#Im gonna figure out dinner
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Gay panic but it's that AU I drew once or twice.
#link#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#loz#ganondorf#gay#very gay#something something hurt comfort#Link being nurse#or like you know#trying to help fix but just being a disaster#IDK MAAAAN just#Im gonna figure out dinner#since Ganon figured his SNAAAP
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okay i have officially sent a rather long, source heavy email to my rabbi about why i'll no longer be coming to shul. my whole body feels like garbage from anxiety now but i know its the right thing
#talkies#literally feel like im gonna throw up lol#i gotta figure out what to do for dinner now and just. breathe
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its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao
#having my daily ''oh my god i need to change my program'' crisis#its just idk . i feel like im woefully underprepared for doing any of this kinda stuff when everyone around me already knows#what theyre doing and what they wanna get out of it. idk.#and i have a slightly better idea of what i want to do but i havent figured out how im gonna get there.#and idk.#we were talking about what we want to do with this line of study after graduating and the only thing i could think of#was that i didnt choose this specific field because of what it had to offer#i chose it because it was the easiest way to get out of the situation i was in for a LOT of fucking reasons#and now that im out i guess i can start thinking abt what i really wanna get out of all this. idk.#probably gonna need to wait till next semester anyway but thats fine. ive been waiting for this for 20 years i can wait a little longer#but idk i guess its just a little frustrating feeling so Behind everyone else.#but i guess this is what happens when u pack ur whole life into 2 suitcases to escape a high control cult. who knew!!!#its time for dinner and i crave my daily portion of chow mien. and then i will watch show 3 inches from my computer screen so i can see.#winter speaks#overall i am vibing. a little frustrated with myself but it cant be helped. i am vibing :]#personal
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STURGEON SUNDAY. BITCH!!!!!!!!!
1/28/24, ITS STURGEON
#diary#really though been doing alright mostly#need to figure out how im gonna get lab orders and blood test before end of january (not happening)#but have been brushing teeth consistently#which makes me feel like superman#vinny doing very well and both him an lubic are very very good pals#he is also getting bold about other peoples food however. i was habing my dinner last night and when he saw it he started purring#and i had to fight him off gently
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i love the combative way yaz asks questions after s12. i dont think she does it so much in s12 but from halloween apocalypse on (im thinking of "so you know them, these sea devils?" or "yeah, what does quantum extraction mean?" rn but im sure there are more) her questions always feel half challenge half like shes already gearing up for a fight
#combined with graham's 'shes still not explaining anything then?' in potd or like half of halloween apocalypse itself#('questions? no? see you later' & 'i feel like some of this might be my fault' & 'yeah we got away!' &#'i dont always tell you anything' & 'since ryan and graham left' etc etc)#you get a really clear picture of their duo trips#big finishhhhhhhhhhh let me write their duo adventureeessssssssssss#and ive said this before but i'll say it again bc ive been writing them so im thinking abt them but ithink 14 would be super sensitive to i#like takes a lot of care to not brush yaz off even in distraction or smth else fairly innocent#bc i think 13 in the end was purposefully avoiding answering questions#like if she answers this innocuous question then maybe yaz will ask another and another and then shes gonna feel empowered to#ask the Difficult Ones#so i think she just tried to avoid questions in general#and so 14 trying to make up for it (and for how unable yaz is left to tolerate any of the doctors unanswered questions anymore too)#just answers Everything. Promptly#yaz would of course figure out that she can use this for evil bc she can interrupt any conversation the doctor is having with anyone by jus#going 'what are we having for dinner' or smth#and she 100% Would use it for evil if the doctor is having conversations she doesnt like
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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its not endearing that im a 31 year old bachelor completely mystified trying to figure out how to make pasta for the first time but it IS funny. to me
#i have the target app open like ok its 16 oz of uncooked rotini#and a 15 oz jar of garlic alfredo. like is the pasta gonna take the whole jar or will i have some leftover ?#also need to figure out how to cook frozen chicken in the instant pot#im running out of the food from my parents house that they sent with me and like#starting to feel bad abt eating frozen meals or chips and salsa for dinner every day LMAO#even tho im gonna be real some of those frozen meals are like. good as far as frozen meals go#the pesto ravioli with sausage ? bitch
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I'm bored so have some rambles
I've decided to make my full Eddie Dear family post but I gotta get some college finals stuff done first.
I've also decided to throw in some art for it! they're just gonna be busts, not full body refs cuz I ain't got time for that. I've got the colors/basic features figured out for everyone rn.
fun fact! Eddie looks exactly like his mom. except he has thicker eyebrows lol
#wait... dang it#forgot a whole character in my color palette layout#not gonna say who but i need to figure him out#typing out loud#<- my rambles tag#I'm slowly adding more blog tags lol#anyway im gonna finish dinner#im having chicken n rice :)#but like the good stuff#welcome home#eddie dear#Dear family#<- the family tag! in case i talk about them more#other than the actual post for them lol
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I just finished neon genesis evangelion. I'm very confused and vaguely sad
#i think i would have understood the references in the series better if i was a christian#i don't know who these biblical figures are or why it's significant that they're being referenced#more importantly tho i just didnt really know what was going on at the end there </3 im not smart enuff 4 this shit#i'm gonna watch end of evangelion after dinner maybe i'll figure it out by then
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sometimes i wonder if many non-lesbians understand that Realising You're Into Women and Realising You're Not Into Men are often two completely different processes and, at least in my experience, the latter was a LOT harder to come to terms with than the former. like i realised when i was about 19 years old that i'm attracted to and interested in dating women, but it took me about five more years after that to very, very slowly disentangle myself from cisheteropatriarchal expectations that Women Should Be Available To Men to realise that i'm, like, not interested in dating or sex with men (or that i'm not a woman but that's a different can of worms). at all. and in a society like that, it's often not enough just to love and prioritise your relationships with women/other sapphics, you have to be firm about your boundaries and explicitly Not Want Men. like your lesbianism HAS to be, in part, about Not Being Available To Men. and even then the pressure is so often there to try to make you drop that boundary. of course not every lesbian experiences their sexuality in this way, but it's not uncommon
i always think about that when i see people claim that it's inherently "restrictive" to explicitly exclude men from your sexuality/romantic or sexual life. there's this increasingly prevalent attitude floating around which echoes traditional lesbophobic stereotypes that there's something inherently "bitter" and "man-hating" about making a point of not being available to men, as if any lesbian who makes a point about their sexuality, dating and sex lives not including men MUST be a Mean Radical Bitter Lesbian Separatist
which is just.......................not anywhere closer to my experience, and also A Hell Of A Leap. my not being sexually or romantically available to men doesn't mean i live in deliberate isolation from them, it means I Am Not Sexually Or Romantically Available To Men. if anything, it's improved my ability to relate to and connect to men!!! i've been able to better contextualise the discomfort i once felt around unfamiliar men, and to see men as potential friends rather than as people who i might be expected to cater to in my appearance or in intimacy, and to assert my boundaries without guilt if a man approaches me with that sort of intent; and if the man is shitty about those boundaries, i know i have no responsibility to placate him
and that's SO freeing to me!!!! THAT'S freedom!! it's so wild to me when people say that excluding men from your sexuality is "restrictive" when i used to feel trapped by expectations of cisheterosexuality and femininity for the male gaze. being able to say No Thanks, Not Men has given me so much freedom to explore dating, sex, fashion and gender expression in ways that feel authentic and good to me; i've been able to not care about whether men find me attractive and instead find joy in being GNC and butch and making myself attractive to other sapphics. i am genuinely so happy to not be interested in men and i'm not going to be apologetic about that. (let me stress this: It Is Not A Slight Against Men To Not Want To Date Them Or To Enjoy Not Wanting To Date Them. i don't have to want to fuck a man to see him as a human being or treat him with respect. unless you genuinely think we like, owe that to men for some reason, in which case i'd like to redirect you back to the Feminism Beginner's Course)
of course, none of this happened overnight — it took me a LONG time to unpack all of this and to internalise the idea that i really don't have to be attractive or available or appeasing to men at all, and tbh even now i find myself struggling with it sometimes, because a lifetime of patriarchal socialisation will do that to a bitch. it's only recently, after a lot of work, that i've started being able to show my body hair in public and not give a shit if a man (or straight woman tbh) finds it gross. it took many, many years of deliberately choosing, over and over and over again, to not give a fuck about what men think of me, to tell myself "No Thanks, Not Men". again, not an uncommon lesbian experience. the reason many lesbians enjoy not being attracted to, interested in or available to men is that we've so often struggled against shame for that aspect of our identity, so we choose to take joy in it instead, and that joy is hard-earned
and yes, i do get frustrated with men still. i DO sometimes make jokes about being a misandrist, express my frustration with cisheteropatriarchal expectations and with men who Don't Get The Memo. many lesbians do. many women who are into men do the same. it's how we cope with the lesbophobia/misogyny lmao. but to flatten us to those moments of frustration/venting as if they define our entire lesbian experience and refuse to consider the sociocultural context of our "mean misandrist dyke moments" strikes me as kinda obtuse, deliberately or not, and also lowkey reminiscent of Respectability Politics
i've also seen the take that lesbianism should be about "loving women, not rejecting men", as if my lesbianism can only be one thing. my lesbianism contains multitudes. my lesbianism IS about loving women. it's about community and relationships with other sapphics. it's about my gender identity and expression and connecting to other trans and nonbinary sapphics. it's about my connection to and place within the wider queer community. it's also about No Men, Thanks. lesbians are like onions we have layers etc etc please refer back to paragraph 1 of this thesis for more on the topic
of course there are many people out there who DO find freedom and joy in being attracted to / available to men - i know tone can be difficult to judge on the internet so believe me when i say that, sincerely, i'm happy for everyone who does. it's just not an experience i share. and that's fine!!! my joy at not being into men isn't a slight against your attraction to men, either (and if you have experienced shitty/biphobic/panphobic behaviour from a lesbian over your attraction to men, i'm sorry, and know you didn't deserve that). just because excluding men from your sexuality sounds restrictive to you doesn't mean that's the case for everyone else, no one's experience is universal, etc etc etc
idk at the end of the day i'm just one lone genderweird lesbian on the internet and i do not speak for, like, the Global Shadow Council Of Evil Lesbians or whatever. i'm also lucky enough to have far less trauma surrounding my interactions with men than many other lesbians do (which is why i cannot demonise any lesbian who does personally choose not to nurture any relationships with men, platonic or otherwise). i can only speak for my own experience and the trends and experiences i've personally observed from being in this community. it's just strange to repeatedly see my lack of availability to men characterised by people online as something that makes me Mean, Angry and Bitter. i'm actually much happier and more chill than i've ever been lol
(begone T3RFs this post isn't for you 🔪🔪🔪)
#bat meet hornets nest lmao. anyway i wanted to get this off my chest 🤷#like i said. i cannot speak for every niche human experience. i can only say Sometimes People On This Website Are Kinda Weird About Lesbian#gray.txt#lesbian#lesbian tag#as you can infer. this has been on my mind a little lately lmao#tbh i've wanted to make a much more frustrated version of this post a couple times recently but i figured#taking a more level headed approach would help to foster more understanding and compassion yk#anyway Gee I Sure Hope No One Deliberately Takes My Words Out Of Context And Reacts In Bad Faith#Surely It Would Never Happen. Not On The Bad Faith Queer Discourse Website#i have a headache and i still need to eat dinner (it's 1.30am) so im gonna sort my life out. peace and love everypony ✌️💕
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my mom + little sister are out watching a movie and getting dinner so im alone at home and having a GREAT time
#i played on the xbox for a while and now im gonna draw and watch the rottmnt movie. again.#and im gonna cook myself some dinner i think. we've got some hamburger meat that's gonna go bad soon so i can probably figure out -#- something with that#or chicken bc we still have raw chicken that needs to be cooked soon#idk. we'll figure it out#im having a good time though :] ive been listening to my nimrod cd on the living room cd/record player and its cranked up bc there's no -#- one here to complain#except my cats i guess who gave me dirty looks when i turned it up a little too loud for their tastes lol
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ough
#got home and mam keeps asking what I want for dinner#also she hasn’t stopped talking since I got in#and I’m tired#and now she’s mad at me#and she thinks I’m mad at her when im not im literally just tired#she went off with a huff upstairs without figuring out what we’re eating#fuck#do I just order comfort food since it’s unlikely we’re gonna get anything at all#even tho I ordered from that place monday#i want to scream
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Ok being double arm jabbed hurts a bit
#speculation nation#me walking thru the market with an internal dialog of Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.#me n my basket and my arm hurties#i bought. More snacks. ❤️#i will try to actually eat these muffins. prommy ❤️#now i have to figure out dinner. ugh.#itd be nice to pick something up but me taking the bus makes that harder.#and i kinda just wanna go home. my arms hurt :(#im gonna have bruises. especially on the left one. alas.#hungry....hm....
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conducting minor experiments on myself like
hypothesis: food sensitivity is giving me stress dreams featuring my fuckass family
um well .i forgor the other steps in a science experiment sorry umm post cancelled
#method? is that the next one? idk its been like 12 years since i took a science class#whatever but seriously im like. is it chicken? dairy? its fucking something and im SICK OF IT#waking up in the middle of the night bc im so fucking PISSED OFF at my stupid family in my dream like ok what a fucking waste of time??#i could be dreaming about ANYTHING on earth and im stuck at a grating family dinner being berated? i can get that whilst awake thank you#unironically am so annoyed to be wasting dream hours like. i often get really fun cool dreams so its a shame fr#anyway lets see im gonna figure it out and never eat that item again if true
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This has got to be the worst move out yet
#packing perils#student living#Uni shenanigans#ace is a mess#oh my god. okay so we start on Tuesday ive been gradually moving my stuff over to my friends house#cus were moving in together in September and shes staying in her place over the summer so well have everything in one place to move in#so take some stuff over to hers on tuesday before her shift then we walk to work together i collect her keys and say bye#go back to mine pack up some more stuff warned her i planned on doing 2 trips while she was working so start figuring out whats going#end up with two tote bags a crate a box and a large bag of boxes decide ill take the heavier tote bag and the box on the first trip#as i cant really carry much else with the box due to its awkward size even though its not particularly heavy and cut through the park to#shave off some time feel pretty good when i get there it wasnt unbareable esp after Saturday when carrying 4 heavy shopping bags ended up#covering me in bruises and scratches and messing my back shoulder and neck up so i feel like underestimated myself on this trip and like i#can take everything on the next trip well its already late in the day cus my mate does evening shift so by time i get back its half 9 so i#decide to cut through the park again to save time but the large shopping bag with my saucepans casserole dish etc is difficult to carry due#to how bulky it is and the crate tho it has handles is also unwieldy so my arms are being bruised and scratched up i cant waste time carryin#everything back home just to put one thing down at this point but im considering putting the biggest bag down in some overgrown plants in#the park speeding to my mates and coming back for it its a stupid and risky idea but its getting dark the sun is almost completely set and#no matter how often i rest i just cant manage it and my damn brain starts worrying about being murdered so i ditch the bag and i can move#much quicker now so rush to my mates and rush back reassure her as im leaving hers that i am bringin her keys back its just after 11 at this#point cus its over 35 minutes to get to hers i get back to the park in just over 20 my bag is still there! and i dont get attacked get my#stuff to her room then hustle to get to her job before she finishes at 12 get there a few minutes to spare shes not ready to go yet anyway#she tells me shes not comfortable with me walking back in the dark i should stay at hers i cant ive got an assignment so she says shes#walking me to mine then going to her boyfriends 5 mins down the road get back to mine shower have dinner and crank out my Wednesday 4pm#assignment by 7am go to bed get about 2 hours sleep before tge fire alarm is tested and then ive got to be up for a meeting with our new#landlord anyway and ofc its raining come back from our meeting grab food and start packing up some more sht get buses over to hers this time#together come back pack some more hope the rain dies down a bit but it doesnt look like its stopping and i somehow fcked my foot carrying#stuff earlier so she texts a coworker asking if they can pick us up they agree so organise a few more things but then a puddle causes their#car to break down the next bus is in over half hour so mate decides shes gonna run to her boyfriends to charge her phone while we wait for#the next bus to be due while shes gone i finish sorting things she then calls asks me to book a taxi cus the rain has only gotten worse when#taxi arrives realise that student accom is basically flooded deciding what to do while at hers cus the weather is unbareable she goes to get
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