#It just makes it funny if they’re the start of the species

[thelesbianthespianposts]

look I don’t like the timeless child plot line either, but you guys gotta admit it’s funny that the Doctor is The Chosen One and still low key sucks

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Dogs

Alien: Why did you take me to here? Alien: You know I hate being outside. Human: How else would I get you to the greatest place on the planet? Alien: *About to ask question when sudden noise distracts them* Alien: *Reads sign on nearby post* Alien: What is a “Dog Park”? ----------------------------- Human: Unlike cats, dogs are man’s true best friend. Alien: And why is that? Human: Because they won’t brutally maim you if you pet them too long. -----------------------------

Alien: What does one do with their dog? Human: Play fetch mostly. Alien: What is fetch? Human: *Picks up ball and throws it* *Nearest dog sprints after it and brings it back* Alien: That’s it? Human: No; now comes the difficult part. Alien: Which is? Human: Trying to get the ball back. ---------------------------

Alien: Aren’t these creatures expensive to maintain? Human: Medical wise they are about the same as cats. Human: Entertainment wise they are much cheaper. Alien: How so? Human: *Picks up nearby stick and wobbles it around* *Golden retriever stops what it was doing and focuses on stick* *Tail begins wagging at turbo speed and they hunch down on two legs with their back legs up* Human: *Hands stick to alien friend* Now you try. Alien: Really? Alien: You think this will- Alien: *Notices dog now focusing entirely on him as he wobbles stick* Alien: Oh my gods…. Human: I know right? Alien: I have become their god now. ----------------------------

Alien: Do they have any weaknesses? Human: Don’t put a mirror in front of them. Alien: What happens if you do? *Pair turns as a dog begins loudly barking* *Pair see a dog barking aggressively at its own reflection* Human: Because of that. Alien: That doesn’t seem so- *Dog leaps at mirror and bonks its head* Human: See? Alien: Question withdrawn. -----------------------

Alien: May I try walking one of these dogs? Human: Are you sure? Human: You’ll need upper arm strength to restrain them if they get excited. Alien: *Looks down at tiny little corgi* Alien: I think I can handle them. *Chuckles* Human: Alright. *Hands leash over* Alien: *Begins walking dog around park* Alien: I don’t know what they were talking about. Alien: This is easy. *Random squirrel runs past corgi and Corgi chases after it* Alien: *Violently thrown to ground by sudden pull and dragged across the dog park* Human: *Watching his alien friend swear in his native language* I’d feel sorry over this, but I warned them so it’s okay to be funny. -------------------------

Alien: *Finally gets free of corgi leash and picks themselves off the ground* Alien: What…*Gasp* the….*double gasp* florp! Alien: How was that tiny creature so strong?! Human: The tiny ones are the most energetic. Human: The big ones are the giant babies of the species. Alien: How does that make any sense at all? Human: *Takes alien by the face and directs their gaze down at excited pitbull8 Human: Look at that smooshy face! Human: Nothing has to make sense when you look at that cute stupid smooshy face! -------------------------

*Dog comes up at starts nuzzling alien* Alien: Ah; you are an adorable creature. *picks up dog and cradles it like a baby* Alien: *Starts rubbing its belly* Human: *Notices and comes over* Human: I’m glad you’re starting to warm up to them. Alien: *Nods* They are enjoyable after a period. Human: Just as an FYI, that’s a Pug and when they’re on their back they can’t breathe. Alien: WHAT!? Alien: *Immediately puts dog down and it gasps several times* Alien: I didn’t….you mustn't think I would.. Human: Just wait a sec. *Alien watches pug take several more deep breaths before looking up at him and starts wagging tail again.* Alien: They are not very smart, are they? Human: We call that their “Derp” factor. ------------------------------

Human: Hey Greg. Human 2: Yo. Alien: What are you doing? Human 2: Playing “Hide and go seek” with my dog Burt. Alien: *Begins looking around* Where is this- *sees Burt standing behind bench poorly hid* Alien: I can see- Human 2: Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh. Human 2: Don’t make eye contact. Alien: Why not? Human 2: Because you need to wait five minutes searching the entire park before you find him; it makes him feel like a really good boi. Alien: But why not just- *Human 2 leans in close* Human 2: So help me if you look at him before those five minutes are up and make him sad I will hit you with my car. Alien: Wait what!? Alien: You can’t be serious! Human: *nods* Dog people take their pets happiness very seriously. Alien: But to hit someone with a car? Human: *Shrugs* I once shot a guy for throwing an empty soda can at my little bugger. Alien: You take your dog’s very…..seriously, I see. Human: Is there any other way?

[panoffrying]

My Dr. Sozonius LORE Headcanons

✨Warning this is a bit long✨

Sozo is a character that has lived for a very long time. Whatever that mushroom was on their head not only influenced Sozo but kept them immortal. We know really nothing bout Sozos past so I made some headcanons for silly fun and for me to visualize who Sozo was and what his life may have looked like. I want to do my best to keep this as game accurate as possible, so there will be quotes from the game. The quotes are not at all in order! I kinda just bring up random Sozo quotes as I go. Also I apologize if this doesn't make sense or if I ramble (I get excited about certain topics) 

thank you so much @7moonbird for going over and editing this for me, Love ya Pookie!

And so we start:

Sozonius was born in the days of the old faith. He was present the day the Bishops declared the genocide of the lambs and he actually played a big part in assisting the lambs survival. However, he almost got caught and had to stop helping the lambs to keep his family safe. He's never seen any of the bishops(maybe) but his village was part of Darkwood and therefore under Bishop Leshy’s ruling.

VILLAGE 

Sozonius village was mostly a colony of Carpenter Ants, there were a few other species living there too but it was mostly Carpenter Ants. I imagine there are different races of ants depending on the region they’re in; so there could be fire ants, pharaoh ants, and more! Most ants get along nicely and work together but sometimes other races of ants can be more temperamental and cause conflict between colonies. Carpenter ants are a more calm type of ants, they aren't aggressive but they are incredibly strong. Carpenters ants are known to live in trees; they hollow out trees to make their homes and they like to stay off the ground as much as possible in case of floods and other dangers.

In the colony they had their ruler, the “Queen,” who looked over the village and did queenly business (not gonna go too deep into it). Everyone had many different jobs, ants are hard workers and very strong. They made marvelous structures, farmed a lot of crops, and knew how to work together when there was a threat. Sozo’s village was one that many others would try making deals/trades with. I would talk more about his village but that's not why y’all are here lol. 

Sozonius was a fellow damn near everyone in the village knew. He loved his work and he loved to talk about it to anyone that expressed that they wanted to listen. He was that guy that you could get stuck in a conversation with and struggle to end it. He liked to ramble about his work and kids. Other than that though he never really started conversations with others, he would keep to himself unless someone interacted with him.

And I could definitely see him having a science rival but nothing too bad lol.

FAMILY

“Where am I…? Where is… my family…?”  are the words Sozo says when he turns back into Dr. Sozonius. I like to think he had a wife and two children. They didn’t have the best marriage but they made it work out for their two sons. His wife was a bit stubborn and very honest. She would say things before thinking which did cause issues, but Sozonius let it slide because he loved her so much and wanted a happy family for his sons. 

Sozonius was a very funny dude. He made dad jokes all the damn time, his family would pretend to hate the jokes but in reality they did love them. 

Sozo Dialogue “Now all Sozo can think about is mushrooms, mushrooms, MUSHROOMS… They don’t leave mush-room for anything else! Ha!”

(Also, this next idea is inspired off of @kuphulwho headcanons for Sozo. I loved her ideas and I recommend y'all look at her headcanons too!) Aside from Sozonius being a mycologist he had a side hobby of art! He wasn't the best artist, but he was really talented with sketching plants/fungi, he liked to make art of anything that interested him. He most likely wrote an educational picture book about Fungi, there's probably an old copy of it somewhere.

This art hobby caught the interest of his two sons, and they also started to pursue art. Sozonius would take his free time teaching his sons how to draw plants and such. Sozonius would hang his kids' art everywhere in their house, it was like walking into an art museum haha.

JOB

Sozonius studied mycology which means he studied fungi. Sozonius knew fungi could benefit his society and he wanted to help educate others about the importance of fungi. Soon he learned enough of a new discovery of mushroom people, neither plant nor animal…Sozonius then made the decision to go on a solo mission to study the Mushroomo people.

THE MUSHROOMOS 

Dr. Sozonius Dialogue “My name is Dr. Sozonius. I was researching the Mushroomos that live in Spore Grotto… strange creatures, Neither animal nor plant…” 

Sozonius went to Spore Grotto and at first, he studied the Mushroomo people from a distance setting up a campsite near the Mushroomo Village. When the Mushroomo people discovered Sozonius they welcomed him into their home, cheerful happy little things. Sozonius was given the chance to learn more about these strange creatures up close! How could he say no? Sozonius was welcomed into Spore Grotto and was treated like a god. 

Sozonius asked the Mushroomos many questions, but getting any actual answers from them was difficult. The Mushroomos treated Sozonius like he was their most special guest, they danced and sang for Sozonius. They would mimic Sozonius and follow him around, making sure to do anything he asked of them. There would be many times when the Mushroomos would offer to feed Sozonius menticide mushrooms but Sozonius knew a lot about fungi and declined their offers. However, there seemed to be a special Ritual the Mushroomos took part in… 

Sozonius had been in Spore Grotto for many weeks now, it was time for him to leave, he had studied enough and was ready to return home but the Mushroomos were surprisingly sad when he announced this. They wanted to show Sozonius a sacred ritual to them before he left, he wasn't aware of the menticide mushrooms being part of it…

Dr. Sozonius Dialogue “They gave me Menticide Mushrooms, and then… that’s the last thing I remember…”

After Sozonius was tricked into eating menticide mushrooms and also gave Sozonius a crown, a crown that would grow into Sozoniuss mind, he shall be the Mushroomos leader… And the new Sozo was made. (literally just think of Ice Age 2 when the lil sloths take Sid to be their fire king, however they don't sacrifice him)

The mushroom on Sozos head is very powerful, it makes me wonder what it is exactly, it gives the person wearing it immortality, but also causes the user to go insane (don't forget that Sozo is also being fed menticide mushrooms) the mushroom crown kinda reminds me of Chemachs crown. It seems to have a mind of its own and a face. I feel like the Mushroomos for days straight made sure to give Sozo a diet of only menticide mushrooms to make him forget everything and to possibly power the mushroom crown. They would constantly tell Sozo that his mind would be open and free, that it would make him feel better, and Sozo being under the influence of the mushroom listened to them.

A Mushroomo Dialogue "Once you taste the Menticide Mushroom your mind will be opened." 

As the years went by so did all the sanity Sozonius had left, but in some moments Sozonius seems to still be aware but not all there. 

Sozo Dialogue “Sozo had friends... Followers... family... now Sozo has mushrooms..."

Sozo over time seems to start to dislike his followers and call them liars. He even becomes quite cruel to his followers. Yet he also mentions that he trusts the lamb and wants the lamb to protect him from his followers which makes me believe that Sozonius is somehow a little aware and fighting against the mushroom crown’s influence. He is mad at the Mushroomos for lying to him, tricking him, making him into who he is now.

 Sozo Dialogue  “No need to thanks Sozo. Build it at your Cult then come back to me. Sozo shall grant you one last gift. Sozo is always fair. Always repays this debts. Not like those LIARS out there."

"You did it! Now I know I can trust you... not like those nasty liars outside. They are always watching, always listening! Here take this. You are Sozo's best friend, you are Sozo's only friend."

"Sozo can trust you now, Sozo will pledge himself to you! You will protect me from those liars outside and bring Sozo mushrooms!"

(Also a side note that my gf brought to my attention last second lol! Apparently parasitic mushrooms rely on insects to spread. That is probably why they tricked Sozonius into staying and eating menticide mushrooms. Maybe it's been that long since they've seen an insect)

SOZOS IMPRISONMENT

So, this next little headcanon of mine is an interesting one and might be confusing to explain. Was Sozonius imprisoned within his own mind while under the control of the mushroom crown? If he was, I can see him being stuck in a sort of loop, imagining his family and friends. Think like Mabel's Bubble from ‘Gravity Falls’ weirdmageddon. Sozonius is trapped in a mental bubble, stuck in a false reality as the now mushroom-infected Sozo takes over his body and actions. 

In Sozonius’s mental bubble he is in a place where trees are big, tall mushrooms and flowers are mushrooms, everywhere he turns its mushrooms. He knows something is wrong, everything is too strange, everyone he loves is there with him but is it real? It feels like he's living in a dream. Sozonius proceeds to talk to his friends and family as if they are actually there in which I noticed that Sozo will talk to the menticide mushrooms as if they are actual people.

Sozo Dialogue “Precious, perfect little mushrooms, Sozo is here now, Sozo will always be here…”

”Sozo is busy now… Sozo must commune with the ‘shrooms.”

As time passes more mushrooms grow in his mind prison, and they keep growing and growing until they start to grow on the people he loves. He knows something is happening, he's going mad, and he starts to search for an exit, he needs to escape this false reality that the mushroom crown has created for him. 

He starts fighting the mushroom crown’s hold on him which causes him to regain some awareness. This is when a part of him realizes he’s been tricked, and he starts refusing everything the Mushroomos give him and becomes cruel to them. However, the lambs have never done him wrong before and the lamb (from the cult) begins to be the only person he can trust. At least until it becomes too much and well… we know Sozo’s fate.

SOZO’S REVIVAL 

So Sozo doesn't get resurrected until all the bishops become mortal (at least in my playthrough)(I might change this to he was part of the cult before the bishops I’m not sure). So all the bishop siblings are in the cult and learning the ways of mortal stuff and Sozo appears around the same time, still the crazy Sozo we know and love. However, he’s still very addicted to the menticide mushrooms and both the Lamb and night workers have found Sozo digging through the mushroom crops like a lil racoon.

Based on the game, Sozo likes to run around the cult and do his own thing; he often looks very spaced out but the moment someone talks to him he starts spitting nonsense before yelling at them to go away. The only people Sozo will talk to are people that give Sozo what he wants, which is menticide mushrooms! If you do that for him he will talk your ear off with nonsense, in conversations with him he will often talk about his followers, them being liars and disgusting little creatures. One day though Sozo’s personality seems to change? He starts to tell the lamb,

 “Sozo was just here, all alone, thinking about mushrooms... Uh, Sozo means Sozo's little Mushroomo followers!”

”Yes,, they must be so lost without Sozo. They love Sozo! Everyone loves Sozo - especially Lamb!”

“Without their great and beloved Sozo, Mushroomos must be so scared... YOU! You must save them! Save them and bring them to Sozo.”

”They will be trapped in Anura. They are always getting captured when they don't have their great Sozo to protect them. Rescue them and bring them to me.”

But when you bring the followers to Sozo he ends up eating them. At first glance you can assume it's just his addiction, in which it most certainly could be! He sees a big mushroom and he's like oooo~ delicious but there's also a possibility of this being Dr. Sozonius’s anger coming out. The whole fighting against the mushroom crown’s influence and realization that he’s been tricked. Maybe a mix of his addiction and anger for what they did to him? I’m not too sure if Sozo eating the Mushroomos was a problem before he joined the cult.

Of course, this addiction must be stopped so the lamb decides enough is enough and refuses to get more Mushroomos. This causes Sozo to dissent and, with little choice, the Lamb has to put him in rehab. I imagine it would’ve been a struggle getting Sozo to the prison without the Red Crown’s help. With the power of an ant that is Sozo’s size it's a miracle he didnt break that pillory while he was in it. Sozo just stayed silent and didn't fight; the person he had put his trust and hope in has imprisoned him. Sozo is a bit depressed at that moment. 

After Sozo has been re-educated, released, and cured of his addiction the mushroom crown finally falls off his head. Which, like I said before, makes me wonder, was it being powered by the menticide mushrooms Sozo has been eating or is it something else?

But Dr. Sozonius talks about some stuff before saying,

Dr. Sozonius Dialogue “I can’t help but feel that I have you to thank for… something. You have my loyalty, I will remain here and serve you. Please, take this!”

Sozonius was ready to live his life rather than reunite with his family in the afterlife. He wasn't expecting to be resurrected after dying in the cult from old age. But Sozonius gave the lamb their loyalty and promised to stay in the cult and serve them. The Lamb had been so kind as to give Sozonius an immortality necklace, the Lamb didn’t want Sozonius to go yet… and Sozo’s heart was too kind and soft. He will have to wait a bit longer to return home to his family, but maybe some good things will come out of staying longer~

Also! Who do we think Sozo was talking to? 

A Mushroomo Dialogue "Who is Sozo talking to when he whispers in the dark...?"

Is he talking to himself? The mushrooms? Or the Fox?

[banamine-bananime]

meets an encouraging, patient, fatherly commanding officer that chooses tucker specifically for an assignment and takes him under his wing. he’s actually a secret operative for a sinister military project recruiting tucker as a target practice guinea pig orchestrating the next couple years of his life to be a lie.

meets an alien that tells tucker he’ll help him fulfill the quest he’s the legendary hero of. he chestbursts him and steals a getaway vehicle given upon the “end” of the quest.

meets some weird computer program programmed by the culture the prophecy came from, pretty much the only remaining source of information about this “quest” that’s upended his life. it’s actually the ai of the freelancer trying to kill him and kidnap and use his kid to end the great war… uh, with slavery of the alien species

meets one of his best friends, an acquired taste and kind of an ass, but they give each other as good as they get and they’re a team. she leaves them to make the plan to capture junior and use him to enslave his species succeed. and tucker feels like can’t even be mad about it without feeling guilty because in her mind she was sacrificing herself and junior to save humankind from a losing war for survival, and immediately after he thinks she fucking dies and takes his kid with her!! they were friends and then for a few minutes they were almost enemies because she did the worst thing for the best reasons and then that’s it!!! how do you even grieve and process that. apparently tucker opted for watching reservoir dogs instead of therapy and i can’t blame him. that’s not the sort of grief you can find a self-help book for. HELLO I’VE BEEN SCREAMING FOR YEARS. never over it they make me insane.

meet some humans on the desert dig-team, charismatic down-to-earth soldier guys. breath of fresh air after he’s been stuck for months in complicated political situations with a species that has just recently decided to perhaps not kill all humans, as a reluctant religious figurehead in diplomatic corps that i’m sure just loved his way with words and women. bet he made a lot of friends there. the dig team kills them all except him and he proceeds to spend the next months in a psychological thriller slash survival horror.

meet church again. church leaves again (and then again) and tucker’s left furiously picking up the pieces of blue team with caboose and some blond guy they rescued from the pound. we needn’t talk about that blond guy and whether tucker knows he both set up and hit the Original Church Killswitch lest tucker doesn’t know and hears us because i think he doesn’t need that extra complication in his life tbqh.

meets a charismatic mercenary with a rough exterior, but a heart of gold, right when tucker and caboose have lost all of blue team’s charismatic mercenaries and/or assholes with a rough exterior but a heart of gold. he. well. he stabs him in the back, guys. you know. i can’t get more on-the-nose than that.

meets church again. he seems like maybe he kind of gets that he was an ass and won’t go off killing himself this time. immediately after reconciling he sees the siren call of martyrdom and kills himself instantly after simulating several ways it could go very, very extremely badly for tucker, not even counting the previous evidence from how this went for some blond guy (sorry i’m committed to just calling him some blond guy in this post now for no reason except that i think it’s a mildly funny bit).

meets church someone else who’s been fucked over by project freelancer. he’s been manipulating them to get close enough to freezermurder their friends and implicate them in terrorism charges.

meets yet another young stray asshole with Issues and a heart of gold who needs some guidance, maybe someone he can be the kind of a leader he wishes he could have been to green team. she also stabs him again.

at some point we have to let tucker just start stabbing people. like a lot of people. i don’t think he’d enjoy a villain arc once he realizes that’s what’s happening but he deserves the sheer free joy and clarity of just solving problems with pure simple stabbing before he comes to that realization.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Twisted Monsterland: Sleepy Birds

So…let’s talk harpies.

Without going into details about the overall species (I’ll save that for the baby monster bestiary I’m working on), I will say that harpies can be based on all species of birds. Falcons, eagles, and vultures? Sure, they’re more commonly known as the base foundation for the species, but they’re not the only ones! Crowley is a good example as a corvid harpy, and some of Rook’s siblings are based on birds of paradise like parrots and macaws! Some can even be based on delicate birds like the hummingbird~

Oof…just thinking about having to flap my arms that fast as a harpy makes me tired! 0.0

Now, you’re probably wondering, “That’s neat! But…where are you going with this?” And that’s a good question! Because we’re gonna talk about birbs~!

I’ve never owned a bird as a pet before, but my grandparents had one when we used to visit in my childhood. One thing I learned about birds (aside from the fact that we had to clap whenever their bird performed a trick on her own and someone saw it) is that one common thing bird owners do to calm down their feathery companions:

The “sleepy-time blanket”!

When the blanket goes over the cage, it’s supposed to mimic night time so the bird thinks it’s time to sleep. And when the cover is removed? It’s time to sing good morning~! Granted, it seems like this varies from bird-to-bird, but considering how often I’ve struggled to stay awake in school whenever the teachers used powerpoint slides in a dark room? Yeah, I get very sleepy in those cases. 😅

Now…imagine if Yuu discovered this by complete accident in the Monster!AU. >v>

////

Yuu: *hanging laundry out to dry on a bright, sunny day* “Hey, Grim? I need another clothes peg. The middle is sagging too much.”

Grim: “Yeah, yeah, here.” *flaps wings to hover next to Yuu, holding a bag in his paws* “Are we done yet? I’m bored…”

Yuu: “We’d be done sooner if someone hadn’t taken one of the bedsheets while the ghosts were collecting laundry and added one more load to wash and dry.” *unaware of a large shadow on the other side of the sheet, Yuu frowning as they go to take the sheet down and redo the arrangement*

???: “Bonjour, little Trickster~!”

Yuu/Grim: “Ack-!?!”

Crash!! Fwomp!

Grim: *pinned under Yuu* “Get…off! You’re heavy!”

Yuu: “Ow…sorry!” *climbs to their feet with a wince before turning to face the visitor now covered under the sheet* “Rook! You scared us half-to-death!”

*Rook doesn’t move, eerily silent as he stands there*

Grim: “Hm? Hey, wazza matter? You usually start talkin’ funny by now!” *huffs when he doesn’t get a response and goes to peek under the sheet* “Hey! Are you listenin’ to m…eh? Wait a minute…he’s asleep!?"

Yuu: “Huh??”

Grim: “He fell asleep standing! See?!” *yanks off blanket, pulling off Rook’s hat at the same time*

Rook: *straightens up with a blink, fluttering his wings before feathers settle down and he smiles* “Oh, there you are, Trickster. How are you faring this morning?”

Grim: “Mrah!? I thought you were asleep! What gives?”

Rook: “Hm? I was asleep? I don’t recall…”

Grim: “Yes you were! You were practically snorin’!”

Yuu: *picks up the sheet again, looking between it and Rook before slowly climbing back on the stepladder near Rook*

Rook: “Non, non, I promise you that I did not fall aslee-”

Yuu: *throws sheet over Rook’s head again*

Rook: “Mon di-!?” *freezes before slumping, standing in place in silence again*

Yuu: “…holy crap…I wonder if this’ll work on Ace or Cater?”

Grim: “What’s going on?!”

////

Needless to say, Rook was thoroughly confused by this until Yuu told him what happened. This also leads to a discussion on harpy parents using their wings to settle down rowdy chicks and restless hatchlings. Suffice to say, Yuu decided to run their own experiment on their fellow winged students. The results were…interesting to say the least.

Ace: Froze in place but was wide awake.

Cater: Fell asleep but collapsed on his side.

Leona: Blanket was torn to shreds from manticore quills. Hiding out in Diasomnia until he cools down.

Kalim: Normal blanket activates the zoomies. Introduced weighted blanket. Instant calm and Jamil is left baffled and grateful at the same time by this discovery!

Crowley: Fell asleep instantly. Sheets have been weaponized by the staff on occasion, so now he flies away at the sight of anyone carrying one towards him.

Seeing these results makes Yuu question what other animal reactions the students can possibly have. Meanwhile, their fellow students are warily watching the human scribble down notes in a notepad while carrying a jar of peanut butter.

Jack: “…why do you need me to be in beast form?”

Yuu: “I wanted to see something.”

Jack: “Okay…but what’s with the peanut butter?”

Yuu: “This? It’s just a tasty snack.” *opens it and scoops out a large spoonful* “See? Just regular peanut butter.”

Jack: “…alright.” *shifts into Fu dog form, nearly eye-to-eye with Yuu now* “Okay. What did you want to se—mfph!?!” *scrambles back after Yuu shoves the spoonful of peanut butter in his mouth, licking and trying to chew at the same time* “Blamph! Namf-nif-thaths?!”

Yuu: *scribbling notes* “Fu dogs react to peanut butter like dogs. Fascinating…I wonder if catnip affects manticore too?”

Ruggie: “Do you have some sort of death wish???”

[x-hyzenthlay-x]

Hello I was looking at your "humans are space orcs" master list and I thought it would be interesting to add that not only we can lie, but also the animals on our planet and I think that could be something very interesting to exploit. Other intelligent species also lie, it's normal, but for an animal that acts on instinct to lie directly to someone's face is great. Like for example when you are latching and your dog just started latching too or just pretending he is hurt when he is extremely fine.

ASDFGH this is actually really interesting because lying is also a survival mechanism! Many species “lie” especially birds and insects and humans do it without even realizing.

The atlas moth has evolved to make its wings look like snake heads to scare off birds from watching them :)

Many birds (and animals like cats) will poof up their feathers/fur to make themselves look bigger than they really are.

Humans are interesting though, one of our evolved tricks is standing on two legs and being able to raise our arms directly above us thanks to brachiation/having our arms placed outside of our body barely attached to our skeletons. This is how we are able to hang from our arms and swing on branches ;3 however this makes us look a lot bigger than we really are thus making us look much more powerful to things like other predators and pray who might wish to harm us. Tigers and other cats have fake eyes on the back of their ears to make it look like they’re facing the wrong direction to protect them from attacks from behind!

A lot of survival experts will say that making yourself look bigger is a good thing and making lots of noise. Many animals can’t tell the difference and assume that tall/loud = powerful/dangerous.

Loud noises are often associate to danger, ex: animals attacking, a falling tree or land slide would be an environmental danger, storms ect. Loud noises generally just mean “dangerous” so humans having loud voices helps!

Then you get into the more complex lies. The ones that can be used for malicious intent. I would say that these have their roots in self preservation/satisfaction. Animals trick each other quite often for food and attention and such. Humans aren’t really any different, we might do it out of perceived necessity or in more rare cases joy of watching the suffering of others which is only really found in the more “intelligent” species. Orcas will torture an animal/prey species for fun. Humans have done this too. It’s pretty barbaric.

I like to imagine there’s a certain point where this goes away. Like more advanced beings who travel literal galaxies have kind of evolved past basic instincts. They’re probably still there but not nearly as prominent. They probably know about lies and there’s probably species who have no use for it or never really did. Like purely telepathic species would be able to detect it much easier but they also likely have much less miscommunication issues. I feel like false info in general is so deeply integrated into evolution it’s almost impossible to avoid and possibly even necessary all to some extent.

I think lying is pretty well established in the universe but it would be fascinating to see a species who has no concept of it. They would probably look a lot like the dogs who get fooled by the disappearing blanket trick

It would actually be funny to try this on an alien tbh, sorry this took so long I had no clue I had something in my ask box 😭 it never told me?

Masterlist

[misojunnie]

i find the vampire and werewolf rivalry dynamic really funny for whatever reason, so may i request some &team hcs with a friend/partner who’s a vampire while they’re… yknow, werewolves?

oh the shenanigans they would get up to

☆ &team as your werewolf bf! w/ a vampire partner ;)

ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ʚϊɞ.

byun eui joo - ej

wasn't really objected to you being a vampire tbh. if anything, he was kinda interested

the quiet, kind-hearted typa guy to be like "it doesn't matter if we're different species, love is love, right?"

crazy clingy, and loves your fangs. he has fangs himself, but they're nowhere near as sharp and long as yours are. he loves admiring them when you smile and when he kisses you

loves that you're a vampire. it took zero time to get used to it

by now he knows all your needs by heart <3

murata fuma - fuma

shocked to discover you were a vampire, but not necessarily unhappy about it

when other werewolves are around you, his protective instincts kick in immediately and he's ready to die to protect you

you tried to hide your relationship for a while, but he gave up quick

he couldn't help it, he always wanted to show you off <3

rolls his eyes when you hiss at his werewolf friends (who aren't exactly fond of you)

koga yudai- k

considering how passionately khan hates vampires, I think k would probably share that trait tbh

was heartbroken when he realized you were one of his mortal enemies. it took him months to recover

but once he got adjusted to it, he could give a fuck what other people think

he proudly shows you off, even around the other werewolves. he doesn't care what they say, and if they threaten you? he won't hesitate to rough them up

drags a dead deer home every week or so, so you can feed <3

wang yixiang- nicholas

was shocked when he found out the cutie in his chem class was actually a vampire, AKA his worst enemy

he was disgusted. he's a prideful guy, so it took him a long time to accept that he was in love with a literal vampire (he couldn't stay away and ended up apologizing with a cute date <3)

secretly loves it when you bite him (teehee)

when you fight, expect fangs out and full blown screaming matches fueled by millennia of ancestral beef. lmao

"you think i'm high maintenance? try dating someone who literally lives off sucking life force!"

nakakita yuma - yuma

scandalized by the fact that you're a vampire. you told him after you started dating, and he had to break up with you for 2 weeks as a grieving period

the adjustment period was long, but now he knows just about everything there is to know about vampires

always ready to debate vampire/werewolf history with you

"uh, no. the battle of 1824 was obviously the vampires' fault. you broke the peace treaty, not us."

always puts on dracula because he thinks it's your favorite movie. it totally isn't, but he means well, so you don't tell him otherwise

asakura jo - jo

figured out you were a vampire like three weeks before you broke the news. he decided to stay with you anyway bc he doesn't really care what the other werewolves think

brings you coffee when you crave blood bc he thinks it'll help

you're the extroverted drama queen and he's the stoic, introvert bf

is very in tune to your needs, and won't hesitate to kill a literal human being to satisfy you (you tell him not to, though)

"I know you're a vampire, but you need to get your blood lust in control. I'm your boyfriend, not a piece of meat."

shigeta harua - harua

when you told him you were a vampire, he listened to his pack and dumped you, but followed his heart since and won you back <3

like ej, very in tune to your needs and wants

comes back from "hanging with the boys" carrying a huge dead deer/cow/etc, covered in blood with a huge smile on his face

"I brought dinner! do you like it?" "it's definitely bloody..."

all in all, he just wants to make sure you're feeling comfortable and happy <3

ta-ki

didn't really care that you were a vampire. k initially gave him flack, but he ignored it until his friends gave up

sunshine x sunshine protecter irl. he's just happy to be there, and you're ready to kill for him, need be

but watch out; insulting you is a one way ticket to seeing his dark side (even if you're his friend/one of his kind)

loves double dates, and even introduced some of his werewolf friends to your vampire friends. you two singlehandedly repair the relationship of the species in your city <3

hirota riki - maki

did not gaf that you're a vampire. loves you too damn much to care what species you are

loves bear hugs, but constantly underestimates his inhuman strength. will try to hug you and accidentally tackle you

gets crazy sassy with you when you argue, eg; "don't bare your fangs at me while i'm speaking."

loves running away with you at night to hunt, wander the streets, and generally fuck around. midnight walks are his favorite, and luckily he never has to worry about being cautious during the night, considering you're both the strongest beings on the planet

locks himself in his room during full moons bc he gets embarrassed about transforming in front of you lol

ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ʚϊɞ.

a/n: omg this was so cute... I usually struggle with the werewolf stuff bc it annoys me so bad but this was actually rlly fun... maybe i'm warming up to the werewolf concept 🤔😇

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 22 thoughts

this episode was SO good. it was funny, it was heartfelt, and it was entertaining. but- and i'm sure you fans who have seen the show before know- something happened that is making me cry.

yes, actual tears! boy, there must be some real serious astrology stuff going on in the world, for actual tears are down my cheeks, something that almost never happens to me in movie and film watching experiences, and this episode did it to me. i usually just get a bit misty and that's the extent of it- even in one breath! but man. apparently i have a weakness.

sigh. we shall get into it, like we do.

reading the episode description: it's loch ness monster-like creature time!! i’ve been eyeballing this episode for a while, it sounds really interesting. a lake trip!! a trip to the lake!! 

we begin, and it is frog time!!! time for a frog!!! an endangered frog!!! dr. farraday is fighting for their rights. oh, he just used the term “frog holocaust” in his talk to this dr. bailey fellow, which is something. serious frog beef going down between these professors, for dr. bailey does not think that dr. farraday's research proves that humans are responsible for the fate of the frogs! how infuriating.

dr. bailey is going back to his car but lost “his beeper” so he’s looking by the lake for it. OH! his beeper meant a pager. i know what a pager is!!!! do not think i am uneducated!!! just never heard it called as such.

he finds the beeper but he is EATEN. by a BEAST!!! while a frog watches. 

if only this was the fate that all people who deny the need to protect the environment met! eaten by a lake beast! how much more just this planet would be...

intro time. and the first time i watched an episode and i heard the theme i started laughing hysterically because i didn’t realize that noise was the x files theme; i had just thought it was a well-known spooky noise used in vines and stuff and then. everything clicked into place. and it was soooo funny. anyway.

road trip to georgia!!!! WITH THE DOGGY!!! mulder calls it “a thing” SO RUDE????

“you wake me up on a saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five minutes, my mother is out of town, all of the dog-sitters are booked, and you know how i feel about kennels” <- help i’m CRYINGGGGG tell him how you feel!!!!

(love that they have already had a conversation on the morality of kennels before)

((but also truly what did he expect 😭😭 and he did all this on a SATURDAY!!!! she ought to have been way meaner!!!))

so he made her leave town with the puppy on a SATURDAY for a missing person’s case… omg do they even get paid overtime???

also mulder is lost which is soooo funny because WHY is he perpetually behind the wheel... he doesn’t have any sense of direction!!!

he makes a stupid pun about the killer being “large” and she straight up asks what he’s leaving out LMAOOO

(he points to a billboard advertising “big blue, the southern serpent) <- “oh, tell me you’re not serious” LMAOOOO

so they’re going to talk to dr. farraday and i think it’s so cute that scully is in some more casual-y clothes. anyway, they’re going over the serious frog beef between him and the victim. farraday does NOT miss dr. bailey’s loser ass... ijbol!!! why should he give a damn for one man when so many species are going extinct!

farraday said “has anyone ever told you two you have a great problem coming to the point?” after mulder asks if any native species attacked humans... lmao he is rude as hell!!!

AND ASKING ABOUT BIG BLUE MADE THINGS WORSE!!! now farraday is going on about how if anything requires real thinking people turn to UFOs and whatnot which is like.... um okay rest assured that if someone is gonna think it’s gonna be mulder. he's gonna think about any and all explanations on a sliding scale of plausibility.

LMAO mulder is being sassy right back while scully screams with her eyes. farraday gets even more pissed and leaves… honestly i’m sorry about the frog population king, but you’re not really winning any friends with influence to help you lobby on behalf of the frogs. or winning any friends at all. 

so mulder and scully and the doggy go to a bait and tackle shop, and the sight of them sharing an umbrella with a dog on a leash healed something in me, something i didn’t know was in need of healing but it was. and they’re reciting the different creatures that live in lakes- apparently scully read about cryptids as a kid!!!! 

she says they’re folk tales and he says “well, how many folktales do you know that can eat a boy scout leader and a biologist?” and she looks soooo annoyed. but then they go in, and he is a proper gentleman and shakes off the umbrella 

at the shop they see a “scale from big blue” and scully says it looks like “a carapace, something from a beetle” which again reminds us that she WAS studying bugs in bio, thank you very much!!

they’re chatting with the dude that sold mulder a map, and he’s talking about his own experience with the creature while wearing a hat that says “show us your bobbers” which is crazy, but we keep going. he claims he heard a cow get eaten by big blue as a kid. and in walks an alleged expert, ansel… whose daddy’s cow was eaten way back then!

ansel is buying more film to someday achieve his dream of catching a picture of the beast and scully looks deeply pained in the background lmaoooo i love her 

someone is putting a worm on a hook in order to fish on the lake. a big one bites!!! a real big one. OH! it’s actually a human body. the fisherman goes and gets the dude from the tackle shop and by proxy our agents.

OH! there is only half a body. they’re bickering on what could have eaten half of a human body while hiding together under an umbrella, and it’s really cute but where is the dog?

the tackle shop man is out in the swampy part near the lake wearing dino-shaped boots to try and make some convincing tracks LMAO. king of the hustle. but something approached him as he gets stuck in the mud!!!! and he is dragged into the dark lake with only a dino boot left behind!

apparently his name was ted. rip ted and your bobber hat and funny boots.

mulder seems to believe that the tracks are legit and tells scully and the dog to watch where they’re walking as to not disturb them (and the dog is named queequeg i’m gonna CRY!!!) 

the sheriff is OFFENDED by mulder’s suggestion to close the lake, because clearly this is just a bunch of drunk people falling overboard!! and then getting run over!! well if that happens as frequently as you seem to think it does, we need to do something regardless of if any beasts are involved.

scully is not buying that the tracks are from a real creature because they did not leave very deep impressions. but the dog yanks her away!!! he’s off investigating the dino boot! the prints may be a hoax, but the blood on the shoe is very real!

cut to some stoners on the lake talking about hallucinogenic toads. he holds a local frog and licks it. but someone interrupts his toad licking session coming back to the surface from a scuba dive?

oh no!! scuba dude is pulled by some sort of creature!!! and his head is removed from his body. well that is not good.

time to locate the head. both of our agents are in fun little jackets, and still bickering over what went down.

ansel the big blue photographer is serenading his camera, preparing for the perfect shot, which he has set up by filling an inner tube with meat. something bubbles beneath it. BUT NO!! it skips the meat on the tube and goes right for him!!!!! he snaps a picture as it gets him!! three attacks in one day!!!!

mulder asks the sheriff again to CLOSE DOWN THE LAKE and he again refuses. scully says it’s inconclusive still, which is echoing the dr. bailey saying about the fate of the frogs being inconclusive!

the sheriff falls in, and out there he brushes into something big. he immediately proclaims that the lake shall be closed down, calls state police, AND wildlife fish and game. well okay that gets results i guess.

they’re examining the photos from ansel, and mulder things that this blurry thing COULD be a tooth. it is very funny.

AWWW the dog needs to go for a walk, and mulder offers to go with her :,) she lifts up her jacket to show her gun, says she’ll be fine, and smiles. STOP I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

why is this episode making me emotional with their little lake visit. also something bad is definitely going to happen now. she says goodnight :,)

aww the dog is MAD and she’s talking to him in that kind of voice you reserve for a little creature... but he wants to go into the woods!!

no!!! he runs too fast!!! NO!!!!! WHERE DID HE GO???? HE ISN’T ON THE LEASH????

NO. I CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH SCULLY LOSE HER DOG…. 

oh my gosh, she is sitting in the chair, holding his collar in grief…. she is literally spaced out into another dimension mourning her little friend and mulder is rambling about the lake…. i want to slap him… NOOOO. she asks him to repeat himself because she was so out of it…

(if this doesn’t end with a dog reunion i will drop this dumbass show. BET.)

mulder asks if she can drive a boat. psh can she drive a boat? it’s natural to her bloodline.

she is piloting the boat and he’s telling her where to go, and she’s braver than me because if i lost my dog at this moment i think i would need two weeks to begin to even SORT of get a grasp on reality. 

“i know the difference between expectation and hope. seek and ye shall find, scully” <- this is a genuinely fantastic line said by mulder, but i’m still in dog mourning so we can go analyze that later 

map facts with scully :)

until the monster comes STRAIGHT AT THEM!! i like how she kept asking “what is that, mulder?” because it reminded me of when she kept asking mulder to get the bugs off of her in darkness falls… like the blind hope/faith/desperation that he would hold the answers and have a solution… ohhhgghh

big crash into the boat!!! it is leaking and she picks up the radio and calls a distress signal (another natural feature to a scully) but the boat is FILLING with water!!

mulder gets some life jackets for them and they barely get them on in time as the boat sinks. whew! a conveniently placed rock for them to perch upon is nearby!!!

but there goes the $500 deposit :( 

mulder says to swim and she is GAGGED “in which direction?!” lmaoooo

mulder is unsettled by how dark it is, because you forget these things in a city… and scully says you forget a lot of things in a city; her father taught her to respect nature, because it has no respect for you. or your dog, i guess :(

they both pull out their guns as they hear splashing!!!! mulder whispers that it was big blue, but scully asks “so what if it was?” <- NOOO you took her dog and her deposit, you’ve broken her spirit!!!

mulder says he wants to know because it could revolutionize science, and so many of the things they chase are intangible, but it’s a creature within the confines of a lake, it should be right HERE- and she isn't buying it for a second

she says she saw HIS FUTURE in ansel’s photographs, a man listening only to himself and seeing nonsense; she can’t figure out his motives, and things are approaching angst levels on this rock in the middle of nowhere, but SOMETHING APPROACHES!!!!

it’s a duck. okay so it could be worse!!! he says he’s still tempted to fire and she slams into him LMAOOO 

sleepover on the rock. “hey scully, do you think you could ever cannibalize someone?” <- LDHDMDNSMDNSBBDNSND I’M GENUINELY YELLING LMAOOOOOOO HOLD ON. hold on i need a minute to handle all that. (she gives a thoughtful and scientific response) <- that’s Them. that is their dynamic right there.

“you’ve lost some weight recently, haven’t you?” “yeah i have, thanks for-“ (glare of realization) LMAOOOOOOOO WHAT EVEN IS THIS EPISODE

“poor queequeg” she says, and i’m gonna CRY. but mulder has a better response now to her grief instead of just babbling on about the lake, asks why she chose that name. she shares that was the name of the harpoonist in moby dick, which her father used to read to her from.

and as she says this, she realizes how much mulder is like ahab, “so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be it’s inherent cruelties or it’s mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology” <- the words of a girl who was REALLY into a book as a kid and is also experiencing near-death levels of hypothermia and grief

LMAOOOOO HIS RESPONSE IS “scully, are you coming onto me?” yes. now kiss on the rock.

and she keeps going, talking about how his search for the Truth will take down everything he loves, just as it did for Ahab.

OH! he starts talking about how he always wished for a peg leg, even as a kid, and it first it seems like another of his many jokes but he says it’s because maybe then it’s enough to Persist despite the difficulty; without, “you’re actually expected to make something of your life- achieve something, earn a raise, wear a necktie” so perhaps he is the ANTITHESIS of ahab, for with a peg leg he may be more pleased! 

woah. that got deep. i’ll be gnawing on that one for a bit.

THEY BOTH QUOTE A LINE FROM THE BOOK AT THE SAME TIME... STOP I’M GONNA SOB?????

but a splashing approaches… and they draw their guns…. CUT TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!!

it’s dr. farraday??? he says he hopes he’s not INTERRUPTING anything!!! wait so was the shore right there the whole time LMAOOO (silent walk of shame to the shore) BAHAHA

so what is this dude doing out here?? obviously it’s frog science! he’s been breeding the frogs to get their numbers back up. 

mulder is thinking…. if there are fewer frogs for a dinosaur to eat… it would have no choice but to turn to different food sources! (cutscene to serious arguing between mulder and dr. farraday whilst scully watches)

sheriff rolls up!!! another person had their arm bit off, and so he has thirty boats searching that area. but mulder says we have to search THIS cove, where the frogs have been going missing!! he blatantly refuses.

what if it was her little dog that bit the dude’s arm off…

scully politely asks for him to send a few men over and immediately gets results LMAOOO he quietly mumbles “thanks”

but a distant scream is heard!!! it’s dr. farraday!!! they run and find him!! something grabbed his leg and was shaking it. his leg is messed up really bad so scully is tying a tourniquet, and mulder’s running off after the mystery creature…. no self preservation instincts….

so he’s off with a gun and a flashlight chasing the human eating beast…. only to find some frogs. but something is approaching him?? quickly!!! and he’s firing his gun!!!

into a GATOR??? not a fancy lake beast!!

he’s staring out into the water… claiming to be fine. but he said he wanted the monster to be real, that he saw hope in such a possibility. she says there is still hope, that people want to believe, which is why the stories have endured for so long. 

GASP! the minute they leave, we see a big sea beast…

i’m literally so torn because i was CONVINCED the dog was going to come back 😭😭😭 and this episode was so good but WHY did they have to throw that in there… like i can’t even make an objective analysis of how this went because i’m so sad. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!?!

“oh juni there have been lots of human people that die in this series” which i mourned for too! but. i have felt the pain of losing a beloved and innocent creature and i do not wish for it to return and being reminded of its inevitably is not something i wish upon anyone MUCH less dana scully, who has already suffered in mythological levels.

really though, the episode was good. it was genuinely fantastic. it just clearly hit a bit of a nerve with me so i'm not going to do a thoughtful wrap up in the manner i like to think i usually do. but here are the things i liked, beyond the whole aesthetic and mood: bickering, umbrella sharing, scully at the helm, joint quoting of moby dick, deep introspection in the form of projecting onto book characters, cannibalism debates, outlandish creature as a monster of the week, rock sleepover, and fighting over frogs

[olympeline]

More thoughts on national animal forms in Hetalia:

Their beast selves are slightly bigger than what’s considered normal for the species. Not to such a degree that they’d look like freaks, but big enough to make you take a second glance.

They’re incapable of human speech while in animal form. I’m on the fence as to whether they’d be able to speak to each other as beasts or whether they’d have to change back to hold a conversation. Leaning towards the latter, honestly. These forms are wild and primal and speech of any kind just feels too human.

The appearance of a nation’s human guise stays mostly consistent throughout their lives, but their animal form is different. It can change radically depending on what’s happening in the world. This is most often seen with territories and settler colonies who break away and ascend to true nationhood. Like Alfred, who only became a bald eagle after the USA won independence from the British Empire. Before that he was a young lion. And if you’re wondering whether a super badass Lion King style battle ever took place between him and Arthur during their war? I’m happy to inform you the answer is: yes. Absolutely Hell Yes it did. 👌

Only real animals count. So no unicorn form for Scotland, dragon for Wales, etc. They’re cool but I prefer the consistency of everyone having creatures that actually exist, you know? Oh and, if you’re curious, I picture Scotland’s animal form being a stag. Not sure about Wales’s yet.

Speaking of the UK family, Arthur is a lion but he didn’t start out that way. He was a rabbit in the distant past. Quite the transformation. When did he change? Hard to say. Definitely not before Roman Britain ended. Most likely it would have been either during the reign of William the Conqueror, or else at the start of the Hundred Years War.

The manner in which an animal form changes depends on the circumstances behind why it’s changing in the first place. For Alfred, who won his freedom in battle’s flame, it was a fast, violent, and painful process. The first night after the war was won, Alfred bloodily tore off his golden lion’s pelt and cast it into the fire. Then he resculpted his fleshy, naked, skinless body and reclothed it in a bald eagle’s feathers. The whole thing was over before the sun rose above the newly made country. And as agonising as it was, it was also a relief for Alfred. His lion’s skin hadn’t felt right ever since the start of the war. It itched, and chafed, and burned, and almost drove Alfred mad. Even as a human, it tickled and whined and gnawed at him in the back of his mind. Only getting worse as the war dragged on. Eventually Alfred was assuming his beast form regularly just so he could bite and tear at himself in a frenzy. The revolutionaries got used to seeing their fledgling country covered in the wounds he’d gouged into himself in a futile attempt to find relief. None came until victory was won and he could cast off his lion form - and his old self - for good.

Meanwhile Matthew, who peacefully slipped into a fluffy lion cub form after Arthur won him from Francis, was very different. His independence was gradual and diplomatic so there was no need for a violent ripping of flesh. Instead, over time, Matthew quietly started using his lion form less and less the more Canada drew away from Britain. Until one day, when he badly needed release from the trappings of the human world, he assumed his beast form for the first time in decades. Only to find it had changed. Something Mattie had been expecting for a while but it was still a shock when it suddenly happened. There wasn’t any pain or anguish for him, though. Just a small feeling of wistfulness at the realisation he’d never wear his lion form again. It’s fine, though: a Canadian horse suited him better. Fit like a glove right from the start.

Mattie ultimately becoming a horse is funny too because, while I haven’t made up my mind yet about what Francis should be, a horse is an option I’m considering. Which would mean Matthew went from French foal, to British cub, then ultimately back to horse again, lol.

Maybe…maybe a horse is good for Francis? Maybe? Urgh, I don’t know! Seriously, I’ve only just started this AU thing and already Francis has become the bane of my existence. 😂 France is a world power and England’s historical rival. So his animal form would need to be something that could not just fight, but win against a lion. Yeah, a rooster ain’t cutting it, lmao. A big destrier style war horse could conceivably kill a lion by kicking or trampling it. Horses are prey animals but that doesn’t mean predators aren’t still scared af of a horse’s kick caving in their skulls and smashing their bones to powder. Also, historically horses are symbols of wealth, grace, war, and just plain pretty to boot. All of which fit Francis. My only other idea is that he’d be another lion. Because England got its lion from French nobility. Or maybe he’d be a lion up until the French Revolution? Then he’d pull an Alfred and rip off his pelt - or have it ripped off him by force during the Reign of Terror - and be remade as a horse. Lions are one of the symbols of monarchy so it’s some nice imagery there. Napoleon relied heavily on his cavalry too. Yeah, it could work. Maybe…? What do you guys think? Any other ideas? Post em below if you have em.

A nation-person doesn’t always change their animal form completely if their real world circumstances are altered. Take Argentina for example; a Spanish colony who started as a black calf and still remained a bull after locking horns with Antonio and driving him out of his part of South America. A bull suited Argentina so a bull he stayed. Though his coat and horns did turn from black to silver post-independence. Argentina. Land of beef. Land of silver. Silver bull, geddit?

Finally, there’s the differing effects of conquest where the original inhabitants of the land aren’t replaced like what happened in the Americas. Cases like Romano: a nation whose animal form never changed through all his ups and downs. Not after Antonio conquered him, not after being set free, and not after unification with Feliciano. Romano remained an Italian wolf through it all. Change was possible but it never happened for him. I guess it would depend on factors like how much of the original culture survives, how tightly the controlled nation is under the thumb of the master nation, etc. In the most extreme cases a conquered nation’s animal form might change completely to mirror that of their conqueror. Other times they might shift only a little. Like, say, if Ireland’s original animal was a wolf. Then, after being crushed and occupied by England, that wolf began to look more doglike. Symbolic of the English (later British) goal of “taming” wild Ireland. Stuff like that. A case by case basis, really.

(That’s all for now. Hope you enjoyed reading. I’m tagging this as my national animals AU ☺️)

[mychlapci]

I like to think humans are p much the only beings in the whole universe to figure out contraceptions. Almost all other races have super low birth rates, dont experience pleasure in reproduction (so no recreational sex), and/or have regular harsh conditions that balance the population out. Cybertronians were only just getting to an overburdened population when the war started, but it's not till they get to earth they find out about birth control like

Spike: man its such a pain remembering a condom but smh what are u gonna do yknow im not ready to be a dad

The autobots, half who are trying to hide their pregnancies and the other half with part fried processors bc theyre overcharged by attempting abstinence: a what?

Which of course leads to typical g1 shenanigans as they try to figure out contraceptions for cybertronians (not helped by wheeljack's attempts often backfiring - spike now understanding the poor bastard has been limping along in his projects for centuries bc they cant spare wheeljack for maternity leave).

And of COURSE decepticons have to get involved with their own attempts at making their own and trying to sabotage the autobot's. Which leads to Spike having to tell the autobots the whole "nothing except abstinence is 100% guaranteed" and if the autobots had hair to pull out, they would.

It’s so funny to think that cybertronians never thought of creating their own contraceptives nor have they ever managed to encounter a species that had enough sex to bother with such things. Until Earth, of course. Also, did no one tell them about pulling out?

when they're on Earth, so many of them are already pregnant. They can’t afford more soldiers to go off duty because of their growing bellies, it’s a big rush to create protection that actually works and is comfortable to use, otherwise they’re all going to end up too pregnant to fight, autobots and decepticons alike. 

Of course they fail miserably… spike-caps that choke the spike and cause chafing in the valve, gestation tank seals that are uncomfortable and rust, whatever the hell that Wheeljack comes up with, most of which exploded, thankfully not inside of any cybertronian, since no one was willing to actually try and test Wheeljack’s contraception. 

… Part of me hopes that Nothing works. They are either bound to fizzle with charge until the end of time or keep on having babies. Another part of me wants them to figure it out and have full blown orgies for days on end. The war is put on the backburner bacause they’re all just fucking each other constantly.

[sepublic]

So the jokes comparing Skar King to King Louie over their appearances, with a remix of I Wan’na Be like You playing in the background, are funny and all. But they’re also more true than most might realize???

In the Godzilla vs Kong novelization, it explains that the Great Apes were like any other titans in Hollow Earth… But then they became very intelligent. They got into groups, formed languages. They established hierarchies, made tools, created architecture… And also began enslaving other titans. They conquered and pillaged, expanded past their original roles in the ecosystem.

In essence, the Great Apes became too human. Which is a great way to build off of Kong showing how human he can be in that very film, which introduced his sign language, as well as emphasized that in Mothra’s absence only Kong can defend humanity. He’s always had a symbiotic relationship with the Iwi, and with the stereotype of apes and humans being alike, you could say Kong is the most human of our giant monsters.

So the inverse of that is fascinating to take into account as to why Godzilla fought with Kong’s ancestors, and blasted their empire back into the Stone Age as retaliation for the above-mentioned advancements, which in his eyes were transgressions; I dunno if humanity had already begun the same as the Great Apes, which came first, but one must’ve reminded Godzilla of the other. In fact maybe they evolved into civilizations alongside one another.

And that brings us to Godzilla x Kong and the introduction of Skar King, who is revealed as the original leader of the Great Apes that started that entire backstory. Adam Wingard described him as the most human of the Monsterverse Kaiju, in the worst way possible; He’s the dark reflection to Kong and us in that way. He wanted the Great Apes to become human; Maybe not in the sense that he was emulating us specifically, but in that he wanted to make his species act in all the ways associated with humanity. Dude even has a harem which hammers in how depraved he is.

And like any human leader, he’s not much on his own; But the armies he leads, the tools he has, the beasts he tames, that makes him dangerous. He is just a man in the end; Nothing without his followers and society. Skar King’s ambition in the past led to Godzilla knocking down the Great Apes a massive notch, which led to some fleeing to Skull Island; This sets Kong’s destiny in stone when the Skull Crawlers emerge there and kill his parents. The Godzilla-killing axe must’ve been created under Skar King’s rule, in fact he may have personally made and/or wielded it to begin with; Skar King could’ve recognized that weapon, and been reclaiming it when he first met Kong.

Skar King is responsible for Kong in a sense; To him, Kong is a feral child who just now has reconnected with society and begun to realize how intelligent he can really be; Hence the traps at the beginning of Godzilla x Kong. He’s a reverse Tarzan, funnily enough; Lost his parents and spent more time in the jungle with humans, who are his ‘apes’. Skar King created Kong, in other words his own downfall, just as he sired Suko who rebelled, enslaved Shimo who retaliated, crafted the axe that spelled his downfall, and angered Godzilla who fought back. Skar King made his own demise, he brought his kind to ruin in his attempts to control nature.

So when we go back to the comparisons with another red-haired ape who also wants to act human, in a very destructive way via mastering fire. Yeah I guess Skar King Louie really does wanna be like us.

[musclesandhammering]

Spn Opinions That’ll Have Me Burned at the Stake Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo

I’m back and bitchier than ever. For reference, here’s part 1.

• Season 5 wasn’t that great.

• D*stiel isn’t real, it’s a sucky ship, and that confession scene was just the writers pandering to the rabid deancas fans cause they knew they were the only ones still watching the show lol. And they left it ambiguous enough that they could still say it was meant platonically if they needed to.

• I hate how they watered down both angels and demons post-season 5ish.

• I liked Ruby 1.0 better than Ruby 2.0.

• I hate Honey!Cas. They just did that cause they didn’t know where to take his story from there, needed him out of the way, and thought it would be funny. It was insulting.

• Jack should’ve been played by an actual child so everyone’s abuse of him would resonate with the audience for what it was (casual fans are brain dead and need to be spoon fed).

• Victor Henrikson deserved more time on the show.

• I said it in the last post, but Alex is way more interesting than Claire and should’ve been given the lead role in the wayward sisters storyline instead.

• Dean is canonically straight and for Christ sake if you guys wanted bi rep, there’s about a thousand other characters that are strongly coded or implied to be bisexual (including Sam!) but y’all didn’t focus on them because it wasn’t actually about representation, it was about making it more plausible for your dumb fetishised gay ship to actually happen (spoiler: it didn’t).

• Season 3 and Season 6 were some of the best ones, you guys just don’t have any taste.

• Claire is not Castiel’s daughter and saying she is erases Jimmy and insults her, and even Cas himself acknowledged that on the show.

• Castiel is canonically NOT gay and Misha constantly saying he is is annoying and airheaded. He’s been attracted to women IN THE SHOW and he’s not even really male, so calling him a Gay Man is reductive and just plain wrong. Also, it’s veeery sus that- given how bi/pan folks are even more underrepresented than gay people- that one of the rare times where the bi/pan label actually fits a character BETTER in CANON……. the allies and monosexuals adamantly reject it. Hm.

• “Curing” vampires or werewolves or demons shouldn’t have been a thing.

• The Winchesters cause most of the bad shit that happens and then they just force supernatural beings to fix it for them- tell me again how they’re Super Special Heroes.

• It shouldn’t be possible to make angels human by removing their grace, because (unlike demons, werewolves, etc) they were never human to start with. If you drained me of all my blood, I wouldn’t magically transform into another species, I’d fucking die.

• Making Billie go crazy was dumb.

• Rowena was one of the most interesting and charismatic characters on the whole show- they just didn’t know what to do with her character.

• The archangels, Lilith, and Azazel should’ve been the biggest threats on the show. No other knights of hell, no god and his sister, no Cain, nothing like that. Having every villain just get progressively more overpowered made the show unbelievable and repetitive and annoying.

• The kernel sanders king of hell guy was hot.

• Dean is misogynistic as HELL, homophobic, likes racist porn, is a narcissist, pervs on teen girls, & thinks all non-human people should be exterminated… and that is all CANON.

• Most of John Winchester’s abuse is fanon.

• Fans portraying Cas as a smol bby who colours in colouring books and has a bee plushie is so fucking annoying.

• Instead of having so many gigantic cosmic storylines with god and his sister and alternate dimensions and even the angel and demon tablets, they should’ve just scrapped those and made the stein family and the bmol and the alpha vampire storylines way bigger than they were. Less cosmic stuff, more earth-based stuff.

• They ruined Lucifer’s character post-season 5. Before that, he was more sympathetic and reasonable than Michael. After, he was a spoiled child hurting people for fun.

• Everything from season 7 on is garbage. All of it. There’s bits of goodness here and there but overall seasons 7-15 are trash.

• How the fuck are there actual people who are deangirls and hate Sam?? The space where your brain should be is empty, I swear to god.

• If there was gonna be any lgbt rep in the Wayward Sisters group, it should’ve been Jody and Donna instead of Claire and Kaia. Those two were boring as hell and had zero chemistry or build-up, but Jody/Donna had plenty of chemistry and was very believable.

• Meg has the best and most realistic redemption arc of anyone on the show.

• Chuck was not likeable or charismatic enough to carry off as big of a villain arc as they gave him. Also that whole thing was stupid and WAY too Out There.

• All the angels should’ve been aroace. All the demons should’ve been pan.

• I stanned Cole so hard up until he changed his mind about hating Dean. That was disappointing.

• Sam went through the same shitty childhood Dean did (plus Bonus Abuse on top of it) and he didn’t turn out Like That.

• I cannot think of a single person that was asking for a spin-off about the Winchester family, like that has to be the most boring thing.

[mrultra100]

Ultra’s Ramblings; The Deal with Glimmet and Glimmora

Are ya ready, kids?

Out of all the Pokemon in Scarlet and Violet that I love, a few do come to mind; Skeledirge, Tinkaton, Lokix, Clodsire, etc. However, there are a couple of these new ‘Mons that I simply obsess over, both being on the same level as such past favorites like Pincurchin. Who are they, you may ask? Well…

That’s right…I’m in love with the funny crystal flower-sponges

Coming in at #969 and #970 respectively on the National Pokedex, Glimmet and Glimmora are some of the most alien-looking of all Pokemon, which is why I love them to smithereens. The main goal of this post is to break down not only their design origins and inspirations, but also why I love them so much, and to the point of the whole line now being some of my favorite Pokemon in the entire franchise.

Imagine if you saw someone with one of these as a pet. Just walking their crystal flower monster down the street for a walk. That’d make one hell of a Sunday morning, I tell ya much

Starting off with in-game lore, both Glimmet and Glimmora are classified as the “Ore Pokemon''. While plenty of Glimmets are able to be found on the surface of Paldea, Area Zero is the only place in the entire region to find wild Glimmora. The main diet of Glimmet and Glimmora are minerals that they get from sticking themselves into the walls of caves. While Glimmet is able to float in place, Glimmora does so by moving, closing, and adjusting its six, glossy petals. Glimmet’s main line of defense is scattering poisonous powder from its petals, while Glimmora is able to fire beams of energy with not only its own petals, but also its glassy, cone-shaped face. Despite how their bodies resemble the Terastal phenomenon, there is currently no leading evidence to suggest that the line has anything to do with it.

Judging by the lore presented here, the Glimet line seems to be going into a role not unlike Carbink. Maybe they’re related to the unknown Pokemon at the very bottom of Area Zero, similar to how Carbink is to Diancie. We’ll just have to wait and see if the inevitable DLC covers that.

(Credit to u/sdrey on Reddit)

Now getting into the meat and potatoes of all of this, Glimmet and Glimmora have alot of inspirations with their design, maybe even more than first thought. As the picture above shows, not only are these Pokemon based on plants like the deadly nightshade and Passiflora caerulea, they’re also based on a toxic mineral known as Chalcanthte (Or simply copper(II) sulfate). Not only does the former explain the flowery shape of these Pokemon, the nightshade does help with the Poison type, as it’s poisonous itself. The relation to copper sulfate that these Pokemon share is how the mineral is not only blue, it’s also very toxic. These blue crystals are absolutely bad to be around, with it even leaving debris that is very dangerous to be around. That alone sounds very similar to the Glimmet line’s signature ability; Toxic Debris. If one of these Pokemon gets hit, they’ll leave out Toxic Spikes, making them threatening lead Pokemon to face in battle (Which is something that Geeta apparently never thought of when using her Glimmora).

Now, we’ve now covered the 2 main things that make Glimmet and Glimmora….well, Glimmet and Glimmora. However, what if I told you that wasn’t the end of it. Have you ever thought that these two weirdos kinda feel like they’d fit in within the deep sea? As it turns out, there’s a very, very good reason for that…

GlimmBob FlowerPants

That’s right! We’re finally at our first-ever sponge Pokemon! And it’s not even the reef sponges that so many people are familiar with. The Glimmet line is based on various deep-sea sponges belonging to the Cladorhizidae family. Unlike their more spongy-looking relatives in surface waters, these sponges take on more alien-looking shapes and lifestyles, with many of them even being active predators! Both the harp sponge and ping-pong sponge, two species that many deep-sea enthusiasts (Such as myself) are very familiar towards, come to mind when discussing this family, and many species even look like strange, ethereal, undersea flowers, just like Glimmet and Glimmora!

The Pokemon’s conical faces even look like they could be from a deep-sea environment, with Area Zero basically being a terrestrial counterpart to that. If I can be frank here, the faces are the biggest reason why I love these two. They just carry that strange, vague, alienness that few other Pokemon have, like the Ultra Beasts. And get this; sponges usually defend themselves with mineralized spicules made up of the same silica that sponges are made of. That drives home the Toxic Debris ability even more!

This is Pathocary. He’s my son, and I’m very proud of him

At the end of the day, Glimmora has taken the spot of my personal favorite Pocket Monster, an honor usually aimed towards the likes of Pincurchin and such. As much as I am a fan of Bogleech, I feel like these guys are to me as Trubbish and Garbodor are to him (And despite him not having to get around to these guys in his reviews yet, he’s said that he’s in love with Glimmora) As much as Geeta’s team sucked, I honestly hope that its inclusion in said team is what kick starts Glimmora’s rise to fame, alongside other Gen 9 ‘Mon like Tinkaton, Clodsire, and Maushold. If there was a spot for a Pokemon this alien to ride alongside the big boys, the funny crystal-flower-sponge things have a decent spot of earning that title.

[thebluestbluewords]

Auradon Campus Gossip:

Audrey and Chad are very funny, but ADULTS??

I will be taking these teacher names and running, thank you very much. They’re my OCs now and I will not be stopped.

Horace the Librarian

The cool librarian. Probably the one who started Doug’s enduring idea that bow ties look cool and suave. His color scheme is blue and red, just so he stands out from the students a bit.

Auradon Prep definitely has two libraries, the regular working library, and the research library. Horace works in the research library, helping the older students with their junior and senior projects.

Horace is the best librarian to talk to if you’re struggling with college essays. He’s able to tease a personal statement out of even the most shy students, and he’ll make you feel good about yourself as he’s doing it. He genuinely believes that every single person has a story worth telling, so long as you can frame it the right way. After all, he’s just the son of a bookseller from a quiet village, and look at where he is now.

Judy the Guidance Counselor

Judy genuinely loves her job. She’s here for the guidance, but also for the gossip. She loves working with troublemaker students, because they’re the most fun to work with and she gets to actually help them out.

She tries very hard to be hip with the kids. Judy uses all the slang she’s heard from students, and is totally tubular and hip to the jive of the youth trends. She’s on-trend and bussin.

She wears exclusively pantsuits, because again, she’s young and cool and wears pants instead of skirts. She thinks this will keep her cool in the eyes of the students. Her favorite one is a brown courdroy suit with a matching floral scarf, very vintage Auroria-style.

Abigail the Biology Teacher

She specialized in marine biology in college! Her main research is actually on invasive fish populations in the reefs around Atlantica. She would love to get her hands on the reefs within the Isle of the Lost barrier, but she’s not sure how to balance such an important research topic with her teaching career.

She’s very invested in independent learning. Every year she has her freshmen do a research project on a native species that has personal significance to them, and she keeps a tracking sheet of what all her students choose each year.

An astrology gal to her core, Abigail will detail class to talk about her horoscope if you can time it right. The sophomore bio II class takes the most advantage of this. They’ve made a class theme song for Astrology Moments with Abigail.

Margaret the Philosophy Teacher

Margaret started her career as a castle chaplain, and only switched to teaching after her nieces started asking her more and more philosophical questions. Yes, she is the sort of teacher who will engage in a scholarly debate with a five year old. Her high school students are nothing compared to her sister’s toddlers.

Philosophy isn’t exactly a popular elective at Auradon Prep, so Margaret has a lot of time between classes where she engages in personal research. She’s currently writing a book about the afterlife, and she’s written several well-reviewed scholarly papers about the philosophical implications of children’s internal narratives.

She also acts as a dorm monitor for the junior and senior girl’s dorms. She hosts the best late-night study events, and most of her students genuinely like her as a dorm monitor, even though part of her job is patrolling the halls during lights-out and breaking up their illegal room parties.

[teshadraws]

System of a bunch of different pokémon (mostly) that literally (accidentally) writes pmd fic with a plural protagonist here. Plurality in the pokémon world is actually pretty interesting to think about. It's pretty common in that world for pokémon to be plural already, so it *might* be more understandable of a thing for most people.

That being said, if I got pmded into a spiritbomb bc I had DID I'd fucking lose it. I actually appreciate your answer as is. It's also plenty respectful imo if that's anything you're worried about.

I and my headmates (you can immediately tell I'm a host because I bitch out of saying "we") vary in species. Most likely it'd just be whoever was fronting at the time of the test would decide, so most likely the host. Maybe other systems that have any positive connection to their humanity would feel different, but I at least don't think there'd really be a pokémon that fit everyone. Trying that would absolutely do more harm than good. If mew/whoever had to figure something like that out it'd be really funny to like put it to a vote.

That being said if mew tried to split a system, that system would be so fucked. This is hard to explain but basically imagine you got transported into a new world but you left behind your ability to get out of bed in the morning and brush your teeth. How the system basically interacts with the world would be completely fractured and incomplete. Maybe others would feel different, but if I didn't have my headmates I wouldn't be able to manage anything about basic day to day life.

The one human body is already its own compromise, so any pokémon that made a number of headmates happy would be a huge step up. In a perfect world the system would be able to change their pokémon based on who's fronting, but I'm not sure if that'd feel like a genuine exploration of the compromise made living like this. It'd make good escapism, but idk. There are probably good stories to be had either way.

I forgot to have a point when I started writing it so I'm basically just rambling at you about the pmd implications of my child abuse disorder so. Do with that what you will

Mew making everybody vote for which body they’re going to be stuck in is kind of an amazing mental image, haha!

But thanks so much for weighing in on this!!! It’s super interesting hearing experienced thoughts on how a system might transfer over to the Pokemon world. I wonder if a Pokemon like zorua or ditto that could morph depending on who’s fronting would fit well for a good chunk of DID situations?

Regardless, I really appreciate it! I wasn’t thinking before about how badly splitting up a system would mess up their day-to-day functioning, but that makes total sense.

[timeagainreviews]

A Foot in Two Worlds: 73 Yards

My third-grade lunch buddy was a girl named Kendra. We used to love chatting about movies and television. My favourite topic was Batman. Hers was Full House. However, one morning, instead of gushing over Stephanie Tanner, she told me about a movie she and her brother had watched over the weekend. The movie was 1989’s “Clownhouse,” and she was a bit traumatised by it. And because of her vivid description, so was I. Honestly, I don’t remember anything past her saying “It’s about these kids who see clowns watching them through their windows,” because I never stopped thinking about that sentence, for years. While I’ve still never actually seen Clownhouse, nor do I experience coulrophobia, the idea of being watched from a distance still creeps me out. I still close the blinds at night.

Initially, I wanted to compare “73 Yards,” to something like “It Follows,” or even “The Immortal Snail.” Both scenarios entail being tracked by a slow but relentless pursuer who kills you if it ever catches up to you. But “73 Yards,” isn’t so much a story about being pursued. It’s about feeling watched. It’s about feeling judged. It’s about feeling abandoned. It preys on our fear of being the subject of gossip. That people could spread lies about us that scare away our loved ones. The fear that maybe they’re right. Maybe we don’t deserve love. It’s about the ambiguity that sits within our hearts. The liminal threshold between us at our best and us at our worst. But it’s not just about the wicked and the divine, but also body and spirit. A foot in both worlds.

Doctor Who currently has a foot in both worlds. The Doctor steps on a science fictiony land mine one week, and the next week he’s stepping on fairy circles. A recurring theme in this new season is “look before you leap.” Or ‘watch your step.” Ruby steps on a butterfly in the past and changes species. The Doctor steps on a land mine and almost dies. And now, the Doctor steps on a fairy circle and disappears. The Doctor is learning to have a healthy respect for the new supernatural powers coursing through the Whoniverse. At least he would if he remembered anything from this adventure. Not even Ruby will learn a lesson here, so was it worth it?

After last week’s “Boom,” I was game for whatever Russell T Davies had in store for the future. The trailer for “73 Yards,” gave us very little to go on, and in hindsight, it’s pretty easy to see why. This was a Doctor-lite episode and therefore not a lot of footage to share that wouldn’t also spoil this being a Ruby-centric story. But I was ready for it. Ruby has been suffering a bit from underdevelopment as a character. I even saw a Chibnall stan on Twitter saying so, which is quite extreme when you consider how underdeveloped Yaz was. In Ruby’s case, however, it’s hard to pinpoint what it is about her that’s underdeveloped. She’s got a great family dynamic. She’s nurturing. She plays in a band. But who is she? Like River Song before her, her character arc is starting to affect her character development. And my interest is waning.

After the Doctor steps onto the fairy circle and disappears, Ruby unsuccessfully tries the TARDIS doors. She then checks around the other side to see if he’s having a pee. This may be the first time the show has canonically mentioned the Doctor goes to the bathroom. It’s funny to think of the great Time Lord having a slash off the edge of a cliff. The Doctor seems to do a lot of important things on cliff edges these days. Failing to find the Doctor, it’s then that Ruby notices a strange old woman standing under a creepy old tree from 73 yards away making some sort of hand gestures. However, the closer she walks toward the woman, the further she appears away.

The mechanism of how the woman moves is hidden by editing, but it feels like something Ruby would notice quickly. I don’t imagine Ruby walking closer would cause the woman to start backing up physically like that Community episode where Professor Duncan got a restraining order on Chang and used it like he had force powers. Instead, they cut back to the woman and she’s simply further away. Ruby is conveniently looking for footing every time, so she fails to see this. But if you started walking toward someone and they started hovering backwards, wouldn’t you find that weird? It’s not like she doesn’t sense something weird pretty early on. She even asks the woman if the Doctor’s disappearance has anything to do with her. She even asks the hiker (yet another character played by Susan Twist) if she can see the old woman.

Something I found interesting about the Susan Twist scene was that whoever her character is, she’s not immune to the effects of the old woman. Either that, or she’s lying. Either way, it feels important that we were shown her having the same reaction to the woman as everyone else. If she’s a magical trickster, she’s not an invincible one, or maybe she’s not magical at all. We’ve learned very little about Susan Twist’s character(s), but this indicates that she’s not fully in charge of the situation if she can be scared off like that. What’s frustrating is that the first time a character looks at her and says “Hey don’t I know you from somewhere?” it’s in an aborted timeline. I would have expected the Doctor to have made the connection after the ambulance screens in “Boom,” matched the woman from Space Babies, but maybe he’s been distracted by clothes.

By this point in the episode, I’ve been fully drawn in. Ruby finds her way to the small village of Glyngatwg and a pub called “Y Pren Marw,” which translates to “The Dead Wood.” I thought this might have been a reference to the weird tree on the cliff, but the illustration on the pub sign looked more like an oak tree, so I doubt it. Another name they could have used for the pub could have been “The Gaslight Inn,” because man oh man did they gaslight the hell out of Ruby. They keep accusing her of thinking they’re yokels for asking pretty innocuous questions. Asking if you can pay with your phone is perfectly reasonable. There’s a chippy in my village that does the best fish n chips in the area, but I never use them because they haven’t got a card machine and I don’t carry cash. I don’t imagine the owner of the chippy goes home every night in his Fred Flintstone car because of it. Maybe they’re worried they really are yokels. Either way, five quid for a Coke and abusive staff? What’s their Trip Advisor score? Negative six?

The only non-yokel in the pub is Enid and that’s solely because she’s played by Siân Phillips, who could never be mistaken for common. She was easily the highlight of the episode for me, sitting elegantly at the bar in her fashionable hat. Of all of the patrons at the bar, she’s the one I believe would coin the Latin phrase “semper distans,” to describe the way the old woman follows but never approaches. If only she could have taught Isaac Newton the word “gravitas.” Beyond being incredibly rude, I rather enjoyed the patrons of Y Pren Marw. They reminded me of characters you would have found in classic Doctor Who. The pub scenes reminded me a lot of “The Dæmons,” or “Terror of the Zygons.” But more than anything, this episode reminded me of “The Stones of Blood,” wherein things start like folk horror and end in a more mundane setting.

After Ruby’s unwanted follower scares away one of the pub’s most faithful patrons, she’s forced to head back to London, which is about where the episode starts to lose steam. Up until that moment, I was expecting a sort of witch coven or worse to spring up in the sleepy village of Glyngatwg. I was ready to call it RTD’s best ever. But now we’re back in London where the biggest mystery is Mrs Flood, and she’s really only there to remind us she exists. But that’s not to say a piece of Glyngatwg didn’t leave with Ruby, and it’s not to say I disliked the story’s ending. But there was a noticeable drop in excitement the moment Ruby boarded that train.

I found it odd that Carla and Cherry were badmouthing the Doctor in his absence. Cherry was ready to jump his bones the last time they spoke and now he’s good for nothing. I get that they want to support Ruby, but like, what if he’s hurt somewhere? All I’m saying is that if I ever go missing, please don’t send Carla and Cherry to find me. After telling Carla about the old woman, Ruby’s deepest fears are realised. Like Susan Twist and Josh before her, talking to the old woman causes her to abandon Ruby. The look Carla gives Ruby from the cab as it drives away is the last way anyone would want to be looked at by their loved one. It wasn’t a look of fear, it was a look of disgust.

It’s that look of disgust that really started to make me think of another story from the Whoniverse- “The Curse of Clyde Langer,” a Sarah Jane Adventures episode written by Phil Ford. In it, Clyde’s name becomes cursed and anyone who hears or reads it becomes irrationally opposed to Clyde. His friends and family disown him and it’s Clyde against the world, which is wild because Clyde’s one of my favourite characters in all of Doctor Who. Who could hate that precious cinnamon roll? Even further, who could forget that episode? Well, it turns out Davies was kinda hoping the answer would be you. I’m not saying Davies is out of ideas, but he seems to be “remixing,” a lot of what has come before. More on that in a moment.

After losing her family, Ruby gets on with life, but not before being given a spark of hope in the form of Kate Lethbridge-Stewart. We even learn some things about the old woman from Kate. We establish that yes, it is always 73 yards away. And no matter how close a person gets to her, she always looks as in focus as a person with 20/20 vision would see her from 73 yards. We also learn that the old woman’s “powers” work via headset, as Kate breaks contact with Ruby, leaving her devastated from losing yet another lifeline.

An interesting factoid about that scene is that Kate and Ruby were sitting across from “The House of Pi,” and Pi Day is the 73rd day of a non-leap year. Why do I know this? Because I went into a bit of a rabbit hole trying to learn about the number 73 yesterday. I looked into its mathematical significance. I learned it’s Sheldon Cooper’s favourite number. I looked it up in terms of numerology. I read the 73rd Psalm. There are 73 books in the Catholic Bible. But none of it felt significant. Then my dumbass googled whether RTD had explained the number, and he claimed it was as simple as going outside and measuring the distance from which people’s faces began to blur. Right. Well, that’s disappointing, albeit creative.

We’re treated to a montage of Ruby getting on with her life throughout the next couple of decades. Like the rest of us, her age starts to show itself with long hair and big glasses. I mentioned earlier that Ruby suffers a bit from a lack of character development and this montage does nothing to help that. She grows up into possibly one of the most boring people they could have made her. Her queer group of friends she has a band with seem to have disappeared. Her dating life is painfully heteronormative. She didn’t date a single woman throughout that time? She would have learned by now not to encourage her friends to talk to the old woman, and due to the perception filter, it’s not like anyone seemed to mind her anyhow. I’m just saying, if someone as normie as her started wearing a political shirt for the nuclear war-hungry Albion Party, I’d look at her and say “Pssh. Figures.”

Speaking of the Albion Party, it’s time we started talking about Harold Saxon. Oh, sorry, I meant Roger ap Gwilliam. The episode implies that Roger is the trickster “Mad Jack" who had escaped the fairy circle after the Doctor stepped on it. But Davies is remixing the classics, or as LCD Soundsystem puts it- “Shut up and play the hits.” He even mistreats women in the same way as the Master. I took this to be Doctor Who’s flimsy attempt at a comment on the MeToo movement. It would work better if ap Gwilliam was more than a moustache-twirling miscreant. Especially because Ruby throws poor Marti to the lions by not warning her away from Roger. If this is a MeToo story, Ruby is an enabler, which is not a great look. But she apologises so I guess it’s ok. Don’t worry Marti, your trauma gets erased anyhow.

While the campaigners prepare for a press conference for Roger ap Gwilliam to announce that Britain has purchased Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal, Ruby realises she’s out of time and needs to act now. Using her semper distans friend to her advantage, Ruby backs 73 yards away from Roger and sends him cowering and eventually resigning from his position as prime minister. Ruby expects this to be the end of the old woman, but she remains with her until the day she’s on her deathbed, at which point, the old woman changes from her perspective to Ruby’s. As the old woman, Ruby sees her young self and is able to call out to her and warn her about the fairy circle. That’s what happened, right?

Well, maybe? The biggest curveball comes in the form of the old woman herself. Because while Ruby does age to the ripe old age of 80, the actress playing her is Amanda Walker. The actress playing the woman is Hilary Hobson. Set pictures have also revealed Hobson in make-up that appears to be scarring going up the left side of her face. And those hand gestures of hers? Sign language. Eagle-eyed viewers have roughly translated her signing as “Bless you. Thank you so much, that's so kind of you. When you gave me that little thing, it was just so precious. How am I ever going to repay you? But we will think of something.” Perhaps this scarred woman is someone the Doctor and Ruby have yet to meet. Perhaps she repays them by warning them away from the fairy circle and saving both the Doctor and Ruby from a bizarre fate.

People seem divided by this episode in a major way, which is pretty normal for Doctor Who. But one of the more irritating takeaways I’ve seen is that the episode doesn’t make any sense. That’s only sort of true. There are some bootstrap paradox things occurring, which if you haven’t accepted as a reality of Doctor Who at this point, what are you even doing here? But what does the old woman say to Ruby? Where does the Doctor go? How does she travel back in time to the clifftops of Glyngatwg? Forgetting completely that we’re in a Doctor Who era which has introduced magic in a real way. But that’s a bit hand-wavy, can’t we do better? Well, they do mention that the TARDIS’s perception filter parked so close to the fairy circle might affect how people ignore the old woman. I liked this because it implies that the TARDIS and magic are somewhat compatible and therefore opens up new avenues for storytelling. You could also imply that if the TARDIS could affect the fairy circle, perhaps it can affect the TARDIS in turn. Maybe people reject Ruby because the warding spell placed on Mad Jack is affecting Ruby. Maybe Ruby needed to be in a position where she was so friendless that she would join the conservative party.

The episode may not have explicitly explained things, but it gives us enough of a vague framework to form an idea. As a fan of David Lynch, I am rather happy to exist in that liminal space. To straddle the cusp between the known and the unknown. It leaves an air of mystery, or as David Lynch would say “room to dream.” I will however slightly come down on the episode for its rather bland ending compared to its strong start. I don’t agree with the people who said it nosedives toward the end. But I would be lying if I said I lost a lot of interest the moment Ruby left Glyngatwg. Earlier, I compared the story to “The Stones of Blood,” but where the two stories differ is that when “The Stones of Blood,” changes its setting from the occult folk horror of the Cornish countryside, it replaces it with something equally strange.

That isn’t to say the jump to the year 2046 isn’t interesting. I’d be very curious to see how this story plays over the next few years. It acts as speculative fiction and the bizarre reality of speculative fiction is that it occasionally becomes mundane in hindsight. What once sounded unreasonable now feels painfully obvious. HBO’s “The Leftovers” hits different after the pandemic. Richard Kelly’s loony “Southand Tales,” feels tame after the 2016 election. Therein, I fear the day Roger ap Gwilliam becomes something more than a cartoonish depiction of British politicians. Partly because of the implied threat of nuclear devastation, but also because 2046 feels like a rather generous timeframe.