#not saying these things werent considered hot in the past or whatever

[rooftops-are-for-towels]

Realizing that the hottification of skin marks and hair and all that and the increased desirability of all that fun jazz has become another body standard for people who do not have bodies that are "conventionally attractive" to look at enough already. Shout out to people with bodies with distributions of fat or lackthereof that's considered substandard that have no fun marks and tidbits bro

[casualotptrash]

Fixes to the Persona Series- Social Links

This was originally going to be the whole point 6 in my Fixes to the Persona Series post, but it was basically the same length as points 1-5 combined so I didn’t want to make the post mega-huge.

Link to the whole post about this topic.

(Spoilers for a lot of P3 things, including the plot and second awakenings) 

I’ll start off with this point, something that needs to be fixed for all of the games is that you shouldn’t only get social link points for saying what the person wants to hear. I get the train of thought that if you say what they want to hear they will like you more, but that’s not how real friendships work? Obviously you shouldn’t be saying something that offends them and think it will raise your points, but sometimes people just need to hear things?

I can think of three standout examples: Nozomi in P3 (Gourmet King), Mishima in P5, and Shinya in P5. Nozomi’s link is a hot mess in of itself, but it was very frustrating to at one point just be like “Hey can you chill?” when he’s trying to induct you into a scam/cult or whatever, and it reverses the social link. Like ok buddy fuck you too, I was just trying to say no and that you need to stop scamming people?? For Mishima in P5 (I’ll go more in depth on him in a later post), it’s just kind of strange that you can clearly see him starting to obsess about the PT’s but you can’t really tell him he needs to stop until the social link demands it. Even then, the only way to get points is pretty much to go “Wow Mishima, you’re the best! You’re the reason we exist! We love you!!!” and it just feels kind of wrong. Shinya’s is very much along the same line as that, except you basically have to do something even worse and encourage him to keep being a bully? Thankfully P5 doesn’t reverse confidants, but I probably would have done so with Shinya because I kept telling him he shouldn’t bully others until I realized how to get points with him. It just feels wrong to encourage such behavior until the character suddenly realizes they’ve been acting wrong. No shit, I’ve been trying to say that.

I think social links need quite the fix to them, but this is definitely one of them. Strong, real relationships are not just built upon telling the other person what they want to hear. 

Now I’m going to go into the structure of how social links are made and how they affect the characters. I have so much to say about this it’s not even funny. There are two major parts to this, but the second heavily ties into the first, so I’ll just go through them one at a time while trying to make sense.

The first part is that, simply put, integral character growth should not be tied to social links. The completion/tipping point of a character’s growth seems to be signified by their second awakening taking place. For example, in P3, all of the cast members awaken after a big event happens in game which causes them to grow. Most of this is them learning how to move on past the deaths of their loved ones, but still the idea remains the same. The game still has some pretty significant social links with party members too, so it’s not like the social links really suffered from this. In fact, I would say it made the social links even better, and it did this by fleshing out the characters further.

For this example, I’m going to use Akihiko’s growth from the story and social link in P3P because I feel like I know it quite well and it’s one of the best examples of this.

In the main story, it’s clear that Akihiko has a couple of problems. He’s quick to fight, reckless with his own health, and cant let go of the past. Along with these traits, he also cares very much about his friends. He considers Tartarus to be a training ground, is actually injured for the first few months of the game, scolds the MC, Junpei, and Yukari a bit for going out to the alleyway (where Shinji saved them) because it was dangerous, and desparately wants Shinji to rejoin SEES. Him and Shinji, on multiple occasions, talk about the incident where Shinji killed Ken’s mother. Akihiko says that Shinji needs to let go of the past, and Shinji echoes the same sentiment back at him.

What all of these problems step from is the death of his sister, Miki. They were both young and orphans, along with Shinji, and one day during a fire Shinji held Akihiko back from running back into the burning building. Inside the burning building was Miki, who Akihiko was trying to get to, and sadly she died in the fire (I’m pretty sure all of this isn’t revealed until P3P with his social link, but in any version of the game we find out that Miki is dead). Because of this, he felt powerless and from then on strived to be powerful enough to save those around him, which is why he’s obsessed with training to such a degree that he doesn’t care about personal harm to himself.

All of this eventually comes to a head when Shinji dies in the story, and Akihiko isn’t able to save him. At a memorial for his death, Akihiko says this:

“I was too obsessed with power. Ever since I lost Miki, that's all I've cared about. I thought that if I was strong enough, I could protect anyone. But I was wrong... And now You're gone too... I'm such an idiot. In battle, there's always a chance of dying... I knew that! But I was so focused on fighting that I didn't notice anything else! It didn't matter how tough I was! Look what happened!”

He cries for his friend, and then is reminded that this is not what Shinji would want. He would want him to keep living his life, and finally let go of the ghosts of his past. So, this is what he does. At that point, his character growth basically reaches its climax and he awakens to Caesar. This all happens in the main story of the game.

Now, how did they decide to do his social link in P3P? Personally, I think it was genius. Due to all of that growth being integral to the main story, they could not just take it out and shove it into a social link. They had to find another thing to make the social link about, and instead of making it about something pointless they connect it to the main growth in the game. (Note, this social link is only available in the FeMC route)

In general, what his social link is about mirrors his growth in the main story a lot. In the beginning, he treats the MC with an overwhelming sense of care, almost to a condescending degree. You’re always going out to eat, him saying how much you need to eat to grow strong, and jogging/running with him. Taking out the more romantic parts of the social link (although they are *chefs kiss*), eventually it progresses to the point where he asks you if you can stop being the field leader of SEES. Of course, he immediately takes this back and laments that you couldn’t just do that. You have the option to question if he thinks you arent good enough for the job, and he quickly says that the MC is capable, and he didn’t mean to imply that you werent, but he doesn’t want you to be in danger. The social link is frozen after this, as Akihiko doesn’t know how to balance his overwhelming worry and concern about the MC being hurt.  

After Shinji’s death, the social link continues and he reveals the event of Miki’s death. At one point even says he feels like he doesn’t deserve to live because she died. It’s a very sad event, but because of his resolution from the main story with Shinji’s death he is able to open up to the MC. In the end, he comes to the conclusion that he’ll never get over the anger and sadness he feels for his sister’s death, and he accepts that she is dead, but he feels guilty because he wanted to ask you to bear this burden with him. He also starts to wonder what his feelings toward the MC mean, because he is very conflicted, and admits he might be seeing Miki in you (hence the overwhelming protecting nature he has for you in the link, and slightly condescending big-brother tendencies).

In his rank 9, he admits that he was tired of losing what was important to him. He thought that it would be better not to let things get too important, rather than risk losing them. He realizes this is wrong, and says he now knows he needs to work to protect everything precious from him. If the romance route was taken then he sees you as a precious loved one, while if the romance route is not taken he likens you to the status of Miki, aka a precious sister to him.

As you can see from the synopsis, a lot of what was in the social link is directly tied into his main growth in the story, however it is also not integral to his main growth. It stems off of it, not the other way around. Whoever made the extra social links in P3P did an amazing job at doing this exact thing, perhaps because they couldn’t change the growth in the main story. Either way, it’s a perfect example of how social links should be done.

If you’re interested in watching the growth from the social link directly, here is the link: Akihiko social link rank 1-10

You might be thinking, how is this issue really that big of a problem? Akihiko was a great character before his P3P social link, so if the growth is there either way (in story or social link) then it should be fine. My answer to this is in short, as the series progressed from P3 this problem got worse to the point where it negatively impacts the characters. The reason this got worse and impacts the characters so much, especially with the ones from P5, is because of the nature of how social links are set up. Obviously, social links are optional. They have to be, because not everyone is going to finish all of them in one run. This presents the unique issue of needing to make social links meaningful, but also not necessary. I would think anyone who reads that sentence would immediately understand how those two things do not mix well, especially when almost all of the important character growth is pushed into the social link. I’ll be using the social links (party members specifically) in P5 as my example to illustrate this because they’re the best for this.

At the very best, party member confidants in P5 feel like they contribute a good bit of character development alongside the story (on the surface). At the very worst, confidants in P5 feel like they actively contradict the story. Ann is probably the best example of this, but it happens to the rest of the main cast too, to varying degrees. I’m not as familiar with Ann’s confidant as Akihiko’s, but I’m going to try and do my best.

Essentially, Ann’s confidant is about finding her passion, becoming a stronger person, and overcoming her guilt. Outside of the occasional discussions about Shiho, how strong she is, and Ann discussing how she needs to become strong for her, one of the main things you do in the confidant is help Ann use various methods to be a better model (because she comes to the conclusion that she wants to be serious about modeling, her hobby, since Shiho is trying so hard to get back to her normal life). I have played Persona 5 vanilla twice, and Royal twice, and every time I have completed Ann’s confidant. That being said, it’s kind of sad that I could do it four times and barely remember the “becoming a stronger person” and “overcoming her guilt” part of it (outside of Ann saying Shiho is strong, and Ann asking us to insult her to make her stronger). She does have a very good conclusion with Shiho, and it’s is really sweet to see them hug on the roof and everything, but other than that the main outcome of the confidant is that Ann is going to really try for her modeling career and needs to change her habits because of this. Some of those habits she changes is by eating less junk food, exercising, etc.

Here’s where the issue comes in. You go through this whole confidant and have Ann come to that conclusion, and then throughout multiple scenes (and the rest of the story) Ann adheres to none of it. It’s the most whiplash I’ve ever experienced when one day Ann says she’s going to cut the sweets, and then the next something happens in game and she’s just chowing down on all of the food. To be clear, I do not care if Ann is eating a lot of a little in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, this is just an example that illustrates the total tonal dissonance present from the social link to the main story.

The whole reason this occurs is because, like I said earlier, the confidant has to be meaningful but not necessary to the plot. This is a major problem when pretty much the whole reason for her character growth, the plot with Shiho, is in the confidant. No matter if you do the confidant or not, in the story the characters will always act as if the confidant plot has not happened at all...because they physically cannot write it into the main story as it is optional. The reason this worked with Akihiko was because he had his main growth outside of the social link, and the social link tied into his growth, and the reason this doesn’t work for the P5 cast is because their growth is set up in the opposite way. Instead of tying their main growth in the story to the confidant, the story acts as a stepping stone for their main growth in story of the confidant.

I predict some people might read what I just said and counter with the point “You cant just expect their whole personalities to change,” and they would be right, if that was what I was explaining. It’s not. Obviously base personality traits are always going to be present, but the reason for having character growth is for the characters to grow. Futaba can always be more shy and timid around others, but if you go through her whole confidant where she learns to be more independent and then later on have her go somewhere and completely shut down? That is not growth. Her change can manifest in her being shy about going somewhere new, but adapting to it a lot quicker than she did before the confidant was completed. But, like I said, because of how the confidants are set up this is just not possible.

It took this long to get here, but we finally arrive at how the second point ties in. The second point is that, because of this issue with tying in integral growth with the social link, the characters end up being very one-note in the story (if you take out the inclusion of the social link). In my opinion, P3 doesn’t really suffer from this (although there still are bland characters in that game. Sometimes the writing is just not that exciting. Sorry Fuuka, you’re better in the spinoffs), P4 suffers from it a little (Teddie talking about girls 90% of the time, Yukiko laughing at everything, Meat Chie, etc.), and P5 has the most rampant cases of this.

This doesn’t mean that the characters are not well written, it just means that the game is going to be way more enjoyable if you are able to max everyone’s social link in comparison to only maxing a few. Putting aside the gameplay benefits, I usually love my NG+ runs more than my first run because it allows me to see all of the characters so much more.

I know that all of the characters could be shoved into stereotypical boxes if we had to, but we basically don’t need to for P5. If you do not do any confidants with party members in P5, tell me how many times Ryuji shows his remorseful and caring side for the trouble he has caused the track team in the main story. Oh wait, you can’t! He’s pushed around as the proverbial butt-monkey for almost the entire game, and at least Junpei and Yosuke got some deeper interaction with the story when they were in this role. If you only experience Ryuji from the main plot, you’d probably want to throttle him with how many times he ogles at Ann, argues with Morgana, tries to pick up girls, and shouts about being a Phantom Thief and wanting fame.

I will admit, they do have some deep moments here and there, when the main story calls for it, but other than that (again, without doing the social link) the PT’s kind of have as much characterization as a piece of cardboard. This is a big problem, especially when the cast is full of great characters! I played P5 4 times, and it still isn’t my favorite cast. There are some really good characters in there, but they just could not compare to the P3 cast for me (even though P3 was filled with a lot of highs and a lot of lows). Yukari was kind of a bitch and I didn’t like her for a long time, but at least I felt something! Poor Haru is just shoved off into a corner and characterized as the “team mom but would kill you, sad her father died, also has a crush on you” for the whole game unless you do her confidant.

Jury is still out on the P4 cast, because I see a little bit of what P3 had going on and what P5 does in them. Every time Yosuke is talking about something serious or profound I get really excited, only for it to be followed up with some dumb (usually homophobic) joke. I like the extra interactions the P4 cast has in comparison to P5, but even in those situations it feels like each member is kind of cast into their stereotypical role (Teddie want pussy, Yukiko laugh, Chie meat, etc.). I imagine once I do finish P4G and get to do my NG+ I will like the cast a lot more, but only because I will be able to do all of their social links.

Despite all of this, whether a character from the game has great growth or not, you can always count on Atlus to flanderize each character into their one “defining” (aka memed) trait to hell and back in any spinoff.

Sorry, don’t mind me crying in the corner with how Akihiko was massacred from a deep character into a protein junkie.

[kevinwastaken]

okay so idk if anyones done this yet, but this has been in my mind ever since i got into omori lmao

so uhHhHhhh heres my idea for an identity v omori crossover! just because i think it would be neat

this is going to be a super long post (probably), so if you want to read it, just hit read more or whatever

i also want to say that some character choices are gonna be taken from my friend, @/kami.rikki on instagram. but she didnt think as hard on these as i did so like idk

there Will be spoilers for omori, so just be warned of that lmao

so as i said before, this has been on my mind for a HOT minute. and i think it would be a cool collab

for starters, this crossover will be split up (as is every other crossover) in two parts, with one hunter two survivors. i know essence usually have one hunter three survivors, but theres not enough characters for that, and six can be split up evenly sooo

i was thinking that the skins could be like the ones from the persona 5 crossover. like, they can be “awakened” in a sense. the base costumes will be the dream world versions of everyone, while the awakened costumes will be the real world versions. i wasnt here for the persona 5 crossover, so idk how many of those spirit things you had to collect, but i Do know that omoris spirit things could be. uh

well actually i dont know. initially i was thinking lightbulbs, like the one in white space, but the lightbulb isnt too important in the game i dont think? and im not sure about clams either. i know theyre dream world currency, but??

oh actually, maybe you can collect Something to awaken the costumes. because something is a representation of the truth in sunnys mind, and by awakening the costumes, you get to see the characters as their real selves. yeah lets go with that, you collect something from the essence

i swear ive been thinking this out shut up

the hunter costumes wont be awakened though, and i have a reason for this

anyway

part one

the characters that will be present in part one are sunny, basil, and aubrey. i chose them first because. ofc, sunnys the protag, basils his best friend and helped cover up maris death hes important to the story but anyway, and aubrey is <<33 yuh

so heres whos going to be who:

sunny/omori as wu chang

so let me preface this by saying that im not a hunter main. never have been, never will be. and ive never played wu chang. but i swear thisll make sense, im doing research

wu chang is actually composed of two characters, with two different stats: xie, the white guard, and fan, the black guard. i cant tell the difference while im playing, considering the fact that my ass is either running away or decoding. but theres a difference i looked it up

sunny would be the white guard. xie is a fast chaser, but has slow attack speed. ie, slow hits, slow pallet breaking, that stuff. this reflects how sunny is in the real world. he can run, yes, but hes still physically weak due to being locked in his house for four years and spending all his time sleeping. he would be better for chasing than attacking

omori would be the black guard. fan is the opposite of xie, having slow chasing speed but faster attack speed. this reflects in omori. omori is Very apathetic, and really, i dont think he would care to chase anybody unless it was for a quest. though, i guess killing survivors Is a quest for hunters, but. anyway

in battle, omori is a good fighter. his attacks are strong, (although not as strong as say. aubrey or kel. but who am i to say, the playthrough i watched had omori constantly sad) out of him and sunny, omori would be the attacker. so theres my choice for them

the umbrella can probably be switched for a knife. maybe an elongated knife. im not entirely sure, but i know the umbrella wont stay as an umbrella

basil as kurt frank

so i know what youre thinking. why is basil “the explorer??” hear me out this is actually a really good idea

the true best choice would be emma, since shes the gardener, but idv doesnt like giving characters skins of the opposite gender if you know what i mean. anyway

basil isnt a fighter. hes an assist, yes, but that was only for a crime four years ago. not my point, he wouldnt want to be in the action

i think he’d be a really good decoder. especially a good kurt

i originally wanted him to be prisoner, out of no bias whatsoever (/j) but kurt is a good fit for him

basil hides. he hides from things. he hides from the truth just like sunny, and he hides from others. albeit he still goes outside

i will not lie, i have a very personal grudge against kurt players. i dont want them to have anything because every kurt main ive come across was toxic to me specifically. but anyway

so one of kurts abilities is that he can go smaller to run around undetected and/or hide. i find this perfect for basil, because. yknow. hiding

his other ability is to find password pages and use them to decode ciphers faster. i think this would be funny because basils existence in headspace leads sunny to remembering the truth about maris death. i mean, if he werent in headspace, omori and the gang would continue going on adventures like nothing is wrong, so basil sort of speeds up the acknowledging process

this sounds dumb actually. but it makes sense in my head

anyway, the book would be turned into basils photo album, and he wouldnt have a backpack like kurt does. theres my answer

and finally,

aubrey as margaretha zelle

aubrey was actually really hard to pick out. none of the female survivors really fit her, aside from maybe coord, but i dont know what her gun would turn into. i will admit that her section wont be as detailed as basil or sunnys. but anyway my choice is with margie

aubrey imo would be a good kiter. she has strong stats all around, so i feel as if she’d be a great fit for margie. not to mention her speed boost when falling from large heights, which would make her a faster runner and harder to chase if used right. aubrey would be more physically fit since shes a fighter and seems to do a lot of stuff with the hooligans, which also helps prove that she should be a kiter. ANYWAY

so margie has these music boxes that can mess with the hunter, right? some of aubreys attacks can mess with enemies iirc. soooo theyre kind of similar in a way, arent they?

im not exactly sure what the music box can be turned into. maybe a small piano? aubrey cares about mari a lot, and the reason shes so pissed at everyone and rebellious is because she felt like everyone had forgotten about mari and moved on with their lives. so the music box could be a tribute to mari

i dont know how many changes they made with ann tamakis costume in the persona crossover, other than cosmetics for the skin only, so im not sure if the music box was changed at all. i can dream though

in the case that its changed, the blue box could be the song from the playground in headspace (yknow the one) while the red box could be the final duet song. but just with the piano, not the violin

essence

because yes, i thought about the essence too

of course, aside from the skins, there will be other stuff in the essence too. so itll be as follows:

for portraits, theyre going to be the neutral battle portraits from headspace. aside from basil and mari, who do not have battle portraits. theirs will just be of their neutral expressions with the neutral emotion backround behind them. i would add pictures, but the character pictures add up to six, so i’d run out of room before reaching part two

for graffiti, im not really sure. maybe everyones overworld sprites in headspace? along with maybe one of Something

for accessories, i actually have an idea of what thesell be. theyre going to be character exclusive accessories, just like how tpn did theirs

for aubrey, she’ll have mr plantegg. i was thinking of maybe having her bat as an accessory, but

OH ACTUALLY her bat could be a shop accessory that changes the music boxes!! probably an a tier tbh

anyway, the essence accessory for her is mr plantegg, and its there strictly for cosmetic purposes. for basil, he’d get either a pair of garden shears, or a basil plant, since yknow. his names basil. this is also for cosmetic purposes

they all are. i should say that now, the accessories are all cosmetic except aubreys a tier shop bat

finally, for sunny, im not entirely sure what to give him. i could give him a knife, sure, but then he’d have two knives because of the umbrella. maybe a steak? or a pair of red hands? im torn on this

and that concludes part one

part two

**PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MARIS IMAGE HAS THE PHOTO FROM THE TRUTH ALBUM WHERE SHES HANGING FROM THE TREE. IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE IT, SKIP PAST IT. SHES THE FIRST CHARACTER IM PUTTING ON HERE

part two consists of mari, hero, and kel. do not separate them </3

here are my character choices:

mari as yidhra

so i know yidhra may seem like a weird choice. i originally thought of maybe mary, but this makes sense to me

yidhra herself will be mari. im not sure which version, but even though i have real world mari in the photo, maybe headspace mari would be better. nobody can see her anyway lmao

yidhras servants will be, again, mari, but she looks as she did when basil and sunny hung her on the tree. her hairs covering her face, with her right eye being visible. kind of like the girl from the ring, but anyway yeah

yidhra is the dream witch. she haunts your dreams and she haunts mine when i go against her. maris death haunts everyone, especially sunny and basil (whom know the truth of what happened,) so this just seems like a perfect fit

her death is “leeched” onto everyones minds (pun entirely intended), so attaching herself to survivors with only her death appearance visible is mmmm

instead of an axe, maybe her weapon can be the jump rope she was hung from? and it can be used as a whip? that makes the most sense to me idk

im not good at explaining things, but if you were to see dream witch in a match, youd know how good this would work

also brings a new meaning to “my thoughts will follow you into your dreams” HELLO

hero as norton campbell

so hero was kind of hard for me to pick too. i wanted him to be a support character, but looking around, there are. barely any that would work. my closest choice was victor, but?? the letters???? they dont correlate

hero doesnt give me kiter vibes, but nortons good at rescues too, as long as youre in an area with obstacles. and usually, when someone dies in battle, hero can make life jam to revive the fallen party member

nortons magnets are used to either bring the hunter closer to him, or push the hunter away. both can be used to stun with obstacles. while hero doesnt have any stun attacks that i can remember, he does have charming abilities that can be used to take damage for the other party members. so similar stuff? idk

i guess his magnets can be turned into chocolate chip cookies, since thats what he uses to heal everyone. if not cookies, then i dont know

oh actually one of nortons abilities is called “attract.” thats so funny if you put hero as him lmao

heros section is kind of short, my bad

kel as william ellis

come on. who else were you expecting me to use? its the basketball man as the football man

while kel is a fighter in battle, he can also be used as a backup healer. aubrey is the main fighter of the group, and hero is the main healer. so hes kind of a catch-all in a sense

kels an athlete. he plays basketball. williams an athlete. he plays football. need i say more

im not gonna lie, this is kind of a don tpn situation where it just Makes Sense that kel would be william

the football will probably be replaced with either a rubber ball or a basketball, depending on which skin youre using. the former is for headspace kel, the latter for real world kel

the buffs and debuffs for william makes sense on kel too. kel would probably have trouble with something as (probably) complex as the cipher machines, and the struggle and vaulting buffs show off his athleticisim

same with the football, using rush to rescue is such a kel thing to do

essence

for part two, there will be about the same things as part one

the portraits will be the neutral battle portraits, this time with the real world counterparts of everyone. basil and maris will be their neutral expressions on the neutral battle background. though, since mari doesnt have Real real world portraits, i guess they could use the one from the one i used on the mari yidhra picture

for graffiti, it can be the real world overworld sprites

in terms of accessories, theyre still cosmetic and character exclusive. maris can be the white egret orchid, since thats the flower that represents her. heros can be a spatula, as thats his weapon of choice in headspace. for kel, im not sure. hes using the ball as a weapon so???

maybe he can get a cactus, because thats his assigned plant

in terms of shop items, i think i know the perfect thing

mewo as a pet

mewo my beloved. nobody could ever forget you

mewo would be a hunter pet. she would be cool for survs too i guess, but considering both her owners are hunters.....

mewo would probably follow the hunter around, not really doing much. i think it would be Extremely funny though if every time a survivor was chaired, she just chilled next to them in the pose shes always in in white space

thats pretty much it. if you got this far, thank you!! i spent like two hours writing this whole thing out LMAO damn

[yami-writes]

BabyCat

(header by me)

Summary: Todoroki's s/o gets hit by a quirk that not only turns her into a baby, but also~ a cat. It is now his job to take care of her until she turns back.

Word count: 1.6k

warnings: fluff (sprinkled angst tehe)

a/n: hello! its been a while since ive actually finished a fic, but here’s my entry(?) for @mha_random_thoughts ‘s ShouCat week! <3

Todoroki’s eyes widened when he saw yaoyorozu holding what seemed to be a mini version of his girlfriend and Mr. Aizawa standing behind her. “She got hit by a quirk.” he firmly stated. “To be specific, the quirk turned her into what seems to be a 3 year old child….” yaoyorozu she said, as she closely examined you “and…… a cat…”  “Yeah whatever, just take care of her until she turns back. Yaoyorozu can answer your questions on how to take care of her.” Aizawa walked away, mumbling something about it being too early. Yaoyorozu carefully sets you down on the floor and watches as you latch onto her leg “i'm- im not really sure how you would go about taking care of her~ so you on your own, sorry, todoroki……” she says, as she places you on the couch beside her and walks off, presumably to her room. Todoroki took a glance at you, then at his phone; 7:35am. “How do you get yourself into these situations, y/n…?” he sighed, as he looked back at you. He took a good look at you; you seemed like a normal 3 year old as yaoyorozu said, but you had cat ears on the top of your head. His heart instantly melted at the sight of you. Two things he loves in one! He reached out his hand before immediately pulling back, like he was scared. Scared of burning or freezing you, perhaps? He certainly didn't know how to go about holding you, which would be essential in taking care of you, luckily that debate with himself didn't last long, as you had gotten up and latched on his left leg while he was distracted. You felt him flinch before immediately picking you up with his left hand “so you like my left side, huh?” he asked, but you obviously didn't answer, instead you made yourself comfortable against his chest, feeling the warmth emitting from him. “I'll take that as a yes.” 

~

Todoroki decided it would be best to stay in his dorm until it was time to get ready for classes, just so he wouldn't have you taking everyone’s attention. He tried to get himself together and figure out how to take care of you, but he was having difficulty, all he could see was his father. He didn't want to be like him, he wanted to be caring, he wanted to be a good parent, but he didnt know how. All he could see was his past abuse and it was starting to get to him. Any simple mistake he made would affect you one way or another, but he didn’t know how to prevent those mistakes from happening. He didn't have anything to go off of and it was slowly tearing him apart. He wasn't even sure how to pick you up, all he knew was that you liked his left side, but what if he burns you? He knows you're probably sensitive to temperatures, but he doesn't know how hot or cold it could get until it's unhealthy. Todoroki’s inner panic was put to a pause when he felt your small body cuddle on his left side yet again. Just having your body so close to his put him at ease. He went with his instincts and picked you up and held you close. Any worries he had before melted away at the sight of you falling asleep almost instantly in his arms.

~

Todoroki took a glance down at his phone; 8:15am. Seems like a good time to head down to the common room. He got up and made his way over, the sudden movement waking you. There surprisingly weren’t a lot of people, but fair considering it was an early Friday morning. He walked over to the kitchen to get you some breakfast “uhm….. What do you eat?” he asked, as he carefully places you on the kitchen island. The two of you basically have a staring contest until he decides to take a look around the kitchen for something you would be able to eat. As he was rummaging around in the fridge, he placed a very red, shiny, ripe apple right beside you. Your little cat ears pointed upwards as you reached for the very appealing fruit. but In that moment, Todoroki spun around and grabbed the fruit before you could even lay a finger on it. reflexes? You pouted as he took the apple you desired and put it out of reach. “I'll cut the apple so you can eat it. Do you want some milk with that?” he asked, as he got out a knife, to which you nodded.

~

Todoroki put down a plate of beautifully sliced apples and a small glass of milk for you to enjoy. He watched as your face instantly lit up before picking up a slice of apple. Your small baby fangs(?) bit into the apple slice, as he watched you enjoy the small meal he prepared for you. “Oh hey, todoroki!” he heard a familiar voice say “ah, Midoriya….” he responded, not taking your eyes off you. “Uhm… is that a child..?” the green-haired boy asked “w-wait… Y/N!?” He inspected you closely, taking note of every detail while your boyfriend stands behind him, very silent. “Interesting, this is probably the result of quirks merging and becoming more complex…” he continued his incoherent rambling as todoroki picked you up and brought you away from him.

~

Todoroki sat down on a couch and sat you down on his lap. He took out his phone to check the time; 8:50am. “We have some extra time, what do you wanna do?” he asked. He listened intently to your incoherent babbling, remembering your current state. “Todoroki!” he heard another familiar voice say “what are you doing? You're going to be late!” iida said, chopping the air. “Uhm, its not time yet.” todoroki responded, taking note that iida seemed to not notice you. “At this rate you are going to be late! As class rep i cannot allow that!” “.....ok.”

~

Todoroki got up and began to make his way out the door and to class, carrying you in his arms. The two of you watched as iida used his engines to get him to class faster.

~

When the two of you got to class, not surprisingly, there werent alot of people. Todorki took his seat and placed you on his lap. He held you with his left hand as he took out his stuff with his other. You sat in silence throughout class, taking note of every little thing thats happening around you. The two of you went through your first half of classes without any problems, now it was lunchtime. Midoriya had suggested for him to give you fish for lunch, considering your a cat, so he did. He sat you on top the lunch table and watched as the dekusquad entertained you. His mixed matched eyes only had you in sight, quite creepy honestly.

~

The two of you made it to your last class of the day, the last 5 minutes before going back to the dorms spent doing anything but work. Todoroki had allowed the girls to play with you until he left, but he wasn't happy about it. “Todoroki, you need to calm down, its not a big deal. Their just playing with y/n, its fine!” midoriya said, noticing his friend staring at you enjoying yourself with the girls “...its not that simple.” he bluntly said, his soul piercing eyes still staring right at you. Midoriya let out a defeated sigh, knowing he wasnt gonna convince him. 

~

The end of class came and todoroki gladly swept you away from the 1-A girls with a huff. He didn't even give a warning, just took you.

~ 

When you two made it back to the dorms, he went straight to his room. Just knowing such a fragile, innocent child was currently in his possession and in need of protection was stressful. He lied down in bed with a groan and placed you beside him. He didn't have any plans for what to do next. He continued to think about how the day went. Sure, it went without any casualties but, how could it have gone better? Sure he cant change the past, but he felt guilty for whatever reason. I could’ve tried harder, He thought. He continued to try and think of something the two of you could do until you turned back. 

~

purrrrr purrrrrrrr~ todoroki looked down only to see you had crawled onto his chest and fell asleep. His heart melted at the sight of you looking so peaceful. At that point, he allowed your quiet purring to lure him to sleep.

~

Todoroki woke up to a feeling of emptiness, like something was missing... “y/n?” he called out. He looked beside him, only to see you almost on the edge of the bed, asleep. “y/n.” he said, sitting up and bringing you into his arms “wake up,” “huhh??” you said, slowly opening you eyes “oh, shouto…” 

“hello, love. Do you remember anything?” 

“i remember everything!” you smiled. “And i have come to one conclusion” you said, as you sat up in the bed, you watched todoroki’s face very closely, trying to find a hint of emotion. None. “i think you’d be a great father to our children, shouto” you continued to scan his face, his eyed slightly widened at your statement, catching him off guard. It surprised him, but it made him happy at the same time, the fact that you wanted to have his children. He pulled you into a hug, resting his forehead on your shoulder “im glad you see me that way, y/n.” he whispered 

“nothing would make me happier.”

thank you for reading! <3

[killrockabill]

azula redemptive

so this isnt a full redemption more of a setting her on the path. azula is a character i kind of identify with. i grew up in a chaotic environment and learned to “play the game” manipulate lie and occasionally throw people under the bus. at first it was just a way to get through life but then it kinda just became who i was. i have gone to counseling etc but still occasionally wonder if my feelings are real or if theyre just what theyre supposed to be. i was lucky to have people in my life. my uncle irohs but she didnt seem to. here it is.

Azula was never the type for brooding, that was more zuzu’s territory. Tonight was different. She was tired. It had been a few years since the avatar ended one hundred year war.  she had barely kept track of the actual amount of time. In the time since however; she had not grown complacent. she couldn’t. 

Zuzu had become the fire lord and seemed to be decent enough at it. At least he was capable of not destroying the fire nation with incompetence. While they were never close there was a hint of something in her that could almost be considered pride. No. Pride was the wrong word the feeling was more that of acknowledgment. He and the avatar won and that was the end of that story. 

For a time azula was unsure of her place in the universe. She had lived her life to be the true heir, to be ozai. He was a wrathful and petty god and she was his disciple. 

“ Why was that again?” She pondered. “Well what else could i be? Zuzu?” She knew she was smarter than that.

Zuko was soft and too stupid to play the game, so she used him. Every misstep, every weakness was a way to save herself from being him. Did she ever feel bad about it? Perhaps a long time ago, not that it mattered. You do something long enough you get used to it and when you get good at it you start to enjoy it. Every maneuver, every manipulation was a victory and nobody played the game like her. 

“My shadow lord” a shaky voice called from behind. The cult of ozai must have sent him. They had been useful to be sure, but she hated that name. It reminded her of the darkness within her, the same darkness her mother saw. 

“Yes?” Azula spoke finally in an exasperated tone. “What is it? i have no use of any of you right now.”

“F-forgive me. I-I have come to warn you.” he stuttered as though he were shaken by the earth itself. 

“You? Warn me? I may not be the fire lord anymore, but i am still one of the most powerful firebenders of this generation. What could be coming that I need worry?!” That was a bit more intense than she intended, but anyone who knew her knew it was her default state.

“N-nothing that i'm sure you cannot handle, b-but as your loyal servant it’s my duty. The ozai followers t-they doubt your intentions. They believe you don't intend to restore ozai to power.”

That was a fair thought seeing as she had no intention of restoring ozai to power. She had used them to challenge zuko and make him grow into the strong leader the fire nation needed. He was soft on enemies, azula being a perfect example, and not wary of friends that could turn on him as they do. 

“Hmph, well I suppose i owe you thanks. Tonight you will leave and discard any sign of joining the movement. Live a life well or not it doesn't matter to me” she hated being in debt to someone. Azula could manage some over privileged fanatics, but knowing she’ll have to get her hands a bit dirty is nice.

“M-my lady i-i-i apologize i meant no offense.  please i-“ 

Azula cut him off. “ you misunderstand. Tonight there’s going to be a … discussion, between the rest of the group. Take this and go do whatever it is you people do.” She flipped a gold piece. She couldn't be bothered to remember if he was one of the wealthy members and what's one gold piece. It was his duty to her to report and that should be rewarded. Flies and honey; perhaps if she did that back then those two. NO we are not going there azula scolded herself. Focus.

The man was still sitting there mouth agape like a fool. Was he processing what just happened? Regretting exposing his comrades? If he betrays her and lets them know she's coming she will live up to the darkness that earned her the title shadow lord. 

“I don’t know what you are waiting for, but go. I have an appointment.”  Azula walked past him. Ordinarily any threat of a stanger betraying her and leading her to a trap would be subdued by their fear of her. Azula learned that was not a guarantee the hard way. Her shoulder aches like an old woman from ty lee’s strike. That wasn’t what azula had heard about chi blocking, but maybe this hit was deeper. 

“FOCUS” azula chided herself “her of all people.  Yes, I did use fear to keep them in line but I was good to her. I tried at least. There weren’t many who’s tears could get to me. Fuck, enough. You need to deal with these fools”

Azula had reached the door to where the cult of ozai held their meeting. A Modest wooded shack near where Azula was. It benefited them to be out of the way and not get attention. Azula paused and thought “alright put on the scary eyes” before making her entrance. You could hear the conversation screech to a halt.

“My lady! Welcome, what brings you? New plans rid us of your brother?” One finally broke the silence. The fool that was their leader before azula had seized control. 

The gaul to pretend like they werent just talking about turning on her. Did they know who they were dealing with? She was no longer princess azula daughter of ozai; she was the god now. 

“Its come to my attention that some of us feel breaking my father, ozai out of prison. Let me clear ozai was a fool who bit off more than he could chew trying to conquer the world. He’s weak now spoiled by everyone's fear of him he lost to a child.”

“You speak out of turn little girl. You wouldn’t be so brave as to say that in his presence!” One of them burst out. 

“Ah, yes the withered old man that has been in shackles for how many years?” Azula genuinely could not remember anymore. “I am a prodigy trained by the finest benders this nation has to offer. The bender that conquered ba sing se. Even with his bending he lost to an avatar that I beat. “ 

Azula wasn’t bragging. This was the fight. Subduing them without having to lift a finger. What happens when azula needs to lift a finger? Well, let's say azula would oblige in earnest. She could tell most of them had already seemed to understand. Any of them try something it’ll end one way. She’d won the fight before they could even try; perhaps she should write a book azula mused. “Azulas art of war”. 

The only one not to flinch was their leader. His smile from when he greeted her did not waiver. He must have something in mind, as he would have no way of defeating her in single combat.

“My princess, perhaps you’re right there is something unclear about our partnership.” He started, as calm as can be. “ you are a talented bender to be sure, but without your father’s backing you’re simply an unstable little girl. Your usefulness is only in name and furthering our reputation.” 

Usefulness? This commoner did not just reference her as a prop in their machinations. This was when azula began to get heated, literally. Around her the air began to warm until the air around her blurred like that of the air around an open flame. The room had become unbearably hot for the others, but azula the dragon she was, could handle much more.

Azula let out a sigh. “Unstable?!? Lets be clear you work for me! Not the other way around. I have seen and done more in life let alone for the fire nation than you will in what is about to become a shortened life!” 

Parts of azula began to catch fire as her rage seethed. Zuzu may have been a lame turtle duck of a brother, but he did show her the usefulness of adapting different bending styles. The fire on her crawled across her body into a sphere in her hands. Though the leader had prepared for a direct strike; azula had something else prepared. She slammed her hand on the floor and allowed the fire ball to be pressed on the ground exploding out in a circle around her. 

The cabin had caught fire and many of the cultists were sent flying into the walls and scattered like the insects they were. Azula had practiced that move for some time and understood why strong earth benders would use an impact like strike like that. It was an effective way to combine offence and defense, and not to mention oddly satisfying. 

Azula may have been willing to kill if necessary but leaving them broken was the better choice. She snuffed out the fire leaving the smoke cloud to cover her exit. That should be a clear message to anyone. Princess azula is done.

Fire lord zuko did not need his shadow lord anymore. Azula hated to admit zuko had become a passable fire lord. The land prospered, and while zuko is about peace hes is firmer on asserting influence in world. The fire nation is still a force to be reckoned with and she was as influential in it as the avatar or that slob of an uncle. There wasn’t much to do here. Azula wasnt sure what the next move was, but there were things that needed to be drawn before action could be taken. 

The palace at the fire nation capital. It was much like she remembered less a gaudy statue of her father. The way the paths lead by lantern fire flowed like a living flame. It was soft enough to have a cozy warmth like that of the hearth. If she missed anything the most of the old princess lifebit was how home loosened tension. This unfortunately was not a vacation.

Her brother liked to sit near the water where the woman and him sat. Only two kyoshi to guard him, I suppose if azula was an average attacker that would do. Azula could already feel the exhaustion this is going to come from this

She waited seated at the spot he typically stops at. 

“AZULA” ah that raspy broody voice is never, not funny. He growls like a cub caught without a mother. “What are you doing here?! Trying to cause more trouble for me to clean up? Trying to take the throne?

“Oh zuzu all I’m doing is sitting here. Come I wish to speak to you, as civilly as possible. I’ll even allow one of your fangirls chi block my arms.

A laugh broke the tension “that's even funnier the second time around azula” that cheery pitch could only be one person. Azula perked up in her seat.

“Ty lee, im glad you’re here too. Wait that sounded ominous. I mean the sight of you is pleasant.” Not exactly how she thought things would go they were supposed to be separate. “Well that’s best anyway it’d make the noodle arm treatment feel less awkward when it’s someone you know.” 

“Hey that makes this easy”  with two jabs azulas arms and therefore lightning wre off the table.  “I just want you to know. I am still scared of you, but that fear makes me want to stop it.”

“Ah-um ty lee… i don’t expect you to and ill understand if you say no but i'd like to speak with you after.” Azulas voice was gentle when it reached ty lee.

Ty lee paused to glance back. She was shaken at the thought. Of course she would be what else should she be? Happy? She said it herself she was scared of azula and you cant have friends with that or they betray you. 

“Lets try this one first.”

Azula was impressed at how ty lee could not only give a non answer and still leave someone hopeful. After the war, thinking through things during training sessions, azula had a new perspective on ty lee. Azula never doubted her prowess for a second, but being such a skilled people reader and least suspect of manipulation. She was everything azula was not and then some. Where azula scanned for weakness ty lee scanned the person. Where azula would use fear to bend to her will ty lee was playing the long game with positive reinforcement. Azula needed her to know that and more.

“There.” Zuko barked. “Now state your business.”

“Zuzu, you’re not meant for impressions, that was the worst ‘father’ i've ever heard. I'm leaving the capital and maybe even the fire nation. “

“Why?” Zuko was confused, what would be her next move. other nations aren’t helpless and its not like Zuko would leave them to her.

“What is there for me here? Zuko, youre the fire lord ive made my peace with that. You were too soft when you first got the throne, and while not all of my actions were always so benevolent; after a while it was about keeping you on alert dealing with the changing world. Making sure you had fangs. Father, ozai, had beat you to submission for so long and only at the end of the war did you begin standing.

“You think you were helping me? Training me in some insane way?!” Azula knew he’d be this way.

“Heavy lies the crown on the head of the ruler zuko. I should know i had it for a couple hours and lost my mind.” Azula chuckled at the memory. A foolish child who had nobody left to manipulate and nobody she trusted, of course shed crack. “You don't have to believe me. Im not sure I believe me. If i couldn't be the fire lord, I'd help mold him, I thought. You're still too soft with other nations in my opinion but you can manage. You’ve proven that.”

“And why tell me instead of just going?” Zuko had began to calm down, perhaps the avatar was rubbing off on him.

“The very reason i had to have my arms chi blocked. You fear me. Sure, you could fend me off with your friends but you know i am not something you would want to face. Now you know you dont have to look over your shoulder, at least not for me.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Zuko lowered his tone. If azula were plotting it could’ve worked here.

“No. I expect the next few weeks you’ll be on high alert. You’ll be upping security in cities and in constant communication with smaller settlements. Most importantly, you will be training. You Want to know that if we cross blazes, you will win. That is why i am leaving that response to an unseen threat? Exactly as a fire lord should be.” He won't look at it practically, at this point what is there for azula to be here. the only reason to keep this up is to take that throne, the one that broke her, it may be rightfully hers but she was not rightfully its. It was owed to her but she was not owed to it.

“Listen zuko, we’ve both seen ozai for what he is. The man who needed his teenage daughter to take ba sing se because he never could. The shortest reigning fire lord who faced an avatar that had only one year of training on the day he was at his peak. He called you a loser, and always asserted dominance because that was the only way to get people to not see the pathetic incompetent man with good enough luck to have me. Looking at you now he missed an opportunity at a useful tool.”

“People aren’t tools azula.” The father talk began to itch at zukos emotional scabs. 

“That was the way of the house, and you never learned that. You were too blind or stupid to think ‘whats the right answer’. That is why i was favored. Not luck, i played the game. Not unlike my friend ty lee, there did with me. She saw me.” It appears that azula had some scabs still too. She felt like her skin was raw and each word was hard to spit out.

“It doesnt matter” she took a breath “it would shame the fire nation anyway having to change leaders every few years. Just take my words and do what you will with them.”  Azula was done, this had already been more a spectacle than she cared for. 

“Ok, now what you stroll out the front door? We should take you in. That’d interrupt your trip. What now?”

“Oh zuzu, you are so on guard still. Good. I’ve an exit lined up out if the way so nobody questions my presence. If you take me in? Why? So i can escape THEN leave? Just extra steps. I dont mind waiting however. I think we both got something from this conversation.”

The air was warm. Unseasonably warm, its him. Azula wondered if this was coincidence or if he made hes own version of her technique. Now azula was tense. Impressive brother, but these are your options. 

Finally, a high pitched intervention. “Uhum, fire lord zuko she also wanted to have a talk with me too. Maybe while you think about what to do with her I can see what she wants to say.” 

“Are you sure? If she tries something.” Big brother of the year hm. Hopefully mai watches her back azula mused. 

“Zuko im a big girl. Plus you’ll be in holler distance. Just keep an eye out.” Ty lee turned to azula. “Im going to sit next to you now, and if you try to bend at me or kick me i will be very upset.” There it was. Azula looked in awe at how she managed to channel a determined child while making it clear there will be consequences for any transgressions. Azula truly was a fool like her father before her, failing to see what’s right in front of her.

“Hi azula. You wanted to talk?” She tried to keep the pep but ty lee couldn’t help but be nervous. Azula was one Of the most dangerous people in the fire nation. 

“I did. Thank you. Even though you know there’s a chance i could actually be up to something leading to you or something or someone you care about because all youve ever seen from me is wrath. So, thank you.”

“Ppft, im sorry azula I really am and you’re right i wasnt sure but that awkward rambling reminded me of that day at the beach.”

“ARE YOU MOCKING ME?! I came here and let you chi block me. Do yoy you know what this feels like? Limp noodles where my arms should be.”

“No, no, azula i swear it just shows there's still some of the good in you. Your aura is less vlack more a...deep watertribe navy blue. Theres also the temper still i see” ty lee tried not to give azula a reason to get heated. 

“Oh. I see. Well regardless of the context tgat was rude”

“Yes it was, sorry.” She gave azula the eyes that always got to her. 

“Its fine. I may have also been a tiny bit intense there.” Azula hated this. She was a prodigy. Which meant apologies and social interaction were unnecessary. 

“Ok. Lets try again. ‘Now state your business’” imitating zukos growl of a voice. It got a genuine laugh iut of azula. It had been a while since she laughed at all. 

“How do you do that? Just lull people into a state of placation and lowering their guards.” Azula regrouped.

“Its not a trick like you said. Well, mostly not. I do watch people and learn what i can, but its so i dont do anything to start upsetting people. And the rest is just i have a calming aura” 

“So you’re just a pure sweet roll in this terrible world?” Azula was proud. She made a quip that didnt sound threatening. That practice wasnt for nothing at least.

“I dont know about that. All I do know is that if we try the world doesn’t have to be terrible.  You’ve changed azula. I can see it. Not just your aura either. You meant at least half of what you said i can feel it.”

“Half? That's more generous than i would be in your shoes. I appreciate that and would love to girl talk i think time’s coming so ill jump to it. I want you to know the same as zuzu. I dont have plans for revenge for the prison. I also wanted to say… im sorry. You may have noticed my opinion of my father has changed and as his heir, his duplicate its making me think i need to redefine me. Clearly our way didnt work. I held you and mai by a leash and when it came down to it who do you side with the leash wearer or holder. I’m sorry it happened that way and what it’s probably done since, but there it is. 

Ty lee remained silent.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me or even believe me. I just thought, you of all people deserved that much even from a monster like me.” The silence coming from ty lee was worse than any words she could have said. Each second of waiting for any kind of reply was tourture. Ty lee was never the silent type, so as expected she probably won’t accept it. That's fine azula didnt need her to; she didn’t need her or anyone for that matter. Beasts dont always have packs, especially the most vicious ones. 

Ty lee stood up and took a few paces. Azula watched and simply thought ‘there she goes. She may be giving azula an out as a courtesy, ehich is more than she expected.

“You're not a monster.”  Ty lee's silence finally broke. Her tone was quiet and somber. 

“Youre not a good person. Youre Probably one of the worst friends I’ve had, but we were friends. I dont know how much to believe you, but you’ve apologized for hurting my feelings before in more casual moments. The time away may be good for you. I tell you what, I’ll accept your apology for the both of us. I’ll know i gave you one last shred of trust and if how things ended truly bothered you it can stop now.”

Azula was stunned. She shouldn’t have been. That reaction was as textbook as azula threatening a subordinate. Azula should be a little more at peace now, but she isnt. It hurts. Here was a kind strong woman who managed to make something of herself and azula was nothing anymore. A vagrant who couldn’t do what she was raised to do for a few hours. Kindness and compassion were underused thongs for azula but clearly they’re good for something. 

“Ty lee” azula choked on the words. How pathetic. How embarrassing. On the verge of tears because she was not a monster to ty lee. 

“ thank you ty lee. I didnt and still don’t deserve your friendship, but i think you did something to me. I dont know what, but something. You may go if you wish. I think i want to wait and see what zuko has to say”

“I’ll put in a good word for you. You called him ‘zuko’ most of the time you talked to him. You're a bit confusing right now but I think that might be a good thing.”

“Ha, oh ty lee you have too much faith in people. I could still be the monster in your closet. Don't ever change that.” Azula needed everything in her to not cry, not in front of them. Not again. Never again

Ty lee turned back to face azula. “And you have too little faith. That's ok though, i may not need to change but I really hope you are.” She smile md at azula. It was a soft smile like the glow of a candle in the night and just as warm. How she could manage a real smile towards azula was beyond her. It was beautiful and it had a way of crushing azula. 

Ty lee was gone. Not far, as zuko still had to be in the garden somewhere. Azula was glad for that she could breath and focus on the next hurdle. Getting out with noodle arms would be difficult but not impossible. They were so put at ease about the arms they didnt think of any attacks she could do with her legs. If it came down to it she would set enough of a blaze to keep them occupied and run to her escape location. 

Zuko and the others returned. He had a stoney look on his face more grim than broody. Azula cant be surprised its bad news, but it was less than ideal. Ty lee stood next to him. Had she kept her word and gave her a chance? Or was that just to encourage me to stay. She had been bitten once and was twice as shy nowadays.

“Ty lee mentioned your talk went well. Im glad you didnt try to kick or bite her.”

“Zuzu, what do you take me for a platypus bear or something?”

“Or something” zuko remarked. It was a fair enough jab azula decided. 

“She told me you seem lost in the world. If this is true, we can help. Theres the beach house so you dont have to interact with people unless you want to. We can get you treated like someone in our family should be. You can help us do good for a change.”

“Where do you people get this faith?! I do not intend on being a ward or high end prisoner. I do not belong here, and cannot promise you I’ll be what you want. For all we know i'll turn on you like i have a dozen times over.” Azula could not tell if he really was that foolish or if she should be offended at the patronizing proposition. “No, if im to become something, someone, else it has to be away from here.

Zuko stood silent for a moment. “Very well, but i want you to know that any action against a fire nation citizen is an action on me. the way you and i have been going for years seems to only have one end so i hope you mean all of this. You may go on the condition a kyoshi warrior shadows you for a while.”

“The ones in the elaborate dresses, white, make up and golden fans? Im sure theyll be like a shadow in the night. Though I suppose it could be worse. If i get left alone they will be left alone, just so we’re clear.” Azula hated being followed, but if its just for a while she can put up with it. 

“They’ll watch and see if you're just up to old tricks. You'll get a head start and they'll catch up so you won't be sure they are present. If they determine youre no longer a threat they will leave you.”

“Interesting proposal Zuko spoken like a benevolent leader. I accept.” Azula stood up, and was a little off balance because of the arms but they began to come back to her. “I… suppose that's it then brother. I’ll do you a favor and make it so my way in cannot be used again. We may not see eachother again, so farewell. remember, you are the dragon not some toothless herbivore. Dont embarrass us.” There was an awkward melancholy to azulas voice. They were never siblings in the traditional sense and she did try to kill him. A lot. Still, it’ll be sad to not get under his skin anymore even just a little. 

“Goodbye azula. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for. If all of this is true my offer will stand.” 

Azula had nothing to say. She couldn’t. She fully intends to be gone, and yet he leaves the door open? It’s embarrassing, its offensive, and somehow its cruel. Azula living the rest of her days in a place designed to make her complacent? No. She may not want the throne but she will not be a pet.” 

Azula nodded and walked away. He was as good a brother as you could get in this family and she was as bad a sister as you could get in this family. That bridge is burned whether he realizes or not. 

Now all that was left for azula was to decide where to go. That entire exchange left her raw and exhausted. Zuko may have had a point, the beach wasn’t far and a small coma would be nice. A stop off there get some nation neutral clothes and see where the wind take her. It was as good a plan as any for now. 

When she finally reached the shore and looked up the stairs to the childhood beach house the exhaustion set in. How long had it been since she slept? More than 24 hours to be sure. Azula dropped to her knees and felt the sand beneath her. Soft, like ty lee's smile. 

“No.” Azula dismissed. Now was not the time to reminisce. This sand was once a rock. It could have been a rock that punctured war ships sinking them to their doom, or a smaller rock cutting the food of an unwitting beach goers foot. Azula was that rock. Was she being worn down into sand? Was that ok? Everything in this world wears down, so why not her? If she could be half of what this sand was, pleasant soft and comforting perhaps that wouldn't be so bad.

[bringhimbackandhidehimthere]

The Untamed: Episode 3

1. so did mianmian have a crush on jin or was she just that dedicated to her boss? i respect her either way i just always wanted to know how he felt about her in return too

2. yanli’s face at the mention of her promised one!!! she’s so soft.

3. i forgot that wwx took it upon himself to get them a room from mianmian and that it almost worked wow. and then HE MAKES A SEX JOKE ABOUT HIM AND MIANMIAN THAT WENT SO FAR OVER MY HEAD LAST TIME. he’s so adorable when he’s trying to manipulate people

4. when he leans in to listen to their private conversation. crying. keep your nose in your lane sir

5. lmao when yanli suggests they fight each other and jiang cheng is like... lmao maybe. he looks so tempted im tearing up 

6. no offense but why does jin zixuan actually need his whole entourage and shit. you need everyone to watch you drink tea or what?

7. yanli and jz first meeting is!! cute but wwx still looks like an imp the whole time.

8. is he wrong when he says that jin clan is ostentatious. i think no. but also from the beginning wwx has been all like i stand by my actions but dont blame my clan and i think thats very heartbreaking of him 

9. why did i have to wait forty episodes for yanli to be happy with this jx idiot when i COULD HAVE HAD IT BACK THEN IF EVERYONE WERENT SO STUPID

10. the fact that wwx has literally no chill when it comes to yanli is so on brand

11. the only more on brand thing is that he actually left the invitation back in the hotel.

12. i love when siblings agree to hate other people because they’re messing with the siblings. that’s amor

13. why is wwx the guy who would get you kicked out from the club right when you finally got in

14. THIS IS THE SCENE WWX REMEMBERS LATER!! THEIR FIRST MEETING!! im the guy staring literally open mouthed as lwj walks past

15. i know this is me being dumb but. is lwj older than wwx?

16. i would die for lwj. he’s so BABEY

17. name a more iconic meet cute than: you’re at my uncle’s house for a lecture and i don’t let you in because you don’t have an invitation and then i cast a silencing spell on you as i walk away because you’re THAT annoying

18. WAIT. what was that look. was that... amusement. is our second young master... vindictive?  

19. the scene where jiang cheng is reassuring yanli about wwx. he says wwx is probably out having some fun with a mianmian or yuandao. wwx said his name was yuandao to mianmian earlier. is it a boy’s name? is wwx implied to be rowdy here? am i reading to much into this?

20. the fact that no one stays behind to let wwx know that lwj let them in! im hollering is anyone going to actually blame him for breaking in 

21. okay except he definitely comes in carrying zero (0) invitations and two (2) bottles of emperor’s smile

22. how long was lwj standing there. did he know wwx was coming. once again this kid aims for peak drama and executes it effortlessly. how is wwx considered the most dramatic person in this show in any way compared to this fucker. he literally silences people he doesn’t want to listen to. name something more petty and powerful. 

23. what about lwj made it seem like he could be bribed with alcohol. like wwx. you moron. 

24. isn’t there something sexy about wwx sheathing lwj’s sword for him. just me? cool

25. the romantic music is what makes this scene s2g. like i know im supposed to take away that they’re well matched and equals but all i can think is that they’re stupid in the exact opposite ways and that’s the only reason they survive as long as they do.

26. the horror in wwx’s face when he notices the 3000 principles. “lets count how many violations you broke tonight” kind of sounds like something lwj would actually do as foreplay so. you know whatever

27. just to summarize, because my head is spinning, wwx offends lwj’s clan, lwj’s clan’s principles, lwj himself and then takes a sip of his liquor

28. so lwj was actually offended by wwx thinking he’s undesirable... casual

29. the silencing charm strikes again. thats twice in this episode. wwx is 0 for 2. who’s going to try and tell me that lwj didn’t take those insults personally and that’s why he used the silencing charm instead of just saying “my uncle and your siblings are waiting for you”

30. ZEWU JUNNNNNNN. i missed my baby. 

31. wwx is so fucking. annoying. like, you idiot. hotheaded fool. the first thing he says to lwj’s brother is “your brother is a fool.” the lack of respect when he approaches lan qiren. stunning display of impudence. i also love that wangji is just kind of like “now you see what im dealing with”

32. i literally forgot that lwj is the reason wwx has to copy the principles 300 times. like thats so funny. 

33. im wwx justifying to the clan leadership why i purchase two bottles of alc when i was on a rescue mission

34. the fact that wangji doesn’t want wei ying to know that he helped his sibs get in. and how touched wei ying is when he finds out. so cute

35. i forget sometimes that like. wwx really was a prodigy. kid was smart. kid was talented. 

36. WEN QING MAKES MY HEART SKIP A BEAT EVERY TIME

37. i know the reason we never see wen qing use that hot ass sword she bows with in this ep is cuz she’s a doctor and she’s proud of it but. i think i would kill for some footage of her swinging that onto to someone’s neck. maybe wen chao’s or something 

38. wei wuxian makes me want to launch myself into a chasm of some kind. he’s so smart and dumb all at once. how can someone so good at cultivation also stick his foot in his mouth 24/7

39. compare the lan siblings to our disaster trio for a second. “i trust you to look into it but be safe use your judgement” “don’t worry ill listen to you” “am i putting too much on your shoulders?” “i want to help you” VS “please find him” “be assured. ill find him and break his legs” 

40. i like that zewu jun immediately likes wwx for lwj. it’s just so big bro of him. also him describing wwx as “even though he does some excessive things” is like. big brain. biggest brain. 

41. lwj being pessimistic about making friends makes me :(

42. ZEWU JUN YOU ICON “you were tied weren’t you? doesn’t he have skill?” like drag your brother 

43. oh. i forgot that xue yang is here. frustrating as per usual. 

tl;dr

sometimes you meet your soulmate when you insult his entire being and he casts a silencing spell on you after dumping your liquor stash

[whitewolfbumble]

Needed Touch (Bucky x Reader)

Summary: They needed you, and he needed you most of all. You became his addiction until it was taken away, and then you were something else to him entirely.

Anon Request: Can you do a platonic!avengers x wolf!reader, maybe a specific ship like bucky x reader would be fine as well! Since the reader can turn into a big wolf, she often cuddles with the avengers to help them relieve stress, and they all really like her, and once they sent her onto a mission something really bad happens and really angsty stuff?

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Wolf!Reader

Warnings: Angst and fluff!, things get intimate for a hot minute

Word Count: About 6k

A/N: Thanks for the request darling! One of my favourite Bucky lines I’ve written is in here, and it makes me weak my dudes. Still a lil wrecked from surgery/pain meds so sorry for any typos, I’ll come back a fix this sometime

MY MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAG LIST

Tony had an anxiety disorder. Bruce had, let’s say, explosive anger issues. Steve struggled, however valiantly, with depression. Natasha was obsessively striving to undo a past that couldn’t be undone, losing her identity and life in the process. Thor- when he was here- was in denial of the brutal grief he had suffered. Sam had a crippling case of survivor’s guilt that would strike hard without warning and stop him dead in his tracks. That was just scratching the surface of your team members, and there were more damaged people where that came from.

And then they added Bucky. You couldn’t even begin to get into the near century of trauma there.

But at least they all had you.

However much love and loyalty there was among you, you were what was holding this team together. Mentally and emotionally they needed you as much as they needed oxygen, being the balm and breath of air to them, outweighing their combined trauma.

You were human and wolf in one, each side of you forming one whole. A mutation, curse, and gift wrapped together, much like the various parts of the others on the team. And quickly from week one you had found you belonged among them.

Maybe it was the protective wolf in you. Or the feeling of companionship you exuded with every encouraging word or soft smile. Or the loving brightly, happy feeling those around you felt when you laughed and played, young and free like those cute little puppies in those cute little videos. Or maybe it was the ferocity and barred teeth you showed on the battlefield, unwavering in your aggressive defense of your team. Or maybe it was your other ability that did it.

Whatever the combination, it had made you a perfect- and necessary- fit to this team.

Tucking back your hair, you absently brushed fingers passed your subtly pointed ears. Settling into to a grey afternoon and a cushy couch had been easy enough, with a half decent book in one hand and the other placed on Clint’s head.

He was lying down on the couch, head on a thin pillow in your lap, feeling the calm of your other distinct ability seeping into him like custard into bread pudding.

Your legs crossed, Tony pressed a pleasant pressure against your knees, his anxiety held at bay by both you and the focused energy of tinkering with a delicate piece of paper-thin metal and razor-thin wires in his hands.

The people changed, the positions changed, but the constant presence of your team- your pack- around you was constant and most welcome.

As the slow afternoon silence stretched, you flipped to the next page in your book but didn’t continue reading. Head shifting slightly you paused, brow raising up ever so little before settling back into place as you understood what your senses had zeroed in on.

“Wonder when they’ll be back,” Clint said lazily, eyes closed and breath easy in his chest.

“They just pulled up,” you said absently back, eyes back on the text in front of you.

“Hmm,” he replied. “Hope it went okay.”

“Yeah, seems like it went just fine,” you said, shrugging a little. “No blood anyway.”

But in the back of your mind and in your ears you felt a nagging. Something off. Something not exactly quite right.

The wolf in you wasn’t separate like Bruce was to the Hulk. Your appearance may shift as you directed it to something akin to a large and black apex predator, a wolf in body and eyes and fangs. But that didn’t mean you were any less you in that state. Even now, human form with only little touches of something slightly “other” marking you like your ears, you still heard and smelt and saw with the enhanced senses of the shadowy beast you formed into. Not exactly as enhanced as in your other form, but still there nonetheless.

And sitting on the couch, listening intently to the sounds of Steve and Bucky return from their mission while your eyes were down in your book, you thought you could hear someone... limping maybe? The metallic, distinct smell of blood was absent though at least. Or maybe there were just too far away for you to smell it yet.

“And how would you know that?” Clint said, stretching and leaning up a bit to lock those hazel eyes to yours.

You wiggled your nose at him from behind your novel in teasing exaggeration.

“I can smell them,” you said, though Clint well knew that by now, though he loved to hear it. He was endlessly fascinated by who you were. That or he had taken a knock to the head too many times and really was that forgetful. “Sweat and quinjet exhaust, but nothing else really.”

Sitting in wait while Clint moved off you, you heard one set of footfalls approach nearer.

Now, however terrible it sounded, you hoped it was Steve that broke his leg and had sent Bucky to find you to help him. That would make this easier.

So, so much easier.

But when the blonde walked in your lips ticked down with a bit of a frown for a split second. Steve sat down beside you, limpless stride firm and precise though clearly a bit exhausted. He grabbed your hand as he sat and the both of you broke out into a smile.

“How’s our resident second super soldier?” you asked, subtly squeezing and moving your hand in his, caressing his palms and fingers. Comfort visibly eased into the lines of his friendly face and liquid light blue eyes.

“Hurt, but not much help there,” he admitted. “Unless you want to try again…?”

“Try again” made it sound like you had only attempted to corral Bucky once to indulge in that other specific ability you had. The man was unwavering like a marble statue, though you’d find a way to whittle him down. Or maybe he would do that himself.

“You know I will, Steve,” you said, standing up with a last pat to his hand and pat to Tony’s head as you shimmied passed him. “He’s one of us, even if he doesn’t yet think it.”

Because Bucky wasn’t the only one who could be considered unwavering and stubborn.

______

The door was open slightly like he was expecting you. He always expected you because let’s face it, he was smart enough to know persistence when he saw it. They others saw it as caring, but you didn’t think Bucky was quite ready to use that word just yet.

His room was somewhat clean, low lamps on instead of the main overhead lights, exuding a softer glow and casting darker shadows. It was small and comfy and how Bucky liked it, despite those descriptors being the opposite of the man himself.

He was peeling off his thick leather coat, arriving just before you did for one glaringly obvious reason. He had been slowed down to a snail’s pace by the broken leg that had somehow managed to make his whole body scrunch up tight and coiled. It was supporting no weight as he stood, held at just slightly an odd angle. Not to mention what you knew to be a pale and pain-hardened face if he were to turn around.

You leaned against the door frame, arms crossed with a bit of a huff you weren’t sure was from sympathy or exasperation.

“I could help with that, you know,” you commented, nodding to his limp as he glanced behind his shoulder to you, though his eyes remained low and didn’t yet meet yours.

You were tired of playing this game with him, but you knew by the weary lines and stiff way Bucky held himself that he was always far more weary of it. He had the ability to end that weariness and strain, if only he would reach out and simply touch you.

“I’ll heal,” he said, short and gruff.

Not because he was mad which you knew, though a flash of something- maybe guilt- sprung up through the pained look, and he took the time and effort to swivel on his good leg to face you more.

“I’m fine, Y/N,” he said, trying again and sounding a little more like himself. Seemed to take effort though. “You don’t need to keep checking on me.”

“I’ll stop checking on you,” you said. “When you stop leaving the door open for me.”

You stepped in silently under his watchful eyes, moving and sitting on the bed, back resting against the backboard. You didn’t snuggle down or sprawl out, wanting to be just a little respectful of his space you were invading, but clasped your hands in your lap and crossed your ankles neatly.

Bucky waited for a time before, with a bit of pain crumpled look on his face, turned to the bathroom and closed the door. You closed your eyes as you heard the shower, tried not to listen to him struggle and groan under his breath. When the streaming sound of the water stopped, you flicked the switch beside you and the lights went off, leaving you in semi-darkness with blinds closed tight.

The tiny amounts of grey light that came in was like that of the moon, beaming in cool and gentle. That was his kind of comfort. Bucky still enjoyed the darkness, able to move and stay shielded by the black murky shadows. To hide away from enemies and people and pain.

When he emerged from the bathroom, the light from it shone bright before he clicked it off, his frame clad in a black shirt and grey sweats turning shadowy. Though it was the afternoon, the room itself looked like it was the dead of night, with just those soft beams pooling on the ground at his feet.

“Are you going to wolf out on me?” he muttered through the space between you, though it was good-natured in tone. As much for him as for you.

You snorted quietly under your breath, a smirk on your lips.

“I’m not the Hulk, I have some control over myself.”

There was some hesitation after that from him, wavering there with weight on the one leg. It heavied the air that had been briefly lightened with jokes and teasing a second before.

You didn’t push or pry more than you already had by simply being here, but just waited. After another few moments the pain of standing seemed to outweigh the emotions keeping him from you.

Very slowly, he walked to the bed as you moved up your feet, giving him space to sit awkwardly but firmly on the edge.

He faced out for a few moments before placing his hand in the small space on the sheets between you, eyes refusing to turn to your own. Gently you placed your hand on top of his, ever so carefully entwining your fingers in with his. A minute passed before your other hand moved slowly and measuredly to the middle of his thigh and was held still.

He tensed as you did, but for much different reasons. He flinched at the contact of your fingers brushing his thigh. You at the familiar feeling of this process as it hit you, stark and bare and shook a little bit of your soul as your ability begin to work within him.

“Why do you do it?” he said quietly, face hidden in the darkness. “Why care?”

Everyone here knew what your ability was, even Bucky, though he refused to speak it.

It wasn’t healing, exactly. It was just taking the pain, giving them time to rest for their muscles to ease, for their teeth to stop grinding as they gritted through the pain. They could rest and their bodies would better heal themselves.

They sensed it when they were close to you. Felt it when they touched you. Relief and comfort and freedom from torment.

But the pain had to go somewhere. It couldn’t just evaporate and you couldn’t push it out, you could only pull it into your own body. So you took on their stabs and wounds, feeling the invisible injuries on your skin and in your muscles. At least with you, the second the connection was broken, it was gone. So you just breathed and you bore it.

“You’ve got it all wrong, Bucky,” you started softly, taking a moment as you felt like your femur was snapped in half inside your leg. “It’s not “why care”, but because I care. I know that’s foreign to you. Uncomfortable. And that’s okay for now.”

Your words were met with silence as there was no real answer for it, and none needed. It was truth and that caring he would call persistence. Because you weren’t going to let him live a pained life. Not when you could take it away from him and even if at a cost.

But for now, this was was okay. You could go one step at a time and nudge him along with you.

You stayed long beyond that, until the troubled man unclenched his muscles and his eyes drooped where he sat. Until his breathing became slow and deep and his head lulled. Until you gently laid him down when deep sleep took him over, painless and free.

_______

From there on, things started to change. Bucky had a hard time with your ability at first, clearly. He wasn’t particularly touchy or trusting to begin with, however cordial, which was pretty essential for your ability to work.

The next time it was a broken arm. How a super soldier could keep breaking bones like this, you didn’t know.

You went to his room and waited in the doorway just like before but you didn’t fully enter, leaving him alone instead. He was probably confused as he clutched his lifeless looking flesh arm, probably wondering and hoping you’d be your usual persistence self and silently insist again. But you hadn’t been.

You had gotten through a little to Bucky, even if only once. He had felt it and accepted it. Felt and accepted you, in that moment, finally. It was his turn now, to make the next step and you weren’t sure he would do it. But later that next night you heard a knock at your door.

“Can you help me?” he had asked, quietly, still holding his arm which close up looked almost shattered.

After the next mission and the next injury, he asked when you came to his room as you always did, almost steely look like he was fighting himself on saying something so vulnerable again. But the second he spoke that melted from his face, as though the words would have killed him to say but he survived, relief flooding him once uttered.

“I’m in pain, Y/N,” he had said, gruff and almost desperate. As though through all the years of pain he had reached his limit now that he knew what real comfort felt like. “Can you take it away?”

Soon enough as the weeks rolled by, he was coming to you for everything.

You expected this really, it had happened to everyone for a time.

Everyone hit a point where they clung to you at first, however subtly or not, until they realized both consciously and subconsciously that you weren’t going anywhere. That you were here to stay and this feeling was too. That you could be a reprieve to their pain and demons.

Bucky was different though. He had had no comfort, innumerable demons, and exclusively pain for much of the life he could remember. Now to be able to have physical hurts relieved and not inflicted, and with a simple touch feel comfort in his soul not anguish? It was massive for him.

He was addicted to you now. You were like the sweetest of drugs without overdose or side effects. Though you were beginning to wonder about withdrawal...

“This is really why you need me right now?” you said, in his bright bathroom on one late evening, months after that broken leg.

Bucky found quiet, intimate moments alone with you when he needed you close, always away from the eyes of the team. Pain he could admit to you now, but not them just yet, if ever.

But now whenever you walked into a room you saw the way he twitched, as though his automatic physical reaction was to reach out for you and it took his conscious mind a moment to stop himself.

But in moments alone with you he didn’t hesitate anymore. He let himself touch you and be touched, like a craving filled and peaceful contentment enjoyed.

“Yes,” he said simply, pleasant sigh on his lips as he sat on the bathtub ledge, head leaned up to you, standing in front of him. His eyes were still waters, glassy and serene, framed by those long lashes that matched his deep chestnut hair.

Your hand was placed on his neck, thumb moving across the line of his jaw. Just above your stroking was a small cut from shaving of all things, almost unnoticeable. You were surprised he had even felt himself do it.

This was a man who had been tortured. Shot. Stabbed. Forced to fight. Forced to kill. You would think one little nick would hardly be enough to call on you so late at night.

But a smug unheard purr settled somewhere in your soul, finally and truly having him trust you. The others could sit down beside you and hold your hand or give you warm smiles as your presence eased their soul. But from Bucky you had needed more. You had needed this.

And obtaining it was that same kind of hit Bucky got off of you.

“I think I’m just spoiling you now,” you smirked, his slow blink matching pace with your slow, caressing fingers.

“Then please keep spoiling me,” he whispered, leaning into you.

He rested his head on your stomach, nose and breath and lips pushing gently into the thin fabric draping your soft skin.

Steve had always ran hot, made into a super soldier in the warm New York summer heat. Bucky you thought was always deliciously cool, like the chill of Russian snow where he was made, clinging to him still. It reminded you of clean ice, fragrant pines, and a cloudless moon.

You could feel it all on his breath now, the cool air he sighed into your stomach making your skin tingle underneath. Without thinking your hands found their way into his hair, moving through the thick chestnut strands. Absently his hands moved up your calves to behind your thighs, hooking you lightly into him.

A slow sigh released from him into you, and you slipped one hand under shirt collar at the base of his neck, hand and nails lightly trailing down his spine. He clung to you all the more, a groan caught in his throat as you felt the delicate quiver of his skin under your fingertips. An arm wrapped around the small of your back, the other at the top of your thigh, constricting and binding you in.

You and he practically hummed in sheer contentment at this connection, a shivering pleasure between you both. Countless minutes rolled by, and also no time at all it seemed.

It was only when you pulled away that you saw his blissed and beautiful face, his hand moving up and bunching his shirt above his heart as he stared back at you. Those serene eyes were bright now, with a bright and beautiful smile to match.

“G’night Buck,” you murmured as you stepped back, voice with a bit of a wobble.

You turned, a little off kilter and touched down on the bathroom counter to steady yourself. As you walked out you caught a glance of yourself in the mirror above the sink, eyes half-lidded, a lopsided smile on your face. And it wasn’t from sleep-drunkenness.

It was from comfort.

It was from him.

“Then please keep spoiling me.”

The words ran in your mind like cool water lapping at a shore or warm fingertips trancing delicate lines on soft skin. That was what you dream of that night. It was only when you woke up, room filled with darkness and that comforting feeling gone did you respond to them.

Okay, you thought in silent response, I’ll keep spoiling you.

_______

“Good, we’re just about to start the new mission briefing,” Clint said to you as you walked into the small group by the couches.

When you entered the lounge the next day, several of the team had already gathered.

You expected that telltale flinch from Bucky where he said, wanting but stopping himself from reaching out to you. You had wondered after the closeness of last night if it would be worse. If your junkie would be craving you all the more now.

But he didn’t. He saw you, blue eyes behind brown hair sitting to himself on the side. But didn’t acknowledge you beyond those glassy ocean eyes connecting to yours. Not a flinch. Not a hello. Not a nod.

A frown fell on your face as your heart fell in your chest, and head filled with confusion.

Had last night gone too far? Should you have stopped it?

Well the answer to both of those was probably yes, but he had wanted it and you had wanted to give it, so why would have have been bad?

“We’re moving in on the Serpent Society tonight,” Steve said, looking out to everyone.

You achingly turned from Bucky, a shame and heat on your face now, looking instead to Rogers. Your eyes were intense and trying to hide it, focused on the blonde before you, but you weren’t seeing him.

You weren’t hearing the shuffles or sways of the team as they listened into the briefing. Didn’t smell the gunpowder coming off of Natasha, the steaming coffee in Tony’s novelty mug, or the clean crisp lemon of the freshly scrubbed floor. You didn’t notice anything outside of your focus: Bucky Barnes.

Steve talked on, background noise to you as you focused your senses to a sharp, steel point. Your body altered in response, the wolf in you showing in slight form little by little as you balanced walking the lines to stay on the right side of human-looking so as not to give yourself away.

A golden hue to your eyes began to shine, that liquid gold bright and deep. Nails grew and pointed, turning ever so like claws. You could hear and feel your body change just enough for your sense to enhance enough to zero in on the man you held last night. The one who had held you.

Then you heard it, a deep bass sound vibrating in your ear. A beating, low and rhythmic and pulsing.

A heartbeat, sped up and beating loud. In that moment you heard nothing else.

But you couldn’t feel eyes on you so you cleared your throat, and Bucky flinched, eyes snapping to you as you kept yours dead ahead on Steve, looking down and slightly away to hide the telltale glimmers of the something “other” always under your skin that was starting to show.

The moment his eyes were on you, the sound of his blood pumping and heart beating became thunderous, like the pounding beat of the drum. You heard him swallow, could almost hear his skin tighten, and lungs expand and deflate at a rapid speed.

All because he was looking at you.

You could feel his eyes detached from you, reluctant and pained like dropping a weapon in a fight. His breathing rightened, muscles unclenched just a touch in his shoulders, That modicum of calm was shot to hell when Steve spoke.

“Y/N,” he said, the shift in Bucky palpable to you, practically make you clenched your own muscles. “You’ll be on the west side with Bucky and Clint. They’ll sharp shoot if needed, you’ll watch their backs.”

At your name Bucky’s eyes were transfixed again, thunderclap heart beats almost filling the room and drowning out the sound of the others. You felt him swallow again, heard the creak of his chair as his hands gripped it tighter, felt the heat radiating off him like a heavy summer sun.

All because he heard your name.

You turned and left immediately once the briefing was over, under the excuse of prepping for tonight, but once out in the hall you rested against the cool wall. Again you eyes glinted gold, sense focused on the man inside that room.

He had walked closer to the door- perhaps following after you?- but had stopped. You heard a sigh, the wisps of fingers through chestnut hair as he stood on the spot, stopped by some thought or feeling.

You could hear the downturn to his voice as he answered a question, hear the shuffle of his feet where he stood. You could almost see his expression now, a miserable look, one trying to hide under a blank stare.

You walked down the hall, for the first time not knowing exactly what to do with feelings someone had about you.

This wasn’t about seeking your touch for ease. This wasn’t about comfort or calm. It wasn’t about a physical reaction to you at all, this was about you.

You could sense it, feel it, hear it, see it.

Bucky had feelings for you.

_______

“Are you going to stay like that the whole night?” Bucky said, peering to his side.

The woods were quiet, and most likely through decades of practice, Bucky’s voice lowered and morphed into a tone and volume that matched his surroundings. The forest was old and dark, with near-black greens from the tree mixing with near-black ground and sky.

In this space both you and he found the familiar darkness reassuring, both battle tested and trained to the bone on nights just like these ones.

Right now this wasn’t training, but a mission. You were a sentry and guard for Bucky and Clint, either positioned a distance apart with a gun or arrow pointed towards their targets base.

Bucky had found a bit of a cliff to set up on, body on the ground with sniper rifle pointed diligently and ready.

“Not that I don’t like it,” he continued quietly. “But I did want to talk with you.”

You made no movement or even acknowledgement that you heard him, though there was no way you wouldn’t have.

Tonight you were the wolf in full form, changing into a black beast of the night as soon as was possible. The rest of the Team had barely stepped off the quinjet when you were feet into the woods, shifting with ease like the shedding of clothes.

Black fur, long and silken, lined your frame and blended like a shadow into the half mooned night. Only golden, glowing eyes could be seen now, some feet away from Bucky, half watching his back and half watching for an enemy to emerge.

“I had the distinct impression…” he started after a minute of silence followed, pausing briefly before continuing, turning from his position to look behind himself at you. “That you ran from me this morning, and have been avoiding me since.”

The shift was silent, the darkness still hiding you. A human form, still hidden, save those golden eyes, was your form to answer him. Claws were still out and extended, ears at a point, senses picking up everything.

“What makes you think that?” you said, low and quieter than the wind.

Bucky’s jerked back to you in surprise, trying to find your golden eyes in the black.

“Well, usually you at least acknowledge me.” At that your eyes narrowed a little, and he caught their gleam.

Was he upset like you had been that he didn’t even say a simple hello or give a nod to you this morning? Not communicating had not been you forte, as guards tended to come down around you, making speaking and opening up easier. So this may was just a small thing, but it didn’t feel like it. And that explanation didn’t seem like it was the whole picture…

Bucky’s finger went to his ear piece as he stood, eyes locked on yours. “Clint, I’m moving positions. I won’t have eyes on this for minute. Will confirm when I’m back in ready position.”

“I’m not… I know when…” Your sigh came out almost as a hiss, struggling with the words. You focused back up at him, his shadowy frame in the darkness just an arm’s length away. “I’m not exactly clueless about what… feelings and attraction are. I can sense when someone has them for someone else.”

“And?” Bucky said. You went sure if he said that cluelessly or brazenly.

“And,” you said, quiet and firm. “You have feelings for me. I felt it this morning- I feel it now as you look at me- your heart catching and beating like thunder in your chest when you hear me or sense me. Your breath quickens, your skin flushes, you can’t stop blinking, you can’t help but move to get closer to me… I can practically smell the rush or hormones and chemicals racing through you when I’m close. It’s- it’s overwhelming.”

“You can sense all of that?” he said, before stepping closer. “What about now?”

You swallowed, brows pulling together, confused. “I… well, yes.”

“And now?” he asked softly, taking another step. This time it set his body right against you, his framed pressed to yours.

You had touched him before. Held him. Felt his skin to yours in quiet moments together. But this was much different.

You didn’t respond, just watched with throat tight and eyes wide as Bucky gazed down, nose brushing ever so lightly against yours. You felt his hand move up, slowly and deliberately up your arm, across your shoulder until it rest on the pulse point just under your jaw.

“Your heart’s racing too,” he whispered, fingertips pressing into your skin.

Silently he dragged them down, slow and smooth, stopping in the middle of you chest.

“And so is your breath,” he whispered.

You almost had a mind to huff and roll your eyes at him, your once distant Bucky long gone. But that reaction was quite lost to the one that was overwhelming you. It burned and tingled you skin and in your soul, it poured out of you in hot breaths and every pounding heartbeat, it rattled your soul as much as his touch did to you now.

Moving back up, his hand held your face, feeling the heat there that was threatening to boil you over now. 

“Your skin is flushed too,” he said, voice smooth and soft compared to the intensity of those blue eyes he had.

“You can stop there,” you managed to say, not exceptionally wanting him to go through the rest of the checklist.

A small smile escaped from him then, forehead leaning down to yours. You closed your eyes as he did, soaking in the feeling of him and the smell of him which somehow seemed more intoxicating than you remembered.

“So what if I have feelings for you,” he said eventually, so whisper quiet you could have dreamt it. “You have feelings for me too, Y/N.”

You could have said this wasn’t real, that this was Bucky just being addicted to a comfort he was deprived of. But someone like Bucky wouldn’t admit to feelings unless they were real.

You could have said you were just reacting to someone being this close or happy with how much he was opening to you, and accidently maybe took things too far. But that also wasn’t true.

All you could do was nod your head up in agreement, your lips brushing delicately against his as you did so. You heard almost a sighing growl as you did, and before you could decide if it was coming for you or him, his lips connect with yours.

In that dark woods you were sure the spark that erupted inside you at his kiss could have been seen for miles. It was like a slow burning fire, bright and intense and eternally warm. The pressure and feel of him against you, his lips moving and sealing against yours heating your soul enough for this lifetime and the next. It was a bliss and comfort you had not yet known in another person and it made you see stars that his connection to you conjured up.

“I’m spotting movement, north west of my position.” The voice over your comm came, breaking the two of you part if only your lips. “Y/N, is that you?”

“No,” you said, sounding as breathless as you felt and hoped Clint would chalk it up to trying to be quiet. Your eyes remained on Bucky though, seeing the same burning fire and pleasant heat in his blue eyes that you felt. “But I’ll check it out.”

Wordlessly you broke away, the cold air seeping across your body where Bucky had just been. But the cold couldn’t penetrate into your soul. That remained a cozy, toasty wash of heat. Taking several steps back, you kept your eyes on him until it was time to go. He gave you a nod by way of goodbye, unable to keep the lightest of smiles on his lips. You reciprocated it quickly before you were off.

You vanished into the dark in a shadowy blur, the change from human to wolf happening in less than it took to take a step. A moment after, you were running.

The pines and trunks of tree whooshed passed you, your paws hitting ground for only the briefest of touches before bounding for the next step. You wove and maneuvered through the forest as though you had made this trek a thousand times, your senses focused and guiding you to where you needed to go.

But a gun shot in the dark, far away from where Bucky was or where Clint should be stopped you mid-sprint. Claws dug into the ground, trying desperately to slow yourself down, until slamming side first into a tree did the job, bruising ribs and jostling your head as pine needles fell down around you.

Ignoring the shots of pain and careening to your right, you took off again, paws stumbling to get traction for several paces until you were back up to speed.

Voices rang out in the comms, all teams checking it. They came concerned, questioning, all converging on the various shots they heard around their respective positions.

You heard it first. It was a snap and then scream that turned to a thunderous roar.

You could feel it in the ground, feel the vibrations in the air. Bruce was gone, and the Hulk had come out. In the distance that roar sounded again, furious and unhinged.

“Pull back!” Steve said in the comm. “No one move towards the gunfire!”

But it was too late.

You didn’t have time to slow down before you heard that snap again, this time at your own feet.

It was like a crack of metallic lightning, and you felt the exploding of your eardrums before you felt the exploding of anguish. The sudden assault stopped you dead again, sending your body rolling and tumbling out of control through the woods then down a short hill.

You slid to a stop on your side, unable to speak or move or scream. Wrapped from your stomach up to your back was a metal set of jaws, like a lethal bear trap with jagged, biting teeth as wide as you palm and as sharp as you teeth. The death trap practically encircled around your whole body.

The pain doubled, then doubled again, poisoned tips of the metal releasing into your bloodstream. That was when you shrieked louder and more torment-laced than you had ever heard. Unable with this trap around you to change back into your human form, the shriek came out as a howl, reverberating through the air loud, unbridled, and broken beyond what you thought you could stand.

The pieces stabbing into you made you howl til you felt you felt you could no longer survive it, the poison made you convulse until you thought every venom-burned piece of you would melt away, the anguish of it was beyond your capacity to understand or function.

But then you felt steps moving closer to you. You heard voices. And why set a trap if you weren’t going to come back for your prey?

Your eyes glowed bright, edged on by the pain and fighting instinct. Your jaw snapped and growled mingled into your whimpers and howls, a pitiful warning at best.

You heard voices you thought you knew, but you couldn’t make them out enough above your own pain. It overtook everything. You thought you saw through the blinding haze of torment a hand reach towards you in the darkness, a slow and soft thing, trying to reach out to you and connect. Maybe to help and comfort, or maybe to hurt you all the more.

Instantly a feral part of you lashed out in ferocity, trying with mad snaps of your brutally strong jaw and sharpened fangs to cut off the hand offering you the unknown. The basic, primal part of you needed to keep hands and touches away from you, terrified and railing against any more danger.

There would be no comfort from someone else, even through your pain you wouldn’t allow it.

But at some point sharp stabs took your breath away yet again before you felt a telltale sign of release. Someway and somehow once you were released, you were like a bat out of hell, running under some hell-driven necessity to try and out run this all-encompassing anguish.

It clung to you as you went. The faster your tormented steps went, the even worse it became. Eventually you were breathless, whimpering and howling all over again, collapsing onto the ground in a blacken, blood-matted mess on the ground.

Digging claws into the ground you tried to move forward, tried to get more distance between you and pain, but you just couldn’t. You whimpered and begged for the pain to end, but it didn’t. Relief didn’t come until the pain overwhelmed every single ounce of your body and soul, and unconsciousness overtook you.

_______

That primal part of you, that frantic and brutal part of your mind that refused to let in any possibility of danger, clung to you like a vice. It gripped you as fast and unrelenting as the pain that would not leave your body.

“Y/N, please,” Tony pleaded, coming up from behind Bruce, one of several in audience on the other side of the glass from you. “Let us help you.”

But you could still feel it. Even curled up on the floor in a small med bay room, you couldn’t escape it.

The feel of metal locking you in, poisoning your body and mind, stabbing so deep into you that it felt like it split you apart. It left you open and exposed and vulnerable, the jaws of the trap sinking down into intimate places that should never have been touched.

You had the feeling of waking up on the quinjet, restrained and furious and unable to fight it. You were locked down and unable to move or run. You were powerless to know what was happening, too out of your mind to put anything together. All you felt was pain and voices and hands touching you, digging into the intimate places all over again.

You felt it when they tried to get you to shift back to human form at the med bay, hands and metal holding you down while you struggled. You felt pressure on your open, bleeding body, hurting you all over again in attempts to heal you. But you didn’t know healing or rational thought, the poison and your instincts taking over and blaring a red alarm of warning and danger and the need to get away.

You felt trapped. You felt locked in. You felt any touch, any subtle brush of feel against your skin would snap and instead you would feel the cutting, stabbing pain all over again.

Your breath came short and hard and shallow, trying desperately to get in enough oxygen to push out the pain, but it never did. You heart still raced, your blood still boiled under your skin, sweat dripping down it. Your claws, fully extended in your human form, matched your sharp teeth, with golden eyes swirled with blood red now.

Those eyes saw through the glass, protecting the others from you and you from escaping. You saw the massive needle with unknown liquid in Bruce’s hand, the braces and shackles in Steve’s hand, Tony suited up in his Iron Man suit. The pleading in their eyes you didn’t see. The pain in their eyes you couldn’t acknowledge.

You used to notice it before. You used to hold their hand when they looked like that. You used to comfort them.

When the door open your body shook with the simultaneous need to break free from this room and them, and recoiling back at the presence of someone approaching.

It was Bucky, hands up, feigning calm and submission, edging closer. He squatted down a few feet from the door while you growled and strained, claws shrieking out a high pitched sound as they scratched along the tile.

“You’re in pain, Y/N,” he whispered to you. “Let me help you… Please.”

There was second of giving in. A second where you would have agreed. But the pain inside you reared its head again, sending out shooting pains that spanned your whole body. Your eyes went red and deadly, snarling at the man.

“No,” you snarled, this time finding your voice, low and venomous, before the pain threatening to pull you into unconsciousness again. “I’m the family pet… and you should... you should just put me down like one.”

You felt the tears falling and the shaking sprouting out from somewhere deep, taking over you. You breathed faster as snarls turned to sobs, feeling him move closer. The darkness creeping on the edge of your vision kept you from moving or fighting him back.

You could feel him beside you, body so close he was almost pressed up against you. But before unconsciousness took you, all he did was place one hand over yours, and the other on your knee.

When you woke, it was more of the same torment.

And again, after that.

Soon you were functioning, but only just. The pain wouldn’t release you, not fully and perhaps not ever. You cringed when people came close. You yelled and snapped at them, you screamed for death sometimes and space from all of them other times.

The whole team was at a loss without you really, giving you the space you snarled and demanded out of pain.

Tony had more panic attacks. Bruce had a harder time reigning in the Hulk. Steve smiled less and frowned more. Natasha threw herself into more missions. Thor plastered on a fake smile and talked as though everything was fine. Sam was more withdrawn.

But Bucky stayed with you.

Once you were on the bathroom floor, claws scratching the side of the bathtub and teeth sunk into your lip to keep from screaming in pain. Bucky found you though, arms wrapping around you as you were hunched and crumpled. You fought him for a moment, struggling and twisting with your tears splashing over the bathroom floor and walls at the effort. But soon enough you gave into him and his gentle touch. In that moment he held you together while you broke apart.

Sometimes he couldn’t though. Sometimes you pushed him away, yelling at him and shutting him out, pain lashing bitingly and bitterly against every cell in you.

But you always left your door open. And he always came back.

To place a hand on yours. To whisper something soft and gentle in your ear. To gather you up off the ground and hold you close. To ease your trauma bit by bit in hopes it would eventually dissipate, just as you had once eased his.

_______

A/N: So if that ended too angsty for you, just reread the “Then keep spoiling me” part up until they kiss then just stop there lol. Hope you enjoyed! Please let me know??

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[sapphicwizzro]

oh dang its a syoc form

@iguessihavemore bet u werent expecting me b i h

all relevant stuff is UNDER THE READMORE YEE BEE

everytime ive submitted an oc to something something BAD happened so like let’s hope that doesnt happen again

Name: Paulie Rio (Paulie is short for Pauline) Stereotype: Punk... or Baker. Depends on the time of day p much Reason For Competing: money money money money motherfucker

Gender: Baby Girl... She/Her Ethnicity: idk shes black i made her at a time when i dont think about WHERE these people came from she just EXISTS and lives in CANADA Sexuality: Lesbab Age: Anywhere from 17 to 24 Audition Tape:

Paulie adjusted the camera, sticking her tongue out in the process. She's standing in her kitchen, wearing her pink apron.

"Is this thing on?" Paulie muttered to herself, before noticing the blinking red light, "Oh! Okay!"

She took a step back. She's standing behind a counter.

"Hi! I'd really like to be on Total Drama! I'm really cool and strong and I bake really awesome cookies-"

Paulie picks up a pan of cookies, forgetting the fact that they are freshly out of the oven and she isn't wearing any oven mitts. She shouts as she drops the pan, and shouts as it presumably hits her leg.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" She chants as she hops around, "Oh, I'm so stupid-"

Her hopping around shakes the camera, which falls over and breaks.

"Oh, dangit!"

You can see her shuffle in front of it.

"Uh." She says, "My name is Paulie, by the way."

Cut to black.

Appearance

Body Type: A little thin, but you can see that she has muscles. Got abs. Skips leg day lol Height: Not like too short but like? 5'2? Idk Skin Color: Dark af Skin Markings: General "I get into fist fights sometimes" scars across her body. Eyes: Very round and open red eyes (or a reddish brown if you prefer) Hair Color: Light lime green Hair Length/Texture: Neck length! I like to imagine its very coily?? Is that the word? like you look at her hair very closely and its a bunch of very tight ringlets Typical Hairstyle: It just sort of. Exists. She doesn't style it, it's just. short!!! Face: Round!! Has a silver nose ring and several other rings in her ears!! Always has at least one bandage on her cheek.

Default Outfit: Black bandana with a flame pattern near the bottom. Black t-shirt. Ripped blue jeans. Black converse with pink accents. Might occasionally go out with black cuffs and a collar. Sleepwear: She's that kinda person who sleeps in a t-shirt and undies and all the girls resent her for it cause like "OMG PAULIE PUT ON SOME PANTS" Swimwear: If she could get away with just wearing trunks, she would. Instead, she just wears a black one piece with some skeleton pattern on it or somethin Their Fashion Sense: Dark punk bullshit with bright accents. Just very punk rock. She also wears a pink apron with a cat pattern on it when she's baking. Other Hairstyles: Sometimes she eschews the bandana and goes for a ponytail. Some girls think she looks hot like that.

Extra (optional):    

Their Voice: She definitely has a Slight Accent(tm) but its like. a lil androgynous and cracks sometimes. Rhondolite from Steven Universe maybe?? How They Smell: Cookies with the slightest hint of Axe body spray

Personality

Personality: Very kind and loving and SOFT. Full of energy. Vocally supportive of her peers. Mushy romantic who believes in the kindness of people or whatever. She's a little stupid sometimes and is the kind of person to try and climb onto the roof of places and fall off. She used to be a bad person, and she sometimes lets people step on her because she's afraid of regressing into that.

Biography: Paulie came from a Bad Neighbourhood(tm) and used to be the Baddest Bitch Around(tm), breaking noses and taking names until she accidentally hurt someone so bad that they went into a coma. The sudden introspective that moment gave her forced her to rethink her entire life. Since then, she's turned her entire personality around, turning from "I'll cut you" to "Let's bake cookies!". She doesn't talk about her past much, but she still lives in the slums lol!! Family: A dad who's probably nice. Idk i dont think about family much I always prioritize friendships Strategy: PSHAWWWW who needs that?? Paulie's strategy is to just make friends and be nice! It worked for Owen, right? What They Want the Money For: Moving away from her bad neighbourhood and opening a bakery! Fears: Nobody liking her, accidentally losing her temper, deep water, unfamiliar animals being just a LITTLE too close for comfort (she enjoys animals when she knows them) Life Goals: Moving to a nice little suburb and opening a cute little pastel bakery!!!

Type of People They’d… Be Friends With: Everyone! As long as you're nice and kind. She'd be Extra Friends with someone who can match/keep up with her energy and go along with her Fun Schemes Consider an Enemy: Assholes. Disloyal and dishonest people. Debbie Downers when they bring others down. People who remind her of what she used to be. Be romantically Interested In: A girl who'd validate her and make her laugh and bake with her. Someone who'd eat her cookies and cuddle and watch horror movies.

Favorite Flower: She actually loves pink flowers! It doesn't matter what kind, she just thinks pink flowers are cute. Cherry blossoms feel like something she'd love Favorite Season of the Year: Spring, at least when it doesn't feel like Winter's hangover Favorite Drink: Hot chocolate (she drinks it year round!) but otherwise she just drinks water because it's HEALTHY!!!

Skills Strengths: She's kind and caring!! She's full of energy!! She's like the mom friend, she cares so much about everyone around her and she's full of determination and love Weaknesses: She sees the world as black and white with no moral grey, she's a little ditzy, blunt af, extremely gullible because she's such an idealist, she worries a lot about things that are out of her control, worries that others secretly hate her Hobbies: Baking!!! She also likes to play on her Gameboy Advance and watch horror movies. Her favourite movie killer is Chucky or Freddy Krueger. She thinks a killer with personality can carry a movie well. Things They’re Good At: Running, baking, fist-fighting (much to her dismay), carrying things, climbing, most Physical Shit Things They’re Bad At: Swimming, anything that requires fine balance like dancing, physically incapable of singing or any fine arts

look i just finished drawing her!!

EPIC ART drawn by ylvaliiw on instagram and this is EXACTLY how i picture her in my head

ive also been throwing around an oc concept exclusively to audition for garden (paulie’s been my oc for years now) so keep ur. eyes. open.

[panda-noosh]

Ohmigodtheyreopendidimakeit??. I'd like to request something with Kolivan, if that's okay with you. Maybe a royal from some planet enslaved by Galra was saved by Marmoras and hidden on Earth to ensure their safety. Years later the royal reunites with the ressistance leader as a partner of Voltron and to everyone's surprise, they've been lovers this whole time yearning to meet again? Idk i'll take literally anything Kolivan bc i love my baby just as much as i love ur writing ;u;

     The people from Earth had arrived.

    Kolivan hollowed out his cheeks, running his fingers along his braid. It had been two weeks. Two weeks of Earthlings coming in and out of the ship, none of them you, but all of them having a potential he couldn’t ignore. His mind was elsewhere, though, even as he recruited them and sent them on their way to whatever area of expertise he thought them worthy to work in.

    He was preparing himself for yet another wave of disappointment, as sad as it was for him to admit it. Two weeks of looking for your face amongst the new recruits was beginning to ebb away at him, leaving him feeling hollow. He wanted to believe you had made it, that his efforts of hiding you on Earth hadn’t gone to waste - but the longer this recruitment process dragged on, the more he was beginning to doubt his own tactics.

    “Everything okay, big guy?” 

   It was Lance, appearing at Kolivan’s side with a flask of hot chocolate offered forward. Kolivan tried his hand at a smile, reached around and grabbed the flask from the young Paladin, before his expression wavered and he was back to frowning at the door in which the new recruits would soon be bustling in from.

    Lance seated himself beside him, sipping at his own paper cup of hot chocolate. Kolivan actually wasn’t a big fan of hot chocolate, but he humoured the Paladin anyway by keeping the steaming flask in his hand.

    “You’ve been awfully distant lately,” said Lance. “I know you’re into the whole being mysterious thing, but we haven’t seen you in a while. You know you can tell us if something is bothering you, right?”

    Kolivan was grateful for it, even if he struggled to show it. He had spent the majority of his life trusting only the Blade, the people he had trained, the people he would lay his life down for; the fact that Team Voltron had now taken such a swift liking to him surprisingly warmed his heart, no matter how cold he may seem from time to time.

    “I think I hear the new recruits coming,” Lance spoke up suddenly, startling Kolivan out of his stupor. His head shot up, mouth opening just slightly before - sure enough - the doors in front of him burst open and Slav came bustling in, leading a new group of recruits into the meeting hall.

    Kolivan stood up as Shiro and the other Paladins emerged from the back room, ready to greet the nervous looking people who had just arrived. Kolivan couldn’t help the surge of hope that immediately ran through his system, his yellow eyes training on the group in any attempt to catch a glimpse of you standing amongst them; you wouldn’t be difficult to spot, and Kolivan knew that. He would recognise you from a mile away, plus the fact that you were a royal. You weren’t exactly very subtle in a crowd, not with the way you carried yourself.

    He nibbled on his bottom lip. Shiro was talking, but he couldn’t hear him. The crowd was murmuring, and he was certain that one of the recruits had asked about the Blade, but their question was answered by Keith, who quickly noted Kolivan’s distant expression and stepped forward to take the lead.

    You weren’t there. You weren’t there. Yet again, another group of recruits had come buzzing through, and you were nowhere in sight. Kolivan’s heart fell into his stomach. He cursed the world, cursed himself for falling in love with someone like you - from the moment he had left you on earth, for your own protection, he should have known he would never see you again. He should have known-

    “Oh god, sorry! Sorry!” 

   The noise did not come from the crowd.

    Kolivan whirled around, the blood howling in his ears, because there you were. You had stumbled in from the back room, the very same room in which Shiro and the other Paladins had just emerged from; how had you even gotten in there in the first place?

    Shiro rolled his eyes. “I thought I told you to be on time.”

    “I’m sorry,” you hissed, trying desperately to straighten out the golden jacket you were wearing. In your hand was a large number of clipboards, all of which seemed to be sliding from your grip with every passing moment. “Have we chosen the new recruits yet?”

    Kolivan could have been kicked directly in the back of the head at that moment, and he most likely wouldn’t have felt it.

    He hadn’t been away from Voltron for that long. It had been a week, maybe two of his isolation - where had you come from? How had he not seen you, even heard of your arrival?

    You hadn’t spotted him yet, considering Kolivan had taken comfort in the shadows. You were much too busy struggling with the clipboards perched on your hip, barely looking up when you waved your hand in Shiro’s direction, telling him to continue on with the speech he was making previously.

    Shiro coughed awkwardly, turned back to the crowd and started talking. Kolivan wanted to listen, but then you were looking up and your eyes met his and suddenly there was no crowd. There was no speech being made, no important business to be dealt with.

    It was just you and him all over again, and his heart was beating at a million miles per hour and he was saying a silent prayer to gods he didn’t even believe in because you were there, in front of him, after so many years of him struggling to communicate with you.

    It was one step. That was all it took for him to shove past Lance and scoop you up into his massive arms. Immediately you buried your head in the crook of his neck, and Kolivan could feel the damp of your tears against his flesh, but he paid it no attention. The only thing he could really concentrate on was the feel of your arms around his neck and the way you felt so light in his arms. 

    The Paladins and the crowd had long since gone silent, watching the spectacle unfold in confusion.

    “You two know each other?” Lance perked up.

    You buried your head deeper into the crook of Kolivan’s neck. 

    “Very well,” Kolivan mumbled. He didn’t know if the Paladins could hear his reply, didn’t really care. 

     That was when you pulled away and pressed your lips to his own at long last. It was the moment he had been waiting for, but the moment he had been too afraid to initiate in the beginning - it had been years, after all. Years since he had held you like this, years since he had kissed you and made you feel important. Your feelings were bound to have shifted, no matter how much you hugged him now.

    “Why aren’t you on earth?” Kolivan whispered against your flesh. “You were safe on earth. I needed you to stay safe...”

    “I couldn’t leave you,” you replied. “I stayed for a few years, Kolivan, I really did, but the thought of you putting yourself into danger every single day, not knowing what you were doing or how you were - I couldn’t do it. I had to find you.”

    Kolivan squeezed his eyes shut, squeezed you that little bit tighter. Oh, how he wanted to argue, how he wanted to call you stupid and irresponsible for even thinking of following him into the war that could end everything. 

     But Kolivan had learned to put himself in other peoples shoes. He imagined himself on earth, you in space fighting off things that had the intentions of pure evil; he would have done the exact same thing. He wouldn’t have even thought twice.

    And maybe that’s why he pressed you a little tighter into his body, nuzzled his head a little deeper into your collar bone, whispered “I love you,” a little more fiercely - because you were here now, and Kolivan was realising now that he wasn’t ready to let you go again. 

[dancingkirby]

In which Bolin plays with toys and Eska fails at flirting

I’m going to have to think up a title for this story soon.  I was thinking maybe “Into Open Waters.”

“How dare she? How dare she?”

Eska paced around the room, trying her hardest to keep her voice low so as not to disturb Kinalik.  The stress of the previous sleepless night, their escape in the wee hours, the sheer physical effort required to waterbend all the way to Republic City with a toddler and luggage in tow, the energy required to interact with people in a strange place…all of it was consuming her.

She collapsed in a chair, her body shaking and angry tears streaming down her face, which made her feel all the worse; like she was no more mature than her daughter.

Did their courtiers think that the twins did not hear the snickers and whispers of “half breed?” And yesterday…they had all looked at Kinalik like she was a monster. They felt that their only option was to get her out of there.

“I was trying to explain, but she wouldn’t listen!” she moaned to her brother.  

“Perhaps she felt the same about you,” Desna offered cautiously.

“Perhaps,” Eska muttered, making an enormous effort to control her crying.  “I have no harsh feelings towards our cousin’s significant other; she is not nearly as uncouth as the others.  I was just…trying so hard not to cry in front of them that I forgot to thank her.   People only seem to care about what I do incorrectly; not what I do the appropriate way.  Yes, I know you are an exception, brother,” she hastily added to ward off his protests.  She furiously scrubbed the tears away.  

“I recommend that we go to sleep right now and ponder the matter further in the morning,” Desna said.

“Yes…that would probably be wise.”

Eska was worried that she’d have problems falling asleep like she often did in locations that weren’t home.  However, the rhythm of Kinalik’s breathing soothed her, and the trio was soon huddled together in a deep slumber.

When Eska woke up who-knows-how-late in the morning, her back was throbbing in pain.  She supposed it was to be expected with all the exercise and lifting that she did yesterday. Even attempting to roll over caused her to moan. Thankfully, Desna had already awoken, and was ready with the bowl of water. He and Eska silently healed each other, then Eska also healed Kinalik, who was uninjured but wanted to do what the grownups were doing.  It didn’t get rid of all the pain, but reduced it enough to allow her to perform the usual morning functions and help Kinalik with hers.

When they got downstairs to the breakfast room, Korra was sitting there alone.  She had finished her own meal, but there was still a pot of tea and a plate of steamed buns filled with bean paste on the table. Eska was impressed to see that they’d remembered about Kinalik’s noodles, and that the child’s chair had a pile of cushions on it in lieu of a booster seat.

“Asami’s in the shower,” Korra said in response to their unspoken query.  “She likes to fiddle around in her workshop first thing in the morning when she’s feeling upset.”

Even Eska could tell that the last few words were pointed.  “Hm,” was all she could trust herself to say in response as she grabbed a bun.

“Does she eat anything else?” Korra asked, referring to Kinalik.  That was a somewhat safer topic, at least.

“Rice. Eggs.  Apples peeled and cut to slices exactly ¼ inch thick.  Arctic hen.  Some types of fish; she seems to change her mind about exactly which types by the day,” Eska answered.  She stopped to think.  What else was there?

“We have been having modest success in getting her to eat kelp,” Desna reminded.

“Oh yes.  The first time she ate that was a triumphant occasion indeed.  And before you ask, cousin, we do give her a daily multivitamin.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Korra said quickly.  She took a sip of her tea and said, “I wonder if she’d like Narook’s?  They have a kid’s menu.”

“Is it noisy?”

“Dinner can be…lunch is usually quieter.”

“We will consider it.”

They were spared from doing further chatting for the moment by Asami entering the room, fully dressed but with a towel wrapped around her head.  Korra looked at Eska expectantly.

Eska supposed that this was her cue to apologize.   Damn it.  She’d never cared about the feelings of anyone outside of her family before.

“I’msorry,” she mumbled while looking down at her hands.  This seemed to satisfy the requirements for now.

“It’s okay,” Asami said.  “I know you must have been under a lot of stress.  Now, is this enough food for you?  We could have the cook make something hot…”

“This is sufficient,” Desna assured her.

Asami sat down as well and got her own breakfast, and apparently decided that it would be best to get right to the point.

“So…Korra said that you were concerned about Kinalik’s safety…”

“That is one way to phrase it.”

“So exactly how deep into hiding did you want to go?”

Good question.

“We hadn’t thought things through that far yet,” Desna admitted.  “All we were hoping for was to buy a few days of time to strategize. That was why we chose not to stay at a hotel.”

“Simply arriving at this destination was the main objective.  They will discover our location sooner or later, but I doubt that they would take our lives here.  Nevertheless, we should take precautions,” Eska added.

Korra and Asami stopped to think, and then Korra said, “Well, you do have one thing going for you.  You’re fairly obscure.  Probably all that most people in Republic City know about you is that you’re those creepy twins.”

Eska clenched her jaw, and willed the angry words ready to spring from her back down her throat. She didn’t want another argument to start so quickly.  Desna appeared to be having a similar struggle, but was able to state in an even tone, “We do like our privacy.”

While they had been talking, Kinalik had finished her noodles and was getting bored.

“Down!” she commanded.  Eska rose to help her off the cushions, and sat back down with her daughter in her lap.

“And that’s another thing,” Asami said.  “I didn’t even know of Kinalik’s existence until yesterday, and I don’t think Korra did either.”

“They may have mailed something,” Korra said.  “But I was kind of distracted at the time.”

“We did air a birth announcement on the radio,” Eska remarked.  Granted, it had run only once.  At 6 AM.  Neither the twins nor their advisors had wanted to call much attention to it.

“Well, anyway, if all that the general public knows about you is that you’re twins, we’d want to make you look as unalike as possible.  Plus, the weather’s much too warm right now for your regular wardrobes. We’ll need to shop for new clothes, and one of you might have to cut your hair.”

Asami looked over at Desna, but Eska quickly said, “I’ll do it.”  Desna had done so much for her; it was only fair that she should be the one to make this sacrifice.

“I have to go get the rest of my stuff this morning, but…hold on, let me write this down,” Korra said.”  She retrieved a notebook and pencil from a side table.

“Asami, could you take them downtown this afternoon?  I’ll probably want to rest, and you’re the one with the style sense. And um…I still can’t drive that well.”

“Sure, but maybe one at a time?  Whoever is after them would be looking for twins.”

“No prob. Desna, you okay with waiting until tomorrow?”

“Whatever you think is best,” Desna answered, albeit apparently with some unease about them being separated.  The twins squeezed hands under the table.

“Bolin might want to join us,” Asami remarked.  “You know how he is about makeovers.”

“Oh, yeah, whoops, I forgot about Bolin.  And we were going to do a proper introduction today.”

“I wonder…” Asami trailed off as Korra scribbled away.  

“Hm?”

“I was just thinking about how to make all this more pleasant for Kinalik.  I think I have an idea.  You go over to Air Temple Island.  I can take care of arranging things.”

“’Kay, love you.”

They kissed.  Eska was relieved.  All of the talking had been making her dizzy.

After Korra had finally departed, Asami got Eska, Desna, and Kinalik situated in the living room. Unlike the more formal parlor they’d seen on the tour yesterday, this room was stocked with comfortable furniture, which was a blessing for Eska’s back.  It was decorated with plush carpeting, wooden paneling, several paintings, and a tall bookcase in the corner.  Eska made a beeline for the latter and thumbed through the selection.

While Eska was busy with her browsing, Asami used one of the mansion’s many phones to call Bolin.

“So what do you think about coming over here shortly?  Makeovers may be involved.”

Eska could hear Bolin’s shriek of joy from clear across the room.  Asami had to hold the receiver at arm’s length until he calmed down.

“I take it that’s a yes?  Okay, what time?  Yeah, I think we can do that.  So see you…oh?  What is it?”

She listened for a few seconds, then said, “Well, I’ll ask them,” and covered the receiver with her hand.

“Eska, Desna, Bolin says that Opal wants to come meet you.  Is that okay?”

Eska was intrigued in spite of herself.  She wanted to see just what sort of powerful woman had managed to ensnare her ex’s heart.

“It is all right with me.  Desna?”

“Me as well.”

“Great!” exclaimed Asami.  She turned back to the receiver and said, “That’s a yes from both of them.  See you in a few, then?  All right.  No, Pabu had better stay at your apartment this time. Bye.”

She hung up the phone, then left the room, saying vaguely that she had to “get things ready.”

Eska, in the meantime, had found several recent issues of Republic City Style.  She had first encountered this publication in the storage room of the library back home, and knew that it was trash, but had been unable to stop reading these chronicles of uncivilized famous people and their clothing.  And it definitely wasn’t because she was jealous of them and their hedonistic lives!  No, if ever asked, she would claim that it was simply anthropological studies.

“All right, let’s see who Ginger is dating now,” she murmured as she sat down to look at the pictures with Kinalik.

“May I have one?” Desna asked.

“You may.”

They were deeply engrossed in their reading material, with occasional snorts of incredulity from the twins and squeals of “Pretty!” from Kinalik, when they heard something being hauled down the stairs and dragged into the living room.

“I found that box of t-o-y-s that I was telling you about yesterday!” Asami said as she beamed. She had removed her towel, and looked no worse for wear from the exertion.  Eska wished that she could look that put-together.

“So I was thinking that Bolin could help Kinalik look through these, and that maybe she would warm up to him more if she associated him with a positive thing like that.”

Kinalik perked up at the mention of her name.  Eska thought that this was actually a clever idea, and wished that she could have thought of that herself.

“Shall we see what is contained in here?” Eska asked Kinalik. Her daughter didn’t answer verbally, but appeared happy for the first time since they’d left the palace.

As Asami left to get some scissors with which to open the box, the doorbell rang.  The door was opened shortly thereafter, presumably by the butler…what was his name again?

“We have arrived!” Bolin announced as he bounded into the living room, followed closely behind by Opal.  “And…hey neat, what’s that?”  He gestured at the box.

Asami explained her idea to him as Kinalik removed the first item from the box: a stuffed animal in the form of a cat-owl.

“Great, sounds great!” Bolin enthused as made to sit down right next to Kinalik, then caught himself in time and picked a spot a respectful couple of feet away.

Asami had certainly never been lacking in any amusement as a child; Eska felt a twinge when she remembered how her own toys had been taken away when she wasn’t too much older than Kinalik.  There were stuffed animals of all sorts (yes, including a turtleduck and a koala otter), dolls, and Satomobile models.  Thankfully, nothing was in that box that would pose a choking hazard; Eska presumed that Kinalik was smart enough not to put toys in her mouth, but one never knew for sure.

Kinalik was insistent on doing the unpacking herself, and kept most of the toys to herself, but every so often she would shyly offer one to Bolin.

“Thank you!” he exclaimed at her latest offering of a stuffed animal that was so worn that Eska couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be.  “Do you wanna know something, Kinalik?  I don’t remember what toys I had when I was your age.  I wish I did.  So this is really as exciting for me as it is for you!”

Kinalik scrunched her nose, and either because she didn’t know how to respond or didn’t have the words, settled for “Okay.”  But she did hand over a toy truck to him.

“Oh, she’s just adorable!” said Opal, which slightly startled Eska because she’d been so focused on the scene across the room.  She was seated at the opposite end of the couch from the twins.

“Yes,” Eska answered.  She and Desna switched places so that there would be no one between Eska and Opal. Then she remembered.

“I have on my possession a copy of Kinalik’s birth certificate,” Eska stated as she took the piece of paper out of her pocket.  “It contains proof that Bolin was not being unfaithful to you.  Not with me, at least.”

Opal didn’t move to take it.

“It’s okay, I believe you.  Really,” she said.

It was just that easy?  Eska had been anticipating a more frosty reception.

“So what do you think?  Can we be friends?” Opal asked as she smiled gently.  She extended her hand, and Eska forced herself to make eye contact while tentatively reaching her arm out as well.  But she only had the nerve to brush Opal’s fingers with her own.

Just then, there was much excitement from the duo on the floor.  Having removed all of the toys from the box, they had reached the best part…the packing paper.  Kinalik reached for a particularly large piece and gleefully ripped it in half.

“That makes a cool sound, doesn’t it?” Bolin observed.

Kinalik studied the two halves in her hand, and then crumpled one up, walked over, and reached up to place it on Bolin’s head.

“Oh wow!  A hat!  Just what I always wanted!” Bolin said with all evidence of sincerity.  He tossed his head ever so slightly, and the paper fell to the floor.

“OOPS!  It fell off!  How clumsy of me!”

Kinalik looked at him, then at the paper, then back at him.  And she laughed.

This was something that even Eska herself rarely elicited from her daughter.  She wished that she could telepathically transmit to Bolin the significance of this event.  But as he glanced over it her, it seemed that he already knew to some extent.

Shortly thereafter, Korra returned, and while the servants transferred her things, Asami herded them all into the main dining room for lunch.  Evidently, Korra had informed her partner of Kinalik’s preferences, because the meal was omelets…plain for Kinalik and with vegetables for everyone else.  Kinalik actually ate most of hers, and even sampled a piece of mushroom from Eska’s plate without spitting it back out.

When that was concluded, Desna put Kinalik down for a nap while Eska ventured out into the great unknown.

For what felt like the millionth time, Eska felt the ends of her now shoulder-length hair.  It felt exceedingly strange to not have it hanging halfway down her back.

Also, the hairdresser had insisted on using hair clips to pin her bangs back.

“You have such a perfectly-proportioned forehead!” the older woman had gushed.  “And such delicate eyebrows.  Why would you ever want to cover that up?”

At least it might work as a disguise.  And Asami and Opal had wholeheartedly agreed with the stylist.  They had tried to get Bolin’s opinion as well, but he held up his pointer finger for silence.

“Please don’t disturb me.  I have attained manicure Nirvana,” he stated in an exaggerated whisper.

When Bolin had finally descended back down to Earth, they went clothes-shopping.  First they got some everyday items.  Eska was rather embarrassed that she had to wear clothing from the Juniors section due to her petite frame, but she managed to tolerate the shopping long enough to attain several new outfits.  The store had a changing room in case one wanted to wear an outfit out of the store, so Eska had changed her regular tunic and leggings for a sky-blue shirt with cap sleeves, white pants that fell just below the knee, and white sandals.  It was odd to have so much of her skin exposed in public, but it was amusing to imagine how the dreaded councilors back home would react.

She was taken aback when she realized that she would have to help carry her own belongings for the first time in her life, but decided not to argue.

Then Asami had remembered about Korra’s party, to which Eska hadn’t realized that she was invited, so they went to a more upscale boutique that specialized in Water Tribe inspired designs to find a dress.  Of course, the one that caught Eska’s eye was too large for her, so she would have to come back later for fitting.

By the time that was over, all of them were loaded with shopping bags and getting tired, and Eska’s back was acting up again.  She still didn’t understand why some girls and women did this for fun.

“There’s a bubble tea shop just down the street.  Let’s stop there,” Asami suggested.

Eska was about to inquire what bubble tea was, but her thoughts slammed on the brakes as a horrific sound rose from the corner next to the tea shop.

“What. Is.  That?” she demanded as she jammed her fingers inside her ears.

“That’s a trombone,” Opal answered.  She and Asami rolled their eyes at Bolin, who was edging nervously closer toward the tea shop door.

Even leading such a sheltered life, Eska had heard of street musicians.  But she had been under the impression that most did it for money.  There was no tip box beside this man’s feet, so either he was just doing it for fun or wanted to cause all pedestrians an agonizing death.  Probably the latter, she thought.

“I am going to ambulate over there right now and inform that man that he must cease and desist immediately,” she declared.

“Maybe…just going inside would be a better idea?” Bolin offered.  “Come on quick, before he sees us!”

Bolin dashed inside, and the three women had no choice but to follow, Opal and Asami both making noises of disapproval.

They got their orders and sat down.  Eska had assumed that the bubbles would be some form of carbonation, but they were actually solid spheres.  She guessed that it was not called “sphere tea” because it didn’t roll off the tongue as easily.  In any case, the spheres had a pleasantly chewy texture.

Meanwhile, Asami was still scolding Bolin.

“He’s a much better person now and you know it!” she said.

“He still scares me!”

“Well, I invited him to the party, so get used to him.”

“You what?  Oh frick…here he comes.”

The door abruptly swung open as if accompanied by a musical cue, and Trombone Man walked in like he owned the place.  To Eska’s relief, he had put away that torture device for the present.  Wait…why was he making a beeline to their table?

“Hi, Tahno!” Asami said cheerfully as Opal waved.  The latter elbowed Bolin, who squeaked out a “Hi!”

The name rang a bell.  Eska tried to recall where she’d encountered it.

“Now who is this lady here?” Tahno the Trombone Man asked.  “I don’t believe that I’ve seen you here with the Uh-vatar’s crowd before.”

Eska assumed that he was referring to Opal.  But after several seconds, she realized that he was looking at her.  Just in time, she remembered how she knew of him.

“I saw you in the magazines,” she said.  “Except then you weren’t there anymore.  And then you were, but not quite as often.”

“Guilty as charged.”

Was he flirting, or just making fun of her?

Eska rose from her seat and affixed her best glare.

“Your subpar pronounciation irritates my auditory receptacles.  As does your so-called musical talent.”

The look she was giving him would have sent a whole room full of courtiers fleeing.  But Trombone Man just laughed.

“Oh, did I offend you, Ice Queen?”

Did he know?  At any rate, Eska realized that he towered over her by at least a foot, despite her drawing herself up to as full a height as her back would allow.  This would not do.

“If I am the Ice Queen, then you are my subject.  I demand that you swear fealty to me by kneeling.”

She heard three sharp intakes of breath.  But kneel Tahno did, after only a brief pause.  He kept his eyes and his smirk on Eska.  Eska remained outwardly composed (at least she hoped so), but her heart was starting to pound…from anxiety or from something else?

“Of course…you do know what this means, Ice Queen?  Now I must kiss your hand.”

Eska barely had time to process the words before Bolin leapt in between them.

“O-kaaaayyy!” he exclaimed louder than he had to.  “I know we’re all having a wonderful time here, and it was great seeing you again, but look at the clock!  We really have to be going now, so bye and see you at the party, I guess!”

He herded the trio of women out the door, drinks, bags, and all.  Eska didn’t know whether she wanted to thank him or throttle him.

“That was interesting,” Eska mused as they walked back to the Satomobile.  “However, I doubt he would show the submission required to be my husband.”

Bolin choked on his last sip of tea.

“Mental images, Eska!  Mental! Images!” he gasped out.

At least he was starting to show his true self around her.

[glowstickhaloboy]

AU where jack is a librarian and bitty accidentally studies

jack loves books. bitty hates studying.

but bitty needs to try something, bc whatever hes doing now is not working, and finals are coming up, so he thinks maybe if he gets some silence and solitude things he needs to know will start sticking

so he goes to the library and lo and behold theres an adonis behind the counter with a pencil tucked behind his ear as he intently reads a biography on Joan of Arc. bitty hears his conscience speak to him in beyonces voice, telling him that this boy is his

but hes a nervous wreck now that he knows theres someone hot here so yeah hes definitely not getting any studying done

except the cute boy doesnt even look up, and bitty remembers that hes probably straight anyway because thats the way the universe likes to be, so he keeps his head down and makes his way to an empty table (but he chooses one that keeps the cute boy in sight, and he isnt sure if thats because he is a masochist or isnt one)

he does his best to vibe this guy, who only looks up from his book when someone comes to check out or ask for the bathroom key, and bitty decides that hes gotta play it cool. that boy likes knowledge, so bitty will have to pretend that he also likes knowledge and isnt absolutely boy crazy, so he opens his textbook and gets down to business, hoping that that cute boy will look over at least and notice how studious this southern young man is

and almost three hours passes where bitty actually studies. he looks at his phone and realizes what hes just tricked himself into doing. he checks back on the cute boy, who is looking at him holy hell it was only for a second and then he quickly looked at his book again and relax eric relax he was probably just zoned out and happened to be staring at your face but maybe he could also sense how good you are at making pies and is deciding whether or not your boyfriend material

its already been three hours, but bitty definitely cannot leave now that developments are taking place

but its only fifteen more minutes before someone else shows up and takes the cute boys place behind the desk. the cute boy walks into the back and comes back with a jacket slung over his shoulder. “see ya, chris,” he says, and bitty wonders if hes being loud enough for his voice to carry on purpose, and when cute boy leaves, bittles insides all start screaming and he wonders if hes being blessed or punished because that boy must do squats or something.

bitty plays it cool for another half hour after that, because he cant look like he was only here because that cute boy was, but hes really only on twitter now. then he packs up his bag and spends the entire walk back to his room thinking about the moment he glanced up and the cute boy glanced down.

and he comes back the next day. bittle may play the slow game, but he has to see where this is going. day one, a glance, and maybe if hes really lucky, by day two he might get a pleasant “good afternoon. welcome to the library.”

he doesnt. he walks right in and sits in the same spot as yesterday, and the cute boy is reading the same book, but bitty tries to keep his face controlled, because this time cute boy looked up as he came in, and unless bittle was reading too much into it, cute boy looked down again as though this wasnt supposed to mean anything, like that was what he wanted bitty to think, but secretly it did.

they continue like this for two weeks, and eric is blessed to discover that the cute boy works a four hour shift every single day. which means theres never a day bittle has to miss out on seeing his sculpted-by-the-gods face.

and then valentines day rolls around.

bitty wonders what in the world am i doing so often while he bakes on february 14th that he knows he has lost any semblance of self-control

he walks into the library thinking the exact same thing, and of course, theres the cute boy, who has moved on to reading an account of the cuban vie for independence from spain, and for the first time, bitty actually approaches the counter

“um, hi,” he says, slightly breathless from the cold, and the cute boy looks up and smiles and says “hi” back. bitty has to ignore his pounding heart and continue on with the words hes been rehearsing since he turned the oven on.

“so, ive been spending a lot of time in the library recently, and i bake a lot, and since today is valentines day, i thought it would be nice to make these cookies for everyone today, so would it be alright if i left these on the counter and people sort of just... helped themselves if they wanted one? i made a card to”

bitty reaches into the basket and holds up a card designed by his friend lardo that reads “happy valentines day! please take one (1)”

the cute boys smile widens, and he says, “yeah. wow, they look great!”

after all the work bitty put into making them, they damn well better. he hasnt worked this hard on a batch of cookies since he campaigned for ninth grade class president. still, he cant help but turn as pink as the frosting on them when the first thing this boy ever says to him is a compliment on his baking.

“its nothin’” says bitty, setting the basket down and stuffing his mittens into his pockets

the cute boy latches onto bittys damnable accent and asks with interest “where are you from?”

“oh, georgia”

“nice. im jack, im from montreal.” he sticks out his hand and bittys suddenly clams up with sweat. oh no this cant be a horrible first handshake, it needs to be warm and nice

bitty decides he has to keep the mitten on, though, because that could be considered cute, right? sweat definitely couldnt. “eric,” he says, and doesnt allow himself to think about the fact that hes just put a bright red mitten in an adonis’s hand. they both seem to be running out of charm, though, so bitty muddles through

“um, they might be a little frozen from the walk over, but they should be good in a few minutes,” he says, then scurries over to his table because two weeks is way too soon to start talking

he distracts himself with literature homework to try to forget what a darn fool he just made himself out to be, but he cant completely tune out the rustling coming from the front desk as jack makes a careful display out of bittles basket and card, even allowing it to block the laminated sign warning patrons the repercussions of keeping overdue books.

a few more students trickle in, and a couple of them go for the basket, and Professor Whitmond tromps in with his two grandkids, who leave covered in powder and sprinkles, but bitty exercises all of his willpower to block it out because he cant believe he did this

but he also wonders if jack is going to take a cookie. hes obsessed with the thought of it. he needs jack to eat one of those cookies and realize that bittle is not just a pretty face. bittles entire body is on high alert, praying for it.

and then it happens. jack reaches into the basket, pulls out a cookie, and takes a bite. bittle thinks, checkmate.

he notices jack glance over at him, and bittle is now confident enough that he chances a bright smile. those cookies are good. they would never have made it out of his kitchen if they werent his best.

jack points at the cookie, his expression one of utter astonishment, and mouths, these are amazing.

bitty raises an eyebrow. i know.

jack makes another expression of astonishment, then waves bitty to go back to his studying. bitty pretends to, but really, hes wondering if bringing in a batch of cookies every friday would be too much.

(he does it anyway)

fridays become the staple of his relationship with jack. bittle brings in a basket of cookies, jack says something that makes bittle wonder if hes flirting or teasing, and bittle feels satisfaction drop into his gut as jack helps himself to the first of the bunch. there has never been a day where every cookie is not eaten.

and then jack changes the schedule. bitty comes in on friday with his usual basket, and jack says, “Eric. I had a question.” and bittles heart starts thumping in its stupid, traitorous way, and jack continues, “About these cookies...” and bitty thinks, oh great, theyre too much, hes only been pretending to like them for my benefit, enough is enough, “Would you mind making me a batch to send to Montreal? My parents want to try them.”

and bittys mind goes completely blank. Something about the way Jack says it completely straight throws bitty off guard. Because, yeah, hes caught on to the fact that Jack can be a bit socially awkward, but this definitely takes the proverbial cake.

“Your parents?” asks Bittle. “How do they know about my cookies?”

“I told them,” says jack, as if its obvious. “We call every friday night, and I always talk about your cookies.”

Bitty’s mind hurriedly re-writes his knowledge of the past few weeks to include the fact that Jack From The Library Has Been Speaking To His Parents About His Cookies And Now Jack’s Parents (IN MONTREAL!) Want To Eat Them.

“So, would that be too weird?” asks Jack.

“Not at all!” says Bitty, laughing slightly because hes terrified. “I can bring some in tomorrow if youd like!”

Its only when Jack smiles that Bitty feels relieved, like hes successfully navigated a minefield correctly. “Thatd be great!” says Jack. “I’ll pay you, if you want, to cover the cost of the ingredients-”

Bitty waves him away. “That’s not necessary, Jack, I’d love to.”

he goes to his seat and cuts his study time in half because he cant stop freaking out about making baked goods for jacks parents, who have never met him, and need to decide within their first taste whether bittle has any worth in their sons life

hes up half the night, and it definitely shows on his face when he brings into the library the next day. all he wants to do is say get them out of my sight.

jack accepts them with a confused look on his face, thanks bittle as bittle marches to his table and begins spreading out his books

oh yeah, and bitty has been getting weirdly good grades since all this started?? it turns out that bi-weekly flirting is the perfect reward for someone who needs to study more. his test scores have gone up dramatically, and even his GPA has gotten a modest boost.

thats only the secondary goal here, though, his real goal has always been getting jack to notice him

for three days, including baking night, bittle sleeps horribly, angsting over what jacks parents - whoever they even are - will think of his cookies. on monday, he gets his answer

“Eric!” jack greets as bittle walks into the library. hes smiling wide. “ive been told to tell you that youre moving to montreal to become my parents’ personal dessert chef.”

relief smacks into bitty like a forty-pound fist. he feels slightly whoozy. “they liked them?” he repeats.

jack just stares at him. “Eric. Have you ever had one of your cookies before.”

“No, I mean, well, yes, obviously I have, but it’s just that I’m always worried whenever new people try them that they’ll hate them, and since baking is the only thing I’m really good at, it’s important to me that people, you know, like my stuff.”

“Eric,” Jack says, for what feels like the thousandth time. “Everything you make is incredible. And baking isn’t all you’re good at. You study like a champion.” He offers Eric a fist bump.

Eric takes it for what it is, a sign of friendship, as he belatedly registers that Jack just called his baking skills amazing. Even if the boy is straight, he knows how to play Eric like a fiddle. And Eric is just gone enough to let it happen.

spring weather is finally setting in, and bitty starts to think about just how many days hes spent in the library this year, all so he can gawk at a boy he doesnt have a chance with. all this time, and he couldve been actually out there looking for someone who will genuinely be with him and make him happy.

he stops going to the library on a tuesday. by friday, he feels bad because the people on campus have come to expect his cookies every week, and he owes it to them to keep their stomachs satisfied with finals approaching. he makes a batch, not knowing what hes going to say to jack, or if jack will even care that bitty has been out by the pond enjoying his afternoons with his friends instead of hanging out inside.

he walks in with his basket, and jack seems to look both relieved and slightly cross. “Eric,” he says, because thats all he ever says. “You haven’t been here.”

Bitty shrugs. “I made cookies,” he says, and offers Jack the basket.

Jack’s brow furrows. “Is something wrong?” he asks.

“No,” says Bitty, which, because he doesn’t know what on Earth he’s feeling, is almost the truth.

Somewhat stunned into silence, Jack accepts the basket Bitty offers him and watches Bitty leave again. Bitty walks until he’s out of sight of the library, then sits on the nearest bench and wipes his eyes. He’s being ridiculous. There was literally never even anything between him and Jack. It was all made up in Bitty’s head, a fabrication based on a few standard conversations and lies garnered by baked goods. Maybe Bitty is crying because he’s such a fool. Why did he waste so much time on a needless fantasy? What was wrong with him.

“Well,” he mumbles to himself, standing. “At least your grades went up.”

this is the part where he looks up, hoping that jack might have followed him and was now waiting, out of breath, to say something meaningful and restore all of bitty’s hopes. but the sidewalk is empty, and bitty is left exactly like normal--creating a version of jack that doesnt exist based on the picture he has in his head

he goes back at the end of the day, when he knows jack will be gone, to collect his cookie basket from the library. a boy named chris hands it to him. “yeah, thanks for bringing these in today!” says chris. “the guy i work with seemed kinda down, so i think he needed a pick me up. i mean, he said that theyre for the patrons, but i got him to eat one, and i could tell he even felt better afterwards. theyre super good! i mean, i always ate them, i didnt know jack didnt, but-”

“thanks,” said bitty. he thought that if he didnt interrupt, this young man would never have stopped talking. “er, thats sweet of you.”

so for three weeks, bitty only comes in on fridays to drop off cookies. he and jack dont say a lot to each other. but as bittys mood steadily improves, jacks mood steadily worsens.

im healing, bitty thinks as he walks in on the third friday. that wasnt healthy, eric, it was sensible to get out of that.

“hey jack,” he says happily, setting the basket of cookies on the counter. “special delivery.”

jack squints at him for a moment, with a smile that seems more like a grimace. “thanks,” is all he says. he says it in a very particular way. flat. thanks.

bitty’s brow furrows. he thinks about asking, but he grew up in the hospitable south, where the popular motto was let everyone get on with their own business or get cussed out for pryin’. “um. youre welcome.”

he almost walks out, then shouts screw it! in his mind and turns around. “are you mad or somethin’?”

jack looks up as though feigning ignorance. all the lines on his face look hard. he sighs. “no, eric. its nothing to worry about. thanks for the cookies.”

“because my mama used to teach me lessons in passive aggressive bullshit when i used her pan sheets without askin’.”

“its nothing. its me. have a good day.”

“only she never tried to brush me off when i wanted to talk to her about it.”

jack considers him. “you dont come into the library anymore,” he admitted. “im not mad at you, im just... grumpy.”

bitty has to fight hard to keep his heart bolted down. he misses his friend, he tells himself. do. not. read. into. it.

“Oh,” says Bitty. “I, um. I didn’t mean to make you upset. Er. Have you been reading anything good recently?”

jack defrosts a little and they have a nice conversation about the true crime novel jacks gotten into. bitty feels a little bad for ghosting him, and maybe he misjudged things a little by saying there was nothing there, because hey certainly got along well, but he wasnt naive enough to think there was any use kidding himself about something romantic.

by the end of it, jacks laughing, and eric finds it in himself to giggle along too, and it feels like a nice resolution. maybe you cant have it all, eric thinks, but you can have this.

he bids jack goodbye, feeling better about the whole mess, glad that he said something.

at the end of the day, chris returns bittys basket, and bitty cant help but ask how jack was today. all chris says is, “Glowing.”

For the first time, bitty and jack run into each other outside the library. theyre at the campus coffee shop, perhaps both gearing up for finals week, and jack is leaving just as bitty is entering.

“Eric,” says Jack, genuinely smiling. Bitty’s smile is also completely real.

“Jack.”

“It’s weird, but it just kind of clicked for me that you’re a real person,” says Jack, then makes a soft face of pain. “I mean, obviously you’re a real person, but I’d only ever seen you at the library before. Now that we’re somewhere else-”

“I get it,” bitty assures him. “Are you working there next year, too?”

Jack shrugs. “Who knows? I’d like to, but someone with work-study might take my place. I’m always getting yelled at for reading when I should be re-shelving books. And I get cookie dust all over the counter on Fridays.”

Blushing, Eric says, “That is entirely your fault and no one else is responsible for that.”

“Not at all.” He’s still smiling, which Bitty thinks is ridiculous. “Are you doing anything right now?”

Bitty gestures to the line ahead of him. “Buying coffee,” he says.

“Anything else?” Jack clarifies. Bitty shakes his head. “I’ll wait with you. We can sit down and drink it together.”

He has to know what he’s doing, Bitty thinks. Once again, blind hope fills his chest and Bitty says, “Sure. That’d be nice.”

by the time their cups are drained, theyre too deep in conversation to move. when a pause comes, however, jack clears his throat. “Um. Actually. Eric. I, um, just wanted to clarify something, because I think I didn’t before.”

Bitty sighs dramatically. “I knew it. You’re using me because your parents want more cookies.”

Jack’s laugh is music for Bitty’s soul. “They seriously have not stopped asking about you since I sent those cookies. I didn’t know what to say to them when you stopped coming to the library.”

Bitty turns a little quieter. “Sorry about that,” he says. not because he feels sorry for not going, but because hes sorry that jack was hurt because of it.

“It’s okay, Eric, really,” Jack says, and hes so earnest that bitty believes he means it. “Anyway, what I wanted to say was, I think I didn’t clarify that when I asked you to sit down. You know. With our coffees. I sort of intended that to be. You know. Asking you out for coffee. Because I think you’re great.”

Bitty’s heart starts beating triple-time. His eyes turn to saucer plates. “This entire time, I was trying so hard to convince myself that you would never be into me!” he all but shouts. “I couldn’t deal with having a crush on a straight boy so I avoided the library like the plague.”

Jack blinks. “I never told you I was straight, Eric.” It’s not a reprimand, but it also totally is. Bitty puts his head in his hands.

“I thought I was being a fool for one thing,” he says, “but I was being a fool for something else entirely. I am so sorry, Jack.”

“You could make it up to me by letting me buy your coffee next time.”

Eric peeks at him through the gaps in his fingers. “Don’t try to fool me into thinking you’re smooth, Mr. Zimmermann. I know you too well.”

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk

[viralhottopics]

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

Read more: http://betches.co/2leb0vU

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