#ITS ON A SUBCONSCIOUS LEVEL
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every time I try to quit this stupid world of mine i end up having the most vivid dream about my paracosm that's all parts emotional and intimate and jarring and it's too bright and vivid like I can literally feel things brush up on my skin and people's laughter rumble in their chests. And I'm just supposed to get up the next morning and stay sober and be okay? Go fuck yourself
#literally talking about me#i need to fuck off#its a level of self sabotage i do not understand#ITS ON A SUBCONSCIOUS LEVEL#help#maladaptive daydreamers#maladaptive daydreaming disorder#actually maladaptive#maladaptive daydreaming#actually madd#madder#maladaptive problems#maladaptive coping#madd thoughts#madd problems#madd things
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i can't deal with how people react to body hair and fat and scars and asymmetry on women. it is like a toddler tantrum every time someone whines about it like. you are talking about human beings do you know what that they are and what that means
#its so dehumanizing#i cant deal w the level of surreal aesthetic appeal ppl consciously and subconsciously demand of each other
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/ The masculine urge to make an incredibly low maintenance single blog-
#;ooc#ooc#like; no intricate metas no long paragraphs lf replies no money no binches no-#in fact; its no longer a reply; its yes or no#NO OK NOT TO THIS EXTREME EOYKRLTNRTLR#BUT !! yes for a blog where the level of perfectionism for accurate portrayal doesn't drive me to freeze#it would be fun i think; to simply not overthink replies; like eventually it could help me unclog my procrastinating perfectionism#nd it would have to be ONE (1) character so my subconscious doesnt get overwhelmed#now the question is who-#bc it has to be someone i dont torture myself on trying to find a valid reason why they are talking#nor do they have to be smart PRTKEOTLL not in the logical mathematical type of smart#it would be nice to take one of these guys in here and make a silly single blog; but then i think ---#i could once again end up into the researching history rabbit hole and by the time im done; i just feel too accomplished to think of writin
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I feel like to describe Steven's shows as him flaunting wealth and eating gold from the bussoms of royalty is quite a dishonest summarization and transparent way to not even try an understand what the fuck the show is. Its a show about sharing and partaking in different cultures lmao. Like, you know there are classes in college for that right? Literally just exposing you to different cuisines and culture's? Thats Steven's show and I don't see the ethical problem in budgeting money to do so, if you want to watch that sort of entertainment (i do! I do! I do. You don't that okay). He's always been about connecting with others and sharing life experiences. Yea he owns a Tesla, lame shit not gonna lie but I'm not a wimp and I'd say that to anyone with a Tesla, even Steven. So yeah fine whatever rip on him for that lmao. But to call a show wheres he's just touring to connect with others and share their food out of touch and classist? Pfffftttt. Wow how cruel and unethical. Criticize him all you want, but none of you are. Its all half ass accusations and weird fucking Vibe Checks where you deem him Not Right cus he didn't smile correctly or wide enough. You are not his friend but Also, not his life long enemy fool. You don't know him well enough to hate or love him accurately.
#i do believe the attacks were him were subconsciously biased#such as he doesnt emote the way i want him to to garner sympathy#WEIRD#WEIRD THING TO SAY#i forgot how WEIRD people are online#youre not an empath#youre an assuming and nosy nelly#its just#whatever excuse you give yourself to act like an ass is a loser move#i dont like tina fey because i just dont#yall can be the same fuck you dont need to create assertation as to why this person you dojt know sucks on like#a personal level or even ethical cus he did nothing wrong ethically than be annoying#taylor swift is ACTUALLY doing unethical things to the environment like shit on her for that all you want#but i would find it weird if you were shitting on taylor like she was your friend#like the Gaylors#THATS WEIRD#watcher#steven lim#also actively racist i saw you and guess what yah blocked#you wont see this cus of that but ya blocked
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happy two year anniversary to the question that sent me careening down the river into madness (eternal obsession with the topic of object death and recovery centers)
#if you were wondering yes ive thought about the initial question enough to get an answer that i like#i think with some exceptions depending on the personality i think. probably they wouldnt care but would Not want to look at it for too long#like i think theyd get uneasy but probably not fully understand why. like on a subconscious level.#and theyd probably just ignore that feeling anyway if thats the kind of personality they have.#i dont think this applies at least not as heavily to other object corpses though. i mean do u see what they do to donut#like yeah maybe itd be upsetting if they did think about it for a while but like. they wont do that. lol#<- all of this only applies to bfdi btw obviously other shows are gonna have different answers#and also i fully acknowledge i think about this way more than the writers do LOL#sometimes its just fun to imagine it could be that deep!#brifdi#i think now that i think about it i posted this picture with the same question on my blog?oh well the discord cap has the date more clearly
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enstars special levels are so insane to look at, like once you get used to it you know its just muscle memory, but i feel like if i showed anyone me doing like emerald planet or eccentric party night theyd ask if i was human
#does this make sense im rambling#enstars players you get me right#looking at a special level is terrifying but then once you figure it out#its very subconscious to do#enstars
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Oh. OH. Very interesting...
Speedsters getting pulled into Flash Time™ when other speedsters are around/using their powers isn't exactly a new thing. Their brains pick up on speedforce activity when it's in a close enough proximity and they instinctively match the speed.
But being unable to slow down? That's interesting.
That suggests to me that this tower thing is emitting high levels of speedforce energy. The speedsters are unwillingly absorbing it like flowers on a sunny day. They couldn't stop even if they wanted to.
I'm willing to bet that this energy emission is on purpose. It powers all of their tech out in the field. Their ships, their weapons, their men, everything. It's actually genius, they broadcast energy like they're a radio channel and only their guys are capable of picking up the signal. They probably had no clue that Earth was populated with organic receivers fully able to tune in.
I mean, look at Jai. He was up to speed with the rest of his family. That's not really something he is capable of doing on his own. Jai was hooked up to a triple dose of speedforce energy like the rest of his family. Jai froze when he grabbed that tree to shield everyone. He channeled all of his power into his super strength. He still is channeling all of his power into his super strength.
#i would say that maybe their subconscious fear response won't let them slow down#but then Jai would still be fast as well#its a power level thing. jai redirected his and the others didn't#which is very neat and again goes quite nicely with my theory that the tower is their energy source#and if you take the tower down they all go down#dc#dc comics#the flash#kid flash#wally west#impulse#bart allen#speedsters#ace west#linda park#irey west#jai west#one minute war
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clark is not a good liar, but he is great at keeping secrets and can be described as secretive by lois...
#i think of this a lot. his lies are so bad the only reason he gets away w lies as clark kent is cuz how he built#clark ken.ts reliability ( his human person is meant to be percieved as flighty. flakey. )#but when it comes to secrets such as his identity. being supe.rman. his true feelings..HE IS A PROFESSIONAL AT HIDING IT#clark was raised to hide who he truly is and what he is capable of. in fact he is so conscience of not giving anyone any signals due to the#he has to keep track of everything he does. such as having to pretend to be weak. having to give way when being shoved like a human#pretending to be tired when he jogs by panting. conscience that he has to say ow when he falls#basically clark is extremely aware of how to not give anything away that he is so good at being secretive#and sometimes this DOES awfully effecti his relationships#example one: he was too scared to tell lois he was superman even if he was dating her ( in some iterations ) so he prolonged it...#example 2: lois once called off their engagment because clark never mentioned he had once been engaged to a woman he had been#hanging out with again ( completely platonic btw ) but in clarks head hes like#just so good at not mentioning things since he thinks it doesnt matter to be mentioned if itll add strain?#idk hes weird like hes an honest man he wont lie to you but hes justa professiona secret keeper on a subconscious level atp#also i welcome muses confronting him on his secretive nature. its not healthy sometimes ngl#◖ man of steel . — ‹ glasses on ... ⤺ out. ›
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One thing about me is that I love foreshadowing so very much and if i don’t set up at least 2-3 things in every chapter to pay off later then I explode
#there’s a mention of a oddity in the treasury books in chapter 3 that secretly set something up for chapter 4. for example#I know it’s not nearly at the level of ms kui but I do try and strive for dunmeshi levels of consistency and payoff in my stuff#there’s things I’ve already set up that won’t payoff until the climax and that makes me so happy it’s fun#it helps me find energy to write its like :3 my little treat that I’ve left for myself :3#idk how obvious it is to anyone but me I do often struggle not to make stuff Too Obscure but#I like to think that at least subconsciously it helps make things feel like a consistent world#nrbts#< not exclusively but that’s what I’m thinking about rn#I’m posting this to help keep myself from actually wanting to blab secrets see this is why I have trouble DMing#I just want to talk about stuff!! all the time!
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"OMG! Did you know that pigs would easily eat a human? How scandalous! Outrageous! Disgusting! Pure proof of their immorality!"
- average Jessica, who eats porkchop with their family once a month
#LISTEN i understand instinctively and subconsciously we way try and protect our own specie - our own kin -#other species would as well!#that doesnt mean that on a concious logical level we should be mad at other species for being fije with eating humans when nine times out of#them we CONSTANTLY eat THEM#also - im not saying that you HAVE to NEVER eat meat and that you are a horrible being for it -#because meat contaijs a lot of important things for your body that are difficult to obtain otherwise#that's also not to say the current power and privilege we hold over other species and that the way we abuse animals is good#objectively planet Earth would be better off if all humans were dead#there would be a ton of complilations especially at the beginning but with time it would be better for the planet#thats NOT to say i think we should eradicate all our existences - just like i wouldn't advocate for the eradication of all mosquito due to#them being responsible for many peoples malaria#which is nor exactly the best comparison i suppose#but no innocent life should be “sacrificed for the greater good”. they deserve to live like all others and its not their fault specifically#its not your fault for being born in a time where nearly impossible not to unintentionally participate in the destruction of earth#its the systems fault#too bad most people in power are huge assholes#alright sorry for yapping.#toki rambles
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My art is getting too neat and bland looking i dont like it
#like yes on some technical level ive improved over the past few years#but i miss drawing messy and letting a feeling/emotion carry me through a drawing#its like. im getting more followers on ig and suddenly i have that social media disease where subconsciously i want to appeal to people#but like.. fuck that#i am most inspired by art that is. just hostile. and aggressively weird and scary to most people#idk#definetely thinking about it too much. i think the real solution is to think about it less!#but tk be honest i mostly enjoy drawing cute things and people kissing
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My dreams are fucking insane sometimes. Someone showed up in my dream, and idk what they did but it was cute so I was like watch it or I'll kiss you. And they told me to do it so i did. But then like 2 minutes later in the dream all the skin fell off one of my legs.
#skell#its like my subconscious has to level out the good parts with something horrific#it was kinda awesome my mind was really trying to 'yes and' the skin coming off my legs#like the dream was trying to make itself make sense#but then i woke up cuz i was like wtf is this dream
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no but I truly think the reason vettonso works so well is bc both seb and nando are fandom bicycles... they've both fucked everyone else but they'll always come back to eachother afterwards etc etc
LITERALLY SOOOOO TRUE GRACE!!!! EXACTLY!!!
Like before getting into f1 rpf, I was never really a multishipper, but with Seb and Fernando particularly, I just want to see them with literally everyone 😭 And it's just interesting because as you said they're fandom bicycles, you could make literally either of them the focal point of a shipping chart and it would work out better than the typical circle imo
"They've both fucked everyone else but they'll always come back to eachother" exactly this 🥺🥺 I guess my vettonso narrative is they've spent so long dancing around each other, being in the same circles, but never really connecting with each other, but then realize the one for them has been the one who's always been there, in the background, if that makes sense? Realizing the one for you has been there the entire time, you were just too blind and bitter to realize AAAAGHHHH
#stable anchors and all that#like not really being close with the other but subconsciously appreciating the familarity and finding comfort in it#like no matter how much the grid changes i know youll always be there alongside me(NOT ANYNORE SOB SOB SOB)#but yeah i think theyre very much mirrors of each other. theres just too many similarities for me to ignore#and i think its interesting:#theyve both been in the sport long enough to watch their ship dynamics flip#i.e. Fernando's general characterization in Webbonso vs Strollonso#+ Seb's in Martian vs Sebchal#but meanwhile vettonso have just always perpetually been there and have a super long narrative#and i like it cause they always seem very equal to me compared to other ships(not that i dont absolutely love that but yeah)#theyre on very level playing field so it works out so well!!#catie.asks.
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You know what? Werewolf au Karlnapity where karlnap and Quackity broke up and Karl and Sapnap are werewolfs
Karl has cannon level memory problems and it really REALLY fucks him over because he cant really remember dating or loving Quackity and he hates him but as a wolf he can't remember that Quackity is not his mate anymore
So they accidentally cross paths and Karl's instincts get so fucking upset that Quackity no longer has any mark of them, he has no hickeys and no bites, he's not wearing their clothes, FUCK he doesn't even smell like them anymore, and it makes Karl actively seek him out even when in human form (even if he doesn't notice it)
In wolf form he's terrible, he circles around Quackity's house, barks at his windows, claws at his door, anything to get his attention
(It does not help that Quackity does come out when he's like this. He comes out with a smile and some scraps of meat for him, he plays for hours with what he thinks is a stray dog)
Sapnap notices that Karl is acting like this and he tries to steer him away from Quackity (as much as he hates it) both in human and wolf forms but Karl is not having it
#in this au they're probably broken up for around a year maybe two#its driving Karl completely insane#he'll stalk Quackity around and be absolutely pissed about it vut he cant stop because 'he's our and i hate him but he's our he's our#HE'S MINE and its all wrong and he's alone he should never be alone and i never want to see him again and i want him here always'#sapnap is suprised he has not tried to bite Quackity yet#karlnapity#i do love this concept#if karl being torn because he hates Quackity but on some deep subconscious level he cannot stand to be away from him#hes so in love it tears him apart#the dog barks#quackity#karl jacobs#sapnap#dream smp#dsmpshipping
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writing young eddie is so fun (im projecting)
#anyway hes the type#who would be much happier to hear ���are you leaving already? okay” n and maybe a kiss on the cheek (he doesn't excactly care)#than “will you have breakfast with me?” eddie who constantly runs away is so important to me &#he's doing this because he's genuinely not ready to stay#beginning of falcone polycule was so confusing for all 3 at this point#married couple want to privatize him and eddie doesn't get the concept like . why would he need it why would they need it#he's not used to it#anyway yeah he gets dressed and undressed the fastest#m2#anddddddddddd treating seduction like some kind of a game#like in contrast to carlo he doesn't care that much about winning (to me) + adrenaline as a subconscious goal#+ i think he's much more capable of savoring the moment#yehhh i know its like. a cliched aromantic image. but the problem is that im a cliched aromantic n i need to get things on a personal level#+ i will always stand at “adrenaline addicted eddie” side. this is my truth 🙄😤
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The duality shit I was talking about on my last post KEEPS APPEARING. Yes he looks like when he was a child because his hair is now white and he's less reserved/edgy than when he was with black hair
But that is not Touya because he's still Dabi!!
I know and I understand that it's Not Like That, but it genuinely feels like the idea that keeps getting pushed is "their villains selves don't deserve to be saved" because people keep calling them by the names they had as "the perfect victims" (Touya, Tenko) instead of the name they took (/were given) once they no longer were victims by society standards.
(also can I admit that the "scarless edits" of Dabi bug the fuck out of me? Love him with his pain, not in spite of it. Love him with his trauma, with his self harm, with the scars that tell the story of his tragedy. The scars that detail all his pain and hardship. Love him as he was presented to us. Not as the idea of "the perfect world" where he's unhurt.)
#but you can just avoid and unfollow#my dude im not even following#and twitter doesnt use tags#and people actually dont tag for this things#because they are not things that are done consciously#people are not consciously separating them#its just in a subconscious level that they do#and i get it and its fine everyone can do what they do#and i do it too because to me they are no longer touya or tenko#they are just dabi and tomura#so i can fecognize i have the aame issue just the other way around#its okay im just miffed i guess#specially the scars things bugs me but again that might be because of#personal issues shit and thats fine#people have their own opinions and choices and likes#i just needed to complain to be honest#im sorry if it appeared on the tags
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