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theworldofotps · 1 year ago

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Eight Months Ago

Pairing: HOOK x Reader Word Counter: 5242 Description: Eight months ago Tyler did one of the hardest things he’s ever done.

Slight angst(?), fluff, little hints of smut and some sad (sorta?)

A massive thank you @omg-im-such-a-masochist babes your support, ideas and just everything is always so appreciated. This wouldn’t have been possible or turned out the way it did without your help. Love youuu xx

I really hope you guys enjoy this it’s a little long x (I also hope it makes sense because I’ve edited it so many damn times) _________ Tag list:

@omg-im-such-a-masochist @melissahausen @new-zealand-chic @writtingrose @sjwrites22 @sassymox @mrsacklesevansmgk @xladyxfatex @biforrollynch @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @demonqueen29 @itsicantbelievethis666 @lilred91 @rebellious-desires @claymorexpunisher @letsgivethisonemoreshot @ava-valerie @shortyiceheart @serpantscorpio8497 @thatpanpal @thatnerdwriter @wrestlersownmyheart @vebner37 @auburnwrites @aews-four-pillars @seeingstarks @whenimakeitshine1234 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @blaquekitty @ironshamelessyouth @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @ripleyswhore @melblacc @alliwant456 @elevennbloom @xbreezymeadowsx @mcreignsera If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. _________ Taz hesitated outside his son’s locker room, normally he wouldn’t think twice about knocking but lately Tyler seemed like he was on the edge. He wasn’t sure when it had all started, but he had a few faint ideas, one he could for sure almost bet was a big part of the reason. After another brief pause, he knocked and waited for the okay to step inside.

“Who is it?”

“Your father.”

“..Come on in.”

Pushing the door open, Taz closed it behind him and leaned against the wall his arms crossed as he eyed his son. Tyler was laid out on the couch, an arm covering his eyes and the other lying across his stomach, he hadn’t even changed out of his gear yet.

“Sit up we need to have a talk.”

“Can’t this wait till later?”

“No, no it can’t.”

Waiting until he was sat up and his attention was focused on his dad, Taz sat on the only other chair in the room. Rubbing his hand over his chin he took the time to really look at his kid, he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was even wilder than usual and not because of having just finished a match. Taz had started to notice the slight differences in him, and to be frank he was getting worried.

“Look son.”

Taz started slowly trying to figure out the best way to go about this situation, he figured coming right out was best.

“I don’t know what’s been going on lately, but we really need to discuss whatever it is that has you feeling or acting the way you’ve been.”

“Nothing is going on I’m just a little tired.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it come on Ty I wasn’t born yesterday; you know you can talk to me about anything. But for the last couple of months, you haven’t been yourself. You show up late for training, you hardly return any calls to anybody or when the guys invite you out you always decline. Your matches are still amazing, it seems the only time you’re really yourself is when you’re in the ring. Maybe it’s because it comes like second nature I don’t know. But what I do know is something ain’t right and it seems like it hasn’t been for a while.”

“I’m fine dad really just a lot on my mind but it’s nothing. We’ve been traveling a lot and it’s finally catching up.”

Taz eyed him for a few minutes then spoke once again this time with more caution.

“How long has it been since Double or Nothing?”

“Eight months give or take.”

Nodding, he stood and walked over patting his shoulder then made his way over to the door Taz knew his gut feeling was probably right.

“Well, if you do want to talk, I’m here remember that please.”

“I will dad thanks.”

Tyler said and flopped back down on the couch resuming his previous position, Taz watched him for another moment before leaving the room. Pulling out his phone he scrolled to the bottom of his contacts and hovered over the call button before clicking dial. Listening to it ring he walked away from Tyler’s locker room and headed for the parking lot. This was a long shot but like he’d told Tyler, he knew his kid and he’d bet money that the thing making him behave this way would be on the other end of the phone call.

“Taz?”

“Hey firefly it’s good to hear from you again, listen I know it’s been a while since we chatted last, but I really need your help.?

*Eight months ago*

“Ty wait stop you’re going to drop me!”

Taz followed the sound of laughter and made his way to where the ring was being set up. Chuckling, he crossed his arms watching as Tyler carried Y/n around the barricade that was set up.

“Oh, come on you know I’d never drop you baby just hold on tight.”

Tyler chuckled back to her as he walked around a barricade and then started jumping up the stairs. The sound of Y/n’s screams being muffled as she pressed her face against his shoulder.

“Be careful Tyler you have a match tomorrow last thing we need is you getting injured because you tripped going up the stairs. And we don’t want y/n getting hurt either.”

Taz called out and made his way down the ramp towards the ring, Tyler huffed but turned and walked back down the steps. Y/n still held tightly on his back as they made their way over to stand with him.

“I wouldn’t drop my girl she’s safe as could be.”

“Not the point son.”

“Thank you, Taz.”

Y/n said slipping off Tyler’s back and adjusting the HOOK shirt she was wearing a grin on her face.

“You’re welcome, you two look just the way you did when you were fifteen and making your way around the arenas waiting for me to finish a match.”

“Except this time, she’s mine and I don’t have to worry about her leaving me for an older man.”

Tyler teased causing Y/n to gasp shoving his shoulder as she crossed her arms.

“I didn’t leave you for another man I just wanted an autograph from Stone Cold and you were busy munching your chips while sucking your juice box.”

Y/n said as Tyler took her hand kissing the back of it lightly then kissed her lips chuckling afterwards.

“When I found her, she was busy drooling over him clutching the photo to her chest listening to him ramble about whatever.”

“I was not drooling!”

“Okay children okay it’s getting late Tyler needs to get some rest for the show tomorrow you can argue about this another time. Head back to the hotel and no funny business I mean it he needs to get a good night sleep.”

“Yes dad.”

Taz watched as the two walked off whispering and giggling as they went, he loved seeing his son so happy and the fact it was with someone who was already treated like family because of his connection with her uncle was just the cherry on top.

*Present* Pushing the hotel room door open Tyler threw his bag on the floor and made his way over for a quick shower. He was ready to just get clean and lay in his bed the exhaustion from his match was finally settling in. He was more than glad he didn’t have anything to do tomorrow so he could just keep to himself. Digging through his bag for a clean pair of pajama bottoms he walked into the bathroom showering and getting ready for bed. Plugging his phone in, he shut the light off, laying down on the bed and waited for his vision to get adjusted to the dark.

He still wasn’t completely used to sleeping by himself even after eight months alone, the bed always seemed much colder without her there. Tyler couldn’t help but shut his eyes tightly, the image of her drifted through his mind as it did almost every night. He couldn’t help playing that last scene back repeatedly like he always did. Sure, he may have been the one to bring this all upon himself, sure he knew that he could have gone about things a different way. But it was too late to try and change the past, now all he could do was unwillingly dwell on it.

*Eight months ago* Tyler rubbed a hand over his face as he sat on the bed, he was supposed to be resting up but he couldn’t help it. What he was about to do was making it impossible for him to go to sleep. Hopefully once it was finished, he’d be able to just push everything off and maybe things would go back to semi normal.

“Hi babe, I’m back sorry it took so long but Renee wanted help deciding on some outfits for the show next week.”

Y/n called out as she closed the hotel door behind her, making her way to the bedroom after removing her coat and shoes. Spotting Tyler she frowned softly and made her way over to the bed slowly.

“Hey are you okay?”

Tyler shook his head and got off the bed. He needed to have a little space between them before he did this. Swallowing back the nervousness he took a moment to collect himself, letting a neutral bored look settle on his features then turned back to her. Y/n the girl who meant more to him then anyone else, his light in this fucked world. They’d known each other all their lives and yet over the course of the time they were dating, his feelings hit fast.

“Look I know this is sudden and out of nowhere but I just I don’t think this is going to work out anymore. And by this, I mean us. I’ve given it some thought and there’s not really any point in letting it drag on. It’s better if we just end on good terms as friends or whatever.”

Tyler glanced over, seeing the shock on her face and the tears welling up in her eyes as he spoke. He knew this was going to devastate her, but he needed out. He couldn’t handle all this emotion and feeling, everything else that came with having a serious stable relationship.

Y/n stared at him and swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to process everything he was saying. He was right this had come out of nowhere, she thought that they were doing amazing at the present time in their relationship. Sure, they had spats like every couple, but they always managed to work through them in the end.

“Where is this coming from? We’ve been together for nearly eight months. What changed, what went wrong? What did I do to make you feel like you needed to end this?”

“You didn’t do anything there’s no point trying to explain it I just know that it’s best to end things where they are before one of us ends up getting hurt…worse.”

“I thought you loved me. How can you say you love someone then go and do this without giving me a real reason as to why. I don’t want to lose you Ty please baby there has to be something we can do to work this out.”

“We’ll always be friends you won’t lose me completely this is just for the best; I do love you Y/n..in a way but I just know we can’t continue this it has to be over. I got you another room, so you don’t have to go to the airport this late.”

Grabbing the new key, he held it out looking at the wall to avoid watching the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. Tyler knew she was hurting but he couldn’t let this relationship go on and it was best that she hated him for now then for things to continue as they were. In the end he was worried about breaking her even worse.

Sniffling Y/n stood up and quickly went about gathering her stuff, Tyler watched her pack everything. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He wanted more than anything to stop her, but he knew he couldn’t. When she had everything, she went to the door stopping with her hand on the knob just hoping he would change his mind. Sure, she could yell and scream but the thing she wanted most was for him to be happy. And if ending their relationship was going to make him happy then she wasn’t going to stop that. Walking out she closed the door behind her, leaving Tyler alone with the memories and a empty feeling in his chest.

*Present* Y/n stared at the tickets that laid on the table in front of her in an envelope. After the call she received from Taz a few days ago she was dumbfounded. She couldn’t understand why he would want her to fly all the way out to Chicago because Tyler wasn’t acting himself. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the night she left his hotel room. After having her cousin grab the few things, she had at his apartment she hadn’t had any contact with him. Of course, she had asked after him and even tried to send a text, but it failed to deliver.

Taz had told her he couldn’t figure out what else to do, Tyler wasn’t talking to him like he normally would. He wasn’t talking to anyone or being himself, and this was the last thing Taz could think of. Tyler and Y/n had been close as could be even before they dated so he was hoping that she could help.

Honestly as much as she loved Taz and wanted to do this for him, she couldn’t just forget about all the hurt and anger she had felt at the way Tyler ended things between them. He couldn’t even be decent enough to give her a straight answer as to why he was breaking up with her. She’d spent weeks and months afterwards trying to think of what could have gone wrong and she kept coming up blank.

“Tyler made his choice he obviously didn’t want me there anymore, he ended things between us why should I care if he isn’t acting right?”

Standing she felt all that old anger coming back to the surface as she stared down at those tickets. “I really think he needs you Y/n”

Taz had told her; she had never heard that desperate tone in his voice before and knew that he must be really worried about Tyler.

“If he really needed me then he never should have left.”

Y/n turned her back on the envelope and made her way into the bathroom to have a hot bath. Maybe she would know what to tell Taz after spending some more time thinking. The flight was for tomorrow evening. Slipping into the hot bath y/n rested her head back on a towel, her eyes closing as the water gently swirled around her. She couldn’t help her mind wandering when she closed her eyes, thinking about Tyler brought back memories that she tried her hardest to keep buried in the back of her mind.

*A year ago* “Ty what if we get caught by someone?”

“We won’t baby, nobody ever comes down this it’s too far in the arena so we’re safe.”

Tyler whispered holding Y/n’s hand as they made their way down a dark hallway. He had just finished a match and despite still being in the arena; Tyler needed her now. He just couldn’t wait until they got back to the hotel. Stopping short Tyler turned pressing her against the wall, Y/n gasped at the contact of cold cement seeping through her shirt making her shiver as his warm body covered hers. Tyler’s lips met hers in a hungry kiss, his fingers pressing into the skin of her hips, Y/n let out a soft moan as he rocked into her.

“Been thinking of doing this all-day angel ever since we got out of bed this morning.”

“Ty please I need.”

“Shh I know baby just be a good girl and wait. I’ll give you just what you need.”

He kissed across her jaw and down her neck, his hands slipping under her shirt touching as much skin as he could. Her nipples pebbled under his touch and soft moans fell from her lips as he worked them between his fingers. Tyler couldn’t help the smirk that covered his lips at the sounds she was making.

“As much as I love playing with your tits my dad will be looking for us soon.”

He chuckled softly before yanking her pants down to her knees a soft gasp falling from her.

“Fuck you’re already wet for me and I’ve barely done anything.”

He whispered in her ear as he rubbed her core through the new panties he just bought her. Y/n whimpered and whined as he pushed the fabric to the side. Pulling his own shorts down he fisted his cock stroking it a few times before slowly sliding into her. Y/n moaned head falling back as he laced their fingers together, rocking his hips forward.

“So, fucking tight.”

He hissed giving her just a few moments to adjust to his size before he pulled out thrusting back in.

“I love you Ty baby so much.”

Y/n cried out her legs wrapping around his waist as he moved in and out of her, Tyler’s eyes met hers a gleam of happiness in them.

“I love you too starfish, forever.”

*Present day* Wiping the tears away Y/n huffed and reached over grabbing her phone sending a quick message to Taz.

‘I’ll be there tomorrow evening.’ ~ Taz watched the flights flash across the board, she should be off the plane and walking over to the baggage claim any moment now. Looking around Taz smiled mover making his way over when he finally spotted her, waiting till she grabbed her suitcase and turned around.

“Taz!”

“Hey firefly it’s so good to see you kiddo!”

Hugging her tightly he kissed the top of her head and grabbed her suitcase offering his arm for her as they made their way through the airport.

“Thanks again for coming Y/n I know that things haven’t been good between you twos but I’m worried and nothing else is working.”

“Are you sure he’s going to want to see me?”

“Honestly yes I do. You should have seen the way he was after you left, I don’t know why he ended things, but he was a mess afterwards. He doesn’t know that I heard him every time I passed his room or went to his door. I’ve told him more than once that breaking it off with you was stupid but he’s a grown ass adult. Here we go let’s get in and head for the arena he has a match tonight, so we’ll keep you hidden until afterwards.”

“What are we going to do if he gets mad and tells me to leave?”

“If you knew how miserable he’s been for the last eight months or so especially these the last few weeks even. I think seeing you would be more than good for him even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Maybe the two of you could finally talk and you can find out why things ended the way they did. If he really doesn’t, well then you can explore Chicago for a few days before going home. Or there is a ticket for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, having some closure would be really nice if I’m honest.”

“Closure yeah.”

Taz nodded holding the door for her to get in the car and walked around getting in the driver side. Nodding y/n went silent for a moment she had tried to figure out once again why he had left but she couldn’t and unless Tyler told her she would never know. That was another reason why she had eventually agreed to come all the way out here.

Taz really was hoping that this would be good on both ends for the two of them. Making the drive to the arena they talked about a bunch of different topics, the closer they got the more nervous Y/n became. Yes, she had always hoped to see Tyler again, but didn’t think she would. Y/n also hoped she’d be able to keep her cool when she seen him. But part of her couldn’t help arguing that he deserved her anger after all.

Parking the car, they slipped in through a back door and made their way down a couple hallways. Opening a door that was labeled HOOK, Taz stepped inside setting her case down and stepped to the side so she could enter.

“I have Tyler in my locker room for now he won’t be in here until after his match if you need me at all just send me a text. Here’s the remote, and this is the wifi password I’ll talk with you soon, sorry to rush but I need to get to commentary.”

Watching him leave, y/n looked around and sat down she couldn’t believe she was here again. Turning the tv on she searched for the channel that would play Dynamite. She hadn’t seen one of Tyler’s matches in a few months, so she was intrigued to see where his storyline was...

When his music hit Y/n’s breath hitched as she waited and then there he was, Taz was right he wasn’t himself. The rest of the world may not be able to tell very well but she could she knew Tyler better than she did anyone. Or at least she had, that’s why she was hoping he would be willing to see her tonight. The expression on his face and the lifelessness in his eyes. Shaking her head Y/n focused her attention on the screen watching as the match played out he was still just as fantastic as he’d always been.

“Come on Tyler.”

She whispered and smiled when he got the pin, Tyler stood up lifting his title then slipped out of the ring.

‘He’s on his way back just give it a few moments, good luck kiddo text if you need something’

‘Okay thank you’

Putting her phone on silent Y/n stood up and took a few breaths to calm herself down as she waited. When the door handle turned, she prepared herself and watched the door swing inward. His head was down so he didn’t see her right away until she spoke.

“Hello Tyler.”

Tyler’s head shot up quickly, he blinked rubbing the back of his head okay he must have been hit in the head too many times. Either he was hallucinating or Y/n was actually right in front of him.

“Y/n? What are you? Is it really you? How are you in my dressing room? What are you doing here?”

“Your father got ahold of me he said you haven’t been yourself lately and was hoping I could help somehow.”

Y/n shrugged her shoulders biting her lip as she watched him the door finally shut closing them in together.

“And you came here just for that? I didn’t think..I mean after everything I wouldn’t have expected you too.”

“Well, I hadn’t really planned on it at first but I was hoping for some closure but yeah, he said he thought you really needed me. And well I have some of my own reasons.”

Of course, it was his dad that got ahold of her, the thing he’d wanted to do for weeks and couldn’t bring himself to.

“What’s going on Ty, what’s the matter with you?”

Hearing that nickname sent a wave of sadness over him and a lump in his throat he had to swallow around. Tyler ran a hand through his hair, an action that was all too familiar to y/n he walked over until she was in arms reach.

“Feels like everything is crumbling around me I can barely sleep; I just feel so lost and I can’t seem to catch a break mentally.”

He mumbled as his eyes ran over her features, he couldn’t believe that she was actually in front of him right now.

“Have you ever felt like everything around you was just fine? The world in your immediate vicinity is doing rather well. But for you internally, mentally whatever it feels like nothing will ever be right again, and you can’t block out the world completely, so you just try to ignore it.”

Nodding her head slowly as she listened to him speak Y/n watched his expression.

“Yeah honestly I have, still do at times. How long has it been like this?”

“The night after Double or Nothing, when I…broke things off between us it was hard for a while then I thought it was getting better. But it wasn’t nothing has been good since that night and it’s just getting to be too much at this point.”

Y/n felt her heart break at the vulnerability in his voice. If there was one thing that never changed it was the way she always responded to his emotions. She wanted so badly to reach out and hug him, but she couldn’t bring herself to. The feelings of hurt and anger were still welling up inside of her.

“Before I do my best to try and help you, I need to know something. Why did you end things Tyler? If things are so bad, why did you end it between us? And I want the real reason because after talking to your dad I’m starting to believe what you were spewing before wasn’t the whole reason. We were doing amazing at least I thought we were, and even the six months before that when you were training a lot. But then suddenly, it’s not working? I want the truth. I at least deserve that.”

Y/n said and searched his face she wanted to know, she needed to know the real reason. Needed to know the reason that caused her to lay awake at night, her tears falling on her pillow as she tried to think of what she did or said that made him leave.

“I told you already we just couldn’t-.”

“Don’t lie to me Tyler and tell me the truth and I mean the whole truth!”

Y/n snapped and cupped his face making him look at her and not allowing him to break eye contact. The feeling of his skin against hers still sent a spark through her but she ignored it.

“Before I was your girlfriend, I was one of your best friends, we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. And we almost always knew when the other was lying and that is what you’re doing. Now why did you leave me? Why did you end things between us when they were going so well? You just dropped me, Tyler. Like I was nothing. Like our whole relationship was nothing.”

She said letting him go and paced the floor in front of him she didn’t mean to snap but she couldn’t help herself. She was pissed, and still hurt. Swallowing she blinked back the tears and continued.

“Instead of being a man and talking to me about whatever was wrong you just tossed me to the side and didn’t even have the decency to try and fight for what we had. You may not have cared or thought I deserved a reason, but I do. I just want to know.”

“Because I was scared Y/n. You’re right, you know me better than anyone and you know that fear is not something I feel too often but when it came to our relationship, I was scared shitless. My feelings got too real, too intense so fast and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I just swept it all under the rug and ran.”

Tyler admitted, his head dropping, he didn’t know what else to say but he knew she had every right to know. It felt good being able to admit this to her and he didn’t know why the hell he hadn’t done it sooner. Then again, he’d grown up a lot during their time apart and realized that just because his feelings seemed to be too much too fast that it was okay.

“I’m sorry, I truly am I wanted to reach out to you a couple months after I wanted to make things better, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I know it doesn’t seem like I cared, especially with the way I went about everything, but I did. I loved you more than I ever had another person. You were everything to me. I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handled everything. I know that’s not an excuse either but I’m laying it all out like you want.”

He was not used to being vulnerable and hated how it made him feel but maybe letting this all out would be the start of him getting back to normal. He knew that Y/n didn’t owe him anything so to say he was completely surprised when she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly was an understatement. Tyler’s arms wound around her waist and held her just as tightly to him and felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in a long time.

Y/n wasn’t sure how long they stood together like that just the two of them holding each other tightly but it felt good. Tears slid down her cheeks as she held onto him, this was something she’d been dreaming of. The relief of finally knowing it wasn’t anything she did, the anger knowing if he would have just come to her about everything they could of worked on it together. The sadness of all the time they had lost whirled around inside her. But for the time being she pushed it away and just focused on the fact she was getting to hold him again.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do this again.”

Tyler mumbled into her neck and reluctantly loosened his grip so he could look at her.

“Probably as badly as I’ve wanted to, I can’t believe that all this time.”

“I know I’m really sorry.”

Taking his hand Y/n pulled him to sit beside her on the couch and rubbed his hand that was still clasped between hers. Tyler shook his head and leaned back against the cushions a soft smile on his face.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here, how long for?”

“Well, we weren’t sure how this was going to go so I have two tickets one for tomorrow and the other is four days from tomorrow.”

“Would you be willing to keep the second one, I really think we need to sit down and talk all of this out more.”

“I wouldn’t have come all this way if I didn’t think that we could talk afterwards if you were willing. So yes lets get your stuff together and head somewhere maybe we could get some food because you really look like you need something to eat after that match.”

“You watched?”

“Yes, I always used to love watching your matches and I haven’t seen any in a while, so you have a lot to catch me up on.”

Tyler’s smile widened as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, he knew this didn’t fix anything, but he still couldn’t help himself. They gathered their suitcases and made their way out of the arena to the parking lot where his rental car was. While putting their suitcases in the backseat Y/n sent a quick text to Taz then climbed in the passenger seat.

‘Going to get something to eat and then talk with him we have a lot we need to deal with’

Taz pulled his phone out since it was a commercial break and smiled as he read over the message sending a reply wishing her the best of luck and then sent one to Tyler.

‘If it works out treat her right this time boy don’t let your fear get in the way of what or rather who you love most.’

*Seen*

#hook aew #hook fanfiction #hook x reader #tyler senerchia #aew hook

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majachee · 9 months ago

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Okay so I know this is from a while ago so feel free to not answer

but do you have any more on your Tmnt Shattered Glass Au? Specifically Donatello. But all take any info you have lol

IM ALWAYS DOWN TO TALK ABOUT MY SILLY AUS, EVEN IF I HAVENT MENTIONED THEM IN A WHILE !!!

SO... Donatello lore.. 👁👁

Donatello's personality was the hardest for me to really swap, despite the answer seeming very obvious in hindsight.

Donatello in the SG universe still retains his intelligence, but he abuses it for selfish memes and relies on malicious incompetence in order to get his brothers and underlings to do stuff for him. Not because he's lazy or anything, but because he enjoys making people do things for him.

He likes the act of manipulation a lot more than what he gets out of it, if the result is lackluster he fixes it up a bit and takes all the credit, or he uses it to throw someone under the bus.

His biggest flaw is his massive ego, which he feeds by taking advantage of others and getting praised for it.

He's been eyeballing these cool new things called "the brainworms" teehee.. He hopes he can use one on someone. For Science(tm) (ie his own enjoyment)

Bro is... not a good guy, and I'd imagine he'd be very easy to hate if I were to ever write and publish a fic for this AU. He's an ego-centric bully that manipulates and holds his intelligence over his brothers' heads (primarily SG Leo and Raph being his victims, the latter more than the forward.) He gets worse before he gets better, though, I ain't giving this kid a bad ending. It takes a while to get there, though. :^[

He does not have a crush on April, he never got the chance to meet April face-to-face before the main story. The Kraang and Utrom have switched places in this AU as well, so April's story with them changes drastically as a result.

OG Donnie definitely butts heads with his counterpart the *most* out of everyone. The second the OGs and SGs properly meet, it is ON SIGHT between those two... which is part of the reason why it takes so long for SG Donnke to even consider switching sides. The brainwashing and the personality he has are the main factors, but the counterpart beef deffo ain't helping. 💀

The ages haven't been swapped around a lot, with the exception of SG Michelangelo's. SG Mikey spent a few years in Dimension X for a mission once Splinter discovered the time difference, so now Mikey is a few years older than the rest of his brothers. However, the social hierarchy goes Mikey -> Donnie -> with Leo and Raph tied at the bottom. Even if Donnie was still older than Mikey, he would still be in second place. Fun factoid. Lol.

#ask #anonymous #tmnt 2012 #tmnt shattered glass au #tmnt au #long post #text #maja needs to shut up tag #YIPPEEE

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kirnet · 10 months ago

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actium update sunday

yeah it's been a hot minute since I did this!! Actium has currently released 112 pages (not including covers and other illustrations), which mostly shows poor pacing and a lack of experience on my end lol, but is also an accomplishment! i am almost done with chap 3, i just have one more update to release for that... which is unfortunately in the sketching phase still. whoops.

speaking of massive page counts being a symptom of poor planning lol, i am currently rewriting a lot of the future chapters i have planned, with special attention to chap 4. chap 4 introduces the main conflict that every character going forward will be competing for, and so i need to make sure it's solid, that i have no possible questions or vagueness about it. other than that, i'm rescripting a lot of things, cutting down on page counts and learning to use my panels more effectively. this is something that i will continue to get better and better at the more i do it, so i'm okay with the fact that it will probably change in the future as well.

to be completely honest, i was really throwing myself into a wall trying to rewrite, just getting stuck because i was so attached to certain sequences and ideas. i've finally gotten over that, and a part of that was changing the way i thought about actium's story structure! actium was always going to have three acts, but my problem was that i was looking at them as three acts of one "book," so to speak, and thus the structure wasn't really working. actium is big, it has a lot of ground to cover (a lot that i should cut probably lol), and thus the 3 act structure was leaving me treading water in some places... so i just changed it from 3 "acts" to three "books"! Thinking of actium as a trilogy honestly helped me slot a lot of my puzzle pieces into place? no idea why, but it's given me a clearer idea of that i want to accomplish going forward. it will all be released under one account and such, i'm not splitting it up other than mentally.

actium was always going to be an amateur passion project, something i love and embrace. it will show my flaws as a writer and artist (to an almost unbearable degree lol), but the only way for me to ever do or get better at anything is to dive in head first. I've learned a lot already from these 112 pages, and I know that it will just continue to get better and better as I go on. but, of course, making sure that my foundation is solid and fixing up my outline now will really help with that.

in terms of uploading, it will happen when it happens lol. im job hunting for a second job unfortunately rn, so my time will just be what it is. i might start uploading just the lined uncolored pages on patreon when i finish them, or i'll just put all my pages on patreon until i have enough of a chapter's backlog to start releasing them publicly. in terms of the website, it is still down, i just need to dedicate the time to rebuilding it off of wix, and i've been more focused on creating the actual pages to learn neocities or wherever i'm gonna host it. it's all very messy lol

as always tysm to everyone who reads it!! you all mean the world to me <3 i 'm spending the entirety of my day today (fingers crossed) on writing and editing, so I hope to have this phase wrapped up soon!

#ramblings #actium update sunday #now if you see me on here or discord i need you to put a hit out on me

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devondespresso · 9 months ago

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1, 25, 81, 94 for the fanfic ask game! <3

KOKO HELLOOOOOOO ad thank you so much for the ask 💕💗💖💞💝 i went a little wild and had to reign it back in a bit and its still pretty long so apologies in advance

(ask game we're talking about is here but i also have questions next to the answers)

1. do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

for the vast majorty of my fics i think i have a pretty good idea of where its going to go, i think because i get the ideas of these cool scenes usually set in act 2 or 3 or i at least the vibe i want from the start and The Point is usually clear the second i put thought into it. currently the only exceptions are 1) this super secret (woooo~~~) ficlet im working on that came from a prompt so i had to spend like 3 or 4 days writing it to properly understand the direction i wanted to take it, and 2) the steve henderson au, which is fucking massive already and it's even bigger in my head stnzgns. that one you obviously know how it ends y'know, it aint the steve henderson au if steve doesnt become a Henderson, but for all the arcs i have along the way it took a while to properly figure out what i doing and how to do that and im just now figuring out what that looks like for the first major arc.

so tldr: usually i know, sometimes i gotta figure it out, but i do need to have it figured out before it can really take shape

25. what’s your revision or rewriting process like?

oof ok so i tried writing this and good fucking god explaining everything i do in editing took up so much space. so this is the short answer for convenience but if anyone wants a long answer im foaming at the mouth to talk about writing stjsnystn (the rest under the cut)

the majority of my process is editing and sometimes first drafts are literally unrecognizable from the final. a lot of how i edit line by line is intuitive/vibes based, and whole scenes/arcs/pacing/flow/theme etc etc is based on a really deconstructed thought process for storytelling, to put it as briefly as i can (because this is one of the parts that got really long) its about The Why of everything going into the story. Picking details or making decisions not based rigidly on formula or trends but instead whats best for the kind of story you want to tell (and then making sure to implement it in a way that actually does that in the story).

for small works i prefer to just change shit as i see it and not worry about doing focused passes through the work, but in the steve Henderson au i literally cannot its too fucking big smhdmyxyn so in that case i do passes that span like whole writing sessions just hyperfocused on this one thing. one of my favorite passes is in-character passes where i pick one person (often dustin bc hes a main character), rewatch them a ton to get in their headspace, and go back and make sure everything they say or do fits them as if they were the sole focus if the story. I'll also do passes to focus just on medical accuracy, passes for a specific character duos to keep their story progressing and consistent, passes for ideas that stay between the lines making sure they stay consistent and understanding how much information im conveying, character's specific mindsets that their arc is about and making sure they dont have any unintentional exceptions, literally if its a thing in the text i probably need to do a pass for it so i know its consistent

also more lighthearted stuff tends to need wayyyy less editing time and its a more balanced half solo half beta process. the easiest was the claudia henderson drabble because it was really just a backstory with an active scene or two all rooted in her outside persective.

also sometimes i just start from scratch halfway through, like mr crayola henderson has one previous half-complete version in my doc fhdlas tho i guess thats how drafts are supposed to work

and this is the tldr im sorry i dont want to cut it down any more just read this one its my favourite fdhaskl

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

honestly i wouldn't have much to tell them. i didn't start writing fanfic until july of last year?? something like that and i started with the steve henderson au. maybe don't write that one about the triggering thing lol.

actually wait no. id tell them its okay to abandon projects (and maybe tell them not to make some purchases dgnxngsyn) but ye i spent a while mourning projects because they felt like they ceased to exist, but i had several screenplay outlines that probably helped me a ton. in my writing and those experiences never leave me so their existence still had a purpose and value

tldr: dont write your very recent triggers silly goose, dont cry over abandoned art

94. do you prefer dialogue or description?

i definitely prefer dialogue, and with it action descriptions because i still think in movie-medium (tho i am getting better at understanding how the FUCK prose works and especially prose pacing oh my god why can't i just hold on an actors face for several seconds of silence gAAH!!). i like saying things without saying them, i like subtly building towards something body language until a snap, i looooove making blocking relevant in a medium where you're not even seeing the movement with your eyes, and i love getting into a characters head so far that each person has a different way to word something or a different detail they focus on or a certain tick that tells the other character whats in their head.

but i struggle with internal monologue sooooooo hard, its a practiced skill im actively working on to write a characters internal logic about something but still keeping it from being too on the nose about whats really going on. like i can do it but i struggle to fill page time with it because exploring ideas at least for me usually leads to the source and thats decidedly not where the characters going! its a tuesday afternoon! they're not unpacking shit they're trying to have a third coffee!! i also struggle finding the best words for the reader to feel the text, like idk man maybe im using the onelook dictionary wrong but it just does not get me what im looking for in under three looks zgnshnsyn

tldr: dialogue and blocking, good description is witchcraft

but yee thank you again for the ask dude!! this was so much fucking fun i fucking love talking about writing and the logic process behind everything. thanks anyone seeing this for actually reading this far 💕

#ask game #fic writing #writing #writers ask game #god i love writing #thank you again again for the ask i had a blast thinking for these

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girlfictions · 2 years ago

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hari need to know your thoughts on the succession finale once you finish it 🙏

i’ve genuinely been in a state of shock since i finished the ep so i’m probably going to ramble terribly bc my brain will explode otherwise.... thoughts under the cut!!! and massive spoiler warning obviously 💪

OKAAYYY in no particular order:

greg getting whacked was beautiful i wish he'd been stomped into a pulp honestly sorry for not being able to separate the art from the artist but nicholas braun is a weasel and i hope he gets hit by a car

that being said tom and greg's interactions this ep were top tier i'm not a tomgreg enthusiast like That but i think every scene of theirs was hilarious as it was twisted

tom this whole episode... phenomenal. matthew is just a cut above in terms of acting he embodied tom's hunger and desperation and patheticisms so perfectly i really felt more and more unsettled by him every appearance

i do wish we had more stewy screentime but i also wish that for every single episode arian moayed is so freaking talented and charismatic and amazing and he ate up every second he was on screen

speaking of stewy. "you kiss guys on molly" <- BITCH.....? i actually don't know if i've mentioned this on tumblr but i'm a kenstewinator for life and frankly this was confirmation that they explored each other's bodies at college idgaf what anyone has to say about it

ohhhh my god the fucking "meal fit for a king" scene. i can't even find the words for it. seeing them all so happy and having so much fun with each other in that moment was just so heartbreaking bc i KNEW it wasn't going to last 😭 like my mum and i literally checked how much time was left in the episode after that scene and looked at each other like Wellll something terrible is going to happen isn't it.

kendall My beautiful baby boy kendall IM SORRY I WASNT YOUR MOTHERRRRRRRR . i could honestly write an essay about kendall in this episode alone i have never seen such a tragic crumbling of the self maybe ever. him sitting at logan's desk thinking he's finally won... his reaction to shiv betraying their deal... him attacking roman like i was seriously breathless my god that entire sequence was fucking crazy

and to be quite honest if i was kendall in that situation well i would have killed myself in that damn board room and changed the trajectory of all those old hags lives forever . like "i'm a cog built for one machine" And now he has nothing no father no siblings no wife no kids no company my fucking goddddddd 🤦‍♀️

i started chanting "please please please dont kill yourself" out loud in the final scene and i'm dead serious the kendall water motif HAUNTS ME and i was so freaking scared . but that final frame is honestly equally awful like kendall alone with colin in the background him basically becoming logan with none of the power this is seriously the worst possible ending for him.....

shiv doomed to repeat the pattern of being under a man's thumb is genuinely so deeply demented jesse armstrong sleep with one eye open. and i hate it so much because it makes so much SENSE like yeah she's lady macbeth she's caroline she's the wife she's the mother and she will never be anything else okay OKAYY.

like that scene w her and tom in the car where he waits for her to hold his hand was so fucking spine chilling also the ambiguity of us not knowing whether tom knows that shiv was the deciding vote in his favour is crazy <- i do think it makes sense that he would know but just shiv having that as a bargaining chip so they can sting each other over and over again like its all about the cycles i fear

roman being so resigned to it all by the end was sick like ok that comment about kendall's kids was evil but i still felt for him howeverr i do think out of the trio he will be objectively the most okay in the future... like he's free from it all in a way shiv obviously isn't and kendall literally can't be

honestly i'm struggling to articulate anything more i'm still so overwhelmed by how it came to a close.. never have i watched a show that left me so heartbroken and hollow but also absolutely satisfied narratively like succession is going down in the history books FR 😭

also they're def going to sweep the emmys and it will be so deserved i seriously think they need to invent a new rule to allow for a tie because i cannot imagine how they're going to decide between kieran and jeremy for best lead... <- i do lean a little towards jeremy bc i'm a biased kendall girl but kieran's performance esp in the first half of this season was just jawdropping so who knows

this got really long i'm so sorry but i feel like a crazed woman what a fucking show what a fucking ending i will never be the same after this SUCCESSION YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SO FAMOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!

#succession #succession spoilers

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whumpster-fire · 18 days ago

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#oh fuck that's funny#also my maritime SpIn brain keeps trying to make sense of this when it dont make sense#like obviously a wave hitting a ship doesnt make the front of the ship fall off and thats the comedy of it obviously#but like it would be rare if a rogue wave hit a ship for a rogue wave wont make the front fall off#(im just being really autistic ignore me)#a rogue wave will either cause like force damage to it like breaking windows and bending walls and might flood the ship#or it will just sink the ship. presumably. i dont think we actually have evidence of that because of the nature of rogue waves#theyre almost entirely unpredictable#and if they sank a ship it would just sink in seconds basically#unless youre the RMS Queen Mary and then youll tilt 52 fucking degrees and get 3 degrees away from capsizing (and also probably affecting#world war 2 in a somewhat signifcant way) before righting yourself#but yeah no a rogue wave wont make the front fall off#that happens to ship sometimes like the carl d or the daniel j but that's normally due to what material the ship is made of#again. im just being autistic here. the joke is that a wave does not make the front fall off. i just want to talk about ships all the time

Unfortunately the joke was that in this case a wave did in fact make the front fall off. 'The Front Fell Off' is a timeless classic because the way politicians and corporate executives try to minimize disasters and absolve themselves of responsibility hasn't changed 33 years later, but it was satirizing a specific real incident where an oil tanker off the coast of Western Australia had the bow section break off in rough seas resulting in a massive oil spill and a fire. The air date for the sketch is July 26th, 1991. The front fell off the ship on July 21st but this naturally took more than 5 days to deal with so this was very much an ongoing shitshow that was presumably all over the news at the time, being made fun of on what seems to be the Australian equivalent of The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.

'Senator Collins' was also a real figure and the Minister For Shipping at the time, though in the skit he's played by comedian John Clarke.

I don't know the exact social and political climate of early 1990s Australia but the joke behind "A wave hit it" followed up with "At sea? Chance in a million!" seems to be "The conditions the ship encountered were completely foreseeable, this was not a freak act of God, this happened because an unseaworthy piece of shit was sailing around carrying thousands and thousands of tons of crude oil. We're going to put it in simplistic, childish terms to make it clearer how ridiculous it is that this happened, and how ridiculous the clueless politicians who are supposed to be regulating this industry when they don't know jackshit about it sound when they go in front of the press and try to cover for corporate and government negligence."

The "Towed outside the environment" bit also seems to be a reference to the ship being towed farther from shore in hopes that the oil slick would disperse more before reaching the coast and reduce the damage to sensitive coastal ecosystems.

For further context, here's the same two comedians 19 years later satirizing BP's response to the Deepwater Horizons disaster.

youtube

Just in case you've never seen the The Front Fell Off video, some of the funniest two minutes on the internet.

#the front fell off #engineering disasters #shipping discourse #Youtube

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suguruverse · 4 years ago

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ohkay hi! may i just say, that i've just encountered your blog and i am already LOVING IT period. i just love it. it's amazing.

alright, i was thinking maybe you could do something like first meeting headcanons. and hopefully for the manager of karasuno 👀 (i was mainly thinking of the manager being a second year but ig it's not that important) it could be something like meeting at a training camp, or at a game, or at nationals, something like that. and i was thinking kuroo, oikawa and atsumu i love that man so much fml

that would be it ly! 💘

— FIRST MEETINGS WITH THE HAIKYUU BOYS AS KARASUNO’S MANAGER

includes - kuroo tetsurou, oikawa tooru and miya atsumu

a/n - hi bub!! hehe thank you for your support i love you <33 i loved this req lmao hope you like it!

♕ KUROO TETSUROU

- bro lets be completely honest, he is an absolute stuttering mess when he first meets you

- he doesn't even realise that you can see him just staring at you for a solid five minutes

- this man has 0 experience with picking up girls so he will just be saying the worst pick up lines ever or some random fact that no one cares about

- it was the first day of the tokyo training camp with karasuno, nekoma and fukurodani and you and some of the other manager's were in charge of making lunch and dinner

- since you were in the kitchen basically for the entire day, you never really had the change to meet any other the other players

- once dinner arrives, they all flood into the cafeteria looking a little bit... dead?

- you serve them their food, only receiving a toneless "thank you"

- until kuroo walked in, as rowdy and loud as he is

- when he arrived in front of you to get his rice and soup, he just stopped and looked at you

"good work today! here's your food"

kuroo: o-o

"um is there something on my face?"

"p...pretty"

"im sorry"

"YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY"

- when i tell you the silence that just filled up the room

*bokuto in the background* "BRO ASK HER OUT LATER, YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE, I'M HUNGRY"

- and then he just awkwardly runs away to his table where kenma was and just plopped on the table, his face hiding in his arms while kenma is just very uncomfortably patting kuroo's back in comfort

- the next day at breakfast, you sneaked your number onto his food tray (that was on a piece of paper) and he didn't even notice it was there until he nearly ate it

- from that day on, you'll just see him awkwardly trying to make conversation with you

- when you switched with yachi to help out the boys during the day like filling up water bottles and shit, kuroo is trying to impress you but is also doing incredibly shitty at the same time

- he pulled a hinata a couple times and got hit straight in the face by bokuto

- but to his surprise, you were already in the nurse's office because tanaka starting waving his shirt around and accidentally hit nishinoya right in the nose

- kuroo acts like he had a broken arm or something just so you can baby him

- he genuinely believes in love at first sight and asks you out at the end of the training camp lol he has no patience

♕ OIKAWA TOORU

- it was at the spring high preliminaries and both teams were warming up

- it was his turn to spike when boom bam he hits you straight in the face

oikawas brain: oh no i hit pretty girl. i should ask pretty girl if she's okay. pretty girl really pretty

- while daichi is trying to stop noya and tanaka from ripping oikawas hair out, he was already running towards you, asking if you were okay

- you insisted you were okay as you were kind of embarrassed with the crowd watching you, and soon after, the game had began

- oikawa was already thinking of 12 ways he could apologise to you but for now, he had to focus on the game

- whenever there was a timeout or break, he noticed the small twitches in your eye and the bruises that were faint, but still there

- although the game had resulted in karasuno's win, oikawa couldn't help but feel worse when he saw you wince in pain when hinata excitedly pulled you into his chest for a hug

- kiyoko recommended you go to the nurse's office but there was no point since you were about to leave anyways

- like kuroo, this man acts as if no one can see him staring at you like a creep for afar

- you rolled your eyes for the 30th time that day when oikawa approached you again as you were about to get on the bus

"hey you! are you sure you're okay?"

"im fine, thanks"

"are you sure? is there something you want me to do for you?"

- he doesn't really know how to continue this conversation so he just stands there, waiting for you to say something

"you seem a little desperate oikawa-san"

- he turns into a blushing mess when you tease him and you cannot tell me otherwise

"what about a date then? as an apology. i don't think i can sleep at night if i don't at least try to make it up to you"

"sorry not interested"

"OH right.. sorry i just thou-"

"i was just joking oikawa-san, tomorrow at 5?"

"YES"

- on the date he keeps mentioning how nervous he was because of how pretty he thought you were and how he couldn't sleep

- love sick bitch

- he also tries to be so damn smooth as well and he thinks that it's working but it really isn't

- pls for the love of god just boost his ego he needs it

- i swear you could be celebrating your 3 year anniversary but he will still be mentioning that day, telling everyone how it was fate or whatever

- and you could be on the side like what mf my face hurt for like 3 weeks shut up

♕ MIYA ATSUMU

- yay we're at nationals

- anyways the venue was fucking massive so you'll end up getting lost right?

- well yes, but you didn't really expect it to be when you were trying to escort hinata to the fucking toilets

- it was only 20 minutes until their match against inarizaki was gonna start and that mf was still in the bathroom

- and you can't exactly enter the men's bathroom so you just started pacing in front of the door like a psycho

- conveniently atsumu and suna were walking to the bathroom and saw you just muttering to yourself

- he honestly thought you were some time of perv and hella weird

"OI CREEP, what the hell a ya doing?" says the man with piss hair and reeks of axe

- and like a movie, you turn around, hair flipping in the wind and he can hear angels singing and a bright light surrounds you

- mans is on the flooring crying because wtf he just saw the most beautiful person he's ever seen

- pls snap him out of it, ur friend is probably shitting his pants in the toilets behind you and you need to see if he's okay

- he cannot keep eye contact for the life of him

- you could just be like "i'm really sorry but im the mangager for karasuno and one of my friends are in there, so can you just check on him pls"

- and he'll just smile and nod at whatever you say like "mhm yeah totally karasuno? mhm thats hot, wanna go out with me?"

- atsumu is like a demon possessed him and suna out here watching him like tf i just need to take a piss man shut up

- yeah you left with atsumu's number and left hinata all alone

- he left the bathroom and almost cried when he realised he got ditched for dick

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hhjs · 4 years ago

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forget me not.

♡ based on — "During times of war. I want to say: I only love you, And I cling you, Like the peel clings to a pomegranate, Like the tear clings to the eye, Like the knife clings to the wound." and the song nightlife by daydream masi.

♡ summary — Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

wherein, putting your heart on the line for the sake of doing favours isn’t a frequent component in your schedule. But what happens when this favour is asked for by the boy you may or may not have fancied for far too long?

You accept it.

For a very embarrassing reason, really, which is — you think Hwang Hyunjin needs you.

♡ pairing— hwang hyunjin x reader

♡ word count— 8.8k whoopsies

♡ genre and alternate universe — angst, fluff + hanahaki au.

♡ author's note— this was supposed to be a drabble and then i sort of lost my fucking mind ehe...also this is easily the worst thing i have ever written im so sorry aaa but this is a lil present from my end hahaha

♡ warnings— suggestive content, vomiting, mention of blood. allusions to depression and heartbreak.

Amongst other things, you're extremely bad at saying 'no'. You don't mean the word per se...but the underlying connotation of this very monosyllable which may come at the expense of letting another person down.

It's sort of stupid, you understand, your friends have constantly voiced their worries for your extremely complacent nature more often than you'd think actually. But it all goes over your head. See — old habits really do die hard.

When you're eight, this very defect takes you to dreadful saxophone lessons your mum spoke so highly of. When you're 15, it gets you called to the principal's office for flashing Jeongin trigonometric functions in Mister Choi's pop quiz, when you're older, things are definitely no different.

The passenger seat is occupied, Hyunjin's holding a tangled muffler to his suede jacket clad chest. At 21, he's become someone you used to know. A friend of a friend, Felix's to be very specific. But the man in question, who was supposed to be his ride, passes off this duty for kegstands and you just happen to be the designated driver for the night, shuffling Jisung beside Changbin and Chan, who claims to be 'sober' even though he's half asleep.

Hyunjin is uncharacteristically quiet.

There's a polite smile on rendered your way as your eyes meet. A small curvature along his plump bottom lip, tighter around the edges. Still this simple formality is so beautiful that you feel something inside you come alive.

When Jisung starts snoring, you flip on the radio and Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here comes on.

Your fingers feel numb when they come to tap out a rhythm to the track. It's nice. Tingling guitar riffs swelling, David Gilmour's gruffy voice pours in from faulty speakers. The more the song progresses, the more you find yourself attempting to think about anything that will distract you from the boy beside you, in the flesh no less.

So late at night, the main road is eerily silent. Cobblestones reflecting the sound of tires thumping against its layout, streetlights blinking at you from their drooping heads. Across the street, a baker is tucking away leftover bread and buskers are packing up their beat up guitars, a man in his late 50's pulling his blanket to his nose as he rests a head full of gray hair on the cold pavement.

You glance at Hyunjin from the corner of your eye and find that his staggering smile has completely disappeared. Now there's a distant glaze in his eyes. It's like he's here, in this moment, with you, but at the same time, he's somewhere else.

Under the impression you've done something wrong, you immediately begin to panic. But the thing is, you don't actually know if you should ask. Would it constitute as crossing a line if you had anyway?

Hyunjin covers his mouth with a sleeve, muffled retching building beyond fabric.

The reasonable assumption is obvious. It's not abnormal to be nauseous when you've got one too many drinks in you. He motions for you to pull over, incoherent sentences practically melding together, words forming and dissipating between choking fits.

You scramble to dig out a bottle of mineral water you habitually deposit in the glove compartment, offering him the tissue first. Ears perking up in satisfaction when a garbled thanks escapes his parted lips. But then... something weird happens.

As your eyes flicker to unintentionally glance at the contents discarded on the pitch grey sidewalk, you freeze in your seat.

You were never a big believer of superstition, not someone who buys into myths only meant for the fiction genre. Sure, you can be gullible sometimes...but what's happening falls no way under the realistic category.

The lethal Hanahaki disease, only inherited by some unlucky descendants, every moment in your head prior to this one, was something that's obviously non existent.

Yet... there's so much blood, too much blood attesting to your blatant ignorance. The petals are of a white rose, smudging together in swirls of grotesque crimson in mimicry of a sheen of red sticking to the inner corners of his lips. It has happened before, you can tell, from just how unsurprised he looks.

Hyunjin's stare flits to commit every detail of your to memory, in what only seems a quick study of gauging your forthcoming reaction, though even before you can produce a coherent thought, he says,

"You can't tell anyone." His voice drops a few octaves as though he's afraid your snoring friends in the back might've noticed. "Please."

Hyunjin's face softens by the slightest, contrary to his firm demand, there lies a desperation you couldn't overlook.

In retrospect, what you're about to tell is ultimately a promise that'd come back to bite you in due time. However, see now, you're extremely bad at saying no. Somehow you're even worse when it comes to Hyunjin. So you blink, turn the radio off and say,

"Okay."

—

The pool is preheated. For that you're most thankful.

Frankly, you couldn't imagine what it'd be like being pushed into a chilly body of water mid winter. Not that it's pleasant otherwise, you can't swim.

Well at 15, you hadn't quite learned to. The other kids have scurried inside to hog freshly baked Snowman biscuits Seungmin's mum is renowned for.

Then and you think you'll never quite forget it, Hyunjin's wearing an orange power ranger t shirt, it's darker now that it's wet, his glasses are marked with uneven splatters. His face scrunches up at the sudden splash of wetness engulfing his body. He wasn't planning to get in the water.

"Hold on tight." He says, wounding your arms around his neck, your calves tighter to his sides to support your shivering body. Back then Hyunjin's hair was black, cropped short and swept to the side, he smells like fabric softener and skittles. A water donut is discarded in the middle of the pool.

Everybody you know and don't know, from the birth of superheroes stuck in comic books to valiant protagonists behind fuzzy television screens, has this inherent desire to be saved. From the world, from themselves. No, no, it doesn't have to be a grand gesture, swooping them off of their feet from the grasp of surly men in dark alleys, sometimes it's really just simple. Sometimes people save you in the most ordinary way there is.

The weight of your form on his bright pink water donut while he stood on his toes to merely rest his elbows so the item wouldn't flip, a small act, certified this very claim, had not the nimble touch of his cold fingers, brushing away wet hair from your face, to anxiously ask if you're okay met the purpose. He talks to you like the sound of his voice has the power to injure you.

You nod slowly. Like this, it feels like you're going to be.

Hyunjin pouts, looking perfectly unconvinced. He paddles the pair of you to steel stairs spiraling into the pool, so he can stand without just his nose peeking out of the water, he looks at you once again, a wrinkle between his dark, arched eyebrows and says solemnly, "Jisung's such an idiot sometimes, isn’t he?"

But isn't he your friend? You want to ask. Something stops you though —his tone tells you you aren't the only one to fall victim to Jisung's practical jokes. Not that they were offensive or anything. Han Jisung, the same person who twiddles his thumbs when he wants the last chicken nugget and cries every time you watch Howl's Moving Castle together, genuinely doesn't mean any harm. It's just that...when he's comfortable with people, who aren't many, he tends to do a lot of dumb things. Dumb, endearing things that Minho will kill him for someday.

"A little bit," You mumble under your breath. Heat rising to your face at the possibility of Hyunjin being concerned for you. He sounds almost angry. "Thanks by the way."

It's rather pitiful to remember. Because with time, Hyunjin's world becomes so big that your interaction stands to be too insignificant to not forget. Before you know it, he's the shooting guard of your school's basketball team, just a handsome face who dates better girls, makes better friends. It's superficial and a little sad.

No, no, a little sad is an understatement actually.

To see someone you understood intimately, a boy who always described details too much just to stray from the main story, a boy with too many emotions bubbling to an awfully animated surface; someone who was passionate, sensitive and so nauseatingly big hearted...change into a man who is indubitably untouchable...is tragic. At least.

Yet funnily enough — you can't quite imagine a world without Hwang Hyunjin. His ringing laughter rippling through loud ambiences, his distant humming of Christmas carols whilst he absently skimmed through spines of children's novels and his eyes glimmering in adoration whenever he spoke of something he loved — Without him, you imagine, there would be a massive deficiency in your world, in the world. Like if birthday cakes came with the biggest slice carved out.

Hyunjin grins, a big sort of candid grin that turns his eyes into upturned crescents. His previous temperament long forgotten. Suddenly, this utterly atrocious happening seems to not be so bad. Suddenly you don't mind that Jisung is an idiot sometimes.

"Of course."

—

Hyunjin is not perfect. Hyunjin is no prince charming.

People don't know this. They don't understand this.

He ends up paying for dinner when he's out with a big crowd even though they were supposed to split the bill, he ends up crying when he gets angry and he is an abysmal liar, in every sense of the phrase. Hardly ever succeeding to hide his emotions when he should. When he was a kid his parents reminded him that it's a good thing to be unapologetically himself, that being honest is a good thing.

But as your eyes meet from across an ocean of people quagmired by crunchy leaves, sticky remnants of rain and his ex girlfriend who he now claims to be okay with being friends with, on her toes to poke his cheek whilst Chan's arm wraps around her waist, the soft white roses ornamented on a bow she loves wearing all the time, he thinks it's far from an agreeable trait to have.

Actually whilst you balance a newspaper under your arm and bring your coffee to your lips, it's like you're looking through him, past his skin, his flesh, something secret inscribed on his bones, embedded into his soul. You know everything, you know everything, you know everything.

The thought itself... surprisingly enough, doesn't appal him.

Hyunjin raises his palm in the air, feeling the autumn prickling against his skin. He waves at you.

—

Working at a library can be taxing. But it sure has its perks.

You can just about turn the place upside down and put it all back together without getting in trouble. Albeit another reason, besides your profession could be that Minho owns the place. Frankly, he may or may not have been the only cause behind your employment. It's hard to tell now that your co-workers really do recognise you've a knack for arranging things.

But to you, your job is very personal. A precious thing which relieves you from various worldly tensions. Velvety spines under your roughened fingertips, the burst of minted pages hitting your face every time you walk in, your love for reading, for a world of stories is so immense that you think you wouldn't have traded it even if your life depended on it.

For a disease that's not very well known, it's ironic how an entire section of mythology is dedicated to it. Past closing hours, amongst many novels mounted on your desk, you fixate on the one that made most sense. There's a few things you've picked up in common from all of them though — the hanahaki disease is extremely rare, it doesn't affect all those who suffer from the qualms of unrequited love.

Possible remedy according to findings entail

growths can be surgically removed, if the patient consents to eradication of memories of their loved ones.

Clanking of keys alerts incoming and you pause your tapping pen to look up.

"Burning the midnight oil, are we?"

Minho leans against the doorframe, he's half yawning, half talking and fully concerned for you.

"Yeah, looks like I'm gonna be a while." Your monotonous tone provides that you are not paying a lot of attention. You blurt without looking up. "Are you leaving?"

"No, still haven't finished archiving for that Pfizer project...But I'm going to get a bite to eat..." His inky eyes remain on you as his tone falters, "You want anything?"

"I'm fine. Thanks."

"Wow you're like...really uh invested." He tilts his head in thought, "You seeing someone again?"

You know Minho long enough to know he has a teasing side to him, from diaper days to play dates ending in pillow fights because he kept offering you his last Pringle just to pop it into his stupid smirking mouth — but you have no idea where he's going with this.

So you look up, finally. Furrowing your brows.

"No. What does that have to do with anything?"

He shrugs, "I haven't seen you concentrate so hard since you dumped Jeongin."

Your right eye twitches. Because you know exactly what he's referring to, and simultaneously, for the sake of your well-being, you much prefer being in denial. "What?"

"C'mon. Remember how you always ended up doing his homework?" He reminds you. "It's like when you like someone, you go out of your way to do charitable stuff for them. But...this? Too much. Even for you."

You ignore Minho's comment. To the world, Hwang Hyunjin's place in your life is not significant. After all this is the most natural undulation in the vicissitudes of life — for someone who once was your friend to eventually drift apart, to become a has been. It's too hard to explain why you care. After all this time.

"I was just being nice." You narrow your eyes, unimpressed. "Clearly this concept is lost on some people."

"Sure you are, bud. If being 'nice' is synonymous with whipped." Of course, there's a smug grin gracing his pouted lips that tempts you to fling something at him. Not that you can though. Seeing as Minho breaks out into a full fledged sprint, his singsongy voice a thinning echo bouncing off of shelves and windows and doors.

Still somehow his footsteps manage to travel through walls, permeating into your office with such great amplitude that you could be bamboozled into thinking he hasn't left at all. Or maybe you've stopped paying attention, your eyes zoom in on any other helpful detail you can put to use in wrapping your head around what you have witnessed firsthand.

At the same time, you can't really ignore how hungry you're feeling just from the mention of a bite to eat. So when Minho's shadow forms again on the page you've been 'reading' for the last few seconds you sense a gigantic wave of relief washing over you.

"You know what I changed my—" slamming the book shut, you blink against scanty provision of light, with raise your head and a bleary vision, recognise him in an instant. Except...it isn't Minho. "mind..."

The only source of brightness is a small emerald lamp perched on the corner of your desk, light green catches onto one of the ornamented corners and speckles of golden caress his supple skin gently. You hadn't realised how cold it might've been outside until you see how heavily dressed Hyunjin was, a long overcoat worn over woollen sweater, a Santa hat and muffler pulled to his chin. It's no one other than your boss himself who has given him directions to your office, you know this, Hyunjin has never been inside before.

So when he marvels absently, you sense yourself feeling a little self conscious about not cleaning up. All around you, a comforter and love seat pushed against the window, cigarette butts discarded in ashtray and then...the books strewn before you tell him you practically live here.

For some reason, Hyunjin only seems to loosen up at the spectacle.

"Hi." He says finally.

"Hi..." you arrange the reading materials quickly to one side so you can rest your elbows. A small (successful) attempt made to hide your research. "Something up?" You say, but what you really mean is, what are you doing here?!

Did he suspect you were going to tell on him? Right that's it, that must be it, you tell yourself, believing, knowing, of all the years Hwang Hyunjin has known of you he has never been one to care about your whereabouts.

"I just...um," He starts, forwarding his mitten clad hands. It's the back of a crumpled coffee cup on which straight handwriting reads a bucket list...of sorts. You immediately understand that his coming is an act of impulse. Urgency of living every moment like it's slipping through it's fingers, that he just needed to tell the only person who knows, be it by accident.

Hyunjin clears his throat. "I wanna do all this before I die."

In lieu of giving an instant response, baffled, you gawp at him. Despite knowing, hearing Hyunjin say it out loud somehow makes everything...too real.

It's as though someone's reached inside your throat, pulled your heart out and crushed it with their bare hands. Hyunjin, the boy who smelled like fabric softener and skittles and wore power ranger shirts, the boy with the fantastic smile and cold fingers, is dying. You won't let him. You can't let him.

You thumb along the numbers scribbled in hasty penmanship, look up and blink rapidly, "Okay," you say, a small whisper, barely there words. "That's okay."

Even with the hat covering tips of ears, you could tell the same faint blush coating his cheeks had rushed to that particular area. His eyes drift off to the sight of pens discarded inside a wooden holder because he can feel your gaze on him. "and I...I need your help."

"Alright."

Hyunjin's eyes widen to a great degree, he sits straighter, as if he hadn't expected you to comply so quickly.

And honestly? Neither had you.

It's quiet. Awkward.

"You know it's not like I haven't thought about dying. I just figured I'd get to grow old first, settle down, have kids and all that," A wry laugh escapes his parted lips. "Everything's happening too fast."

You hesitate, thinking he's making a mistake. Frankly he shouldn't feel obligated to give you an explanation.

"You...you don't have to tell me."

"No—I mean...can I?" He gives you a sheepish look, disliking his own whimsical tone, somehow endearing still. You find yourself wondering how long he had to keep his burdens to himself, not just pertaining to his illness, but everything. His dreams, his hopes, his fears. Anything which requires a certain amount of depth. And you almost ask him, the question sitting at the tip of your tongue, yet the realisation rather simple, stops you. Maybe you've mistranslated 21 year old Hyunjin all along — moulding himself into someone who's convenient around people who only liked him for who he appeared to be, maybe even with all that popularity, parties and glamour, he's just...lonely.

You push your reading glasses into your hair, press your knuckles under your chin and hum in consent.

He shifts in his seat, "Have you ever... been in love?"

You release an amused huff. Let your eyes linger on him for a long minute.

"Once."

Hyunjin half expects you to laugh. Poke fun at him for his melodramatic backstory. That's the sole reason why he doesn't tell his friends (funny, for people he considers close, they seem to know not much about him or care to know, that is. ). But you... you look at him with something in your eyes that tells him the rubbish reasons he posited makes all the sense in the world. Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

—

Midnight rendezvous.

As someone who has lived a fairly extraordinary life, Hwang Hyunjin's bucket list is bafflingly ordinary. He's more of a finding joy in small things kind of a person, punctilious at best.

Things change. People notice. They hesitate, whisper about you and last night while you were out on last minute cheap wine run, the grocerer, a girl who looks around sixteen asks you if you're dating Hyunjin. Underneath the thinly veiled curiousity, there's something like anger dripping from her words.

You furrow your eyebrows in simple insinuation that it's weird for a stranger to take interest in your life. Maybe it was written on your face, the fact that you're a dying man's beck and call is for reasons far more complicated than it looks.

You go to his parties. Greet him as a friend would and not just for the sake of maintaining formalities. He comes to the library more times than he does, waits for you to get off work so you can check something off the list at least. People notice. People understand. Hyunjin's different around you. He's bright, talkative when he forgets to contain himself. You sense your heart swelling with pride just at the understanding that he can be himself around you.

You drive to the beach, sit in your trunk and drink straight out of the bottle.

Hyunjin laughs a little. Suspends his feet in the air. With time, he's gotten paler, exhausted. "Rough day?"

You hum.

"Very. Our children's collection is usually low in stock around the weekends."

Hyunjin crosses his arms over his chest. Curious.

"And?"

"And if I say I got yelled at by a toddler would you believe me?"

Hyunjin feigns contemplation, even with the realisation that his body is becoming less and less cooperative, he manages to remain perfectly cheerful.

"I can actually," he grins, "At that age, I was a real pain in the ass."

"Were?"

Your smile is just a slight curl against the bottle's mouth as he grumbles under his breath about your 'insensitive' remark.

You think of your life after Hyunjin, think of his absence like a gaping hole you'll never be able to fill out. It makes you sick to your stomach.

—

Bake something from scratch.

Hyunjin's face twists in apparent thought, eyebrows rising. A pink tongue poked against his cheek, whilst he chews carefully, trying really hard not to flash an accidental reaction whilst you clasp your butter and oat flour soiled hands together, some of the batter on your cheek, neck to anticipate his answer like your will to live depends on it.

You ask yourself how it got to this. Why you didn't care that you were awake so early on a Sunday morning with flour powdering every kitchen appliance in sight in spite of being awfully restrictive about who you let into your kitchen. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter because it's nice like this.

Hyunjin has his hair pulled away from his bare face, a mole under his eye, a small birthmark on the back of his ear.

When you first met, you thought he was a kind of handsome that couldn't be real. Something formidable about it. Only destined to exist behind fuzzy television screens and flashy magazines.

But in retrospect, you realise, that that's not true at all.

If you look close enough, if you really pay attention, there's a softness underneath, something goofy, something warm, the sharp jut of his nose circling into a soft button, his eyes are big, black and his mouth jutted out into a natural pout, he looks innocent, like he doesn't quite realise the extent of his charms.

"It's..." His soft voice pulls you out of your reverie, and you look up to find his eyes glimmering jovially. Every time it surprises you, the lack of regret in them and the abundance of nonchalance. You wonder what it means to love someone like that, to love someone to the point of martyrdom. It shouldn't be like this. "perfect,"

"This is like, the only batch we didn't burn, right?"

You snort, "Yeah." Fully turn to him, "You know what they say, fifth time's the charm."

Hyunjin's laugh, you think, is so contagious that it makes it an imperative to smile in return. In shaky compartments the sound comes, like being 8, laying wide-eyed in a paddling pool and staring up at a crayon blue sky, raindrop rippling beyond all that noiseless water. His eyes curve to upturned crescents, an unconscious hand covering up the seams of his lips whilst he shakes his head. You don't even notice when he starts speaking again.

"Huh?"

"I said you got a little...something..."

You almost lose a fraction of your sanity when his nimble fingers come to wrap around your wrist while you hold onto the spatula employed into the whole snickerdoodle batter mixing business, a liberated hand coming up to gently wipe your cheek. It means everything to you. And nothing to him.

Later, when you're alone at night, really alone, you put your palm to your chest and feel the unsteady beat of your heart. A warning, a reminder. I can't. I can't. I can't.

—

You hold Hyunjin's hair up. His hands resting on the cold toilet seat, he's whimpering and bleeding. It happens every time he sees Haseul, or something which reminds him of her. Like the song.

This time she's drunk. And it's because she impulsively rises to her toes and presses a tender kiss to Chan's lips.

Hyunjin's just a feet away, across students and solo cups and streaks of neon falling irregularly through his line of sight.

He can never confess, not to her. The last thing Hyunjin wants is for her to feel bad for him. To say she feels the same as an act of service. He tells you. You understand. Somehow... you always understand.

They met in college, Hyunjin and she. And Chan was an upperclassman who seemed to be good at...well everything. At first, he couldn't figure out why it never occured to him before, the fact they were getting together maybe before, after or during the length of their relationship.

Though the answer is simple.

Hyunjin thinks the pillar to good relationships is trust. Call him a sappy romantic or whatever but he had seen true love manifest from it through generations before him and his parents and their parents. To think a different fate was woven for him...used to be unimaginable.

How ironic is that?

Hyunjin presses his cheek against your chest because he doesn't want you to look at him when he cries.

Then for the first time....he tells you he's scared. He's scared of what will happen to him. Of what is happening to him.

He's falling apart.

You cradle him, press him closer to your body like you're trying to put him together. People can't fix each other. Not really. But sometimes... they're worth the try.

"Hey...hey...it's alright," You shush him, run your fingers through his hair. Your voice almost breaking, faltering. Still this, this you mean it with every fibre of your being. "It's okay to be scared."

—

Self bleach hair.

It's Christmas and you're late for a late night dinner he's putting together. (As reluctant as he was about getting along with Hyunjin, he seems all too eager to make invite him whenever a get together takes effect.)

His apartment smells like floor cleaner. There's a queen sized bed pushed against an electric blue wall, a Fleetwood Mac poster taped to his door, small reading desk where Canon EOS New Kiss rests, polaroids of things checked off the list littered all its wooden surface.

You pick up the only photo he hasn't labelled, it reminds you that your friendship isn't just based off a pursuit. This is natural. Pizza box discarded between you two, on your roof top. It's a little too dark, you're holding a cigarette between your fingers, you're laughing and Hyunjin looks like he's going to complain the minute he's done taking the picture. (And he does.)

You smile, pressing your fingers against it like the touch could transport you to a simpler time.

"Ready to go?"

Hyunjin rakes a tentative hand through his newly dyed hair, grey (a suitable colour he says.). You can tell he's put a lot of effort into cleaning up, his usual hoodies and sweats alternated with a red satin shirt tucked into dark dress pants and a coat of the same colour. Hyunjin is beautiful. Perhaps even more like this. In fact, the extent of this quality is so Goliath-like that it obliges dolled up attendees to marvel up in awe. While you fully agree with their unsaid ponderings, you really do, you find yourself missing a less sophisticated version of him.

"Yeah, but first..." you fish out a wrapped squarish material from the depths of your pocket. Hyunjin's eyes widen, two bunny-like teeth showing for the extent of his grin.

"You got me a present!" He all but rips it out of your hand, shaking the material eagerly. He’s a Christmas person, a supreme holiday enthusiast if you will. The sheer excitement in him projects itself in every physical aspect possible. Slight jumping on the balls of his feet. "It's a cassette...?"

You speak too much, nervous he doesn't like it. "It’s a Christmas mix. I thought...since you like carols. I know it's a little old school, I'm sorry if that’s not what you were hoping for—"

Hyunjin pulls you into a big hug, wrapping his entire body it feels like; his arms around your waist, he squeezes you tighter against him, "Thank you." He whispers into your hair, it's not just about the cassette, you can tell.

There's a small light bulb dangling from his ceiling, he hasn't fixed it since the first time you pointed it out. You can tell with your eyes closed, you've begun to know more intimately than your own home. It's safe here. A place that deludes you into thinking that he's not running out of time, that even in his absence in the world, whenever you should walk into this room, it would be an imperative to find Hyunjin lazying about in its confines. Familiarity can be quite tricky, can't it?

His gratitude is not unknown to you. It's in the guilty smile that threatens to show every now and then, it's in this and it's in that. In many ways, it is not something you're a stranger to.

And yet the words manage to tears your heart at the seams. Just a little.

—

Make a snow angel.

From above, he imagines, he may appear to look like a chunk of cookie dough in an ice cream pint.

The snow is not as comfortable as it appears, its frigid temperature seeps into Hyunjin's clothes (and what feels like his internal organs, if that's even possible). He waves his hands and legs inward, outward.

Your head tilts towards him. Face twisted in annoyance. "You're getting on my wing!" You say. "Have you no respect for personal space?!"

Hyunjin narrows his eyes jovially. And people tell him he's the one with a penchant for theatrics. He leans closer in rebuttal, waving his leg around your design with more purpose. You give up. Sit on your knees, fumble with the snow. He’s still in the same position. Smug as ever...

"This is what happens when you disrespect your elders." He fake-warns. "Oka—"

What he doesn't anticipate, however, is the snowball you launch on his stupid grinning face. Now it's your turn to laugh. You clutch your stomach and point at him whilst he glares at you having barely managed to blow the snow off of his mouth.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now!"

You let out an animalistic screech, Hyunjin’s already trapped you under his weight, his thighs wound around your waist, hamstringing your plan to escape, now you're merely squirming. His fingers come down to attack your sides, digging into the flesh so mercilessly to the point you’re not sure if you’re laughing or crying. It's like there's a wildfire inside your lungs.

For a moment you forget, you let yourself forget what's to come.

“Alright, alright I’m sorry!” you press your palms against his chest in an attempt to push him off, Hyunjin has a dumb smile on his face that seems to give the impression of a hanger stuck inside his mouth. But... there's something behind his entertainment as the sound of his laugh dies down, chest heaving with exercise. His smile drops.

You can count each lash, each freckle and line on his face. The dark in his eyes. The pink of his lips. Your sweater's ridden to your ribs. And the warmth of his fingers shifting against your bare skin hits you with an earthshattering force.

Hyunjin kisses you. For a fleeting second, you freeze. Rigid with shock. Then it passes as soon as it comes.

You let out a noise of content,indubitably grateful that your neighbours forgot to put on their porch light for the night. See it’s like this, the act of kissing is not as special as is the person himself, you muse, you can kiss anyone, you can touch and be touched by anyone. But none of that truly compares to this. Not when they aren't him.

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about it. Just like you’ve thought about a lot of things. But just the realisation that the boy you’ve harboured in your heart for more complicated reasons than you disclose, to yourself even, touches you with so, so much care...it’s tearing you apart.

It’s too good to be real.

You suddenly push him away. The tugging and pulling at your heart too much to handle. For the fact remains — Hyunjin doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. You never expected him to. Actually, you've never felt what you feel with that condition in mind either.

See when the feeling of having everything you could ever want is cradled between your palms...it ought to be hard to let go. (Maybe he’s just doing this because he feels bad for you, the little voice in your head says. You listen.)

Hyunjin speaks up first.

“I love Haseul.” he tells you, but it sounds more like he’s telling himself. “That’s why...that’s why, all this...I love her.” Not you.

You swallow, “I know.” Your hands come up to dust your pants. Hyunjin’s still on his knees, as if the answer to his conflicts are deposited under all the snow. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have done—”

Now you hear it, the hint of pity in his voice. You don’t mean to sound as bitter as you do. Seeing as you’re usually very good at keeping calm , breaking that very reputed front frustrates you even more.

“Look just forget about it, okay? We don’t have to talk about this.”

Hyunjin looks like he didn’t expect this side of you to exist. At least, you think, at least it got him to stop talking.

—

Learn to skate.

"If I fall, I'm taking you with me."

"You say it like I have a choice."

Hyunjin shoots you a warning glare even though you can't see. His choppy skidding steps supported by the vice grip he has on your arms. You haven't skated since you were in highschool. But when you're pretty good at it still, the smooth blade of your beaten skates gliding through ice with much dexterity, it's like floating, freeing, the wind hitting your faces, snow catching in your lashes. It's peaceful, you try not to think about the warmth of Hyunjin's arm circling around body, the vague rhythm of his heartbeat against your back. His laboured breaths on your neck. It's torturous. But spending so much time with him has taught you to hide your feelings better.

The park welcomes a large crowd around holiday season, children with toothless grins, tugging onto their mum's coats, small chin resting onto a parents' head, teenagers moving in together in school uniforms. It's the happiest time of the year. When you move past an elderly couple, they smile and tell you make a wonderful couple.

You're just about to make a correction. This puts you in an awkward position... doesn't it?

But then Hyunjin grins toothily and says, Thank you, like it's the most amusing thing in the world. You ignore the wrenching inside your chest.

Hyunjin leans forward, his plump lips brushing against your ear. "Where did you learn to skate so well?!" There's something like excitement in his kiddish laugh aside from admiration. It's not much of a question as it is an exclamation.

"I am pretty good, aren't I?"

He laughs, doesn't let you go. "Yes, yes...really good."

Out of breath, you slow down, move your feet steadily, careful not to lose balance.

"Oh my God! It is you!"

You raise your head, blink against flakes hindering your vision. Jeongin's voice used to be thinner before. As far as you remember. Now it has a weight to it.

You let out a nervous laugh.

"And it's you..."

Jeongin's eyes travel to the arms around your waist, to the stiffened figure behind you and you immediately liberate yourself. Moving to let Hyunjin use your arm as purchase, you don't fail to notice the pinch in his forehead, a frown on his mouth.

"This is my friend Hyunjin. Hyunjin, this is Jeongin—"

"We used to go out." Jeongin smiles, forwarding his hand, which is returned with an unenthused shake and a demure reply. Hyunjin never speaks to anyone this way, not even people he claims to hate.

The former male looks to you again, "I was, uh... wondering if you'd like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime."

Things between you and him ended amicably at the event of his departure for further studies, which deprives you of awkward tension which is expected when exes meet.

Besides, a cup of coffee never hurt anyone.

Right?

Without thinking, you nod slowly, "Yeah that sounds good,"

"Text me anytime."

"Sure."

“I'll be out of your hair then," he beams. "It was very nice meeting you too, Hyunjin."

"Right."

Hyunjin, you realise, has released your arm. He leans on barricades fencing along the skating area, smiling briefly. You know it’s wrong...yet you sense that you almost need him to be upset.

Then he tilts his head back towards you, "He seems like a really nice guy," he whispers, genuinely meaning every word. Your heart sinks. "I see the appeal." Underneath the lurid glare of fairy lights brandished overhead, Hyunjin's ash hair glints like it's threaded out of silver. You wonder what he's thinking.

—

Watch every Disney movie ever made.

You never end up texting Jeongin back. Just stalling for when you're ready, you tell yourself. Even though that's not true at all.

"This brings back so many memories. My parents used to belt out A Whole New World with me, like every time we watched Aladdin."

Hyunjin wipes his face with the back of his hand, technically you’re not very sure what he’s saying exactly because he’s mumbling into a paper napkin you've passed over for the umpteenth time. You find yourself picturing a small but happy family of three, of Hyunjin in Scooby Doo pajamas and gap between his teeth. (Contrary to your previous convictions, he hasn't changed all at much, save for the teeth bit. ) It's cute.

He looks to you expectantly. Can't be the only one telling embarrassing stories.

You shrug, "I had a thing for Simba. Let's just say my mum and dad were nice enough to indulge me."

Hyunjin reaches for the remote and pauses the ending credits of Lady and the Tramp. He turns to you fully now, gives you a judgemental stare. "Simba...?" He says, "Like the...lion?"

"What? It's normal to crush on fictional characters, okay?!"

"Okay,sure," Hyunjin snorts, putting a pillow between you and him so you can't kill him. "furry."

A part of you is tempted, obviously. But the much bigger part is more invested in how he looks happier, healthier. You want to think that means something.

—

Hyunjin invites you over for movie night. It's getting colder and you keep poking him with your cold feet. There's an extra set of blankets in his cupboard, he informs you, he isn't sharing his with you — and that's when you see it.

The deflated pink donut folded to the side, his and yours sharpie inscribed initials on one side.

"Found it yet?"

You don't even notice when he comes to stand behind you. So the question effectively makes you jump out of your skin. Hyunjin has a bowl of popcorn pressed to his chest, there's a pink hair band holding his hair away from his forehead. For the lack of a answer he takes it on himself to find the source of your silence. As if you've been caught red handed.

You think this is where he'll ask you to leave, that or he'll least scold you or something. You prepare for the worst.

Hyunjin just smiles, it's a big smile that succeeds in bringing out the small dimple indented on the side of his cheek. You've never noticed before. It's kinda weird. Because when it comes to him, your attention hardly ever falters.

"You probably don't remember. That’s from Seungmin's 15th birthday,"

You want to scoff under your breath. All this time you had told yourself that you were the only one to be affected by your estranged friendship growing up. Now...the same logic colours you every bit of ridiculous.

You blink away, swallowing. Voice solemn.

"I remember." Hyunjin's gaze is heavy on your shoulders. An emotion you can't quite put a finger on crosses his delicate features. It's something between surprise and relief... something else too. You don’t understand it.

—

It's disconcerting that he can’t remember the last time he got sick. Not the usual discomfort inside his chest, not the blood, not the thorns or petals. Hyunjin's just gotten so used to it, you know? What if he gets his hopes up for no good reason? What if it just comes back?

There's no possible explanation, he explains over a hasty 3 A.M message he had to leave on your answering machine because he's freaking out.

Then Haseul texts Hyunjin, tells him she misses him. Everything's adding up. Everything's falling into place. This is what he wanted, isn't it? She loves him, she finally loves him back. That must be it. He doesn't know what to say.

But he tells you, and when he does, it sounds a lot like an apology.

—

Kiss underneath a mistletoe.

“Chan and I broke up.” She says it like it’s something he should be happy about. So when he remains quiet, it only prompts her to speak more, fill up the big mighty silences.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Look Jinnie, I know I made a mistake, but...can’t you give a second chance? Just this once?”

Hyunjin has thought about this particular moment a lot. Kissing her instead of producing a response, pulling her off of her feet and mumbling of course, of course, of course. Back then, there were little doubts in his head pertaining to her, back then he believed that she was the only one for him. The love of his life at the wrong time, in the wrong place.

Now...something doesn’t feel right.

The thing about wounds, sometimes, of the heart in particular, is when they close up, it’s hard to make head or tails of the kind of person you become in their wake. Hard to adjust. Like when he suddenly shot up 7 inches in ninth grade, a late bloomer at that, and the weight of his new sneakers felt..odd.

He glances at her and also understands what it’s like to be lonely, the constant need to compensate for it by grasping at the last straw. He used to be in her shoes too. This isn’t any different. Albeit, he isn’t exactly taken by her presence. Just that he doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right. He looks over your table a few feet away from where he’s standing. Having gone out to take a call. You notice his absence and then from your seat, do your best to locate him. (he thinks of kissing you on a bed of snow, thinks of the sizzle of your skates against ice, thinks of his list on a coffee cup and his pink water donut and it’s okay to be scared. Why did it have to be you of all people, through everything? It’s not really a work of coincidence. Not at all actually.

Maybe he just wanted it to be you.)

When your eyes do lock...seeing him with his hands in his pockets, her standing beyond the barrier as she tries to say something, you smile, even if it’s a little sad. Hyunjin thinks to the conversation some nights before. Thinks of you reminding him that there's nothing to lose at this point, that he should do what his heart tells him. That it’ll be alright, if he just takes a leap of faith. Hyunjin smiles back. Through the glassy exterior and mini water fountains running down its slanted form. The realisation is not as dramatic as he thought. It’s just late.

He tears off the false mistletoe decoration glued along the periphery of an arch.

And like always.

He takes your advice.

—

Cohorts of guests pour into the colossal hotel, heads turning in quiet admiration for bejeweled arches breaking out against buttery white architecture, the roof is impossibly naked, translucent glass baring a starlit sky to your watchful eyes. Showing little mercy to a frail chute held over your head,costumed characters wade through oceans of gossamer, twinkling silver and swaying movements to slow jazz. You prop a heeled foot up on the bar platform, which strangely resembles a pedestal, in a futile attempt to catch your breath, with clammy digits settled atop the risky surface of a marbled counter. A soft voice speaks over the ambience, uttering your name with much care. You lift your head. And there he is.

Jisung is scouring through the Spotify playlist you’ve put together for New Year’s Eve. He’s complaining about the lack of Beyoncé while your friends go around the buffet table. When he calls you, you’re sipping your drink, laughing at something Changbin is saying, his eyes brighten just at the sound of your laugh. Hyunjin isn’t surprised to see his friend taking a liking of you even though he hardly knows you. That’s just the effect you have on people.

Excusing yourself, you allow him to walk you to a less densely populated area where a stone pillar faces expensive paintings of nameless painters. With the effect of alcohol settling in and your inhibitions effectively lowered, your steps sway a little. You lean against the massive build rising from tiled floor. “So what’s up?” you murmur, the lump in your throat thickening just at the thought of him speaking the good news into existence. “I take it went well?”

Hyunjin doesn't answer. He looks distracted for a bit. Then in an instant he snaps out of his daze. “What did you mean when you said ‘once’?”

Your brows come together in inquiry.

“What?”

"When I asked you if you have ever been in love, you said ‘once’." He persists, his fingers come up to your shoulder, grazing slightly as if they’re trying to carve out words against the skin. "You weren’t talking about Jeongin.”

He knows. He’s always known. Hyunjin can’t believe he’s been so stupid.

“Took you long enough.” You let out a sardonic laugh.“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

"It matters to me..." Hyunjin sounds offended, you gather, but he manages to quell his temper for the sake of coaxing your confession. Is he purposely embarrassing you? "I don’t think...I love Haseul anymore...I didn’t realise...I haven’t for a long time."

A big chandelier beams over withering plants pushed against the ceiling, in this poor supply of light, you can tell exactly how he looks, eyes glimmering adoringly, you've spent something-teen years of your life wondering what it's supposed to mean. And it still manages to confuse you.

"Why are you telling me this?" you ask, albeit you already know. Because funnily enough, before he got his braces removed and dyed his hair a scandalous blonde, before bucket lists and heartbreak, he was just the boy who told you he liked your stupid reindeer sweater even though it had officially made you the 7th grade laughing stock. You remember being fifteen and in love with Hyunjin. And you've never actually stopped. You need to hear it to believe it.

It drives you crazy. The way Hyunjin brushes his fingers against your cheek, shifting strands away from your eyes. But you can't help it, you've always wanted this. You lean into the caress, peering up at him as his large hand cups your jaw, thumb traversing from your tilted chin to your glossy lips like he's trying to smooth out all the creases. His voice is small, a whisper.

"Because I need you to know I think I’m falling in love with you.” he says. His palm opens and there’s a plastic mistletoe nestled between his fingers. You’re smiling and sniffling whilst his forehead comes to press against yours. Hyunjin grins. “And there’s still one last item on my list.”

“Are you seriously asking me to land one on you now?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

—

"Move."

You press your fingers against the slick, sweaty skin.

In rebuttal, Hyunjin grumbles under his breath. Only half awake, half aware that he was mumbling in his sleep. His naked chest seems to be, if it’s even possible, glued to your bare front as he sprawls out like a starfish over your body, using his gangly arms to accommodate the strange position.

Though and you know he knows it too — it’s anything but uncomfortable.

See by now, you aren't exactly a stranger to Hyunjin's sleeping habits. Or really, any habits of his.

All the windows are cracked open, moonlight percolating through a thin sheet of curtains in rendering evidence that it’s still night time. You can make out the faint sound of honking in the distance, a few stray dogs here and there, probably producing strings of complaints about the blatantly unbearable heat.

The strong stench of sweat and an aftermath of what happened before is a quick reminder of where you are, what you’re doing and that your arm’s going cold for a lack of circulation under his weight. Beads of sweat collected against his skin and trickle down the side of your face, the crook of your neck, which only prompts you to apply more force to the pads of your index and pointer — albeit it did nothing to move him, "Gross." You groan. "You're sweating like a pig!"

This comment, of all the things you've tried to get him to sleep on his side, succeeds in making Hyunjin raise his head, his grey hair matted down, a few rogue strands pushed out to fall over the unamused look in his eyes.

In an unprecedented minute of absolute clarity, something inside your stomach started to churn at the shocking sight. You’re impossibly, absolutely and nauseatingly in love with Hwang Hyunjin and the funny thing is, you don’t have to think twice to know he is too.

"Gross?" Hyunjin lowers his face to brush his pouted lips along your jaw, grinning when you let out a shaky but involuntary breath and as if he is looking to make a point with his digits traversing from your bare stomach, just along the hem of your underwear, "After all that?"

"I hate you." You say — but more like, stutter. The sound of his giggles eliciting a strange sensation in you, reverberating against your chest, knocking against his ribs and your skin, like it’s trying to reach out to you, like your bodies insist on melding into one.

"I don’t think you’re being honest, baby." He laughs, squeezing your side, coming up to plant a warm palm to your butt to repeat the action, which in turn, drew a mewl from you. “Because you looove me.” Hyunjin smirks, his finger thumbing along your throat to your chin. You think this is what all those great poets meant in endless litanies of lovers torn apart by time and war woven together in a simple caress, like a longing, like a secret. Guarded from prying eyes, greedy hands, and you keep it, you keep it. For him. With him.

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sorikkung · 1 year ago

Text

HELLOOO AGAIN IM BACK AFTER FINISHING ACT THREE frankly forgot to do my post on act 2 bc i just kept reading without realising i was on act 3 already until i opened the first chapter of act FOUR... lmfAOoo so this ones gonna be extra long i hope you have time 🫶 i only pray that i give enough context in my ramblings for you to know which scenes im talking about sDFJKHSKJDFH

im suddenly making the realisation reading chapter 11 that hongjoong probably knew about the papers the whole time, didnt he. san probably told him about them and they decided to use him to gain her trust, didnt he. oh my god. oh my goddd that interim chapter fr changed EVERYTHINGGGGG

“It will probably be hard for you to be on a ship full of men and testosterone. Not to mention we’re all criminals of the government. But if you do need anything, my door is always open. Not just as a doctor. Although as a doctor, I can provide some relief for other… frustrations you might have.” “Don’t look so embarrassed,” Yunho chuckles. “It’ll make me act up.” I SWEARRRR MC STRONGER THAN I FOR NOT CAVING A LONG TIME AGO honestly im surprised she never took him up on that considering how she was clearly flustered by his constant flirting, Did acknowledge his attractiveness and seems to be the type to go fuck it and sleep around a bit. guess the others had her satisfied and it was more abt the circumstances leading up to it that just never happened favourably for yunho but like, damn, lowkey wish all this sexual tension between them lead anywhere KSJDFGKSDKFGS not @ me here just like. yeah i think mc should fuck everyone in the crew i just think she deserves it actually. LMFAOOO i mean thats just my horny ass but i suppose shes only ever been sisterly to the berserker bros theyre cute. but like, the rest of them… and hell, you say this story is only one third done…. theres ways to go still- SDFKJGSKDF

"Part of you does feel guilty for looping Yunho in with the rest of the crew, labeling him as an awful criminal who can’t be trusted, when Yunho’s only crime seems to be his audacity." THIS IS TAKING ME TF OUT HSJKDFGKSFDGKJSFD

WOOYOUNG MY BELOVED IM SO SORRY. THIS HITS SO DIFFERENT NOW IT AINT JUST BC SHE BROKE HIS NOSE IS IT......

I FUCKING FORGOT HOW HEARTBREAKING THIS CHAPTER WAS FFFFFUCKFKKFKF

THE KISS

the fucking MASSIVE dick energy of this part gives me SHIVERS... and i think its a really good look at what kind of man hongjoong really is, in such a small moment. hits harder on the reread tbh like oh no this isnt just intimidating pirate captain w a heart of gold 300k words later no this is exactly the kind of man he is

im sorry but this is sooooo sexy. red flags all around this man but red is my favourite colour all of a sudden 😍

hongjoong on top of me is a mental image i will relish even more the second time 🤤

good god i forgot how good the hongjoong/ghost dynamic was from the start. like it got real Juicy later but i was so focused on san and seonghwa around this point in that this scene didnt linger on my mind that long but i rly do love seeing these two work together its so fun

god this torture scene is just as gut wrenching the second time round especially knowing that it gets repeated again i AGH [CHEWS SHEET METAL]

"What the fuck are you?" "I'm merely a ghost." STILL FUCKING HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS ON FUCKING GOD BRO ONE OF MY FAV LINES, MCS ENTIRE EXCHANGE WITH CARA HERE IS SO FUCKING CHEFS KISS, THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT RIGHT HERE

i understand Why but i lowkey hate how san snaps her out of it bc DESERVED, BITCH, GO CRAZY, GET HER ASS, I LOVE IT WHEN WOMEN GO APESHIT!!!!

taskmaster of the EURYDICE... wait now that i actually know abt orpheus and eurydice i have more context here. did you choose that title because its what kept san looking back this whole time?? thats such a fun little tidbit omg

THE WAY THAT WHAT HE SAYS RIGHT BEFORE HE PRESUMEDLY THINKS HES ABOUT TO DIE FR IS THAT SHE DID WELL. IM GOING TO BITE THRU CONCRETE

SEONGHWA REASSURING HER RIGHT AWAY

“You aren’t doing yourself any favors with that ego." oh but she is, seonghwa, she absolutely is, she is winning my heart with it

"A black hood over his face, but you knew exactly who he was." OR SO YOU FUCKEN THOUGHT!!!! SJFDHKGJKADFKGJAKJDFGSDF FUCK

"So why was Seonghwa so desperate for you to rely on them?" me reading this the first time like BC HE CARES DUH!!! MAYBE HE ALSO HAS A PATHOLOGICAL NEED TO BE NEEDED BUT HE DEFINITELY CARES!!!! and now im sitting here like. BECAUSE THEY NEED YOU. FUCK

DID MC INSTANTLY CALM DOWN BC THE TOUCH WAS COMFORTING OR BC OF THE SIREN CONNECTION BETWEEN THEM...... FUCK

"It’s like magic the way even just that slightest touch brings you out of the anxiety and refocuses your thoughts." YEAH. LIKE MAGIC. OR A SIREN. IDK.

GOD YOURE JUST LIKE HONGJOONG... THE PARALLELS... minus the bar scene earlier did this ever end up happening bc i would still like to see it. god tho i LOVE the too similar to get along so they butt heads instead trope. red flags be damned I NEEDA SEE THESE TWO TOGETHER SO BAD HDKSHSJHDJF

edit: going thru and copy pasting these from my private discord channel into this post is so funny to me bc these were all taken like days even weeks apart i completely did not realise what ive already said and also the screenshots changing from ur blog on desktop to now goth rave theme on mobile is just. i find great amusement in it. anyway back to the livereacting

tfw he DOES have ulterior motives..... AAAAAAAAAAA FUCKING HELL THE FORESHADOWINGGG

OUGHGHGHHG THE COMFORT SCENE WHEN SHE SEES SAN AGAIN IS RIPPIMG MY HEART OUT IM DRY CRYING INTO MY PANCAKES RN FUCK. IF U COULD SEE THE STATE IM IN.

i actually cannot be eating while reading this shit i am way too engrossed in it my pancakes r going cold HDJHSJSGDHFBF

"Wooyoung is his weakness, and they both know it. Part of Wooyoung fears that one day Yeosang will decide that he doesn’t want to have such a great weakness like Wooyoung around any longer." WHAT IF I JUST

moc!woosang is my fucking WEAKNESS i fucking forgot how much that chapter completely fucking obliterated me oh my god i also forget they werent boyfriends yet im AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok not @ me reading more chapters and completely forgetting to note down any thoughts i had so theyre gone but onto twenty and "It’s been a few days since your awkward panic attack in the training room, but the mention of Kebos still makes you tense up, and your breath catches a bit in your throat. Jongho notes the way your shoulders lift, and his hand reaches down to the bench between you two, brushing over your knuckles just enough. You shift to look at him, lips pressed tight together, but he doesn’t look back at you. Instead, he keeps his eyes forward on Yeosang and Wooyoung as they continue their conversation." i remember jongho has some sorta berserker power to help carry the brunt of peoples emotions but i dont remember the details of it am i right in remembering he did it to ghostie a fair bit without her knowing bc she'd feel bad. was this that or just him being comforting. i'll get back to that chapter eventually but for now there is today's Thought

i love this exchange HKJSDFKJGKJSDF "you could break me" oh baby i sure could, but something tells me you'd like it- [TRAIN PASSES BY] AAANyways. no but fr when are we getting to peg him. kidding. haha unless? (im kidding but im not unless i am or im not <3)

JONGHOOO BELOVED JSDFGJSDFHJ god i always love their bantering they really are like siblings and i adore them. “Are you bragging about how you were dying in a crate for four days?” "Do I look like I can fit in a fucking crate?” “Do you think I just look at people and think ‘oh they look like they would fit in a crate’? That sounds like a psychopath.” are taking me tf OUTTTT

god i missed her interactions w seonghwa during this era of them sparring and fucking around like this pt.2 alas they were such simpler times... “I want no one else to be on the ship right now because I would love to fuck you into the mat. But, I suppose I can settle for a kiss instead.” forgot how got gotted i got by this mf my g o d 🥵

"So, I promise you – swear on my life actually – that I will not tell Hongjoong about you being a Siren.” guess thats not a broken promise if he already knew, huh 🥴🥴🥴

“He puts up a front. There are two reasons why this is so important and crucial to Hongjoong. One that he’s had long before I met him, the other that came about a year and a half ago. It’s not just about the treasure though, even if it seems like it." ok now THIS is interesting... two reasons huh. i still havent the slightest clue what they are but i will keep this in mind 👁️

HELP THIS IS SO FUNNY HE PROLLY FIGURED IT WAS SAN AT FIRST DIDNT HE SHDJFKGSKDFKGJSDFK

“Hey! Let me be fascinated by this new information because Lieutenant Stick-Up-His-Ass actually let loose enough to fuck around. That’s practically ground-breaking.” is this before seonghwa and hongjoong start fucking bc i wouldve figured he knew about seonghwa and hongjoong fucking. didnt all three of them know abt each other and thats why they have this weird tension??? or did that start later???

edit: this makes me wonder at what point all the crew started fucking bc didnt san say he'd slept with at least four of the crew members already it sounded like that was before mc came on board but like. unless????

this is just as funny as it was the first time round SKJDFKGSFDKG

GOD I FORGOT ABT THE FUCKING PARALLELSSSS UGH THEY WERE RLY ENDGAME FROM THE START HUH MOC!SAN MY BELOVED YOU ARE SO MFIN ROMANTIC.

see and this is where im just a little fucked in the head bc actually i think this is hot as fuck, HJASDJFKGJKAKJFGHAJKHFJKHASG

dang i dont remember what the incident w mingi is did we ever get to that or. i guess i will see! edit: we saw. SKDFHKDFS

her thinking of jisung as comfort makes me so fucking sad knowing where it leads. the only comfort she knows of her past actually being the cause of so much of her despair. at least by that point she has newfound comfort in san/seonghwa/etc but like man 😭 poor girlie been thru so much shit 😭

“Eavesdropping is bad.” “Have I ever really been good though?” episode 9435398495 of god i adore jung wooyoung.

"It's what you deserve." WATCH HOW HARD I CAN CRY!

oh my god wooyoung holding her hand I LOVE HIMMMM HHHH

wait yeosang became a slave too i did Not remember that... man wooyoung revisiting these memories w her while casually leaving her out of them that must be so hard for him ohhhh my fucken BABEY...

my god i am so fucking weak for that protective woosang scene the way that both of them were protecting her and not just yeosang dude my HEART.... i hate a damsel in distress but i Love a strong and capable character being protected Anyway even tho they know they can take care of it themselves just bc they shouldnt Have to and they care enough anyway like OUGHHHHH FUCK THAT SHIT HURTED I FORGOT IT HAPPENED

KJHSDKJGKSDFKGDF FUCK I LOVE YUNHOS STUPID ASS HE HAS NOTHING IF NOT THE AUDACITY AND I MISS THESE INTERACTIONS SM

NOOOO OH MY GOD HE WAS TRYNA JOG HER MEMORIES OH MY GODDDDD THIS REREAD HITS SO DIFFERENT

OH. OHHHHHHHHH 😭 😭 😭 FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. im assuming this is real but is it also deliberate? like its how he feels but he's also trying to make sure she stays. im climbing up the fucking walls

OKAY WAAAAIT BUT WAS THIS DELIBERATE. HAS HONGJOONG ALREADY FIGURED OUT THAT MC HAS A SAVIOUR COMPLEX AND IS TRYNA FEED INTO IT OR IS THIS HOW HE FIGURES THAT OUT LATER

“Why does he want to see me?” You ask, voice small and quiet. “Is it — does he know about… you know?” “I promised that I would never tell Hongjoong,” I PROMISED THAT I WOULD NEVER TELL HONGJOONG. NOT "NO, HE DOESNT KNOW." BECAUSE HE DOES. MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS SO CAREFUL

sans lil confession plus head kiss followed right by seonghwas actual kiss this was the moment i decided polyamory was the only option and started digging my own grave. HKJKSDFHGKJSDFHGJKSFDJK its ok im prepared to lie in it ✌️

"I had no place being the captain. Someone else would be better, someone who was an Elitist." i forgot about this okay did mc just brush over how hongjoong is definitely not an elitist. what the FUCK is he still. me bets are still on normie but i am not entirely Sure

“It’s not necessarily my story to tell. Yunho needed – needs – me. And I needed a healer. Perhaps it was fate that brought us together.” damn is this backstory related or did yunho just fall in love with him straight away. AJKDSGJSDFKJJADFHKSJKHSK

hm i wonder if mingi killed his dad. or asked yunho to do it medically or sumn. 🤔 in that backroom…

hongjoong being so dodgy about what seonghwa means to him BOOO JUST ADMIT YOURE IN LOVE WITH HIM ALREADY

damn i forgot hongjoong straight up admitted he's deathly afraid of jin thats so juicy we've barely heard of him in the more recent chapters but hes def gonna come back eventually huh... thatll be... interesting...

"The more you think about it, the more similar you realize you and Hongjoong are. Time has been chasing you your whole life. The past rushing to catch up with you, and it seems that Hongjoong is in a similar position." THE PARALLELSSSSS OUGUGHHHHH GOD I LOVE PARALLELS!!!!!! edit: take a shot every time i talk about "THE PARALLELSSS" and die of alcohol poisoning.

"He’s holding you like you are something precious." OHHH MY GODDDD THERE IT FUCKING ISSSSSS i forgot how good the hongjoong/mc dynamic was from the very start bc i was more focused on sanhwa but man you can already tell without having to spell it out that hongjoongs approval is like crack to her. OHHH MY GODDDDDDDDD ITS SOOOOO UGH god this hits so different

GOD I LOVE THEMMMM I LOVE YUNHOS SMARTS AND ASS <3

havent they known each other for six years now? and hes still not used to calling him hongjoong? 🤔

“But it’s my fault that they doubted me. My abilities and my position as captain. They wanted Jin to take my place. If I hadn’t been born as a–” as a normie. right. as a normie who cant do anything like lead a pirate ship. right?

"It’s a moment of intimacy, but there’s nothing there except for a brotherly love and desire to comfort each other." oh damn that shit BROTHERLY huh. now that one didnt age well LMFAOOOOO

OHHHH WAIT DID JISUNG STEAL HONGJOONGS FILE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS.... DAAAMN I WONDER WHAT ELSE WAS ON THAT FILE... or what else was stolen w that file... it was shit that could take down the military right.... wait or did mc steal it. bc hongjoong says "he" but maybe they just didnt know it was mc... i just dont know if jisung was a particularly high ranking soldier?

anyway that wraps up my t h o u g h ts for the past couple acts that took a lot longer than i thought it would given... life n all and also i dont think my friends continued with it yet bc we've all just been so busy and friend number 2 in particular said that the interims particularly the mingi one gave them such potent depression that they needed to be Emotionally Prepared to dive into this fic again which LMFAOOOO FAIR I WAS LIKE. YEAH IF YOU THOUGHT THE MINGI INTERIM WAS DEPRESSION YOU AINT READY FOR THE REST OF THIS FIC MAYBE BUCKLE UP BABE. SDHFJGKSFGKJ but i will send an ask with their reactions when/if they pick it up again! as always hope youre having a looovely day and i will be off to act four <3

mists of celeste ➻ nineteen

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 5.0k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, ! depictions of a panic attack ! ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

mists of celeste act three ➻ part one

“Have you been sleeping alright over the past few days?”

You glance over at San out the corner of your eye, catching his stare on you as the two of you walk through the corridor. Your gaze flits away from his in less than a second, and you redirect your focus to the floor under your feet rather than on his concerned expression. Despite heading to two separate places, the two of you walk side by side as you approach the training room. Seonghwa is waiting for you there – another sparring session meant to be rehabilitation for your thigh – whereas San is going to eat in the mess hall.

“It could be better…” You admit, letting a small sigh slip through your lips, and you bring a hand up to your hair. “Yunho gave me some medicine to help me fall asleep and stay that way.”

Keep reading

#would you like to pick an emoji + nickname for a moot tag btw #my moot tags r so inconsistent oml some r just name + emoji n then others r like. dwaekki the changpegger SKJDFHKJSDFKH #in which you can decide whether you just want your name or if i should assign you something like. destroyer of my psyche #LMFAOOO JSKDFHKJSKJDFHS

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broken-clover · 2 years ago

Note

now that im done with my live blog...you mentioned some ideas i gave you? care to share? :D And how was the rewatch for you in general? Anything that really sticks out for you in hindsight?

I really appreciate doing this rewatch, both because it was tons of fun, and because I think it helped loosen my writer's block! I ended up with a few concepts along the way, a couple I already scrapped because they were too rough or just wouldn't have been as interesting as I initially hoped, but there are a couple I'd at least like to try and flesh out proper

-Post-canon with the baby angels, with a mix of cute baby mischief and the angels reflecting on the past/their optimism for doing things better the second time around

-How the spirits originally ended up in the angels' possession, it was mentioned that the warriors 'disappeared' but also that the spirits were specifically given (this one is probably gonna get a little angsty and sad)

-Post-canon with the kids trying to re-adapt after being stuck in fight-or-flight for several months (this one is the most tenuous on whether or now I'll end up writing it, because it definitely would be pretty angsty and I don't know if that would be too much)

-Group hug fic. I don't care if it makes sense that it didn't happen in canon, or that I technically already did that with Acclimation, I'm giving Koichi a fucking hug

One of the really fun parts of going back to watch something again when you're older is that I've got a lot more knowledge and experience to analyze it critically. And I don't just mean spending the whole time going 'oh this sucks' because yes yes we all know the power scaling is stupid and parts of it were lowkey misogynistic and the pacing can be rough in spots, I mean it's fun to look at stuff on a technical level and in terms of its individual aspects.

For example, partly due to the dub changes and partly due to just being a dumb little kid, I hadn't realized there was a persistent theme of religion/mythology across the whole thing, and it was neat to notice! Considering that the Digital World's past and the mythos that sprung up around it and the legendary warriors themselves are a massive part of this world's backdrop, and the fact that the ultimate villain is based on Lucifer, the idea that a tyrannical fallen angel gets defeated by a group based on all different kinds of gods and creatures from all over the world is really very cool! I still maintain this series has one of the best portrayals of the Digital World

I'm not gonna say too much about the acting, mainly because I feel like having any serious complaints would be silly, I mean it was 2001 and I think anime in the US still had to have been a more niche thing, and even then I still hold a huge soft spot for early 2000's dubbing. Some of the things like dub-added accents were so gloriously stupid that I can't help still liking it. It still feels a little weird that EmperorGreymon was the only one with a sudden shift, but I can fully respect Reisz's concern about damaging his voice, gotta know your limits. (Apparently Wittenberg fully took over Takuya's part for the film, I'm gonna have to go back and see if it's obvious enough to notice. Also, fun fact that I would not have realized if I hadn't stumbled upon it, he voiced literally all of the Trailmon. Helluva range!)

(Also still a little surprised at Crispin Freeman's range, mainly because the others didn't seem to have as drastic a change between forms, but I love it! My only complaint in that looking up more of his voicework, the rougher voice seems to be the one he uses more often, and if I had to pick between the two I really do prefer the softer voice. Yes that's biased because I had a crush as a kid, and I'm not apologizing)

I think the pacing is still better than people tend to give it credit for, I could see the Knights arc being a couple of episode shorter, but I still stand by my belief that it really was good and did a good job in doing callbacks and hammering it home that yes, the literal world is being deleted in chunks and that is terrifying. If anything, I felt the only real part that was an 'oh god hurry the fuck up already' drag was getting to the castle and fighting Cherubimon, but at least that was just a couple of episodes and it gave us not-Christopher Walken.

Overall? Yep, I'm reaffirming my position as a Frontier apologist. Is it fine art? No, but who the fuck expects a shonen series to be fine art?? Sometimes you just need a ragtag group of kids making friends and saving the world, with plenty of fun stupid hijinks in between.

#I gotta work on whittling down my long responses #ah well what can you do #ask #digimon #digimon frontier #long post

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hawks-feathers · 4 years ago

Note

Can i pretty pleaseeee have a iida x childhood crush reader who acts like kenma? Maybe the scenario could be maybe iida talking to class 1-A a story about him and reader going trick or treating when they were younger and they had a whole adventure ,while the reader is just playing videogames? Drink your water!✨

Yes of course :))I love this idea (and I’m a massive simp for iida so 😌). I’m drinking water 😌 so you better drink your water also 💕

Also quick authors note: I really am so so sorry to anyone whose followed recently or sent in a request. I was kinda on a hiatus and lacked motivation to write. With the new year I hope to stick to writing more. Even though I have a bunch of requests from my hiatus please, if you have a request send it in so I can write more and have more motivation 🥺

Iida x reader who’s also his childhood crush scenario!

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Pairings: Iida x reader

Scenario: Iida and the reader are childhood friends and iida isn’t so subtle about his crush.

Warnings?: none fluff!

“Long term lovers” ~~ Iida imagine

“Alright everyone... I’m tired today so I’m gunna let the class rep decide what you guys do today” you hear suddenly as Aizawa walks in the classroom as he’s saying his famous “I’m tired” excuse. “Aren’t you always-.... and he’s asleep” you hear Momo say from the back of the class. Without even a second to spare everyone starts having their own conversations. Kirishima and Denki were trying to have a conversation with Bakugo who looked like he was going to throw one of them (probably Denki) through the window. You turn your head a little to the back of the room, opposite of you and see Momo, Tokoyami and Shoto. All seemed to be doing class work. Tokoyami was reading a huge book, well over a couple hundred pages. Shoto and Momo were talking but they looked like they might of been comparing notes? Shoto had his notebook on his desk but Momo was leaning towards Shoto with her notebook in her hand. Both were reading from Momos notebook with a puzzled look. Uraraka who was to your right leaned diagonal from her desk to talk with Midoriya who was right in front of you. It seemed they might’ve been talking about different Pro hero’s with Froppy occasionally butting in but you didn’t care enough to listen.

Iida loudly stood up from his seat behind you and started to the front of the class. You knew Iida, you’ve known him since you both were toddlers, you knew he was going to make you do work. Unfortunately for you today was a big day. A new game was being released and you were hell bent on buying it. So you brought your switch to school with hopes Aizawa would be tired (like he always is). As Iida walked by you grabbed his uniforms sleeve and tugged a little. This was your way of telling him you wanted to say something but there was either too many people around or you didn’t want others to hear you, kind of like a toddler with an adult almost. He looked down at you kind of puzzled with a little hint of worry when you did this then he leaned down so he was at face height with you and turnt his head so you could speak. “Iida im not feeling great today... do you think we could have a chill day?” You whispered in his ear, anxiety already rising. Apparently he could tell because he looked down at you hesitantly then sighed. You were so tunnel visioned on getting Iida before he had gotten to the front of the classroom you hadn’t realized all eyes were on you and Iida apparently everyone was waiting for Iida instructions.

As Iida walked behind the podium everyone’s eyes quickly followed him (to your relief) “okay... this is a one time thing” Iida said sternly. “Today we’ll just have a “chill day” I suppose we could tell funny stories” he says questioning himself almost. From your peripheral vision you saw everyone looking around the room, some were nodding or shrugging. Everyone seemed content with that. Out of no where Denki yells “WOAH LETS -“ he didn’t get far before Bakugo knocked him on the head. You quickly turn your gaze to Iida expecting him to start scolding Bakugo but you noticed he was looking at you. Quickly he changed his gaze to in front of him and coughed, you could’ve sworn he was blushing a little. “Well I guess I could start...” he sounds unsure. “Why don’t you tell us about your favorite memory?” Momo asks encouragingly from the back, you looked back and saw a small smile on her face, seemed she was genuinely interested. When you focused your attention back on Iida he looked so happy, his eyes were bright and he was smiling the biggest smile. You reached in your bag and took out your console to start it up. “I think I’ll tell you about the time me and y/n went trick or treating when we we’re probably 12 or 13!” He said cheerfully. Not taking your eyes off your console you smiled a soft smile.

“God we’ve been friends since we were born” Iida chuckled “ the first time our parents let us go trick or treating by ourselves we thought we were so cool” Iida said shaking his head ignoring the scoff that came from Bakugos desk. “ anyway we prepared the whole day, we forgot to sleep. When it came time to trick or treat y/n was tired... we probably didn’t walk a block before they were complaining so I had them get on my back haha I basically gave them a piggy back for miles before I realized they fell asleep” still looking down at your console a blush of embarrassment filled your face, you were glad your hair fell around it because you definitely felt some eyes on you waiting for a reaction. “That’s so precious” you hear Momo whisper from the back of the room “of course as soon as I realized I brought them back to my house, my parents wound up calling their parents and they just stayed the night in my room and I was forced to spend the night with my brother but I didn’t really mind” Iida smiled “of course you wouldn’t care , no ones going to complain about their crush sleeping in their bed” Bakugo leaves a snarky comment. When you heard that you stopped looking at your console but didn’t stop looking down, you were trying to listen.. as if looking at your game impacted your hearing. “I- crush? Well I don’t know about that..” Iida stammers “oh come on Iida, the way you talk about them and the way your face glows..” Momo cheers, hands clasped in front of her. soon your face was beet red and you now kind of hoped you had paid attention to Iida instead of play a game. “That’s enough....”Aizawas sleepy voice croaked from the ground. “Stop tormenting the class rep” Aizawa said Getting up from the ground, his nap was over and he was about to start something but you knew Iida and you were going to have a conversation after school. When no one was around

Post Authors note: I’m not a fan of this tbh, im so disappointed in myself for this one. I’m trying to get back into writing after a long break so please forgive me. Also if you have any requests my ask box is open and if you liked this considering giving it a heart?🥺

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beomglocks · 4 years ago

Text

unlikely allies ; txt x reader

part: two ,,,, next chapter / previous chapter

plot: when a zombie apocalypse breaks out in your town, you’re forced to team up with a group of boys from very different social standards in your school.

genre: fluff, angst, horror i guess?, not really that scary but alright, some funny moments

w/c: 4.2K (was in a writing mood)

warnings: blood, gruesome scenes (kind of really detailed), cursing, everyone hates each other, definitely some major injuries, zombies duh, everyone kinda pining for mc

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"we're alive, you're alive, it's gonna be ok."

usually, when people say those words, everything ends up going completely wrong. the phrase gets jinked and turned over on its head making the situation worse. in your case, that didn't happen. if anything the situation got better somehow.

"after we met in the hall i headed to the gym to get the bat you suggested," beomgyu explains softly. you and him were seated on one of the benches in the locker room.

after what happened earlier with the zombie, you distanced yourself from yeonjun and taehyun who were currently exploring the locker room for other resources. luckily, none of the other zombies outside knew you all were in here so it was safe to say you were in the clear for now.

"actually if it wasn't for you, i'd probably be dead," he laughs looking down at his hands. you noticed there was a lot of blood on them but didn't bother to ask where it came from. after all, you all seemed to be in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. "i could say the same," you chuckle. you honestly don't have to energy to talk but you figure a new face to converse with who isn't someone you despise is nice.

"no but really," he suddenly turns serious. "if it wasn't for you, i would've never gone to the gym in the first place. i probably would've been turned into one of those monsters while in the hallway, unsuspecting." you don't argue with him. if he thinks you saved his life then so be it. "i'm grateful seriously," he mentions softly. you look up at him bewildered, "you're grateful? if anything i'm the one who should be grateful," you laugh a genuine laugh this time hoping to lift the gloomy mood. "if it wasn't for you i would be the living dead right now," you smile bitterly.

you can feel him staring at you but you don't look at him. you don't want this conversation to turn into a battle of who saved who and thankfully he doesn't continue it.

"uh i-i think just last week we were working on a lab together," he scratches the back of his head nervously. you lean back on the bench, "oh yeah, i remember. wow it's crazy how things can change so drastically in a matter of days." you look around the locker room in thought, "i wonder what happened to everyone else, i mean how can something like this happen?" you continue.

he sighs, "i really don't know...like i said, i headed to the gym after we saw each other. everything seemed normal. i was in the batting room looking for a metal bat then i hear the locker room door burst open. i figured the baseball team was about to start practice so i walked out while trying to hide the bat under my shirt." he looks at you sheepishly as you laugh at his attempt at stealing. "well one of the members of the team was in the corner of the locker room just scratching his arm like crazy! i'm talking deep wounds with blood dri-" you cut him off, grimacing. "r-right well, i asked him what happened and all he told me was not to go out there. i was confused so i look into the gym and see people eating each other than coming back to life and doing the same to others."

he closes his eyes but winces as if remembering a bad memory, "it was crazy, i was so starstruck that i didn't even realize the guy from before had already turned. it's a good thing i heard him making those weird noises or else i would've turned too. unfortunately, i had to kill him using the bat." your eyes fall on the bruised and bloody bat by his side. it must've taken beomgyu a lot of hits to figure out where exactly to aim to kill. "how did that other one that attacked me get in?" you ask.

"well apparently the one that attacked me wasn't the only one to come in earlier. he must've been hiding or something," beomgyu sighs, looking at you again. "look y/n, im really glad yo-"

"we didn't find anything useful other than the bats and some paddings," yeonjun strolls into the main locker room with taehyun looking dejected behind him. you glance at them then look back at the ground. you're not sure why you're angry at them, it's not like they could've done anything at the moment. suddenly the sad realization hits you: yeonjun is a self-centered asshole who doesn't care about anyone and taehyun barely knows you so why would he risk his life.

beomgyu mutters something silently to himself but you don't hear it. "so what are we gonna do now? we can't just stay here forever," yeonjun sits on the bench opposite of yours with his arms perched on his knees. you stay silent, not really wanting to talk anymore. beomgyu ruffles his hair, "let's see... we have bats and the baseball teams protective gear somewhere around here but I don't think going around killing all the zombies in that gym is a good idea. we will definitely not make it out alive."

taehyun sighs angrily, "damn it, we can't just stay here. we're bound to get hungry or worse; wanna use the bathroom. we need to find a way out to find more people. i still believe we're better in numbers." he notices you haven't pitched any ideas yet so he looks at you expectingly.

when you don't answer, yeonjun groans, "cmon y/n how long are you gonna keep acting like this?" you look up and see he's looking at you with a bored expression. "look sorry we couldn't help or whatever but honestly what did you expect us to do? no offense but you're acting like a child." you don't wanna give him the satisfaction of knowing that what he said got to you so you bite your lip and glance at the ground.

"yeonjun when you put 'no offense' in front of an offensive statement it doesn't make it any less offensive,” beomgyu rolls his eyes. "plus, they almost died. do you really not have any empathy oh wait i forgot you're a selfish jackass who probably wouldn't think twice about throwing us to the wolves." in all the time you've known choi beomgyu, which is a couple of months roughly, you don't think he's ever stood up for himself or others for that matter.

"beomgyu," you warn silently. you guys already have enough problems as it is, you don't need a fight breaking out. "oh look who's getting bold," yeonjun chides. "you save one person and suddenly you're the hero of the story," he rolls his eyes. "news flash, y/n doesn't like you."

beomgyu's eyes widen and you see his ears turn red. "shut up yeonjun," he says through gritted teeth. "oh yeah y/n by the way beomgyu has an embarrassingly massive cru-" before yeonjun can finish his sentence he's on the floor with beomgyu on top of him.

"guys!" taehyun shouts. he wanted to break up the fight before the zombies outside were alerted. none of the boys on the floor were listening though and you had a huge wave of deja vu hit you.

unfortunately, this wasn't like the last fight you witnessed because yeonjun was far stronger than his opponent this time. although beomgyu had the advantage of throwing the first punch, yeonjun had the advantage of actually being able to fight. "y/n doesn't like you! they'll never like you no matter what you do!" yeonjun shouts in between punches. "fuck you!" beomgyu retorts, trying to shield himself. you see taehyun conflicted on whether or not he should break up the fight since his wrist is still damaged.

"guys stop!" at this point, both boys are in a blind rage. both shouting at each other and throwing wild punches. you all hadn't heard the banging on the locker room door. until it was too much to handle. the lock was busted open in a flash causing all of you to whip your heads towards the door.

the force of all the zombie's dog piling on the door after hearing the commotion of the living on the other side must've been too much for the door to handle. "run run RUN!" taehyun grabs you and bolts towards the second doors of the locker room leading towards the girl's side. you didn't even have time to look back and see if yeonjun and beomgyu had time to get off the floor and run because before you know it you're in the hallway again.

"we have to get to the first room we see," taehyun pants. you both run past all the strangler zombies in the hallway and you're glad taehyun takes the brunt of the force. since he's the one that picked up some of the equipment his arms are paddled so it's fairly easy to take some force from the zombies jumping at a chance to bite him. you run close behind him grasping his hand tighter than you'd ever held anything.

you suddenly remember all the times you'd scream at a character in a horror movie when they trip and fall. sympathy rushes through you because it definitely wasn't easy.

"in here!" taehyun rushes towards the nearest room and barges through it. it took a bit of force since there seemed to be stuff blocking it from the inside but you both managed to get through it before the horde caught you. as soon as you get in the room you heave for air, you'd seriously never run that fast in your life. you turn around towards the now-closed door and to your dismay, beomgyu and yeonjun are not there.

"damn it we got split up," you mumble through deep breaths. you sincerely hope they're both ok. you turn back around but before you could get a chance to discuss with taehyun you see he has his hands up in surrender. "wha-" that's when you hear a gun click.

your eyes widen when you see soobin appear from the shadows of the room with a gun in his hands. that's when you realize where you are, the principal's office.

"soobin!" you're confused as to why he has a gun pointed towards you guys but you're glad he's alive. "get any closer and you'll end up like the principal," soobin spits. you finally look towards the floor where the principal's desk is located and see what looks like a body but it's unmoving.

"oh my god," you mumble. "dude what the hell," taehyun steps forward and soobin turns the gun towards him. "get away from me! i don't know if you're infected or not!" you're very worried because soobin looks like he's not mentally capable of wielding a gun at this moment.

you finally survey him and the room. his hair is an absolute mess and he has more blood on his face and body then you remember. his clothes look pretty normal except for the scratches and blood on them. they didn't seem to go that deep just enough to rip his clothes. the room on the other hand was a total mess. the bookshelf was on the floor and the chair in front of the principal's desk was flipped over, there were books all over the floor and the couch that was used for lounging was turned upside down. that's probably what was blocking the door.

"soobin," you warn. he points the gun at you. "we're not infected." you hope you sound calm. you don't want to give him a reason to think you're a zombie. "there's no way," he mumbles. "everyone's dead! there's no way you guys made it out alive."

"it's true!" taehyun encourages. "yeonjun, beomgyu, y/n and i are alive from what we know." soobin eyes you both, "where are they then?" you sigh dejectedly, "we got split up."

"look, we promise we're not infected! we haven't gotten bit or scratched or anything, please put the gun down," you step closer to him and when he doesn't wave it at you you grab it from him and throw it on the floor.

soobin steps back towards the wall and sinks down to the floor holding his head in his hands. "damn it! i hate this!" he mumbles. "what the hell happened in here?" taehyun asks. he walks towards the principal's body and cringes.

soobin sighs, "he was already one of those monsters when i got here, it was a struggle trying not to get eaten but i found a gun hidden under the desk. i guess it's a gun meant for self defense so that's what i used it for." you look down, processing his words. he was in here alone with a zombie. you're amazed at his ability to stay alive in such a tight situation.

"do you have any wounds, we have a first aid kit," you motion towards the bag on taehyun's back. he gives you a grateful smile, "thanks." you take the bag from taehyun while he watches you closely. he feels weird but he can't explain it. he doesn't want to watch you patch soobin up but he doesn't say it out loud. he decides to busy himself with looking around mindlessly instead of thinking about that.

in the meantime, you kneel down to help soobin. he watches you take out everything from the first aid kit. "sorry," he bites his lip. you chuckle dryly. this is one of those times when soobin looks and acts soft. you've only interacted with him a couple of times before with the extracurricular activities and fundraisers your school held. you knew he could be nice when he wanted to, he just got into fights a lot.

seeing him up close made you realize why so many people in your school fawned over him. he had looks that could rival yeonjun's. the only thing differentiating them was that soobin was actually kind of nice. "it's fine, you were scared," you say softly. instead of responding he opts for watching you silently. he's seen you around school and during the fundraisers and whatnot but never thought much about it. were you always this cute? sure, you had remnants of blood on your face but it didn't seem to take away from your looks.

he shakes his head at the thought. he shouldn't be thinking that about you, he barely knows anything about you other than your name and that you were seemingly willing to go out your way to help people. you give him a confused face and he just looks down at the ground. you cant tell what he's thinking and don't really dwell on it. you wet the cotton ball in your hand with alcohol, "this might sting." he doesn't say anything seemingly lost in his thoughts.

"god, why are these boys so weird towards you," you think to yourself. you gently dab the cotton ball on the cut on his face and he flinches violently. his hand flies up to grab your wrist and he looks at you with wide eyes. "i told you it was gonna sting," you shake his hand from you and sit back waiting for him to regain himself. "sorry i didn't hear you. i wasn't ready for that," he groans, cracking his neck. "ok now."

after you finish patching soobin up, which including him flinching a lot and you telling him to calm down, you let him rest on the floor. taehyun has been seated on top of the principal's desk this whole time just spaced out, looking out of the window. you join him but wince when you see someone on the floor getting eaten. you turn back to him but he's still looking outside.

"i don't think calling for help is gonna work," he says emotionlessly. you sit on the desk beside him. "hey don't say that, there could be people alive out there." you sound like you're trying to reassure yourself more than him. "what if there's no one?" he turns to look at you. "this is so messed up y/n." you see the unshed tears hidden in his eyes and you wanna comfort him but also don't wanna make it awkward. you opt for taking his damaged hand in yours and rubbing it with care.

"i know the situation is really messed up and everything but so far we've managed to save like three people including ourselves. if we keep going maybe we'll be safe and find anyone out there that can help us," he watches you trace his bandaged wrist like you're in a trance. a sudden realization hits him out of nowhere: you're cute... and super caring. he bites his lip, changing the subject, "sorry for not doing anything, back then."

you look up at him and give him a tight lip smile, "it's fine. i guess i might've been expecting too much from you guys, i mean we didn't even have anything on us. beomgyu was the only one with a weapon." you're not mad anymore since he did manage to get you both to safety afterward. you sigh, letting go of his hand. you don't notice him visibly deflate. "i hope yeonjun and beomgyu are ok. i didn't get to see what happened after the door busted open."

taehyun lays back on the desk and covers his face with his arm, "i'm sure they're fine." you hear a groan from somewhere in the room and you flinch, instinctively shuffling closer to taehyun. he bites back a smile from under his arm. you look around and sigh when it's just soobin trying to stand up again. "what are you guys doing?" he goes to sit next to you but there isn't any more space on the desk since you're sitting and taehyun's laying down. he frowns and goes for the principal's seat instead.

"just looking outside, feeling hopeful...others hopeless," you smile at him, hoping to lift the mood. soobin hums, spinning around in the swivel chair, "i'm pretty hopeless." you frown and suddenly soobin feels guilty that he made you upset. "i mean i'm just saying that since i saw a bunch of innocent people in the hall get eaten alive, that's all. there might be some hope outside of the school."

there's a silence that falls upon you three and you're not sure what to say. thankfully soobin speaks up and he hopes it doesn't sound awkward when he says it, "how long have you two been...together?" this causes taehyun to sit up, "what do you mean by that?" soobin raises his hands in surrender. "i was just wondering when is it that you two met up."

"yeonjun and i found him in the nurse's office. that's when everything went to shit," you mumble. "yeonjun? that prick is still alive?" soobin scoffs. "hey, he may be an asshole but his plan got us out of that office," you chide. taehyun stares at you, "you're standing up for him when he called you childish and started that fight?" he says quietly.

"what's wrong with standing up for yeonjun? i know he's a dick but i think he might actually be helpful. he could've left us back at the nurse's office but he decided to stick around. that's commendable, i think," you don't even know why you're suddenly sticking up for him when he hasn't really given you a reason too. maybe it's because you feel bad that he's not actually here to defend himself.

"great another one," you hear soobin mumble under his breath. "another what?" you narrow your eyes at him. "another person that only exists to suck up to yeonjun. here i was thinking i might actually like you," he chuckles flatly. "excuse me?" you can feel embarrassment and anger bubbling up in you.

soobin and taehyun look at you with wide eyes. "let me get one thing straight, i don't live to suck up to anyone, especially with the way things are. if you have a problem with me sticking up for people who aren't here to defend themselves then i'll leave. i don't care if you like me or not," with that you walk up to the door. the hallways seem pretty clear so you go to open the door.

"y/n," taehyun whisper shouts at you. "don't go out there alone, i'll go with you." he frantically moves to pack up his bag once again. you see soobin move to stand up and walk over to you too but you remember what he said. "i don't want anyone of you around me, i'll find other people on my own. wouldn't want you to think i'm sucking up to everyone who tries to help me."

"that wasn't what i meant, i just- fuck y/n- wait," he reaches out towards you but you close the door quickly. you start walking down the hallway, not really knowing where to go. "this was a very bad idea," you think to yourself. so far there's no zombies in the hall you're currently on but you can't shake the fear that's lingering behind you.

you figure taehyun and soobin didn't follow after you or just didn't get a chance to see where you went. you kind of hope they stay put at the principal's office for when you come back with more people. you're pulled from your thoughts quite literally when you're yanked into the janitor's closet.

you go to scream but a hand covers your mouth. you blink a couple of times for your eyes to adjust to the dimness of the tiny space. this is a tiny closet only meant for brooms and mops so your body is very pressed up against whoever is in here with you.

you look up and see yeonjun smiling down at you. he has blood all over his face from the fight that kind of looks like he tried to wipe it off but failed. "oh my god yeonjun," you whisper. you're not sure why your being quiet but you don't want any potential zombies passing by to hear you two.

"hey y/n," he whispers. "how the hell are you alive?" you ask him. "well considering the fact that taehyun is a baseball player which makes him a fast runner, beomgyu and i couldn't keep up so we went into hiding in the girls locker room since it was dark. the zombies followed you guys so once we heard no more commotion we left. beomgyu didn't wanna hang around me so he went around tryna find you." yeonjun rolls his eyes at this.

"you should've stuck with him asshole. im worried about his wellbeing," you bite your lip in worry. you really don't want anything to happen to anyone you've met so far. yeonjun keeps looking down at you, "y/n."

you look back up at him and see his face riddled with worry, "am i really that unbearable, that people would rather die than be around me?" you shake your head viciously. "what? don't say that! i mean sure you're a dick but anyone can change."

you both don't break eye contact for a moment and it kind of starts to feel stuffy in the closet. yeonjun suddenly speaks up, "do you like beomgyu?" your eyes widen and you start to feel heat rise up your neck and cheeks. "n-no, well i don't know...yet. i-i really don't know. i guess he and i are friends and maybe if we talked mor-" in that moment of you stuttering over your words, yeonjun leans down, as best as he can in such a tight space, to place a gentle kiss on your lips.

your eyes widen and you realize you aren't really doing anything so you decide to kiss back. you're so confused right now but decide to let the moment flow. he nibbles on your bottom lip and you let your mouth drop open for him to use his tongue. he somehow manages to push his body closer to yours and wraps his arms around your waist. the kiss isn't rough or needy and is nice but it feels wrong and weird, especially given the circumstances.

you pull away and lick your lips. yeonjun tries to chase your lips but you push him back gently. "why are you kissing me," you ask him shyly. "do you even like me?" this is the part where he hurts you. you wouldn't say you had strong feelings for yeonjun but you did think he was good looking. even though he was mostly mean to everyone you hoped he would change and be a good link to the tiny group you all formed.

"i think so, i don't really know yet to be honest," he answers you. you nod and sigh, satisfied with his answer towards you for now. "sorry for what i said earlier. you weren't being childish, i'm sorry i couldn't help you back then, and im sorry for starting that fight."

you reassure him that its fine but you still feel a weird pit in your stomach worrying about beomgyu. you hope he's ok.

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