em. Even the GODDAMN Q!

Number of Janeways he impressed the socks off of: 2

Quality of his Janeway impression: Bad

Number of Ferengi he out-Ferengi'd: 1

Nazis punched: Give him time...

Category: Teenage Boy Who's NOT GOING THROUGH A PHASE, MOM!

Should I do Captains Shaw and Seven? How about Alternate Timeline Tripp or Future Chakotay? (Going too far down that rabbit hole will eventually lead to Imperial Kirk and Captain Spock from the movies.) Let me know in the comments.

Next Post in this series

[astralbondpro]

[maktubisasheep]

What you think when you hear "starship captain" : serious, dignified, immune to tomfoolery.

Archer: BUT WHE HAVE TO SAVE THE INSECTOID BAAAAAABIIIIIIIESSSS (hisses and retreats covered in goo)

What you think when you hear "starfleet engineer" : Buff Manly Man™, chick magnet vibes, "I graduated top of my bodybuilding class", will die for his captain.

Trip Tucker: literal golden retriever, "with all due respect, this is some bullshit, cap'n", intense grief but with a smile that makes the sun shine and flowers bloom, gets impregnated because is too trusting, babygirl vibe, puppy eyes at T'Pol but could murder Malcolm with his bare hands if they get stuck together for too long

What you think when you hear "starship doctor" : doctor-patient confidentiality, professional 24/7, quietly working in his quarters, little specimens in petri dishes, lots of alone time.

Dr. Phlox: up to date with all the hot goss, doctor-patient confidentiality unless it's about finding out someone's fave fruit (in that case let's make it the entire ship's business), chills nakey all over the ship when everyone else is in a coma, Denobulan Libido™, "time to feed my 🩷babies🩷" *feeds a live tribble to some other species cause why not*, literally hallucinates if left alone for too long because of how social he is, almost shot the captain's dog once

What you think when you hear "Vulcan first commander" : very serious, Logic™, dull uniform, emotionless, less than 0 mistakes.

T'Pol: humans are dumb and stinky and I like them like that, Vulcan HIV, recovering drug addict, horny 😩🥵 for Trip Tucker, snazzy hot pink and sky blue suits, If I don't MEDITATE for too long I will literally DIE and take ALL OF YOU with me, *has ALL the FEELINGS*

And we LOVE all of them for that. STE, the gift that keeps on giving.

[robbiebear540]

[spacecapart]

Continuing with my Star Trek prints, here's Janeway and Archer! I've made it through all the classic captains (and Spock, of course) now, so up next is Burnham and Pike and then expanding out into other favourites. Let me know who you'd like to see!

(You can find A6 prints of these two, plus Kirk, Spock, Picard and Sisko in my Storenvy shop! Check out the links on my blog page and in my pinned post. Money is a bit tight right now, so if you enjoy my art I'd really appreciate if you considered checking it out.)

[stargatesimp]

Can I just talk about how much I love Star Trek friendships?

Shipping is fun and all, ship whoever you like! (Starship? I don’t know if that’s a term used in this fandom but if not it should be)

But I don’t think platonic friendships and platonic love are talked about enough. God I love adorable friendships in shows. Give me two best friends who would die for each other. Found family is where it’s AT.

Like,

VOYAGER: So. many. Good ones.

Janeway and Tuvok. Tom and Harry. Chakotay and B’lanna. The Doctor and Kes. The list goes on!

I just love them all dearly. Voyager has such a great found family dynamic. I grew up watching this show with my family every day after school and it holds such a special place in my heart. I could spend a million hours talking about it.

Not to mention DS9.

Sisko and Dax, Miles and Julian, Kira and Dax, Jake and Nog, Odo and Quark (best frenemies. Sheriff and outlaw)

DS9 is my absolute favorite of all Star Treks. The writing and development is insane. If you told me what these characters would go through after watching season one, I don’t think I’d believe you. Another one I could talk hours about but this post is long enough just listing the dang names.

Those two are the majority of what I rewatch, but man, the others have amazing ones too.

Enterprise was just Archer being a father to literally everyone on the ship. And him and Trip being another of my favorite friendship duos.

TNG is a classic, a lot of people’s favorites. I always loved Geordi and Data. Guinan and literally everyone. I think I need to go back and rewatch it soon to fully appreciate everyone in the crew.

And as controversial as it may be, I never really got into the original series. But obviously some great friendships there too.

But man, I love Star Trek. The feeling of hope it gives you, the despair, the moral quandary, the wonder and magic. The wonderful mix of witty and fun humor balanced with severe stakes and serious narratives. A balance I feel a lot of modern sci-fi lacks. And I just love the characters that go through it all together. The journey they take.

Tell me some of your favorite Star Trek friendship moments! Let’s talk about em.

[magpieandpossum]

not an Enterprise lover (more on that later) but Scott Bakula is literally just so shape. He’s so….guy. And trip tuckers pretty neat too.

[weyounthevorta]

These two, amirite?

[myenterpriseisparked]

which captain, in your opinion, is most likely to come back from a class field trip with every attendee that signed up and which is most likely to have lost some along the way?

Okay here we go:

Archer: He lost Trip. Straight up. He's nowhere to be found (he wandered into the shark exhibit and made friends with the shark keepers and is now helping feed the sharks). The zoo has to call Archer before Archer realizes he is gone.

Pike: His kids keep wandering off but he knows them well enough to find them. He's exhausted and the bus returns to school 2 hours late because Uhura and Spock found some fun exhibits to look at, but everyone makes it home.

Kirk: All his students make it home but he does not. He got distracted talking with a museum guide about 1 interesting statue and waxed philosophical about it until the bus drivers got sick of waiting for him and left with the kids.

Picard: Try as he might to lose them, he makes it home with every student because they absolutely refuse to leave his side.

Sisko: All of his students make it home, but they are all slightly traumatized by the things they witnessed so are they really home? Can anyone every truly go home????????

Janeway: Would have lost Tom and Harry had it not been for the intervention of her co-teacher, Chakotay.

Freeman: She lost all of them except for Ransom and is 100% not going back to get them. They can figure it out.

Shaw: Got tired of everyone wandering off so he put his co-teacher, Seven of Nine, in charge.

[tigereyes45]

Edit: Also if yall ever want to talk about any of these ships feel free to message me. I am obsessed with Star Trek and it's many many amazing characters.

Heck feel free to say why that ship is your favorite out of the options on this post itself.

[angrywarrior69]

the funniest things star trek: enterprise ever did

get rid of florida

create a time paradox with velcro®