#my health is shitty af but its all my own fault and im still taking no steps to making it better cause im an asshole lile that

[ravensmadreads]

Blockmenowimmabeannoyinginthetags

Eyeroll what else is new

[tac-confessions]

K lemme clear some stuff up since some of you cant read, and yes im gunna be aggressive as hell in this because none of you listen

First few things, i am not suicidal, i did not say i was going to off myself, i do not know who that anon was but because of everyone saying that anon was me, that anon is not getting the help they deserve from you people so maybe instead of looking for another petty reason to justify your actions against me, think for a second how ignorant your actions are to someone who is legitimately struggling with life right now. How do you think that anon feels? To have posted that as an attempt to seek help or something or to vent, and then see everyone going “omg vlixxie did this to guilt trip deku!!1!” Yeah, please use your brains thank you

To clarify, what i said was that i have struggled with suicidal thoughts and tendancies in the past, im getting help and im getting better, but i still struggle with heavy depression, i did not intend for this to be a guit trip, i realized how aggressive i was towards deku and i attempted to explain why i got so angry at them, receiving vivid violence threats like that really can trigger memories of when i was struggling with life, it can trigger a lot of dissociation and anger and hard shit to deal with, please do not take my words out of context if your going to go off on me for that, no one likes a hypocrite

K second thing, can you FUCK OFF with the ableist autism comments what the actual fuck is wrong with you anons. Seriously? You think people are defending me because im uwu autistic cant do shit? Yeah i have autism, yeah its a disorder thats hard af to deal with, but you know what? I fucking deal with it because life doesnt go soft on you because yoy have more trouble navigating it. I know how to control myself, i know how to form words, i can function as a human being and implying that i cant and that thats the only reason people are defending me is sickening and dehumanizing. Stop minimalizing me and the autistic community as a fucking whole just because you want reasons for me to be at fault

Next point, the slurs, oh the slurs, deku used the R slur against me. Deku did not know i was autistic, i did not ever expect them to have known that as i didnt tell them so i’d appreciate it if you dropped that whole “how could deku know!!” Im not mad because deku used a specific slur against autistic people against me. Im mad because deku used a slur as an insult. As i have been informed, deku also has some kind of disorder, but thats none of my business so i wont ask. The point is, deku has a disorder so in technicality he is likely eligable to reclaim the R slur. The issue with how deku used the slur was they used it as an insult, thats not how reclaiming works, reclaiming a slur is a process used by the minority to slowly take the edge away, to take away its power, so it cant be used against them anymore. When you “reclaim” a slur by using it as an insult, your giving it more power, your using it to descriminate, your doing literally the oposite of reclaiming. So dont come at me with the “deku can use the slur” because while thats true, using a slur to belittle or insult someone takes away any rights you might have and makes you just as discriminatory as anyone else using a slur as an insult

My triggers, so as i gave mentioned in this and as i have mentioned in notes and past posts, violence indicators and threats in general are pretty triggering for me, i dont know why ya’ll started saying “how could deku know??” Because i never said i expected them to know, newsflash, i really dont. Im not open about most of my triggers because most are centered around trauma or are embarrassing to talk about, ya’ll think i wanna be out here talking about how i used to wanna off myself? Ya’ll think im enjoying that? Nah not one bit i’d rather shut my damn mouth on that but it’d just give you people yet another reason to come at me so here we are. Deku did not know those two things would especially set me off, but the fact of the matter is that deku used a slur against me, and deku threatened me. Wether those two things are triggers for me or not they’re disgusting behavior and sick. The reason i brought up the triggers was like i said earlier, to try and explain why i got so aggressive at deku in addition to the original nature of the threats and insults

I legitimately dont know what “evidence” ya’ll have against me but your claiming you got screenshots of me doing/saying something that apparently warrants you to attack me, before ya’ll start sending those screens out like u claim your gunna do, maybe you should dm me and ask for my side, instead of furthering the one sided nature of this shitshow. I do have beef with endo rn, i have had beef with endo for a while now, but i kept it all in private, i didnt say anyting, i vented to my friends a few times because it was stressful as fuck and it was eating me up inside, i gave them screenshots when they asked but i literally never took this public. So before you try to attack me for “publicly” shaming endo, maybe consider that you are literally the people who made this a public affair and literally publicly shamed *me* for nothing

You had no reason to make this public, you had no reason to attack me, you’re grasping at straws trying to find a way to justify your actions, your trying to use me as a scape goat to take the blame off you, but you know what? I own up to my actions, i apologize when necessary, i genuinely want to better myself when i fuck up. And i dont use my mental health or my disorders as a sheild, i explain them when it’s necessary to the situation so dont twist that against me because it’ll only make you more of an asshole

Finally, people arent defending me because i have autism, people arent defending me because im “helpless” people are not defending me because i cant control myself or for any reason your describing, people are defending me because someone blatantly publicly threatened me with no basis and continued to harrass me and bully me into submission. To keep saying people are defending me because i have autism is not only offensive to me as a person with autism, its offensive to the whole ass community, we can take care of ourselves, just because we’re different doesnt mean you can pick our strengths and weaknesses apart and force an identity upon us

So before you make another post trying to further pin everything on me and make more shitty comments against me to justify yourself, consider that maybe you actually fucked up

And for the record, you keep saying i fucked up and im deflecting and i got called out, no one has told me how i fucked up, no one has told me why i apparently deserve this, so how the fuck do you expect me to apologize for actions i did that you wont tell me about. I cant apologize for things i didnt know offended or hurt you, not unless you downright tell me that it hurt you, im not a mind reader, and publicly shaming me isnt going to change that

Thank you.

[a-memoir-of-me-blog]

control the population. population control. keep them at animal like behaviors. keep them asleep? yeah...no. if it affects the economy of the country you live in...it affects you! <3 but ofc....use the system to your advantage, always. lol. am i katniss

Yeeeooooo. They were on this since 1960s. Under "Subsistence Agriculture" heading. It says "the us and other industrialized countries sought to move farmers "beyond" subsistence into industrialized production as a part of development programs in 1960s"

They fucked knewwwww. They're developing hydroponics and vertical farms and NASA is working on making places on mars for this. And the population control had to come to a halt because too many people being born and not enough food. Bruhhhh

"A return in subsistence agriculture has taken hold in parts of the world where farmers feel production for the global market has not benefitted them either financially or culturally (and it's bad for their health with all the Monsanto shit). For example, indigenous people in the southern Mexican states of Oaxaca, Chiapas, and Guerrero have largely returned to subsistence agriculture. The nation reported in 2010 that Zapatista farmers have "in effect chosen to withdraw from the national economy, some weaning themselves off expensive chemical fertilizers and subsisting on corn they can grow, Harvest and barter""

AND ITS STILL GOOD. because ITS FOR THEIR OWN INTEREST. BUT ITS DIRECT TRADE. NO MEDIUM. BRUHH

Omg. Hunger games is fucking real. "Shifting cultivation....primarily found in tropical and subtropical zones where traditional farmers have to abandon plots of land after the soil become infertile".

BRUHHH. The SHIFT. Who's changing this? Who's making the weather bad?! Who's creating these wars to make all the land of FOOD die?! BRUHHHH. POPULATION FUCKING CONTROL

Texts to my first love:

-I fucking volunteer. The hunger games was a fucking warning

-him: idk babe but go for it. Like i have no idea about how and what a farmer in oaxaca, mexico do and shit and honestly really dont care what they do either.

-you should because this literally affects you in everyway (economics...duhhhh)

-him: how

-your health, your money, your freedom to do X Y Z because you are being fed this shit (like their freedom to be healthy...get food actually worth their dollar...etcetc, whole domino effect). There is war over this stuff bc we need land to live and make food and its all about primary means of survival. Literally everythinggggg

-him: who says the supermarket im going to is sourcing from this guy specifically. (omg...lol). Hun this has nothing to do with me fr. hahaha. Maybe to you cause you find it interesting but i know i dont

-no. It has everything to do with you (bc its economics duhhhh). Like literally the ground you are standing on

-him: no it doesnt. Farming outside of the country has nothing to do with my living location or situation

-not them specifically. But in these commercialized places and big agribusiness, they 1) underpay workers 2) keep them out and cant go to family and support them (with already not even enough money for adequate things) 3) their health is bad (pesticides, etc…) 4) their family will have family issues and the kids will also have issues and educational issues as well and are very vulnerable 5) leads to kids acting out and becoming a burden to not just parents but also the economy that they are within 6) the cycle will continue.

Omg. yes it does. This is what makes people sick and what makes land die and what makes food not available and waste water and we all have a war on this…

-him: where in the us do you see this (omgg….third world america. Ppl dying. Ppl getting kicked out of their homes. Its everywhere. It may not directly impact you, but damn, does it indirectly impact you…)

-if you havent noticed, the places war torn and having terrible health and are poor and having issues with their land and bad weather is all perpetuated by monsanto. These countries were the og agriculture that had an abundance of arable land and crops and now they are dying because of food greed. And its so funny bc we are killing the land we are fighting for and we are gonna end up with nothingggg. Bruh. we get our food out there (and that affects food prices and availability). Thats why VERTICAL FARMING and HYDROPONICS and INHABITING mars for that. Because we are literally running out of food for people and water and its all our fault and they cant even go to school because they have to pay for all of this and its just to survive. Like….what happened to having the pursuit of happiness, when all they are doing is just trying to survive, not die on the streets, etc….and its all bc the system and the greed. The greedy white man.

-him: this is on a country to country basis case. Their shitty living situation, education and all this is due to their gov neglect (yeah...neglecting them from being protected from americas corporate greed and their scam…) not US being the sole cause of this. But honestly i dont really for it to be frank. Im worried about actual shit in my life that im dealing with and not a mexican farmer in god knows where and his issues

-you NEED to care for this.omg. This literally causes ALL conflicts because of power issues and if you stand neutral, you chose the side of the oppressor. Power is fighting over needs of resources to survive, right? And people will rob them and hide them because greed and the need to hold power because they are threatened lololol. The powerful one will always want more and more and more (but if you become more than human and dont fall into your condition...then you will give it away. Go make more and more and improve it….) but then they realize they have too much and then will make someone exchange it for a fake ass inflated price with no intrinsic value that wont keep them alive (aka….money and material things) and bruh. Food and water is fucking PRICELESS. We will literally kill for that because it KEEPS US ALIVE. And if they keep killing and also contaminating it, then 1) we will all be bloody af 2) we will have water..but its all contaminated and 3) we will have too much of nothing….and even if things werent contaminated, the balance would be off. We would 1) have too much to consume and it will go to waste, we will be too hype and start having kids at an alarming rate and the baby boom will happen all over again...this literally involve you 100% and the only way i can see this cycle to stop is get out of it. Be more self reliant and community based.

-him: no it doesnt babe...like what 100% involves me is my living situation, work situation that im getting together (he’s moving out to ny for me :’D), school. Like shit that actually is right now affecting my life and i can actually manage and make a change in and not this.

-and really care for your neighbor

-that because the system set it up for you (thats why you need to know how to use it to your best ability and get out) and just continue it on and on and on and keep you working more, keep you held back, keep taxing you more, etcetc….thats like having the farmer work for all the food but doesnt get shittttt for his labor and only people they work under will reap the profits and the food (that they prob dont even want to eat themselves) that goes out to the market and they just keep them doing the sammmeeee thing day in and day out. Farmers dont even get to reap the benefits of their hard labor.

And yes. Take care of yourself now, definitely. But remember to always know the system and take it to your advantage and use it to better yourself. Thats what the system does, it is a literal test. And then you can do more global and huge scale things. Thats what everyone will do. Go thru the struggle of being in the system, find the benefits that are hidden and the keys to get out and milk it so hard and then you can work on what you want to work on for yourself and for others. Because you will only get what you give...do what you wanna do for yourself and others to continue this life and legacy that you have. Thats the give. U gotta give it all and give in to this wholly. And use it to your advantage and all the tools and your own mind and imagination and creation and then before you know it, youre creating your world around you and you dont even realize it...but yes. U give your effort and work for someone and/or something and use their benefit from it and their references (but never get stuck in that!!) and the experience that also happens along the way. Build on your foundation as you go thru it all. Get the good, defend from the bad. Attract the good. Make them want to go to you, and it only works with genuine and care. Thats literally what school and work is for and life. But always remember there is a bigger takeway from this than just the time you are going to sacrifice. Just a lot of people dont know what to take out of it and just study and get good grades and they dont know why they are doing it….or worse, they just start to work and get money and thats it….we are more than money and numbers...we are more than a made up value and we are more than just being in this infinite “time” of “things”. We’re timeless….

-him: thats all i wanna do. Use life experience, corporate experience, life experience all to my full advantage and be able to flourish to my beneift and with that give back fruit of my labor to you, my family, and our family one day. That is an attainable goal i can handle and accomplish

-me: yessss babe. Alwayssss remember to give back to the people around you and your neighbors and your community because theyre the ones who will remember you and care for you and come together for you because they know youre a good person who only helped them. Theyre youre team. Were all on each others team. Lol lorde is woke. I love her pure heroine album

And also be hellllaaaa aware and careful in the corporate world because they can definitely corrupt your mind and the government and the public. Dont become a spawn. Dont let them let you get lost in their sauce and keep you blind from YOUR real goal. They will try to enslave you with their money and their false power giving. So direct a lot of your energy into direct beneficial things. Like thats why im like “why dont corporations/unis/communities, give like not just education stipends, but like stipends that keep their health up” ex google. I think theyre a pretty sustainable and socially and environmentally friendly and conscious company and keep their employees healthy and top notch and best ability to work and not just give them insurance and healthcare (because why take care of it and spend mad money on it when it can be prevented….and with prevention, it is less and you get more out of it…). Like they let them get rest when they need to so they can be more productive and to their best ability and also keep them autonomous so they dont get burnout  and they get a share of their stock so they directly see the benefits going straight to them thanks to their hard work and commitment. And if it doesnt give that, invest money into like...things that keep not just your health up but also the planets. So you can stay away from bad health and then given “meds” to ��fix” a “problem” they want you to think you have. And thats why i urge you to stop drinking and smoking all the time.