#If bees die out do you realize so will the humans and most life on Earth?

[primussavethesemechs]

I want the human/cybertronian life difference to be talked about more in canon

Cuz I mean. it’s RIGHT THERE.

Just a smidgen of true acknowledgment I BEG YOU HASBRO‼️

i mean come on all it takes is someone mentioning how long the wars been going for one of the humans to go “4 MILLION YEARS???? WHAT THE FUCK HOW OLD ARE YOU???”

And optimus or ratchet to be like “…5/7 million?” And all of the humans to have a break down CUZ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN ALIVE SINCE BEFORE THE HUMAN SPECIES EXISTED??? WE WERE MONKEYS WHEN YOU WERE BORN???

And the (woefully uniformed) cybertronians to be like “??? What do YOU mean your species was still evolving when I onlined, how long do you guys live?? A thousand?? A few hundred??”

And the gobsmacked humans to be like “??? NO WE HARDLY LIVE OVER A HUNDRED ITS CONSIDERED AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?? AVERAGE OLD AGE DEATH IS LIKE MID 80s!! TECHNICALLY THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 72 OR SOMETHING???”

Cue the autobots being like “😨 72??? THATS A CHILD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT⁉️”

the more attached/emotional bots looking at their charges and realizing that not only are they sparklings compared to them but they’ll die as sparklings too in just a few decades, causing them to straight up have a mini meltdown.

Yeah they’re in a war and they’ve lost plenty of friends, but never to anything as predictable and inescapable as old age.

It’s the seeing-it-coming part that gets to them, the slow dread of knowing that even if they do everything right and keep them out of danger and they stay healthy there’s nothing they can do to stop them from withering away in a couple of decades.

Most versions of bumblebee looking at their charge/friend and realizing his assumptions about the fact that since they’re both still young that they’ll have plenty of time to just. Live together and have fun- are wrong?? Immediately tears. Even if cybertronians can’t cry tears he’s doing whatever the equivalent is and running away to cry in his room. And then running back to snatch them and take them with him cuz HE CANT WASTE A SECOND IF THEIR LIFESPANS ARE REALLY THAT SHORT HES GONNA JUST HAVE TO SPEND 24/7 WITH THEM

This whole concept ESPECIALLY applies to TFP since all of them got their own little human buddy and there’s only like 5 autobots to begin with (of the main season 1 crew) they’ve lost so many of their own so recently, their numbers are already dwindling down to nothing, they’re losing the war and the kids are what’s given them a major morale boost. To continue fighting they need hope, and the kids have kind of become their hope for the future- to know they’ll die off in under a century despite how young they still are is a shot to the spark.

Look me in the eye and tell me bee wouldnt panic hearing that Raf only has 70-80 years to live. LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HE WOULDNT HAVE SOME KIND OF FIT OVER BEING TOLD THAT HIS LITTLE BUDDY (from a cybertronian perspective) HAS A LIFESPAN EQUIVALENT TO A LATE STAGE TERMINAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS. Bee would start treating Raf like a kid with stage 4 cancer 😭

I just KNOW bulkhead would have the worst reaction other than bee, maybe even worse cuz he looks at miko and realizes she’s used up basically a fifth of her entire lifespan already and she’s Still So Little and straight up starts weeping. That’s his DAUGHTER you can’t take her from him so soon it’s not FAIR! He might have to go destroy a canyon wall or something to let some of the anger and grief out

Arcee is Not taking it well either.

She JUST got attached to this one, just got used to a new partner and your telling her that no matter what she does he’s never going to last as long as tailgate of cliff jumper did?? Even if both he and she do everything they’re supposed to do to protect him and extended his life?? Depression time baby

Optimus and ratchet don’t react as much outwardly to the news as the others but inside they’re both 💔💥

These kids have brought optimus a level of contentment he hasn’t felt in vorns, and he sees how bright their spirits shine- Only to now know those precious spirits will burn out in less than a century- it gnaws at him inside, yet another strike from the cruelty of fate

Ratchet is devastated but refuses to acknowledge it, these kids- yes even miko- have become his pseudo grandkids and he’s not ready, nor will he ever be ready, to outlive them. Jacks reminds him too much of a younger optimus, still learning and still hopeful. Miko is… well she has a fire to her that ratchet can appreciate (when she’s not actively annoying him) she’s determined enough to make anything happen which he does begrudgingly respect even if he wishes she wouldn’t just throw herself into any and every situation just for fun.

And Raf…

Raf is his apprentice, the only one of the kids to understand him and listen intently to his stories of cybertron. To show appreciation for his work and his ideas, to Listen and Learn and Improve his inventions. He harbors the most fondness for Raf since he sees so much potential in him, and has taken him under his wing in teaching him cybertronian language and biology.

He feels almost like he’s training a student to take his place- only for the ground to be ripped out from under him to know that Raf will never have the chance to succeed him, will never even outlive him.

A parent should never have to bury their child, and ratchet already feels that he has.

-

TLDR the autobots find out humans have fruit fly lifespans next to them and become one big soggy mess of tears, optimus and ratchet included although they try to have a stiff upper lip about it (and fail to varying extents)

I swear this was supposed to be about any and all continuities but TFP took over completely😭 idk it just fits the best since they focus so much on how attached the bots get to the kids

Edit: btw this was inspired from the fact I found out that the cybertronian equivalent to a year (yes I know technically they have solar cycles which are roughly a human year but what they consider a year vs their lifespan/time perception is different) is a vorn. A vorn is 80 HUMAN YEARS. I saw that and went “oh wow a vorn is like a whole human lifespan!😃” and then I went “OH A VORN IS A WHOLE HUMAN LIFESPAN 😀“

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hatchetfield anon here, and good to know it's fine to gush about them. (Had to Switch off from anonymous to send images :p)

The first one (and possibly less spoiler heavy) would probably be the diva, the queen bee-atch herself: Linda Monroe.

She's from Black Friday and she just scratches that part of my brain that's attracted to dommy rich ladies. She's important, her children are better than everyone else's, and though she thinks her husband is a sniveling fool, she appreciates his loyalty at least. She has a whole song about how she'll make everyone love her ("Adore Me". Quote: "You'll kneel before me, Kiss my toe"), and honestly? She's not wrong. Lot of people fell for the cult "exciting new little religion" that she started (me included. Lauren Lopez just eats her roles right the fuck up).

Then, of course, you have the cooky, reclusive, biology professor: Professor Hidgens.

Mad scientist mixed with theater kid vibes. Literally. He's as extra as you can imagine. And what I like best about him is that he's a "greater good" kind of villain. As soon as he realizes the alien hive mind that's turning the whole town into a musical (not the craziest part of this entire series, by far) could be humanity's last shot at world peace, he's all, "Okay. Yeah. Let's join the hive!", knocking out his allies, opening up the doors of his doomsday bunker, and attracting the hive zombies with his own, recently composed song, "Show Stopping Number" (quote: "it'll unify humanity, in a THUNDERING CHORUS! No exists from this Broadway venue~!"), which mixes in a except from the musical he wrote and was trying to get funding for called "Working Boys".

And finally, we have the most recent ones: Max Jagerman, and Grace Chastity.

Where do I start with Grace... She's a repressed Christian girl who thinks having no sexual thoughts until marriage is supposed to be the norm. Then she starts getting dirty thoughts, kills a man, gets her hands on a book full of rituals powered by eldritch beings and decides, "yeah. This is what I want to do with my life. Seducing pervy dudes and then, if they don't pass the vibe check, consume their soul in order to make me stronger..." One good day away from murder, really, as evidenced by her leading the songs "Bury the Bully" and "Dirty Dudes Must Die". Never really expected a character who has the canonical line "[after character A asks why character B would be in hell] -She's bisexual and dead, where else would she be?" to grow on me so strongly, and yet-

And finally we get to Max Jagerman. The unapologetically bastard of a jock with a God complex ("Don't need no one to tell me / High school will be my peak / So I'm willing to take advantage"). The way everyone paints him as this horrible monster in, well, "Literal Monster", and he doubles down on that when it becomes his turn to sing instead of the expected "I'm not *that* much of a monster, here's my redeeming qualities"... Even when his ghost is being sent to the shadow realm he reacts to it by literally saying "WORTH IT!". He's just hits all the right notes for me. The entirety of "Dirty Girl" was sung directly into my soul.

And i think that's about it for my rambling. Now I leave you with the knowledge that Grace and Max's most popular ship name (that I've seen) is "Holy Ghost/Spirit". Sorry for rambling and have a nice day!

THESE ALL SOUND SO GOOD! I definitely wanna watch these now, or at least just listen to the songs 😅😅😅

I don't even know where to start here! I cant even choose a favourite out of your descriptions!! Thank you so much!! Linda sounds completely like my type XD Oh- I have that same brain-part that makes you crave dommy rich ladies XD Especially if they're mean 😅 I'm happy to be a loyal spineless husband for a pretty woman with a sharp tongue XD Happy.

And Professor Hidgens looks promising too XD If you've been following my Callaghan meltdown you know I have a... Thing... for teachers ☠ And OH, just the way you've described him. 'knocking out his allies, opening up the doors of his doomsday bunker, and attracting the hive zombies with his own, recently composed song, "Show Stopping Number"'- Y E S. I'm all for this.

And- just- Grace and Max sound absolutely perfect XD She seems so gross and awful which I l o v e (When female villains get to be truly despicable and broken??? 👌👌👌), and him?? A villain being exactly (if not worse then) what everyone says??? Absolutely obsess-worthy.

[wabisabireiki]

Human Love

What does that phrase bring up for you?

I was surprised to find that the phrase grossed me out, that it was full of narratives about how awful and messed up people are.

This morning I had a scenario unfold for me that allowed me to witness myself and a long held pattern of mine.

side note: In relation to my own domestic partnership and a lot of the things we have learned in couples therapy I was able to see some of these behaviors objectively. Especially through the intimate knowledge of witnessing my own lover and his core patterns. Without judgement I was able to witness how his pattern unfolds as a blueprint for how mine does.

It is Venus RX after all and the themes of this one have been powerful and dynamic for me.

I am also witnessing the breaking down of a life, as someone within my circle is losing the love of their life... as they are dying.

An awful realization that helped me to pinpoint what the wounds I have incurred around "human love" are.

(I have experienced betrayal most in my mind and in my actions to others, as I've rushed to commit the sin before it could reach me. All the while betraying myself first...)

I have three celestial bodies in my 11th house of the collective and partnerships: Moon, Chiron, and Lilith. Which are all in Gemini.

I used to write these off as repressed expression, abandonment, and rejection. But of course they are so much deeper, wider, and more visceral than that.

*My wounding in Chiron is fear of loving others because we are all going to die. And the nihilist in me cannot understand the sheer suffering I will willfully incur, the work, the pain and all the effort to love someone that will yield in nothingness... And of course that perspective is hollow and painful.

Shifting to the feeling state of "enoughness" and gratitude alters the meaning of the privilege of loving someone. To drop deeply into the nowness of the genuine feeling of giving love freely to someone you feel something for. And how beautiful it is to feel and experience anything but especially love.

*My Lilith wound is the deep anger and resent I've held onto for all of the things I've taken personally. (The core pattern I had revealed to me this morning). I've read the 4 agreements and it did change my life, but the pattern will persist if we are not diligent and creative in transforming it. This wound has made it difficult to receive love, as she looks for all the ways to find the faults and unravel the work love has been building for me. Yet it goes on like busy bees, repairing, and trying over and over again, as it will forever, no matter how many holes she rips into it thinking she's protecting me.

This wound shows me that I have to actively ask myself if I am taking something someone is doing/not doing/ saying- personally? And zoom out to find the ways I am making a story out of people's unawareness. That has nothing to do with me. And how when I do that I become unreceptive to love.

The reason being receptive to love is so important to me is because this has been conditioned into me to "make my purpose". That I be loveable, likeable, wanted.

There is nothing wrong with this but it made me realize I don't even know if I want that anymore...

I thought all I wanted was Love. Ironically all the while I've developed coping strategies keeping love at bay ( from others).

I think what I've actually been wanting and realizing all this while is if it is LOVE that I want, it is to love myself unconditionally. To be able to give and receive the depths of love from self. My human love to my human self. The wounds have externalized projections so that I can see them.

The collective is love. Human love is a journey inward. While the hive goes on about always repairing itself, robotically, no matter how individuals thrash about in fits and fevers of self loathing. In the illusion of separation and fear.

Don't be afraid. You are in everything and everyone around you. Zoom out. You're amazing. Human love is not one person, it's everyone and everything in our known and unknown omniverse.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

I made a graphic because I have the urge to say this a lot:

Kill the Arrow, Fill the Bag!

There are very few instances in which fiction needs to go from point A to point B as efficiently as possible. Most people who advise you to write this way are cribbing from advice for stage, screen and a specific type of short story (the kind you shop around to a print publication that enforces a word count), or from the goddamn Hero's Journey (which has done so much damage to storytelling in the modern era). All these limits are artificial.

If we go back to the dawn of storytelling, which involved sitting around a warm fire in the dark, the story pauses when everyone is tired enough to go to bed, and then we pick it up again, and again, until we're bored of it. Then, when we're not bored of it anymore, we can come back and pick it up again - maybe with a new storyteller and new takes on old characters and situations. Stories were alive and evolving, not printed on dead trees and copyrighted out the wazoo so there's only one version ever and you have to pay to read it or tell it.

The real rule, from the time before profit, is "Don't be boring." Sometimes you get trapped in a headspace where is seems like something has to happen, and you don't realize it's no fun to write or read - and these days you don't get instant feedback from your listeners around the fire - so you do need to keep making that assessment and murder some of your darlings. But it's like those poor cold bees you're storing in your mouth - if you're having fun, they're (probably) having fun.

A human life isn't fired like an arrow at a target, nor should it be. You gather resources and experiences, and use them as you wander the landscape, in search of truth, and fun. There is an inherent freedom in not having your purpose assigned from birth, and incredible potential in deciding just what the hell you are doing here. Why would you cut that out of your stories like a spare kidney, if someone didn't force you?

Thank god for fan authors who are able to fill in the gaps with slice-of-life and relatable mundanity, alongside new adventures. If all you had to eat was a bunch of arrows and prey animals, you'd die of malnutrition!

for the love of god, write all the self-indulgent scenes you want.  be utterly  shameless about including every last fantasy.  i know everyone likes to share quotes and quips about how miserably hard writing is, but please please try thinking of it as a joyful act where you get to be a messy human who makes art rather than some pain filled quest for icy perfection.

[membracid]

2018 Annual Report

For the last 6 years I’ve been writing a personal annual report. It’s a useful way to evaluate what I did, and a lot of times a year that feels like a failure looks better when I take a longer view.

This will also include some 2017 stuff, since I completely skipped even trying to write a report last year. If you look at these reports over time, you’ll see a pattern: my health has steadily declined since I started working at Purdue. 

I really love what I do there (see adorable photo above), but it’s not much of a surprise that it’s a physically demanding job with a lot of stress associated with it. And as I’ve devoted more and more of my life to this job -- so that I have health insurance, which is REALLY important as you will see below -- the rest of my life has shrunk.

My first year running Bug Bowl in 2015, I had what I thought was a stroke. I’m in charge of a massive outreach event for >30K people, and I’m a part-time employee. Seems reasonable that I might over do it.

I stopped writing for WIRED in 2016, because I didn’t have the time or energy to keep it up. In late April (right after Bug Bowl) I discovered lesions on my spinal cord were the reason I was having trouble walking.

 I turned down most speaking invites in 2017, because I didn’t have the time or energy to travel. I’m pretty sure I had more health things going on, but because I was still paying off my 2016 health bills, I didn’t go to the doctor.  I did still do three awesome things:

I attended SciFoo in August at Google Headquarters

I was a visiting scientist at DragonCon in September

I got to hang out with Mary Roach for a day in December.

I think the big thing I realized in 2017 is that I don’t have do do everything myself. Other people can go hang out at Google or take over my work at Sci Fi Cons. Bug outreach will be more sustainable long term, if more people are doing it.

So 2018. Well.

This year I decided to try to run a crowdfunding campaign for Bug Bowl, since a lot of our equipment was over 20 years old.  The video helps show the scale of Bug Bowl:

Success! Thanks to my many online friends, and community members, we did fund repairs. (you can still make a tax deductible contribution here). THANK YOU!

In 2018, in addition to the successful crowdfunding, I also:

Had a paper accepted to Annals of the Entomological Society of America, and I’m co-author on another that’s been submitted to American Entomologist. 

Did a super fun training for librarians about how science news gets made and covered 

Collaborated with Indiana Humanities on a bee project

Survived 4,800 girl scouts

Had someone in a position of authority at Purdue text me a penis photo

Did a bunch of media interviews, including this one which is about native bees, I SWEAR

My advice to anyone considering a crowdfunding campaign is: don’t. It’s a huge amount of effort. And I was an idiot to take it on during the busiest part of my year. Which is probably why this year’s crop of central nervous system lesions were in my brain, and I finally got my official diagnosis: MS.

I’ve suspected it for quite a while, but it’s only this year I’ve started talking about it. And seriously, folks. Please. Please don’t make your first response to someone telling you they have MS be “Oh, my [aunt/mother-in-law/nephew] had that and they died.”

This is not a fatal disease. It is a pain-in-the-ass disease, and yeah it will get worse over time. I’m gonna die, but so are you. We all will die. “Multiple sclerosis is seldom fatal and life expectancy is shortened by only a few months.”

If you look back at everything I’ve accomplished in the last 15 years: I did that with untreated MS. It’s a pretty decent list of accomplishments for anyone. 

[lunamidnight]

November 9th

Fanfiction/Original Fiction

First created: Oct 31st 2023

Last updated: November 1st 2023

General Premise: just a small thing in progress of an overall idea of blitz having a child with a certain previous lover, and their adventures, just have some info on a few of the recent episodes so spoilers ahead.

Other notes: I do plan to continue it, just been a bit busy lately.

“Just take it away, Tex!” The tired and upset succubus shouted to her hellhound, as she cried in a mixture of anguish and hate.

“Her, where? Take her where?” The newly hired Tex asked sheepishly looking down at the newborn halfbreed in his arms.

“Just put it in a dumpster fire, or whatever, I don’t care!” The succubus who just had said child yelled.

Tex frowned seeing that she did care but she was too consumed with hatred for her ex to care for his child. “Alright I’ll let you rest and I’ll be back later,” Tex replied solemnly being waved off before he took his leave through the back door of the old Venue.

Once outside He held the small girl in one arm and pulled out his phone with the other, He soon texted his girlfriend, telling her to meet him right there because it was an emergency. 

Soon a large yellow portal appeared and out stepped the queen of the Gluttuny ring Beelezebub or Bee for short. “Tex what’s wrong You said it was an emer-...gency…oh my.” Bee started before spotting the child and looking at Tex in shock. “Is that…hers?” She asked quietly getting a nod in return.

“She hates the father too much to see her as an individual, and I can't just…let her die…Bee…I don’t know what to do…” Tex replied adjusting the baby as she started to fuss.

Bee stepped forward taking the baby girl into her arms and cradling her to her chest gaining a happy baby sigh from the child. “I think…I think I’ll raise her. Will you help me?”Bee asked looking up to Tex hopeful. Though she could do so on her own if need be, he was her boyfriend so extended the offer.

“I…I would love that, thank you, Bee. I won't say anything to her mother, and she’ll have a life that she wouldn’t otherwise.” Tex replied happy enough to wag his tail excitedly. 

Bee giggled at him before looking back down at the girl in her arms. “Good, I know you’ll work a lot and I have my duties but she will be cared for, now before I take her home, what should her name be? It's summer time so maybe something in that realm?” Bee asked trying to think of options.

“Right um, it’s june now, and hellishly hot in the human world in most places, hmm. I think her last should be June at the least, considering teh theme of her mother's being Mayday.” Tex replied before frowning at the fact that the mother would have nothing to do with her only child.

“I think thats an excellent Idea, might even bite her mother in ass later in life, now what to go with June, what do you think sweetie, you mommy is so evil for letting yo go…and oh I got it.” Bee said after taking to the baby cutely. Tex tilted his head in question.

“Evil in June, Evelynn June, play on words, what do you think?” Bee asked excitedly. “Oh that rolls nicely off the tongue, I like it, Evelyn June, Okay. Well I should let you head home.” Tex replied.  Bee nodded and they gave their kisses goodbye before Bee returned to her ring with the new baby.

----

12 years later.

 “I’m sorry June Bug. but he wasn’t in the right head space and had to be taken home, If I had realized that was who pup’s dad was I would have called you down.” Queen Bee said down to the young preteen.

“It’s okay Miss Bee, I wouldn’t have known how to approach him with everything going on, but if you invite Miss Loona again, I could maybe meet her, as… well my sister and all.” Evelyn replied at leats happy to know she had a sister now.

“Oh yeah totally kiddo, next time I let her know I’ll make sure you too can meet properly.” Tex replied with a grin before his phone went off with a notification from his boss. “Thank you Mr. Tex, I appreciate it.” She said happily, only frowning slightly when the notification came.

“Welp, that’s my cue, see ya later girlies.” Tex said kissing Bee and hugging Evelyn before heading out. It wa slate in the night and most of the party goers were gone and home, the few behind worked along staff to help clean up the venue.

Evelyn picked up some dishes to put them in a nearby cart to do her part in helping. Bee looked around sadly never liking when the party was over but always happy to have a clean venue ready for teh next one.

“I think you’ll like your sister, she seems nice, stands up for herself but knows when to back down, and her style is just on point.” Bee explained flying around Evelyn as she helped clean up.

“Oh cool, Yeah I hope I give a good impression.” Evelyn replied with a nervous smile. “Oh you will do just fine my little June bug, Now let us leave the rest to the staff and get up to bed, got a lot of shopping to do tomorrow.” Bee said excitedly while ushering Evelyn up the stairs to their rooms. “Of course Miss Bee.” Evelyn replied simply.

--- a few weeks later ---

The Greed ring was a complete and utter shit hole, but unfortunetly had a few choice products that could not be gotten anywhere but the ring of green. Evelyn pulled her hood up more as she carefully and quickly went too to get the list of items, if she kept to the shadows she usually could stay out of trouble.

Today was no different even though she did almost get ran over by the greed ring’s number one star Fizzerolli. Her and many others watched on as he skated past pulled by a small legion of gieves. Usually she would just shake her head and move along but then she heard a voice, and one she had found out to be the father that wasn’t told about her, Blitzo.

She quickly followed and hid im a nearby alleyway hearing the conversation between to two. She found out they knew each other from before but couldn’t figure out much else as they started to brawl in the middle of the street. Some time after the crowd formed around the two and long rope from a nearby building came down and took them away.

As the crowd left Evelyn tried to see where they were taken but couldn’t figure out where, so with know other choice she went on her way. Some time after she returned home to the Gluttony ring she found out through social media they both returned home relatively unscathed.

She had gotten a ticket to the yearly pageant to see if she could Talk to Fizzerolli about how he knew Blitzo. That would be the following week, so she had time to get ready.

--- at the pageant ---

She couldn’t believe her eyes when she spotted both of them on the red carpet, apparently Blitzo was security on Ozzie’s request. Upon getting closer and listening in there seemed to be tension, from not only one of teh new acts but from something inside Fizz. Evelyn ended up watching the show, when the meet and greets started, she forked over her sizable allowance and went to see Fizz. She got to witness a cute exchange between him and a young deaf child before a new shitshow started. Blitzo came to the rescue again but the proceedings that followed ended the meet and greet before she could meet Fizz.

She got to see the Glam sisters performance and the epic quit session by fizz. She sent a message to Bee conforming the rumored relationship just as everyone else jumped on social media. Bee expressed happiness for her fellow sin, and Evelyn was happy for them too.

Getting out of the messy and crowded concert hall was a special kind of hell, but she did get to meet the deaf kid that talked to Fizz. Learning Sign earlier in her life helped her converse with the child as she walked him to his home in the slums of greed. 

It was on the way that things got dicey.

Copyright - C----- Williams(lunamidnight)

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #4

Satan: So I MEANT to say “oh crap, I left my phone in my car” but what I ALMOST said was “oh no, I left my cone in my phar,” and damn wouldn’t that have been embarrassing, but I caught myself, and what I ACTUALLY said was

“Ah, my fart cone.”

So anyway

•

Simeon: Today these two boys in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher said “could you try to be a little more mature?”

One of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face

•

Leviathan: Sex is so weird it’s literally just putting your penis inside someone else’s penis. Like what the fuck

Asmodeus: I don’t think that’s how it works

Leviathan: Yes it is. I’ve had so much sex. A lot. Like 100 sex.

•

Mammon: What did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe

Mammon: Mitosis

Leviathan: I want to die

•

Mammon: How long does someone have to be dead before it’s considered archeology instead of grave robbing

Solomon: An an archeologist I find this a veRY AWKWARD QUESTION

Mammon: Answer the question grave robber

•

Satan: Ah yes, the Trojan horse. Or as I like to call it murderous piñata

•

Asmodeus: Years ago I watched this porn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god, oh god!!!’ And this dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

•

Mammon: At my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal I am not inside. Instead they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the back ground

Mammon: Never mind my brother says I can’t do that

•

MC: I just had the best encounter with a child at Kmart. I was in the aisle shopping and this boy and his dad come around the corner. The little blonde boy sees me and excitedly exclaims “there’s a human here!!” To which his father replied, “Yes, there’s humans everywhere.”

Mammon: Bro you do realize you just met aliens

Solomon: Not unusual for Kmart

•

Mammon: I was looking at grapes in the store and this old lady comes up to me and goes “you’re not stealing those are you?” So I’m like no lol? and she goes “oh, well I am.” And grabbed a handful of grapes and left

Leviathan: GKSKVKSM

•

Diavolo: “What time is it?” You ask, I pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy.”

•

Solomon: This is the dumbest thing to nitpick, but the phrase “real UFO” bothers me any UFO is a real UFO as long as it’s unidentified and flying because that’s what those words mean whether or not it’s an alien is a different matter. It could be a pancake someone threw real hard as long as you don’t know that’s what it is it’s a UFO

Satan: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Anything is a UFO if you’re bad enough at identified stuff

•

MC: People with uteri are never gonna have a perfectly flat stomach. They’re always gonna have a little pouch, because that’s where we keep our bees.

Thirteen: Once a month the moon angers the bees.

•

Lucifer: Gave my students a pop quiz today and learned something new: if you make all the answers C, you will see 35 of the most hilariously panicked and confused faces in the world.

Raphael: Are you Satan?

•

Leviathan: Was it really necessary for me to be born?

Simeon: Possibly not, but double chocolate chip cookies aren’t necessarily either but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without them

Leviathan: That is the most uplifting thing I’ve read all day

•

Belphegor: What if your phobias are based off how you died in a past life

Mammon: Why is this not getting around faster

Beelzebub: DUDE

•

Leviathan: It’s 2021 why can’t I delete friends in real life?

Leviathan: Ok so it turns out what I was thinking of it called murder

•

Satan: Next time a conspiracy theorist tries to tell you ‘what really happened’, present a more outlandish theory and accuse them of covering up the truth

Conspiracy theorist: “The moon landing was faked!”

Me: “Pfft, you believe in the moon?”

•

MC: Boys are so lucky they get boners to tell them that they’re horny because girls are just like am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don’t know I don’t have a dick

Mammon: That’s definitely an interesting take. But sometimes we get boners for no reason and it’s something like “What is it boy? Did you see something?”

•

Solomon: I just attended the best Passion of the Christ play. As they were “nailing” Jesus to the cross the entire thing broke. No one knew what to do and it got quiet. Finally one of the guards on stage said “you get out of it this time Jesus”

Mammon: Omfg

Leviathan: I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING NOBODY LOOK AT ME

Satan: #IT’S BACK

Last • Next

[erimeows]

Yellow Roses

The first time was a learning experience.

Bumblebee had been innocent to the ways of human gift-giving back then, unsure of what to get or where to get it, but after using the internet and looking up where to buy gifts for humans, he found that there was a gift shop down the street from where the Autobot base was, and he begged and pleaded with Sari for some of her allowance money “for something important”.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to get. What he was sure of, though, was that he was completely enamored with you and had been since day one- and he couldn’t bring himself to confess yet, but if he didn’t channel his feelings somehow, they were going to burst.

But as he approached the gift shop on that sunny day in Detroit, no other than Optimus Prime walked out and bumped into him. Thankfully, before he could fall back at the impact, Optimus reached out and caught him, placing him back on his feet with one strong servo. 

“P-Prime, hey!” Bumblebee grinned and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. He knew he wasn’t guilty of anything nefarious, per say, but he had no idea how Optimus would feel about him being in love with a human and wanting to buy gifts for said human with money that wasn’t his. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, nothing much...” The other Autobot blatantly lied and hid a bouquet of blue and gold flowers that Bee didn’t know the name of behind his back, face burning the brightest shade of red the smaller bot had ever seen it. “Are you looking for something in particular?”

“I don’t know, I mean, what do humans even like?” Bumblebee muttered without thinking, and upon seeing Optimus’s optics widen, he raised his servos defensively and shook his head. “I mean, uh-! Never mind! What’s up with the flowers?”

“Ah,” Optimus gave an awkward grin and held the flowers in front of him instead of continuing to hide them, probably realizing that it was too late and Bumblebee had already seen them. The younger bot wondered if they were for Optimus or for someone else, but he didn’t dare ask, only listening to his leader talk. “I learned that unlike some other organic planets, on earth, it’s considered rude to pick plants if they’re in close proximity to someone’s home or in front of a public building or park unless they’re a specific type called weeds, which flowers aren’t, but I wanted to buy some for someone, so I came here to pick them up after asking Sari about it. Are you gift buying, too?”

“Well, yeah, I guess you could say that,” Bumblebee looked away and held his forearm in one servo, anxiously shifting his weight between his stabilizing servos. It felt like him and Optimus Prime had reached into the cookie jar and caught each other. 

Bumblebee didn’t dare ask who the flowers were for even though he was dying to know in fear that Optimus would ask who he was at the gift shop for in return. An uncomfortable silence fell onto them momentarily, both of them quiet and staring at each other with the noise of traffic and the bustling Detroit citizens walking on the pavement who kept passing by to keep them company.

“I’ve been doing some reading since Sari’s birthday is in a few months,” Optimus tried to continue the conversation and cleared his throat. “The customs for gift giving can involve about anything when it comes to human girls, but the most common are flowers, books, chocolates, jewelry, clothing, video games, or gifts of practicality, which just seem to be hygiene products and things they can use in their daily lives. Gift cards and vouchers with money on them are also common, but considered less personable, so I wouldn’t go that route if you’re close with the one you’re buying for unless they specifically ask for it.”

“Oh... I gotcha. Good ideas, bossbot!” Bumblebee smiled again, the corners of his lip-plates sore from how forced it was due to his nerves.

What if Optimus had figured it out? That would defeat the whole point of his plan; buy you nice things and leave them at your door in the middle of the night without his name attached. It was simple and easy, but if Optimus knew before he even got to try it?

Well. That made it a lot harder.

Thankfully, though, Optimus gave him a nod and bid him a good afternoon, then walked away.

Bumblebee found himself letting out a sigh of relief.

Thank Primus...

...Hours later, Bumblebee regretted all of his life decisions. He was sitting, holed up in his room with one audial pressed up against your wall. It was a terrible habit of his, but he eavesdropped on you pretty frequently when he heard bits and pieces of you talking through the wall, and he was doing it right now.

He wasn’t sure how he had expected it to go, but when he dropped the bouquet of yellow roses at your bedroom doorstep when you were out for lunch and no one was in the halls, he had hoped that you would simply take the flowers, appreciate them, and never say another word. However, you were currently telling Sari about it, which made sense considering that the young girl dropped by your room often and asked you to do her hair or makeup as an excuse to spend time with you- you were an adult, a lot older than Sari, but the two of you got along very well considering that you were the only one who actually knew how to take care of her properly when Isaac Sumdac wasn’t around.

“I have no idea!” You exclaimed, no doubt in reference to the flowers. Bumblebee cringed. What if Sari made the connection that the money he had borrowed from her was for that? What if she told everyone, or what if you told everyone, and Prime realized why he was at that gift shop and let his secret slip? “I can only assume it was you or one of the guys, but like... I don’t know who.”

“Yeah, I have no idea! It wasn’t me, I would’ve just given ‘em to you. We should dig deeper, (y/n)!”

Oh. Oh, Primus, no. 

“I’m not sure, Sari, whoever it was probably dropped it off like that for a reason,” Bumblebee heard you sigh, and at the same time, he let out a sigh of relief. Maybe you would just forget about it and-

“Wait! Do you have a secret admirer!?”

Dammit. Maybe not.

“I... Highly doubt that, the only one I’d be interested in anyways is-” You started, and then cut yourself off in a way that made Bumblebee’s spark shatter and crumble into little pieces inside his chassis. You were single, but you were already into someone? What if it wasn’t him? He’d understand, of course- Prime was stronger, Prowl was smooth, Bulkhead was talented, and Ratchet was intelligent. Compared to them, he felt like he didn’t have much to offer you. Everyone around him was amazing, and he was just there, but... He loved you, and he wanted you to know how loved you were. So, whether you’d love him back or not, he’d keep giving everything he had to you; even if the way in which he went about it was indirect. “Actually, never mind, but your braids are done-”

“No, wait, you can’t just gloss past that!” Sari whined. Bee almost didn’t want to hear the rest of your discussion, but he couldn’t keep himself from listening. “Who is it, who is it!?

“Let’s just go play Animal Crossing in the living room, we can talk about all of that at a later date, yeah?” You offered, voice laced with both your amusement and confusion. 

“Fine, fine, but you have to tell me soon! Pinky promise.”

“Fine, pinky promise. Now let’s go.”

Bumblebee heard your door open and close, followed by what he presumed to be you and Sari’s footsteps in the hallway. The sound eventually dissipated.

The Autobot was left to lay back on his berth and stare at the ceiling with a huff.

You were telling others about the gift he left, trying to get to the bottom of it, and you were into someone or somebot he didn’t even know about.

What had he gotten himself into?

-

The second time, he felt a little better about it. It was a week later and he hadn’t heard any discussion of the subject amongst the other Autobots, so he assumed nothing had come from it.

But, as he lounged on the living room couch, he jumped upon you sitting down on the couch’s arm- right by where his head was laid.

It made sense that he had been jumpier around you over the past few days. Part of it was the usual I’m-in-love-with-you-and-super-tense-about-it jumpiness that he had become accustomed to, but it was made worse by the fact that he was guilty; guilty of keeping a secret from you, of indirectly lying to you. He could’ve done it the one time with the roses and let it die down after, but when you’d talked about your old game controller breaking the night before at the dinner table, he hadn’t been able to help himself- he went and got it along with a new bouquet of yellow roses, left it in front of your room later that night, knocked, and ran away.

It was the next day, and understandably, he’d been anxious about it. It was better than the first time, but he was just hoping you wouldn’t talk about it.

Of course, he was never that lucky, and you looked at him with the controller literally in your hands. 

“Hey, Bee, do you know anything about this?” You asked.

Had he been caught? Did you know? Or were you just trying to get information from him in case he knew something? Unsure, he decided to play it safe and act oblivious. 

“Huh? What’s that?”

“I’m taking that as a no, but someone left this new controller on my doorstep with a bouquet of roses? I needed a new one, but I only mentioned it to you and the others, so I think it’s one of you guys... But this is the second time I’ve received a gift without any name on it and I’m really confused. I’ve done some asking around, but the only one who seems to know anything is Optimus, and he won’t give me any hints and insists that he has no idea what I’m talking about.”

Great. So, Optimus probably realized why Bumblebee had been at the gift shop last week. Well... From what you said, it sounded like Optimus was at least decent enough to stay out of his business and keep the secret for him- or try to, at least. 

“Yeah? That’s weird, I don’t really know why he’d be like that about it... Wanna play Streetfighter?”

“Sure, but I’m just super confused, man,” You muttered, turning on the playstation and giving a frustrated huff. The game quickly turned on, and while Bee took the old controller, you connected your brand new one and chose your stage, your character being Akuma. Bee chose Ken to fight with and listened to you continue as the game started. “I thought the first time might’ve just been a one-off thing, but it’s happened again, and the flowers were one thing, but now it’s flowers and a new controller. Anyone else would be creeped out, and I’m not creeped out- more flattered than anything since I know it’s from you or one of the other Autobots- but this is really expensive... I’d at least like to be able to say thank you!”

“That makes sense, I think I’d feel the same way,” The black and yellow bot mumbled. The game had hardly started and he was already losing due to his inability to focus- it was so bad that he couldn’t even combat you when you crowded his character into the corner and kicked him over and over and over again. His health bar dropped to zero, signaling that you’d won round one.

Round two started, and he did a little better; actually jumping away from your cornering attempts and offering some blasts and punches, but by the time it ended, he’d only gotten you down to half health, and you were delivering your final blow. Ken fell to the ground, Akuma still standing. 

You didn’t even press replay despite being player one. No, instead, you let out a huff and stared at the ceiling. Bumblebee found himself resting his helm against your thigh without thinking, enjoying the warmth against his faceplates. You two were best friends, very comfortable with each other and with physical affection, so you didn’t mind it, only running a gentle hand over one of his audials in return. 

Both of you set your controllers down. It was obvious that both of you were so focused on the subject of your anonymous gifts that the game didn’t catch either of your interests like it usually would. 

“I might try to ask Optimus about it again tomorrow... Information extraction,” You joked, but Bumblebee quickly sat up and objected. 

“Wait, I don’t think that’s such a good idea!”

“Huh? Why not? He’s the only one who’s given me so much as a reaction,” You argued and stood up to turn the game system off, then started pacing around the room. “And I guess his eyes getting all wide ‘n stuff may have just been something else, but like... It’s all I’ve got to go on.”

“Yeah, but you know how the bossbot is,” Bee stood as well, trying his hardest not to look like he was in the midst of blowing a circuit from the panic that was currently taking over his processor. “He shuts down when you push him too hard. If he knows anything about it, you gotta wait for him to come to you with that sweet info.”

“You’re probably right, Bee, thanks for the advice,” You smiled, and then walked to him to put a hand on his shoulder plate. “I’m gonna go to bed, ‘kay? Goodnight.”

You looked into his optics, and oh Primus, he was gone; your eyes were such a beautiful shade of (e/c), and your smile was so beautiful, and you were so beautiful, and he was so in love-

Quickly, he realized that he was taking too long to respond, so he quickly stammered something out.

“G-Goodnight...” 

And then, you left, swiftly turning and walking out of the living room.

Bumblebee found himself letting out a sigh of relief, but at the same time, he missed you desperately.

He wished he’d given you a hug goodnight.

And, as he stood alone in the dark living room, he thought back to how exactly he’d ended up in his current predicament; painfully in love with a human, giving them things without having the courage to do it face-to-face, life feeling like it was falling apart with every hour that passed without him being able to kiss you and tell you how much he loved you like he so desperately wanted to. 

He’d loved you from the very start, and as bold as he was, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you- he was just too scared, but...

What if this was what finally gave it away...?

-

The third time was what ended up blowing his cover. He should’ve left it alone, and he had told himself that after the last time- it was far too close of a call when you talked about Optimus knowing something, and he was so obvious with his own emotions during that, too... He wouldn’t do it again.

But then, he was shopping with Sari that day and saw a (f/c) hoodie that was just your size and style, and he decided you had to had it. So, when Sari was distracted at a different store, he got the hoodie, along with a new notebook, some pens, and a stuffed bee. He bought the gifts for you and put them in a nice gift bag with some paper, then left them by your door and disappeared before anyone could see him. 

He was sitting in the living room yet again. It was late at night, and though him and his team had spent most of that night playing board games and catching up with a movie playing in the background, they’d all went to bed hours ago, leaving him to think by himself.

He’d lost at every game; Uno, Monopoly, Candyland, Sorry, Cards Against Humanity, and Scrabble, all because he was staring at you the entire time. 

Why couldn’t he just get over himself and confess already? It was selfish to keep hiding from you, because what if the one you’d mentioned being interested in was actually him? And even if it wasn’t him, was it fair for you to think that he saw you as a friend when he was secretly in love with you? Was it fair for you to keep receiving gifts and never knowing who they were from? 

Speak of the devil, though- the second Bumblebee looked up from where he was standing in the middle of the room, you were leaning against the doorway, wearing the hoodie he’d bought you and a pair of pajama shorts. You looked sleepy with your (h/l) (h/c) hair a mess and your soft hands rubbing the bleariness out of your (e/c) eyes. 

“Bee?” You mumbled.

“(y/n), where’d you just come from? You look tired! You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m tired, but I’m fine. I was in the hallway, kinda waiting for everyone else to go to bed so I could talk to you, but... It took me a minute to come in here.” Bumblebee walked towards you and raised his optical ridge. His spark sank to the floor because oh Primus, was this it? Was it finally happening?

“Oh, uh... Why do you need to talk to me alone? What’s up?”

You averted your gaze and gently grabbed one of his servos with your hand, holding it tightly. Bumblebee took a sharp intake. You were about to start talking, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. 

“I know it’s you,” You confessed with a guilty smile. Bumblebee froze in place and cringed. “I feel bad, but my curiosity was killing me, so I asked around some more and did a lot of prying- Optimus seemed like he was hiding something when I talked to him about it, so I pried until he gave up and told me that he suspected it was you; that he’d seen you at a gift shop the day I got the first bouquet, that he’d seen you lingering in the hallways the past few times I’ve gotten something, etcetera. He gave me enough details that I pieced it together, so... Yeah.”

“Well, at least it’s out of the way,” Bumblebee laughed out loud, and surprisingly, you smiled back at him. This wasn’t how he wanted it to come out, but he wasn’t sure it would have come out at all if not for this. “Getting human money without a real job is hard! Glad I could at least confess without having to do it so much that I went bankrupt.”

“Bee...” You started again, peering up at him, but he felt like he wasn’t ready for what was going to happen next. Were you about to reject him? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. 

“Well, now that that’s done, I’m gonna go ahead and go to bed! I could use a really good recharge right about now-”

“Bee-” You cut him off with a pout and gripped his servo, obviously not done, but he only continued in hopes that you would give it up and let him escape the situation. 

“Goodnight, (y/n)-”

“Bee!” You yelled and pulled him towards you by his wrist so you could get in his face. “For God’s sake, man, stop and listen to me talk for a second!”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I just-” He tossed his hands up defensively, ready to spill his circuits out, only for you to cut him off.

“You don’t think I love you back, right? You’re such a dolt!” You exclaimed. 

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Bumblebee yelled back at you, processor only catching the insult before he thought back on ‘I love you back’ and froze. “...Oh. Sorry.”

“I mean I’ve loved you for months now! Even before I realized it, I think I would’ve been more than open to dating you at any point in time, I mean... You’re pretty great. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Well, uh-” Bumblebee stopped and took in a deep intake, then sighed and linked your fingers with his digits so he could hold your hand properly. The anxiety that had been building up over you for so long now was finally leaving his body and being replaced by relief.“I don’t know. I feel kinda stupid now.”

“C’mere,” You mumbled and wrapped an arm around him. He hugged you back, taking you into his arms and resting his chin on top of your head... He could get used to that. You were warm and soft as you relaxed your body against his and allowed yourself to be held. You let go of his servo in favor of curling your hands and arms up by his chest. “Thank you for the gifts. They were really sweet and I loved them all, so... I’ll be sure to return the favor.”

“Return the favor? This is more than enough to return the favor!” He grinned, only hugging you tighter. “I’ve always wanted to just, like, hug you like this-”

“You can kiss me, too, if you want,” You offered, which had him pulling back to look down at you, spark lit aflame. 

“Really?” Bumblebee asked, just to be sure.

“Of course.”

There was a moment of silence; hesitance from both ends. It was true that, while both of you had been physically affectionate as friends, you’d never kissed, and Bumblebee had certainly never kissed a human. He’d been waiting for this moment for so long, but he had no idea what to do now that it was actually happening. 

Thankfully, you took the initiative and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, hands on the back of his neck. You looked up at him one more time before standing on your tip-toes so you could gently press your lips against his. Bumblebee was frozen still for a moment as he processed your warm, soft lips against his cool metal plating, but after the tension faded, he found himself resting his servos on your hips and melted into it. 

One kiss turned into many; again, again, and again, you moved your lips against his in a manner so intoxicating that he couldn’t get enough of it.

Eventually, though, you pulled away and smiled up at him, but now that he had gotten to kiss you like that, he couldn’t help but want more. 

“I, uh... I’m not sure the favor has been returned yet,” Bumblebee averted his optics from your eyes, able to feel his spark beating faster. “I might need one more kiss just to be sure-”

You chuckled, cutting him off by leaning up again and sloppily pushing your lips against his- and, with that, he was gone.

[codename-adler]

Death of Heroes

Because not even Neil can outrun the ephemerality of men.

Renee is the first one to go. 

Nearing sixty but never reaching it, she is outlived by Abby and Wymack. At least Stephanie Walker is waiting for her at the gates of Heaven, but for the rest of her Foxes, the loss is heavy.

It’s cancer. Leukemia.

It started with the bruises from her sparring matches with Andrew not healing very well. Then not at all. After decades of maintaining these monthly meetings, of keeping her body healthy, Renee finally has to give it up. She knows something is wrong, and she knows that these sessions won’t be of any help, now.

Then the extreme fatigue starts. Still, Renee doesn’t do a thing about it. Or at least, she lets life go its own course. She looses weight, which she already doesn’t have much of. But then the nosebleeds begin, and it’s no use telling Allison to stop worrying. The diagnosis is unsurprising, yet still shattering. And it’s not a good prognosis either, but it’s still not bad enough for the doctor to give up the Five-Year survival plan.

Renee has to speak up. Ally, I don’t want to do this. She has to put her foot down. Allison, my love, it’ll be okay. I won’t get better, you and I both know that. But it can be okay. It can still be good.

Renee doesn’t get treatment. Renee doesn’t tell anybody, except Andrew. Because Andrew knows, somehow, that she made a terrible, irreversible choice. Because Andrew only deals in truths. Because Andrew is Andrew, and just as he needed her all those years ago, she needs him now.

A little more than six months pass, with less and less outings from Renee and more and more excuses from Allison, and Renee gets sick. Really sick. It starts like a regular cold. Then it looks more like the flu. And suddenly it’s pneumonia, and respiratory difficulties, and lung failure. She’s in that hospital bed, wearing that gown, breathing in that mask. Renee finally nods to Allison, giving her consent.

Ally makes the call.

Only Andrew and Dan make it in time.

Renee Walker goes out like a light.

The Foxes, who had once upon a time been used to murders, life-threatening schemes and acts of extreme violence, had never really known Death itself. The simple, yet inevitable fate of human lives. Of going quietly into the night. It’s all so quiet. So anticlimactic. It’s so quiet, too quiet, too heavy with silence. This time, there is no one to blame, no one to punish, no one to take responsibility.

It’s just life. It’s just death.

Wymack and Abby can’t believe that one of their Foxes, on of their kids, left before them. Renee’s Korean roots made her look barely a day over forty, which made it all so much worse. Renee’s death takes a toll on every single one of them. Because it’s Renee, the best of them. Because all her papers are in orders, her will to date, her wishes known; just as when she was alive, she leaves no chaos behind her.

There is nothing and no one to be mad at, except life.

In the cemetery where Stephanie Walker is buried, Andrew buys a large lot of land. (Large enough to one day welcome all the Foxes) The tomb is moved over there, and Renee’s name is added. A tree is planted above her scattered ashes. It’s very small, very fragile, but with the years, it grows strong.

For the first time, the Foxes realize that, despite going through Hell and back in their youth, they are not immortal. There is nothing to be done about that, but it hurts. It hurts to lose their angel this way, so soon, so suddenly. It hurts to lose, period. It feels like a failure, like giving up. They lost her. They lost.

But somehow, they gained something else they might never know about. Renee might have been the only religious one among them, but that didn’t stop her from becoming their Guardian Angel. Because somehow, from then on, the Foxes were spared.

Let me show you.

Just as Bee had a few years before Renee, Abby, then Wymack, simply die in their sleep, no fight, no agony. None of them have to see another Fox go before them. They don’t have to go through that indescribable ordeal ever again. They are spared the pain.

Then decades pass, enough for the remaining Foxes to grow very old, and live very long. Not infinitely, but long enough.

Matt is the next one to go.

Matt has worked hard all his life, both mentally and physically. It comes to no surprise, then, that arthritis chose to invade his body. For the first few years living with the diagnosis, natural medicine and osteopathy are enough to keep the pain at bay. It doesn’t stop Matt from doing anything. He babysits his 9 grandchildren with Dan every week; he goes on roadtrips with Dan every summer; he goes on a light jog with Dan every day.

It’s just that one day, it’s not enough anymore. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the pain becomes too much for Matt to do his day-to-day activities. And really, the pain, he could take; it was an old friend, a familiar feeling, almost like a sixth sense.

It was the mental toll of it all that he couldn’t take. To have to say no to seeing his grandchildren. No to driving around endlessly and aimlessly for hours. No to waking up in sync with Dan every morning, and no to their routine, and no, and no, and just- not living.

For the first time in a long time, Matt doesn’t want to do this anymore.

But he does, still. He smiles, and he lies, and he tries to will away the pain.

It all comes down to one afternoon, when he takes his painful walk of the day around the neighborhood. There are three little kids playing Exy in their driveway, when suddenly a ball escapes their racquets and rolls down in the street. The smallest kid runs after it, runs and runs and runs, without looking. Kind of like Neil, Matt thinks to himself before his body acts of his own. The kid doesn’t see the car, and the car doesn’t see the kid. Matt sees both.

The BMW is going way over the limit, its sleek black sides reflecting the sun too brightly. Despite his pain, despite his age, despite his now slow reflexes, Matt leaps. He screams at the kid to stop and turn around, to let the ball roll away, but to no avail. 

Matt pushes the kid away in time for the car to hit him instead, and only him.

The rest becomes a blur, but the final verdict is as such: broken hip, shattered leg, probably won’t walk ever again, even with surgery. The doctors and surgeons warn Matt that with his age, his pre-existing condition, and his drug history, surgery might kill him. But Matt refuses to be bedridden for the rest of his already miserable life. Dan knows that. She knows that he has to try. Knows that he might not pull through. She also knows that Matt wants to go, has wanted to for a while now. 

She calls Neil. She calls Allison. From there, all the Foxes are bound to get the news. Matt promises to wait until their arrival before going into surgery. In the meantime, the nurses start a morphine line, after warning the couple very strongly about the side effects and the risks. But Matt is in pain, terrible pain, and it’s a compromise to wait for his Foxes. It takes about a week for all of them to come to his bedside, with Nicky being last, coming all the way from Germany. Neil and Allison barely leave his room; Dan doesn’t at all. The others take turns, leaving as much space for Matt’s kids and grandkids as their hearts can allow.

The open spot for Matt’s surgery is on a Friday.

Matt Boyd does not make it to Friday. 

The morphine is too heavy on his heart. It was a possible outcome, not as alarming as the upcoming surgery, but... Matt had secretely wished to go ever since and- maybe, up there in Heaven, someone heard him... 

Dan and Matt had had a mutual understanding, that it was okay, but it doesn’t make it any more easy to let go. 

Two months into Matt’s departure, Allison moves in with Dan. She walks her through every stage of grief. She grieves all over again herself, too. But they make it.

Same goes for Andrew with Neil. Neil doesn’t know loss like this. Death like this.

And yet. And yet. Deep, deep down, Neil is scared. That after all his years of running, and fighting, and lying, he won’t get that peaceful ending Matt was granted.

But Neil lives.

And Nicky leaves.

A few months after Matt, he and Erik simply stay in the States. They say it’s because they want to be close, because they don’t want to miss anything, because they don’t want to risk a Fox leaving without a chance at saying goodbye. Because Nicky misses his Aaron and his Andrew.

Which are all valid and true motives. It’s just not the whole truth.

Nicky has dementia. Alzheimer’s, to be precise. Diagnosed about a year ago. It’s not bad yet, but- It’s the endless back-and-forth between the house and “der Supermarkt” because Nicky forgot what he drove there for in the first place. It’s forgetting words in all the languages Nicky speaks. It’s freaking out at all the Germans speaking German, because Nicky sometimes believe he is still living in America. It’s not finding the Columbia house and panicking when Nicky can’t get a hold of Andrew or Aaron.

It’s hard, it’s heartbreaking, it’s terrifying, but it’s manageable.

Once Nicky and Erik settle back down in North Carolina, they both wonder how long it’ll take before the twins figure it out, because there is no way Nicky is telling them, but he also knows nothing can get past his twins.

And he’s right. Between Aaron’s acute knowledge of Medicine and Andrew’s reknown lie-detector skills, it takes about 14 days for them to take Nicky hostage and demand the truth. 

As the year comes to an end, Nicky’s dementia doesn’t seem to progress that much. He seems to escape the worst. He doesn’t forget anyone. He doesn’t become aggressive, doesn’t go missing, doesn’t lose any function of his body. Without looking too closely, Nicky is simply getting old. 

The twin girls he and Erik adopted get to move back in for a little while, having lived in the U.S. all their lives and seeing their parents fly to Germany after their retirement. They know, too, and try to make the most of it. They are lucky. They are so lucky. Nicky is a miracle patient.

In the end, though, it’s Nicky’s body rather than his mind that gives out. Once you reach a certain point in time living with the disease, but without the general complications of it, eventually the brain has trouble managing all the organs of the body. So instead of forgetting to eat, or forgetting names and faces, sometimes your brain doesn’t remember how to make your heart beat. Or how to make make your lungs breathe.

Nicky Hemmick stops breathing in the middle of the night, after having wished his twin daughters goodnight, texted his other set of twins goodnight, and kissed his husband goodnight. Nicky had thought, then, that it was indeed, a good night.

Just as he had remembered his Foxes until the end, he was remembered by them as the big-hearted lover that Heaven had just gained as its new angel.

Too soon after him, though, it’s Allison’s turn. 

It’s not that she’d simply been waiting around for the day she could be reunited with Renee. She just didn’t understand why her Foxes kept leaving, and why she was still stuck here without her other half. 

She didn’t just wait, though. She helps Dan out with the grandkids, and sometimes the grown-up kids too. She volunteers a lot. She gives back to the Columbia community, and all around the world. She travels to places she’s never been, places that remind her of Renee, but are void of painful memories. She empties their bucket list, and much more. The last thing Allison has yet to do, the only thing left to do, is mending her relationship with her parents. Or parent. Singular. In spite of everything, including the death of her husband, Francesca Reynolds was still standing strong at the head of the Reynolds empire. 100 years old was nothing when you lived in spite. 

In a twisted way, Allison believed that maybe her mother was the last piece she needed to mend before she was allowed to go. That despite being gone for years, Renee was still there somewhere, looking out for her and making sure she didn’t have any regrets. 

So Allison accomplished the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the impossible. For the first time in decades, she flew back to the Reynolds estate and spoke to her mother. In person. 

It was not the emotional reunion Renee might have hoped for, but it was a reunion still. That was more than enough for Allison. They didn’t talk about the big things. The important things. But they talked. They talked. And they scheduled another talk. 

Back home with Dan, Allison embraced her friend and let the tears fall. She was grateful for her friend, but both of them knew that these were not the arms Allison wished to be held in. She went to rest a bit before dinner, and she tried to imagine how it would feel like to have Renee hold her again.

For someone as loud, as present and as strong as she was, Allison Walker slipped quietly from time. 

When Dan found her, she could only smile tearfully. She played with her hair one last time as she called her Foxes.

Allison left Dan in charge of her finances, and so she took over her charity duties and went above and beyond to honor her friend’s memory. Her sister.

Dan thought she would be next. She wished, she hoped, she prayed to be next.

She wasn’t.

Kevin was.

He might have been the biggest and hardest loss to weather. It wasn’t a feeling that could be explained. As painful as it had been to lose Renee, and Matt, and Nicky, and Allison, losing Kevin was... the great and terrible 10, as they’d say.

Kevin should have died way sooner. His liver should have given out because of all the alcohol it had endured in Kevin’s youth. His heart should have given out because of all the stress it had faced for most of Kevin’s life. All the bad things that could happen with old age should have happened to Kevin, but they didn’t. They didn’t. 

Death came knocking one day, and politely asked him if he would please follow them, and Kevin simply took it as a sign that his time was up.

That day, Kevin had felt a numbing pain in his chest all morning long. Used to little injuries here and there, he hadn’t thought anything of it. And he certainly wasn’t about to worry his doctor of a husband... 

However, as the sun reached it’s highest in the sky, Kevin couldn’t really hide his pain any longer. He had lain down on their couch for a bit, but he couldn’t seem to get back up. It was too exhausting. So he called for Aaron, as loud as he could in the state he was. 

As Aaron stumbled into the living room, Kevin tried to use his softest voice to inform his husband of the situation. Aaron immediately called an ambulance, and when the vehicle took them both away, he reached for his phone again to make, once again, a terrible call to their Foxes. But through his oxygen mask, Kevin reached out to grap his wrist and whispered, with difficulty, just Neil... just Andrew...

Because here’s the thing: Kevin loved his Foxes, and his Foxes loved him back. Immensely. 

He loved them so much he had married one, with another one of them as best man (Neil), another as his husband’s (Andrew), and yet another one as their celebrant (Renee). 

They loved him so much that it was only short of worship by a hair or two. And Kevin knew that. He loved Dan like a sister. And by extension, he loved Erik like a brother, too. And he loved all the Foxes’ children and grandchildren like his own, despite never being a parent himself. 

But Neil and Andrew... There were no words for what they were to him. He knew that he wouldn’t have to talk them through it. He knew they would be the only ones strong enough and close enough to hold Aaron up in case it all turned to shit the moment he passed the hospital doors. 

And being the History nerd he had always been, Kevin had written letters, a long time ago. To his Foxes. Most of them had left before him, and so he could never give them their letters, but Dan, and Erik for Nicky, could still have those letters. Kevin poured everything into these letters. It had taken him years, ever since Renee’s departure. He wrote, and threw away, and started again, until he got it right. Nine letters, for his nine Foxes. Andrew knew about it. He’d give Nicky’s and the upperclassmen’s to Dan and Erik, and they’d understand. Kevin didn’t want them to be there, at the very end of it all. He just wanted Aaron. And Neil. And Andrew.

Those three had letters waiting for them, too. Andrew would hand them over a month later. But he would never open his.

Andrew and Neil arrived just before 1 PM. Kevin was hooked on all sorts of IVs and still had the oxygen mask on. His heart monitor was beeping very, very slowly, erratically. He was still Kevin Day in all his gloriousness, but he was much more Kevin, their beloved Kevin.

On one side of the hospital bed, Aaron never let go of Kevin’s hand. On the other side, Kevin removed the mask and weakly motioned for Neil to take the other hand. But Neil was stunned. Frozen. So Andrew came up behind him, and held Kevin’s hand. 

It would be the first, and the last time.

Just as Neil finally sprung into action and went to put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, feeling his wiry muscles and his fragile bones underneath the hospital gown, Kevin closed his eyes. 

The heart monitor began flatlining.

Neil looked at the monitor, then to Kevin. He looked at Andrew, then back at Kevin, and then at Aaron. His eyes couldn’t stay focused on one thing. He was still hoping. He was still refusing.

Aaron lowered his head. Kissed Kevin’s hand.

Andrew held on tighter to Kevin’s other hand. Gripped the back of Neil’s neck.

Kevin took Death’s hand, which felt a lot like Aaron’s, and Andrew’s, and Renee’s, and walked away.

Aaron unplugged the monitor. And called it.

Time of death: 13:01.

It took exaclty one month, day for day, for Aaron to leave as well. They called it the Broken Heart Syndrome. On the surface, Aaron had held it together. But Andrew knew. He saw. That he was losing him as well. 

Some could say that, by handing over Kevin’s letter, Andrew killed his brother. But those who would say that didn’t even begin to understand the complexity of the bond between twin brothers. Especially not the Minyards. 

Because what Andrew really did, with that letter, was gifting Aaron with relief.

Peace. Quiet. 

Love. 

Aaron could exhale, now. He would see Kevin soon, now.

And so in the same room, in the same bed as his husband’s, Aaron Minyard forced Death’s hand and demanded to see Kevin again.

And then there were three.

Dan lived for so long that she started to fear outliving her children. She felt old, so old. In her head and in her heart. She did not believe in a God, but she often found herself praying to someone, anyone. She did not believe in angels and demons, but she often wondered how long they would keep her from Death.

So she waited. For the days to go and the nights to pass. She barely ate anymore. She barely moved. She was only feeling okay when she slept outside, in her chair in the backyard, the sun shinning on her beautiful face. She could sleep for hours there, surrounded by her lively garden. The wind swayed her skirts, the trees whispered in her ears. It was okay.

And at the same time, it wasn’t. 

She was tired. She was lonely. Even Erik, a couple of years ago, had gone to rejoin his husband. Neil visited her at least once a week, but he still had Andrew. He couldn’t understand, nor could he stay away from him for too long. He would miss him too much.

Every year she celebrated another birthday, and every year she blew her candles wishing they were her last.

And at last, her wish came true.

Dan was expecting one of her kids to come by in the afternoon. The Carolina sun was shinning quite hard on her, so she had placed her chair in way that let the sunlight hit the back of her head, turned away completely from her house. Her daughter knew exactly where to find her when she arrived, and so she didn’t wait for a response to her presence before making her way down into the garden. She had called her mother multiple times, and had assumed she was sleeping when she hadn’t answered.

Dan was not sleeping.

Dan Wilds had left this world, the sunlight pouring down on her like the radiant goddess that she was.

Being one of the last Foxes, it took a day before Neil and Andrew got the news of her death. They don’t get involved in the funeral preparations, but they show up. And that’s enough. 

People don’t really bother them anymore, so they can bid farewell to their Captain in relative peace. They come by Dan’s house aftwerwards, too, and help her kids out with everything. Yes, even Andrew. 

Dan’s death makes them reflect the most.

About the Foxes. About each of their departures. How they all lived a good and long life. How they all died a good and quiet death. 

They think about how they were always the ones nearing death, always fighting to stay alive. About how they died a million deaths before the age of 18.

They think about how they are the last ones standing, even after everything. 

They survived. They lived. 

(They loved)

Neil and Andrew should not have gotten this far. They should not have lived this long. They shouldn’t have. But somehow, somewhere above, someone has watched over them and made sure that they didn’t get the ending they should’ve had, but the ending they deserved.

Neil and Andrew don’t really want to die. They don’t really want to live on either. But they take every day that they are given, to be with each other, to mend their hearts still, to breathe. 

They take every breath they can.

They wonder who will leave first. Who will have to say goodbye and stay behind, who will have to wait. 

It’s a fear neither of them had ever thought they’d have. Not like that.

And it’s only a matter of time before they get their answer. They are, after all, getting very old. It is both a blessing and a curse.

After decades of partnership, Neil and Andrew still go to bed the same way they did when they were eighteen. Both facing each other, their hands joined in the middle, their nose a breath apart.

After decades of peace, Neil and Andrew still wake from sleep at the slightest abnormality.

Which is why the minute Neil Josten gives out his last breath, Andrew awakes.

Neil’s hand in his is still warm and his skin is still soft. His hair, although completely white for quite some years now, still have that bronze glow to them. They’re still curly, and soft to the touch. Andrew passes a hand through them before resting it on the back of Neil’s neck. 

He looks at Neil like it’s the first time, tries to memorize every detail of his beautiful face. He rubs circle in his skin, and takes in everything that was, that is Neil. His husband. His junkie. His rabbit. His pipedream. His lover. His love.

Andrew doesn’t move from their bed. 

When he has finally spoken everything that he feels to Neil, from the safety of his mind, Andrew moves closer to him so their foreheads touch and noses align. He takes Neil’s lifeless hand again, and kisses it. He sets their hands back down, between the two of them, and looks at Neil one last time.

And slowly, Andrew Minyard closes his eyes, forever.

[divinefireangel]

au: vampire Hwiyoung x human reader, lovers?

Finally doing this.... ✧⁺⸜(●˙▾˙●)⸝⁺✧ʸᵃʸ

Ok tbh I think I went wayyy to overboard with it but I love vampires and SF9 so eh. Also I have no clue what's going on in here 💀💀💀💀💀. Sorry if it isn't exactly what you wanted op 🥺. I tried *pouts*.

Warnings: Fluff mostly. Vampirey stuff. Sex stuff 👀. Blood drinking. Angst? Death. Sickness. Puking. Like 2 lines. Ahh very long 😂. Should've probably written it as a fic but oh well 🤷🏾‍♀️. I think this also is kind if like a soulmate au. Lmk if I need to add more.

So cocky.

That's all I'm seeing 😂

He's the kind to have any human or vamp do anything for him, with him, etc, etc.

A fairly famous vampire, amongst all of the ones who exist

Loves travelling the world

Meeting new people

Trying new things like food, kinks, new blood types too.

Lives for the thrill of almost getting caught

Flashes his red eyes when he wants to peak someone's curiosity in him

He's all mysterious and that's just so infuriating to not want to get to know him

But he doesn't let anyone get close

He knows it's not right to turn someone into a vampire

He'd never do that

Also he took a vow with his first and last love, to be each other's only forever

But alas, first loves never last

And neither did his

The vow however, lasted longer than the life of his first love

It was to never fall in love with a human again

For he was the one who had completely drained his first love, of their blood, to complete his transition

The realization of what he'd done hit him too late

So the vow was kind of an untold tension hanging in the air, that just grew with every passing second as Hwiyoung drained his lover's blood

He masks his sorrow, with cockiness

But all of his resolve wavered when he saw you

Just laughing, minding your own business

Talking with your friends in the cafe

Your hair flowing with the wind

Laugh echoing it's way to his heart

For once, in his long long life, he didn't just want someone, he longed for them.

After centuries of sad loneliness, he saw you

He heard your heart beat steadily as you spoke with much enthusiasm

Intriguing everyone around you

Not that you noticed

He felt like shedding a tear, his heart hurting the longer he looked at you

But he just couldn't look away from your sweet smile & bright eyes

The next few days pass by him looking at you from afar

Now you weren't one to not notice and do nothing if some random creep followed you everyday

So naturally you confront him by cornering him

He honestly didn't think you had it in you to trap him

Something about being so close to you, even when you are interrogating him just makes him want you to be his even more

That's when he sees you, like actually sees you

Your angry yet curious eyes, the lovely tint on your parted lips, your tongue in between your teeth, and so much more

Never thought this would happen, but he's speechless

So bound by your beauty he isn't even able to defend himself and his actions

When you're about to leave, he grabs your elbow and exchanges your positions

Cornering you and towering you as he introduces himself

The way he is so close to makes you breath hitch and heart beat faster, blood pulsing through you at a greater speed

He knows he's peaked your interest in him

He knows that you're conflicted

He knows that he will be too, sooner than expected

He will try not to showcase his vampire abilities

But how long can he go for you know?

What will happen when he gets a scratch and it heals soon? You'll think it's a little suspicious

What will happen if you get hurt and bleed? Will he be able to just tend to your wound without letting his strength get in the way?

So many questions

So many doubts

But they fade to nothing, when he looks at you

When he looks at you, he sees the most perfect human

Compassionate, caring, kind, sweet, absolutely adorable

He almost feels human too, when he's around you

And just to feel normal again, he starts to spend all his time around you

Roaming with you, circling around you like a buzzed bee does with a flower

And that's when you start your courtship

With him doing so many things with you

Helping you with your work/studies

Taking you on multiple dates

So many getaways

Getting you so much jewelry

Matching Jewelry!!!! 🥺

Falling in love with you

Regular movie nights in

Falling in love

Moving into an apartment together

Falling in love

Doing all your domestic things like cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, getting a goddamn job, and what not

Falling in love

Discussions about adopting a pet together

Oh and falling in love.

Yup.

You have a totally lovesick vampire head over heels completely in love with you with his cold dead heart

When the realization that he hath fallen hits him, he couldn't help but cry

Because he knows that you love him too

He knows that you'd want him to propose to you soon

He knows that eventually you're gonna wanna start a family with him

Even if you don't, which is okay, he knows that you are gonna die in a few decades

What will he do when he can't avoid the inevitable question you'll ask him about not aging

About not getting sick like ever

About having so much money

About having so much knowledge and minute details about historical events which just slip out his mouth from time to time

But

What he doesn't know is that you were already suspecting something was up

You don't know when you started to notice the subtle things he did, things that no one in your time does

The way he talks so casually with everyone

His peculiar usage of words at times

How he doesn't have a single wrinkle on his surely flawless face

How he never grows a grey hair

How his skin is so pale and cold to touch

But his tongue is always so pink

How his eyes look a different colours at random moments

Your first instinct, was of course, you were being delusional.

But then you thought about your life since you met him

How everything was going so good, too good for a human and human relationship

Pain.

That's what you felt when you started to see everything

And not just emotional pain, physical too

You could feel your heart breaking

You didn't know why

Was it because you've given your heart to someone you don't even know what species is?

Or because you've wasted the best time of your life on someone who won't be with you till the end?

You're not stupid, of course you confront him

Even if it meant you'd go from being someone he loves to someone he might hate

When the question flies out of your mouth

He just looks at you with pity

Was it for you or him, he doesn't know

Swallowing, his Adam's Apple bobs in his throat

He'll gently grasp you hands

Making you sit on a chair and he'd come clean

Yes

That simple

Because he can erase your memory if you threaten him 💀

He, for the first time, has no clue how you'd react

Chewing on your finger you look at him

Saying okay

Cause you love him

And him being a vampire doesn't change the fact that he is a good person

Well was or whatever, it's complicated

He just falls on the ground

Crying and thanking you 🥺

Hugging him you realize that you're crying too

The next day is like you're both reborn

Nothing actually changed much lol

He quits his job and you quit yours

And you both just travel the world

Go to different places, new places

Find secluded spaces to fuck, just for the adrenaline

Oh yes sex with vamp Hwiyoung!!!

Uses his strength to mark you.

Uses his powers to multiply the feeling of your high

Uses his speed to fuck you senseless

Of course he goes raw, not like you can get anything from him 💀

He has good control on his hunger for blood

So he won't actually hurt you if he bites you too hard till blood comes

Everything is going, perfect, to say the least

Until you catch a bad stomach bug

You get sick till your guts come out

He hates hates hates it so much

That you're so vulnerable to such things

And that he isn't

That he can't do anything about it even when you reassure him it's okay

He hates knowing that someday you may leave him

When you do get better, he feels so relieved

You know what's coming

So you thought about it a lot

To be honest, you've been thinking about it since he confirmed your doubts about him being a vampire

He is so shocked when you say yes to him

When he asks if you want to, only and only if you do, he's ready to make you a vampire too

The idea of you also becoming a vamp just sounds perfect to him

Cause then it'd mean you'd never get sick or get hurt or die

So you can be together forever and ever 🥺

[another-cancer]

Day 3, July 7th Grave

“This was my grave.”

“Mine’s in France, maybe we can visit it one day.”

///

It was a morbid day. One Jason typically spent alone. But this year he was open to the company of one person, and one person only. Marinette. She had already seen him at some of his lowest times and most vulnerable. Jason was happy to spend his death date with his best friend. In fact, it even somewhat lightened the mood. She was the perfect person to joke about death with. After all, she had also died, several times. Plus, in France, she was thought to be dead.

The two were on their way to visit Jason’s grave discussing death.

“When you were alive, but not legally alive, what did you do?” Marinette asked.

“Besides become a crime lord?” Jason quipped.

“I mean as Jason Todd, not Red Hood,” Marinette rolled her eyes.

The two were strolling through one of the many cemeteries in Gotham finding their way to Wayne’s private portion of the property. It was raining. Not a very attractive day to visit the cemetery. It was very likely the two were the only ones there that day.

But it didn’t stop Jason from saying, “Shhh someone might hear you.”

“Who the fuck are you? And what did you do with Jason Todd?”

“Haha, very funny.”

“Jason no one is here no one is going to hear me call you Red Hood. Plus you are never that strict about secret identities. Half the time you’re using names while we are out on patrol.”

“There is a difference, I use nicknames,” he pouted.

“Calling me Pixie isn’t exactly discrete when half of Gotham already thinks Jason Todd is dating Pixie. They think my name is Pixie. If they actually tried to piece it together it wouldn’t be that difficult. But seriously Jay, what did you do when you weren't busy being a crime lord?”

“What did you do before Gotham?” Jason asked in return.

“I spent a lot of time with Adrien. Mainly just planning.”

“Well, I did that too. I planned what I was going to do as Red Hood.”

“So you didn’t have a life outside the mask back then?”

“You say it like you had one.”

He had a point and with that, they fell into a comfortable silence. Together they walked through the cemetery holding hands. Enjoying the scenery while taking note of the sad and dull atmosphere. When Jason brought them to a stop they were standing in front of a singular grave. Marinette took sight of the small stone being reminded of her own.

“Well, this was my grave.”

“Mine’s in France, maybe we can visit it one day.”

“That would be fun. A grave trip. We can visit Adrien. I know you miss him. You can take me to some of your favorite spots in Paris. Maybe talk about your death.”

Marinette froze next to Jason. All her muscles tightened and she dropped his hand. Her death was a sensitive topic and one they typically darted around. Not one they completely ignored though. Just not one she had shared all of.

“I want to tell you, Jay.”

“I know and you can tell me when your ready I didn’t mean to-”

“No, I mean I want to tell you now,” she said, turning to face him. When he said nothing she continued, “My death was weird. I mean you know I didn’t die. Or at least I didn’t die that time. I’ve died so many times before but not when they declared me dead,” she rambled.

“Hey Pixie, take a deep breath. You don’t need to rush,” Jason interrupted.

Following his advice, she took a breath and continued, “My parents were dead already. Gabriel killed them. With them, I couldn’t use the cure. It wasn’t damage from a miraculous. So they were permanently dead.”

Jason knew Marinette’s parents were dead. But he didn’t realize Gabriel Agreste had murdered them. He thought he already hated that man as much as any human could. But somehow he found more room in him to hate the dead man.

“After that Alya left. I don’t blame her, she was afraid, we all were. But she was my support for so long and without her, I kinda just fell apart. She wasn’t the only one to leave. After the reveal that I was Ladybug, there was a lot of public panic. Not everyone was happy that their hero was a child. And they quickly started putting together that the rest of them were around my age. The others were afraid people would put their identities together, they were afraid of what would happen to their families. So they got out.”

Jason recalled stories of who was left by the end. The Bee, the Turtle, Marinette, and Adrien. He was blanking on the names of the other holders. Marinette had a difficult time talking about most of the other holders. However, he knew she still kept in contact with some of them.

“So when it came down to the final battle and Hawkmoth was defeated the house came down. Nino used shelter and we got out of there.”

Nino, that was the turtle holder's name.

“Carapace, Chat, and Queen Bee did a press conference days after, they talked about what happened. By that point I was already done being Ladybug, there was no motivation to put on the suit. No one discussed Ladybug during the press conference. A lot of people assumed something happened. Then they never found a body at the Manor. But I guess they assumed I ascended or something. There are probably forums online discussing the theories, but I’ve never checked. All I know is that there was a funeral. But I had nothing left. Everything had been taken from me. So I didn’t appear in public and I let Ladybug and Marinette Dupain-Cheng die,” her voice cracked and tears fell, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry or move the attention to my death on your day.”

Jason hugged her and reassured her there was nothing for her to feel sorry about. The two embraced for a while until the crying eventually stopped. Eventually, they continued their day as planned. Happy memories were made on the sad anniversary.

Masterlist AO3

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@jasonette-july-event

[witchhazelnut]

Heart Bellied Out

(1361 words) Inspired by this post by @skepticalfrog but also all of his art. (ao3)

What does a starving man do when presented with a sudden bounty?

For the first few days following Chuck’s defeat, Dean found this question rolling around his head more often than he’d like. He had been starving, he’d realized, but that hunger ran so deep that it had become part of him, like a barnacle under a whale’s belly.

So, when the wins began to pile up in rapid succession, Dean didn’t know how to deal.

On the first day Chuck was defeated, and the world returned.

On the second Jack gave his god-juice (“Don’t call it that,” Sam grimaced) to Amara for safe keeping until he was ready to assume that power and join her in a balance of light and darkness. This transference resulted in Jack assuming a form that reflected his human age, allowing him to be the child he’d never got the chance to be. It was an opportunity Dean never had, and one he didn’t know how badly he wanted for Jack until he had an armful of toddler pressed into his hip—until the sweet smell of his son’s hair tucked itself under his nose. His son.

That would have been too much for Dean already, but then Amara, more powerful than ever, presented her grandnephew the gift of his father back, just as she had gifted Dean with Mary years ago.

On the third day Cas was human, for good this time. Amara had given him a human soul, which kept him out of the Empty’s reach. He’d stood in the middle of the bunker’s library, flustered and confused, coat and tie disheveled, and Dean had stopped breathing.

“Daddy!” Jack had squealed, reaching for Cas from Dean’s hold.

“Jack.” was all Cas had replied, bewildered as he gathered his son into his arms.

Their son, Dean thought as he stood and watched them embrace.

Sam and Eileen were safe, Jack was safe, Cas was back, and the world was free. Dean didn’t know how to trust it, even though it was all he wanted. If he allowed himself to indulge in hope, he knew he wouldn’t survive having it taken away. If he filled himself up with it all, he’d risk feeling a hunger he couldn’t turn away from.

Dean looked over at where Cas was holding Jack against his side. With one hand Jack held onto Cas’ arm and with the other he was reaching for Dean, little fingers spread wide to grab at him. Dean huddled in and wrapped his arms around the both of them, his left hand splayed over as much of Cas’ back as he could hold, his right wound tight around Jack as he pressed their bodies impossibly close.

What does a starving man do when presented with a sudden bounty?

He shares it.

Two years later Dean found himself washing dishes after dinner. Sam and Eileen had come over to celebrate Jack’s first day of kindergarten. They still lived in the bunker, while Dean, Cas, and Jack moved into a house a few hours away, on the edge of a town with good schools and a zoo (Dean had insisted on the former, Cas on the latter).

Dean took on a few hours here and there at a local garage and Cas occasionally set up a stall at the Saturday farmer’s market when his garden was doing particularly well or when the bees he kept were especially busy, but in all manners that really counted they were retired. Sam and Eileen kept things held down on the hunting front, and Dean surprised himself to find he was more than fine to walk away.

There were still days when he woke up with a phantom pang of hunger, the ghost of a feeling in his stomach like the one he’d come to know growing up after days without so much as stale wonder bread to further stretch stolen meals for Sammy. The muscles in his gut contracted around a hollowness, a pit of fear like a leaky faucet he couldn’t seem to permanently plug.

On those days he’d retreat into himself. He’d be quiet. He’d feel a magnetic tug try and pull him to the bar down the block, even though it had been a long while since he’d picked up so much as a beer.

Before he could self-destruct or leave his body long enough that it could do itself harm, he’d feel Cas at his side or Jack’s weight on his chest. He’d go to bed early and when he’d wake the next morning the pit would be gone.

Dean knew it would never truly go away, but it would always leave just as quick as it came.

Most days though, Dean was good. This particular day especially so.

His family had sat around his table in his house and ate the food that hemade for them. They’d filled up on roast chicken, rosemary potatoes, and laughter.

And pie, of course. Dean made a pie.

He washed the dishes while Sam dried. Or, while Sam was supposed to be drying. Instead he held a dish towel in his hands and leaned against the counter, giving Dean an appraising look.

Dean tried not to snap about the stack of clean, wet dishes piling up, only raised a brow at his brother as he set another plate in front of him.

Sam answered the look with soft grin.

“What?” Dean asked exasperated.

“You’ve gone soft.” Sam replied.

Dean stilled at that. He’d heard those words before from a different mouth. John would bark them out like a slap. But the tone in Sam’s voice made Dean pause.

For the first time in a long time, the word soft didn’t sound like weak.

Soft. Dean thought of his body. What had a few years ago been all hard edges and blunt muscle now gave way easily to the press of fingers. At first Dean was sensitive to the change, worried Cas would no longer find him desirable if his body was not what it had always been.

“I guess the burgers and booze finally caught up to me huh?” Dean disparaged his reflection, holding his belly with both hands in an unforgiving grip.

Cas had come up behind him, threaded his arms through Dean’s and snaked them around his middle so that the ex-angel’s broad hands covered his own. Dean’s grip had loosened as Cas rested his chin in the crook of his neck.

“You think this is a punishment for your past.” Cas had said with his usual unnerving baldness, “But in fact it is a sign of your current blessing.”

Dean had huffed in embarrassed disbelief.

“This is happy weight, Dean.” Cas had pressed on, planting a kiss to his freckled shoulder, “It means you are, perhaps for the first time, truly settled.”

Soft, Dean thought with a plate in his hand, like the sheets on the bed that he shares.

Soft like the still baby-soft skin under Jack’s feet that he presses against Dean’s stomach on those nights he has a bad dream and can only sleep if he’s sandwiched between his dad and daddy.

Soft like Cas’ slightly grown-out hair between Dean’s fingers, like the meat of his thigh that gives way to Dean’s loving hands.

Soft like the mid-morning sun that filters in through their kitchen window and stirs the dust-bunnies into a dance. Those mornings when Dean is cocooned in warmth, a cup of coffee in his hand, Jack pressed up against his back, and Cas flush with his side, holding his face in big hands, leaning down for a soft kiss—

Dean glanced up at Sam, a shy smile on his lips.

You’ve gone soft echoed in his head, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Soft meant that Dean had built a life that was pliant to him for once, something Dean never thought he would get.

Practically born with a gun in his hand, for the longest time Dean was certain he’d die that way, empty and starving and hard as stone.

He had not touched a gun in over a year.

Soft, Dean thought, and let himself feel strength in it.

[stellocchia]

Here’s an analysis of the “Tommy’s Plan To Kill Dream” stream (part 2)

Continuation of this here (though it really isn’t needed to read that one to read this as I will be recapping a bit as I go): https://stellocchia.tumblr.com/post/645995202162671616/heres-an-analysis-of-the-tommys-plan-to-kill

This is the less intense part of the stream. They already talked about their plans to kill Dream (well, Tommy’s plan that Tubbo is VERY reluctant about and Ranboo agrees with). We’re moving into the gathering resources for the surveilance post part now. 

As always moving forward I’ll be soley talking about the characters and, for the dialogue, this are the respective colors: Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Ghostbur.

Analysis under the cut as always

So let’s start off with the obvious: I absolutely love how protective Tubbo and Ranboo are of Tommy, I’m glad he has people who actually care in his life right now. We have various examples of this throughout the stream, but the first one is Tommy seeing a creeper, backing off immediatly (because of his hightened fear of pain, aslo known as algophobia apparently) and them immediately destroying the threat. Of course this is also because they don’t want Snowchester blown up, but it’s still sweet nonetheless. 

He also opens up about his algophobia right after to them and asks for some armour, which Tubbo actually provides.

“You’re wearing Dream’s armour, aren’t you Tubbo?” “Yeah” “Okay, I wouldn’t- I genuinely would advice not. Anything that that man’s fucking been too near you don’t wanna be using” Tommy’s fear of Dream by now is just all encompassing. It is also quite peculiar that he would say this while still using Dream’s trident (right? It’s still his right?), though that could simply be because he puts himself in the category of “things that have been too near Dream” by now and really can’t be affected more then he already has been, though this is just a theory. 

Same thing as with the creeper happens with a skeleton a couple minutes later.

“What happened? Holy crap” “Tubbo he beat me to death, he punched me to death” Bee duo starting to realize how serious Tommy’s situation is right after the scheleton encounter because Tommy was just genuinely panicking. 

“Pain it feels so much more real now, ‘cause I know what’s on the other side” “Surely doesn’t that give closure?” “No... no it gives quite the opposite Tubbo” And what a good choice that was narratively speaking! If death did give closure as us and the characters in the story themselves expected, with resurrection it would be meaningless. This way though, death has just as much narrative weight as if resurrection wasn’t there, which is what you want in a story. 

“On a side note for you two: Sam Nook great guy! Really lovely guy! Awesamdude is a bastard and does not deserve to be running that prison. If he let me die he failed his job” We can see that Tommy’s perception of the warden’s duty is strickingly different from Sam’s. To Tommy the top priority should be protecting others from Dream (even if it means compromising the security of the prison), while to Sam the top priority is keeping Dream locked up.

“My therapy update!” We all knew I had to include this one. It’s actually really great because: 

1) Him actually reacheing out to Puffy to get therapy means that he actually recognises that he needs help and is willing to ask for it, which is the first step towards healing

2) Him acting so happy about it is actually such a good message for the younger viewers to see that therapy is nothing to be afraid of and it’s not taboo

One more thing we had him wanting to remove his own statues as they’re a grim reminder of his death in a scene that is very similar to Tubbo on the 16th asking to remove the decorations of the day of his execution. 

“I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea to... try and kill Dream. I don’t know how canon lives work for you anymore, but I only got one left” As I pointed out in the other post the 2 main reasons why Tubbo is reluctant about the plan are that he’s on his last life and that he managed to build a life for himself with Snowchester and Ranboo that he doesn’t wanna loose. 

“Listen guys, I’ve experienced death now, it doesn’t matter how many lives I have left now, I’m NOT willing to go through that again” “Yeah that makes sense actually, that makes sense” This is an interesting question though of how many lives he re-acquired. We know Jack came back with 3 when he did it, but then again, normal rules don’t seem to apply to Jack Manifold. Also I wanted to include Ranboo’s quote there just because he’s literally been nothing but supportive and I love him for it. 

Also all 3 teens decide at once that ignoring the Egg will most definitely make the problem go away, because that has always worked in the past of course! (Also, honestly, good for them. Let the adults take care of something for once!)

“I’m not very god at smal- that’s not true” “Mhmm” “So eh... you guys heard The News?” “The news about what?” “The news about...?” “You know... what-what’s been happening...” “What’s been happening?” “About- about umm... George”  “About George? What happened with the Gogmeinster?” “Oh yeah, he got banned! Twice” “No no, he... he grew a third ear” “Really? Oh man!” “Oh yeah! I’ve seen a photo of that on instagram!” So, aside from this being so funny, the reason I’m highlighting it is because if there is one thing Tommy never struggled with in the past it was small talk. He could literally start blabbering with anyone about anything, no matter how dumb, with absolute confidence. Now he’s struggling with everything (both here and later in the Nether we have similar scenes for it). He is insecure about everything he says and socializing seems much harder for him. Regardless both Tubbo and Ranboo still go along with everything he says with absolute confidence, which seems to help him quite a bit. Considering that his biggest desire seems to be to be treated the same as he was before having them not pointing out his obvious insecurity (while still very obviously noticing it) is probably quite a big thing for him. 

“Why are Punz’s eyes red?” “Why? Oh- Where is Punz?” “Oh, that might mean we have to kill him, he might kill us on sight” “Yeah, he might try to kill you. Where are you Tommy by any me- where are you?” “Yeah, stay away from him” “No I can fucking take him man!” “No because you get scared of damage...” “Tommy... yeah” “I don’t get scared of damage!” “That’s not true” “Tommy where are you?” I loved this scene so much! Tommy didn’t actually even see Punz here, he only saw his face on the players tab, but the other two were immediately on the defensive. Also this is what I mean when I say that it’s not that they don’t acknowledge Tommy’s situation, they’re just trying to give him some normalcy, because, as soon as he is in any actual or perceived danger they’re immediately in high alert. 

“You’re like a living ghost” “I think that’s just called a human Tubbo” “You’re like a human” “That’s just called someone who is alive” “You’re treating me differently” So two things here: 

1) Tubbo still has a lot of confusion towards the whole revival process an that’s what he was trying to express. Ranboo was not particularly happy with his choice of words though and kinda got the defensive tone again

2) Tommy shuts down very fast any time any kind of change is mentioned. In this case the change being Tubbo’s perception of him.

That said they manage to recover the situation really fast with Ranboo making a comparison between Tommy and Jesus (they’re teenagers, what can I say?)

“Tubbo I feel like we’ve grown less close while I’ve been in prison and dead” “That’s ‘cause you’ve been gone for such a long time...” “Do you like me less?” “Nope!” “Well it feels like you do” “Well, that’s all in your head then!” “No” “Maybe you superpower is immagination” “Maybe my superpower is anxiety” Well Tommy, do my job for me, will you? But yes, these kind of thoughts (fretting about what others, especially your friends or family think of you) is extremely common for individuals suffering from anxiety disorders. Also what Tubbo did here was really important, even if it is the bare minimum, he still provided the ressurance his friend needed and that’s good of him. Also, while Tommy’s dependence on Tubbo does shine through quite a bit during this stream Tubbo does continuosly set up healthy boundaries for them (introducing and keeping firm on his relationship with Ranboo and admitting that they did grow apart a bit and he is still confused about Tommy for example), which is extremely good. Ranboo is also presenting himself as a viable option for emotional support, which will actually be good for Tommy in the future as this would mean breaking out of the habit that was ingrained in him of relying on one single person every time. 

“I’m not afraid of anything! The only thing I’m afraid of is, you know, waking up in the morning and...” “The- the thing your afraid of is waking up in the- are you alright? Are you- are you alright man? Are you good?” That’s concerning! But, again, very fitting with his newfound extreme anxiety he seems to be experiencing. Also ConcernedBoo, he just care about his friends and is worried. Pretty sure Tommy fits together with Michael and Tubbo in the circle of people he’s willing to protect.

Also, in case people were wondering, Ghostbur wasn’t handing out sugar because he was a fake Ghostbur, but just because Ranboo gave it to him and it was the only thing he had. Same goes for Tommy calling Ghostbur “Wilbur” and acting as if he was Alivebur and Ghostbur only correcting him after quite a while: it’s not because he’s fake, it’s because he gave permission to Tommy specifically to do so before. As I mentioned in the other post their relationship is complicated, but Ghostbur very much cares for Tommy a whole lot and he came back specifically because he heard Tommy needed help again, it’s not so weird he’d allow him to do stuff he doesn’t allow for others.

“Last time I spoke to you was like a few days ago...” Now, as some people pointed out this could simply be Ghostbur memory being sort of foggy and him not realizing how much time passed. But the OTHER theory is that he remembers talking to Phantommy (which we know happened thanks to Quackity’s lore, as they visited Glatt’s gym together). Honestly both are plausible (if the first one was true then meeting Phantommy may have simply made him upset and he could have forgotten about it, or perhaps he could have just forgotten that Tommy was dead). 

“Ghostbur do you want him (Wilbur) to come back? Because I- I don’t. I don’t think that I do ever” “It’s... I... umm, hm. The-the world needs structure and order and he- he was good at that. He did that-” “No. The world needs less villains and he was a villain if I’ve ever seen one” “But a- a villain is just- is- sometimes the line’s a little blurry. You could say a little blurry, a tiny bit, it’s like a- a villain it’s just a hero you haven’t convinced yet” Now, as much as I love Ghostbur he’s half wrong here. Let me explain: 

Simply put not all bad people can be redeemed for one thing (for example someone like Dream could never be redeemed because he hurt so many people in such horrible ways without ever regretting it), and secondly describing a villain as a “hero YOU HAVEN’T CONVINCED yet” puts the responsability of that persnon’s actions on their victims. As a matter of fact it’s most definitely NOT up to the ones who’ve been hurt to reabilitate the ones who hurt them (which is why Sam managing the prison now is considerable a conflict of interests). They shouldn’t even be forced to forgive that person if the person DOES change for the better. And here’s the crux of the issue: Wilbur hurt a LOT of people. He hurt Tubbo, he hurt Niki, he hurt Fundy, he hurt everyone who joined Pogtopia. And more then anything else he hurt Tommy. He was abusive and manipulative towards him and Tommy has every right to never forgive him. He has every right to be scared of him and regard him purely as a villain, because that’s what he was for him towards the end of his life. 

Ghostbur bringing him back in the hopes that he’s changed at all just means that, once again, the responsability of his possible reabilitation will be left entirely on the shoulders of the teens of the server and the same goes for if there is NO reabilitation. The destruction will, once more, be left for them to deal with. Tommy specifically will have one more person who abused him to deal with. Wether Wilbur will or will not ally himself with Dream doesn’t matter, because he was still a destructive individual on his own (despite of course being that way because of his own mental spiral, but that just makes him more sympathetic, it doesn’t justify his actions nor make them any less hurtful for those around him). 

Also Wilbur’s been dead for 10-12 years in Limbo time, I can’t imagine that doing wonders for his mental state...

There is a scene after that conversation where Tommy was talking about how being dead was, Tubbo asked a question about it and Tommy got upset. Of course the others got confused about his reactions since ha was already talking about, so, to clarify: the probable reason why anyone (aside from Ghostbur apparently) asking him questions about it upsets him is probably because of Dream. He mentioned multiple times now that Dream treating his death as a science experiment when he revived him was extremely traumatic for him. He hates the idea of being “just science” to the people around him. Ghostbur seem to be an exception to this, but that may be because Tommy seems predisposed to just trust Ghostbur more from an emotonal stand-point (perhaps because he reminds him of how Wilbur used to be before he spiraled). 

“I love monster energy” “Monster energy is kind of scary...” “Mhm, it’s for monsters...” Man the very low-key constant self-deprecation sure it’s kinda worrying... I really do hope that someone will help him with his very obvious sef-esteem issues at some point.

“He (Wilbur) spent a lot of time around a bad guy. He spent around a decade, you said, around Schlatt and Schlatt- Schlatt’s the bed guy, Right?” “I don’t think Schlatt’s the only bad guy” “Him and Eret are the bad guys, right?” Once again Ghostbur’s view of things is very naive and still very much stuck in the past. It’s been so long now since Eret betrayal, and they tried to redeem themselves since. Meanwhile it’s also been months since Schlatt died, and, even back when he was alive, he was far from being the only arguably bad person, Wilbur being right there along with him if we consider what his actions caused. And now we have Dream and the Egg, we have Quackity indulging in torture, we have the syndacate having a gestapo arc, we have Jack back on his goal of killing a teen. We can be sympathetic toward many of this people, but this doesn’t change the fact that they hurt others a lot or that their objectives or actions are objectively morally wrong in some cases. By now it’s honestly pretty hard to draw the line of who IS and ISN’T a bad guy.

“Cobble is GOOD, people don’t like it when I use cobble though...” Again, the usual self confidence is completely lacking. This is worse then post exile: back then he still had the full confidence to build an ugly cbblestone tower on Techno’s front lawn, now even using a bit of cobblestone makes him self-concious. 

Also apparently Sam instructed Sam Nook to keep Tommy specifically away from the prison for his own safety. Man’s still looking after him even if he probably won’t manage to do it directly for a while (at least until Tommy forgives him, if he does).

That’s pretty much it! It’s everything I’d consider important that I could find in the stream!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

[valdemart]

Valdebreed (Part 1)

When your significant other is a wealthy mad scientist demon lacking several human emotions, you don’t get a normal life. In fact, you give up a lot more than you realized you would have to. You just have to hope they also realize it.

(Afab Reader has sex with Valdemar with the intent to start a family. Some good angst, minor body horror, breeding kink tentacle smut. No sex in the first part. I wrote too damn much.)

 “You’re going to pop any day, huh?”

Annabella beamed at you, grinning widely.

“The doctor says it will happen sometime this week. Early next week at the latest.”

That comment gave you pause.

“Wait. You’re not working, are you?”

Annabella waved your concern off.

“Of course not. Even if I wanted to, the Countess wouldn’t allow it. But I’m bored at home all day just waiting for the baby to come and I wanted to chat with everyone.”

That was reassuring, at least. You didn’t think Annabella could work, not with such a huge belly. Her arms probably couldn’t even reach the stove at this point.

“Oh! They’re kicking! Did you want to feel?”

Without waiting for your answer, Annabella grabbed your hand and placed it on her lower stomach and, sure enough, you felt a little kick against your searching fingers. You couldn’t hide your delight and the mother laughed at how happy you looked.

“Careful. You’ll catch baby fever from me and end up the next staff out on maternity leave.”

You smiled in response, your hand still resting against her stomach.

“Who knows? Maybe.”

You didn’t know Annabella well enough to get into why children probably weren’t in the cards for you. Besides, why bring the mood down? You were perfectly content to let this little baby kick you all day.

“Ugh. Excuse me, dear. This little bundle of joy has me having to pee every 20 minutes, I swear.”

You waved goodbye and watched the cook waddle away down the hall. As you stood there, lost in your thoughts, you felt a small hand tug on your shirt and you jumped in surprise.

“Procurator! You scared me!”

Volta stood well below you, looking up at you with her large, watery eyes.

“Volta saw you rubbing that servant girl’s belly. Do you like babies?”

“Oh, yeah. Of course, I do. Doesn’t everyone?”

Volta shook her head.

“No. They are loud and their crying scares Volta. But Volta wonders if what the servant said is true.”

“If what part was true?”

“That you will be the next one to have a baby.”

The bluntness of ponderings made you blush.

“Oh, um…probably not.”

She cocked her head to the side like a confused puppy.

“But why not. You just told Volta that you like babies.”

You liked Volta. She was genuinely sweet, weird quirks of hers aside. But this was a weird conversation to be stuck in with her. Even if she was pushing a couple decades old, she didn’t seem to know much about more ‘grown up’ matters. And you didn’t want to explain the birds and a bees to a tiny demon in the middle of a palace hallway. Especially when there were elements of your particular birds and bees that you yourself were unsure of.

“I don’t think the Quaestor would be much interested in having children.”

“Did you ask Quaestor Valdemar to have a baby with you?”

That one was a step too far for you. You could feel your cheeks heating up.

“Oh no! Volta has embarrassed the magician!”

“It’s-it’s fine, Volta. It’s just complicated, is all. Hey, uh, I heard they were making cucumber ice cream in the kitchen.”

That was all you had to say to make Volta scamper off. While horribly embarrassing, at least that conversation was short. However, you noticed your mood had soured quite considerably in that time. While you had never discussed children, you knew Valdemar would never want them even if they could get you pregnant, and you doubted very much that they could. Your elation for the sweet mother to be had deflated and you felt a weak longing in your chest.

You could give sweets to the children of staffers and entertain them with card tricks and little illusions, but you would always be the fun auntie and never the mother. That was just your life now. A part of you had always known. From the moment you let Valdemar kiss you after learning what they truly were, you knew your life would never be ‘normal’. And that was fine at the time. It was then, it was when you moved in with them, and it was still fine now. But it wasn’t until now that you were hurt by that knowledge.

As long as you were with Valdemar, you would never be a mother.

 The sun was setting as your carriage pulled up at the front gate of Valdemar’s estate. You had been able to forget your somber morning realization enough to fulfill all your duties as Court Magician that day. Luckily it had just been some minor spells and charms. But, as you had worked, you made a promise to yourself to not think about it any longer. Why should you lose sleep tonight over something you couldn’t control?

You thanked the driver and gave him a few coins while ignoring his concerned look. It was the same look all the drivers gave you when they dropped you off. Every single one of them always looked at you with a face that screamed ‘Hey, Lady, are you sure you want to go in there? I’ll drive you somewhere safe and not horrifying’. It was just another concession you made in your new life. Put ignoring weird looks right up there with never having babies and never getting married and sleeping alone most of the time and…

You felt the sting of tears in your eyes and your shoulders slumped.

‘So much for not letting me get myself down.’

You stood at the front door for a moment. You could run. You could go back to town and start a normal life. Fall in love with a human. Do normal human things. Fall asleep with a warm body next to you every night. Have a family. Grow old with them and die a few months after each other.

You shook your head at your foolishness. You don’t pick who you fall in love with, and you don’t deny it for the sake of comfort and familiarity. If anyone could roll with the punches, it was you. So far, not even death had been able to stop you.

“I’m home!” You called out once you were in the large marble foyer. You did this every time you came home, but you rarely got an answer. If Valdemar wasn’t out doing gods only knew what, then they were downstairs working.

“In the dining room, Little One,” came the reply, and you almost jumped out of your skin.

Valdemar? In the dining room? Not once had you ever seen them in there. Not once in over a year. Did they even know how to get to the dining room?

If you had been confused when you first arrived home, you were double confused once you were actually in the dining room. The fireplace as well as several candelabras were lit, warming off the darkness that was taking over outside.

“There you are, Dear Magician. Please, have a seat.”

Valdemar was sitting at the far end of the dining table, which was clear on the other side of the room. On the side nearest you was a bowl of soup in fine, white china. There was steam rising tantalizingly off it, and your stomach rumbled. You were always invited to dine with the servants at the palace, and normally you did, but your dower mood had spoiled your appetite so you hadn’t had much. Still, this was a bizarre sight and you stayed where you were.

“Who died?”

Valdemar grinned. You could see their large, white shark teeth clear across the table.

“Several thousand humans I imagine. As they do every night. But no one we know.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Valdemar just sat, unblinking and smiling, waiting patiently for you to sit. So, you did.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment until Valdemar motioned towards the food. You could smell that it was chicken and you saw droplets of oil floating on top of the broth above peas and carrots. Whatever horrible news Valdemar was about to tell you, you could at least hear it with a full stomach. It was warm and salty and you were quickly halfway through the bowl. Then they finally spoke.

“I had an unexpected guest for lunch. They brought their own servants to cook.”

Well, that was still weird, but at least it explained everything. Valdemar only had a few cleaning staff that came a couple times a week. You were the only one that ever used the kitchen. Valdemar also wasn’t terribly concerned with etiquette, so you raised the bowl to your lips to drink down the rich broth.

“My guest was the Procurator.”

Also weird for Valdemar to actually host the Procurator, since they usually didn’t care what she had to say, but they did work together.

You licked your lips and set the bowl down, realizing how much better you felt with something warm in your stomach.

“What did the Procurator need?”

Valdemar smiled wider, which shouldn’t have been possible, but it was Valdemar, so they could.

“She told me the two of you had a very interesting conversation.”

“We did?”

You talked to Volta about Annabella’s baby for all of two minutes before she ran off for a snack. It was embarrassing, yes, but hardly lunch visit worthy. You tried to think back to any other conversations the two of you had in the past month, but they had all been about food. What the Hell was Valdemar talking about?

“What makes you so sure I don’t want children?”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no!

Your mouth opened to speak, but no words came out, so you sat there, looking like a palace pond koi.

“I must say, that’s a bit presumptuous of you. I don’t recall ever having spoken to you on the subject.”

Valdemar was clearly enjoying your discomfort. They were looking at you like they were Valerius reading the label of a fine bottle of vintage wine.

“You look embarrassed. You couldn’t have been this embarrassed when you were discussing such intimate things with the Procurator. She said it was imperative that I give you a baby. She recommended us starting on it tonight.”

Did you know a spell to make the ground open up and swallow you? No, unfortunately. But you did make a mental note to figure one out if you survived this.

“I…It’s not like I…She didn’t even…”

Valdemar watch you flounder with your words, savoring each mortified little stutter you made. They may not have been physically sadistic with you, but no one could say they didn’t love to torture you other ways.

You sighed and looked down at the table, trying to collect yourself.

“Ok, I shouldn’t have assumed. But am I wrong? Do you want children? Can you even make children?”

At least hearing Valdemar admit you were right would help soothe your ego a little.

“I’m not sure.”

“See!? You don’t even want-“

You cut yourself off and stared at them.

“Wait. What?”

“I said I’m not sure. I hadn’t ever taken the time to think about it. Only a few short years ago I wouldn’t have considered a relationship with a human and yet here we are. That means there are other aspects that need to be considered as well. And physically, I’m unsure if I am able to procreate, especially with a human. It’s not something I had ever looked into.”

Valdemar admitting to being unsure of something? Clearly, you had died from the plague again and you were stuck in some coo coo crazy afterlife. Absurdity of it all aside, you felt yourself growing aggravated.

“Ok. Are you done now?”

Valdemar cocked their head.

“Whatever do you mean, Little One?”

“I mean, are you done now? You had this whole nice set up to embarrass me and I am. So, are you done now? You’re very clever and I’m a very dumb little human. I fucking get it.”

Valdemar’s smile dropped.

“I don’t appreciate that tone, Apprentice.”

Your arms prickled with goosebumps as they stared you down across the table. ‘Apprentice’ was what they said as a more polite way of calling you an insolent little shit. They rarely used it with you but, when they did, it usually had you shape up pretty quickly. But tonight, it wasn’t going to work. All the heartache of the day had come back to you, and you felt that hurt bubble into anger. Your mouth filled with venom. How dare they embarrass you like this? After all you’ve given up for them.

“I didn’t talk to you about it because I knew you wouldn’t care! You don’t care when I get home, you don’t care when I go to bed alone, and you don’t care if I’m lonely! I-“

You stopped. That’s exactly what it was. You got lonely. It was lonely in a giant palace with a demon that didn’t like to cuddle or play kissy face or have sex. You felt the unshed tears from earlier and all the anger in you shriveled and died like early clover under a frost. You couldn’t just have kids because you were lonely. Children shouldn’t come into the world with a job to do. That was a terribly unfair burden to place on an infant. You couldn’t just make someone and want them to fix you.

You turned away from the table, knowing that if you had to look at them you would cry.

“I’m going to spend to night at the shop,” You said, your voice unsteady.

Two cold, gloved arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled back against Valdemar. They had crossed the room in a few silent seconds.

“Lemme go,” you whimpered quietly, your bottom lip trembling. You didn’t want to start sobbing after you had just gotten done yelling like some kind of mad woman.

One of the hands released you and brushed your hair back from your face.

“Hush now, Little Mouse. There’s no need for tears.”

Of course, with Valdemar asking you not to cry, your eyes decided you absolutely had you and you sobbed pitifully.

“Poor Little Human. So many emotions to feel.”

They loosened their grip and turned you around gently so you could cry against them. You always tried so hard not to cry in front of them, but you were too far gone to stop now. Their fingertips started to trail up and down your back soothingly as they made no attempt to push you off of them despite the excessive display of emotion you were putting on.

“I knew you were lonely. It would be very lonely, to come back from death’s realm. Perhaps the only human to do so. I suppose it feels simpler than that.”

You stopped crying and looked up at them with surprise. They were right. Even when people knew you had come back, Hell, even with Asra, you felt a wall between yourself and them. No one understood what it was like to come back. No one understood death like you did. No one understood being alive but knowing exactly how it felt to die. Except Valdemar, of course. But you didn’t know they knew about those feelings.

“A child won’t understand you either,” they explained as they softly brushed their thumb against your cheek.

“Do you…can you have children?” You asked softly. The pain of earlier was gone. You finally felt seen. Someone finally understood your quandary. You had tried to voice your loneliness to Asra and Portia once. They had both hugged you tightly and assured you that you weren’t alone and that they loved you. But they were wrong. As much as you loved each other, they didn’t understand the loneliness you meant. Even with half a heart, Asra didn’t know what it was to be alive when you shouldn’t be.

“I simply don’t know. I’ve never tried.”

Valdemar looked down at you with crimson, slitted eyes that should have been unnerving, if not terrifying, but you felt so soft and safe under them.

“It’s…probably something we should talk about later.”

“Of course, Dear One. Although, for the sake of science, I was hoping you’d try with me tonight.”

You stared at them, trying to process what they were saying. You had swung through too many moods tonight for their weird analytical speaking.

“I had had your bedroom ready for after dinner. Before I had teased you too much.”

“Wait, you mean you wanted to...” Were they talking about sex? Had they planned to have sex with you before you blew up?

“Considering how the evening played out, perhaps you should just sleep for tonight, hm?”

Perhaps. They were probably right about you needing to sleep this off. But you had had sex with Valdemar so rarely that just the prospect had your body lit up. Of course, they got you off plenty with their hands and occasionally their mouth, but the two of you had only had actual sex a handful of times. But now they wanted to? And they set up for it?

You wiped your eyes on the back of your hands quickly.

“No. We mustn’t keep science waiting. Important discoveries to be made and all that.”

Valdemar searched your face, looking for any sign that you might be lying to them about being ok now. When they could only see your genuine excitement, they grinned.

“Fascinating little thing that you are.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2 is gonna have it all! Body horror! Tentacle sex! Knotting! Dirty talk! Whatever else I decide is hot! Stay tuned!

[pcttrailsidereader]

Death by Lightning on the PCT/JMT

By Carmen George

Excerpted from the Fresno Bee

First came an immense flash of bright white light, then a sound like a cannon exploding feet away.

Four backpackers’ thoughts quickly turned to the youngest member of their group, Nicholas Torchia, who was just behind them on their high Sierra backpack trip through the John Muir Wilderness of eastern Fresno County.

“He’s been hit,” said a man who dashed by the hikers, running toward nearby Muir Trail Ranch on July 30 to get help.

Nick Torchia

Torchia was just up the trail, lying beside a tree struck by lightning along the Sallie Keyes Cutoff, between the John Muir and Florence Lake trails. The electricity also traveled through the 37-year-old Fresno man.

A pastor and his friend, who ran for help, reached Torchia first, within 20 seconds of the lightning strike around 1:25 p.m. Torchia told them he was badly injured. The pastor, Andy Cornett, took his hand and assured him they were getting help.

“He thanked me and asked me to straighten out his legs,” Cornett later told his family. “That was the last he spoke.”

Cornett asked if Torchia could feel his fingers, feet and toes. He nodded. Cornett checked his body for external injuries, helped him lie flat, covered him with a blanket, and started attending to a head wound.

Around this time, Torchia stopped breathing and lost his pulse. The four people Torchia was backpacking with — three of his uncles and one of their friends — were now also by his side.

For hours after, however, his uncles and other hikers held out hope that Torchia could be revived. A group of around 10 people, including a pastor, a nurse, doctor, firefighter and emergency medical technician, took turns administering CPR for more than three hours. Some of those hikers came up from Muir Trail Ranch, located east of Florence Lake and about three quarters of a mile from where Torchia was hit.

Other hikers worked to keep Torchia’s body warm and dry, and an ultramarathon runner darted up and down trails retrieving supplies from Muir Trail Ranch.

“Their cooperation, compassion and patient work over those hours was a testimony to me of some of the best of what human beings can do and be for each other,” said Cornett, associate pastor of families at Signal Mountain Presbyterian Church in Tennessee.

The group hoped a search and rescue team might eventually deliver an automated external defibrillator that could jump-start Torchia’s heart, but ongoing storms and their remote location in roadless wilderness delayed an emergency response.

Jeff Holbrook, one of Torchia’s uncles who started the CPR, finally asked one medical professional what chance there was of an AED device being effective if delivered within a couple more hours. He quickly received an answer: “Zero.”

The group decided to stop the CPR. Torchia’s death was recorded at 4:41 p.m. July 30.

Nick (Center) with his three uncles and a friend

The group prayed over his body, and then carried him down to Muir Trail Ranch. A California Highway Patrol helicopter landed nearby that evening during a break in the storm and retrieved Torchia’s body.

‘No one made a mistake’ hiking back from John Muir Trail in Sierra

Torchia; his uncles Jeff, Tom and Bill Holbrook; and friend Terry McCurdy were returning from a backpack trip to Sallie Keyes Lake on the JMT/PCT in the John Muir Wilderness when Torchia was hit.

It was sunny when the group started their descent from the lake that morning. They had planned to camp at Muir Trail Ranch that night and then catch a boat ride across Florence Lake the next day to return home. The group started their trip together earlier that week.

Torchia and his uncles had been working to complete the entire 211-mile John Muir Trail over the past 10 or so years via annual backpack trips together.

Torchia’s uncles said he was struck when he was just seconds behind them on the trail, after the group stopped briefly to put on rain ponchos.

“He was the last to put on a rain jacket and go catch up with Bill, but he didn’t,” his mother Kathy Torchia said.

His family and Cornett aren’t sure how close Torchia was to the tree when it was hit, or how long he was near it. Jeff Holbrook thinks his nephew might have been adjusting some of his gear or eating a snack when he was struck.

Tom Holbrook described the incident as a freak accident from a sudden storm.

“No one made a mistake. ... We dealt with extreme conditions before,” he said.

The lightning bolt that took their nephew’s life was the only one Jeff and Tom said they saw that day in that area, estimated to be around 8,000 feet in elevation. Cornett said other lightning strikes seemed much further away.

“It was terrifying,” Cornett said of the lightning that narrowly missed him. “It was brilliant white, and the sound was felt as much as heard.”

The lightning blew items out of Torchia’s pockets, ripped off some of his clothes, and tore bark off the tree that was struck. Jeff said its force moved his own body forward a couple inches.

The Fresno County Coroner’s Office announced a few days later that Torchia died by electrocution caused by lightning. No one else was injured by the lightning strike.

There’s only been 14 other fatalities and 72 injuries from lightning in California since 1950, according to data through this spring from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s National Centers for Environmental Information. The National Weather Service reported that only about 10% of people struck by lightning die from the voltage.

Torchia is remembered as exceedingly kind, with a genuine concern and sensitivity to the feelings of others that sometimes caused him pain. One of his two brothers, Ben Torchia of Clovis, said he sees his brother’s passing as God deciding to free his “good soul” from that pain.

“He just had this struggle internally – some things that are probably pretty simple for you or me were not simple for him,” his brother said. “He had a struggle that people in America owned houses while people in third-world countries didn’t. He had a tough time accepting the status quo. He could never get over things like that.”

Torchia crossing Muir Pass (on a 2019 trip)

Cornett said the experience of caring for Torchia in his final moments made him feel “profoundly humbled at how vulnerable life is.”

“Obviously you realize that when you’re in the mountains and outdoors,” Cornett said, “but it’s true of our given life at any given moment, and it causes you to reflect.”

Torchia was one of six children and had an 11-year-old daughter, Makayla, who lives in South Africa with her mother.

He graduated from Ridgeview High School in Bakersfield and joined the Navy when he was 18 years old, serving for almost six years. He also previously worked as a driver for Community Food Bank and senior citizens in Clovis.

Torchia most recently was a student at Clovis Community College. He hoped to become a psychologist and counselor, his mom said.

Douglas Houston, interim chancellor of State Center Community College District, recalled Torchia as an “outstanding student” in a recent email to staff, encouraging condolences for his family.

His mother said he loved hiking, backpacking, swimming, rock climbing and cycling, and had many other talents.

“I call him the Renaissance man,” Kathy Torchia said. “He could do anything.”

Torchia was the youngest on last week’s backpack trip. The other four in his group are in their 60s.

“He was like our safety chain,” Jeff Holbrook said. “We were all getting older and he was still viable and young and he looked after us, and we always felt safe with him by our side.”

Torchia made a separate trip up to Sallie Keyes Lake the week before the trip with his uncles to haul a tent and other gear up the mountain so they wouldn’t have to carry as much. Among the gear was a cushion and hammock he insisted they use.

Family said the compassionate Torchia also had a way of infusing fun into even the simplest of tasks.

“What a great spirit this young man had,” Tom Holbrook said of his nephew. “We loved him.”

Friend Pete Debruynkops, who went on previous John Muir Trail backpack trips with Torchia, said Torchia loved being in the wilderness, and that his friend’s adventurous spirit earned him the hiking nickname of “Stray Dog” because he was always straying off the trail to check things out.

Jeff Holbrook said he recently experienced some joy thinking of Torchia.

Jeff Holbrook’s phone started playing music when he and others were trying to revive Torchia on the trail. It took him a while to realize the sound was coming from his pocket because he said his phone rarely plays music, even when he tries.

He pulled it out and hit pause. The song was “Neon Pegasus” by Parry Gripp, about a mythical, divine, winged horse soaring over troubles. It made him think of his nephew and a herd of horses that ran by them on the trail earlier in their trip.

Some of the lyrics: “Unbreak your heart, Neon Pegasus, and go climbing through the stars, out there with your dreams, your sparkly dreams. ... Never again to be lonely, never again to be without a home. ... Soaring over it all, high up in the clouds.”

Jeff Holbrook accidentally dropped his phone in water later at Muir Trail Ranch. When it turned on the next day, the song was still paused on Neon Pegasus.

He played it later and sobbed. He said it was a beautiful release of “just joy.” He felt like his nephew was telling him, “I’m in a beautiful place and I’ve got wings and I’m flying, and I’m happy as can be.”

[recurring-polynya]

In tHiaM, Renji mentioned a fictional fateful encounter in which he and Rukia met in the circus. I can picture this deeply. The Rukon has circuses. It has gritty knife throwers, it has scrappy beast tamers, it has a lovely doe-eyed tightrope walker who does stunts so dangerous your hair'd turn white just watching her. It is for Renji's birthday so he should get Rukia being extremely badass and saving his life from a rampaging circus bear. Ideally, Kenpachi is there.

A lot of times, I’ll have some idea for a story, and I’ll do a bit of research and find out that the thing I wanted to do absolutely does not exist in Japanese culture, and I was completely sure that when I dug into it, Japanese circuses would not be a thing, or they would be extremely different from Western circuses, but as it turns out, circuses were absolutely a thing in the Edo era, and they had acrobats and strongmen and horseriding and more. I had so many tabs open about circuses, and almost none of it actually made it into this fanfic.

Anyway, THANK YOU ALOPEX, you know what I like to write, and what I like to write is Renji telling rambling stories of questionable veracity. I put in some lifting for good measure. This might be the most perfect Renji birthday story.

If it isn’t immediately evident, this takes place in the middle of the Advance Team Arc, or more specifically, in the middle of my Advance Team Arc story, See You on the Other Side, where Renji tells Chad a different RenRuki origin story that’s basically the desert bandit subplot from Crouching Tiger, and also a story about bees.

Read on ao3 | ff.net

🏋️‍♂️   💪   🤡    🎪    🐻

Renji hefted the last bumper plate onto the end of the barbell and tightened the collar. Chad watched him with narrowed eyes.

“You sure you want to try this?” Renji asked. “One thousand pounds. It’s the weight limit for this bar. Once you beat this, we gotta go back to Urahara’s place and pick up big rocks.”

Apparently, Chad worked part time at his gym, which meant he had a key, which meant that he and Renji could go in at two a.m. so that Renji could teach him how to lift absurd amounts of weight with his reiatsu. It was pretty convenient, as long as you didn’t mind lifting weights at two a.m. Renji loved lifting weights at two a.m.

“You just don’t want to tell me another story,” Chad replied, flexing his shoulders in anticipation.

“Whatever, I got a million of them.” Renji took a few steps backward.

Chad flared his nostrils and stepped up to the barbell. He squatted down and curled his fingers around the grip. He took three deep breaths as he stared straight again. Leading with his hips, he straightened up in a smooth, textbook perfect movement, the sinews in his neck popping out, the air around him boiling with power.

Renji wished he could drag Chad over to Squad Six, so those spoiled weenies could see what hard work actually looked like.

Chad dropped the weight and a huge breath burst out of him, his eyes widening in relief. “I did it,” he gasped.

“You did it, buddy!” Renji shouted, pointing at the barbell. “You’re a machine! You didn’t even make it look hard!”

“It was hard,” Chad managed.

“I don’t believe it!” Renji continued. “One thousand pounds! You’re incredible, dude!”

“What do you mean, you don’t believe it? You told me to do it.”

“I mean, when I told you we were gonna work for the big one-kay, it was, you know, a stretch goal. I didn’t expect you to get there so fast!”

“You said you would tell me another story when I hit it! I assumed it was a reasonable goal.”

“I keep making unreasonable goals and you keep hitting them, so I’m just sort of winging it, now, t’be honest! I’m actually really bothered how much you are motivated by my dumb stories. If I had any human money, I would just offer to buy you tacos or something.”

“I can make my own tacos. I like the stories.”

Renji sighed. They didn’t have tacos in Soul Society and he was determined to eat as many tacos as he possibly could while he was stationed in the Living World. “Go get cleaned up, and I’ll put the weights away and try to decide which story to tell you this time. I did bring us some protein shakes. I can’t vouch for them, because they’re made out of stuff I found in the Shouten, but it’s important to get some calories in you after lifting. ”

“I’m sure they’re fine. I like your protein shakes. Oh, and I know which story I want to hear--how you met Rukia.”

Of course he did.

Renji was a man of many stories. He had so many good stories. He had Inuzuri stories that were full of mischief and dirtbaggery. He had Squad 11 stories that were full of headbutting and idiocy. He had interesting stories about his clever friends Izuru and Momo and funny stories about his goofy friend Shuuhei and horrible stories about his horrible friends Iba and Madarame. But Chad had asked him once how he met their mutual friend Kuchiki Rukia, a very reasonable and natural thing to ask, and Renji had responded with a ridiculous story that was very obviously not true. Now, all Chad wanted to hear was ostentatious lies about how he, Abarai Renji, had met the incomparable Kuchiki Rukia.

Renji racked his brain as he racked Chad’s weights. This would probably make the eighth or ninth Renji-Rukia origin story, he’d honestly lost count. He was running out of material. There was a bulletin board next to the weight storage rack, covered with flyers for a weightlifting tournament in Naruki City, the Karakura High kendo team, tumbling lessons. Renji stared at the picture of the girl in the sparkly leotard on the last one. He thought about how he and the gang used to make up stories of how they were gonna make it out of Inuzuri some day. He thought about Rukia’s absolute favorite, the one she told over and over, the way it got bigger and sparklier every time she told it.

Chad returned, a tracksuit zipped overtop his workout clothes. “Need help?” he asked.

“This is the last one,” Renji replied, hefting it up onto the shelf. “You can put the bar away, though.”

Chad did.

It was kinda nice, Renji thought, being in a gym in the middle of the night with Chad. It reminded him of hunching over his dorm room desk across from Izuru, cramming for written exams. It reminded him of achy muscles in a dim Fifth Company dojo, trying to figure out the mechanics of Zabimaru’s shikai deep into the wee hours. It reminded him of long runs with Ikkaku as the sun was just peaking over the city walls. The hours between dusk and dawn were a pretty good time for doing things, in Renji’s opinion.

“So, did you remember? How you met her?”

“Of course I remember!” Renji protested. “You think I would forget something like that?”

“You do get hit on the head a lot,” Chad rumbled gently and it took Renji a moment to realize he just got dragged. Chad was actually a really funny guy, you just had to pay attention.

Renji plopped down on a pile of mats and started rummaging around in his backpack for the two bottles of questionable nutritional substance he had mixed up earlier. “Well, I certainly remember the time I ran away from home and joined the circus, I’ll tell you that.” It was a good opening line, and he paused a few seconds to get the full effect.

“The circus?” Chad echoed skeptically, sitting down next to Renji and accepting his smoothie.

“The circus,” Renji replied after taking a long swig. It was very, very strawberry flavored. “So. I think I mentioned once that when I died I got sent to the shit-end of Rukongai. District 78 of the Southern Quadrant, where your best hope is to die soon and catch an express trip back to the Living World. I was too dumb and stubborn for that, though, so I was always on the lookout for a way out. Now, it’s pretty hard to move between districts in Rukongai-- it’s illegal without a special permit, see, and special permits get harder to get the further out you go. But there are a few kinds of permits that allow you to travel all up and down Soul Society, and one of those is for entertainers.”

This was more-or-less true. It was true in theory, but travelling shows never made it out to the deep Rukon-- there was no profit in it. Rukia used to swear up and down that a circus had made it to Inuzuri once, basically just passing through on their way to capture wild animals from the magical wilderness past the end of District 80, but she had seen it. Rukia was older than the rest of them, and she used to talk about it in such nauseating detail that they had no choice but to believe her.

“When I saw the posters plastered up all over town, my first thought was that it was an opportunity to pick up some quick kan as temporary labor. My primary job skill at the time was picking up heavy objects, you see, perhaps moving them from place to place. Circuses always need help with set up and tear down. I mean, do I look like a theater kid?”

Chad stared at him pointedly.

“I don’t know why I asked that,” Renji quickly corrected, “but also, keep in mind that I am Like This because I was in the circus, not the other way around. Anyway, my instincts were correct, and I found myself gainfully employed, carting crates and also tying and untying knots, another of my many talents. But then two things, or rather two someones made me decide that I needed to hitch my star to this ridiculous pageant. The first, I will admit, was a complete castle in the sky, but what is being an adolescent boy about if not chasing after hopeless dreams?”

Chad frowned. “Well. There’s school.”

“There is no school in Inuzuri, actually, and perhaps that would have kept me out of trouble, but instead, I became absolutely entranced by the glittering star of the show-- a tightrope walker of exceptional agility, grace, and beauty. Her most defining characteristic, though, was her audacity. There was no trick too dangerous for her. She somersaulted through hoops of fire. She juggled daggers. She’d stop halfway across the tightrope, pull out a tokkari, and pour herself a saucer of sake and drink it, while the audience gasped.”

“It was Kuchiki,” Chad guessed, the corner of his mouth tipping up into his shy grin.

“It was Rukia,” Renji agreed, “but imagine Rukia in head-to-toe spangles, with bells in her hair and glitter painted around her eyes, 20 feet in the air. She was unreal. She was an apparition, a spirit. I was desperate to meet her.”

“Did you?” asked Chad.

“Chad,” said Renji.

“What?”

“Did you just… did you just ask me if I ever managed to meet Rukia? Your friend and mine, Kuchiki Rukia? In the middle of this story about how I met Rukia?”

Chad thought for a moment. “It’s two a.m. and I just deadlifted a thousand pounds.”

“That’s fair, and the answer is yes, eventually, I did meet Rukia and she saved me from being eaten by a bear, but we’ll get to that. Are you drinking that protein shake?”

“Oh, sorry! It’s really good, I just keep forgetting because this story is a good one.” Chad took a long sip. “Hey, Abarai?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry to interrupt again, but I have a question about the bear.”

“The bear is later.”

“Yeah, I realize that, but does the bear die?”

“Huh?”

“I’m just asking up front, because I don’t like stories where animals die, and if the bear gets hurt or dies, maybe could you skip over that part?”

“Oh! No, the bear is fine. Well, he’s probably reincarnated back into a living bear by now, he was pretty old even then. I exaggerated a little to make it sound dramatic, he probably wouldn’t have eaten me in any case.”

“Okay, you can go back to the story now, I just wanted to make sure. Thank you.”

“No, no, it’s cool. I’m glad you checked in.” Renji took a deep breath through his nose and mentally rearranged his story so that Rukia no longer defeated the beast in a dramatic knife fight. “Right. So, as I said, there was a second person at the circus who influenced me greatly and that was the most famous strongman in the entire Rukon, Zaraki Kenpachi--”

“Wait, Captain Zaraki? Big guy? With the bells in his hair?”

Oh, shit. “Uh, yeah. That’s a circus thing, you know. Hair bells. You, uh, know Captain Zaraki?”

“Yeah, Orihime made friends with him, and he broke us out of prison, but then we split up because there was someone he wanted to fight.”

“That sounds like him. Anyway, yeah, he’s in this story, too. I used to be in his squad, you know?”

“I gathered that from the way Madarame and Ayasegawa talk to you.”

“He helped me get in the Gotei, you see. Because of our time together in the circus. That’s a different story, though, we’re focusing on circus times, here. He wasn’t even the Kenpachi, yet, actually. One of the reasons he’s so strong is because before he was a fighter, he lifted things, heavy things. He did all the typical strongman stuff-- bending iron bars, biting through teacups, tearing packs of cards in half, but his most famous trick was balancing bamboo poles on his shoulders and then various acrobats and other performers would scramble up on them and do tricks from on top of him. He was wildly popular, pictured on all the posters. People would come to the circus just to see him. I did not have a lot going for me at this point of my life, but I was strong, and when I saw this guy, it occurred to me that if I could get him to take me on as some sort of apprentice, I might finally be able to use my strength to get out of that shitty town.”

“Seems like a good plan.”

“It did. It seemed like a good plan, except that Zaraki had a very busy schedule of getting drunk and napping when he wasn’t lifting things, and he was absolutely not interested in Inuzuri punks who had been hired to move crates around.”

“So, what did you do?”

“Well, speaking of Inuzuri punks, I may have been a fairly honest and hardworking fellow, but one day, a couple of my reprobate neighbors decided to sneak in and try to get a glimpse of some of the wild animals. The fellow who looked after the menagerie was a little guy by the name of Mameji. Very kind and loved the animals deeply, but not very good at standing up for himself. I barely knew him, but I don’t like bullies, and I owed most of those guys a punch in the nose anyway. Mameji was pretty grateful for the solid I did him and asked if there was any favor he could do me in return. Naturally, I asked if he knew Zaraki, but unfortunately, he was terrified of the guy, so I told him I was just happy to do a good deed and make a friend.”

“You should have asked him if he knew Rukia. Rukia likes animals.”

“You’re very smart, Sado, but remember that this story is about me, not you. It didn’t matter anyway, because the next day, he comes to find me and says there’s someone who wants to talk to me. I can’t imagine who he means, aside from holding out hope that maybe he did know Zaraki after all and was just slow-rolling me.”

“But it was Rukia.”

“It was. Mameji leads me over to the area where the animals are kept, and there, in a blue kimono embroidered with silver stars and crystals in her hair, was The Fearless Rukia.” Rukia’s circus stories were usually at least seventy-five percent descriptions of her outfits, and Renji felt obligated to keep up that detail. “‘You helped my friend out,’ she says to me. ‘I appreciate that.’ And I replied something very smooth and suave, like, ‘I like the way you do cartwheels’ or possibly just “Guuuuuuh.’ And then she says, ‘I hear you’re interested in Zaraki, what’s up with that?’ and as you know, I’m much better at talking about muscle stuff, so I explain about picking up heavy things and Inuzuri and my ambition to join the circus and she just listens carefully, nodding from time to time. She makes me pick up a few barrels and then Mameji, for good measure, and finally, she nods and says, ‘You’re pretty strong and I like your hair. Come back here tomorrow. I’m going to help you impress Zaraki.’”

Chad’s eyes sparkled with anticipation.

“So, the next day, I came back, like she said, and Mameji was there, too and they’ve got this big sack of yams. I’ve told you before about eatin’ in Soul Society, right?”

Chad nodded and belatedly took another gulp of his shake.

“My initial thought was that they were gonna try to bulk me up. Raw yams may not sound very exciting to you, but after years of living on near-moldy rice and the occasional sad vegetable or bony fish, I was watering at the mouth. ‘You’re gonna feed these yams to Sunny,’ says Rukia. ‘Who?’ says I. ‘His stage name is Brawler,’ says Rukia, ‘But he’s a good boy so Mameji and I call him Sunny. It’s a joke. Because he’s a moon bear.’ Brawler, you see, was the second scariest thing in the circus, right after Zaraki-- the biggest, ugliest moon bear you can possibly imagine, probably 200 kilograms. A lot of circus bears do tricks-- balance on balls or some shit, but Brawler’s only trick was looking mean as Hell. Sometimes they’d throw him a deer haunch and he’d eat it in a real gross way, I guess people like seeing stuff like that. I, like most people growing up on the southern border of the Rukon, had a healthy fear of large carnivores, but I had a much larger fear of looking like a weenie in front of Rukia, and I was determined I was gonna do whatever she told me to. The first time wasn’t so bad-- I just tossed the yams in and he snuffled over and gave me the hairy eyeball before snorfling them up. We did that the next day, too, but the day after that, Mameji took me into his enclosure to give him his yams. I was a little surprised, you see, because I would have expected a bear like that to eat meat or something like that, but he sure did like those yams.”

“Moon bears are omnivores,” Chad supplied. “They like sweet things.”

“You’re right, and I later found out that Sunny did get meat and other stuff at other times of day, but yams were his absolute favorite thing. Again, Rukia did not tell me this, because Rukia often neglects to tell me important things. I found all of this to be absolutely terrifying, and I probably would have given up and stuck to my crate moving, except that Rukia and Mameji were just about the nicest and amazing people I had ever met. They let me hang out with them for a bit and they told me stories about traveling with the circus and I told them about Inuzuri. They introduced me to their other friends, Fujimaru, who could do all sorts of knife throwing tricks, and Kosaburou, who had the most beautiful singing voice you could possibly imagine. By the time Rukia asked me to give Sunny the yams right out of my hand, I was doin’ it, not because I was desperate to get out of Inuzuri, but because I was desperate to do anything to stay with my new friends.”

Renji paused and pretended to be interested in his protein shake. Usually, he tried to fill these stories with a lot of daring-do and badassery, but he’d gotten a little off-track when had to junk his big exciting Rukia versus Bear fight scene. All he could think of was lying around the squat on miserable rainy days, one-upping each other with stories about their ridiculous circus acts. He hadn’t thought about those days-- hadn’t let himself think about those days-- in years. What a sap he was turning into. Maybe it was because Rukia was back in his life. Maybe it was because there was a war coming, a war he might not make it through. Maybe it was because it was two a.m.

“I know how that feels,” Chad said very quietly, so quietly that Renji almost didn’t catch it, and it occurred to Renji that maybe sometimes it helped to hear a sappy story at 2 a.m.

Renji snorted softly. “So, the day before the circus was set to pack up, Rukia explains her big plan to me. Up until now, I’ve sort of been assuming that this is all an exercise in building courage or some gonzo shit like that, but it turns out it’s very straightforward. Zaraki’s dream the whole time he’s been in the circus is to pick up Sunny as part of his act, except that Sunny has zero interest in being picked up and ends up chewing on Zaraki’s head every time he tries. If Zaraki had ever bothered asking Mameji for help, maybe he could have tried the old yam trick himself, but then this wouldn’t be much of a story.

“I wait ‘til the big guy is done with his nap and is prepping for the night’s performance, inventorying his lead pipes and such, and I go up to him and I say, ‘Zaraki the Great, I am very strong, you should take me on as your apprentice!’ Now, Rukia had seen people do this to him before, and she knew that he always came back with ‘Oh, yeah? Do something to impress me, then.’ Of course, I was prepared, and I said, ‘I am going to pick up Brawler, would that do it?’ and Zaraki laughs in my face and says ‘If you can do that, I will definitely take you on, kid.’”

Chad’s face had split into a huge grin and he leaned forward in anticipation.

“We go over to Sunny’s pen, and of course, Mameji’s already given him his dinner and he’s feelin’ real fat and happy when he sees his old yam buddy Renji coming. I slip him a yam that I had tucked in my sleeve and I start rubbin’ his side, which is a thing we’d been practicin’. He leans into it, ‘cause he was a big, itchy boy, and I just… flipped him and picked him up like a baby.” Renji made a scooping motion to demonstrate. Chad’s face absolutely lit up. “He was incredibly heavy and also he did not really like that,” Renji continued, “but I put him down right away and gave him another yam and he forgave me. Zaraki was laughin’ his ass off, but he kept his word and got me signed on as a Strongman-in-Training. We went on to have many more adventures, both me an’ Zaraki and me an’ Rukia an’ Mameji an’ Kosaburou and Mameji.”

“And Sunny.”

“Sunny continued to be a hideous, angry bear for the crowds, but I kept giving him yams and never picked him up again and we were great friends for the time we spent together in the circus.”

Chad sat back, smiling his usual inscrutable smile. “Thank you, Abarai. That was a really good one.”

Renji cocked an eyebrow at him. “Was it?”

“Yes. It had friendships and a nice bear and I felt like Rukia would really appreciate the effort you put into describing all her outfits. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t true, but it was a good story.”

Renji heaved a big sigh, as though he’d honestly thought Chad was gonna buy it this time. He stretched his arms and legs out in front of him. “Let’s go home. I could go for a few hours of sleep before the Shouten Shouting starts. You’re taking a rest day tomorrow, but don’t forget to stretch.”

“The last time I had a rest day, you came over and you taught me some stuff about reiryouku.”

“Did I?” Renji frowned.

“Can we do that again? You said you would try to explain how flash step works.”

Shit, he did remember promising that. He’d just gotten overenthusiastic because it was nice to be the guy who knew things for a change. On the other hand, he also remembered the enthusiasm of going to school for the first time and wanting to know everything, and could hardly fault Chad for the same. “Sure,” he agreed. “After noon.”

“Let’s make it noon,” Chad amended. “I’ll make you tacos.”

“That,” replied Renji, “is a deal.”