#Looking at the paragraphs following this about the previously mentioned painting like

[camelspit]

"I was suddenly reminded of a painting I'd seen many years ago." Edward. Edward I don't care. I genuinley can't express enough how little I care.

[dearest-painter]

Hey there! I don't know if you remember me, but I was the anon who sent you a thing a few months ago to warn you and others about the more abhorrent actions of the artist Namy Gaga (https://www.tumblr.com/dearest-painter/747620174237138944/so-sorry-to-bother-you-but-i-saw-someone-in-a?source=share).

In light of recent events, I felt like doing a follow-up was one of the best things to do since:

I discovered some new information that I wasn't aware of at the time.

Certain events have happened which completely caught me off guard.

Content warning for discussions of victim-blaming, harassment, inappropriate/illegal NSFW artwork, and toxic behaviour (including but not limited to queerphobia).

I discovered a Tumblr account Namy or a fan made in July last year (coincidentally around the time of the victim's lawsuit). I initially theorised it was created to mock any critics Namy had on that platform. As of me writing this, the blog has changed. BUT it has the same username as before (which you can easily find while searching "Namy Gaga" or "Namy G" on here), CONFIRMING THAT SHE DID IN FACT MAKE THAT ACCOUNT TO INITIALLY HARASS PEOPLE.

Originally, I talked about a comic she made in 2018 where she was gatekeeping LGBTQ+ experiences. As of me writing this, she still has not taken it off her Deviantart (I have the link to prove this - please avoid the comments for your mental health as a lot of them are either argumentative, gross or blatantly transphobic: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/LGBT-Correct-answer-Meme-757868018). I did see someone speculate that Namy may have had internalised queerphobia at the time (due to how some people with internalised queerphobia tend to police other people's queerness), but I am also aware that someone who is LGBTQ+ can police other people's queerness and NOT have internalised queerphobia (perhaps there are other reasons OR they're just a you-know-what). That's just my opinion tho and I'm open to hear yours (if you want ofc).

As of me writing this, she has opened up about being genderfluid and still identifies as sapphic/queer (not specifically lesbian tho). While a part of me wants to believe that Namy has grown from her past queerphobic actions and opinions, I am of the firm belief that just because someone is LGBTQ+ (regardless of their experiences or the terms they use) doesn’t excuse/dismiss bad behaviour. - from a bisexual person with multiple LGBTQ+ friends

Remember when I talked about a Google Drive that Namy made to paint one of her victims as a liar - using actual screenshot evidence (of text conversations, etc.) that could definitely look incriminating in a court of law (if the victim's initial lawsuit were to progress any further, which I haven't found any updates about as of me writing this). TURNS OUT THERE WAS A CRUCIAL DETAIL I DIDN'T MENTION WITHIN THAT GOOGLE DRIVE. Specifically, a recorded call (video format) between Namy and one of the voice actors for her FNAF AU project, which she put up in March 2024. While I cannot understand Spanish and there were not English subtitles, what I could understand was that Namy was trying to confront the voice actor about the victim "cheating on her with them” when the victim was most likely trying to confide in the voice actor and tell them what Namy was doing to her.

Speaking of which, as of July this year, Namy has privated the Google Drive that she released in December 2023 (probably to cover her backside legally, bc of backlash from her critics, reasons which I've detailed below, or all three).

Within the same month, Namy posted a vent drawing (her current self punching her "old self") both on her Devianart and Facebook: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/Namy-G-vs-Namy-Gaga-1079871130. Attached was a paragraph explaining that, upon going to see a therapist, she realised that her actions from 2023 and before (some of which I detailed previously - including the inappropriate/illegal NSFW) were unacceptable and that she has since apologised for those behaviours. IF THIS IS TO BE BELIEVED, I HAVE THIS MESSAGE FOR NAMY ON THE OFF-CHANCE SHE READS THIS: I understand that you want to unlearn toxic behaviours, to unlearn transphobic and other queerphobic mindsets, and to unlearn the idea that promoting inappropriate/illegal NSFW on public platforms is normal (since I’m of the belief you may have been desensitised/pressured into thinking it was normal). And I admire/respect that desire to change. But it WILL take a really long time and a lot of effort for people to forgive you, especially the people you hurt (if they're inclined to forgive you at all). I’m not accusing you of being Satan or anything like that, but no amount of learning from the incidents regarding the queerphobia, the narcissism and the NSFW artwork is going to change this fact: YOU STILL BROKE THE LAW IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY TWICE, NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO PAINT IT. Even IF it is true your first victim forgave you, you will NOT be immune to the law and someone will eventually report you. And about one of your newest posts on your Tumblr: WHY ARE YOU ACTING SURPRISED WHEN YOUR SECOND VICTIM STILL TELLS HER AUDIENCE THAT YOU HURT HER?! IF her lawsuit does progress and you end up being convicted in court (with the evidence YOU used to paint her as the “bad guy”), don’t be surprised if you get jail time. 

I apologise for my strong wording in that last point, but I felt it was important to address.

Hope you have a good day/evening and thank you for reading this lengthy update. If you have any thoughts on this, I’m open to hearing them as well.

(To the anyone else reading this, PLEASE DO NOT HARASS/CONTACT NAMY’S FAMILY OR HER CURRENT PARTNER AS THEY (TO MY KNOWLEDGE) HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS.)

Thank you for informing me and I do not have any thoughts other than I appreciate you making it known and at least making light to it. Also as Anon said, do not harass or contact Namy’s family or her partner as there is no proof any of them have done any of it or participated

[crusherthedoctor]

13 + 73

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

This is a difficult one for me to answer because TBH, I rarely look at writing advice posts anymore.

Reason being because, as there's usually a subconscious bias from the person making the post (which isn't inherently bad mind you), that means you'll have plenty of advice lists that end up contradicting each other. One will tell you to do something, then the other will tell you not to do it. When I used to look them up, this almost scared me away from writing because it convinced me that no matter what I did, I would always be getting everything wrong according to someone's list. And on top of that, what's all well and good for one type of story might not work so well for another. That especially holds true when you're comparing franchises with wildly different universes, tones, rules, etc.

So nowadays, I just rely on my own instincts. I keep in mind the no-brainers, like "make sure everyone's in-character", "don't drag out a single paragraph for too long", all that good stuff, but otherwise I have faith in my ability to put what I know about a franchise I'm already a fan of to good use.

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Eggman is actually the villain and doesn't get abruptly killed off or turned into a loving dad.

In hindsight, in my efforts to make my story not come off too much like a copy-paste of a previous story in the games, there's ended up being a lot of deliberate contrast instead. A lot of elements that seem similar to This Thing from This Game, or This Thing from That Game, but with a twist that becomes more obvious over time. Considering the overall plot of Stellar, and the beautiful yet mystical and occasionally disorienting nature of Viridonia, this actually worked out pretty well.

Aside from the previously mentioned attempt to write with the original flavor in mind, my desire to create a memorable setting causes me to put some focus on the scenery. I try not to go overboard and drag it out for pacing's sake, but I like to emphasize things like colour scheme and architecture, really painting a vivid image in the reader's mind. It's fun. :)

In the original Beyond the Stars, there was a firm distinction between the Story Narrator and the Gameplay Narrator, in that the latter would be more snarky so as to add yet more personality into the fic and help it stand out all the more, with the more serious narration being reserved for the actual story moments so as to avoid tonal issues. This overall idea is being maintained for Stellar.

I guess in a way, for better or for worse, Sonudis might also help. At the risk of making it sound like it was inserted for clickbait, OC/canon ships have always been equated to an instant bad fic, so once it was decided that I'd tackle the ship to see if I could pull it off while keeping Sonic in-character, I knew I was painting a huge target on my fic's back. But I wasn't afraid then, and I'm still not now.

[stupendousdragonwitch]

Why You Should Focus on Improving hunting mainan

In the following paragraphs Brass HO Trains talks about the background of HO Model Trains And exactly how they may be traced again to the period shortly just after Globe War II. The Japanese craftsmen were being creating exact replicas of the trains using high-quality brass. The Individuals who have been stationed in Japan observed these and obtained their beloved train styles made utilizing photos. These model trains were being accurate to the scale and ended up absolutely hand-produced.™

These brass trains were being manufactured during the HO scale, i.e., one:87 the dimensions of the real trains. The OO trains, which were double the scale of such HO trains, were far more well-known in United Kingdom, the place they had been made in response towards the economic pressures on the depression. Even though HO trains were invented within the 1930s, they received level of popularity because of the calendar year 1950s, if the desire in design railroad as toys was taken over by hobbies of collecting realistic objects. Also, the brass O scale trains were found to choose up too much Area. Importers like Max Grey, Westside Product Enterprise did the job of receiving the Japanese manufactured trains for the American current market.

A person benefit of applying brass was that it's non-magnetic and thus allow the motors to operate easily. The crafting and sculpturing can be much more quick in brass. Many of the designs have been hand-produced and hand-soldered. The brass versions were bought by people today simply because they can work them and make them operate within the tracks and surroundings which have been built utilizing equivalent scales, instead of just displaying them on Display screen situations. It necessary a lot of energy over the Element of the employee. Given that the demand from customers grew, the HO brass design trains began getting to be dearer.The models which were at the time $50 to $one hundred now are available in at $ten,000, not forgetting those that are bought in auctions at about $30,000.

Original versions on the brass trains weren't painted. The grills, wheels and various accent parts were however, nickel-plated. Since the needs of the market grew, some trains had been painted in graphite and black to create them look practical. At times, water stains and rust marks had been added here and there to really make it appear all the greater unique.

Steadily, the passions were being also location in to receive collections from particular producer that created the Brass HO trains. So, the collectibles have been based on the road or practice organization name that they are amassing.

The manufacture from the train products continued in Japan until eventually the seventies, and then they had been produced in South Korea. The brand new suppliers had a lot to further improve, which they did, until finally the trendy working day Brass HO trains are now getting created and collected like a hobby and curiosity. A set of your brass trains wouldn't bring in Substantially revenue as such and people import them only out of curiosity, being appreciated and appreciated by his fellow collectors.

An essential distinction we have to be apparent about ahead of we consider the 4 levels your connection will pass through inside your journey to a real cuckolding Life style may be the distinction between hotwifing and cuckolding, and infidelity and affairs.

The simple difference is with hotwifing and cuckolding a person's spouse has other sexual associates along with his expertise, consent and approval. Typically It truly is mencari kereta api even pushed by the man, at the very least initially, since it's a deep seated fantasy he has.

Now we recognize that we could discover the four levels I discussed previously mentioned. Nearly every relationship in which cuckolding will become the norm passes by means of these stages, and it is vital to realise They can be completely organic and typical. The only thing I am going to alert you of is as soon as you Every single the ultimate phase, then It can be all seriously out of your respective fingers.

You will end up a cuckold, much like you desired to be, and there'll be no technique for going back again, even if you wish to. We will see why This is certainly shortly.

Phase 1: Ignorance.

This is when the man has the fantasy, but his wife is aware of nothing at all of it. She won't even know she does not know. In the event you asked her about owning additional-marital sexual intercourse, she'd straight away consider infidelity and affairs, and, assuming your marriage is powerful, would very likely be repelled by The reasoning.

Phase two: Awareness.

When you've broached the subject together with her and described the difference between hotwifing and cuckolding, and possessing an affair she's aware of it and, Except she's useless-established versus it for the extent she will not likely even look at it, she'll be trying to find info on the topic and asking you many questions on it.

This stage can very last a very long time and it's important not to rush matters -- since at the time she's actually experienced sex with A different person, then though she will be able to halt and never do it once more, It is not possible to put back the clock and unfuck the man.

Phase 3: Exploration.

This is when she's performed it and she or he's favored it... and she or he's willing to do much more of it.

But there's nonetheless some Element of her that is Uncertain and she's telling herself The explanation she's undertaking it is for yourself. She'd stop any time you questioned, and he or she's continually examining with you that It can be continue to Alright.

Phase 4: Way of living.

Right after a while, your beloved undergoes a deep and profound transform.

At this time, with no her even realising it, she has grown into her position to be a sexually liberated hotwife. She's cost-free within the constraints of society which, if she was an individual female, would probable judge her harshly.

Rather, she's a respectable married female who's got the benefit of limitless outlets for her sexual Vitality.

At this stage she's executing it for herself... and if you asked her to prevent the would not.

It is not that she's cruel or unloving, It is really much more which the deep and profound transform has manufactured her so she could see no reason behind halting.

Men whose wives progress to this stage are inside a bed of their unique making. They've got asked, and also begged for this, and although they are able to halt it by leaving the wedding, if they want to stay in it, then they have to understand she has enthusiasts and that is closing.

She's going to most likely contain you in her sexual exploits, allowing you to watch and hear, but it surely's now no more about you. It's about her.

In the extreme, she could possibly have a Are living-in lover, and when you are however No. one concerning her adore and loyalty, in terms of sexual intercourse you may well be relegated into a slave, serving equally of them at their whim.

The matter to remember is this: be pretty, very, watchful what you want for.

[eisforeidolon]

To the frustrated and tired anon:

Apart from the great advice you already received from eisforeidolon, I'd suggest the following:

Unfollow. Block. Find new, better blogs to follow.

I blocked every single one of the Jared stans you described because I was so sick of them constantly twisting or willfully misinterpreting Jensen's words, of the constant bad faith interpretations of literally everthing he does or says, of them picking every interview or con panel apart to find some tiny, tiny thing they can be outraged about and start drama over. Soon they'll start "criticizing" (because that's what they like to call it, even though it's just stan hysteria, whining and hate) him for the way he breathes. Or maybe next time he'll look at Jared the wrong way somehow, who knows.

But it's ridiculous and obnoxious and I have no time for outrage addicts and drama queens who are determined to paint Jensen as some kind scheming, back-stabbing, narcissistic, egoistical villain, when he is, by all accounts of people who actually know him or have actually worked him (including Jared himself!), a very decent and lovely human being.

The only Jared stans I follow now are either drama-free ones who just focus on Jared/Sam and don't constantly feel the need to drag Jensen or the ones who genuinely like both of J2.

I also ventured out of my usual comfort zone and started following and interacting with people from other parts of the spn fandom (the scary world of "hellers" and "AAs" according to Jared stans, oh no!), and have found some perfectly lovely new blogs to follow there.

Unlike the Jared stans, who spend all their time trashing Jensen instead of focusing on their fave (I just checked some of their blogs and they're still at it, nothing but posts whining about perfectly normal things Jensen said in recent interviews, Jensen's fashion choices, the prequel etc.), the new blogs I follow barely ever mention Jared or do so in a neutral or nice way.

As a result, my dash is now completely free of hate for anyone, and that is very relaxing indeed.

Seriously, people shouldn't be so afraid to step out of their comfort zone.

Just because you've followed someone for a long time doesn't mean you can't unfollow/block them if their content affects you negatively or you don't agree or vibe with them anymore. And the spn fandom is still pretty big, there are plenty of other nice people from all parts of the fandom to follow instead.

Yeah. I personally don't usually go in for blocking, because, well, frankly I'm a bit of a fandom drama rubbernecker sometimes so I like to check in on all the different sides. The problem has been that I got too comfortable with the stans being somewhere vaguely over there, but the fandom landscape has changed.

There are absolutely Jensen stans who I see as the mirror image of the Jared stans in question. Not the genuinely disturbed heller types harassing and threatening the actors, nor the ones who mostly just pretend Jared doesn't exist, but some in the middle who rarely turn down the chance to mock Jared. You generally don't find them unless you go looking for them, though, which is the problem I think we're having. What was previously mostly a reliably J2 space has now fractured into J2 and Jared stans and it's necessary to adjust to that. As with fandom in any sense, I think it's very important to recognize when you aren't having fun anymore and manage your experience. Whatever that means for you as an individual.

That's what I was trying to get at, possibly a little obtusely, with my last paragraph on how I keep my dash wank-free. The last day or so, my dash is, like, 90% Jensen doing The Boys promos and the other 10% is SPN and J2 gifsets, random SPN thoughts/discussion/fanart, and a little bit of Walker. I only get the wank when I go looking for it, or someone brings it to me and I find that a much better experience.

[heartcal]

distant; c.h.

it’s finally here omg and being posted on time too (barely)!

this was an idea i started writing back in late 2015 (literally the first few paragraphs are from the old draft with some editing) and while cleaning up my drafts i decided to continue it since i liked it :^D

pairing: calum hood x reader (i tried to make it gender neutral so if i used pronouns while describing the reader, i apologize and feel free to let me know!)

summary: you feel like the relationship is deteriorating because he’s gotten distant. you want to bring it up with him, but how can you when he doesn’t realize something is wrong? and why does it invoke a hurtful argument when you voice your feelings?

warnings: none really other than some cursing, arguing, and cal’s kinda an ass sorry lol

genre: angst, very angtsy 

wc: 2,645

my masterlist!

The candle flickered on the coffee table as the sound of rain hitting the roof was prominent. Total silence engulfed you as you finally made up your mind. Your thoughts were running wild for at least the past two hours as you went through numerous scenarios on how he’d react.

Calum had been acting different ever since he came home from tour. It felt like he was distancing himself from you as he began to hang out with his friends right as he got the time off. He already planned visits to his family, which were coming up very soon. He would text you, but they’d only be a couple of words or no more than four sentences a day. At first, you believed it was because he was tired from tour, and honestly who wouldn’t be tired if they had been on a tour bus and planes for almost a year with minimal breaks?

You understood his profession and what comes along with it, you really do.

But when you saw fan pictures or paparazzi pictures of your boyfriend having a hell of a time, obviously without you, it hurt.

You’re not clingy at all; you want him to have a lot of fun considering his age and, due to his fame, he can’t do a lot of the stuff you and other non-famous people can do. You’re not clingy at all, but you would appreciate some one-on-one time with him, especially now that he’s back from tour and soon would be promoting yet another album.

You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down and bring forth your final thoughts on the situation. A break-up is the last thing you want to do. You want to work out whatever is happening between you two, talk it out, and straighten out any knots within the relationship. You don’t want to throw away the past two and a half years, and possibly the five years of friendship.

When you two got together it didn’t come as a surprise to those close to you. The guys were waiting for it to happen, and when it did they didn’t even bat an eye. Your family already thought the two of you were dating, while Calum’s family let out a sigh of relief when the news came out because they saw how happy you made him as a friend.

It started as a test; to see if this is what you want and if it feels right. It did, more than it should if you had to be honest. It almost scared you just how normal it felt to be with him, and the same can be said for him. You had minimal arguments, minimal disagreements; the good outweighed the bad.

But the honeymoon phase can only last so long.

The first time he went on tour when you got together, it was a promotional tour. He wasn’t gone for a long time but he did travel often. That left little to no time to talk, text, or facetime. When he was able to contact you, it was short, but he managed to make it worth it with sweet words and words of encouragement from you.

The second time was a domestic promotional tour. He had asked you to join him, and after getting the OK to work remotely from your boss, you agreed to join him. It was almost like a vacation for you, even if Calum was gone most of the day. On his days off, or when he had part of the day off, it was spent with you alone or with the guys plus you and their significant others.

The third tour was when things started to dwindle. Six months after their third album was released, they went on tour and contact was hard to get. You joined him for a month or two, but after leaving to get back to work, it began to feel like the first time he went on tour. Towards the end of the tour he frequently contacted you, stating that he was, “stressed from the constant traveling,” and he had a hard time keeping up with what day it was.

You didn’t think about it much. Touring like that can strain anyone, amateur or pro. But what you couldn’t understand was how he behaved after the tour. After the first two tours, it was fine, but after tour number three you noticed how distant he would get. Ignoring calls and texts, but updating social media at any time of day and night. It struck you as odd, but he eventually came around with an apology and lots of makeup dates.

Now after tour number four, he’s as distant as ever. You gave him some space but he never came around. It’s been two and a half weeks since you’ve had proper contact.

Running over what you want to say to him in your head, you miss the knocks on your front door. You also miss the sound of your lock turning and the door opening.

“There you are,” You jump at that, turning towards the front door with a hand on your heart.

“What—how did you get in?” You stumble, gone are the thoughts you had previously.

Calum holds his right hand up, his set of keys and key chains jingling as he shakes his hand lightly. He has a small smile on as he speaks, “You gave me a copy, remember?”

You stare blankly at him, recalling the time when you finally moved out of the apartment you shared with an old friend and their partner. You were so happy that you found a place to live on your own, closer to work and closer to Calum. You made him a copy so that he knew he was welcome (and also for safety reasons).

You nod with a hum in response, your eyes moving to the painting a few feet away from him.

If he notices your behavior, he doesn’t mention it as he puts his keys on the hook next to your while taking off his shoes (something you nagged him about since the living room had carpeting).

You knew you had to bring it up. It was sitting on your tongue but your brain couldn’t form the words and sentences that you had previously thought of.

He sighs out as he takes a seat next to you on your couch, his right arm stretched behind you on the back of the couch while his left arm rested on the arm.

You sat stiff, not leaning back or into him no matter how much you craved it. Rather than giving in, you were more focused on the anger starting to bubble up inside of you. How can he act like nothing is wrong after ignoring you for almost three weeks?

“You’re quiet tonight,” he retracts his arm from the back of the couch and moves his hand to your forehead, “You feeling okay?”

When he brings his other hand up to his own forehead, you smack his arm away.

You scoff, letting your anger show, “Really, Calum?”

His puzzled look pushes you over and you stand up.

“What?” He asks as his eyes follow you as you head to the window.

Taking a deep breath and staring out at the city below, you realize that it’s now or never. Releasing the breath as a sigh, you turn towards him.

“Is something wrong?” He questions again.

“I know that tour takes a lot out of you,” you begin, willing yourself to bring your eyes up to meet his, “but you’ve been distant—more than usual. I know you want some time to yourself after touring, and I give you the time, but I can’t help but feel ignored Calum.”

Calum stands with a frown, bringing his hands up to his head before running them down his face with a sigh. His mouth opens to say something but nothing comes out. He stands in front of his seat on the couch, hands on his hips and shoulders slumped. He wants to say something, wants to tell you that he’s not ignoring you, but he can’t bring himself to say so.

“I’ve seen the pictures of you out with your friends. I’m happy you’re spending time with them, that you’re out there having fun because I know you haven’t seen them in so long. And your family, too. But I would like to spend time with you before you head out again.”

“I spent a lot of time with you before I left,” he mumbles, taking a few steps towards you.

“I know-” you hold your hand up to stop him from getting closer, “but you also spent plenty of time with your friends.”

He takes another step towards you, ignoring your signal. His body language shows that he doesn’t want to argue; his steps are small, head tilted only slightly, his eyes are staring intently at you.

It’s silent. Your breathing picks up as you hold back frustrated tears, which causes Calum’s own breathing to falter. He moves his jaw to help ease the tension he feels – a tick you know he picked up from a tour crew member – and shakes his hands as if he was trying to rid them of something.

He inhales, eyes on the floor at his feet, “I feel like we spend too much time together.”

Ouch. His words had a sharp impact, like a punch to the gut when you least expect it. The kind of heart-dropping, breathless pain.

“You think—do you think I’m clingy?” The word leaves a bad taste in your mouth because you felt that you were far from it.

“That’s not what I said—,” he stops, taking in his lower lip with a hand ruffling the hair on his head, “—that’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“But that’s what you’re implying,” you accuse with narrow eyes.

He shakes his head, growing upset with how this night is turning out. He came over to spend time with you, knowing that when comes back from visiting his family he will have only a couple more days of rest before putting all his focus on the new album.

“Look,” he sighs and sits on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands, “all I’m saying is, I wanted to spend some time with my friends since I don’t see them as often as I see you.”

Your jaw tightens, “I understand that, but what about our relationship?”

“What about it?”

“It doesn’t feel like a relationship anymore,” you’re blunt, straight to point out how you feel.

He scoffs, “Cut the bullshit.”

Your speechless, watching him stand up and walk to the other side of the living room. The rain outside has gotten louder with an occasional rumble in the distance, but you’re focused on how he brushed off how you felt like it wasn’t important.

“Just because I don’t spend all my time with you doesn’t mean we’re not in a relationship,” he says, resting his left arm on the bookshelf against the wall, “I have other relationships to manage besides ours.”

“You barely manage this one, Calum,” a tear threatens to spill over your lower lid, “Two and a half weeks of little to no contact, and you suddenly show up to my apartment as if everything is fine? I sat here wondering if something happened on tour that was making you this distant, but from what I’ve seen on Twitter and Instagram…you’re doing just fine. You’re smiling, you’re laughing—you’re seemingly your usual self. So why did all my texts get left on read, no response at all, especially when I just wanted to know that you were okay?”

He sucks his teeth, a humorless laugh leaving his lips as he turns to look at you, “You’re overreacting.”

Another jab to the heart, and this time you let the tears freely fall down your cheeks.

He stands up straight and licks his lips, eyes dancing around the room. They bounce over photos of you with your friends, family, and him. In the back of his mind, he knows this is too much. He knows his words may be overstepping and hurtful, but he can’t see where you’re coming from.

“I’m entitled to my own life, just like you. I have friends I want to hang out with, just like you. Sometimes I need time to myself away from you. Maybe you were right earlier, maybe you are clingy.”

He watches as your tears fall, the pained expression you wear didn’t go unnoticed but he does choose to overlook it.

He cuts you off when your mouth begins to open, “Maybe another thing you were right about before, this doesn’t feel like a relationship, right?”

He rolls his shoulders, jaw clenched as he walks to the front door. Your eyes are covered with unshed tears, previous tears leaving trails down your cheeks and nose. He sees them, there’s a pounding in his brain that’s trying to take control so he can go over and console you with unlimited apologies. But he doesn’t.

Calum grabs his keys, taking off your key and tossing it to your feet. He slides his shoes on, his movements rough as his breathing gets heavier. His eyes reach yours and those dark brown eyes you grew to love have now become hurtful, clouded by an unrecognizable emotion.

His hand blindly reaches for the lock, turning it before lowering to the handle, “If this relationship doesn’t feel like one, let’s end it, yeah?”

Without another word, he opens the door and leaves. Your eyes shed the built-up tears as they fall towards the spare key on the ground.

You don’t know how it came to this. You had your mind made up of how you wanted the conversation to go, what to do if worst comes to worst and how to repair the relationship itself. You weren’t expecting him to come over. Once he walked through that door all your thoughts evaporated and you were left grasping for any remaining thoughts.

You kneel to pick up the key, but your knees are too weak to stand back up. The key glares at you, reminding you painfully of what once was.

But behind your front door stands Calum, a racing mind and pounding heart. He stares at the floor and it finally dawns on him. Mindlessly he’s ended up outside, the warm air of your apartment lobby did not prepare him for the chilly rain outside. By the time he’s in his car, he’s soaked and he’s uncomfortable.

He doesn’t start the car, instead, he reaches for the steering wheel and grips it tightly. The emotions wash over him and the tears slide down as fast as they formed. He shakily inhales, followed by a sob and a sniffle.

The rain is heavy, muting his sobs to his own ears. A sharp crack of thunder makes him jump, and after a few more sniffles and constant wiping of his cheeks, he starts his car and drives back home.

It’s late when you go to bed. The numbing pain in your chest ruins your chances of a good night’s sleep, but selflessly you wished Calum a goodnight before attempting to sleep.

Calum sleeps on his couch, too tired to bring himself to his bed but too hurt to sleep. His eyes drift to his phone on the coffee table when it vibrates; a message from a groupchat talking about an outing scheduled for tomorrow. His sore eyes shut and he turns away from the table.

In the darkness, he sees your pained expression, the way you shrunk as he threw those harsh words at you. It’s an image that will be imprinted forever in his mind, and he regrets everything.

~~~

part two!

[hope-grace-serenity]

The Missing Women of Far Cry-PART TWO

Previously, I wrote a post that was intended to talk a bit about Selena and Lana, and the  history of the Faith position as a whole. Because the notes that discuss these women (“Grieving Note,” “Dirty Crumpled Letter,” A Confession”) tend to be overlooked, the purpose of this new post is to analyze the content of the notes and develop a greater understanding of the experiences and perspectives of the Faiths, as well as how they are viewed and treated. This is just my personal analysis, and of course you are more than welcome to disagree with any ideas expressed here. Unlike my previous post, this one will not bring in real-world connections, but will instead stick firmly within the context of what is presented in FC5. That being said, I’m going to keep the same TW’s as last time in the tags, because I realize that this topic overall can be really uncomfortable to think about. If anyone is particularly sensitive to discussing the Seeds brothers’ involvement in the disappearances (particularly Joseph, since he’s the one mentioned in all the notes), I recommend skipping this post.  

So with that out of the way, let’s look at what these notes reveal to us...

First, the notes show us how these different women were hooked into becoming Faith and giving up their identities in the first place: by being convinced by Joseph that each one of them is special, despite him actually viewing them as interchangeable. This is told to us by Faith in-game during her first cutscene when she talks about how special the Father made her feel, but we also see the same story play out in the previous Faiths. The writer of the “Grieving Note” says Joseph told Lana she was special, and the author of “A Confession” expresses that all she wanted was to be special, and she finally got a chance to feel that way with Joseph. The writer of the “Dirty Crumpled Letter” brings attention to how despite what Joseph says, he *doesn’t* actually view Selena (or any of these women) as special, saying that there is a pattern of him “using up and throwing away” women. 

Although they are told that they are unique, their individuality is significantly downplayed, which no doubt psychologically plays a role in the ease in which these women are disposed of  and replaced. We see this in the callous way Joseph treats Lana’s body after her death, tossing it in to “disintegrate into the boiling muck” with the corpses of the mindless angels, despite her literally giving up her identity in order to become a part of the “family.” Also, the simple fact that he can “swap them out like they don’t have a brain of their own” (according to the writer of the “Dirty Crumpled Letter”) is quite telling of how he views them. He’s interested in how they fit this need for what a “Faith” should be, but not necessarily who they are as actual human beings. This focus on the idealized image of “Faith” is also something that’s corroborated in-game where his whole eulogy for Faith focuses on how devoted she was to him and how he changed her from being “lost and broken” to being ”angelic” and “perfect”--two words that suggest inhumanity and an unattainable ideal. This acts as a stark contrast to the more personal, humanized stories of John and Jacob.  To bridge off that idea, the level of disinterest in the actual person behind the name shows that the Seeds do not view or treat the Faiths like sisters or daughters or any kind of actual family member, despite the title. John disappoints Joseph in-game, but John does not have to worry about mysteriously vanishing and having a random guy show up the next day who Joseph calls “Brother John.” Faith does not have the same luxury.

These notes also give us more insight into how Eden’s Gate operated before the arrest. The fact that there was a specific spot set aside to “disintegrate” bodies--plus the fate of the Faiths as a whole--shows us that violence was most definitely happening before the reaping began, even if it was something that was happening behind the scenes. This should be apparent based on other things we see within the game (the cause of the arrest warrant, the video of Joseph removing the man’s eyes, the fact that the Cook was allowed to be a cult member in the first place, existence of angels and judges, etc.), but I know there are a couple NPCs that make it seem like Eden’s Gate were just kooky, peaceful neighbors before the arrest. While that might have been the image they presented to the public, it’s clear that the reality is that there was a dark undercurrent even before the reaping--Eden’s Gate was just able to hide it well.  

These notes also bring up some interesting questions regarding the attitudes of the Faiths. Finding the identity of the author of “A Confession” was something I was really curious about, since that could either provide us with a new dimension for Rachel, or give us valuable insight into the characterization of one of the previous Faiths, allowing one to have her own words and story expressed instead of just being relegated to the role of a “victim.” Based on the limited information presented in-game, I believe that the most likely writer of “A Confession” is Selena. The “Dirty Crumpled Letter,” where the writer tells Selena  about the history of the Faith position, could easily have been what triggers her doubts, especially since that letter indicates that Selena is very new to the role and hasn’t fully “lost herself” to the Faith position yet. The fact that the letter is “crumpled” implies that Selena was either upset or angry when reading it, which further connects to the idea that she’s experiencing emotional strife which may trigger her doubts. In the “Dirty Crumpled Letter,” the writer says, “God knows who you are, and so do you,” suggesting that Selena is religious. In “A Confession,” the writer is clearly religious as well, as the note is written out to God. 

The author of “A Confession” expresses genuine fear of Joseph due to having personal doubts about the project when she says, “What do I do? I know you will forgive me, dear Lord. I don’t know if Joseph will.” This is also supported by Faith’s eulogy, in which he mentions the previous Faiths weren’t as devoted as she was. This implies to me that the reason at least some of the Faiths may have been killed was because they weren’t faithful enough to him and/or the Project. The fear expressed by the writer of “A Confession,” as well as how the individual women acting in the Faith role are viewed as disposable and replaceable in general, personally makes me fully believe Faith in-game when she expresses fear of Joseph and says she was threatened in the past.  Given how her predecessors were treated, why wouldn’t she have some level of fear? 

Still, the role itself is obviously very important to Joseph, hence why he keeps filling the slot with different women. So, why is that? What’s he hoping to achieve? Why is it so important that there’s a Faith? This paragraph is going to veer a bit into speculative territory (and like I mentioned earlier, this is all just my opinion), but I think the answer for that ties into the previous few points: he’s looking for someone who embodies the concept of faith. And as for why that's so important to him, all we need to do is think about his conversation with us in Jacob’s region. Joseph had a really shitty and painful life, but there was one bright spot after he and his brothers were split up: his wife and daughter. As far as we’re aware, the mysterious Mrs. Seed was the first female presence in his life to genuinely love and care for him. What personal characteristic does he keep emphasizing about his wife? Her faith. When he experienced personal doubts, her faith was there to ground him. She provided him with a feminine, stable, unconditional devotion that he never experienced before, one I feel he tries to replicate in creating these Faiths, and this becomes their main source of value to him. She provides that accepting essence to both him and the Project as a whole. This is why he constantly emphasizes the importance of Faith, both the concept and the person. And yes, this is an incredibly unhealthy viewpoint to have. 

I spent a lot of time talking about Joseph because he’s the one mentioned in these notes, but there are some implications here for John and Jacob as well.Given their personal connection to Joseph and high rank in the group, they are most certainly aware of what’s going on, which makes them complicit to some degree  in what is happening to the Faiths. If they have any personal qualms, we don’t know about it. While there is NPC dialogue that indicates Jacob is upset when John dies, and that Faith is upset when John dies, we have no indication that either of the brothers is personally upset about Faith. One of the NPCs says, “Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith.” The only time John mentions her is when he says he treats his followers better than she treats her angels. While I wish there was someone that Faith could genuinely have a close, honest friendship with, that unfortunately does not seem to be the case here.

And...I think that’s it! Wow, that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Faith’s perspective is so interesting and unique, and really fascinating to analyze. I realize this post doesn’t exactly paint the Seeds or Eden’s Gate in the most flattering light, but it’s fully possible to love all these characters while acknowledging the bad things they did. Believe it or not, Joseph’s my second or third favorite character, lol. 

[bccity]

JULY 2020 BC ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULES & REVIEW

Members may earn 3 points each (up to 6 points) for writing, by the end of August 7 KST:

A solo para of 400+ words based on their monthly schedule (does not count toward your monthly limit).

A thread of six posts (three per participant, including the starter) based on the monthly schedule.

Threads and solos do not have to take place directly during an important date listed on the schedule, but must be related to what the muse is mentioned to be doing in the paragraph explaining their schedule/the company’s schedule for the month and/or their thoughts on the mentioned activities or lack thereof.

These schedules may be updated throughout the month if new information needs to be added.

Reminder: June schedule posts are due by the end of July 7 KST. Please do not post schedule posts in the fmdschedule tag.

Overall Company

All BC idols are scheduled for a meeting with upper management the day before the news of the upcoming base Culture Complex is leaked to the media. They’re given a more detailed rundown of plans for the facility than the public is, although not all the details are made clear. In the meeting, everyone is informed BC has partnered once again with Dimensions and Gold Star to fund the construction of a new building in Gangnam meant to become the ideal location in the world for fans of idols. The building will include a museum with exhibits dedicated to the history and music of each group and soloist, a handful of theatre venues for intimate concerts and company-sponsored musical productions, a merchandise mall, a cafe, and many other fan experiences. (admin note: For reference, imagine something similar to SM COEX Artium —with over three times the budget.) The idols won’t spend much time there even once it’s finished being built, but content starring them is critical to the financial success of the venture, so the next several months leading up to its opening will have all three companies’ idols working hard to make its opening a success. This month, that mostly involves producing photo shoots: all idols will attend a photo shoot session this month where three categories of photo will be tacked: profile pictures for the artist wall (grayscale, professional and serious tone), images for life-sized cutouts of each idol (wardrobe will consist of jeans and a single-color top for each idol, fun and bright tone with fanservicable poses such as here and here encouraged) and 3D imaging for 3D-printed figures of each idol. 

Important dates:

July 5: base Culture Complex briefing meeting.

July 12-July 31: Photo shoots for base Culture Complex, as individual muse schedule allows, at unspecified photo studio in Gangnam (admin note: muses may encounter idols from other companies while there).

BC Soloist 1

Since everything is filmed and shot for her comeback, most of July is about practicing and perfecting her performance, which has been the biggest praise point since her debut. Upon its release, “Love U” isn’t as big of a smash hit as “Roller Coaster” was, but, as a summer release, the improvement from “Why Don’t You Know”’s already impressive performance is clear. While her true staying power has yet to proven seeing as she’s still a rookie soloist, her future looks promising in a way upper management is clearly pleased with for their first soloist in a decade.

Important dates:

July 29: Release of “Love U” & Blooming Blue mini-album, music show promotions continue through August 29.

July 30: Guesting on SBS Power FM Cultwo Show radio show.

July 31: First debut anniversary.

July 31: Guesting on Arirang Radio Super K-Pop radio show.

Decipher

To promote their comeback, Decipher have a magazine shoot to do for Marie Claire Korea on the first of the month. It’s an inside spread in the issue that will be cover by their juniors WISH. While their maknae heads back overseas to tour with CHAMPION, the rest of the group will keep practicing to make their comeback on the 13th. Promotions are kept to a minimum, without any fansigns to boost album sales, and, unfortunately, the more mellow vibe of the song doesn’t click with the public for the summer as well as BC would have hoped, leaving them with an abysmal chart performance, though the comeback still brings in a profit thanks to their dedicated fans.

Important dates:

July 1: Photo shoot for Marie Claire Korea’s August issue.

July 13: Release of “Love Paint” & Canvas mini-album, music show promotions continue through August 13.

July 15: Guesting on MBC FM Starry Night radio show.

July 26: Release of Mr. Sunshine OST “And I”.

          ↳ Decipher R & V

No schedules for the month.

Important dates:

N/A.

          ↳ CHAMPION

CHAMPION has already broken records, soaring to the top of the Billboard Hot 200 album chart last month, a feat only Origin has previously achieved. The achievement has BC and Dimensions quite proud and the lack of significant performance on the Korean charts isn’t considered a big deal to them due to the overseas success. This month, they begin their tour in Texas (flying out from Seoul late on July 5) and hold five US dates total before they fly out back to Seoul in the early morning hours of July 12. As previously mentioned, the two involves all of the songs on their mini-album, two unreleased songs (”Dangerous Woman” and “With You”), and solo stages by those who have made solo debuts before the tour.

Important dates:

July 6: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Dickies Arena in Forth Worth, TX, USA.

July 8: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at United Center in Chicago, IL, USA.

July 9: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Infinite Energy Center in Duluth, GA, USA.

July 10: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at EagleBank Arena in Fairfax, VA, USA.

July 11: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY, USA.

BEE

The members will fly out from Seoul to the US on July 2 to shoot their photo book for their album. They’ll return to Seoul on July 5 and two days later will have another photo shoot, this time for Elle Korea’s August issue. The members will take on a retro photo shoot concept for the shoot. Shortly after, they’ll shoot the music video for “Darling”, and then the rest of the month is focused on preparing for their Seoul concerts. Each member will continue to rehearse their self-chosen solo cover stages for the concert (admin reminder: please avoid choosing songs that could be claimed as points claimed songs and have not been released in-’verse). At the end of the month, they’ll perform “I Like That”, “I Swear”, “Touch My Body”, and “Loving U” at a resort festival.

Important dates:

July 3: Album photobook shoot in Los Angeles, CA, USA.

July 7: Photo shoot for Elle Korea’s August issue.

July 10: “Darling” MV & making videos [2] filming.

July 24: Live Concert: B concert at Olympic Hall in Seoul.

July 25: Live Concert: B concert at Olympic Hall in Seoul.

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: Knight, Lipstick and Gal.actic).

          ↳ 2BEE

Though their promotions have ended and they don’t have any major schedules in the future to work toward at this time, they will be giving a sub-unit performance of “Ma Boy” in addition to BEE’s group performance at a festival at the end of the month.

Important dates:

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: Knight, Lipstick and Gal.actic).

Knight

After a photo shoot for Dazed early in the month and following the two CHAMPION subunit members' returns from the US, Knight is slated to begin comeback preparations for an album release in October. After playing it safer the last few comebacks, Knight is returning to something a little more experimental again. The full album should be recorded before they perform at a resort festival at the end of the month. Their set will consist of “Love Shot”, “Enough”, and their older summer hit “Kokobop”.

Important dates:

July 2: Photo shoot for Dazed Korea’s August issue.

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: BEE, Lipstick and Gal.actic).

          ↳ White Knight

No schedules for the month.

Important dates:

N/A

          ↳ CHAMPION

CHAMPION has already broken records, soaring to the top of the Billboard Hot 200 album chart last month, a feat only Origin has previously achieved. The achievement has BC and Dimensions quite proud and the lack of significant performance on the Korean charts isn’t considered a big deal to them due to the overseas success. This month, they begin their tour in Texas (flying out from Seoul late on July 5) and hold five US dates total before they fly out back to Seoul in the early morning hours of July 12. As previously mentioned, the two involves all of the songs on their mini-album, two unreleased songs (”Dangerous Woman” and “With You”), and solo stages by those who have made solo debuts before the tour.

Important dates:

July 6: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Dickies Arena in Forth Worth, TX, USA.

July 8: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at United Center in Chicago, IL, USA.

July 9: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Infinite Energy Center in Duluth, GA, USA.

July 10: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at EagleBank Arena in Fairfax, VA, USA. 

July 11: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY, USA. 

         ↳ Knight Light

They’ll film their last music video rather early in the month, after which point, they only need to rehearse throughout the month to be ready for their showcase and music show stages next month. Since the two Knight members don’t have much in the way of choreographed dancing, most of the rehearsal focus is on working well off of each other and getting all three title tracks into their muscle memory.

Important dates:

July 9: “Closer To You” MV filming.

Lipstick

Lipstick finishes their promotions for “Wild” in the first half of the month. While it doesn’t earn them any music show wins, the song has been fairly well-received in comparison to their last release. They’ll make a short appearance on MBC Starry Night radio show before kicking into the last week of promotions, but as an eight year senior group, music shows to connect with fans are the main focus. Near the end of the month, they’ll perform “Wild”, “Glue”, and “Lil’ Touch” at a resort festival, but work on Queendom is also in full force. They’ll be filming the first two episodes of Queendom on July 16 and July 30 (the latter date also happens to be their debut anniversary), and they’ve been asked to prepare a performance of their representative hit song, “Genie”. Full details of Queendom filming for this month can be found here.

Important dates:

July 10: Guesting on MBC FM Starry Night radio show.

July 16: Queendom episode one filming (introductions).

July 18: End of music show promotions.

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: BEE, Knight, and Gal.actic).

July 30: Queendom episode one & two filming (representative hit song stage).

          ↳ Lip Gloss

No schedules this month.

Important dates:

N/A

CHARM

CHARM continues to tour this month, with three Asian dates this time. It’s a rather relaxed month since they only have three tour dates, so the members will have some down time in between concerts, though there are general rehearsals and schedules to be attended to that will prevent them from taking any kind of true vacation abroad. If they’d like and they have family in South Korea, the company will permit them to have enough of a break to take a day trip or two to visit family, but longer trips or trips for other reasons will not be approved by the company this month to keep the members out of trouble and focused on staying focused on their tour.

Important dates:

July 4: Ode To You tour concert at Mall of Asia Arena in Pasay, Philippines.

July 11: Ode To You tour concert at Axiata Arena in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

July 18: Ode To You tour concert at NTSU Arena in Taipei, Taiwan.

          ↳ CHARM U

No schedules for the month.

Important dates:

N/A

WISH

Following a photo shoot for the cover of Marie Claire Korea’s August issue, the members of WISH are back off to Japan shortly after for a series of three concerts, the first since the release of their latest Japanese album. They won’t stay long for any additional promotions and will only be in Aichi from July 9 to July 13. Once they get back, they’ll get some down time, though there are general rehearsals and schedules to be attended to that will prevent them from taking any kind of true vacation abroad. If they’d like and they have family in South Korea, the company will permit them to have enough of a break to take a day trip or two to visit family, but longer trips or trips for other reasons will not be approved by the company this month to keep the members out of trouble and focused on staying focused on their tour.

Important dates:

July 3: Photo shoot for Marie Claire Korea’s August issue.

July 10: WISHlights Tour concert at Portmesse Nagoya in Aichi, Japan.

July 11: WISHlights Tour concert at Portmesse Nagoya in Aichi, Japan.

July 12: WISHlights Tour concert at Portmesse Nagoya in Aichi, Japan.

[morbidology]

What do you think of Making a Murderer and do you think Steven Avery is guilty?

I think Steven Avery is guilty and I find the documentary exceptionally bias and the documentary makers purposefully omitted a plethora of the evidence against or just skimmed over it or “explained” it with pseudoscience.

First of all, the documentary makers portray Avery to be something he’s not and downplay his disturbing past. For example, the part detailing what happened to the cat wasn’t accurate. It wasn’t a teenage mistake. He poured gasoline and oil over a cat and threw it into a bonfire and watched it burn to death. You can read the police files for that incident here.

Additionally, he allegedly raped his 17-year-old cousin and threatened to kill her family if she told anybody. She came forward after he was arrested but the case never went to trial because she was too afraid.Several people came forward to say he confessed to raping his cousin. You can the affidavit for that incident here, here, and here.

A childhood friend of Avery came forward to say he had raped her. You can read that affidavit here. Furthermore, Brendan Dassey claimed he was molested by Avery. You can read that transcript here.

In 1985, he ran his cousin and a deputy’s wife off the road before trying to force Morris into his car at gunpoint. You can read the police files for that incident here.

Now onto the murder of Teresa Halbach. Avery specifically asked for Teresa to come to his house but did using a fake name and fake number; he pretended to be his sister. The reason he had to conceal his identity was because Teresa was scared of him. He opened the door to her naked previously and creeped her out so much that she said she would never return. Avery kept calling Teresa on the day of her murder but withheld his number. After she was killed, he rang her again. However, this time he didn’t withhold his number, and it’s assumed that was because he knew she wouldn’t be answering, regardless of who was on the end of the line.

A number of Teresa’s belongings, including her phone, camera and PDA,were found burnt in a barrel on his property and several witnesses at his trial testified seeing him putting things into the barrel before setting it alight. Human remains were also discovered in the fire pit on his property, along with Teresa’s tooth, a part of her jeans, and tools.  A bullet containing Teresa’s DNA was found in Avery’s garage. You can see the laboratory analysis here.

Ballistic evidence showed that the bullet containing Teresa’s DNA was fired from Avery’s rifle which he kept on the wall above his bed. Had the bullet been planted, how did it get her DNA on it and how could it have been shot from his gun when it was confiscated at the beginning of the investigation? Furthermore, in regards to the hole found in the blood sample that the documentary tries to pen as evidence of a framing, a nurse came forward straight away to confess that she had made the hole.

Avery’s DNA was found inside Theresa’s car You can see the laboratory analysis here and here and here. The documentary tries to claim this was planted by somebody who obtained Avery’s blood from a cut that bled in his sink from a small cut on his thumb. However, if there ever was blood in the sink, it would have dried. How can somebody scrape up dried blood and plant it in a car? On surfaces in the car in a drip pattern? That’s impossible.

Furthermore, perspiration containing Avery’s DNA was found under the hood latch of the car and on her car keys. I know Zellner tries to claim DNA cannot be obtained from perspiration but that’s just not true. DNA can be extracted from many kinds of biological evidence including blood, semen, saliva, perspiration, hair roots, skin cells, bone marrow, tooth root, urine, faeces, and vomit which could contain cells from the throat. Almost every component from the human anatomy is a potential source for DNA.

For further reading on extracting DNA from perspiration, check out the following textbooks, all of which are written by scientists:

- Forensic DNA Analysis: Current Practices and Emerging Technologies (This book has a paragraph which reads: “Often the vehicle’s grill, fender, and undercarriage are prime locations from which to recover physical evidence with DNA. A vehicle’s interior also can contain numerous sources for DNA recovery, including skin cells or perspiration.”

- An Introduction to Forensic DNA Analysis, Second Edition

- Forensic DNA Applications: An Interdisciplinary Perspective

- Molecular Diagnostics: Promises and Possibilities

A number of people have been convicted of a crime using DNA obtained from perspiration. Mark Manfredy was linked to a string of New York City robberies when the DNA in his perspiration matched DNA found at the scene.Mohamed Ali Abdul Ghani was tied to a robbery when the perspiration from his shoe left at the scene contained his DNA. Glenn J. Raynor was tied to a rape when Maryland State Police obtained his DNA from perspiration left on a chair while voluntarily answering questions at an MSP barracks. 

In fact, in 2014, the Court of Appeals concluded that collecting perspiration left behind from somebody being questioned for a crime does not violate the U.S. Constitution’s Fourth Amendment prohibition on unreasonable searches. “In the end, we hold that DNA testing (of] genetic material no tobtained by means of physical intrusion into the person’s body is no more a search for purposes of the Fourth Amendment than is the testing of fingerprints or the observation of any other identifying feature revealed to the public —visage, apparent age, body type, skin color,” said Chief Judge Mary Ellen Barbera.

People need to remember that this documentary was created in defence of Steven Avery and his defence are going to produce their own experts to back what they say and vice-versa with the prosecution.  The defence doesn’t care if their client is guilty or not. Kathleen Zellner was also the defence lawyer for Larry Eyler; she knew he was guilty, continued to defend him until his death and then, finally admitted he was guilty and released the identities of his victims. That is a defence lawyers job. 

The second documentary especially focuses on pseudoscience and half-truths. For example, the fact that Avery passed a brain fingerprinting test is apparently proof that he’s innocent. However, brain fingerprinting is controversial and unproven and inadmissible in court. Another example is when Zeller tries to claim the sniffer dogs were going mental in the gravel pit. However, she fails to mention that this gravel pit was immediately south of Theresa’s vehicle. You can read the dog handler’s report here.

The documentary also doesn’t acknowledge that a cadaver dog picked up a scent of decomposition in Avery’s bathroom. Moreover, Zellner claimed that the dog didn’t pick up human decomposition scent in the pit until the 8th of November, eluding that the human remains were planted. However, the dog didpick up human decomposition on the 5th at the burn pile but couldn’t get any closer to the burn pile because there was a chained German Shepherd barking and lunging, leading the handler to walk away and return when safer to do so. You can read about that evidence in the dog handler’s report as well as during her testimony at trial here. Please note that the handler isn’t associated with the police.

In my opinion, they wanted a documentary that would sell and painted the case as something I don’t believe it to be and something the evidence doesn’t point towards it being. He wasn’t found guilty for nothing like the documentary leads us to believe. There is a profusion of corruption in the justice system and there were many legitimate cases they could have chosen to do a documentary on. They chose this case, in my opinion, so that idealistic viewers could transfer their shock and anger about the initial miscarriage of justice (and distrust of the police) to the murder case and use it as reasonable doubt.

I urge anybody – whether you think he’s guilty or not – to read the trial transcripts and look through all of the evidence presented at trial and base your opinion on that, not a bias documentary with an agenda.

http://www.stevenaverycase.org/

[cami-chats]

In Your Camera Roll

Title: In Your Camera Roll

Link: AO3

Square Filled: Sending A Dick Pic

Ship: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes

Rating: Explicit

Major Tags: None

Summary: “Bucky was innocently working at home when a wrong text makes his night much more enjoyable.”

Word Count: 1841

Created for @mcukinkbingo

Full text also below 

Bucky was editing his ass off when he got a text. He didn't recognize the number, but Steve had just gotten a new phone. Last Bucky had heard, he was setting it up while also trying to move Sam's things in.

Unknown Number: :photo:

Bucky rolled his eyes. It was probably a picture of Steve drinking from Sam's favorite mug or something equally stupid and sappy, so he swiped to open it without much thought.

And a dick showed up.

Bucky blinked.

Another text came in before he had a chance to even attempt to think of a response, mostly because his mind had stalled at the picture. He was horny more often than not, mostly because he hadn't had a boyfriend in years, and he'd stopped doing hookups when he got the prosthetic because people either said that he should warn people he had a piece of technology attached to him, or they had a fetish. Either way it wasn't fun, which meant that it had been a while since someone showed him their dick with intention. He didn't appreciate the fact that this was the first text this number had ever sent him, but even jerks had nice cocks sometimes, and lord did this man have a nice one. It was leaning against his stomach, flushed and absolutely mouth watering where it curved against olive skin.

;) Then, a minute later, Oh shit.

Wrong number

Fuck

I'm sorry

Please tell me you're not underage

Oh my god I'm so sorry

Bucky appreciated that, and now that he knew this was a case of wrong number and not completely unsolicited dick pics to a random number, it was pretty funny. He thought about just saying that it was fine, but, as previously mentioned, it had been so long since he'd gotten any that he was willing to take a little risk. He looked at the picture again, then shot off a text.

Nice dick man :tongue:

I don't have plans if you don't

He sent the texts before he could second guess himself, and figured that the worst case scenario was the guy turned out to be a homophobe and Bucky blocked his number.

Tell me you're not underage before I say anything else :suspicious face:

Lol if I'm underage then why did I have to make my own doctor's appointment

It was a valid question.

Now that that's over...

:smirking face: Tit for tat

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have tits. It took a minute for Bucky to find, copy, and paste the shrug emoji. With a sigh, he set his phone to the side and went back to the open document on his computer, then made a face. He'd gone over this story so many times, he wasn't sure he'd know if he had the same paragraph to start all the chapters. His phone buzzed with another message, but he ignored it, staring at the too-bright screen and trying to will himself to get back to it.

He picked up his phone. All the better for sending me a pic of your cock. Come on fuel my imagination

Shouldn't you be texting the person you meant to send that to?

What makes you think I'm not?

I mean

I'm not.

Because he's a dick

Then why were you texting him??

Good phone sex voice. Pretty sure he's saving the pics I send him for blackmail purposes but eh wouldn't be the first time that happened.

You need to find a better bed partner

You offering?

Bucky hadn't really meant for it to sound like an offer, but hell he could go for that. It had been, god going on two years since he'd had sex, a little sexting was more action than he'd seen in a while. He was a little nervous about this-- the guy was a complete stranger after all-- but what was the harm? Worst case scenario was a random guy had a few naughty texts and maybe a dick pic or two for his own collection; it's not like he knew who Bucky was or even what he looked like.

Sure am sugar. Give me a lil something and I'll give you a pic of your own :winky face:

Does my first dick pic not count as something?

That was for someone else, I want something of my own

Hmm

You an ass man?

:drooling face: :peach: :peach: :peach: :heart eyes:

Lol

One min.

He probably didn't have too great of an ass, but just thinking about it was making Bucky harder. He pushed himself away from the desk, one hand clasped around his phone, the other adjusting himself through his pants. He shooed his cat-- Winter-- off his bed, and he took off in a huff for the kitchen, probably to knock pictures off the wall in protest. He threw his phone down on the newly vacated bed and started to shuck off his clothes. He paused when he got to his pants though, figuring that it was better to get a picture now, just in case that's the sort of thing this guy wanted.

He had to turn on the lights for it, and he really hoped this guy was worth it because now he was squinting uncomfortably after being in the dark for so long. He hooked a thumb in his underwear then stopped and switched hands so his prosthetic wasn't visible. He took a couple pictures and hoped one of them was decent; it's not like he had a lot of experience with this.

Just as he was about to set his phone down again, a text came through.

:photo:

Bucky choked on his tongue as all his blood rushed south. He took back every single doubtful thought he'd had about this man and the quality of his ass because good lord. He had to do squats every day or something, because no one got an ass like that from sitting at a desk all day. Not to mention those boxer briefs were practically painted on, a vibrant red that clung to perfect curves.

I'm saving that pic for later

Just fyi

God knows he'd be jerking off to that picture for the foreseeable future; it was only fair to tell the guy responsible for it.

Was that enough to inspire you? :winky face:

Bucky looked through the pictures he'd taken. They looked inadequate in comparison, but he chose the one where the head of his cock was peeking out the top of his underwear and his hand could be seen cupping his balls over the fabric.

Ooo :tongue: Do I get the rest if I ask nicely?

Nah :winking face: Bucky kicked his clothes off and took another picture, his hand wrapped around the base, and sent it. He opened the photo of that marvelous backside and moved his hand over his erection slowly. "Mm." His eyes fluttered closed and he relaxed into his mattress as he teased his length. That was an ass so good he wouldn't even need to be buried inside of it for it to be wonderful. Give him a handful (and an eyeful), and he'd be good to go.

He was jerked from his imagining of what it would look like without the fabric by his phone ringing. "I swear to god if this is Steve..." He answered with a short, "What," without even looking at the number. Which, in hindsight, wasn't a well thought out idea.

The person on the other end snorted. "Wow you that nice to everyone you send dick pics too?"

Bucky blew out a breath, relaxing again. "I didn't check to see who it was. Uh, why'd you call?"

"I get off a lot better with someone's voice in my ear than just a few pics on my phone. Probably should have asked first," he mused, and Bucky chuckled.

"Don't you hang up, it's now your responsibility to talk me to an orgasm."

"Out of curiosity, do you always answer the phone when you're jerking off?"

"You overestimate how often I get phone calls. What's your name honey?"

"Tony." A pause. "This is where you tell me yours."

Bucky laughed a little. "Bucky. So Tony, come here often?"

"I hate you," Tony said, voice unbearably fond. "Tell me what you're doing."

"Jerkin' off."

"You've never done phone sex before have you," Tony said, sounding amused.

Bucky huffed, taking his hand off his erection. "Can't say I have. Shouldn't you have asked if I was any good at it before ya tried?"

"I had faith. I still have faith."

"Keep dreamin'," Bucky snorted. "I never was any good at talkin'."

"Well that's fine babe cause I can talk enough for the both of us," Tony purred. "I'm laying on my bed right now. I've got lube next to me, but I haven't really touched myself yet. What do you say, you want me to finger myself?"

"Yeah," Bucky breathed. "God that's-" his throat clicked.

He heard a noise and assumed it was the lid of the blue getting taken off. "Tell me what you're doing."

"Tony, I told you I ain't--"

"Think about how I did it," he soothed. "Told you where I was, gave you an idea for how close I was. So tell me baby, where are you right now?"

Bucky licked his lips, trying not to feel embarrassed. "I'm in my room. Uh, on my bed, layin' down. Before you called I was thinking 'bout your ass and uh touching myself."

"You got any lube?"

"I didn't grab it," he admitted, blushing a little.

Tony huffed out a laugh. "I have to do all the work around here. Grab your lube sweetie, you're saving tomorrow-you some pain now. You can thank me later, in the form of electronic roses and assurances that I'm the best you've ever had."

Bucky got to his feet while Tony was talking, padding to his bathroom and grabbing the half empty bottle-- right next to the who-am-I-kidding unopened box of condoms-- before going back to his room.

*

It took embarrassingly little time for Bucky to come with Tony's voice in his ear, whispering dirty things between moans and gasps as he pleasured himself, but Tony was close behind him, so he didn't feel too bad about it.

When they were both done panting, Tony said, "Okay, I'd love to stay up and have a little pillow talk, but I do actually have to get up early tomorrow."

Bucky laughed breathlessly. "Alright. Have a goodnight Tony. When you jerk off tomorrow morning, I expect you ta think of me."

"Oh I will," Tony promised. "Night sweetheart."

"G'night."

In the morning, Bucky texted him every flower emoji he could find, followed by Definitely the best I've ever had. Wanna spice it up a little next time? I swear I'm better in person

He didn't know how his proposal would be taken, so he waited anxiously for a reply, trying not to stare at his phone.

Name a time and a place :peach: :eggplant: :splash:

[geek-patient-zero]

Part 1, Chapter 2

Or: McCann Reads His Mail

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Dead Trilogy Volume 1

Dire McCann returns to his office, in “the heart of the tenderloin district.”

Big, bold, black letters on the door proclaimed, D. McCann, Investigations. Beneath his name, in much smaller print, was the disclaimer Consultation by Appointment Only.

I guess even Dire knows his first name’s a little odd and abbreviated it. Who’d want to give work to a guy who looks like they’re trying to give themselves a nickname.

There’s several paragraphs describing the office. The outer office/reception area has a coffee table with old issues of Sports Illustrated and three red chairs, like a doctor’s office with an even more limited selection of outdated magazines.

It wasn’t much, but he didn’t require any better.�� Recently, his only clients had been the Kindred, and none of them worried about his taste in furniture.

Not to his face, anyway. Vampires are like suburban parents that way.

The office proper, or his ”inner sanctum” as the narration calls it, is pretty standard; huge oak desk, “an elaborate telephone answering machine,” a table with a fax machine, PC, and printer on it, some metal cabinets, and more red chairs. It was also mentioned to have an “outrageous” rent that was almost worth it for the building’s cleaning lady.

The glow of a nearby streetlight gave the room an eerie, ghost-like interior.[...]No cheaply framed photos with hearty endorsements or tacky paint-by-numbers artwork hung on the walls. McCann believed in a strictly functional workplace. Besides which, it made a better impression on potential clients.

McCann sits behind his desk and reloads his submachine gun.

Considering what had happened already tonight, it seemed like good policy to stay ready for trouble.

For all the good it did him, but good thinking I guess. Proper paranoia helps in the World of Darkness.

Then he checks his answering machine. Two of the messages are for “divorce work.” That kind of stuff “didn’t interest” McCann, but there’s another detective in the building who specialized in it, and McCann trades him leads for favors, so he writes down the names and phone numbers. Another message is trying to sell him health insurance.

McCann grinned. Considering his present circumstances, he wasn’t sure he could afford the premiums.

Finally, McCann gets around to checking the mail he was carrying around during the first chapter. After separating the junk mail, he’s left with the small box, which was from Switzerland, three letters from Venice, Italy, another from Australia, and the last from Peru. He starts with the mail from Venice.

Dated approximately a week apart, the letters contained detailed records for financial deals made during the previous seven days.  The facts and figures covered hundreds of major business transactions throughout Europe and the United States. The detective scanned the documents carefully. There were no unusual expenditures or unexplained finances. Not that he expected to find any. The masterminds of the Giovanni Clan were the greatest financial wizards in the world. They kept a tight watch on their investments. McCann merely wanted to make sure no one other than him was skimming the profits.

Interesting. Despite doing work for the Camarilla, McCann also has connections to the independent Giovanni Clan, or at least is stealing money from them, and in a way that even their “financial wizards” can’t detect. There’s an even more interesting reveal at the end of the paragraph.

The longer he lived, the more cautious he became. And, though he appeared to be in his mid-thirties, Dire McCann lived a very long time.

Huh. The summary on the back cover describes him as “mortal.” Then again it also misspells his surname as McCannan, so...

Next he opens the latter from Darwin, Northern Territory Australia, which contains a newspaper clipping. Recently, “nomadic” Aborigines fled their reservation in the Tanami Desert and set up a shanty town outside the city. Officials tried to get the “troublemakers” to go back, “but with no success.”

No one could offer an explanation for the natives’ unexpected migration. Nor were the unwelcome Aboriginals willing to discuss why they had abandoned their primitive shelters and made the long trek to the coast. Their only reply was to point in the general direction of the Macdonnel Ranges and utter the word “Nuckalavee, Nuckalavee,” over and over again.

The hell’s a mythological Scottish demon doing in Australia?

Unfortunately, no one other than the natives understood what the term meant.

Have they tried asking a Scottish person? Maybe someone from the Orkney Islands? This is like Native Americans fleeing from the Loch Ness Monster or a kappa.

For those of you who’d never heard of it, or had never played The Bard’s Tale, the Nuckelavee is this big horse with the upper torso of a rider growing out of the middle of its back, and it has no skin.

The story ended with the mayor promising city residents that the shanty town would be gone shortly.

Australians being shitty to the Aboriginals. What a surprise.

I know, hypocritical coming from an American. But still.

McCann grimaced. He understood why the Aboriginals had fled. But he doubted that the government officials in Darwin would believe his answer. Or care. Mentally, McCann noted that he should request that his clipping service search for any follow-up stories. Or reports of unusual disappearances in the Northern Territories.

It’s a minor spoiler, but not an unsurprising one given the setting, but the World of Darkness version of the Nuckalavee is a vampire; a Nictuku, the name for a fourth generation Nosferatu. Father Naples mentioned them during the prologue when he was talking about the Nosferatu, remember?

“A few of their fourth-generation progeny are rumored to be grotesque monsters, known as the Nictuku.”

But whether it’s the mythological Nuckelavee or a vampire character based off of it, it’s bizarre that Weinberg took a mythological creature from one culture, transplanted it to a completely different one on a different continent, and act like it was always a part of that culture. Even in 1994, before Wikipedia, anyone familiar with Scottish folklore would know better. Hell, check that fan wiki page I linked just now. The reference used for the page came from VTM: Clanbook: Nosferatu. It came out in 1993, and it’s most likely what Robert Weinberg used for information on Nuckalavee too. If the information on the wiki is accurate to the book, then the book straight up says that the thing is Scottish. Even if the vampire migrated at some point, more people should know about it, at least as a legend, than some scared Aboriginals.

Speaking of... I’m no expert on Aboriginal cultures, living on the opposite side of the Pacific and all, but I’m sure they can communicate better than pointing at some mountains and grunting a monster’s name in fearful tones like some old Hollywood tribal character. At least enough to say “there’s something life threatening by our reservation and we’re getting away from it.” The story’s sympathetic to them at least, but that part rubs me the wrong way.

Next, McCann opens the envelope from Peru. It contains a photo and a handwritten note from a member of the Explorer’s Club. The photo makes McCann “swallow hard”. More bad news.

Scribbled in black ink around the margin of the photo were the words, “Found at entrance to huge cavern, Gran Vilaya ruins, Peru.” The picture showed a massive stone statue of a crouching demonic figure with a misshapen, bloated female body and the face of a snarling jaguar. Circling her feet in a ring were a dozen stone heads. Judging from the size of the skulls, the demon stood a least fifteen feet tall.[...]It fronted a huge network of previously unknown caves that honeycombed the Andes for miles. No one knew for certain the purpose of the underground warren. Several members of the expedition thought it might have served as a ritual burial ground for the mysterious Chachapoya civilization due to the numerous skeletons found scattered all through the tunnels. Which would therefore identify the demonic figure as the guardian of the dead.

Credit where it’s due, Robert Weinberg didn’t just make up the Chachapoya. Little’s known about their ancient civilization, and some of what we do know come from the Inca that conquered them and the Spanish, which aren’t what you’d call unbiased accounts. They even lived in the kind of “fog-shrouded region” or “cloud forests” that Gran Vilaya was described as being found in.

The writer ended his note with the hope that McCann felt his research money was being well spent.

McCann used money from a “secret Giovanni slush fund”, which of course none of the Giovanni clan elders know about, to fund the expedition. McCann feels the cost was justified, but would’ve preferred it it if they’d found nothing.

The statue was not a representation of the spirit guardian of the dead Chachapoyas. It showed their murderer..

Not sure why the Spanish had to build underground catacombs for the Chachapoyas to die of disease and poverty in when- No, wait, he’s talking about a vampire.

A creature who abhorred all life, she was named Gorgo, the One Who Screams in Darkness. And the empty caverns in Gran Vilaya indicated that once more she walked the Earth.

Turns out she’s another Nictuku, like Nuckalavee. One with a kickass title. It looks like some very old, very powerful vampires are waking up, and McCann is not happy about it. He opens the box from Switzerland. It came from “an old friend.”

Inside were photocopies of more than three hundred pages of hand-written memos and high level classified documents. They were a mixed selection from a half-dozen different European security agencies. All were marked TOP SECRET.

But we readers don’t get to learn what they say, because McCann checks his watch and learns he’s gotta be at the Club Diabolique to meet Alexander Vargoss in half an hour.

McCann’s preparing to leave when his phone rings. Remember his “elaborate telephone answering machine?” It’s got some spiffy futuristic tech in it like a “caller ID feature” and the ability to record phone calls. Stuff that only someone secretly skimming money from the Giovanni can afford. But seriously, I enjoy reading old stuff and seeing things that are common today described as rare and amazing. Hell, I didn’t know caller ID was a thing in 1994. My family’s middle class and we didn’t get phones with caller ID until the 2000′s.

Unfortunately, none of his phone system’s features come in handy in this case. He doesn’t recognize the number, but McCann answers the phone anyway.

A man whose voice McCann didn’t recognize spoke in clear, crisp tones. “Lameth,” said the stranger, “beware of the Red Death.”

Without another sound, the man hung up, leaving a stunned McCann holding the receiver. Lameth, the speaker had called him.

Nah, Dire, despite his clear, crisp tones the mysterious caller still has a bit of a lisp. He was actually calling you “lame-ass.”

It was a name from the dawn of history, one that McCann believed long forgotten. A master schemer, the detective did not like unexpected shocks. Especially ones of this magnitude.

McCann certainly has the connections and resources to be a master schemer. Still, I’d of liked to have seen him actually scheme before the narration straight up calls him one.

He tries to listen to the recording of the phone call, but turns out it didn’t record. The caller ID screen is blank, and even the phone number it picked up earlier disappeared. This is starting to sound familiar.

Luckily, McCann memorized the number despite his previous confidence in technology. He calls the local police station, specifically a cop named Harry. He asks for a favor due to him for a bottle of wine he sent Harry for his birthday; the location where his phone call was made from. Turns out, it’s from a booth in the front lobby of his building. One that’s been out of service for months.

Let’s recap. Assassins just tried to kill McCann. Powerful vampires are waking up abroad, which is worrying for a very old schemer with an eye towards international news like him. And an untraceable magic man just called him by a very old name no one should know and warned him of a threat with an ominous name. All before he’s gotta meet with the Prince of St. Louis. Good thing McCann’s a big tough book protagonist, ‘cause I’d certainly be a little anxious.

Not a believer in coincidence, the detective knew the three events had to be linked together. But how?

The voice on the phone had warned him to “beware the Red Death.” McCann had absolutely no idea who or what the Red Death might be. He had a terrible suspicion that he would soon find out.

[meanlizard]

How Many Walls Can You Demolish

Summary: Roman and Virgil get into a bit of a situation...

Pairings: platonic prinixety? i suppose?

Words: 1,443

Warnings: light-hearted fluff, comedy, um. lots of fourth wall breaks.

When Virgil walked into the kitchen that morning, it was to find Patton staring blearily upward. He paused, watching the unusually still man, before shrugging and going to the fridge. “Morning, Pat’n,” he muttered, still sluggish as the last dredges of sleep fell away. 

Patton did not reply. Now, Virgil was worried. 

Closing the refrigerator, Virgil squinted at him, eyes gleaming suspiciously. He hadn’t moved whatsoever from his staring contest with the ceiling. “Dad?” he prompted, and when no movement followed, he traced the other’s gaze. 

A dusty spiderweb, bereft of any actual spider. A barely perceptible crack. Bland, off-white paint peeling at the edges. 

So, nothing, then. 

Virgil was now thoroughly concerned. “Patton? Are you okay, man?” as he spoke, he moved to nudge him- only to be rudely interrupted by the unfortunately familiar sound of Roman stretching out an E note with his vocal chords. 

Virgil sighed, and Roman swung into the kitchen, the brightness of his entire existence being almost unholy. His hair was brushed and pushed to the side impeccably; there was nary a wrinkle in his pristine white-and-gold garb. His sash downright shone with cleanliness. As always, the sight of him made Virgil feel suddenly very aware of himself, and he hunched further into the comfort of his hoodie. 

“Good morning, darling citizens!” Roman called flamboyantly, gracing the room with a blinding flash of pearly-white teeth. 

Virgil didn’t bother to return the greeting. 

“Roman, Patton’s acting weird.” 

And say what you would about the obnoxious, annoying, loud-mouthed, insulting, pristine, ridiculous, quick-to-judge, far-too-handsome-despite-having-the-exact-same-face, petty, and entirely empty-headed prince, but he was certainly diligent when it came to any perceived danger that Virgil brought to his attention. Immediately, his attention was on the man in question, red-brown eyes looking him up-and-down for any sign of injury. 

Finding none, he shot Virgil a strange look. The latter indicated Patton’s staring with a nod, and Roman went back to inspect him. 

Then, as if the seriousness had suddenly worn off, he made a small ah sound and relaxed. His lips turned back into that ever-annoying smirksmile (smirkle? smirle?) and he waved a flippant hand that Virgil ducked to avoid. 

“Oh, come off it, Mr. Frowny With a Chance of Meatballs,” he laughed unconcernedly, “he’s just discovered the fourth wall, is all.” 

Virgil stared. He glanced back at Patton, still entranced in whatever it was he was seeing, and then back to Roman. “The... the fourth wall,” he didn’t so much ask as he did state, voice dry and flat. It was as if someone had murdered all the inflection that could be indicative of any emotion what-so-ever, thus leaving it as nothing more than a hollow shell of it’s former sarcastic glory. 

Roman nodded. “Yes. The fourth wall.” 

Virgil took a deep breath. He pinched the bridge of his nose, rubbed it, and then let his hand drop to the side. “No. Just-” he held a hand out to stop Roman’s incoming protest, and shook his head. “Just. Just no. Why are we even doing a fourth-wall breaking fic right now? It’s, like-” he turned his dead glare toward the corner of the writer’s computer screen, and shot them a quick, judgmental look before returning his attention to Roman.

“It’s 1:19 am. This came out of nowhere. And where’s Logan? We need a straight man.” 

Roman laughed. 

“Ha! Don’t you mean a-” 

Yes. Yes, Roman, I meant a gay man. Because you are all gay. 

Roman pouted, joke thoroughly ruined. Virgil smiled a little. Patton stared at the ceiling. Where was Logan? Working, probably. Or, rather, simply not there because the stress of adding yet another character to this catastrophe was simply too difficult for the writer to handle. 

“Would you stop that?” Virgil asked, exasperated. “I was willing to go along with this because you writers have no sense of time-” he stared, accusingly, at the various other writers in the fandom (some of which may be named Marin, Taylor, Vanna and Kat, but who’s to say), “but this is ridiculous. Too much of a good thing can be sh*t, you know!”

“Woah, slow your roll Paint Tool Sigh of Despair! This is a PG show!” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Is that why all of your nicknames suck today?” 

Roman recoiled as if physically stricken. “How dare you,” he gasped. “You know that’s not my fault. If anyone, we should blame the author’s creativity.”

Both sides turned, in unison, toward the dining table set up in the middle of the kitchen. The author’s Creativity was munching on a bagel, muttering in between bites as darkened glasses slipped down their round nose. Their hands, trembling, translucent things so clear you could see the very details of their veins, were thoroughly occupied; one was shakily rewriting a scene for the thousandth time with one, while the other crumpled up yet another drawing to start anew, and a third- a third? no- a fourth??? - shakily fidgeted with the rim of a mug full of a sludgy black liquid that could almost pass for coffee. 

As if sensing their stares, one dead, sleep-lined blue eye peered up at them, and they immediately turned away. 

There was silence. Then, Virgil released a shaky breath. “Roman,” he said, very quietly. 

“Yes, Virgil?” the uncharacteristically solemn Roman prompted. 

“I never thought I’d say this, but... I am so glad that you exist.”

“Dit-to my good sir. Dit-to.” 

Unsure why Roman said ditto in such an odd way, but still reeling from the creature that continued to scribble ominously on their kitchen table, Virgil decided to let it go and turn back to the problem at hand. Which, if you would kindly consult the paragraph far, far above this one, was Patton’s worrying stillness. 

“I thought he already knew about the fourth wall,” Virgil mentioned contemplatively, turning back to his (admittedly) favorite blue-clad side. Roman shrugged, clearly unconcerned, and moved to the fridge to take a carton of milk from it.

“Guess not. It doesn't really matter, though- he just needs some time," he reassured. "I mean, all we can do is just sit around and wait for him to process... well. Everything.”

Virgil was still largely unconvinced. 

Roman, glancing over at him as he poured some milk in some nondescript glass, noticed and let out a breath of slight exasperation. 

“Look,” he started in his best mollifying voice as he screwed the cap back on, “We’ve all been there. It took me five hours, and Mr. Roboto spent an entire three days completely out of it. It’s lucky that we’re just figments of a personality, and that food is just a thing authors use to humanize us further even in non-AU’s, or else he’d be in pretty big trouble.”

Virgil raised a brow, and Roman nodded. “Right, right. Off track, I know. But I'm just saying- don’t you remember going through this?” 

Virgil’s face, which had previously been rathee blank and slightly irritated (as was it’s usual state), suddenly became impossibly blanker. His eyes lost any gleam of life, expression falling into nothing but a wooden ghost of its previous humanity.

“I have always been aware of our entirely superficial existence since the day I was made. The continuous existential horror has made it hard to form any real relationship with any of you until now. Even then, a lot of our deep bond comes from the various universes and situations that fans throw us in. Roman, right now we are making out on a rooftop in New York. I have super powers. Logan is an empath, and he’s a royal tutor. We are having this conversation right now. There is no reality for us. We just do as we’re written to do. It is an ever continual source of anxiety for me, but one that I am used to, have always been used to, and will continue to be used to. So, I suppose the answer to your question is ‘no’. I do not.”

Roman stared. Virgil stared back. Roman looked up to re-read the paragraph, and, having finally processed it, turned back to Virgil. Wordlessly, he handed him the glass of milk. 

No words could be said, and a hug simply felt too awkward for them at this point in time and at this moment in this particular universe, so it was all he could offer. Virgil understood, because he could read just as well as you, and agreed with Roman’s emotions on the matter. 

As he took a sip, he felt indescribably touched. 

Patton, as if roused by the emotional scene, suddenly shifted. Both Roman and Virgil turned to look at him, eyes wide as if they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t have, but Patton was just grinning, bright and unconcerned and... normal. Not at all the expression of someone who had just discovered that they weren't real and that choice was a neverending illusion.

“It’s as I thought,” he said, and his voice sounded relieved. “There aren’t any spiders there after all.” 

Virgil breathed. He thought, very seriously, about screaming. He carefully did not, instead bringing the cool glass of milk to his lips and taking a long, long drink of it.

He took a deep breath. Smiled.

"That's good, Patton."

general tag list: 

@princelogical

@smokeyrutilequartz

@kickthecel

@fangirlfiles1

@do-rey-me

@peanut0303

@cyndaquil17

@lady-literature

@anastasialestina

@i-will-physically-fight-you

@ironwoman359

[mccrayharris75-blog]

Guidelines On Obtaining Your Automobile Set

For those who have run into some car difficulty, you might be far from alone. Element of possessing a car is having to solve the various things that arise by using it. Receiving it serviced at the repair center is okay for significant troubles, but why not handle the tiny stuff by yourself. The content listed below will teach you how. Conserve gas by driving as if you use a window water sitting on your dash panel. This practice can help you steer clear of jack rabbit commences and fast ceases. Any time you boost rapidly, the generator of the auto employs much more gas than it will if you speed up at a progressive rise in pace. As the mechanic whether they've worked on your model and make just before. If they have, you will find a far better opportunity they could aid solve any problems you may have. Ask the professional in the repair center you are considering when they have carried out work on the same brand name of vehicle before. If so, transmission service olathe ks may most likely know what needs to be performed to help your car or truck job again. Try and get a authorized backup of the estimate for that maintenance. You additionally need to make sure how the agreement posesses a clause how the go shopping have to contact you prior to going above the entire on the calculate. This will likely safeguard you obtaining a surprise expenses after jobs are finished. https://slashdot.org/submission/9148406/superb-details-about-automobile-maintenance-within\ . These indicates they can be pieces that come straight from the maker. When common pieces may be less costly, you'll never know how excellent the product quality is. It costs you more in the end to use common parts while you save money now. Transforming an auto battery pack is quick and easy. It always consists of unfastening a clip in addition to the battery and ultizing a wrench to loosen and remove the connections. (By natural means, you must do this with your engine away from!) Remember to brush the connections thoroughly clean with a cable remember to brush. Raise out of the outdated electric battery and place the latest electric battery within its location. Fasten the connections securely and refasten the clasp. You have to be good to go! If you are pushed through the garage or dealer you trip to buy your vehicle maintained or restored, will not hesitate to go out of. Dependable mechanics will not likely place any stress on their own customers and will center on offering high quality assistance. Follow your gut sensation and stay away from the aspects who do not seem to be trustworthy. Prevent high priced automobile improvements by adhering to the upkeep schedule of your own car's producer. By doing normal upkeep on the car when necessary, you may avoid needing to resolve issues as a result of upkeep neglect. Not staying on the constant maintenance schedule can result in needless maintenance which could have been averted. There is not any actual help to obtaining maintenance done in the seller. There are wonderful techs all over the place whether or not there's a fantastic go shopping 10 mins from the home or whether you decide to go to the car dealership further more away. You need to use a auto mechanic that you simply sense completely comfortable with. Watch for indicators with a mechanic. There are many signs to consider whenever you talk to them concerning your car. If they try chatting definitely fast concerning the essential maintenance, can't appear you within the eye when conversing to you, or attempt to remember to brush you off, you ought to get an additional technician. They might be concealing anything or they can only care about the funds. Make your car fix stores enterprise credit card in your auto always. Who knows when some thing could go wrong together with your vehicle. You'll want your favorite vehicle shop's phone number convenient, although, whenever it does. An alternative choice is to system all their information within your mobile phone. Bleed your brakes after fixing them. Following this, pump your braking system water. Look for water leaks. You can now acquire your automobile out for a analyze push on roadways with light website traffic. Go slowly initially till you're particular your repair has been created correctly. Before you make an appointment to consider your car to the auto technician, spend some time to look through your autos owner's manual. You might find the difficulty you might be suffering from is the result of neglecting to know how your car's regulates functionality instead of a malfunction requiring pricey improvements. Several automobile fix stores will show you that you need your energy injectors exchanged when you do not. This really is a method of getting even more funds on your part. The appropriate time and energy to replace them is after each and every 35,000 mls of traveling. If anyone notifys you that it needs to be accomplished quicker, search for someone else to complete your vehicle fixes. Be sure you always keep and look at your vehicle's manager guide. This can be a essential method to obtain information, and you ought to grow to be really informed about it. Being aware what is at your owner's guidebook may help you perform slight repairs on your own. Moreover, it can help you prevent going to the car repair center unnecessarily by clarifying the way in which equipment on your own vehicle should really operate. Furthermore, it supplies important rules like your VIN variety and shade rules for entire body painting, covers, flooring etc. If you would like decide what sorts of troubles are happening for your automobile, it helps to know somewhat about how an automobile is manufactured. If you are your knowledge is very constrained, auto maintenance sessions might be a worthwhile endeavor. You may not would like to take a school, but you'll save money moving forward because of the new knowledge you will obtain. It will help you analyze problems and instruct you on how to carry out protective routine maintenance on your motor vehicle. Keep in mind that your geographical area can have an affect on when you want to take your automobile set for support. As an example, if you only traveling a quick distance to operate, your exhaust process may have troubles consequently. If you are living a place hot, in contrast, you might need to look closely at your motor gas. A "a single dimensions suits all" service schedule doesn't benefit everybody. Because you are a girl or possibly a fresh motorist, tend not to allow anyone scare you when it comes to your ability in order to identify what exactly is incorrect together with your vehicle. Go on a type where by you will understand the basics of automobile maintenance, and then read up on any specific problem you could have. As was talked about previously in the following paragraphs, every person should have their auto restored each once in awhile. Be sure and put into action the recommendation mentioned above the very next time you want your vehicle worked on. When you choose an established company, you do not only preserve money and time, however, you also decrease the tension associated with the complete method.

[mi4013annabodgal]

Mood boards 1

week: 2-3

task: Make mood boards for your chosen ted talk

As I previously stated, I ended up some unanswered questions in relation to my ted talk. And really hoped that I will find answers to them while I'm making the mood boards.

I decided to theme some of the mood boards around the ethical questions. “Technically” CRISPR is about editing humans, so I wanted to represent it in a somewhat raw way, I was looking for something that goes over the top and takes the edit word quite literally. Collage technique came to mind because I was heavily influenced by the dadaism movement which we were learning about in another module. And it immediately clicked, because what can be more bolder than seeing pictures cut into different shapes by scissors?! The effect on the viewer is also thanks to our association that the picture is directly connected to its subject, and whatever we do with it it affects the real subject too. 

I researched between contemporary collage makers in order to find something and I came across Rocío Montoya’s works. I loved her style for the first glance, the most captivating aspect for me is how she puts layer on layers and cuts out tiny bits from the portraits damaging them but also give them new life by showing what’s underneath but also in most cases it’s something that is totally unfitting, beautiful, eye catching but naturally unfitting. 

According to the book of Collage makers by Carolina Amell “under the influence of the surrealism and painting, Montoya’s collages reflect a particular vision of beauty through the exploration of the human body and the loss of identity.”

In conclusion, her work perfectly reflected as visually as theoretically what I was trying to put into words... I mean in pictures.

For the second mood board I was still sticking to the collage technique but next to Montoya’s work I also included a piece from Meric Canatan, who’s style is really similar to Montoya’s. I even tried to make my collage edit, but that girl at the top was more influenced by the mainstream mood board style used nowadays on Pinterest which I was more familiar with. 

When we were told that the the mood boards should contain text too, and preferably even paragraphs I was really confused as my definition of mood board contained only minimal or did not contained at all any texts. Not to mention paragraphs. 

But I have done my research and the examples were really helpful so I successfully expended my definition. 

So from the very beginning I had known I don’t wan to be straightforward. In any aspects of illustration. So I decided that instead of illustrating what the text says, -which objectively explains what CRISPR is- I will rather go into the direction of the possible outcomes in enhanced representations.

The black rectangle with the text covers the girl’s eye completely, meaning the actual person is not important but the design is the main attraction. The girl’s cheek perfectly follows the line of the golden ration emphasising the perfection and the two hands edited from Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam also enhance how perfect the piece is, as if made by God... as if humans are playing God...

( now before anyone jumps to my throat that I am forming a really one sided and negatve point of view about genome editing or CRISPR I would like to clarify that I am not against this technology by any means. I’m against of using it carelessly without thinking about the possible consequences. It is undeniable that this technology, maybe not any time soon, but is in our future and is and will be an incredibly powerful tool in medicine and science. But this technology brings up such ethical questions that can not be unanswered before we use it in practice. My mood boards are built around those questions and the visuals are the tools to make people think about them and if they are relevant or not)

When creating the third moldboard I was thinking about what if an error occurs in a close-to-perfect system, so the inspiration was how computers shut down when there is an unexpected error. The blue and pink guides are placed to look like measure rulers and play with the fact that when people see a bunch of straight lines seemingly evenly placed they automatically think they are for measuring but rarely anybody questions if they actually are any use.

I listened again the ted talk while making the mood boards and realized that the lecturer uses a really simple and easy metaphor, the pac-man. It is good because everyone recognizes it and also its features match perfectly well of what CRISPR is doing. And because I have already made a computer themed mood board I can develop the idea this way through the other mood boards.

I don’t want to say goodbye completely to the collage technic so I was thinking about either merging the 80′s video games with my previous collage themes or making a collage out of 80′s games.

[lionheartslowstart]

A Double Take in the Mirror: A Reflection

As I mentioned in a recent post, I decided to go back and read through all my old blog posts, namely to ensure that no one’s real name was used, specifically, my ex, whom I have dubbed “Kevin” since our official break up.

In that post, I wrote about how challenging it was for me emotionally to go back and read through various entries in which I detailed my feelings about him. More than that, it was difficult for me to reflect on certain exchanges, or certain perspectives, and know the truth behind those interactions and emotions. In the entry to which I am referring, I mentioned a strong urge to comment directly on these posts (and others) in order to amend my feelings or add comments about what really happened that may have resulted in my feeling that way. But I ultimately decided against it, because those feelings were valid, even if they weren’t totally accurate, or they were hiding something else. Just because I can see things more clearly now does not give me the right to erase my feelings from my past, however recent. I wrote those posts when I wrote them, and I see no reason to change them or delete them. (I did end up deleting a few posts, but I had specific reasons for each one, and most of them had nothing to do with Kevin at all.)

However, there was one post I wanted to address directly. Rather than “fix” it, I chose to write a reflection piece, like I did for the “Ex-Best Friend” series. (AKA, the three posts where I told on myself.) The name of the original post is A Good Look in the Mirror, hence, the title of this piece. In the original post, I draw parallels between how my ex-friend, “Mandy,” had been treating me, versus how I was treating Kevin.

The, I suppose, thesis, of the piece, was the concept that there is a third phase of trauma recovery, not two, as I had previously postulated, and that third phase is the realization that the coping mechanisms a victim develops to protect against abuse become abusive in turn when utilized against someone who is not an abuser.

I 100% still stand by this. This is absolutely true and a crucial concept to learn if one is going to move forward from trauma. And this post is not at all an attempt to undermine that statement. However, the means by which I came to that conclusion are a bit...muddier.

I find it interesting that I started the original post by saying that I hadn’t spoken much about my relationship and break up with Kevin because I wanted to respect his privacy and I didn’t want to risk painting him in a bad light. It was almost the very first thing I said. The reality is that I felt like I couldn’t talk about my relationship for the following reasons: I was ashamed of how I was allowing myself to be treated, I knew what people’s reactions would be (ie. to tell me he was abusive and that I should leave for good, etc.), and that Kevin himself was putting tremendous pressure on me. If I breathed so much as a word about what was going on between us, or how he made me feel, it was a fight. I was “sharing his business.” Meanwhile, he was sharing his side of the story with anyone who would listen, and I’m certain he revealed things to his friends that could be considered much more private than the things I shared with mine.

The rest of the opening paragraph, however, is accurate. It is true that my trauma does come out more in my romantic relationships, and therefore whoever I’m dating endures the most impact from those issues. I have to assume this is partially because a good chunk of my trauma comes from romantic relationships, and partially because, since I was very young, I put a lot of weight and significance on romantic relationships, so even my “non-romantic” related trauma rears its ugly head in my love life. As a result, it is unequivocal that I engaged in unhealthy, toxic behaviors in my relationship with Kevin. And since coming to that realization, I have never denied it.

As a refresher, here are some of the toxic behaviors I engaged in with Kevin:

I would blow up Kevin’s phone when I didn’t hear from him right away, including “while he was out with friends, often keeping him on the phone with me because I would have an anxiety attack mid-conversation. I demanded he tell me where he was and what time he’d be home, not because I wanted to control his life or anything like that, but because not knowing where he was made me anxious as hell. (Gotta love those abandonment issues, amirite?) I begged and pleaded for reassurance and comfort even when he was angry with me, or otherwise not in a place to give said reassurance and comfort, which in turn made me more anxious. I refused to give him space when he asked for it, and when it got so bad he felt the need to physically leave the apartment, I would desperately try to stop him, and then text and call him for hours until I eventually got a grip. When he did try to do things for me and my mental health, I didn’t fully appreciate it or thank him properly.” (Directly lifted from A Good Look in the Mirror.) 

Essentially, I would frequently push my emotional agenda, regardless of how Kevin felt, ask him pressured questions during conflicts that he wasn’t prepared to answer, and try to force him to continue having conversations he didn’t have the energy for.

While it is true that I absolutely engaged in toxic coping mechanisms that were wrong and harmful to Kevin, I no longer put them in the same category with Mandy’s behaviors, and that is for one big reason:

My efforts to reassure Mandy and assuage her anxieties were INTENTIONAL. Kevin’s efforts were NOT.

I empathized with Mandy’s fears and trauma. My reassurance was real, and I put a lot of thought and effort into what I said to her, as well as how I said it, including tone and phraseology. Kevin, though he would assert otherwise, put almost no effort into reassuring me, because he didn’t actually empathize with my trauma or anxiety. He only saw my mental illness as a nuisance, as something that affected HIM and ruined HIS day. Any reassurance he offered me wasn’t to reassure me, it was to get me off his back. And, as anyone who has experienced this knows all too well, somewhere inside, I could sense that he didn’t mean it, which is why I needed more and more and more. Regardless of how I felt about Mandy (or what she ended up doing later), the reassurance I gave her came from a place of empathy, concern, and a desire to help her be less anxious, NOT to “get her off my back.” I don’t think Kevin can say the same.

In A Good Look in the Mirror, I also wrote that it took me a while to reach this understanding because I had been working hard on improving my coping mechanisms, as well as my mental illness in general. That, and the fact that I was in denial and self-absorbed. I was so wrapped up in my own trauma, I wasn’t aware I was inflicting that same trauma on someone else, specifically, abuse and invalidation. I wrote that, as people are selfish by nature, sometimes it takes experiencing something yourself to “get the full picture.”

I understand healing isn’t linear, but wouldn’t you think that if someone has improved their coping mechanisms, and fought to gain stability, that they’d have an easier time recognizing their toxic behaviors? Plus, a person is totally capable of understanding how they may be hurting someone, especially if they’re in a place where they are open and willing to listen. And the way that I just point blank call myself self-absorbed for being traumatized? Yikes. Now, after finally leaving Kevin and having space from his influence, I can see the truth.

Kevin was emotionally abusive to me. That’s not a big revelation here, I’ve been writing about that for a while now. We been knew. What I AM saying is that, despite claiming he was trying to help me, Kevin was actually exacerbating my pre-existing trauma. Kevin made me feel alone and isolated, like he didn’t care about me or my problems, like I was a chore, like I wasn’t worth his time or energy. He gaslighted me and put me down. He made me feel bad about myself. He made me feel hopeless and crazy, and like I was lucky he put up with me. And what happens, when your pleas for reassurance are met with that? Well you need more of course!

Again, in the original post, I asserted I was abusing and invalidating Kevin, essentially projecting my own traumatic experiences onto him, but that’s just not true. Granted, as I’ve said, the coping mechanisms I engaged in were unhealthy and harmful. Dialectics: What I did to Kevin wasn’t okay, and Kevin was actively encouraging those behaviors by treating me so badly. Toxic, definitely, but I personally don’t think it’s fair to call it abuse, considering those behaviors arose due to his abuse of me. As for invalidation, that’s laughable. All I ever did was try to see things from Kevin’s side. I ALWAYS validated him and his feelings. He was just never able to do those things for me.

For me, the following paragraph from the original post is really what proves everything I’ve covered:

“And here we arrive at what is probably the most difficult thing for me to face. A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about being afraid that no one would ever love me because of how ‘crazy’ I am. I mentioned that this is the root of my trauma from my relationship with Shawn. Looking at my relationship with Kevin in this way forces me to confront the exact thing that I am most afraid of. But here’s the thing, it’s not true. Yes, I am batshit insane and I still have a lot to work on. There are many issues I still struggle with, at least to some degree. But Shawn never loved me. I’m not sure if he’s even capable. You can’t lose something you never had. I would also make the argument that him telling me I could never compensate for how crazy I am and therefore no one would ever love me is exactly what made me that crazy in the first place. Even more importantly, Kevin DOES love me. I’m genuinely blown away by how much he loves me, and the fact that he STILL loves me after all I’ve put him through. He didn’t leave me because I was too crazy for him to love. He left me because the behaviors that resulted from the abuse I’ve endured were hurting him and affecting his own mental health. He left me despite the fact that he loves me. He left me after months of trying not to leave me. He left me because he also loves himself.”

What the fuck is that? That’s sick. That’s disturbing. Listen to that language! Ugh. I was able to compare Kevin to “Shawn” (my first abuser) WAY too often during our relationship. Reading this makes me sad. I was so indoctrinated. I’m not even going to elaborate on this point. It’s too painful. And frankly, I don’t think I have to. The language speaks for itself.

In A Good Look in the Mirror, I do go on to add a “caveat,” acknowledging that Kevin also contributed to our relationship failing blah blah blah. I literally say that Kevin’s reactions to my behaviors crossed over to my feelings. And, as someone who’s loved a lot of mentally ill people, I’ve gotta tell ya, that shouldn’t be an issue. There is a BIG difference between telling someone that what they’re doing is hurting you, ie. “Sophie I understand you’re anxious, but what you’re doing isn’t okay,” and straight up telling someone their feelings aren’t valid when they say “you’ve hurt me.” I wrote, “By the end of our relationship, I felt suppressed, like I couldn’t talk about my emotions at all. Every time I tried to tell Kevin I was upset with him, no matter how calmly and reasonably I would begin the conversation, he would become enraged and react by literally telling me my feelings weren’t valid, that he was right and I was wrong. This, of course, would trigger my trauma brain, and the cycle would begin.” How is that excusable? How is that in any way my fault? What could I have possibly done to cause him to treat me in such a way? The answer is nothing. There is NO excuse for how Kevin treated me, and the fact that he was able to manipulate me into believing it was my fault because I’m traumatized is beyond fucked.

Kevin and I were not “mutually abusive.” Yes, I hurt him, and I regret that. But I was not abusive. All I ever did was blame myself for how he treated me, validate his feelings, and try to change so he would treat me better. We didn’t communicate well because Kevin didn’t want to communicate with me. And I tried so hard, which made it all hurt more.

In terms of Mandy, as I said, I really did try to be there for her. I stayed in a toxic friendship for years because I loved her and she mattered to me. I cannot speak to how she felt about those attempts at reassurance, or what was going through her head at the time. I only know my own perspective, which is that my reassurance was intentional, and those intentions were good.

I close A Good Look in the Mirror by discussing how Kevin and I were working on our dynamic. And I gotta say, it was bullshit. Well, not complete bullshit, but I definitely embellished. The bulk of the work was still being done by me, and, while he did put some work in initially, over the following months, that faded. Did he make progress? Honestly, yeah, but not a lot, and it was wildly unfair of him to expect me to sit around and wait however many years before he was willing to grow up and treat me like an equal. Although, I would make the argument that none of this should have been a problem in the first place.

All of this said, I do think it’s important to keep an open mind. Maybe one day I will reread all my posts again and come to a different conclusion. Who knows? And it is absolutely valid to learn about yourself through someone else’s experience, even if you don’t like what you see.

The fact is, I still learned something important from this: The third phase of trauma recovery is the realization that the coping mechanisms a victim develops to protect against abuse become abusive in turn when utilized against someone who is not an abuser. And even though it turns out that I WAS protecting myself from an abuser, and therefore the coping mechanisms weren’t abusive, that doesn’t make the statement itself any less true. This insight is something I’ve carried with me, and I’ve used it to help me have healthy interactions with my loved ones, particularly, my mother. And I think there’s something really nice about that, that even if the classroom changes, the lesson can stay the same.

[paleogenetica]

Cap 159 : Expertos no aceptan Pinturas de Edad del Hielo en Colombia

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Los Colombianos somos muy dados a creer en Cosas absurdas y utópicas, Teorías fantasiosas y especulativas sin ninguna base fáctica. Vivimos en un Mundo como “Pantagruel y Gargantúa”. Unos Gigantes buenos pero graciosos y ridículos que inventó el Francés François Rabelais 1483-1553  quien vivió su Niñez y Adolescencia oyendo hablar de los Descubrimientos contemporáneos y asombrosos de Cristóbal Colón. Y se burló de Europa y del Clero y de los Monjes, con Fantasías de Hadas, Duendes, Objetos Mágicos y Locura.

Aquí en Colombia no nos falta sinó el Barón de Munchaussen para que le creamos todas las Mentiras. Como dice el Experto en Rock Art Jeff LaFave en esta Página y en el Video, hay mucha “Hype e Hipérbole” con la Edad de Hielo de las Pinturas de la Amazonia Colombiana.

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Expertos muy serios en el Mundo del Arte Rupestre y lo que llaman en Inglés “Rock Art” no tragan entero las Declaraciones de “Edad del Hielo” o Final del Pleistoceno y Comienzo del Holoceno para las Pinturas Rupestres en Acantilados de la Amazonia Colombiana ( Farallones del Chiribiquete en Departamento del Guaviare ). Los Expertos extienden la Duda a mucho del Arte Rupestre de América Latina.

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De un importante Website sobre Pintura Rupestre saco Imágenes y traduzco mal traducido Retazos de Texto.

También vea el Largo pero muy fructífero Video de Jeff LaFave en la Parte de Abajo de esta Página. Jeff LaFave quiere mucho a Colombia y es Amigo de esta Nación, pero este gran Experto Conferencista y Profesor de Arqueología no puede aceptar la “Hype e Hipérbole” de adscribir Fechas de “Edad de Hielo” a unas Pinturas sin haberle aplicado Pruebas de Laboratorio de Física Avanzada, de gran Análisis y Seriedad.

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Mission Statement:

The American Rock Art Research Association (ARARA) is a diverse community of members with wide-ranging interests who are dedicated to rock art preservation, research, and education in order to communicate to a broad audience the significance of rock art as a non-renewable resource of enduring cultural value and an important expression of our shared cultural heritage.

ARARA has held its annual conferences in Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, Montana, New Mexico, Oregon, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin, Wyoming, and Idaho, and in Casas Grandes, Mexico, and Winnipeg, Manitoba. Among ARARA's publications are American Indian Rock Art containing papers from the annual conferences, the quarterly newsletter La Pintura, and occasional papers or monographs. The Archaeological Research Institute at Arizona State University in Tempe, Arizona, houses ARARA’s archives and research library.

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Membership Year 2020 Volume 46, Number 4 December 2020

La Pintura

The Official Newsletter of the American Rock Art Research Association Member of the International Federation of Rock Art Organizations Color Us Skeptical By Amy Gilreath and Ken Hedges

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https://arara.wildapricot.org/resources/Documents/La%20Pintura/LP-46-4.pdf .

Esto se supone que es un Mastodonte, de acuerdo a Entusiastas que adscriben Edad del Hielo a algunas Pinturas de la Sierra del Chiribiquete :

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Esta Imagen que sigue se supone que es un Perezoso Gigante de la Edad de Hielo hace 12,000 Años.

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Los Autores del Artículo en la Revista “La Pintura” consideran que el Fechamiento de Edad de Hielo de un Yacimiento Arqueólogico cercano ( sin Pinturas ) no se puede extender a las Pinturas sobre las Paredes de estos Farallones. Eso es mala Practica condenada universalmente en Arqueología. Y también hay Yacimientos Cerámicos muy cercanos, lo cual sugiere que podrían no ser del Fin del Pleistoceno o Comienzos del Holoceno ( Epoca en la cual estamos ).

También el Arqueólogo Francés Jean Guffroy era muy cauto prudente y moderado Ese gran Antropólogo amaba mucho a los Indígenas y quería una Ciencia muy prudente  y avanzada del Futuro para decider sobre la Antiguedad de esos inmensos Tesoros de Arte del Perú de los que estaba enamorado, Arte que todos envidiamos por su Belleza y Significado desconocido.

Jean Guffroy murió de 64 años de edad. Formado en Europa, Guffroy se especializó en torno a la Prehistoria con Grandes de Francia y estudió mucho a Europa antes de volverse un gran LatinoAmericanista. No le gustaban los Fechamientos y Dataciones del Arte Prehistórico que fueran audaces, locos, aventureros y poco científicos. En Europa aprendió a ser modesto y temperado para luego compartir con los LatinoAmericanos. Era muy generoso y bondadoso con los Alumnos.

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De la Revista “La Pintura” :

If you had previously read ARARA’s March 2020 issue of La Pintura (45[1]:5–9), specifically Jeff LaFave’s article, “2020 Rock Art Travels in Colombia,” some part of this “new” news rang familiar. (Back issues of La Pintura are available to the public on ARARA’s website.) After rereading LaFave’s article, our reply to inquiring friends went something like, “Early last year I read about this rock art concentration and saw photographs of some of these spectacular panels, but I hadn’t heard about it being this old nor about how some of the images are interpreted as extinct megafauna.” 

As described by LaFave, he and several other ARARA members visited the area in January 2020. These panels are in the Serranía La Lindosa mountains, over 100 km north of the massive Chiribiquete National Park, in central Colombia. This is an area increasingly famous for its biodiversity, beauty, and these large-format, mural-like pictograph panels (Figures 1 and 2).

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The internet now has untold iterations of the “new Colombian rock art discoveries.” They invariably tout that “Tens of thousands of ice age paintings across a cliff face shed light on people and animals from 12,500 years ago” (The Guardian, Alberge 2020) and that the rock art “shows how the earliest human inhabitants of the area would have coexisted with Ice Age megafauna, with pictures showing what appear to be giant sloths, mastodons, camelids, horses and three-toed ungulates with trunks” (CNN, Guy 2020).

Our crawl on the internet combined with sources frequently mentioned in the e-media press articles shows that the story was first announced on The Guardian website the morning of November 29, 2020, followed by similar accounts a few hours later on The Daily Mail website, and the next day on the website of The Guardian’s sister paper, The Observer. It was only after the initial announcements in the online tabloids that the University of Exeter issued its official press release on November 30, which repeated and expanded on the claims seen in the popular press. 

The website for ERC—LAST JOURNEY describes it as “an ERC-funded interdisciplinary project that explores Late Pleistocene/Early Holocene human adaptations and impacts across the diverse landscapes of northwest South America.” ERC is the European Research Council, which has an impressive international grants program.

The introductory paragraph for the project (ERC 2020) presents the central thesis for this grant-funded research project: "South America was the final continental migratory challenge of humans on their global expansion. This migration took place amidst one of the most significant climatic, environmental, and subsistence regime shifts in human history—the Late Pleistocene/Early Holocene transition—which contributed to the extinction of megafauna…, plant domestication, and today’s remarkable diversity of indigenous South American groups.”

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Two particularly titillating aspects of the many related articles are the date-frame hung on the beautiful panels, and the interpretation of some of the designs as ice-age megafauna. Each deserves a bit of separate consideration since journalistic re-writes and journalists’ interpretations of archaeological data combined with the 21st-century need for-speed journalism have escalated claims beyond reported facts. As one example, a subsequent post now claims that “The series of vivid drawings were created approximately 12,600 to 11,800 years ago and deliver solid evidence that the Amazon rainforest’s first inhabitants resided beside Ice Age mega-mammals such as the giant sloths, camelids, horses, mastodons, and three-toed  ungulates sporting long trunks” (Spry 2020 [emphasis added]).

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The Date-Frame? We look first at the chrono-stratigraphic data reported by Morcote-Ríos et al. in their 2020 Quaternary International article. AMS radiocarbon dates were obtained from subsurface deposits in three rockshelters test excavated in 2017–2018: 11 dates from Cerro Azul (where a block exposure or trench was excavated), and one each from Cerro Montoya and Limoncillos (each tested with a 1x1 m unit). Of the suite of 13 radiocarbon dates, the two oldest from Cerro Azul, both on charcoal, were rejected, leaving 11 dates, each on an individual seed: nine dates in fair stratigraphic sequence at Cerro Azul, and one from the basal cultural deposit at each of the other two shelters.

 As stated in the abstract, “Contemporary dates at the three separate shelters establish initial colonisation of the region between ~12,600 and ~11,800 cal BP.” That claim alone is a wonderful finding worthy of continued research funding, in our humble opinion. The dirt-archaeology data appear to support intermittent occupation of rockshelters in the region since about 12.6k cal BP. This isn’t unreasonable or particularly shocking; it is in line with a growing body of archaeological findings of early occupations in North and South America, as the authors make clear in numerous citations and in their Figure 2, mapping the location of generally comparably early-dating archaeological sites elsewhere in Colombia.

Morcote-Ríos et al. do not report nor do they even imply that they have a direct date on the rock art, sidestepping an issue that Mark Robinson tackles head-on in the TV documentary: “The one that most people know is carbon dating, but the biggest problem in this, there’s no carbon involved. We’re looking at ochre on those walls. There’s a real problem for us.” The basal date for occupational use of Cerro Azul, 12.2–11.8k cal BP, is from about 105 cm below the surface;  with pottery recovered to a depth of about  75 cm.

The only date from Limoncillos, 12.6–12.4k cal BP, is the basal date for the rockshelter from 136 cm below surface, with pottery recovered to a depth of about 55 cm. Perhaps this is more detail than needed in support of the simple point that each of the three shelters has a substantial ceramic-period deposit. Yet, the temporal relationship between the rock art and the ceramic-period deposits, as well as contemporary indigenous populations’ relationship to the rock art, receive little consideration in the publication or documentary. Cast in a different light, the headlines could read: “Stunning Pictographs Found Associated with Ceramic-Period Rockshelters in Colombia.”

The follow-on interpretation that the rock art is synchronous with the basal dates because a handful of the images are interpreted as Terminal Pleistocene/Early Holocene megafauna species now extinct is, for us, too far of a reach. We keep a healthy amount of skepticism that this body of pictographs is as old as has been claimed, noting first, and most obviously, that many of the pictographic panels remain vivid even though they are in open-air settings in a tropical rainforest jungle (they are, albeit, somewhat protected in the slight overhanging bedrock cliff exposures). In light of these two simple characteristics (bright colors, and their wet, open-air setting), why aren’t they interpreted as a few thousand or even just a few hundred years old?

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https://arara.wildapricot.org/resources/Documents/La%20Pintura/LP-46-4.pdf

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Experto Jeff LaFave recomienda en el siguiente Video datar o fechar las Pinturas Rupestres con estos Métodos de la Física : 

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1) RadioCarbono/AMS = Accelerator Mass Spectrometer - Plasma Oxidation.

2) OSL = Optically Stimulated Luminiscence.

3) Uranium/Thorium ( Thorium 230 ).

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El mejor Sistema para datar Pinturas Rupestres o Petroglifos es acudir a la Física Avanzada. A menos que los Animales mostrados, ya extintos, fueran tan bien representados que no dejaran ninguna duda sobre el Conocimiento de los Indígenas del Animal y la Antiguedad de la Representación.

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The Rock Art of the Serrania La Lindosa, Colombia by Jeff LaFave

ARARA

Presented at ARARA online lecture series on February 13, 2021. Subject: A first-hand account of the extensive, beautiful, and visually overwhelming rock art in the Serranía La Lindosa of Colombia. The talk dispels some of the hyperbolic claims that have gone viral in recent news reporting.

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