Doctor Who companions summarised in ten words or less (classic edition)
Susan Foreman: Gallifreyan teenager abandoned on post-apocolyptic earth because love.
Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright: Married schoolteachers educate grumpy alien about morality.
Vicki Pallister: New granddaughter acquired!
Steven Taylor: Future Blue Peter presenter enjoys double act with adoptive sisters.
Katarina: She's lovely- oh, wait, now she's dead.
Sara Kingdom: She's cool- oh, wait, now she's dead.
Dodo Chaplet: Northerner loses accent due to BBC classism, more at ten.
Ben Jackson and Polly Wright: Opposites attract couple near-immediately overshadowed by new companion.
Jamie McCrimmon: Himbo highlander as gay as sixties television will allow.
Victoria Waterfield: Nineteenth century teenager has worst week of her life.
Zoe Heriot: Master martial artist knows one (1) throw.
Liz Shaw: Scientist is too competent for this nonsense.
Jo Grant: Cinnimon roll has no self-preservation instinct.
Sarah-Jane Smith: Feminist journalist surrounded by idiotic military men.
Harry Sullivan: Otherwise-sensible medical professional becomes world's biggest imbecile.
Leela of the Sevateem: Knife lady kicks ass, takes names.
K9: Robotic dog malfunctions for ninety minutes.
Romana: Sheltered Gallifreyan has surprisingly good fashion.
Adric: Math kid go boom!
Tegan Jovanka and Nyssa Of Traken: Hypercompetent space girlfriends have unintentional homoerotic subtext.
Vislor Turlough: Universes most incompetent assassin accidentally becomes friends with intended target.
Kamelion: BBC producer gets tricked into buying cursed prop.
Peri Brown: Dubiously-accented botanist struggles with sexism and BBC wardrobe department.
Mel Bush: Health nut weaponises volume of scream.
Ace McShane: Awesome butch bisexual pyromaniac hits things with baseball bat.
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