#If anyone's having gender issues and wants a talk please message me!

[kleewie]

i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you (and i)

summary: dating tip? just don't. for celebrities, romantic relationships are absolutely forbidden. the slightest hint of one could ruin your career. but are you even listening to the lecture? doubt it, 'cause you're doing the complete opposite. (alternatively, a celebrity au featuring secret relationships.)

→ featuring: childe, & ayato (you can really tell who my faves are)

→ warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, slight cursing, established relationship, mentions of alcohol and drinking, tension, actual cursing, unreliable reader pov, gender-neutral reader (i apologize if i missed things, i haven't proofread it yet)

→ a/n: so, hi! long time no see? i was pretty stressed with college and well, i'm back! i began writing this last year and finally got the courage to finish it. but here it is and i hope you enjoy it :> please let me know if you like it <3 it really makes my day!

credits to @dumplingsjinson for the prompts!

beware, lengthy post ahead! more under the cut!

the debut.

“forbidden?” you repeat.

“absolutely forbidden!” your manager says. “a rookie with no fanbase? a scandal will ruin your reputation! you're absolutely forbidden from dating anyone.”

you sigh. he's being too overdramatic.

you will never be in a relationship, you're absolutely sure. how can you? with no time for yourself as it is, dating someone with the limited hours you already have sounds impractical.

besides, you're too busy training and practicing for auditions.

remembering it now, you want to laugh.

i told you so, your thoughts chastise.

god, you should've listened.

childe, the actor

“that's a wrap!” the director cheers.

your eyes glisten as you hold back tears. it's embarrassing, you think. so damn embarrassing.

you've been repeating the same kissing scene multiple times now. obviously, the director cheers for finally completing the take and not because you did a good job.

childe pats your back. “you did great,” he says, with a smile.

but you know the gesture so goddamn well. the same nonchalant cold grin he throws at everyone that he now directs at you? oh, he's angry alright.

for what reason? who knows. you're too busy wallowing in self-despair over how terrible your acting is.

the scene is supposedly simple. it involves the second lead, who happens to be you, confessing their love to the leading man, resulting to a spontaneous kiss.

yet, you're fumbling over the lines, acting so out of character, tripping over set, incorrectly initiating the kiss at awkward angles—the whole time-wasting squander.

“what's going on?” childe eventually asks, once he arrives at your shared apartment. his bag drops to the floor with a flop. “you're acting strange. the entire crew sees it, i see it, the director sees it—what if he decides to fire you? what will you do then?”

you swallow dryly. you left the set early hoping childe's hectic schedule prompted him to forget the whole issue. yet, here he is finally bringing up the conversation after what feels like a month's worth of tension.

as you sit on the sofa chair, your fingers massage the bridge of your nose. breathe in, breathe out. you repeat. don't cry. you try to calm yourself down as a sob tries to break through.

eight months, you've been a couple.

but, there are some things you're afraid to say.

each year, the biggest tabloid newspaper in the country releases an article on celebrity dating scandals. a month ago they released one single page article about a popular actor dating a newbie actress. it barely had any juicy details, just a simple paragraph of a somebody dating a nobody.

yet, it did not end well for them. and you're terrified; for when it could happen to you.

you imagine it. dozens of messages and multiple missed phone calls on your cell as your name becomes the next talk of the town. the headline reads: revealed! a nobody actress, the second-lead from the northland bank saga currently dates the nation's boyfriend, childe!

it terrifies you. you could lose your job. lose what you love doing the most. and you could get tossed aside like an old sweater under someone's bed, left to rot and decompose.

so, yes. you hesitated earlier at set because you don't want anyone to connect the dots. to look at the kiss between you two and notice something amiss. to speculate that there's more to your relationship than what meets the eye. to realize you look at him as more than a co-star. to see how much you're in love with him. to realize the both of you are dating.

“it's not easy.” you say, releasing a sigh.

two years you've been in the business. rookies barely get any roles as it is. being in a well-received rendition of an old romance drama is a once in a blue moon opportunity and you can't risk someone finding out about your relationship.

“camera shy? no—you've kissed heaps of actors for that school drama.”

you mumble, “two people aren't heaps of actors, tartaglia.”

“then what is the problem?”

childe saunters to where you sit. he leans towards you and presses his palm on the head of the sofa, trapping your body between his and the chair. childe's eyes meet yours and you instantly look away.

he knows you well enough to comprehend that look on your face. the way you hide your clammy hands behind you, the manner of your eyes staring only at your feet, how your body tucks itself into the corner of the seat.

“me?” childe whispers.

he places a hand under your jaw. his thumb softly pushes your chin upwards so your eyes meet his.

“why?” he pleads.

“you won't understand.”

“i will if you tell me,” he says, holding your gaze. seeing how you relentlessly persist on keeping your mouth shut, he shakes his head. “oh, please tell me.”

you hesitate. you tell him and then what?

you could say: hey, childe! i'm afraid of our relationship being discovered. i'll be hated by your fans. you'll be constantly drained by my crying and whining. your reputation would take a hit regardless of how popular you are and—and then he'll finally realize how exhausting and annoying it is being with you.

your self-deprecation loves to pull you deeper into its sapping embrace. you're nothing, it mouths. childe would dump you and find some other actor or actress to date. god. it would be so easy. with his popularity, good looks, and charming personality, he'd find a better and talented rising-star the moment he chucks you out the front door.

so, you shake your head firmly.

“tell me, please.” he whispers.

you cross your arms, and look away.

“are you sick?”

you shake your head.

“somebody hurting you on set?”

again, you shake your head.

childe pauses, “...do you have feelings for someone else?”

“no!”

“then what is the damn problem?”

“nothing!” you exasperate, furrowing your brows together.

childe takes your reluctance as distrust and it ignites his irritation. do you not trust him? is he that insignificant to you? what are you hiding? hell, did you fall for the main lead of the show, zhongli? or do you not love him anymore? god, he can feel himself suffocate in resentment.

is he so unimportant that you'd prefer to keep the problem to yourself? it makes his blood boil; how he'd do anything for you, but you'd rather keep it to yourself and suffer alone.

“tell me.” childe scowls as he watches your lips quiver.

you keep your mouth firmly shut.

“fine, hold your tongue.” he sneers, “i understand. i really do, baby. it's not about the cameras, the flashing lights, the audience.”

childe brushes his lips against yours, “you wouldn’t kiss me like that in public, though, would you?” he releases his hold on your chin and his sharp eyes meet yours. “it’s only behind closed doors when you care to act like we’re each other’s.”

with a hooded jacket in one hand and a face mask in another, childe swiftly leaves the apartment with a slam of a door.

leaving you alone with your wretched thoughts.

more under the cut!

despite walking out the flat hours ago, childe still reverberates jealousy and anger; pure envy at how normal you act around everyone else yet, around him you're too guarded; and angry at himself for saying those awful words to your face.

he smacks his forehead on the steering wheel. childe acknowledges how childish he's been acting. you aren't ready to talk, and he shouldn't be forcing you to speak out your difficulties.

surely, the stress is piling up on you. he knows the hours you've been working on set, memorizing lines, practicing moves—again, he thumps his head on the wheel.

stupid, he curses. control your damn temper next time.

he reaches for the box of blueberry cheesecake on the front passenger seat. subconsciously, he drove two hours (and back) to the bakery's main branch as its side branches were sold out of your favorite cake. and he knows how much you love the pastry.

however, his body slouches in the parked car outside the apartment. the long drive works miracles with his anger, but the courage to actually walk inside and apologize never comes.

the ding of a text draws his attention. ‘go inside and beg for forgiveness, brat.’ yoimiya, a fellow actress from the same company as him, says. the woman is always in the loop and well-informed.

a shiver goes down his spine. if you told yoimiya about the argument, he's absolutely sure you're furious. you'd only speak to her as a last-ditch effort; knowing her personality she'd pummel him to bits while you watch.

as a result, he stands inside the apartment, one hand knocking on your bedroom door. however, instead of tasting blood, he hears your stifled sobs. the abrupt sound convinces him to turn the knob and enter the room.

the illumination from the hallway brightens the bedroom, shining a bit of light on your face. you lay on the bed with your knees to your chest, with a blanket over your waist. your reddened cheeks and tear-stained eyes makes his stomach churn.

“please don't cry, baby.” childe cooes, kneeling by your bedside. he leans over you, his fingers gently grip your cheeks. “i'm so sorry.”

the sudden apology sprouts pools from your eyes. his thumbs brush the water off your face and softly says, “i shouldn't have said—please, don't cry. it's my fault for taking my anger out on you.”

“i'm afraid of losing you,” you whimper. “if they find out—oh god—they'll tear me apart. i'm nothing compared to you. i'd lose everything. i might even lose you—”

“never, i will never leave you. no matter what happens,” childe interjects.

you furrow your brows, sobbing. “i'm no one—too difficult,” you hiccup. “you'll throw me away. i'm too whiny and too draining. if they find out... you'll see all the comments about how ugly—”

“breathe, baby.” he settles himself on your bed and softly places you on his lap. “you're gorgeous. you're not draining, and frankly, you're cute when you whine.”

you bury your face into his neck and continue, “i'm serious, childe. you'll get exhausted. the articles will talk about you too!”

“articles, mhm. they're just articles.” he hums.

irritation begins to set in. was he this clueless? you release another sob, “they're not just articles. they'll nitpick every single thing you do! oh—look at this newbie getting together with childe. oh, they suck at acting! why is childe even—”

childe gently places his palm on your neck, coaxing you to meet his gaze. “are you talking about the tabloid from last month?”

you sigh, “what else am i talking about?” and instantly you sense his laughter resonate. “are you laughing?”

“you're adorable, baby.” he breathes, nuzzling his face on your neck.

“you're making fun of me! what the hell, childe?”

he releases a sigh, pausing his laughter. “the tabloids every month. they're paid. companies pay them to talk about their idols for publicity.”

your face contorts into confusion, “who would willingly—they talked about lumine all month because of the article! you know she's my favorite actress. why would they willingly put her on the spotlight like that?”

“publicity, baby.”

you shake your head, “it makes no sense.”

“oh, it does.” childe hums. “of course, they'd seek permission first. it boosted views for her drama, didn't it? lumine did say she got extra for the views and switched apartments.”

“yeah, wait—you knew this whole time and didn't bother to tell me?”

he chuckles, “that's what you get for keeping these things to yourself for a month.” he squeezes the bridge of your nose.

“you're terrible.”

“love you too, baby.” he teases, “and besides, if a tabloid threatened to do something—” his thumb gently traces the skin around your neck. “—i'll keep you safe.”

a soft smile graces your features. “...i'm just not ready for anyone to find out. yet, anyway.”

childe hums, “we'll do it on your terms, okay? whenever you're ready.”

“sure, i guess you can keep me for a while longer. until you throw me away and find the next rookie to—”

childe's soft laughter sparks a flutter in your stomach. he would never do such a thing. the moment he first laid his eyes on you on set, heard your beautiful laugh between takes, listened to your jokes while practicing lines, and god, seen your angelic smile? the things he would do to keep you as his.

“never.” a cheeky grin appears on his lips, “i'll take care of you.”

bonus: five years later

your phone rings. the vibration continues on and off, signaling multiple inbox messages. you swipe your phone to see texts from several of your close friends.

‘i know you told me you were okay with it, but i didn't think he'd try to do it so soon. i tried but he's too hardheaded.’ says yoimiya.

‘congratulations! when's the wedding? i'm kidding. don't kill childe.’ says thoma, an actor from your same company.

‘sorrows, sorrows, prayers.’ says venti, your current co-star.

you even receive a message from childe himself.

‘good morning, baby. i'm completely fault-free. simply honoring your wishes as a devoted fiancé should.’

attached to a message was a link to a video entitled: please don't kill me honey.

you click the link.

the video's blurry, as if taken by a cellphone. you recognize thoma as the person videoing the whole scene, as he turns the camera to face him before focusing it on a woman—seemingly a fan of childe. she wears merch from his most recent drama.

a fan goes on stage chosen by a random lottery draw. the said fan wins the chance to interview childe, who was the guest of the day for talk show, and ask one question.

the girl hastily walks on stage, holding a microphone given by staff.

“um. hello, childe!”

the audience screams as the huge video screen focuses on your lover's face. he waves a quick ‘hello’ and the crowd yells louder.

the girl hesitates, “are you dating anyone right now?”

childe twists the microphone in his hands. “hm? right now... i'm not dating anyone.”

the crows sighs in relief, utterly happy their favorite leading actor continues to be single.

but you see the outline of a smirk flashing on his face, and you instantly know there's a deeper meaning to that sentence. “but, it's difficult to say... since we're not really dating as of the moment.”

quietly, you hear the voice of yoimiya whispering, “don't do it.” the camera now focusing on her, trying to get herself on stage. thoma flips the camera around to face it on himself, waving a hello, apparently enjoying the drama. he then focuses the camera on the wide screen, featuring childe's face.

to add mayhem into the mix, childe continues, “i don't think being engaged to your partner falls under dating. we're way past that.”

the interview ends with the audience screaming their lungs out in disbelief, while childe's laugh resonates the whole auditorium.

ayato, company director

“oh, them?” ayato's steady gaze meet yours, pressing his lips in a tight-lipped smile. “they're a friend of mine.”

friend. it echoes in your mind, repeating incessantly. friend. friend. friend.

dread creeps into the pit of your stomach akin to a quick flick of a lighter. after all this time, your stomach lurches. is that all he thinks of you?

god, you need a drink.

the businessmen before you smile, prompting you to return the favor. subsequently, you humbly introduce yourself as just an ‘actor in the industry’. and they laugh. of course they do.

who wouldn't know you? a multi award-winning movie and television star with piles of nominations. so modest, they say. so kind, they praise. you grin, the smile not reaching your eyes, thanking them for their compliments.

but you're so accustomed to their fake smiles, ingenuine flattery, and sweet talk; you never truly know what's actually honest and real—eyes flickering to your azure-haired partner—no, who's honest and real.

you swallow the thought down.

as if aware of the invisible daggers thrown his way, ayato's gaze meets yours. his lips are pressed firmly together, eyes devoid of warmth.

not now, his expression conveys.

you narrow your own eyes, irritation burning through your corneas. as much as you want to start an argument in front of his investors, you agree to his silent insistence. after all it's his gala; one he's tirelessly prepared for over several months.

so you bite your tongue and smile: one honed by years of acting—fake yet strangely genuine.

it's not strong enough. you say, sipping wine with shaky hands. earlier, you left ayato to his fellow businessmen using the excuse of needing a bathroom break, a reason to which he obliged.

you stare at the elaborate party before you, wishing you could go home. the gala swiftly dissolved your social battery, aided by forced mingling and bitterness. a friend, your consciousness repeats. always a friend. so you sit on a chair by the wall, sipping drinks like water.

suddenly, the hairs of your neck stand on end. you sense his presence behind you, prompting a glance through your peripheral vision.

“careful, darling.” ayato's says, tone smooth yet laced with warning. “i'd rather not have you collapsing. your lovely face wouldn't compliment these filthy floors.”

you tense immediately, shoulders stiffening. “reverting back to pet names, i see?”

ayato's hand now rests on your shoulder, his thumb brushing your soft skin. “what seems to be the issue? i doubt it's due to the eight glasses of wine you've consumed in one sitting.”

you roll your tongue in your mouth, practicing the words. let's break up. you bite your tongue. let's see other people. besides, he wouldn't care would he? it's not as if he's been acknowledging you as someone he's been dating, has he? hiding your relationship from his business partners is one thing, but concealing it from closest friends? his family? that's an entirely different matter altogether.

a friend, he says to his business partners.

a star from the company, he answers to his closest friends.

a companion, he whispers to his family.

you're sick and tired of it. all of it.

raising the wineglass to your lips, you drown the drink in one go. you raise two fingers signaling the waiter for another drink.

ayato sighs and you think you feel his hand on your neck tighten, ever so slightly. “you've reached your limit with wine, dear.”

soon, the waiter arrives with three more glasses on his tray. ayato's disapproving glare compels the waiter to scurry across the ballroom floor, steering clear of you.

you click your tongue and begin, “who says so?”

“your fiancé,” he mutters, voice dripping with venom.

you immediately scoff. “sure. for your sake, i'll pretend you mentioned that earlier.”

before ayato could retort, the presence of another individual calls his attention; his younger sister, ayaka.

“brother, the sangonomiya heir's requesting your presence.”

he sighs, irritation etching his features. yet, you blink, catching a subtle shift in his expression—seemingly twisting from annoyance to something resembling relief at the mention of sangonomiya's name.

you swallow the bitter thought.

“watch them for me, could you? i'd rather not have them find a server willing to disobey my instructions and serve them a drink,” ayato whispers, his tone betraying a hint of tension that doesn't go unnoticed.

ayaka nods. her consent prompts the older brother to depart, heading towards the misty rose-pink heir who stands at the opposite side of the ballroom.

ayaka says the inevitable, “you should let him know it bothers you.”

“...i'm not sure what you're referring to.”

her gaze follows yours, observing the giggling and cheerful countenances of the kamisato and sangonomiya heirs. they seem to be enjoying their time together. as always, you remark.

“they're just close friends, you know.”

you click your tongue. “like how him and i are just friends?”

ayaka sighs, understanding your implication. “you know what i mean.”

sangonomiya's hand on your partner's shoulder elicits an exasperated sigh from you. “thoma told me they were to be married if i wasn't here.”

“the man always running his mouth—” she takes a calming breath before continuing, “—but brother's very fond of you. i'm his sister, i should know.”

“then how come after dating him for five years, he still calls me his friend.” you pause, a hand sliding into the right pocket of your outfit. you absentmindedly play with the engagement ring inside. “i'm his fiancé, aren't i?”

“he has his reasons. petty reasons.”

you bite your tongue. or he's embarrassed of you.

you met the kamisato company heir two years after your debut as an idol. as you shifted towards acting, you developed a close relationship with his sister, a seasoned actress from the same company. eventually, she became the bridge that strengthened the bond between the two of you.

you dedicated yourself nonstop, evolving from a rookie actor to a multiple-nominee and winning star; all in the pursuit of being able to openly show off your relationship with ayato without it tarnishing your reputation.

however, when you're prepared to finally reveal your relationship, he isn't.

and it leaves you wondering, is there someone else?

you mean, you're hesitant to doubt the love of your life. but considering he's kept your relationship a secret from everyone for years, it's obvious he's adept at keeping things hidden.

even from you.

and the thought sours your mood.

excusing yourself once more to use the restroom, using the premise of consuming ten glasses of wine, you bid adieu to your favorite kamisato (at the moment). you instead head towards a secluded balcony away from prying eyes.

you stare at the garden below. your eyes quickly blink back the tears threatening to fall. not now, you hiss. don't do this to me, not right now.

“i assumed you would have retreated to your room by this point.” his voice murmurs, unnervingly composed.

you turn around to see your partner holding a glass of wine. his features remain blank, inscrutable.

maybe it's because of all the wine you've been drinking. you can't seem to tell between what's real or not.

“what did you discuss with kokomi?”

“i wasn't aware you were both on a first name basis.”

“answer the question.”

he smiles, “business as always.”

you huff and wrap your hands around your arms. “of course. just business.”

ayato immediately picks up the anger in your tone. he lays his palm on your forearm, gently pulling you towards him. “look at me,” he pleads, with a subtle trace of irritation in his voice.

you turn to look at his face, eyes glaring.

“i felt your glares the entire night.” he begins.

you shrug, smiling innocently. “...what ever do you mean?”

“don't toy with me, darling.”

as he enunciates his answer, it's as if the final thread of your patience snaps. does he still continue to feign innocence and lie to your face?

last month he proposed and you were overjoyed. you then expected a shift in your relationship; the final unveiling of your engagement to the public. you gave him your permission, a definitive “i'm ready for everyone to know.”

yet thirty days later the engagement remains concealed leaving only a few of his friends (thoma) and a few family members (ayaka) knowing about your updated relationship.

if it was the ayato from two years ago, he would be delighted—ecstatic even—to reveal the truth. he might have used the gala today as an avenue to scream to the world, this person and i are in love.

but he didn't.

so the weight of your feelings began to drag you down; it almost feels suffocating in a way. as if a ribbon labeled, he's ashamed, tightly winds around your insides, intricately tying them all together into a sophisticated bow sowing distrust whispering; he's hiding something.

your suspicions, coupled with his frequent visits this month to the sangonomiya estate, fueled your frustration until it erupted. if only he ceased pretending innocent, perhaps you would able to smile through the whole facade.

if only he didn't ask.

“i'm not naive. if you developed feelings for kokomi then you shouldn't have proposed.” you snap. “was it out of pity? did you feel so damn guilty that you chose to go through with the engagement instead of being honest about your feelings?”

ayato furrows his brows, mouth tightening in anger. “what are you talking about? i discuss private affairs with kokomi. business affairs.”

you laugh; one infused with irritation and disbelief. “don't tell me then. keep your stupid secrets.”

“do you want me to jot down a damn list detailing every single thing i do in a day?” he growls. “i won't divulge company secrets just because you feel like throwing a tantrum.”

your hands drift to the tie around his neck, tugging the crooked tie straight. “no. go ahead and keep your secrets.” you pause and roll the words with your tongue, “you're clearly very good at keeping secrets. you’ve kept me—us—as a secret for so long, so of course you’d be good at keeping fucking secrets.”

anger flares across his face. “you desired our relationship to remain a secret, and i respected your wishes.” he sneers, “i wanted to let the damn world know how much i'm in love with you yet, it was the opposite of what you desired.”

ayato releases his grip on you and strides back into the ballroom, but he halts right at the door to the balcony. “so don't dictate when i should reveal the truth simply because you've grown sick and tired of keeping me as your dirty, little secret.”

he finally departs; and you stay, tears pooling, with a profound ache in your heart.

ayato waltzes around the room in a nonchalant dance; yes, good to see you. he lies. how's business? he couldn't care less. enjoy the party! no, he wants everyone in the damn room to feel his wrath.

although he yearns to set the entire ballroom ablaze, ending the party prematurely would be ill-manned of him. so, ayato continues being a gracious and honorable host.

but he feels hollow. he envisions himself freezing the entire room in an icy gust, everyone turning into statues. he wants to sprint back into your arms and plead for you to listen.

he doesn't understand what came over him. why he lost his temper like that. typically, he'd manage your outbursts with composure and understanding. what happened? he doesn't know.

he attributes his outburst to the mounting pressure. the chronic lack of sleep and continuous exhaustion coming from his title as heir. perhaps it's the truth gnawing his skin; despite his powerful position atop the company, it can easily be ripped away with the flick of a wrist.

instead of spending time with his fiancé—he doesn't know if he still deserves to call you that, you probably threw away his ring the second he left the balcony—yet here he is, engaged in conversations with business associates he cares little about.

“brother?” ayaka calls. she finds him leaning against a railing of stairs. “i closed off the gardens.”

ayato swallows. he last saw you sneaking towards the grounds. “they're still on the grass?”

“yes.”

“they'll catch a cold.”

“they will.”

he glances at his sister. “they think i'm unfaithful.”

“i know,” she says matter-of-factly. “have you offered them any evidence to convince them otherwise?”

ayato stays silent.

“i know you care about them, brother.” ayaka sighs, “however, surprising them with a specially crafted ring and being petty when your entire relationship is at stake may not be the wisest move.”

he sighs.

“most especially if they suspect that your frequent visits to the sangonomiya manor are fueled by romantic feelings for its heiress, and not for their own wedding ring.”

after a while, ayato spots you lying on the grass in a starfish formation, having finally swallowed his pride. his eyes glaze over your features: red eyes, cheeks marked with tear stains, and an exhausted expression.

“can we talk?” he begins.

you spare a quick glance before turning your attention back to the night sky. “there's not much to talk about.”

“i'm not cheating,” he asserts.

“i know.”

“do you know, or have you resigned yourself to not knowing?”

“hm,” you hum. “a part of me entertains the thought of you cheating. yet an even smaller part absolutely knows that if you were truly cheating, you'd be more discreet. who, in their right mind, would inform thoma that you visited her manor?”

he chuckles, a laughter-less sound escapes him. “i understand i've been secretive. you have every right to assume i'm up to something indecent. but i have my reasons.” ayato confesses, kneeling beside your body. he places his hand inside his suit pocket, pulling up a black small box.

you instantly sit up. “you're horrible,” you cough, eyes widening as he opens the box to show a ring. “this entire time you were—god.”

“i placed a special order,” he mumbles. “i visited each day to ensure it was flawless, right down to the smallest details.”

“i'm so sorry.”

“don't be, love.” he breathes, “you had your reasons, and i was insistent on keeping it a surprise.”

relief floods your features. “good,” you whisper before tears well in your eyes.

the sound of your sobs breaks his heart. he immediately wraps his arms around you, brushing his lips on your cheeks.

“i'm sorry, darling,” he murmurs, kissing the skin above your brow. “i'm sorry for worrying you.”

“goddamn sadistic,” you sob. “you knew i was freaking out, but you just watched!”

he grins, “i have to admit, you look cute when you're jealous.”

a groan escapes you. “don't make me throw away both rings.”

“is that so? i should've ordered twenty spares.”

“no.” you scold.

“oh? look at my darling, so jealous,” he smirks, nuzzling his face into your neck. you then feel his lips press into a straight line. “you're not something i would ever try to hide. i would never be ashamed of our relationship.”

you laugh, “prove it.”

your smile faces seeing the smirk on his face. in that exact moment, you know that kamisato ayato, the preposterous god in human flesh, plans to do something grand and explosive to prove you otherwise.

“do not.” you begin, “we've talked about this. you cannot—you absolutely will not bribe the government to declare our wedding date as a national holiday!”

bonus: ten minutes before the clash

“is it getting warm in here, or am i sensing the intense gaze of your loving fiancé on me?” kokomi laughs, sipping a glass of champagne.

ayato takes a peek, and he chuckles upon seeing your irritated and jealous expression. “they certainly are.”

“please do not involve me in your lovers' quarrels. everyone knows we're just close friends.”

“they do.”

“have you told them?”

“...it may have slipped past my mind.”

kokomi shakes her head. “sadistic.” she slips a black box into his palm. “clear it up. i do not want to be murdered by your future partner.”

ayato glances at you from across the room as you engage a conversation with his sister. “mhm, i could, but their jealous expression is too endearing.”

“sadistic,” she repeats. “absolutely sadistic.”

he chuckles.

“also, kazuha mentioned that you've been referring to them as your companion. correct that.” she continues, “and stop calling them your friend!”

“they asked me to when we started dating.”

she rolls her eyes. “you're so petty. stop trying to provoke them!”

“anyways, everyone knows we're engaged,” he corrects. “their whining face is the cutest.”

“sadistic.”

“kokomi?”

she tilts her head and hums, “yes?”

“ever wondered how much it costs to propose a national holiday?”

author’s note: lmao. so in this modern au ayato actually succeeds in turning your wedding date into a national holiday. the government actually appreciates his donation because a.) they always accept goodwilled (lmao) funds and b.) ayato's an important pillar to the gov and they don't want to upset him 'cause petty rich boy tantrums tilt the economy (how sadistic).

so, ayato's the heir of the company where you are employed at as an idol turned actor/actress. kokomi is the heiress to a big jewelry corporation. lmao they were both engaged together when they were like five but they instantly broke it off because well, they both threw five year old tantrums.

plus thoma telling you that they were to be engaged was just a fact he blurted out when you asked about kokomi (he manages to omit the five-year-old part because he's careless + he didn't think it matters because anyone can tell ayato's intensely in love with you)

[celerydays]

Hi! I have been following you for some time and I notice you draw more and more Sebastian and Ominis doing stuff that makes me... uncomfortable.....

Sebastian and Ominis are best friends, why people are obsessed with drawing them into weird gay stuff? Seriously.... Why can't be friends.... without all Sebinis... Just stop it...

Normally I would delete messages or simply ignore the things that make me feel uncomfortable–

But, you're on anon and this is my ask inbox, so I can only assume you want an actual, public response. So alright. Fine.

Like I said: normally I would just remove odd, uncomfortable, or even outright rude messages without making a whole thing of it. I curate my own online experience and I try my best to live by that rule.

However, I've now gotten multiple unsolicited DMs over the course of a couple of months expressing the exact same sentiment (and nearly word-for-word as this ask, so I highly suspect I already know who you are). I have duly ignored or glossed over them hoping that the person/people would take the hint to simply stop engaging with the same message over and over again. But an anon ask is my last straw, I guess.

So if you are the same person as in my DMs, I'm finally giving you a response (and if you're not the same person – which I highly doubt – then I'm speaking to both of you).

Firstly, I want to say that I am sorry that your worldview is so limited that this is your stance and feelings on gay/queer ship content for Sebastian and Ominis.

Next, I ask that you please:

Don't make your homophobia anyone else's issue but your own. Don't come into DMs/ask inboxes/comments to make your discomfort with the content I create my problem. I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by sending this message but it's unlikely that you'll find the same feelings or sympathy from the person who is actively creating queer/sebinis content.

Curate your own online experience. Once again, do not make your content consumption anyone else's problem but your own. The "unfollow" button is there. Tumblr has a tag filtering system and I try to tag my art and content as accurately as possible. If you do not like something/it makes you uncomfortable, then do not continue to consume it. And if you still decide to stick around for whatever reason, then please keep your thoughts/opinions on this matter to yourself because I can promise that I don't actually care why you would continue to be here and looking at my art if it makes you unhappy.

Widen your worldview and try to reframe your perspective. Consider that Sebastian x Ominis is just as canon as Sebastian x f!MC or Ominis x f!MC. As much as we like to ship our various MCs with the canon characters, MC never actually amounts to canonically being confirmed as anything but being just friends with everyone. Using the "they are just best friends" / "why can't they just be portrayed only as friends" could literally be applied to just about any other non-canon/non-confirmed ship between friends regardless of gender. If even one of them, Ominis or Sebastian, was portrayed as cis female in canon, I would suspect that you would better "understand" why a ship between these two "friends" may exist. Then also consider a cis male MC; it's possible you may suddenly reframe all the interactions between Ominis x m!MC or Sebastian x m!MC in your head to be "totally platonic/friendly". Your issue is certainly not with their canon relationship vs. fandom portrayal (but I think we both know that).

Educate yourself. Go outside and meet and talk to people, I dunno. It is 2024 my dude. I don't even know how you're on Tumblr – the most queer-friendly social media site – with those kind of narrowed views and stigma.

I would like to finish by saying: I don't wish you the best. What I do wish is for you to learn, grow, and be better than this.

And also please stop sending me messages of this nature, because the next ask or DM I get like this, we're moving on to blocking at this point. And if your purpose was to get me to stop, I can tell you that these messages have only fueled the explicit sebinis smut maker in me. 😤

[rowiewritesstuff]

Hehe matchup time! Can I get a yandere mtmte matchup?

Decepticon matchup please. Any gender for the matchup, I don’t have a preference!

They/them pronouns. I’m also autistic but I understand if that’s too difficult to write

Likes: SPACE(I love the stars and all the different planets), art(anything from poems to sculpting to painting), archery 🏹, nature walks

Dislikes: the dark(stupid but yknow lol-), bullies and close-minded people, liars, thunderstorms and the cold

I’m known as an approachable and kind person by most. I’m pretty easy going and not one to plan ahead. I try to think positively most of the time and act as a mediator in most conflicts.

If I’m not trying to see both points of views then I’m pretty much set one side. It doesn’t happen much but if I think the persons a jerk then I will attack- lmao-

I try not to be bothered most of the time, often keeping most of my issues to myself. It’s pretty common that I bottle all of my problems until I have HUGE breakdowns. But like whatever.

I’ve had someone describe me as a golden retriever before. And tell me that I have a saviour complex so do what you will with that information.

Thank you 🙏 take ur time!

Ima be real, I'm gonna take MTMTE off of my list because I pretty much forgot all about it lol. Sorry I did my best lol

Yandere Deathsaurus X Reader

You adored space, so when you got the opportunity to go to space on an exploration mission you took it. You were so happy it was a solo mission, as socialization is sometimes difficult. Being able to relax and be yourself without the pressure of having to appeal to someone else’s standards was a dream.

Unfortunately, a huge meteor shower caused your ship to crash land into a habitable planet. Thankfully you’re pretty capable at surviving- you quickly make a shelter, find food, and anything else you’d need to survive. 

What you didn’t account for, however, was a crew of decepticons to be on the planet. When you came across a decepticon, you tried to talk your way out of it. After all of that, the decepticon still took you to his “boss”- Deathsaurus. 

Deathsaurus was at first uninterested in someone who seemed insignificant. Soon enough, he was enthralled by your odd mannerisms.The way you looked around, avoiding eye contact, to the way you gently flapped your hands when nervous.

Of course, because of his mild interest, he decided to make let you join his crew. He trusted his crew not to harm you under his orders, and he even gave you a personal room. Yes, it was an old closet, but it’s the perfect size for a tiny being such as yourself. 

As much as you wanted to, there wasn’t really a good way to contact your exploration company. Anytime you thought of a good way to get a message out or even escape while on another planet, you’d get caught. 

Eventually Deathsaurus’ patience wore thin, and he had no choice but to lock you in your room. It wasn’t until the lights went out that he learned your fear.

You banged on your door, begging to be let out. Your cries were loud and Deathsaurus immediately opened the door and scooped you up. “What’s wrong, are you injured?”

The way you clung to his huge hand was adorable to him. You trembled with fear and cried. “Dark” Was the one word you could mutter. From that day, he made sure you always had back up lights.

Soon enough you got used to the crew, even making quite a few friends. It was your unofficial job to break up fights and settle arguments. Since it was a big crew, it felt like a full time job. 

He always found it amusing how such a tiny being could argue with a being fifty times their size without worry. If there was one thing he admired about you, it was how you always stood up for others.

Since you got along well with the crew, Deathsaurus began to fall for you. You being a human didn’t bother him much- your soul was what mattered to him. He’d often carry you around on his shoulders, and grows angry if anyone misgenders you- even if it doesn’t matter that much to you. Anything about you, he will defend to the ends of the universe. Anything you want, you’ll have- you love space? You’ll see all of it. If he could, he’d catch a star and give it to you. 

Since you’re an artist, you’ll have nothing but the best supplies. It doesn’t matter how much, he has plenty of money to spend on your hobbies. Any art you make will be pinned up for everyone to see- how could he not when you made it? 

Anything  you want-clothes, precious gems, books, a whole planet? It’s all yours. It doesn’t matter if it’s “unobtainable”, he’ll find a way.

Just…don’t try and run. He hates it when you do. He can be very forgiving, but if you push him too far he knows your fears. You don’t want to be locked in your room again, do you? He’d hate to have to turn out the lights again. 

One day, he took you to a lovely planet that had a pretty star system. He had you on his thigh, letting you eat from a basket you’d brought. Deathsaurus dropped a necklace into your lap. You gently picked it up, looking at it. It was the solar system you were currently in, carefully crafted into a necklace. 

“Do you like it? I picked it out just for you, little star.”

He’s been so kind to you so far…how can you say no? After all, you’ve always been a people pleaser. 

[liminalpebble]

I Left the Lights on For You

Eddie Munson angst and comfort oneshot, Eddie x gender neutral reader, Eddie's a good friend and a sweetheart. Minors DNI

CW: Talk of depression around holidays, mental health issues, self-harm ideation (but not acted upon), drug use. (Positive ending, though) Minors DNI

Summary: The holidays are awful for you. In your darkest moment you turn to Eddie, your dealer, to get something stronger than the usual to ease the pain. Eddie, being no stranger to loneliness and sadness, senses something is very wrong and decides to reach out to you. Eddie Munson x gn reader.

A/N: Sorry for the dark subject matter folks, but I wanted to give some representation of how hard it is for many of us with mental illness this time of the year, and I'd like to think dear sweet Eddie would definitely hold our hands through this. Please, if you are feeling like this in real life, reach out to your friends here or in the 'real' world, to a hotline or a website. Hell, message me! Don't stay quiet and don't suffer alone. You're not bothering anyone. You're a beautiful human being who deserves love and care. Please, please stay. Here is a list of resources in various countries.

Much love,

Peb

I Left the Lights on for You

You trudged through the trailer park in search of Eddie's place, narrowly avoiding spots where black ice had plastered over the gravel of the lot. It wasn't that late but it felt like some kind of eternal arctic night as you trudged through the snowbanks and felt the icy air numb your face.

Having a weird sense of time and feeling numb were nothing new to you by now, albeit in a different way. This time of year was so miserable for you, but you kept that to yourself around everyone else, smiled and played along. Why spoil it for them? The few of “them” that were even there anymore. You'd done a pretty good job of shutting everyone out even before the Christmas depression put the cherry on top of that shitty mental illness sundae.

Even calling Eddie had been difficult. It'd been so long since you used your phone that it had begun to gather dust on the coffee table. You knocked the gray fuzz off with and dialed. Your fingers drummed nervously as the phone rang. Maybe he wouldn't pick up. Maybe this wasn't even his number anymore. Maybe he doesn't want to....

“Hello?” a cheery, lazy voice answered.

“Hey,” you breathed out, not sure if you were relieved or scared to talk to him, “ Hey Eddie, it's...”

“Aww. Sweetheart. Come on. I'd know that voice anywhere. How ya been? What can I do for you?”

You didn't know him that well. As with everyone, you kept him at an arm's length, but he had a persistent warmth about him, like he specifically wanted to thaw you out and liked the challenge. Despite your nerves you couldn't help but smile when he flirted. How long had it been since you smiled?

“Hey uh...well...my stash is running kinda low and I was wondering if you have anything? I'm sorry to call during Christmas break I know you and Wayne must be...you know...celebrating or whatever.”

Eddie busted out a bemused chuckle. You could practically see his big smile from the sound alone. “Nah, honey, don't worry about that. In fact, Wayne moved out with his sweetheart so I'm here all by my lonesome and Christmas isn't exactly my thing. Fucking hate it, actually.”

“Fuck, me too.” you said, with a relieved exhale. “It's nice to hear someone else feels the same way.”

“What was that? I didn't catch what you said after 'fuck me too'.”

You chuckled, “Oh fuck you, Munson.”

“Gladly.”

You were laughing hard now. A genuine laugh. It felt amazing.

“Listen. Why don't you come by the trailer? It's a little cold to do business in the woods.”

Your jaw clenched. You'd never been to Eddie's place. You'd only ever met on neutral ground, specifically, at the picnic table hidden in the trees. This felt oddly personal...intimate.

“Uh...are you sure? I don't want to impose.”

“No! Not at all. I got nothing going on and I'm bored out of my mind. Come on by. I can even smoke you out if you'd like.”

“Uh thanks. That's really nice of you. I'll be there soon, okay. Just gotta get myself together. Which number is your place?”

“Just look for the lights. I'll leave 'em on for you.”

You scrunched your face up in confusion, “Won't everyone have lights up? How will I know which is yours?”

He chuckled again. “Oh you'll know. Trust me. See you soon, sweetheart.”

----

You decided Eddie didn't need to know that just “getting yourself together” would be an ordeal. How long had it been since you showered? Since you'd eaten? What day was it anyway? Settling back into the oppressive darkness within yourself, after the flicker of Eddie's light, made it seem all the darker by contrast; suffocating.

Come on. Not long now. Just get it together...just once more.

The warm shower did feel nice. So did the clean clothes. You stared at yourself in the foggy mirror for a long time. Your own face, blurred around the edges stared back. That seemed appropriate. Seeing your tired eyes and drab shapeless clothes, you felt like a ghost in a human costume; like this was some kind of backwards Halloween. It felt weird and wrong and ill-fitting to try to be a person right now, nonetheless you grabbed your things and hurried out before you could convince yourself not to go.

----

And here you were, swaddled deep in your parka, weaving through a trailer park full of the tackiest yuletide displays you'd ever laid eyes on. Just when you thought you'd never find the one you were looking for, a eerie crimson gleam caught your eye.

Eddie Munson was standing in the doorway of his trailer, surrounded by strand after strand of entirely-red Christmas lights, punctuated by the glowing motifs of pentagrams or skulls. He gave a smirk and opened his arms in a showman's gesture, proud of his handiwork.

“What do you think?”

You giggled. “I love it” you answered, as you pattered onto the porch, eyes wide.

He held the door for you in a gentlemanly gesture, ushering you into the balmy warmth of the trailer.

You don't know what you were expecting of Eddie Munson's habitat but “clean” was certainly not it. Glancing around, you could see that the place was shabby but very clean and tidy, and the tangy smell of lemony soap told you it was recently scrubbed.

“Did...did you just clean for me?”

His cheeks went red and he nervously tousled his hair, “Yeah. I didn't want you to run away screaming because of my gross bachelor pad.”

He looked so cute...devastatingly cute, with his red cheeks, dimpled smile, pajama pants and Garfield slippers. You'd never seen him like this. Every time you'd met before he was all decked out in chains, leather, and ripped jeans (although he was pretty great to look at in that too). You had the thought, not for the first time, that he would be great to look at in or out of anything.

You waved a hand dismissively “Eddie, you really didn't need to do that. My place is a disaster...just like me. I promise I wouldn't have cared.”

He smirked at that but then his big brown eyes scanned you. He could see the dark circles under your eyes, the twitch in your clenched jaw, the way your fingers and feet drummed and fidgeted. This was familiar to Eddie. He knew where you were at immediately because he'd been there himself, and he knew it felt like the bottom of the world.

He cocked his head sideways and looked down at you as he asked a softly, “Hey...are you okay?”

You twitched as if struck, blinked a few times, mustered yet another artificial smile, and nodded like a bobble-head. “Yeah! Yeah...of course. Totally...totally fine.”

He nodded, but his expression was still skeptical. “Well, can I get you something to drink? It's cold out there. Want some coffee or hot chocolate or...”

Your heart was beginning to ache at his kindness; kindness you didn't feel you were worthy of. You had to do what you came here for before you were distracted by it. “No...no. Sorry. Thank you but no.. just ah...let me know what I owe you and I'll leave you alone,” you said, gesturing to the little plastic bag of dried leaves between you.

“No! Really. You don't have to go! I promise. Unless you...you know...don't wanna spend anymore time with The Freak than necessary.” he said with an edge of hurt in his voice.

You came closer and grabbed his arm gently, assuring him, “No! No, Eddie, it's not like that. It's not that at all. You're so...you're so kind. I just...I'm not great company.”

He held both your shoulders, met your eyes with his sincere dark chocolate ones, and said, “You're perfect company. I promise. I'd been wanting to get to know you better and this is nice. Sit tight, take your coat off. I'll heat some cider and roll us a joint.”

You relaxed after his reassuring touch, peeled off your coat, then watched as he puttered around the kitchen. How long had it been since someone touched you? Talked with you? Assured you that you weren't a bother? Could he know how much that meant to you? You hadn't been able to feel much of anything lately except a blunt despair, and you hardly ever cried, so it surprised you when you felt the warm saline misting your tear ducts. You swallowed hard against the lump in you throat, attempting to talk around it. Thankfully his back was turned, so he wouldn't see your troubled face as you inquired, “Actually Eddie, I was wondering...do you have anything stronger?”

He paused with his back to you; movements stopping abruptly to listen closely. “Uh, I'm not sure. I might. What do you have in mind?”

You swallowed. “Ketamine...Vicodin...anything like that.”

He turned around now, brow scrunched and mouth dropped open as he thought, weighing his words and yours. “How much are you thinking? You gotta be careful with that stuff, you know. Space it out. Or with Vicodin...shit...I wouldn't go near that, honey.”

“As much as you can give me” you replied flatly, trying to keep the emotion from your voice.

“Why?” he asked slowly, eyes boring into you. You could tell, even though your gaze was on the floor, glaring hard at the tawny shag carpet.

“I just don't sleep right. You know? I'm nervous all the time. I'm just so...I need something to...to make it stop. Listen, I know it's expensive and I brought the cash for it, so please just...”

Eddie came up closer to you now. Before you knew it, you were mere centimeters from his chest, a Motorhead tee shirt dominating your field of vision. He smelled like detergent and cigarettes and warm skin and you wanted more than anything to snuggle into him forever. He took your face gently in both hands and guided your gaze up to his.

“Honey, look at me. Don't look away, okay?”

All you could do was nod, and swallow down the lump in your throat as you met his gaze. Eddie felt his heart break a little when he saw your beautiful eyes well up and spill over. He stroked your cheeks and said, “Just let it out and let me hold you. You've been holding onto it alone for too long.”

Before you knew it, you were heaving huge gasping sobs into his chest as his long arms encircled you. You panted and coughed like you had been drowning and finally...finally...had breached the surface as your rescuer pulled you up. He thought you felt so small and fragile, shuddering in his arms. He picked up one of his hoodies from the couch and draped it around you shoulders as he sat you down next to him.

When you were finally able to speak again you said in a raspy whisper, “I'm sorry, Eddie. I didn't mean to...”

“Shhhh. Cut that shit. I want you to be here. I'm glad I could be here for you.”

“Please, don't pity me.”

“I don't. I've just been where you're at,” he said knowingly, kissing your forehead and stroking his hand up and down your back in comforting little rubs. “Listen, I've always liked you a lot. I really wanted to get to know you but I thought you'd never want to hang out because I'm weird and intimidating.”

You laughed at that. “No! I was being the weird one. I never found you intimidating. You're so sweet, Eddie. I just couldn't...I was stuck inside...you know.”

He met your eyes, and his plush pink lips gave you a sweet smile. “Yeah. I know exactly the feeling. So please...just please stay. Talk to me. It'll be alright again one of these days. It really will. But for now let's just get through tonight.”

You nodded, wrapping the big hoodie around yourself like a security blanket. “Thank you,” you said and kissed him on the cheek.

“I got you, sweetheart. I'll always leave the light on for ya.”

@leelei1980 @msgexymunson @take-everything-you-can @loz-3 @veemoon @elegantkoalapaper @ladyofthestayingpower @hellfirenacht @sweetsigyn @itsfreakingbats @fairyysoup @joejoequinnquinn @josephfakingquinn @eddies-house

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Reading the kind of messages a guy sent a girl before abusing her and killing her, makes me realize how manipulative he was with her, playing with her kindness, guilt/codependent issues and lack of healthy boundaries. She wanted their story to be over while he couldn't accept it.

It also throws me back to a guy I met once and that showed slightly similar manipulative behaviours with me. I was lucky enough to become aware of that in time and get away, build up a wall and leave him by putting myself first and not letting him control me. It breaks me she couldn't, nor could ask for help or talk about this with others who could have helped the guy while keeping a distance from him.

Please if you find yourself in a toxic and potentially dangerous situation like this, where someone tries to make you think they may do something bad and only you can save them (or even they try to control your every move and/or have you say/behave in certain ways to make them feel good), talk with someone who can help you and ask for help for this person too by contacting their family/friends. Remember it's not you they need, but to feel the power that comes from the control they have on you and the attention you keep giving them as you feel responsible for them (in reality you're not!! You're only responsible for yourself, you cannot save them from their own demons but you have to save yourself). It could be anyone else. So save yourself first and foremost, and if you can try to save the next person (this habit has no gender anyway) too by talking about this with their closest ones or a school psychologist or anyone really.

Please take care of you.

[bunnywan]

what’s the a/b/o to misogyny pipeline???

(i want to start by saying i dont think all a/b/o is misogynistic. i don't think most of it is written with misogynistic intent, either.)

also: ive written an abo fic. right after i wrote though i started getting exposed to the misogyny thing by my obikin writer friends and (despite my fic being alpha/alpha and avoiding what i think the most glaring issues are), ive contemplated deleting it, but these same friends have talked me off it. im going to try to rewrite some parts in the future tho, since there are parts that i look back and wince at. but, im growing and learning everyday, like everyone else. well. maybe not everyone lol.

in omegaverse there is a submissive biological class. hopefully i dont have to explain to you that in omegaverse, omegas (the submissive biological class) are "woman coded" (for lack of a better way to put it ig), and alphas are "man coded." heres some of the most common omegan "traits" that are pretty much universally accepted: able to bear children, self lubricating hole, heat (time of the month, anyone?), emotional neediness, physical weakness (compared to alphas), desire to please alphas, instinct to obey alphas. heres some of the most common alpha "traits": ability to breed omegas, stronger than omegas, dominant personalities, instincts to protect omegas, sometimes uncontrollable sexual urges when exposed to an omega.

so we're already in misogynistic stereotype territory. dystopian, even. "wouldnt it be great if women omegas literally were wired to submit to men alphas!" its gender roles with biological backing.

a common trope in omegaverse fics is omegas "thinking" they "dont want it" (to be a stereotypical omega/listen to alphas/have sex with alphas), and then hey! in some cases, the right alpha comes along and the omega learns that they were wrong all along and submitting to being a baby making hole that likes to be ordered around is actually wonderful! (like when you tell someone you dont really want to have kids and they say "youll change your mind", because what else are you gonna do with your life? youre a baby making hole.) in other cases: an omega might not figure out their purpose until mid rape -- and their tiny omega brain and helpless body cannot resist giving in and enjoying their own sexual assault because that's what their body is for (getting fucked by an alpha).

you see how this is fucking weird? sit back and think about the term "bitching" for a minute and decide if you think thats patriarchal or not.

again, i don't think every a/b/o fic and author is misogynistic, but the world itself it built on misogyny so ... its hard to separate it completely. and its a very convenient avenue for projection by authors, whether it be intentional or not.

this was just what came out of my brain in one sitting, but i think its gets the baseline of the point across. feel free to message me or send another ask if you wanna talk about it more!

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Matchup for bg3! Please! 💜

She/they, bisexual

I have blueish-gray eyes with red hair that's in a side shave (like one side on my hair is shaved). I am chubby, I have tons of freckles except on my face. I like wearing emo style clothes or comfy clothes like hoodies and sweats. I hate dresses and shorts, I don't like showing off skin.

Likes: anything with drawing/painting, games including board games.

Dislikes: uhhh spiders, driving (I refuse to get a driver's license it's a huge fear of mine.) I'm not scared of being in a car just driving it.

Isfp-t, I am a cancer. People say I have rbf (resting bitch face). Though I am really nice to people, unless they mess with the people I care about then I couldn't care less about them. I try to be helpful when I can. When I am around people I know, I can be loud and talkative (the loud part isn't on purpose it's just when I'm happy or excited). I tend to put people a lot before myself. I don't really like talking about my personal issues to anyone and can be known as the therapy friend. It's the opposite though when I'm around people I don't know, I'll be quiet and not wanting to interact. I have adhd, depression and anxiety (wonderful I know). When I do get upset I don't talk and won't interact until I have calmed down. I do cuss a lot though I'm more careful when I'm around kids/people I don't know. If I have a fight with someone I prefer to sit and talk it out and hate it when they walk away from me when I'm just trying to talk to them.

If you need more info just message me! Thank you! 💜

A/N: You didn’t specify which gender result you’d prefer, but since you mentioned you’re bisexual, I included my top male and female picks below! I hope you enjoy!!!

For you, @veethewriter , I think you’d be a great match for either Halsin (Male) or Shadowheart (Female)!

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ Halsin would be a great fit for you! He’s kind and very artistic himself. And while he enjoys woodwork the most, I think he’d appreciate an afternoon of drawing or painting with you outside in the grove. Many Wood Elves, like Halsin, have either red or brown-hued hair, so he’s used to seeing such a color on people. However, he swears no other elf can compare with how gorgeous your hair color is. And he finds your side shave particularly alluring. He also adores your figure. He is a big guy, he’s tall and very muscular, and can’t help but want to hold and pick you up and squish you (if you’d let him that is). Your supple shape reminds him of nature’s bountiful harvest.

And while he himself has absolutely no qualms about showing off his skin, he respects your desire not to. Not everyone is as comfortable free of the confines of clothing as he is, this he’s well aware of. He’s always on the lookout for organic, comfortable elven clothing he could gift you.

And the good thing about Faerun is the fact that there aren't any cars. If you want to go somewhere, you’ll need wheels, heels, or a spell of some sort. (Or if you’re lucky, a druid boyfriend who can transform into different rideable wild animals. Can you imagine, strolling up to town on the back of a big brown bear? No one would mess with you! lol)

I’m not 100% decided on Halsin’s MBTI. Part of me feels he’s introverted, then again, he’s very willing to meet and work to help others- strangers even, so long as they’re kind and help him in return. I do, however, feel pretty confident that he’s a Feeler as well, so you have one letter out of the four for sure in common. And the two of you are also very open-minded, which he loves. Halsin can’t see himself in a romantic relationship with someone if they were to be angry and close-minded. An on/off sexual relationship? Sure. But for him to have that deeper kind of love, you’d need to be tolerant- which you are!

I also imagine him to be a Taurus, which furthers how compatible he is with you- a cancer. You two are so in love, it’s almost spiritual, like a soulmate sort of connection. No matter how sad or moody (or emo as you said) you can get, his steady and stable temperament will help comfort you, and ground you in times of great emotion.

Halsin, as an archdruid, is kind of the “Dad friend” of the Grove and his Party. He’s the one people turn to for advice and mentorship. You being the therapy friend understand the toll this can take. You’re able to support each other and lavish each other with much-needed rest and recovery when the demands of everyone’s emotional sharing/dumping become too much to take.

Halsin is a very focused and rather positive person, which can be a direct contrast to you with your ADHD and depression. But that’s a really good thing because, for all the things you forget, he remembers. And for all the times your illness and life get you down, he’s right there to pick you back up, or even just ride it out with you until the feelings pass. His presence radiates calm- he’s like a walking talking security blanket. If you’re feeling anxious, you can grab his hand, or have him lay on top of you for some compression therapy (don’t worry, he’s supporting 95% of his weight himself so as to not accidentally crush you lol).

He appreciates how mindful you are around the little ones. It makes his heart flutter. And he can’t help but think what it would be like to be in a family of his own with you one day.

♥ ♡ ♥ Shadowheart is quiet and determined. She’s reserved, especially around strangers, and she puts on a good front, but deep down she’s a sweet girl with a traumatic past. She doesn’t like talking about it too much (that is of course, if she remembers it), but for some reason, she’s more okay sharing such things with you.

She’s not very extroverted or loud, but she can appreciate it when you are. Your joy is infectious, and it’s something she hasn’t felt in a while, so she wants to do everything in her power to make you happy because when you’re happy- she’s happy.

And oh boy does she need therapy! As the therapy friend, she greatly appreciates your ability to listen and not judge when she does talk about her past or her feelings. Being raised in a cult is complicated, and there’s A LOT to process there. It’s gonna take time, and thanks to your open-minded demeanor, she feels safe enough to do a fair amount of it with you.

As a cancer, you and Shadowheart are very compatible romantically as I see her as an Aquarius. Both of you are smart, and devoted, and have a lot of feelings. The main difference is in how those feelings come out. For you, it’s easier to emote than it is for her. But that’s good. When you’re too emotional, she’s ready to reel you back in. And when she’s being too cold, you can help pull her out of her shell.

Shadowheart also has a ‘resting bitch face’, but that doesn’t mean she’s judging everyone. Okay, maybe she’s judging everyone a little bit, but to be fair there are a lot of peculiar characters out there and one can never be too safe! The two of you rarely get any trouble from strangers because you are too tough to mess with. From your more emo style to her ‘dont-fuck-with-me’ attitude, absolutely no one’s gonna be crossing you!

Shadowheart herself probably has a slew of health concerns and mental illnesses that she has yet to address. I imagine, that once she comes to learn the truth of her past, she is at increased risk for anxiety and depression. So weirdly, it’s almost a blessing her partner knows what it’s like living with these things. Your experience shows her that life can and does go on. And she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her with anyone other than you.

[seven-ty-love]

Hi, Hi. Pleased to meet everyone.

This is an RP and art blog. The Pressure hyperfixation/obsession refuses to let me go :>

#########################

Rps:

Actions border with *.

Character speech is ".

Mod is [ ], usually I would speak to you in the tagged section unless I needed to say something important.

Mod goes by he/they.

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Art:

For now, I'll be doing SFW and slightly suggestive content.

I do plan on practicing gore. I'll make sure to create that tag so that there's an option for it to be blocked.

Violence is going to show up here. The severity will be said in post or tags.

I'll be doing traditional and digital drawings. Whether I'll be posting WIPs or finished works, we'll see in the future.

Expect depictions of mental health issues. (Those who expect tame/subtle, tread carefully. I'll make sure to make tags so that you have an option to view it.)

#########################

Where I am in Pressure:

As I said, I am highly fixated on the game, so feel free to talk just about anything related to me. Except the drama.

I have played and completed the current ending.

I do have most of the classified files and monster files, I'm just missing two slots in each of those categories.

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General rules and DNIs:

Be respectful to others(Mod and users).

Unless permission is granted, don't interfere RPs.

No slurs. Yes, even if you're in the community that reclaimed one. It's better to be safe than sorry.

I may do art requests or go along with Anon RPs. Not a high chance though.

Do not be transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic, heterophobic, racist, those general things. I don't tolerate disrespect and neither should you.

You have an issue with something on here, talk to me in messages.

Be goofy and silly all you want. Just don't weaponize that to harass people. I've had enough of that irl and I do not want to resort dealing with that here as well. Just be a decent sentient lifeform and don't do it. It's not worth anyone's time and it's not hard to be a good person.

Have fun. We're here for a good time. Not a bad one.

########################

Pressure OC info:

Name: Seven

Age: 29 (in the current timeline of Pressure taking place.)

Gender: Transgender male

Pronouns: He/they

Visual hints: Slicked back hairstyle (hints of greying), nose bridge crooked to the right, lack of skin on left side of face, missing left eye, pudgy pear-shaped body, birthmark under right eye, scratches on face and neck, stoic expression.

Height: 5'7"

Species: Human

Personality: Tends to be friendly, though will be hostile when they or others they love are being threatened. His level of patience varies with his mood.

Role: Previously an experiment, now a supply collector for the shop.

Allies: Sebastian Solace, Eyefestation, and P.AI.nter.

Likes: Food, scavenging, exploring, doodling, joking.

Dislikes: Wall Dwellers (To a specific margin. They only hate Wall Dwellers because they get attacked by those a lot.), Anglers, going near exposed electricity, gunshots, being threatened, and occasionally loud noises.

Bad triggers: Gunshots, loud sounds, s**cide and electricity

Visual depiction:

Notes:

Just a placeholder look for now. They can be in any outfit you like if you wanna draw them yourself.

If they smile too often, the de-skinned part of their face will start hurting and bleed.

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Notes from mod: My pressure AU is mostly catered to my self indulgence, so expect a few characters being ooc (Ex: Sebastian Solace, Painter, ect).

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Specific tags:

#Behind the Mind - Events that happen in my AU

#Seven lore - Self explanatory

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That is all for now, thank you for reading 'til the end, dear viewer. ^^

[vinxwatches]

the adventure's of puss in boots

1.1 9 years old, tv show, but not bad in animation quality (at least from the . definitely themes that the last wish touch on as well (of course that'll be the strongest point of comparison). love that the fight in episode 1 ends with a massive bluff "i can't defeat all of you, but i can defeat one. so which one of you will die?"

1.2 travel through different horrific lands. "yes, my friend, this is going to suck". the kingdom of darkness: just a dark screen a noises of people stumbling, and then doing it multiple times. the humour is spot on. that's a damn cool sphinx design, and telling us something about the character while not being overly obvious while in 3d show based on a movie? now that's surprising. sad that she's not in the next one, probably never to return, which makes the quality of design even more surprising.

1.3 you know, it takes some skill to make a funny "i hate my wife" joke, but they pulled it of. "i can never say no to a woman" "please pay your bar tab" "no" have i pointed out that this show nails the humour yet? puss vs ninja's? funny. but apparently not enough. puss vs teenage overly buff ninja pigs? now we're talking. also this show loves being dark in it's humour. how how the mean lady is apparently often crying. i wonder if that'll ever get depth, or is ever mentioned again instead of just being one dark joke.

1.4 "what's it like inside your head?" "wet and bloody".... i mean you're not wrong. at this point i'm just trying to convince people to watch the show because the humour is great. "it's not scary, it's just a bag stuffed with old dolls' heads" so many blink and you'll miss it jokes. why does dismemberment follow me everywhere? seriously what the fuck is up with that? why is it suddenly everywhere? at least it's clean and well cared for. this old guy be horny, in a kidshow. how is this a 2015 show? "you are crazy. but this is not new information" "nope". also recurring villain maybe?

1.5 standard episode: life here is too boring and an interesting old friend comes to steal the hero, but turns out to be a villain. will they play it straight (probably, he's designed as a villain), or will they do something more interesting. way too deep a thought for a short scene: so the orphanage is putting on a fake adventure, the costunes are brought out, and the buys very shortly argue over who gets to be a princess, until it's revealed that everyone who wants to can be a princess. here's what makes it so interesting: there is no joke outside of "the intrinsic funniness of buys wanting to be princesses". now while this could of course be setup for transphobic jokes later this honestly feels like it's just scene setting, just quaint town life, and the opposite of transphobic. i'm sure we won't see a trans character in this show (probably the closest being a queer coded villain) but this is nice. a simple message that everyone gets to be a princess if they want. again very cool monster design. like i want to steal this for my dnd game good. kind of a giant geko with a huge mouth and a lure like some fish have but with a fake pretty lady looking thing instead. my point of comparison is the kong-fu panda tv show which has the issue that it was extremely limited to always using the same assets. this show keeps bringing out amazing new designs every episode so far. also the message is damn strong. also neat that the standard plot was only really plot setup, it's never actually part of the plot, it never really comes into play. and for a boring plot now following up can be the best thing. the joke is that everyone wanted to be a princes. nothing about gender, just everyone wanted to be the same thing, nice. seriously, how come i never heard anything of this show? 2015. i'm pretty sure i watched some cartoons in 2015. did it never make it's way on dutch tv? i mean i've also never seen anyone talk about it online, something i think i'll have to correct at some point.

1.6 softpaws? nope, just a black cat. also the return of the sphinx which makes me happy. interesting that we get the more visually interesting sphinx sister first. so i've been watching a lot of TBSkyen and now want to kind of do a visual interpretation video like he often does on these two sisters. how the firsts inks and piercings make her read kind of Egyptian, alongside the naked cat stylings, while also indicating individuality and complexity, and how the lack of those in her sister suggests that she's simpler, which is true. one tells riddles, the other just tries to kill you. fuck why is this show so full of great dnd ideas. many magical fountains, each with different effects, like reverse gravity, talking backwards, and needing to say a word to undo it, which is hard with talking backwards, or induces fall damage after falling upwards for a while. fuck it, list time: fountain of invisible spiders, fountain of nausea, fountain of fire, fountain of itchy feet, just a regular fountain.

1.7 this serious continues to confuse me in a positive way in not making transphobic jokes. girly scream from the cowardly mayor? ok, that's prime setup right? sure, but they don't make the joke, it's just a scream that doesn't match the character design, but that's part of the general joke of the character: he's a coward who often hides in a barrel, but he's a huge buff dude who wouldn't even fit in the barrel. you get what i mean? puss doesn't burst in saying "i'll save you my lady" and then haha is a dude. he just bursts in to save someone. another standard plot: convince someone they are brave by pretending they defeat something, they they get overconfident and find real trouble and learn to reign it in or fully return to the status quo, wonder how they'll do it. damn, they did the getting too confident straight, but put enough good jokes in the scene to not make it awkward (hard to avoid), not to see if they can do the rest well. making Dulcinea (the female polite cat) do it because puss is too tired helps. "it's ok buddy, i'll read it to you" "you're a cute friend" subversion of expectation and cute as fuck, these are the joke i love. oh no, the man travels with a shadow over his face in spite of physics, he's definitely evil. surprisingly polite to those he thinks unwell though. and the standard plot continues. going with the "hopes and dreams dashed, but then shows bravery for reals". yep that's basically exactly what they did, with one funny in concept but sadly meh in execution fightscene. this isn't an episode you watch for the end, you watch for the jokes which are amazing.

1.8 human shrek is on the cover of the romance novel. blink and you'll miss it and i love it. oh no, puss ate xanathar's fish, and is now hunted by a Sinnamon smelling golem. this is so stupid in the best way. classic way for things to gain a soul too, it's neat. and damn does it make for a neat episode.

1.9 "let me gaze upon your golden booty" "i am uncomfortable" yes i'm still trying to get you to watch the show. oh a dust devil, neat. and that it's a demon is accurate to how people used to think about them (to my knowledge the origin of djinn). i think that was the first reuse of an asset i noticed (if you ignore the bandits): a sceptre that was broken in a previous episode. this is not a negative, just impressive that it took this long to use the same asset for a similar thing. also love that Dulcinea's arc so far is getting angry, but not like in a bad way.

1.10 excalibur? ok, this is an interesting take. generally not the angle of a reluctant hero (fun dnd PC backstory?). and the classic puss being pretty lost when he can't be the hero... starts to feel a bit overdone, but how many things can you do with him? also the animation touches are very nice. is this a story about cheating? because it sounds like a story about cheating, and with someone not getting over their ex. also this episode has some crazy good action. also this sword has a problem with asparagus.

1.11 uhm, that's not what sphynx looks like. where are her inks and piercings? did they accidentally use the wrong model? "well, technically medicine is the best medicine, but laughter is cheaper". wait what!? the cow barlady used to be an assassin?! also is this an episode about racism? like this could turn sour quickly. also what i think is clever but also semi noticeable is a cost cutting measure (honestly i've been noticing it for a while): if things don't move they aren't actually rendered in 3d, instead a single render is made of them and then it's a flat image that animation is rendered on top of. now this makes total sense to do: it's a lot less rendering so everything will be faster, which is a necessity if it's a tv show with tv show budget with 15 episodes. it allows for backgrounds that are relatively detailed unlike other 3d shows which are very often very plain. but if things look slightly off to you this may be why. damn, mature talk about wanting to do things but not doing it. this show is crazy. also damn that's one evil mouse. at least the sphynx petrified is the correct model.

1.12 that's just a god damn goblin. like literally called a goblin. and visually think dnd goblin... wild. also this is just about racism. mostly a pretty standard episode, but pusses unwavering belief is nice. and if a new person joins the cast that would make it even better.

1.13 earlier today episode? can always be fun. oh, Dulcinea gets to have puss' standard problem: feeling like he's no longer needed, and thus no longer him, thus problem. "i'll even write all of the stories myself. i will use all of the words. so many words!" and suddenly puss is talking like fucking trump. when puss thinks Dulcinea may be in legal troubles he'll immediately start helping her out, because pull aint no snitch lol. well now this episode conflicts with the last wish. Puss being against wishing stars here but going after it then? well, there is of course desperation

1.14 mother Mary the cat? so it'll be a puss' pride episode. the episode didn't have any big fightscenes, so instead the focus was put on the final dance. odd, but really fun.

1.15 a curse of bad luck turning puss into a black cat, that's just neat. wild that i had nothing more to say about it despite it being the last episode of season 1. oh well, on to season 2 i guess.

[algosnostosdeux]

intro;

hello lovelies! i’m sunny, 30 years old, she/her! i haven’t been super active with 1x1 rping for the past 2 years, but the group rp scene is bone dry currently, and i’m craving something darker than my ongoing indie rp verse! this blog is currently way under construction, but should be fully set up by july 8th, 2023.

until then, please accept this post as my temporary rules list/wanted list/muse list!

RULES

1. muns MUST be 21+, preferably 25+. this is nonnegotiable, if your age is not listed, or you refuse to share it, then we will not be writing together. it weirds me out, i’m sorry.

2. i write muses of all genders, ages (21+), and sexualities, and i prefer to write with people of similar mindsets. someone with an army of twinks, or a platoon of 18 year old girls is only going to be getting a deep side-eye from me. 

3. OCxOC only, though i could be convinced to write OCxcanon if the plot is particularly tantalizing.

4. will NOT write, under any circumstances: pregnancy, babysitter/nanny plots (so not sexy when it’s your actual job, let me tell you!), extreme taboo (bestiality, underage, noncon [dubcon and cnc okay], heavy bloodplay [knifeplay, biting, etc are fine, but nothing more extreme], scat)

5. no one liners, no gif only replies, and no uneven replies. i’m not picky about reply length, so long as you match me for response worthy content. 3 paragraph long replies are great and all, but if only 2 lines of that is something i can formulate a reply around, then it becomes an issue for me.

6. i love discord for plotting, chatting, and keeping track of characters, plots, and general worldbuilding, but i prefer the bulk of our rping to be done on tumblr. i’m old and set in my ways!

WANTED

no specific plots yet, but just the general vibes of something dark, unconventional, and deliciously plotty. lots of action and drama, something we just dive right into without all the awkward first few threads establishing characters and scenes. smut heavy but not smut reliant. would prefer to start out as a 1x1 but eventually expand to a multimuse situation. i don’t generally gravitate towards generic slice of life type plots, i want the drama and intrigue to come from actual dark sources, not just your basic cheating plot, or whatever. 

besides slice of life though, i’m open to any and all verses- with a leaning towards supernatural (creatures, not the show!), criminals, D/s universes, and soulmate verses.

i am an all in type of girl when it comes to my muses and verses- i love talking about our little freaks outside of just plotting and writing threads, and i do tend to foist playlists and pinterest boards onto my partners! if that level of enthusiasm is offputting, it’s best you know this about me now, lol. 

MUSES

i generally prefer to create new muses from scratch, especially for rps with long run lengths, but i do have a few who i just love, and have been writing so long that they can be edited and molded to fit just about any plot lol. my town bicycles, everyone gets a ride! i tend to favor slightly less popular faceclaims as well, there are no marvel faces or disney faces in my repertoire. 

if you stuck around to reach this part of this post, i already love you lmao! if you feel like we could vibe well, hit me with a message via tumblr (you’ll likely get my discord within minutes, but I just don’t like having it out free for anyone to see) and let’s give it a go! i’m a sick little insomniac so i’m awake and online at all hours of the night, and i crave validation so i respond within the hour, usually within minutes. 

thanks again for humoring me,

sunny

[myfixationacademia]

Is not June yet but fuck it,

BkDk queer headcanons (I might be projecting a bit, cause I like these unhinged gremlins so sue me!)

Tw: mentions of transphobia, gender dysphoria and homophobia, is very brief tho

-Izuku Midoriya (Trans male, Demi-Romantic, unlabeled/Queer)

Izuku had feeling he was born with the wrong gender since he was young, asking his mom since he was a kid to cut his hair into a length he liked, clothes weren't that much of a issue since most were shirts, shorts and pants, from a thrif store, most were All Might themed, which are already pretty gender neutral.

Kacchan, even of he never heard about the terms, he was a fast learner and was already stuck with calling Izuku "Deku" (making more meaningful how later in the future he starts calling Midoriya just by his first name).

His other classmates tho were...less accepting, some made way too many invasive questions, others simply brushed Deku off as a quirkless nobody wanting attention, this sort of behavior worsened in middle school, but at least Kacchan never dared to dead name Izuku, and even went as far as to pinch one of his lackeys in the stomach when they misgendered Midoriya.

At UA Deku thought that he was going to have a fresh start, no one would know he was trans, no invasive questions, no comments about his looks or his voice, he started taking hormone blockers, all was going well... Then he went to the boys' locker, and Mineta was there, drawing attention from all eyes to Deku cause he was wearing some bandages around his Chest, Iida Tenya walked up to Deku and said

"Midoriya Kun, while I understand the need to modify your looks to pass as a man, please refrain from tying them so tightly, it can cause circulation to stop flowing as well cause pain around the area of the ribcage!"

Then Kirishima spoke, sporting a pair of scars on his chest

"I got a extra binder here Midobro! I can tell you how to wash it later! But take a break from the bandages before wearing it, and drink some water too!"

Then he saw that Mineta was wrapped around in tape, and Sero told him

"And Don't worry about this goblin, I'll let Aizawa know so this doesn't happen again, but I'll shut him up if he says anything, okay?"

Needless to say...Deku cried tears of joy (WE STAN THE 1A BOYS BEING SUPPORTIVE IN THIS BLOG)

As for sexuality, while we see Deku blushing a lot towards girls, I always saw that as just the boy being anxious, as blushing can be a sing of embarrassment or getting flustered, also because between most of the characters in the class, Bakugou is one of the few, if not the only one cause BkDk propaganda, guys I can say Deku feels the most difficult to talk with, specially after that incident in the war, I think I reblogged a post about Demi-Romantic Deku headcanon where Deku just says that for the longest time he has only pictured himself dating Bakugou, or he was he longest crush, so I'm also adding "unlabeled" and "queer" since I heard similar concepts for both, not necessarily choosing to say what gender you're attracted to but you're definitely not straight, or you aren't sure what label to use so you use something more old school to get the message across.

- Katsuki Bakugou (Homoromantic Dekuromantic, Demi-sexual)

When it comes to this guy, what I mostly think of is Bakugou first thinking love is "ew" until Deku shows him affection, think like him seeing his parents kissing, think it's disgusting until Deku gives him a peck on the cheek.

Perhaps these feelings were part of the turmoil inside of Bakugou, and I can't help but feel that at the same time that everyone put in his mind that he was amazing, they also placed the expectations that most closed men face, saying that "girls will love them", hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Mitsuki said something along the lines of "if a girl falls for you and dates you, keep her, it'll be a miracle for someone to want to stay with someone like you"

And before anyone says that this is Mitauki Slander, need I remind you that she slapped her son in front of the teachers and called him weak as a way to blame him for the kidnapping? You know, the one where HE was kidnapped? Yeah, not completely out of character, but in my book she isn't a lost cause, misguided at best, stubborn at worst.

Anyway, this could be a start on some internalized homophobia, something BOTH suffer from actually, Deku said it himself in Deku vs Kaccha 2, "I want to tell you how I feel, EVEN IF IT IS DISGUSTING" (boy! Who hurt you?) And I think a testament to that was how much more expressive lf other emotions Bakugou became when he got to the dorm, specifically that scene where Deku gets excited cause Kacchan got his license and how they'll be able to work together.

This feels like a "is this love?" Face, which he hides it immediately but Shoto seems to catch it.

The whole "De-Izuku" is just glitter sprinkle on top of this gay ass ice cream so no need to explain that XD

The demi sexual part is mostly because Bakugou just feels like someone that would rather build trust first so he can know for certain if he should let himself get vulnerable, nothing smutty needs to happen, sometimes cuddling can be a chore to get used to, but hey, Deku waited for them to be friends again for 10+ years, waiting for Kacchan to feel comfortable around him again in that level of a relationship isn't that hard, plus if anything were to happen, patience would still need to be priority, idk, is based on my own experience.

And that was all, night night.

[casualartisanninja]

In one part of his message he stated that I “brought up scat 21 times in our conversation”, citing a Discord search bar. However he failed to show the results of that search, likely because he knew that none of these descriptions were graphic. The majority of the times we discussed it were comparing my scat kink to his blood and cutting kink. At no point did he ever tell me that he wasn’t comfortable with me mentioning my kink. If he was uncomfortable, the onus was on him to say “Stop mentioning scat.”

I’d also like to address another major point he brings up - the idea that I fetishized his rape with a fanfiction I wrote about my OC Hacker and Sniper. I am quite into adult baby roleplay, and so I wrote a fanfiction about Hacker and Sniper adding this aspect to their relationship. https://archiveofourown.org/works/48715615

And I know that it was wrong of me to keep talking to him when he had a firm boundary that he hated that kink and believed anyone who likes it is a pedophile. At the time, I thought it was an unreasonable boundary- but since he was my friend and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, I just refused to bring it up in an attempt to stay within his boundary and not make him think that I was a pedophile. But after all this happened I realized it doesn’t matter if I think it’s an unreasonable boundary and either you want to avoid causing someone trauma or you don’t really care about the risks. Clearly I didn’t care about the risks as much as I should have and I still regret that. I’m sorry and I swear the next time a situation like this happens I won’t try to spare their feelings and keep it hidden like I did. I should’ve just said “Look Blu, I do like ABDL and you don’t like that. We shouldn’t be friends, as you said. Goodbye.” If I had done that early on a lot of things would’ve been prevented.

And going forward, next time if someone says “I won’t be friends with anyone who likes this kink” I’ll say “Well I do like that kink, so per your boundary I’ll be blocking you.” No matter how much I like this person and want to be friends with them. 

But back to the main topic of the idea that it was fetishizing his trauma - no it wasn’t. Objectively, this just isn’t true. It was actually inspired by this fic, written by one of my friends at the time, who was a major inspiration for how I write my TF2 fics. I liked this fic but didn’t like the coercion aspect much, so I decided to write one without the coercion. https://archiveofourown.org/works/48229099

The other inspiration for this fic was just my own fantasies and personal issues. Thanks to my dissatisfaction with female gender roles, I also have issues with feeling disempowered and emasculated - but primarily with people thinking I’m babyish and not tough. These issues were ones I wanted to explore both from Sniper’s point of view and Hacker’s - how helping someone get over their fear of being seen as a poser would in turn help me get over mine. This wasn’t intended for Blu in any way. And that brings me to my second point: I didn’t send this to Blu. At no point did I bring this fic up to Blu. He went onto my profile or was sent my profile, clicked on this fic and read the tags and warnings.

He knew this fic would trigger him, being an ABDL fic, and instead of clicking off of it, he went to it anyway and read it. Thanks to the poor timing of this, he also assumed this fic was about him, but it wasn’t. Like I said, it was mostly about my own fantasies and personal issues. I did like a few of the words he used, like “emasculated” but that wasn’t because Blu said it. It was because I genuinely thought it was a good way to word those feelings I had too. Yes, I know Blu’s issues come from completely different issues than mine, but there are still some issues/effects of issues that we have in common. Please don’t tell me I’m not allowed to talk about mine because it sounds to you like I’m talking about yours and not respecting you.

This was a long time coming.

So, first of all I’m sorry that this took me so long to make, but there was a lot of information to sift through. I’m not planning on coming back to Tumblr in any capacity beyond this but the truth needs to be out there. (And if you're curious about the profile picture/description/etc, I had to dress this blog up a bit so it didn't look like a bot and trigger any algorithms.)

Content warnings for this post: 

Heavily discusses kinks and has screenshots of fetish art

References grooming/pedophilia accusations

References transphobia/harassment accusations

This is going to be an EXTREMELY long post with lots of screenshots, so the rest is under a cut.

The incident in Hobqueer’s server

I think a good place to start would be the spark that set off this whole chain reaction. 

I’m not sure how long I’d been in that server for when the NSFW in general incident happened. But one thing’s for sure - I didn’t start the conversation about NSFW topics. Like I mentioned on the Reddit post where someone had found me and started accusing me under my comment on the Janitor.AI post, I saw the people there discussing mpreg and oviposition. I looked at it and thought “wow the rules are a lot more lax than I initially thought!”. Yes, I know, looking back, that should’ve been a huge red flag. I also know that, looking back, I should never talk about NSFW in the general chat- even if everyone else is doing it. “If so-and-so jumped off a cliff” and all. I’m really sorry that I did that, and it was definitely a lesson for me.  But I really wasn’t thinking about that at the time. It wasn’t my intention to hurt anyone, and I especially wouldn’t have done it if I knew minors would be there. I know it wasn’t an 18+ server, and it was just a frankly idiotic move on my part. I just saw “Sniper pregnant” and pictures of the mercs with big bellies, and let my better judgment and reasoning get clouded.  However, the way that they’re portraying this incident is extremely intellectually dishonest. Gabriel failed to mention in his callout post that those minors were looking at and sharing fetish art of the mercs, leaving out most of the context for those. Thankfully one of my friends from Chipspeech (who I’ll leave anonymous) joined the server to check and see if the fetish art was still there. It was. Hobqueer and the moderators never deleted any of the discussion, and worst of all they left the fetish pictures up in full view of everybody. One person, who later admitted to being a minor in a dm, even gave a pretty graphic description of a tentacle hentai/mpreg comic. Be warned, this contains NSFW content. I blurred the names of anybody who isn't mentioned in this post.

I've run out of room for images, so I have to add the rest in another reblog. This will be a very long thread with a lot of images, so please bear with me.

[mystrothedefender]

Do you have any stories about knowing how you were trans or like how you transitioned to become satisfied with yourself? (you dont have to answer if youre uncomfortable with it)

It’s ok I don’t mind answering questions like this coz I figure it might help a couple of kids figure out who they are.

See I haven’t actually transitioned in the proper sense of the word, I’m not on T, I rarely bind my chest (but that’s because I hate the pressure it puts on my chest ugh kmn) or anything like that, I’ve transitioned in the sense that I only wear guys clothes, I have my hair short, and most importantly(to me at least) I think of myself as a guy and my partner is fully aware of my trans-ness and how far I plan to go in terms of transition(which is like all the fucking way lol).The reason I haven’t transitioned is that my partner and I are planning to have a kid and I want to wait until that’s over before I do anything, I don’t want to get stuck mid transition for 9 months.

Now, as far as stories about how I knew I was trans, I’m pretty sure I’ve posted about it before but it was ages ago and I don’t remember what I wrote. There are a few little things from my childhood that makes sense to me now as trans hints so to say -eg wishing I was able to pee standing(at the age of like 6), purposefully sitting like my dad/uncles, only wanting to play with the boys, and protesting to the teachers about being put on the girls team (’you’re such a self hating girl you need to get over it’-my year 10 english teacher) and stuff like that lol. But I didn’t really know through my childhood that I was trans, I didn’t know what being trans was, I just felt unhappy within myself, I thought it was because I was overweight but I lost like 5 stone when I was 19-20(most of which I have regained now) and it made no dent on my self image. I was like well then it must be something else. I was only just starting to get into the internet community at the age of 20, like fandoms and stuff, and through that I met several trans and NB people and like? Idk? There was something about them that drew me to them, and over about 3 months it slowly dawned on me that I was probably not cis, a lot of their stories about their self image issues resonated with me.At this point I started identifying as genderqueer/some kind of genderfluid. This was because I was lead to believe that in order to be ‘actually’ trans you had to feel dysphoria all the time, and at the time I had never experienced real dysphoria.Of course I now know this isn’t true.I do remember one instance when I was at work, I don’t remember what triggered it, but I ended up sitting on the toilets and crying because I had finally actually realised that I was 100% a trans man.I hid it for a while from everyone because I didn’t WANT to be trans. But I came to terms with it and then decided to tell my partner, I cried a lot, and he admitted he’d suspected it for a while and he was 100% supportive.I cannot tell you how fucking lucky I have been in regards to his response. He’s helped so much, he never misgenders me he does gender affirmation stuff with me and he actually helped me pick my name.

In the future, after we’ve become fathers, I plan to go full throttle on my transition and fulfill my Actual Life Dream of being a gay trans&passing dad. It’s gunna be great.

[secondbeatsongs]

Hello! I'm Julie from Cariona and I just want to ask if you're interested in doing ads/promotions here on Tumblr? If yes, how much do you charge per reblog?

For proof of legitimate promotions, you can check @catchymemes, @sulfatto, @isnt, and many others.

Website for reference: http://cariona.com Over 200 five star Facebook reviews: https://www.facebook.com/carionaproducts/reviews

Please feel free to respond here or reach out to us on marketing@cariona.com for more details! Thank you once again and have a great week!

absolutely fascinating that you decided to send this as an ask, when you also DM'd me. unfortunately, you may realize that this was a mistake - you see, asks can be responded to publicly.

so, allow me to respond:

hi, Julie! I'd never heard about Cariona before, so I decided to go poking around, and I learned something!

well, I learned a few things, actually. from your site, Cariona seems to be a small business that sells reusable menstrual products. and while I will never advertise a product that I haven't used, there's nothing wrong with wanting people to promote your company.

I have, however, found a few problems.

the first thing I found was this post by @crafiet from May 12th of last year, saying that shortly after making a purchase on your website, her debit card info was leaked, and used to make facebook ad purchases.

it seems that at least back then, your payment system was insecure. I'm really hoping you've fixed that, because. yikes.

and when I messaged crafiet to ask if it was okay if I linked to her post, she also mentioned that even though your website says you ship from Georgia, her package came shipped from China, and took a long time to arrive.

that's pretty sketchy.

the next thing I found was some folks talking about receiving cards with their orders that have a QR code on them with the words "Scan For God's Message To You", and that on the other side, have this bible verse:

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is. Psalm 63:1

fun fact! that's from the King James Version (which I have a lot of thoughts about, but I'm not going to get into that right now).

additional fun fact! that particular psalm is from that time David fled to the wilderness because Jonathan's dad was trying to kill him.

and that's why I have to talk about the verses that follow it:

(ID in alt text; link to the NIV version if you want it)

so...are we like 100% sure it's god that David is thinking about here? because...I mean...that's pretty horny, right? and all of this while on the run from his boyfriend's dad?

I'm not saying anything, but like...¯\_(ツ)_/¯

it's a weird verse to choose for this, that's all.

anyway, back to you, Cariona: after seeing people talking about the bible verse cards, I decided to poke around your website more, and allll the way at the bottom of it, finally found your "About Us" page, which ends with this:

...look. there's nothing inherently wrong with being christian. but to say "we do not wish to impose any beliefs on our customers", and to then put bible verse cards in people's orders? that's sneaky, and I don't like it.

I also think it's a bit sneaky that you've flagged your tumblr account as pro-trans on shinigami eyes. at least, I assume you flagged it yourselves, because I didn't find a single post on your blog that mentions trans issues.

(though you have, entertainingly, reblogged some stranger things fanart, and a castiel cat cosplay)

and while your website uses very gender-neutral language, your "About Us" page doesn't say anything about being inclusive of trans people, just that you don't "discriminate against anyone who has a different belief than ours."

unfortunately, that's not good enough for me. I have this sneaking suspicion that "trans people are the gender they say they are" counts as a "different belief".

lastly, since you say on your website that people can message you asking about your faith, I had a friend do that!

baptists. you're baptists, which is a pretty conservative denomination.

and according to you, part of that 10% you donate goes to your local churches, and some missionaries. who are also probably baptists.

so.

in the end, I just...don't trust you? I don't trust that the 10% you're donating is going to organizations that aren't homophobic or transphobic. I don't believe that you're not trying to impose your beliefs on others, because that's what you're obviously doing. I mean, your "About Me" says that one of the reasons you built this company is to spread the gospel.

and I especially don't like it that you reached out to me (an openly queer person) for promotion without mentioning that you're an evangelical company.

so to answer your question, Julie: no. I am not interested in doing ads or promotions for you on tumblr. and honestly, you probably picked the wrong website for this kind of thing.

[fantasticnerdluminary]

Why are you so HOT to others?

𝓕𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓾𝓷, 𝓼𝓮𝓽 𝓲𝓽 𝓸𝓷 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓮

Hey! I hope you all are doing great. I am sending so many hugs, kisses and love, to you my dear. So, let's go and see what's there.

✓ The pictures used in the reading belongs to their respectful owner and are taken from web.

✓ Don't forget to leave a feedback and let me know which pile did you choose. Your likes, reblogs, replies will be appreciated <3

¶How to pick a pile : If you have difficulty choosing a pile. Then take a breath and close your eyes. After opening your eyes, the picture you see first is your pile. Don't doubt your gut/intuition. Trust your intuition.

¶Disclaimer ⚠️ : This is a general reading. So, take what resonates and leave behind the rest. Some messages may not resonate with you. This reading is for entertainment purposes. Don't make decisions depending on this reading. You are the only one who creates your own reality.

ᴘɪʟᴇs -> ��𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Group 1

You are admired by many people because no matter how much you are falling, how deep you hit the rock bottom you come back with so much power. You glow like burning sun. You may not open up easily to others. You look so mysterious to others. Everybody want to know about you and everything about you but you intimidate others. Your cold resting bitch face looks so sexy on you. It's like you would just attack anyone who would do wrong to you but the truth is you don't want to hurt others. You are so soft and people that are closer to you know this.

They sometimes think how can someone be so tough on outside but so soft and caring on outside. You are so attractive and likable to others. You are like the airport crush, whoever sees you instantly fall in love with you. You are so strong enough though if anyone walks all over you (you don't allow it I know) you would be ready to grow up much more. You are like "You did this to me, Ok, now just wait and watch what I'll do to you." You are so cool damn, Can I get your number?!?! Please 🥺

You maybe young but you are much mature than other person of your age. You may like to dress up like an emo girl/boy or tomboy/tomgirl maybe. It looks so good on you. Your fashion sense is on other level. You can't tolerate injustice. You are the friend who would stand up for them no matter them. You take care of your body and health. You are like home to others. They feel safe around you. You may be falling deeper and deeper but you still seem confident and sexy as f*ck ever. You inspire so many people. You may have big brown eyes. Your hair is so nice maybe they are thick and brown in colour. You should know your existence what they envy :")

Group 11

You may attract many people around you whether it maybe of same gender or opposite gender and you don't realise this. You may have some body positivity issue, you may have a little bit hard time accepting your body as it is but let me tell you something what you are afraid of is the most lovely thing you'll ever have. People love your appearance (your big heart too) because it makes you, you. You may love kids and animals. You somehow look innocent and cute. You may dress sexy but still you end up looking cute, don't be mad at me I can't help it but you are really really cute.

Your smile is something is to die for. You may be a bit shy in front of others and camera too but you are photogenic. You are reserved (that's why I am having a hard time channeling your energy) You want to be loved but you don't know how much love you hold for yourself. You should dive deep into yourself. A whole new world is waiting for you inside you and outside too. Be ready for it. I feel many people are going to choose this group.

You may have evolve very much mentally and physically and your transformation is amazing. Everyone is amazed that this side of you existed within you. You may have become a bit more outgoing and people approach you because you are easygoing and easy to talk to. You hate small talks. Your hair is part of admiration too, you may like to take care of apperance very much. You love your people and that's what makes you special. You are protective of your loved ones. You are like the feeling of butterflies in stomach because you are special to all of them.

Group 111

This group is insane, you are full of talents and intelligence. You may have bullied for this though. I am so sorry if you have to go through something like this. But your energy is like anyone can fall for it. Your manifestation power is on its peak. You think about something and the next moment it's in front of your eyes. You are the mom of your group and everybody loves to listen to you. Your voice is a bit raspy and soothing at the same time, like the ones you listen in asmr.

Not even an insect wants to hurt you. You are really like a glass and no one wants to shatter into pieces but this also attracts some envious people who wants to dim your dazzling light. Dazzling......dazzling is what you are. You are the brightest light who can blind others. You should love yourself more, okay. The best love is self-love and you need to do more of it. You should protect your energy more.

You are really an amazing person, your soul is so pure and innocent. You are a kind person who loves to help other person, the sunshine type of a person. You make other's gloomy day bright. People are lucky to meet you. You may have been judged a lot based on your appearance but it's not true. You know yourself better, the best. You are doing great by just being you, shining your light on others too

❥ Thank you for reading this. That's all I have for you today. If you want to check my other pacs, then click here. Hope you have a great day ahead :)

© fantasticnerdluminary ™ all rights reserved 2022.

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Nine)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Smut, Domestic Violence, Angst

Words: 3,064

Please comment and interact...it's what keeps this blog going

***************************

Almost a week had passed since you stayed with Cillian at his unit in Galway and, despite the fact that he was away, things had further developed between you as emotions grew with every day.

He was different to any man you had ever been involved with and, whilst your involvement with each other stemmed from purely sexual lust and hunger, you had evolved from this to something different entirely within a matter of days.

Of course, you knew each other for years and, whilst you had a crush on Cillian for as long as you could remember, you never thought that it would be like this and, for Cillian, this feeling had never been mutual.

Whilst he always considered you to be attractive and very intelligent and kind, he never felt any emotional connection or sexual attraction towards you, at least not until that weekend when you visited Denise, which was also the first time he saw you again after six months had passed.

On that night during which you slept with each other, he let his sexual hunger take over his reasonable thinking mind after he saw you, in his kitchen, making pancakes and you had since, quite openly, talked about it. He saw sleeping with you as a mistake but, ever since that night, he couldn’t get you out of his head.

For you, things weren’t just sexual anymore and you began to feel strongly for Cillian which worried you especially since he was open about the fact that he didn’t know where things were heading with you. The fact that you are his daughter’s friend and much younger than him clearly bothered him and he sometimes admitted to you that he felt strange about building such a strong connection with you. A relationship was not what he wanted but he liked you, a lot.

As such, during the past week, Cillian called you every day after he finished filming and you were talking to him more frequently than you were talking to Denise.

During his breaks, he would also text you and check in on you as you were in the middle of exams. He always remembered when you had a test and asked you how it went and, when you told him that you didn’t feel confident with your results, he reassured you that you probably did well and, even if you didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. According to him, a pass is a pass and you needed to lower your expectations of yourself just a little.

To your surprise, he also remembered appointments you had scheduled and things that bothered you which meant that, unlike other men you had been with, he was actually listening and was interested in what you had to say.

Some nights, you had spent hours on the phone or Skype, joking about things you had encountered that day or talking about books, literature and music, which is something you both enjoyed.

Politics and social issues were other matters you could discuss endlessly and, even when you were of different opinions, you would be able to argue in the most satisfying way. Cillian always treated you as an equal and even opened up to you about his divorce from Denise’s mother recently.

Another thing you learned from Cillian was that Denise was brining along her friend Amalie to Manchester to stay at his apartment and, when you gave him a warning about her and her intentions, he reminded you that he only had eyes for you. In fact, he always showered you with compliments and all of his compliments were genuine and came natural to him, helping you immensely with your self-consciousness.

Unfortunately, whilst you enjoyed how engaging Cillian was with you every day, like a teenager in love, with the constant text messages and calls, your father soon got suspicious and confronted you about.

****

“Dad, I am almost 22, you don’t need to be spying on me” you said somewhat frustrated as he asked you who you were talking to every day.

“You live under my roof and you answer me young lady” he said harshly and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes just as your mother stepped in, trying to calm him down. Your father was much older, approaching sixty and fairly old school in the way he expected you and your sister to behave.

“A friend…I am talking to a friend” you explained and your father asked again, telling you not to lie to him because he would know.

“And this friend of yours, you can’t meet him…you just text and talk? You can’t bring him to our house and introduce him?” your father asked along with a million other questions.

“No, I can’t. he lives in Dublin and I, most certainly, wouldn’t bring him into this…” you said somewhat irritated by the interrogation.

“Dublin, huh? So, you met him when you visited Denise?” he asked and you nodded.

“It’s not her brother, is it? Because I really don’t want you to get involved with him. I don’t like this family and their views” your father said harshly, causing you to chuckle.

“Their views?” you asked somewhat surprised and your father nodded.

“Yes, their views on what’s right and wrong. If I recall correctly, this girl you call your friend was going out with someone of the same gender for a while. God didn’t tell us to do this but her parents obviously didn’t have an issue with it which, apparently is called new age parenting. Everything is pro choice and lets their children decide what is best for them even if they lack experience” your father went on to say and you couldn’t help but shake your head at his absurd commentary but, he continued and you soon learned what had happened between your parents and Denise’s parents many years ago, before which your mother had called Denise’s mother her friend as well.

According to your father, Cillian had voiced his opinion to your father when it was found out that your sister was pregnant following a short affair with a man she had met through university.

Cillian’s ex wife had told your sister that she had options, causing your father to get rather angry with her, which is when Cillian stepped in, supporting what Denise’s mother had said.

She had offered your sister help but your father considered this to be a betrayal and, whilst your mother maintained contact with Denise’s mother for a while, your father refused to get involved with Denise’s family thereafter.

Cillian’s often all so public views angered him and he made this very clear. He didn’t want you to be involved with his children and you couldn’t help but laugh about the irony of it all when you found out about this incident.

“Jesus Dad, that was years ago and not everyone has to have the same views as you” you said before confirming that you weren’t seeing Denise’s brother.

“No, they don’t, but I am just looking out for you and, instead of acting the way you do, throwing yourself at guys with new age ideas, I would much prefer if you met a nice young catholic man” your father explained, causing your mother to fume in anger with him.

“Throwing myself at guys? Listen, I am not sure what slut you think I am but it’s nice to know that you think so little of me” you said before storming upstairs and into your room.

Having to deal with this crap bothered you and you knew that, when this semester came to an end, you could be moving out now that you saved enough money for a bond and rent.

*****

As the evening went on, you spent all of your time in your room, reading a book until, finally, at around 9 o’clock you saw a notification on Skype.

‘Hey Beautiful’ Cillian said as you picked up and popped in your headphones.

Cillian apologised for calling through so late and informed you that he was finally able to speak to Laura, the woman he was seeing before you.

He knew that you wanted to know about it and he had no problem telling you what you needed to hear while telling you that you had absolutely nothing to worry about.

It was Laura’s first day back on set after a week-long break and Cillian told you that she wasn’t exactly impressed when he stood her down.

‘She probably likes you…I can understand that’ you said calmly but Cillian told you that he was pretty clear with her about what this was between them.

‘Well, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her’ he went on and you were quite happy to change the topic by this point and told him that you were aching for him.

‘Well, I am not sure that I can help you with that’ Cillian chuckled.

‘We could have Skype sex I suppose’ you giggled.

‘Skype Sex?’ Cillian laughed before telling you that he didn’t think that this would be a good idea since you were at home with your parents and you had previously complained about the thin walls of the house.

‘Oh Jesus Cillian, my father already thinks I am a slut, so I personally don’t care if anyone hears me getting myself off. I’ve got my earphones in and am the only one who can hear you and my door is locked’ you chuckled.

‘Your father thinks that you are a slut? Do you want to talk about that?’ Cillian asked concerned but you shook your head.

‘I rather not. You met him and know what he is like’ you explained.

‘I do. He takes God very seriously’ Cillian said before continuing on. ‘But, if you have problems at home you need to tell me please. You can stay at my apartment. I can get my house keeper to meet you there with the key’ he offered.

‘You said you were going to stay out of stuff between me and my parents just as I would stay out of matters between you and Denise’ you then said, reminding him on the conversation about your respective roles which you had three days ago.

‘Yes I did, but I can’t if I have to worry about you’ Cillian said firmly.

‘There is no need to worry Cillian. I promise’ you reassured him. ‘Well, actually, I need you to worry about my sexual needs right now’ you then went on to say with sly grin.

‘Through Skype?’ Cillian asked again somewhat concerned.

‘Yes’ you said with a cheeky smile as you settled more into your bed with your laptop.

‘Alright then, show me what you are wearing” Cillian said as he cut straight to the point.

‘Can you see?’ you asked as you adjusted the cam and showed Cillian your dark blue lingerie.

‘Very nice…but…I think you would look even better if you were naked, don’t you think?’ Cillian said somewhat nervously and you nodded in agreement.

‘Well, I suppose I should strip for you and you should strip for me’ you giggled as you seductively took off your bra slowly, showing Cillian your perky breasts through the camera.

You heard him inhale sharply as he watched you and took his t-shirt off at the same time, leaving him in nothing but his CK briefs.

Without words you then scooted back on the bed and removed your undies, allowing him to watch before you sat down on the bed, spread eagle and naked, giving him a good view of your mound.

‘Jesus Y/N, you are so fucking beautiful and sexy…touch yourself for me, nice and slow’ Cillian breathed out and you let his soothing voice wash over you, knowing what he was trying to do and happily helping him succeed.

‘Like this?’ you moaned as you began to run circles over your clit with your fingers.

‘Yes, just like that babe’ Cillian groaned as he shuffled down his briefs and you were finally getting a good look of his hard cock.

‘Oh god, I want to stroke your cock so badly’ you moaned as you seductively opened your pussy lips with your fingers, opening yourself up before reaching for the black vibrator you kept in your bedside table.

‘Well, someone's particularly horny tonight’ Cillian chuckled as he watched you play with your pussy, and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

You mumbled a small "mhm," and he laughed.

‘Good, that's exactly how I like you, so naughty and needy’ Cillian said as he slowly began to stroke his hard member.

You barely registered his words enough to answer with another "mhm," but your subconscious managed it. Your weak answer elicited another delicious chuckle from the other end of the line.

"Why don't you show me how this little toy of yours works?” Cillian then asked as he watched you eagerly.

“I was just waiting for you to ask” you giggled as you began to run your fingers along your stomach and back up to your chest, leaving a trail of goosebumps their wake before reaching for the vibrator and turning it on.

“Put into your sweet pussy babe, let me see it” Cillian groaned and you moan in response, barely processing his words but still understanding enough to answer and do what he asked.

"I bet your pussy is already dripping” he said as you slid the vibrator into you slowly. He was right, you could feel your wetness pooling.

“I am so fucking wet and I wish it would be your cock inside me” you moaned as you began to stroke the toy in and out of you.

Cillian was groaning on the other side, his eyes full of lust and desire for you and you let out a quiet moan as you watched him with the same desire and hunger while you were pleasuring yourself.

“Good girl, keep going…” Cillian tells you and you moan again hearing it.

“Tell me how much you are aching for my cock” he then said you moaned again.

“I want your cock so badly, fuck…I want your cum inside me, dripping out of my wet little pussy” you moaned, eliciting a groan from Cillian as he began to stroke his cock harder and faster.

“Such a naughty needy girl, aren’t you? I can’t wait to be inside you again and make you cum over and over again” Cillian said with a laboured breath and you are barely listening at this point.

“I want you to cum for me and show me this dripping pussy when you do…I fucking love hearing your moans, so fucking sexy…common babe….let go” Cillian said, knowing that you were close and your orgasm rolled over you as soon as the word 'cum' left his lips, and although your sensitive clit was screaming at your hand to stop, you couldn't.

‘Oh god fuck, yes…’ you moaned as you came hard and fast.

“That’s it babe, don’t stop” he instructed as your moans continuously spilled from your mouth, and you were not even sure what you were saying or if you were forming words at all. The only thing in your head is a deliciously heavy fog and Cillian’s voice guiding you to do what he wanted.

“Don’t stop, keep fucking your sweet little pussy babe” Cillian ordered as he knew you weren’t done and, just as he did, you let out a high-pitched moan, bordering on a scream, as an even stronger orgasm washed over your body.

‘Cum for me babe…I want to see all this cum’ you moaned in return, focusing on the delicious image in front of you as Cillian was stroking his cock and, just when you finally come back down you heard Cillian groan loudly.

“Fuck” he groaned as he stroked his cock hard and fast you watched rope after rope of cum spurt onto his stomach.

‘Oh god, what a waste, I want to lick your cum off your skin so badly” you breathed out as Cillian came down from his high slowly and used a tissue to clean himself up.

‘Stop saying those things or you have to stay on the line for another twenty minutes at least’ Cillian chuckled as he could feel his manhood stir again.

‘Well, I think you shouldn’t cum again until you come to visit me in Galway the weekend after next…I want you to save it all for me’ you said, causing Cillian to cock an eyebrow as he pulled his briefs back up.

‘Fat chance babe’ he chuckled, knowing that going without an orgasm for nine days would be rather difficult for him.

Eventually, after a lot of begging, he agreed to try but he wouldn’t be able to make you any promises to this effect.

***

The following day, you went to work and then university thereafter but, when you eventually returned home, your father was in a worse mood than ever before.

‘Can you explain this to me?’ he asked angrily as soon as you walked through the door and you couldn’t help but gulp when he pointed to a white box which he had placed on the living room table.

‘You went through my personal belongings’ you huffed out as the box contained some lingerie and intimate items, including toys, that you were hiding in the bottom of your dresser.

‘Again Y/N, this is my house, my rules and I don’t want my daughter to own filth like this’ he said, after having heard small pieces of your conversation with Cillian on Skype the evening before.

It was obvious to you that your father was appalled and you were outraged that he had been snooping through your room and, as you would later learn, had even tried to access your computer.

‘I can’t fucking believe you dad. These are my personal belongings and you have no right to go through them’ you huffed out and, just as you did, you could feel a sharp strike across your face.

‘Get this shit out of my house and talk to me with some respect’ he said harshly, leaving you speechless and in tears as he walked away, leaving your cheek burning red.

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