#Idk if I should tag this with the usual fandom tags
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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Regarding some of Anya's choices after the crash
I think a lot about how, the whole time, Anya must at least suspect that Jimmy crashed the ship. I think it's extremely likely she knows Jimmy crashed the ship. but she never confronts him with this. I haven't played the game in a few months, but iirc, it's implied she doesn't tell Swansea right away either - I think the scene with them talking/implying they were talking comes a few months post-crash? (I think she did tell Swansea her suspicions, or at least he correctly concluded that Jimmy was the culprit after learning that Jimmy raped her.)
My personal interpretation - and this is very vibes based - is that Anya was doing very pragmatic, very difficult, even in a sense cold-blooded, game theory in her head after the crash. For obvious reasons I'm very hesitant to discuss her death by suicide in positive terms, but I do think in a lot of senses, because this is such an extreme and unusual situation, she was "right" that dying at that time spared her pain in the long run.
Anya is in survival mode when the ship crashes. She's thinking in terms of holding out until they get rescued. Jimmy is a secondary threat now - she doesn't try to prevent him from getting the code scanner or the axe. Starvation and suffocation are much more imminent threats; Anya plays along with his ego to keep the peace and get support for plans like raiding the cargo or accessing the secondary medical supplies.
The crew supposedly has about four months of food at the start of the game (two months after the crash). They're at least two months after that on judgment day, when Anya dies by suicide. The cargo was useless. The backup medical supplies were over-the-counter NSAIDs. Anya has no abortifacients. She doesn't have the supplies or the assistance for surgical abortion. She's, presumably, still pregnant. It's still relatively early, and she's surely not getting the nutrition her body needs for the healthy weight gain that supports a pregnancy, but she could start showing any day. What would Jimmy do to her when her own body became constant visible evidence of what he did? Also, it's possible Jimmy is still violent towards Anya during the post-crash events of the game and the player doesn't get to see it because Jimmy doesn't think of those moments as important. Anya sleeps under a Polle statue that makes noise when someone moves near it - a motion alarm? It's destroyed in later chapters. Maybe just someone getting sick of the stupid slogans, but...
In this very specific science fiction life-or-death scenario, where the chances of anyone coming to save them are effectively zero, and they know for a fact that they do not have enough food or water or air and there is literally no way to get enough to survive, and she was completely physically trapped with a violent and abusive "leader" who was motivated to kill and harm her specifically, I think Anya made the very difficult but also very well-informed calculation that she would suffer less if she died at that point and decided to act on it. I don't think she really wanted to doom Curly to a horrible death by neglect on that table, but I don't think she had access to anywhere else she could take the pills without people being able to break in and try to stop her. Or hurt her while she was dying.
When she was talking to Jimmy through the door, she could have thrown the crash into his face. But I don't think she cared about that. Anya doesn't interpret her decisions in terms of Jimmy's actions. She interprets it through the lens of her worldview. What it meant to her, for her to make the choices she made.
#mouthwashing#suicide tw#suicide cw#i don't usually tag triggers and i don't want to give the expectation that i will. i will not.#but i kind of feel like i should in this case since i'm using the general fandom tag and am discussing her mindset in such a way? idk#i think if people find that topic triggering then they would likely find this post more triggering than my previous posts about the game
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I try not to make a lot of original posts on topics I don't actually have any expertise on, but I haven't seen a whole lot of posts going around that actually... explain what happened and why? Like, the actual order of events, the history, and so on. I want to reblog reference posts and explanations by people who actually know what they're talking about, but I haven't seen anything that hits the buttons I need to actually get a political situation... but I have seen some stuff on other platforms.
So here are some videos I've personally found useful in understanding Israel-Palestine, because that's the format I've found most useful in processing information of this nature:
Why Israel was Originally Attacked from RealLifeLore (explains the decades of political dynamics, internal demographic tensions, and power shifts leading up to the current conflict; notably the best I've seen at actually explaining what 'Israeli Occupation' actually means)
Israel-Hamas War: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) (commentary on the actual current situation in terms of who's getting attacked, why, and what the international ramifications so far are)
What's Happening in Israel and Why with Nathan Thrall from Adam Conover, series Factually (a discussion with an on-the-ground journalist about what life was like on the ground for Palestinian people in the areas under Israeli control during the last few years, just up to the attacks themselves)
I'm not going to claim these are comprehensive or completely unbiased (there are a few moments where I'm not entirely sure of the bias levels myself), but for people like myself who came into all this unsure of what the actual situation even is, I think these are a solid set to build up an basic understanding from which to put together opinions on future information.
I can't tell anyone what to think about how or why any of this is happening. I can only really tell you that what's going on right now is a crime on the level of attempted genocide, and that the years leading up to that have been an absolute mess on almost all fronts.
Again, I have no expertise on this subject. I just know what kind of video essay, political commentary, and interview style makes things understandable to me, personally, and might work for others. Please be courteous and kind in the comments and tags, as I am only sharing this because I haven't seen such a resource making the rounds yet, not actually trying to sway anyone in a particular direction beyond "the mass death needs to stop."
If you know of similar, relatively unbiased* resources, feel free to share.
* By 'relatively unbaised,' I don't mean taking or not taking a side; I just mean that it doesn't try to hide some information or other in favor of pushing a narrative, doesn't try to generalize a population, or doesn't seem to be trying to use emotional gut reactions to get readers or viewers to jump past reason or compassion.
#israel#palestine#israel palestine conflict#palestine israel conflict#not fandom#politics#current events#resources#information#video essays#interviews#political commentary#I'm not even sure how to tag this#I'm not even sure I should be making this post because it's not really my place. But. IDK it feels like 'hour long video essay' etc#is a much better resource to explain things than the usual 2 minute videos I see circulating#and the 2minute videos have a purpose! But. they're not really explaining everything#I didn't know that Israeli Occupation applied to regions outside the original Sykes Picot agreement until I read an article a few weeks ago#and I didn't UNDERSTAND it until the RealLifeLore video
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opening ko-fi sketch/ doodle requests for LMK, transformers or cotl!
ko-fi link here
theres a small list of rules on kofi, but ill paste them here too, and theres some examples of sketches below. (if youre worried, theres no expectation on you to make a req by interacting with this post lol)
you can put your req in the message when you tip a ko-fi, and ill post the reqs on tumblr and ko-fi when im done
Rules:
im taking LMK, transformers or cotl sketch/ doodle reqs!
ill do canon/ mostly canon designs for characters unless suggested otherwise
if requesting an oc please message me on tumblr with a clear ref of them (if theyre in lego style, ill doodle them in lego style)
meme redraw suggestions are fine as long as you can provide the image/text (please message it to me on tumblr)
NOT doing:
NSFW
oc/self insert x canon character
#shark talks#mk#tf#lego monkie kid#transformers#idk if people usually put these in the tags? so i wont tag much but. its here hi#ANYWAY DJDHSKSHSSKJDSH#you know i havent posted any tf art but ive been in the fandom since i was 12 they are Easy for me to draw at this point kdhdksmsn#ig i should tag with#my art#bc this is the first upload for the tf stuff?#anyway yea
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Chat, if I were to, hypothetically, start a business selling stuff (keychains, stickers, cards, prints, commissions, etc), when should I start? I was thinking around June or July of 2025 (to get supplies ready), but should I wait till I have, like, a bigger following?
(BTW, all the merch would be of literally any fandom I'm in. I would be a mixed book)
#should I put tags?#idk they help me reach ppl usually#guess i will#newsies#greek mythology#omniscient reader's viewpoint#be more chill#the song of achilles#the outsiders#falsettos#mcyt#qsmp#south park#west side story#hamilton#heathers#dear evan hansen#epic the musical#<- pretty sure im in more fandoms but oh well#AbysmalStarrs Needs Helps
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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Every so often I think about the proshipper I saw who defended proshipping in FNaF by saying “One of the biggest ships is literally necrophilia” (talking about Jeremike)
Michael Afton is a consenting adult, actually. They both are. (In most/almost all Jeremike) Literally completely different from whatever you are doing. Please knock it off.
#proshippers dni#I do not know how to spell nercophilia#I hope I did it right#idk if I should tag this with the usual stuff#I’m not even a huge shipper in fandom but I’m still mad about this
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Idk what it is that makes me fixate so hard on one specific thing for years at a time, but I need it to chill out 😭 DnDads has been my only long-term media interest for like 1 and 1/2 years now, and it’s BORING to only like one thing ever lol I’m BORED!!! I need other things to be interested in, but I struggle with getting into new stuff (other than video games) sooo bad :(
That said, if you have DnD podcast recs that have interesting characters……… GIMME 👀 Also where the early episodes aren’t a nightmare to listen to 🙏 I have never listened to any other DnD podcasts, and I think it’s mostly bc the earlier seasons are always poor audio quality or like 3 hours long 😭 I’m also good with any type of narrative podcast. I just want compelling characters and platonic/familial dynamics pls. Stuff I can write sad shit about!! But also not TOO sad the whole time… maybe a little bit silly idk
So far, ones I’ve written down to listen to are Cast Party and Friends at the Table? I don’t know anything about either of them, though so? Also I keep seeing my mutuals posting Oxventure and Woe.Begone (although the latter isn’t a DnD podcast.. I think?) sooooo let me know your thoughts. And recommendations! Send me your propaganda! Tell me about your blorbos
#the only podcasts I’ve really listened to are dndads and tma#but not the new tma one or whatever it’s called#I don’t really remember anything about it and was never into the fandom anyway#it was interesting ig but just not for me#I listened to it on 2x speed 😭#I’ve also listened to a bit of wtnv and it was fun#but I also just wasn’t super invested. I like the concept a lot though hehe#anyway pls give me podcast recs. you guys can probably assume my favorite types of characters/relationships#I’m easy to read lol#tv show and book series recs are also appreciated#but idk I feel like there are probably a lot of podcasts and audio dramas I’m missing out on#and I drive 45 mins - 1 hour pretty often so it’s nice to have something I can listen to instead of sitting down with#also my last super long-term media interest was fucking danganronpa 😭#which I exclusively fixated on and talked about ad nauseum for like 4 years so. so yeah#chalcy stuff#tma#danganronpa#<- remembered I should probably tag things that aren’t what I usually post lol sorry#hopefully the other stuff doesn’t need tags
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recently drew a new pfp for my aro sideblog and I'm deciding to post it on here bcs I can <3
anyways Aether self portrait bcs why not 👍
#my art#casually gives myself pointy teef bcs im silly like that#idk what else i should tag this as lmao#usually i just post fandom shit and therefore have 20 bajillion other tags to add after my silly goofy tag commentary#anyways#if i bullshit my way through enough tags my brain will say its okay#also kinda interesting seeing like . how i draw myself vs how i actually look .#i often make myself fatter or ill exaggerate the color in my hair or add more piercing than i actually have#and i make my hair more poofy but ill die before i stop drawing my hair big#i dont care if my hair irl is flatter than peter nureyevs ass my online avatar WILL have big hair <3 whos gonna stop me <3#anyways this drawing is a lot closer to how i look than i usually draw myself#idk sbndjsm#undescribed
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Do you think the Demon Bull Family will enter the plot again? I think a lot of parallels between MK and Red Son have come around this season and it'd be interesting to explore
Oh please share your Red Son and MK related thoughts with me! I'm not quite sure what you're talking about specifically, but of course the DBK - Wukong / Red Son - MK parallel is always fun.
I don't think the Demon Bull Family will ever be shoved out of the plot entirely, at the VERY least we'll get something like how they were integrated in s4, but with Wukong, Macaque, and DBK all being previous members of the brotherhood I hope we get to explore their relationship a bit more!
I hold onto my crumbs, and so I remember Wukong's little "I've honestly missed that guy" from Revenge of the Spider Queen, and maybe deep down I want that to be explored. It seems like we're going to get into why Wukong stayed up on flower fruit mountain for all that time, and part of that might involve why he sealed DBK away/his feelings on that whole situation. And honestly if DBK is involved, then Red Son is involved. Red Son's admiration for his father is very similar to the admiration MK has for Monkey King, so maybe there's something to be explored there!
#god I should get into fic writing#I've started doing a lot of new things in the lmk fandom so maybe I add that to my list!#Like before this year I hadn't ever written a theory post or any form of meta or done gif making or even edited a video#But now I've tried all those things and I'm having fun!#I haven't written a single fanfic in my life but I have done rp. So maybe I give it a shot!#A convo of Red Son sharing his experiences with his father and MK reflecting on his experiences with Monkey King would be.#So spicy like I'm into that#I think anything I'd write would be very different from what the lmk fandom usually sees and a lot more like the fic from the tdp fandom#but that's just this whole blog asfadsf#look someone out there had to catalog all of the insane writing they shove into this stupid lego show. And after all why not?#Why shouldn't I spend way too much of my free-time doing exactly that?#Why shouldn't I throw all of my crack ideas out there?#asks#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk analysis#lmk speculation#ummm yeah sure#idk what to tag this post
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i have thoughts about friendship and amatonormativity. they're not very organized but they are here. I just wanted to warn anyone that might randomly see my posts sometimes that sometime I might show up with a long post about friendship and amatonormativity.
#random stuff on my account like usual#amatonormativity#friendship#aspec#idk if i should tag this as aromantic or arospec like is related to me but it might not be to everyone else and I don't wanna mess with tags#i know people go into specific tags to see specific content like once i tagged a blog about how i prefer a some character pairing as friends#and thinking romance didn't made sense between them and i tag it with the ship's name because i thought thats how it works you know#in my head a ship is not just romantic any kind of relationship analysis between this two characters are fair game to me#but someone commented on that post questioning my tag so i changed cuz i understood people went to that tag to see romantic stuff#idk I'm overthinking this whole thing#i've never been the same even since that anon called me a whiny little bitch for complaining about how i was trying not to argue+#+with the gilmore girls fandom under a yt short i commented and got pinned for soem reason
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as an avid AU hater I really gotta hand it to the few AUs I've read that are just so evocative I forget they're not even remotely canon-adjacent
#this is about dissonant harmony (lc) on ao3#but there are other LC AUs that ive liked#in any other fandom i won't even look at an AU but the LC tag moves slow enough that i'll read pretty much anything posted#and there are some good AUs 👍 still not my thing overall but i will admit i do indeed fuck with a few of them#there was a prince cxs x knight lg one too? not sure that one's status but i enjoyed it when i came across it#the ones that are canon AUs idk if i should count. like priest/vampire and neo aurora I'll usually read and enjoy regardless bc precedent#but i can point out at least two for each of those canon AUs that i fuck really hard with#blanking on titles except for blood of the covenant and i don't think that one's updating anymore 😔 but there are definitely others
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I have that problem where I sit with my WIPs too long and then they don’t excite me as much anymore.
I need something to consume me again.
#don't mind me#and like I still like the wips I have#don't get me wrong#and I desperately WANT to be consumed by a few of them#it's just not happening#this is truly the reason I shouldn't be allowed to write on my phone#I write all the fun bits and then I'm done#sigh anyways#maybe I should crank out the few things I want to do for upcoming fandom days#and go from there#I put significantly less expectations on myself with fanfic#ironically enough#and honestly the red tide is probably not currently helping me#tbh I was hoping the tag game a few weeks ago would garner interest for anything but#per usual...nope#so of course the question is what do I want to write for myself?#and the answer is idk
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🗣️Eddie Munson Fic Recs
This is gonna have a sappy start before I get into the fic rec portion: but I just wanted to say that at the end of May 2022, I was finishing up my first year of law school. It was rough, challenging, lonely, and basically everything you’d expect and I was in a bad place and the fandom I’d been in was slowing down just naturally. I truly wish I could remember how I even became aware of Eddie Munson because stranger things wasn’t really on my radar anymore and whoever I followed at the time that started to veer off into Eddie-mania, thank you. In the two years since then, I’ve graduated and become the worlds babiest lawyer and I genuinely owe a lot to this fandom and community on here for giving me a fun, usually safe, creative place to escape to when it got rough.
I’m just hoping to maybe remind people that there are already an incredible, incredible amount of existing stories to read and talk about that deserve your attention and love if you’re looking to read some Eddie stories. Some of these will be fics I’ve recommended before but I’m going to try my best to pull together writers and fics that I love and think everyone should read in the hopes that someone like me who still scrolls through eddie tags looking for my nightly bedtime story can find something new to them to read! ✨
Previous Fic Rec list here!! some overlap but there’s no such thing as too much hype for these writers
@munson-blurbs I hope it’s ok but I’m linking Bug’s full masterlist here because I have genuinely loved everything she has written. There are blurbs, series, and special events which are all incredible and worth a read! Bug is currently still writing the “Living after Midnight” series which is my current obsession and features rockstar!eddie x motelheiress!reader and it’s angst and lust galore
@corroded-hellfire also sharing the Eddie Masterlist here because there’s so many fics to read!! As You Wish, Big Brown Eyes, Where the Heart Is are all incredible but truly there’s so much here to enjoy
@upsidedownwithsteve SIMMER!! jk I’m actually linking the Eddie Masterlist here too because I love them all but “I Want You To Want Me” and “Simmer” are out of this world
@pinkrelish The Yes Policy I love it, you love it, we all love it and if you haven’t caught up yet oh my god I wish I was you and could read these chapters for the first time again
@ghost-proofbaby I’ve previously told people to go read 24 Hours, and you should, that’s an order; but Maroon is ongoing! and it’s actually infiltrating my every thought so go on over and get caught up bc I think it’s safe to say things are getting amped up
@trashmouth-richie I have also previously recommended Honey, I’m Home because it’s a work of art but Ziggy has a new mini series “Crash + Fall” that I’m completely obsessed with the concept for and I’ve loved every piece so far!
@tiannasfanfic I just reblogged Conviction again but I genuinely am not exaggerating when I say I think about this story and these two monthly and try and find this story all the time to re-read it endlessly. It’s a really lovely story of unplanned pregnancy and two characters not realizing they’ve been smitten for each other the whole time and I love it
@carolmunson I’m sharing another Eddie Masterlist here because I’d be making this post far too long but Carol’s stories are all incredible, complex, and honest. “Let’s go, don’t wait” just got updated and I had to read it like 3 times last night because it was too good to just read one and done
@rebelfell I just discovered Sarah’s blog after reading the most recent “Frenemy” fic and idk what I was doing wrong to not already follow her and not have already read her whole Masterlist but I’m linking the whole thing bc she’s so good!!
@the-au-thor I also only just discovered Elle’s blog and that’s criminal but thank god I found Babysitting Mun because I am a sucker for rockstar!eddie and this series has me on the edge of my seat rn
@storiesbyrhi I’m sharing the Masterlist folks because I have genuinely loved every single story and series and I have read them all now (some several times). So many of Rhi’s stories have a wonderful warm witchy vibe that I crave and I’ve read Siouxsie and the Soulmates, The Cabin in the Woods, Our Patron Saint of the Arts, Vintage Reeboks, and Burning Yarrow (insert screaming fan gif) multiple times now
@heart-eyed-love this fic is the epitome of a soft, cozy, domestic night with Eddie and if you need a hug read this 🥹
@eddieandbird I JUST got caught up on Eddie/Tour Manager series and I’m fully obsessed and desperate to know how they’re gonna navigate this - for folks new to the story, Eddie and his tour manager accidentally drunkenly get married- what could go wrong??
@eiightysixbaby the scream I scrumped when I finished reading Princess Leia, and Other Wishes - look bffs to lovers is already my absolute weakness on this earth but then you had to make it witty and funny and FLUFFY I just can do nothing but re-read and pine
@superblysubpar I’m still obsessed with this addition to The Boy is Mine writing challenge and oh god it’s so good 😩
…and while we’re talking about it - here’s the entire The Boy is Mine masterlist with an INSANE amount of incredible stories to read
@the-unforgivenn !!! tumblr hates me and deleted this bullet (so if you already saw this post, no you didn’t) but And I Need You to Know is a proper novel! I can’t imagine how much time, love, effort, planning, and work went into creating this insane and absolutely incredible world but everyone needs to read this!! and then follow up with She’s So Cold bc I love it and I am so reader
~~ this is not the end nor an exhaustive list! I just wanted to put something out there now that I plan to build on because I know I’m always scrolling and searching for new things to read or old things to revisit ♥️ ~~
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x you#eddie munson angst#eddie munson au#eddie x reader
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men, minors dni
sevika x prostitute!reader
sometimes life gets worse, before it becomes better. luckily sevika ready to help you with it.
a\n: i hate how half of this fandom makes "sexy sevika in a brothel" jokes. this was written with the strong despisement for anyone who supports swork and thinks that it's freeing in any shape or form. it's NOT a light one, i'd say, so please be careful with the content you're consuming. also inform me if i should change something about the tags or tws
tw: mention of suicide, not explicit describtion of SA, drug abuse
tags: angst, hurt\comfort (kinda?), no smut (idk if i can call it sfw, sex is mentioned but not with sevika), happy ending
whispers run through the main hall, they won't stop repeating for half an hour at least, every worker and guest is too excited or nervous to be in the haunting dog of zaun's presence. "she's here". "sevika came". it won't be surprising if someone suggests placing a bet who she'll choose next, now that her favorite girl is dead.
well, that's the thing really, you couldn't care less for anyone in here and especially sevika. your best friend is dead and you can't even mourn her properly, because there's always "clients demand our full attention, girls, don't forget that" and "no alcohol or drugs, unless our guests want it, girls". there's numbing pain tugging at you heart, making you want to vomit every time you have to think of your loss and there's no way to drink yourself to oblivion to not feel all this.
so far, the night was calm. the only man for the night left you alone an hour ago after mindlessly fucking you face down into the mattress for couple of minutes and disappearing as soon as he finished. you could only hope for it go as smoothly but luck wasn't on your side for some time now. a shadow looms over before you notice who it belongs to.
you raise your eyes. sevika. "of course," you think, "cause the day needs to get worse".
"are you free?" she asks bluntly. no greetings, no small talk. that's normal really, manageable. it's usually way worse when the client wants to spill all their heartache or frustration before what they actually came for.
"not even gonna buy girl a drink?" you try to put on your prettiest face, smiling coyly and frowning in a fake pout, hoping she'll let you get at least a bit drunk.
"no, come on". she just turns around and heads towards the second floor to the private rooms.
a scream dies somewhere on a tip of your tongue, leaving sour taste.
you have to hurry after her, people as powerful as sevika hate nothing more than to wait and there's no reason to get on her bad side. it's nerve wracking, scary even, to guess what kind of client she will be. there're not much women who come here and not one of them has ever chosen you. a risk of sevika getting frustrated and dissatisfied with your inexperience is high and definitely not what you want since if the customer is angry then madame is angry and you'll be punished in some way.
you take a look at sevika again, following her step by step. she holds herself with great confidence, understandable for someone with such a status, broad shoulders, perfect posture, full heavy steps that make people move out of her path.
you reach the room finally, dreadfully. sevika sits down in the chair waiting for you to lock the door. as you do so, you turn back to her, sliding the straps off your minidress down.
"wait, no." sevika stops you. "i'm not here for this. just sit down." she gestures to the bed and you follow her orders, confused but not daring to ask.
the silence follows. you sit in your place trying not to breathe too hard, a blank expression on your face, while sevika thinks something through.
"you knew yana?" you basically jump in place, hearing your friend's name. "i mean... she was your friend?"
"she is my friend." you snap unexpectedly even for yourself but don't correct the words or make an attempt at apologizing no matter how dangerous that move is.
the corner of sevika's lip rises a little in a smirk but it's gone as fast as it appeared.
"she's dead." "doesn't change the fact that she's my friend." gods, why can't you shut up.
there's a pure rage boiling inside of you. it's painful when no one in this fucking place took time to acknowledged her death. another whore killing herself, what's the news really? but this... it's worse, the way sevika seems more amused with the fact than, you don't know, at least sad that one of her favorites is no longer here.
silence again. sevika studies you like she's trying to find something. the gaze is different from what you usually get from customers, burning, suffocating glances of men who look you over, imagine what you would look like naked under them before making there choice and passing several bills to madame.
"you have a lot of friends here?" what the fuck is she on about?
"i don't run my mouth if that's what you need."
"that's not what i asked." the smirk again. "but whatever."
she lights a cigarette and makes a few puffs. as the smell reaches you, you can't help but scrunch your nose, never appreciative of the smell. as she sees your dissatisfaction, she clicks her tongue and reaches for the ashtray, putting the cigarette down.
"here's what we gonna do. i'll sleep here till morning and you just... i don't know, do your thing? sleep too?" she waves her hand in the air.
you have to take a moment before her words actually lock in. "what?" sevika doesn't strike you as the type to use some euphemisms when she talks about sex, "sleep" here actually seems like she means it.
"you heard me. i already paid for the whole night if you're worried about it." she gives no further explanation and just leans back, dropping her head on the chair and closing her eyes. it's better not to disturb her. there's not much to say or do for you so you just sit there for a while, listening to the steady breathing and fall asleep yourself, not ready to give up a prospect of a calm night. when you wake up in the morning, sevika isn't there.
she comes and goes. for the last two weeks sevika visited you almost every day. the nights go basically the same. nothing much happens, though she becomes more and more chatty with every meeting.
you know her favorite food, know how her day went, know what she thinks about every chem-baron. in return sevika knows what're your favorite flowers, knows what your childhood was like, knows how you got into the brothel.
she's always so nonchalant about her questions, trying not to make a big deal out of it, like she's simply asking to fill the space. but working in a place like this teaches you read people easily and it becomes clear very quickly that sevika is actually searching for something. you're not sure if it's safe to give her the information she wants to hear but it's been too long since you had a person to talk to. it becomes easy to pretend like she actually interested in your stories and opinions.
she also now sleeps in a bed with you, leaving her place in the chair on the third night when you offer it yourself. she's one of those people who can fall asleep on a whim anywhere and anytime, you guess. or she's just very good at pretending.
and when she does fall asleep you lie awake, looking at her, replaying everything she said earlier in your head, trying to make sense of it, of her.
you get caught eventually. one night she just opens her eyes as she wakes up (if she's slept at all) and looks straight at you. both of you lie on your sides, facing each other. nothing is said for good five minutes, she's studying your features as well as you do hers in a dim glow of the lamp post outside the window.
"wanna know a secret?" sevika finally breaks the comfortable silence, a light smirk on her lips. you nod your head slowly, not breaking the eye contact.
"i'm getting you out of here."
the sentence doesn't register, so you have to ask her to repeat it.
"i'm getting. you. out." she says again, slowly, dividing the words.
you rise up swiftly, leaning yourself on the elbow. "you're not funny." of course it's some twisted joke, what else could it be. anger ready to overtake you easily.
the smirk grows wider on her face. "im serious, sweetheart."
that's when she tells you. probably the craziest thing you've ever heard. her visits to the brothel were never for any sexual pleasures, mostly getting intel for her and, by extant, silco's plans. till couple of months ago when she took on a mission of getting such a business out of zaun.
yana was suppose to be one of the first women who sevika and her team would save. they were late in the end.
"why didn't you tell her?" you ask partially frustrated at the coincidence of circumstances and sevika. if only yana knew that the help was on the way, she would still be alive, probably free from her prison. instead she just couldn't handle the life she thought she's bound to till her dying day or when she'll become old enough for madame to throw her out on the streets cause she wouldn't bring enough money.
"i was afraid to risk it, she was too unstable to be trusted such an information for a long term." sevika sighs heavily, dragging a hand through her face. "that was a wrong move on my end."
"and yet you're telling me this two weeks later? there were no guarantee for you that i wouldn't do the same."
"i... had to take a gamble. i knew basically nothing about you before. yana did share some stories but that wasn't enough to ease my anxieties."
you talk and talk and talk. about yana, about your life here. you throw question after question to her and she doesn't seem to get tired of answering you.
"why me? or why... not everyone at once?"
"it's impossible to do this in one go without much practice. look at this as us dipping toes in the water."
"so i'm a guinea pig?" sevika opens her mouth to argue but closes it immediately, realizing that you're only teasing her.
"no, you're something i can fix. give me a week more, okay?" she says it with such confidence in her voice that you got nothing else to do but to believe her.
sevika comes every night now, trying to take as much as she can of your working time so others won't get to you. there's a slight tug of guilt somewhere in your heart, because there's probably girls in the brothel who need this more, who can handle less than you, who just got here and weren't that much ruined with the way people treat them like some meat to jerk off to.
"your arm."
you look over yourself. it is an old bruise that got her concerned, one of the clients getting too harsh. you don't remember much, he let you have a blunt, you didn't ask of what, before everything occurred. it's yellow already, few days more and it'll disappear.
"fuck. probably smudged my makeup somewhere."
sevika's look is heavy, fixed on the spot.
"it's nothing, don't worry."
"it's not nothing." she's now looking straight into your eyes, there's a dangerous fire gleaming and it's impossible to hold her gaze so you just look to the side, noticing her fingers digging into an armrest. it is not nothing, you both know that. but all you can think of is that you would love to feel sevika's palm on you, covering the damned bruise, letting you dream it was never there.
no, you deserve to run as much as the next person. and it's not like you're gonna be the only one. like sevika told you, it's only the beginning.
"good news", sevika says and there's a smile on her face. you're not sure if you ever saw her smile. not a grin or a smirk that she gives everyone here but a genuine, warm smile. she looks lovely with it and you can't help but smile too back at her, not even knowing the reason.
"like what?"
the morning air is cool, autumn starts to take the reigns of nature. there's only a set of underwear and a nightgown on you so you shiver and hug yourself. you couldn't take any of your belongings, she said yesterday night, when she finally announced that it's time to set the plans in motion. some kind of big cloth, a poncho, you regester not as fast as you'd like to, lends on your shoulders, warm from the body heat of it's owner.
"sorry, that's all i got for now. need to get to the safe house, have actually some clothes for you."
you nod dumbfounded and just follow her. everything feels like a dream really, that about to be ripped away and you'll simply wake up back in the room that smells of head numbing incenses, ready to greet another customer.
you look over the clothes she gave you, simple pair of brown jeans, a black turtleneck and a jacket. the jeans are a size too big for you but nothing a belt can't fix.
"the plans to get you out changed so quick, i completely forgot to buy something your size."
"was it for her?" you don't need the answer, you know it already.
"yeah."
there're tears falling down that you can't control. you cry silently, turned away from sevika. you're not sure if she actually doesn't notice or just wants to give you space when she finally says "alright, gonna step out for you to change, meet me in the kitchen when you're ready."
as she takes a step to the door you lounge yourself at her, grabbing calloused hand and tugging it to your waist, looking for contact. now only you can do is cry, your sobs becoming louder and louder, your throat hurts like hell, you won't be able to speak later for sure.
there's a stream of "thankyouthankyouthankyou" coming from your mouth, your body basically presses inside sevika's. she doesn't answer. her other hand gently covers the crown of your head, guiding your tearful face to her chest and she lets you rest it there.
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some other adventures from this have been
three CONSECUTIVE scenes of kuwabara going "you're NOT gonna die on me again urameshi :((" during genkai's tournament. they JUST cut to him for that and then cut away it's SICKENING. like heyy reminder that kuwabara was traumatized a bit by yusuke's death teehee and then back to like. exploding shuriken fights
realizing how much they lean into the "fight me fight me fight me" stuff in the rando arc and how much less that's the case with time because like. they actually become friends who have other stuff to talk about now :)
great beasts/maze castle/saint beasts/WHATEVER arc (and genkai's tourny) has just. they're telling each other to shut up Constantly like even more than i thought
i think i mentioned this a while back but im working on an "every kuwameshi" video right (yes it's ridiculous i know somebody take them away from me) and i just need to say im so fucking sick of editing the saint beasts arc </3 pls i love that one normally but this section of the video is like. 70% silent group shots it's so bad and not fun to watch or edit and i hate it :[
#ok i know i said in the tags that i was really committed to the 'EVERY kuwameshi' thing but i might get rid of the shots where thhey're not#like. posing or interacting or talking or anything bc that's just not really worth it#it'd make it faster and probably better to watch#but i'm also worried that my focus on condensing it when i know it's gonna be such a long video#means that it'll be kind of an overwhelming barrage of content otherwise. which wouldn't be good for a long video like this#so group shots like that can create natural breaks. idk i'm not sure#i have not done this before :/ and i hopefully won't do it again with a series this long like holy hell#i will also say that some of the magic of kuwameshi is a little lost in that just because you have no point of reference for like#how they act w each other vs with everyone else. both in similarities and differences#you don't get a good grasp on how common these moments are relatively speaking and you don't get a great sense of their group dynamics#and it actually makes me kind of sad to hone in on only those two because like. everyone is so damn special there#i don't like yyh bc i think kuwabara and yusuke should kiss or whatever it's bc of how well realized these relationships (esp the#friendships and not-quite-friendships) are. they're so multifaceted that focusing on only two characters robs the audience of the context#those moments sit in. kuwameshi + hiei vs kuwameshi + botan vs kuwameshi + genkai are all different and special dynamics and by clipping#only those two it kind of flattens things a little. at least if you don't make an effort to pay attention to the remaining context while#watching. however i love those two and highlighting their relationship specifically doesn't inherently mean that they're the only ones#i think worth your time nor the only characters i care to see them interact with. yyh is very special to me and i don't want to diminish it#by reducing it to something with a couple of peak homoerotic relationships. it's far far better than that#however. since this is a tiny fandom and kuwameshi isn't exactly the most popular dynamic in the world i feel a little better doing so#because it's like.. it's not as if it'll sway the fandom's conversations THAT hard away from all the stuff we love about yyh right?#such that the ship is known before the media itself. at least that's what i hope. there's pieces of media i'm attached to mostly for certai#characters or dynamics and that's usually limited to media i'm not That into. but yyh is MINE and i don't want anyone to think this is all#about it that matters to me. ugh idk why i'm getting so worked up about this i just. don't want it to be reduced to uwu gayboy stuff ig#like yeah uwu gayboys you're not wrong i just. there's More Going On There#and although i like to think i focus on the Other Stuff a decent amount in all the media that means a lot to me it's very important that i#make sure to do that with yyh. i guess.#anyway im also thinking about making a kuwabara cat mention video. i have like 8 lines/scenes i'm thinking of lol#(there's more than i thought so ig i'll wait and as i work keep an eye out for more of em)
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