vonahalv

[vonahalv]

Separation

In the SWtOR universe, especially for Imperial players, slavery is a running theme. My partner and I decided to roleplay as people who grew up in slavery and have managed to find themselves free of it in their adult life. I wanted to explore their childhood and write about their lives up to the moment they rediscovered each other. As such, see the below trigger warnings below before reading.

TW: Kidnapping / Family Separation, Child Abuse, Slavery

The wailing cut across the courtyard for anyone within a hundred feet to hear. Siora cried out reaching for her children as her spouse, Tagru, clung tightly to her waist pulling her back. "Siora, we can do nothing, please, please, for the sake of the children, make this easier." His request only made her cry out again, the powerlessness she felt prevalent in her voice. She brought her hands to her face and turned into her husbands chest as he watched his children being taken from them.

Fiori and Dagar kept looking back, tears of their own streaming down their face as the men walking by them kept poking them to move forward. One pushed too hard and Dagar fell. His hands and face smacked hard against the dusty ground. The guard growled, and moved to hit the fallen boy. Tagru found his own hand now reaching out even as his daughter Fiori kicked the guard in the back of his leg.

"Do not touch my brother," she yelled, mustering up the courage she only wished she had. The second guard put a hand in front of her, gently, and moved to help Dagar from the ground. Looking at Fiori, he regarded her thoughtfully before turning away. Fiori looked at Dagar and the twins shared a look of relief just as the guard backhanded her brother across his face. Dagar fell back again, this time landing on his ass, and Fiori raced over to him.

A small cut was open on his cheekbone, and blood dripped slowly from it. The guards shadow fell over her as he stood behind them.

"You're a fighter. I can appreciate it, but remember your place, slave. Each time you bite back, he'll take what you deserve. Now move."

Dagar touched his face, looked at his sister and whispered, "It's ok, Fiori, I'll be ok." He rose and extended his hand. She grabbed it as if her life depended on it and gave him a shaky smile.

And with that, the siblings picked up their pace. Before exiting the courtyard and entering the speeder, they crossed the tips of their lekku twice so their parents might see before they boarded. This gesture simply meant, "Love you."

Taking deep breaths and holding hands, the two children stepped into the speeder. The cold grip of fear coiled around them as the door clanged shut. Sitting in the cool darkness, Fiori and Dagar looked around. Their eyes were greeted by several other curious glances as they saw three other twi'lek children already sitting in the vehicle.

The twins pulled themselves closer to each other, and tried to become one with the wall as their hands gripped each tightly. Doors slammed shut as the guards entered the front of the speeder, and the familiar vibration began. "Wherever we're going, at least I still have you Fi," Dagar whispered quietly.

"I will go wherever you do, D. Promise and always."

[vonahalv]

Edited Entry for Barsenthor Leth.

If you’ve made it to the end of this story, first, let me thank you.  I’ve always been into discovering new things, or finding the reason behind the old things.  Storytelling has been a part of me since I can remember.  When the Council asked me to document my journey, it was terrifying, and an honor.  Telling my own story? I’m more comfortable with spilling the goods on other people.

During this, you heard about a Jedi Knight.  You heard about how I could only do what I did because she was by my side.  

You heard about how we met on Tython. Our kill count, our duel, and how the Force kept putting us side by side during my journey to save the Masters from the plague. 

I hope it stirred something in you to hear about how she pushed me every day to not give up. To keep giving what I didn’t think I had, while at the same time acknowledging that if I couldn’t, it didn’t mean I was weak.

You heard of my frustration, our fight, and my eventual success.

What you didn’t hear about was what happened afterwards. And that’s why I’m here to add to the story.  She has more to teach. And for those that might not wish to listen to her, I hope you listen to this.  You’re here because you want to hear what the Barsenthor has to say. You stay because you felt I had wisdom to impart. And in the end of this part of my story, out of everything I’ve covered, it is this part that I hope creates a curiousity in you.  I want you to go hear the story from her point of view.  To hear what it’s like being a Jedi who is also Mando’a.

Now. Without any further notations -- the ending. I finished my documentation and left the Temple.  I could feel her on Tython.  Her presence, so familiar now, was rolling out from the mountainside.  I slow walked my way there. I didn’t want her being surprised that I was on my way in case she wanted to be alone.  She’d have plenty of time to send me a “go away” sign. She didn’t. As I rounded the cliffside, I called out. “I can feel you up here. It’ll be easier if you just tell me where you are.”  And nothing.  So I looked, and then I found.  She stood braced in the chilling wind, staring at the padawans training below.  She was ... is ... a vibrant person, but it was like the light was out.  When she was relaxing, she’d take her helmet off and let her blue hair whip in the wind.  Not today.  Today she was dressed for war and the sun glinted gently on her blackened armor.  

There was some chitchat.  I told her how every padawan down there training right now was talking about her. About the Hero of Tython. “I was in the right place at the right time,” she said.  

“Jahaatir.”  For you, that’s mando’a for lies.  And here is where I fucked up. I knew it, the moment the word left my lips.  The helmet came off and her eyes met mine.  

“I am NOT a liar.”  Ooook. Time to find a way to dig myself out.  I made the walk looking to reconcile, not stir things up.  Did I dig myself out though? No. Of course I didn’t. I stared back. “But you are. You spent months saving lives, tracking clues, risking your life, dealing with betrayal, and it culminated with you killing the Sith that took the life of your Master.  This is your story. What you wanted, what you live for. And  you ‘just happened to be flying the right star system’? Bullshit.” I put my back against the mountain wall and sank to the ground.  This is the same woman who once threatened to take a limb if I touched her in the wrong way while we shared a speeder. And I just told her off.  She turned from the training grounds and set her helmet down. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.  It was all for nothing.”

Gentle listeners, if I hadn’t already sunk to the floor, I’d have fallen here.  The flatness in her tone and the pain in her eyes broke my heart.  I recognized that sound.  I had made it during my journey, and in those times she had spent hours listening to me, trying to encourage me.  Looking up at her I whispered, “Ok. It’s your turn then. Spill it.”  She pulled her datapad from her pack, opened it to a message and thrust it at me.  “It’s in Mando’a, so I’ll sum it up.  I’m Dar Manda. Outcast. I have no aliit, no soul. Nothing.”

And this is why you really need to hear her story.  To learn of Mando’a culture, and just ~why~ this moment was so pivotal.  But in case you don’t, I’ll do my best here to explain.

Her name is Ren Saori, and she was born Mando’a.  Her small clan was destroyed and she was adopted into another.  They raised her and trained her from the time she was eight.  Fighting was, and still is, her life.  When her Force sensitivity was discovered, the Jedi Master convinced her and her Clan that the best thing they could do was allow her to go train.  Because if the Mandolorians could never quite overcome the Jedi in all of their skirmishes, who best to train a Mando’a?  She could be - and it turns out she would be - unassailable. Incredible. Mesh’la - Beautiful.

But not every clan approved, and to this time I’m still not sure if their Mandalore knew or approved.  The Mando’a Clans spoke ill of her. Her new clan, her aliit - the Jedi -  frowned upon her for her views and her passions.  Ren was trained for war, and in this moment when she did was she was created for, she was cast out. Mandalore claimed she broke the rules by fighting Sith.  Clans claimed she was working with the enemy.  And within the temple, though padawans were speaking her name in whispers, the Council still looked upon her as someone who needed management.  

So in this moment, knowing all of this, I emphathized with her heartbreak. Ren is not a touchy feely person, or wasn’t to start.  I remember the day I asked if hugs were a thing, and simply got a handshake.  I reached up to clasp her arm, and when she accepted, I pulled her to the ground and embraced her.  We sat in silence as I struggled for the words to say... something. Anything.

And then, surprisingly, I found them.  But they were not at all what I thought they would be. “I thought I was part of your aliit? Am I not your storyteller? Has it not been clear that I accept you every day? Is this not enough?”

Oh listeners did that hit a button.  She may or may not decide to talk about her feelings on that sentiment, and it’s not my place to share that part of her story for her. Suffice it to say, that they were the right words at the right time. A heaviness settled over both of us, and her voice, cracking and quiet, cut through the wind.  “I thought I had lost you too. I pushed you away.”  The anger I had come to resolve flittered briefly in my heart and then melted away like ice on Tatooine. Of course I couldn’t be angry.  She is my burc’ya (my friend) and I would always be there for her.  

Listeners, you never fully know what your fellow padawans, or Jedi, or even your Masters, are going through.  When Ren sent me the letter to push me away, I had written a hasty and unkind reply.  So of course she thought I had left. It had been days since we spoke more than a few words, and I disappeared on a mission without her. 

Even those of us who believe ourselves to be unselfish, and good, and kind and helpful, - and indeed we are those things - please remember. We can get blinded by our own bias.  Our own need to be the hero in our story. Take a step back sometimes.  Their anger, or hurt, or their distance may not be because of you.  Step into it if you are led to. It may save them.

~there is a short pause in the holorecording as Zadal considers his next words~

I thought her letter was because of the struggles I was going through and that she sensed my frustration.  That it was because of something I had done. 

As her words washed over me, I had a revelation. I saw other possibilities for why she might have needed time alone. She just lost her Master. .... She had almost lost her life.  And now, in her pain, she was still teaching me. 

I squeezed her shoulder and explained,  “I just needed some time to myself. To prove to myself that I was everything you said I could be.  Because your words said I was strong, but in battle when it came time to prove that, you or Kira were there with your blades. Intervening, saving me.  Speaking with your actions that you didn’t trust me to be capable. I had no room to grow.  Those actions were confirming my fears that I was weak.  I left to learn my truth.”  I paused.  Taking her chin in my hand and ensuring she was looking at me, I finished by saying, “And the moment my duties to the Council were completed I came to find you.”

She sighed and leaned up against me. We’d come a long way in these last months. We sharpened one another, encouraged one another and in a way, saved each other outside of the battlefield.  We both looked out into the darkening sky and sat in silence for a while. 

I don’t know what lessons she may have learned in that moment, but I found myself overwhelmed with realizations and regrets. I saw things I needed to work on to be not only a better Jedi, but a better friend.

Words began pouring from my lips, and I wish I could remember them for you.  I’m pretty sure they were scattered to the wind when she laughed.  I do recall saying, “I was going for profound. But I’ll take funny.”  She smiled at me and for the first time in those hours on the mountainside, I saw her light returning.  “I did not mean to offend. It was perfect, and it is a happy laugh. Thank you.”

The old playfulness in our releationship returned, and within moments we found ourselves sparring on the road up and down the mountain. We forgot our trials, the deaths of friends, the harsh words, the missed opportunities.  For now, in that time, we were once again padawans challenging each other in a time before we knew what was in store.  Only this time, I lost.  Which absolutely made her day.

A final piece of advice for those of you listening.  Be open to whom the Force sends you. What started as two young upstarts believing themselves to be the best padawans on Tython and trying to prove themselves right has turned into a foundation of friendship and trust.  Neither of us could have made our journey without the other. 

And for you Ren, because I know you will listen to this one day - if only to hear what I say about you:

Dar ner burc’ya, gar ner riduur. Ni ret’. Ni kar’taylir gar - darasuum. Vaabir vi kar’tayl nakar’tuur?  Nayc. Bid ni ganar gar norac, ratiin. Ni laararir gar laar.

[vonahalv]

Loss and Loneliness

The grass crunched under their feet as the snowfall drifted around them. He heard her making small talk about the weather, and a part of him registered that he replied, but later he would not be able to recall what he said. At this moment, he was wondering what the fuck he was doing indulging her request to "Find a nice place to enjoy the scenery and just be with one another."

"How's this? We can enjoy the trees and mountainscape there, and keep an eye on the Republic outpost there." He realized the words were coming from his mouth at the same time he realized his feet weren't moving anymore. Resigning himself, he took off his cloak and laid it on the ground for her to sit on. She took the binoculars from her pack and scanned the outpost before sitting and murmured, "It looks like they are just standing around and talking."

As he took a seat next to her, Clint turned and looked at the mountainscape before them. Why are we sitting so close -- or is it not close enough? He rested his hands behind him, feeling the cold rock beneath them. His eyes closed, and he let go of the deep breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

He heard her talking, and from somewhere he knew he was making appropriate smalltalk. Everything was just so much and he couldn't find it in him to really process anything new. Why am I even here doing this? Then it hit him like a punch to the gut. Her voice in a whisper: "What did it feel like? What did you see? When the Dread Masters turned their power on us?"

He felt it all over again. Everything he was trying to process in that moment swept thorugh him. Before he could stop himself, the words poured from his lips. "Loss. I fear losing. I saw my sister for the first time in over ten years, just to watch her die. I saw my ship, crashed into a nameless rock in a star speckled expanse. My crew scattered around it, dead. I saw my health deteriorate, and the Council laugh as the one they called Wrath faded away."

Her hand moved to cover his and she squeezed it hard. "I'm so sorry. I heard, but I didn't realize the extent of that power. I promise to honor our agreement, and whenever it comes to Sith and Sith politics, you get to be the one to handle it." She had lied so often and so well, Clint found himself distrusting every word she said. Instead, he searched her emotions and felt a genuine sorrow, a sadness and a fear. Making a mental note of it, he simply asked, "You?"

"Loneliness. But not just the feeling. Actually being alone. Looking into my life and knowing no one would be there. That I was no longer of value, that I had no worth, and that I would be simply be discarded." And from deep within his soul, a part of him howled. Good. Yet he found himself saying, "You're taking back your power Cipher. Your crew cares for you. You know how to make yourself indispensable. Just keep working to know more than they do."

She took his chin in her hand and turned his face towards hers. Thankful once again to be behind a mask, he looked into her violet eyes and saw the pain etched there. She leaned in and placed her forehead against his, as they'd done dozens of times before. A soft, familiar comfort began to creep over him, and then she whispered, "You're my best friend."

He felt it. Not really of course, but it felt real enough. His heart shattering into pieces as everything he had been holding in poured from it.

You're mine too.

I can't trust you.

It doesn't make sense.

You should go.

Please don't go.

He didn't know how long he sat there in silence as the emotions spiraled through him. It was long enough that Cipher realized a reply was not coming and whispered, "You don't need to say it back. I don't want any regrets. I just needed you to know." She pulled away, and Clint looked toward the mountains once more. His hands now in his lap, he clenched them tightly. I can't trust her. She can't know. Just... Just say something.

"That's kind of you Cipher. Though it makes me question your taste in friends."

[vonahalv]

The Debriefing

((Following the conclusion to the “Mystery” series, Anjewel continues to make use of her bad luck/good luck karma and attends a debriefing with the Uncrowned.))

I shouldn’t be so nervous. It’s not as if I haven’t done this before.  Anjewel kept trying to talk her knees out of knocking and her stomach from dropping as she stood.  I hate public speaking.

She stood in a room underneath Dalaran, in front of a table surrounded by five chairs. Candles burned in their holders and torches danced on the walls.  One by one they walked in and took their places around the table. As they did so, she was given leave to sit herself, and she gratefully took a seat.  They had allowed her to delay her report due to her injury, and while she could now get around, the ankle was still a little sore.

“Make your report Anjewel.”  The voice came from an elderly man at the head of the table. Today he was dressed in gray with blue piping, and his gray hair was pulled back.  

“Yes Lord Ravenholdt.”  Clearing her throat and taking a moment to focus herself, she began.

“You see, I was out on a walk,” she paused as some collective groans moved through the table, “when I saw Finn entering the Slaughtered Lamb.  I’ve known Finn for years and this was out of character for him.  I kept my position on the roof,” and paused for another round of groans and chitters,” and waited for him to leave.  He came out with a large coin pouch hooked to his belt, one he did not have before.”

She swallowed hard, bracing herself for the embarrassment she knew was coming.  “Then I fell from the roof.”

“You what?!” Tess Greymane had half left her seat before forcing herself to sit back down.  “First, openly walking on rooftops and then you fall from them?”  All Anjewel could offer in her defense was a small shrug.

“It worked out though,” and she heard a chuckle from somewhere in the room. “The distraction I caused gave me a chance to look around while people were busy gawking.  I saw a draenei leave the Slaughtered Lamb and made note to investigate that later.  Later came sooner than expected, as he turned out to be working in one of our own facilities.  He was the doctor on shift when I arrived to have my ankle mended.”

Anjewel paused to take a look around and noted concern on several of their faces.  “I had mostly faked my injury to cause Finn to believe I was as clumsy as he thought, so I took the time fate offered me to question the doctor instead of receiving treatment.  He stated he was a middle man, that he and Finn had been working to undermine the First Warlock of the Black Harvest and that the number of people missing were their responsibility.  They wanted to pin the murders on Va.. on the First Warlock and weaken her power here in Dalaran, possibly to remove her from her position.”

“And how is your sister?”  This time the voice came from Taoshi, a nimble Pandaren who sat to the left of Tess.

Anjewel smiled in her direction. “She is well, Taoshi, thank you.  I have noted the eyes you have on her and am pleased to see she remains safe.” Her gaze returned to meet the eyes of Lord Ravenholdt.  

“He attempted to attack me, and though I realized the potential loss of information, I had no choice but to kill him.  From there you know the rest.  Evette and John assisted in cleanup. We dispatched a message to the First Warlock. I wanted her to leave Dalaran and to come where I could keep eyes on her.  She stayed with me during my rehabilitation. During that time Finn went missing.  I still have no idea how or why, especially as he still believed me to be in love with him.  I can only surmise that perhaps the death of his employer scared someone who took the time to remove the other piece of the puzzle.”

Her debriefing complete, Anjewel waited in silence as those at the table considered both her words and actions. 

“I still can’t believe you fell from the roof.”  Tess sat before her, exasperated. “We know you have a way of stumbling into situations of import, but must you ~always~ ~literally~ stumble into them? By the gods Black.”  Anjewel worked to suppress a grin and instead looked at her hands currently folded into her lap.  “I regret that I’ve never quite lived up to expectations.  I’ve the heart and mind of my father, and the reflexes of… well... “  No one in the room questioned why she trailed off, the memory of her father known to everyone sitting around the table.  

Anjewel’s father, known simply as Black to his friends in the business, had taught her from a young age.  She eagerly absorbed his knowledge and dreamt of the day she would wear leather, sneak around in the dark, get paid to eavesdrop and spread disinformation throughout the night.  It didn’t turn out quite as she dreamt, but she still loved this line of work and attempted to honor him every day. 

Lord Ravenholdt spoke up, “No. You don’t. Yet you consistently bring us information of import as he did. He would be proud of you. No one expects it of you Anjewel, which is why you’re so integral to our plans. Stop fighting who you are, or who you thought he’d want you to be.  Play the fool for the world and undermine our enemies at the same time.  You earned your place here when you retrieved those Fangs.  Hold onto them any time you question yourself.”

Anjewel allowed herself to look up and meet his gaze.  The intensity in his eyes never ceased to frighten her, though she also felt oddly comforted at the same time.  “I will not forget your words m’Lord. And thank you.  I’ve lost everyone but Valdis now.  I will attempt to stumble my way into keeping her safe then, if I can, and with your permission.”

“We will discuss next steps.  You are dismissed for now.  Stay close, we will call for you soon.”

[vonahalv]

The Mystery (Part 4/4)

Later That Day in the Sewers Underneath Dalaran

“Mistress Valdis.  A messenger for you.  Her name is Evette and states she has a direct message from your sister.”

Warily, Valdis looked up from a scroll she had been perusing.  What has happened now? She knows better than to call on me at work.  I’ll never get this spell to work if I keep getting interrupted.

“Bring her in.”  

Evette walked into Valdis’ chambers, and Valdis noticed that Evette took it in stride. Not many did.  Valdis’ walls were covered in torches burning green flame, skulls were used as book holders, and an imp whimpered in the corner, clearly unhappy to be here.  “Who are you and how did you find me?”

Evette curtsied and replied, “I am with the Uncrowned. The Black Harvest are not unknown to us, Netherlord.”  Presenting the letter, Evette stated, “The Ruby misses the Sapphire. I am expected to take and deliver your reply immediately.”

Valdis’ eyes widened.  Anjewel has never played this card before. “Wait here. I will read this and craft a reply directly.  Can I get you anything?”

“Nothing Netherlord, save your speedy reply.  Miss Anjewel is terribly hurt and eagerly awaits your news.”

Valdis rushed to her desk and cut open the letter.  As she read, Evette took a moment to look her over.  They could be twins, save that I know Anjewel is the younger sister.  Where her hair is auburn, Valdis’ is jet black and she favors more colorful makeup. Aside from that they could nearly pass for one another. I will make a report of this. It may be useful should the Netherlord need help from the Uncrowned. 

A letter was being pushed roughly into her hands and Evette snapped out of her thoughts.

“Go. NOW. I am preparing everything needed and will follow you by half an hour. Is she resting at home?”  Evette nodded, “Yes Netherlord.  We have taken care of her.  Finn escorted her home, but we had eyes on the way.  They are with her now and she is safe.  Just as you will be upon your arrival.”

Evening - Old Town District. The Window Outside of Anjewel’s Home

It was low, but it was there.  Thankfully Finn seemed not to notice.  He was stoking the fire and taking several long deep breaths.  “Finn. Would you mind? I’m terribly thirsty. The pain medication is giving me a bit of dry mouth.  Would you mind fetching me water? I’m not able to drink until this medicinal treatment is done.”

He turned, doing his best to smile, “Yes, absolutely.  I’ll be back shortly.”

The moment he left her window opened and Evette entered.  “As you requested Miss Black. Her response. She will follow my arrival by about half an hour.”  And with that, Evette turned and left, closing the window behind her.

“My dearest Ruby,

WHO WAS IT? ARE THEY DEAD? IF NOT, CAN I KILL THEM?  Why am I asking you here?  Of course you can have my company for a few weeks. I am dropping everything now and prepping the ingredients I need to bake for you.  I had not yet time to reply, but I did read your letter and look forward to talking about anything other than boys.  

Love,

Emerald”

Anjewel sighed in relief.  Valdis was still Valdis, so that much was good.  Perhaps she would have some ideas on what to do with Finn.  Anjewel wanted him to suffer for the lives he took, but so much evidence pointed to Valdis.  So much that I nearly believed it. Or did believe it. Or wasn’t surprised enough to disbelieve it.

Caught up in her ruminations, Anjewel hadn’t realized how much time had gone by.  The next she knew, she heard Valdis’ voice downstairs.  “You WILL step aside. I don’t care who you are. Where is my sister?”  Anjewel couldn’t make out Finn’s reply, but didn’t need to.  A familiar noise of heels on wood rose from the staircase and Valdis broke into Anjewel’s room.

Valdis took in the room:  Anjewel’s ankle was propped up on pillows, an empty water glass by the table, a fire that looked about to go out, and a smiling sister whose grin said, “I’m sorry, I may have overstated how injured I was.”

Rushing to her side, Valdis laid on the bedside, wrapping her arms around her sister.  “I missed you too Anj. I’d have overstated an injury to see you too.  I’m sorry I haven’t had enough time.”  Anjewel heard her voice grow cold as she continued, “I brought everything I need for cookies.  Why don’t we have a chat about just how you want them baked?”

Anjewel laughed and hugged her sister.  In a whisper she replied, “He is downstairs. I cannot talk freely until he leaves. Would you mind sending him home? I’ve been stuck with him since early afternoon.  And check my side table by the couch on your way up.  If anything is still on it.”

Valdis rose and smoothed her gown.  As she left the room she turned and said, “I’m surprised you’re asking for my cooking.”

It was several minutes before Valdis returned.  In her hand she held a glass of water and some burned papers. Anjewel just nodded.  “I expected that the moment he saw you walk in the door and come upstairs. Was there much left?”  She gratefully took the water offered and sipped slowly.

“There was enough.  Is this why you wrote to me? You were frightened I am killing off the boys who hurt you?”  Anjewel looked away, ashamed.  “He made it seem so… and you are so… and the cookies, the jokes…”

Valdis chuckled.  “Well, the cookies are real, and I did kill a couple.  But only the ones who REALLY hurt you. Like, the soul sucking, you were crying for months kind of hurt.”  Like the one who hurt me when she took Emmy.  “Can you prove it’s him?”

Anjewel walked Valdis through the day's events and the confession of the doctor.  “It’s him, Valdis. And I can’t cover up another one so close.  We have…. Procedures.  And this is really kind of … um… your kind of problem now isn’t it?  I took care of your guy - sort of.  So. You know.  Cookies.  We just need to find out who paid off the doctor.  But not today.  After all, I’ve a broken ankle.”  

Valdis brushed Anjewel’s hair back and adjusted her blankets.  Soon, Anjewel felt her energy start to fade and her eyes droop.  Looking at her now empty glass she said, “Valdis - I’m feeling sleepy all of a sudden.  What did you do?”  

Valdis’ eyes narrowed.  “Nothing love. Just gave you some water.  Rest well.  In the morning we’ll have coffee and cookies for breakfast.”

[vonahalv]

The Mystery (part 3/?)

Later that same day...

“Jewel.  JEWEL.  I can’t get the door and carry you.  Open it for me.”  Coming out of her reverie, Anjewel apologized.  “I’m so sorry Finn! It must be the pain. I was lost in just trying to stay awake.  I hear that when you’re dreadfully hurt you shouldn’t fall asleep.”  As she was offering up this explanation, she opened the door and took in her surroundings while Finn walked her in.

He sat her gently on a chair and went to the check in counter.  Finn was speaking low, but she heard snippets of the conversation, including a note that the doctor was out for lunch and would be back soon.

The door opened again and Anjewel took a look to her left.  She felt the look of shock on her face and worked quickly to turn it into one of pain.  It’s HIM.  How terribly lucky.  I hope to never tire of saying that. It’s the only way I can stay in this line of work.  He walked past Finn and nodded to the receptionist.  The draenei is good. He showed no acknowledgement of knowing Finn, and Finn is oblivious right now.  Interesting.   Just then she heard Finn gasp.  “My gold pouch!  Jewel, I was going to cover this, but … well… I just had it.  Do you think someone in the crowd?  This is horrible!”

“It’s ok Finn.  I can handle it.  She looked past him to the receptionist and held up a coin.  “Why don’t you go see if you can find it? We haven’t been gone long, and I’m certain a good citizen has held onto it for you.  I can manage now.”  He nodded, replying, “Yes. That’s a good plan. I’ll be back for you soon.”  After Finn left, Anjewel stood and limped around the office looking at the paintings on the wall. 

It didn't take long for the receptionist to call her and Anjewel made her way to the indicated door down the hallway. Working to keep up the charade, Anjewel limped slowly placing her hands along the wall. Occasionally she would hit the wall just a little too loud, listening at the same time to see if there were hollow noises coming from the wall. She opened the door that had been indicated and saw the draenei sitting behind a desk.  He motioned to an examination table and moved to meet her there.

Anjewel closed and locked the door behind her.

The moment he got up from his chair and walked away from the desk, Anjewel was behind him.  She had pulled her daggers from behind her back, and she now had one touching his lower back, Is this where the kidneys are? I should remember…. and another held to his throat. 

“Two things, Doctor.  I’m not hurt.  And if you tell me the truth, you won’t be either.  I saw you exit from the Slaughtered Lamb.  I assume you hold a measure of power.  I’m holding the Fangs of the Devourer.  Fangs I took from Akaari Shadowgore.  Do you think you’re more powerful than Akaari Shadowgore?”

She felt him swallow as his tendrils pushed against the dagger in her hand.  “I’m just a middle man.  I hold the meetings because the Master cannot come to Stormwind. No one knows who I am, and I know only how to play a part.  My business is not doing well since the Uncrowned began taking a cut, and I’m working to supplement my income.”

She pushed the dagger against him a bit more, drawing some blood from his back.  “The meeting today with the man who brought me in. I want to know.”

Beads of sweat began to pour down his face, and yet she noticed his body wasn’t as tense as it should have been had he really been frightened.  “He was tasked by the Master to remove a support beam for the First within the Black Harvest.  For years he has been a friend to her sister and agreed to separate her.  I believe he’s been killing her ex-boyfriends and blaming the First, all in an effort to breed distrust.  He confirmed today it was done, and thus received his payment. He was set to simply watch her now until further notice.”

With each word, Anjewel’s mouth grew dryer and dryer, her feet threatening to give out from underneath her - for real this time.  The draenei felt his opportunity and pushed against her, his thick tail attempting to sweep her legs as he caught her off balance.  Anjewel called upon the Fangs and disappeared into shadow.  Her world slowed down and she jumped.  From above him she could see him turn in fear and dart for his desk.  I hate this part. Why do they try?

As she made her way over him, she released the shadow and fell onto his back - daggers plunging into soft flesh.  Yup, it was the kidneys. Good to know.  He screamed in agony as the poison entered his body. Grinning, she twisted the daggers further into him.

“I guess you didn’t know who Akaari Shadowgore was, huh?”  And with that, she dropped a dagger, grabbed a tendril, pulled back his head and slit his throat. 

Waiting to ensure he was dead, Anjewel slowly became aware of noises in the hallway, raised in concern, and heard the voice of the receptionist growing closer.  “Miss Black, Miss Black - is everything alright?”

“Yes Evette, thank you.  Call the cleaning crew would you?  I’m afraid the doctor made quite a mess of my ankle and there is blood just everywhere.  He’s gone and fainted and might need some attention himself.”

She didn’t need to see it to know that Evette would get the patients and their doctors or nurses back in their rooms and help keep them calm.  This was a place of professionalism of course. The Uncrowned, of which she was a part, would always ensure a professional atmosphere. But now I need to do something about this ankle. By the Light. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.  This strange litany passed through her as she clamped down on the leather handle of her dagger, stood on the desk and stepped off.  Moving her ankle at the last second, it hit hard and she heard a crack.  

Dragging herself to the medical table, Anjewel climbed up, put her daggers away and waited.  Soon, Evette entered, followed by an Uncrowned physician.  “What do you think doc? Does it look bad?”

After a short examination he replied, “You did a pretty good job.  Nice angle, clean break.  We can make the cover story work.  You’ll need to do a thorough write up on why you killed a staff member though.  In the meantime we’ll arrange for him to go missing.”  So many are missing lately. And now this one is mine. “You’ll be off your feet for several weeks, so I’ll put in a notice that you’re to be disqualified from mobile work.  Though maybe we can arrange for some stakeouts.”

“Understood.  I’ll write Valdis and see if she’s up for some family time.  And perhaps I can get Finn involved. Would you mind hand delivering a letter to her? It’s urgent, and it’s related to the debrief I’ll be giving later.”

Evette nodded and brought in some writing supplies. As the physician, John, worked on her ankle, and Evette worked to clean up any blood that found its way on Anjewel, she wrote:

“Dearest Emerald,

I was badly injured today, and if not for the swift assistance of my favorite physician, I don’t know if I would have managed.  I am told I cannot work and need round the clock aid for a short time.  Please tell me that my dearest person is available to console me and bake me my favorite cookies.  I think I may have figured out your secret ingredient and know just where you can get some at this time of year.  This messenger is known to me and will await your response. I have not yet received a response from my last letter, and if you have not yet crafted one, I beg you answer me in person.

Love,

Ruby”

Finishing her letter, Anjewel turned to Evette.  

“Evette, Valdis is cautious and I have advised her you will wait.  If she requires proof, mention that “the Ruby misses the Sapphire”. She will know you are known to me and should trust you.”  She turned to the physician.  “John, would you mind getting me out front before Finn is back?  I don’t need him trying to come back here to comfort me.”

Anjewel had just enough time to grab a seat, tuck her daggers away and smooth her hair before Finn walked in the door.  The look on his face was all she needed to make this hellscape of an afternoon better.  “No luck then Finn? I’m so sorry.”

She almost felt as if he cared for when she saw the look on his face as he took in her appearance.  He tried to take me from Valdis. He worked to undermine her and bring harm to her. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. Murderous rage flowed through her and she struggled to hold on.  Cleaning up one death would already be tough enough to do, and she didn’t care to explain two.

[vonahalv]

The Mystery (Part 2/?)

Two Days Later in the Mage District

Finn entered the dark building.  Despite being located in a popular district of Stormwind, this place was always dark and nearly deserted.  It gave him chills just entering the building. Maybe it was the name - the Slaughtered Lamb - or perhaps it was the fact that once you walked into the basement you realized it wasn’t a tavern at all.  

~~~

Outside, Anjewel had been walking across the rooftops engaging in her normal, albeit personal, patrol.  She was on her way to the Mage District to check for incoming mail.  It had been two days since she wrote Valdis and wanted to see if a reply had been sent.  Anjewel spotted Finn walking alone and was just about to jump down and call for his attention when he entered the Warlock Coven.  A chill ran down her back as Valdis’ words ran through her mind. It’s a hard position Anj. Everyone wants power and I hold it. I don’t know whom to trust and every day someone new works to thwart all I’ve worked for to restore order and defend Azeroth.  I can always trust you, right?

Anjewel swallowed hard and realized that she had been too open with Finn, and he knew Valdis led the Black Harvest - an organization once thought dead until the Legion threatened to take their world once more.  While the information could be found out, it was hard to do, and Anjewel had just given it away.

It’s Finn.  I’ve known him forever. This is just Val’s paranoia eating away at me.  I can’t handle it anymore.  I already have to write her in code, and I can’t use her real name in conversation. This is ridiculous. I don’t know what he’s doing, but he’s not going after Valdis.  Still, she found herself unmoving from the rooftop as she watched for his exit, her expected reply forgotten.

~~~

Within the Slaughtered Lamb, Finn made his way down the darkened staircase.  Working from memory, as he dared not write anything down to be found, he made his way through winding corridors until he found the one he wanted.  A fel green hand surrounded by a circle was painted on the door.  He knocked once, then twice, then once more before taking a step back.  

A voice rumbled from behind the door, “Enter.”

Finn entered the room and closed the door behind him.  Sitting behind a large, hard carved and sparsely decorated desk, sat a Draenei in a robe. Though the robe was hooded and covered most of the figure's features, the tendrils hanging from his chin gave his race away.  The figure motioned, and Finn moved to stand just a few paces away from the desk.  

“What is your progress?”

“She wrote the First and cut off her ties for a time.  It is as you wish. The First is utterly alone, partly due to her own making, but now in part because of your own.  The sister does not believe, but suspects enough that trust will be hard to earn again.  The sister believes she is doomed to have only failed relationships, save the one she has with me.”

The hooded figure slid open a desk drawer and removed a pouch of gold.  He placed it on the table, and Finn felt a thrill flow through him.   It sounds so much heavier than I expected. Moving quickly to take it, Finn secured it to his belt and stepped back to his place in the room.

“Excellent. Why attack the problem head on when one can simply weaken the defenses?  Your work is complete for now.  Keep the sister away and eventually the First will fall.  She already crumbles. Just a slight nudge in the wrong direction and her position can be ours.”

The dismissal was clear, and Finn turned to leave.  He made his way back upstairs and into the daylight.  He stood to the side, closed his eyes and took a focused breath.  I am doing that more and more lately.  Is it worth this?   He took a step and the gold jingled in the pouch.  He felt his anxiety leave, and whistling he headed in the direction of home.

~~~

Her heart fell within her chest.  I’m not the best at my job, but I’m not an idiot.  He didn’t have that pouch going in, and that’s the fifth time in two days he’s had to slow down and calm his nerves.  Valdis is right, and this time I’m to blame.  Anjewel went to stand and lost her footing.  She landed on the roof, her hands slamming into the tiles before she rolled off onto the soft ground below. 

A few moments later, Anjewel opened her eyes to see Finn staring at her.  Fuck.  She looked around to find that he wasn’t the only one looking.  As she perused the faces staring in her direction, she saw a draenei leaving the Slaughtered Lamb.  Time to think about that later.  Filing away his facial features, Anjewel laughed. “Ooops!  I was practicing and must have slipped.  Finn, what are you doing here?”  She struggled to get up, and Finn offered his hand.

As she got up, Anjewel worked at the clasps on his new money pouch before throwing an arm around his neck and leaning on him.  “I’d stand tippy toe to kiss you right now, but I’m afraid I sprained my ankle. Can you carry me to the physician around the corner?”  The crowd was gathering around them now, and she knew there would be no better time.  She feigned falling against him and in doing so she caused the coin purse to drop.  A well timed shriek of pain covered the sound of money hitting the ground.

“Of course Jewel.  Let me.”  He wrapped her arms around his shoulders and scooped her up.  The crowd around them cheered and Anjewel looked behind to ensure that some untrustworthy soul took the gold pouch.  It didn’t take long, and Anjewel rested her head against Finn's shoulder.  “Thank you Finn.  I should probably practice closer to the ground next time.”  As he carried her two blocks down, she thought about that draenei and worked to memorize his face before the details became blurred through pain medication.

Draenei would never willingly work with the Legion, demons or the Black Harvest.  So if a draenei has, they are a traitor to their race.  Now I just need to find him and coerce the truth out of him.  Another thought, more chilling than the others so far, raced through her mind. What if it wasn’t Valdis? Finn has been working extremely hard to get me to believe Valdis is responsible for this large case of missing persons.  But he has A LOT of information for someone who just cares for my general well being. If that’s true, my latest letter played right into plans I’m only just now beginning to suspect.  And how long has he been at this? It has to be recent… it has to.

[vonahalv]

The Mystery

((Part 1/? of an OC based in World of Warcraft))

" I just don't know Finn." Anjewel strode back and forth across the floor, pacing nervously. She looked to her friend, a human like herself, with jet black hair, a tightly cropped beard and striking blue eyes. He returned her nervous gaze.

"I don't want to believe you. She is my sister and would never do anything to hurt me." Anjewel sighed heavily and turned away.  "I also cannot disagree with you. It seems to be a pattern, and when I tell her about a bad breakup, that guy goes missing within a few months. BUT, it's not like they're not involved in some pretty shady shit. Maybe I just have a knack for picking the wrong guys."

Finn moved around the countertop island where he had just been preparing some lunch for his friend. He stopped Anjewel from pacing and took her hands in his. "You do pick some pretty dumb guys. I can't be the only one telling you this. But it's not like I have much luck either. Regardless of your 'knack' and my bad luck, we are seeing a trend and it's time you address it."

"And do what Finn? Confront my sister, the head of the Black Harvest, and tell her that she's not allowed to kill my ex-boyfriends? I'm sure that will go over just peachy." She allowed the sarcasm to drip heavily in her speech as she pulled her hands away and rolled her eyes. "You and I have been friends long enough to know that that's just not going to happen."

Finn took a step back, closed his eyes, and allowed himself a focused breath. When he looked at her again, she had moved to the table and was investigating the timeline he had put together.  Her auburn hair swayed as she moved, and he caught her profile in the light. She was in her usual makeup, her eyes lined in black, and the red pendant on her neck glistened in the sun.

She is stunning.  The thought floated to the surface of his mind and he pushed it back down as quickly as it rose.  “Take your time Jewel.  If it’s true she would never hurt you, then asking the question cannot cause any problems.  In the meantime though, perhaps you shouldn’t go running to your sister every time you have a breakup. Especially at this rate.”

He moved back to the countertop to finish preparing lunch, and found her there waiting for him.  A surprised gasp left him and he allowed the embarrassment to show on his face. “I’ve asked you not to do that!”  A punch landed on his shoulder and her eyes danced playfully.  “I’ll do as I like, both with the number of men in my life and scaring you.  They’re equally fun, sans the consequences. But perhaps you're right.  Valdis doesn’t need to know every time I have a bad relationship, and if they stop disappearing maybe I don’t have to talk to her about it. Now, how can I help?”

~~~

Later that night, Anjewel sat down to pen a letter to her sister.

“Dearest Emerald,

For once, everything is fine.  I’m taking a break from relationships to focus on me.  With each breakup I found myself looking to the sky and asking Dad why I couldn’t find someone who would do for him as he did for Mom.  And I don’t think that’s fair.  I can’t ask anyone to fill his shoes, and what they had was special.  Anyways.  I know you’re super busy and stressed all the time, so this will be one less thing for you to worry about.  Next time we meet, I promise we won’t talk about boys.  Maybe I will have an interesting job we can discuss.  If the fates are kind at any rate.

Love,

Ruby”

Finn watched from a spot by the fireplace as she finished the letter at her desk and sealed it in an envelope.  Once she had put it in her pack, he patted the couch space next to him. She plopped down next to him.  “Do you feel better taking that first step?”

She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I do. I’m all about not confronting things when I can avoid them. It’s the human condition.”

Kissing her head softly he murmured, “I’ve been wondering why we keep looking for others when we can be looking at each other?”  Her body grew tense and she pulled away from him before turning back toward him.

“Finn. We’ve known each other forever. We’re best friends. Why would we look at each other when we can look at other people? That’s the BEST QUESTION I NEVER THOUGHT TO ASK. Maybe because I was looking for something different, and neglecting someone great right here.”

Her response was greeted with a warm smile as he leaned in.  “May I?”

[vonahalv]

The Search

((After several playthroughs on the storylines, and knowing my friend wanted to wrap up the Sith Warrior story, I decided to play a very Sith like character and steal Baras’ apprentice from under his nose.  It’s working -- so far)).

Morsk looked upon the red sand with a mixture of disgust and  delight. He was home, and that reminded him of everything he hated and adored.  The cold air chilled his lungs, and he allowed it to wash over him, cleansing him, strengthening him.  His red skin glistened and the gold jewelry adorning his face shimmered in the light of the sun overhead. 

His orange eyes flickered over the ruins in the distance, and he could hear, even from his vantage point, the sound of vibroblades cutting flesh and the screams of those who would not graduate their training.

Red desert sand, blistering sun \ Hiding a rose, Force be my guide \ She will be my pride

The small poem flitted through his mind, and he smiled.  One of his few luxuries, Morsk enjoyed reading good poetry and often attempted his own.  Running a hand through his short black hair, Morsk walked briskly down the ramp and headed for the Academy.  He had paid greatly for this privilege and mentally vowed to not let it be wasted.  

His rival, Darth Baras, was set to select a new apprentice, and Morsk had promised to beat him to it.  He knew Baras preferred women, ones just strong enough in the Force to do his work, but easy enough to manipulate with promises he would not keep.  Morsk intended to watch, and wait, until Baras made his move, and intercept the trainee to adopt them as his own.  They would still serve Baras, but only to help Morsk undermine his rivals' plans.

Morsk could not suppress his grin as he considered his plans and walked the steps up to the Academy.  It had been well over thirty years since he had finished his own training here. For his ploy, Morsk had bribed the guards to let him “repeat” his training, being treated as a new Force sensitive, so he could scout out talent on a more personal level.  Morsk was excited to see what had changed, and if the training was as sufficient for the new recruits as it had been for him during his time on Korriban.

Overhead, he heard the noise of another shuttle landing.  Perfect. I made it here before the rest arrived.  He made his way toward the secondary shuttle landing pad and waited, letting the Force guide him.  His gaze washed over each recruit leaving the platform and heading into the cool temperatures the Academy promised.  Her.  His gaze moved to where the Force led him, and he found himself smirking.  Yes.  She was stunning.  And powerful.  

The novice clothes clung to her body, and her long white hair was bouncing in a loose ponytail behind her.  We’ll need to fix that.  Perhaps a braid, or a loose bun. I’m certain she will excel and be chosen by Baras.  Now, to see to it that she fits my purposes.

Leaping across to the platform from which she left, he ran until he was a few paces behind her and began a leisurely stroll. 

“Hey - ponytail! Wait up for me.”

[vonahalv]

F*** Their Definitions

Final diary entry when working on understanding my character and all the delicious drama surrounding her and the partner she was working with.

(dated today)

Fuck their definitions.  Fuck that I’m struggling with changing my own.  I know their version of love empowers empathy and compassion…   

Fuck that my version means I need to know I mean something. That I’m more to him than anyone else out there.  That he doesn’t want to explore anyone else because I’m enough.  That when he wants to go have fun, I’m the one he seeks out to join him in it.  That he protects me because he wants more time with me, or because at that moment I am truly helpless… not because it’s his job to protect the people in his path or because it feeds his ego.

What about a definition of love that empowers forgiveness, sacrifice, faith, hope?  

Something that helps me stay even when I want to leave. Something that grants me power to overcome, to weep for a night and stand strong in the morning.  Something that allows me to tell the world to fuck off when it tries to beat me down.

Because he is more important to me than anyone else. Because I think of him constantly and want to explore all the known worlds with him.  Because I’ve never been to Rishi, but I already love it. 

I’ve heard that the Sith say it’s passion that leads to strength.  I want it to be love.  

Even in the dead of night when things look bleak and hope tries to flee, my love for him finds me.  It helps me wake up and do it all again the next day. And the next day, and the next day, and the next.  At least until the day comes when I can’t anymore.  

Then I think of those eyes and hope that day never comes.

[vonahalv]

Sometimes I wish

Second of three diary entries written to get into my characters headspace for a joint rp story.

(dated during their time on Tatooine)

Sometimes I wish Havoc Squad never recruited me. 

I wouldn’t have found a team just to lose them.  I wouldn’t have felt that sting of betrayal and abandonment.  Again.  I wouldn’t have been made an authorized Republican bounty hunter tracking down traitors who are just disillusioned people and having to lie to everyone in my life.

It’s amazing what happens to your heart every time you look someone in the eyes and say,”I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”  When you see their heart break, hear that sharp intake of breath. When you realize they trusted you and they know you think so little of them that you lie to their face. And you know you can never have a real relationship with them.  And you can never apologize.  

Can never say, “I’m sorry Jonas. I trust you and I like you and I’d love that drink.”  You can never go back to Alderran and say, “Wait, I for realsies pardoned that noble.  Just joking you dumbass politician. He’s miiiiine bitches.”

But also...

Because I wouldn’t have met him. My heart wouldn’t have lept when I felt him diving into battle beside me because he had free time and he could.  It would have meant that the Force could have given him someone else that day. I could have avoided those eyes that say he loves me, while he encourages me to go find my own place with someone else. 

I wouldn’t have all this pain. I wouldn’t be lonely when he’s right beside me. I wouldn’t cry at night when he can’t see me. I wouldn’t have all those nights of won money, free drinks and laughter. I wouldn’t know what sex can be like. I wouldn’t have someone I trust with my life.   I wouldn’t have found my best friend.

Of course - The Force might have just sent him to me wherever the fuck I’d have been at that time, and I’d be here writing this anyway. So that’s an encouraging thought.

[vonahalv]

I’m in love with a Jedi

First of three short diary entries I wrote to help me get in my OCs headspace for a joint story I’m running with a friend in SWtOR. 

(dated 2-3 days after Alderaan - most likely during transit to Tatooine)

I’m in love with a Jedi.

Great. Just great.

Stories are told of unrequited love and it always seems so sweet, so romantic.  It’s bullshit.  

It’s pain.  It’s knowing you’ll never be what you want for them, to them.  It’s seeing them grieving and knowing you can’t touch them the way you want to.  It’s going out for drinks and laughing with them, while the entire time you want to be playing with their beard, touching their back, tracing their scars, kissing their lips...

It’s an endless ache.  Everytime they say they care for you or they want to protect you, knowing they will do that for anyone in their path and that you’re not special.  It’s a code, a teaching, a training, genuine global compassion that doesn’t have fuck all to do with you as a single person.

It’s serving them, willingly because you will do everything in your power to see them safe and happy, at the cost of your own.  Sacrificing, forgiving, forgoing and watching.  Wanting to move on, and feeling the dagger everytime it seems like they want you to.  Because after all, they want you to be happy.  So you should be. Right?

But my being happy means being with him.  FUCK THIS.

[vonahalv]

Shared History

This poem was written after my husband of 25+ years sent me an image on Telegram.  Most of our conversation happens through images and gifs since we know each other so well.  I was inspired to write a short note, which turned into an impromptu poem.

I'm just taking a moment to appreciate your image above, my heart swells with love I think of all the small things that bring us joy and how we can share, of how it brings us together and grows how deeply we care

a smile breaks out upon my face, the glow in my heart keeps pace I burst with pride and gloat that I can call you mine Your clever mind inspires mine in kind, and we build worlds where drama unfurls

we teach, we learn, we tease and we burn You craft and I weep, while I draft and you reap

We build and build and build, our own language, a secret from everyone outside where we speak a word and pull from thousands of moments unearthed over years of history that belongs to only us

We hide in each other, pull from inside and create a wonderful place for both to reside.

[vonahalv]

Wait - That’s a joke. Right?

This deal couldn’t have gone worse. The thought played over and over in her head as she was crouched down behind her cargo crates. She heard blaster fire and smelt burning hair.  That last shot was too close for comfort. 

“Damnit.”  Waiting for a stop in the blaster fire, she chanced a peek up over the crates. I don’t see him.  Sliding back down to the floor, she yelled, “Bowdaar, where are you?!”  His growling cadence reverberated from across the room.  He was under fire himself and couldn’t move in her direction.  From her right, a strong voice rang out, “Do not worry Dali. I have observed a pattern in their fire. You will be alright.”  

She turned in the direction of his voice and saw him striding confidently in her direction.  “Dezzak?! What are you doing here - I thought you were staying on board.”  The air around him shimmered, a sight she had become used to after all of these years.  He was pulling the Force around him as a shield.  Flashing her a smile as he settled behind the crates next to her, he replied  “I was, but then I felt something was going terribly wrong. Looks like I was right.”

“I am so damn happy to see you.”  Bowdaar growled the same from his position and Daliett pointed behind her to the left.  “He’s hunkered down behind those crates.”  Dali took a moment to appreciate the quiet strength he radiated and looked into his beautiful violet eyes.  “Well - Get us out of here cream puff.”  She loved seeing the exasperation on his face at the nickname she gave him years ago.  “Dali, how many times do I -”  his retort was cut off as a thermal grenade landed nearby.  She looked at him and shrugged.  

Dezzak closed his eyes and moved his hand.  The grenade lifted, and as if with an invisible hand, was thrown back in the direction of the attackers, blowing up not two seconds later.  Dezzak pulled Dali to him and she felt the familiar warmth of his arms, drew in the smell of his soap and let herself forget the chaos for a second. The explosion rocked across the room, but where the two of them sat, everything remained intact, another Force shield keeping the two of them safe from the raining metal.

Bowdaar growled from behind them and Dali rose, turning, and using this opportunity, began firing at the pirates across the room.  Dezzak walked forward, calmly, pulling up crates and throwing them at those attacking them.  Bowdaar provided cover fire for Dezzak, ensuring that anyone looking in his direction would not be doing so for long.  Within moments, it was over.

“Is everyone alright?”  Her voice rang out across the now quiet warehouse.  Dezzak and Bowdaar both gave their affirmation, but Dali noticed that Bowdaar was nursing a wound.  “I’ll get you patched up at the ship Bowdaar - let’s get what we came for.”  Dezzak walked over to the highly decorated crate the pirates had been guarding.  He opened it and peered inside.  “It’s all here, blossom. We have retrieved what we came for.”

She walked up beside him and held his hand.  “Thanks for the rescue. You’re my hero.”  He looked down at her and smiled. “You say that every time.”  As she looked up at him, and before her brain could catch up with her heart, she threw her arms around his neck.  “It’s because it’s true every time.”  And with that she stood on her toes and kissed him.  

Bowdaar stood there, speechless. He watched as she kissed Dezzak, and as Dezzak wrapped his arms around her waist and let her.  Finally.  A creaking of metal and a falling piece of scaffolding brought the three of them back to the reality of the moment, and both Dali and Dezzak broke apart.

“Um.  Um.  I’m… Uh..We should go.”  Dali blushed and bent to close the crate before turning on the suspension so they could float it out to the ship.  “Right. Yes. We… uh….I’ll scout ahead to ensure we’re safe on the way back.”  Dezzak turned and began the trek back toward the ship.  

Bowdaar took up pace near Dali and growled quietly.  And all she said in reply, and for the remainder of the journey back to the ship was, “Yeah, yeah, I know it’s about time.” 

The next two days on the ship were awkward - for everyone but Bowdaar.  He seemed to walk around with a permanent grin on his face and laughed anytime Dali or Dezzak had to pass by the other in a corridor or in the break room. The laughing did not help the mood, and at one point Dali seriously considered punching him in the same wound she had just recently patched up.

Dali spent most of her time in her work room.  Since she had gotten Dezzak to see the fun in nicknames, he had been trying some out on her.  It’s all here, blossom.  That was new, and she liked it.  As she worked, she thought about him and everything they had been through together.  She remembered the chagrin on his face when he told her he had to approve Jalak and Cina getting married.  The blush she brought to his face on Corellia when she asked for a kiss as payment for her work.

And most recently, the way he felt when he held her in that warehouse.  She picked a pink flower from a plant on her desk and added it to the other flowers, roots and leaves in her jar.  Soaking it all in alcohol, she covered it and decided to go speak with him.  

For his part, Dezzak attempted meditation, reading, pacing, even watching some of his favorite historical documentaries.  While it helped, everything would crumble when Bowdaar would chuckle as he walked by.  The chuckle reminded him of the kiss, of how she felt when his arms, which have a mind of their own apparently, wrapped around her waist.  

He thought of the times she had patched him up and how her fingers felt against his skin, and the way she cried for him when he shared parts of his life that had caused him pain. 

He rose from his meditation pillow and decided to go speak with her.  

As each of them came out of their respective rooms and turned down the hallway, they saw the other already headed in their direction.  

Dali blushed, stood her ground and gave a small wave.  Dezzak blushed, stood his ground, and gave a small nod.  Tension crackled through the air, and the ten feet between them felt as if it could be a mile wide.  They both spoke at the same time.

In a very rushed and apologetic tone Dali started with, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t…” and at the same time Dezzak said, “ I was thinking I’d like to repeat…”

The two of them stopped and Dezzak said, “You first.”  

A minute went by as she processed what he could have been trying to say.  She took a step closer to him as she asked, “What do you mean you’d like to repeat -- repeat what?”  Her question had a teasing tone to it, one he was still getting used to. “I’m not sure I can call up a firefight on demand, you know.” She paused.  “Or was it the two days of awkward silence we’ve endured?”

He noticed she deliberately left out the kiss, and he knew enough of her by now to know this was the joke.  Now, he could turn the tables on her.  “Yes. That’s exactly what I mean.” and he turned to return to his room.  He was rewarded with a sigh, and finally understood the joy she took in exasperating him.  After he had moved a few paces he heard, “Wait. That’s a joke, right?”

He laughed and turned to find her right behind him.  He was regularly surprised with how fast and quietly she could move when she wanted.  Wasting no time, she threw her arms around his neck, stood on her toes, and kissed him.

[vonahalv]

Poem: Do I Want To?

Do I want to know you? Do I want to even try? Of all the other times before I tried, and then I died. God says if we move to save our life we lose it and lose it I just may if it can keep me from experiencing another painful day Do I want to day to hope now? Do I want to dare to dream? Of all the other times before I was condemned for being me. Yet through the pain and loss I’ve felt through wounds I never thought I’d bear I feel hope rise within me; bubbling up through my despair. God tells me my real questions aren’t “Do I want to hope and dream?” Instead He simply asks “Do you think you can trust me?”

“I can bear all of your despair, carry all your pain. Those wounds you never wanted were aimed at me instead.” “Don’t let the devil tell you you aren’t who I inspired, and let those in your life love you the way that I provided.”

“Don’t die for the wrong reasons, don’t hide within your pain. Let your life be spilled in love instead of fear and shame.”

My real questions aren’t  “Do I want to know you? Do I want to even try?”

Instead He simply asks “Can you come to me and die?”

[vonahalv]

Poem Excerpt from the Diary of Vona Jadefire

the pressure to be something more      why is it so wrong to just be me can it not be like it was before      once we were four, but now three

where has love gone, was it really there?      is it lost, could we find it again? I reach for you, hope sent on prayer      winding stairs, empty halls, leather stuffed dens

what makes family such a trial      solace in the arms of one who knows being together shouldn’t feel like survival      yet I can only ever express this love in prose

the search can never end you know?      for power, family, justice, love when only some can be found though      one will see what comes when push turns to shove

[vonahalv]

Sharing here. Disappointed but not surprised I hadn't heard of this before. If you can, some of these still have goals to meet.