#It's laughable😆

[glittery-ishfish]

Needlessly Long and Dramatic APH Belarus Slander

A/N: Just to clarify, I am NOT at all referring to the REAL COUNTRY of Belarus. The citizens of Belarus are already trying so hard to fight, literally risking their lives, for freedom and national identity. I am not about to ignorantly hold an entire country accountable for what their government and dictator do and have done, especially since people are dying trying to fight for basic human rights.

This is about HETALIA’S Belarus. SPECIFICALLY Hetalia’s Belarus as a PERSON, not as a nation. As I said in one of my first posts, there’s not nearly enough slander of this depiction of Belarus. And when there was, it was for the wrong reasons (“she gets in between me and my ships”). This has been festering inside me and I need to let it all out.

And do keep in mind that this is APH Belarus slander. This is my opinion. It's in the title. Don't like it? Then move on. I don't care, I don't wanna hear it.

And if you stayed, I hope you're ready because I'm about to spill my angry guts out😃👍

Hetalia’s Belarus is a terrible person and a poor, insulting personification of the country.

How?

Let's see, uh…

She bullies, deliberately ignores, and is overall a complete cow to her older sister because she falsely assumes that Russia wants to marry her instead.

Is needlessly hostile and rude to everyone, regardless if they mean well.

Threatens and curses people who disagree with, or even question, Russia because "how dare they have an opinion".

Gets angry when Russia talks to anyone who isn't her, regardless if it’s for professional reasons.

One of the (many, many, many) reasons why Russia doesn’t have any friends is because she scares people off just to have him all to herself.

Blames other people (especially her sister) for Russia's constant avoidance of her rather than reflecting on her own behavior.

Is weirdly contradictory. She’s been shown actively stalking seeking out recruits to ‘become one’ with Russia but gets all ornery and pissy when said recruits are close to him (like, what did you expect??).

Makes Russia’s life more of a living Hell and even curses him when he outright tells her “no”.

Throws violent temper tantrums when things don’t go her way and destroys things.

Has deluded herself into thinking that Russia does want to marry her and dismisses his fearful reactions as stubbornness/“Tsundere behavior”.

Is completely on board with Russia’s desire to take over the world (which she misinterprets as "turn everyone into big brother’s slaves" rather than Russia’s real intentions [as fucked up and naive as they are], "being friends with everyone").

Has been bullying Lithuania since childhood even though he loves her and has repeatedly broken his fingers and legs.

Has been implied to have done questionable things to the Baltics ("Today, I played around with___. It’s interesting to see what expressions he makes when I do such things to him").

Isn’t above hurting animals. Got into a fight with a cat simply because it was “in big brother’s way”.

Has done an impression of the stereotypical "Imōto-chan trope" in an attempt to "persuade" her brother into marriage (I know it's minuscule compared to what I've already mentioned, but the fact that she just blatantly assumes that Russia is the kind of person who would be into that is just...ew).

Held Liechtenstein in a chokehold when asked to interact with her.

Actually likes her authoritarian jackass of a boss and has made a fansite of him (the only other person she’s done this for is Russia, which is saying a lot).

Silent calls people out of spite.

Has stolen, smelled, and worn her brother's underwear on her head as a nightcap.

Takes invasive photos of Russia without his knowledge or consent.

Constantly ruins and/or breaks down Russia's doors.

Leaves scratch marks on Russia's property as a hobby.

Has indecent, sexual fantasies about her brother.

Has used physical force on Russia (ie. crushing his arm) to get him to marry her and showed zero remorse over hurting him.

Has an entire Hetastagram (Instagram) account called ‘Daily Big Brother’, where she praises, stalks, and publicly posts photos of Russia online without his consent (and I’m willing to bet that some of them were the suggestive ones I mentioned earlier).

Overall, not a good person. A brat, even.

Belarus is one of those characters that I adore aesthetically. I love her design (have you seen her in a ponytail?), I occasionally do voice impressions of her for fun and I’m always ecstatic when I discover canon information about her. Hell, I have an entire document dedicated to canon descriptions of her physical appearance just to cosplay her (I’ve been wanting to cosplay Bela for a very long time).

But at the same time I know for a fact that, if I knew her in real life, I would absolutely hate her guts.

I already don't like her as a person, and I know I said this is about her personality specifically, but I especially don't like her as a personification of a country that's already been going through hell just to keep its independence (and it's even more gross and insulting in real life knowing that it's Russia that's out to take away Belarus' national autonomy).

Belarus' obsession with Russia does influence most of her bad traits. He's not, by any means, a good influence.

However, she fails to recognize his many fatal faults and misinterprets what he wants as malicious world domination and enslavement, which she's concerningly more than happy to indulge.

She sees Russia as this idealized, flanderized version of himself. She sees him as something to praise and revere, as this brooding, merciless god-on-earth who's righteous in every way. To put it into perspective, the way she sees Russia is very similar to how the fandom saw him during the 2010s and sometimes still sees him today.

She doesn't really know her brother or even see him as his own person. Sure, she can name every location he's ever been to, is obnoxiously protective of him, and knows his pinky toe turns red when he's embarrassed, but she doesn't know who he is as a person. His likes, dislikes, what he wants, and especially, what he doesn't want. She likes the idea of him and just makes assumptions from there without any input or consent.

Belarus won't acknowledge it, but to her, Russia is essentially a doll. Just a target. An object to keep, project, and force her affection onto.

And this isn't the same as Russia doing harmful things out of a lack of understanding of how the world works. This isn't the same as Russia being cognitively unaware of everyone's fear of him.

No. Bela knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows better than to be doing what she’s doing. But she indulges anyway simply because she lacks impulse control. And from the looks of it, it's deliberate.

And the worst part about all this? She’s never been held accountable for her actions. Not once does someone reprimand her or call her out for her shitty behavior and, if anything, it’s enabled.

Russia can't bring himself to tell her off or get rid of her (out of both familial love and fear), which only makes matters worse since Bela's fanatical dumbass will only assume that his lack of action means that he approves of her behavior.

But it's not like what Russia does matters anyway because if he even tries to put her down (gently or otherwise) and behaves outside of her idealized version of him, she'll just throw a shit fit and make him more miserable. He's forever stuck in this vicious cycle until he's drained from her antics and finally gives in to what she wants.

And the reason(s) why other people let her get away with the shit she pulls is because:

They're also scared of her.

She’s a female nation, and no one tells female nations what to do.

"She’s just so cute!” (PrettyPrivilege™️).

The closest thing she’s ever gotten to a ‘reality check’ was in that 2011 Halloween comic. When Denmark casually brushes off her usual attempts at intimidation.

And laughs to her face for even trying in the first place.

(Denmark, you’re wonderful, don’t ever change)

Belarus is implied to be lonely and has had a rough upbringing like her siblings, leaving her with a pessimistic view of life and relationships. She's tried to break away from Russia once (I imagine her bosses at the time forced her to) and lived with America, who also got tired of her antics and tried to get rid of her as well. This would explain a lot of her obsessive, co-dependent behavior and, by all accounts, is enough to garner some form of sympathy.

However, the reason why Bela is lonely is that she's actively choosing to cling to one person. She pushes all of her projections and issues onto Russia, further isolating him while not giving a single flying fuck over how her actions affect him and those around her.

And even when there are other people who love and care about her unconditionally (for some reason), she’s dismissive and a complete bitch to them. She takes those relationships for granted and only ever indulges them if it serves some sort of benefit to her (usually as a means of getting closer to Russia).

As if the fact that she's indulging in incestuous fantasies isn't bad enough, she's making active attempts to make them a reality and giving no regard over how her target feels. She takes time out of her day to intentionally hurt others who dare to disagree. The fact that there are other people who care about her and want her to be happy means nothing to her. It's painfully frustrating to watch.

Even traits that should be positive (strength and passion) are manifested in negative ways. She's been noted to be talented and has so much potential. But instead, she chooses to waste said potential in favor of being...this.

So long story short, Belarus is the kind of person who will never be happy. Regardless if she magically gets what she wants in the end.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: I absolutely love it when the fandom goes the extra mile to expand on her character. She's shrouded in mystery and could have at least one positive trait for all we know (unfortunately, that reveal's not gonna happen anytime soon).

I typically don't care for headcanons and this is one of the few exceptions. It's a breath of fresh air to see different interpretations of her character.

Man, Belarus. You bring out the worst in people.

And you're not putting in any effort to change that. To be a better version of yourself. Have you any self-respect?

So you must be happy with where you are. And if that's the case, then why should I, or anyone, feel bad?

I guess I see why I should be sorry for you, but I also see no point in wasting sympathy on someone who's content with being a shitty person.

Don't go out of your way to be a petty asshole and this wouldn't happen🤗

So yeah, Hetalia’s Belarus is not just a terrible person, but a poor, insulting personification of the country.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[haute-honey]

astro obs.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Libras are always expected to give others something. Others always seem to look to them to give them their time, energy, love, affection, hell even their life. Of course they have issues with people pleasing because people naturally want to take take take from them. When they try to establish boundaries, all hell breaks loose leading them to never try to establish them again.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Speaking of Libra, I'm seeing a lot of posts about how *gay* we are lol Which made me wonder and think back on all the times I've had other women who I thought I was in true platonic friendships with fall head over heels in love with me and admit their true feelings to me. First time it happened I was literally in 4th grade.... How do we hetero Libras turn the gayness off or are y'all going off of what is stereotypically gay?

🤸🏽‍♀️ Libra rising are indecisive because when they make a hasty decision or impulsive decision, 9 times out of 10 it blows up in their face. Let them take their time dammit!

🤸🏽‍♀️ + libra rising kids not only experience bullying/jealousy/evil eye from their peers, they'll even experience it from full grown adults.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I saw someone mention that not liking 6th house synastry is because you enjoy toxicity in relationships...and I disagree. I think 6th house synastry depends on the type of relationship and the sign that it is in. For me, the 6th house works more for friendships and professional relationships rather than romantic relationships. As a straight woman, the sign my 6h is in is not ideal for a relationship for me due to other placements in my chart.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Furthermore, what synastry works for you best or what synastry you find to be most romantic is based on you and your chart. Don't let any of these "astrology girlies" pump your head up with bs just because it works for them.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Fellow scorpio placements (esp you scorpio suns) I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this, someone making you aware when you're exhibiting toxic/bad behavior does not equate to them being unloyal or betraying you. You need people around you that'll hold you accountable for the fucked up shit you do sometimes. No, it doesn't make them a snake or mean that they don't love you but my god, get a grip girl and be so motherfuckingly forreal.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Aquarius men aren't the challenge yall think they are... they're just detached. If that is not your style of love, move along.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Lilith energy is for women/feminines. If you are looking at Lilith through a synastry chart, the one who holds that power when it comes to how Lilith is placed is the feminine in the equation (if there is one). Men/masculines are subdued by Lilith. Not the other way around. For example, if a man's Lilith conjuncts a woman's Venus, he won't be able to use that power over her because he will not connect to it and will not know how to use it.

🤸🏽‍♀️ It is SO FUNNY when I read other observations on Libra placements. Its either we are mean girls/bullies or we are fake/people pleasers lmfao As someone with a lot of prominent Libra placements and influence, I have always had to deal with the fake allegations or the bitchy/intimidating mean girl allegations. Its like if we're not kissing ass we are the meanest bitches but if we are trying to make an effort to please everyone, we are people pleasing fake ass bitches 😆 I need y'all to pick a side and stay there when addressing Libras.

🤸🏽‍♀️ To say a venusian ruled person (Libra/Taurus suns, risings, venus) is a copy cat is laughable because they are the ones getting their swag stolen or having people wanting to be their friends to siphon their aura/vibe. Ex: Cleopatra a Taurus sun (Venus) had her "friend" copy her entire style/aesthetic.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I applaud the female/feminine Libras who have given up on pleasing others and have taken on the bitch allegations with pride because fuck these people. Y'all are weirdos who expect pretty women to fit into whatever box you feel like they should to appease your own self esteem. Seek help.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Degrees absolutely have effects on the natal chart and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You might resonate more with whatever sign rules over the degree of your sign or rising rather than the actual sign that sit in those placements.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I saw someone say that a unevolved Sagittarius man is scared of sex........... while that could be true they are more often than not sexual deviants when unevolved.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Speaking of sagittarius, Jupiter ruled people quite literally NEED Jupiter to help them out and provide them with more luck than the rest of us because these people are the ultimate self sabotagers. They love trouble, they enjoy creating chaos often then not. And Jupiter is always there to put out the fires they start.

🤸🏽‍♀️ You can't really tell anyone what synastry is best for romantic relationships vs which ones you deem worse because at the end of the day it is all about preferences. If you like a familial feel to your relationships, you'll probably like 4th house synastry. However, if you're like me and come from a veryyyy dysfunctional family, 4h synastry will repulse you. So figure out your own vibe and what you like in a relationship and go from there.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Women with prominent sagittarius placements often are seen by outsiders as the "cool" or "fun" moms when really they can be verrrrrry neglectful towards their children. Ask me how I know lol

🤸🏽‍♀️ Saw someone say that Scorpio sun and moon placements can be backhandedly bully people and this is when I have to bring up the issues of generalization when y'all are making these "observation" posts. Any placement has the potential to be a bully. Literally any of them. However, why Scorpio sun and/or moon might stand out is because they can be LETHAL with their words (ex. Tia Kemp - Scorpio sun). Like they really know how to cut somebody up with their words and they are QUICK with it. Kind of like a scorpion with their tail. So be mindful and don't take it there with them if you can't keep up because you'll need therapy after they get done with you.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Scorpio moon women are either resenting other women or being resented by other women. It can go either way.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Gemini women are the ladies that look a mess 99% of the time and I like that about them.

[dottie-n-stripes]

i love the seal motifs you use with dottie, makes alot of sense since spotted seals share her freckles! (leopard seals also share her ferocity...). in your interpretation of the splatoon world, do you imagine seals are still living? or do you think they went away like all the other mammals?

sorry if this ask is kinda strange, i am very obsessed with both seals and splatoon, so a chance to talk about both is very tantalizing!

OMG I WAS SO HAPPY AND EXCITED TO SEE THIS MESSAGE IM GLAD U LIKE IT 💙 i made seals dottie's fav animal for those reasons!! they suit her and they are such fun guys :'D

ok so maybe it's Controversial of me but i like having marine mammals still exist in my splatoon realm. for me personally i just think it's laughable to think animals that can survive in water for extended periods of time, air-breather or not, would go extinct when sea levels rose (so whales and pinnipeds still exist To Me). my justification is inkfish are all kind of stupid so maybe they don't realize those guys are mammals too so they maintain that they all went extinct 😆

anyway! dottie loves these guys she wishes she could ride around on a giant leopard seal like shiver does with master mega

theres this one that she feeds at the docks sometimes. she calls it 'mother phoca' (ik leopard seals don't fall into the phoca genus but it's seal related and she thinks it is funny because it sounds like a bad word. as she would. pfft)

[johnwickb1tsch]

The Girl Next Door ~ Part 1

A Constantine x Reader fic based on this imagine.

Summary: John Constantine has a crush on you. He wasn’t going to do anything about it though, until you strong arm him into coming over for dinner. Little do you know, this paints a target on your back for the local vampire coven… (I had to write something sweet for my mental health y'all 😆) Rating: Explicit, NSFW, but no dead doves...😮

You are the very archetype of The Girl Next Door. Well, literally. John Constantine lives in 202, and you in 204. You share a wall, and occasionally, he sort of smiles at you when you meet in the hall.

Like tonight, as your arms are full of groceries, returning home after work. You don’t know what he does exactly, but you assume it’s the same for him, though he is only clutching a brown bag that very poorly disguises a bottle of scotch.

“Hi, John,” you say brightly over a proud sprig of celery sticking out of your bag. It’s almost a running joke between the two of you, your sunny brightness aimed at him like a weapon.

There’s a long pause, like always, before he finally answers reluctantly in his deep monotone, “Hi, y/n. Bye, y/n.”

Before you can engage him any further he disappears into his apartment, closing the door hard behind him, the slam in the air like an exclamation point. You stare for a moment at the space where he’d just been, tall, handsome, his suit rumpled, that tie half undone around his neck. He looked like he’d had a rough day, whatever he does.

He dresses like a professional something, but imagining that man as a door to door salesman with his attitude is laughable, and so is the thought of him working amicably in an office setting.

You go inside and put away your groceries, then spread out what you need to make dinner. It’s Friday night, and you’ve had a long week too. You are making comfort food—it’s kind of a shame to eat it alone.

Half an hour later, while the sauce simmers, you find you just can’t stop thinking about that man next door. He seems lonely, every time you see him. There is something about him that just makes you want to wrap him up in a hug.

He’d probably push you off if you tried, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t need a hug.

The thing is…you have this thing. He pretends like you annoy him, but sometimes in the hall, or down in the lobby when you’re collecting your mail, you catch him looking at you when he thinks you’re not looking. And the look on his face is never exactly lecherous, like you’re used to with most men who eye-fuck you on the street. His look is more…just…lost, and it tugs at your heartstrings.

You’re sure he’ll say no, but your feet seem to carry you of their own accord, when you find yourself at his door, knocking loudly.

Some time passes and you hear him grumbling on the other side before he jerks open the portal just a crack. “Yeah?”

“I’m making my Nonna’s meatballs and marinara for dinner.”

“Good for you?”

“From scratch.”

“Sounds time consuming.”

“Want to join me?”

There is a very long pause, in which he just looks at you. You can tell he’s at least one drink in already; you smell the fumes on his breath. And maybe it’s stupid, and you’re asking for trouble you don’t need, but the thought that that will be this man’s only dinner squeezes your heart.

Finally, he answers with a question. “Why?”

“Why not?”

This, amusingly, seems to actually flummox him, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. In the end he narrows his eyes at you, (those lovely brown eyes, you can’t help but notice), like you’re trying to trick him into something truly heinous.

It’s…kind of funny, truth be told, and you can’t stop yourself from grinning. “Come on. I know you can smell it.” Your door is wide open.

“Maybe I don’t like Italian food.”

“Everyone likes Italian food.”

“Maybe you’re a terrible cook.”

“Only one way to find out.”

He actually growls a little, which for some reason gives you a thrill to the base of your spine.  

You really need to get back to stir the sauce. You didn’t anticipate getting this far in the conversation (argument?) with him, honestly.

“Well, door’s open,” you tell him, turning to go. You throw one last little come-hither look over your shoulder, to find he is definitely staring at your ass. Or, glaring, more like.

Maybe you have a screw loose, but you find this adorable.

You go back to your sauce, and lose yourself in the preparation of the other ingredients, watching the pasta to make sure it doesn’t boil over, checking that the meatballs aren’t burning. (Your oven is a dinosaur from the 1970s, and sometimes the temp spikes for no reason).

You are about to drain the pasta, when you find a tall, rumpled man standing beside your rickety thrift store table, looking a bit confused as to how he’d ended up there. He looks so big in your shoebox of an apartment, and if you’re being honest, maybe there’s a little bit of lust tied up with your desire to mother this man.

You offer him a welcoming smile, and for a moment, you swear he looks like he’s drowning.

“Glad you could make it,” you say somewhat teasingly.

“Can I…help?” He says the last word like it’s a completely alien thing to him.

“I’ve pretty much got it under control…” you say, which is mostly true. You peruse the sparse offerings of your 3 slot wine rack, picking a $6 bottle of Chilean red blend. “Want to open this?” The face he makes looking down at the decidedly weaker-than-whiskey beverage is almost comical, but he takes the corkscrew from you as you transfer the meal to serving bowls and put glasses of water on the table.

He removes his suit jacket at the table, rolling his sleeves up over muscular forearms that are, if you’re being honest, totally distracting. After you sit down you fill your plates, and the first few minutes of the meal goes by in semi-awkward silence.

Surprisingly, it’s John who speaks first. “This is really good,” he admits begrudgingly, and you utterly fail to damper your I-told-you-so smile.

“Thanks.”

You make halting small talk. You get the feeling he doesn’t chat much with anyone, of his own free will. When you ask him how his week was, his simple answer is, “Hell.”

You have no idea he’s being literal.

You ask him what he does, and he tells you he’s a sort of private detective, and he can’t really talk about it. He asks what you do, more to get the conversation off of him than anything. You let it go, for now, telling him that you’re a receptionist at an office building for a mega corporation downtown.

“Fitting,” he grumbles, you think because of your innate cheerfulness.

You feel the urge to tell him that half the time it’s just a thing you wear like armor—but you don’t know each other that well yet.

As you loosen up a little with food and more wine, he slowly asks more questions about you, where you’re from, what do you do in your free time, and maybe it’s stupid, but you feel like he’s actually kind of interested in your answers.

You enlist him to help you with the dishes, and as you stand together at the sink you bump him playfully with your hip. He peers down at you, his dark hair in his eyes. He is so tall, and there is a hint of a smile on his lips now. For him, it’s like a full-on toothy grin, and it doesn’t fail to quicken your heart in your chest.

Constantine can’t help but feel…puzzled, by you. Yes, you’re his cute neighbor, who teasingly likes to hail him in the hallway. And maybe he does look forward to the way your eyes sparkle, when he begrudgingly acknowledges you before retreating to the safety of the quiet solitude of his apartment. But you are so…nice. He can just tell, and he has no idea what a girl like you might want with a degenerate demon hunter like him. There are enough assholes in L.A. who would be happy to take you out. Why would you waste your time chasing him down?

And there is that smaller nagging voice in the back of his head. You are damned, and you don’t deserve her.

Fuck if it doesn’t make him want to touch you even more.

Later, he will look back on this as a moment of weakness. You, looking up at him with your big eyes, like you're old friends. You made him feel, for a fleeting moment, like he wasn't some doomed asshole with nothing to live for. Like he was an actual person. A man who could matter, to someone. Maybe even to you.

When you splash him with a flick of dishwater after he insults your favorite TV show he narrows his eyes down at you, and you get the fluttery feeling that he might like to eat you a moment before he cups your cheek in his big hand and catches your lips in a kiss. It’s everything you’d hoped for, even if you never actually expected it to really happen. Maybe the wine helped? Or maybe…he likes you? Luckily you get over your surprise, standing on tiptoe to meet him, looping your arms around his neck.

You yip with surprise when suddenly he lifts you to sit on the sink, pulling you close as the kiss deepens. “Was getting a crick in my neck…”

Your answering laugh is shaky at best. “Sorry.”

“Is this why you invited me over?”

“Sort of?”

He lifts an eyebrow at that, waiting for further explanation. You reach up to toy with his collar, tracing the line of his loosened tie, totally distracted by the shape of his collarbone and what’s bared of his neck. This man has a jawline that looks like it was sculpted from stone. There’s no shortage of beautiful people in L.A., of course, but you’ve never met anyone quite like him. He doesn’t seem vain, an oddity in this town, but underneath his rumpled suit this man definitely has the physique of a movie star. You try not to dwell on how odd it is, that he would choose to spend his Friday night with you.

“I mean, I’m definitely not complaining,” you offer with a sly little smile.

However, his answering expression is nothing less than stern.

“I’m warning you now, sweetheart. I’m not boyfriend material, and I’m not going to be your project.”

Even if both of those things may have crossed your mind, your thoughts are too hazy with lust from his lips on yours. Maybe he’s a grouch…but he’s a great kisser.

“Okay.”

“Good.”

He kisses you again, and you melt even more under his exacting touch. Those mitts for hands make you feel small, and you arch against him as they travel the ladder of your ribcage to your spine.

The wine was good, but you know you are mostly drunk on him.

Then he is lifting you again, like you weigh nothing, carrying you to the couch. You settle down into the worn vintage cushions and make-out like teenagers, all lips and teeth and pawing hands.

You’re the one who actually initiates something further, pulling off your shirt, and John blinks as he takes in the swathes of your bare skin. He glares at your lacy bra like it owes him money, and you can’t help but laugh breathily. You haven’t felt thishappy in a long time, truth be told.

“Something funny?” he asks, nipping at your neck. With a flick of his fingers your bra falls away, and your breasts are in his hands, and you forget how to speak intelligibly. With his lips on your nipples you manage to loosen his tie without strangling him, unbuttoning his shirt with an increasing desperation. You sigh when at last the bare skin of your torsos is pressed together, his weight pressing you down into the couch.

It occurs to you, how small your couch is, and this man is definitely over six feet tall. “Would you prefer…the bed?” you ask between kisses.

“Up to you.”

You nod, but find you can’t really stop kissing him long enough to move. You can feel the impressive length of him through his pants and yours, aligned with your center and you dry grind, thinking even that is wonderful. He, however, lets out a frustrated growl, and pulls you to your feet again.

Dizzy with desire, you lead him by the hand to your bedroom, and you make it there eventually between kisses and shedding the rest of your clothing. His thick fingers between your legs are a marvel. “So fucking wet for me,” he groans, and it’s too embarrassing to admit, but sometimes after seeing him in the hallway you’ve fantasized about something like this going down, and it always leaves you soaked.

“I…like you,” you admit, moaning as a second finger finds its way inside you, his thumb circling your clit.

“I still don’t get that,” he admits, but kisses you hard before you really have a chance to answer. It would be a little too crazy, to tell him right now that you’ve always just felt pulled towards him, like the Universe was giving you a nudge any time you saw him. He’d laugh at you, or he’d leave, and either of those at this point would be unbearable.

You are close already under his masterful touch, and you whine even as you flex your hips, all your muscles tightening in anticipation.

“Don’t make me cum yet,” you beg. “I want you.”

He groans in response to that, desperately pawing through the pockets of his pants on the floor for a condom. You watch with stars in your eyes, propped on your elbows as he rips open the packet and rolls it on that impressive length, your lip between your teeth. You feel empty while looking at him like this, longing to be filled to the brim.

There is a moment of raw eye contact between you that sears your soul, as he pulls you to the edge of the bed with those large hands on your thighs. For a fleeting second he looks almost vulnerable. It’s there and gone like a ripple in a pool, then his thick tip is at your entrance, and he is slowly pushing himself inside you.

It’s better than you ever dreamed, and you arch against him, moaning as he works inside.

“Fuck you are tight,” he pants in your ear, your walls clenching around him, seeming to fight him even as they crave the relief of his big cock stretching you out. You breathe deeply, easing him in. When at last he bottoms out inside you, your head rocks back behind your shoulders, blissed out.

“God, you feel good.”

This man actually snorts at the comment, though his voice is pure gravel, rough with need. “He wouldn't appreciate you saying it about me.”

Your laugh is half moan. 

“What, are you on a first name basis?”

“Yeah, sort of.”

You're not sure what to make of that, and you're too cock drunk to even begin to reason it out.

He can tell you're a nice girl. Or at least, that's his perception of you. So he doesn’t bend you at impossible angles or whisper filthy things in your ear. Really, there's no time for it. Just pure vanilla missionary in your sweet little snatch is more than enough to slake his need tonight. He fucks you on your back, his thumb on your clit as he glides in and out of your tight little pussy, your legs wrapped around his narrow hips.

Your pleasure builds in the cradle of your hips, wound so tight you feel like you'll either die, or fly. Usually...alright, it's never like this for you the first time with someone. There's always fumbling, and awkwardness, and half the time, if you're honest, a faked orgasm because you're too shy or too embarrassed to ask for what you really need from a new partner, afraid he’ll think you’re too much trouble. 

Well, that is not what is happening tonight. Tonight, John is taking care of you, and you can hardly believe your luck. 

“You gonna cum for me, baby?”

“Yeah.” Your reply is breathy, and you almost laugh just for the pure, unexpected joy you feel in that moment. “Oh, John...” Your ability to say real words escapes you as your body erupts with scintillating pleasure spreading through your loins. You actually scream, and the fierce clench of your cunt around him brings him too. He loses himself with a groan, his face buried in the curve of your shoulder as he shudders against you.

Afterwards, you are laying against his broad chest, his heartbeat a steady drum in your ear. You don't know it, but this is not something John Constantine usually does. Snuggling. But you are sweet and soft in his arms, and he can't quite bring himself to vacate the premises just yet. In fact, he's so comfortable that he dozes, and you follow close behind him.

In the middle of the night you wake to kisses on your neck and caresses down your curvy side. You sigh, arching into him. You feel his manhood at the seam of your buttocks, his thick head kissing your hole.

“Fuck. Sorry,” he whispers with a shuddering sigh, rolling over to reach for his pants again. How many condoms did he bring? The fact that he's not careless with you, even in the sleepy haze of the early morning second round, is incredibly endearing to you. How many times have you had to insist, and been made to feel like an uncool bitch for not wanting to risk pregnancy or disease in the heat of the moment?

Maybe it's utterly insane, but you're half in love already as he hauls you on top of him, his cock freshly capped with a new Trojan Magnum.

You are still drenched from earlier, and it's no problem to impale yourself upon him.

In the blue dark of early morning your eyes meet his, and again you sense that fleeting vulnerability before he distracts you with that clever fucking thumb finding your sensitive bud. He works you just right as you ride his beautiful dick with your back arched taut as a bow, his other hand toying with your nipple. It makes you cum in record time, so quickly it's almost embarrassing, though he doesn’t seem to mind. Within a minute he's followed along with you, his big hands digging into your hips hard enough to bruise as he reaches his own release. Your name on his lips raises gooseflesh all over your body, as though your lovemaking has invoked something powerful, something binding.

You collapse against his chest, and the both of you nearly fall asleep again, with him still inside you. 

“Let me get this thing off,” he requests gently, and with a plaintive little groan you roll off of him, curling in at his side. He knots the condom before throwing it in the general direction of the bin. You are both too tired to care if it actually hit home. 

Again, you snuggle close and the two of you doze tangled together until morning light streams through the window. 

You wake to kisses on your forehead this time. It's a miracle you rouse. You're a heavy sleeper—and he worked you out. 

“I have to go, honey.” 

“Want breakfast?” you murmur, half asleep.

“Yeah, but I can’t. Rain check?”

“Okay.”

Through half lidded eyes you watch as he gets dressed, half way, at least. A good portion of his clothes are still strewn around the living room.

My god, what a beautiful specimen of manhood you bagged last night. Nonna would be proud. She was an appreciator of male beauty, and if you told her that her special recipe had gotten you the best sex of your life with the handsome boy next door she would have cackled with delight.

“See you soon?” you dare ask as he buttons his pants. 

“Yeah,” he agrees, after a pause, bending down to kiss you one more time, with tongue this round. 

“Careful mister, or you'll start round three.”

“Jesus, woman,” he teases with that heartbreaking almost-smile. “You've drained me dry.” 

You look him over appraisingly.

“Doubt it.” 

He huffs with laughter, shaking his head. 

“Bye, y/n.”

You sigh. 

“Bye, John.”

With a surprisingly heavy heart, you watch the best lay of your life slip out the door. You really hope you'll get to do this again, and not just go back to awkward acknowledgements in the hallway.

***

Maybe John Constantine had told you he’s not boyfriend material.

But earlier that day, while he was having a smoke out on the sidewalk, he found himself looking over at the wares of a flower vendor and wondering if you would like them. He didn’t buy any, of course.

He wasn’t a total sap.

But it’s possible as he scales the stairs to his apartment, there’s a lightness in his heart as he thinks of you, and the possibility of seeing you in the hallway.

That's when he finds your door ajar, and your apartment ransacked, and a note in red ink on the table addressed to him.

If you want to see your girlfriend alive again, come to this address.

It’s a place in L.A. that’s deep in vampire territory, and something black and heavy weighs like a stone in the pit of John’s stomach. He’d deported a few big players of the local coven not too long ago, and he’d figured the Master would want revenge, but this?

Fucking diabolical—and just their style.

Goddamn vampires.

Without a moment to lose, he goes to his apartment to get his kit, praying he’s not too late to save you.  

[doe-rose-q]

🚨This is a Bethyl fandom-related post! All haters will immediately be blocked! 😉🚨

“Hey, Norman Reedus! 😄

We fans of Beth Greene, Emily Kinney and Bethyl would be absolutely thrilled to see Beth G. appear in Daryl Dixon season 3! Since you’re one of the series’ producers as well as its top star, can you possibly affect the writers to make this happen??? A flashback, dream sequence, hallucination, or even a merely mentioned thought would suffice. 💁🏻‍♀️

Beth obviously made a strong impact on Daryl while they were together on their own in The Walking Dead‘s Season 4… she taught him how to feel and express his emotions and he taught her how to fight and defend herself. It would sure be validating to see some evidence of this onscreen by way of Daryl’s reflection. Or maybe Beth somehow shows up alive in France? Stranger things have happened. 😜

Tbh, Carol magically finding Daryl within the huge expanse of Europe in this 2nd season is just as believable. *smh* 🙄😒😐

The “needle in a haystack” factor is a major suspension of disbelief in this storyline.

Because you have always been the Captain of the Bethyl Ship, my fellow Bethyler @only-if-these-wings-could-fly and I thought this would be a fun little campaign to launch in the midst of all this. 😆

One more thing: Isabelle sure looks a lot like Beth. 😏

And we gleefully know that this “coincidence” + the fact that they kissed each other—Daryl’s very 1st shown ONSCREEN—seriously pisses off the desperate AF C@rylers who laughably refuse to accept that Carol Peletier & Daryl Dixon will never ever be more than FRIEND-ZONE! These characters have both actually declared this fact throughout the course of TWD and in this current season, Carol tells someone that Daryl is her “brother.” The Daryl Dixon showrunner even said that they will never be a romantic couple. Yet the TWDC@rol hashtags amusingly persist. 🤣

Anyway… I commend you on the success of your spinoff and also good-naturedly asking you: please bring Beth back in one form or another. Thanks! 😁

TO ALL OF YOU LOVELY BETHYL SHIPPERS, BETH G. + EMILY KINNEY FANS HERE ON TUMBLR & BEYOND: please reblog this post or make your own similar post. Please feel free to use my photo edit in this post. Please pass on the message in whatever way you wish. And please use these hashtags when you do: #rememberingbethgreene #bringbethback #normanbringbethback

Thank you! ♥️

Doe Rose Q.🌹

[zalrb]

im rewatching TVD season 5 and the whole segment of elena walking stefan down memory lane because he lost his memory is making me squeal 😆😆😆 like he’s supposed to have lost his memory and yet this chemistry between them is just insane! how was i ever supposed to route for damon and elena they never stood a chance man 😭

Honestly, watching SE post breakup always makes me laugh because

but this isn't supposed to matter because of an awkward rain kiss, a laughable dance, and the word "real" ?

[austinslounge]

Not K promoting a movie that she was in, that has no release date as of yet, IMDB doesn't have a real summary or synopsis, she's put down as TOP cast, but a German magazine for Film and TV gave the summary of the movie: "Unsuccessful actress Samantha (Elisabeth Moss) is given the opportunity to have a free trial treatment at Shell, a pioneering health and beauty company that promises its customers will keep them young forever. Samantha's life and career are changed by the treatment, and she develops a budding friendship with Shell's CEO, the ultra-glamorous Zoe Shannon (Kate Hudson). When a number of former Shell patients disappear under mysterious circumstances, including popular social media star Chloe Benson (Kaia Gerber), Samantha begins to fear that she herself may be in danger."

I have a feeling that she's not going to win an Oscar for that performance 😅 *cough* if it even is a performance

Also, did Cindy and Randy pay to have her on the poster and the 1st on IMDBs Top Cast list? 🤔

Oh wow -- That's laughable lol 😆 😂

What I will say though is, idk if I'd take the cast listing too seriously. I've seen cast listings on IMDB for other films that didn't really make any sense.

I'm not sure how much these things are really intentional or make much sense in the end. But her being listed first is a joke lol 😆

[gallifreyinstituteforlearning]

Quick unimportant question, do back up cold resistant nervous systems still work in breaking you out of Shada? (This is obviously a hypothetical) if not how would one hypothetically escape?

How could you escape Shada?

Firstly, let's establish a firm disclaimer: Shada is an exceptional prison, meticulously designed by the Time Lords to be utterly inescapable. It exists in a time-locked micro-universe outside of normal space, a security measure so foolproof that even the thought of escaping is laughably impossible. Now, with that out of the way, let’s delve into this purely hypothetical scenario.

🥶 Cold-Resistant Nervous Systems

Shada's prisoners are stored in cryogenic cells, each one frozen in time and held perpetually. Back in the day, war criminals fitted themselves with cold-resistant secondary nervous systems to counteract this. However, the Time Lords got wise to that trick and now directly link prisoners' nervous systems into self-repeating time-frames via their tattoos, rendering those secondary systems ineffective. So, no, those old-school hacks won’t break you out.

🏃‍♂️ Your Hypothetical Escape Plan

For the truly hypothetical and utterly impossible escape, you’d need more than just biological trickery. Theoretical escape methods might involve:

Outrigger Platform: Located under the Control Core, this can open a channel with a physical link to Gallifrey. However, accessing this platform would require bypassing numerous security protocols while evading the robotic guardians patrolling the prison's surface.

Time Lord Assistance: Only a Time Lord could theoretically access the computer index files and deactivate the time lock, but finding one willing to commit treason would be another matter.

The Labyrinth: This cross-dimensional infrastructure might offer hidden pathways, but navigating it would require intricate knowledge of Shada’s highly classified internal layout.

But let’s be clear: this is all ridiculous. Shada's security measures are top-notch, making escape not just improbable but practically impossible.

🏫 So ...

So, if you’re considering some sort of daring break-out, GIL strongly advises against it. Shada is designed to hold the most dangerous beings in the universe, and its protections are nothing short of legendary. You should just enjoy the lovely Universe knowing that the Time Lords have everything under control.

Related:

What technology can the Celestial Intervention Agency use to track someone?: Limited overview on CIA tracking technology.

How long would it take the Celestial Intervention Agency to find someone?: Timeframes for how screwed you are.

What does the Gallifreyan political and social environment look like?: Overview of the general structure of Gallifreyan society and politics.

Hope that helped! 😃

Any purple text is educated guesswork or theoretical. More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →😆Jokes |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired😴

[iz1331]

Okay, so apparently, Warner Bros. suggested to change the title of Beetlejuice to House Ghosts (and I'm so glad Tim Burton and the others stuck with Beetlejuice).

But, the suggested title kinda made its way into the sequel with Lydia's show being called "Ghost House".

Also, Scared Sheetless is such a laughably stupid name, geez. 😆

[nickel156]

Gwynriel and Elucien exist and I'm stubborn as shit. So no E/riels, y'all can't change my view on how the story will go.

I'm stubborn as well!! 😆

But honestly if they came out with actual logic, quotes, and proper context.

Maybe I'd consider listening to their ideas.

Honestly I enjoy a good debate.

Except all these contradicting theories are laughable..

I can't/won't take anything they say seriously anymore.

I will stubbornly defend my ships and the people in them!!

[jubilantmedusa]

I got new markers, so it was time to make very amateur Dragon Zuko fan art for @notpotable’s lovely and incredibly well researched fic Where Clouds Roll By again. Behold -

I’ve drawn this guy once before, but this time I actually tried to be accurate:

…Zuko is mostly a glossy black… all serpentine, and scaled. He has kind of laughably short, scrawny little legs ending in clawed feet, in front and back pairs spaced improbably far from each other on his long body…. Katara can see that each dark scale is edged with a narrow crescent of gold. He also has two wings…

A close up -

And just for fun…

…when light touches him, the shining edges of each scale, little fingernails of gold, gleam like an expanse of stars in a moonless night sky..

…tilting a paper a little to make it ~shiny~

Made with water based ink markers, inkings pens, and gel pens.

Anyway, I’m actually behind and need to read the most recent chapter of the actual story, so off I go I guess 😆

[ourpickwickclub]

“Now that I’m gone, I’ve got your attention” She’s so delusional you almost have to feel sorry for her. Blake, Anderson, Evan they all made it very clear in one way or another that they are beyond happy they got rid of her. The People Magazine article about Blake being “grateful every day” he’s not with her anymore is still my favorite 😅

If she thinks Blake or any of the other guys are still paying attention to her, that’s laughable. Blake is living his best life in Italy right now with his wife and kids, and ML is still stuck in the past, recycling old song lyrics and hoping the Blake references will get her some press. I loved that People quote, and also the one from The Voice when Blake was working with his team member Lana. The one about having a relationship that seemed like it would work on paper but it totally didn’t—“you suck, and I’m glad it’s over.” Brutal! 😆

— M

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/750904664379310080/httpswwwtumblrcomdearweirdme7508276371502858?source=share

He prioritizes his fans over the woman he's dating? What an extremely juvenile thing to say.

Only taekookers were talking about taennie?? Really? Jikkrs still have side taennie accounts. They were the ones celebrating the pap walk anniversary when daeun decided to join the party. Jikookers haven't stopped talking about taennie since tae followed Jennie. Tkkrs talk about taennie bcs we don't like the head in the sand approach that jikkrs favour. We talk about speculations, bcs till now every ship is speculative. So we can't ignore anything that can prove that we might've been wrong. Unlike jikkrs, who can't talk about daeun bcs deep down they're scared of how legit she is. The debunkings on twitter are laughable at best. Cosplayers, copied apartments, etc. If y'all were so sure of her being fake, you would've atleast tried to discuss her in your blogs, but apparently she has been limited to gc s.

"Jk and Jm stans usually dont spread things that they dont want spread about their favs." So they talk about taennie bcs they want to spread taennie? Hmm why is that? 🤔

I really don't think she is scared of keyboard warriors. She would've stopped a long time ago if puny pjms and jikkrs terrified her. She doesn't even close her comments. Y'all have been the ones camping in her comments for so long. Now that she has given very clear proofs, it just further proves that she doesn't need jimin to shut the "fans" calling her attention seeker in comments. Coz she ain't scared.

Yk y'all should remember Chen and his wife. There are some uncanny similarities in both cases, including the age gap and attention seeking allegations. She was also called an old ugly hag who was after Chen bcs she wanted attention. See how that turned out.

Btw, I think silence really is golden in this case, bcs whenever y'all instigate her, she comes back with vengeance. 😆

Hi anon!

Jep, though I wouldn’t call Jm prioritizing fans a juvenile take, I do think it’s way more nuanced than that. We can’t really think of the way they date in terms of what we think is normal/good behavior. We haven’t walked in their shoes, so we don’t know what it’s like.

Agree on the other points!

[mybrainismelted]

How about 27 and 65? (Should we do weed dreams chapters like this? 😆)

oh boy. 27 (Cowboy/Western AU) + 65 (First Kiss/Date)

Ok, so Ian is surprised one summer when his biological father Clayton suddenly shows an interest in his life. Not the kind of interest he would normally want, but Clayton has decided that paying for him to go to some dude ranch for two weeks sounds like a good idea for some reason. It gets him out of Chicago for a couple of weeks, and he guesses horses are kinda cool. Debbie is jealous as hell, and that alone makes it worth being in the boonies for two weeks.

When he gets there, he finds neighbourhood thug Mickey has been sent to work there for the summer as some kind of outreach program that sends juvenile offenders on work programs instead of to juvie for mild offenses. The idea of Mickey Milkovich working on a ranch is even more laughable than Ian being there. Both boys are extremely happy to see someone from home though.

Mickey is even more happy to see the weed that Ian had managed to sneak in with him, and the two of them spend their evenings getting high, mostly in the barn, sometimes wandering out into one of the pastures, but mostly just hanging out wherever they can find a quiet corner.

One night, when they've both smoked a bit too much, Mickey broaches a subject that has been on his mind for days, asking if the rumours back home are true, and Ian is really gay. Being just high enough to have lost his caution, Ian admits that he is. To his surprise, Mickey then leans over and kisses him.

(yes, we should definitely open up some weed dreams asks!) fanfic trope mashup

[itsnothingofinterest]

Yeah seriously, why is endeavor being compared as a light of hope??

It seems like the 'light of hope' concept in bnha has little to do with actually bringing hope, or at least not on any larger scale, definitely in comparison to ofa. Because who did endeavor really protect/inspire or give hope to??

The civilians he protected from villains, including his son natsu? (Even though, through causality, they're only in danger now because of endeavor's actions and choices)

The hero kids maybe he taught well enough but aside from deku and bakugou (I think) he never gave anyone else anything noteworthy right?

Inasa wasn't even a part of anything! 😆 He just got two different looks from endeavor and let them shape big parts of his world view, despite knowing zero context! And even when he presumably knows the context through touya's reveal, he doesn't seem to mind...I guess?

Hawks is pretty much all of this rolled into one, do you think?

Also am I sending you too many asks?

(in response to this.)

Exactly. The story and so many people in it keeps acting like Endeavor's this inspiring figure like All Might was, but I honestly think that's mostly just coming from the position of the number 1 hero itself rather than any trait inherent to Endeavor. If Kamui Woods was No.1 instead, they'd be treating him the exact same (also he's probably do a better job but that's neither here nor there).

I mean, maybe I could forgive the comment because it came from Hawks, not only another horrible hero exposed for being horrible and still allowed to act as a hero for reasons I'll never understand (well, besides cop-defending-cop-based corruption), but also someone who's had a bias for Endeavor since childhood that's been known to affect his judgment. But Isana saying similarly out of nowhere legitimizes Endeavor as a light of hope that he just isn't (especially because he's a known domestic abuser & rapist), and I really think its just because he's No.1.

And they've been so dependant on All Might that everyone needs some kind of replacement to pretend everything is still as normal, no matter how objectively awful a replacement symbol Endeavor is. (And boy is replacing All Might with just another All Might a recurring red flag among hero activity.)

And side note, but really even talking about the heroes needing a light of hope feels laughable in this war, wherein the villains started out with 6 total threats including Skeptic, and are now down to 3 (maybe 4 if Toga has another trick up her sleeve.) Like I am sorry but the heroes pretending like they're in any kind of bad spot does not actually add any tension; the heroes have been trouncing the villains this whole arc and that's a big part of why I keep hoping its not actually the finale to this story, because what a whimper of a finale it's been.

Lastly, of course you're not sending too many asks. Frankly I consider asks a great excuse to put my own thoughts out there, especially because they're actually prompted by people and I know at least one person actually cares about what I write down. I'm not just self-indulgently throwing my thoughts into the void, like when I guessed at what quirks the Shimuras could've had whilst simultaneously theorizing Tomura would learn he had these quirks and use them as his own vestige quirks.

[ethanskinnerthefatboygainer]

My biggest conundrum is that I would love to see fan art of myself, but I’m too paranoid to put out pictures, thus limiting my blog’s popularity. I guess I’ll just have to continue stuffing my face in obscurity. 😔😆

What? You thought I’d stop if no one was looking? How laughably naive!