#Im gonna figure out dinner

[gunnslaughter]

Gay panic but it's that AU I drew once or twice.

[fishfingersandscarves]

okay i have officially sent a rather long, source heavy email to my rabbi about why i'll no longer be coming to shul. my whole body feels like garbage from anxiety now but i know its the right thing

[spacebugarts]

Why does my sister always get mad at me for just feeling my emotions??? I didn't ask to be autistic, I don't choose to be picky or sensitive, but that doesn't make my feelings any less valid. I should be allowed to feel upset when my usual order is messed up, or when mom gets the wrong things for me again... she's allowed to get upset when she doesn't get her way, why aren't I?

[scattered-winter]

its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao

[boxheadpaint]

STURGEON SUNDAY. BITCH!!!!!!!!!

1/28/24, ITS STURGEON

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i love the combative way yaz asks questions after s12. i dont think she does it so much in s12 but from halloween apocalypse on (im thinking of "so you know them, these sea devils?" or "yeah, what does quantum extraction mean?" rn but im sure there are more) her questions always feel half challenge half like shes already gearing up for a fight

[vogelmeister]

been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

its not endearing that im a 31 year old bachelor completely mystified trying to figure out how to make pasta for the first time but it IS funny. to me

[indecisive-dizzy]

I'm bored so have some rambles

I've decided to make my full Eddie Dear family post but I gotta get some college finals stuff done first.

I've also decided to throw in some art for it! they're just gonna be busts, not full body refs cuz I ain't got time for that. I've got the colors/basic features figured out for everyone rn.

fun fact! Eddie looks exactly like his mom. except he has thicker eyebrows lol

[tigergendermoved2tigergender]

I just finished neon genesis evangelion. I'm very confused and vaguely sad

[butchdykeorpheus]

sometimes i wonder if many non-lesbians understand that Realising You're Into Women and Realising You're Not Into Men are often two completely different processes and, at least in my experience, the latter was a LOT harder to come to terms with than the former. like i realised when i was about 19 years old that i'm attracted to and interested in dating women, but it took me about five more years after that to very, very slowly disentangle myself from cisheteropatriarchal expectations that Women Should Be Available To Men to realise that i'm, like, not interested in dating or sex with men (or that i'm not a woman but that's a different can of worms). at all. and in a society like that, it's often not enough just to love and prioritise your relationships with women/other sapphics, you have to be firm about your boundaries and explicitly Not Want Men. like your lesbianism HAS to be, in part, about Not Being Available To Men. and even then the pressure is so often there to try to make you drop that boundary. of course not every lesbian experiences their sexuality in this way, but it's not uncommon

i always think about that when i see people claim that it's inherently "restrictive" to explicitly exclude men from your sexuality/romantic or sexual life. there's this increasingly prevalent attitude floating around which echoes traditional lesbophobic stereotypes that there's something inherently "bitter" and "man-hating" about making a point of not being available to men, as if any lesbian who makes a point about their sexuality, dating and sex lives not including men MUST be a Mean Radical Bitter Lesbian Separatist

which is just.......................not anywhere closer to my experience, and also A Hell Of A Leap. my not being sexually or romantically available to men doesn't mean i live in deliberate isolation from them, it means I Am Not Sexually Or Romantically Available To Men. if anything, it's improved my ability to relate to and connect to men!!! i've been able to better contextualise the discomfort i once felt around unfamiliar men, and to see men as potential friends rather than as people who i might be expected to cater to in my appearance or in intimacy, and to assert my boundaries without guilt if a man approaches me with that sort of intent; and if the man is shitty about those boundaries, i know i have no responsibility to placate him

and that's SO freeing to me!!!! THAT'S freedom!! it's so wild to me when people say that excluding men from your sexuality is "restrictive" when i used to feel trapped by expectations of cisheterosexuality and femininity for the male gaze. being able to say No Thanks, Not Men has given me so much freedom to explore dating, sex, fashion and gender expression in ways that feel authentic and good to me; i've been able to not care about whether men find me attractive and instead find joy in being GNC and butch and making myself attractive to other sapphics. i am genuinely so happy to not be interested in men and i'm not going to be apologetic about that. (let me stress this: It Is Not A Slight Against Men To Not Want To Date Them Or To Enjoy Not Wanting To Date Them. i don't have to want to fuck a man to see him as a human being or treat him with respect. unless you genuinely think we like, owe that to men for some reason, in which case i'd like to redirect you back to the Feminism Beginner's Course)

of course, none of this happened overnight — it took me a LONG time to unpack all of this and to internalise the idea that i really don't have to be attractive or available or appeasing to men at all, and tbh even now i find myself struggling with it sometimes, because a lifetime of patriarchal socialisation will do that to a bitch. it's only recently, after a lot of work, that i've started being able to show my body hair in public and not give a shit if a man (or straight woman tbh) finds it gross. it took many, many years of deliberately choosing, over and over and over again, to not give a fuck about what men think of me, to tell myself "No Thanks, Not Men". again, not an uncommon lesbian experience. the reason many lesbians enjoy not being attracted to, interested in or available to men is that we've so often struggled against shame for that aspect of our identity, so we choose to take joy in it instead, and that joy is hard-earned

and yes, i do get frustrated with men still. i DO sometimes make jokes about being a misandrist, express my frustration with cisheteropatriarchal expectations and with men who Don't Get The Memo. many lesbians do. many women who are into men do the same. it's how we cope with the lesbophobia/misogyny lmao. but to flatten us to those moments of frustration/venting as if they define our entire lesbian experience and refuse to consider the sociocultural context of our "mean misandrist dyke moments" strikes me as kinda obtuse, deliberately or not, and also lowkey reminiscent of Respectability Politics

i've also seen the take that lesbianism should be about "loving women, not rejecting men", as if my lesbianism can only be one thing. my lesbianism contains multitudes. my lesbianism IS about loving women. it's about community and relationships with other sapphics. it's about my gender identity and expression and connecting to other trans and nonbinary sapphics. it's about my connection to and place within the wider queer community. it's also about No Men, Thanks. lesbians are like onions we have layers etc etc please refer back to paragraph 1 of this thesis for more on the topic

of course there are many people out there who DO find freedom and joy in being attracted to / available to men - i know tone can be difficult to judge on the internet so believe me when i say that, sincerely, i'm happy for everyone who does. it's just not an experience i share. and that's fine!!! my joy at not being into men isn't a slight against your attraction to men, either (and if you have experienced shitty/biphobic/panphobic behaviour from a lesbian over your attraction to men, i'm sorry, and know you didn't deserve that). just because excluding men from your sexuality sounds restrictive to you doesn't mean that's the case for everyone else, no one's experience is universal, etc etc etc

idk at the end of the day i'm just one lone genderweird lesbian on the internet and i do not speak for, like, the Global Shadow Council Of Evil Lesbians or whatever. i'm also lucky enough to have far less trauma surrounding my interactions with men than many other lesbians do (which is why i cannot demonise any lesbian who does personally choose not to nurture any relationships with men, platonic or otherwise). i can only speak for my own experience and the trends and experiences i've personally observed from being in this community. it's just strange to repeatedly see my lack of availability to men characterised by people online as something that makes me Mean, Angry and Bitter. i'm actually much happier and more chill than i've ever been lol

(begone T3RFs this post isn't for you 🔪🔪🔪)

[houseofwolvess]

my mom + little sister are out watching a movie and getting dinner so im alone at home and having a GREAT time

[jorgancrath]

ough

[orcelito]

Ok being double arm jabbed hurts a bit

[nerdie-faerie]

This has got to be the worst move out yet

[dandyshucks]

i think i need a big hammer and the ability to remove my brain for... unrelated reasons. maybe. possibly related. sigh :|