#Is there a radical for man or is it just person because of misogyny?

[sanyiang]

Good start! Already I'm starting to see patterns where some radicals are used in different places. Like how steam has the grass radical on top, maybe indicating a lid on a pot, and how good is made up of woman and child, and how flower has a person in it, maybe because they stand upright like a person

(this is absolutely just how I, personally, am going to try and remember them and might not have anything to do with how they were actually linguistically written down)

I have 18 here on this page, so I think the next few pages will be writing practice with them, trying to memorize them, just generally getting familiar. The video recommended doing all 55 in a week, but aha, that probably won't happen. I'll do my best with these 18 and see where we go from there.

The writing will be done while verbally speaking the word and the english translation, so I can hopefully drill them into my brain

[orfeolookback]

wrt the male loneliness epidemic bs i think it's important to discuss how strongly the current western state of affairs isolates everyone. not "just" men. the thing is that men believe they are entitled to their loneliness being amended by women. and when feminism began to show that women didn't have to suffer being in that position, instead of making certain to be someone people (women included) would want to be around, already-radicalized men hated those women, and non-radicalized men became prime targets of radicalization. that's what, in praxis, it means to be a feminist man (or an ally, or a deconstructed masculinity), though: it entails giving up that which you believe is owed to you by virtue of being a man. that's why deconstructed masculinities are as much of a goal as empowered feminities and trans identities.

so, to summarize. men are lonely because everyone is. capitalism, white supremacy, misogyny and other axis of the kyriarchy are set in motion to retain status quo by punishing community and solidarity. men are not especially touched by this phenomenon. but since there is a dissonance between what they were promised by patriarchy and what they effectively access in this case their entitlement flares up, ravenous for upholding the patriarchal edict of "men must be tended to by women, in detriment of women"

there is a general loneliness epidemic. it just so happens that it impugns pre conceived promises of the patriarchy. the answer should in every case be to build community and form bonds that enable us to struggle against isolation and individualism; never to demand that another person or a collective tends to our needs in their own detriment.

[eris-abomination]

Not to be patronizing, but I’m convinced some of y’all don’t know what radfems actually are. Every time I try to speak about how dangerous and reductive radical feminism is as an ideology, I get paragraphs upon paragraphs written trying to “errm actually” me and defending them, so let me clear things up.

Radical feminism’s core belief centers around a form of gender essentialism: that men are inherently violent oppressors and that the patriarchy is to blame for every problem that befalls women and fems. This is not to say that the patriarchy isn’t a major contributor to misogyny, but it completely excludes intersectionality from the equation and dovetails into TERFy rhetoric very easily.

In blaming every issue on the patriarchy alone, radical feminism erases the very real contributions of racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, etc from our struggles in society. Oppression and privilege are extremely complex and fed into by many biases and phobias upheld by our societal systems, not just the “boys vs girls” mentality that radfems emphasize. The main pitfall of this ideology is the way it places all men and all women on an equivalent level of privilege or oppression respectively, rather than the unfortunate reality: for example, a cishet man having inherent privilege and hypothetical oppressing power over a queer or trans man, or an abled woman having privilege over a disabled woman.

Radical feminism also tends to veer into a defeatist mindset: men are inherently oppressive and women are inherently at the bottom of the societal totem pole, so what’s the point of trying to dismantle these systems? The radfem “solution” is to ignore the nuances of intersectionality and create divisions between men and women as a “safety measure” which, as mentioned earlier, opens the door for TERF-like and tribalist ideologies to take root (bathroom bans, label politics, “gender traitor” rhetoric, and categorization of trans and nonbinary people into their AGABs). The “solution” of creating purely woman-only spaces fails to acknowledge that women can also be oppressive toward other women, but it’s still viewed through the lens of “the patriarchy can’t affect things here because we’re all on the same level of disadvantage”.

I don’t write all this to accuse all self-proclaimed radfems of being knowingly malicious or bigoted, but it seems that not many people fully understand the true implications and reductiveness of what radical feminism really is. If you managed to get through this whole post (congratulations!), I invite you to examine your own ideologies and the biases and faults behind them, and hopefully grow, change, and become a more nuanced and open-minded person from there.

Edit: I can and will delete your comments if you’re incapable of being civil (or scrolling away or blocking me like a normal goddamn person) 💕💕💕

[genderkoolaid]

Just saw a post on my dash claiming you're a terf psyop because some terf on Twitter has the same username as you. I just wanted to warn you in case you haven't seen it yourself. You two having the same name is the only evidence given in the post. Nothing else. And I frankly don't believe it for a second. But other people are spreading this and seem to be accepting it as the truth. And I think it's messed up, and I'm worried about you. You don't have to respond to this at all btw; I just wouldn't have felt right about seeing this and not telling you.

Well this is wild lmao. I'm presuming both of these are talking about the same person.

—

—

Obviously that is not me. Mostly because I am not in fact a TERF (or from the UK). I chose "genderkoolaid" to be ironic because transphobes use that phrase.

But also because, if I was a TERF psyop, why in the world would I use the same URL for both my secret evil psyop account and my blatant TERF account?

She seems to have developed an entire conspiracy theory around transandrophobia in which she starts with the idea that everyone who talks about it is a secret TERF, and works backwards to twist anything anyone ever says into being proof of her conspiracy:

—

^ Her pinned post is... something!

Anyone can find the worst posts in the transandrophobia tag and use it as proof the whole thing is transmisognistic, because obviously transmisogyny remains a widespread problem and no space or group is exempt. But she doesn't even use those, really. Any post that talks about how transmascs suffer from misogyny, or just suffer in general, is apparently saying trans men are women and should detransition.

It's wild that she seems to understand that radical feminism relies on this man bad/woman good binary, AND that TERFs target trans men for conversion therapy, but does not seem to understand that... this is not that?

It's only somewhat included in the first screenshot, but the third image in that trio is an image with Joan of Arc which many of you have probably seen:

... which does nothing but contrast claims about masculinity with a person whose murder was justified because of their invalid masculinity. But of course, by masculinity we must REALLY mean... cis womanhood! That makes sense!

She also apparently believes that me describing myself as FTMTX is code for me being a detransitioner:

—

Like, this is genuinely just conspiracism & exorsexism. She seems one step away from claiming TMRAs are all Satanists kidnapping children.

To give her credit for one thing, though: She tags these as "broeddels" which, while useless as a term, is a very good pun.

Don't harass this person, primarily because harassment is bad but also because it seems like she is not in the best space and is obsessing over this as a result.

& if you want to actually support trans women, consider raising awareness of Rue, a Black teenage trans girl who recently survived a stabbing in Houston.

[ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman]

Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

[traffic-was-a-b1tch]

wrapped around your finger

(jake kiszka x reader) 18+

author’s note: I RECOMMEND NOT READING THE SUMMARY BEFORE READING THIS FIC! if you want to have the full effect of the story, don’t spoil it for yourself! now for those of you who don’t know, along with gvf, I am a huge 5 seconds of summer fan. I wrote this fic based on one of their unreleased songs (my favorite of all time), wrapped around your finger. I recommend reading the fic first and then listening to the song on youtube after. I loveddd the experience of writing this fic because I got to live out the events of the song through my own character and I think that’s always fun! anyway, enjoy the story!

summary: jake takes you out for a night you’ll never forget. but when the morning comes, will he still be the man you thought he was?

warnings: SMUT!, unprotected p in v (WRAP IT UP!), oral (f rec), loss of v card (unknowingly), cursing, theft, angst, arguing, misogyny, underage drinking (I do not condone)

• • •

the clock read 6:37 pm and you were just coming back up to your room after mom’s chicken and rice dinner.

you had to kick a few boxes of pictures to the side on your way up the stairs. the new house was pretty but still unfamiliar. it had only been 4 months since your parents uprooted you from everything you knew and moved the family to california for your dad’s new job. the transition was tough at the beginning, but now was just boring. you had nothing to do. ever.

you plopped down on the edge of your bed that wasn’t covered in papers. you had decided to leave all your homework piled there, too lazy and overwhelmed to continue anymore. if mrs. turner thought that you were gonna finish her set of 50 algebraic expressions by monday, she was on crack. it was friday, damn it. why was everyone being so freaking difficult lately? couldn’t you catch a break? you eyed the pictures displayed on your wall, the contrast and vibrancy made you break into a small smile. you wished you were out taking pictures. you hadn’t got a chance yet, to capture your new city on film. it was calling to you…but so was your notebook and pen. you glared at them, frustrated. you needed something other to do than homework right now, but still you reluctantly grabbed them, starting on the next problem.

you don’t even know how much time had passed while you were scribbling math before you heard the tiny click. perking your ears up, you looked around to see what made the noise. you scanned around you. nothing in your room was out of the ordinary. the closet door was open as well, letting you see clearly that nothing was hiding in it. you suspiciously looked around one more time before going back to your equation.

so, if x equals the equivalent of 172 radical 4…

another click.

you recognized the direction the sound was coming from then, head focusing in on the window near your bed. you waited, wanting to see what was going on. after a few seconds, a pebble came flying up and smacked into the glass.

you got up and walked over to the window, peeking out to see if you could catch a glimpse of the person, at least you hoped it was a person, down below. a shadowed body was barely visible, the face too dark to tell any features.

damn it. you were hoping you wouldn’t have to do this. you were barely dressed in pjs, definitely not for unknown guests, and you had no makeup on.

slowly, you unlocked the window and pulled up, sticking your head out. just then, a rock came hurling up at you fast. you gasped and ducked, the solid circle traveling through the air and into your room. luckily for you, it landed on the carpeted floor so it didn’t make much noise. the last thing you needed was your parents to know someone was outside trying to get your attention this late in the evening.

you hesitantly peeked your head back out, seeing a pair of empty hands waving.

“hey! sorry!” a man’s voice called up, too loud when considering your parents’ keen ears.

“shhh”, you whisper-yelled back, “who’s down there?”

“it’s jake, from english”, he lowered his voice a little, “sorry for being so loud, I just wanted to see what you were doing tonight.”

you were a bit shocked and wondered if you had heard correctly. he wanted to see what you were doing tonight? what did that mean? I mean, you and jake weren’t particularly friends. sure, you saw him in class or the halls and he joked about teachers with you, but you wouldn’t say you two were friends. you definitely weren’t on the “show up at my door after dinner and throw rocks at my window, why don’t you” level. so, you had no clue why he would be here. you knew you didn’t have friends yet, but a childish thought popped in your brain. what if he liked you? no, that’s stupid. you hadn’t ever had much action back home anyway, so to think he liked you already when you had just gotten here was a delusion. but still, the question stood. why was he here?

“well, I was working on mrs. turner’s packet. I’m probably going to try to finish it tonight”, you hesitated, “why? what are you doing here?”

he finally came into view, stepping underneath the light shining from your bedroom. you took him in and became almost speechless. he was clad in dark denim jeans and a cream long-sleeve shirt halfway tucked in, buttoned only up to his nipples, where they would be anyway (you weren’t thinking about his nipples, definitely not), and completed with a ball cap. you had never really saw him like this before, relaxed and rugged. maybe it was just the soft yellow lights from your room that made him look this handsome. definitely the lights.

“well I, uh, was in the area”, he began, “you know, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?”

what? the hell? you couldn’t help but think that jake being outside your window asking you to hang out was just a cruel joke. or maybe, just maybe, it was fate? what if him being here was for a reason? what if this random hang out with a new classmate would be the best thing for you? the thought ate at your logic-loving brain. you had to tell yourself to shut up.

“um”, you thought for a second, “I’m not exactly dressed to go anywhere.” you laughed a bit awkwardly, looking at your pink rainbow pajama set.

“come on”, he urged, opening his arms out wide, “live a little.”

his words hit you. you hadn’t really had a social life lately, having no real time to get friends or join extracurriculars. you almost gasped when you realized.

you were lame.

sure, you never were the life of the party, even back home. but you wanted to be. you wanted to be the girl that people envied. with this move, you could make cooler decisions and nobody would know better.

“you know what, fine. where are we going?”

he broke out into a grin, “it’s a surprise.”

a twinge of doubt and fear hit your brain but you shook it away. maybe he was right. you needed to live a little.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you changed quickly into a pair of jean shorts and a white t-shirt. grabbing your phone, you snuck down the stairs, past your parents’ room, and out the door.

you met him in the backyard, his back leaned up against the side of your white house. he seemed a bit taller than you remembered, towering over you.

he smirked, “you ready?”

smiling slyly back, you replied with a nod.

he cocked his head to the side, pointing to the direction you two were going to walk. you followed him, still a bit nervous but powering through. you hated the idea of not being cool enough to do fun, spontaneous things like this. he led you to the road and you started making the trek to wherever you were going.

“soooo”, he put his hands in his pockets, “where did you move from?”

“georgia.”

“ahhh, southern girl huh?”

you laughed, “yeah I guess. not too obvious?”

“nah. I would’ve guessed east coast, but now that I look at you”, he took in your appearance up and down, “you have that southern belle kinda look.”

you rolled your eyes with a smile, “oh really? what about me says southern belle?”

he shrugged, “you look sweet.”

you shut up at that. you weren’t sure why a small compliment from him would shake you up so much, but you couldn’t deny how attracted you were to him.

he chuckled, “what? I can’t say that? ok.” he shook his head with amusement, “you have any plans coming up?”

you shook your head almost immediately and laughed, “I don’t do much.”

he smiled and laughed with you, “well, there’s a party tomorrow night at jenny stewart’s house. I heard it was gonna be fun so i’ll probably go. you should come, it’s at 9.”

you fought the urge to raise your eyebrows in surprise at him. was he really flirting? instead you just nodded and said “maybe.”

he smirked and changed the subject, “so how are you liking santa cruz?”

you reflected on the time you’ve spent here and became underwhelmed. “well, the people are nice”, you slightly tilted your head towards jake, making him smile. “and…I don’t know. I haven’t made many friends yet and kinda get caught up in school, I guess. I haven’t had a chance to really experience everything here.”

��mmm. well, then I guess it was a good thing that you have me tonight.”

he stopped at a crosswalk and grabbed your shoulders. it caught you by surprise, and you tried not to shiver at his touch. “I have a question for you.”

“yes?” you answered a bit too quickly.

jake looked down before making eye contact, “can I have you tonight?” you immediately raised your eyebrows in confusion, and he continued, shaking his head. “can I have your time? show you what is great about this place?”

a small smile tugged at your mouth from his thoughtfulness and you nodded.

“yeah?” his eyes looked hopeful and sweet as he became excited, nearly jumping for joy. he settled a bit before saying, “ok, first things first:”, his eyebrows jumped, “race ya.”

he took off down the crosswalk, the sign still illuminated with a red hand. he was fearless, dodging two cars to make it to the other side. before you could talk yourself out of it, you chased him, nearly screaming when a car honked his horn at you loudly. when you caught up, you pushed him playfully and he laughed heartily. the rest of the walk was about 10 minutes, silence non-existent. he’d managed to get you to open up. you talked about your life in georgia, your old friends, your school. he filled you in on what happened in santa cruz before you. the conversation was easy and fun, flowing freely.

he led you to a mcdonald’s, the golden arches shining above you. this was a bit surprising, as you didn’t exactly picture a mcdonald’s being a particularly important part of santa cruz.

“follow my lead”, he smirked as he pulled the door and went inside.

there were a few employees inside mopping and a couple in the kitchen. jake swaggered up to the register and dinged the bell on the counter in front of him. one of the employees in the kitchen walked over and mindlessly asked what he would like to order.

“two big macs please”, jake said a little too confident, “and two drinks.”

the worker handed you two the cups and left to get the burgers.

“hey”, he whispered in your ear, “get me a coke, will ya? i’m gonna initiate phase 2.”

you looked at him questioning, but he waved you off and you listened. you went to the fountain, filled your cups with soda, and when you turned back around you saw what jake was up to. he was slinking to the part of the store that an employee had just mopped and, because there was no wet floor sign, turned back to you and winked. with one move he flung his head back and pulled his feet up, falling on his back, hard. you put your arm over your mouth to cover your shocked mouth. you started to giggle a bit at what just happened and jake, groaning, jerked his head at you to come over. you got the hint and gasped before setting the drinks down and rushing over to him.

“oh my gosh! are you ok?” you rubbed his arm as he twisted and turned in mock pain.

“oh no! no, no, no! I am not ok! who would have known that they were mopping there? there was no sign! oh, my back! having no sign for a slippery floor is so dangerous for your customers!”

you nodded and then shook your head, “so dangerous!”

by this time, all the employees had stopped to see this and the manager had come out to see what was going on.

the manager rubbed his bald head as he took in the scene and asked, “are you ok, sir?”

“no”, jake answered, “i’m not ok! I got hurt because of your negligence! i’m gonna sue!” jake crossed his arms and you followed, trying to seem genuinely mad.

“well, don’t do that!”, the manager bent to help jake up as he chuckled uncomfortably. “we can offer you coupons or free food or-“

jake, standing with a stuck up look on his face, cut him off, “I would imagine that my meal today is free!” he thought for a second. “in fact, I would like additional food to help with”, he fought back giggles, “my healing.”

“of course, of course”, the manager snapped his fingers at the employees. “whatever you need, sir!”

you two proceeded to order just about everything on the menu.

“…and two mcflurry’s”, you added at the end. out of the corner of your eye you saw jake smile at you, full of an emotion but you weren’t sure which it was.

only a few minutes later, all your food was in bags and you were walking out the door with too much to carry and zero money lost. as soon as you two were out the door and around the corner, you started laughing hysterically.

“when you- I didn’t know that you would- that was-“, you laughed.

he did too, smiling at you and then doing something unexpected: he put his arm around you. you tried not to let it phase you, clutching the food a bit tighter, but you loved the weight of his arm around your shoulder.

“you know, i’m surprised that you got into it as much as you did. you don’t seem like a troublemaker.”

you rolled your eyes, “well, i’ve never done that before, that’s for sure. but, I don’t mind a bit of trouble.”

he smirked at you, impressed, “good. we’re gonna get in way more trouble tonight, just wait.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you eventually turned a few corners and reached a big chain link fence. you couldn’t see what was beyond it very well, as there were quite a few buildings blocking your view.

he grabbed the bottom corner of the chain, which had been cut, and pulled it back. he looked back at you with a grin, “you ready?”

you couldn’t really believe you were about to follow a cute boy you didn’t know, who you talked to about your past and robbed a mcdonald’s with, through a cut fence to a unknown place.

you laughed a bit through your words at the absurdity of the situation, “yeah, I am.”

he offered his hand, his eyes hopeful. it occurred to you then that you were definitely going to take his hand. you couldn’t stop the night, too far in to quit now. even if you could, there was no part of you that would decline. you were his for the night.

you accepted his hand and he smiled. he bent down, squeezing himself through before helping you, the sharp edges around you catching on your clothes. you ease out and grab the food that you left on the other side. once you were all together, he stopped you before you could move.

“ok, do you know where we are?”

you looked around yourself breifly before answering, “nope.”

“good. i’m gonna go do something really quick and I need you to stay here.”

you nodded, a little sad he was leaving you.

“promise?” his eyes searched your face for sincerity.

“I promise.” you smiled and fought the urge to tell him that you wanted to promise your life to him. you kept all your thoughts inside as he grabbed the food and raced away through the alley of the building.

you shook at your thoughts, “ugh! stop it! you don’t know this guy! you need to stop before you embarrass yourself.” you took a deep breath, closing your eyes to center yourself. opening them back up, you saw jake coming back through the alley. his sleeves were rolled up and his ball cap had turned around, now facing backwards as he jogged up to meet you. you nearly passed out. what was it you said about not embarrassing yourself…

“you ready?” he pulled you out of your trance and you had to remember to answer.

nodding, you watched his body get behind you and place his strong hands over your eyes.

“ok, we’re gonna walk forward, but go slow.” his voice was right on your ear, low and raspy. you could barely concentrate, but you put one foot in front of the other and walked.

he led you through the alley, and from there you had no idea where you were. you relied on him to guide you, leaning back on him a bit. you almost tripped over a rock of some kind, letting out a funny scream-like noise. he chuckled in your ear behind you, making you almost shiver at his voice. god, this was getting hard.

“and… stop.”

finally, he pulled you back and stopped walking. he kept his hands over you eyes as he talked.

“before I show you, what do you hear?”

you listened closely.

“wind.”

“good”, he praised and you tried not to smile. “what do you smell?”

you sniffed the air, slowly.

“um”, you giggled at your answer, “fishy air?”

he laughed deeply in your ear, “good. now, what can you taste?”

you opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out a little.

“hmmm, salt?”

“very good. now, are you ready to see?”

“for goodness sake, jake, we’ve been walking forever and I played your games, I think i’m ready-“ you tugged his hands off your eyes and lost all your words as you took in where you were.

the beach was beautiful under the moonlight, lighting up the waves as they crashed and sprayed. the water met the sand in a beautiful blue-tinted dark spot, and a few feet in front of it lied a blanket and our mcdonald’s bags. it was a picnic on the beach under the moon. you wanted someone to pinch you.

“jake- I-“, you couldn’t find the words if you tried.

“do you like it?”, his voice hopeful while his fingers grazed your arms lightly, his presence ever comforting behind you.

you looked back at him, “I love it.”

he grinned and grabbed your hand, leading you to the picnic.

“where did you find a blanket here?”

he smiled fondly, as if at memories you had brought up with your question. “my family used to come here all the time, so I always loved it. now that, you know, i’m grown and we don’t go out much, I come by myself. I keep a blanket in one of those lockers over there, just in case.” he pointed to a wall of lockers for people to stow their belongings while at the beach.

“and what about…“, you answered your own question by turning around and seeing what the buildings blocking your view of the beach were. “suites and private beach houses? wow, people have money.”

he laughed and helped you sit down on the blanket, fingers accidentally brushing your lower back. you locked eyes at the touch, dangerously fast, and you looked away before anyone could say anything. if you would’ve stared into his eyes for just a second longer, who knows would’ve happened.

finally, you both sat and got comfortable on the blanket over the squishy sand. he frowned, sighed, and shook his head.

your eyebrows furrowed at his actions, “what?”

he sighed again and made eye contact, “i’m just-“. he contemplated his words, looking up into the sky and then dropping his head to the sand before looking back at you. “i’m just really…”, his eyes danced around your face as he leant in, almost unaware he was doing so. it seemed like he was being pulled towards you, and you back to him. you followed his lead and leant in a little. he licked his lips, smiled sheepishly, and pulled away. “i’m just really hungry.”

you both nodded fast and you tried to shake the memory from your head. giving him a sweet smile, you grabbed a big mac out of the bag.

you two ate and talked for a good hour. half of the humongous bags were empty and there was nothing but happiness radiating from your spot on the beach. he had found himself on his elbows laying back, and you on one elbow looking down at him. he was so fucking charming. and it was going to be the death of you. you laughed at his horrible jokes and he smiled up at you, putting a fry between his teeth. you tried your best not to stutter or lose your train of thought, but it was so hard with him. he was just- perfect. and that was a dangerous thought.

“so”, you began after catching your breath from the joke, “what do you want to do? in life, I mean.”

he thought for a second, his head moving side to side. “realistically? or my dream?”

you smiled, “your dream.”

he grinned back, “musician.”

you rolled your eyes, laughing, “is that why I always see you playing that sg?”

his brows furrowed as a questioning look donned his face. “you see me play? when?”

your face blushed a bit, realizing how creepy the next sentence was going to sound. “after lunch. my next class is- well- when I leave- I pass the music hall on the way to my health class.”

he smiled at your embarrassment. “and you spy on me?”

“no! no, of course not! I just- see you through the window,” you backtracked, “like because it’s really big and I just catch a glimpse. I don’t watch you or anything-“

he threw his head back and laughed. you grunt in frustration, nothing you say making the situation sound less weird.

“it’s ok, it’s ok”, he fought to stop laughing, “I know you weren’t being creepy.” then, he raised an eyebrow at you. “wait, how did you know it was an sg?”

you shook your head, “my dad is a collector. it’s dumb but he always made me go with him to look in the vintage shops.”

jake smirked, “impressive.”

you shrugged, “I don’t know about that.”

he eyed you, “what about you? what’s your dream?”

you felt yourself get bubbly just thinking about it, a smile creeping on your lips. “a photographer.”

his eyes got bright, “pictures, huh? take one of me right now!” he stood, kicking up a bit of sand as he did, and struck a pirate-like pose.

you laughed and grabbed your phone, lining up the lighting and snapping a few shots.

he sat back down and urged you to show him, laughing at the situation. when you did, the joking left his face and was replaced by an expression of amazement and confusion.

“fuck, these are actually really good.” he looked up at you, “how did you get the shadows and highlights with just a phone camera?”

you shrugged, “i’m always just taking the picture by feeling. I get inspired and then it always just leads me to the perfect shot.”

he shook his head, still surprised at the quality, “this is perfect, don’t you realize? you could take pictures at my concerts!”

you laughed and nodded, “sure, jake.”

“i’m serious! you said you need inspiration and my music, especially the guitar solos, will definitely inspire you.” he tilted his head back and added, “plus I look super sexy when I play.”

you wanted to laugh, to play it off, but you didn’t want to admit how much that image was affecting you. you just decided to roll your eyes and shake your head, pushing the thought away.

“promise! say that you’ll be my personal photographer!” his enthusiasm was hard to turn down.

giggling, you agreed, “fine. but no nudes.”

he busted out laughing and shoved you.

after the laughs subsided, there was silence for the first time in the night, both of you too caught up in the eyes of the other. the tension was dangerous, waiting to erupt. still, there was a question still eating at you.

“jake?”

“yeah?”

“why this tonight? why me and the beach? why are you doing this?”

jake studied you, eyes drifting up and down your body. he motioned for you to come closer, his breath tickling your ear, “why not?”

you slowly turned your face to his, not backing up. you were eye to eye, foreheads almost touching and lips just inches from each other.

you broke the trance by placing a finger on his lips and pushing him backward. “race ya”, you challenged and took off towards the beach.

you heard him laugh from behind you, getting closer. you were about ankle deep in the water when he grabbed you around your stomach from behind, lifting you up and spinning you. water splashed up on both of you, drenching your clothes. giggles plagued both of you as he spun and then set you down.

you turned and saw his face…and you don’t think you’ve ever been the same since.

he was smiling, big. his hat had flown off in the run, the wind blowing his shirt open. his hair was flowing messily and his skin almost glowing in the moonlight. he was perfect. so amazing that you couldn’t find words to describe it. you hoped right then and there that this would last forever. you weren’t sure you’d ever get him out of your brain.

it was then you realized that your shirt had been soaked by the ocean, the white cloth sticking to the curves of your torso and becoming see-through. you looked down to see your light gray bra showing through, and looked back up to see jake’s smile gone. it was replaced with a look of deep desire. his mouth slightly parted, his eyes locked on your wet body. you stared at each other for a minute, your salty hair whipping at your face.

he came close, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear, his hand resting on the side of your face. he leaned closer and nudged your noses, almost asking permission.

“jake…”, you trailed, begging him to keep going.

he came in so close that your lips were grazing each other, pausing just a second before closing the painful gap. he kissed you softly, and you sighed into it.

you knew then.

it didn’t matter anymore.

it doesn’t matter what else happens or doesn’t happen tonight.

you were his.

the connection was complete.

after a few seconds of sweetness, you kiss him harder. his hands find your waist, pulling you into his body. your hands hold his face on yours, slightly in his hair. he continues to kiss you deeply, hands roaming to your ass and then your legs, picking them up so he could carry you back to the blanket.

he made haste, nearly tripping from the sand on the way, making you squeal. he laid you down on the blanket gently, you legs wrapping around his waist naturally. you both giggled at the position you had found yourselves in, feeling the excitement and adrenaline. you could feel his hands shaking as they trailed up and down your sides. the kisses grew hungrier, both of you getting impatient. he disconnected your lips and sat back, panting. you watched from your laid position as he unbuttoned whatever was left of his shirt and shouldered it off. then he bent back down and lifted the edge of the shirt sticking to your stomach, pulling it up and over your head. your bra was removed shortly after, being tossed to the side. your chest laid bare in front of him, his breathing shook as he whispered under his breath, “you’re fucking gorgeous.” with that, he kissed you hard again, hands slowly cupping your breasts. you moaned softly in his mouth and it was obviously too much for him to handle, as he immediately fumbled for your jean shorts’ button. he undid them and tugged them off fast, throwing them to the side. he groaned as he took you in, only clad in your underwear. it was a white thong decorated with cherries and jake laughed when he saw it.

“cherries?” he smirked as he began to kiss his way down your chest, licking your nipple. you gasped and moaned as he continued down your stomach and reached the top of the thong.

he smirked and looked up at you. god, what a sight that was. his hair messed, his eyes dark and mischievous. he looked up at you like you were something to eat. and god, you hoped he had an appetite. “I wonder if you taste like cherries, too?”

you were speechless as his fingers hooked into them, inching them down and tossing them over his shoulder. automatically, your legs came together at the brisk air on your private parts.

“ah, come on baby”, he shook his head, “let me see her.”

he made eye contact with you and bit his lip as he placed each of his hands on your knees, prying them apart slowly. his eyes flicked down to your center and he took a throaty breath before he dipped his head down between your legs. hooking his arms around your thighs, he looked at you before lowering his face down and licking a long stripe up your core.

you moaned and threw your head back as he licked and sucked, already feeling like it was too good.

“fuck, you do taste like cherries”, he smirked, licking his lips, before diving back in. he teased you, going fast and then slow.

“jake, please”, you begged.

“what baby? use your words, honey.”

he stopped teasing and made out with you, only taking breaths to kiss your inner thigh. you squirmed and whimpered, his grip just getting tighter. your hands tangled in his hair and pulled, causing him to grunt and flick his tongue over you faster.

“jake- too much. I can’t-“, you pleaded.

“you can. you will.” he said it as a promise, like he had already made up his mind about it.

jake went faster, harder. he was making true on that promise. you felt your muscles tighten and your mouth fell open. you screamed as the orgasm hit you. he continued for just a minute more, working you through the rest of it, until you started to run from the overstimulation. he pulled back and admired the mess you made.

“fuck, cherry”, he panted, smiled, and came up to kiss you. “I almost couldn’t stop.”

you moaned as he kissed you, beginning to feel something hard and hot on your thigh. you gasped breathlessly, his bulge evidently turning you on. you reached down and touched him through his jeans. you didn’t even use much pressure and he was already groaning. too worked up for his own good, he tugged down his pants, and you couldn’t help but run your hands across his toned chest. as he removed his underwear, you sucked a small hickey into his neck as a little memento to remember your first time together. you were certain that this wouldn’t be the last.

jake finally got fully naked, lining himself up with you. your eyes met and he slowly started to push into you. he sighed in relief, like he was returning to his home inside your body. the stretch was painful at first, as he wasn’t small by any means, but when he started to move the pain went away. it felt so good. too good.

“fuck, baby. you’re gonna be the death of me.” he moved slowly, all the way in and almost all the way out.

the sensation was unlike anything you’d ever felt, the pleasure taking over your brain and making you a mindless zombie.

“jake, oh my-“, you couldn’t even finish, cut off by a powerful thrust that hit a spot in you that you didn’t know existed.

“I know, baby. give it to me.”

the rhythm got faster, fueled by the pleasure radiating from both of you. soon, he was fucking you hard. the sound of slapping skin and moans mixed with the background noise of waves crashing against the sand was intoxicating.

“oh fuck, baby. are you close?” he was falling apart, evident by the squeak in his voice.

“yes! fuck, jake!” you could barely get the words out, too caught up in the feeling. the warm buildup started in your belly and you knew it wouldn’t be long. his grunts became faster and louder as he pummeled into you as hard as he could. he looked you in the eyes and moaned your name loudly, like he didn’t care who heard him.

“jake…”, you groaned, feeling the buildup get to the edge.

“oh, fuck. me too. show me, baby. show me how good you feel. cum for me.” he groaned at the thought of you falling apart on him.

you did as he said. moments later, you felt like you were engulfed by a wave of pleasure so intense you shook. you never broke eye contact as you moaned his name and squeezed his dick like a vice.

“fuck-“, he came with a groan. he shuddered and panted as he painted your walls. his eyes drifted away and he hung his head in the crook of your neck.

still inside you, he whispered in your ear, “you’re so amazing.”

you felt a smile creep on your face as you scoffed lovingly. he brought himself back up to look at you, brushing a piece of your hair away from your face. the smiles on both your faces were sweet and sappy, taking in the warmth.

you wished that this moment would never end. this right here? this was heaven. in jake’s arms, on the beach, orgasm haze washing over you both. it was all you’d ever want, you were sure of it. all you’d ever want is him.

he pulled out, hissing at the feeling, and tearing you away from your thoughts. “so, let’s get you cleaned up then.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he used a napkin from the food bag to clean you off and then you both got dressed. pulling on your shirt, you saw jake glance at his phone.

“oh shit. it’s 12:06 in the morning. I gotta get home.”

“oh”, you tried to hide your disappointment, “that’s ok. I probably should too.” you smiled, walking over and pulling him into a hug, and he smiled back.

the walk back to your house took almost 30 minutes but you welcomed the time, dreading the moment he’d have to leave. you talked the whole way back, laughing about the night and things that happened at school lately. you held hands, swinging them like elementary schoolers with their first boyfriend.

you reached your house and turned to face him, sad. “I don’t want you to go.”

a small, empathetic smile tugged at his lips as he pushed you back towards your home. “go. you don’t want your parents to wake up and find you gone, now do you?”

you looked him in his dark brown eyes and wished you could tell him that all you wanted was a hug from him. all you want is a life with him. he became all you wanted within a few hours, sweeping you off your feet instantly. you needed him.

but all you could manage to say was, “ok.”

you kissed him one more time, softly. he smiled and kissed your back, his hand coming around to grab your ass. you squealed and pushed him away.

“stop it! my parents are like a foot away.”

he laughed, “fine. i’ll see you around.”

and with that, he turned and walked away. you figured you should do the same too, backing up slowly. you got to your front door and turned back to look at him. you hoped to see him looking back at you, but he was gone. frowning, you slipped inside. quietly, you made it to your bedroom and sat on your bed.

holy fuck. what just happened? this was the greatest night of your life.

you tore off your still-wet clothes and grabbed a towel before running to the bathroom to shower. the warm water ran down your body, washing away the sand and salt. you could still feel his hands on you, and you smiled at the reminder. when you were done washing your face, you went back to your bedroom.

you gasped when you stepped on something unexpected, but then smiled when you realized what it was. it was the rock from earlier tonight; the one jake threw. you smiled and picked it up, putting it on your dresser next to your favorite pictures. it was now going to be displayed with your favorite things. when you laid down, the comfortable bed swallowed you up as you thought about the night. about him. about jake.

you smiled and yawned, the happy memories and warm sheets lulling you to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you woke up the next day sore. you sat up and stretched, but your mind started to wander and soon you remembered the fun of last night. it filled your heart with happiness and all you wanted to do was see him again. but, in the haze of the night, you never exchanged numbers.

that’s when it occurred to you. jenny stewart’s party. he said it would be tonight at 9 and he’d probably be there. you almost patted yourself on the back for remembering. you looked over to your clock and almost screamed when you saw that it was noon. you slept late. too late. it was time to start preparing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you had jumped in the shower again, and this time it was an everything shower.

you washed and conditioned your hair thoroughly, did full skincare, exfoliated, and shaved everything. like everything, everything. when you got out, you wiped your hand on the foggy mirror and brushed your teeth to finish the routine.

you ran to your room and started picking out something to wear. you started by grabbing a lacy, black matching set. last night you weren’t prepared, but tonight you would be. you put them on, the black bra pushing your tits up perfectly. the lacy panties left nothing to the imagination, but that was the point. next, you turned to your closet to find a dress. this would probably take a while.

it took a good minute of searching before you found what you were looking for. it was a black dress covered with cherries. how perfect. you thought about how he’d love the subtle callback to last night’s events and giggled. you put everything on and smiled at how you looked. he was gonna love it.

next was makeup. you did a subtle look, swiping a bit of sparkle on your eye and blush on your cheek. the mascara you used made your eyelashes 10x longer and you batted them at yourself in the mirror. you added a bit of sparkly gloss as a finishing touch. you felt like a little girl, giddy to see your crush.

by the time you were finished with everything and put on comfortable shoes, it was time to go. you said bye to your parents, saying you were going to a study group with friends. you tried not to feel upset when they raised their eyebrows at you having friends, and just ran out the door.

the walk there would only be a few minutes because jenny lived in the neighborhood next to yours. you checked your phone and saw that you were gonna be a few minutes late, but that was ok.

as you walked up to her house, you saw that the party was in full swing. there were people in the yard and on her wrap-around porch, already tipsy and talking. you excused yourself by them and made your way up the steps and to the door. the music bumped inside the house, rap being played out of a speaker. you walked into her house and saw you were in the kitchen. jenny’s house was big and very nice, but it was a mess from the party. there was beer bottles everywhere, liquor spilt here and there, and tortilla chips spilling out of bowls. the granite island in the middle of the kitchen had all the booze on top of it, and you realized then that you had never really been to a high school party. not a real one anyway. the only party you were used to going to had punch and a piñata. this was a real party.

you decided to keep your focus on finding jake, looking around the room. you tried to make your way to the living room, accidentally bumping into a very drunk jenny stewart.

“heyyyyyyy girl!” she slurred her words and waved at you.

“hey, jenny”, you tried not to laugh at her state, “have you seen jake?”

“jake kiszka? yeah he’s here.” she almost turned away before she whipped back around and grabbed your arm, “wait. whyyyy?”, she said in a flirty tone. “are you guys togetherrrr?”, she smirked.

you blushed and looked down, “I mean, kinda.”

“shut upppp! go get him, girl!” with that, she pushed you towards the living room.

you laughed and continued on, smiling as you came into the living room. but as soon as you saw him, your smile disappeared.

there he was, dressed in a hot black t-shirt and jeans, leaning against the stairs with a drink in his hand. and next to him was a girl. her dark black hair fell down her back and contrasted with her fair skin. she had on a red bra-like top and the shortest shorts known to man.

they were laughing. talking. why was she making him laugh so much? her hand was on his bicep and his hand on her waist.

you walked over slowly, mouth still slightly open in shock. when he caught a glimpse of you, his eyes went wide and he excused himself from the girl, coming over to you.

“what are you doing here?” his tone was annoyed, impatient.

“um, what? what am I doing here? first of all, you invited me!”

he rolled his eyes, “I didn’t think you’d actually come. it took a army to get you out of your house the first time.”

you scoffed at his rudeness but kept going, “well second of all, what the fuck are you doing?”

“what do you mean, ‘what am I doing’? i’m at a party, having fun.”

you’re eyes got wide and your voice got louder, almost able to be heard by others over the music, “you’re with someone else! what the fuck?”

he put his hand over your mouth and backed you into a corner where nobody would see you, “shut the fuck up. damn, do you ever stop talking? what? you act like we got married last night.”

your eyes glossed over with hurt as you ripped his hand from your mouth and spoke, “what? so nothing that happened last night means anything to you?”

he laughed and rolled his eyes again, “oh my god! it wasn’t that big of a deal. it was one night. yeah, we had fun. but I thought you knew it was just that: fun. you act like we said ‘I love you’ or some shit.” he took a swig of his beer.

you felt stupid. he was making you feel like last night was all in your head. the tears started to fall on their own and you couldn’t stop staring at him in disbelief.

he sighed, “oh, now you’re fucking crying? grow up, (y/n). we’re in high school. what did you think? we were gonna go run away together, get married, have kids, and live in the florida keys?” he scoffed, “you’re pathetic.”

you wiped your tears quickly and made eye contact again, “no, I didn’t think we were gonna get married”, that was a lie that hurt your heart to say, “but fuck, jake! we had sex on a beach and now you’re here flirting with some other girl like I don’t mean anything to you?”

“it’s just sex! fuck, you are so sappy!”

“you took my virginity, jake! what am I supposed to do? pretend like it never happened because you want to fuck some other girl?” the tears started again, and it was getting harder to hold them back.

he threw his hands up like he was innocent, “hey, don’t blame that shit on me! I didn’t know you were a virgin! you didn’t tell me shit.”

“so it was all about sex?! so if you knew I was a virgin, you would’ve never taken me out?” your shook your head, hoping you were wrong.

“no, I wouldn’t have”, he scoffed and said it like it was obvious, then he turned and ran his hand through his hair muttering, “this is such bullshit.”

you couldn’t help the disgust and shock plastered on your face as you took him in. this was a new person. this wasn’t the man you knew last night. maybe it was because he was drunk, or maybe you were just a fool all along, believing his lies. you dropped your head and took a shuddering breath.

“so, you don’t want me?”

he turned back to you and you looked back up. he sighed at your face, covered in tears, like it was annoying to see you like this, like you were a rock at the bottom of his shoe.

“no, I don’t want you. I wanted you last night, and so I had you. don’t make this a thing, ok? normal girls know that when a guy shows up at their house at night asking to ‘hang out’, it means he wants to hook up.” he took a breath, “I guess you just thought I was asking you out so we could lay in a flower field naming the stars and counting the constellations”, he laughed at you, “don’t get me wrong, the sex was good but that’s all it was. now, we’re done.”

that was it. the truth. the truth you never wanted to know. you didn’t know what else to say to him, but you knew you had to say something.

“ok.”

he raised his eyebrows, “ok? you’re done crying?” he sighed, “alright, i’ll see you around.” he walked away, drinking more of his beer, and returned to the box-dye-black-haired girl.

you moved on autopilot, leading yourself out of the room and back into the kitchen with the loud rap playing. passing by the liquor island, you grabbed a big bottle of malibu and continued outside. the party was still going, people making out and talking everywhere. you found the porch stairs and sat down, opening the rum and chugging a good amount. you sat there, drinking and staring out into the moonlight for a long time. you could still feel his hands on you, and you shivered. it was now such an unhappy memory. when the malibu was about half gone, you pulled out your phone. you went to your camera app and looked at the pictures from last night. they started with the one of jake striking a pose right after he learned you wanted to be a photographer. you laughed at the memory and took another drink of the malibu. you swiped and found a bunch of pictures that you had took while you two were laying on the beach, right after you were done having sex. they started with you two smiling, then another of him kissing your cheek, then another of you kissing passionately.

“you can’t tell me that wasn’t real”, you muttered to yourself, looking at the picture and taking a swig of rum.

“boy problems?”

a girl’s voice startled you as she walked up to you from behind.

“yeah.” it was all you could say, the tears already welling up again. you turned off your phone, not being able to look at the happy faces anymore.

she sighed and sat down next to you, “I know that feeling. happened to me a year ago.”

“really?” you looked over. she was so pretty. her brown skin and hair fit well with her marbled glasses frames. she was dressed in a polka dot t-shirt and jeans with a headband taming her curls.

“yeah, some guy I met from a different school. you don’t even want to know what happened.”

you looked at her empathetically and handed her the bottle.

“thanks”, she took a drink and turned to you, smiling. “i’m kate.”

“(y/n). it’s nice to meet another girl who can relate.”

“oh yeah”, she sighed, “I definitely can. so, who’s the guy?”

you hesitated at first, but then thought: what did you have to lose by telling her?

“a guy named jake.”

she gasped, “wait. kiszka?”

you nodded and took another drink.

“that’s the guy who broke my heart a year ago.”

you nearly spit out your gulp of rum. “what? he dated you?”

she rolled her eyes, “yeah, well I wouldn’t call it dating. it was one night. a glorious night on the beach.”

you went still but stayed silent. of course. of course, it was all a prepared night. it was a routine he did to make girls put out and then leave them high and dry.

“I know that’s what happened to you, too. i’ve heard it’s what he does.” she shrugged and took the drink from you, downing some more. she looked over at you and smiled softly, “i’ll help you get over him; I don’t have many friends anyway. we can go get slurpies and sour candy and go watch step brothers at my house.”

you laughed and nodded, laying your head on her shoulder, “that sounds great.”

a silence fell over you, only the faint sound of music and breathing audible.

“it feels like i’m never gonna be alright.” you were such a fool for him. you let him build you up just to tear you down. you hated how much you still wanted him, after everything.

“yes, you will. believe me, it takes time but you get there eventually. until then you just have to deal with it: being wrapped around his finger.”

• • •

THE END.

this one took forever to write (purely because i’m lazy and took so many long breaks lmao) but it’s so rewarding to see it finished! please let me know if you liked this one and what you would like to see next! love you guys so so so much! 💓

(comment under this post to be added to my overall tag list because I just realized I don’t have an overall tag list lol :))

[antiendovents]

just putting this here to say that I believe in trasnandrophobia. If you think trans men have it "easy" or have more privileges than other trans people (or even more privileges than cis women??) then stay the fuck away from me. If you think trans men don't struggle, that we pass easily and get by without experiencing any transphobia then stay away. I don't want you here if you downplay the issues trans men face and act as if they're privileged

Also I don't agree with misandry or radical feminism, we understand the anger but hating all men is not the solution. It's just as bad as when men hate all women. It judges people based off their gender. Not to mention trans men, disabled men, black men, ect. Not every man is rich and powerful, not every man is benefited by the system

I also don't agree with using afab / amab as a binary, not do I agree with TME Vs TMA labels. It's all just repackaged binary shit, forcing people into boxes, assuming their experiences. I don't believe misogyny can be "misdirected", and even if it is I don't believe that suddenly means it doesn't affect the person targeted.

((Though I do agree afab and amab terms can be helpful in the medical sense that can also fall apart after transition and intersex people would be different even if labeled afab or amab by doctors))

I felt I needed to post this because I've seen a lot of hate towards trans men and just men in general as well as a lot of TME Vs TMA stuff lately and I hate it. So yeah

[pinbones]

There's two types of people who use transandrophobia to decribe transmascs' and trans mens' experiences:

- Simply specificity, language used to hone in on a specific way being trans affects people who just happen to be men

- As both the above and as a springboard to discuss how societal misogyny, radical feminism, gender stereotypes, and bioessentalism affect all people who can be pecieved as men or masculine by others, and how bigotries compound in meaningful ways with stereotypes and bigotry surrounding maleness and manhood

Like. Half of you are saying "maleness is a hollow experience which is standard, and exists in opposition to gendered oppression, and transandrophobia is therefore when dudes experience misogyny and transphobia"

and half of you are saying "Being percieved and/or transitioning towards male uniquely affects how I am treated, because, for example, how people perceive my blackness or mental illness or kinkiness or femininity is compounded with my manhood in ways that don't usually happen to gender conforming cisperi women"

Which are two fundamentally different approaches to transandrophobia as a concept. One suggests that maleness is a simple downy layer of privilege that coats a person through their male life, and the other acknowledges that a man (or somebody perceived as masculine/male) can experience oppression in ways that those NOT perceived male may not.

Only one of these interpretations is intersectional. Black individuals who are policed more hashly when interpreted as masc know they are risking dangerous experiences when transitioning to male, as has been discussed before on here (to no avail). Male or percieved male people with personality disorders are treated as more dangerous than women with similar symptoms, and are sometiems diagnosed with different disorders entirely based on percieved gender differences. This affects transmascs too, especially considering the already dire state of queerness in psychiatric institutions. Being a male birthing parent is a whole shitshow of transphobia because men are not supposed to give birth, and transmascs are lucky to access related healthcare at all, let alone access it without being ceaselessly misgendered and treated as a stigmatised 'other' to deleterious affects on parent and baby. These are just a few examples, there are many more ways maleness can screw a person over. And that's not to say that female privilege is a thing instead of male privilege, but rather to emphasise that men are not supposed to be minorities. Men are not supposed to be assaulted, men are not supposed to be outliers, men are absolutely not supposed to be trans.

When a man is autistic, he's not just autistic, he's an autistic male, and that makes him more likely to be killed by cops (especially if black). When someone says "you claim you're not ableist but you're scared of the homeless x on a bus talking to xself", they always say the person is a man, because that sounds more significant (and cops think so too). Consider when a person's rape/abuse is considered to not be all that serious due to the victim being male, or when a man's attraction is considered to be more exploitative than a woman's, or when a fat man is considered more creepy/sexist than a thin man or a fat woman. Consider why so many caricatures of evil and creepiness are men with deformities. Consider the fact that men's bathrooms don't have baby changing tables, and that a man may get less support from others after their child's death than the mother might. Maleness can negatively compound with things like minority status, vulnerability, aggression, sexuality, etc. in ways that screw that person over, both in social spaces (such as queer communities that dislike/distrust maleness and masculinity, or how isolation affects men harder), and in more tangible ways, like their rates of suicide and being murdered.

There are tangible ways in which transitioning to male can negatively affect a person's life even if you remove (hypothetically, not really possible) the transphobia element, and these also constitute as worthwhile topics of discussion. If you think maleness is the lack of gendered oppression, then you're not intersectional in your feminism at all. If your life as a male is genuinely sunshine and rainbows (apart from the transphobia if trans), then good for you, genuinely that's great, but not everyone lives in a radfem fantasy world.

Being unable to tell the difference between men talking about mens issues/liberation, and right wingers talking about oppressing women more, isn't feminist. It's ignorant and antifeminist. (MRAs don't care about actual mens lib, and are actively worsening it because they are sexist and opposed to gender lib. You guys know that, right? That male and female liberation aren't oppositional or binary, but the same gender liberation that is entirely oppositional to patriarchy?)

These men and mascs talking about issues facing men aren't ignorant womanhaters who deny misogyny and want ultraprivileged men to be coddled, they are good faith members of your community with experiences just as varied and valid as yours. Treat them like it.

[transfaguette]

I ask this in good faith, but how is it that so many transmascs hate the idea of (trans inclusive) radical feminism so much? All I know it does is liberate everyone from the evils caused by cis men and the patriarchy.

Well first I would say this isn't an opinion unique to transmascs, but thats the circle I orbit so I understand where that perception comes from.

The problem is that you really can't excise the problematic elements of TERFism simply by removing the overtly transphobic parts.

Radical feminism, both trans exclusive and "inclusive" hinge on the idea of Men (sometimes cis, sometimes not) are perpetrators and Women (and sometimes, vaguely, some* non-women)are victims. Putting aside the individual capability to cause harm which is easy enough to debunk, even on a societal level this is not telling the whole story. The Patriarchy is a system of societal control and allotment of power, and it aims to control everyone, men included. Most men, all but the most powerful in society, which is capitalist, christian cishetero white men, have the patriarchy weaponized against them!

"Cis men" as a class, as individuals, don't cause evil. They are just human beings. Human beings with equal capability to love and nurture and fight for what is right. Which is the other problem with radfeminism, is that it seeks to strip away this humanity from the people around you, and isolate you. and like...what is a cis man, anyway? Like I know the answer seems obvious, but at what point does "cis man" end and "nonbinary person" or "trans person" begin? What elements of cis-manhood cause evil? Where does that "evil" go when someone transitions or no longer identifies as a cis man?

This is, I think, the fundamental problem of "trans inclusive" radical feminism. In continuing to divide the world into Evil Men and Good Women, you STILL impose a system of gender essentialism in a way that does not coalesce with the ideas of queer liberation. A nonbinary person can be a cis man one day, come out as nonbinary and change nothing else about their life from that point. What then? Are they no longer evil? Were they ever evil? How do you even being to decide that without just using the same trans exclusive rhetoric you're supposedly fixing, anyway? And I'm not even getting into the impact this has on trans men, because we are put in this position of being a marginalized gender and victims of misogyny but also placed in this position of privilege due to being men that is not accurate to reality. And sure, maybe you can remedy that by always specifying cis men, but many TIRFs don't see that as a flaw of the ideology, anyway. They Do think trans men are gender traitors and Do think we inherit some sort of evil power the moment we become men.

And there is much, much more to be said on the topic of radical feminism and its pitfalls. These are just the broad points. The dehumanization of Cis Men as a class is not simpatico with queer liberation and it just never will be. It is a good question worth asking, because it can seem good on the surface unless you know what to look for.

[lastoneout]

Honestly the whole "trans men should start using women's restrooms in protest of trans women being forced into the men's because they're not in as much danger" only works if you believe:

All trans men are capable of and willing to 100% perfectly pass as a cis man at all times no matter what.

All trans men are big, tall, burly, and strong.

Any trans man is capable of beating not only any individual woman in a fight, but multiple women all attacking at the same time.

Women are incapable of directly or indirectly harming men.

Women never react violently when threatened, regardless if the threat was real or not.

A man being marginalized in other ways does not make him less safe around women or more vulnerable to transphobic violence and/or retaliatory systemic violence as punishment for trying to protect himself. (So a black or disabled or fat man's skin color or disability status or body type does not make him more vulnerable to violence and if a black/disabled/fat trans man beat up a white cishet woman who attacked him for being in the women's restroom everyone would take his side including the cops.)

A woman would never go and get her boyfriend or a manager or the cops upon seeing a trans man(or any masc person, even gnc cishet women) in the bathroom so they can enact violence against them for her. (I guess the long history of cishet perisex white women using their tears to get marginalized men killed was made up.)

Trans men are not, in fact, a vulnerable marginalized demographic that also needs protecting from horrific violence and should happily offer themselves up as canon fodder to protect other more feminine queers even if it kills them, and not complain at all when no one stands up to help them in turn. (Also that you think real men are always tough and strong and never need help or compassion.)

Trans men are always viewed as men by transphobes, and not as whatever gender will harm them the most at any given moment, which is typically either "dangerous insane woman" or "subhuman freak".

No masc person, including butch and gnc cis women and afab nonbinary people AND butch/gnc trans women, or anyone perceived to be trans or too masc like intersex cis women with facial hair, has ever or will ever face violence for using the women's restroom despite the copious amounts of documented proof to the contrary.

Bigots and conservatives are following any sort of logic and, like fairy tale antagonists, can be rules lawyered into giving up and are not actually fully willing to be as contradictory as needed to ensure trans people can no longer exist in public at all. (Like. Idk how to tell you this but very masc passing trans men using the women's restroom will result in MORE transphobic violence and stricter bathroom laws, not less.)

Again, not to beat a dead horse, but you somehow believe conservatives and transphobes will change their minds if they see someone who looks like a man in the women's restroom. Like you really think that will fix things. Really. You really think that will work. You think that will work. Genuinely, you think that will change their minds. Really. Really.

You think men are always inherently more dangerous and prone to violence than women.

You think we should normalize and accept sacrificing trans men's lives for the sake of trans liberation.

If you think this is genuinely a good idea then I'm sorry but you have not only bought into radical feminist ideals but you also have a lot of internalized transphobia, misogyny, transmisogny, anti-transmasculinity, as well as racism, fatphobia, and ableism you need to unlearn before we start coming to you for ideas on how to fight systemic transphobia.

Because this? All this will do is get people killed. And idk man I just think maybe you should care that trans men are getting killed, and not flippantly suggest even more of them step up to the chopping block like their lives only matter so long as they can be of service to the rest of us.

[jellyfemmedyke]

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but can you explain why radical feminism is harmful?/gen

I'm probably not great at explaining this but I'll do my best. Radical feminism, the theory came from second wave feminism, it basically states the the root of all oppression is misogyny.

it strips everyone of gender and states that we are oppressed on sex alone, that all males oppress and subjugate all females. It states there is an oppressor class (males) and an oppressed class (females ) always.

This ignores intersectionality- a critical concept that recognizes how individuals hold multiple identities and face unique challenges at the intersections of those identities, coined by Kimberle Crenshaw a black feminist

because they believe that misogyny is the root of all oppression, other forms of oppression end up being secondary, things like racism, fatphobia, homophobia- instead of being their own unique for of oppression that intersect with misogyny, they are born strictly out of misogyny. because they believe all males oppress all females, they believe that trans women are oppressors as well, which you start getting into trans exclusionary radical feminism, but I would argue that radical feminism itself is trans exclusionary because of how it makes everything out as a male vs female thing. It's a flawed theory that upholds white supremacy.

Then, we have things like transradical feminism, that takes this theory and says "No actually we are only oppressed for our gender" so that transmisogyny is actually the root of all oppression and that trans men oppress trans women. Both of these theories ignore the internationally of both sex and gender, along with race and all the other forms of oppression. that's pretty much the gist of it. There's probably some other stuff I'm missing but that's the rundown . Also intersectionality isn't just 1 opression plus another oppression = worse oppression the way people tend to misuse it.

It takes things like, for example, a white cis man, this man is at the intersection of white and cis man, and those things affect the way he interacts with the world. It's a fat cis white man, and how those intersections affect each other. I use those examples because people tend to ignore that intersectionality affects everyone, including cis white men. I'm also not the person to talk to about black feminism either, but Bell Hooks and Kimbrle Crenshaw are two people that you should look into if you want to read about that. Anyway, I hope this helps. also that's not a stupid question. I think it's a good one

[femsolid]

Can I ask how does separatism show in your life? Do you have male relatives you have to interact with a lot? I assume you don't have male friends, have you ever had them in the past and at some point you decided "nah, this ain't it"? Are you in a job where you have to interact with men a lot? Do you reduce dealing with men when it comes to other things like avoiding places with men? Sorry I'm just curious about it from someone who lives a separatist life!

It's been very easy. I have no interest in men any more. I don't like their personalities and the misogyny of our daily interactions always jumps out to me (weaponized incompetence, interrupting women, disgusting jokes, main character syndrome, viciousness etc) and I just have no tolerance for it. I'm not a lesbian so I'd say there's 0.1% of men who aren't ugly but they immediately become repulsive to me when the casual sexism comes out, which it inevitably does. I don't understand the "radical" feminists who, after seeing men for what they are, don't feel such repulsion and even claim that we need men to be fulfilled. So I don't date men, don't flirt with men, don't take an interest in their lives, don't play the psychologist for them, don't put extra work for them, don't offer my help etc. I just don't care about men. There's no male relative I still see except for my nephew who is a child. I've cut ties with my father years ago specifically for his misogyny and homophobia. I stand by my moral principals no matter what. I don't have male friends and I never have because I never trusted males nor related to them. And I could never be myself around them. I have male co-workers though, I talk about work with them when I need it. I only have real conversations with my female coworkers. And I only joke with women. As a result, I've noticed, only women sit around me and talk to me at work. The guys have given up. However, my manager is a man which is quite annoying. I keep it minimal with him just like with every other males I'm forced to interact with. I keep it professional and cordial, not friendly and sweet.

I make zero effort to please men physically. No make-up, no tight clothes, no long hair, no shaving, no shutting up, no dainty mannerisms. I'm eating what I want, when I want to, and show no remorse unlike a lot of my female peers. And when I'm angry, I don't hide it. And if I need to say something, I say it. A lot of people assume I'm a lesbian based on the fact that I make no effort to attract men. And it's true that I make no such effort. But I also think that if, to attract men, you have to pretend to be a helpless little thing, you can't call straight or bisexual women "lesbians" just for refusing this humiliation. It's called dignity, not lesbianism.

I like women, I try to help them, prioritize them, support them, reassure them, defend them and push them forward. When a woman speaks negatively about herself, I always jump in to correct her. And when a man attacks a woman I intervene. I distribute compliments and encouragements to women. And I point out the misogyny they confront when they don't see it for what it is. I only debate women because I only value women's mind.

If I have to see a doctor, I'll look for a woman every time. Only and only if I can't find a female doctor close to me will I pick a male doctor. My general practitioner is a woman, my podiatrist is a woman, my psychologist is a woman, my radiologist is a woman, my gastroenterologist is a woman etc. Same with a hear dresser, a masseuse, a fitness coach: only women. I only read books from female authors. I try to watch movies with a woman or girl as the main character. Same with video games or music. Though obviously I'm only human and might enjoy a movie or song made by a male sometimes. I try to support female artists and creators by promoting them, buying from them, giving them nice reviews. I avoid places that are filled with men like a gym or café or profession or online space, and I gravitate towards places filled with women.

That's it, that's my daily life. It's taking care of myself and valuing women. It's easy because I enjoy it and it feels natural. I'm following what my guts have always told me. Feminism simply helped me verbalize it.

[genderkoolaid]

Hi. You always post a lot of info so I'm wondering if you might be able to help me. Is there a difference between radfems and TERFs? Are they both bad? If so, why are they bad? Are there any dog whistles to look out for when it comes to these groups? Please ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable. I've seen a lot of people pointing out that they're bad, but never really saying why. I want to make sure I follow intersectional feminism and not those groups.

Radical feminism is the name of a branch of feminism. It originally got its name because it advocated for extreme changes to society to address female oppression, but developed into a specific worldview which I (off the top of my head) would define by certain traits:

Oppositional sexism. Men and women (or "males" and "females") are fundamentally opposed. Oftentimes this is bioessentialist, arguing that this opposite comes from biology, but it may also be framed as a political necessity; a radfem might argue that gender and sex are fake BUT we need male vs female as political identities in order to identify our "allies" and "enemies". Regardless, males and females are physically distinct and political enemies. You can tell a man from a woman, either from their body or their behavior, the two categories cannot overlap, and no other gender/sex-labels are relevant.

Fatalistic perspectives on patriarchy. Not only are males and females opposed, but this cannot be changed. This may be bioessentialist (the opposition comes from something in our nature, which cannot change) or gender-essentialist (the opposition comes from socialization which occurs as a child due to outside pressure and/or internal gender identity, and cannot change.) Focus is not placed on an ideal future where men and women are equals and social partners. Instead, there is a sense that there is no way to truly have a society with men and women where males do not oppress females, or try to. Sometimes this is more implicit and other times you have people who explicitly believe in creating & enforcing female-only societies.

Misogyny as the source of all oppression, or at least the most important & the one people should identity themselves as before anything else. Those who call themselves intersectional generally only really care about other issues to the extent that they affect women in some way. Part of the downfall of the original radical feminists was the fact that the dominant groups were upper-class white women, who ignored racism and classism and silenced poor women & women of color, insisting that anti-racist and anti-classist action distracted from The Movement & that calling out other women's bigotry was anti-feminist.

A general suspicion of sexual desire and sex, often expressing itself as whorephobia (anti-sex work) and anti-kink attitudes, specifically under the argument that they are inherently misogynistic and abusive. Sex is associated with men and maleness, which again, are inherently the enemy. Sex WITH men, or with a person or object that could be construed as male, is especially bad.

The impetus to make your personal life As Feminist As Possible– "The personal is political." That isn't a bad slogan on its own (it's true), but with radical feminists it expresses itself as a high standard of Radfemmaxing. You should be celibate if you are attracted to men, or become a political lesbian, you shouldn't be masculine OR feminine (anti-butch & femme sentiment), you should reject makeup and shaving, you should cut off male relatives and even abort male fetuses– and you must identify with womanhood and femaleness, while rejecting any identity related to manhood and maleness. It's not just that you should examine your desires and choices and question why you feel the way you feel (again, this is a good thing). Radfems have the belief that they already know the correct answer to that Introspection, and if you come to any other conclusion than theirs (I like wearing makeup because it's fun, I want to be a man because it fits me), then it's taken as proof you are still brainwashed.

TERFS are trans-exclusive radfems. They believe that being trans is not real, or at least not healthy or an acceptable feminist stance. TERFs tend to use the language of "sex" and "males vs females." Many use the term "gender critical," meaning they see gender as fake and damaging, while sex is real and the proper platform for feminist analysis. I once saw a TERF define her stance as "it's not degrading because its feminine, its feminine because its degrading." They believe in things like autogynophilia and rapid onset gender dysphoria, and attribute transgender identity with sexual trauma, internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny.

TIRFs are trans inclusive. They believe that transgender feelings are natural and should be listened to and followed, and that feminism should take gender identity into account. However, they still have a "male vs female" worldview. They may argue that transgender men's internal gender feelings led them to internalize male socialization, while trans women internalized female socialization, meaning that all trans people's experiences with gender and misogyny align most with cis people who share their gender identity.

In both cases, anti-nonbinary exorsexism and intersexism are unavoidable. TERFs will label intersex people as "males/females with a disorder" and attribute nonbinary identity either to internalized misogyny (FTX) or to avoid being held accountable for male privilege (MTX). TIRFs similarly fail to acknowledge how someone's socialization can be affected by intersexism. MTX people are either trans women in denial or flamboyant cis men; FTX people are either trans men avoiding their privilege, or cis women avoiding their privilege*.

Not everyone who uses radical feminist arguments or shares the general perspective openly identified as radfem. There are many "cryptos" who purposefully obscure their political identity to spread radfem ideas in queer & feminist spaces. Other people adopt the general ideas of radical feminism without consciously identifying as one, because of cryptos and how pop feminism often adopts their flashier ideas. So it's important to understand these qualities as on a scale, with some versions being more subtle while others are explicit.

Radical feminism always reduces trans experiences (& experiences in general) to a simple, uncrossable binary, based either in gender or sex. Nuance and cros- or non-binary gender experiences are seen as anti-feminist and aligned with the patriarchy, if not part of a targeted plan to hurt feminist movements.

*the idea of "AFAB privilege" is. a thing in some people's analysis of transmisogyny.

[velvetvexations]

the way you murdered that guy talking out of his ass (still speechless at “legion of death and destruction”) was very sexy and cool if this was the oppa homeless style era he would just be making up stories about that time he beat up a cop for being transmisogynistic and everyone clapped

and I got my own everyone clapped moment out of it, it was great

I'm starting to think we should set the word "privilege" aside for a little bit and try to talk about things in terms of something like "advantage". Say, is there a capital "P" Privilege binary (trans) people have over nonbinary people? Eh, questionable. But I certainly can name a few situational advantages a binary trans person would have in my situation, and I would be open to discuss the advantages I have, without making it a black-and-white issue of who has a privilege over whom.

that's really smart imo I like that idea a lot

Wanted to say as a transmasc I also don't think the way you talk about transmasc TRFs is a problem given it's the exact same way you talk about transfem TRFs. I always took transradfem to be the same as radfem in the sense that it does not denote gender but an ideology, you do not have to be a transfem to be a transradfem/believe in and uphold transradfeminism. TRF transmascs are not exempt from criticism, especially when they go the extra mile of openly owning the misogyny the TRF ideology labels them with. Like if a cis man was siding with radfems on the grounds that he is a misogynist and all men are actually and the radfems are right and then going around and beating up other men...I'd criticize that. Heavily. Tmascs are not exempt from this. Like, acting like ANY group is exempt from criticism due to their oppressed status is bullshit and reductive and not something we should normalize. Transfems are not exempt from having their radical feminism called out, and neither are tmascs and nonbinary people and cis people. No one is incapable of bigotry, we can all be monsters, it is important to recognize that. And right now that includes critizing all TRFs, even ones who are transmasc. And again it's indistinguishable from how you talk about transfem TRFs so like I do not see the problem.

Thank you for saying so anon~!

I love how you take these pretentious assholes and expose them for how ridiculous they are

It's difficult. To paraphrase Penny Arcade, it's like making fun of a clown, what are you going to do, make fun of his floppy shoes?

If it were simply a matter of telling people the truth, there would be no flat earthers or anti vaxxers. There'd be no anti trans moral panic, or any other moral panic for that matter. Human belief can be more about what feels true than what is, even if the reality is more appealing.

It's a bleak species we're a part of.

Funny (sarcasm) how TRFs go around accusing trans mascs of being MRAs and then turn around and spout a bunch of bullshit about "AFAB privilege," as if that isn't just the "woke" version of incels talking about "female privilege"

And then they're like, "how dare you compare trans women to MRAs," and you're like "okay but you are saying that being born with a vagina means society will always favor them when they make false sexual assault complaints"

i think binary privilege is really simple to explain: male and female are genders that exist in society, and there are no other genders that are recognized by society. so if you're a man or a woman, you exist and can interact with society, but if you're a different gender, you have to pretend to be a man or a woman in order to do most things in society. like to go to the doctor, get a drivers license, go to most schools, file other government paperwork, etc, and even to do fun things like sports or even social things like the local trivia night, i have to either pretend to be a man or pretend to be a woman, because there are no other options and you aren't allowed to not disclose your gender or not be categorized by it. and if you say you dont have a gender or dont want to be categorized by gender, that isnt acceptable and they make you anyway. but men and women don't have to do this because they can say to treat them like either a man or a woman and this is correct for them, and at least where i am, you are allowed to transition and be treated as either a man or a woman even in the government, it is only nonbinary that is considered to not exist at all. there is transphobia of course, but it is "this gender exists and you just cant call yourself it," but the nonbinary stuff is more "this doesn't exist at all, and you could transition to the opposite gender, but you have to pick one." i hope this was understandable, i have a hard time articulating this stuff!

You did fine! I think that gets at the heart of the issue, although as others have said it's very conditional.

100% agree with the discussion of binary privilege but can we stop saying "oppressor". If it's true that trans men don't have the power to oppress trans women then it can't be possible for binary trans people to oppress nonbinary trans people either.

Yeah I don't think it's ever been a particularly great word.

Hey i just wanted to say thank you so much, you’re so fucking fabulous. Happy holidays if you're celebrating and, if not, I hope you have a fantastic evening!!

You as well~!

none of the asks talking abt the deactivated guy couldve prepared me for seeing the actual post mf had a dictionary open next to him for that one jesus fucking christ. "coalesced" "absconded" and "schism" killed me

he was trying his hardest

Wtf is happening?! Call me naive, but I thought this tirf stuff was a Tumblr, maybe reddit, only problem. I'm not on FB often and I JUST joined blue sky, but already I see it on both platforms. On FB a woman was ranting about how gay men don't need representation because they're the most privileged and have all the media. She got some pushback and immediately started using the word "moid" and defended trans women all in the same paragraph. That is TERF language. They're seriously using TERF words now. How bad is this actually going to get? I'm a recluse, so I genuinely don't know how common this is in irl spaces, but things aren't looking too good online. It looks like it's about to become the LB(women only)T(women only) Q(women only) community vs Lgbtq+ normal people.

hilarious news for the person who insisted 'moid' is an insult intended to mean trans women exclusively

different anon than the others talking about binary privilege but i do think that binary privilege is a thing. however, i think it is extremely conditional, even more so than most other forms of privilege. i consider myself both binary and nonbinary because i'm multigender and i'm not taken seriously no matter how i introduce myself but there is a vast difference between when i introduce myself as only a binary man vs when i introduce myself with all of my genders or just any of my nonbinary genders.

yeah I for sure see that

I wish people would stop treating bigotry as a logical thing and other people’s experiences with it as something that can be extrapolated from your own personal experiences with it. Something similar happened in disabled circles (people are shitty to me because my illness is something they can’t see and they think I’m faking it, so they must treat people with visible illnesses better) and it really sucks to see it happening with trans people, too. We’re a family! We can listen and learn from each other!

Yesss, solidarity is so important and I see transfems given so much, it sucks when it's not repaid.

Has any1else noticed the autoandrophilia tag is completely destroyed by terf bots...

They fill up all the TERF and TERF-adjacent tags, which goes to show that TERFs do in fact accuse trans men of autoandrophilia on a regular basis lmao.

everytime i see binary trans women try to claim they are the only ones who care abt and are inclusive towards nonbinary trans fems or amab nonbinary people in general i think abt when my ex girlfriend told me (binary trans man) not to install our AC by myself and i should wait for "a real man" to do it...talking abt our nonbinary partner who did not identify as a man at all. and when i corrected her and said that was really hurtful to both me and our other partner she was like "oh u know what i mean youre just really small and [they] are bigger and stronger" and i was like. girl wtf are u Saying thats misgendering and transphobic??? i could rant abt her for ages but i will leave it at that lmao

wild how that keeps happening

My hot take about "binary privilege" is that it does actually exist but not like that and it's not gender thing. Its a social conformity thing. The west in particular is built on false dichotomous thinking and everything is binarized and conforming to binarism provides social privileges relevant to the social axis (i.g Democrats vs Republicans necessarily hold power over Independent parties due to the binarist structures of politics) like the problem isn't that one is or has a binary gender, it's about conforming to social binarism to access benefits, and that means a lot of things and none of them are "binary trans people have more privilege" bc Trans is Trans. Maybe this is why some binary trans women act like being trans women make them non binary, they recognize how transness inherently challenges aspects of the sex binary. Then kind of take that too far, into "identity as praxis" zones

Unfortunately some people define themselves by their gender identity and literally nothing else.

The tme/tma is very exorsexist, coming from a bigender freak who either looks like a trans woman or a trans man but can't ever look cis. Are the bouts of transmisogyny I experience tma or does that not count unless they know my asab? Are they invalid if my asab isn't the 'right one'? What about my enby friends or genderfluid friends who enjoy breaking those gendered expectations by not being one of the two genders at all? What about the oppression and harm they've faced because of transmisogyny? Does harm because of transmisogynistic povs only count as transmisogyny if you were born and told you're amab (and perisex)? Why can't we discuss the transmisogyny to trans women, and how it affects trans women, and also how that transmisogyny can and will bleed out into there, the same as transandrophobia, the same as exorsexism? I'm just fucking sick and tired of being told that I can't experience transandrophobia when I definitely have, that I can't experience transmisogyny until I reveal my asab, that certain people only experience certain axes of oppression without being in that group of people. We bleed the same to the shitheads who want us quiet and dead, let's stop killing ourselves over who's more oppressed. Being tma or tme doesn't change that you have to hold on to and stand with the freaks who break your rules to not only survive, but live.

We'll all get to where we're going together, one way or another.

I saw someone basically mock people being marked red on Shinigami eyes as “trans men whining because they’re objectifying trans women” but 1. Intersex people opposing TME/TMA as a strict binary have also been purposefully targetted, 2. Trans Women & trans fems who have been saying “hey this is all very radical feminist of you” have been targetted (such as yourself, thank you btw) & 3. A trans streamer I follow who, seemingly, has NOTHING to fucking do with this discourse except maybe host “TME” people on her channel on occasion? Maybe??? Or had once cut ties with a friend who was specifically harassing another friend? Has been marked red so idk!!! like it is exhausting to see someone I used to follow and admire reduce this whole thing to “well trans men are horny sexist pigs, so this is all working as planned” when in most cases, the very people you’re Claiming to advocate for are also being thrown into the machinery

yeah but it's not happening to them so why would they care

i remember years ago, i (nonbinary) was rooming with a (binary trans) guy. he brought a friend over one night and we were all chatting. at one point, his friend asked what the difference was in experience of being binary versus nonbinary - not in the internal experience of gender sense, but in navigating the world - and my roommate said "there's really no difference." of course i jumped in and said no, hey, there's a lot of differences! at the time, there was no X gender marker available anywhere (except in iirc washington state?? which we did not live in), doctors in the area wouldnt pursue ANY medical transition unless you committed to full strength hormones+top and bottom surgery, and judges wouldnt approve name changes for gender reasons unless you were committing to "full" transition. i dont know how much of this was legislation and how much was social contract, tbf, but that was the situation we lived in. and he just......looked at me, rolled his eyes, called me crazy, and kept talking like nothing had happened. this isnt really "proof" of one group of trans people having it worse than another or anything - laws have changed a lot since then, and ive been able to self select for an X gender marker and pursue the transition i want! - but file it under "examples of exorsexism"

I'm very sorry anon, you both deserve to be treated better than that. <3

What's with this weird rebranding of baeddels I've been seeing 🤔 people acting like theyre hated on for being cringe, people acting like their haters came up with the word baeddel rather than them coming up with it themselves? I've seen it from people who see the transandro v transradfem discourse seem equally ridiculous on both sides but it just feels forced to me. Maybe that's just my own experience, though! Besides that, how have you been?

Devastatingly sick.

just saw a trans guy with two posts on his blog like a few days max apart. one said trans guys are exempt from misogyny bc they're not women. the other said that transandrophobia is just transphobia + misogyny so it doesn't need a name. I just. do they not read what they post???

they don't read

the thread you've pointed out of self described tme trans men being obsessed with insisting that they are definitely a big scary threat who must watch their every move to avoid accidentally (social) murdering the soft and gentle women around them is soooooooo funny to me now it's been pointed out because i genuinely think a lot of these dudes need to do some soul searching on whether or not they just have a kink for being perceived as dangerous 'cause i know i do. and i know its because im a short, disabled, never-passing trans man

you're so valid though anon

just got condescendingly called babygirl in the notes of a post responding to the "bomb that kills all transmascs" post and i'm like having whiplash. i cant even see my reply or the person's full reply because i think the op deleted my comment (fair, i am hardly eloquent or thoughtful with wording when i am upset) so all i have in my notifs is "hey babygirl, real quick-" before it cuts off. like... one the one hand thank god but on the other i wish all radfems a very please get out of my notifs. i think i'm going to step further away from the discourse because i also think they accused me of being a zionist (i posted about hannukah one (1) time and they had like. 'zionist reciepts' in their username) and i'm just. i'm so tired man. why can't we all relax. why can't we all be chill. like i don't know them, they don't know me, so why do we have to hate each other so much? aren't y'all tired? i know i am. - strawberry anon (not associated with the alligator. i just like strawberry crush)

TRFs are obsessed with transandrobros being Zionists because they are all in on the viral sensation that is performative Gaza support

Can I say it's so fucking disheartening to be a trans guy who is just, like, normal. I'm not transmisogynistic, and I firmly believe that most other transmascs are the same, so it's irritating to constantly see all this "we're asking you to do better" bull. I know plenty of transmascs and none of us are out here social murdering anybody. And sure, maybe it's unfair of me, but I am tired. of. hearing. it.

As you should be. Love you anon. <3

Im not naming names, but I feel like it become obvious to me how malicious TRFs on this site are when I witnessed a teenage, transmasc blogger living in a country where being transgender is extremely dangerous, be harassed by a group of white, American, TRFs. Seeing them openly brag about it and mock him over it, and then witness people running to their defence, even going as far as to claim the user who initiated the harassment wasn’t a radfem and people should “just leave her alone” despite her having posted about wanting to hurt trans men and calling them slurs. I’m sure you’re aware of what I’m talking about here but I feel like that was the breaking point for me giving this group any benefit of the doubt and honestly I’m just glad you’re doing a good thing here

You should name names.

twin peaks anon here again to tell you that my friends joke that I "microdose twin peaks" because I used to only watch ~5 minutes of it a day.

weird but also Twin Peaksian

the sunnydinthereal bullshit is stressing me outttttt 😭 the usual trfs finally found a tguy saying transmisogynistic shit that no one is supporting, and now they’re reblogging it over and over and holding him up like “look at the typical transandrobro. they’re all just like this” lmao.

that's just normal lol they were already pointing out the odd radfem trying to come into the tag acting like it's shocking that a TERF would try and take advantage of conflict between trans people by ASAB

[mithliya]

This is going to sound mean but I don't believe it when het radfems talk about how good their bfs are. They could be lying. This is the internet, they could be lying or they could be overlooking their bfs misogyny to make a good post. I don't believe your bf is a feminist alley and I think you don't believe it either. You're just telling that to yourself bc some people online hurt your feelings and made you question your decisions. And it's not a nice feeling so you get defensive.

And listen, I personally don't care if you call yourself a radfem and you have a bf. But if you have any knowledge about radical feminism you know we're critical of men, heterosexuality and marriage. Don't come to our spaces and expect full acceptance. We will question you, we even question our own choices. You can't complain about radfems criticizing your relationship when you know what you are getting into. Like coming to a vegan party with meat and expecting people don't look at you weirdly.

I think it's ridiculous some het radfem will come here, see others saying "yes all men" and jump to say "not my bf" because what are the chances you, a random woman, happen to find a good decent man. Come on. Be realistic. Don't expect others to cuddle you. You're heterosexual, if you don't like to be questioned then go outside! There's nothing people love more than a woman happily providing her bf with emotional and sexual labor and saying he's the best man ever!!!

literallyyyyy!!! i’m sorry but every het-partnered woman on here speaks high praises of her boyfriend/husband. like no one on here is like “yeah my boyfriend is somewhat misogynistic and he makes me do most of the housework and uses the word bitch and thinks the pay gap is a myth” or whatever… no he’s always the best man ever who does everything right somehow. i don’t blame them for framing their men in this way because as you said, they’re defensive. but i don’t buy that every het-partnered woman on radblr seems to be dating the same perfect most feminist male possible. i don’t particularly care either bc i’ll never know their amazing boyfriends/husbands anyways, i just don’t get why they have to claim to be radfems at the same time

[brothermoth]

DEAR GOD PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING I AM BEGGING YOU. PUT ON YOUR ENGLISH CLASS LENS AND ANALYZE MY EVERY WORD

~~~~~~~~~~

I've been lurking among the Tumblr trans community for a while, just reading people's thoughts and trying to kinda work out where the disconnect is here.

There is a major communication issue here. I'm transmasc personally, but I absolutely do not want to undermine the very real danger that trans women are in, especially now with all this fucking shit going on in the world.

First of all we can say with certainty that trans women do face a heightened degree of danger and oppression. I will never deny the existence of transmisogyny and I think we DO need to listen to trans women when they bring up common issues within the community that they've faced. Rocky Horror Picture Show, Silence of the Lambs, Ace Ventura—these are transmisogynistic pieces of media that violently villainize trans women. I think we (trans men, wider LGBT community) need to do our part to make sure that we are not supporting media that contributes to this. They're just movies. We can let them go.

[Watch Paris is Burning it's heartbreaking and incredible and I think everyone should know Venus Extravaganza's name because what happened to her and so many others is abhorrent]

Trans women ABSOLUTELY are very much visible to bigots. They're wearing those orange construction vests by absolutely no fault of their own and it's so so important to push against this. Transmisogyny is a massive problem and these ladies deserve to be heard.

This can coexist with the frustration expressed by trans men. It can, I swear. You know how? Because what both sides of this are asking for is to be heard, and to be listened to. We can acknowledge transmisogyny as the force that it is AND there can be space to hear out those discussing transandrophobia. These things aren't opposites! They're not.

Trans men are largely not denying that trans women absolutely face more scrutiny and violence. I've scrolled many a post, I've checked out the more popular blogs who make decent points on the matter. [I won't tag anyone or make mention by name. I don't want people getting attacked or feeling called out].

Marginalized men can absolutely say that their masculinity and status as a man contributes in a unique way to their oppression. Nobody is saying that "Men" as a whole are oppressed. Man is not a class. Woman is not a class. That is radfem nonsense and it has absolutely no weight to it. It is not for you to say that their experience cannot be misandry. They're not saying anything against women! They're not. They are saying "Hey this is something I've noticed and experienced and I think this word fits to call out these topics".

Radical Feminism is fucking stupid. I'm sorry, but it is (but many radfems are just people who are hurt and oppressed but it doesn't negate the hurt toward other people). I'm a feminist and I always will be, but as a history student I am very much trained to look at a wide picture of literally everything always. Look at the world, look at history. Read what people wrote before your grandparents were born and get a view of the world that is complex and contradictory at times.

Woman is not a class. Woman is an aspect, an identity that very frequently means oppression for whoever that label can be applied to. Misogyny is pervasive and it is real and it's woven into the modern world. But so is racism. So is classism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia. YOU CANNOT TAKE A SEAM RIPPER TO OPPRESSION. You can't split these things apart from each other. They're fused together and you are doing no favors to anyone by splitting them apart.

The thing about marginalization is that it is a hydra and you have to cut off the heads and then burn the stump to kill it. You can't just cut one and wipe your hands of the whole affair. Everyone is the sum of their whole being and their whole experience and we all deserve to speak on our own oppression.

Sometimes it's a bit conflicting. I know. Just let it be. It'll conflict, it'll be weird and confusing because it's supposed to be. Oppression isn't one system, it's a dozen over thousands of years. Do not pretend otherwise. It's not Us Vs Them it's a goddamn food web. It's weird! It's hard to grasp! Personally I think that wealth status is the more influential aspect (historically, currently).

My point is that queer men are allowed to feel isolated and demonized. That is not at odds with trans women expressing their own concerns about the very common transmisogyny seeping into communities they should be safe in! We can all listen and say "I understand, how do we work through this?"

Stop telling marginalized men that misandry isn't real. It's real if marginalized men feel that it is! Making them feel safer and more comfortable is not at odds with making queer women feel safer and more comfortable. Your inclusion should never be at the cost of someone else's. You fucking compromise.

On the flip side, men can put in effort to be aware of misogyny and how it affects their own views. A problem doesn't have to be the most pressing issue ever to be addressed! My leaking refrigerator doesn't mean your messed up light switch has to be neglected. Those are for two different professions! I call a plumber, you call an electrician. My issue might be a bit more serious (and cause structural damage) but your light isn't Not broken because my refrigerator is. Misandry can exist without overshadowing misogyny. Clearly it's not a structural issue, but we can still take a look at it.

I also think it's really upsetting to everyone involved when generalizations are made and insults are tossed around. Just fucking talk. Just talk. Transmascs always do this—transfems do this—shut up. We went over this in like kindergarten.

"I've noticed there's a lot of people who say [x] in these spaces"....."you know, I'm really not comfortable when folks say [x]" call out bad behavior. Absolutely call out bad behavior, don't let that shit stand. Call out the person doing it though. Ideology is not identity! An ideology can change. Terfs are usually women but not all women are terfs. They're women who CHOOSE to believe certain things. Generalizing is a massive issue and it's super common and it's stupid. Stop it.

Queer people are assholes sometimes because we're people. Call out the behavior not the identity.

Everybody shake hands and say I love you and be nice to each other. Write your strongly worded letter! It's better than just being an asshole. Trans people put on your get along shirt and burn Marjorie Taylor Green at the stake. Put Joanne Rowling on an inflatable raft and push her out to sea. You are not each other's enemies you want bodily autonomy and the ability to be safe and comfortable in your own damn body.

------------

Please don't dm or harass me. I mean the best and I'm totally willing to correct myself and change opinions of things if you make a convincing enough argument (hey, that's how everyone should be).

Trans people I would fight the US Senate for you. Me and a stick of my choosing. I'm going to bat for us. Trans women I love you you deserve to be happy and loved and safe. Trans men you deserve to be happy and loved and safe. Even if I personally don't like you as a person, I'm fighting a senator for your rights. Even if you're a douchebag. Queer people deserve the right to be assholes because everyone deserves bodily autonomy and human rights.

thank