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ambrosiagoldfish · 2 months ago

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i’m going a teensy bit feral reading your adam x third spouse story so i guess im just asking for part five and for it to hopefully have focus on dad beat dad and how lucifer would react to seeing the reader again after so long and like what would happen n stuff 🤭🤭 ofc if this is dumb ignore it i like what you’re doing with the story already !! the part im most excited for is the finale tbh but there’s a lot of time in between what you have rn and then so i’m just yapping abt stuff that could be cool in between. thsi is so jumbled omg sorry i just wanna see more of your writing it’s so good

idk how to end this uhh i love you bye 🫡

Benefit of the doubt PT.5

Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader

Warnings: GN! Reader, confronting the past, next to no Adam (I know, sad, but it’s for the plot), Reader focused chapter, this is set during ‘Dad Beat Dad’, swearing, the next 2 chapters will have a LOT more Adam DW ❤️❤️

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Request Box: OPEN

Word count: 4322

A/n: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the support on all the other chapters. It’s been 8-ish months since the last update and for that I want to apologize. I’ll save it for its own dedicated post to not full int his page too much. But if you’ve saw one of my post from the other day, I have posted this on A03 and I’m giving myself 8 total parts. 7 will be the finale and 8 will be an epilogue styled thing (not even sure if I’m wanting to do it so when we get there, you guys can tell me if you want it!! ) so yeah, enough rambling, you’ve all been waiting so long for the next part so here you go!! <3

Reblogs are VERY appreciated!

(My posts have been flopping so much, I would love you forever if you did 😭)

Old memories have a habit of slithering their way back into a person's mind, and even sometimes, people

The first few months at fhe hotel were a lot more enjoyable than you originally expected. Most days went relatively the same, Charlie would choose an activity to do and you would observe the progress they made.

At first, progress hadn't shown much promise but as everyone grew closer, things began to look up. Angel had gone clean with his drug abuse and was distancing himself from his line of work. Sir Pentious started to actually trust the people around him and has done no major constructional damage to any buildings as of late.

Everything was going so smoothly that, when you had woken up one morning to the sounds of screaming, running, and just general chaos. You thought everything was finaly going into the ground.

You quickly run down to the lobby, thoughts of what could be happening run through you. Did one of Pentious experiments fail and explode? Were we being attacked by one of the many gangs in town? Did Alastor decide the hotel was actually boring and started destroying it, starting with the occupants? Whatever it was, you hurry faster to the lobby.

But what was meeting you there was… unexpected to say the least. Party streamers, banners, cookies. It looked like some kind of welcome party heaven would do, albeit with less flare and taste in decor. A banner that read ‘Wellcum Daddy’ was being hung up by Razzle and Dazzle, everyone was either cleaning or baking something, and Vaggie seemed to be ordering them around.

You look at the clock, huh, it’s way too early for any kind of Charlie’s trust exercises. Not to mention, she would have told you about the curriculum and there was absolutely not a 10 AM home-EC class listed on your schedule.

You quickly run up to Charlie who seemed to be preoccupied with helping Vaggie put something up “Charlie, what’s going on?” You tap on her shoulder, She jumps a bit before just realizing it’s you,

”Oh- Y/N, I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to get you!” She apologizes when Vaggie pops in,

“Don’t be, I told Nifty to go wake you up, but looks like she had better things to do” she points over at Niffty swifty stabbing bugs and removing cobwebs out of habit

“It’s fine, just… what’s everyone doing, what’s with all the party supplies and sweets?” You say, arms to the festive lobby around you.

“Oh well…” she took a deep breath “you know that The deadline is fast approaching and while we’ve made progress it’s not much” she paused, trying to even brace herself for what’s coming out of her mouth, “I have asked… my dad to come over and hopefully get us a meeting with heaven” she stops, completely caved in on herself.

“Wait, so… your dad is coming here?” you thought about the times she had asked you to get them a meeting with heaven but you had already explained to her that it would be next to impossible for someone like you. You had to practically beg just to monitor the hotel

Charlie Picked herself back up and looked at you with a shakey demeanor, “Yeah In about… 55 minutes”

You blink a few times before giving a small chuckle “Well, would you look at the date! I think it’s time I used my 1-per-month trip back home! If you’ll excuse me-“

“Wait! No-“ she trips over herself “We need you here, if dad can see, not only the progress we’ve made, but also that we already have an angel supporter, there’s no way he could say no!”

“Charlie, I don’t think it’s a good idea-”

“PleasePleasePlease! I will pay you back, promise! But I- we could really use you there!” Her eyes looked at you, similar to a puppy. She hands clasped together In plea.

You looked away in thought. Seeing him again was the last thing you wanted to do at this moment, any moment for that matter. The last time…well to be honest, the whole exchange hadn’t meant anything to you in quite a while. He could say whatever he wanted about you… it was the words he had to say about Adam that kept your heart ablaze in anger at the Morningstar.

Trash? He should really look in the mirror before saying that about your Adam. But… this could be a good opportunity for the hotel -as much as it pained you to admit- You can only sigh, “fine.. for the hotel…” You let out a small chuckle raising your arm in defeat.

Charlie jumped up and down with glee, repeating a matra of ‘Thank You’s’ before continuing “I get it might be difficult since you’re an Angel.” She tries to give some comfort. But that caught your attention.

“Because I’m an Angel?” You honestly didn’t mean to say it out loud but it came out as a question.

She looks at you confused “yeah, you know, considering I don’t think angels have too kind of thoughts to my dad for being… the devil” she laughs nervously

Oh. Oh. So that’s what she means. So she doesn’t know about your past with him? Not too much a surprise, I doubt Lucifer would bring up any of his failures. But that also made you realize one other thing. Charlie doesn’t know about your marriage with Adam.

Look, you didn’t mean to keep it a secret. In fact you had already assumed they knew. I mean you were sitting literally right next to him and Vaggie already knew who you were. You just thought she would have told Charlie, but knowing this now… it may be best to keep it a secret.

You let out a quick “I understand.” and with that, you all went your separate ways, you did contribute to the decor the best you could, as well as helping Sir Pentious and Nifty with the baking until finally, it was time for Charlie’s dad to arrive.

You walked over to a more remote place in the hotel lobby, look… you may have to interact with him today but you will not be doing it that soon. Instead, you decided your best choice of action was to sit and watch quietly until Charlie decided it was time for you two to meet. And in the meantime, you can mentally brace yourself.

Charlie sighs deeply “Okay everybody, it’s showtime!”

With that she swings the door open revealing the one, the only (thank Father) king of hell himself, Lucifer. Immediately Lucifer pulls his, obviously nervous daughter into his arms. He greets her with excitement before moving on to Keekee, and eventually Razzle and Dazzle.

He eyes the room, clearly covering up any distain for the hotels “character” to protect Charlie’s feelings. At least until he got to the bar which even he couldn’t lie his way through.

Even from the distant view you were from, you could see Alastor and Lucifer weren't going to be the best of buds anytime soon. As soon as they were introduced to one another they immediately got into it. Huh, at least now you have something in common with Alastor at least! If that’s even a good thing.

Their quarrel lasted a few minutes, everyone either waiting for it to be over, completely ignoring it, or enjoying it as entertainment. It lasted what felt like an eternity and was only interrupted when a short and plump woman by the name of ‘Mimzy’ came into the scene.

The old time-y dressed woman was one of Alastor’s friends, you honestly didn’t think he had those but you digress. Eventually once the commotion dies down, you see Charlie give you a nervous smile and wave for you, ‘that’s my cue’ you thought. Anxiety still felt taught in your heart but still you pushed through.

You walk out of your hiding spot, walking up to be next to Charlie. Still trying to keep your presence hidden for as long as you could, savoring those last few moments of peace before a wave of interactions.

Charlie clears her throat and puts on a more professional demeanor despite her nervousness, getting the attention from her dad, “And last but certainly not least, i’d like you to meet our Angelic sponsor-“

“Y/N!?-“ the fallen Angel suddenly started coughing, clearly having choked on his own words. He clears his throat “Sorry! I just wasn’t expecting… you to be here” he lets out a chuckle.

“You guys know each other!?” Charlie looked shocked, her voice pitching up in bewilderment.

“We’ve… met before,.” Your voice was low, But still you pushed through “Though, it’s hardly relevant to anything of importance now. Isn’t that right, Morningstar?”

Lucifer's face contorted into an uncomfortable shaky smile, fingertips digging into his Apple-shaped cane. Perhaps he felt some type of remorse for the way things happened back all those years ago, but even if that’s true, you had no plans to forgive him.

He clears his throat “Yes it’s- unimportant Sweetie.. “

You 3 stand in awkward silence for a moment, all you can do is glare daggers at the short ex-Angel in front of you. Eventually though, you couldn’t stand the scilence any longer, “Well Charlie, I have to get something done in my room and I’ll be back to help with the tour in a few minutes, if that’s ok?”

Charlie looked like she wanted to protest, for you to stay with her through the tour, but she knew you wouldn’t just leave and not come back. “Um, yeah that’s fine! Me and Alastor can get the tour started and you can meet us around the 4th floor?”

You gave a quick nod as agreement and make your way to your room. Sighing, you flop down on your bed, feeling the soft warmth as you sink into comfort. Pulling out your phone, you quickly typing a text to Adam but your thumb simply hovered over the send button, anxiety washing over you. Your message was simple,

‘I promise that everything’s ok, but he’s here’’

You were hesitating, should you even tell him that he's here? You didn’t want to worry him over something so insignificant. He has a show tonight, he wouldn’t be at his best if he was constantly thinking you would be in the same room as the devil.

Or even worse, he could just cancel the show completely and march down here and a cause a ruckus which at best would completely destroy the Hotel’s plans and at worse… No, you can’t think of that.

You look at the message again before just setting your phone on your nightstand. 10 minutes… that’s all you need before you go back out there…

…Lucifer was having… let’s just say a tinsy bit of a bad day. Not only has he been forced to interact with that insufferable yellow-toothed sinner but also, he has been reunited with someone he hadn’t seen in a millenia, you.

The anxiety of the day was only topped off with the added stress of being with his daughter. Don’t get him wrong, he LOVES his daughter and is always happy to see her, but the way she talks and acts with these sinners… Ugh, it reminds him too much of himself back in the day.

Her hotel too… He may have given her the place but he never gave it much thought beyond it being a pipe dream for her. He was just trying to do something for his daughter, especially with… Lilith being out of the picture. He just wanted to cheer her up, and unfortunately it seems ‘grandiose plans’ run in the family.

Even now as Charlie and that Red haired Buck show him around, Charlie explains excitedly about different things they have at the hotel. It reminds Lucifer about how she was when she was little, that glow of joy never seemed to fade away from her despite the conditions she lives in.

But even still, as much as he’s trying not to zone out and actually listen to his daughters rambles, his mind keeps trailing back to one, singular thought. You.

What were you doing here? He knows you were there to ‘support the hotel’ as Charlie puts it. But this is the absolute first he’s hearing about it. Why wouldn’t heaven tell him that another Angel was down here, let alone, you most of all. The last time he saw you was… not the best first meeting

Were you here in secret? You clearly weren't fallen, considering you still had your halo and you didn’t look like you’ve been damaged anywhere close to what you’d be if you had fallen. Not to mention… Adam, the exterminations were his idea so why would you even consider an alternative when you are his-

“Uh, Dad?” Charlie interrupted Lucifer’s thoughts, a look of worry on her face. ”You’ve got a little bit of… horn? Sticking out”

Lucifer looks up and sees that he’s subconsciously beginning to phase into his full demon form. He quickly takes his hand and pats the horns as if he was just dusting off his coat, causing the horns to seem to fade away like dust. Wow, today really seems to be getting to him.

“Ah sorry Sweetie, it’s nothing just… uh..” He thinks for a moment, he has to talk to you alone, just for a second. “*Ahem* I was just realizing I had to… use the bathroom, I seem to have had one too many drinks on the way here. Can you tell me where the… bathroom is?” He lets out a chuckle to hopefully cover his lie.

“Oh, it’s just down the hall and to the right, I can take you there-“

Lucifer quickly lets out a loud ”No!“ Before clearing his through again “I can get there on my own, just wait here and I’ll be back!”

Before Charlie can even answer, Lucifer rushes through the halls of the hotel, yelling a ‘I’ll be back soon’ to his Daughter before turning the corner. He lets out a deep breath as he lays out the plan in his head. Figure out why you’re here, and get back to Charlie as fast as inhumanly possible.

Picking his feet up again, he makes his way to the lobby of the hotel, he looks around for a moment before spotting the check in desk. ‘They usually keep visitor information there, right?’

He quickly scours the desk, looking for any forms or documents that have your room number, before finally setting his eyes on your room number. It didn’t take long to find you seeing as there were such few occupants in the hotel.

He memorized your room and repeated it to himself while walking to your door. Past the first, 2nd, then finally, halfway through the hallway on the 3rd floor he finds it. Before he can knock, a sudden wave of worry floods his senses. Seriously, Why would he hesitate now?!

He shuffled around nervously, starting to doubt this little mission of his. Should he really be doing this? Is he really worried about you being here or is the real reason he came here because he wanted to… apologize to you? It’s true that the guilt of what happened all those years ago was still there. But… Digging up old memories just because he’s selfish and wants to apologize to you? He takes a deep breath.

He had to make things better or… at least get some things off his chest. So, with a heavy fist and an even heavier heart, he gently knocks on the hard wooden door…

This had been the longest 10 minutes of your life, trying to decide wether to send Adam the message, or to even return to tour with Charlie at all. As much as it pains you to say, you still become anxiety ridden when he’s in the room or even the mere mention of him. That spark of defiance you had in the lobby earlier being nothing but a small bit of courage. But you remembered that you had promised Charlie you’d be there for her, and you certainly weren’t one to take back a promise.

Before you could decide what to do, you hear an ever so faint knock on your door. Curiosity peaked, You thought Charlie was supposed to be waiting for you on the 4th floor? Had you taken too long and the tour went south? You quickly made your way to the door and hoped you wouldn’t see a very angry Charlie on the other side.

As the wooden-door creaked open, your face slowly turned bitter at The short, impish man who stood on the other side. Lucifer Morningstar. To be honest, you much would have preferred the angry Charlie, TWO very angry Charlies over this.

The man shuffled awkwardly in place, gripping his cane. Neither of you could break the silence . He avoided any eye-contact with you and even you couldn’t hide The disgusted expression on your face when looking at him. Finally after what feels like 3x the eternity you’ve lived thus far, you spoke In shaky words, ”What do you want?”

Lucifer pushed out his words as well as he could, meek they were, but you understood what he said “Can we please…talk?”

Your fingers gripped at the door, nails embedding into the wood, leaving scratches. It took all you had not to slam the door right in his face, but even if you had, it wouldn’t have solved any pressing issues. If anything, it might make him against Charlie’s idea with the hotel, which you couldn’t afford. You take a deep breath before letting out a quick but unsavory,

“5 minutes”

The short demon shuffles his way into the room as you follow in behind him, locking the door to prevent someone like Nifty or Charlie from walking in. Lucifer stands timidly by your nightstand as you stand on the complete opposite side of the room, facing him. Lucifer runs his neck as he lets out a shaky sigh “I just want to know what you’re doing here…” he pauses, he looks like he has more to say but decided not to.

You can only laugh to yourself “I’m here because I believe I think Charlie’s idea has potential to be great. The exterminations, they have to end… that’s why I’m here”

Lucifer seem a bit… surprised? Surprised with your stance on the exterminations. you figured he needed more than that so you continue “I… I’ve never been one for the exterminations. I've been against them from the start. I just didn't know what else to do. Nothing else seemed…right.“

He stayed silent, processing what you told him. He really didn’t understand you, he had a completely warped view of you. “If that’s all you wanted to know I’d rather you take your leave-“

“No!” You step back at the sudden raise in voice but he quickly clears his throat “No, there’s another thing. I would… I’d like to apologize to you about how things went… when we first met.”

You stared at him, the silence once again feeling the air. You didn’t dare break it, you watched as the impish man looked around with anxiety, trying to find the right words. “It’s always been there, in the back of my mind. How we- I, treated you. It was unacceptable… Lilith kept telling me to let it go, that she was done thinking about it, but I just couldn’t.” He takes a deep breath “so, I’m so sorry for hurting you, Y/n…”

Lucifer Morningstar. The man in front of you looked more akin to a puddle than a person at this point. Sweat dripped from his face, a scrunched mouth filled with a sour taste. He wasn’t looking at you, focusing his attention to the ground. Finally, after many long seconds later. You step forward, grabbing his attention.

“As much as I appreciate the apology, I don’t forgive you.” Lucifer began to speak or at least say he understood but no matter what his reaction was going to be, you interrupted him ‘“-I don’t forgive you, because I’m not the one who deserves it”

To that, Lucifer's head was struck with confusion, “what do you mean?” He tried to make sense of your words, shifting eyes looking around in unease before landing on a framed photo of a candlelit man, an old and forgotten, yet familiar smile on his face… ”You mean… Adam?” Despite his best efforts around you, saying the first man’s name still dripped his words with venom. That same sour taste filling his mouth at the mere mention of him. ”What does-” he stops himself, he knows why.

You breathe in slowly, “What you said to me, all of those years ago, hasn’t meant anything to me in a long time. I’ve gotten through it 10x over and finally understand that I am more than those words” you take another step towards him, closing the gap, “so… there's no use for your apology to me. But Adam… you’ve hurt him more than you couldn’t possibly imagine“

The room was filled with dense air, like any sudden move could kill the king of hell or even you at any second but still you continue. “Adam deserved so much better than what he was forced to have from you, so if anyone deserves your apology, it’s him.” He goes to speak but you shut him down again “but we all know that you are too prideful to do so, and Adam… he’s too stubborn to hear it”

You don’t yell, scream, all of your words coming soft from your lips “So… what you’re going to do, if you truly mean what you say. You will go back to your daughter, forget this conversation ever happened, then you can march back to your big castle with your Loving wife, and leave us be, for the rest of eternity.”

With that, you step away from him, words that have been bubbling inside you for centuries finally having been let out. It felt like several hundred pounds had been lifted off of you. You begin to walk to the door to let him out, wanting the conversation to be over, When you hear him speak a faint ”Ex-Wife actually”

You pause, your teeth already biting your tongue. Honestly, if you really thought about it, it was poetic. The Angel who ruined two marriages, leaving Adam nothing but a broken heart and baggage, ended up with a failed marriage himself.

But even still, you still felt a slight pain of pity for him. Through clenched teeth you let out ”I'm… sorry to hear that. It must be hard.”

This kind of thing, no matter the person, is always tough. You knew the aftermath of it through Adam, even now he struggles with so many issues from it. In that regard, you felt pity for the ruler of hell, but the rest of you felt… glad? Glad that he finally understands just a thorn of the pain he inflicted on Adam.

“The 5 minutes are up so… go now… please.” Your voice shakes near the end, your will power for everything you’ve done starting to break. Lucifer looked equally as defeated, you could tell he wanted to say more but he just nodded his head before walking out the door. slowly, silently, you close the door back before sliding down it as your legs give out.

You wanted to cry, scream, do anything but sit there, but you couldn’t. Your voice hurts from talking, your feet hurt from standing, everything just… hurts.

DING DING DING

A luminous yellow light follows the sound, you lifted your head and saw your phone on your nightstand. Adam… You used all of your strength to make it to your bed, practically having to crawl to avoid any more tiredness in your aching body. You finally land on the soft mattress to pick up your phone, seeing the plethora of messages from Adam.

DIXKMASTER69

Yo Bitch, everything good??

You’ve been typing for like 10 minutes

Answer me

Hellllloooooo??????

Oh, that’s why he was texting. You had completely forgotten your half written message you were debating on sending earlier. You start to delete it and rewrite it when suddenly,

INCOMING CALL FROM DIXKMASTER69

You sigh at the screen, your phone vibration sends chills through your aching arms, it acts as a lifeline for you not to fall asleep on the soft plush beneath you. You press the answer button.

‘Fuck Babe, finally! Are you ok?!” Adam’s voice sounded angry but you know he was just worried “you’ve been texting for like 15 minutes”

“Yeah, don’t worry Adam, I... must have fallen asleep while trying to message you”

“It’s 12 in the afternoon, you dont normally fall asleep in the middle of the day” Adam questions, his voice having obvious worry for you.

“Today’s just been very tiring. But I promise I’m fine, it’s just happened a lot today.” You hated lying to him, your other half, but you know this is something that he shouldn’t have to worry about.

You hear him groan, “how many times do I have to fuckin’ tell you not to overwork yourself for those sinners”

“I know, I’m sorry” you pause “I… I have to go now but I promise I’ll call you later, yeah?“

He was quiet on the other side before he lets out “Yeah, just don’t overdo yourself ok?” His voice was soft, no hint of sarcasm or anger, just him.

You let out a small breathy laugh “I promise. Have fun at your show tonight. Talk to you later, love you.”

“Love you too”

CLICK

You sigh to yourself, you still have the tour to do. It’s fine, everything is fine.

Tomorrow will be a better day. it has to be.

TAGLIST: @tired-of-life-86 @nervoussystemss @qopia @lovelyemily @hcneyiced @v3r41ynn

@ghostdoodlen @nxptvne-13 @ximenavc-che

@edgyfluff @ericityyy @diffidentphantom @faimmm @slasher-whore69 @1-randomized @ozzersauce @fanlovedlt @alientee @pandaquick @white-00-7 @call-me-nyx @adamstruelove @jennieyeager @sillyycatt @solatiium @my-name-is-heartache @parisiterileymoon @titan-senpai @lovely-night-owl-86 @innergardentoadpony @animefan106sposts @starlightstarbrightmyfirststar @lovkayy @ilikedrinkingsoda @barrythestrawberry041 @deadpoolssweetchimi @asegirllovesreadingporn @ripashy @deleted-1-800 @sirenetheblogger @ur1nonlygabi @aweleyirene @n0tmentallystable

(I really hope I didn’t forget anyone if I did, just asked to be added in the comments!!)

Shoutout to these specific asked as well, love you all <3

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yenqa · 2 years ago

Text

APPLE CIDER (bedroom sessions)

Sparkling apple cider. Once a sweet, refreshing drink you could easily enjoy. Now everytime you’re reminded of that cursed drink all you get is the sour memories that came with it. One memory including the fallout of yours and (now ex) boyfriend, Jay's relationship. But, it just so happens Jay is determined to win your heart back once again. Will he be able to restore the sweet taste? Or will apple cider ruin your life once again?

read part one here!

genre : exes to lovers, written fic, angst, fluff, dual pov (but more y/n, highschool au

featuring : enhypen, chaewon of lsfm, kwon eunbi, ocs : hyun-woo, mrs. lim

warnings : swearing (lots), ignorant parents (only mentioned), crying, food, parties, groveling??? idk, reader has the same bad habits, blood/injuries

wc : 7k

pairing : jay x fem!reader

YENQA : i worked really hard on this and im really happy with the outcome!! i hope you guys like it as much as i do :) also!! everyone thank @yeokii and @redm4ri for proof reading this!!

000 FIRST HEARTBREAK (prologue)

It was junior year when you first met him. Just last year (2022), Hyun-woo walked up to you in the library with a charming but sweet smile, he sat next to you and introduced himself. At first you were skeptical, unsure of your new friendship. But his stupid cute smile and his enchanting eyes lured you right in.

That night you had left with his number and a smile on your face.

The next few weeks he barely ever talked to you, sufficing with a small wave in the hallways or small talk about classwork. But when spring was just around the corner, that had immediately changed.

Hundreds of messages came through in the span of two months. You two would talk for hours and hours on end about anything really. His sweet smile would stay throughout all those facetimes, sometimes you wondered if his face would fall off if he smiled any longer.

After months of talking, you figured out you were hopelessly falling for him. And there was no way out. But you also figured he must’ve liked you back—I mean those hundreds of calls weren’t for nothing were they?

At first, they weren’t. He eventually asked you out in May and you dated happily for three months.

Since he was your first you didn’t know how a relationship should work, or how one should act in it. You thought him ghosting you for weeks on end was normal, and that everyone went through it. Even if it wasn’t normal, he came back to you, showering you in gifts such as stuffed animals and gold jewelry. So, you continued on with the relationship, knowing he would come back to you anyways.

But then, he didn’t come back. It was September and you hadn’t talked to him all August—to say the least you were confused. Where had he been all this time?

The first day of school you had immediately ran up to him, you remembered you had said, “What’s wrong? Why have you been ignoring me all last month?”

And he laughed.

He laughed straight at your worried expression.

And you want to cry.

It was all a bet, he said. One that involved completely playing with you to win some money.

You couldn’t cry in front of him, nor could you run away from him like a fucking loser (which you really wanted to do but you wouldn’t want to see the pleasure on his face). All you could do was say “Okay,” and walk away. That’s all you did—So hopefully to him you seemed unfazed. But that facade didn’t last long.

You almost tripped over things or even people on the way to the bathroom, sobbing your eyes out until they had wrung dry.

You were sad—Yes, but you were also frustrated by how stupid you were.

He didn’t even talk to you half the time, he barely even knew what you liked or disliked, he didn’t even pay attention to the kind of jewelry you wore—he bought a gold necklace for you as a loyal silver wearer, and overall you were just stupid. Stupid to fall for the role he put on.

Crying usually didn’t take long for you, usually an half an hour at most. But that day you had sobbed and sobbed in that stupid toilet stall for one hour and you didn’t feel like going back to class with your crusty eyes, so you accidentally skipped your first three periods.

You remember that day as vividly as possible. Your parents were furious that you skipped three classes—So angry they didn’t even look twice at the dark circles under your puffy eyes or the red tint that had covered your face.

One thing you knew was that you never told them, the only thing telling them would get you was a scolding because you skipped three classes over a boy. A boy who was your “first love”. And as stupid as it sounds, they wouldn’t understand. Honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if they told you that they thought your feelings were just little pranks you were playing on them.

If your parents thought that, everyone probably thought that. So, you put on a happy face for Chaewon, even if she knew you were sad she probably didn’t even care. I mean if Hyun-woo didn’t even like you, who would?

001 REALIZING THE OBVIOUS

Jay never thought he was stupid. Actually, he found much pride in how smart he was. He was always the kind of person to think before they say something. He was never impulsive—Well until he met you that is. But that didn’t really end well did it?

It made it even worse that nobody seemed to care. Sunoo didn’t even send a sad look his way (which by the way—Was totally deserved even if he did mess up).

“Why the long face, Jay? You lose another cute girl?” Jake teases, a grin appearing on his face.

“Who was it again? Hyun-woo’s ex-girlfriend?" Sunghoon's smile grows, “Finally played her?”

Jay groans, “Yeah, i did, but i messed up, bad.”

“What- did Hyun-woo threaten to jump you again?” Jungwon's eyebrows furrow, almost worried that Jay would lose in a fight with him—which he definitely wouldn’t.

“God, you guys are so ignorant, think about the poor girl for once.” Sunoo sighs, rolling his eyes at his friend's fuckboy-ness.

Jay almost rolls his eyes at Sunoo's comment. Were you thinking about Y/n when you blurted his secret out? But he knew he had to take accountability, whether he liked it or not.

“No way. Does the Park Jay feel bad about a girl? The Heartbreaker Park Jay?" Jake asks. And Jay wonders why he’s even friends with them. “Okay, I do feel bad. How do you apologize to a girl? Also Sunoo?"

He tilts his head.

“Never get drunk again.” Jay warns.

He scoffs, “Weren’t you planning on telling her anyways? I just ripped the bandage off for you.”

The group of boys burst into laughter but Jay couldn’t seem to figure out what was funny. “I didn’t come here for you guys to laugh at my misery.”

Niki gasps, “Jay, you’re actually serious about this one? This is a first.”

This time Jay actually rolls his eyes, “No dumbass- I’m just mad I can’t play around with her anymore.” The group seems fully convinced, some nodding their heads in expectancy. Jay’s eyebrows furrow seeing them be so blind to his problem, “I was kidding.” He deadpans, “I’m serious about her.”

His nose scrunches ever so slightly, “Oh. Well then you’re in huge trouble.”

“I know.”

“Okay—But seriously,” Jay asked, “How should I apologize?” A sudden wave of silence washed over them, looking at each other and shrugging.

Apologies, apologies, apologies was what went through his brain that night. What could he do that could fix the mess he had made?

People say real apologies came from the heart, but what even came from the heart? It’s an organ.

Jay’s mind felt like it was about to explode. It’s been an hour but his mind was empty, completely hollow. How could he fix this situation? Well first he could say sorry—Not that you would forgive him easily but it was a crucial part to his fix.

Until it finally clicked.

002 JAY’S “MASTER” PLAN

Last week you couldn’t bear the thought of coming back to school after the party, but here you were, driving yourself to school after a very sad three week mid winter break. A band aid now covering the tip of your finger that you had picked off. And—Of course. You forgot your water bottle again.

You sigh, fixing your silver necklace, you brush your hair behind your hair and open the car to—Oh fuck.

Why did Jay just happen to look like a fucking angel fallen from heaven at 7am in the morning?

And why was Jay here so early at school? You usually arrive much earlier than him.

You compose yourself, walking past him. Holding yourself to not even slightly slow down or look back.

Finally arriving at your locker you open it, looking at the light pink bag in it, one that you never put in it. Your eyebrows furrow as you pick it up, opening the mysterious bag.

You smile at the small snacks inside. A small bag of your favorite chips and a few of your favorite candies. That smile drops when you see an apple shaped sticky note with familiar handwriting inside.

Some gasps behind you, you jump, quickly turning around to see your beloved friends. “Someone’s got a secret admirer?” Eunbi teases, both Chaewon and her walking up to you.

You sigh, “It’s from Jay, do you want it?” You offer to both of them. They both grab it, sharing whatever snacks are in there.

“Oh!” Chaewon lights up, “Here’s your coffee.” She smiles with guilt. You smile back, gladly taking a sip of the slightly bitter drink to quench your thirst.

“Did the note say anything?” Eunbi pulls out the slightly crumpled sticky note in there. You glance at it, noticing Jay’s very asymmetrical heart.

You unconsciously laugh, quickly covering it up before grabbing the small note, reading it.

To My Apple,

I was stupid to use you to get back at him. Honestly the most stupid thing I would ever do and I deeply regret it. I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to see me right now and I understand that you want your space from me. I just want to make it clear, I really do love you and I would never ever do something that horrible to you again. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be on good terms even if you don’t fully forgive me for what I did to you. I truly am in love with and honestly I can’t live without you. Fuck I just miss you, you don’t have to respond or anything I just want to make it clear that I’m sorry, and I love you so much.

Jay

And your lips tug up just a bit.

“Y/n are you okay? You’ve been quiet since you’ve read that. What’s on there?” Chaewon asks, moving next to you to read from the flimsy paper.

Your eyes widen slightly, “Oh—It’s nothing.” you fumble with the paper a bit, “Nothing important.”

Eunbi laughs, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/n. But if it’s from Jay then you have to tell us.” Chaewon nods.

“No! I mean, it’s not from Jay. Let’s just go to class?” You smile at them shoving the sticky note into whatever pants pocket you have.

“You’re lucky you have your first period alone Missy.”

Throwing them a cheeky smile, you quickly walk to the nearest trash can, quickly tossing it in before looking around. You make eye contact with Jay and quickly look away again.

God—Why was the universe never on your side?

Though you try to ignore the small frown on his face, it runs through your head all day. Until, suddenly you're walking to your math seat again.

“Y/n you’re lucky that this is the only period I have with you, and that we spend all of lunch with our mouths stuffed” Eunbi groans, unpacking her notebook. She places it down neatly on her desk, before leaning forward to you.

“So, was it from Jay? Weren’t- like apples your thing?”

You let out a sigh, turning around “Apple cider was our thing. And maybe.”

She frowns, “Maybe? Y/n tell me, yes or no.”

You shrug again, turning back to the front making eye contact with the man himself again.

Does this man ever stop looking at you? Because you were almost certain his eyes were glued onto you. You look down at your notebook, trying to act as unbothered as possible—Which doesn’t really work since you hear Eunbi snickers..

You roll your eyes even though Eunbi can’t see it, she can read you like a book, whispering “If you keep rolling your eyes they’ll fall to the back of your head.”

Leaning back, you whisper, “I don’t think that’s how it works, stay in school Eunbi.”

003 PLAN IN MOTION

Getting out of the car the next day you hope and pray to every fucking god you know that you won’t see his familiar face again. But nothing ever seems to go well for you, because you see his sad smile through the window of his car.

You repeat what you did yesterday, walk away as quickly as you can without looking weird. But your legs quickly pick up because of your nervousness, speed walking to the entrance doors instead. You lean on the door, pushing to open it before walking in the same pace to your locker.

Then you finally slow your pace, opening your locker to see another light pink bag.

This time, the same snacks but with a plastic water bottle inside, with a little note saying “Make sure to drink lots of water <3”. You subconsciously smile, fishing out the piece of paper neatly tucked in.

Unfolding the paper, your jaw drops at the pencil writing that manages to cover the whole page.

Apple, my love, I might not be the best at words but I think seeing your lips tug up at my other small note motivated me to write this. Did I ever tell you that your smile brightens up my day? As cheesy as it sounds at night I used (I still do btw) to think about whatever stupid joke I made when we were on a date and how you would laugh happily at it, even if it was the worst joke ever known to mankind. And as embarrassing as it is to admit it I would giggle about it. Before and after we started dating. But you always cover your mouth when you laugh. but you shouldn’t. Your smile makes me feel like everything going wrong in my life will fix itself. When I was with you I had no worries, you made me feel free. But I’ve only brought you worries. I’m sorry.

Recently, I’ve been noticing you’ve been smiling less and yesterday you forgot to bring your water bottle to school. Please stay healthy and eat well, okay? Even if you hate me, I still care for your health. Don’t skip meals and drink lots of water, please. I’d do anything just to have a five minute conversation with you. I understand that what I did was unforgivable and that you shouldn't trust me again but please, put your trust in me one more time and please come to Azalea park at 3pm tomorrow and I’ll explain everything. I know you're angry but I beg that you be angrier at a closer distance. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve made, and I promise I’ll fix it.

Jay

Your eyebrows furrow. Was he serious? Was he trying to publicly embarrass you? Why did you want to go so bad?

Opening your phone to quickly text up Eunbi and Chaewon, who mysteriously hadn’t shown up yet.

You

bitch jay just wrote me a long last letter abt how hes sorry and how he truly loves me and wants to meet up and make things right????

where tf are yall btw

eunbi mlll

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??

YOU HAVE TO GO

also chae cant drive me so bus it is…

chaechae

sorry ill be late to school 2day bc doctors lolsies

but r u sure eunbi????

y/n i love u but idk if this is a good idea

wait what did he say

eunbi mlll

NO U HAVE TO GO

but let us see the letter to confirm if hes sincere

You

im not about to show U guys the letter

Omfg guys i almost giggled reading it. this is Bad.

he said that he would do anything for a five minute talk with me and that he knows im mad at him but to be mad at a close distance???

now… i am Nawt your strongest soldier.

chaechae

shit if he wrote me that i wouldve folded too

changed my mind i say do it

You

so…. 2/2 votes yes?

thats kinda nerve racking idk if im ready to face him

eunbi mlll

y/n i am ready to get down on my knees and beg for u to go

you got this girl!

worst case scenario u slap him and embarrass him

chaechae

or maybe slap him when you get there, saves you the time

Just Kidding!!! Hahaha

You

Not funny at all.

hate u all

FUCKK now i have to text him and say im going

eunbi mlll

why not let him suffer???????

You

ill feel bad

chaechae

i mean did jay do that when you guys met??

You

fuck u

You exit your group chat, looking several spots down and spotting Jay contact, wincing at your last messages.

You

i’ll be at the park by 3. don’t fuck this up park

jay

wouldn’t even think about it

004 THE MEETING

Why did I agree to this again?

You glance at the clock, 2:58, I should head out now.

Sighing you open your door, walking to—From what you can distinguish from his back, Jay. you walk around the bench, brushing whatever dirt was on it and taking a seat.

Jay gives you a relieved smile, glasses framing his face perfectly-

“Glasses?” You blurt, studying the frame of them.

He coughs awkwardly, “Yeah- I um—I got them yesterday, forgot to wear them to school.”

Awkward silence washes over you two. Well was he going to say something or not?

And it’s almost like he can read your thoughts, because he starts, “Look—Apple. I just wanted to apologize in real life. It was a shitty move of me to use you-”

“Yeah- very shitty.” You interrupt, “Sorry, go on.”

“Oh okay, um- it was a terrible decision I made and I totally messed with you at the beginning, and never told you, I’m sorry.”

He pauses, choosing his words carefully.

“And—I regret it so much. I mean, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to fuck it up, which would’ve happened anyways. I should’ve told you earlier on before I asked you out but I was afraid. Afraid that the only good thing in my fucked up life would vanish. So I ran away from the problem instead of talking to you about it like I should’ve. I’m sorry for running away and I swear, I would never hurt you—ever again. You don’t have to give me an answer yet, but just know that I still love you with all my heart.”

You take a deep breath, Fuck—what do I say? Should I ask him what he had against Hyun-woo?

Deciding to ask, you look at him with a hint of disappointment, “So why? What do you have against him that made you play with me?”

His eyebrows raise slightly, surprised you didn’t slap him and leave.

“Oh— it’s kind of stupid.” He says, pushing up his glasses slightly.

“I mean he both kinda fucked us over, right? I won’t judge, I hate his guts anyways.”

Jay lets out a breathy smile. “I used to be on the rugby team, remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“Well—I sound like such an egotistical jerk when I say this, but he took the captain position from me by sweet talking his way to the top. It wasn’t mine to begin with, but everyone thought that I deserved it the most, but of course, he took it from me. I wasn’t super mad or anything, I actually thought I was too cocky for um—thinking I deserved the position. It didn’t really help that he also kind of made fun of me any chance he got for not being captain. Blaming me for every loss we had then I just- snapped I guess? I quit then and there and here I am now. Even after I quit he still talked shit about me and I couldn’t really do anything. And I saw you and…” he trails off, “You know what happened.”

You swallow hard, trying to take it all in. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

You nervously start picking at whatever skin on your ring finger you could find, looking down so you wouldn’t have to look at his expression.

“It’s not your fault, don’t apologize, Apple. Plus I’m over it.”

He suddenly scowls, grabbing the now bleeding hand.

“Stop doing this. It’s not good” He pulls out a bandaid from his pocket, carefully placing it around your finger.

You laugh at the sight, “You carry around band aids now?”

“Ever since I met you, yeah.” He slips out and you both go silent.

Was that true? He noticed it?

You clear your throat awkwardly, yanking your hand away after he finishes. “Thank you for the band aid—uh, about your apology, I appreciate it, but I need some time to think about it, if that's okay?”

“Yeah, take your time, I understand.” He gives you a soft smile, which you return. Waving at him while walking to your car.

You sit in the driver’s seat, calling the group chat while backing out.

Chaewon joins first, “So…. How’d it go? Did you slap him? Or did you forgive him?”

Eunbi joins just after, waiting for your answer.

“I don’t know how to feel.” You answer, sighing.

“Hey, you’ll figure it out Y/n! Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” Eunbi gives you a thumbs up with a soft smile.

You nod, returning her smile, and you try to believe it too.

005 THE CALL

As soon as you were out of view Jay pulled his phone out, noticing the ten text messages from the man himself.

sunoo

jayyy

hello

where r u

wait r u two meeting today

OK IK U WONT SEE THIS

so i just want to say sorry for… kinda ruining ur relationship.

IM SO SORRY I WAS DRUNKK PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE

anyways.. text me back whenever u can!!

have fun with y/n

hope it goes well

A smile grows on Jay’s face, he presses his contact photo, bringing his phone to his ear.

“Jay! I didn’t think you would answer so soon?”

“It’s been fifteen minutes? I feel like that's a good amount of time to have a conversation.” Did you just want to leave him as soon as possible? Fuck maybe he didn’t have a chance to win you ba-

“Oh! It’s been fifteen minutes? I guess time flies when you’re on your phone right?” Nevermind.

“So! Did you and Y/n kiss and make up? Or was she angry?”

“No, we just talked? Like I said we would?”

“Are you sure?” Sunoo says in a teasing tone. With that simple sentence, Jay could tell Sunoo was probably giggling to himself about you two meeting up.

“Yes I’m sure? Why would I be lying?” Jay feels the wind pick up some speed, an indication he should go home. He walks himself to the car while talking to Sunoo.

“So you’re telling me, all you did was apologize and she left?”

“Yeah.”

Sunoo groans, “That’s so boring! Totally thought you would have a movie moment then.”

“I mean the only thing unexpected I told her was what happened with Hyun-woo and me.”

He dramatically gasps, “But you never tell anyone? Why does she get to know and not me?”

“She asked.” Jay shrugs, starting the car.

“But you never told me, I only know that you two hate each other! This is straight favoritism. Can’t believe you.” Sunoo angrily exclaims, deciding to hang up the call.

Jay sighs, driving back home.

006 DAY RUINER

Today, you smile as you leave your car. Instead of walking as fast as you can to the doors, you even wave at Jay’s car pulling in. He waves back, a big smile on his face that catches onto yours. You happily walk to the entrance, pushing open the entrance door and walking to your locker.

Getting your first period textbook, and closing your locker, you quickly spot Eunbi and Chaewon walking towards you.

“Someones happy, did you get a good morning message from your lover?” Eunbi teases.

You take a sip of the coffee Chaewon gave you. “No? Can’t a girl just have a good day?” You twirl around.

“Okay you’re acting really weird. Is something wrong?” They exchange glances, waiting for your answer.

“Yeah, somethings wrong.” A male voice comes up to you. Your smile immediately drops. Hyun-woo looks at you, standing between you and Eunbi, he grabs your hand dragging you away.

“What the fuck? Get off me!” You exclaim, trying your best to yank your hand away from him. But apparently his rugby muscles could keep you in his hold, but definitely way too tight for comfort. Hopefully you won't get a big ass bruise there.. He leads you to a hallway which is surprisingly empty.

“Can we talk? Y/n?”

You scoff, “Are you crazy? You drag me here and expect me to want to have a civil conversation with you?’ huffing, you turn back around.

“I want to get back together, Y/n!”

You stop in your tracks, turning around at his conflicted face before bursting out laughing. You only laugh more looking at his hurt face.

“Y/n are you laughing? I’m serious! I want you back! And I know you want me back too!”

You finally stop laughing, taking a deep breath “Gosh you’re funny Hyun-woo. Okay, I’m leaving.” He grabs you again. Does this guy think he’s in a kdrama or something?

“Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I miss you. Can we get back together?”

“So… you played me, and you want to get back together?”

“I wouldn’t say played-”

“Oh but I would. And can you get your hand off me? I can feel your odor latching on to me.” Yanking your hand away, you look at him in disgust.

“Y/n please. Can we-”

“You’re insane Hyun-woo. If you haven’t gotten the hint yet—Which I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t, I’m not interested in dating someone who’s a lookalike to the hunchback of Notre Dame. Actually, maybe that would be an improvement to you.” You shrug, walking away. Shivering in disgust at the thought of him grabbing your arm.

How did I even like this guy? Also what is it with men these days? A scowl is very obvious on your face as you walk back to your lockers. Before you get back to Chaewon and Eunbi, someone taps you from behind.

You turn, “I swear to god Hyun-woo if you-”

“Not Hyun-woo, just me.”

You turn to see Jay, a frown present on his face. Your mouth widens slightly and you close it right away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that, but are you okay? Why did he do that?” He checks your wrist for any forming bruises. Tsking at the slight red tint on your arm. “I’m fine, Jay. It was for something stupid anyways.” you answer, grabbing at his hands to stop.

“What’d he do?” You can hear the genuine concern in his voice and you know you’ll feel horrible if you don’t tell him.

“He just,” you cough awkwardly, “asked to get back together.”

His face changes slightly, but you can’t tell how, “Did you agree?”

“Oh god no—oh my god I wouldn’t even spare a single thought thinking about it.” You laugh, squeezing his hand slightly. A wave of relief washes over his face, “I’m glad. Call me if he does it again, okay?”

“Am I supposed to be your damsel in distress?”

“I was thinking we could kick his ass together.”

You let out a giggle, “I’ll make sure to let you know then,” waving goodbye, you walking back to your beloved trio.

“Oh my god, I didn’t know the talk went that well, you guys were flirting so hard!” Chaewon whisper-yells.

“We were not flirting.”

“Oh you so were. You literally giggled while talking to him” Eunbi agrees.

“I did?”

“See it was so natural you didn’t even notice! I wasn’t really a fan of Jay but he clearly makes you happy.” Chaewon admits, putting her hands up in surrender from Eunbi’s offended look.

“I don’t know. I mean he did kinda use me. So who says he won’t do it again?”

“Me, I do. If he does I’ll literally punch him to oblivion” Eunbi and Chaewon start pretend boxing, the bell interrupting their match. They both groan, giving up mid match.

“I’m glad I’m friends with the next Muhammad Ali, but I’m going to go to class now.” You laugh, waving goodbye and walking to your first period.

007 CALLS AT MIDNIGHT

Your math class gave you time to think about everything going wrong in your life, because who was actually listening to Mrs. Lim’s blabbering? You doodle little hearts in your notebook, now noticing that you hadn’t written a single note and the whole page was just covered in your drawings.

Does this class never end or something? You wonder, checking the clock.

Twenty minutes left, you internally groan, how is it that time moves so slow during times like these? You bring your hand to your mouth, biting the nail off your ring finger. Feeling a vibration coming from your phone, you quickly take a look at the board, making sure the teacher was still writing before checking it.

jay

stop

You

whatd i do???

jay

stop biting your nails

i can see you doing it yk

You

thats none of your business

jay

it’s not

but i still care ya know

You

oh really?

jay

really.

You

fine whatever 🙄🙄

The smile that had grown on your face quickly fades the moment you even notice it was there. Why are you folding so easily Y/n? You have to give him a hard time! You sigh louder than you realize, quickly feeling embarrassment when Mrs. Lim stares right at you.

“Is something wrong, Y/n?” Mrs. Lim asks, a cruel eyebrow raised.

Oh, fuck me. “No Mrs. Lim, nothing is wrong.” You smile as sweetly as you can.

“Then I guess you won’t mind answering one of these questions?” She showcases three equations on the board.

Your smile falls slightly, not this shit again, you complain, walking up to the first equation staring at it blankly while she picks the next two students. Holding the marker up and pretending to think, knowing damn well that you hadn’t listened to a single thing she said that day.

Looking over to the person next to you, Jay, seems to already be looking in your direction, a small smile on his face.

“Looks like you need help this time, Apple? What a twist.”

You roll your eyes, “You didn’t even need help last time. But yes, I do. Could you please—like give me the answer or something?”

“X equals four point five seven.”

You finally return his smile, a small thank you coming out as you write it on the board.

After another long twenty minutes the bell finally rings, indicating that school is finally over. Your usual after school routine was, 1. walk to your car with Chaewon and Eunbi (sometimes you hung out, but today you weren’t) 2. Go home (duh), and start your homework, 3. Eat dinner, and 4. Go on your phone until you fall asleep. You didn’t mind this arrangement, it kept you comfortable knowing that you had some free time later in the day. But today, you were dreading it more than ever.

Why? you ask?

Every couple of days, whenever your phone wasn’t doing your boredom justice you put it down for a good three minutes. And those three minutes entirely made up of you staring at the ceiling and thinking. That was the problem. You didn’t want to think about a single thing that happened today. You didn’t want to think about your upcoming tests that only got you nervous before you were about to go to bed or your love life (which it sometimes went to but you always dreaded even bringing up the topic to yourself).

Tonight was one of those nights you would stare at the ceiling.

The topic you always first thought of was what you did earlier that day. But unfortunately for you, half of the day you had thought about you and Jay basically holding each other's hands. And the other half was thinking about if you forgave Jay yet.

You wanted to say you didn’t. That you would have to take at least two weeks after the apology to even think about the apology. But two days after the apology, here you were. Staring into space about how you think he would react to you forgiving him.

I mean you had basically already forgave him, I mean you wouldn’t have squeezed someone's hand you hated, right? And you definitely don’t miss the voice of someone you hate.

Staring at the ceiling clearly wasn’t a good idea. Because you were already grabbing your phone, looking at his contact. Just above it is your group chat with Eunbi and Chaewon. Maybe you should get a greenlight before you decide to call him.

You glance at the clock, making sure it wasn’t too late to text your friends. The clock hits 11:52 as you look at it. Typing out the texts, you wait until the message sends before closing out of the app.

You

hey guys lawl

r u awake

pls say Yes!

Luckily, Chaewon answers just a few seconds after you close the app.

chaechae

hi im awake

is eunbi awake around this time???

You

no shes never awake past 10 LMFAO

shouldve messaged u privately

chaechae

HELPP FR

wait so what did u want to talk abt

You

Uhmm

so uh

do u think its weird that i’ve forgiven jay so easily and should i call him.. lowkey miss him

chaechae

BITCH U FORGAVE HIM??

WHEN

ok but no??

i mean anyone could literally see how hard he tried to make it up to you

and call him!! Yolo

You

ok Thx!!!!

chaechae

yw 😘😘

Closing the chat, you look at his caller i.d, noticing how big his smile was in the contact photo you never deleted. Smiling, you look down at the call button, wondering if this was a good idea or not. You hesitantly lift your finger, hovering over the rectangle before clicking it.

The phone rings twice, before he answers.

“Y/n, is everything okay? Why are you calling at midnight?”

“Everything’s fine, don't worry, but sorry, did I wake you up?”

You can hear shuffling on his side of the call, before he answers, “No no, I was awake. Why did you call?”

“Honestly? I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He lets out a low chuckle, “Really? That’s it?”

“I also think I forgive you and I want to be your girlfriend again.”

A wave of silence washes over you two. Not a single sound comes through your phone, not a single shuffling or anything. Maybe you shouldn’t have called him, this was a stupid idea. Who let you make important decisions past ten o’clock?

Until he starts up again. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You don’t have to answer that right now if you’re not ready to, I can wait eternity for you.”

“No it’s okay, That’s my answer. Let’s give this thing another try.”

“Thank you, Apple. I’ve missed you a lot, you know?”

You smile, “I’ve missed you a lot too.”

008 FOREVER

“Jay, it’s a Saturday.”

He has a huge grin on his face, he very proudly presents what’s in his hands. A bouquet of white and purple roses with a mix of some unknown flower sit in his hands, the brown paper wrapped by twine making him loudly announce every move he’s about to make.

“So? I missed my girl.”

You sigh, rubbing your pried open eyes. “At nine in the morning? I wake up at like eleven.” His smile never falters, not a single bit, “I got you flowers.” Jay says, handing them to you.

“Thank you, Jay. But these are so bright they could literally blind me.”

“I put a lot of thought into this, you know? ‘Made sure to pick the prettiest one for you.” He points to the unknown purple flower. “This is called a Heliotrope.”

“Is there a meaning to it?”

“You’ll figure it out.” He smirks. Rolling your eyes, you invite him into your house. placing the bouquet carefully on your desk before inviting him to sit on your bed.

You lay back in the spot you were before you had opened the door. About to tuck yourself back in when you realize you have a guest with you, you toss the blanket open, gesturing for him to lay next to you. Jay gladly accepts, laying next to you. Closing your eyes you feel the dip in the bed right next to you.

You two both move to get comfortable, finding it best when you’re facing each other, arms lazily thrown over each other.

“Did you just come here to cuddle?” You ask, the words barely coming out of your throat. A soft chuckle comes out of him, you can feel the vibrations of his chest when he says, “Would you mind if I said yes?”

You shake your head no, pulling him impossibly closer. He wraps his arm around your head, softly caressing it until you fall asleep.

Later, you wake up to Jay still sleeping soundly. Checking the time you realize you’ve been sleeping for at least an hour. You grab your phone from the bedside table checking your notifications and social media apps.

In your peripheral view, the bright purple flowers stand out brightly to you. You quickly switch apps to look up the meaning of the flower.

Pressing enter you read the first box you see.

“In the language of flowers, Heliotrope symbolizes devotion and eternal love.”

A smile grows on your face, Eternal love, I could get used to that.

009 TO DRINK SOME APPLE CIDER (extra timeskip)

Sitting down at your vanity, you look over at Jay to see his familiar dyed silver hair, and a nice dress shirt. You turn back to the mirror.

“Can you believe 2024 is over?” You ask Jay, blending out the eyeshadow you’re putting on. He walks next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, laying down on you. “I’m glad I’ll be spending it with my girl.”

You cover your face feeling the warmth grow on it, slapping his arm, and he quickly pulls away, hissing at the contact.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“For not letting me get ready.” You jokingly roll your eyes, he quickly kisses your cheek before going back to fix his shirt.

Once you finish you showcase your look, you decide to wear a satin green dress, matching Jay’s dark green shirt. You both look at your full length mirror admiring how you look.

“You look so pretty, Apple.” He says, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You smile when he does that, “You don’t look too bad yourself, Park.”

He frowns, “Don’t call me Park.” he says. You smirk mischievously, “I’m sorry, my big baby.” You tease, pinching both his cheeks. A knock to your apartment door sets you apart. You quickly let his cheeks go, a red tint fills them as you run to open the door. Chaewon and Eunbi greet you two, both holding food of some sort.

Later everyone arrives and the sound of the room grows. Laughter and banter fills the air as the clock continues to click to midnight.

You stand off to the side, wanting a break from everyone for a little bit, taking a sip of the sparkling apple cider you’ve had in your hands the whole night. You look back up to see Jay approaching you with a smile, showcasing his matching cup.

“We both have apple cider!” He exclaims, gesturing to the amber colored drinks in both of your hands.

“What a coincidence.” You laugh, enveloping him in a hug. “Where have you been all night? I haven’t seen you since Jungwon arrived.”

“Sorry, I was just talking with them. Got caught up and then suddenly it’s minutes to midnight! Couldn’t miss my new year’s kiss with my girl could I?”

The seconds count down as the crowd of friends all join to count down from ten.

“Ten!” They exclaim.

“Who said you were getting one?”

“Nine! Eight! Seven!”

“I’ve been hoping for one. Would you like to be my New Year’s kiss?”

“Five! Four! Three!”

“I’d love to.” You respond, he barely hears it before the friends scream in excitement.

“Two!”

You close your eyes, smash your lips into his, tasting the sweet apple cider from both of your lips. He smiles into the kiss as the whole apartment celebrates. He wraps his unoccupied hand around your waist, as you wrap yours around his neck, being careful to not spill.

You finally pull away and he looks at you with a love sick gaze. You let out a breathy smile, “Happy New Year, My love.”

“Happy New Year, Apple.”

Giving him a huge hug, you look at everyone chug down their champagne drinks, laughing when Sunghoon spills on his shirt.

“I love you.” Jay whispers.

“I love you too, Jay. I hope we spend the rest of the year together.”

“Maybe even forever.” He replies.

You look back at him, tilting your head slightly. A huge smile still plastered on your face. “Forever and always.”

taglist : @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @flwoie @kjrcrz @hsgworld @boyfhee

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

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spiderlandry · 2 years ago

Text

Yes, Chef — ethan landry

Description: The most loving thing one could do is cook for someone else. Ethan finds out it’s your love language.

Pairing: Ethan Landry x GN!Reader

Warnings: implication that reader is shorter than ethan, no ghostface, amber was reader’s ex but it’s only a small mention, lmk if there’s any warnings i should add !! there may be some errors since i only edited this once

Word Count: 3k

Author’s note: i wrote with a poc reader in mind, and much of reader’s experience with cooking is based off my own

Chad is starting to get worried. Exams are in a month, and even though everyone he knows is working hard to prepare, it’s like Ethan is studying as if exams are next week. Chad thinks he can even hear his roommate talking in his sleep sometimes.

He wakes up to Ethan being up at the crack of dawn, a large cup of coffee in hand and deeper bags under his eyes than yesterday.

So, yeah, it’s concerning.

He already tried to coax him into taking more care of himself, but Ethan waves it off. He’s tried other things: getting Sam to scold him, try to get him to go out and party so he’ll get tired, having Quinn threaten him.

If nothing happens, he may resort to putting sleeping pills in Ethan’s coffee.

However, there is one more thing.

You.

Ever since Ethan was introduced to the rest of his friends which included you, he’d been paying more attention to his appearance and how he’s perceived. At first Chad thought he might’ve had a crush on Tara, but Ethan slipped up one time when he not very casually asked if you were going to a group hangout, a few weeks ago.

Chad can use that knowledge to his advantage, he realizes.

Knowing you since freshman year of high-school, you’re a naturally caring person, though can be quiet or a little closed off especially since the Woodsboro murders in which you discovered that your ex-girlfriend was one of the killers.

Your gentle nature, along with his crush, can surely save Ethan from burning himself out so much that he’ll show up to finals only a skeleton, right? Hopefully.

Chad prays he’s right as he sends you a text, Friday evening.

Chad

Hey, can I ask a favor

depends

Might be a little weird but u know how ethan has been studying rly hard?

yeah u said u were worried. is he ok?

Yeah he’s fine mostly. Im just worried so Im asking if you can

Ask him to hang out or something

? why

not that i would mind but why

Youre the one he would say yes to I already tried other stuff to get him to relax but man looks like hes about to pass out

Idk I have a feeling its more than about school but its not my place and I think he would open up to u

You know he has a crush on u right

i dont believe u but ill do it

Bro dont even act like u dont like him too

shut up

You roll your eyes at your phone, already coming up with a plan for a way to get Ethan to chill out. That’s when you think of it.

Ethan allows himself to sleep in during the weekends. But when he wakes up at 11 AM to a text from you that was sent at six, he immediately regrets it.

He opens his phone to read it.

hey i have this new recipe i wanna try but i need a second opinion

wanna come over after work? i get off at 5

He rubs his eyes, making sure he’s reading it right. You? Inviting him? To come over to your place alone?

He’s not proud of the way he gapes at the message for a long moment before he can answer, responding with a ‘sure!’ despite the word not conveying his excitement mixed with the worry at the pit of his stomach. Why are you inviting him alone? He can’t let himself think that it’s anything other than friendliness, right? But you only invited him, so it must mean something.

He rushes to his closet to pick out his outfit, already forgetting about the unfinished page of notes on his desk.

Ethan has known you for a good few months, since the beginning of the school year. But at this point, he’s memorized your smile and your voice, becoming less subtle as time goes on. He pays attention to every single thing you’ve said about yourself, including but not limited to how you almost went to culinary school. He remembers how you once baked a cake for Tara’s birthday, not only the batter from scratch but also the buttercream frosting. He smiles at the memory of you showing the group how to make pasta one night.

To say he’s excited is an understatement.

He doesn’t even bother getting his coffee this time so his breath doesn’t smell like it.

Chad notices that Ethan’s usual cup is still in the cupboard, mentally patting himself on the back for getting the idea to reach out to you.

It’s not long until it’s almost five, and Ethan is walking the few blocks over to your apartment, enjoying the wind. He knows not to show up empty handed, so he stops at a bodega to buy your favourite chips.

You‘d gotten home a little early due to your workplace not being too busy, thankfully. You start prep, laying out the ingredients. The knock from your door reaches your ears a few minutes later, and knowing it’s Ethan you open the door.

You’re greeted with a bag of chips to your face, taking it and seeing Ethan have a slight upturn at the corner of his lips. You mirror his expression, albeit with a wider smile (you can’t help it), letting him into your apartment. He sits down at the breakfast bar facing into the kitchen, while you stand on the other side facing him.

This isn’t the first time he’s been here, but it is the first time he’s here alone. With you. He tried to get rid of the images in his head of him being over at your place every day because you want him to be there. He can’t think like that, not now when you’re beaming up at him while you showcase the ingredients on the kitchen counter, your sentences going into one ear and out the other.

“…Ethan?” Your brows are furrowed, not knowing if he’s paying attention. You quickly catch that he’s not—he has to think for a moment about what to say.

“Uhm—“ he clears his throat. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What?” He mentally cringes at himself. He’s sure you’d think he’s not interested and oh god, what if you think he doesn’t want to be there?

You laugh lightly. “I said do you like steak? I mean, I probably should’ve asked, but—“ You’re glad he stops your ramble before it goes any further.

“I like it, don’t—don’t worry.”

“Okay, good. Because this would’ve been awkward.”

Ethan is determined not to let any weird silences happen, so he continues despite not knowing what to say. His curiosity gets the best of him. “Not that I don’t want to, but why did you invite me here? I mean…just me.”

You try to brush it off, coming up with an excuse. “I invited Tara, but she couldn’t make it.” You turn back to the ingredients to get started.

He’s glad you’re not facing him to see his shoulders practically deflate finding out that he’s not the first choice. He’s not sure why he got his hopes up so much.

Before he can say anything else, you interrupt his train of thought. “Wanna help?”

He stands up quickly, eager. “What do you need?”

Truthfully, you’d made this dish a thousand times before that you could do it in your sleep. You’re not about to try anything new when your main objective is to take Ethan’s mind off things.

“How are you with knives?” You ask, taking out a chef’s knife from the knife holder. His eyes widen, begrudgingly taking the object from your hand.

“This is gonna sound—nevermind,” He shakes his head.

“Tell me.”

“I’ve never had to…cook before.”

“Oh,” you sigh. “That’s fine. Do you not want the knife?”

“I do! I just—how do I use it?”

You smile, an image he wishes was burned into his mind. You slide the cutting board toward you, putting a handful of asparagus in the middle.

Ethan can’t help but stare at your hand at the way you delicately go through the motions of cutting, slowly to make sure he sees it. You show him how to trim the asparagus, and you give him back the knife to try.

A spark tingles throughout his hand when you put yours on it to guide him.

“Just trim all of these. Got it?”

He nods.

You prepare the steak on a separate cutting board alongside him.

“Can I ask why you’ve been studying so hard, E?”

The nickname isn’t lost on him, but he tries his best to ignore it before he accidentally cuts himself.

“Finals next month,” He says curtly.

“Is that the truth?”

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me. But I’m not trying to force you.”

He pauses. “Can we change the topic?”

You nod, “You pick. Turns out I’m terrible at conversation. Can you fill up a pot of water for the mini potatoes? And put some salt in it.”

“How long have you been cooking?” He puts the asparagus in the bowl they were previously in and doing as you say. With the way he gets the question out so fast, you’d think he’d been thinking about it.

“As a kid, I was around a lot of people who knew how to cook,” you begin while you prepare a pan on the stove, melting the butter. “I learned from them. International dishes, mainly. Lots of spices. But I moved to New York and started working in a kitchen when I was sixteen, so I learned about some European pastries and white people food.” You chuckle.

There’s something with the way you talk about food that makes his chest warm. It’s unfamiliar, but a welcome feeling nonetheless. It’s different from how you talk about other things—this one feels more intimate.

You continue. “I think you know, but I almost went to culinary school.”

He does know. He wonders why you didn’t go.

“I took cooking classes as an elective at my high-school. I was lucky they offered that. Senior year, I was a stage for some really pretentious restaurants—y’know, mainly as a server, but I got to know how the kitchen worked.”

He hasn’t even noticed that the butter is almost all melted on the pan and you’ve put some rosemary and thyme on it until you pause to turn to him.

You grab the cutting board with the steak on it, placing it next to the stove.

“They were the kinds of places that served small portions for high prices.” You stared at the stove, turning up the heat.

“Why didn’t you go to culinary school?” He timidly asks.

“The people,” You say it so quietly at first that he almost missed it. “I met people who made the kitchen pretty much unbearable. There was shouting…lots of it, actually. The crazy high standards. They didn’t shout at me, but seeing it from the sidelines was worse…somehow? I don’t know.”

He finds himself wanting to have a stern word with whoever made you feel that way about something you so clearly love.

He’s about to ask another question before you interrupt him.

You pick up the steak from the board, motioning for him to come closer. “Always lay away from you,” you say. “Otherwise you splash oil on yourself, ‘kay?”

He nods. He continues with his question. “Do you regret it?”

He doesn’t realize how heavy of a question it is until after he says it, and he’s going to retract his statement but you respond.

“No, actually, I don’t.”

There’s a sweetness in your voice that’s hard to catch, but for Ethan’s ears, it’s as if they’ve been attuned to your tone.

“If I went to culinary school, I would’ve started to hate it—“ You grab the tongs, using it to push the sides of the steak to the pan, “—That’s searing. You seal in the juices when the surface browns, see that?—“

When he nods, you proceed.

“I grew up believing that cooking was a way to care about people, you know? Like a love language. And If I made cooking my career, that’s not what it would be for me. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, yeah. It does.”

Once all the sides are seared, you grab a spoon and you slightly tilt the pan, using the utensil to coat the steak in the melted butter. “That’s basting. So it doesn’t lose moisture. Every time you flip a steak, it loses moisture, so just do it once.”

He thinks he’s getting repetitive when he nods once more to show that he’s actually listening.

It’s not long until the steak is done, and he’s excited to get it on the plate but instead, you put it on a baking sheet and cover it in tin foil.

“You’re next.”

His head snaps up toward you, sputtering, “What?”

“Do you want to learn?”

“Yeah—“

“Then get to work.” You smirk, and he’d be lying if he said that didn’t awaken something in him. You point to the other steak in the packaging.

He tries to remember the steps you did, but you do have to remind him what to do occasionally.

You’re standing close to him, almost hovering, but he doesn’t mind one bit. In fact, he almost leans in instinctively when you bring your hand up to his face and pushes his curls out of his face.

“You’re doing good,” you whisper.

It takes everything inside him not to collapse right there. He’d give everything to feel your hand on his face again.

You’ve set two plates on the counter. The mini potatoes were boiled nicely, and you cut them swiftly in half (a feast for Ethan’s eyes). Ethan watches while you quietly as you carefully plate the food, and he can’t help but look around him. The used pan, the knives, cutting boards, you plating the food—there’s an element of domesticity.

It’s in the way you flash a smile directed at him and only him, in the comfort of your own home, after you’ve just cooked together. He imagines a future where it’s like this every night.

You open the fridge, grabbing out two sodas. As you turn around Ethan is surprisingly close to you.

Only a few inches away.

He slowly takes the cans from you, setting it on the space next to him. All as if he’s about to wake a sleeping dragon if he were to move too quickly.

“Why are you doing this?” He asks, almost in a pleading whisper. His eyes are boring into yours, and you can’t bring yourself to look away.

“I told you.” Your tone mirrors his. “Cooking is a way to take care of someone, and I care about you.”

He doesn’t know what possesses him to do the next thing.

He brings himself closer to you, not breaking the eye contact.

Suddenly, everything makes itself known. Your breathing, shallower than his, anticipating his next move. The way your clothes touch. The cold air coming from the fridge.

He brings his hand to touch your jaw, it’s a feather-like sensation as his digits make contact with your skin. “Is this okay?”

You gulp and nod, unable to find the words.

“Need to hear you say it.”

In the lowest whisper, “Yes.”

He lifts your chin, tilting his head.

It’s a tiny pause until you’re the one taking the leap, closing the small distance and slotting your lips against his.

Everything falls away, and nothing else matters. His lips are soft. You feel his large hands go to your neck and you wrap your arms around his torso, trying to get impossibly closer.

You’re the first to pull away and you grin when he chases your lips.

“Hi,” You beam. “W—what was that for?”

“You tell me,” he smiles.

You anticipate the night to end when you’re both finished the food and the drinks, and you’ve cleaned up the kitchen.

But neither of you want it to end.

You cross your arms, facing Ethan who’s reluctantly about to open the door.

“Wanna stay?”

He turns around, tilting his head like a cute puppy. “Thought you’d never ask.”

That’s how you found yourselves cuddling on the couch, a new show on your television.

“I have to tell you something,” you whisper, eyes still on the screen.

“Hm?”

“Chad told me to ask you to hang out.” You grimace. “And before you say anything, I didn’t invite you just because of him. I was worried about you too.” You look up at him, the proximity comfortable rather than awkward.

“I figured.”

“Really?”

His arm tightens around you. “When you asked me why I was studying so hard, I remembered Chad’s been trying to get me out of it. This was his last resort.”

You snort, “His last resort was putting sleeping pills in your coffee.”

“I’m…gonna have to talk to him about that.”

“Can I ask why you’re studying?”

“To distract myself.”

You almost sit up. “From what?”

“Not tonight.” He lays your head against him again, and your trust is in his hands. “Someday.”

And someday, he’ll tell the story about how the week before, he realized he loved you. It scared him so much that it kept him up for days, but the night you kissed would be the day his worries all went away.

#ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #ethan landry fluff #scream 6 x reader #scream x reader #scream #scream vi #scream 6

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hazshit-hotel-hater · 11 months ago

Text

*jingles keys infront of your face*

Hi guys

Having a strange night again but I suddenly remembered Frank Sinatra exists and my brain went nuts for a second and I remembered one very specific song that reminds me of Angel Dust and also this brings me to my topic of how to write what Episode 4 was trying to do without being shit.

Song for your listening pleasure~

youtube

Alright *cracks knuckles* let me tell you how my brain is working.

Poison is meant to sound like a generic romance pop song about a bad relationship on the surface but the audience is supposed to know it’s about something much worse. Now lets flip that around real quick.

“My Way Of Life” is a romance song.

At least I think it is? I’m under the aromantic umbrella and I don’t pick up on this stuff good.

BUT try listening to the song while imagining the wording to be more hostile and literal.

A few standout ones are these in my opinion

—————

Gotta have you near all the time, with your dreams wrapped up in mine.

Gotta be a part of your soul and your heart all the time.

You are my way of life.

The only way I know.

I’ll never let you go.

Because “I love you so.”

You are my way of life.

The only way I know.

Make me your way of life.

Don’t ever go.

Nothing in the world that I do means a thing without you.

Im just half alive, in my struggle to survive without you.

Never let you out of my sight.

Be it day.

Be it night.

You belong to me.

That’s the way it has to be; wrong or right.

—————

Colour coding this by which characters I feel represents these best by the way. Angel-ish ones are pink and Valentino ones are red.

When you look at them in a tone like that with certain lines being possessive, and fake (ie. “I love you so”) and the others being despairing, self-loathing, you can hopefully see how I mistook this for a much more unhappy song when I first heard it.

If you look at a song like this thats so dramatic and intense and full of emotion, it’s going to be better than some generic pop song like 99% of the time. The music also make sense for the time period Angel died since Sinatra was popular in the 1940-1950’s which I personally think adds more.

How I imagine some kind of music video for this would play out, I’ll probably end up storyboarding it sometime, but bear with me till I do. would be a lot of Angel doing day to day things and tapping more into what ADDICT did with flashbacks and hallucinations and so on without shoving rape in our faces. I touched on this in my original Episode 4 rant so I’m going to vaguely recap on that. There are times where very simple things can trigger unpleasant memories, I think everyone knows that. But for some reason, Vivzie seems to think the only way to show SA actually happened is to deliberately show us since every other character thats been sexually assaulted or sexually abused has it played off as a joke. Yes I am fucking talking about Sir Pentious.

Angel having a flashback or hallucination doesn’t have to be of it happening. It can be something as simple as sitting next to Valentino. Someone pronouncing something the same way Valentino would. A specific piece of trash on the floor like a cup showing up somewhere else. Reminders can be tiny have a massive impact. Sometimes reminders for shit I’ve experienced is something as small as a hat, water, or a nickname. Even a day of the month can be nerve wracking.

Im about to start listing a bunch of ideas and stuff so this may end up being the entire song, brace yourself for reading all this.

0:00-0:32

I feel like this would start with Angel in his room staring at a wall, probably drinking after work.

“Gotta have you near all the time with your dreams wrapped in mine.”

Is less of a willing “gotta” and more of a “I can’t do anything else.” with the talk of dreams alluding more to the fact that Angel’s original wants from the contract are long gone and noting that Valentino is controlling his career, future, needs, wants, “privileges”.

“Gotta be a part of your soul and of your heart all the time.”

Is once again about the contract of Angel’s soul.

0:33-0:51

“Nothing in the world that I do means a thing without you.”

In the original song I assume this is meant to be like “Life is so dull without you” but for the way I hear this song, it sounds a lot more like “Nothing that I do holds any meaning without your name attached to it.” in a kind of corporate way. I imagine this part with Angel walking down the street and seeing posters of himself but all of them have credits to Valentino somewhere on them. Angel likes his job but obviously the job that he previously enjoyed has turned into a dangerous and traumatic one. Posters like this can both be seen as a reminder that Angel is no longer in control of his own life and as some kind of intrusive thought like “I’m only famous because of you. I gave up everything for this.” AKA Valentino manipulating his way of thinking about his situation.

“I’m just half alive in my struggle to survive without you.”

Once again calling back to Angel’s contract. This part to me is more of what I stated in another rant I did a while ago. Honestly if I ever did this it’d likely take place after or during season 2 under the assumption Valentino dies. This is more of what I said in the linked post, but it’s a lot of Angel processing everything that’s happened to him. Everything suddenly hitting him all at once. “Struggle to survive without you” doesn’t mean that Angel is struggling because Valentino is gone, health struggling because he was there in the first place. Angel is dealing with and processing severe trauma and judging by ADDICT, dealing with vivid flashbacks and hallucinations as well.

0:52-1:15

A lot of this section reminds me of how I processed my emotions when I first realised that I had control over my own life again and I feel like Angel would feel very similarly to how I did.

“You are my way of life. The only way I know.”

After so many years of sticking to this strict regime, enduring so much pain and stress, it’s so hard to just suddenly snap out of it. That was your reality for years and it’s over, but everything that happened is still clinging to you so harshly it feels like its still happening, but when you prepare for a previous habit you picked up from that time and it doesn’t happen it can be so jarring it’s terrifying that you’re still so used to it. My best example in this setting is going to hang up a call and saying “Hey I have to go do something” and you expect to have to lie about why you’re leaving or prepare for the other person to get mad and then they just. Don’t. And you can hang up normally. I know some people wont get this but that kinda stuff is such a specific feeling of realisation.

“You are my way of life. I’ll never let you go.”

Can be taken as either Angel talking to himself; saying he’ll never let the memories and trauma from Valentino go because it’s so engrained into his mind, or, as Angel remembering Valentino explicitly stating he will never let him go. Even if Valentino is dead by this time, it could still be done with a flashback or auditory hallucination like Angel had in Episode 2.

I don’t think I’ll be diving into this entire song, but it really hit something in my brain. I had to quickly sketch a possible frame for a video if I did ever make one:

It’s a bit basic, but hopefully you see what I’m going for. This was for the 0:52-1:15 section mostly, but I can see it being used in various other places.

I hope this was at least a little bit interesting for you all and if not at least maybe I could introduce you to a really good Frank Sinatra song! Usually my really long posts like this don’t get much traction, but I hope this one at least sees a glimpse of daylight because it really is an interesting idea to me. If you have any thoughts, questions, or ideas for this please tell me I love when you guys ask me stuff. I am hopefully going to knock out now because it’s 2:44 AM at the time of writing this, so whenever I post this, please enjoy.

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shinyrhinestones · 2 years ago

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A song, is what it takes.

Summary: Reader is Spencers twinsister and the team is trying to get Elle and Reader together, but Spencer doesn't know.

I lost the request but im still gonna write it. I hope its alright. Also english isn't my mother tongue, so there will probably be some mistakes.

Pairing: Elle Greenaway x Fem!reader

Genre: Fluff

Category: Oneshot.

Warnings: Kissing.

No matter what was going on, it seemed like something was drawing you and Elle together. Everytime you'd have a case, and had to be briefede you'd always seem to end up sitting next to the girl you couldnt be normal around. She's too beautiful. There was something about her, that drew you in. You had only known her for a couple of months, and still you were all over the place. Everytime you'd have to stay at a hotel while working on a case, or just finishing one, you'd be paired up with Elle.

Elle Greenaway, your colleague. Its not that you minded sharing a room with her, it just always made you stutter, hesitate and make your palms sweat just a little bit. You'd end up sitting together on the plane home. Or on the way over to where the case would take place. You two would always end up talking alot together, whenever this happened. It was like you never ran out of topics, words, themes or whatever, when you two were sat together. You two could talk together to the end of time. What you didn't notice was that when you were in a deep conversation with Elle, the rest of your coworkers would pair up and stare at you two in the background. They would whisper about you two, and their next moves. They'd smile at their small accomplishments even though you two weren't aware of your true feelings to each other yet. But that's what they were here for. To help you on the way.

Well, the only one on the team who was oblivious to the shipping of you two was Spencer. He wasn't included when the others got together to admire you two from afar. Normally you didn't really think anything of it. It was probably all just a coincidence that no matter what you were doing at work you somehow ended up talking or working with Elle somehow. The team wished to accomplish that one of you would finally ask the other out. But you never did. Then they tried to start mentioning how cute you two were, to maybe encourage you. Spencer even thought sometimes the team was mad at him or making him feel left out. For example that time where Spencer was about to sit next to you but then Derek shoved the chair away from him, giving him a knowing look. Trying to tell him why with his eyes, but Spencer didn't catch on. Instead he furrowed his eyebrows, and looked around confused. His hands in his pockets trying to understand what had just happened. He still didn't catch on when Elle came in and took the seat next to you, leaving Spencer with the chair on the other end of the table. He might've felt like the team liked you better than him. Even though the team never had a favorite. Well, maybe they had a favorite ship. Hopefully soon, a favorite couple.

There were of course some times where the team didn't have to do anything to get you two closer, or give you sweet moments. That's probably also why you fit so well together. You didn't need someone to force you together. You just needed a little reasurence.

Like that one time where you were on a case, during late fall:

You were shivering, from the cold breeze. The wind brushing your hair and shoving to the trees making their leafs rattle together. The leafs were dark brown and orange. The trees almost being dead, since winter was nearing. You tried hugging yourself and moving around to keep yourself warm. You started to regret not bringing a jacket or at least a warmer shirt, but you thought that You could handle the weather. It didn't seem that cold, when you got ready for the day. You could hear the wind swirl around your ears and the cold causing your ears and cheeks to go red. But then you saw her standing in front of you, and then your cheeks went red for a whole different reason. She was standing there with her jacket in her hands, holding it infront of her. She was looking at you with a small subtle smile and it was such a gentle caring expression she held. Her eyes studying your face for a moment before speaking up. "You seem cold" Her voice almost made your knees melt. But you couldt let yourself move. Being so close to her and having her full attention made butterflies erupt in your stomach. "I am" You answered, slowly stopping rubbing your arms. Her lips were slightly parted, her lips being a faint soft pinkish, redish color. "Here. Take my coat" She said softly. It wasn't a demand, nor was it a question. Your lips turned upward at her thoughtfulness.

"Thank you" You said, as she held out the coat for you to fully take. You took it calmly from her grip, brushing fingers as you did so. Eye contact didnt seem to be a problem betweent you two. Your eyes were glued to each other, not being able to look away, as you put it on. "Elle, Y/N!" Derek called, interrupting you and Elle. Elles head whipped around, and you walked up next to her, to see what Derek wanted. But you weren't paying attention. Your mind was still foggy from the way her eyes could shine so brightly, even if it was so gloomy outside. Oh, and the feeling her fingers quickly but softly touching yours.

Then there was the time where you were on a little vacation with Derek and Elle in Jamaica. It was night and the summer breeze was brushing against your legs, as Elle asked if you wanted to dance. There was music and that dance floor, where other couples and people were enjoying the night. You nodded at her, and she took your hands following you to the dance floor. You were both smiling at each other, and softly swaying to the sounds of the music. You could even feel the vibrations of the music under your feet. Her arms resting around your neck and yours resting around her form. Her skin was so soft, and having her touching you felt like heaven. It felt rare. Like you had to cherish this feeling and moment forever. As long as you possibly could.

Earlier that day you and Elle had played Volleyball with some guys at the beach. You had been laughing and enjoying the game together the whole time. You couldnt help but admire Elle during the whole game. You also felt a sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach, everytime one of the guys had flirted with Elle. Now you couldnt quite read if Elle was into it or not, but it still hurt. But it was like you could feel the bond between you and Elle getting stronger and closer. It's not easy to explain, it's something you feel.

But right now you were at a bar, with most of the team. Spencer had been persuaded, Hotch had agreed to go shortly, Gideon didn't go and the rest of you were quite enthusiastic. Penelope, Derek, Emily and JJ were on the dance floor. Then there was you, Spencer, Elle and Hotch sitting by a table just calmly chatting. Hotch had exused himself, getting his coat on. He had a family to go home to, so he didn't stay for that long.

While he was getting his things, Penelope had made her way over to all of you, but only with the intention of interacting with you and Elle. You were sitting next to her, leaning your head on the palm of your hand. You had placed your elbow quite close to Elle without noticing. Penelope dragged the two of you onto the little stage in the bar. Yes, she was actually making you two do karaoke. You'd have to be really brave and confident to do karaoke. Strangers gathered in a bar and amateur singers putting on a perfomance. You'd need to be secure in your singing and perfomance. Now, its not like you and Elle were bad at singing. But you could always be better. The whole time you both had been stuttering out words of rejection, and walking hesitantly. But then she shoved the microphone in your hand. "Come on, it'll be fun" She almost pleaded and gave you a small pouty look. The music had already started to play and when you looked behind Penelope you saw a bunch of people looking at you waiting for the small show to begin. Oh, right then you felt like you wanted to just run away and hide. Hide from the world, and make everyone forget about you and everything you've ever done. But then Elle sighed, and tool a hold of the microphone is shifting it lighty. Now you were both holding it, so you could both access it.

You had both started to sway to the music, trying to get comfortable. You both started singing and at first it was awkward. You weren't even looking at the audience, and your shoulders were tense. But just like music always does, it gets to you. Music can do so much to a person. Make them feel all kinds of different emotions and think a bunch of different things. It can even say things for you.

You were holding the microphone in your right hand, and Elle was holding it with her left. Since you had to hold it together to both participate as much as you could, you were close. Your bodies were so close to each other. You could almost feel her breath on your skin. You were subconsciously moving yourself closer to her, feeling the warmth of her body more and more. Elle herself felt her mind go blurry. She couldnt think straight. It was like, it was only you two in the world. In the moment. The words you were singing belonged to a sweet, soft love song. When you were singing those words to one another, looking into each others eyes getting more and more lost, you were singing words you'd longed to tell her for a long time. Words so she could understand how you feel about her. Elle even felt like her legs were going to betray her in that moment. Never had she been more infatuated with you in that moment. All of a sudden Elle understood her feelings for you completely. It all made sense. And you. You had just been waiting for a sign. A way. I think everyone knew what you were feeling for Elle, but yourself. It was complicated, really. You were aware of these feelings and emotions, but you had never actually thought: What if i asked her out? What if she was mine?

It was like you just weren't going to do anything. But in that moment, you wanted to. You wanted to try and see if maybe Elle wanted to too. Then the song ended. And everyone clapped, causing you to snap back to reality and out of the little spell you both had been under. You both smiled looking around to see the team smiling and clapping along. You had no idea, that the whole time while you and Elle were singing together, they had been gushing and whispering about you two at the table you had claimed for the night. Spencer was also clapping along, but he wasn't wearing that amusing look like the rest. He was more casual. You put the microphone back in it's place, and joining the rest of the group with Elle. Hotch had stayed, when he realized what Penelope had been doing.

"Not bad" Derek smiled, leaning on the table. "Thanks" You muttered, sitting back in your seat. You were both blushing crazily. You'd had to be absolutely blind not to be able to see it. It was so obvious. Everyone had noticed the romantic interest you two had in each other....well, all except for your brother, Spencer. You and Spencer could talk about alot of stuff together. Discussing things and topics, talking about childhood memories but you didn't really talk much about the others love life. And you definitely didn't want to talk about your interest in Elle, afraid of her finding out. "That was really cute!" Penelope commented, her voice full of excitement. Hotch decided to leave after having watched you and Elle's little moment. The others quickly made conversation again, but you and Elle were silent. Your knees brushing against the others once in a while. You couldnt think clearly. Your mind was too focused on Elle. Her long dark hair looked so elegant as it bounced around, and her chocolate brown eyes shining. She truly was captivating. You didn't even notice you'd been staring, until she turned to look at you. You made eye contact immediately. None of you looked away. You just sat there. Looking. It might've looked awkward in 3rd person, but it wasnt to either of you. You could feel the connection between you two. There was just something there. Something strong. For a moment you started to wonder if she even felt the same, or if it was just you.

But then she kissed you. All of a sudden her lips were on yours. Infront of everyone. Her lips were so soft, and feeling the warmth from her body again was something you'd never want to end. One of her hands ended up on the side of your face. You of course kissed her back. It took a few seconds to register what had just happened, but when you became aware, you immediately kissed her back. It felt so safe and secure. Your heart was beating so fast, you might've believed it would've beated all the way through your chest, like you were in a cartoon. Then you both pulled away, after some time to not only get some air but to see each others reactions. But then you looked around you to see your colleagues looking absolutely shocked but happy at the same time. Eyes wide, eyebrows raised and small smiles tugging at their lips. "Wow." JJ almost mumbled. "Argh! Finally!!" Penelope clapped her hands, and jumped in her seat. Through your whole life with your twinbrother Spencer, you had never seen him more confused before. He was absolutely shunned. Eyes wide and mouth agape. "What?" Spencer managed to say, even though he looked absolutely speechless. You bit your bottomlip to stop a smile forming on your face, and as your elbow rested on the table before you, you took your hand covered the top of your face so your eyes were hidden from the people around you. Elle snuck one of her hands into the one you held on your lap, to hold it softly but secure. "You two are so cute" JJ said sweetly to you two, so maybe you'd feel less embarrassed. You sneaked a glance over all of them and sighed. They seemed okay with the fact you were two girls. But then again that wasn't really your biggest question. The thing you wanted to know was what you and Elle were going to do now between the two of you. Go on a date and take it from there, or forget this thing? You just hoped Elle wanted the same as you. You giggled, feeling trapped. "Thank you" You said, answering JJ's recent remark. You looked at Spencer giving him a slight awkward smile. He took a breath before closing his mouth again. He looked down and then up again. "What is going on? Why do none of you seem so shocked?" Spencer questioned out of pure curiosity, pointing to you two. "Spencer, its been so obvious. We've all been pushing them together the last couple of months" Emily stated. "You have?" You then asked. Now Spencer was even more confused. How come you didn't even know? Elle didn't seemed that surprised, meaning she must've been well aware. "Yeah. Why do you think you always end up sitting together whenever we're at work or doing anything in general?" It sounded from Emily. She herself seemed surprised you hadn't noticed. "Yeah, or that one time in Jamaica. I invited both of you for a reason" Derek explained. You let out a breathy laugh. "Oh" Was all you managed. "Or today when Garcia forced you to sing" Emily mentioned. You then looked at Elle. "Why did i not know any of this?" Spencers high-pitched voice sounded. He was furrowing his eyebrows, and looking around pure baffled. You all let out a laugh, at the sound of your brother. You were sure he was happy for the both of you, but right now he just needed some answers. And you were just happy to finally have gotten closer to the girl you'd been dreaming of. Turns out that the whole time it had been the team who had been drawing you and Elle together.

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Thank you for reading!

#criminalminds #elle greenaway #ellegreenawayxfemreader #elle greenaway x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #spencer reid #bau team #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fandom #Elle Greenaway fluff #fluff #request

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coff-in · 6 months ago

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I feel like whenever I’m having a bad day (or in this case, few months), I see other people have bad days too. It’s crazy how the world works and we all unite together to have either crappy or happy moments; it’s kind of wholesome that we all are brought together through our experiences and can share those vulnerabilities. It makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not isolated or alone, and that I’m not the only person with problems or struggling to get by.

I saw your last post, you said to ask about pressure, so I’m asking: How do you deal with pressure?

This is what I do when I feel stressed (maybe you’ll find some relief in this too): It’s a rule for me to always cry when something goes wrong, because crying released happy chemicals!

If I’m still bothered, I sleep for a few hours, take a Power Nap or just sleep and see if it still bothers me. If it still bothers me, I eat strawberry mochi. I also like coloring in those coloring books with flowers and a inspiring quote, it makes me feel better. When I’m sad, I always put on some Lo-fi or old love songs.

I always try reading Andrew Graves x reader content—or, at least what I haven’t seen. It’s a small fan base for separate Andrew Graves content. It’s how I discovered you a few months ago too! I enjoy looking for your work on my dashboard and I’m excited to see what you do next.

I hope thing’s get better for you, Coff-in! Never be ashamed or feel guilty about your own feelings or mental health. Don’t worry about time or rushing things, rushed work is never good work. Always remember to take breaks and worry about yourself; it’s your life after all. From one human being to another, take care of yourself. 💜⭐️

hi stellar :D when i asked ppl to send me questions about pressure, i meant the roblox game pressure ^^; this is ok tho!! no harm no fowl! (or is it foul? fowl is a bird, huh)

when i get stressed i usually get take a nap, maybe eat something, or watch youtube to distract myself. crying sounds really nice but i can't cry easily, sadly :( i also just try to draw! i like drawing and i find it easy to just pick up a pencil and doodle something :3 i also do it when i'm bored

its a tad bit hard for me to realize that "oh this blog is my blog, i can do with it what i want". or maybe i do realize that but still feel like i can't do certain things. hm. hm hm hm. so neat, such whimsy :3 i also relate to you seeking out andrew graves x reader content, but recently for me i've been searching out sebastian solace x reader fics. idk if people know this but im mostly a selfshipper, so seeing the whole zerum drama happen in that fandom is like... idk kinda silly to me. tldr: people were mad that the co-creator of the game (zerum) shipped her oc (zerum) with the shopkeeper sebastian. there's obviously more to it than that, but it reminded me when i was younger and i made a boyfriend oc for my persona (who i also sometimes wrote/referred to him as her brother... huh)

i'm going to be busy with work again, so hopefully i'll be able to write more since i usually start writing when i'm trying to avoid work or just to get away from it ^^; i hope that you're still doing well despite these hard months! i think it's a bit too easy for some to cur inward and isolate themselves from others. it was kinda nice being away from my coff-in blog. i do not say this as in 'i want to leave', but it was nice to just... idk feel like i didn't have to write? or take my time. i felt kinda bad tho, like there was a lingering thought in my head that i was deceiving you all. i was still able to write, so why wasn't i writing? stuff like that i guess

thank you for sending your ask, please take care of yourself!! <3

#creaky coffin ⚰️

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justagaymoth · 2 months ago

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A loveless AroAllo and aplatonic story I'm working on

(I have more this is just the first part)

I don’t want a man or anybody I just need a warm body to hold. I don't want love of any kind. I don’t even love my friends its not like a hate them. I just don't love very often. That doesn't mean the people I love are any special. The main person I love is not “the one” whatever that means. If they were, it would be incsest. The only person I truly love constantly is my sister. This is not to say i dont care about humanity or the people in my life i just dont love them. I dont feel anything in my heart for them. Not my parents, not my friends, not the guys that ask me out because i'm pretty. I hate it when anyone says they love me because i can't love them back no matter how badly i want to. The guilt and disgust I feel when I hear the word love aimed at me like a missile could kill a hundred men or more.

My life is pretty okay right now. Im in my first month of my semester of college and three boys have asked me out and two have asked me to parties. I like to think they asked me out because of my smart and witty comments in class but in reality its because of my face and boobs. I hate collage boys. Well most of them one is pretty alright he is in my biology 101 a first noticed him when I accidentally saw his test score on a pop quiz. I just happened to be looking that way. I was staring day dreaming about my sci fi fantasy world i've been thinking about since I was 5. The main thing that pushed me to try so hard to learn to read was that world. I needed to write it down and publish it one day. Maybe some other bullied kids would find as much comfort in that world as me. Anyways he was one of three people who didn't get a D or below on that test and this girl I didn't know were the only ones who got a decent grade.The third person who got a decent grade was me.I know this because everyone else growed or looked very sad or angry. The girl was so excited she passes she let out a tiny shriek. He got an A+ I got an A.

“Congratulations on your grade, that was a difficult quiz,” was the first thing I ever said to him.

“Thanks, hopefully you didn't do too bad.” I chuckled. I still don't know why I did that.

“I got an A. I figured I would get a B or C,” I said i was surprised i told him that last part.

“Why would you suspect a C you always make amazing comments in class. Sometimes it seems you know more than our professor.”

“You notice what i say in class? I thought no one payed attention to the professor much less me." Wait, I didn't mean to say that out loud.

“Sometimes your comments in class teach me more than Professor Barkely,” he chuckled after he said that. His chuckles are like music. I don't love him. Don't get this twisted, this is not a love story. And this is definitely not one of those love stories that says that it's not a love story in the beginning of the movie but by the end they are in love.there was a short pause then he spoke again.

“I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Bayley but my friends call me Bark. I have a feeling we will be friends,” after he said that he grabbed my purple pen and started writing something a the straw rapper from his pesi. “Here is my number. I need more smart friends,” he said smiling and handed me his straw rapper.

“My name is Sophia but I hate my name so call me whatever you like.”

“Well I better get to my next class bye So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia and just waved and smiled.

#aro author #queer author #loveless aromantic #aroallo #aromantic allosexual #aplatonic #aro #aromantic #aromantic aplatonic #aro spec #aplspec #apl spec #aspec stuff #aspec #queer stuff #authors of tumblr #queer fwb #loveless #loveless aplatonic

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lurkingshan · 1 year ago

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The Night/Day issue was pretty glossed over as well, no real acknowledgment or apology to each other. I fear ep 9 was the last good episode, that ending was so strong. The remaining episodes seems like its going to pale in comparison. Even if the eye donation doesn't work, (which i think it wont) it seems like a redundant plot arc. Day has already accepted his blindness, so why do we need to see him and everyone else cry again when the procedure doesn't work? Im guessing they are just doing it for forced cheap drama, which is unfortunate. We could have had more Mhok devoted episodes because his life isnt perfect, its like they made him too much of a green flag with Day and are scared to show his struggles and flaws at all now. Sigh.

You know, the Night and Day scene didn't bother me on initial watch, because it do be like that sometimes with siblings. You can fight and torment each other for weeks or months or years and then one day just decide to stop and carry on like it never happened. And it's rare for siblings to get deep into the muck on apologies; it's a different kind of relationship that allows you to gloss over some of that work.

That said, when taking it as part of the whole and the many other things this show is glossing over, it is definitely part of the broader pattern. And you're not wrong about the redundant nature of the eye donation plot. We just saw Day arrive at acceptance so beautifully at the end of episode 9, so to bring this back around only an episode later kind of undercuts what the show accomplished with that arc. I suspect that the surgery (hopefully) failing will be more about pushing Day's mom to accept reality than it will be about Day, but I was not at all impressed with how they handled her material this ep so I can't say I'm really looking forward to more next week.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #thai bl #shan answers

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julie-schwieters-supremacy · 5 months ago

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life update !!

sorry i havent posted in a while gang but heres whats been goin on lately in the past month

i had a talking stage with this guy in july which didn't work out in the end, but we stayed friends and still text sometimes !!

i got gracie abrams tickets !!!!!!! its for next year but i'm so excited it's a late birthday present for this year though

got closer with this girl i added online who was someone's ex and a friend of a friend

a friend from primary school reached out and we've been talking and actually still have so many new things in common it's pretty great

welcome new basic straight white guy obession... chris sturniolo !!!

a friend introduced me to the triplets and now i'm obsessed to say the least but im so proud of them for 7M !!

not so good part is my father is coming back so yippee we'll see how that goes

i started listening to more phonk and deathcore and metal/rock and it's actually really good

had a bit of a falling out with another friendgroup because they kept leaving one of their friends out for a new girl but it's okay we are good now !!

i got my math test back and after failing the first 2...i didn't fail !! so proud of myself for that

got back into shifting !! i had 3 more dr ideas and currently put a dr i was working on on hold and am working on 2 other ones go follow @oxi-moon-xx cos imma start posting more !!!

i feel there has been a lot more that has happened but this is all i can think of for now...?

thank u for reading heres my life update🫶🏻 ill hopefully start posting more since exams and tests are nearly nearly over yay !!!

#sazzy yaps #life lately #life update #text post #whats been up with you guys #long post

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dirtpitkid · 1 year ago

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6th february, 2024

today was a rough day again, but it was better than yesterday so im proud of myself for that. i took the day off from school because i needed to study for upcoming test, unfortunately, my mental health did not let me do anything at all. which is okay, i will simply do it tomorrow hopefully.

overthinking // anxiety // feelings of unworthiness

these are the feelings i often struggle with, and am currently experiencing. sometimes even when you know logically that you’re overthinking and what you fear is not real, it takes time convincing the mind, and that’s totally fine, give yourself the time, the energy, trust me, you deserve it.

this is a letter to myself, to my brain and to my heart.

in this moment you fear the future, you fear difficulties and fear not getting what you want and things not going your way.

you fear the same thing in the next moment aswell

and the next

and then you die

thats it, the end. a life time of just fearing what? did it matter in the end? did things going your way or things not going you way change your ending in anyway? no. nothing changed but you just suffered. was that a life well lived? no. but let’s face reality once again, all that we just imagined, was not real.

“we often suffer more in imagination than in reality”

- Seneca

at the end of the day, the fear and anxiety comes from a place for a need for control. and what you need to accept it is, you have no control whatsoever. fearing the future, regretting the past, all the time spent doing these are moments wasted on torturing yourself over a time that does not exist.

the future is a blank space, anything can happen, no matter how impossible because nothing is ever impossible for god. and why don’t you deserve good things? why don’t you deserve a good easy life? why don’t you deserve love? why don’t you deserve success? why won’t god love you? why won’t god bless you? why? all human beings are equal and whatever belongs to this earth, you are equally deserving of it as everyone else.

comparison is useless, “oh that person is so lucky.” “oh i wish i had the thing the other person has.” “ oh they’re so successful and i’m such a loser” these thoughts, they’re useless, its normal to have these thoughts come in, but letting them stay will be your fault, because you see, your reality is completely different from their reality, its almost like they exist in a whole other dimension. other people have different experiences, different people, different mindsets, traumas, ideas, opportunities etc. even an opportunity that seems like it is the same for both for eg an offer for a new job at xyz company, is completely different for the two of you, the opportunity is different in a way that it has different values, it will provide a different experience, different lessons, different feelings and everything for the two people. nothing in your life can be compared to someone else, nothing in their life can be compared to what is in your life.

what’s meant to happen will always happen and there is absolutely no way we can change that. people will come and they will go, things will come and they will go, either in 10 years, 5 years, 2 months or even by death. but in the end everything will leave and everytime something leaves, its is replaced by something even better. it may take time, but it is ALWAYS replaced by something better. so in the end there’s no point beating yourself up for messing things up, for mistakes, for accidents (because they quite literally not in your control, thoughts like “you should have been more careful” etc are from satan, ignore them). trust god and trust the process, life always works out for everyone, some are just too blind to focus on it. it will work out and it will always make you and your life better.

what makes you and your life?

it is not the things you own, your property, your money, your friends, your family, it can never be anything that people can take away from you.

you are life, you at your core are life, your values, your mindset, your perspective, your thoughts, your knowledge, your emotions and all that that people cannot take away from you. this is life, you are life.

in order to be loved by life you need to love yourself.

remember in the end we all die, so you can either cry about how you will lose everything one day, or you can be at peace and be happy that you will have everything you want and need in life because in the end the ending remains the same … inevitable death.

it is what it is, it will be what it will be, relax and live the moment, god wants you to be happy and at ease. trust him and trust yourself.

goodnight <3

#acceptance #life #study aesthetic #study motivation #literature #cats #dark academia #poetry #psychology #human experience #self help #self healing #healing #self care

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lemonynuggets · 3 months ago

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Hi man, i saw u r going through really bad stuff. Im sorry to hear all the shit u r needing to handle. I wish that things get better for u dude. There isn't much that i can do, but its okay to vent about it sometimes, u won't be a burden by doing it.

Also, u look really happy when talking about stuff u like, so if u want, can u talk about about ur favorites songs from your favorite artists :3

agh thank you <3 but I think it’s ok, I’ve been handling things better than I would like. Last year so! Progress yayy

with the school year being close to ending and some really big things happening in my life just next month (been planning since last year and my gods it’s so close) things will hopefully get better even if just for a few months!! Venting definitely has helped keep me sane too isnxiabzan

AUGH OK SO. Call me the music listener the way I listen to music. Kicks legs twirls hair shall we talk about AJR once again. I’m putting this under a cut for I talk a lot

Karma by AJR!!!! Dude this song. Absolutely evil of AJR to write it from the point of view of a patient in a therapy session talking to the doctor. Like what do you mean what? Am I normal or not? Am I crazier than other patients? /ly

Bonus points to this song because it’s from my favorite AJR album (neotheater) and it really just. Describes a lot how I feel sighh

the feeling of trying to be a good person everyday, doing your best, trying to help as much as you can and feeling like you get nothing in return, feeling awful despite trying to be so good… dude it really hurts…

and I can’t stress enough how much it being a therapy session makes it more brutal. The emotion on Jack’s voice, the way there not being a any lines from the therapist and you only hearing what the patient is saying makes it feel like the therapist really doesn’t get it you know

AND MUSICALLY SPEAKING ITS SUCH A GREAT SONG TOO, I really really love neotheater’s vibe and the instruments and the choir vocals and EVERYTHING it just feels so. Ethereal and kinda works to make it more emotional to me (stares at my neotheater inspired drawing I made some months ago… it pretty much describes the feeling I get when listening to this album plus some personal feelings (this album is so important to me))

I talk about the turning out trilogy, 2085 and honestly just. Every AJR song from the click forwards (not a big living room/infinity fan) but then I’d never stop aindwidba

and it’s impossible to talk about my favorite songs without talking about Love, Me Normally by Will Wood of course

This song is!! What the hell man it makes me so emotional, I can’t even sing it bc I’ll either start crying or performing to it and get kicked out of the building bc I’m screaming the lyrics too loud

Will Wood’s music is all so good and by gods is this song AMAZING, I’ll never get tired of Will’s lyrics and the instruments and the amount of emotion you can feel in his voice always get me so hard and this song specifically speaks so much to me, there are multiple parts of my identity that I struggle with that I feel are pictured in this song so it’s really special to me

as you might’ve guessed I’m a big music fan so it’s hard to pick favorites but these two songs are probably two of my favorites ever

I could talk about music I like forever but I’ll spare you naixbwkxna

#lemon man talks #Once again thank you anon <3

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eggasaurus-k · 4 months ago

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So after a weird strange series of events, I really crave to be on tumblr. I’m turning 24 next month. I think my mom made me delete my first blog because she found a swear word on my phone but like what I’ve been on this app since 6th grade? Like 2012/2013 or so. Anyways it’s a decade and I’m back because well, it’s been a really awful year for me.

I didn’t finish my student teaching and was supposed to be teaching in North Carolina this fall. Since that didn’t happen things have been on pause since may and have to do the whole semester over again this spring. Worked at a museum, moved in with my boyfriend, am an over educated and over qualified sub in Houston. he’s applying for grad school, my teaching residency makes me stuck in North Carolina and his schools are on the west coast… teaching has unsurfaced how poor my executive functioning skills are and how uh anxious I am. I’m just low in self esteem because well, I’m not making much progress in anything

Anyways I’m spilling my beans because that’s what I did on my blog my senior year of high school about every gush and hormonal turn. Reading it is so fun I wish I had documented college as much as I did. And it’s also the best way for me to express myself. I started to journal again but sometimes I just wish someone could hear this.

Anyways the more immediate reason why Im back because I finally watched heartstopper -which truth be told I am far less gay that I was 10 years ago but I finally caved in and absolutely demolished the series, the tv show, (gosh I caved into the novelas too, I’m so desperate). I’m so nostalgic for tumblr and the feelings of being 15-18 being so hopefully and romantic and all that jazz. Honestly even just the honeymoon phase of any relationship, it’s really sweet to see that on screen.I miss reading for the thrill and the fandom and the obsession. I just want to fangirl. I miss that as a time I missed media, I haven’t enjoyed the internet as much as I did then because well, it was the discourse I was there fire. Also since graduating undergrad there’s just a lot less queer people in my life - what I get for moving to North Carolina I guess I also have less people to talk to.

Anyways I’m sleepy and over expressed myself. Who will see this , who knows .

#rambly rambles #heartstopper

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m1ckeyb3rry · 6 months ago

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LMAOO tumblr really said f u…but glad it worked out either way but I seriously need to find a better system for remembering if I actually sent something in or not….hmm….

Anyways hope your flight was nice!! And omg NOO the migraine :(( hope it goes away soon! I wish I had some tips or remedies but I honestly can’t remember anything that was super effective…..

Karasu serving as usual!! No because the Karasu nagi content from epinagi lately is fire like thank you for saving us in the drought that is the PxG match!!

First rin now ISAGI I saw your post and oh my god I was kinda shocked but then again I think we’ve mentioned this possible scenario at some point before so maybe it was just a matter of time….bro atp you’re gonna be providing more content for Kiyora than kaneshiro is you might as well just adopt him as your oc LMAOOO (I think your blog really just has manifestation powers atp let’s just face it)

I’m genuinely laughing my ass off (needed to write it all out for emphasis) at the “karasu anon requests (any)” LMFAOOOOOO but PAUSEEE SINGING READER KARASU??? That sounds very interesting!!!!! WAIT A DAMN MINUTE CHERRY TREE PT 2??? Sign me tf up part one slapped so hard

Also wait riding lesson right when you got back from vacation WITH jet lag AND a migraine??? You’re truly built different I can’t even wake up at a decent time after traveling between time zones ok but Karasu bfb was a JOURNEY LMAOO I’m also never getting over that wc it’s insane

Shidou would go wild for Karasu’s sus comments LMAO adding Otoya to the mix would be so chaotic HAHAHA also someone needs to save yuki asap fr

LMAOOO Karasu truly the only thing holding PxG together esp since Loki probably does not care about the dynamics of the team beyond winning and Charles’ growth

Lukewarm is honestly the perfect word for it…but wait ok speaking did you see the chapter….because wtf….im ngl i still haven’t caught up fully with whatever happened after the yuta gojo freaky Friday but what just came out was wild

SHSHS thats actually so annoying….hopefully it gets resolved soon! Im not super well versed in the topic but have you looked into it being something like vertigo? Or is it till more likely the side effects thing? Either way hope that and your migraine goes away soon and doesn’t come back!!

Anyways I’m gonna go read your latest post and try not to convert to kaiserism (I probably won’t but it should prove for some more uhhhh clearheaded commentary (??) than if I was fully invested in the character too and not just your writing LOL)

- Karasu anon

FR like it all linked up and that’s what matters in the end 🤩 hm ik for me personally when i’ve finished smth and i have it in my notes app i put a little green checkmark emoji next to it?? so maybe once you’ve sent an ask in you could put a green check on the note or smth 🤔

icl the flight was kinda crazy my brother and i were judging the pilot HEAVILY because the landing was kinda bad 😭 we’ve both been flying since we were like 6 months old so we’re very used to planes and whatnot LMAOO we can even tell what went wrong…as soon as the guy started landing we were texting each other like “omg he didn’t descend enough in the air now he has to take the landing too high and he’s going to hit the runway too hard 🙄” “negative aura for the pilot fr” (second text was obviously my brother FJDKDJS he is nothing but a teenage boy through and through)

HAHAHA PLSSS no because i’ve always considered isagi boring because where is the angst potential?? but then i realized that he (and yukimiya who kinda falls into the same boat) are very very yuta okkotsu coded 😳 so like where the angst with characters such as karasu and nagi is the fact that the feelings are there but never quite acknowledged/understood in time, the angst with isagi and yuki and characters like that is that no matter how hard you cling to someone and love them there’s sometimes extenuating circumstances that just tear you apart and there’s nothing you can do abt it (ex all of the dying and whatnot that happened in pomegranate ink…like for the majority of the story reader and yuta are in a relationship but they just can’t be together because of the bs going on in their world) 😰 they’re definitely characters that work better in an au though because in a modern setting they are just too healthy and normal…okay also i’m realizing that me being bored by personality types that i’m supposedly most compatible with might have smth to do with why i’ve never been in a relationship irl 😓 JFKSKS

nah because watch me write a beautiful layered complex kiyora and then all of a sudden my little fun facts abt him appear in the manga or a possible ln 🤨 going to be raising some eyebrows and asking which of my followers is secretly kaneshiro at that point LMAOAOA

HAHA i’m probably going to give your idea posts special tags and then that way i can go back and reference them when i’m in dry spells!! but for now i’ll probably do one of the ideas from each post just so i can clear my inbox LMAOAO i’m going to have to go through and see which characters i’m feeling when i get to them 🤩 and yes the request is for a reader who’s good at singing but shy abt it!! it’s probably going to be on the shorter side (like the isagi ones) but yk my track record with saying that 😭 ALSO YOU HEARD RIGHT CHERRY TREE PT 2!! it’s going to take place when rin goes and finds the reader again after the world cup like he says he will 🥹 so much more of a time skip than instrument pt2 🫣 but i’m excited to write it!! rn i’m working on the nagi req because he’s #bae but cherry tree pt2 might be next 😳 trying to take a break from karasu so i don’t feel like i’m writing the same thing over and over LMAOAAO i’ve written quite a lot for him recently (aka bfb) so i’m switching it up and writing for other characters for a bit 🤩 i have not abandoned karasu nation though trust i will return just taking a second to do my duties to the rest of the fandom 🙏🏻

LMAOOO i’m always on my grind 😩 i missed the pony i ride so i had to go back fr 🙏🏻 tbh it was a struggle getting there but my lesson was pretty good so it all worked out in the end!!

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like shidou and karasu are actually two peas in a pod it’s insane to me that no one else has picked up on their duo potential 😟 i need them to be besties and a trio with otoya would be insane JFKSDJSJ yukimiya needs friends fr 😭 like poor guy doesn’t even have a canonical bestie in bllk…i’m trying to think of people without a set “duo” that he could be paired up with 🤔 like kunigami has chigiri, isagi has bachira + rin + barou, reo has nagi, and most of the other characters feel like they’re too young to be super close with him (like hiori and all)…maybe gagamaru?? actually that would be crazy because apparently gagamaru thinks one of his strengths is his good eyesight and we all know what’s going on with yukimiya’s eyes 😓 i can’t think of anyone else who’s definitely staying in the manga that doesn’t already have a bff though 😟

yes i did see the new chapter!! honestly idk how i feel abt it…i think it was just done weirdly 🤔 like a lot of people are defending the situation and saying it makes sense/is supposed to be a shock factor thing and while i can definitely see the appeal of that it still doesn’t feel cohesive to me?? like okay she’s back in the last five chapters it just doesn’t sit well for ME considering how important she’s supposed to be 😕 i’m sure people will say i have no reading comprehension or media literacy or wtvr for thinking that but maybe i’m also just sensitive because she’s a female character so i think it’s annoying she was dead for most of the story and then suddenly she’s relevant again randomly?? like to me that is not how you should develop a character especially when you already are on such thin ice with writing women 😰 also again i can see the shock factor aspect but in my opinion an author should not be out to surprise their readers just to say “gotcha 😏” yk?? like if nobara was going to come back it should’ve been done in a way that felt more natural than her just randomly springing up LMAOAOA i’m not saying she should or shouldn’t have shown up earlier in the FIGHT just that it didn’t feel as exciting to me as it could’ve because it didn’t feel earned or deserved 😬 but this is top ten opinions i’ll never share in the public because the jjk fandom WILL jump on me and say i can’t read and blah blah blah 🙄 listen like i said idm her coming back it’s just the execution was off to me!! but also maybe i’d be more hype if i was still super into jjk like i used to be 😔 truly atp i’m just reading to keep up with it and know what happens…maybe one day in the future i’ll go back and binge read the whole manga at once and maybe it’ll feel much more cohesive then!! but we’ll see

sadly i have no clue what it could be 😓💔 but fingers crossed it resolves itself soon 😩 and EEK not kaiserism…i had a brief dip into it because he’s just very easy to write about in literally any au but he’s not a character i can stay passionate abt for very long LMAOAOA like he’s not rlly one of my favs even though i don’t mind him that much

#answered asks

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