#Im just not emotionally ready for anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nextstopwonderland · 2 months ago

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aew taking Bryan off a poster in November and replacing him with CC and me trying to be completely okay about this and failing 🙃

#he’s still on the poster for my show post wrestledream #plus he did video promo for that show #plus he lives literally like 2 hours from there #so I think I have hope seeing him there but yeah #all I ask is they do this in a way that makes sense bc honestly? I don’t want him dropping immediately with the way things are going #I think it would feel really fucking shitty especially since they’ve turned mox and Claudio into essentially skinheads :/#flat out inspired by romper stomper I mean come on I’m supposed to believe Bryan’s just gonna be like sure I’m gone #you guys deal with the new reign of terror and my best friends being this way #plus part time doesn’t mean no time so yeah idek man #Im just not emotionally ready for anything

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bunnieswithknives · 3 months ago

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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

#fop #fairly oddparents #fop a new wish #fairly oddparents a new wish #hazel wells #fop hazel #fop dev #dev dimmadome #art #digital art #doodles #I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like #but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem #I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother #The idea that she has to be mature all the time #constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe #Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet #just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it #maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again #The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her #which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things #I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice #I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique #Maybe he will be in future seasons idk

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n0bluev · 4 months ago

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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔

#your reblog surprised me #THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff #so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out #and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon #because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of #so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful #i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother #trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess #(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed #(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and #that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol #WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL #A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED #(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before #AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI #FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip

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phagodyke · 1 month ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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seariii · 11 months ago

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Wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife babygirl wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife love wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife princess wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife honey wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife

#im gonna kiss the mental break down out of her #i love women...#hecho con amor #wife <3 #im not ready to wake up yet tho... nor to face the consequences of that message....#i wanna hug Kotoko.... gently hold her in my arms while we lay down on our bed. ill run my fingers through her hair and place little kisses #on her head 'its going to be okay. im here with you' i whisper softly 'you arent alone. you did what you could'#i just wanna hug her so gently and give her the soft treatment she deserves...#heh .... im now imagining the full fledged scene... at the very end of it just a soft #'thank you for trusting me. i know it wasn't easy. im proud of you for trying'#because she would be so hesitant to say anything...barely able to show herself like thst in front of anyone..m she truly is making an effort #heh and after s couple seconds of silence after that thank you i can see her hugging slightly tighter #burying her face on my chest/neck area and sighing 'i dont like this' as in being emotionally vulnerable #'thank you for doing it still' i would whisper back to her softly #lets see if i can still sleep for a bit more

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p4nishers · 1 year ago

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devotion as a chest wound

#she was literally wearing her heart on her sleeve she was SO READY im gonna kms #no cause the way they've been devoted to aziraphale since their fall like az was actually their very purpose since he knew anything at all #he wanted to talk to aziraphale and protect him and make him laugh and the fact that aziraphale rejected her hurt so much more when u #consider the fact that he's been hoping for thousands of years and aziraphale rejecting him and leaving for heaven means he'll no longer #have the person he devoted his existence to and he'll have to just make his way in the world without aziraphale which yes obviously #they've been doing but also they always knew aziraphale was somewhere in reach and now HE NO LONGER HAS THAT and his devotion will just rot #away in his chest or it'll choke him and the fact is she really thinks aziraphale just doesn't love her. bc they dont fucking communicate #and what crowley thought was aziraphale's way of saying he always wanted him when he was an angel more and not aziraphale in his eyes fm #finding a way for them to be together safely. like it's actually insane how much miscommunication is between them and i honestly dont know #what crowley will do next season and where he'll be emotionally #good omens #azicrow #good omens s2 #aziracrow #good omens season 2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable spouses #go s2

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dirtytransmasc · 11 months ago

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grieving with family is so complicated, cause sometimes, no matter how much I love them, I just... can't with them.

each person in my family keeps trying to force their way of grieving, their way of coping onto the people around them.

people keep telling me how I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to react, and that's one thing, I can handle it.

but my aunt (my uncle who passed's wife) keeps having people tell her how she's supposed to move on, and it's driving me bonkers. they keep telling her that finding out more answers about his death is not gonna fix things, that it's gonna not gonna ease her pain, that she just... shouldn't.

and like. yeah. there's a point to be had. but as someone who lost someone very close to me (my papa) very similarly, like, please, please, *please* stop telling her how she's supposed to fucking feel. like. oh my fucking God.

I swear.

it's been a few days, let us grieve how we're gonna grieve for just a minute. wanting answers isn't unhealthy. processing real or imagined guilts and coming to terms with it and clearing it isn't unhealthy. letting people grieve for a minute how they're naturally grieving is so important.

there does come a point where certain forms of grief become unhealthy, but trying to force someone to grieve differently DAYS after the death occurred, is like... such a dick move in my mind, especially when it's just the natural progression of thought and emotion and everything.

I don't know if I make any sense, especially cause I'm trying to leave as much detail out as possible, I just need to vent all this anger and frustration out before I snap.

#I have *no one* to talk to about this stuff #my family doesn't need my negativity and frustration #thats just the stage of like grief and just Feelings™ about all this where I'm just mad and easily frustrated and overstimulated by #everything thing around me so I'm sure that thats the reason I'm so frustrated #but I NEED this off my chest before I blow up on my grieving family #so to tumblr I go in an attempt to maintain my very fragile peace and temper #grief #loss #dealing with grief #mourning #I'm in my angry/overstimulated/“ready to blow up at any given moment cause im emotionally disregulated and can't handle anything ever” phase #personal vent

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micamone · 5 months ago

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hey guys

#vent #just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn #im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery #typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog #shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next #its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals #over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation #so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just #perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired #and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in #a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass #she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this #and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh #dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking #if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again #edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT #the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit #off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed

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jabberwockprince · 2 years ago

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every follower and mutual who found me because of my wtnv art, wake tf up i just got to triptych for the hundredth time and im having intense kevin feelings again and im about to do nothing but draw him for the next few weeks

#IM SORRY I CANT DO TGIS I JUST.#everytime i try to relisten wtnv i have to stop bc im never emotionally ready for this ep #or i get to this ep and cry and get too overwhelmed to do anything so i stop listening #BUT TODAY I GOT TO 76 SO. YEAH #YEAH!!!!

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prentissluvr · 2 years ago

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i require comfort. just experienced the most emotionally distressing thing in my life and i'm gonna search for hotch comfort fics bc i think i'd cry if i read for joel so :)

#um fuck tlou #i knew what was coming #and yet here i am #emotionally destroyed #i was like oooo im not ready oh noooo #and then the things i new were gonna happen happened and it was so much worse than anything i could have imagined and im crying #so #yknow #can't do this can't do this #ellie is too precious to me this just hurts so much #. >> tlou !

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noblest-roman-of-them-all · 1 year ago

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Some of y'all can't handle the concept of certain abuses existing in the first place, muchless a character who went through that abuse and is now showing realistic symptoms of said abuse.

"we need more traumatized characters/characters with ptsd and/or who are abuse victims portrayed realistically with symptoms that Arent cute and soft and pretty!" you guys couldnt even handle lapis lazuli

#i am tired and upset #i have two wips in which the characters went through the same truama i did #i gave them both a lot of my symptoms and triggers #now one i have posted a few chapters of and it's been fine but it to this point hasnt been very...'gritty' shall we say #it still meets the definition of a certain type of abuse but it's been fairly clinical thus far #the other #the other i dont know if i will post it becaus it is much more emotionally charged and less clinical #in it the mc becomes triggered by seeing a small child and realizing how small and young he was when he was abused #which isn't a thing most people want to be faced with #but it is my reality and it is the reality of unfortunately a large amount of people #and i believe we deserve stories that feature people like us with triggers like ours #but #the amount of people who arent ready for those is...also a lot #people want realistic trauma stories until they are faced with the concept of abuse happening to children they want to turn away from that #and understandably so #but many of us cant turn away because it is our reality and while writing gives externalization and processing #it also opens us up to being harrassed and bullied because people take their discomfort about those topics #and rather than acknowledging that those things happening to children is wrong and can be prevented #they turn away from it and accuse us of glorifying abuse or accuse us of being the same as the people who hurt us #they dont want to face and accept the idea that those stories come from a place of personal experience because then #theyre faced with our realities that these things happen to children #so instead they look away and say 'no thats not realistic youre just being gross'#people want realistic trauma stories until theyre faced with realistic trauma #screaming into the void #im tired of being a quiet victim #anyone wanna take a guees what trauma im refering to? ill give you a hint you cant search it on tumblr anymore #its restricted so if anyone needs help or resources check out rainn.org they have a lot of good resources and definitions there #and please more than anything know that you are not alone

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amberwings · 10 months ago

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I… feel… like… a… little… zombie!!!

#get ready for a vent… oh boy this will be fun to look back on #i am so tired of being the one who cares more or at all #it is a particular hell to get attached to someone who is incredibly emotionally unavailable #especially when said person made it seem like they were romantic and emotionally available in the beginning #and then u felt crazy for questioning them when all long they never planned on actually wanting anything with you #I have wasted so much time but can’t stop somehow #I just don’t care about other people the way I do for this person whyyyyyyyyy did this have to be how it was #he cares so much about his friends and work and family and just does not feel the way I do #I keep hoping he does deep down but I’m afraid to say it just doesn’t seem like it anymore #who invites someone over then tells them right before bed they have to leave at 9 or 9:30 for breakfast with their friends #after I took the freezing ass metro for him!! and he only invited me last minute cause he decided not to go out with friends cause the cold #like what on earth how did I end up in this????? this is not how it’s supposed to be #and I feel a little sorry for him that he can’t let himself experience something intimate and great he is emotionally shallow #i never would’ve imagined this is how it would be…#I never ever vent ever but I just can’t stop talking about it or this sadness will eat me from inside #I even told my mom!!!#im sick of this…#maybe one day he will regret it but maybe not he is so apathetic it’s so frustrating #it just hurts so much to see that someone you thought you were close to does not value you the same way or appreciate you very much #he meant/means so much to me and now I see I just don’t mean much to him #he doesn’t want to commit to anything and said I’m his friend after leading me on for a LONG time #i turned down other people for him cause he just kept making it sound like once __ happened he’d be ready for a relationship #i was so hopeful :(

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 1 year ago

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Ahhhhhhhh

I wanna watch ofmd

But I dont know if my parents are planning on watching it

I mean I'm definitely cool watching it more than once

But will my dad be upset i didn't wait for him is the question

#fuck it #i think i need to watch it on my own first anyway #i cant emote as much as i would like when other people are around #i will say that watching with my parents has the bonus of forcing me to actually start the episode tho #im just staring at the episodes trying to decide if im ready or not #like mentally and emotionally #but if i watch now i can read the fanfiction with all the context #it also doesnt help that my dad hasnt gone to bed yet which has thrown off my routine #cuz he pops his head in to tell me goodnight which interrupts what im doing #and the anticipation makes it hard for me to start things until after my parents have gone to bed #like its not like a big interruption or anything but an interruption is an interruption and the more emotionally invested i am in the thing #im doing the harder it is start something when i know its gonna be briefly interrupted #and im very emotionally invested #like come on man you usually go to bed at like 8 #its NINE go to bed lol #i feel like im going to explode

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phagodyke · 11 months ago

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been wanting to work out all day so I did when I got back even tho it was just for 20 mins bc i still have period cramps but all its done is make me jittery + on the Brink of extremely angry

#I DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO BE MAD ABOUT MY MIND KEEPS TRYING TO MAKE SHIT UP STOPPIT #i need a fucking punching bag in my room or smth im going to start biting #and ive JUST managed to boot out all the stupid insecure drivel ive been letting fill my head rent free bc im SICK of it #but now my brain desperately wants me to be insecure so i can justify getting angry at other ppl when rly theres NO EXCUSE #im going to backflip off the roof. can i just be normal for once please #bitches with emotional dysregulation issues be like:#at the very least. i genuinely seem to be managing it well enough to not affect other people so thats something #earlier my flatmate was talking abt seasonal depression and was like at least u dont rly get that right?#like hoooooly fucking shit my masking has clearly hit a new unprecendented high #i think shes a bit immune to reading me emotionally but even so #i have so little control over how i feel but at least its self contained. like as long as theres that i can deal with fucking anything #god knows i have! anyway. gotta get my shit ready for work tomorrowww its my 1 month appraisal im gonna Shit Myself #gonna read a bit and try to calm this over i wanna go to bed early but i wont be able to sleep if im still running this hot #slams my head into the doorframe. OKAY BYE #.diaries

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cryptidapprentice · 1 year ago

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man,,,

#marine myths rambles #in the tags #dating app diary #i feel so bad bc now that i AM getting matches on these freakin apps i have to Talk and Make Conversation and ideally Meet Up and its like..#suddenly i am Not In The Mood actually. to talk OR hang out. n i feel BAD bc these seem like nice ppl!!! who id love to at least befriend!!!#(i have bumble n im not listed as looking for anything particular so friendship is in fact an option)#or maybe even smthn more!!! but like. idk why suddenly as soon as i get a match its like '...oh. hmm. idk if i wanna talk actually' 😭😭#like if i had to guess id say its my gd OCD avoidance response thats making me not wanna do the Hard Thing (Talking) but its also like...#...do i rly wanna meet My Person this way?? CAN i rly meet my person this way???? like so much of my whole desire to date someone is like-#-getting along suuuuper well as friends n being able to click personality n humorwise n shit n THEN im like 'oh id love to date this person-#this person'* im not retyping all tht lol #but being on an app kinda takes tht away for me?? ig im just not made for like. online/internet dating :V #bc i think that Click has to be like. In Person for me to reach that point yk?? like i could click w ppl online n be friends fine!! but like #if we meet in person and that irl interaction isnt like the online interactions (which its usually Not just bc of the nature of Online..)#and we dont Click the same way... its like... man... i dont think we can be romantic partners WHICH I FEEL BAD ABT bc its like.#i dont wanna lead anyone on... so it sucks if we click online but i dont feel that same Click in person 🥲🥲#idk maybe im just not emotionally ready to date?????? ugh ig ~24yrs of being single'll do tht to a person 🥲🥲#feel free to dm me w like. advice or smthn if u read all this n have smthn to say 🤷🏽‍♀️ i cant guarantee ill respond (bc im shy 🥴)#BUT ill def read n consider ur words i prommie (also sometimes i dont respond bc idk what to say 😖 but im not ignoring i see u n i hear u)#(not in a creepy literal way. in a figurative way.)

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knifehandsgf · 1 year ago

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Can it be sad posting hours rn

#im gonna make it sad posting hours #as much as im happy i found out I'm autistic #it's led to such an even more isolating experience #i finally got tests run and found out im probably just going to be disabled for the rest of my life #ive had horrid knee pain that just aches and throbe #i cant cook anymore or do dishes or bend over to pick anything up #I've been living off microwavable and ready made food because i cant handle the pain anymore #and all i can do for it is get braces/physical therapy/painkillers/take care of myself as best as i can.#and i dont feel like i can talk about it #i dint feel like i have anyone that will actually sit down and feel emotionally vulnerable with me #or understand me #i feel like my symptoms and what I've already been tested for are being dismissed by everyone #no one believed i was autistic either.#i had friends and famiky immediately dismiss it every time i would talk about it #same with the pain #told to take ibuprofen and just eat better #as if that's going to fix this fast enough so i can function again #i can't afford anything right now because all of money went to needs this paycheck #i just feel lonely and isolated #I've been feeling apart emotionally mourning this finding #i just keep finding all the signs that were missed and ignored by my parents and told how lazy i am #and now im finally getting disability diagnosis and im completely alone in it #it sucks when you've been the one to listen to others your whole life #and not question any friends or loved ones when they think there's something wrong with them #but then be told it could be so many other things when i have concerns #or be treated like im not smart enough to know my body #i dont feel like i get the support i give out ever.#I'm more alone and more disabked than ever

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