#If stephanie was going to write a book about edward

[camelspit]

"I was suddenly reminded of a painting I'd seen many years ago." Edward. Edward I don't care. I genuinley can't express enough how little I care.

[cheriecelestial]

Jacob Black's Self Saving System Pt.1

disclaimer *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ crack.swearing.not proofread

synopsis *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Jason, a self-proclaimed no. 1 Stephenie Meyer hater, finds himself unexpectedly transmigrated into the very novel he disdained. Following this ironic twist of fate, he is now tasked with the challenge of creating a better version of the story himself.

a/n *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Inspired from @duckysprouts ’s series. It’s so good ⁉️‼️. If you haven’t seen it already, PLEASE GO CHECK IT OUT. Like finally svsss content that isn’t shizun sphinx cats or binghe skin creature abomination. Art and concept so fresh it made my heart cry with joy and pulled me out of my three-month long writing slump. So, I humbly present this as an offering to our lord and savior, Ducky. Comment, Reblog and Like (∩˃o˂∩)♡

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer was a modern classic in its renaissance era with a large cult that loved to hate it. Set in a place with relentless rain, mist shrouded forest and an ethereal light piercing the gloom — the light being the one of only Edward Cullen. Though the statement is subject to fan bias — he was a man, rather sparkly vampire, who somehow managed to be both irresistible and perpetually constipated. 

Nonetheless, his charms never overshadowed the stellar performance of our female lead, Isabella Marie Swan— better known as Bella — a teenager who gained worldwide fame for having a personality less vibrant than a wet cabbage. Together, they navigated the perilous world of teenage angst, vampire baseball, millenia old racist italian politicians and werewolves with a curious t-shirt allergy, all in an impressively monotone palette.

It was a heartwarming tale that began with awkward stares, cryptic yet nauseatingly clichéd conversations and Bella’s inexplicable attraction to danger, making the romance as thrilling as it was perplexing. Meanwhile, the supporting cast of her high school friends, each with their own irrelevant quirks and subplots, served as convenient plot devices — appearing and disappearing at the whim of the author.

And as if her love life wasn’t tumultuous enough, Bella befriended Jacob Black. A werewolf who, unsurprisingly, hated all things vampire and Edward Cullen in particular. Between Edward’s brooding, Jacob’s abs and Bella’s classic damsel-in-distress antics that made poor Elena Gilbert seem unremarkable by comparison — the story unfolded with the subtlety of a glitter bomb and reached unprecedented heights of melodrama. Something that helped the tale become a global phenomenon, demonstrating that improbable love stories can indeed shine in their own sparkly “skin-of-a-killer” fashion.

“This has to be the worst piece of literature I’ve ever read in my life.” Those were strong words from a man who spent years and at least six hundred dollars collecting softbacks and hardbacks in every special and limited edition the series offered. Jason Black was an anti-fan who lived to scoff at the literary mediocrities of authors who, after taking one look at their drafts, believed they deserved to be released into the world as actual literature. Such people, often inspired by similar works, spawned their own deranged narratives, subsequently contaminating the sanctity of literature. 

In layman’s terms, Jason was a fervent hater of the highest order. He had a long list of things he despised about the series, yet curiously, re-watching the movies and re-reading the books always found its way to the top of his to-do list every other weekend. But do not get him wrong, not once did he say anything in favour of the series. Jason simply considered it one of those brain-rotting pieces that needed to be experienced to truly appreciate the beauty of classics like Emily Brontë and Jane Austen.

_username_1 : Bruh stfu. You’re probably an unemployed loner with nothing better to do in life than to be a keyboard warrior.  

_username_2 : then idk buddy don’t read it ? It’s not that hard. 

Jason huffed at the screen crossily, his fingers dancing over the keyboard unsure of what to type next. With a sigh, he stretched his arms as if preparing for battle. And a battle it was — being an anti-fan required more dedication, practice and patience than being a regular fan. What he didn’t realize was that he had knocked a water bottle off the table onto the frayed cord of his PC.

He couldn't fathom why people defended it as if their lives depended on it. If he ever met Stephenie Meyer, Jason would have a long talk with her about the plot—or rather, the lack thereof. With the number of plot holes in the books, they could qualify as swiss cheese. The inconsistencies were glaring: if sunlight made them sparkle, wouldn't they still sparkle during the day, just less brilliantly ? How did Jasper and Alice not overhear the phone call despite having super-hearing ? Why did Jasper go ballistic over a papercut when he attended a school where students would get paper cuts and scrapes all the time ? Why were vampires and werewolves the only species to exist ? And why was Bella, or more specifically her blood, so exceptional ? Did she perhaps descend from a line of flavourful blood havers or was it due to her mother's partial albinism ?

Was she special because she was the female lead, or was she the female lead because she was special ? There were so many unanswered questions and half-assed excuses for the events in the story that most explanations came from clever fans trying to make sense of things the author clearly put no effort into planning or thinking through. These questions had plagued him since he first read the series, and the lack of satisfying answers only fueled his irritation. So much so that Jason was embarrassed for the author. Regardless, he didn’t like the direction this conversation was going so he did what any intelligent person would do, i.e., spew hate comments and log off. 

edward_my_bbg : Dumbfuck novel, Dumbfuck author 

And as if on cue, a new notification popped up, dragging him back into the fray. It was another comment, this time mocking his apparent obsession with the series he claimed to hate. Jason’s face flushed with irritation as he furiously typed a retort, but before he could hit send, his screen flickered and went black. 

He looked down and realized the water bottle he had knocked over had short-circuited his PC. With a groan, Jason leaned back in his chair, staring at the dark screen. It seemed the universe had decided to give him a break from his self-imposed battle. His hand fumbled in the dark for the plug only to feel water on the surface. The sharp pain and crackle of electricity were the last things he knew before he plunged headfirst into endless darkness.

[Activation Code:「Dumbfuck Author, Dumbfuck Novel」 ]

[System activated] 

[Pairing command successful]

“What system ?” Jason asked out loud into the void even though he knew that it was most likely a figment of his imagination. He hadn’t expected to receive a reply however he did receive one much to his surprise. 

[Welcome to the system. During the opening of the 「you can you up」system currently in its development phase, we wish to provide you with the best experience. It is our sincere hope that during the process, you will achieve what you have stated: to transform a piece of stupid writing in accordance with your wishes into a high-end, expansive, and classic work. We wish you happiness.]

Jason blinked, trying to make sense of the message. He glanced around the dim room, half-expecting to see some kind of holographic interface or futuristic display but there was nothing. Just the voice in his head and the darkness. “What the hell is this ?” he muttered, feeling a mix of confusion and curiosity.

[You have been selected to participate in the beta phase of the 「you can you up」 system. Your task is to improve the story you despise, turning it into a masterpiece. All resources and guidance will be provided to you. Do you accept this challenge ?]

Jason hesitated, the situation seemed absurd, yet a part of him was intrigued. As he sat in silence, a thought occurred to him—what if he could actually fix all the plot holes that drove him up a wall ? Maybe this was his chance to prove he could do better. But then, the possibility of all of this being real seemed too slim. How did he get here ? What happened to him after the electric shock? Was he dying, or was he already dead ? "And if I don't accept ?" he asked, uncertainty and fear bleeding into his voice despite his attempt at maintaining his composure. The system responded quickly in the same mechanical tone as before.

[Your connection between your former body and soul was severed before the initiation of the program. If you choose not to accept, you will be returned to your previous reality with no changes made. This opportunity is unique and will not be offered again.]

“Severed from my body ? Wait— doesn’t that mean I’ll die if I don’t accept ?” Jason's question hung in the air, met with nothing but silence from the system. The lack of response only confirmed his fear.

The system's silence was deafening, seemingly pressing him to make a decision. Realizing he had little choice, Jason took a deep breath. “Fine, I accept,” he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. How bad could it possibly be ? 

[Command acknowledged. Initializing story rewrite mode.]

The void around him began to shift and wrap. Till now he felt as though he was floating with no sensation except the system’s sound. His reality dissolved into swirling colours and Jason felt himself being pulled into a vortex. When the chaos settled, he heard a man’s voice call out to him. Unlike the clinical tone of system, this voice felt comforting and personal. He could feel tender warmth run through him however he couldn’t quite figure out what the voice was saying. 

“Son ? Can you hear me ?” 

“Dad ?” Jason murmured involuntarily, his voice hoarse as if he had just woken up from a long sleep. The gravel in the voice reminded him of the joys of his childhood when his dad was still — wait a second. Who the hell is that ?

His eyes struggled to focus as his eyelids fluttered a few times. Eventually, he was able to make out his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was the ceiling. Unlike the damp ceiling of his old apartment with its peeling plaster and harsh lighting, this one had old glow-in-the-dark moon and star stickers. It wasn’t familiar, but it seemed oddly comforting, like he had known it all his life. He slowly turned his head and saw a middle-aged man sitting on a wheelchair beside him with concern clouding his face. The man's russet complexion was lined with wrinkles yet his hair was long and lustrous.

“Where am I ?” 

“You’re at home. You’ve been asleep for so long, it’s alright if you’re confused. Take your time son.” The man he called ‘dad’ answered sincerely.

Jason’s mind raced as he tried to piece together what had happened. The familiarity of the room and the comforting presence of the man didn’t align with the reality he remembered. In that moment, everything came back to him—his death, the void, the system, everything. Jason went into what could only be described as psychological shock. His brain went on autopilot.

The man reached out to grab Jason’s hand, but Jason flinched and pulled away. Slivers of hurt flashed in the old man’s eyes as he slowly withdrew his hand. Jason hadn’t meant to react so harshly, but the information dump combined with the influx of sensory input, he was simply too overwhelmed to cope.

“I-I think i need some space. Do you mind ?” Jason spoke each word carefully, then added, “...dad,” feeling strangely guilty for hurting his feelings. The old man nodded slowly and wheeled himself out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Jason jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror. "Who the FUCK is this?"

Staring back at him was a boy, fifteen or sixteen, with the same russet skin as the old man and glossy black hair that looked like it belonged in a shampoo commercial. Recognizing the features, Jason knew this could only be one person.

 [System activation successful ! Binding your role as : Jacob Black]

[System : Booting Up]

Jason, now Jacob Black, stared at his reflection in disbelief. The reality of his situation hit him like a shit ton of bricks. He brought his fist to his mouth and sobbed into it, and here he thought college was devastating. “But I’m Team Edward,” he choked out between sobs. “That’s so fucked up.”

[Thank you for initiating the execution of the system. You are not bound with the account ‘Jacob Black’. All resources and guidance will be provided to you in due time. Initial B points : 100]

Jason—Jacob—felt a rush of confusion and frustration. “Now what the hell are B points ?!” he yelled, his voice reverberating off the walls of the unfamiliar room. The loudness of his own voice startled him, making him realize just how different everything felt in this new body.

[As the plot progresses, a number of opportunities to gain more points will be available. Please make sure your B points are not lower than 0. Otherwise, the system will automatically impose penalties.]

He stumbled back from the mirror, running a hand through his hair, which was definitely longer and thicker than he remembered. He could feel the strength in his limbs, the vitality of youth coursing through him. Yet, despite the physical vigor, his mind was in turmoil. He had transmigrated into the very novel he hated; the universe always seemed to have a field day when it came to ruining his life. Jacob looked around the room that was littered with the relics of a life he had to now live — a cozy bed with rumpled sheets, a desk cluttered with schoolbooks and posters of motorcycles, bands and scenic landscapes on the walls.

“Um, so is Bella here ?” Jacob asked, scarfing down the bacon his dad made for him. Despite stressing over the role he was supposed to play in the story, he quickly adapted to his new life. He had a family, a house to live in, no worries about finding employment, no bills or taxes, a social life—or at least he assumed he had one—and, most importantly, no backaches. In hindsight, this might not be all that bad.

“Oh, you remember that ? Charlie said she’s arriving in a couple of days,” his dad, Billy, replied. Jacob felt a strange mix of anticipation and relief. Unlike most unfortunate transmigratees, he had no death flags to worry about, so he could sit back and watch Bella and Edward fall in love without “Jacob” interrupting them. Maybe he could even make things easier for Bella by acting like the perfect wingman. Who cared about making a better story anyway ? And once he had seen his OTP together, he could take his ticket out of town after the wedding and never return so that he could avoid the whole Renesmee business because some fates are worse than death.

[WARNING: Your plan is extremely dangerous and constitutes a violation. Please do not attempt it, or the system will impose strict penalties.]

Jacob choked on his water as the sudden warning window popped up in front of him. For a moment, he was so immersed in the domestic comfort of his new life that he almost forgot about the cursed system. His father looked at him with concern.

“Water went down the wrong pipe, that’s all. Nothing to worry about,” Jacob said awkwardly, trying to reassure his father. So you can read minds now ? He internally taunted the system.

[It is a feature designed to ensure maximum support for the user.]

“That’s bullshit. Also, what do you mean by violation ?” Jacob asked. Does this system really have no respect for privacy ? If he didn’t know better, he’d think it was some kind of Zuckerberg’s meta gimmick.

[You are currently at the beginning stage. OOC function freeze is activated. You must complete the beginning stage before any functions can be unlocked. If you perform any actions against the original ‘Jacob Black’ role before the functions are unfrozen, a certain number of B points will be deducted.]

Given his extensive time spent on the internet, Jacob was well aware of what OOC meant, and he knew it wasn’t a good sign. OOC stood for Out Of Character, referring to actions taken by a role that deviated from how the character was originally written.

“FUCK OFF. I’m an adult. I already finished my degree and Bella is like, a baby. And you can forget the whole Renesmee shit too. Bella belongs with Edward and and I have no intention of pursuing either her or her future daughter. So back off, you creep of a system.”

[WARNING: The system is issuing another alert. If your B points fall below 0, you will incur a penalty, which involves being automatically transported back to your original world.]

“You know, threatening me with death is really getting old,” Jacob stared at the warning message with his anger mounting. It felt like the system was encroaching on every aspect of his new life, imposing rules and restrictions without offering any clarity or real support.

He took a deep breath, trying to push past his irritation. There was no point in arguing with an automated system, especially one that clearly had its own agenda. Jacob decided to focus on what he could control. He needed to immerse himself in his role as Jacob Black and complete the introductory stage without attracting undue attention. The system’s warnings might be annoying, but he couldn’t let them derail his efforts to adapt to his new life.

As he finished his breakfast, Jacob glanced around the house. It was warm and welcoming, albeit a little messy, which was understandable. He and his dad were the only ones living there and according to his dad, he had been inexplicably unconscious for almost a week. Keeping the house tidy wasn't exactly a priority for a man worried sick about his son.

“Thanks for breakfast… Dad,” Jacob said, still not used to the idea of having a father again. There was the whole issue of stealing the real “Jacob” ’s life, dealing with imposter syndrome, and the guilt of replacing the memory of his own father by calling this old man his dad. But that was an existential crisis he chose not to mull over at the moment, especially on the precipice of the story's start. Call him selfish, but he preferred to focus on his blessings.

“I’ll go take a walk. I’ve been asleep for a while, so I need to… uh, stretch my legs,” Jacob said awkwardly, hoping Billy wouldn’t notice anything strange about his behavior.

“Sure thing, son. Also grab some red meat from the store for dinner. A growing kid like you needs that protein. And buy yourself something nice with the leftover money,” Billy replied, taking out his wallet and handing him some cash.

Jacob stared at the man in awe. As a kid who had bounced around the foster system after his dad died, he was used to being scorned and neglected. This might be part of the reason why he had become a social recluse, spending his time bashing bad literature and authors online. To him, Billy Black was the closest thing he had ever seen to an angel.

Jacob took the money, still feeling a bit dazed. “Thanks, Dad,” he managed to say, pocketing the cash. The air filling his lungs was much fresher than the pollution-riddled air of the city he used to live in. Nature seemed a lot nicer than he remembered. So, here's a lesson for the kids—don’t wait until you die and get transmigrated into a novel you hate to understand the importance of getting outside and appreciating nature. In short, go touch some fucking grass before it’s too late.

Almost as if by instinct he found himself at La Push beach. He wandered through the familiar yet new surroundings, trying to piece together his plan. If he was going to be stuck in this world, he might as well make the best of it. He thought about the story and mentally reviewed his plan. He would stay under the radar, be friendly but unobtrusive and focus on blending in with the locals. If he played his cards right, he might just manage to navigate this strange new life without getting points deducted by the system’s restrictions.

After strolling along the shore for a while, Jacob found a rock to sit on and watch the ocean. It was a stark contrast to the urban jungle he was accustomed to, this place was serene and almost idyllic.

“Ayo, is that Jacob ? Hey, Jake !” he heard someone call out. A moment later, a boy close to his age ran up to him, followed by one more. “Um, hey guys. How’s it... going ?” Socializing wasn’t one of Jacob’s strong suits; in fact, it was the exact opposite of the skill he had meticulously avoided developing over the years.

“Man, the whole crew was freaking out about you. You were out cold for a week and for no reason !” One thing Jacob appreciated about the system was the introduction tags above each character’s head. The boy speaking was named Quil, his cousin from the Quileute tribe. He knew these interactions were unavoidable, given their significance to his new role in the plot.

“Well, I got better ?” Jacob attempted a witty quip but cringed at how poorly it landed. To his surprise, the two boys just laughed. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Stop by Sam’s sometime; he’s been asking about you,” Embry said, giving Jacob a friendly slap on the shoulder.

“Wait Sam ? Right of course. Duh. Sam’s place. Got it.” Jacob replied, blinking in confusion for a moment. Sam Uley was the Alpha—or at least the to-be Alpha—of the pack Jacob was supposed to join during New Moon.

[Mild OOC warning]

“Ay man, you feeling okay ?” Embry asked again, noticing Jacob’s hesitation. Jacob froze, Embry Call was the real Jacob’s best friend and if he figured out that Jason wasn’t really Jacob, it would spell massive trouble for him.

Jacob forced a smile. “Uh, yeah. I just—” He quickly tried to think of something. What would Jacob Black say in this situation ? What does he do to feel better ? He racked his brain for answers, knowing he needed to play the part convincingly, at least till he found a way to unfreeze the OOC function.

Go bother Bella ? a small voice suggested. Bella’s not here yet dumbass, another voice countered sharply. After years of social isolation, Jason’s inner dialogue had evolved to the point where he could have entire discussions with himself. No, he wasn’t schizophrenic.

“—I was just going to grab some red meat to chow on and uh y’know, work on my bike,” he finished, hoping his voice didn’t betray his nerves.

Embry and Quil exchanged a knowing look, which made Jacob's anxiety spike only to burst into laughter. “Classic Jake. At this rate, you might end up marrying your bike,” Quil teased and Jacob laughed along, though he desperately wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again.

“Just take it easy, yeah ? We don’t want you passing out on us again. By the way, there's a sale at the store on the other side of town,” Embry squeezed Jacob’s shoulder reassuringly again. The familiarity they seemed to share with him was comforting, even if he felt like an imposter. He knew he had to get up to speed quickly if he wanted to maintain this facade. They soon parted ways and Jacob headed towards the store.

The store lady was overly enthusiastic upon seeing Jacob. He couldn’t tell if it was because of his face or the fact that he was a regular. As Jason, he had always been below average in looks and physique. Whereas, by the virtue of being the second male lead of a popular teenage romance novel, Jacob Black was undeniably attractive. With his deep-set dark eyes, prominent cheekbones, and beautiful long hair, he looked like someone Jason would have envied. Maybe he could try his hand at modeling once the story ended, because there was no way he was putting himself through college again.

And as unpredictable as the weather of Forks was, it began to rain. Normally, Jason would wait it out and then go but now that he as in Jacob’s body, he thought to test his body’s limits. Like c’mon a little drizzle isn’t going to hurt a big strong werewolf alpha-to-be. He stepped out into the rain, feeling the cool droplets on his skin. It was refreshing, almost invigorating. Jacob’s body seemed to handle the cold and wet far better than Jason’s ever did. As he made his way back the store, he noticed people giving him friendly nods and waves. It felt strange to be acknowledged so warmly, a stark contrast to the anonymity he was used to.

At the red light he stopped, waiting for it to turn green. Sure, there were no cars around and he could have just walked, but road rules were no joke. He liked this life too much to risk having it taken away by truck-kun. “Hey system, is double isekai a thing?” he asked. The system didn’t reply, so that was probably a no.

Jacob glanced to his side and saw a person standing under a large black umbrella. A strong sweet scent pricked his nose. How strong does this guy’s cologne have to be to reach me even with the rain ? There was a name tag hovering above the person’s head, but it was obscured by the umbrella, as was his face. One thing he had learned was that only people relevant to the story had name tags over their heads, which meant this person was a character in the story. He looked down at the stranger’s hand—it looked like porcelain.

Jacob felt a sense of foreboding, creeping up his veins. His instincts were on high alert, telling him that this stranger was no ordinary person. The rain began to pour harder, each drop bouncing off the asphalt with increasing intensity.

The person probably noticed Jacob staring and as he did, the umbrella tilted slightly, revealing a glimpse of a pale, almost ethereal face with piercing golden eyes. The moment their gazes met, Jacob was momentarily blinded by a brilliant golden aura radiating from the name tag above the person’s head.

[Edward Cullen]

Jacob’s heart skipped a beat. Of course, it had to be Edward. What were the odds of encountering your favorite character on the very first day of your new life ? He felt his knees weaken. Despite the dim lighting and gloomy setting, Edward was undeniably striking. The rain seemed to fall more slowly around him, as if even the weather was reluctant to mar his flawlessness . His tousled bronze hair framed his face perfectly and Jacob felt an inexplicable urge to reach out and touch it. Despite all his criticisms of the novel, Edward had always held a special place in his heart for reasons Jacob couldn’t quite explain.

Damn, this mf looks anemic as hell. Maybe I should feed him. It was a half-serious thought, borne from both concern and his internal struggle to reconcile his feelings towards the character with the reality of his situation.

[OOC WARNING! OOC WARNING!]

[Edward Cullen is your enemy.]

“Fuck off, he’s my babygirl,”Jacob shot a mental retort at the system in exasperation and a streak of protectiveness. The system’s declaration that Edward was an enemy wasn’t misplaced given Jacob’s role in the novel but that didn’t mean it wasn’t at odds with his feelings.

Edward had always been his favorite character, a source of fascination and admiration. This was supposed to be his chance to explore and perhaps even improve upon the narrative, not to be embroiled in conflict with a character he held dear.

Jacob didn't even notice when the light turned green and Edward started walking away, his steps soundless on the wet pavement. Acting on impulse or perhaps some hidden desire, Jacob found himself walking towards Edward and grabbing his elbow, accidentally knocking his umbrella aside. Edward stopped and turned to him as the rain continued to soak them both. His gaze was like a sharp, unyielding beam of light, cutting through the rain. His eyes, an unusual shade of golden amber, held a depth that seemed to pierce directly into Jacob's soul, scrutinizing every hidden corner of his being.

[OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC!]

[EDWARD CULLEN IS YOUR ENEMY]

I’m so stupid — I forgot completely. Jacob and Edward haven’t met yet. Maybe… maybe I can salvage this ? Be a dick and still be nice ? He definitely didn’t want to end up on Edward’s bad side, nor did he want to break the system’s rules. Annoying as it was, the system was what kept him alive. Though he’d never say it out loud, he was terrified at the thought of dying, again. The system’s constant reminders of their supposed enmity were starting to grate on him, but he couldn’t afford to make more mistakes. What was a man to do when every choice seemed fraught with peril ?

Ack — he’s staring. Can he hear my thoughts ? I hope not. He and Bella meet soon, if I remember correctly so— Jacob’s anxiety skyrocketed under the weight of that gaze. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat drumming in his ears. A tight knot of dread twisted in his stomach and whether it was the rain or not, he could feel cold sweat forming on his palms. He needed to say something—anything—that wouldn’t completely derail the plot but also wouldn’t make Edward hate him from the start, even if it was inevitable.

“Oh uh — my bad, dude. I just thought you looked kinda sick so I thought — I mean,” Jacob scrambled for an explanation, forcing a nonchalant tone as he released Edward’s elbow. He felt like a small animal trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car, desperately searching for a way to escape unscathed.

“—Uh, here.” He shoved the raw steak he had just bought into Edward’s arms. The system fell silent for a moment, as stunned by his actions as Jacob was. The sound of the rain was almost deafening as awkward silence stretched between them. Edward looked down at the raw steak in his hands, confusion and surprise painting his features.

Without waiting for a reply, Jacob quickly turned on his heel and hurried away, his footsteps splashing through the rain-soaked pavement. “Later ! Get that iron up and be the lady killer you were born to be !” he called over his shoulder. After walking a few metres, he paused briefly and added,“ And seriously lay off the sauvage man !”

As he put more distance between them, Jacob’s thoughts began to spiral. What had he just done ? Did Edward think he was completely nuts ? Or worse, could Edward have read his thoughts and seen through his facade ? Jacob shuddered at the possibility.

[Why did you do that ?]

“I don’t know okay !? I thought it’d help with looking y’know less dead when he meets Bella.” He shrugged. Explaining himself to the system felt pointless considering it was neither his parent nor his babysitter. The system remained silent, as if considering his response, Jacob rolled his eyes.

[OOC ! -20 B points ↓ ↓ ↓]

“Oh come on !”

“Still staring at that bag of steak, Ed ?” The pixie-haired woman leaned over her brother’s shoulder, teasing him.

“Go away, Alice,” Edward muttered, his gaze still locked on the steak as if it held some profound answers of the universe. His fingers occasionally running over the plastic, making the blood inside to squelch against the surface.

“Seriously what’s up with you ?” Alice frowned, dropping the banter. Ever since Edward had returned, he’d been fixated on this bag of steak that suspiciously smelled like wet dog. What was even more peculiar was the fact that she hadn’t had any visions of this event. Normally, Alice caught glimpses of all the interesting things happening with her family throughout the day but she had no clue how Edward had ended up with that steak. And from the look on his face, Edward didn’t look like he was divulging anything either.

“Nothing just… trying to figure someone out.” Edward sighed. Alice was his favorite family member, and he seldom told her off but this was something he couldn’t even make sense of himself. If he told Alice, she’d likely blow the whole thing out of proportion. But despite everything, one question kept lingering in his mind.

Who was that man ?

A.n - should I make this into a series ? If yes please lemme know if you want to be added to the taglist.

[thefatesofspring]

I swear ever since I found out that ACOTAR was just a fanfic SJM wrote for Twilight so many things make sense!!

Aka twilight is terrible yet we love it anyway, Stephanie Meyer can’t write for shit & Bella Swan was a Stephanie Meyer self insert in the way that Feyre Archeron is a self insert for Sarah.

Also both Rhysand & Edward are written not for the books, plot or even the actual characters themselves but for the authors to the point where you can tell the characters own actions contradict themselves because both authors push their views & on the characters instead of letting the characters just be that…a character.

If you look at the Robert Pattison interviews & the way he talks about Twilight & his character Edward Cullen it’s fucking hilarious & glorious!😭😩😂 the way he shits on Stephanie & her writing it has me howling every single time!

Rhysand = Edward Cullen just a fae version & more powerful, both read minds, both old as hell & infatuated with a teenage girl, both have a rival (Tamlin & Jacob Black), both keep secrets from their fiancé’s/wife thus endangering them, both get their wives pregnant with babies that ultimately end up killing them, both babies are super powered, both get married to their mates when they’re mate hasn’t even lived their lives yet

Mor & Cassian = Rosalie & Emmett minus the actual relationship but they still fucked & the same way in Twilight everyone knows they’re in a relationship but at the same time because they’re like adopted by Carlisle everyone they’re also referred to as being brother & sister

Azriel = Jasper minus Azriel being a confederate

Then there’s just Amren 😂

Elain = Alice

You could even say that Rhysand & Feyre are both Edward & Bella & also Carlisle & Esme (since they both are the “leaders” of the family)but SJM wrote them as Edward & Bella

Then Nesta & Cassian become Rosalie & Emmett

Lucien = maybe Seth?

Amarantha = Victoria

Tamlin = Jacob (if you’ve read the books then you know how Jacob’s character actually is)

The Archeron sisters parents…Papa Archeron is a deadbeat & useless, Bella’s dad is just there (but still better than what the sisters had) but Bella’s mom lowkey useless & so was Mama Archeron

Feyre sees Nyx as an extension of Rhysand & so does Bella though Feyre might actually be a better mother than Bella because as a mother is…well not maternal in the slightest.

The inner circle is stupid rich, so were the cullens.

I could go on & on about it but shout out to that Reddit user who still had the copy of SJM’s Twilight fanfic & started doing the side by side comparisons!!

[necromancy-savant]

I really hope my history professor from undergrad is still alive. Idk if he remembers me, but I remember him. He said I was the only student in all his years of teaching to say "I want to learn Akkadian." But that's not quite accurate: what I said was, "hey, I've been working through this book (it was Caplice) over winter break every day and I'm on chapter 8 and I think I'm doing ok, but I have some questions. Can you help me out?" And he was very impressed, I think. He answered all my questions; told me I got all the translations as correct as you can get them. He called me Lugal Edward, Sumerian for "king." He gave me printouts of all of Hammurabi's laws. He lent me his sign list that had every historical version of every single cuneiform sign ever. It was in French, but that didn't matter; I knew exactly what to do with a sign list. That summer I would skateboard to the library with my books and spend a few hours translating Hammurabi's laws. I developed my own cuneiform shorthand that only I know bc I wasn't about to literally draw out every santakku every single time. I went on a field trip to Yale with a few people from the class and we used real cylinder seals. I got to use a stylus much nicer than the one I made at home from chopsticks to write with. He pointed out to me on their replica Hammurabi the signs I knew and I could read it. On my 24th birthday, (he didn't know it was my birthday until I admitted it late in the day) he took me to a lecture at Yale by Stephanie Dalley who authored my favorite collection of translations of Mesopotamian myths. I got to meet her and meet all the guys I'd read all the books by (it's not a huge field so you do get to know who's who pretty quickly.) And he bragged about me to all of them. It was the best birthday ever. After Hammurabi, I worked my way up to translating historical texts and some of my favorite myths on my own. In grad school I finally got my hands on Enuma Elish. I didn't have as much time as I would have wanted to sit and translate it, what with my actual coursework, but I did go over my favorite parts. It was the myth that made me want to learn the language in the first place. I hope to god that he's alive and that I can reach out to him still - because forget all of that, literally: I had a bad life before I went to that school and I've made nothing of myself since I left grad school. But he made me feel like I was really worth something, and I want more than anything to thank him for that

[macabremoons]

When looking across vampire fiction, what traits do you personally find essential to good vampire vibes? What can't be taken away without it no longer being a vampire (in your mind, regardless of the actual lore)? Could a vampire survive on human food? Could vampirism not be transmissible? Could every vampire walk in the sun?

BOY, OH BOY I FUCKING LOVE THIS QUESTION!

I would call myself a vampire traditionalist, but that doesn't mean I don't think people can have fun with it! I think the main thing is that every change or alteration of vampiric rules should serve to support the underlying themes of vampirism in the media.

What's a good example of this? Funny enough? Twilight. Everyone makes fun of the vampires sparkling, but there's a ton of weird shit in vampire canon. People thought that it "ruined the dangerousness of vampires" but Twilight has the theme that vampires are beautiful because that's how they get to kill people. Edward is a diamond encrusted monster. This also goes to show that the themes don't have to be super deep they just have to BE THERE.

The best thing about this method of sticking to a theme is even if the vampires don't end up COMPLETELY feeling like vampires, you have a justification. I know this one anime where they had a lot of original vampire lore, and while if done differently I'd scorn it, I think it was nice! Not refreshing--I detest the idea that the concepts of vampires have gotten stale because the idea is timeless, pun intended--but an enjoyable and creative take on the idea.

I personally like the idea that vampires CAN eat food it just does nothing for them. I've seen media where eating normal food makes them sick and personally I don't enjoy it. Vampires being able to safely drink things is a good compromise, and I love the idea of vampires still drinking wine.

There are certain changes that I will not tolerate. I once read a book where vampires didn't bite people. That's fucking stupid. The-- The whole goddamn point of vampires is that they bite people. Take that away, and what the fuck are they? Fucking??? pale elves???

The sun thing is actually so interesting to me because originally vampires were just weakened by the sun, not killed by it. That's why things like Edward sparkling doesn't bother me.

Another important thing is to keep the themes of consumption and to keep the gothic elements. "What if I want to write modern vampires?" Go ahead, you just have to be careful. Think of all the vampire media that used them in a highschool setting. It IS vampires, but doesn't it feel cheap? Where's all the concern about getting eaten alive? Where's the FLAVOR? Again Twilight is an exception. Say what you want about Twilight, but Stephanie wrote Twilight genuinely. She didn't write it because she thought it'd make money, nor did she do it because it was trendy. Bitch just liked vampires, and because of that Twilight works SOOO much better than media it inspired.

The theme of consumption is so important though. Is blood drinking a metaphor for addiction, sin, lust? Is it akin to love? Do people devour each other like kisses??? Vampires were the OG tumblr post about cannibalism.

Vampirism not being transmittable... is. quirky. I guess then they would just be a species? But that takes away so much from their canon. One of the pillars of their lore is they are something once human, no more. Something so twisted, yet so similar to the idea of humanity. Vampires mirror us, at the price of never mirroring themselves.

I love going into the idea that vampires think themselves better than humans but you can SEE it in their eyes that they were human once. Their entire idea of life and power and greatness is formed by their human existence. They can't run away from it. It's like hating your inner child. OH SHITTT IM GONNA SMACK GRIMOIRE WITH THAT SO TRUE ME

Anyway thanks for this question!

[fitzrove]

Ugh!!!!!

The quote about Rudolf writing to Stéphanie about wanting to shoot Wilhelm (or more accurately: "I would only invite Wilhelm [if i were to] to eliminate him in an elegant hunting adventure" - the letter was about Rudolf inviting the Prince of Wales to hunt with him out of genuine friendship, while Wilhelm was in Vienna but left out. It is bitching, not a threat) seems to come from Hamann's Rudolf bio. However, she cites "Belovar, 12 Sept. 1888. Stephanie, 117" (= the letter was sent from Croatia in September 1888). But that letter actually goes as follows:

In September my Uncle Edward, Prince of Wales, came on a visit to Vienna—which imposed further, but not unwelcome, burdens on the Crown Prince. My husband wrote to me as follows from Croatia: “BELOVAR, September 12, 1888 DEAR STEPHANIE, “At length I can write to you once more. During the last few days I really had not a moment to spare. On the 9th I had to represent the Emperor at the exhibition in Wels. On the 10th the Prince of Wales arrived, and I had to look after his reception, Yesterday and the day before there were great dinner-parties; then a visit to the exhibition in the Prater, a shooting-match, calls, etc. I am very tired, and long for a rest. We left Vienna yesterday evening, and got here early this morning. Great reception, frightful racket, all just as it was in Agram, and no end of bustle. To-morrow and the day after there are manoeuvres. Then I am going back to Vienna, and immediately afterwards to Orth. On the 17th to Potocki in Galicia. When are you coming back to Vienna? Wales is going to Rumania, and then to Gérgyeny. He is in great fettle, wants to see everything, and will not allow himself to be left out in the cold. Nothing seems to tire the old boy. “Your loving Coco.”

I checked the English and German editions of the Stephanie bio (Internet Archive and Project Gutenberg respectively) and neither of them seem to actually contain the Wilhelm quote, only the text of the letter as I've copied above :/ Depressing!!! Where does it come from, then?! Hamann cites it word-for-word so confidently, surely it must have come from somewhere... I'm afraid it might be a case of cheating by quoting from a previous secondary source and copying their citation without saying anything - but then again, it would've been easy for her to check since Stéphanie's bio is not exactly a rare book and she uses it so heavily elsewhere. It seems very unlikely that both the 1937 English and 1935 original German editions of Stéphanie's autobiography would have an identical omission of this quote. Where/when would it have then been added in, if it was?!

So, the historicity of the quote is actually inconclusive for now :/

[horsefreek151]

My husband's First time Watching Twilight

My dear husband has not seen many of the movies that were very informative of my tween and teen years; Twilight is one of the top ones. He not only agreed to watch it but agreed to let me write down his reactions. Here are the 3 PAGES of comments I recorded during the two hour movie.

Opening line: "I'd never given much thought to how I would die." - Well, Lucky you

I'm glad this deer is going to be totally unharmed

What ?! Hang on... He catches the dear mid jump like a trick dog.

Him: Why is (Stephany Myers) so obsessed with baseball? Me: Shes Mormon Him: I think it's the homoerotic subtext

ACAB even (Charly)

Alright... one bathroom? There's only two of you!

Billy (who is in a wheelchair) responds with how hes doing by saying "Still Dancing!" - I love him Meets Eric - GAY BEST FRIEND *He was disappointed by him being straight* *Pauses Movie* I had no idea her name was Isabella

Mike Existing - That's the most awkward person Ive ever seen

Jerk kisses her on the cheek without consent - That's assault

*Edward walks in* - OMG thats BATMAN *JKJKJK*

How ... Why ... Why is she laughing.

So he can see the future... Nobody in this movie knows how to eat food. Fuck you, Binder! She is the awkward one Charly Guy in Mill getting hunted - Hes agile I would have fallen over by then. Bella slips and falls over - Relatable *he is unaware of the trope* "Not in Phoenix Bells" Line referring to large animals hunting people in Forks - "YoU DoNt HaVe AnImAls iN ArIzOnA" What do you mean Charly!? They have Mountain Lions and SNAKES Charly! *I mention scorpions too* No writer in this movie ever talked to a high schooler. "Your name is Bella?" - Its actually Isabella as I have learned I only care about this golden onion... and why it isn't a golden garlic. "Cold wet thing" - Unlike sand which is hot and course She also looks like shes in white face paint. (Edward) just walks away like a fucking freak... I love it. None of these people have ever talked to a human before. *Car Crash* - So much is happening... why are there so many cuts... The vampires all look like fucking mimes Your asking him about the speed he got there and not the CRUMPLED DOOR?!

Dont worry (Bella) Im also confused about what happened *Edward in the corner of her room* Hes like a fucking PTSD flashback. Hes a fucking sleep paralysis demon Its dumb to send (the vampires) to highschool. I didn't know one of (Bellas) personality traits was Clumsy There Bio teacher belongs in a sitcom They act like they are fifty or twelve... not like teenagers... twelve is more accurate. The most unrealistic part (of there field trip) is that the bus driver is not screaming at him for banging on the door... or maybe I grew up in Boston. *Edward dose the apple thing* - Ok now he's just making fun of her Robert Patterson and the guy playing Charly are the best actors. Edward mentions wearing a mask, and Bella quips about it - OOOOO, She called Edward out for being autistic! *He can say that as I am autistic and I give him permission* *Edward cant go to LaPush* - Is it cause he cant cross moving water? *He made so many jokes about vampire lore I didn't write them all down* I was trying to tell what time this flashback took place and I just couldn't. I'm glad they gave us a 30-second tutorial on how to get a book online. Some of this look like a horror movie TOKYO DRIFTING, Dam that was a fuckin j-turn! "Little do (her friends know) he was going to eat her, for her blood" Oh Bella, I understand he's a pretty boy, but back up from the "How do you know what he was thinking?" and back to the "WHY WERE YOU STALKING ME!?" I can't wait for the almost SA scene to never come up again... *sarcasm* * They touch hands by oops * - Touch Barrier Broken Charly and Billy watch the game - DAD DATE! ... Oh no not Butcrack SANTA! Looks at Jasper - Is he another vampire who fought for the Confederacy? She sees buttcrack Santa's body - Do they not have body bags? With how much he's stalking her he should be called Edward the Relentless *he loves what we do in the shadows* Why are we spinning... why is there so much spinning? Bella claims Edward talks old-fashioned - He talks like a badly written character... like everyone here. "you won't hurt me" - cause stalkers never escalate violence when things don't work out. Because she's a white woman, and he's her pit bull. LISTEN TO HIM WHEN HE SAYS HES DANGEROUS BELLA. "personal brand of heroine" - Him: because everyone knows heroine comes in brands Me: Im on name brand Meth (me referring to my ADHD MEDS) Him: You're on generic Meth, and you know it. (as I take the generic brand) YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE A WEEK "Irevicoably in love with him" - GIRL... WHY? Sees Emmit - He kinda looks like Peet Davidson I like (Edwards) sitting like a little weirdo He turned to madly in love on a dime. Wait hang on.... (skips back to Billy giving Bella the stinkeye) Eyyyy They do what we do! (Billy holding all the stuff while Jacob pushes, like we do with my wheelchair) Just Sees Jasper - "Ive never seen more fear in a character than in his face right now

Is he scared she will know he fought for the Confederacy? (I have yet to confirm or deny the truth of this statement) Alice being Alice - OOoO Edward, she's gonna steal your girl! No wonder he's fallen in love in 3 seconds... he's been seventh wheel for who knows how long. *there dancing in edwards room* - *husband starts singing my fair lady* "Hang on Spider Monkey" - IT's THE LINE!!! *I mention how it's creepy that he watches her sleep* Well, you watch me while I sleep, but you have insomnia... and were married. *they kiss*- This is the most Mormon shit I've ever seen. At least they show how realistically boaring being a vampire would be. Drinking while cleaning your shotgun... that's totally safe Charly... "Why do you play baseball?" - Since they are American Bella! - "Well it is the American past time" Esme says - SEE! The Thrupple of trouble is walking in like there ready for a photoshoot. Blond Thrupple guy (James) looks so High... "...STuck here like MOM" - OOF! KNIFE TO THE HEART! Did her friends just steal mugs from the diner? Edward won't stop drinking her blood - Bop him on the nose with a newspaper like a dog. Edward sad he "didn't" stop - But you did stop when Carlile bopped you on the head with a newspaper. We kissed once now were in love forever.... They are all weirdos and this feels like a cult Director of Photography, I hate you. Costume? I can't forgive you for that flashback. High school science teacher, you were my favorite. His final review: This was a bad movie. There are better vampire movies, there's better romance movies and better young adult movies. All the genera are valed, this is just a bad example of all of those generas. I understand why its popular tho, and why young woman loved it. Especially when you take in at the time, it came out. Its the American mix of all about sex but completely clean and demonising sex and not having any sex in it. To me its the same way that 50 shades of gray wants to be about sexy bdsm while still saying bdsm is morally wrong. Nothing wrong with wanting a sexy vampire with wanting a romance, I like romance. Theres nothing wrong with media for young women. This is just bad.

[straightbaittournament]

only the option with the lowest percentage will be eliminated! propaganda under the cut (and more is always welcome!):

tim drake and stephanie brown:

Tim and Steph are a thing for most of their history. Then stuff happens and they break up and soon after that Tim is confirmed to be bi and starts dating Bernard (former random side character who nobody thought would ever be relevant again)

lisa cuddy and gregory house:

The show spends 7 seasons hinting that House is going to end up with Cuddy, and then writes her out in season 7. In the finale, he has a flashback of people who impacted his life and she doesn’t even show If House and Wilson can’t be together, then House and Cuddy should

nell serrano and edward:

Not Dead Yet? More like Not Together Yet

ash ketchum and misty:

They’re basically set up as a kind of enemies to friends story and they make recurring jokes about how she clearly has a big crush on him, but nothing ever happens My childhood, i shipped them when I was 10

matthew and mary crawley:

They spend multiple seasons full of tension to get their happy ever after. There are so many tropes used between these two. They finally get their shit together and get married, and then have a beautiful child together. Matthew is so happy about his child being born that he doesn't pay attention to the road and fucking DIES IN A CAR CRASH. And that's how their story ends. It makes me so livid every time I think about it lol they really killed him off like that right after and I mean RIGHT AFTER his child is born. It's so foul and every man that they set Mary up with after that doesn't feel nearly the same

maka albarn and soul evans:

Throughout the series, they have a deep friendship with each other which is consistently extremely important to the story's narrative. In order for them to be able to fight, they must get along and resonate with each other, and due to the mechanics of their world, fighting independently of each other is extremely difficult. In multiple instances, they are shown to be willing to put themselves in harm's way to extreme degrees to keep each other safe. They are even shown to live together. They are The Singular Straight Ship I have ever shipped and I love them. Also they are really cool and Soul can turn into an awesome scythe weapon that like only Maka can wield. And they fight really awesomely together.

grace blackthorn and christopher lightwood:

Okay so basically in Shadowhunters there was this family tree, and on it it stated that Christopher and Grace got married and had a kid. And in the book series they were just good friends. Cassandra Clare (the author) has said it’s inaccurate. But like cmon you said they were going to get married 😭😭

kipo oak and benson mekler:

It only lasts a few episodes, but this is a very clear INTENTIONAL straight bait from the writers, as it's a female main character with a male major supporting character, and Benson even takes Kipo to a carnival, which Kipo interprets as a date, until she confesses attraction to him, where he tells her he's gay and just wants to be friends.

cali and flynn:

It starts off as a one-sided crush on Flynn’s side, and later becomes mutual when Cali develops feelings for him in the Skylanders IDW spin-off comics, their romantic tension lasts for most of the franchise (five games, a chapter of a spin-off comic, and a few bits and pieces in the spin-off books and mobile games), so far they’ve never gotten together as the franchise is currently still in hiatus mode (says this while on extreme copium) I think we need to appreciate the tropes in Calynn: Opposites Attract, Tough Girl x Himbo, Smart x Dumb, “You’re stupid, I like that in a man” vibes all over this ship! Seven year old me didn’t see Cali calling Flynn her guy in the sky whilst Flynn looked at her with heart eyes to lose to some other pairing!

good luck everyone! now go vote!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Your meta about Twilight have me convinced that, written by anyone else, it's not a romance-- it's a horror story.

So now I'm wondering, if instead of being by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight was written by someone like Stephen King? In a horror book with the same core plot and the same blurb on the back, what's the scene everyone remembers- the equivalent to the scenes everyone remembers in The Shining, IT, or Carrie? (Or whatever horror author and work you're more familiar with, you get the idea)

There's just so many good horror scenes, and I really want your take, but like as I write this ask I just want to appreciate the ending a bit:

After she almost dies, after the venom is sucked out, smash cut to Bella the surviving heroine. The horror is over, safe back in Forks. Except the reader gets this sinking feeling. We slowly realize, no, she didn't avoid the bad ending. She's not running from it. She's choosing it, unaware of what it's actually going to cost her and how little she's getting in return. Even as a human, Bella has become the monster that will kill her in the end... setting us up perfectly for new moon where actually she kind of is the villain.

I guess I'm asking what one scene from spooky!Twilight would stick in your memory years laters, and how is it written differently to emphasize the horror?

(And if you're having fun with this, what scene for the other books)

Interesting question.

Of course, you nearly inspired an entirely too long rant between the differences of Stephen King's novel The Shining and Stanley Kubrick's film adaptation, but no one wants to sit through that.

With that though, I think we have to take a few steps back.

Stephen King Wouldn't Write Twilight

First, he's done a vampire novel, Salem's Lot, which has a similar enough premise that he probably wouldn't do a Twilight style version.

Salem's Lot is also set in a very small, insular, American town. The events take place only within the town and most of the townsfolk never cotton on to what's happening. There are a select few knowledgeable insiders who then get dealt with.

It's much more Dracula in its inspiration than Twilight, in that we have a very similar subplot to the Lucy subplot where the town slowly starts being victimized by the vampires, no one believes the protagonist except a select few who then disappear from the story, and we slowly get the reveal of the demonic monstrosity that are the vampires.

But it's similar in that it's King's "Give me a modern, small, town with vampires".

But it's more than that.

What's the core plot of Twilight that we're keeping and the blurb on the back per the ask?

The core plot is that Bella moves to this small rural town, realizes there's something strange going on with her classmates, falls in love with Edward and loves him despite him being a distinct risk to her, is hunted by other vampires, and then the story ends after James has been destroyed.

The trouble with Twilight alone is that we have no resolution and no real consequences. Twilight really is just a book that sets the stage for the follow-on books, which works if you're writing YA romance novels, not so much if you want a horror novel.

Bella's fate is undecided as of the end of the novel, her parents are still ignorant as well as alive and well, nothing terrible has happened to any of the characters we've met so far including the NPCs, the Cullens so far seem to be everything they've claimed to be including Edward who for all his talk hasn't done anything.

Compare that to, say, the plot of Carrie. The important thing about Carrie is that we get the Prom. Everything leads up to Prom, we see everything build towards it and no something terrible is going to happen, and then it does.

You can't have Carrie, as a singular novel, end at the moment she opens the door to her surprise date so she can go to Prom.

Similarly, you can't have The Shining end only when they realize that maybe this hotel is filled with malevolent psychic energy, and it might do something.

It's not a horror story unless you see when things go very bad.

He'd probably also add in a lot more of the typical Stephen King tropes that I won't comment on because this isn't the post for "weird shit Stephen King puts in his books sometimes".

Okay, So What Would Stephen King Do?

Honestly, I imagine Charlie would become our main character.

Small town divorced cop estranged from his wife and daughter, whose daughter suddenly decides to live with him (whose new stepfather may or may not be abusive) and is a total mess he doesn't know how to relate to, has the background on the Cullens and yeah they're weird but they seem so nice, as well as the even more local guy in his best friend Billy who says, "dead isn't better, Charlie, don't bury your pets in the cemetery", and life gets progressively worse and weirder as his daughter begins dating what is slowly revealed to be an abusive inhuman creep.

Add on a little former alcoholism and Charlie Swan gets the Stephen King protagonist stamp of approval.

Bella's nice and all, but she's what's lost in the series and gives the impression that she has agency. Charlie is the one who is ignorant, who tries to stop it, and only realizes too late that he moved too slowly, ignored the wrong people, and made all the wrong choices.

And we'd get the entire four novels packed into one with it starting with Bella's arrival and ending with her having been turned and having a daughter niece.

You Didn't Answer the Question

Alright, alright, fine.

I'd say the moment Charlie meets Bella after she's been turned and realizes that this isn't his daughter anymore and that he has to pretend for the rest of his life that it still is.

Of course, this requires being from Charlie's point of view, but honestly, he's the better character for it.

Bella's over there in Breaking Dawn living her best life at this point.

In Twilight itself? The meadow. Midnight Sun is its own spectacle, but the meadow even from Bella's point of view is fucking bizarre and mildly terrifying. You have Edward purposefully, just for a moment, showing what he really is to terrify her, then backing off in terror that he might lose her.

That said, the trouble is Bella as our narrator. What happens is disturbing, but Bella's so teenage in love that she doesn't care or even notice it. She has set up circumstances so that Edward will be able to get away with her murder, let him know it, and watched him rage about how easy it would be for him to kill her now. And she's having a great time.

Basically, if you want this to be a real horror novel, it can't be from Bella's point of view. Otherwise, we have Twilight.

[godsfavdarling]

august 2024 book wrap up

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer ☆☆☆☆☆

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ☆☆☆☆☆

People We Meet On Vacation by Emily Henry ☆☆☆☆

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid ☆☆☆☆

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn ☆☆☆☆☆

Once Upon a Broken Heart by Stephanie Garber ☆☆☆☆

I'm actually extremely surprised by how much I've read this month, given it literally feels like it sipped away like a bottle of wine. How is it already over? Probably, it feels that way because of my internship, which made me almost end it all, and Taylor's concert that I didn't even have time to get depressed about. And then suddenly, summer's nearly done. I hate how it always ends so quickly.

Anyway...

First, I read Twilight. I was obsessed with it about 12-14 years ago, but that was before my huge reading phase. Back in junior high, I was obsessed with everything vampire-related except for books (though I did read The Vampire Diaries at some point). I vividly remember sitting in a school corridor with my friend, who was reading Twilight, and me just sitting next to her, occasionally glancing at the book (I hated reading back then). Before the final movies came out, my mom bought me Breaking Dawn, so I read that (yes, without reading the previous parts. I was 12, okay?). So, I had to catch up. After watching all the movies (while making friendship bracelets), I downloaded those bad boys to my eBook, and I am obsessed. I knew I would be. Is it kind of dumb? Yeah. Do I care? Not at all. 5/5. Bella is so real. I need Edward badly. That’s all I have to say.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone - I’ve had a copy since I was like 12. I read it back then, but all I remember is not understanding much and a scene towards the end that broke me as a young girl. For some reason, I never continued. I had to go back and reread it because I was curious about what affected me so much. Now I know. I will continue the series. It’s a solid YA novel. I’m not surprised I didn’t get it at the time; I don’t think I had the imagination or brain power to comprehend it, even though it’s YA. It seems very different and unique compared to other things in this genre. Also, I love Prague as a setting. It’s not far from me and has similar architecture to where I’m from, so it was easy for me to visualize everything. Love it.

People We Meet On Vacation isn’t my favorite Emily Henry book. Still good, just not my favorite. I think her books hit harder when you can relate, and I am nothing like the main girl. Alex, though, is very much like me. I love friends-to-lovers stories, and this one was very well done. Unfortunately, every time I read Emily Henry, I get extremely sad for a while because this will never be me. I will be alone forever. Not relatable content, unfortunately.

Malibu Rising was okay. So much drama. Taylor Jenkins Reid writes her books as if she has already signed a movie contract, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Some things are meant to be books, and some are meant to be movies. This feels like it’s supposed to be a movie. If you’re writing a book, make it worth being a book. I don’t know if anyone understands what I mean. At the end of the day, it was solid. I liked it. (I started reading it on the 27th of August, which was really weird. I got scared. I didn’t know before.)

I finally finished Sharp Objects. I started reading it in July, and I just wasn’t in the mood, but I wanted to finish it before summer ended. I don’t have much to say. I liked it a lot. I watched the show when it first came out, but I don’t remember much, so I’m rewatching it now. I still kind of saw everything coming, but I didn’t mind. It’s a great weird-girl book classic. As a fellow woman with a complicated relationship with her mother, who feels depraved and disgusting and maybe has a drinking problem, I felt quite seen.

Once Upon a Broken Heart was cute! Was it the best thing I ever read? No, but I loved the vibes and Evangeline. I know people complain about her naivety, but I actually enjoyed it. I’m tired of all the fantasy female main characters being the same. It was a nice change to follow a character who is honestly just a girl who believes in fairy tales. I will be continuing the series.

this is my first time including a photo because I have more physical copies. I usually read on my ebook. Also, if you were wondering about those weird words, the titles are in Polish.

my other wrap-ups, my goodreads

[thechildofshadows]

Alright, I’ve been on this website long enough that I think I’m starting to be viewed as a bot.

I’m not a bot, I swear, I’m the child of shadows for no reason other than the fact that that’s my Ao3. Teenage me thought that was cool, current me agrees, haters can keep hating (there are no haters yet so let’s not make that a thing, yeah?)

you can call me shadow 🙃.

im Indian (south indian, I know Tamil and Hindi and also Spanish), but I’ve never spent more than two months at a time in India. Actually, I spent about 90% of my life in Canada and the US.

My Ao3

my sideblog -> @shadow-the-photographer

My Fandoms:

I tend to drift a lot, and I’m obsessed with everything, so we’re going to split it down the middle.

I’ve forgotten a lot of the books I’ve read, so a lot might not be on the list. Feel free to DM me with arguments, agreements, book recs, or just anything, I love conversation.

Stuff I’ve written/read for:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (as of July 2024, I’ve only ever written PJO)

Star Wars (sue me, I love the prequels)

Harry Potter

HTTYD

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Big Hero 6

Books I LOVE:

The Inheritance Games (By Jennifer Lynn Barnes, her work is incredible)

Powerless (Lauren Roberts)

Ana Huang and Rina Kent are two authors who never grew out of their Wattpad phase, but their work is pretty good.

Shatter Me (Tahereh Mafi)

Once Upon a Broken Heart (Stephanie Garber)

Caraval (Stephanie Garber, and im scared to finish legendary bc apparently Scarlett and Julian break up?)

(booktok has me on a chokehold)

KOTLC (Shannon Messenger)

A Good Girls Guide to Murder (I read this when I lived in Canada, it’s a trivia point)

The Lunar Chronicles (Marissa Meyer)

The Land of Stories (Chris Colfer, iconic and always connects to good memories)

Warrior Cats (I binge read it in sixth grade and somehow still keep up)

(I’ve read a lot of books, just dm me, idc if you don’t follow me)

Books that I have read, but didn’t exactly enjoy:

the love hypothesis (ali hazelwood)

icebreaker (Hannah Grace, 🤮)

Bridgerton kinda deserves to be on this list, To Sir Philip, With Love specifically.

Rina Kent is on that list above bc her books sound good in summaries, but she writes like an eleven-year-old on fanfiction.net

Twilight (Stephanie Meyer, Edward and Jacob should’ve ditched Bella and run off together, bc that is a story I would pay to see)

Fourth Wing (Rebecca Yarros, it’s good but I wouldn’t want everyone knowing every time I had sex, and violence is a terrible nickname)

Movies/TV Shows I LOVE:

fantastic beasts (10/10)

Every single Deepika Padukone movie ever.

almost every single SRK movie ever

DEADPOOL (convinced me to go to a middle school talent show and do standup comedy)

The Adam Project (walker scobell is iconic)

on that vein, I absolutely LOVE the new PJO series

most things in the MCU (she-hulk was traumatizing)

The AGGGTM series (no comment bc it was amazing)

im always looking for new friends, so just dm me and I will def bother you until you file a lawsuit.

[eternal-apidae]

why did Stephanie M did that weird age thing at the end of the Host?

Excellent question anon!! Let’s get into it!

So for context, The Host (2008) is a book based on an invasive species of aliens that need host bodies to operate on alien planets. The 2 main characters of the book are one of the invading aliens, a “soul” and her human host body that is still alive and well even when the alien is operating her body. The grand finale of the book has the alien give back the human body so her host can go back to living her life. BUT! the humans involved in the story have grown attached to this specific alien and find her a new body. Not a big deal except SM wrote it the weirdest way possible. The running theory in the book is that the longer a human was human before an alien took over the more likely they are to remember their own lives. so while our favorite humans from the story go looking for a new body they choose one that is noticeably young so that the alien doesn’t have to worry about the human host being alive inside the body. BUT! the alien has paired up with one of the adult males in the story and so when she wakes up in the new body she lies about its age so that her partner won’t object to hanky panky and make her wait until her body is old enough.

There’s a lot there. It is Stephanie Meyers writing so it’s filled with her usual sexism and weirdness that makes a lot of people question her sanity. I am a white person so i don’t know how to go about commenting on her racism. i will say she didn’t dig herself into the same hole she did with Twilight (2005) but the invading alien 100% have a savior complex about taking over planets, they said something of the lines of “We come to experience and make it better.” or something to that effect that i wish i had my copy of the book in front of me to check. But they fit the definition of colonizers so take that as you will.

Stephanie has a history of using similar tropes and just weird things that she insists on including in her writing. What anon has come to me about is the weird age thing and let’s dive into that. There already has been a lot of commentary about the age gap with Bella and Edward from Twilight but i bring it up because it’s a trope SM writes often. The only book i can think of that doesn’t have a weird age gap is her spy/espionage book The Chemist (2016) but i haven’t read a couple titles that popped up in my deep dive for this ask.

The biggest clues about why the hell SM writes some of this stuff is that she is mormon and her religious views definitely get added in writing in different ways. Mormons believe that a “delayed marriage” is a sign of delayed maturity so that’s the biggest thing i can think of when it comes to why SM writes this ideology into her books.

Returning to The Hosts age gap and Twilights age gap the circumstances are shockingly similar, one of the pair has been alive for multiple life times before they meet the other and they are suddenly complete. They felt so isolated and distant from their own kinds until they found their true mate. It’s crazy to me! The only difference the pairs is that in Twilight, Edward is an eternally mature 17 y/o and in The Host, Wanda is an eternally immature thousand of years old, in the book she estimates that she was born around earths big bang? or that her mother? was but she constantly moves from planet to planet and has to start the maturing process all over again with each species. She even states towards the end of the book that she was “barely a year old” because her time on earth had been that short and then!! she’s put into an even younger body!! The aliens defense within herself is that she doesn’t want to wait like her previous human host had because her human host was 17 (i think) when she found her mate and he made her wait for her 18th birthday before her would have sex with her. So she lies and says the new human host’s body’s birthday is in a week! which is just so silly to me! it brings in the question of if the aliens celebrate their host’s birthdays? which i genuinely don���t see that they would??

I do know that SM stated that The Host was based off a story she started telling herself while driving through arizona? one of the more desert states and so she probably started writing it and had to come up with some kind of happy ending? similar to twilight which was based off a dream and she wrote the meadow scene first and had to build a backstory around that and then find some way to give all of those characters a happy ending which is how we ended up with genuinely the most disturbing age gap in any of her writing to date.

Long answer short! i’m not sure! but i mostly blame mormonism and poor plotting!

Thank you anon for sending in this ask so i could talk about my favorite book ever and the absolute disaster that it is!

[nacricissa]

I think the fact that Stephanie Meyer was raised Mormon is good for realism.

It is bad for other things, but realistically writing people who have canonically not matured since their childhoods in the early 20th, or in Carlisle's case, 16th century, is easier to do when you were raised by a society whose ideals are as stagnant as possible. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has seen reform, but they make it as painful as possible to enact, so that environment is going to be as close as an American is likely to get to the way things were when Edward was growing up.

The Cullens' racial attitudes, their relationship with authority (the books are coloured since Bella has never liked the Volturi, but the Cullens at large liked them about as much as they liked any non-vegetarian vampires prior to the events of the books, iirc), the way they talk about vegetarianism like its foreign and newfangled (though I doubt Carlisle would have been eating much meat growing up, the others would have), the heteronormativity, even the way they are concerned with keeping up appearances. It all holds an unconscious conservative veneer it would have taken a great deal of commitment to otherwise emulate.

Alice is not included in this as much, as her first real childhood was after she became a vampire, so her environment was less able to mold her to its ideals. This could be why she is one of the more liked characters; she has no past to be stuck in.

[catladyoftheyr]

Summer Vacation chapter 1/??

You kissed me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever

Characters: Bella x Edward

Summary: Bella’s grounded after the events of the first book so Edward’s been sneaking into her room at night to spend time together. They end up kissing and things get a little steamy.

Word count: 839

A/N: my favorite parts of twilight are just Bella and Edward being cute together. I love them doing regular teenage things and I wish Stephanie Myer had given us content of them just being teenagers over the summer. This series is just me writing my ideal summer romance bc I have twilight brainrot. Edward might be slightly out of character idk and idc. This is my MY version of him 🫡

Edward and I had only been dating for a couple months officially. So much has happened since I moved to Forks in January that it’s felt like ages. It hasn’t even been a month since what Charlie had started calling The Incident when I stormed out of the house and told Charlie I couldn’t be trapped here like my mom. I still felt guilty for intentionally hurting his feelings, especially since I couldn’t tell him the truth. “Hey dad, my boyfriend and his entire family are vampires and another vampire tried to kill me in the ballet studio I went to as a kid.” Would probably make Charlie institutionalize me.

I heard my window softly slide open and Edward materialized in my bedroom. This had become a habit since I was still technically grounded. Charlie had tried to convince me to stop seeing Edward, and when that failed he’d declared that I was grounded until further notice. “Hi,” I whispered, unsure if Charlie was asleep yet. “You can pick the movie tonight.” I’d been saving my wages from my part-time job and managed to buy a small TV and DVD player from a local thrift shop. Edward rummaged carefully through the small stack of DVDs and held up a copy of Pride and Prejudice before sliding the disc in. We sat next to each other in my bed and Edward planted a light kiss on the top of my head.

“You smell like coconut,” he murmured.

“New shampoo”

“How long does Charlie plan on keeping you locked up in the house for?”

“Probably forever at this rate. I keep trying to convince him that I've learned my lesson but I feel like he’s not budging. He thinks you’re a bad influence.” I can't say I entirely blamed Charlie. He was doing his best to parent me on his own and I wasn’t making it very easy lately. Still, I wish he’d ease up a little. I leaned my head against Edward’s shoulder, wanting to feel the coolness of his skin. His eyes were focused on the screen but my gut told me he wasn’t paying attention. I wished I could know what he was thinking about, and I know he wished the same of me.

I traced the veins in his hands with my fingers. Edward stiffed and I looked up at him for the signal to continue. He nodded and my fingers continued to tread lightly up his arms. Physical intimacy was still largely uncharted territory in our relationship. I wanted so desperately to allow us to be less restrained with how we touched each other but we both knew the risks. I knelt and turned to face him on the bed and cupped his jaw gently in my hands. Edward was if a marble statue of a Greek God had come to life. He was classically beautiful and his features were stern but gentle underneath. I closed the gap between us and let our lips connect.

His lips were cold at first but quickly warmed with mine on them. Edward didn’t technically need to breathe but I felt cool air hit my face as we kissed. I felt Edward’s hands grip my hair and pull me closer. We broke apart so I could breathe and I locked my eyes in his. His eyes darkened with passion and he let his hands fall from my hair. “Do you want to keep going?” He asked. I nodded fervently and slid his hands down to my hips. Edward lifted me onto his lap and I locked my legs behind him. I was tired of being careful and controlled. I needed to touch him. Our lips met again and I moaned softly. I gripped my hands into his hair and tried to leverage myself even closer. His hands dug into my hips firmly. Even in passion he was in control of himself; he could snap me in half if he wasn’t cautious but I didn’t care anymore.

Edward pulled back to look at me. “You’re so beautiful, Bella” he whispered in the dark before his lips moved to my neck. I gasped and wrapped my arms around him tighter, digging my nails into his shoulders. He sucked lightly, surely intending to leave a mark. He’d told me that vampires marked their mates but this was new behavior for Edward. I whispered as he made his way to my collarbones, planting light kisses all the way down. “I love you” he said softly.

“I love you too. Keep going please” I said breathlessly. Just as Edward was about to oblige my request there were footsteps in the hallway. We both froze and I silently prayed for Charlie to go back to bed. The only sound in the dark room was my breathing and the television. Charlie knocked lightly on my door and I swore under my breath. “Yeah?” I called out.

“Can you turn the volume down please? I have to be up early tomorrow. Goodnight, Bells.”

“Okay I will. Goodnight, Dad.”

[agirlinsearchof]

So, I have an ebook that I recently had to edit, because of the incredibly bizarre line breaks and typos. My mom had it, I don't know where she got it from.

As a result of editing it, I read it in its entirety, and actually enjoyed it (though I must confess, I would have enjoyed it more if I weren't so focused on correcting the formatting and typos).

It's called Nightlight: A Parody. It's a Twilight parody about a teenage girl named Belle Goose who falls in love with Edwart Mullen, a teenage boy with a love of computers and awkward social skills, who she concludes must be a vampire after he accidentally "saves" her from... a flying snowball.

TL;DR: I did not even like Twilight, yet I loved this book. And I bet even people who do like it will also like this.

Spoilers below!

So this parody has a couple of major twists to it that made me like it even better than I would have if they had stuck strictly with adapting the source material!

First of all, Edwart turns out to be a regular human guy, who Belle assumes is a vampire based on a series of coincidences. He's genuinely very sweet, and I was happy that he got together with Belle. I liked him way better than Edward!

Belle herself was also enjoyable to read about! She starts off kind of conceited, thinking every boy who pays attention to her is in love with her, but she outgrows this by the end. Her taste in boys changes, too! She's initially attracted to Edwart, aside from his good looks, because she thinks he is a vampire. Then they get attacked by an actual vampire, and when Belle finally directly, unambiguously tells him he's a vampire (up to this point he thought Belle was simply an eccentric role-player), he runs away, so she goes out with said actual vampire (who never meant to actually kill her, he was just pulling a prank). When he treats her badly, though, she and Edwart get back together, and the final chapter ends with a sweet scene of them as a couple.

And said actual vampire who Belle goes on a date with is Joshua. Ironically, personality-wise, while Edwart is closer to how Stephanie Meyer intended Edward to come across, Joshua is closer to how Edward was actually written. And unlike Edward, whose creepier behaviors were glossed over by the narrative, Joshua's mistreatment of Belle results in her leaving him in favor of Edwart, who she loves even if he isn't a vampire like she thought.

My only criticism of the writing is how unrealistic the video game Edwart made seems. Is Belle using an arcade stick? The way she's described using her pinky and middle fingers to press buttons suggests as much, but the game is apparently on the Wii? I know there's a Wii arcade stick, but I don't know how realistic homebrew Wii games are for late 2009. (Was the Wii arcade stick even around in 2009? Or does Edwart's uncle work for Nintendo?)

To quote the book itself:

[Edwart's] hands grabbed my hands like they were video game controllers. He pushed down on my left index finger. I low-kicked. He pushed down on my left pinkie. I jumped. He pushed down on my right thumb. I paused in mid-air. He kind of rotated my wrist while pushing down on my right middle finger. I crouched down and shot a fireball from my hands.

Like, what the frick is going on with that game controller? I get the feeling that between Edwart "saving" Belle from an old man trying to sell her "Sega products", telling her to stick with Nintendo, and... this mess of a description of someone using a game controller, I get the feeling whoever wrote those scenes was old enough to remember the Nintendo and Sega console wars, but hadn't played video games in a long time and wasn't up to speed on the fact that Nintendo's primary competitors were now Sony and Microsoft.

But this is just a nitpick. It doesn't bother me enough to stop me from recommending this book to anyone remotely interested in a Twilight parody.

[mayomalice]

midnight sun • twilight

6/10

I'd like to start this review by saying this: i am not a knuckle cracker. but if i was, i would be cracking them before i begin my review.

lets get into it starting with the pros of this book before i rip into it with the cons.

for the most part i actually thoroughly enjoyed this book, there were several moments that made me giddy having been able to see it through Edward's perspective, such as being able to get brief glances into other peoples heads and know what they were thinking in that moment, because.. that's literally his power. it brought forth several short almost witty moments- some of them i believe to be unintentional, such as a descriptor for jasper in a moment to be 'and jasper was... suffering.'.

while i am aware of Edward and Bella's relationship being not all that healthy, that doesn't prevent me from loving them together. (because to be frank there are far worse pairings out there). For a lack of better words and words that make me cringe just at the thought of typing, once again, the movies really fail to show how much rizz Edward has. like he was seducing me to be honest, and i'm not even remotely attracted to men.

other than those pros that will conclude the positive section of this review, as i've listed in other book reviews for the series a lot of the same positives apply to this one. that being said, i don't wish to retype all of that once again.

lets move on to the negatives this book had for me.

firstly, Edward is extremely broody. to an eye rolling extent. while yes, i have been aware of that from reading the entire original series, and having watched the movies hundreds of times.. it still doesn't make it any less irritating when he's constantly saying things like 'Bella deserves someone better than me' 'Bella shouldn't be with someone who's killed people (COUGH, rapists).. etc.

secondly, from roughly page 568 until the final page, 658, i hated almost everything i was reading.

the entire scene where they're trying to get Bella out of danger is truly a frustrating read. Edward is a moron who refuses to listen to Alice who's trying to diffuse both him and the situation at hand, which in turn worries Bella further.. Emmet is unsure of what to do as he's sat in the backseat with a now even more stressed Bella.. Edward being no help at all like i said previously as he refuses to pull over so Alice can tell him what they should do for way longer than what should've been touched on within that chapter.

furthermore the car chase scene was torturous to read. why is it that with only a single apart am i being told that the car is driving at 150 m/ph? twice? why is it that you continue to tell me the car is going '160' '170' '180.'... that detail is entirely unnecessary when all that truly needed to be said was something like 'the car was continuing to increase in speed rapidly'.

my next massive complaint has to do with Carlisle and licence losing medical malpractice on his part. now, i love Carlisle. it's not so much about HIM, but mores about stephanie's idiocy regarding topics that she clearly did NOT research before including them in her novel. (something which is not new for her and her writing at all).

the complaints are as follows:

1. the 'she's lost some blood' comment. no shit. both you and Edward are actively kneeling in the pool of her blood which she's actively laying in. she's lost more than 'some blood'.

2. WHYYYY are you doing sutures outside of a hospital?? and how?? and where the fuck do you have to supplies- let alone sterile supplies to do so?? i understand that Carlisle is a doctor but that's not just something you have just chilling in your back pocket or in your car. so once again.. WHAT?

3. WHY do you have morphine on your person to treat Bella with.. morphine is an opioid, and there are legal restrictions that come with that.. as far as i'm aware you would not just have morphine on you, let alone a high enough dosage to treat Bella who has; 4 broken ribs, a broken leg, 2 open wounds on her head (which directly goes back to #2 of my complaints), and a body almost coated in bruising from head to toe. there is NO way.

4. Taping Bella's ribs. first of all, this is no longer a practice that is used as it makes it hard to take deep breaths, which bella was doing, because on top of everything she was also actively turning into a vampire.

5. i understand that they 'couldn't go to the hospital' because of the vampire turning on their hands, but they should've. if they truly had to keep Bella human, Edward should've sucked the venom out on the way to the hospital. in my opinion though, Bella should've just turned then and there. it would've saved everyone a world of trouble as well as once again, saving them the trip to the hospital entirely.

that's all for my medical malpractice complaints, now onto some more general complaints, i'll try to keep this short.

1. how did nobody in the small town of Forks notice the ballet studio having been lit on fire and burned to the ground? it's a small town, people are nosy, people would notice and come to see what's going on.

2. Bella was only kept in the hospital for 9 days despite her condition.

3. no obvious timeskip in the writing to show that Bella had recovered enough to be walking around and able to go to her school dance.

4. a lacklustre, disappointing ending. the final sentence literally being; 'as the night finally overcame the end of the day, i leaned forward again and kissed the warm skin of her throat.

with all that being said, up until the climax i did enjoy reading the book. it's not the best in the series at all, but at least it's not new moon.