#Im having too much fun in my transition
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I love moments like this My uber driver: Hello maam hope you are having a great day today Me with my deep af voice: I mean if you find me that cute to say that I'll take the compliment but my day is great Uber driver: O.O oh my mistake sorry * drives in silence * Im sorry but I'm finding it too funny that they do this cause of my giant knockers. So the deep voice reply is hilarious to me cause it shuts em up. I cant be mad at em for assuming cause some women do in fact have beards and stashes....the voice thing deff alerted them to go oops sorry tho even more so looking back at me to look at my beard and stash lol XD
#asmtsm rambles#Im having too much fun in my transition#also good news I have top surgery on the 25th of jan so Imsure these comments will stop soon#my name doesnt help cause while its masculine in russia its not so much here even tho it should be adro here tis fun to me tho#im not easily offended irl or in general when I dont know someone and they are going off appearance alone#funty moment
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Realizing that the hottification of skin marks and hair and all that and the increased desirability of all that fun jazz has become another body standard for people who do not have bodies that are "conventionally attractive" to look at enough already. Shout out to people with bodies with distributions of fat or lackthereof that's considered substandard that have no fun marks and tidbits bro
#not saying these things werent considered hot in the past or whatever#but having these quotenquote ugly poorly treated features has been popularized in a way thats like. Ohhh I love these non conventionally#attractive traits!!! I love you just the way you are!!! But like in this way! Having these things makes your body type superior! Its BORING#without them!!!#which just goes back to being a body standard#and like yeah that happens it happens whatever#i just need to like. re assess my transition goals and make sure im aiming for some things for ME#not just to make my body more palatable#i used to not give a fuck and had overcome body image issues#n then i gave too much of a fuck about what some specific people thought#one can never be without influence but i must filter the waters down to MY goals for ME once more#speaking of both of these subjects and adding onto the post#tying it together... i see this a lot in transmasc spaces too. it feels like a really big thing about being masculine enough to be hot#stuff like that. ysee what im sayin? especially in fandom spaces. its either supertwink or superbear so often. fun to draw hot people lots#but gotta make sure it doesnt get to MY head at least
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If I have to worry about dying soon cause I'm trans in the u.s. I want to make sure my last time on earth is HAPPY AS FUCK! SELF LOVE, COOL JUNK, AND FRIENDSHIP!!!! AND MAYBE ROMANTIC LOVE IF I CAN PULL IT OFF!!!!
#retail therapy because fuck it-cant spend money if youre dead#im gonna surround myself with all the cool shit#im gonna get out there and have fun!!!!#i wasted so much of my life being miserable and focusing on preparing for the future#bitch WHAT FUTURE?????#Im gonna live my life as chill as possible#im gonna do all the things#and when thats too overwhelming im gonna relax and enjoy relaxing and not stress out about not being productive#im gonna get myself out there#i love my friends so so so much#i have the best friends ever#and god im adorable#transition made me so hot#my flat chest and stomach hair and my fat ass and chubbt tummy#my neck stubble and curly hair#im weird and thats amazing#trans joy#trans rights#trans euphoria
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#sometimes u just gotta have a cringe fail weekend. is what i tell myself bc i let the fact that i forgot to check my new#email completely obliterate me. also i haven't been sleeping enough. also just the normal thoughts in my head#by which i mean the part of my brain that demands consequences for inattention by means of suffering. devine punishment.#which is irrational and annoying but knowing that doesnt seem to help. so ive just been laying here in the hopes i come unspooled and start#to disintegrate. which is annoying bc ive got stuff to do#specifically bc i am supposed to b a TA this semester. which is what i figured but also feared#so. thats gonna b a lot. tho not as much as my old school bc they dont make TAs do literally everything here apparently#but. itll b a lot. and also i have to finish signing up for classes. bc i didnt do that back in April by my brain was melting. also i have#to keep doing my job and dealing with my data. ugh. well. being a TA isnt so bad. i do like to help ppl learn even if im not very good at it#like. i struggle with thr talking to ppl part. like the transition of ny thoughts to something thst makes sense#oh well. hope i end up teaching something im not too unqualified for. i could do soils. Ecology. uhhh. maybe intro bio but i never even took#university level biology. i just skipped upper level courses. that's probably it. anything else would b a lotta faking it#ugh. im tired. i should go to sleep at 9pm. thr sun hasbt even set and i should sleep#tomorrow i have to get my shit together. but also i wanna email my new professor like hey bro like what do u want me to do???#like how do i start in this lab? when do we start talking. like just not to b pushy but whats thr procedure?#i like Structure but also its like weeks until the semester starts so we got time. im just a lil nuts#jesus. its gonna b an interesting semester. hopefully fun but uh it is sorta like taking a boat out when u can see big ominous clouds#like im sure ill b fine but also i might get dumped over into a watery grave. i just. i have a lot of papers to write#and its gonna b hard to b a student on top of that. partly bc what im gonna b doing now is almost completely unrelated#which is probably y ppl stick to the same track they stsrt on. that awkward moment when ppl ask u if ur gonna keep working with bi0crust#and ur like uhhhh no fuck that actually the work ive done in the past 4 years makes me hate myself✌️#so we r back at square 1. well not 1 bc its sorta related but its a pretty big reset#itll b fine once things start. its just thr anticipation that kills me#unrelated
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oh were so fucking in for it
#if next november canada ends up going the same route im going to be so fucking angry#COME ON GUYS. DONT RUIN THIS I DONT WANT TO BE AMERICA 2.#bc pulled off getting the ndp to win this year. we can do it. come on guys#its just. gah. im sitting here in my nice safe little corner while all my friends are in real fucking danger and i dont know what to do#I LOVE LIVING THROUGH MAJOR HISTORICAL EVENTS ISNT IT FUN#BEING A TRANS TEENAGER IN 2024 IS JUST SO AWESOME#im lucky im canadian but even still. debating if i want to transition at all now cause like. we very much might go sideways too#maybe it will be easier next year because ill be a legal adult but who am i kidding#our conservatives are going to get ideas#and i dont feel like sitting on a waitlist only to have it taken away immediately#im not detransitioning by any means. i dont think i could stomach that#but my awesome plan of transitioning and going stealth is rapidly going out the window#maybe. maybe i can.#im going to try at least. i have to.#whatever happens we have to live. we have to.
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nonidol!kevin moon x f!reader
another summer break, another annual trip to the lake! except, it seems like when you and kev get there, you'll have to make some tweaks to the original rescue protocol.
▷ genre, warnings. childhood friends 2 lovers, fluff, hurt/comfort, humor, swearing, motherly meddling and matchmaking, shirtless kevin..., kissing, talks of academic expectations/pressure/insecurity/and lack of fulfillment, kim seokjin is my favorite plot device, this could technically be slow burn, pining-ish?, im sorry joshua + serena, little to no interactions with the other boyz 😔
▷ word count. 29.0k (...hah)
this is the sixth installment of the love in unity series! reading the prev fics is not required, but i do encourage it :] all prev yns will be referred to as _!yn
a/n: return to summer with me 😌 or for those of u on the other side of the world, we can give summer an early welcome :') treat her w kindness pls </3 hope u enjoy!!
EPISODE ONE (PILOT): DON’T YOU LOVE FORESHADOWING?
"IT still feels weird, man." Kevin Moon brushed his hand over the surface of his newly cropped hair, freshly cut specifically for this summer break, just earlier this week. He probably should have gotten it done before he took all those pictures with his graduating friends, but life had been busy as of late.
Jacob Bae, best friend, roommate, and one of the recent graduates, chuckled from the other side of the video chat. "I'm sure it does. But hey, it looks good, so it's not like you have anything to worry about."
Kevin glanced over at the car where his dad was gassing up. His mom was in the back seat, waving her arm out the window to beckon him back to the vehicle. "Thanks," he grinned. "Looks like my mom is telling me to come back. This is probably the last time I'll have signal for a few weeks."
Just behind Kevin was the little gas station he and his parents stopped at for snacks and the last leg of their drive. It was tradition that every summer his family made the trek to their lakeside cabin a few hours out of Vancouver. Except last summer, Kevin couldn't make it; in contrast, this summer, Kevin and his parents were going without Kevin's younger sister. Usually, there were a couple other families that were there at the same time, too, who Kevin had grown up with. It was usually a grand time.
Kevin adjusted the bag of snacks he'd purchased from the store that hung on his arm as he made his way back to the car.
"Make sure to take pics! And say hi to your mom for me," said Jacob.
"Why don't you say hi to her yourself, Jacob-ah?" Kevin's mom chided teasingly as Kevin took his place in the passenger seat next to his dad. Ever since Kevin and Jacob had met at that one, fateful out-of-country student mixer at university, neither of them shut up about each other to their own families. It was like finding a needle in a haystack, locating a fellow Korean-Canadian.
Kevin passed his phone back to his mom, and he heard Jacob's immediate, "Hi imo! How are you?"
"I've been doing well. Wah, you look so glowy," his mom marveled, and Kevin felt her nudge him in the shoulder. "Hyungseo-ah, maybe you should get a girlfriend, too, if this is how radiant Jacob looks after so long."
Jacob's warm chuckle contrasted Kevin's groan. The latter rubbed his hand down his face with an embarrassed wince. "Eomma," he said weakly, sliding down in his seat. Not this again.
The car began to roll out of the gas station and he lowered his window to catch the breeze as they went. He already recognized the pattern of trees in this area, and his heart fluttered at the thought of being so close to childhood again. The lake was always a favorite place of his.
"—Kevin mentioned something about other families being there?"
"Oh, yes. We're always there with the Ln family, and more recently, Kevin's cousin—you know Yuna, right? She and her husband Seokjin meet us there with their kids now."
Kevin rested his elbow along the edge of the window. "Uncle Seokjin is an interesting character, Cobie," he mused. "I think you'd get along."
"Seokjin gets along with everyone," his dad chimed in.
"You know who you should get along with, Kevin?—" Kevin already knew where his mom was going with this, "—Yn Ln! You're not gonna be shy after spending so long away from her, are you?"
Jacob's voice echoed in the car. "Who's Yn Ln?"
Kevin squirmed in his seat. "Just—a family friend. Mom, can we please not make this a big deal?" And why in the world would he be shy around his childhood best friend? Three years couldn’t have changed a person that much, could it? You were cute—but in a dorky way—that was how he had always seen you.
She sent him an innocent look. "What? I don't know what you're talking about."
"You know what I'm talking about," he said, twisting around in his seat to send her a pleading look. "I don't wanna make her uncomfortable, especially since… y'know… we're not kids anymore?"
His mom made a sound of disapproval, but relented. "Aish, fine. I won't say anything; I promise."
A beat of silence. Then from the phone, "I still have no clue what's going on."
The twins were being a pain again. Most of the time, since you were away at college, you actually missed the twin hellspawn, but you should have known that bliss would shatter the moment you had to endure another five hour car ride with them.
"—MAMA, CONNOR IS BEING A JERK—"
"WELL, ALICE WOULDN'T SHARE THE GOLDFISH!"
The noise-canceling headphones weren't working. Usually, they worked substantially well when trying to block out the frat party noises at school, but they weren't holding up well against adolescent discourse. You would have thought that once they had grown out of toddler-hood, they would calm down a little, but sibling rivalry prevailed.
You shucked your useless headphones off and twisted around in your seat to peer into the backseat. "Here, have mine," you said, dropping your bag of goldfish into your little brother's lap.
Connor's eyes lit up in delight. "Thanks, Yn!"
Your ears rang as you turned back to the front.
The drive up to the lake house was something you and your family did every summer, except, you hadn't gone two summers ago for a summer internship. It was a tradition completed with other families—namely the Moons, who were longtime family friends out of Vancouver. You hadn't seen Kevin, their only son who was your age, in two years because of your conflicting schedules. It would have happened again this year, but your misfortune had you internship-less. Then again, a trip to the lake was never a bad thing.
You leaned your head back against your seat rest to enjoy the rare moment of silence in the car. Already, you could begin to point out the familiar scenery out of your window.
“I heard we’re gonna be getting new neighbors this year,” you heard your mother say from the front row, breaking the brief quiet.
You blinked out of your daze, shifting in your seat and to give momentary relief to your aching behind. “Oh, really? Do we know who they are?”
“Aw, so Uncle Jin and Auntie Yuna aren’t coming to the lake with us?” Alice pouted from the backseat.
“No, Uncle and Auntie are both still coming up with us,” you dad piped up from the driver’s seat. He caught your eyes through the rear view mirror. “Their little ones are coming, too. We’re just gonna have even more people this year.”
“Should be fun,” you murmured. You leaned down to rummage through the backpack at your feet for your backup bag of snacks (because some part of your brain just knew that the twins would forget how to share).
“I can’t wait to see Kevin!” This was Connor; you could feel the car shake as he bounced up and down in his seat. “I’ve been wanting to show him my new helicopter—”
Your eyebrows furrowed. “Con, you brought the helicopter?”
“Yeah, and what about it?”
Before further argument could erupt between you and your brother, your mom stepped in. “Speaking of Kevin…”
You could feel the coming conversation like there were dark gray storm clouds forming in the distance—impending doom, you liked to think. You fumbled with the opening of your chip bag. “Mama, could you possibly, by any chance, not try and set me and Kevin up anymore?” There, you’d said it. It was out in the open.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” your mother sniffed. “I only think that you and Kevin would be very nice together! It’s already so convenient that our families are long-time friends, and—”
“Mama,” you emphasized. “I don’t wanna get into a relationship for convenience's sake.” Your skin was already beginning to heat. Having known the Moons for so long, as well as having kids the same age, your mom and his mom had harped on the opportunity to bring your families together through more than one way.
“She just doesn’t want to get into a relationship at all!” Your little brother cackled.
You sent him a dull look over your shoulder. “And after I gave you my goldfish?” The situation concerning relationships wasn’t as Connor so bluntly put it; rather, you simply had yet to find the right person, as it was for many people. A relationship would have been nice, but when it came, then it would come. Plus, you were pretty sure that Kevin wasn’t the most comfortable with being matchmade with you by the Mother Matchmakers either. That was what the pact was for, anyway.
“I’m just saying that Kevin is a smart, good-looking young man,” your mother teased.
You hadn’t seen him in almost three years, but how much could three years change a guy? Maybe you would admit that he was cute. If you hadn’t known him since he wore Cars diapers, maybe you would have had a crush on him. “No matchmaking,” you repeated.
Your mother sighed melodramatically. “Fine. No matchmaking with Kevin.”
“Thank you,” you said, settling into your seat. Something stirred in the back of your mind, though. For some reason, you had a feeling that this wasn’t the end of this conversation. But as you turned your attention back to the scenery whizzing past you, you let all dealings with matchmaking, boys, and relationships sink to the very back of your mind.
EPISODE TWO: IT’S CALLED AN AMBUSH
THANKS to the convenience of no signal, you could safely attempt to forget about the internship you hadn’t landed this year. The entire debacle had been a headache and a half, but the residual sadness still lingered. There was something about the lakehouse, though, that gave you hope that you could get over it. While you wouldn’t spend this summer doing something “productive” toward your career, you would at least be presented with a pleasant alternative.
Your dad pulled the family SUV into the gravel driveway of your family lakehouse, and childhood flooded back to you. All of the dark oak walls and browned window sills and wildflowers blooming in the front walkway among the grass… You could remember crashing your bike into that one bush to the side of the house where the rain gutter now stood hugging the building.
The twins had fallen asleep sometime between the matchmaking conversation and here, which left the car in a sort of serenity that matched the surroundings. Your house in particular was one of the few houses that was perched a little higher than the lakeshore. There were a couple around the lake that sat directly on the water with docks built into their lower levels though.
You notched your car door open, shouldered your backpack, then quietly lowered your car’s seat. Connor, who was sitting directly behind you, had his head tilted to the side, mouth wide open to catch flies as he slept. With a cheeky smile, you snapped a picture of him. Once tucking your phone away, you climbed into the back to shake him and Alice awake.
“Hey, we’re here,” you murmured. Your parents were already beginning to unload the car of your supplies for the next couple of weeks.
Your brother’s eyes fluttered open, and his arms stretched over his head as he began to compute his surroundings. “Mmm… I’m hungry,” he babbled and smacked his lips together.
Yep, this one was awake.
You patted his face in your version of sisterly affection as you leaned over him to get to his twin. “You gotta wait, dude. You’re gonna ruin your dinner.”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “You always sound like Mom when you say that.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you huffed. You nudged your sister. “Hey, Alice. Up, hm?”
She shifted in her seat, eyes still closed. “Are we here yet?”
“Yeah, hon. We’re here.” With your task completed, you backed out of the car to make space for the twins to climb out after you. You took a step backwards, your foot catching against something and making you tumble into the person directly behind you. “Ah! Shi—”
“Language!” Your mom called from the other side of the car. “Hi Kevin! Wow, did you get a haircut?”
Kevin…?
You recognized the warm chuckle behind you, and the arms helping to steady you patted your shoulders in greeting. “I did!”
When you whirled around, your mouth stretched in a grin, but you didn’t expect to come face to face with the confident stature of the man behind you. He was in a tank top and shorts, which were definitely proper attire for the humid temperature, and yet, your brain was thinking about the amount of arm muscle there was. Oh, and of course, the cropped black hair. You could have sworn his jaw got sharper, too… This was not the timid-faced Kevin Moon—rising freshman in college—you last recalled.
“Kevin!” Connor’s body rocketed past you and crashed into Kevin’s legs.
Kevin bent down slightly to ruffle your little brother’s hair. “Hey, little man! What’s good?”
“I wanna show you my helicopter—!”
“Connor,” Alice said as she hopped out of the car, “Mama wants you to help bring in your stuff, and then you can show Kevin your helicopter.”
Connor’s mouth gaped open like a fish’s. “Wha—what about Yn?”
“Well, that’s just what Mama said, so,” your little sister said matter-of-factly. She raised a hand in a wave to Kevin. “Hi!”
Kevin returned the gesture with a sweet smile. “Hi, Alice.”
You and Kevin watched as your twin siblings raced into the lakehouse with their backpacks strapped onto their bodies. You could hear their hollering from out here as they fought over who would get the top bunk this year.
“They’ve gotten taller,” Kevin commented, drawing your attention back to him.
You brushed your hair from your face. “Yeah, you should’ve seen my reaction when I came back home and they were like, not small enough where I could trip over them anymore.”
The two of you shared a small laugh, and you held one arm with your other. You hadn’t realized how a few years could reset things between the two of you, but you supposed it was also attributed to the fact that three years away at college could lead to a lot of difference and a lot of growth.
“So what’s new with you?” You asked him and nudged his arm with your elbow. “Have you been working out?” You blurted, but ran with it.
Kevin smiled, reaching back to cup the nape of his neck with that sheepishness you recognized as something distinctly Kevin. Maybe things weren’t so different. “Hah, yeah actually. Is it that noticeable?”
You looked him up and down with what you hoped he saw as teasing and not you actually checking him out. “Yeah, dude. You look good though.”
“Really? Thanks, Yn. I appreciate it.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his shorts. "You look good, too—and oh my god, I have so much to catch you up on—"
"Hyungseo! Stop hogging Yn and come in to help with dinner." Just a little ways down the path, Kevin’s mom peered out from the front porch of the Moons’ house. The houses in this neighborhood were a little more spread out than the average suburban street, but their house had always been the closest to yours.
You could have sworn you saw a dusting of pink on your friend’s cheekbones. “I’m not hogging her,” he groaned. He turned back to you, throwing a thumb in the direction of his house. “I’ll see you guys over at ours in a few then?”
You gave a nod. “For sure. My mom and I marinated a couple things for tonight this morning, so we’ll be bringing those over.”
“Sweet,” he grinned, already backpedaling toward his house. “See ya, Yn!”
“Bye, Kevin,” you chuckled and bounded up toward your house.
Once everyone in your household had settled in for the most part, your dad corralled your siblings over to the Moon house, while you and your mom brought over your family’s offerings of tonight’s dinner. Instead of entering through their front door, you simply bypassed the invisible property line between your houses and found Kevin and his dad firing up the barbeque on the back lawn.
Kevin looked up from the box of aluminum foil in his hands and dropped it onto the table. "Oh, auntie! Let me get that for you," he said, meeting you in the middle and taking the tray out of your mom's hands.
"Thank you," she said to him. "How has school been, Kevin? Remind me again—you're a…?"
"Photography major," he replied. The three of you swept past Kevin's dad on your way up to the Moons' house.
"Ah, how's that going for you?"
"It's going well—" Your mom slid the screen door open and you all deposited your shoes to the side before entering the kitchen. "—I should be able to graduate two quarters early, which is nice."
Your mom nodded her head. "That's good, that's good. Katherine, it's nice to see you again!"
As your mom shuffled over to the sink where Kevin's mom was washing a colander of cabbage, you and Kevin set the trays down on the kitchen island.
You heard Kevin's gasp of delight when he lifted the foil off his. "No way. I love your mom's short ribs so much," he said, tipping his head back with his eyes closed.
You laughed at his reaction. "Me, too dude. It's never the same when I try to recreate it at school."
"Oh, for sure," he agreed. He cocked his head to the side, a frown coming into his face. "These should probably go back out to the grill then, huh."
You considered the two trays of meat before you. "You're right."
You both covered the trays back over and began to make your way back out to the lawn.
"Has Connor showed you his helicopter yet?" You asked Kevin while you slid your shoes back on.
The screen door slid shut behind him with his other arm carrying his tray. "He did." Kevin brightened, "It's cool. That kid should go into aviation or engineering."
"That's what I'm thinking," you said. "Though, he's not the greatest at math, but I guess he still has a long way to go before he even needs to consider all that."
He nodded, sighing. "That's true. The twins have a long way to go. Crazy how far we've gotten, y'know?"
You both dropped the marinated meat trays over by Kevin's dad, only to greet your dad on the way down to help out. You were sure that you and Kevin were needed up at the house anyway; your dad had mentioned something about having Connor and Alice start on the batch of kimchi. You hoped he had set up some newspaper this time to avoid a mess.
"My sister says your porch swing broke last year," Kevin said as he followed you back into the kitchen.
"Oh yeah!" You snorted. "Pro tip: don't try to fit two families on that thing. Not a good idea."
The moms directed you both over to the fruits and vegetables on the counter that still needed to be prepped, and you picked up a knife, and Kevin a peeler.
Kevin's brows knitted together as he tossed and caught an asian pear with one hand. "You guys tried to fit both families on that thing? It could barely handle two people the last time I remember."
"Hey, in our defense," you started, already giggling at the memory, "we wanted a cool picture, but then we ended up almost putting a hole through our porch. Lesson learned."
"Lesson learned, indeed." He shook his head as he shucked the pretty ring of golden peel he'd gotten from the pear into the paper bag beside him. "Is it fixed now?"
"Should be," you said. You used the blade of your knife to help coax the peel of the red onion off, then diligently began to take the rest off. "We need a maximum occupancy sign to go with it."
He laughed. "Something like 'less than four people' or something?"
"I think it can handle four people!"
His eyebrows arched high. "You wanna test that theory?"
You glanced up from your diced onions for just a second to meet his gaze. "Uhm no. But you are definitely welcome to."
"Oh, no, no! I'm not getting looped into this solo again like you did with the tire swing that one year."
"Okay, that time wasn't my fault! You said that you bet we could ride it together without breaking the tree branch, and I said—"
Your thought train cut off when the doorbell rang. Both yours and Kevin's heads perked up at the sound and darted in the direction like a pair of meerkats. Even from this room, you could hear the front door being opened and the commotion firing up. There was only one family left to join the party, and you knew exactly who had come to make his presence known.
In minimal time, a lanky man with dark brown bangs and a magazine-cover-worthy face barged into the kitchen with his hands raised, full of grocery bags, and a child riding in a carrier on his chest. "Hello, everyone! Your favorite, most handsome uncle has arrived."
"Hi, Uncle Jin," both you and Kevin chorused, as Kevin's mom took the grocery bags from him with thanks. Your mom must have been the one who opened the door since she had gone into the other room to monitor the twins and their kimchi.
"Hello, children—wow," Kim Seokjin said as he made eyes at Kevin's arms, giving them a little squish. "Close the gyms, everyone. What have they been feeding you at college?"
Kevin's face reddened. "It's nothing, really."
"Nothing?" Seokjin made eye contact with you. "You're seeing this, too, right?"
You swallowed your laugh, but you couldn't suppress your smile. "I'm seeing it, too," you confirmed. You set your knife down and gently ran your finger over baby Leena's head; you wondered how she was still asleep with how loud her father's voice was. "Awh, she's adorable."
Your uncle by association put his hands on his hips. "Fatherhood is great, but let me tell you," he said with flair, "after two kids, I don't want anymore. I think I've seen enough dirty diapers for you both combined."
Kevin laughed. "I'm sure Yuna-noona's on the same page."
"Yes, your cousin and I are definitely on the same page," Jin confirmed while clasping a hand on Kevin's shoulder. His eyes widened, and he gave the muscle beneath his fingers a squeeze. "Jesus—"
"Jin! Do you know where the bag with the formula is?" That was Yuna, Kevin's cousin, calling from the next room over. Soon, her head poked in through the doorway, and her mouth curved into a delighted smile at the sight of familiar faces. "Oh, hi everyone!"
"I think it's in the red colored bag, babe," Jin said as he turned away from you and Kevin and waddled over to where his wife was.
"That's what I thought, too, but I can't find it."
With the young couple now off in search of their bag of baby formula, you and Kevin were again left to yourselves with the fruits and vegetables.
You scooped the diced onions up with one hand and the blade of your knife into an empty bowl for later. "Well, that was…"
"Quite an entrance?" Kevin finished. You could still see the rosiness in his cheeks. "Yup."
"You can always count on Uncle Jin to liven up a place."
"Oh, definitely." Kevin picked up another pear to peel; they would probably either be sliced up for the kids to eat or maybe used to make a dessert later. Something of the sort, at least. "Now where were we?"
You raised your brows as you picked up a carrot. "I think we were talking about how you broke the tire swing in seventh grade."
The evening progressed swiftly with everyone's combined efforts in throwing dinner together. By the time the sun was about to make its descent into the horizon, all three families were moved out onto the back lawn with chairs set up and meats cooking on the grill. There was something beautiful about the lake at this hour—then again, there was always something beautiful about the lake. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but even the way the mosquitoes danced in the waning sunlight made your chest feel warm and fuzzy.
If you strained your vision a little, you could even make out the shapes of people on the opposite shoreline beginning to light campfires of their own. Most of the people who lived around the perimeter of the lake sublet their properties during the non-vacation seasons like your family, the Moons, and the Kims. Then, when the time came, they would return to their lakehouse hideaways for much needed rejuvenation.
As golden hour painted the landscape glorious shades of auburn and butter, you caught your mother making her way toward you out of the corner of your eye.
“Yn-ah,” she said to you with a plate of the fruit that you and Kevin had cut earlier in her hands. She gestured for you to take it from her, then nodded up over to the house on the other side of the Moons’ place. “Take the twins and go welcome our new guests.”
You furrowed your brows. “New guests?” When you followed her gaze, you saw that the house next door had acquired a new car in its driveway. You definitely didn’t recognize it, but you managed to spot what looked like someone disappearing in the front door of the house.
“They’re one of the new families, I think,” she told you. She then gave you a little nudge, urging, “Go. We’re still working on dinner anyways.”
You glanced between the plate of fruit in your possession, then searched the back lawn for the hellspawn. When you located their whereabouts (skipping through a pair of hula hoops over by the big oak tree), you marched over to them to repeat your mother’s instructions.
“Oi!” You called out.
Alice looked over at you as she stopped her skipping. “I don’t want fruit,” she said when she saw what you were holding.
You stopped just short of Connor’s hula hoop circumference. “It’s not for you. Mama wants us to go say hi to the new neighbors. Come on.”
“Do we have to?”
“If I do, then yes. And Mama said so.” Plus, you were not planning to go alone upon any circumstance. Your social anxiety could not take showing up at a stranger’s doorstep alone and with fruit.
The twins dropped their hula hoops and begrudgingly trudged after you. No child could trump the “Mom said so” card. At least, not in this household.
With your siblings following after you like two ducklings to a Mother Goose, Kevin saw the line of you walking past from where he was stationed beside his dad. His eyes zipped from you, the kids, and the plate of fruit, then cocked his head to the side in bemused inquiry.
You inclined your head toward the house you aimed for in the distance and lifted the plate of fruit as if that was enough explanation.
He gave a grave nod for your sake, teasing of course, then held up his free hand in a thumb’s up for encouragement.
Nonetheless, you and your siblings carried on.
The lakehouse on the Moons’ other side was similar to all the others around the lake: dark wood walls, doors encased in a protective screen door, grass and flowers growing out of the cracks where the house met the earth. You could feel your siblings converge on you, nearly hiding behind you, as you all approached the front door. It wasn’t that the house looked scary in any way—it was just the prospect of new people that was the scary part. You were sure this family was just as friendly as everyone else, but it didn’t hurt to be a little nervous.
When the three of you reached the front door, you raised your hand to ring the doorbell.
You could hear the echo of the bell inside the house, followed swiftly by a man’s voice, “I’ll get it!”
Footsteps drawing closer… then the locks came undone, and finally, the main door inside the screen swung open.
“Hi,” greeted the young man on the other side.
You paused when his face became clearer after opening the screen door. He was, to put it bluntly, awfully pretty. Dark hair swept back out of his face and behind his ear, a prince’s facial features, and a smile that was as beautiful as the golden hour greeted you and your siblings. Even his voice was soft.
Alice held onto the side of your shorts pocket. “You're pretty.”
The man made an expression of humble surprise, and heat rose to your neck. “Sorry,” you stammered. “We’re from a couple doors down and we wanted to welcome you to the lake. These are for you and your family.” You managed to pass the plate over to him without being any more embarrassing.
He accepted the offering graciously. “Oh, wow. Thank you so much! That’s so thoughtful.”
You placed your hands on either of your siblings’ backs to push them forward slightly. “I’m Yn, and these are my little siblings, Alice and Connor.”
Your siblings chimed in their hellos to the pretty man.
His eyes narrowed in upturned crescent moons, smile widening. “Well it’s really nice to meet you guys. I’m Joshua, but my friends call me Josh or Shua.”
EPISODE THREE: MAMMA MIA! HERE WE GO AGAIN…
IT turned out that your mother had an ulterior motive for sending you and your siblings to greet the newcomers. She had popped up behind you soon after Joshua had introduced himself to invite him and his family to have dinner with you. You could sniff out the conspiracy from a mile away, but you still wanted to give your mom the benefit of the doubt.
When the first night passed without anything happening, though, you slowly let your guard down. (Rookie mistake.)
Everyone crashed into bed after cleaning up dinner. The move up to the lake was a tiring one, and the promise of an early start the next morning proved to be more than enough encouragement to hit the hay.
You were on the living room couch with Alice sitting on the floor between your legs the next day. It was late morning by this time, and you and your siblings had just woken up less than an hour ago. Your dad was still asleep, and your mom? Well, you weren’t really sure where he was.
“Ow, can you stop tugging?” Alice whined under her breath, her hand rocketing up to the back of her head to stop your hands.
You paused your movement for the third time in the past fifteen minutes. “It wouldn’t hurt this bad if you would just let me run a comb through it.”
“The brush works fine if you use it correctly!”
You exhaled sharply and pressed your lips together. There was never any rest between your two little siblings, whether it was amongst themselves or against you. You supposed you could just suck it up for the time being; it wasn’t often that you got to braid your little sister’s hair. She usually just liked to leave it down.
You heard the backdoor open and shut behind you, and the both of you turned your heads to see who it was. Your mom entered the house with perspiration gleaming on her face as she took off her sun hat and tossed it onto one of the dining room chairs.
“Hi Mama,” the two of you said, one after the other.
Your mom settled onto the couch cushion next to you. “Hi girls. Is your brother and dad up yet?”
“Connor’s with Uncle Jin and Aunt Yuna,” said Alice. “Daddy’s still asleep though.”
“Mm,” she hummed. She combed her fingers through her sweat-soaked hair. “It’s a warm morning out,” she murmured, then quickly added, “hey you.” She knocked her hand against your arm.
“Hm?” You asked as you finished up Alice’s braid and tied it off with the blue Cinnamoroll hair tie she’d chosen. You patted her back with your hand. “You’re done.”
Your little sister hopped to her feet. “Thanks!” She dashed away and out of the room—to where, you had no clue. You figured she knew where the food was if she was hungry.
You angled your body to squish your side against the couch cushions and face your mother. “What were you saying?”
“Ah, I was going to talk to you about the Joshua Hong boy.”
Joshua Hong. You didn’t realize you could hear a man’s name so often within twelve hours.
You made a gesture with your hand. “What about the Joshua Hong boy, Mom?”
“Well, isn’t he a handsome one?” She asked you enthusiastically, straightening in her seat. It was alarming how bright her expression became. “I spoke to his mom while Kevin and I were walking just now, and he’s only a few years older than you, you know.”
You heard a metaphorical record scratch. What? There was so much in that one sentence that you needed to unpack. You raised your hands to signal her to pause. “Wait, since when do you and Kevin take walks together?” What could they have been talking about? You knew Kevin was an exceptional conversationalist, but never in your time at the lake had you known of this interaction.
Your mother blinked. “Oh, we started the tradition when you didn’t come up with us that one year.”
“Tradition?” So this happened more than once? You didn’t know why you were so scandalized by this information—it was just Kevin after all. You knew your parents and even your siblings were all fond of him—of course they were. You were arguably even more fond of him, but that wasn’t the point. You hoped she hadn't said anything about you and him as an item at any point of time… you trusted that Kevin could handle that though; that was what the pact was for, after all.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” She arched a brow. “But anyway, yes, so we bumped into Josh’s mom on the last leg around the lake, and she mentioned that he’s majoring in chemistry and planning to go into medicine. You guys might have something in common.”
You pursed your lips. Perhaps the two of you might have something to talk about, but your track was pre-veterinary rather than pre-med. There was probably a middle ground though... Maybe you were just being stubborn.
“Just make friends or something,” she said to you while standing up from the couch. “You need more of those.”
Your eyes shot wide open. “Hello? Mom?” Now that was simply uncalled for.
She chuckled impishly as she walked away and disappeared down the hall, leaving you to yourself. You were lucky neither of the twins were here to hear that burn.
It wasn’t much longer than a couple hours later that you found yourself on the backyard lawn space setting up the badminton net between two oak trees with Kevin’s assistance. Everyone was outside and awake, and the kids were all seated up on your house’s back porch munching on the watermelon that Yuna cut for them.
You tightened the string on one side of the net. “So he didn't kiss her?” You queried.
Kevin sputtered a laugh, yanking his side to test its integrity. “Yeah,” he said. “Isn’t it so funny? According to multiple sources, Sunwoo and Chanhee barged in at the perfect moment, and frankly—” Kevin raised his arms up in the air and let them fall for effect, “—ruined the moment.”
"Pfft.” You considered that for a moment. An almost kiss ruined by a comedically timed interruption from a guy drunk off liquor and love, and the friend tasked with dumping his ass at home. That was bad luck if you ever heard it. “And what about that other dude? The Hyunjae guy? Did he finally fix his eyesight?”
Your friend leaned back against his oak tree, ankles crossed over the other and arms braided over his chest. A pair of shades rested backwards on his head to complete his summer-worthy ensemble of shorts and T-shirt. “His literal eyesight is still shit, but yeah, he and HJ!Yn are together now. Took for-fucking-ever, but—”
“Language!” Jin yelled like a referee on the sideline of a soccer match. “We have children in the vicinity.”
Kevin brushed a hand through his hair. “Whoopsies, sorry!” He turned back to you. “Anyways, yes, they are finally together. Man, having someone watch my cursing makes it seem like Jacob is here with me.”
You noticed the fond twinkle in his eyes as he stared out at the still waters of the lake just down the way from you both. “You talk about this Jacob guy a lot,” you said to him. “I think I need to meet the person who’s threatening to knock me off the best friend pedestal.”
“He already has,” he jested.
You let out an indignant squawk. “Hurtful!”
Connor, watermelon juice smeared all around his mouth, added rather unnecessarily, “So you don’t want a partner and you don’t have friends. What do you have, Yn?”
You leveled a scowl at him. “An annoying little brother.”
“Hey!”
In a tone dryer than the Sahara Desert, Alice chimed in, “Guess that makes me the favorite twin.”
“I should tell you about Sangyeon. I need to yell about Sangyeon,” Kevin huffed indignantly, snapping his fingers as if the thought just hit him. You whipped your head back over. “Oh my god, dude, you know what happened at the graduation ceremony? It was like, straight out of a scene from a movie—!”
You never got to find out what was just like it was out of a movie, because your mom appeared in the distance with the Hongs. They all came wielding badminton racquets—how convenient. You didn’t mind the extra company, of course, and despite your stubbornness, you knew Joshua and his family were very nice people.
You caught the tail end of your mother’s conversation with Josh and his mom: “...Yn used to play badminton on the high school team. She could’ve gone to the Olympics if she really wanted to—”
Well, that was only partly true. Your team had gone to Nationals, but the Olympics was one step above Worlds. You liked to think you were pretty good at the sport, but you hoped your mom wasn’t talking up you and your abilities too much.
“Oh, wow. I’m a soccer person myself,” said Joshua good-naturedly. “I don’t really know much about badminton, but it seems like a really fun sport.”
"Yn's a great teacher. She taught the twins how to play." Ah, there it was.
When they were within a comfortable distance, you raised your hand in a wave. "Hi hello!"
"Hello Yn," Joshua's mom said back. "Hi Kevin."
Kevin dipped his head with a smile. "Hi Auntie."
"Yn-ah," said your mom as she took you by the arm, dragging you over toward Joshua, "I was just talking to Josh about how good you are at badminton."
Your eyes widened slightly, and you noted the way Joshua's did the same. You made eye contact with Kevin as this happened. He seemed caught at a crossroads, unable to help or say anything. "I guess I'm okay at it."
"Liar," Kevin suddenly jumped in.
You sent him a look. Wait really?
He shrugged sheepishly. "I don't wanna downplay your abilities, dude. You're really good."
Oh. "Thanks, Kev," you said, blinking. Your heart warmed at the finger guns he sent your way. It was nice to know he had your back.
"Good! See? You and Josh should play doubles together." Your mother somehow got a racquet into your hand. She clapped her hands and ushered her two other children off their butts. "Come on, you two, you can be on Kevin's team."
"But that's not what doubles means, Mama—"
Joshua sidled up beside you with an apology in his smile. "Sorry, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I don't want you to be forced to teach me or anything."
Guilt wormed itself into your stomach. "No, no! It's totally okay," you amended swiftly. "This all just happened really quickly, but I'd be so down to teach you badminton, if you'd like."
He bobbed his head up and down, patting the netting of his racquet. "Okay, yeah. That'd be really cool actually."
You nodded, returning his expression. "Cool."
You and Joshua had somehow taken over the makeshift badminton court. The twins had gotten tired of the "big kids" playing too hard, and Kevin… actually, you didn't know why Kevin put down his racquet. But at some point, you noticed that he was just hanging out in a chair, sipping some kind of fruit juice as he observed you and Joshua. (That was what you assumed he was doing. There was a book propped open in his lap, but you hadn't seen him turn a page in a while. And he had put his sunglasses on, so you couldn't exactly see what his eyes were doing.)
You tracked the birdie as it flew over the net to your side. "Nice!" You praised, taking a few steps in the diagonal to hit the birdie back over with an easy backhand flick.
Joshua stumbled forward, but hit it back over. "Shoot," he said, barely catching himself before he crashed into the netting.
You chuckled, "Careful." You backed up and gave the birdie a gentle bump.
It sailed over the net, but it landed too close to it for Joshua to get a clean shot back over. He sighed as he bent down to pick the projectile up from the grass. "Dang. Nice hit, Yn."
Content with your shot as well, you walked over to the net to meet him. "Thanks, man."
"Hyungseo-ah!"
You watched as Kevin stood up from his chair at his mom's call. "Yeah, what's up?"
As she strolled over to him, she was reapplying sunscreen onto her arms and face. "We have more new neighbors. Since you're not doing anything, you should come and welcome them with me. There’s someone I think you should meet."
You and Kevin locked gazes for a second before he turned back to his mom. You didn't know why you kept looking at each other—this all felt like déjà vu, but maybe it was the fact that it seemed like your moms were separating you both instead of bringing you together that was throwing you off.
"Uhm, sure, Mom." He dropped his book into his seat and followed after his mom.
Your gaze trailed after him for a moment before you snapped back to reality. You swiped the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand. "Sorry, where were we?"
Just then, Seokjin made his way down the lakeshore with baby Leena strapped to his chest again. He threw up an arm in greeting. "Hey, kids. You guys still at it?"
"Yup," you said back. "He's getting good at it!"
Joshua laughed lightly. "Ah, you flatter me. It's just 'cause Yn's a good teacher."
Seokjin's eyes flickered between the two of you. "Huh. I'm sure she is."
"Anyways," you coughed. "Did you just come from the new neighbor's house or something?" He hadn't arrived from the direction of his own house, which was on the other side of yours.
Your uncle by association gave his affirmative, one hand pressed gently on the back of his baby in his holster. "Of course! You know I'm too nosy to not have gone to introduce myself and see what's up. The couple has a girl around your age, Yn-ie. Their son is off in Paris for his job or something though."
The two men could probably see the gears in your brain turning. Another person who was around yours and Kevin's age? You really didn't want to read too much into it, but—you pushed the thought to the side. It probably wasn't what you were thinking, right?
"Uh, you good, Yn?" Joshua asked.
Your eyes shuttered. "Yeah. I was just thinking about something." You gestured with your racquet in a flourish. "How about another round?"
EPISODE FOUR: THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS DEAL™
THE crickets were particularly melodious tonight. Their chirrups became lovely background music as you perched on the stairs of your back porch beneath the warm glow of the outside light. Moths swarmed the bulb, casting little shadow puppets along the wooden deck.
You were hunched over one of the few books you brought along with you for the trip. Your siblings liked to tease you for bringing “school work” on a summer trip, but these had been purchased out of your own interest. It was an anthology of experiences related to animal behavior. The certain piece that had originally caught your eye had been about the Alaskan husky’s primal nature to run, and their participation in dog sled racing. You’d come across it originally in a magazine on an airplane, finding yourself enthralled in a story of the stamina, determination, and hard work that these dogs faced in the brutal Alaskan winters.
When your plane landed, you had gone online and found more stories like them. Thus, the book in your lap and money down the drain. (Though, you would argue that it was money well-spent.)
“Warm night out.”
You startled, heart galloping in your chest, as Kevin appeared in your periphery and stepped into the light.
To his credit, he took on a sheepish sort of grin. “Oops, sorry. Probably should have given a warning or something.”
You pressed a hand to your palpitating heart and scooted over to give him room to sit on the step next to you. “No, it’s all good. I don’t think there was really any way that you could have warned me.” You were probably way too deep into your book to have even noticed if he was any quieter.
He took a seat beside you, posture mimicking yours with his forearms pressed onto his knees. “You’re right,” he murmured. “Whatcha reading?” He asked while inclining his chin toward the pages in your lap.
“Oh.” You kept a couple fingers wedged between the pages you were on as you flipped to the cover to show him. “It’s just this, uhm, collection of stories on animal behavior. Real fascinating stuff, actually, and a lot of it is kind of inspirational.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, unsure of why you were always shy about telling people about something you were passionate about. You shouldn’t have thought so little of Kevin Moon, though. He never gave you any worries about being judged.
“Oh, that sounds neat,” he said, scooting closer. “Is it for your major? You’re still doing wildlife biology, right—or is it ecology?”
“Wildlife biology,” you confirmed. “It’s not for my major or anything, no. Just something I was interested in.”
A thought suddenly occurred to you and you were rewinding all of the things that had happened in the past couple of days. Before Kevin could comment further on the topic of majors, you piped up, “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
His eyes widened a smidge, his posture straightening. “Oh? What about?”
You felt around the porch deck for the receipt you had been using as a makeshift bookmark, hand flopping around before you snatched it up and slipped it into the pages of your book. You set the book aside. “Is it just me, or are our moms… you know…”
“Doing the Thing again?” He finished. He sighed with a little grimace, “Yeah, I think I’m seeing it.”
The “Thing” that both you and Kevin were referring to was none other than the very act of matronly matchmaking taking place between you and the new kids on the block. At least you could confirm that you weren’t overthinking it.
You recalled the events of earlier today when Kevin and his mom had come back to where everyone else was with the new family that had just arrived. The Xus were another party of just three—their oldest son was in Paris, as Seokjin reported, but their youngest, Serena, was yours and Kevin's age. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who Kevin's mom wanted to introduce her son to.
“You know what’s crazy?” You said to him then, “On the car ride up here, I asked my mom—like, point-blank, you know?—to not try to matchmake us anymore.”
Kevin perked up. “Dude. That’s crazy, because that’s what I asked my mom on the car ride up here.”
You sputtered, “You’re kidding.”
“Great minds think alike,” he said, lip curling upward into a smile and his arms coming up in a halfhearted shrug. “But I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.”
Now that you were thinking back to your own conversation, you should have known something fishy was going on when your mom mentioned Kevin specifically… You only thought that she was being thorough in her understanding of what you were asking her to do, but turned out, it was only a loophole. “You’re so right,” you groaned and tilted your head backward. “Literally what are we gonna do?”
The two of you stewed in silence on this fine night.
There was one night, similar to this one, where you had sought each other out. You couldn’t remember what year it was—something close to sixth grade when both of you had the mind to realize the game your moms were trying to play. From that night came a pact of sorts, one that would hopefully try to steer each other away from a fate that neither of you were sure that you wanted yet. After all, eleven years old was a little premature to be talking about who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, right?
Kevin leaned back onto his palms. “We need to make a new pact, I think.”
Your head swiveled over to him. “Amendments to the pact?”
“Either amend it or come up with a new one to fit our current situation,” he said. “A rescue protocol.”
A rescue protocol… you could see it begin to take shape in your head. The previous pact was different—an agreement between you and Kevin that you were both simply friends, no matter how many times your moms made you do chores together, or tie each other’s shoelaces, or swap numbers and emails and social media. And it had worked, for the most part; you were both still friends after all these years.
But this time would have to be different. Your moms weren’t driving you toward each other anymore.
“The Rescue Protocol—is that what we’re calling it?” You mused in an attempt to bring mirth to the conversation.
Kevin made a sound like a laugh. “Better than ‘the pact,’ I like to think.”
“How about the ‘Damsel in Distress Deal?’”
He let out an actual laugh this time. You got to watch his eyes turn up into crescent moons, the corners crinkling with pretty smile lines. His smile was always contagious, even after all this time. “The ‘Damsel in Distress Deal?’” He parroted. When he allowed the phrase to soak into his brain for a second, tongue massaging his bottom lip, he relented. “Okay, that’s actually not bad.”
You giggled. “So we either call it the Rescue Protocol or the Damsel in Distress Deal, trademark.”
“Trademark?” His reaction sent you into a flurry of snickers, hand clamped over your mouth so the sounds wouldn’t wake up your family. “What? Are we gonna advertise this idea to people?” He chuckled.
“It’s a good idea!”
“We don’t even know what the parameters are yet,” he sputtered. Kevin lightly punched your upper arm. “Silly goose.”
“Geese are not silly,” you found yourself replying. They could be mean creatures. “But I think they’re cute.”
“Jacob thinks they’re scary.”
You gave a playful roll of your eyes. “This Jacob guy again?” After a moment, you sighed, toeing the dirt on the bottom step with the tip of your shoe. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
Kevin sobered a little, but the remnants of his merriment remained in the shine of his irises. “Shoot.”
“Are you…” You struggled to string the words together. There was a question you’d come up with already, but you didn’t know if it was too forward or not. “Are you ready for a relationship?”
The question caught him off guard. His gaze flickered from you, to the grass, to his lap, to the moon-soaked surface of the lake further down the hill. “I… I’m not sure, really,” he muttered, then added, “I think I would know the right person when I meet them.”
“Yeah,” you agreed.
“Or maybe not,” he shrugged. “Maybe I’ve already met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but the relationship just hasn’t gotten there yet.”
You pondered on that for a moment, then realized you agreed with that, too. If you already met the person you were meant to be with, the thought of a relationship was a little less daunting. You already knew this person. “So we’re in agreement then? This new pact is something we both want?”
“As usual, we are in agreement,” he nodded. “What’s our plan then? Fight fire with fire?”
You snorted. “Pretty much, right? We just have to, you know, swoop in whenever we can to counteract their movements. Help each other out, y’know?” You laughed at how ridiculous this all sounded. “I guess it’s really just doing what they’ve wanted us to do this whole time.”
Kevin grinned to himself. “Spend time together?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m down for that. You?”
“Yeah, man.” You shifted to angle your body toward him and stuck your hand out. “You still remember it, right?”
Kevin sent you an incredulous look, as if offended that you could think so lowly of him. He reflected your angled body, hand primed and ready. “Uh, yeah. Do you remember it?”
You clicked your tongue. “Of course, I do! It's the seal."
You knocked the back of your hand against his to signal the beginning of the handshake.
Like second nature, the two of you made your way through the unnecessarily (but also completely necessary) convoluted masterpiece that was your sixth grade handshake. It was what you used the first time you sealed the deal on the pact, and whenever you made any other agreements of significance (e.g. the Juice Pouch Accord of Eighth Grade). Now, it would seal the Rescue Protocol/Damsel in Distress Deal, too.
When the handshake combination finished (marked by twin flicks to the forehead—"Ow! You always flick so hard.”; “Yikes, hope that doesn’t leave a mark…”—and a… proper handshake), the only thing left to do was put it into motion.
Teasing, you sent him a look of approval. “You did remember.”
“Funny how you say that as if you have the better memory out of the two of us,” he quipped back with an unimpressed look.
You hummed your own amusement back to him, taking the book that you’d set aside earlier back into your lap but leaving it unopened. There wasn’t any signal in this area, so devices were practically useless, so books and board games and sports became the go-to for entertainment. It was what your parents originally liked so much about the place, and eventually you and your siblings. It allowed for moments between the moments like this… whatever this was.
Kevin leaned back onto his palms again, and the shadows and moonlight cut across his jawline like glass. “I didn’t think you’d be up so late.”
“Yeah,” you drawled and picked at a strand of grass sticking out between the boards of a stair step. “I couldn’t sleep for some reason and decided to read, but then I opened my window and realized it was a nice night out, so here I am.” You nodded to him, “You?”
He gave a soft sort of chuckle. “You know I never sleep.”
Your chest felt heavy all of a sudden. “Still have the sleeping issue?” You asked softly. It had been a big thing when he was a kid. It had started off as being a very light sleeper, but over time, you discovered that sometimes Kevin just did not get sleep.
“Yeah…” he said, "I'm usually able to sleep when I'm here though, y'know? The peace, the quiet, the familiarity—it all helps. It was just tonight that was out of the ordinary." When he glanced over at you, the side of his lip quirked upward. "Don't worry too much."
You'd always thought about the lake as your home away from home, your safe space. A part of you had always thought it was the same way for him.
“How could I not worry?" You asked, poorly masking your concern as you leaned over your knees and looked at him. “How did you ever get used to your place at uni?” There must have been some reason that he was able to survive over there.
The corners of his mouth curled upward into a smile. “I was lucky,” he admitted. “I met people who have become some of my best friends and family. I guess it’s just weird being so far away from them and it's catching up to me.”
As much teasing as you did about this Jacob character, you were glad Kevin had found him and his other friends. Being away from home like that could not have been easy. At least you could rest assured that he was taken care of over there.
He had grown so comfortable over there that even his subconscious missed them.
You shifted a little closer to him and gently leaned your head onto his shoulder. He seemed surprised at first, but relaxed and let you keep your head there. “That’s good,” you whispered. “I’m happy for you.”
A beat passed, and the crazy thought occurred to you that maybe you should have asked to do this first. “Is this okay?”
His hand warmed the top of your head. “More than okay.”
The two of you sat there like that for however long—you couldn’t really tell. Time passed by differently here, it seemed. Friends definitely comforted each other like this though, right? Right.
EPISODE FIVE: [SHENANIGANS ENSUE.]
"KEVIN, would you mind giving this snack pack to Serena?"
"Oh, I got it, Auntie!" You snatched the Ziploc bag of trail mix from off the counter where Kevin's mom had set it out. "I haven't properly introduced myself to her yet," you said as some kind of explanation.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kevin look away to conceal his laugh at your inconspicuousness.
Today, the five families planned to go on a long nature hike as a large group. There was a specific path that your family, the Moons, and the Kims always took at least once every year that led out to a waterfall. It was a beautiful slice of nature, but then again, you thought this entire area was beautiful.
You swung out of the Moons' kitchen and out onto the back lawn where everyone was slowly gathering to take off. Eyes scanning the immediate area, you located Serena Xu standing off to the side plaiting her hair into a simple braid over her shoulder.
As you made your way over to her, your Uncle Jin suddenly appeared beside you. “You look like a woman on a mission, Yn-ie. What’s the sitch?”
Your brain took a second to register the reference. “Has Sana been watching Kim Possible or have you, Uncle?”
“And if I said it was both of us?” He sniffed. Sana was his eldest daughter, only three years old, but Jin and Yuna were very updated in the essential kids shows they wanted their daughters to watch.
“As you should,” you said with an indulgent nod. You turned your gaze over to your intended target.
Serena’s eyes wandered up from her hair and met your eyes, then glanced over at Jin. You hoped she didn’t think the two of you were ganging up on her or anything. Two new people at once could be intimidating.
“Hi, Serena, right?” You asked as you and Jin approached her.
She gave a small nod, pulling her braid’s end over her shoulder as she fidgeted with it. “Uh, yeah. And you’re Yn?”
“We already met yesterday,” Jin said chipperly.
Serena nodded again.
Your fingers danced along the edge of the Ziploc baggie in your hands, squeezing along the edge to make sure that it was closed properly. Your teeth ran over your bottom lip before you were passing her the bag in your hands. “Kevin’s mom made all of us snack bags, and I just wanted to say a proper hello.”
She accepted the bag, eyes wide as she inspected its contents through the clear plastic. “Oh, wow. Thank you; that’s really thoughtful.”
“Oh!” Seokjin illuminated like a lightbulb, clapping his hands loud enough to make both you and Serena wince. (You and she met each other’s eyes with awkward laughs.) “Didn’t you mention yesterday that you were pre-law?”
Your eyebrows flew upward. “Pre-law?” Your head bobbed up and down with a low whistle. “That’s cool.”
“Yeah, uh, I guess so,” she said. “It’s a little intimidating right now, if I’m being honest.”
“Yn!” Ripped out of the conversation, you excused yourself and found the source of your name. Your mom was perched on one of the picnic benches outside of the Moons’ place, slathering sunscreen on your brother’s face. Connor’s face was wrinkled in extreme displeasure as she patted the white cream into his skin with a slapping sound.
Always amusing.
Perched upon the picnic table next to them was none other than Joshua Hong. He sent you a friendly greeting wave.
“What’s up?” You asked, leaving Uncle Jin with Serena so you could make your way over to your chagrined little brother, your mom, and Joshua. “Where’s Dad and Alice? Hey Josh.”
He replied pleasantly, “Hey Yn.”
“Your dad’s grabbing something from the car with her,” she dismissed. “Would you mind showing Joshua where we put our bandages? We have so many of the little ones—”
“It’s just a little cut; I swear I’m fine!” Joshua chuckled good-naturedly. He showed you the slice in the side of his finger that was only a couple of centimeters long, but you could tell that he’d just recently cleaned it up and was holding it with a small piece of napkin.
Your mom made a noise of disagreement. “It’s going to get infected on the hike.”
You shuffled on your feet, offering him a small smile. “Sorry, man. I have to agree with her.”
“Thank you. You remember where the bandages are, right? You and Josh just go run up really quick together.”
You didn’t even realize when Kevin got here. “Oh, why don’t I just get one from my place for you?” Kevin waltzed into the conversation with an innocent expression, hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts, as he appeared at your side. “Since we’re just right here.”
Joshua gestured toward him with his hand-clutching-hand situation and hopped off from the picnic table top. “If you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, dude, it’s no problem.” Kevin’s hand met the place between your shoulders with a warm pat, and he led Joshua up to his family’s cabin for the bandages.
Your amusement followed after them as you watched them leave. Your mom sent you a curious look, eyes narrowed in question, and you could only shrug helplessly.
The hike commenced shortly after the boys got back from raiding the Moon’s medicine cabinet. Your dad and Alice returned sometime before they did, and Alice had once again requested you put her hair up in, as she said, “Something nice.” As if the wilderness would care about her nice hair-do, but you gave her a plait that matched Serena’s.
Your brother and sister kept near to you as you led the group through the beginning of the trail. Though you didn’t consider yourself as someone who exercised religiously, you never turned down a good foraging session. Your freshman environmental science course had presented you with plenty of opportunity to dive into the dense forest areas near the building. Even in the early reaches of the morning (8:30 morning labs were sometimes difficult to be disciplined about, but you were determined), when the fog clung to the forest floor and dew slipped down velvety oak leaves, you found yourself at peace.
At some point in time, Connor picked up a large fallen stick and used it as a hiking staff. “You shall not pass!” He declared after running a little ways ahead of you and mimicked the deepness of Gandolf’s voice.
You snorted as you passed by him and ruffled his hair. “Name the series that’s from and then we can talk, dude.”
“You’re never any fun!” Connor garbled, jogging after you.
You scoffed, pressing a hand against your chest in feigned offense. “I’m way more fun than you are,” you retorted.
“Okay, prove it! Make this more fun.”
“So you’re saying this hike isn’t fun?” You gasped.
Connor stabbed at the dirt path warn into the ground that weaved through the trees ahead for miles. It was by no means a challenging hike, just a lengthy one that required a bit of enthusiasm and endurance. “Well last time, you brought that thing—”
“Sugar water,” you supplied.
“—yeah, that one—and we caught butterflies!” Painted Lady butterflies were a common species of butterfly that was widespread among North America. Luckily, it hadn't been too difficult to find them.
“Woah, you guys caught butterflies last year? Without me?” Man, this guy was just everywhere today, you thought jokingly, as Kevin appeared on your other side with a boyish grin on his face. “That’s cool.”
“We didn’t catch them,” you corrected. It was more so a lure with the sugar water (a substitute for nectar), letting the kids see the insect up close, and then setting it free. You were no lepidopterologist—butterflies were cool, but no special interest of yours. “They just landed in my hand for a little. You should’ve been there to take pictures.”
Kevin hit the palm of hand against his forehead. “That’s what I forgot! I forgot to bring my camera on the hike.”
“Tsk tsk, what would your sister say now?” You chided playfully.
He pressed his lips together in a grimace. “Don’t bring her up—I can hear the echo of her voice as we speak.” To prove his point, he pressed his fingers to his temples, eyes fluttering closed, as if he really could hear his sister’s teasing from wherever she was.
You humored him with a laugh—
“Yn! I’m gonna climb that boulder!”
Okay, fun time was over. You tracked the sound of your brother’s voice, and with barely enough time to catch up to him, you set off the beaten path to follow. “Hey, you better be careful or Mom’s gonna put you on bedrest for the rest of the trip,” you chuckled as Kevin fell in step beside you. You said to him offhandedly, “Would you possibly mind…”
“Yeah, I got it.” He did a small jog over to the cluster of boulders your brother had begun to scale. Going bouldering wasn’t a new activity for you and your siblings, but you remembered that these ones were a little larger than your mom was usually comfortable with. You were grateful Kevin understood immediately.
He was already standing below where Connor was, playing along with whatever roleplay your brother had made up, all the while hovering in case he fell.
The rest of the party caught up to you at this point, and Alice, Uncle Jin, Sana, and even Josh converged upon the rock formation in a flurry of giggles and mirthful playtime. You observed the action with ill-concealed fondness for everyone there as they came together and helped one another climb to the topmost boulder as if it were the peak of Mount Everest. Something warmed within you at the sight.
On your left, Yuna, who was on Leena duty this morning, came to stand beside you. Some of the parents were pulling out cell phones to record all the chaos going on. “Why don’t you go up with them?” She asked, inclining her head to the rock formation.
Josh was just beckoning Kevin up with him, and you saw Kevin’s head turned back over his shoulder. When his eyes found yours, Kevin waved you over, too.
“I should,” you murmured in agreement.
Yuna hummed as she adjusted the little bonnet on Leena’s head. “You know, Kevin…” she began. You waited for her to finish, but she smiled instead, shaking her head. “Nevermind. Go have fun, you bean.”
You giggled at the nickname, then wasted little time going to join everyone else. You could probably ask her what she was going to say later.
The evening found the group of you gathered on the shady back lawn between yours and the Moons’ cabin for dinner once again. The Xus and Hongs had all retired to their own respective houses for downtime, so it would just be the three original families. You perched a little ways away on the back stairs of your house’s porch, a bowl of peelable tangerines in your lap. At your feet, you had rolled the edges of a brown paper bag you’d found beneath the sink to use as a disposal. All of the compostable waste you and everyone else produced while here would become great fertilizer and mulch. It was something you usually had your siblings help with, especially before you left the lake.
Kevin had his cap turned backwards as he made his way over to you in flip flops. “That seat taken?” He asked with a nod toward the board next to you.
Your eyebrows rose. “All yours.”
“Thanks,” he beamed, doing a silly waddle, then sitting down next to you. He reached into the bowl on your lap for an orange, and you moved the compost bag between your bodies. “Your mom was talking about Josh again,” he said as he dug his thumb into the skin of the tangerine. Its juices sprayed into the air and released its sweet fragrance.
“Why am I not surprised?” You sighed with a shake of his head. “You know, he’s really good with my siblings though.”
“Oh, is he?”
You shrugged, shoveling a tangerine half into your mouth. “Mm—yeah,” you said once you’d swallowed. “But you’re also good with my siblings. I dunno, it was just an observation.” Based on what you saw on the hike, you could confidently conclude that your siblings agreed with both Kevin and Josh. They were both friendly beyond means, easy on the eyes, kind on the soul.
Kevin didn’t say anything for a beat, and still didn’t say anything until he’d finished the orange in his hands and picked up a new one. “I hear he’s going into medicine. I have a friend who’s going into medicine.”
“Which one?” You asked, then joked, “Don’t tell me it’s Jacob now…”
When Kevin gave you a sheepish expression, you shook your head, “Okay, now I think you’re obsessed with this guy.” All the teasing was in good fun, of course.
“He’s just my soulmate,” he lamented with a hand draped over his forehead for added effect. “No biggie.”
“Damn,” you laughed. You popped a wedge of tangerine into your mouth, eyes going to the sky for a moment as you pondered on something. “So you say that when Jacob met his current girlfriend, it was because of you.”
“Yup.”
“So you set them up? You matchmade them?”
He nodded. “I’m very proud of myself, actually. I take credit for all of their milestones and anniversaries. I better be the Best Man at their wedding, and—”
“But you matchmade them; doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?”
Kevin’s speech came to an abrupt halt. You watched, in blatant amusement, as his face contorted and arranged itself in the five stages of grief. “Oh my god… I am a hypocrite.”
For a moment, you felt bad for laughing at his blanched expression. “It doesn’t make you a bad person,” you assured him.
“It makes me a hypocrite.” He hung his head, but shot back up just as quickly. “Okay, but wait! It’s different.”
“Do tell.”
“It’s different because Jacob never told me he didn’t want to be matchmade.” The calculations taking place in his head were as stark to you, the observer, as if he was working it out on a white board. His eyebrows knitted together. “Yeah. That’s the difference. Plus, that match was fully successful, and he ended up putting in a lot of the work himself by the end anyway.”
You bobbed your head in agreement. “Fair enough.”
Kevin settled his chin on his hand, eyes slicing back over to you. “Aren’t you a hypocrite, too, then?”
You blinked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
His face said it all. “Jenna from fifth grade.”
Oh. It all came rushing back to you…
But before anything else could be commented on the matter (read: before you could go through your own miniature existential crisis like Kevin had), a presence appeared, squatting down between the two of you. “What—” Jin covered Leena’s ears as he sat down, “—is the mother-effing tea?”
You and Kevin immediately scooted over to make room for the uncle coming in hot. You moved the compost bag back to the other side of your leg.
Kevin chuckled. “You said ‘mother-effing.’”
“Aish,” he exhaled, wrinkling his nose up. “Yuna’s on relax mode right now and has two beers in her. I get a pass, okay? Now catch me up on all of the exciting stuff.”
You and Kevin traded glances. “What exciting stuff?”
Jin’s expression flattened into a deadpan. “Don’t be like that. You two have been so secretive lately; I wanna be let in on the secret stuff.”
“I don’t know if it’s necessarily a secret…” You drawled.
Kevin scratched the back of his head. “Uh, yeah. Well, we’ve kind of figured out that our moms are trying to set us up with Josh and Serena instead of each other now.”
You didn't know what you were expecting Uncle Jin to reply, but he gave a nod. "Ah, I can see that." He sucked in a breath through his teeth, "Why did they suddenly go 360 on the two of you? It seems kind of out of left field."
"Well, we kind of asked them to stop trying to get us two together."
Jin hummed. "Yah, that makes sense. It all makes sense now." He made an old-man noise out of his throat as he shifted his position and the way that Leena rested on his chest. You and Kevin buckled down and hung off his words. "They probably only mean well, you know that, right? Right. But I can see that you both are still uneasy about that, and I get that, too. So—I'll tell you what.
"I'll help you guys out," he said. "I think they already know I'm nosy enough to butt in everywhere, so it shouldn't be a problem for me to… tch tch, y'know—" He gestured very indulgently with his hands, "—do my thing—am I making any sense? It's been a long day."
Another look passed between you and Kevin, then you both shared a laugh, relief making your postures relax and your grins widen. "No, we understand completely."
It seemed like you just gained an ally.
EPISODE SIX: CAN I BE A ROCK IN MY NEXT LIFE? THANKS.
THERE was a collection of jet skis that someone around the lake owned, and Kevin's parents would rent them out once every summer for everyone to use. Of course, it was mainly for the older kids and adults; thus, your siblings and the little Kims were banned from partaking in the festivities, much to your siblings' chagrin. It was for safety reasons that they were forced to find some other method of entertainment for the day.
You trudged your way down the path from the Kims' house to yours. In your hand, you wielded the light blue stick of baby sunscreen Seokjin asked you to fetch for his girls, but based on the fact that Leena, Sana, nor Yuna were even out here, it was safe to assume it was really for him.
Those who were participating in riding jet skis, and some who just wanted to watch and soak up the summer sun, were gathered somewhere between your house and the Moon house again. The two properties shared a single dock made of wood faded out from the sun and washed by the lake water. You could recall summer after summer running down the pier and cannonballing into the water.
"Hey! I got your sunscreen!" You hollered as you neared the group down by the water, raising the sunscreen stick up in the air.
The five or so heads turned toward you at the sound of your voice. You didn't miss Kevin's presence specifically, his arms sticking out from the life vest strapped to his chest. You did not deign to look further.
Jin raised his hand. "My Savior! Thanks, Yn-ie!"
You tossed the sunscreen down to him and he caught it between both of his hands before beginning to slather the cream all over his face.
You noted the last life vest sitting on the edge of the dock closest to land and made a beeline for it.
Just as you descended the hill, your mom appeared in your view with an empty plate in her hands, the bottom ringed in a translucent red liquid. "Yn, honey. Can you do me a huge favor and chop up the last watermelon? I didn't realize we would need more. Your dad and Kevin's dad are driving into town right now for some extra provisions and an extra large watermelon."
"Oh, sure." Your eyes skittered to the vest on the dock, but you realized slicing the watermelon wouldn't take too long.
You took the plate from your mom without further comment and began making your way up the hill to your house.
As you slid the door open, the sound of chatter carried from the living room floor. Eyes peered up from where they were seated, surrounding the coffee table on the floor. A colorful array of beads and string was strewn over the surface, and you came to a distinct conclusion as to where all the non-jet-skiers had gone.
"Hello everyone," you mused, closing the screen door behind you.
Josh was the first to say hello back. "Wanna join us? We're making friendship bracelets." He lifted the craft in his hands as if the beads and materials displayed weren't proof enough.
You leaned over the back of the couch. "Looks like fun! Maybe I will."
Outside by the lake, Kevin monitored the back door of your cabin for when you would make your way back out. He had been wanting to race you on a jet ski ever since the owners brought them over for everyone to use.
There were a grand total of five people surrounding the opening to the dock: Kevin and his mom, your mom, Jin, and Serena. Everyone except for the moms were strapped in lifejackets in preparation to board one of the two jet skis sitting in port.
"Huh," Jin said as he craned his head up in the direction Kevin's was in. "Wonder what's taking her so long."
"I'm sure she's just taking her time or something." Kevin pushed off of the post he was leaning against. "I'll go check up on her—"
“Oh, no-no-no! It’s okay,” your mom protested, her body already turn-tailed to head up to the house. Even Kevin’s mom made a gesture for him to stay put. “We’ll go check up on Yn.”
Kevin’s mom then gestured with her arm toward Serena, who had wandered off further down the dock to inspect one of the vehicles waiting in the water. “Why don’t you go help her with the jet ski?”
“And me!” Seokjin boisterously slung an arm around his cousin-in-law’s shoulders and swung him toward the entrance of the pier.
Kevin’s eyes went wide when he almost tumbled face-first into the hardwood. “Shit,” he sputtered. “Uh, Uncle Jin?”
“Yep?”
“That sounded fishy to you, too, right?”
Jin let out a laugh and patted Kevin’s shoulder in consolation. “Yep.”
“I feel like I haven’t seen you all afternoon.” The words left your mouth as you blocked the unforgiving golden hour sun with a hand to your forehead. The light at this time of day gleamed across the surface of the lake and gave the illusion of a molten pot of gold. You imagined swimming in it, dipping your toes into its warm innards from the end of the dock.
Kevin stood at the edge of the lake’s shoreline with his hair dried from a day of jet skiing, a fresh T-shirt over his chest and the lifejacket from earlier nowhere to be seen. That, along with the jet skis. Those had been returned a little over an hour ago. “We were off doing our separate things, I guess,” he said, his arms folded across his chest. “Speaking of, where’ve you been? You went to cut watermelon and never came back.” He added a small laugh to his words, hoping you wouldn’t think he was bothered by the fact that the two of you didn’t get to hang out on jet skis together.
“Oh, heh.” The sheepishness in your voice made him glance over at you. You didn’t know why you were suddenly getting so shy about it, but from the pocket of your shorts, you withdrew a small piece of beaded string, tied at the end in one of those fancy loops that were adjustable. You didn’t know how it was done; Joshua had done something with the end like magic. “Yuna, Josh, and the kids were all inside making friendship bracelets and they kind of roped me into it.”
“Ah.”
“This one��s for you,” you said, holding it out to him. It was a quirky piece with white block letter beads strung together next to acrylic star and pony beads. You’d scavenged a crescent moon somewhere amongst all the pandemonium, and it sat next to the letter N on the chain.
Kevin peered at you and his irises gleamed with the brilliance of golden hour. He frowned in joy, delicately accepting the chain from you with his bottom lip jutted out in a combination frown-pout. “You’re incredible,” he gushed as he inspected the little gift. “Dude, I’m honestly so touched. This is so cute.”
You broke out into a grin, your heart bursting with pride in your chest. “Glad it’s not cringy.”
“I’m offended for you,” he scoffed, aghast. “How could you think this is cringy?” It was probably a genuine question, but you kept silent as you watched him loop the end of the bracelet around his wrist and struggled to figure out how to tie off the end with one hand.
You stepped forward, and he stuck his hand out to you. “Shua showed me how this works,” you murmured, wracking your brain for the quick how-to Joshua showed with his own wrist. (You had been too confused to ask him to see it done again, and only nodded and smiled.)
“Shua?”
“Mm, yeah, apparently he makes a lot of friendship bracelets, especially for friends at school.” Your tongue stuck out of the corner of your mouth as you tried something and… “Ta-da!”
With the bracelet secured onto his wrist, Kevin beamed like a kid on Christmas, and held it up to show it to the setting sun. “It’s great—it’s perfect. Thank you, Yn.”
It was some sort of cosmic magic that corralled everyone back down to the shoreline again, but this time, with all of the kids and non-jet-skiers, as well. Another tradition that your party liked to share every year at the lake was rock-skipping. Perhaps it was more of just an activity than a tradition, but it was something that none of you failed to remember to do whenever you were up here. Since you were a kid, you had been practicing to hone your technique.
Your siblings and the Kims, especially, all ran up to the shoreline beside you and Kevin, and the search for the perfect throwing rock began. In the chaos of merriment and childlike glee, the lot of you trudged into the cooling water of the lake’s shallow shore.
“I know you just gave me the coolest friendship bracelet ever,” said Kevin from beside you as he sifted through the rocks beneath his flip flops, “but I hope you know that I’m gonna crush you this year.”
You snorted. “Okay, Kevin.”
“No, I’m serious!” You guffawed at the sight of his expression; he’d even stood up straight in the water, a pair of flat stones in either hand. “My friend YH!Yn—she’s an engineer, right—”
“Oh, so you’re gonna win by cheating?”
“Nuh-uh,” he rolled his eyes, unimpressed by your posturing. “She showed me this video online. You know Mark Rober? She’s a huge fan, but that’s besides the point. The point is that the video taught me the perfect technique to rock-skip.”
Something in you liked to think that was still cheating, but then again, neither of you had ever really established any ground rules to this, and certainly none about doing research. Your eyes narrowed. “Explain yourself.”
Kevin decided between one of the two rocks in his hands with a brief peek at both of them, before discarding the one in his left hand back into the water with an anticlimactic sploosh. “You’re supposed to launch the rock so it hits the surface of the water at a twenty-degree angle.”
Joshua trudged into the water near both you and Kevin with the sleeves of his plaid over-shirt rolled past his elbows. “I don’t even know what kind of rock to look for, and you guys are bringing trig into this?”
“Oh my god, don’t even get them started,” Jin grumbled from a handful of meters away from the three of you. He kicked through the shallow water with his eyes pinned to the ground in his own search for a rock to skip. “Yn almost gave me a black eye one year.”
“That was an accident and I was ten!”
“Yeah, well rocks hurt!”
Joshua bent down slightly and scooped up a rock from the water. He considered it for a minute, taking in its size, its weight, and how pretty it was. “I guess this can work. So do you guys have, like, a training boot camp for beginners or something?” He chuckled.
“I can show you,” you offered once you’d decided on your own rock for the first round.
“Tch,” Kevin huffed, “if you wanna show him the wrong way to do it.”
Your jaw unhinged. “If you keep this up, I will take back that friendship bracelet, Moon Hyungseo.”
Jin covered his mouth with one of his hands and sidled up next to Joshua. “Ooh, she used the government name.” That coaxed another laugh out of the Los Angeles boy.
Kevin held his decorated wrist to his chest. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”
Suffice to say that when it came down to it, Kevin did have the better technique. There were really four main things to consider when rock-skipping, one of them being that the rock ideally should hit the water at twenty-degrees, as Kevin had mentioned before. Though, you did have to give yourself some credit for managing to work your way up to thirteen skips in a row without the help of an engineer friend.
EPISODE SEVEN: ALWAYS TREAT YOUR PLANTS WITH CARE
VACATION granted you the express permission to be the laziest bum in the world. After three years of college work, sometimes it was nice to have even a single day to yourself to do what you always wanted to: relax. In a world that moved as fast as this one, it was nearly impossible to take breaks without feeling the aching guilt of a day without productivity.
But there was something about the lake… you didn't know. Maybe it was just because years of coming here and associating it with the ease and carefree air of childhood that made it easier to sleep in and feel the sun on your toes.
The house and the neighboring ones were quiet this late morning. At ten or so, the Kims had swept up your siblings and their children and towed them off to town for ice cream and provisions. (You hoped they remembered to grab you some bird seed. You still had yet to replenish the bird feeders around the lake.) You weren't sure where your parents were off to, but you recalled them briefly mentioning a visit to the hidden swing at Lookout's Peak about a three mile hike from here. That meant that you had the whole house to yourself.
And what else did that mean? That you would not be in the house.
When it hit noon, you ate a quick lunch at the kitchen counter before gathering up your supplies to head outside. There was always a spare picnic blanket stashed in the hallway closet, and you grabbed a book, your neglected sketchbook, and a pencil to come along with you.
The weather was perfect, you liked to think—temperate, and not popsicle-melting, with a hint of a breeze wafting through the boughs of the oak trees. You trudged your way over to the largest oak tree with the most amount of shade, gunning to get some full relaxing done when you realized that you were not as alone as you thought you were.
You and Kevin locked eyes from where he sat against the trunk of the tree, his iPad left at his side and his camera being fiddled with between his fingers. The friendship bracelet you gave him the other day still hung around his wrist.
"Hi," he grinned. "I thought you went into town with the twins."
"Ah, nah" you sighed pleasantly as you shifted the things in your arms, "I decided to sleep in. You?"
"Same here." He amended, "Well, as much as someone like me can sleep in." He gestured to the picnic blanket bundled over your arm. "How about I help you with that?"
With teamwork (because that made the dream work), the two of you laid out the picnic blanket on the shady grass beneath the oak tree, overlooking the view of the lake. You settled yourself atop it while Kevin moved his things beside you; shoes were discarded at the edge, so you both sat comfortably on the blanket, half-facing the other.
You reached for your sketchbook, inclining your chin toward the DSLR now sitting abandoned as he picked up his iPad. "What were you up to before I got here?"
"Oh, uh, just looking through some photos I took this morning to maybe use as a reference," he said, twirling his Apple pencil between his fingers. "I keep forgetting to take pictures on this trip."
"Maybe it's a good thing," you offered. You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and flipped to a blank page. "Let's you live in the moment, y'know?"
"Yeah. I guess so." He tapped the end of his pencil against his cheek. You were never the type for fancy technology and equipment, mainly because you were a little stubborn, but nothing could beat a good pencil and paper. "I'm gonna draw you," he suddenly declared.
A giggle bubbled out of your chest. "What? Me?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Well then, I'm gonna draw you."
His eyebrows shot up, an amused smile worming onto his face. "You do you, honey."
The two of you, coincidentally, came to share quite the handful of interests. One of them was sketching, and you liked to give credit to your ecology and biology classes at school that gave you the time to practice your drawing skills, even if super accurate drawings weren't always required. It just gave you an excuse to combine two things you loved.
You never did pick up how to use a DSLR though. At least, not like Kevin knew how to.
You sat there for a moment with your cheek to your fist and your eyes glued to the man across from you. Drawing people was difficult—it was always the subtle details that threw you overboard, the movement of the hands and fingers, the crevices in the wrinkle of one's eyes, the… the look. The thing that made them look like a human being.
Kevin had always been a beautiful subject matter. His bone structure was near perfect in your eyes; his smile was awful to draw just because it was so pretty, and you couldn't do it justice. You could never achieve the right curl of his lips, or infuse it with his humility. And even now, you watched the way his eyelashes fell so gently over his eyes and the dusting of pink falling across his cheekbones…
"You're staring."
You blinked, breaking out of your daze. "I'm studying my subject," you clarified pointedly and began to sketch out a rough outline of his head. A portrait would do just fine for the day.
Kevin mimicked your position from earlier where he leaned in slightly and rested his cheek against his fist. "There was this internship I turned down this summer."
His words made you glance up from your paper for a moment.
He continued on, straightening, then absentmindedly sketching out an outline for your face. "It was supposed to be in New York, at this studio, but…" He blew air out between his lips, "I don't know; I couldn't do it. It was a great opportunity and it didn't call to me, but I feel so guilty about not even trying."
You waited a beat in case he wanted to continue. You could see the conflict warring across this face, the subtle flex in his jaw at his frustration—with the portrait or himself, you weren't sure.
"Sorry, I don't know why I suddenly just thought of that," he said to you. "I was just thinking about this place and not being here last year, and I think my brain just went to that."
You looked over at him in earnest. "I feel you, I mean… some things just aren't meant to be, and you shouldn't force it. That's how you get burnt out, y'know?"
"Yeah," he murmured in agreement.
"I was looking at an internship, too," you piped up with a shape exhale. "I—I didn't get it, clearly, but uhm…" It still hurt.
Kevin frowned. "Oh, man. I'm sorry, Yn. I feel like I'm just complaining now that—"
"No, oh my gosh, no!" You hurried to interrupt him. "Don't be silly," you said gently, "you shouldn't invalidate your feelings like that. Some things just really aren't meant to be." It didn't mean it hurt any less that they weren't, but maybe this was the path you were meant to take instead. "It's something I'm coming to terms with, too, but don't compare your troubles against mine. Please."
He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, and it took him a little to finally try for a half smile. "You're gonna get the next one."
You smiled back at him. "Thanks. And you'll find one that suits you."
"I hope so."
"Do you ever worry about," you began as you played around with the slightest curve of his nose on your paper, "not being who people want you to be?"
He hummed. "What do you mean?"
"Like, successful. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this." You didn't know where this had sprouted from in the first place, but one insecurity in particular had nested in the inner cavities of your chest and made itself a home. As someone who wanted to be at wildlife encampments, not catering to fancy rich dogs in a clinic, your path wasn't conventional. You were becoming a veterinarian, but your parents always thought you would end up someplace nice with a pay that was equally nice. Something practical, something they didn't have to worry over. Your calling was… elsewhere though. Somewhere a little more difficult to reach without the prying eyes and mouths of those around you.
Kevin marinated on it. "I think… the two of us are kind of similar in that way. We're both not taking on things that people have expected of us."
Out of everyone you knew, you had a feeling he would be one of the few who could empathize. "There's—there's this thing I want to do," you said. You couldn't figure out the words to string your thoughts into coherent speech; you felt like it would never come out right. But Kevin was patient. "I've always wanted to go on safari expeditions, and observe wildlife in the wild, and do research, and work with conservatories. It feels so unattainable sometimes, when I think about the people looking at me and expecting something good. Does that make sense?"
He gave a thoughtful nod, his Apple pencil tucked behind his ear for the time being. "Yeah, that makes sense. I remember you talked about it before."
That rang a bell. "When I made you watch the David Attenborough Our Planet doc series," you mused. In association, your brain sparked images of late nights, blue-light screens, and flashlights beneath blanket forts. You had been fully convinced Kevin would say the documentary series would be boring like everyone else, but to your pleasant surprise, he had been just as enthralled as you'd been.
"You didn't make me," he smiled. "I liked it."
Your chest warmed. "I still have it downloaded on my phone if you wanna watch."
He screwed his face up in amusement, shaking his head. "You're one of the biggest dorks I know. And I know so many dorks now."
"I'm still your favorite dork though, right?" You smiled down at your paper when you were satisfied with how his eyes turned out.
"Always."
A beat passed, and from your periphery, you saw him tap the blanket in front of you to get your attention.
"Hey, you're gonna be okay," he said. "One day, you will go hide in a bunker in the Siberian winter to wait for tigers like a crazy person—"
"Okay, wait, out of all the examples you watched in the doc, you chose—"
"Anyways!" He grinned at the look you sent him, unfazed. "We're both gonna be okay, alright? We're chasing dreams, and sometimes the chase is hard, but the reward is sweet."
You knew he was right; of course he was right. Talking things out was always a good idea, especially with a trusted person, and who better to trust than Kevin Moon? You had friends who understood, but not really understood.
You reached for his pencil with the end of yours and you bumped ends like ET. The corners of your lips curled upward as you met his gaze, and you were struck by the softness in his rich, chocolate irises. No sketch, painting, portrait could do those beautiful eyes justice. "Don't call me a nerd for this."
"No promises."
You fixed him with a look. "There's this thing that plants do called phototropism. Because plants need light to synthesize into food and energy, they often turn and grow towards the nearest light source. So even in, let's say, a dark hole in the ground—if there's a crack in the roof that brings light in, the plant will grow in that direction, and probably grow its way out." You cleared your throat. "Thanks for showing me the light."
Kevin's eyes shone big and wide, doe-like you liked to say, almost in awe of the explanation of a basic function plants performed to survive. But twisted in a certain way, and one could apply it to everyday non-plant life, as well.
"Now how can I possibly call you a nerd after that?" His voice went raspy and he had to clear it, too. "I think I'm getting misty-eyed," he said, fanning his eyes.
You chuckled at his antics. "Oh, hush. I guess it's my way of saying thanks for reminding me I'm not gonna be a failure." It was scary how often you thought about it, especially at college.
Kevin reached over and warmed one of your hands with his. "You're not gonna be a failure, Yn. I promise you that."
All of the kids were asleep in the back of the Kims' minivan, and it took two trips back and forth between the car and the living room to transfer all four sleeping munchkins. By the time Jin and Yuna were done, the former was certain he was going to need a cane much earlier in his life than previously anticipated.
He held his back as they made their way out onto the back porch. "I think I'm aging faster," he said to his partner.
Yuna sputtered out a laugh. "Aye, so dramatic, and for what? You're gonna survive."
"No sympathy," he sighed melodramatically as he hung off her frame. "I wonder where everyone else is."
His voice trailed off as they stood on the porch and overlooked the valley below. Just further out, they could easily see the occupants of the big oak tree between yours and the Moons' houses. You and Kevin sat slightly angled toward one another, not quite sitting next to each other, but not quite facing each other either.
The laughter was apparent on your faces as Kevin showed you something on his iPad. You grabbed the screen with ill-concealed delight, your eyes lighting up like a pair of fireflies. "No, oh my god, the little sprout on top of my head! You didn't!"
Yuna murmured softly to her lover with a chuckle, "Should we go say hello?"
Seokjin adjusted his position so now his arm rested around her shoulders. A smile etched onto his face at the view; he was so fond of the very thing neither you nor Kevin could see just yet. "Well, how could you possibly want to break that up?"
EPISODE EIGHT: NOD AND SMILE… YUP.
YOU weren't really sure why it took so long before you all deigned to take a proper dip in the lake, but as they said, better late than never.
The sun beat down on the little lake population, even at ten in the morning, which made it perfect weather to go swimming. Your house was a-bustle with life, thunderous footsteps, and motherly yelling to her children of “You better all have sunscreen on!” You were just finishing up the task yourself, rubbing in the last handprint of sunblock onto your calf before you were grabbing your towel at the end of your bed and heading out.
You caught Alice coming down the stairs with her floral one-piece on and a set of blue goggles strapped to her head. This morning, her hair was in two braids. “Do you have sunscreen on?” You asked her as you opened the back screen door.
“Yes,” she groaned as if this was the hundredth time she’d been asked that question today. Knowing your family, it probably was the hundredth time. “Do we still have the flamingo floatie?”
“We can probably pop down to the shed and see,” you suggested. You blinked in surprise at the person you found leaning against the railing of your back porch. “Why hello there.”
Joshua glanced up from the piece of string in his hands that he had tied at the ends to form one, large ring. “Hi guys! Either of you ladies know how to play Cat’s Cradle?” His hands slipped in between the string so that the ring rested on the backs of his fingers. In a movement that sent a wave of nostalgia down your spine, he maneuvered his hands through the string to form the zigzag pattern correspondent with the beloved childhood game.
“Ooh! Me, me!” Alice bounced around on the balls of her feet and rushed over to where Josh was to pick out the next pattern.
The screen door behind you opened up again as soon as you stepped foot onto the deck. Your dad appeared with your little brother, both of whom were dressed in rash guards and swim trunks. Your dad hustled his son along. “Yn-ah, we’re going down to the shed to get swimming things. Wanna come?”
“Wait, Daddy, can we get the flamingo floatie?” Alice asked your dad. Joshua finished up the next pattern, and your sister was quick to grab the next.
“Sure. We have to go now, though.”
With little else left to say or do, your dad ferried your little siblings off and around the house to where the shed was. It was tucked out of the way somewhere between your house and the Kims’ place.
You sidled up beside Joshua and slung your towel over your shoulder, noting his tank top and shorts. “You going for a swim with us?”
He gestured to his attire, nodding. “Seems like it. My parents wanted to run into town to do some shopping, see the sights. Your mom mentioned last night that you all were planning to go swimming today, so I thought I’d tag along, if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, man—it’s totally cool.”
You gazed far out toward the lake down the lawn. There were already a few people there, including Kevin and the Kims. Sana and Leena were already frolicking around in the water with their dad, while Yuna and Kevin stood off to the side on the dock. It seemed that Yuna had brought down a pair of foldable chairs to set up there, perhaps to soak up a little sun.
The two of them exchanged a couple more words before Yuna left him there so she could go pick up Leena from falling face-first in the water. Leena was still an infant, after all.
You decided that this would be a good time to run and join him, but your thoughts slowed to a halt when Kevin picked up the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. You even heard Joshua beside you lose his breath. The sunlight had to be a paid actor or something, because the way it glowed across your friend’s shoulders, enunciating the firm muscles in his back, had to be illegal in nature.
Joshua’s low whistle of appreciation met your ears. “Wow… he’s ripped.”
You nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah.” Whoops, did you say that out loud?
The man simply chuckled and bounded down the porch. “C’mon, Yn. Let’s go join them before he catches you staring.”
If there was anything else that you and Kevin took seriously besides rock-skipping, it was the game Marco Polo. The rules were simple: an elected tagger would play with their eyes closed, yelling out “Marco” in order to locate other players in the water. The tagger had three or five opportunities to open their eyes (this was enforced for safety reasons) in order to tag everyone. Those who were not the tagger were required to reply with “Polo” in response to the tagger’s call.
Boundaries of the game ranged from your house to Kevin’s house, and no hiding beneath the dock. (Only the tagger could pass beneath that zone.)
By the time it was Kevin’s turn to tag, nearly an hour and a half had gone by, and you could feel the sun’s rays seeping into you. The heat was getting to you, and by the looks on everyone else’s faces, it was getting to them, too. But… one last round never hurt anybody.
"Are you guys ready?" Kevin's mom stood on the dock with her hands on her son's shoulders. Kevin's eyes were screwed shut where he sat on the edge of the dock, his feet swinging where they dangled over the water. Everyone stood scattered in the water, biding their time before Kevin's mom let him hop in.
She surveyed the surrounding water for nods of confirmation. You lingered just at the outer edge of the boundary, face half in the water with your eyes peeking out to hide your smile. You would swim back in should he come this way, but the buoy behind you kept you from cheating.
When she was satisfied with what she saw, she patted him on the shoulders. "Okay, Kevin."
He lowered himself into the water. "Marco!"
"Polo," came the wary response, a voice from every corner and reach of the boundary, it seemed.
He honed in on a voice—not yours, it seemed, but Uncle Jin's—and slowly treaded over toward that direction. You saw your uncle's eyes widen in fear, and he ducked under the water for a swift second to attempt at a silent getaway.
"I can hear you," Kevin chuckled as he swung his arm over his head to adopt a freestyle stroke. The tone of his voice sounded awfully menacing.
"YAH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Jin screeched, no longer trying to stay quiet.
One by one, Kevin picked people off. Yuna had a little disadvantage since she had Sana clinging to her back the whole time, so she was given a merciful second life. But when she was caught once more, it was onto dry land for her and her daughter.
Kevin treaded water on the other side of the boundary. In the water, it was just you two.
"Fighting, Yn-ie!" Jin cheered from the shore. A towel was draped over his shoulders with Sana sucking on a watermelon by his leg.
You saw your siblings and Josh raise up their fists in encouragement. "Get him, Yn!"
"Wow, thanks guys," Kevin replied dryly, shaking the water out of his hair. His eyes were miraculously still closed; you had no idea how and when he got so good at this. He still had one more opportunity to open his eyes.
You grinned. "Are you sure you're not cheating by the way?" You drawled with a feigned look of consideration, as if he could see what you looked like.
He gasped. "Me? Cheating? My abilities are far greater than the need to cheat."
"Okay, prove it."
Why did the universe curse you with such a big fucking mouth?
A swear left you as he launched himself across the safe zone. It was like he knew exactly where you had been hovering in order to reach his ridiculously long arms over his head to try and tag you. You gunned out of the way, narrowly missing the dock as you backstroked back from where he came to avoid him.
"Marco!"
"Screw you—polo!"
His white teeth glistened as he grinned, eyes closed completely shut still. Damn. "I can smell fear."
"Sometimes you can be so dramatic," you taunted.
"Now that's just hurtful." And he took it personally.
Around and around you both went, lakewater thrashing as your arms and legs kicked and pumped as hard as you could. You felt so agile and free at times, a dolphin in your own right.
There was a lull in the game for a minute when you managed to evade Kevin's grasp yet another time. He was patrolling the other side of the dock while you loitered just around the corner, by a post. You could hear on land that everyone had turned their attention away from yours and Kevin's competitiveness in favor of the bag tossing boards Kevin's dad brought out.
"Oh, Yn," he smiled, brushing a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "I'm gonna get ya."
If you weren't worried about being so close to him, you would have thrown a retort right back.
But there was another poor, poor hinge to your plan, and that was the very core of the game you were playing.
He whispered, "Marco."
You screamed internally. "Polo," you whispered, barely audibly.
His head whipped in your direction, and before you could even blink, he used his shortcut beneath the dock to yank your wrist back toward him. "Gotcha!"
"Goddamn it," you groaned as you rested up against the post behind you. The water in this area was just shallow enough that your feet could reach the bottom.
Kevin chuckled as he finally opened his eyes. He blinked feverishly to adjust to the sunlight, then ran a hand through his slicked-back hair. He was so close that you could see the water droplets on his head dribble down the sharp slope of his nose. He took in his surroundings, a sly kind of smirk curling up onto his face. "No hiding beneath the dock, Yn."
"I technically wasn't beneath the dock," you shot back.
"Mhm," he pressed his lips together, brows furrowing. He moved closer and braced one arm against the post above your head. "Say I believe you."
You brushed the sudden butterflies in your stomach away as the heat melted your brain (and not Kevin). "That sounds like you don't believe me."
"Well, either way…" He brought a finger close to your face and tapped your nose. You could have sworn you saw his eyes dart downwards for a second, away from your eyes, toward your mouth. "I win."
EPISODE NINE: KINDLING FOR ALL KINDS OF FIRES
A campfire was always in order.
There were quite a few things that needed to be done before it could happen, however. One of the few things on the list just happened to be going out to find firewood, as well as filling up the bird feeders you left hanging out in the forest beyond. You could kill two birds with one stone. (Definitely not literally though. You hoped you never needed to kill two birds with one stone unless it was for pure survival purposes.)
The bird seed you'd requested to be brought back was… somewhere around here. You couldn't remember where exactly Auntie Yuna said they put the bag, but you would go hunting for it.
You meandered through the first floor of your lake cabin, gradually approaching the kitchen area where you heard voices. As far as you were aware, your parents were holed up in the kitchen with Kevin’s parents, as well as Kevin himself. Your siblings were probably either upstairs or at the Kims’ place. Probably.
“—know Judy’s daughter, right?” You recognized your mom’s voice among the fray. By this time, you stood in the middle of the living room with your hands on your hips. Where in the world was that sneaky bag of bird seed?
Kevin’s mom replied next, “Ah, she’s doing that drawing major or something, right? I forgot what it’s called—”
“Animation,” supplied her husband.
“Yes, that’s the one.” A clinking of metal on china; they were most likely digging into the trifle cake that was assembled earlier in the day.
“I hear there’s something going on and it’s getting more difficult to find work for them.”
A disgruntled sound. “Yah. That's the risk that comes with those art majors. If she had gone into bioengineering like Judy wanted her to, then she wouldn’t be worrying so much.”
You paused from your position in the living room. From your vantage point, you got a clear view into only part of the kitchen, but it was where Kevin lingered with his back to one of the cabinets. He had a bowl of dessert in one hand, the other using the tines of his fork to prod at a bite of cream and cake. His head was tilted down though, and you caught his periodic glances toward the part of the kitchen you couldn’t see where the adults probably were, prattling on and on as if he weren’t standing right there.
Your heart sunk to the pit of your stomach.
Why was he subjecting himself to this? Why didn’t he just pick himself up and leave—? The thought came to you that maybe he thought he deserved to hear this.
Having surveyed the living room enough to know that the bird seed wasn’t here, you did happen to note the presence of his camera sitting on the coffee table. You snatched the device up and headed for the kitchen.
“I think it’s good to cultivate creativity, but there’s a difference between a career and hobbies—”
“Psst.” You grappled onto the side of the doorway, quietly catching Kevin’s attention.
His head perked up at the sound and his eyebrows shot up in question. He offered the bowl in his hands to you. Want some? He mouthed.
You shook your head, then used your free hand to wave him over. Bird seed?
He seemed to understand. With one, massive bite, he finished the rest of his bowl, deposited it in the kitchen sink, then quietly slipped out of the room with you.
When the two of you were in the clear and you were following him over to the closet beneath the stairs (damn, had you really forgotten that this closet existed?), you handed him his camera. “I’m invoking rescue protocol,” you told him.
Kevin accepted his camera with a furrowed brow, watching as you opened up the closet door and found a canvas sack of birdseed sitting there. Huzzah! “Wait, but…” He considered you for a moment, and a slow smile slid onto his face. He ducked his head and threw his camera strap around his neck. “I appreciate you. Have I told you that?”
“And I—” You grunted as you picked the bag up into your arms and used your foot to kick the door closed. “—appreciate you. How’d you know this was where the bird seed was?”
“I just remembered what Uncle Jin said,” he told you with a shrug.
The two of you meandered out of the backdoor and onto the porch in a silent agreement to go fill some bird feeders together. The forest at this time of day was streaked in golden sunlight, emerald green leaves painted over in an amber wash of glitter. It felt warm and comfortable like autumn, but with the color palette of summer. The air was fresh, not crisp, and there was still a dollop of pollen floating around in the air from the tailend of spring.
You and Kevin entered the forest proper, and you shifted the bag into your right hand when you finally got the bag’s handles up and at ‘em. “I know the protocol wasn’t meant for those kinds of situations,” you started.
Kevin let his camera rest in his hands at midriff once he had fiddled with the settings enough to his liking. “I know.”
“They’re wrong, you know?” You turned to look at him as you stopped at the first feeder and let the sack of seed and grain fall to your feet with a thump against the earth. Before you opened up the bag, however, you peered up into the wooden house hanging from the branch, slobbered in messy paints and melting smiley faces. There wasn’t a speck of grain or seed left in this one. Satisfied, you bent down to rip the bag open and take out a scoop with your hands.
The shutter of a camera lens fired. He sighed, lowering the camera so he could inspect the test shot he took. “I’ve come to terms with that—all of their opinions, I mean.” He lifted the viewfinder back up to his eye and took another shot as you shoveled the bird seed into the hole. A small stream of it missed and tumbled to the forest floor. “Sometimes I do think like that, though. Whether or not I should have stuck with psychology and become a teacher instead of photography.”
You folded the edge of the bag over itself after dusting your hands off, and the two of you continued onward. “Are you happy with photography though? Do you like the things you’re learning, the work you’re doing?” That was one of the few metrics that kept you clinging onto your dreams—your hands were getting scraped and sweaty holding onto the side of the cliff face, but even though your shoe slipped against the ledge and threatened a long drop, you held on. Some days, you thought it was a sad, desperate effort; others, you found extra strength to dig your soles in.
He didn’t have to think much before answering. “Yeah, I do. It’s… it’s fulfilling.” He shot you a glance. “I guess it’s something I enjoy so much that most days it doesn’t even feel like work. All of the logistic, ‘real world,’ adult stuff is kind of a headache, but…” Even though his sentence trailed off, you could still follow.
You plopped the sack of seed down on the ground beneath the next bird feeder. “I know that it’s hard to think about what-ifs, and I’m kind of a hypocrite about it, too—but I think—” you scooped up a handful of bird seed and poured it into the opening. This house had a little sunshine painted on the roof. “—Kevin, I think you made the right choice. Obviously, it shouldn’t matter what I think; that’s just what I’ve observed so far.”
“It matters what you think,” he replied quietly. “To me, at least.”
The two of you shared a smile as you dusted your hands off again. The chase is hard, but the reward is sweet—those had been his words to you the other day.
“Do you want me to carry that for you?” He mused, in view of your struggle to pick the damn thing off the ground.
You suddenly gained a spurt of strength and energy. “I’m—great.”
His low chuckle followed you as you went. You could hear his shutter go off again.
“Thank you for assuring me that I took the right risk.” Kevin fell into step beside you once more with his camera cradled in his hands. There was a softness to his eyes again, a kind of tenderness you recognized only when it was just the two of you.
You went for a smile. “I feel you, you know? Maybe not on the same level, but you’re not in crisis alone, okay?”
His shoulder bumped against yours. “Get on my level,” he jested.
Your smile haplessly curled up further. “Yeah, yeah, you five year old.” You leaned over his arm to peer at his camera screen. Your heart hammered, blood spiking, when you saw what the subject of all his shots had been thus far. “Oh my god, have you been taking pictures of me?”
He giggled at your reaction. "What? What else am I supposed to be taking pictures of?"
"Uhm?" You gestured with your arm in a wide arc. "There is literally a whole world around us. Nature is much more photogenic than I am." A nervous laugh bubbled out of your chest as you adjusted a lock of hair that had gotten in your face.
"You are totally photogenic," he scoffed. "Literally look."
The two of you stopped in the middle of the path so he could show you the pictures he had taken thus far. Like most people when they saw a picture of themselves, you wanted to grimace, but you tried to search for what Kevin was seeing.
They were all incredible candid shots. The color was so vivid and bright, the edges crisp and focused. He had captured you at the moment when you were smiling, peeking into the bird feeder. It was that split second before the smile bloomed into something bigger when it only teased at the corner of your mouth.
You leaned back and coughed. "I only look good because you made me look good."
"Now that's bullshit."
You both resumed your walk to the next bird feeder. He said to you, "You can't possibly appreciate nature's beauty without appreciating your own, Yn."
You tilted your head and sent him a sidelong glance. "Why did that sound actually profound?"
"What do you mean actually profound?" His face arranged into an expression of offense. "Am I not regularly profound?"
You smiled to yourself. "I mean… if you had to ask—" Click! "Hey, now wait a minute!"
He beamed something boyish at you from over his camera lens. "Whoops?"
The bird seed bag thumped onto the forest floor again and you moved to check the inside of the next bird feeder. To your utter delight, you were greeted by the sight of sticks and mud and leaves slotted together in a messy riffraff, otherwise known as a bird's nest. You could hear the bright chirping coming out from the feeder's hole, and dark gray feathers poked out.
"We won't disturb these ones," you whispered, backing away to collect your bird seed. But before you left, you took a little of the grain to sprinkle on the outer landing ledge.
You didn't even realize you had been smiling out of pure giddiness until you reached the next feeder on the path. You had always secretly hoped that a bird would take over one of the houses as their own. Lo and behold, that hope manifested into reality.
Kevin helped you out with the next one since this tree was hung with a duplex. It was similar to a human duplex; the house was split down the middle to hold double the feed. The two of you carefully transferred seed and grain into its proper place.
"If you really are uncomfortable with me taking pictures of you," he said as the two of you picked up where you left off, "then I can totally delete them." He made a gesture with his hand. "No harm, no foul."
Heat rose to your cheeks. "It doesn't bother me that much," you admitted sheepishly. "They were good pictures."
"See!" Elated, he slung an arm around your shoulders and tugged you against his side with an affectionate shake. "You see the vision? Do you see it now?"
You couldn't possibly say no to him when his expression was brighter than the sun at high noon. At this moment—this perfect moment—when the sunlight streaming through the trees painted his face in a filter of buttery gold… you could definitely see the vision, but perhaps not the exact one he saw.
EPISODE TEN: YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES…
"OH, thank god, you guys went and got firewood!" Jin pressed his hands together in prayer as he jogged over to you and helped transfer the lumber in your arms over to his. On your way back from replenishing the bird feed, you let Kevin hold the remainder of what was left in the bag while you picked up any spare tinder for the fire. There were quite a few loose sticks around that would work nicely for the campfire tonight.
He walked off with your gatherings from the trip, and you and Kevin continued up to your lake house to drop off the bag of bird seed.
"So you were saying about the animal representation thing?" You piped up, recalling where the two of you last ended before your return to home base.
"Oh!" Kevin grinned. "It's so funny because some of my friends—you can totally see the resemblance of an animal, right? But then others don't really get an animal. Like Younghoon: he's just kind of bread."
You nearly tripped over a patch of dirt. "Bread?" You stammered incredulously. "Come again?"
"Bread," he nodded. He murmured in thanks to you when you slid open the screen door for him so he could shuck off his shoes and step inside the house. "But Changmin's a squirrel. Or a giraffe. That's what JC!Yn calls him, anyway; it's because of his long neck."
"Huh," you pondered. Interesting friend group they had going on there. You wondered what you would be…
As you passed by your bedroom on the first floor, you could hear your phone sounding off in aggressive vibrations even through the wooden walls and the closed door. You swore under your breath and pushed into your room to turn it off, then paused when you realized why it had gone off in the first place.
Fireflies.
"Everything okay?" Kevin's voice came back around the bend, his head poking into the space and the bird seed bag nowhere to be seen. He must have put it away just now.
You glanced up at him as you silenced the alarm and tucked your phone into your pocket. You hadn't needed it all that much this entire trip, but you would definitely hold onto it tight tonight. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Ready to head out?"
He didn't question your behavior and nodded. "Ready when you are."
Sometimes campfire smoke burned Kevin's eyes, but that was mostly when he was younger and didn't know any better. The embers of the fire were always so warm and inviting, always luring him toward it and inviting him to stare into its core. He could still feel the sting of the ash in his pupils as he looked at it from afar now.
The summer sun had sunken down into the horizon and gave way to a comfortable nightfall. Above your heads hung curtains of leaves from oaks, and above them was the blanket of night sky bedazzled in stars. Nature, as you had said earlier today, was quite photogenic.
He sat perched slightly away from everyone in the group, settling at the picnic table with his back to the table surface so he could still face into the fire. When everyone regrouped, Joshua had brought along an acoustic guitar and played it for everyone now.
"Sunday morning, rain is falling."
Someone lit up in a small hoot of approval. Kevin observed the group before him, the several families that had come together. He was especially pleased that the Hongs and the Xus were still hanging out with the lot of them, the latter being around a little less, but still coming out to join the fun, nonetheless.
He hadn't even realized when the last time his mom tried blatantly pushing him towards Serena. At some point, she stopped and it slipped his mind.
"Clouds are shrouding us in moments, unforgettable. You twist to fit the mold that I am in."
Kevin scratched his jaw as he turned his eyes down to the iPad settled in his lap. After he had finished up dinner, he ran inside to swap out his camera for his device to get some sketching done. There wasn't a particular project he was working on; he just wanted to practice a little.
When he lifted his gaze back up to pick a subject, he found himself looking in your direction. Your dad and Connor brought out the goodies to make s'mores. Long, slim skewers were passed around the circle, and the kids were the first to receive marshmallows to spear.
You and your sister sat beside one another and you helped her grab two of the mallows to impale. The light from the fire flickered across your face in differing levels of shadow, a play on contrast. Your expression seemed softer here—he wasn't really sure what it was. Maybe it was the tenderness at the corner of your eyes as you laughed at Connor's marshmallow falling burnt into the pit; maybe it was the triumph you shared with Alice when you helped her sandwich her marshmallows between a slab of chocolate and twin graham crackers.
He liked to believe his hand started before he consciously knew what he was doing.
"That may be all I need… In darkness, she is all I see."
"Are you sure you don't want me to make you one?" You asked your brother as he grabbed his redemption marshmallow from the bag.
Connor huffed, puffing out his chest. "I got this."
Your eyebrows flew upward. "Okay, big guy. Have at it." You chuckled and grabbed a marshmallow for yourself, sticking it onto your skewer to let it broil over the heat.
Kevin traced the lines of your face with his eyes, his hand transferring that memorization onto his screen. Sometimes human expressions were a little difficult to portray accurately, and there was a thorn pricking the back of his mind, urging him to do you justice. He didn't know if he could.
Your head slowly swayed to the sound of Joshua's pretty melody, the corners of your mouth tilting upward. Kevin shifted his position on the bench and drew the little tick mark at the edge of your mouth for that slight smile.
He always knew you were beautiful—for fuck's sake, he'd practically said it today in the forest. It had been among the crush of other important conversations, but he meant it. He still had the image of you engraved in his brain, the moment when you discovered the family of birds in the feeder house. You'd lit up like a goddamn star.
You stood up from your spot once your marshmallow became the perfect golden tone over the edges. You stepped over to the chair that held all the ingredients and smooshed the marshmallow between chocolate and cracker. Then, you turned and marched over to him.
Surprise alerted in his features, and he subtly tilted the screen of his iPad up against his chest. "Hey," he greeted softly while you approached.
You returned the expression and held out the s'more to him. "Here. It's for you."
The organ in his chest did a somersault. "What?" He laughed, "For me?"
"Yeah, silly. I don't know why you're so far away, but I know you like 'em." You settled on the bench next to him with one arm braced behind you on the table and your legs crossed, one over the other.
"Thank you," he said, using one of his hands to bite into it with childlike giddiness. The mixture of flavors exploded in his mouth—the crunch of the graham cracker, the soft, gooeyness of the chocolate and marshmallow. A perfect, sweet treat, and done exactly right. "Mmmh, this is so good," he mumbled behind his hand to catch any crumbs on his lips.
You chuckled. "Nice, glad it has your stamp of approval." Your eyes wandered down to his iPad, and you could see the white screen lit up against his shirt. "What have you been up to?"
His eyes widened a smidge, and there came a bashfulness to his face. (Cute.) "Oh, uhm," he swallowed down the remainder of the s'more and tilted the screen away from you. Huh, strange. "It's nothing really. Just sketching."
You hummed in understanding, though it was a little out of character for him to hide it from you. "Ah, I see."
The two of you descended into silence, and you leaned your back against the table to get comfortable. Kevin passed you sidelong glances from the corner of his eye, unsure of how you knew he wanted you to stay. (Because he definitely did want you to stay.)
Perhaps this was a sign. Thoughts had been brewing in his head as of late, and he wasn't quite sure what to do with them. They all just… sort of piled up in his hands and he didn't know how to free them up to reach out to you.
He opened his mouth to say something—anything—maybe even about the pact—to retract the pact?—it didn't matter.
But when he turned to look at you this time, your gaze was elsewhere. That soft, tenderness remained, but you had turned your attention to Joshua.
Ah. He shouldn't have jumped so soon. A hopeless kind of ache twisted in his stomach that made him uncomfortable. He briefly glanced down at his screen of what he'd sketched of you so far and decided it might be better to finish it later.
Fireflies. You nearly forgot that you planned to sneak out and see fireflies tonight.
By the time the campfire was cleaned up and everyone was tucked away into their beds, it was probably nearing midnight. You quietly rustled around your room in the dark and used only your phone's flashlight to gather things into a little knapsack—just the essentials, of course. There was no need to get fancy with it.
You wished you had signal so you could text Kevin and warn him ahead of time that you were about to go appear at his window, but you figured it would be fine anyhow. Even if he wasn't awake, the excitement buzzing inside of you could hardly wait.
Shouldering your bag, you headed out the door and crossed the divide between your house and the Moons'.
You located Kevin's window on the second floor, quietly rejoining when you realized it was cracked open. This had to be fate; what other reason would his window be open? (Clearly not for the cool, evening breeze or anything…)
You cupped your hands around your mouth. "Kevin!" You stage-whispered. "Kevin!"
A moment later, a head popped out the open frame. His hair stuck up a little bit and his eyes squinted down into the darkness at you. "Yn?"
"Yes," you said with a grin that he probably thought was idiotically too large. You waved him down. "I'm gonna go see fireflies!"
It took him a second to compute. "What time is it?"
"Like, midnight."
"Okay."
Seven minutes later, Kevin emerged from the back door with a T-shirt and sweatpants on, a yawn splitting his face. He shook his head out as if he was shaking out the remaining remnants of sleep from his system. You met him on the back stairs.
"So what's this about fireflies?" He asked you as the two of you ventured off into the wilderness.
Last year when you were up here at the lake, there was one night when sleep refused to take you. Your solution had been to go on a walk, and as completely dangerous as that sounded (because it was), you'd stumbled upon the meadow you now took Kevin toward. You hadn't the faintest why you never knew about this place after years of coming up to the lake town, but it was where the fireflies took flight.
The meadow was not too long a walk from where you both lived, and by the time you arrived, Kevin was wide awake.
"It's just over this crest," you told him, the jubilation in your voice nearly spilling over.
Kevin smiled at the sound of your excitement and eagerly followed you up the hill.
As soon as you made it over, you lost all your breath in awe. The meadow sprawled at your feet for miles was completely a-glow. Little beads of yellow-green light dotted the field in every corner like light bulbs strung together by invisible string. You had only ever seen this once in person, the rest via the internet and popular culture (movies, TV shows, and the like), and yet, it never compared to the real life experience.
You and Kevin stood there for a moment to soak in the sight. What a wonder of nature this was.
When you finally gained the sense to, you dug around in your bag for wherever you'd stashed your phone. Your tongue stuck out of the corner of your mouth as you fidgeted with the settings on your phone camera. You just wanted one little picture to show one of your professors at school, but it seemed your camera-working skills left much to be desired.
"Here, let me," Kevin murmured and gently took the phone from you. He showed you the screen as he fixed the settings—et voilà! Like magic, the field before you became visible on your camera screen in the crispiest, sexiest quality you had ever seen. "And… there you go."
He clicked the photo for you and handed you back your phone.
Mouth agape, you zoomed in on your completed photo. "Thanks, Kevin!" You gushed as you admired his handiwork.
He clasped a hand against the back of his neck. "No worries. Just a few tricks I learned."
You still warmed at the gesture. With your phone now tucked away, the two of you could sink back into the glory of the field of fireflies.
You heard Kevin's voice, soft, "How do they light up like that?"
"Bioluminescence," you replied in a whisper back. "It's a biochemical reaction that basically lets them convert energy into that light you see." There were plenty of other examples of bioluminescence in nature, as well. One particular instance you'd read about once, was a wave of bioluminescent algae appearing on the shores of a Southern Californian beach during the summer. It was neat stuff.
"Wild," he marveled.
A wave of calm fell over your form. You'd never felt so at peace in your life—just you, the outdoors, and one of the few people who made you actually feel this comfortable. You swallowed at the thought.
You were suddenly hyperaware of how close you were standing to him, the backs of your hands grazing against each other. You could feel his skin, his knuckles against yours—and maybe your brain was making it up, but the touch felt intentional.
For a second, you indulged yourself in what it might be like to close the distance and take his hand into yours. Of course, it wouldn't have to be in the romantic way; friends could hold hands… right? They could hold hands and your heart could skip several beats and he could look at your lips, and you would still be friends. Right?
You cleared your throat, and the sound seemed to thunder in the silence. "We should—we should probably head back," you said, sparing a glance at him.
He caught your eyes and held them. His lips turned upward, and the shine in his eyes was fond. "Okay."
With renewed energy, you made the trek back into the neighborhood. Your bucket list items for the summer had nearly all been checked off—not like you had a physical list written out. These were simply traditions you hoped to fulfill every summer while you were here in your happy place.
The crickets chirped a lovely serenade as you and Kevin strolled back onto the street where your houses stood. At the point where you both needed to split off, you nudged him with your elbow. "Thanks for coming out with me tonight."
"Thank you for inviting me," he countered with an amused hum.
"Good night, Kev."
You both lingered for a second. "Good night, Yn," he said back, pausing for a moment. Then he leaned over toward you and pressed his lips to the crown of your head. Your eyes fluttered shut. "Hope the lovebugs bite."
EPISODE ELEVEN: ROCKING THE BOAT
IF there was one thing that Kevin Moon was good at (besides the myriad of things he was actually good at), it was waking up his cousin to exercise with him in the morning.
"I think I deserve a nice, fat stack of pancakes after this," Yuna grumbled after nearly tripping over a raised tree root and kissing the forest floor. She grappled onto her cousin's shoulder to steady herself, the cousin in question giving a light chuckle at her antics. "When your mom said we should exercise together, I thought she meant the next time I was in Vancouver, not right now."
"Well, it's only because Yn's mom planned to go out with my mom this morning," Kevin mused. "Usually I have a designated walking partner."
"Woe is me. Alas, I have become your Plan B," Yuna sighed melodramatically with a hand draped over her forehead.
This morning, at a lovely 9:46am, the lake and its surrounding forest was just as alive and awake as Kevin was. The sun had taken up its perch in the clear, blue sky and the birds had long since begun their morning songs. They were awfully loud at this part of the lake, the exact three-quarter mark around the perimeter. Kevin thanked his parents for choosing houses away from this area—he would have never slept ever if they bunkered up here. (Not that he slept anyway, but that was beside the point.)
The walk began a little later than he usually did with your mom, but he granted Yuna a bit of leeway since she hadn't exactly been given a head's up. (He argued the opposite, but he let this once slide.)
"You're so dramatic," he chided playfully. "Watch out for that rock."
Yuna's mouth morphed into a deep frown, eyes wide open, as she narrowly missed being nature's fool another time. "Oh, speaking of Yn… Yn's mom? Whatever, I just mean Yn."
Kevin perked up at the topic change. His brain was fresh from last night's midnight endeavor with you and the fireflies. His lips still tingled from when he ventured to kiss you on the head… he wasn't sure where that courage had come from, but the memory of it kick-started his heart into a gallop. "What about Yn?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. You tell me." A smile crawled onto her face, and Kevin could smell her slyness a mile away. "The two of you have been hanging out a ton recently."
"We usually stick together," he sniffed, fidgeting absentmindedly with the beads on the bracelet you'd made him.
"Aish," she pressed her features into an unimpressed look that reminded Kevin of a typical Chanhee deadpan. "You're so unhelpful. You know what I'm talking about!" She smacked the side of his arm, and Kevin erupted into a fit of laughter.
His smile grew shy. "I don't really know what to say! I'm sorry—that's the truth." Because how could he even begin when it came to you? Where did it end, where did it begin?
"I see the way you look at her, Kev."
Kevin shoved his hands into his shorts. Suddenly the bird nest he spotted in a nearby tree became all too interesting. The bird nest reminded him of the birds who had made a home out of one of your feeders, and that reminded him of the adorable elation on your face when you discovered it and that reminded him of—he came to a stop. Oh, god, he was so far gone. "How do I look at her?"
Yuna peered at him curiously, then stopped to face him. "You look at her like I look at Jin. At least, that's how I think I look at him." She offered him a supportive smile. "But right now, you look like you're going through your midlife crisis."
"I might as well be."
She barked out a laugh. "Save that for when you buy a house, my friend."
He rubbed his temples with a wince. "Houses, domesticity, money, partners. Why is adulting so hard?"
"Hey, you'll get through it," she told him and nudged his shoulder. "What's going on, dude? What's on your mind?"
Kevin swallowed. He still hadn't the faintest idea where to begin, but everything had to start somewhere. Yuna had always been kind to him (a menace at times, but that feeling was mutual), and he trusted her with his vulnerabilities. He toed the ground. "Okay, last night, I kissed her—"
"YOU WHAT?"
He sputtered, red rushing to his face, as he grabbed her shoulders. Her eyes were practically falling out of her head. "Nonononono! Let me finish, you—I kissed her on the forehead, okay?"
Her gaping mouth closed only slightly. "Oh…" She thought about it some more. "Oh."
Kevin nodded gravely. "Yup."
Yuna straightened with a furrowed brow. "Well, that's not that big of a deal, is it?"
"What do you mean that's not a big deal?" His hands shot to the top of his baseball cap. "How is that not a big deal!"
"That's because the two of you refuse to acknowledge or entertain the obvious!"
Kevin hissed when she reached over to give his forehead a very hard flick. He rubbed the spot that began to smart; getting flicked in the forehead twice in one lake trip was twice too many. "The obvious?"
"That you guys can have the mushy gushy feelies without it being a product of the placebo effect from your moms' collective matchmaking efforts."
He made a face. "That was a lot of words…"
She deadpanned. "Kevin, listen to me: just because the two of you made a stupid pact when you were ten—"
"Eleven."
"Whatever. Eleven—doesn't mean that you can't leave room to, you know, amend that. You have to give yourself the opportunity to explore it, especially when I can clearly see that your feelings are changing about this girl." Yuna grasped her cousin by his shoulders this time in an attempt to telepathically insert these words into his brain. Or at least, just make him listen.
The words seeped into his head. The two of you had already made amendments earlier this trip, but you had never commented on the "only friends part." He even entertained the idea of bringing it up to you last night at the bonfire.
He didn't realize Yuna already began tugging him along the path to circle around the remainder of the lake to get back to the house. Everything was so muddled… but a part of him recognized that Yuna was right. He just wished he could get an idea of where your thoughts laid.
There were moments when you thought life could be like a movie, but then why was doing this pedal boat thing so much less glamorous than it seemed? Then again, maybe you shouldn't have thought doing this at high noon was the greatest idea.
You should have been like your Uncle Seokjin, who sat to your left, swallowed up in a blue lifejacket, a pair of big sunglasses, and a crocheted bonnet with a duck face to keep his face out of the sun. Yeah, maybe glasses would have been a good idea.
Sweat dribbled down the side of your face and down the slope of your nose, and you wiped it off with the back of your hand. "It's so hot, Uncle. We couldn't have waited until later today when it cooled down?"
He leaned back, his cheeks and skin reddened and damp from the heat and the fire in his calves from pedaling. "Okay, okay. Let's stop here."
"Right in the middle of the lake?" You asked incredulously, but immediately brought your feet off the pedals to give your legs a deserved break.
"What better place to do so?"
The two of you lounged in your seat beneath the molten afternoon sun, limbs screaming, water draining from your bodies through your pores. This would have been nice if you brought a sun umbrella… or maybe some water… man, did you make so many poor choices today.
"So what's going on with you and Kevin?"
The question snapped you out of your heat-fazed daze. You nearly thought you hallucinated him saying that. You stammered, "What about me and Kevin?"
You could see his overexaggerated facial expression even from behind his sunglasses. "Yah, don't give me that. You know what I'm talking about—I saw you two last night."
You lurched out of your seat and caused the violent rocking of the boat. You and your copilot let out twin swears as the boat evened out on the waves, and luckily, did not capsize. "Sorry—the fuck? You did?"
"Actually, I didn't," he snickered. "But now I know something did happen. So what's the tea, girl? Hit me with it. It's hot outside but I always take my beverages scorching." He shifted in his seat, carefully, in order to give you his full attention.
You couldn't believe he dragged you out to the middle of the lake just for this conversation. Total Uncle Seokjin move. You walked (or pedaled) right into his checkmate.
Moments of last night flooded into your brain—the campfire, the fireflies, the kiss, the… the him. Kevin. You gulped. Where did you even think to begin? "I took him to see fireflies last night."
Jin scrunched his eyebrows together. "Fireflies? Since when did we have fireflies? You didn't take me to see the fir—oh, you know, what? It was your little romantic moment; I got it."
"It wasn't a romantic moment!" You sputtered helplessly, uselessly. "It was—it was a moment of serenity and scientific marvel."
"You are such a nerd. What did he do, huh? Did you guys hold hands or something?"
Almost. "No," you said. "He… he did kiss my forehead once we got back though."
"Aha!" You both careened as the boat trembled violently from Seokjin's sudden Einstein epiphany. "I knew that something happened," he said once the boat slowed to a stop again. "I just had a feeling in my gut."
"Are you sure it wasn't the yogurt you had this morning?"
"How dare you," he huffed. "I brought my lactose pills. And hey! Stop changing the subject."
You laughed aloud, but inwardly, your gut was churning. Maybe you could blame the heat, but you knew the real reason why you were suddenly feeling as unstable as the pedal boat you sat upon. The idea that the entirety of your friendship could be so easily uprooted… well, perhaps not easily. Picking apart your friendship would be like flushing weeds out of a garden—you would have to get at the roots, and right now, the roots were so deep that you would fall into the ground before finding the bottom.
Not that you wanted to uproot your friendship, or relationship, with Kevin. Of course not.
What did that forehead kiss even mean? What did all of the moments you shared between him this summer, as a whole, even mean? Why, all of a sudden, did you want the way he looked at you to mean something different besides platonic affection? Why did you want more when you had never really thought about more before?
You voiced all of this aloud to your uncle, who sat staring out onto the calm surface of the lake. When you were finished with your ramble, he said, "You need to get your shit together, girl."
You coughed. "Thanks, that was so helpful."
"I'm told that a lot," he beamed. "But really, those are all very good questions, Yn. And they're super important, too."
You frowned, lifting the rim of your baseball cap to wipe away the perspiration collecting at your hairline like a cult. "Do you think that these mixed feelings are a result of all the matchmaking going on? Like, somehow, we've let it affect how we view each other?"
"Honestly?" He sighed, his shoulders lifting and dropping in a half-hearted shrug. "Could be. But, Yn honey, is it really such a bad thing? And let's think about it this way—how do you feel about Joshua?"
You didn't need to think too hard about it. "He's a catch, but not my type of butterfly."
"Exactly, and oh my go—"
"Don't," you chuckled menacingly, "call me a nerd."
He gestured vaguely with his hand. "I wasn't; I was gonna call you a dork."
You snorted. With another swipe at your dripping neck, you said, "But Kevin and Serena—"
"'Kevin and Serena' don't exist," he told you with a smack of his lips. Jin peered at you from over the rim of his glasses, which in kind, made the duck's beady eyes stare straight into your soul, too. "That girl bats for the other team, and Kevin has shown zero interest in her other than helping her not fall off a jet ski."
Huh. You leaned your elbow onto the knee of one leg, propped up to your chest. "Well when you put it that way…"
"When I put it that way," he finished for you, "it makes it a little clearer, hm?" You were quiet for a moment, and Jin gave your shoulder a pat. "Some things are just meant to be."
The words, so familiar to you, rang true as a bell. Some things are just meant to be. You couldn't help the smile that started to work its way onto your face, and it was all thanks to Seokjin helping you sweep away some of the webs confusing your brain. You weren't completely confident, but you could feel yourself being nudged in a certain direction, and this time, you weren't pushing back.
The tide could take you where it may.
Your uncle by association added quietly, "Haven't you thought just once that, after all this sneaking around, there's been another reason for it other than a pact?"
EPISODE TWELVE: FISH IN THE SEA, ANTS IN THE GROUND
BY the time you and Jin returned to solid ground, you discovered that Kevin was away with his dad helping the Xus pack and clean up. Today they would be departing the small lake town, as they hadn't planned on spending as much time up here as the rest of you did. You and most of the others already said your goodbyes at the campfire, so you had little else to do but twiddle your thumbs until you could confront Kevin with your thoughts.
A shower always produced productive results, especially after melting Wicked Witch of the West style in the middle of the lake.
There was time, you realized, to bring things together. Of course, there was a part of you that shied away from wanting to even address this epiphany. What if bringing this up opened up a whole new can of worms? In other words, what if talking about the elephant in the room only led to regret? You didn't want to lose Kevin, and because your families were always so close, you didn't want to lose this. This connection, this tradition, this place.
Too many memories made their home here at the lake. It was your happy place… his happy place. It was everything.
Everything could change, and wasn't that terrifying? But it could also be great, and who best to share the scariest, greatest moments of life with other than your Kevin Moon?
As rubber tire wheels ate gravel, Kevin nodded to his dad and set off back across the lawn toward your cabin. The afternoon had him busy with helping the Xus head home, which he didn't mind doing, of course; the lot of them had fun with his party, and his party with the lot of them. He and Serena left on friendly terms, undeterred by his mother's half-hearted attempt to get them sort of talking. Serena said she understood.
Kevin needed to talk to you though. After the morning was spent with Yuna getting him to see the big ass elephant in the room—trunk in his face and trumpet in his ear—there was no other course of action left but to tell you the truth.
The truth. God, the truth. The truth was that he didn't want the old pact in place anymore. That was it, plain and simple. It was crazy to think about how long the two of you had let it restrain your relationship—wait, did you want it to though?
"Hey Kevin!"
Kevin slowed to a stop, attention perking up at his name when he saw Joshua making his way over to him. He worried his bottom lip. You didn't… like Josh, did you? He just had to be sure because, well, that would throw a rock into things. "Oh, hey, man."
Joshua offered him a bright smile. "Hey. Did Serena and her parents just take off?"
Kevin cupped the back of his head. "Uh, yeah! Just now, actually."
"Cool, cool." Joshua nodded his head. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
His heart threw itself over the side of a cliff. Oh no. He let out a laugh, hoping to push the nerves out of his voice, but he was sure it wasn't too convincing anyhow. "Really? What—what about?"
"It's about Yn—" Oh, double no. "—I kind of," he winced, "noticed that her mom was trying to… nudge us together?"
"Oh god, let me be the first to apologize—"
Joshua broke the tension with a chuckle. "Hey, it's no worries! I just didn't know if you were aware or not because you and she kind of seemed like a couple to me, but I didn't know if her mom knew."
Kevin blinked, heart quickening for a different reason. "What?" He stammered. "Sorry, can we rewind?"
"Hm? That you and Yn are a thing? Are—are you not?" He gasped, eyes going wide. "Shit, that was stupid of me to just assume. Sorry if that was totally awkward!"
Oh, but quite the opposite. Kevin could feel the blood rush to his cheeks, clear as day. There was a warm feeling in his chest knowing that more people thought that you and him looked like a couple. It was ridiculous how the thought got him giddy now. Kevin shook his head though. "No, no, you're good, dude. But we aren't a couple." Yet. Hopefully.
Joshua cocked his head to the side curiously. "Oh? I guess… it's still a little strange of me to assume, so I apologize. You're…?"
"Interested?" A nod. "Yeah." (Wow, that was a verbal admittance. One step closer to the real thing.)
Kevin cleared his throat and grabbed his shoulder with his opposite hand. "You're not—you're not interested in her, are you? I mean," he rushed to add, "it's totally fine. I understand—"
Joshua shook his head. "Oh shit, no, I'm not interested. Not that Yn's a bad person or anything, but I'm taken."
Pause.
…that made sense.
Joshua laughed, ducking his head to hide the smile that blossomed on his face. "Yeah, I'm already spoken for. My parents don't really know yet, but… yeah. I didn't wanna get in the way of whatever you and Yn have, and hopefully I'm not saying this too late."
On the contrary, a weight lifted from Kevin's chest and he sucked in a lungful of summer breeze. "Nah, man. Thanks for saying it in the first place; I appreciate it."
"Yeah," Joshua said pleasantly. He nodded at him, lips pursed with one eye squinted. "She digs you, too, you know? I've seen it all throughout this trip."
Hope filled his heart like the air ballooning his lungs. He didn't know what to do with all of these. They just kept coming up onto the stack of things in his hands that he wanted to take into consideration and tell you to your face, once and for all. Your face just kept flickering in his mind's eye, and the nerves were slowly melting into excitement. He wanted to share this with you, as the two of you had done for years.
"I hope so."
Joshua clasped a hand on Kevin's shoulder. "I would say 'go get 'em, tiger,' but I have a friend at school who is scarily obsessed with tigers, so I'll just say—" A squeeze of his shoulder, "you got this."
Kevin didn't know what to do with that extra factoid, but he gave Joshua a grateful grin. "Thanks, man."
The pair split off from there, one heading back toward his own cabin, and the other, marching toward the future. Whatever laid ahead, he could take on.
His step gained a skip, and soon, he was jogging across the green until he appeared at your back porch. He hadn't really prepared anything—no romantic gestures, no flowers or candles, no chocolates. All he had were the words on his tongue and his newly realized love for you. Love, a strange phenomenon. He had his love for you stashed away in his breast pocket and it blossomed every summertime.
He let himself into the house and went poking around for you. "Yn? Yn, you back yet?"
No answer.
He ducked his head into the kitchen, the living room, before he came upon your bedroom door left slightly ajar. Through the sliver, he saw the bottoms of your feet on the bed, and he gently knocked on the door before pushing through.
"Yn…? Ah," His voice quieted to a whisper.
You were curled up over the bedsheets, asleep. Kevin slowly tiptoed his way over to you where your body was angled toward your phone screen, lying discarded on the pillow and actively running an episode of Our Planet.
A smile, fond and tender, pressed itself into his mouth. He reached over to carefully turn the downloaded episode off to descend the room in complete silence.
His head swiveled toward the foot of the bed where your patchwork quilt hung off the railing. He carefully draped it over your sleeping form, then made his exit.
You deserved the rest. And though he couldn't confess to you now, this gave him the time to ensure he got this exactly right.
EPISODE THIRTEEN: THE DAMSELS IN DEVOTION DEAL™
TIME passed by differently here.
One moment, you were biding your time and indulging in an episode of Our Planet; the next, the bedroom was dark and the house was quiet. You roused from sleep confused and delirious. You stretched your limbs up over your head, taking note of the quilt draped over your body.
Huh, you wondered how that got there.
Your eyes fluttered and squinted when you stood up and saw a flicker of amber light from outside your window. The view looked over only part of the backside to the house, so all you could see were the shadows that the campfire created. They danced by way of the breeze, their puppetmaster.
The time on your phone read a (slightly alarming) ten o'clock. You hadn't realized you slept that long. Maybe you were more tired than you originally thought.
Wait, then why was the campfire still blazing?—
"Yn! Psst!"
You pressed your face against the open slit in the window to track the sound of your name. Déjà vu swept over you as you discovered Kevin making his way over toward you from the outside. "Kevin? Is everyone still up?"
He shook his head. "No, no. I've just been waiting," he admitted sheepishly. "Come on out. Have you eaten yet?"
"Oh, no. I just woke up."
"Ah… right." He clasped the back of his neck. "Well, come out anyway. We can sit together."
Together. You liked the sound of that.
Without wasting more time, you promised him two minutes and scurried out of your room to round to the back door. The campfire crackled on your side of the lawn, rather than the middle of the properties this time, and Kevin tended to it on one of the two foldable chairs present.
You took a seat in the open seat. "S'mores?" You chuckled, noting the basket of ingredients at his feet.
He ducked his head. "Yeah," he loosened a laugh, "I thought I'd make you a s'more this time."
It was just a s'more, and yet, here was the organ in your chest palpitating in your chest. You didn't reject the s'more, of course, and watched him skewer a marshmallow and hold it over the blazing embers. As he did so, you caught the way his other hand fidgeted with your bracelet on his wrist, how his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. Was he as nervous as you were?
The thing, Yn.
"There's something I—" You both stopped short at your simultaneous words. They were the same, too, and had the pair of you fumbling.
"You first," you said, gesturing to him.
He hummed and tried for a smile. "Do you remember that night in sixth grade when we made the pact?"
You nodded.
"It was kind of like this actually," he mused. The marshmallow had browned into a beautiful gold, and you reached into the basket to help him assemble the chocolate and graham cracker pieces. Your fingers grazed his as he squished the outer crackers together to hand it to you. "A late night, s'mores, the campfire."
You took a chunk out of the s'more and swallowed before adding, "Seems like so long ago."
"Right?" He slipped the metal skewers back into the basket and leaned his arms onto his knees, body angled toward you. "The pact, I…" He considered his words as they melted on his tongue like the chocolate and marshmallow on yours. "I wanted to ask if you would think about another amendment."
You met his eyes now. The burning fire reflected in his dark irises, warm and bright. "An—an amendment," you parroted. Was this what you thought it was? You finished off your s'more, hoping not to choke when he told you whatever he wanted to tell you. You suddenly wondered if the s'more was just to soften the blow.
Kevin nodded. "Yeah, another amendment. We didn't really discuss the biggest part of the original pact when we made the rescue protocol."
"The 'just friends' clause," you finished, breathlessly.
"Yn, I don't wanna be just friends anymore."
It didn't hit you at first. You swore the ash from the fire was making you hear things, but it hit you, milliseconds later. "Oh."
He pursed his lips for a moment. "It's taken me a stupidly long time to come to this conclusion, and I was thinking about what we were talking about the other night—about if we were ready for relationships. And I said that maybe the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with was someone I already met.
"Yn, I think I'm in love with you," he said. "Not just in a way that friends love each other, but something… something more. And I wanted to let you know because—if I'm being completely honest—I want to share everything with you."
You could feel the way your lips curled upward and your heart soared. "I wanna share everything with you, too. And I don't know how long I've sat on this, but what I do know is that I feel so much for you." Every admittance that was released into the night air like sparks flying was another card laid out between you two, face up. "This place, the lake, has been my place, Kevin. But I want you to be my person."
He smiled at you, sweet and boyish, the type of smile that made you feel on the edge of seventeen. He helped you out of dark places with that smile; he was always showing you the light. "Your person," he murmured, letting that sink into his tongue and be familiarized with it. "I would love to be your person, Yn."
Your hand found his across the gap between your chairs. His thumb caressed over the side of yours, and he tucked his other hand over top until you were enveloped in his clasp—safe and sound.
When the fire was reduced to nothing more than ash and memory, you and Kevin raced each other down to the water's edge. The lake was stilled beneath the moonlight, a pool of silvery mercury. You reached for his hand again and intertwined your fingers firmly, a comforting weight and hold.
It felt right.
"So since we made an amendment to the protocol again," you started as he swung your laced hands between your bodies, "we need to seal the deal."
A grin bloomed on his face, and he bit his lip. "Hear me out," he drawled. "Maybe we should update the seal, too."
You narrowed your eyes in jest. "You just don't want me to flick your forehead."
"Sue me, you flick hard," he laughed.
"But shoot."
He licked his lips and turned to face you. "Can I show you?"
Your heart gave one big lurch as he leaned over to you. You closed the rest of the distance and sighed something happy at the feel of his lips against yours. It was gentle and brief, his mouth parting from yours to give you enough room to back away.
You could feel your twin smiles. "I kind of like it."
"Yeah?" He hummed. "Well, that can be our practice round."
You shook your head and threw your arms around his neck to pull him back over to you. His arms curled around your middle, hands pressed to your sides and holding you close.
When you broke apart this time, his warm chuckle ran a delicious bolt of electricity down your spine. "I know things are gonna be different now… But we got this."
It was the way he looked at you—the one that assured you he was the same Kevin he was three years ago and beyond; the kid who broke the swing set when you challenged him to a bet; the kid who sketched butterflies in meadows, and now sketched you in the firelight; the kid who would never judge you or ridicule you for your feelings, but validate them, always. You didn't know how you were so blind to it before.
It wasn't so scary anymore, not when you knew he would be there with you.
"Yeah," you said softly, running your thumb down the back of his neck, "I'm not really worried."
He let out a breathy laugh, and it coaxed one out of you, too. Kevin pressed his forehead to yours, pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, pressed his heart to yours.
Some things really were just meant to be.
a/n: now the question is how are they gonna tell their moms... 🤡 if you enjoyed, pls remember to reblog, or comment, or send in an ask!! thanks for reading :] see you in at your convenience!
permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @zzoguri @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @justalildumpling @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @outrologist @vernonburger @maessseongs @ericlvr @kflixnet
#TUMBKR ISTG IF UR GONNA KEEP BEING A BTCH AHHHHHH#ive been trying to reblog this and everytime tumbkr DIES.#anyways#TYSM FOR INDULGING IN A LITTLE LIU WAY PAST UR BEDTIME HAHA#im glad u thought so :')) i always find f2l a little hard to write bc there has to be a transition from friends to lovers#and i tend to have way too much fun with the friendship side LOL#skfneknfjr you'll hve to wait a few more installments for sangyeons wink wonk ;)#uncle jin has to be one of my fav comedians in all the installments thus far skfnkdmf#anyways tysm for reading 😚💖#seungcheollies-cake#feedback
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my agoraphobia keeps getting worse and worse................ im scared but I powerless
#text#ive lost all the habits i made overtime and i am no longer even interested by the outside so like theres 0 motivation#i dont like the noises. brightness. people. temperature. wearing outside clothes.#im also anxious to use transit and to go out alone and to get lost#and now i would rather stay inside than go to places that look fun because im too scared to be uncomfortable i hate being outside so much#but how am i supposed to live!#i have no school and lost my job and hate going out more that ever..... omg ive become a neet#i want to go to school but im too scared why is everything so scary
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Do you have any tips or tricks for animating? I’ve been wanting to try getting into it but find it overwhelming to start
An easy way to cut corners is to just copy a frame and move things slightly
with the last two frames, theyre almost the exact same, except I've moved CC's head, arms, and hair all slightly, so when playing it, while not as smooth as it may be if i actually made a full inbetween frame, it still gives the look that he was transitioning from one pose to the next
When it comes to lipsyncing, it might be tempting to try and put all of the mouth shapes and syllables you know would be there in real life, but a lot of the time in animation, especially with fast speaking/singing, doing so looks odd, too slow, or too much on the eyes. having a program that can show you playback of your animation + audio while you're working on it can help you figure out if you might be making things take too long mouth wise.
Generally, these are the shapes I tend to go for when lipsyncing
A lot of looking natural may come down to making sure your proportions stay consistent (not accounting for squash and stretch frames, which will stray from proportion on purpose). a good way to prevent your character from starting long and ending short is to start with keyframes, and slowly work your way inwards with inbetween frames. but i am a naughty animator and often find this process boring, so i sometimes just do straight ahead animation where i figure it out as I go. this is probably a bad idea but i dont really care that much, sometimes having fun is all I'm looking for out of a drawing experience!
speaking of squash and stretch, they can matter a lot and are kind of similar what I did at the beginning with my CC frames. squash frames can give your character the illusion of weight, and stretch frames give the illusion of moving quickly
theyre a type of "smear" frame, but smear frames also come in more traditional, euh, smeary looking ways
uhhhh im not sure if any of this is properly explained, as I'm certainly not a professional, but I hope you can find it less of an overwhelming process! I think a good thing to do especially as a beginner is to start small. maybe even just practice ball drops and head turns before getting into anything with a huge amount of movement
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Egyptian Ben 10 AU!!
A long while ago i got the idea of making an au where ben is an Egyptian Orthodox Christian (the idea entirely spawned off a joke my friend made about a hypothetical ben like that having to explain his fasting to rook)
At first the idea was gonna be that his parents are Egyptian immigrants and he was born and raised in Bellwood, but last second before finishing his character bio i decided to flip everything over and make this AU *in* Egypt
The timeline i have in mind for these bios are all at around right after the highbreed arc, but also before season 3 straight up starts. I feel like thats a good jumping-on point
In terms of aliens mostly i just get to explore what the aliens would look like as teenagers since uaf and ov didnt really do much with that (they didnt even bother giving wildmutt a tail) and have fun trying to make his flannel into outfits for the aliens. Hoever if i get any cool ideas for entirely revamping aliens id definitely do it
I tried to make fourarms darker skinned not sure if its showing. Id have done the same with stinkfly but the uniforms colorscheme wouldve crashed. I wanted to try giving wildmutt black fur because this ben has darker hair but nothing really quite worked hsjhds wildmutts obnoxious orange is just too iconic
Prep school is mostly an american thing, here the closest equivalent for the early 2000s would be an international school. Also i changed lawyer to doctor as thats the sort of "go-to" job that makes a lot of money, lawyers in egypt arent usually as fortunate
Here she doesnt wear her uniform this is just how she dresses. I tried to fit the cat motif like OS but i couldnt really think of something that fit. If i were drawing UAF or OV gwen in my own take id have given her cat imagery but i think for Jwanas personality it actually makes more sense for her to be boring and lose the cat
Jwanas also a lot more angsty about her magic (and it is magic) since her parents and basically entire surrounding community both Muslim and Christian are very against magic and consider it sin. Shes also a lot more angsty in general because like the bio says shes under alot of stress and is very jealous of ben, which is conflicting because ben is also her best friend and she doesnt wanna feel this sort of animosity to him. She also doesnt realize how much he looks up to her as someone who is a lot more intelligent and disciplined than he'll ever be (for example the concept of jwana having the spark isnt here, ben just can never learn magic because he doesnt have what it takes)
Kevin much like ben is more or less the same as he is in the show. With jwana i went with my own take but Ben and Kevin are more of, culminations of what i think are their best parts in the series and then just fleshing that out more
I felt like the outfit he has in earth-prime works best with a few touchups. Prime kevin has consistently had that rugged guy-who-lives-in-a-garage look so despite being the most basic outfit it works the best with a few touchups
I did change his anatomy, i wanted to make him look like a mutant freak. I gave him this sort of frankenstine's monster posture (a small reference to him being an amalgamation in os). He also has these stretch marks all over his body since his material absorption doesnt just create a coat around him but also alters his skin itself (so these markings arent there for os-era kevin) He also has a lot of weird bumps over his body
This kevin is 100% mutant no alien shenanigans. If i do aggregor i'll uhhh think of something else for him to be. His transition to the lightside is a lot longer and for the majority of the highbreed arc hes not even there hes more of an occasional ally if he feels like helping
Was his dad a plumber or not im not sure tbh, im leaning towards not though
Next post is gonna be a bunch of villains for funsies
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hey everyone! this is my birthday and i'm so happy to celebrate it. yep, june 12th. it was an average day but im still happy that my friends celebrated!
ok blake (half) face reveal
THIS PICTURE IS MONTHS OLD ISTG AND I LOOK 12 Y.O BUT I SWEAR IM 16 😭 BUT ITS THE ONLY ACTUAL PIC I HAVE OF MYSELF CUZ I NEVER TAKE PICS OF MYSELF OK AND I LOOK LIKE A FUCKBOY (idek if i look like a boy) BC I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE PICS SO MY FRIENDS SAID 'TAKE IT FROM THE MIRROR' AND I WORE A MASK CUZ IM SO FUCKING INSECURE
IM CLOSING THE REBLOGS FOR THIS CAUSE I MIGHT DELETE THE PIC IN THE FUTURE--
anyway.
the reason why this day is so important goes beyond just this. trigger warning for the things ahead, it's okay if you don't read it, i'm just really glad i could celebrate my birthday with such positivity! it's just that there are huge reasons why i'm really glad to be celebrating my birthday.
alright, serious story here.
the reason why it's so special is because i planned it three months ago. i planned my birthday. to end it all today. to end it before even reaching adulthood, i decided i couldn't go on and i was going to take my last breath. i couldn't take it. it was so heavy, it was a burden to live. and i decided my birthday would be such a fun day to end it all. before i graduate, before i become an age with irreversible responsibilities, before i have a chance to grow up. before i can have a life.
but i met life changing people. both on here and other platforms. it's like i have multiple found families :)
and with my friends on another place, we planned my future. yes, i will have a future. if i believe everyone deserves a chance to live, a chance to turn all this around, then that should apply to me too and i should also deserve a second chance. to LIVE. not SURVIVE. i have survived all my life and im so fucking tired of it. i only need to survive for two more years, then i can actually live. i haven't lived in my life. had a fucked up childhood, in a fucked up environment, in a fucked up country under fucked up conditions. and i have to change this if i want to live.
in two years i will immigrate. i will have a safe place, in a safe country, around safe people, and a safe university. i will have a safe family, a found family. i will have a safe future. i will see therapy for ptsd, bpd, sh and i will try to recover from ed. i will transition. i will be alive. i will come back to life as the actual person i am.
i just have to keep on for two more years. then i will take the international english exam to be able to immigrate and hopefully fly to my found family. my biological family will reject me, i know. but my found family won't. thank you so much for being here in my journey. i want to make it through and survive for two more years just so i can live. i have survived for sixteen years. i can survive for two more.
i have that strength.
i am strong.
i deserve to live.
i am worth going on.
i don't deserve to end it all.
no one deserves that. and i can survive.
i have that strength.
so thank you everyone <3 for helping me realize a lot of things. just by existing, just by leaving a single comment, just by sending a single message, you guys helped me save my life. you guys saved my life. and thanks to you, i am alive today. my three months of planning went to 'waste', but now i will have two years to plan a future. a life. a life worth living.
thank you <3
-ya boy, Blake.
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*appears from the shadows*
little wolf analysis 😏 ?
LITTLE WOLF ANALYSIS you bet
IVE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS SONG AND I HAD SUCH HIGH HOPES AND I DIDNT GET DISAPPOINTED AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHJFSJJSSKDKFKDKKF
Okay lets go
26. Little Wolf
THAT BASTARD
"Fight, little wolf, fight, wanna entertain me?" HE IS TAUNTING TELEMACHUS, HE INVADED HIS HOME AND HE ONLY SEES HIM AS A SOURCE OF ENTERTAUNMENT, A MILD BOTHER, HE CAN PLAY WITH UNTIL HES BORED THAT FUCKING DOG AND THE OTHER SUITORS JUST BACK HIM UP AH, but "little wolf"??? Is such a sweet nickname????? Also if the post I saw about Odysseus family history with wolves is true thennnn my HEART ♡♡♡ (also explains the "the pack of wolves is swimming with the sharks now) but they use it such a taunting way, belittling him, gods i wanna fight them too
"Bite, little wolf, bite, let's see how you take this" they are pushing him, just wanting to see what happens when they bother him one to many times, when you strike an animal and wait for it to lash out at you, but instead of taking it seriously for the terror that you cause, you laugh about it because you know its not a real thread to you I HATE THEM (BUT THE GRIT IN ONE OF THE SUITORS VOCALS IM DYING FOR, ALSO ANTINOUS VOICE!!! PERIMEDES!!! AAAH) "lets see how you take this" MAKES ME FERAL dont SAY THAT
"Strike, little wolf, strike, wanna be a man?Then fight, little wolf, fight, little wolf, fight" They WANT him to lash out so badly, they want to see what happens, they see him as a kid, who doesnt belong into the palace, he is the legitimate heir, but he cant take the throne without acckowledging that his father wont come back, but if they do that, his mother has no more excuses to keep off the suitors, also I HATE how they use the "man up" argument, FUCK YOU LEAVE MY BOY ALONE
"You've made your worst mistake here, might be your last one too" AH, BITCH, anyway, so I suppose up until now Telemachus just tried to avoid the suitors at any cost, dont make them upset, stay out of their way, grit your teeth and wait, because your father will be back soon...right? Right?? Greek rules of hospitality and all; they cant send them away, but theyre taking in more space and theyre pushing Telemachus into a corner. But Antinous insulted his mother, he tried to get him to open up her room, that was the first time he talked back, prepared to fight, be like his father, being legendary, even though he has no clue what hes doing; and the suitors know that, they probably saw him grow up, and belittled him almost all his life, they know just how much he is not in any position of power and strength, but he dared to talk back, and that little bit of courtesy they had to leave him alone is gone, Antinous is pissed and he wants to get rid of Telemachus anyway, hes just in his way, so he'll take him down, after having some fun first, FUCK HIM, hes such a bastard
"You'll have run out of bones to break when you and I are through" this dude didnt even need poseidon to tell him that ruthlessness is mercy to become the monster rawr rawr rawr, hes just brutal and ruthless and merciless and hes having FUN
"I'll teach you all the lessons your daddy never could" OUCH? YOU ARE NOT IN ANY ANY ANY ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE A FATHER REPLACEMENT FOR HIM SO FUCK OFF ANTINOUS LEAVE ODYS BOY ALONE
"This cruel world doesn't give out presents just for being good", fuck you Antinous GREET THE WORLD WITH OPEN ARMS NOT KNIVES
[So Fight, little wolf, fight; Wanna entertain me Bite, little wolf, bite Let's see how you take this Strike, little wolf, strike Wanna be a man? Then fight, little wolf, fight, little wolf, fight] I love the chorus, OBSSESED WITH THE GRIT OF THE ENSAMBLE AH
The TRANSITION INTO THAT NEXT PART IS SO SMOOTH AND GOOD AND CHILLS AND AAAH
"Or die, little wolf, die" THEYRE SO RUTHLESS, THEY WOULD KILL HIM THEY WANT TO KILL HIM THEY AAAAAH BASTARDS (It sounds so good tho) They want to entertain themselves but they dont fuck around, they arent holding back, they dont care if he dies, they'd actually be delighted, fuck them
"Don't you know it's fight or Fly, little wolf, fly" fight or fly, response, he always was doign the fleeing but now this ONE time he choose fight, and they'll make him pay for it to teach him their lesson, he cant back out anymore
"All because you had to, try, little wolf try" all because he dared to step up for his mom bastards
"Run away before you, die, little wolf, die, little wolf, die" i might be contradicting myself in the things im said before, but they want him to run away, scared, like an animal they can hunt for prey, because if he doesnt; they'll fight him and ofc he has no chance against them, hes just a "kid", but that wont stop them from killing him
The music drop into Athenas quick thought Aaaahh
"Need some help?" LES GOOOOOO ATHENA TO THE RESUCE
"What's going on here?" Valid bb, Id be confused too ♡
"Is your plan to stand around? Cause I suggest you fight back" a little sarcasm huh, well at least you got humor >:)
"I don't know how" DO YOU HEAR HOW SCARED HE IS, HES FACING ANTINOUS AKD THE OTHER SUITORS AND THEY JUST KEPT ATTACKING HIM AND HE NEVER GOT THE TRAINING HE DESERVED TO FIGHT BACK aaaaaaah
"Uppercut him, now" u goooooo
(Neat soutscape, here fr)
"Woah, how did I do that? Is time now moving slow?" Again valid, and adorable, u go ! U punched him! You can fight back :D the vocal performance IS SO GOOD
"No, I just made your thoughts quick" ♡ Good mentor
"Woah, that is so sick" the rhyming here its so cuteeeeeeee, hes so exciteddddd HES LIKE ODYSSEUS WHEN THEY FIRST STARTED AAAH
"Alright now, let's try this again" ATHENA MENTOR LETS GOOO
"I've no respect for bullies, Those who impose their will, I've seen plenty enough to truly understand this kind of filth"...Zeus? (Also her vocalllsss aaah)
"Let's teach this dog a lesson In front of all his kind" her calling Antinous and the other suitors dogs that need to be taught a lesson because theyre acting up....(so much more harmless than a wolf) aaaah
"One young wolf has a larger heart than all these men combined" 🥹😭🥹😭🥹
The INSTRUMENTAL RIFF AAH
"Fight, little wolf, fight" SHES ENCOURAGING HIM AND GUIDING HIS ACTIONS NOW AAAH
also AM I HEARI G THIS RIGHT? DOES TELEMACHUS HAVE ODYS INSTRUMENTALS OCCATIONALLY??? PLS??? PLS???
"Show them that you've got some Bite, little wolf, bite" THE LYRICAL GENIUS turning it into encouraging from "bite little wolf" to "show them that you got some bite" as the phrase ITS SO GOOD AAAAAH
'Take advantage now and Strike, little wolf, strike" again guiding his actions!!!! So proudd, Ody would be grateful to her
"Don't go down without a Fight, little wolf, fight, little wolf" dont down without a fight YES
"Get up and fight" Vocal performance. Stunning AH
[Fight, little wolf, fight, Wanna entertain us? (Oh) Bite, little wolf, bite Let's see how you take this (Strike!) Strike, little wolf, strike Wanna be a man? Then (Oh) Fight, little wolf (Fight) (Fight, little wolf) (Fight)] THIS WHOLE SECTION IS SO GOOOOOD ATHENAS VOCAL PERFORMANCE AGAIN IS OUTSTANDING BEAUTIFUL POWERFULL ENCOURAGING the way she reinterpreates the suitors taunting words into encouragement IS SO GOOD I CANT EVEN AAAHHH
...and still Telemachus loses the fight
"Ooh, maybe I pushed you a bit too hard" Athena understanding the full scope of human fragility since never (but shes trying, i give her that)
"Ow" (hat pats) u did good kid, im proud of you
"Go back and cry in your corner" FUCK YOU ANTINOUS, im sure hes so upset that telemachus even dared to fight back, and is just planning his next steps
"Make sure your mother hears" ....fuck you, Antinous, he sends him back to Penelope as a warning "look what we did to your son, we can do worse, its our generosity that we sent him back at all, be grateful, or else we'll do the same to you" the vocal performance thooo
"If she won't choose a man to adorn her We'll bring blood and tears" ruthlessness.....i do wonder what would happen if she had choosen, the other 107 suitors, they seem to be respecting her having the right to choose (probably legal reasons) but eben if she would choose one, what would the others do? Are they just waiting to beat up each other as soon as she'd pick one? Or would they work together? but also MF STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRL DONT U DARE HURT HER OR TELEMACHUS >:) >:) May your blood cover the palace red
THE DROP AGAIN followed to athenas thing, AH THE INSTRUMENTALS ARE SO GOOD
----> telemachus goes back to his room to his balcony, Athena is still at his side
"Tell me, Athena, why you came to my aid" HE DOESNT KNOW HE DOESNT KNOW AAAAAAAH also his vocals ♡♡♡♡♡ HE SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE YOUNG ODYSSEUS TOO?? AAAH
#epic the musical#little wolf#wisdom sagas#leysanalysis#jorge rivera herrans#>:) >:) >:) i love this song#so much
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Okay hello hi hello,
First off you're amazing and a gift to the world, I wish I had even half your talent. Your last piece blew my mind and I just HAD to ask,
How long have you been drawing/painting for? I imagine forever but I'm always curious how long it takes before artists reach these sorts of levels where it evolves into full-scale projects as opposed to smaller hobbyist crafts. There are so many beautiful art pieces on this platform as a whole and I'm constantly baffled by it all
Sorry if my excitement is off-putting that piece is heavenly and my mind is blown. Hope you're doing well!
Hi and thank you! That's a good question
So I've been drawing since I was born, but I've been drawing digitally for 8 years. I think in the very beginning most artists should just focus on having fun, you'll basically improve by default
after a while you will want to improve. It will be slow, but this is the stage where you'll recognize what you need work on
I'd say the turning point is when you've finally gotten far enough into your art journey without any sort of formal training (ie, a lot of artists dont learn the basics/fundamentals first, which is fine since most of us start as hobbyists) But I think learning them really did help me a lot. You start to think more about how light and shadow lays, depth, 3D objects, and more.
I highly recommend watching this video about levels of art, it's been really helpful and motivating to me throughout the years
This part is going to be long so you don't have to read it but I just wanna give my personal journey and how I got to now if anyone thinks it'll be helpful:
(2017) With digital art, I started off on ms paint and occasionally ibis paint x. Mostly using anime deviantart bases (EMBARRASSING), but after a while I developed my own style based on the people I was inspired by at the time, I was just happy to draw and didn't care much about improving at this time
(2019) The people you look up to artistically will naturally change over time (and thats okay), after a while I decided to switch to firealpaca, where I guess I got more invested on how light and shadows work, as well as making my characters look a bit more natural and develop my own style, your preference in aesthetic may also change over time which is noticeable here
(2021) Eventually, I began to lean more into semirealism (which isn't everyones preference and thats okay! realism shouldn't be the ultimate end goal of art) but I really enjoyed making stylized characters look 3D and in natural looking environments, since I felt it spoke to my own experiences, a lot of artists draw from real life experiences. I focused more on anatomy at this time as well as textures and environments, composition also became a big deal for me at this time, as well as wanting to use different colors
(2024) The change from LINEART to DIGITAL PAINTING in 2022 was the hardest for me once I switched to clip studio paint, it was basically like starting all over and I was so lost. I had a lot to figure out on my own but I knew it was a transition I had to make to draw the kind of art I wanted. But I began to study and take more things into consideration, I didn't like my art so I simply kept going "I can do better", learning from my previous mistakes and slowly making something I would be more satisfied with. At this point art felt more like "projects" then anything, because I wanted to make pieces that were of quality and had time and care put into each of them, sure it meant there was no longer much quantity. but hey that's what my smaller Cult of the Lamb lineart drawings are for!! 💙
I'm still growing and I definitely have a long way to go, but I am very proud of my progress this year, and I'll continue to grow until I'm satisfied (haha im stubborn) I also want to develop my secondary lineart style that I do when I'm not painting, since I feel that is important too
in short; time, practice, dedication, and passion are the most important, draw what you love above all else because it will be your drive to keep going, staying motivated was the most important for me
Sorry for the long post 😭
#digital art#art#art journey#this was a long one guys sorry#its been a long time since I've been asked this#I've changed a lot this year#and honestly it's thanks to cult of the lambs amazing community for keeping me motivated#thank you#oc#original character#fanart#cookie run#timekeeper cookie#ever after high#lizzie hearts#cult of the lamb#ms paint#ibis paint x#firealpaca#clip studio paint
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if u don't mind me askin, which of the prsk anniversary songs is ur fave?
ye i dont mind im always up for answering random stuff, NEO is my fav :)
im combining both the mv and the actual song in this but i do prefer both of them individually too.
starting with the actual song itself i love that the line distribution relates a lot to the actual characters singing them, the songs really cute in general when relating to the characters. Also i just rly like Jin's songs too so that does def help with me liking the song itself.
i will never forget pjsk for giving kohane this line
AND FOR THE MUSIC VIDEOS
the 2dmv is my fav looking out of the three, the lighting, the colours, the fact a lot of the scenes are more original than just the cards becoming animated.
obvs the best part is the sequence of all of the units transitioning between each other, i really like that the specific characters chosen to transition to actually make sense in the order its really fun
minoharu -> anhane - theyre all freinds, the lesbian transition of all time akito -> ena - theyre siblings + its a good transition i love the shinonome siblings mizuki -> rui - they're middle school besties who found freinds wxs -> l/n - tenma siblings and that
these scenes are just rly good, it lives in my head forever i have a problem
also the scenes which are just the units being silly with pens are rly cute, the 2dmv rly shows of their personalities well, with a bonus of it being rly pretty to look at
the 3dmv is also rly fun, i don't have that much to say about it except the bg of it was clearly made to highlight the fact that the redesigns for the 3rd anni are mostly white and blue in some way or another and the set rly just looks good with the new outfits. esp since it transitions to different shades of blue, the new outfits are very neutral coloured focused so everyone looks rly cohesive with the set whilst being very individual cuz they're all diff themes
i dont have a gif for it with everyone in it cuz sexism is real and i can only find this twink doing it but i rly like the kicks everyone does for kohanes bit of the chorus they look rly goofy and silly
but overall i just rly like the song and the music videos are both really good and i like a lot of the decisions they decided to make for it cuz they executed everything very well
thanks anon for letting me ramble :) anyone is free to send me asks anytime i love answering stuff :)
#tomisonline#asks#anon#rambling#pjsk#prsk#colorful stage#proseka#pjsekai#project sekai#vbs#niigo#mmj#leoni#wxs#kohane azusawa#shinonome siblings#anhane#minoharu#mizurui#tenma siblings#neo#prsk 3rd anni
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can i request for platonic dr ratio with reader who’s very clumsy and their like a magical girl like sayaka and madoka? (it can be yandere or not, i just dont want my request to make you uncomfortable so you choose if it’s going to be yandere or not) their goal is to stop witches and stop them corrupting the world (im sorry but i long forgot shout madoka magica) but
Dr ratio is just like worried seeing reader so clumsy and easily distracted in the battle field so he had to take matters into his own hands
(i want it you to make it a headcanon! im also not sure if the reader should be a child reader or not and im not sure if you allow child reader😭 IM SO SORRY SORRRRRRYYYYYY FOR WASTING UR TIME IM SORRY
Hello anon! Unfortunately despite Madoka Magica being on my watchlist, I have yet to actually watch the series and I'm not very familiar with the mechanics of the magical girl in that world specifically. I have read a small summary into the series and I think I've gotten a bit of a grasp, but this is more generally targeted to magical girls instead of madoka magica magical girls. And I do not write platonic yandere characters for who Im assuming is kind of a child, since it's a magical girl and not woman.
Anyways, this idea is kind of fun! This is more of a crack-fic then, i guess?
Dr Ratio strikes so many poses, I mean.. have you seen those statues of him? He's definitely suggesting you a few poses subtly during your magical girl transformation.
Claims himself as your mentor, telling you how to transition more smoothly in your magical girl transformation, making sure your wand is in excellent working condition, and if possible, makes the effort to increase it's efficiency.
Your clumsiness however is absolutely disdainful to him, he's always shouting in your ear how you're stupidly tripping up on the thousands of ribbons that were haphazardly placed on your frilly outfit, telling you to use your brain with the large bow on it.
He's pulling your ear, cheek, and smacking your head upside down whenever you trip up or miss an important shot at a witch or monster of any sort.
At some point i just imagine he borrows your wand, goes through his own magical girl transformation and fights in your stead. Gives you a thorough dressing down after the fight is over, telling you to learn some basic principles and– ugh, you know what? Just follow him and let him teach you.
If you're not exhausted from battling and trying to not kill yourself with your own wand, you will be after his class on magical girl properties and how to be the best one or something, bits of physics thrown here and there to help you with your fighting senses.
He will not tolerate you getting distracted too easily. If you so much as take your eyes off of your target for something stupid, you'll be conked by a large chalk piece aimed at you before your enemy even lays a hand on you.
Dr Ratio isn't someone who intends to step in frequently – he wants you to learn how to become better instead of relying on him.
At the end of the day, he sighs, and pats your head, giving you 5 points for your fortitude, and to follow him along for your next lesson.
#moonink#hsr#honkai star rail#honkai star rail dr ratio#honkai star rail veritas#honkai star rail x you#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr dr ratio#hsr veritas ratio#hsr veritas#hsr x y/n#hsr x gender neutral reader#hsr x you#hsr x reader#dr ratio hsr#dr ratio x reader#dr ratio#veritas ratio x you#veritas ratio hsr#veritas ratio x reader#veritas ratio
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Kinktober: House of Amateurs - S1E0
MINORS DNI 18+
SUMMARY: behind the scenes | background, rules, & credit.
KRAYT HOUSE M.LIST | NAVI | INBOX | @KRAYTHOUSE
WC: 0.6k | CHARACTERS: anakin skywalker x f!reader
WARNINGS: f!reader | adult film au | mentioned: sexual content, adult film industry
Debuting as a new, young, hot porn-star on that casting couch redefined your future business opportunities irreversibly. You remember how fun the amateur house you’d stayed at was, crammed with girls lined up and waiting for a callback meanwhile a studio financed their living.
The advertisement from Krayt House found you by chance. Apparently a company as fresh as you were was hungry for a turn in the spotlight. So desperate they managed to recruit the infamous Anakin Skywalker as their main sell.
You’d heard of him, everyone had. One of the girls at the house buzzed constantly over how she’d been lucky enough to be paired with Anakin for her “audition.” In other words, that following Friday he’d fuck her on that casting couch. Jealousy did not come naturally to you, but that day it did.
No matter, you end up meeting him anyway when you’re employed onto the studio’s series House of Amateurs. A level of humor to the name, as if it’s meant to fool its audience into believing it’s a true amateur house. Full of young women eager to debut, and Anakin in charge of running through them all until they’re inducted onto the porn scene. In reality, most— if not all— of these women have their own profiles already.
You couldn’t lie, the concept was appealing. Like a sorority house that you’re paid to be a part of, with co-stars you’re attracted to. The shoot for promo pictures was too much fun. Thirty girls in micro-bikinis attacking each other with whipped cream and silly string, pictures taken of the delectable chaos until the photographer gathered everyone to the center. Girls coated in the various substances, breathing heavy, and surrounding the Anakin Skywalker as he sat in the middle of the couch. Some knelt or sat around his feet at the base of the couch, others stood behind the back of it, and you— as well as a few others— found their place on the cushions next to him. When you took a spot directly to his left, he’d adjusted you, pressing you into his side while his arm laid out behind you.
“Big smiles, everyone! You’re having fun!” the photographer instructed, and your co-stars obliged. Noises of excitement chorused as nozzles upturned to rain down whipped cream and silly string, throwing arms up and bouncing until a flash of the camera light slows the roll. It signaled the end, and the subjects clap in commemoration. You still have the promo picture, and you used to stare at the face Anakin wore. How his knees spread, his fist rested against his temple, a lazy way about him, a leisured countenance that conveyed what a delicious mess he’s in. The biggest surprise by far was how quiet of a person he was. Now, you’ll share a house with him, intent to share all your holes too until the season is over.
hello everyone my name is indy im @hanasnx :) im very excited about this project. definitely read the above background bcos it has important info regarding what krayt house is and what the series house of amateurs is etc etc
some important things to keep in mind:
╰┈➤ this takes place within my pornstar au for anakin. so adultfilm!anakin or pornstar!anakin is the “host” of the show, so to speak. however, it’s pretty much only implied the entire series, you can enjoy the series as is within gffa for the most part. ╰┈➤ this is an x-reader work only, and you’ll be switching povs. its a way to convey that you’re the subject, but you’re just a different person each time. completely seamless transition. anakin can’t play favorites ╰┈➤ this is amateur house meta, the studio plays up the idea you girls are inexperienced or un-established and anakin skywalker is helping you debut officially, when that isnt true within the story ╰┈➤ it’s all f!reader, and mostly dom!anakin
╰┈➤ Must keep room and common areas clean ╰┈➤ No panties ╰┈➤ No toys ╰┈➤ No touching yourself ╰┈➤ Cameras stay on ╰┈➤ Remember your safe words ╰┈➤ Send a word to our creator, @hanasnx about your favorite parts, lines, episodes, or dialogues. Feel free to ask about behind-the-scenes, or opinions.
indy
╰┈➤ writer ╰┈➤ producer ╰┈➤ sponsor ╰┈➤ on-site creative director ╰┈➤ auditor ╰┈➤ social media marketer ╰┈➤ graphic designer: krayt house logo is my personal design, banners using phonto, fonts include helvetica and vogue regular, pictures are from pinterest and virgin territory (2007) edited on picsart.
donnie (@xstarkillerx)
╰┈➤ cameraman ╰┈➤ consultant ╰┈➤ lighting director ╰┈➤ audio quality assurance ╰┈➤ graphic designer: the text design on the krayt house logo ╰┈➤ intimacy coordinator
malley (@villainsoftheweek)
╰┈➤ chief motivator ╰┈➤ my good girl
cast
╰┈➤ anakin skywalker ╰┈➤ you
and last but not least, huge thanks to you for reading and enjoying. taglist below:
@justadmiringanakin @anisbaby @hardlyparker @whistle1whistle @forcemeanakin @xstarkillerx @jumpsoffacliff @bimbo-baggins86 @sisnxsty @oilfics @silxani @teamoankin @kitwalkersfavoritewhore @obsessedrebel @ssaaaronhotchnerr @cherrycheryi @spidervixen @carefullycontrolledchaos @clover444leaf @similarlyso @your-new-favorite69 @kaminokatie @nightingal22 @anak1nsx @hot-and-confused @haroldronald @sythethecarrot @haydensgirlaela @1184p @kayden666 @murdrdocs @jokenotfunny @sswiftiestars @lovelybucky1-fics @pocketwatch56 @vadersslut @foreverburningstar
disclaimer: if you're not tagged and you asked to be tagged, i most likely did not tag you because you lacked an age in your bio or somewhere i could find. everything about this post is 18+. if your username is written but unhighlighted, it's because tumblr has prolly marked you as a spam, and i left the username in case you ever search your own username and it comes up that way.
#Krayt House#Season 1 | House of Amateurs#Kinktober#dead dove do not eat#anakin skywalker one shot#anakin skywalker smut#anakin skywalker drabble#anakin skywalker fic#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin skywalker x f!reader#x f!reader#reader insert#anakin skywalker x reader smut#anakin x reader smut#anakin x you#anakin x you smut#anakin x reader#anakin skywalker x f!reader smut#anakin skywalker fanfiction#anakin fic#anakin skywalker x you#anakin skywalker x you smut#indy drabbles#smut#indy one shots#adultfilm!anakin#indy fics#kinktober 2023
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Hello! I have some questions for you, if you don't mind.
What does transspecies mean to you?
How did you discover you were transspecies?
How do you feel about the myth that transspecies makes fun of transgender people?
How do you feel about the idea that transspecies should not be used or people who are transspecies should stay hidden because it can be used against the transgender community
(A controversial one) Why did rad-q takeover the transspecies term, how does that effect the alterhuman community, and how do you feel about it?
Hi thank you sm for asking hehe :3 I love getting to talk about this stuff (and knowing that others are interested in hearing about it lol)
Long ass post below the cut
1. To me, transspecies is the rawest, most direct way for me to express my nonhumanity. It cuts through a lot of the vagueness and nuance of some other nonhuman labels (not that there's anything wrong with that ofc) and gets straight to the point: Im not entirely human and want to be acknowledged as such by my peers and society at large. It emphasizes my desire to move through life as nonhuman, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I also like that it challenges the narrative of human superiority and the idea that species identity is purely biology based. For me personally, it also ties into my experience with being transgender, as I often see my gender as being partially nonhuman. Many things that are gender affirming are also species affirming and vice versa. But obviously you don't have to be transgender to be transspecies, one of my irl packmates and close friend is cisgender transspecies and she's awesome <3
2. It wasn't so much a "discovery" for me. My transspecies identity is very closely tied to my therianthropy, the species I identify as and see myself transitioning into are also all kintypes. So after I realized I was a therianthrope, it was kind of just a slow realization that it was also a label that fit my experiences well. Like most alterhumans I had heard the word used as a weapon against transgender people and alterhumans, so I had a very negative perception of it for a long time. I think the first time I ever heard it referred to in a not-outright-negative sense was in PDTherians "Trans-species?!" youtube video (which I do not recommend as a source of education at all it's a very flawed video that's riddled with misinformation) a few years back, and from there I slowly started to open up to the idea and yeah. The rest is history pretty much lol
3. To some degree I actually can empathize with the stance because I used to be in the same camp, and I know from experience that for a lot of folks it's just well intentioned but misplaced passion of trans liberation. But at the same time it's still a harmful belief and one I grew out of because I matured and learned more about the communities I was part of. Anytime you cast judgement onto a group of people with a harmless identity/belief/interest for the sole purpose of "they're too weird", that harms everyone, not just that group. In this case, hatred against transspecies folks implies that there is a right and a wrong way to be queer/trans, which is harmful not only to nonhumans but to all queer individuals.
4. I think it's bullshit lmao. Shying away from it and outcasting the people who use it does absolutely nothing but divide us further and make us an easier target for discrimination. Categorizing it as a community taboo just turns it into ammunition for transphobes and anti-alterhumans alike. Turning against each other and fighting over stupid shit like labels is exactly what oppressors want, a house divided against itself cannot stand. It also just doesn't make sense, species identity is socially constructed, similar to gender, so why should people be forbidden from using a word to describe that experience just because it's misunderstood?
5. I honestly have no idea why radqueers do anything at all lmaoooo. But if I had to guess, I think it's because on some level, they know that nobody with any semblance of social education or moral compass is ever going to be on board with their beliefs, so instead of trying to fight a losing battle they just barge their way into other small, marginalized, and outcasted groups (alterhuman, altage, paraphiles, etc.) and try to claim them as "part of them". It's a lot easier to tell a group of people "Hey you guys are actually just like us so you need to support our ideology because otherwise you're just fighting against yourself" than it is to try to convince them from scratch that you're not a horrible person.
As for how it's impacted the alterhuman community, Im not entirely sure but luckily I think its effects have been fairly minimal thus far. The alterhuman community is significantly bigger and older than the rq community, I've only ever run into rqs on Tumblr and even here Ive met transspecies folks who had never heard of radqueers before. I think its biggest impacts have been on the transspecies niche specifically, since they often try to lump it in with transid's like "transrace" and "transharmful", which leads to the assumption from outsiders that they're inherently connected and that all transspecies folks agree with those stances as well. But I think as transspecies and alterhumanity as a whole slowly becomes less stigmatized and more widely understood over time, that belief will also fade and die off.
Sorry for the massive text wall lmao, I hope that wasn't too much info. But again thank you sm for asking ^^ I think it's super important that folks out there are interested in learning more about this stuff and that alterhumans are able to communicate their experiences to one another <3
#transspecies#transspecies pride#transspecies problems#transspecies is not radqueer#transspecies is not transid#therian#therianthropy#therianthrope#therian pride#otherkin#otherkin community#alterhuman#alterhuman community#nonhuman#conceptkin#otherhearted#transgender#transsexual#queer#queer pride#transgender pride#lgbtq+#anti transid#anti rq#long ass post
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