#Im proud of myself i actually like this one a lot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dogboner · 10 months ago

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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

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skitskatdacat63 · 8 months ago

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Painting 🖼

#need to draw for myself more lmfao #i wish i felt this comfortable using saturated colors like this in other art but #its difficult #i feel like i can only do it w original art #AAAAAGGHHH I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT #im rly proud of the clothes. very leyendecker to me #its weird how much i like the pink considering i never use hot pink 😭😭#its just very fitting for this idk #also i was gonna draw a different outfit #but before i knew it i sketched 1700s stuff 😭😭 i cant help it #its too perfect yknow....#also funny anecdote i must tell you #when i was in middle school we had to do an assignment related to the monkey's paw #and one of the questions was like: whats a wish you cna think of that doesnt have any possible caveats #and mine was: oh i wish i could draw ruffles well!!!#and here i am. however many years on. STILL FUCKING WISHING I COULD DRAW RUFFLES BETTER #theyre okay in this. but i force myself to draw them a lot bcs theyre still difficult as hell to me #well anyways. personal art wooooooo. cause i need to force my brain back into drawing for myself mainly #well actually i always draw for myself bcs every piece is pretty esoteric #but my brain is still like: notes??? does anyone even care???#catie. i care. your own self cares <3 #catie.art.

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eonars · 9 months ago

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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing

#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this #when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it #tbf like all that other shit up there aside #this did actually come at the perfect time #i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person #i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was #in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while #kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before #and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters #even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity #and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell #so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone #and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore #im the most ready ive ever been #2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement #entirely on my own #like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog #i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then #im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now #anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself #but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years #became a stable genius as it were #whos a lot more clearly defined and present #but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid

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lystring · 5 months ago

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today I took a big step and actually met up with a colleague I really like outside of work and we hung out and it was such a nice time :3

#personal #she was rly the one who suggested it weeks ago or longer but i took her up on it #and!!!#like it was so fun #she told me that she has tried a lot of times to do stuff like this since she moved to sweden 4 y ago #but no one ever took her up on the offer and she still feels lonely here #and it rly resonated with me because lmao #im FROM here and I've been through the same thing #idk im so proud of myself for actually reaching out to her #and we had a great time i think!!#talking a lot about a lot of different stuff:3 #having lunch and coffee then a long walk...#im happy :) im hoping this will lead to a new friendship.#i need that #its so difficult making new connections in sweden at this age lmao (something we were bonding about)#ANYWAY #I WAS BRAVE. I DID GOOD TODAY.

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punkshitposts · 2 years ago

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something I think is actually hilarious is that if you go left enough you start having more stances in common with (individual) conservatives, and if you go right enough you start agreeing with (individual) leftists. like i have a pretty close friend who's self described as "just far enough right that I hate politicians" , whom I hard disagree with his overarching political stances. but the finer details of it... yeah we agree with each other. gun control/gun rights opinions taxation opinions pro-small government opinions slight separatist opinions anti two party opinions anti-corporation opinion ect ect ect.

we stand on opposite sides of a standard political compass but I genuinely think if I were to count stats, I'd agree with as many of his stances as I would a liberals/democrats stances. my hs gov teacher described the difference in right vs left to us as "everyone's goal here is the betterment of mankind, they just think the best ways to do it are different" and that's literally the best way, to me, to describe what the difference in right vs left is regarding anarchism specifically. we got ESSENTIALLY the same opinion but the ways we think are the best ways to go about enacting said opinion are what makes us different. and something abt that is really painfully funny to me. envisioning a world where an-something is the major world thing, not capitalism.... and there's STILL right vs left... but The Anarchist Versions. christ.

sorry for the book i wrote in the tags. ignore typos I am NOT retyping any of that to fix them xoxo

#this is a controversial post to post here ik. however i think can we all agree that echo chambers and bubbles aren't... good.#and i think something that gets forgotten a lot by leftists is that there ARE anarchists on the right #yes we are EXTREMELY different but its important to like. remember that should The revolution come in our lifetimes their still gonna exist #and political disagreement on an individual scale CAN and SHOULD be civil so long as neither party is coming from a bigoted stance.#as in.. no i dont agree with a good chuck of what his stances but by disagree i just think hes wrong abt economics bros not like. a bigot.#in this same vain i also think (myself included) people shouldn't conflate conservativism with racists and homophobes. t #theres proud gay conservatives and conservatives who are poc... erasing those people means we cannot know of how the other side works.#i genuinely believe that if i were to go read every political theory book on right leaning politics id fine something uniquely republican #/right/whatever that i would agree with and then adapt into my own politics. im sure at least one of the unique-to-the-right stances has #actually standing and isn't a load of shit (again probably something economic rather than social).#and thats not a bad thing and if you think it is a actually don't know how to explain it to you! we MUST critically but civilly interact #with political opinions mirroring our own to 1 understand other people 2 fully understand and develope our own stances and why we have em #i genuinely find political conversations with that friend extremely enlightening even if we both walk away still set in unchanged opinions.#because it means i understand WHY others drift to those options but more importantly why /i/ drifted to my own

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macskasbacsi · 8 months ago

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okay last post on the elections, I'm just sad neither MKKP or MOME has any seats in the EP. that's it thats the post

#(lie)#mome deserved at least one. donáth deserved to be there do not at me #also. karácsony and vitézy being what. 300 votes apart? i am repeating myself but you people are insane.#a lot of cities that used to have fidesz mayors are not lead by non-fidesz mayors. thats neat. thats nice.#i actually had to stay up to see what was up with győr. that was wild. im proud of you people #also the city im in (veryy orange with 10k people) had like #43% to 40%?? fidesz to unaffiliated? my mouth was on the floor.. i dont even care that the fidesz canditate won.#its like 200 votes?? 3%?? holy shit dude whats going onn #iru rants #politics /#hun post

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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i had a scarily bad depression moment (if you catch my drift) at work on thursday during a meeting where the topic of conversation and the things ppl were saying were directly (and slightly intentionally?) contributing to my distress and im past that moment now but i feel so haunted by it. by the thoughts i was having and the fact that i had them and the fact that i was witnessed in that moment but they didn’t know how bad it was. and im also feeling vulnerable to being back in that place again

#purrs #it is kinda amazing the amount of triggering things that happen every day and any one of them knocks the wind out of me but this is like.#4-5 a day at least and then like 5-6 hours of sleep in between another round. it’s not a good way to be in the world. but i am going to say #one positive thing which is that im proud of myself for enduring it and pushing forward even though it’s painful. like i am very strong for #doing that especially when i don’t have the emotional safety / resources i need and technically have never had them and will never have them #it’s important to remember that. and yeah it’s kinda like i shouldn’t have to be strong through all of that but the one positive thing i can #hang onto in this… well no actually 2. 1) i am very strong for surviving right now even though it’s just scraping by 2)one day it might not #be this hard. one day i might feel better. and even though it doesn’t feel like it and i keep having setbacks i am making progress towards #that moment. even thougu im scared to take some leaps im still inching towards the jump and that matters a lot. and other people can see it #even when i can’t. just not the people in that meeting apparently LOL #delete later

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axel-tiredstudent · 7 months ago

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Doing art has been kinda difficult lately even though I have so much free time and that's why I'm really really happy that I love my last drawing so much ^^

#i also had a lot of fun with it and i did it really quick!!#also extra proud cause instead of using a reference picture and just copying the pose like i usually do #I actually did most of the anatomy myself and used references for most specific parts #i think im getting better with anatomy which has been one of my biggest problems for years!#yay yay #i may draw more ossn tomorrow cause they are very dear to me #i wanna draw other hq characters too and go back to mha (haven't draw anything in a while) at some point #but for now im taking it easy #step by step #sorry I've been taking so much around here lately i hope that's okay!!#i wanna be more present hehe #axel talks

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vogelmeister · 2 years ago

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thinking about the australian cultural cringe on this sunny sunday hbu

#no but it's kinda true i do actually suffer from cultural cringe but i see how bad it can be for artists from australia #like idk its a big topic but like majority of our tv happens to be reality tv or imports #i actually saw a really good tiktok about how australian tv is stuck in a time warp #i feel like australian music is either indie triple j or x factor winners singles and x factor hasnt aired since 2016 #and international shit has taken over the hottest 100 #it says a lot that one of the few australian things to get impact internationally as of recent is bluey #dont get me wrong im so proud of bluey i love seeing my home country portrayed #but im 22. give me more.#and im not innocent to cultural cringe or alienation either but id love some good australian media that isnt americanised or makes me cring #even with heartbreak high i physically recoiled after realising it was australian #so i need to also work on not being so ashamed of australian stuff myself #and im not doing myself any favours by only listening to dutch music which in turn is a loop bc dutch ppl probs also have cultural cringe #actually they defs do #its an issue here but i defs talked to dutch ppl in nl who were suffering from cultural cringe she is international #hearing australian accents in songs is also a hard one for me. sometimes its cool but i cringe more than find it cool #even watching tina the tina turner musical when roger appeared i went FUCK NO NOT AUSTRALIANS #and the actor there is australian #idk i am rambling now #but like... this is a complex topic bc i know how bad it is for australian culture and locally produced music and shows and that #but like i do it myself #anyways doei

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steampoweredskeleton · 16 days ago

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Ignore

#delete later #my new friend is so open in her communication its fucking wild. she is so wildly blunt but in a wildly kind way. it is #disarming and i am slowly getting used to it. but also every time i reciprocate it i feel genuinely nauseous #i am. not used to ppl wanting my actual opinion. other than my one friend who i trust with it. but a new friend? who wants my genuine #opinion? wild. but its nice. also makes me want to run and hide but its nice. God im such an avoidant bastard. but this is s good thing #i am also. proud of myself thst i have made s friend. and im talking to the friend. and hanging out. and not avoiding. snd not being #scared when they present me with something thst confuses them in my behaviour. trying to be s more functional human #im not the best at it but i am trying #and like. i owe a lot of that to my long time friend who has helped me a lot. it's nice to be using that. abd not slipping backwards like i #tend to. its nice. the person i was talking to before seemed less concerned with me being uncomfortable. and i dont think she meant #to be. but i am. glad we aren't talking anymore. it felt like she was nuch happier with me when i was talking about her.#I mean i am also part of the problem. not putting boundaries. not pushing. not saying im not. i know the main thing in the way of me #being able to be social is me.#but im trying and that matters

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mewhenifreakit · 1 month ago

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ti's the season ( of reflection)

#january new year new beginnings reflecting to learn n grow and such #realizing a lot about like my life 2 years ago up to a year ago #vent i guess #i lost a actually all of my friends for a few months because they were all like fighting with eachother n then slowly gained like 2 back and #then those 2 fought n like just actually had no one in my corner for a while even my partner at the time wasnt really there for me and for #so long i was just so isolated but had to like pretend everything was fine and i lost my closes friend who was also extremely to my now ex #having introduced us:/ well i guess after a frw months i was able to connect to 2 new friends and i made of with 2 older ones and i lost #like actually 10 or so good friends which sucks so hard actually and like my mother would say oh well you were going to grow apart going to #different colleges anyways but dam what a nasty way to go there was like weird fighting cant even get into all of it for the year before it #and then i was actuslly genuinely depressed for months and i felt like a responsibility #and duty to break up with my partner because i felt i was not there for them at all #and i felt they didnt understsnd me anymore it was a lot going on but i felt the relstionship wasnt good for them and they didnt deserve it #but then after breaking up with them like that so did not help the lonrlyness n numb all cosnuming feeling x #but then i started at a new place and made a few new friends and i got closer than ever with 2 people and i learned a lot #there are 2 friends i still love who dont get along andni miss when they did they were so close and lodt eachother and i see them both #and theyre both doing better i guess #ill always miss like 3 years ago when the kid in my who thought id never make friends felt so proud for being a genuine part of a group #but even then when i was in the group i always felt like no ones first choice and like jesus thats rough idk #and i mean the whole thing about being someonesfirst chose or best friend i mean people contain multidues ur never gonna be like first frvr #but idk now i have such beautiful kind friends and im not depressed anymore #i remeber the first time i stsrted feeling like emotions again and realized i wasnt numb like i had been for a year it was so crazy #like woah depression is a beast theres just..nothing like such nothingness and i remeebr being like oh my god i actuslly feel something #and i started like remeber things again and crying and now i cry so often its something im so grateufl for over the past year #ive really been able to become my self over 2024 and yeah thats emotional there was a lot going on since like 2018 for me #and its finally settling #and im just sorta shocked now because i feel so much emotion so strongly but i like felt nothing and remebr nothing and just loet myself #for so long #like even before tgat there was a lot going on and i felt so out of control and then ntohing for months and then slowly #slowly because i had a few friends who loved me and i had a new routine and i was away from some people i started being me #2025 the year of being me :') also just learned u can only have 30 tags

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aria0fgold · 1 year ago

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I always wondered how anyone was able to write something with more than 5k words when I'd always struggle with it but now with how this mhyk fic is going I'm like: I understand. Also I feel like my writing has improved somehow? Which I'm really REALLY happy for.

#aria rants #its easier for me to put my thoughts to words now that it felt like i was on a roll. and tbf the fic's story being more on the lighthearted #chaotic side helped a lot with that cuz i can just go ham with it but like going from one scene to the next was easier for me today somehow #honestly really proud and happy to see myself improve in writing too cuz its the first skill im rlly proud of myself for #like when i was a kid i was first an art kid. id draw mermaids and stuff in my notebook with a pencil but after i tried out writing #just focused all on writing instead and for the longest time. i wasnt actually confident with my writing so much so that there were #moments where id think back to the past and wished that i kept going with art instead of writing cuz it felt like the years #ive spent on writing was a waste in a way where i didnt improve anything at all. also didnt help that i chose to keep writing #using 1st pov which is ngl. a wrong move with how really difficult it was to pull off esp as a beginner #it wasnt until last year that i began to grow a lil confident with my writing enough to post bout it (omori fics and all that)#and tbh! i am confident bout it now too! and happy that im pursuing art as well and improving on BOTH!#its the best thing and im rlly happy with how everything is going for me. i got great friends that im so happy to have made #a new and old skill that im making improvements and also growth for my own self too >:3 #anyway i fooled you all this was actually a heartfelt message in disguise mwahahahahaha

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beepathan · 1 year ago

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IM SO FUCKIN CLOSE TO BEING DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVERRE

#beeps #NO intent to do any grad programs ever.#if i do it will have to be FAR in the future. because school has been the bane of my existence for over 17 years now #however long ive been in school. who knows #fuuuuck. FUUCK #i am honestly proud of myself.#i remember when i was applying to college and feeling really apprehensive because i know a lot of students with adhd drop out.#and i didnt want to go to college just to drop out. like i was so scared i would fail catastrophically the second i started #and it was a rocky start honestly #the lack of structure that i was used to from elementary to high school took getting used to #but im going to graduate with honors core AND upper level honors AND a minor in communication studies #with a degree i actually enjoy. that i can get a job with #all of these are things i never would have believed were possible five years ago #and i only took one semester more than four years. fuck. despite everything #im going to be DONE.

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astrxealis · 1 year ago

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good eve hope u all r well 😇😙💗✨

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#exam scores r pretty good YAYYY i'm just a bit disappointed for bio but i reached my goals for earthsci & physics hehe #i got perf on physics even ... which is rlly amazing tbh bcs i am the only one in my class and the rest have at least 3 mistakes #and only what. 5 of us. have above 40/45 KDBWJABSJDH #SHS IS DIFFICULT GUYS but not for me w physics ^_^ teehee. me and my twin!!!#i'm just rlly proud of myself yay :D it's really funny tho how FOR SOME REASON SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS KNOW..... how did news pass like that #wtf it's funny bcs my friend behind me in class was like 'apollo' when my teacher was like yo 1 person in this class got perfect and i #shook my head but tbf i was confident i got perf. then boom. it's me. KDBSKDN IT'S SO FUNNY BCS THAT SAME FRIEND who i love btw THEY BRAGGED #TO THEIR OTHER FRIENDS WHO R MY FRIENDS ON MY BEHALF it's cute tbh but yeah #and then my twin's class... one of the nice ppl there learned i got perf and told the other ppl in the class JFSHJDJS JUST SOME OTHERSBIN #IN CLASS BUT THAT'S CRAZY and then i learned rn that my other other friend knows................................ it's amazing tbh #i'm just really happy with that lol and for everyone else too who did what they could ^_^ uhh generally speaking!#anyway AGHH ARTEMIS GOT BG3 TO WORK RAGHDGDHEHEHW DHRGAHDJGJEK REGHDJGHEOFJ #apollo screams in tags again like its his newspaper so true HFHSJDJSJ HIII GUYS !!! hope u all are well <33 #new seating arrangement for 2nd half of this sem and i'm . bit scared since im in the front #which idm but my seatmate is the one person i hate in my class <3 aside from their friend lol #i have my reasons aha i only hate really irresponsible people or maarte rich kids who use their money to cheat or get out of trouble #but at least my other kinda seatmate is another friend in class :(( <3 #the real awkward thing tho is my actual seatmate is uh a group member we just kicked from our research group bcs she's irresponsible as #shit. lots going in there but let me just tell u she has 20+ absences 3 months into the sy and according to the school. not valid enough #excuses lmfao. girlie has a twin too and always cheats so i'm not surprised ^_^ i hate super rich kids !!! that flaunt it off !!! argh #anyway tea over yruchfhfhsh i only realt hate ppl like that ... anyone else is ok w me ^_^ yay #raghh good evening !! u all rest well !! esp in the ph bcs it seems like it's sick season D:

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wolfiesmoon · 1 year ago

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When you wear their clothes

genshin men x gn!reader

characters featured: xiao, neuvillette, wriothesley, zhongli and itto

i've been dreaming about genshin a lot lately idk this game has possesed me or smth so i feel like i'm required to write this? Also DAMN im rusty with genshin characters so i apologise profusely for any ooc-ness

(also wrio's is kinda suggestive!!)

XIAO is confused. Why on earth are you wearing his clothes? He isn't opposed to it specifically, but doesn't understand the appeal or the reason why you do it. "My clothes don't fit you properly. What's the point?" he asks, completely straight faced. You smile. "It reminds me of you when you're not with me!" He just scoffs and says he doesn't get your strange habits before moving on with his day. Somehow though, the image of you in his clothes won't leave his mind for the rest of the day. "Dammit..." he mumbles under his breath, barely audible when nobody's around. Don't bring up his pink cheeks in the evening when he comes back to see you, he will not elaborate.

Similarly, NEUVILLETTE is also confused. This must be another human thing that he isn't familiar with. What does wearing their lover's clothes mean to humans? "Oh, I just missed you... your clothes remind me of you, you know?" You explained when he questioned you on the matter. "Oh, I suppose that makes sense. Do you want more items related to myself for when I am absent?" He asks. While you do want to know what items he would bring you, you turn him down. "I like your shirts the most, because they smell like you and feel like your hugs." He doesn't know why exactly, but he has the urge to kiss you all of a sudden.

WRIOTHESLEY feels distracted when he sees you in his clothes from time to time. He gets busy a lot, so the moments he gets to spend with you feel extra special. But, what is he to do when you look so positively yummy in his shirt? "Hey, mind taking my shirt off? It's... sort of distracting." he admits, taking a sip of his tea. "But, wouldn't it be even more distracting if I took it off now?" you asked, feigning an innocent look. He almost spit out his tea. "I did not mean it like that...! Surely you're just teasing me." You just smiled mischeviously in response, taking a sip out of your own cup. "That's what I thought. I know that look."

ZHONGLI thinks you look odd in his clothes. Odd, but not bad by any means. You actually look quite endearing. "I'll make sure to commit this to memory." he says calmly, sitting down next to you on the bed. "You say that every time you're with me." you poke his shoulder gently, smiling up at him. "That's because everything about you is worth remembering, I suppose." Still, he thinks this specific memory is one he will treasure for a long, long time. "Oh my..." you felt heat rushing to your cheeks at his words, hugging his arm. Actually, he changed his mind, you're positively adorable in his clothes.

You're basically asking to get attacked with a flurry of kisses if you wear ITTO'S clothes in front of him. That's like, a show of affection! That you're totally his and no one else's! And that also means it's a cause for celebration! "Agh, Itto- Stop!" you try and fail to push his face away. "Hehehe..." he gives you a bright smile and places a big ol' kiss on your lips. "You should wear my clothes more often!!!" he felt proud of himself, puffing out his chest. "Ummm, whatever you say..." you're kind of worried that if you do that, your face will never escape his lips.

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all #purrs #chicago #i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about #when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m #for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi #and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t #recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting #for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that #my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it #just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of #stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and #utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a #biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL #i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i #have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again #delete later #kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol

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