#Its 5 am but so I feel a little silly

[pearpancake]

Some Animalistic AU Agent + silly sketches

[xuxudio]

successfully choosing the most doomed ship in any media since 1999

[em-b-sides]

I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually

[txttletale]

What I don't get is that other your support of AI image generation, you're SO smart and well read and concerned with ethics. I genuinely looked up to you! So, what, ethics for everyone except for artists, or what? Is animation (my industry, so maybe I care more than the average person) too juvenile and simplistic a medium for you to care about its extinction at the hands of CEOs endorsing AI? This might sound juvenile too, but I'm kinda devastated, because I genuinely thought you were cool. You're either with artists or against us imho, on an issue as large as this, when already the layoffs in the industry are insurmountable for many, despite ongoing attempts to unionize. That user called someone a fascist for pointing this out, too. I guess both of you feel that way about those of us involved in class action lawsuits against AI image generation software.

i can't speak for anyone else or the things they've said or think of anyone. that said:

1. you should not look up to people on the computer. i'm just a girl running a silly little blog.

2. i am an artist across multiple mediums. the 'no true scotsman' bit where 'artists' are people who agree with you and you can discount anyone disagrees with you as 'not an artist' and therefore fundamentally unsympathetic to artists will make it very difficult to actually engage in substantive discussion.

3. i've stated my positions on this many times but i'll do it one more: i support unionization and industrial action. i support working class artists extracting safeguards from their employers against their immiseration by the introduction of AI technology into the work flow (i just made a post about this funnily enough). i think it is Bad for studio execs or publishers or whoever to replace artists with LLMs. However,

4. this is not a unique feature of AI or a unique evil built into the technology. this is just the nature of any technological advance under capitalism, that it will be used to increase productivity, which will push people out of work and use the increased competition for jobs to leverage that precarity into lower wages and worse conditions. the solution to this is not to oppose all advances in technology forever--the solution is to change the economic system under which technologies are leveraged for profit instead of general wellbeing.

5. this all said anyone involved in a class action lawsuit over AI is an enemy of art and everything i value in the world, because these lawsuits are all founded in ridiculous copyright claims that, if legitimated in court, would be cataclysmic for all transformative art--a victory for any of these spurious boondoggles would set a precedent that the bar for '''infringement''' is met by a process that is orders of magnitude less derivative than collage, sampling, found art, cut-ups, and even simple homage and reference. whatever windmills they think they are going to defeat, these people are crusading for the biggest expansion of copyright regime since mickey mouse and anyone who cares at all about art and creativity flourishing should hope they fail.

[valandherweekofwonders]

unmasking is SOMETHING huh?

[ravensmadreads]

Blockmenowimmabeannoyinginthetags

Eyeroll what else is new

[nmakii]

omg bachira, isagi, tetchou and dazai with an autistic s/o PLEASE

if you will , make them headcanons ^^ hope you have a wonderhoy day !!

hello, my alien. we’re each other’s mystery

— bachira + isagi + tetchou + dazai x autistic!s/o

so basically all of them x me i see.. i feel like i fucked up on isagi i cant pinpoint his personality ugh. debut into bllk omg im shy hi reentry into bsd too haha if u guys were active in 2022 i think i am familiar. WAIT NOTE AB THE TITLE… LISTEN TO FRIENDS BY BTS IM NOT ABLEIST ITS SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE :(

— bachira meguru

lets be honest he is also a bit autistic…

very hard to be around when you’re overstimmed ngl… he tries to tone it down when he knows you cant handle too much at the moment. but it’s hard for him to just dial the craziness to 50 😞

oh, very good though at getting you out of social situations. he can slip the two of you out of a party like it’s nobody’s business, cause it is nobody’s business :x

hes also a bit of a wild card too if you’re obsessive about having a routine. he’s a free spirit, so having to do things the same way is a bit of a chore.

when you go non-verbal, he brings out a notebook that you two write your conversations on. he doesn’t actually have to write it down. he can communicate just fine, but he likes to write them down as a memento of your relationship.

he alsoooo likes listening to you yap about your special interest! very attentive, you’d think that you’re a professor and he’s your student at how the flow of your conversation is going

“huh— where did bachira and s/o go..?” isagi asked. he turned around, looking for the two of you after the sudden realization that he was abandoned in the middle of the buffet line…

bachira pulled you out, and in an abandoned hall. he noticed you suddenly started plugging your ears.

‘you ok sunshine? :( is the music too loud?’

‘a little bit… i just wanna get away for like 5 min..’

‘hehe, dont worry. ill stay with you （╹◡╹） <3’

‘ty meg :) <3’

bachira smiled as he saw your hand-drawn emoticon. the two of you doodled all over the notebook while he hummed until you were ready to return.

isagi groaned as he saw the two of you reenter. “you guys..! you should’ve told me if you were gonna sneak away!” bachira stuck out his tongue, making a silly expression. “oops! it just slipped my mind!” he snickered.

— isagi yoichi

with the geniuses he has to keep up with, you’re a total walk in the park for him ;p

mega caretaker, he’s super good at protecting you in uncomfortable environments. i feel like he has a weighted blanket somewhere in his room to cover you with, cause he knows it makes you feel safe.

he lowk overprotective sometimes though. he knows his friends like bachira and raichi are a bit more on the raucous side, so he doesn’t hang out with them when he’s with you until like… 2 years into your relationship (they lowk didnt even know he had a partner). in those two years, he only introduced you to his peaceful friends like nagi, hiori, iemon, and kuon

he doesn’t fight you too much about if you have a routine. he has a luck routine and his spacial awareness makes him really meticulous about how things happen, so he’s gets your struggle :x

he tried learning sign language. he really tried… but there was so much signs; for an entire month, his search history was ‘how do i say [thing] in sign language’

he ended up only learning the alphabet, numbers, and basic words like please and hungry. now when you go non-verbal, he simply just opens his notes app for you to type ;p

he, like bachira, loves your yap. its like his personal podcast fr. he likes to let you sit on the kitchen counter and yap, while he washes dishes. he also likes putting on wireless headsets and listen to your voice messages while he practices, or works out at the gym.

“are you absolutely sure you wanna meet them?” isagi asks. “babe, theyre my friends, but theyre also kind of annoying.” he warns you. of course he meant it lovingly… you nod. “yup! they’re your friends, yoi. i wanna meet them..!”

he sighs and nods. “fine… don’t say i didn’t warn you…” he opens the door. you recognize kunigami, he’s talking with chigiri. “isagi! there you areee~!” a boy with a bob-cut hums. “ah, bachira… this is s/o.” isagi points to you. “ooh~! nice to meet you! im bachira meguru. so you’re the one isagi’s been hiding?”

“don’t overwhelm them too much…” isagi sighs, he pulls you away carefully, bringing you in kunigami’s direction. if you settled in with people you were already acquainted with, then you should probably adjust better. that was isagi’s conclusion. “if any of them pester you, just tell me, okay?”

you nod, a bit saddened at your’s and bachira’s conversation’s sudden end. “im not a kid, yoi. you don’t have to worry over me or anything.” isagi frowns. “hnn… i just don’t want my friends overstimulating you. they might be too much for you, babe.” he explains. at that moment, igaguri suddenly yelled out at gagamaru for taking one of his gyozas, making you instinctively cover your ears.

“seeee?” he points out. “okay… point taken… but, i can still deal with it. if im uncomfortable, ill just tell you, okay?” you offer, trying to compromise. isagi looks around, weighing the possibilities before nodding. “finee…”

that day actually went quite well, you were able to keep up with all of them without getting overstimulated. that night, isagi had his face in his pillow, his face being that of death and grief. ‘they dont need me anymore… theyre gonna end up hanging out with my friends more than me…’ he mumbles.

— tetchou suehiro

another lowk might be autistic (but in a diff way)

he isnt too sure about what to do when you’re overstimmed. so, he usually just takes you to a quiet place and sits down with you until you’re calmer.

hes hella conflicted on whether or not he should introduce you to the hunting dogs. his line of work is pretty dangerous after all, and his co-workers aren’t exactly… pacifists 💀

he ends up deciding not to though. worst comes to worst, he just introduces you 5 years in to your relationship— thats what he thinks.

he doesnt mind your routine. he, himself, is pretty eccentric, so you two are just okay with each other’s quirks :x

tetchou doesnt care when you go non-verbal. lol. okay joke, its more like, he’s also very quiet, he doesn’t even actually notice that you two havent talked to each other for 14 hours.

but when the two of you are talking, he is still as quiet as ever. it’s usually you yapping and tetchou asking questions once in a while. never though, does he ever interrupt you when you talk; always waits for you to finish what you’re saying so you dont lose your train of thought 🫡

tetchou spreads some spicy ranch on his pancakes. it was a pretty good combo. he sat at the dining table, as he heard your alarm clock ring.

first thing you do when you wake up, stretch then use the bathroom. tetchou has your routine memorized by now. second, have cereal for breakfast. third, get dressed. fourth, check if your bag has everything you need. he continues his own routine, and you complete yours, until it’s time to head to work.

you’re double, triple, quadruple checking your bag, making sure you didn’t leave anything. tetchou finished lacing up the strings of his boots before he rises back. “ready for work?” he asks, taking his own little peek into your bag.

“uhuh” you nod. tetchou hums, noticing the charger you left on the counter, and slipping it into your bag. “now you are…”. you gasp, “so that’s what i forgot… thank you, chou..” you say. his deep voice vibrates in his throat as he leans in and kisses you, “stay safe. call me if you need anything.” you wrap your arms around his neck.

last part of your routine, hug and kiss tetchou before leaving for work.

— osamu dazai

he lowk adhd u feel?

when youre overstimmed, he lets you lay on his shoulder while he pats your back and brushes your hair. times like this are his personal favorites, it’s when the world is quiet and no one but you and him exists.

defdefdef introduces you to the ADA members. he finds you similar to kyoka, and always encourages you to hang out with her.

adding on that, he sort of sees akutagawa in you… is akutagawa also autistic? hmm… either way, hes a criminal! he cant let his partner interact with a criminal! — the criminal says after diner dashing again.

the routine thing doesnt really work for dazai either… it’s either you break up with him or let him wake up at 4:00 to eat noodles and rearrange the layout of his dorm, bestie… (just leaves his pot in the sink btw, he a bum like that)

actually knows sign language! dont ask me why he knows, bc i dunno either. he just does :x

he also loves to listen to your yap. actual yapper x yapper. you two’s conversations are lowk exhausting though. you both interrupt each other and talk until you’re both breathless. HAHAHAAH

sluuuuuuurp!

you’re waken up by the loud, really gross, squelching sounds of dazai’s saucy noodles as he slurps them up. the sound is uncomfortable— really uncomfortable.

“s—samu… dont… too loud…” you groan, trying to cover your ears. dazai perks up, “ah, did i wake you..? awh, im sorry, dear..!” he apologizes. even though dazai truly meant it, for some reason it just sounded like sarcasm. “uhuh… j…just dont do it again… trying to sleep…” you hum. “got it… go back to sleep, sweets”

for the rest of the night, you sleep well. dazai makes sure to remain veeeery quiet, taking bites of his noodles rather than slurping, carrying his feet, and using all of his hidden muscles to carry his bookshelf. maybe if he keeps doing this, he wont look so lanky anymore.

at around 6:30, you finally wake up again, your surroundings completely different, and you start to panic. “wh—h..huh..?” you look around. dazai’s in the closet, rolling all of his empty beer bottles into it. “hi, baby! just decided to tidy up a bit. you like?” he asks

tidy up? “tidy up, my ass..! all of your stuff is in different places..! i have to relearn my way around your dorm all over again..!” you complain. “hehe… it was for a good cause! you have your own space now in here!” he grins, opening the second to the bottom drawer in his dresser. it was tidied up, and empty.

“for me?” you ask. “mmhm.” he confirms with a hum. even though dazai was quite lazy, stubborn, and annoying, he really put effort into making you happy. just you.

[absolutebl]

Top 10 Most Underrated BLs of the last 3 years

(mid year 2021 - end 2023)

This list will not include BLs that ended their run in 2024. I need some distance to know if something is actually underrated (We Are maybe?) or justifiably ignored.

1 I Cannot Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan 2023 Netflix?)

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, increasingly unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen. Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life, which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way. This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen. Full review.

2 My Ride (Thai 2022 Gaga)

Thai BL grew up with this pulp (the first ever pulp to make my end of year top 10). It’s a truly lovely and special little show featuring the extremely rare pairing of sunshine/sunshine (AKA a cinnamon roll couple) plus mature explorations of relationships using one of the softest, sweetest, and most innocent friends to lovers vehicles. Kindly, overworked doctor meets broken-hearted motorcycle taxi rider in an “other side of the tracks” slow burn romance. The support cast is excellent, making for great friendship groups and family dynamics. With honest queer rep that adds to, but doesn’t impede, the story, and genuine conversation about the nature of class, wealth, and classism, not to mention communication, honesty, and respect for boundaries, you can’t go wrong with this show. In other news, I am a sucker for a single dimple. Full review.

3 Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku (Japan 2023 Gaga)

A lonely salaryman (+ talented cook) gets accidentally adopted by a college kid (and his little brother). I was always gonna love this show if they stuck to the original yaoi (which is very dear to my heart). And they did! Paralleling it almost exactly. It’s a quiet & cozy little parable of found family alleviating loneliness. Possibly too slow for some but definitely high up there for me as the best of what Japan can do with softness (like Restart After Come Back Home). It’s only flaw (if I dare say such a thing) is that it is not really “romantic.” Lovely & sweet but the romance beats are being used to build a family relationship, not just couple intimacy, but that's OK with me. This is a very safe show for anyone to watch.

4 About Youth (Taiwan 2022 Gaga)

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by real world authenticity and grit. Full review.

5 Step By Step (Thai 2023 Gaga)

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one. This office romance between a stern boss and sweet subordinate felt more authentic to cubical work than previous Thai BLs of this ilk. That authenticity added tension to the narrative and its characters development (how novel). I also really enjoyed the charming side characters and the brothers' relationship to each other (although I could have done without that brother's side BL). Full review.

6 DNA Says Love You (Taiwan 2022 Gaga)

DNA deserves extra marks for an upbeat approach to a queer story arc that other shows have systemically mishandled with sadness (in the guise of realism). There is a twist, which I found predictable, but knowing what would happen didn't spoil this show. The leads are luminous and engaging, and it’s full of queer found family representation and an unexpected amount of domesticity, plus it’s Taiwan, so the kisses are great. The first few eps are rough going but have patience, it's worth it I promise! The second half is really special and life/love affirming - and the end is big-grin charming. Full review.

7 Unintentional Love Story (Korea 2023 iQIYI)

Of all the BLs on this list, this is probubly the MOST underrated. OMG the plot! Uke forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the PAIN in those gorgeous eyes. Gah. Okay, so: A boy loses his job due to trumped-up corruption charges accidentally discovers his ex-boss's favorite artist, now a recluse. Evil manager offers him his job back, if he can convince the artist to rejoin society. Instead, they fall in love. I found the artist a bit stiff and reserved but Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT - he carried this show (which I do not expect from the idol element). He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, just drown in the emoting abyss. The external conflict, social tension and pressure is complex and beautifully executed, plus Korea gave us legit side dishes (NOT a love triangle, hally-fucking-luya). Full review.

8 Dear Doctor I'm Coming for Your Soul (Thai 2022 iQIYI)

This is a romance between a doctor trying to save his patients and a reaper who is both his enemy and (eventual) lover (basically the genius premise of a gay Doom at Your Service). High concept looks good on you, Thailand. It’s lovely to see KarnNat back on screen together and they are still great, and Karn is just as painfully beautiful as ever. I enjoyed this one more than its ending deserved, and the best I can say is that it’s not strictly HEA but if you’re okay with Life: Love on the Line, you’ll be okay with this BL. It’s set up well, there’s no surprise unpleasantness like HIStory 3: The BL that shall not be named. Full review.

9 Destiny Seeker (Thai 2023 WeTV)

A darn near perfect pulp featuring 3 likable grumpy/sunshine pairings with uncomplicated iterations of enemies to lovers. At least one half of each does a decent amount of pining and there’s good chemistry, classic tropes, and excellent communication rep. It’s fun and full of linguistic jokes. Sublimely cheesy but a good rainy day offering with tons of rewatch potential. (Also WAR PEANUTS!) Full review.

10 Make a Wish (Thai 2023 grey)

A doctor who can see the dead strikes a bargain with a wish-granting irreverent tree angel - naturally they fall in love (from Sammon: Manner of Death & Triage). Stars Fluke Natouch opposite not Ohm, but who cares because Fluke has chemistry with everybody. Once again the Thai afterlife is incredibly bureaucratic but I enjoyed the premise and the unfolding of the story (it’s not predictable but still satisfying and with nice little twist). I like that the doctor is just gay AF - fag hag bestie and made of swagger. The cast is excellent but the comedic stylings are a bit overblown and tonally off. It has sad parts and did make me cry but is ultimately happy with a great sex scene, good smiley kisses, and all the agency.

10 others I rarely see anyone talk about:

Triage - Many would put this at the top of the list, but I don't find it very rewatchable and that weighs a lot in my assessments. Still it is GOOD and very underrated. BL does Groundhog Day featuring a doctor stuck in a time loop who must save a poor little rich boy from death by seducing the stuffing out of him, then PLOT TWIST, poor little rich boy must do the same for doctor! Unfortunately… stuffing keeps leaking. I thought the plot was engaging if a little redundant and occasionally exhausting. The pairs were all well done, low heat but with decent chemistry and the support characters were likable (or unlikeable, as required). My reason it's not in the top 10? If anything, the romance arc detracted and distracted from the main plot, but that doesn't stop this from being a genuinely good show it's just time loop is not a trope I personally enjoy. Review here.

See You After Quarantine? - This under appreciated gem is Taiwan’s answer to Gameboys and is just as charmg and adorable yet still as quintessentially Taiwanese as one might hope. It features a Japanese love interest and the cutest most confused disaster gay. Slow burn because the two have almost no actual screen time together and yet manage some truly amazing chemistry. Honestly how does Taiwan do it?

The Tasty Florida - I don't know, maybe it's Speed nostalgia, but I love this one, classic Korean BL with all those strengths and flaws... but The Prettiest.

You Make Me Dance - it's Korea but somehow they got this one, maybe by featuring mature characters and a real world crisis? Also they both ve hot.

Blueming - at the time it got a lot of attention but it seems to have faded into obscurity under the shod of The 8th Sense and Love of Love's Sack. This was a precurser to both and well worth a watch if you like it when Korea gets a little gritty.

Love Stage!! (Thai version) - I liked this IP alerady more than most. But this is the best of the 4 adaptations, and the first full Thai version of Japanese IP. It's both charming and notable in the industry. Hard to find and that's why it gets so little creddit but I think it's well worth the effort to track down.

Oh! Boarding House - I think most who watched this din't jive with it because it's an ensamble piece witha wicked love traingle. But I really enjoyed it. It felt like the move Kdrama BL that Korea has given us and I like me some Kdramas.

What Zabb Man! - one of the better BLs to come out of Star Hunter in the last few years. I like this pair a lot more than most, and the sides are wicked great. This is probably one of my favorite food themed BLs, actually.

2 Moons The Ambassador - possibly the lowest scoring BL to appear on this list but I just really like the leads. Nothing else is good, but they are kinda awkwardly fantastic. I also like how gay af the seme is.

Stay By My Side - This show was an interesting take on the "ghost boyfriend" trope. About a boy who is tormented by hearing the dead, except when he is around one other boy - desperation+proximity = love. Despite a strong initial premise it ended up mostly being enjoyable for sappy domesticity but nothing more. Still, I always give extra credit for the diabetes-inducing sugar content and rewatch capacity.

Requested by the lovely @l1xyz

FYI: I judge “underrated” on the strength of what I see people talk about (or more precisely not talk about) on social media, MDL reviews, and YouTube watch numbers (when available, as compared to comparable shows from the same country). 

Because of this, statistically, there will always be quite a few BLs that are difficult to get hold of.

Here's my pulls of the Top Underrated BLs prior to 2021. Considering the amount of content generated over the last few years, the pool to draw from is likely about the same.

My Top 10 Most Underrated BLs prior to 2021

Seven Days

Restart after Come Back Home

Wish You

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding

He’s Coming to Me

Oxygen

My Day

Most Peaceful Place

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

HIStory: Obsessed

I'd throw Great Men Academy in there, but I always dither over whether it actually is a BL.

[l3irdl3rain]

Come on, we all know you've gotten attached to The Flat One. I feel trying to argue against her eventual adoption is just gonna make it feel more silly when she does join the fray.

since you all think you're so funny (lighthearted) i suppose i should explain the situation. TLDR: I am planning on keeping The Flat One. It will be a few weeks before she is ready to be separated from her mother so I'm going to foster them all at my house for the time being. In the week we've had her she's continued to put on weight and she feels like maybe her chest is already starting to round out a little.

I'm going to talk more about her medical issues under the cut. I shared an article about FCKS and other thoracic deformities. If you're interested in that here's a link. Please remember I am not a veterinarian so my own explanation may get things wrong.

We did take some radiographs and it definitely appears to just be flat chested kitten syndrome (FCKS) and not pectus excavatum (PE). This sounds like it's the better case scenario, as PE often requires a surgical fix. FCKS on the other hand often resolves itself (if it doesn't end up being fatal). She does have a spinal deformity that is common in kittens with FCKS.

The Flat One is about 5 weeks old, generally if a kitten with FCKS can make it past the 3 week mark that means it will be okay. She's also survived without any veterinary intervention or any specialized care from her previous owner.

That doesn't mean there isn't still risk of something going wrong. Because her chest is so flat it can cause respiratory problems. When she plays hard with her siblings her respiration rate is much higher than that of a normal kitten's. If it gets bad at times she may need medications.

With some time her chest should naturally start to round out on its own. Recovery can take a long time, but usually by the time they're 4-6 months their chest has rounded out to almost normal. On the other hand, her spinal deformity is there to stay.

Even with how attached I've let myself get I probably could have let her go once she was old enough to be away from her mom. However, it's unlikely she'll be "normal" when her siblings are ready to go. We could potentially try to adopt her out anyways and just explain her issues to people. Or we could continue to hang on to her until she is more normal at the 4-6 month mark. I might not be too attached yet, but I definitely would be at that point.

Also, I have the benefit of having so many people who have been so generous in helping myself and my cats. And if this comes down to needing a surgical fix I've already got the funds from Persephone's gofundme.

[storiesfromafan]

I HAVE REQUEST!!!! Fall rides with Benny! Reader hears about a really good cafe 5 towns away and she runs into the vandal bar to drag Benny out and forces him to take her to the cafe cuz she wants to try the customizable milkshakes “WE DONT HAVE IT IN OUR DINER, ITS A MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE”

I believe I kept to the ask, only changing a few things and adding more fluff haha. I hope you like this!! 😊😊 It took me a little while, but finally got my head around it lo.

If anyone wishes to request, feel free too~

Fall was your favourite season. From the comfy, warm clothes to the all the food and drinks to the mark the season. Give you a good hot chocolate on a cool day, while either wrapped in a cosy blanket or knitted sweater. Today was a cosy sweater day with some slacks and flats. And you had been catching up with some of your girl friends over some hot chocolate at a local diner.

While catching up, one of your girl friends was telling you about the day trip she’d taken with her boyfriend to an amazing diner five towns over during their stop off. She recalled how warm the town had been, and the diner. Which she said had such delicious food and snacks, along with amazing drinks. You were hanging on her every word, knowing you had to visit this place and its cafe.

“And they had customizable milkshakes!” She gushed. “I mean, you could have just about any combination!”

And with some more positive words from her, you were sold. You had to go, hand to get one of those milkshakes. But the obstacle was getting Benny to take you. Sure, you could say you wanted to take a ride and just miraculously stumbling across the town and cafe. But you know you couldn’t play Benny like that, he’d see right throw you. So, you know you will have to be up front with him, possibly beg him. Which happens more then you think. Yet, you think he would give you the world if you asked, he just enjoyed prolonging giving in. Your begging and the face you pulled was so cute to him.

After your catch up ended, it was late afternoon, which mean Benny would be at Grand and Division. So off you went, determined to get him to agree to a day ride so you could try a milkshake five towns over. But with every moment of your journey, you began to think maybe it was a silly request? Like, who travels five towns over for a milkshake? Unfortunately, you had made it to the door of the bar. Well, no turning back now.

Pushing the door open you slipped into the bar. Greeted by the sight of only a handful Vandals – Johnny, Brucie and Benny being the three of them – and the barman. Usually Benny would be playing pool, but you were surprised to see him sitting with Johnny and Brucie towards the back of the place. He was facing the door, and he spotted you before you even noticed him. The way he smiled at you warmed your heart, the look of love in his baby blues causing butterflies.

Two months of dating, and after the second week you knew you were a goner for Benny. For him, it was not even a week. Your relationship has been an intense one, something you had never experienced before. And at times it frightened you, but as soon as Benny holds your hand or wraps am arm around you, that fear retreated till the next time.

Crossing the room, you walked over to Benny with a bright smile. You greeted Johnny and Brucie, before turning to your boyfriend. Who had been looking up with you, his arm moving up, hand going under your sweater to rest on the skin of your lower back. You looked down at him with a matching warm smile.

“Hi...” you greeted Benny softly.

His smile widened, teeth on display as he replied “hey".

Without another word, Benny used his hand and moved it to your waist, before moving you to sit on his lap. Of course in your surprise you let out a small squeal, which both Johnny and Brucie chuckled at. Johnny was happy to see Benny with someone like you, a nice girl who could tame the young Vandal, yet didn’t change him.

“Geeze, can ya stop with the cutesy stuff" joked Johnny, sitting back in his chair with his cigarette. “Makes me sick".

Benny chuckled, turning to the older Vandals. “Whatever old man". And he wrapped his arms around you, holding you close. “Thought you’d be happy for me".

They chuckled. “Yeah kid, we sure are" was Johnny response before taking a drag of his cigarette.

They talked a little longer, while you sat there half listening to the men. All the while you were trying to decide if you would ask Benny about the day ride. With every passing moment you were thinking not too. Benny noticed how you weren’t fully present, which told him you had something on your mind. And when both Johnny and Brucie left the table, did he finally have the chance to find out what was up with you.

“Alright sweetheart, what’s goin’ on?” Benny had moved you around so he could see your face.

The way he was focusing on you, made you blush a little. His strong gaze on you, a flicker of worry flashing in those baby blues. “Well...you see, I caught up with a few of my girl friends...” you began.

Benny nodded, a sign for you to go on.

“And Fran, she was tellin’ me about this diner, five towns over. How they have these customizable milkshakes...”

He hmmm, a small smirk on his face. “And ya want me to take ya, right?”

Slowly you nodded. “Yes please".

“I dunno...” Benny said, teasing tone. “We got milkshakes here at the local diner".

“They don’t do customizable ones Benny" you practically whined. “We don’t have them in our diner, it’s a must have experience!”

Chuckling at your childishness, Benny took a hold of your chin and turning your face to him. Looking into your hopeful eyes, Benny knew he couldn’t say no to you. “Alright sweetheart, we will go tomorrow. Happy?”

You smiled brightly, moving to wrap your arms around his neck and planting a hard kiss to Benny's lips. “I’m always happy with you" you answered, before going in for another kiss.

The next day, Benny picked up in the morning. Thankfully it was a nice day for a ride. He’d zipped up your leather jacket before helping you onto his bike, instantly you wrapped your arms around Benny’s waist. You both enjoying the closeness the bike gave you. It didn’t take long to ride through town and out the other side. Benny’s body heat helped with the cool licking of the wind that rushed past your face.

The ride was a long one, factoring in pit stops along the ride. When you finally arrived at the town, you smiled taking in how fall had really came to the place. The trees leaves were yellows, browns and oranges, and many lining the ground having fallen from the branches. The houses were warm and homey, many having small families. And the diner you had come all this way for, looked like any other diner you’d been to before. But this one was special, an exciting milkshake that you hoped lived up to the hype.

Parking the bike in their parking lot, Benny cut the engine before helping you off the bike. He then followed shortly after. Once your legs and backsides were feeling less numb, Benny took a hold of your hand before leading you into the diner. The bell rang as Benny opened the door for you, you walked in before he followed you and closed the door. You both got a few unsure looks, but you never let it bothered you.

Leading you over to a booth, Benny let you get in first before sliding in next to you. Resting his arm along the back of booth seat, you pulled a menu up so you both could look over it. Of course the milkshakes were the first thing you looked at, after all its the reason you were here. Next was food, as poor Benny was starving, and you were gonna make sure your baby was fed right.

With your orders taken, you both settled in, waiting for your order to arrive. Benny looked to you, smiling at your excitement. He would never deny you if this was the reaction he got. Leaning in, Benny placed a chaste kiss to your temple. You smiled, turning to your boyfriend before leaning in and giving him a quick kiss of thanks. That of course started him leaning in for more kisses, until you turned away and he moved to kissing your neck. It tickled you, making you giggle. You tried to stop him but Benny wouldn’t have it. You were both like teenagers.

It only stopped when your food and milkshakes arrived. You grabbed your customised milkshake, mixing (flavour) and (flavour) together. And it was perfect. Like you could drink it for the rest of your life perfect. From the pleased sound from Benny, he must have liked his milkshake too. Content with a few sips, you moved on to your burger and fries, as did Benny. While eating you both talked about the trip there. When finished your food, you went back to your milkshake, savouring every last drop. Eventually you paid the bill, treating your boyfriend as he brought you both here.

Exiting the diner, it was now afternoon, and you had a journey of a ride back. Benny made it down the few stairs before you. You stood there watching him, as he pulled out his cigarettes and lighter, but upon realising you weren't behind or beside him, Benny turned back to you, a confused look upon his face.

“Ya alright sweetheart?” He asked, putting the items away, just in case.

You smiled contently at him, stepping down a step as he moved to stand before you. “Of course baby" you cooed.

Benny loved it when you called him baby or any pet name, though he won’t admit it in front of the guys. You placed your hands on his shoulders, enjoying the feel of the denim vest against the palms of your hands. Before moving to cup his cheeks, the stubble softly stabbing your skin. You leant up a little – being on a few steps higher then Benny helped with his tall frame – and placed your lips on his. It was a soft, warm kiss. Showing your doting boyfriend just how happy you were right now.

Pulling back you caressed his stubble with your thumbs. “Thank you Benny for bringin' me here. I know it’s a silly reason, but I appreciate you doin' it for me".

Placing his hands on your hips, Benny drew you closer, now nose to nose. “I’d do anythin' for you sweetheart. I wanna make you as happy as I can".

You giggled. “Just bein' with you makes me happy, baby".

“Same here" he sighed contently. Then an idea hit him. “If we’re so happy sweetheart. Then let’s get married, yeah?”

Now that surprised you. Your two months boyfriend had just proposed to you. And though things were good, yet moving a little fast, you knew your answer. Benny waited with baited breath. He’d wanted to ask you for a few weeks now, but there never seemed to be a right time. Until right now.

With a deep breath, the sweetest and adoring smile crossed your lips, eyes sparkling. “Of course Benny!”

In his excitement, Benny wrapped his arms around you, pulling you off the stairs and swung you around. You laughed as he moved you both around, before planting your feet on the ground. Benny then leant down and planted a lasting kiss to your lips. Happy to have made you happy with a milkshake, and now ecstatic that you are going to be his Mrs Cross.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters with Tamagotchi

Tamagotchi are little virtual pets: you have to feed them (but not overfeed them), clean up after them, and give them attention. Or else they die. How would Cosmere characters feel about having such a device?

1. Shallan

Shallan: Hey, my tamagotchi is doing pretty good! Shallan: I think I might be a natural, despite never having had one as a kid. Pattern: Never had one? What do you mean? Don't you remember the oth- Shallan: SURE LOVE MY ONE AND ONLY TAMAGOTCHI

2. Vin

Elend: Hey Vin...is your tamagotchi cleaning up its own poop? And feeding itself? Vin: Ha ha, yeah! Elend: But...how? Vin: Oh, I discovered the secret backdoor the Lord Ruler apparently created that allows you to make your tamagotchi do stuff for itself. Elend: ...but of course.

3. Raboniel

Raboniel: Die? No, my tamagotchi has never died. Raboniel: Sometimes I do get busy and then it reincarnates into a new body, but that's hardly DYING. Leshwi: I'm not sure that's the intended lore... Raboniel: Any day now the insanity will start to show...

4. Sibling & Navani

Navani: I can feel you staring, Sibling. Sibling: I don't like it. Sibling: It's trapped on that little screen. Navani: It's not actually sentient. It's a pretend pet. Sibling: Like I'd trust a human to know the difference!! Sibling: ... Sibling: It's cute though. You better take good care of it, just in case. Navani: Dont worry; I will.

5. Yumi

Akane: Wow! How many tamagotchi do you have, Yumi?? Yumi: Mmmm, I think I'm up to about 15 or so, why? Akane: How do you take care of so many?! Yumi: So many? I mean, I check in one each of them every 75 minutes or so, go through their needs & wants in turn, and then the cycle repeats. Yumi: Is it...hard? Akane: ... Painter: Trust me--don't even try to understand it.

6. Renarin

Renarin: It's nice that it has meters for hunger, happiness, and training. Renarin: You always know exactly what it wants and needs, just by looking. Rlain: Would be nice if people were more like that. Renarin: It would be so nice!!

7. Adolin

Adolin: You're such a good buddy, little Shelldon! Adolin: You're going to grow so big and strong! Shallan: You sure talk to your tamagotchi a lot, huh? Adolin: Ha ha yeah, I do! Adolin: ...I lowkey wonder if I talk to it enough if it'll turn out to be secretly alive, like Maya. Shallan: ... Adolin: P-Probably not though!

8. Lightsong

Lightsong: Ugh, it's just so NEEDY Lightsong: Beep beep! Feed me! Beep beep! Love me! Beep beep! Clean me up! Lightsong: Why don't you try WORKING for a living, you little leech! Lightsong: ... Lighting: Scoot, I am giving you SO many chances to jump in with a cutting remark about me and you're not taking ANY of them. Llarimar (perfectly seriously): I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Your Grace.

9. Lift

Wyndle: ...another one died, huh, Mistress? Lift: Yeah. Wyndle: I-I think you're overfeeding them. Lift: Don't be silly! Eating will make them stronger--I bet I need to feed them MORE! Lift: The deaths of Tama, Eggy, Gotcha, Omelet, and Togepi will not be in vain! Wyndle: ...You remember them all?!

10. Kaladin

Dalinar: Kaladin, we need to talk...about your tamagotchi obsession. Kaladin (eyes currently glued on the tamagotchi): What do you mean? Dalinar: You're bringing it to all of the meetings. You use Stormlight to lash it to you when you fly. Syl told me you wake up multiple times a night to check on it. Kaladin: Listen, the last three all died, but THIS one is going to make it. I can feel it. I just need to keep my eyes on it at all times. Forever. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I don't know if tamagotchi are for you.

[astralis-ortus]

.𖥔˚ masterlist

game for two ⋆ husband!bc × gn!reader | 0.8k | fluff — guess who just got his old yearbook in the mail?

love, am i home? ⋆ bestfriend!bc × gn!reader | 0.6k | angst — how can you tell it's not simply an infatuation?

sunday, sunday, sunday ⋆ husband!bc × fem!reader | 1.1k | fluff — now, and every sundays to ever come. i want to spend them all with you.

ways to say 'i love you' ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.6k | fluff — an awkward phrase for him, so he resorts to showing his affection instead.

streetlights and warm nights ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.5k | fluff — date nights are always fun with chan.

weighted blankets and projector ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.6k | fluff — as long as you're happy, then chan is happy too.

aisle 4 ⋆ ex!bc × gn!reader | 0.5k | angst — i could give you my all and it still wouldn’t be enough.

it feels impossible (it's not impossible) ⋆ bestfriend!bc × gn!reader | 2k | romcom, fluff — 'cause you are the one i was meant to find.

everything will be okay ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.4k | hurt/comfort — everyone deserves a chan in their lifes.

safe with me ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 0.7k | fluff — there’s a reason you shouldn’t (or should?) trust minho.

against the world ⋆ boyfriend!bc × fem!reader | 2k | angst, fluff — for as long as i love you.

placebo effect ⋆ boyfriend!bc × fem!reader | 1.2k | fluff — maybe the actual remedy is his smile.

this lifetime ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.3k | fluff — in every dream and any reality, as long as you're by my side.

just 5 minutes ⋆ husband!bc × gn!reader | 0.4k | fluff — spend every morning with you.

tiny bed ⋆ husband!bc × gn!reader | 0.3k | fluff — spacious home sounds nice, but you're nicer.

beyond forever and eternity ⋆ husband!bc × fem!reader | 0.8k | fluff — love cannot survive on luck alone.

agent(s) of chaos ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 1.1k | fluff — there's a reason why you love game nights with your boyfriend's second family.

you're always enough ⋆ boyfriend!bc × fem!reader | 2.3k | angst, fluff — losing you was not an option.

care for you ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 1.1k | fluff — to keep you safe is my priority.

thunders of rage ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 1.1k | fluff, comfort — even through the worst days, you're still my priority.

a little sweet fix ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 0.9k | comfort — sometimes what you thought was right might not be the best way.

you are my sunshine ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.6k | slice of life, fluff — you'll never know, dear, how much i love you.

every version of you ⋆ a bang chan headcanon | 0.4k | slice of life, fluff — time could heal everything; as long as you're willing to work for it.

lifetime worth of luck ⋆ husband!bc × gn!reader | 0.3k | fluff — omelet with fries for dinner, anyone?

don't ask ⋆ 'friend'!bc × gn!reader | 0.4k | angst — pushing me further, pulling me closer, some sort of chemistry.

gummy bears ⋆ college student!hj × gn!reader | 1.8k | fluff — art school is hard—at least having a muse makes it a little easier.

spoiled ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 0.5k | slice of life, fluff — it really is in the little things he does.

when it's less-than-ideal ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 0.9k | comfort — you can't judge a relationship only based on its good days.

guess i missed you too much ⋆ boyfriend!bc × fem!reader | 1.2k | fluff — that's what being in love does to you.

don't like me less ⋆ boyfriend!bc × gn!reader | 1.3k | comfort, fluff — even when i'm not everything you wanted, please don't like me less.

i'll keep you in a photograph ⋆ crush!sm × fem!reader | 2.5k | romance — it's just a silly little crush.

form of affection ⋆ boyfriend!bc × fem!reader | 0.8k | fluff — everything feels… new.

©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡

[lookwhatyoumademedohaha]

And that kids, is how I met your mother! Chapter 1 - Until I Found You

I would never fall in love again until I found her I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her I found you

Summary: Nikolai Lantsov is a falling in love with you. But do you feel the same way about him?

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader.

Warnings: Pure fluff, angst and comfort, humor, unrequited love, pining.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first Nikolai Lantsov fic so I hope that I did Nikolai’s character justice! I am thinking of making this a series and writing another part to this because this is not the end but the beginning! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because it means a lot to me! I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 2 - Labyrinth 

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want 

Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay

Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street 

Nikolai Lantsov did not believe in love at sight. Nikolai was raised in a gleaming palace where love didn’t have a place in his life. He was raised and believed that love was not an option for a Lantsov son and the King of Ravka whose reason for marriage should be to forge political connections and produce heirs.

But then you had stormed into his life. And the moment Nikolai had seen you, he had been absolutely enchanted by you and there was no going back. 

You had arrived into Ravkan Court a few weeks ago from Ketterdam with Nina Zenik who had come to visit Zoya and help her with training Grisha for a few months. Initially Nikolai had been informed that Nina would be arriving alone but he was pleasantly surprised when after Nina, you had stepped out of the carriage in wonder and amazement of a girl who was in a dream. Nina had introduced you to Nikolai, Zoya, David and Genya as part of the Crows in Ketterdam. 

Nikolai couldn’t help falling in love with you. He knew it was silly to fall in love with you when he didn’t even know you properly but he loved the curve of your lips when you smiled at his jokes. He loved how you held yourself with a careless elegance as if you didn’t care what anyone else thought of you. He loved how your eyes would twinkle in love for your friends as you gave warm hugs to them and the joy that shined on your face whenever you sent letters to the Crows in Ketterdam. He loved how you treated everyone from Duke to servant with respect and kindness. He loved you on the days you were silent and reserved, lost in your myriad of thoughts. He loved your fierce scowl directed at him whenever he teased you and your blazing furious glare whenever you saw anyone hurt others. He loved the mischief and amusement that shone in you as you talked with children being childlike yourself making them giggle. 

But there was a problem. 

Your heart was set on someone far away in Ketterdam. 

Nikolai had slyly poked around and investigated with a little help from Genya and Zoya whether you were single because he was aching with hope that you wouldn’t be in love with someone else. After torturing Nina who had kept her mouth shut for an impressively long time, he found out that you were in love with Kaz Brekker but he was not in love with you. You had set your hopeful heart in the hands of the Bastard of the Barrel who had used all of its love for a heist by making you play a role of his wife in a fake marriage for months. Everyone knew that you had agreed because you loved Kaz but as time passed, all the Crows thought Kaz had fallen in love with you because of different, sweet and soft - hearted, his heart in his eyes when he was around you. Nina had heard his heart for you and was certain Kaz reciprocated your feelings. 

But after the scheme, the heist was over, Kaz has pushed you away and thrown you away with a disregard for your feelings as he crushed your heart into broken glass between his bloody claws. Kaz refused to acknowledge your love for him and face his feelings for you and he stayed stubborn no matter how hard the Crows tried to persuade him. So finally Nina who had enough of seeing you miserable and broken - hearted decided to bring you to Ravka because she believed a lot of distance, good food and a nice change of scenery would cheer you up. 

A fake marriage with real feelings. Nikolai understood the feeling all too well. After all, Alina who had been engaged to him had chosen Mal but Nikolai’s heart had been crushed because he had liked Alina and wondered what was wrong with him. He never wanted anyone to feel such a pain and thinking of you suffering in silence, quietly trying to piece your broken heart pained him. He had noticed and wondered about the dark circles under your eyes, the glossy far away distant look in your eyes, the excitement fading when you finished looking through your letters you received from your friend as if there was one missing, the way you looked wistfully and sadly at lovers dancing in court and the quiet unhappiness you hid behind your forced smile when anyone mentioned Kaz Brekker. 

Now Nikolai knew why and though he considered Kaz Brekker to be a mutual friend, he had an urge to punch Brekker in the face because why couldn’t he see you were beautiful and wonderful in every way? Why did he break you heart?

Nikolai knew that the smart option would be to give up and walk away from you because there was no chance you would ever return his love. But he was a fool when it came to you. The feelings he had for Alina seemed insignificant compared to the enormity and significance of the feelings he had for you. The moment Nikolai had seen you, he felt familiarity and the feeling of coming home bloom warmly within his heart as he felt alive for the very first time. Nikolai understood every poem about soulmates in that moment as he knew you were his great and beautiful love that only came once in a lifetime and could never be replaced and forgotten. Nikolai felt his heart whisper that you were the one every time you smiled at him and felt forever surround him whenever he held a conversation with you. You were a dream, a comet in the night sky. 

And Nikolai knew that if he didn’t fight for you, fight for the love that he could have with you, he would be damned to regret and misery for the rest of his lifetime wondering what could have happened between them if he had faced his feelings and let you know that he loved you. Nikolai knew that even if you didn’t return his affections, he would never love anyone the way he loved you.

So he began trying to woo you. Nikolai complimented you, teased you endlessly receiving annoyed and amused glares from you, joked with you mischievously, asked you questions, spent his leisure time with you, found excuses to spend time with you and talked with you nervously stuttering and blushing and listening attentively to you because he was entranced by you. But in all his attempts to show you that he loved you, you would push him away with brushing off his compliments, gestures and comments with sarcastic remarks and the remarkable roll of your eyes and your guarded demeanor when you realized he was opening his heart to you. 

Nikolai remembered the first time he had complimented you flirtatiously when he had seen you in the training grounds “Y/N, you look beautiful as a field of honeysuckle blooming in a spring afternoon.”

Nikolai relished the shock and surprise flushing in your face as your eyes grew guarded “I’m not interested. Save your sweet words for some princess.”

Nikolai appreciated how straightforward you were with him despite how it cut him deep to the bone as he had retorted cheekily “You are a princess to me.”

Nikolai had seen you shake your head in exasperation and walk away when Nikolai yelled out loud “I am going to marry you one day and make you the happiest princess in the world, mark my words Y/N! You’ll be my princess madly in love with me and we’ll live happily ever after!”

Zoya who had been with Nikolai had muttered something about being subtle but Nikolai whose heart was full of you and knew that if he said he was going to marry you one day, he probably would. His attention was only on you who had frozen mid step and then turned around toward him with a completely surprised and exasperated expression “Keep dreaming, Lantsov.”’

Nikolai still was utterly entranced and enchanted by you as he grinned widely, his eyes twinkling with mischief “I got eyes only for you.”

Nikolai saw you roll your eyes sarcastically in exasperation and annoyance at him but he had seen a faint hint of a smile curve on your face as you had walked away, giving him hope. 

Genya thought Nikolai’s crush and attempts to show it were cute. Nina found this hilarious and amusing, encouraging this just to see Nikolai fail. Zoya rolled her eyes calling Nikolai a silly school boy falling over his knees pulling the pigtails of a little girl just to get your attention. 

Nikolai who was lost in his thoughts about you as he took a stroll in the grounds felt depressed and exhausted by the work and the thought of you loving someone who didn’t appreciate you. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t see you as he bumped into you and both of you fell down. 

Nikolai’s eyes widened in apology as he stuttered nervously trying to help you up “I apologize, Y/N. Are you hurt?”

“Oh, I’ve been in worse situations.” you replied cheerfully as you helped him up and looked at him with a cheerful smile that grew into a concerned expression as you observed the exhaustion written in his hazel eyes from ruling Ravka which he gave everything to. 

Nikolai froze in surprise when you hugged him gently but he felt himself relax and loosen in your arms as he felt the heavy weight of duty begin to unfold as you whispered softly “Nikolai... just let it all go.”

Nikolai dropped his head on your shoulder feeling the burden of exhaustion throughout the months he had been carrying silently begin to fade away as tears sprang into his eyes and he choked out a sob because it was hard to be the King of Ravka. It was so hard to fight each day for his people, to nod and agree and disagree with his ministers who had plenty of plans and proposals, to keep an eye out for the number of enemies he was surrounded by and to smile and keep everything together so that Ravka could stand strong and unshaken. He didn’t have time to let go and be himself until you had come along. He didn’t even know it was so lonely and painful until he was in your arms, salty tears running down his cheeks as your arms embraced him warmly and your fingers threading through his blonde hair granting him comfort and peace. 

Peace. He had not tasted it for a very long time. 

Nikolai didn’t know how long he had cried in your arms but it felt like forever when he raised his head to look into your quiet and kind eyes. 

He felt ashamed for being such a baby as he tried to move away and apologized ��I am sorry. I have never wanted you to see me like this and burden you with my worries. I apologize for ruining your evening.”

“You do realize you are human?” you inquired sassily but there was utmost gentleness in it “And when are you going to realize that you are not alone? That you have friends around you who love you and want to share your burdens?”

Nikolai was taken aback in surprise at your kindness as he blinked back his tears but you took his hand in yours tentatively and gently “You’re allowed to have very bad days and cry and scream and throw a tantrum about it. You are not alone. I’m your friend, Nikolai and that means you share your burdens and worries with me and I’m going to be there for you. You don’t have to pretend around me.”

Nikolai felt a small smile curve on his face as a spark of comfort spouted in him “That means a great deal to me but I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“You worry about everyone but who worries about you? I’m going to worry about you because I want to and you can’t order me not to!” you exclaimed passionately with a fierce scowl that made Nikolai smile widely in amusement as you tossed your hair. 

“You’d get tired of it eventually. And I hate seeing your lovely smile replaced by that fierce frown.” teased Nikolai with a grin as his heart thudded with amazement at how worried you were for him and his heart fluttered as he realized you were still holding onto his hand and hadn’t let go. 

“I don’t have a fierce frown.” you retorted frowning fiercely making Nikolai huff in laughter and you shook your head at him in exasperation “And I don’t think I can ever get tired of you.”

Nikolai felt his heart flutter happily as he blushed nervously and shyly and you smiled at him softly “Honestly if anyone would get tired of a person, it would be me. People think of me as cool at first but then they sick of me eventually and want someone new around. You’ll be the same.”

Nikolai saw the sad smile you wore as you said this, the unhappiness in your eyes and felt something fierce and painful clench his heart at the thought of you believing that anyone would be tired of having you around “Tell me... tell me who made you believe that your presence, your very kind and beautiful presence would tire a soul lucky enough to be in your presence?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me. It matters to me because I hate seeing you hate yourself because people were absolute fools who couldn’t see how wonderful you are.” replied Nikolai fiercely and protectively as he held your hands tightly in his, looking earnestly at you. “The next time you think that I will get sick of you... remember that I’m Nikolai Lantsov and that I absolutely adore your friendly smile, your warm hugs, the way you wrinkle your nose and roll your eyes at me when I tease you, and the small things you say that I replay in my head after you are gone. Remember that I want to annoy you forever and I don’t say that about anyone else.”

To Nikolai’s pleasure, you giggled and blushed as you looked at him with something unreadable as you shook your head “I’ll try to believe it. But sometimes... it gets hard to believe everything you told me. It’s hard to believe that I’m someone people will love.”

“I understand how you feel. I - I know the feeling too.” said Nikolai quietly with a vulnerable expression, defenseless and unguarded as he looked at you after a long moment. “I understand how you feel but it’s not true.”

Nikolai saw your eyes widen in surprise and curiosity “But you’re Nikolai! Everybody loves you!”

Nikolai and you had sat on the grassy ground near the lake as he ran his hand through his hair wanting to hide his greatest fears and insecurities but as he stared into your gentle and quiet eyes, he found himself saying “I know... but it’s not the love I want. I don’t feel loved. I don’t believe I’m loved... I’ve never known real love... my father and mother had a marriage of duty and political arrangement. My mother suffered years of heartless neglect at the hands of my father who was too busy abusing young women. And well, my brother... I don’t think he ever cared about me even though I looked up to him when I was young.”

“And Alina... well, you know how that ended. It was a fake marriage with real feelings. I had feelings for her but her heart belonged to someone else and in the end, she chose someone else over me.” stated Nikolai softly with an air of unguarded vulnerability he had never shown anyone else because he was the King who could not afford to be weak. But sitting here on the grass with you, in your presence, he felt like the boy with fears and insecurities who had to carry on and didn’t have to pretend to be anyone as he cracked a grin “So you see... I’m not very lovable.”

Your eyes were heavy with quiet contemplation and thoughtfulness as Nikolai saw you stare at him and scoffed “You can laugh. Go on, laugh at me.”

You looked at him thoughtfully and quietly, with a protective glint in your eyes “Why would I laugh? I was just thinking about making a time machine so I can go back in time and make everyone who ever made you feel unloved and unlovable regret each moment of their pathetic lives.”

Nikolai let out a huff of laughter, as a smile appeared on his face without a thought feeling happy and taken aback in pleasant surprise “I didn’t know you cared so much about me.”

“You are loud, laugh a lot, tell silly jokes and have a heart full of hope in a world that won’t change easily. You’re exactly the kind of person I would scoff at and yet I find myself feeling quite protective over you and worrying about you.” you confided quietly and softly as your fingers twisted nervously, your beautiful eyes looking into his with something undecipherable “You’re nonsensical but I’ve grown to quite like you.”

Nikolai felt something surprising and warm rush through him, engulfing him in tidal waves as he suddenly felt conscious of being the object of your earnest and sincere gaze. He felt something that he had always strived and worked hard to be in everyone’s eyes... he felt special and extraordinary, seen and loved. This feeling felt all too consuming and yet he wanted more of it as he basked in its golden radiance and new sweetness that he was experiencing for the first time. 

“Well... coming from you, it means a great deal.” whispered Nikolai, his foolish heart blooming with hope and adoration as whispers of the feeling that perhaps you could come to care for him in time crowded him and then smiled widely “It certainly is an improvement in our relationship from the last time where you called me an annoying, idiotic, lousy pig and pushed me into the lake.”

You laughed in amusement, your cheeks flushing a bright pink as your eyes sparkled in mirth and nervousness “Saints! I - I don’t know what I was thinking! I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was in need of a good swim.” joked Nikolai with an amused grin as he felt happy at being the person who made you laugh in joy and sparkle in happiness. 

You laughed and Nikolai swore that he would walk through hell just to hear you laugh so freely, so merrily as you shook your head at him with an apologetic look in your eyes “I - I mean, I wasn’t myself that day. I was having a really bad day and I was angry and hurt and when you said all those - when you said all those really sweet things to tease me - I just felt nothing but rage and I took it out on you. I am truly sorry.”

“You’re always forgiven.” said Nikolai softly and gently as he looked at you mindlessly picking flowers growing on the ground “Why were you angry that day? What’s your story?”

“Fake marriage with real feelings but it ended in heartbreak.” you replied with a wide grin but there was sadness and pain written all over your face “It’s not very happy.”

“Well I have all the time in the world for you, so go ahead, I’m listening.”

Nikolai smiled when you cracked a smile and watched you twist your fingers nervously and hug your knees “It’s the same story. It feels like a long time ago but I honestly thought I would never fall in love because its silly and stupid. But when I first met the enigmatic, mysterious and clever devil by the name of Kaz Brekker.”

“Just imagine it. An impressionable, young girl, new to Ketterdam and suddenly the Bastard of the Barrel drops into my life and he is clever, infamous, dangerous, kinder to me than anyone in my life has been, appreciates every little thing about me. He made me feel important and seen. Imagine what that does to a lonely girl.” you said softly and quietly, your voice trembling with sadness and heartbreak, with a trembling weak smile. 

“I fell in love with him before I even knew it. He asked me to pretend to be his wife and because I was so stupid, I agreed because I loved him. And I thought as time passed, that it wasn’t an act on his part because it felt like he genuinely loved me back too. That there could be a chance for a happy ending. But people like me never get happy endings because Kaz Brekker never loved me, I was just an investment, a means to an end to achieve his goals.” you told Nikolai with tears of pain and heartbreak glimmering and falling down your cheeks as you choked back on a sob “And I didn’t expect it to hurt this much... but my heart is broken, and everything hurts so much.”

Nikolai’s heart wrenched in despair and distress as you let out a sob of heartache and heartbreak “And I hate him! I hate him so much! But I hate myself because I let myself believe that he loved me too! Because I loved him through everything, through his worst but he never chose me me at all. Kaz was using me and I was a fool to think I could ever be loved!”

Nikolai couldn’t bear your grief any longer as he wrapped his arms around you comforting you as he let you cry into his chest, your sobs racking your body with grief and heartbreak as you held onto him for dear life. Nikolai stroked your hair gently and rubbed your back soothingly, whispering soft and comforting words of solace and truth that you were loved more because he couldn’t bear your cries of pain, anger, hate and heartbreak that had been bottled up for so long. It physically hurt him to see you so broken but he held you in his arms because he wanted to be the person to hold you up and stand by you through your darkest times. 

Nikolai gazed at your tear stained face as he gently brushed away the tears from your cheeks “Kaz Brekker is an idiot. He’s a fool not to fall in love with you.”

“Why are you crying?” you asked Nikolai in curiosity and Nikolai realized that he had been crying too. 

“I don’t know. I felt your pain, your heartbreak and if I could take it and make it all mine, I would. I hate to see you in such pain, I hate to seeing you cry even though you are really pretty when you cry.” said Nikolai confessing shyly blushing faintly as you smiled up at him in surprise and then sighed as he confessed sincerely to you who was looking at him curiously “The truth is life as the King is not easy for me. In fact, it has been hard and there are days when my pain and exhaustion threatens to sink me into the quicksand. But I guess my life is much easier and lighter when I share my burdens with you.”

You smiled through your tears as you sniffed “I’m sorry I - I’m really sorry I cried and put all of this on you. You have enough on your plate -”

“I like worrying about you.” said Nikolai immediately as his fingers brushed gently across your cheek wiping away your tears, his skin tingling at the contact with your soft skin “I want to worry about you because I like you more than anyone in this world.”

Nikolai was delighted to see the faint blush coloring your cheeks but your eyes were still full of heartbreak of sadness and pain as your voice cracked as you placed your hand on your chest “This hurts like hell... Everyone close to me in my life is in a happy relationship and now... and I thought I could have happiness and love too. But I’m beginning to think that I don’t have my happy ending”

“No! That is not true. Take it from the Lantsov Prince who has been dumped by the Sun Summoner and suffered crushed feelings... it’s not true.” replied Nikolai immediately with reassurance and honesty as he placed his hand on your shoulder gently and comfortingly and he saw you crack a small faint smile. 

“It just feels like this pain is eternal and infinite... it’s never going to end.” you replied your voice trembling with aching pain and hurt as you let out a small sob and sniffed looking at Nikolai whose face was etched with gentleness and adoration. 

“Well, that’s what I said about being shot for the first time in the war, exiling my parents and having my heart crushed by a Saint but the pain did and will end.” replied Nikolai quietly in a matter - of - fact tone that exuded simple honesty and reassurance as he looked at you sincerely with vulnerability and affection and felt shy as he saw you gaze at him curiously in concern and admiration. 

“Now... the thing is you have such bravery and strength to be vulnerable and open your heart to compassion and love. You feel your emotions deeply and even though it hurts you, it’s a good thing because so many people numb themselves on feeling and miss out on the good things in life.” said Nikolai sincerely and truthfully as he gazed at you, honesty and kindness gleaming in his hazel eyes as you held your breath listening to him. “

Nikolai’s hand dropped to your hand and tentatively sought permission to hold it and he felt electric when you tentatively and gently intertwined your fingers with his as he squeezed your hand comfortingly “You are right now nursing a broken heart but I believe you will heal, rise through the ashes and walk to the other side stronger than ever. Don’t close your heart to love and pain. The joy is worth the pain.”

You looked at him through the tears in your eyes, feeling grateful for his warm and charming presence surprised by his wisdom he hid behind the charming façade of a boy king “It just - I don’t understand. Why doesn’t Kaz love me back? What’s so wrong with me that he won’t love me back?”

“Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you! Saints, you are perfect!” exclaimed Nikolai in honesty and sincerity feeling disbelief and hurt at the thought of you thinking that you were short of perfection when you were the most beautiful, wonderful person he had ever met. 

“You’re just saying that because you are always nice to me.” you retorted sharply and sassily as you shook your head in doubt and self - loathing. “You don’t even know me.”

“You’re right... I don’t know you.” said Nikolai quietly and thoughtfully because that hurt. It hurt Nikolai deeply that you didn’t see how Nikolai saw every crook and crevice of you when no one else cared to look at the little things that made you special “I don’t pay attention to anything you do.”

“I don’t know that you love Nina like your own sister and though you argue with each other, you want her to be proud of you. I don’t know that you lend a helping hand to the servants and comfort and listen to little children who look up to you with gentleness, mischief and the sweets you steal from the kitchen. I don’t know that when someone suggests something stupid and ignorant, you roll your eyes at them and speak your mind wisely and intelligently with a rather sharp tongue.” said Nikolai knowingly and passionately with a soft and affectionate glint in his hazel eyes as he gazed at you intensely full of adoration for you as your eyes widened in surprise “I don’t know that you love dancing and music but you don’t dance unless you are asked properly. I don’t know that you pretend to scoff pretty dresses but you are secretly thrilled at wearing them. I don’t know that you like reading romance, history and crime thrillers in the library until Genya has to drag you away from the library. I don’t know that you always listen patiently to David, not out of pity but sincerely because you are curious and consider him a friend. I don’t know that you are the only one who can get Zoya to eat a decent meal and have a nap.” 

“And even though, I will say that I’m fine and try to make you leave me, you are going to walk me to my chambers and make sure I’m alright. Because that’s exactly the kind of person you are.” finished Nikolai honestly and sincerely as he gazed at you softly and gently, his heart full of love and passion only for you. 

Your eyes had widened in surprise and you were certain your jaw had dropped as you felt paralyzed in shock and amazement at being seen by Nikolai of all people. You had thought his teasing was an infatuation, a silly game he liked to play to impress every girl but as you felt him gaze at you sincerely and intensely, you felt vulnerable and seen for who you truly were and the little things you thought no one noticed. 

You threw your arms around him as you hugged him tightly because you were so scared that for the first time someone had noticed the small, ordinary, little things about you and cared to remember them. It terrified you that Nikolai cared so much about you because you didn’t feel the same about him. It was a new uncharted path that felt terrifying and yet you didn’t want to let Nikolai go. You wanted to hold onto him, hold onto the only person who terrified you with these new feelings, saw the parts of you that no one else did and made it easy to be vulnerable in a world where everyone and everything was cruelest to the weak. 

“Nikolai...” you whispered, blinking back your tears of disbelief and amazement because it felt like you had been drowning for ages and now this beautiful boy had pulled you up and you could finally breathe. 

“One day, you’ll find someone who loves you heart and soul and all this pain and tears and heartbreak will be just a memory.” whispered Nikolai as he held you tenderly as if you were the most precious, beautiful, fragile person he had the privilege of holding and you felt his silent reassuring promise that he would always be there for you. 

“Promise?”

“I solemnly swear on my life and kingdom. In fact, I’ll bet my mother’s diamond necklace on it!” said Nikolai honestly with a bright and sincere smile as he lightly touched your cheek, breathless by your beauty “You’re smart, funny, kind, sharp and the best person I know. You can declare me right, wise, smart, kind, and handsome of all men in Ravka in your speech as bride when the day comes.”

You laughed in amusement as you leaned your head on Nikolai’s shoulder unaware that he was having a fit of fluttering butterflies in his stomach as he internally screamed like a little girl and you replied with a smile “I haven’t even thought of it. My wedding. What will it be like, do you think? Will you be there?”

“Of course, love. The groom can’t miss his own ceremony, now can he? It’s my solemn duty to take your breath away and take you as my lovely wife with a beautiful diamond -” replied Nikolai, his lips curving into a good natured grin as his heart beat a little faster at the thought of you marrying him. 

He groaned with a laugh as you punched him in the arm but you were laughing “Can you be serious for once?”

“I can only do five minutes but for you I’ll try my best.” said Nikolai with a wink making you shake your head at him in amused exasperation. 

“You are an idiot.” you replied fondly. 

“And yet, you still hold my hand.” said Nikolai in a teasing manner but he felt a burst of warmth and shyness within him, because holding your hand in his felt like heaven on earth. 

Nikolai expected you to remove your hand away from his but his heart swelled with surprise and hope when you squeezed his hand tightly with a warm smile as you looked at him fondly “And yet, I still hold your hand.”

And as both of you walked to the castle, Nikolai looked at you and knew that you were his one true great love and there was no going back from this moment. Your eyes sparkled with liveliness and you talked animatedly laughing good naturedly and Nikolai wondered if you knew that he was falling... falling deeply, madly, completely and utterly in love with you with no way out. 

He had been told hope was dangerous. But the way you looked at him as you left him at his chambers, gave him a semblance of hope that he was not alone in his feelings and this could be the beginning of an adventure that came with a breathtaking view.

[tan1shere]

Ellie x anxious reader !

A/n: hi my beautiful people, it's currently 3 am.. and I have work in a few hours but we won't talk about that 😍 got this little idea since I'm an overly anxious person. Mine always creeps up righttt when I'm about to sleep, if you're like me. I get you, and honestly I hope some of you are so I don't feel so alone. Or whether you get it any time of the day (ditto, I just get it worse at night.) This one's for you !! Anyways, enjoy :)

Masterlist

♤ Your anxiety came in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Any time, all day sometimes everyday. It's always going to be there, but you've tried to learn to control it. Buttt when that's not the case your loving girlfriend is always there to ease your pesky brain.

♤ It would always happen at night, when you'd get off to sleep, at first you kept silent. You didn't want to bother, nor be a nuisance towards Ellie, but one night she noticed something off about you.

- you were stalling, making up excuses of things you forgot to do that day.

"Shit, the laundry-"

"Bubba, you can always do it tomorrow. Come lay down with me sweetheart."

- her gentle tone soon got to you and you told her.

"What's gotten into you?"

- the look she gave you was pure worry, concerned for your frantic behavior. Then when you kept inhaling these breaths, making then end in slight sighs she just needed to get whatever it was out of you.

"M-my-"

- you shake your head, you felt so stupid, you begin to put your head on your hands, she pries them away so softly, getting you to look at her as she placed her soft fingers on your cheek.

"Talk to me. Please? It's hurting me knowing something is bothering you so much."

- you could tell she meant it. You always felt like no one did, feeling silly about your anxiety, as that's what others made you think. That you were just being dramatic. A baby. You let out another breath.

"I get really anxious, about heaps of things, to the point where my brain feels like its on fire and I can't focus on anything properly. It gets worse at night time, so I try to make myself tired, knowing that if I lay down wide awake my thoughts will scatter."

- she listens carefully to what you have to say, she was always such a good listener.

"Why didn't you tell me baby."

"I was scared you'd think I was pathetic.."

- your head lowers but she immediately stops that from happening. Her eyes on yours as she begins to speak in a soft tone.

"You, my girl. Are one of the most bravest woman I know. To have to deal with such a thing all the time is huge, and the fact that I've never even witnessed it shows how truly brave you are. Though I wish you told me sooner, its awful holding such things in."

- her hand never leaves your face stroking your cheek. You melt into her touch, her voice and presence making you sleepy. Maybe that's all you needed? Her?

"I love you, Els."

"I love you so much more angel."

♤ One technique she uses on you is the 5 things game. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Which is always water that she gets for you.

- Youd just been having a panic attack, your emotions, your brain going mental. You felt like you couldn't breathe. When she heard something fall in the kitchen she came racing over to you. Your vision incredibly blury with a mixture of tears and whiteness from the light headedness.

"Hey hey, eyes on me."

- her voice was like silk, still in desperate need to calm you down.

"Come on baby."

- she would encourage you, moving your hand to her chest, trying to get you to calm down a tiny bit before she continued.

"5 things you can see."

- you'd take a second to respond not knowing if you could get words out, let alone forming a sentence.

"You.. *gulp* th- that glass.. that I just broke.."

- she didn't stop you rambling, the more words the better. She needed your mind far gone from any other thoughts.

"The counter, the sink. The early morning sky."

"Good good, 4 things you can feel. You got this mama."

- it'd keep going until you got to the last one, your brain was far from the original problem by then, but she needed you hydrated, knowing your mouth was also incredibly dry.

"Last but not least, one thing you can taste?"

- she grabs a fresh glass pouring water into it, giving it to you to drink. You take a good sip, letting it wet your mouth feeling so much more calm now.

"Water."

"That's my girl."

- she would always say that, making a smile spread across your face, you always felt so safe with her.

♤ Another one she will do on occasion is hold your hand gently, playing with your fingers and or rubbing small circles on your palm. Even when she holds your hand she will rub her thumb on the back of it. It distract you, calms you down. Especially if you're talking to someone, not only are you anxious but you're just genuinely awkward, so sometimes you freak out when talking to people. That's when she will grab it, letting you know she's there with you and there's nothing to worry about.

♤ yawning. You would always yawn when you felt short of breath, whenever you felt uneasy in your chest yawning seemed to help with that. Ellies noticed all your techniques over the years of being with you. Sometimes it made her feel like she couldn't help you in any way and it got to her, you'd assure her that you were fine but she knows that was far from the truth.

♤ so she studied your helping mechanisms, one was something hot on your chest, like a heating pack. It calmed you right down. Ellie even Googled some other things to try help. She once noticed after you had drunk a little bit that the type of alcohol seemed to make you sleepy.

- she was typing away at her computer when she came across something that said some alcohols can get you sleepy.

"Whatcha doin Els?"

- your soft voice was heard as you enter the room, her eyes meet yours.

"Just some research baby."

-she flashes you a smile, going to continue. You return the smile, going out the room to leave her be. As she continues to read articles, she found a home remedy to help with sleep, and anxiety. It was quite simple. Ellie came back downstairs and began to make it in a tiny bottle. She also read lavender was good for sleep, grabbing some oil of the scent from the cupboard, and putting a bit on the heating pack.

-you were in the living room, watching TV when she comes in super happy. Finally she could help you.

"What's this?"

"I made some things to help you sleep. These drops will help, put three on your tongue every night, and this heat pack. Which! Has some lavender oil rubbed into it."

- she ends her explanation off with a toothy smile, feeling so proud of herself. It only made you smile, feeling the secure feeling you'd always feel with her. She truly was your world.

:))

[obaex]

reading between the lines - rafe cameron

summary: rafe tries, and fails, to tell you how he feels. or does he?

word count: 3.2k

a/n: obx writing week has been a pleasure! thank you all for reading and sharing your amazing talent and for @surftrips for making it happen! this is for day 7: 5+1 trope with rafe. fair warning i am in my soft rafe era and i may never ever come out of it ♡

soundtrack: tell me you love me / galantis

The sun had just set below the horizon, leaving a midnight blue sky in its wake, scattered with stars. Rafe was settled comfortably around a small bonfire in his backyard with several friends, the warm flicker of the flames setting their faces aglow and fending off the cool night air that whispered the end of summer.

He heard you before he saw you, heard your sweet laugh that was genuine and innocent and pure. He lifted his head to search for you, his eyes landing on you, and for a moment, all he could do was stare.

You had been together for a few months now, but he was certain he’d never get used to how beautiful you were. He took in your long eyelashes, your bright eyes, the way your cheeks were pink and kissed with freckles that along with your lightened hair told of a summer spent at the beach. His eyes fell to your lips and his tongue unconsciously ran against his own at the thought of how you tasted. Before long you turned and caught his eye, conscious of his attention. He didn’t look away, he let his gaze linger warmly on you, bold and confident and it made your insides feel like melted sugar. He smiled widely at you, a smile that left dimples on his cheeks and crinkled his eyes, one that you couldn’t help but reciprocate.

As you made your way over to the bonfire, he made room for you next to him, even though there was barely any room to be had, adamant that he wanted you by his side, always. You took it gratefully as you snuggled into him, his arm wrapping around you, as you nuzzled into his neck before pressing a kiss to his jawline, to his cheek. He turned his head to capture your lips with his own, quick but searing, before pulling away to meet your gaze. “Hey pretty girl” he said.

You both fell into the conversation around you, but his arm never left you and his fingers traced patterns in your back. As the flames dwindled and the wind picked up, you let out a small, involuntary shiver and goosebumps ran up your bare arms and legs. Rafe felt you shake and unwound his arm from you. You were about to protest when he pulled his hooded sweatshirt over his head and offered it to you.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Positive” he replied, smirking at you.

You smiled sweetly, wanting to squeal at how sweet the gesture was as you pulled the hoodie over your head. It was still warm from his body heat and his proximity to the fire, and it comforted you instantly, not to mention it smelled like him, overwhelmingly so, like clean laundry and expensive cologne. Being totally wrapped in his scent was intoxicating. The sweatshirt was big on your small frame and you laughed at how far the sleeves hung over your hands, how it engulfed you, how that felt like a metaphor for the way you felt all consumed by him. You blushed, thinking that you probably looked a little silly. Rafe blushed more deeply, thinking he’d never seen something so goddamn perfect. He pulled you onto his lap to hold you closer against him and keep you warm, hoping he was able to convey with his actions if not with his words what you meant to him.

The following weekend was Topper’s annual end-of-the-summer party. Rafe was surrounded by his friends, an endless supply of booze, and the steady thump of music; until now that had always been enough to make for a memorable night, but without you there, the whole party felt dulled. He knew you were going to be late, but that left him feeling antsy and on edge. He was excited to see you, but also nervous for a reason he couldn’t explain. He tried to stop the sweaty feeling in his palms, the quickened pace of his heart as every moment ticked by, drinking enough to numb his senses, losing track after his seventh or eighth beer.

When you finally did arrive, it took everything in him not to scoop you into his arms and carry you out to his truck. He didn’t want to share you with all of these people, he wanted to be anywhere else, alone with you.

You stopped to say hi to a few people before he watched your eyes search the crowd for him, bringing a tingling warmth to his chest. When your eyes landed on him, the way you lit up for him sent a bolt of lightning from his heart to his toes; he set his beer down and met you halfway, coaxing his foggy brain and loosened limbs to focus on you as he folded you into his arms. You hugged him warmly, pressing your whole body into him and he lifted you just off the ground as his arms wrapped tightly around you and you giggled with joy. His head was spinning from the beer just as much from the feeling of your warm breath on his neck. All he could think was how good you smelled, like amber and vanilla, and how he didn’t want to let you go, how he wanted to linger in your scent and the feeling of your body against his. When you finally unwound from each other, the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could hold them back.

“You’re s’goddamn pretty. I jus’want you all t’myself, couldn’wait f’you to be here, miss’dyou all night, beaut’ful, y’make me feel funny” he slurred in one run on sentence, his brain registering far too late what had just come out of his mouth.

“What?” you asked, smiling, a curious but happy look on your face as you pressed onto your tiptoes to hear him better over the music. Your arms curled around his neck, and your proximity made him feel warm and happy and sleepy, and it lulled his inhibitions just enough to form the words that the rest of him had failed to understand until now…

“I think I’m fallin’—"

“Y/N!!!!” a voice shouted before Rafe could finish his thought. You glanced over your shoulder to see Kelce teetering with a near-empty bottle of tequila in his hand, which he held in the air and then took a swig from, giving Rafe the moment he needed to shake his own head clear. What had he been saying? He couldn’t remember. The thought was lost as he glared at his best friend.

You laughed at Kelce before looking back at Rafe, his eyes were half closed and a lopsided, goofy smile sat on his face as he looked down you.

“Wait, what were you saying?” you asked again. You’d thought you’d heard the beginning of something, something you’d been hoping to hear for a while, but maybe it was only wishful thinking, it was impossibly loud in here, and Rafe was clearly drunk.

“Dunno baby, but you’re really pretty” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek, though he couldn’t help but feel he had let something important slip through his fingers.

Rafe had been adamant that night that you come home with him, nearly begging you, a pout deep set on his lips. When that didn’t work, he whispered promises to you in the back of your uber that only you could hear: exactly how he would cuddle you, kiss you, tease you just the way you liked before a slew of other things that had you extremely flustered. Truthfully, you wanted nothing more, but he was in no shape for half the things he had said as it took nearly all of his stamina just to lean on you as you pulled him inside, upstairs and tucked him in bed.

When he woke up the next morning alone, he was pissed, and his head pounded as he tried to remember all the things he’d said…or nearly said to you.

It was tradition that the day after the end-of-summer party, you all went to the beach, no matter the weather, and this year was no different. He checked his phone to see several texts from you that took the edge off his anger.

Fuck. He vaguely remembered the car ride home and he buried his head into his pillow at the reminder of his awful attempts to get you to stay as a new text came in.

He sent a quick text back as he pulled himself out of bed, got dressed and came downstairs. He was still mad at himself that he’d gotten too drunk to spend the night with you, frustrated that he’d let his nerves get the best of him, but he was set on making it up to you today.

As he made his way outside, he could see the dust kicking up at the end of the driveway as Topper’s bike flew down the gravel path before it skidded to a stop in front of him and wobbled. As the dust cleared, Rafe could see you unwinding from the back of the bike as Topper followed, stepping off the bike and pulling off his helmet, swaying slightly as he looked at you and giggled.

“Top, where the fuck is her helmet?” Rafe asked, as his blood began to boil.

The two of you looked up at him, caught off guard by his tone and the anger on his face.

“Read my fucking lips, Topper, why wasn’t she wearing a helmet? Why didn’t you give her yours, jackass?”

Topper looked down at his helmet, up at you and back to Rafe in exaggeratedly slow movements, like he was trying to piece it together himself. Rafe recognized the look in his eyes immediately.

“Are you fucking high!?” he shouted as he grabbed the front of Topper’s shirt, causing him to drop the helmet as his feet.

“Dude, it’s all good,” Topper replied, a strained smile on his face. Rafe could see his bloodshot eyes, could smell the weed on him.

“What is the matter with you? You don’t fucking drive with her when you’re high, she could have gotten hurt! Goddamnit Topper!” he said as he shoved him, nearly knocking him off his unsteady feet.

Your eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape as you took in the scene in front of you, watching as Rafe’s chest heaved.

“Hey, I’m alright” you said, resting a hand on his arm in an effort to calm him down. He looked down at you and you could see his breathing start to slow as he took in your eyes, your smile before he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you, strong and protective.

“M’sorry I yelled, it’s just – I didn’t want – you’re - it’s important to me that you’re safe” he said as he stumbled over his words, trying and failing to explain the racing feeling in his heart.

Sarah woke up that night to the sound of clattering and banging. She rolled over to check her phone and saw that it was just after 3:00 AM. She heard the cacophony again coming from downstairs and realized, annoyed, that it had to be her brother, the only person stupid enough to be that loud at this hour, probably drunk or high. She pulled herself out of bed, wanting to get to him before her dad did, not willing to sit through another all-out-brawl between the two of them. But nothing in a million years could have prepared her for what she found.

Every single light was on in the kitchen and every surface was covered with flour, bowls, and baking utensils. Rafe sat squarely in the middle of it all, his hands covered in dough that he was rolling into balls and placing on a cookie sheet.

“Are you… baking?” Sarah asked, incredulous, her voice still groggy from sleep.

His head whipped to her, caught off guard. “What?” he asked.

“Are you baking?” she repeated, coming closer, trying to get a glimpse of what was in the oven.

“Yeah, so what if I am?” he said defensively, trying to shrug off her tone of surprise.

“Rafe, the most I’ve ever seen you do is make a bowl of cereal. It’s 3:00 in the morning, what are you doing?”

He grumbled something, and tried to refocus his efforts, a tint on his cheeks

She looked at her brother, perplexed.

“What?” she said.

“I can’t make cookies for my girlfriend!?” he replied snappily. “She said chocolate chip cookies were her favorite, and you know mom’s were the best, so I’m making her some. Happy?” he said defensively.

Sarah’s sleepy mind slowly put the pieces together: her brother, that look on his face, you, their mom’s cookies.

“Oh” she said as the lightbulb went off in her head.

“OH!” she said again, louder this time, her eyebrows raised, a huge smile cresting her face as she punched him in the arm, excitedly. “I never thought I’d see the day! Rafe Cameron, you’re in lo—"

“Go back to bed, Sarah” he said, interrupting her, his cheeks now crimson, that familiar thumping in his heart fast and unceasing at the words that had nearly come out of her mouth.

She smirked knowingly at him before turning to go back upstairs.

You were sitting on your front porch swing reading, trying to soak in the last warm rays of the summer sun when Rafe’s truck pulled into your driveway. You hadn’t been expecting him and your heart nearly leapt out of your chest in excitement and surprise. He smiled widely upon seeing you as he climbed your front steps and you ran to him, pulling him into a kiss that deepened quickly, your body moving on auto-pilot as soon as you felt his lips on yours, constantly begging for more as you tangled your fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and teased his lips with your tongue. You could feel him smiling against you, a laugh escaping his lips that pulled you apart. “Mm’not what I came here for, gorgeous, but I’m certainly not complaining” he said as he brandished a box he had been holding behind his back. “I brought you a little something, can I join you?”

You nodded and pulled him back to where you were sitting. He draped your legs across his lap and his eyes remained transfixed on you, his smile never leaving his lips. “Open it” he said, nodding to the box in your hands.

You unfolded it to find a pile of chocolate chip cookies, your favorite. You squealed with excitement before realizing that they looked homemade.

“Rafe, did you make these?” you asked, unable to hide the shock in your voice.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I did, yeah, so I’m sorry if they’re not the best, but, it’s my mom’s recipe… I haven’t made them in a long time but I think they turned out okay.”

Your eyes widened as you looked at him, to the cookies and back again. “Rafe Cameron, this is the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me and it means the world to me that you would share this piece of yourself, of your mom, of her memory with me.” Your chin wobbled, briefly, as you were overcome with emotion at his gesture.

“Hey, hey, no crying, it’s cookies, they’re supposed to make you happy” he said, laughing as he reached out a hand to cup your face.

“What did I do to deserve this?” you asked, laughing back, still completely enamored by his gesture as your eyes sparkled and traced his face.

He blushed and his eyes darted to the floor for a moment, feeling nervous under your gaze.

“Look, I’m not great with words or saying stuff… things that you need to hear from me. I try, you know? To let you know how I feel…” he started.

You thought about the feeling of his strong arms around you when you needed him most, you thought about every way he kissed you: soft, languid and sweet, intense, demanding and passionate. You thought about the feeling of his fingers ghosting over your skin and way your insides curled at his unwavering attention. You thought about the way he fought unceasingly to keep you safe, to protect you, the way he let everyone know you were his. You thought of him reading his mom’s slanted script on an old recipe card to make you the box of cookies that now sat in your lap and you realized Rafe had always conveyed exactly how he felt; you knew it without him saying it, and you smiled at him, your heart quickening as you nodded. “I know… well, I think I know what you mean?” you said, smiling, laughing, trying not to read too far into what he was trying to say, trying not to get ahead of yourself, to get your hopes up.

“Well, you should know for sure. I don’t want you second guessing or trying to figure it out. You mean… a lot to me…I know we’ve only been together for a little while but I think about you constantly. You make me nervous as hell, you’re so beautiful and you’re incredibly sweet, I literally don’t know what you’re doing with me half the time –”

“Rafe” you said.

“Nah, I‘m serious, like I don’t even know how I got here, how I got you, but I need you to know I don’t take it for granted. I’d do anything for you, anything to keep you safe, anything to make you happy…”

You nodded encouragingly, as your eyes traced his face, still trying to read between the lines of what he was saying as he continued.

“…You make me feel important, confident, like I can do anything, because you believe in me, because I have you by my side. You’re my #1 priority… I-- alright, fuck it, I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Your smile radiated as one hand came to cover your mouth and you grinned ear to ear.

He let out a deep sigh before meeting your eyes earnestly and saying it again. “I love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.”

You crawled into his lap and pressed your lips to his, your heart racing in your chest and your hands shaking as you cupped his face, his arms immediately circling you, grasping you tightly as he kissed you back.

“Say it again” you mumbled against his lips.

He laughed, kissing you again. “I love you” he said against your lips, kissing you more deeply.

“One more time?” you asked, breathless.

“I love you” he said, his hands bunching in your shirt as he wrapped his arms more tightly around you, his heart slamming in his chest.

“You’ve made me feel loved every day, Rafe Cameron, but it means everything to hear you say it. I love you too.”

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @sweetestdesire, @voidcameron, @one-sweet-gubler, @m-indkiller, @diary-of-jj

[zedweek]

Zedweek 2024 Prompts!!!!!!!

Day 1: Dec 2

ZSMA:  It’s the anniversary of the series that started it all! Spanning four years, Zedaph’s Super Minecraft Adventure showcases Zed’s growth as a creator and contains countless silly moments! Farms and western villages, breakups and singing and time travel! Whether you embrace a younger Zedaph, a best build, or a favorite moment, it’s a blast from the past!

Free space: We know that Zed’s earliest series is also one that many haven’t seen, so this day is also open to anything that anyone wants to make! Get crazy with it! The only limit is your own imagination!

Day 2: Dec 3

Hermitcraft 5-6: Caves of crystal and bases galore, we’re going back in time! Featuring lovely characters such as Worm Man and Zedeath, season 5 and 6 give a lot to work with! The rise of the gaming district and the iconic Is That Sheep Looking At Me? entertained the Hermits, and our hero still found time to try his hand at aerial livestock delivery! The following season saw a Jack (Er. Zed?) of all bases, with 5 in total, but no one official base to call his own. Truly, the season of embodying what it means to be a hermit!

Hels: From the mind of Hermitcraft’s own Welsknight, Hels has taken the fandom by storm with its intrigue and possibilities. Explore what Zed’s own Hels could be like, create an elaborate theory where he is a Hels, or where he doesn’t have one at all! If anyone would transcend the rules of the universe to relax and simply share a meal with Evil Xisuma in the most dismal part of the universe, it’s surely the birthday boy.

Day 3: Dec 4

Hermitcraft 7-8: Settling into the Hermitcraft server, seasons 7 and 8 pushed our existing knowledge of Minecraft! From the Cave of Contraptions to the Sciscraper, Zedaph made it his mission to discover the secrets of Hermit psychology as well as some of the most useless functions in the game! Hang out for a round of golf or come up with an even less efficient contraption! There’s plenty of time for a new completely ethical experiment; the moon isn’t getting any bigger…Right?

Oddity:  Zed’s brain and body don’t quite work like anyone else’s, but that’s all the more reason to love him! This is a day to embrace everything that makes Zed peculiar, or to enjoy the peculiarities that he loves right back!

Day 4: Dec 5

Hermitcraft 9-10: Up for a challenge? This pair of seasons has plenty! Try your hand at an advancement or gamification, or design one for our guy! From falling at world height to cheeky spying to getting his friends caught on fire by an angry furnace, these seasons bring plenty of fun! Maybe get a little meta yourself and add a sneaky game to whatever you create!

Death: It’s a well-known fact that Zedaph toys with the cycle of death and life! To me, this seems like a great day to celebrate the way Zedaph celebrates death, whether it be his hundredth demise, making a game of ushering souls, or testing the limits of respawn! 

Day 5: Dec 6

Create: It’s important to properly enrich your Zedaph by letting him play with wrenches and gears with his eccentric friend every so often. Bite into a honeyed apple and feel the rush of being catapulted! Or catapulting your friends! Catapult everything!

Alternate Universe: Put this boy in a situation!!! Get creative and share the role another Zedaph plays (heh) in your story, whatever it may be! Alternatively, try and stop Zed from falling into another universe all on his own. He’s got portal technology, you know!

Day 6: Dec 7

Kris & Jack:  As long as I, Ell Cillpiines, am running this event, there will be always be a KnJ day. This is a day to appreciate Zed’s second channel in all of its filmy frenzied goodness and cast of characters! (D.I.)Why? Because a world without Kris & Jack isn’t a world I would want to be in!

Kris & Jack but in Minecraft this time: oooh you wanna think about them so bad

Day 7: Dec 8

Birthday!!!!!:  It’s a Zelebration! Grab a noise-maker and join the party however you see fit! Happy birthday, Kristopher Zedaph Plays!