#IM SO GLAD WE’RE MUTUALS TOO EVEN IF I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE?!?!??!?

[asherasgayagenda]

💌 did you know that seeing you on my dash makes me so happy and I'm so glad that we're mutuals

i literally love you who are you loveletter anon

[cloudcountry]

I AM HERE TO TELL YOU HOW COOL AND AMAZING I THINK YOU ARE!!!! this probably won’t be very eloquent, but who cares!!

ive thought you were so cool ever since I started reading your stuff on quotev because WOWIE ZOWIE!!! you’re so good at writing!!!!!!!! i was never one to even comment on things since i get nervous to make my presence known, but whenever i would comment on your posts, you’d reply with equal or even more enthusiasm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then when i moved over to tumblr as well, YOU RECOGNIZED ME!!! AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!! currently, you’re still my only mutual on this site but you still seem so happy to just chat with me occasionally C:

you’re just so silly and cool and funny and i honestly still look up to you even though we’re friends now (would you consider us friends?)!!!!!! i love seeing your posts and again you’re so cool and amazing and cool and cool and more synonyms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU EVEN HELPED MY ART BLOCK!!!!

OMGGGG STOP THIS IS SO SWEET BECAUSE YOU. YOU WERE ONE OF THE PEOPLE I WROTE FOR ON QUOTEV BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SO BAD AT COMMENTING THEIR FEEDBACK AND THOUGHTS AT THE END OF CHAPTERS. IT WAS ALWAYS "hmm is xen online ok no lets wait" SO I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN YOUD COMMENT ON MY STUFF

OFC I RECOGNIZED U HELLO!!!!!!! AND IM SURE YOULL FIND MORE MOOTS PEOPLE ON HERE ARE VERY FRIENDLY ^^ and if it seems like you wont be able to fit into the twst community or the arcana community dont worry bc i felt the same way when i joined. everyone knows each otehr yk? but now they know me too and i fit very comfortably here now!! SO YOUVE GOT THIS!!!!

JASDFHSGAFDHAGSHD ROLE MODEL?!?!?! ME?!??!?!! WE ARE DEF FRIENDS OMG WHAT!!!!!!! YOURE EVEN COOLER HELLO YOU CAN DRAW THATS INSANE!!!!!!!! IM GLAD I HELPED YOUR ART BLOCK RAHHHHHHH THANK YOU SM THIS WAS SO SWEET TOREAD IM CRYIGN

[nostalgic-bee]

hey!! im pretty new to sending asks so i might seem a bit awkward but i just wanted to respond to that thingy you reblogged with sending something in the ask box by saying that i think you're cool, and im glad we're mutuals!!

i appreciate the lumity content you bring to my dash, and you seem awesome! i dont remember how i found you completely but i think i was scrolling and trying to find other toh fanfic writers/blogs--(because i havent found many active fanfic writers in the fandom space on discord before making this acc, but maybe im just not in the right servers?? idk, but tumblr has introduced me to some cool people. especially because writing is one of my biggest passions and ive been trying to find more people who share that interest of fanfic)-- and i saw your profile in a suggestion by tumblr, then checked out your page, and it was neat so i followed!! i know we haven't interacted much, but i see your posts, and from when we have and do interact, you're really nice. && i know lumity/toh isn't the ONLY thing you're interested in, but it's always fascinating to see what else my mutuals reblog and are into. i dunno what else to say other than that and mb if it comes off as me rambling, but im glad you're on my dash, and i hope you have a great rest of your morining/day/evening! :)

Ahh hello!! Thank you so so much!! I think you’re cool too! I’m so glad we’re mutuals you are super cool and sweet I would love to interact with you more honestly I’m just super shy lol, I appreciate the TOH content you bring to my dash too! I’m really glad we’re mutuals I love seeing you on the dash. This ask was the highlight of my day thank you <3 have a lovely rest of your day as well!

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[jrueships]

i’m logging back oh man how i missed tumblr and how i loveee your blog! i’m laughing with the switch and bttm players. yes yes luka seems like a sub bttm! and kuz is a switch! i agree that mariah is probably pegging giannis 😈. giannis probably does things with them boys too. also jrue got the best white house outfit! draymond is obviously a dom like his ugly ass is so controlling and corny. and we all know steph is kinda sus! sorry ayesha we’re not that serious here 😭. but yeah trae seems so desperate sometimes it’s so funny. he’s like confused all the time, waiting for someone to make a move first 😭. your thoughts on keldon? he’s such a cute bundle of laughter, i can’t imagine him being a top… and guess what? i got a tip that jimmy have a big dingdong and got stamina for days. he’s kinda a talker and controlling too. so i don’t agree with him being the bttm one! well maybe dom bttm? like have you seen jimmy? girl he’s so whewww. and bam? bam is such a cute big fella idc! he’s probably a sub too 🤣. oh after seeing the latest post, i wonder if kyle is ruining the bam and jimmy duo? SORRY for this long ask and i’m going to HELL with this fr fr

THIS ENTIRE ASK IS ...

GENUINELY... DO NOT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND. WHERE TO sTART ??? the phrase '..and guess what? i got a tip that Jimmy have a big dingdong' is going to glue itself to my BRAIN i LITERALLY cannot stop LAUGHING at that sentence HELP ???? URE SO FUNNY??? THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ASK DONT WORRY OR APOLOGIZE QKDBEJB I SAW IT AND HAD TO REREAD IT LIKE 50 TIMES IT WAS SO GOOD WKBFKEB???? IM SO GLAD U LIKE THE BLOG AND IM EVEN GL A D - E R THAT U LOGGED BACK IN OMG UR MIND ???? UR WOrdS ??? HELP ???? I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO KNOW WHO AN ANON WAS MORE THAN NOW pLEASE. I NEED TO KNOW WHICH ARTISAN CREATED THIS JUST FOR ME ???????? SRS THIS IS SO GOOD I AKFBKSBF IT RLLY MADE MY DAY BRUH BUT ANYWAYS LETS GET TO IT 😭😭

LITERALLY ... UR MIND.. the way u See the subpremacy !!! AND the giannis peggage EXACTLY he and she are TOO BEAUTIFUL n o t to have tried it !!!! giannis' jokes about it paid off when he finally learns what it ACTUALLY is☝! ALSO ... ' giannis probably does things with them boys too ' HELP WLNDWK honestly the bucks really Are just a large poly frat of dads! Love that for them !! bucks polycule REMAINS doin things 😳😳 And YEAH SO TRUE !!!! Jrues SLAPPED !!! I think his wife dressed him or smthin but he slapped with the STYLE !!! I wonder if he won the 'best dressed to the white house' award LMAO fake or NOT he should GET IT !!!! even though he'd probably run away when they try giving it to him & all start complimenting him without him being able to compliment back LMAO

DRAYMONDS UGLY ASS 😭😭 he really was born with a receding hairline, giant forehead, AND a mouth breather huh 😭 (it's okay im a mouth breather too I understand the pain of always looking like you're hexxed or in a void) he has it ROUGH and it should only be FAIRR that he can be a little ROUGH too !!!! Im sure swaggy p wouldn't Mind at All . . Steph sus steph sl*t it BEEN known # girlboss 💙💙

The trae thoughts are SO cute awww.. little incel fratboy trae !! He's good with whatever his partner is willing to give! Just wants to make em feel good n whatnot ! he's very Gremlin evil and surpasses twinkhood via evil gremlin mastermind tendencies BUT that DOESNT mean he can't be soft sometimes !!!! Exactly!

About keldon... here's one of my Twitter mutual's Thoughts on him from a While back . .

WHO TOLD U THAT ABOUT JIMMY HELP??? and WHY were you wonderin about it in the First place hmm 🤨 ??? Suspicious.. but YEAH this is SO funny QJBDJW I fr want ur prose not even being sarcastic this was the greatest thing to read ever KABDJW but YEAH (x2) !! I can see jimmy as a Dom bttm! Very bossy, likes telling his top what he can do.. not sure if he's reached Russ's levels of Dom bttming but he's Around There !!!! But yeah Switch jimmy is ... a Thought. He is Insane he is Unbridled !!! Kyle rlly went from service top deebo to JIMMY. pray 4 that little man and his as(s)pirations bro

YEAH!! IKR ! bam is SO cute he deserves a little **** just a LITTLE ! him being a sub is also a BIG brain idea !!! I am looking Exactly at it op!! He's also very kinda Smartassy, HAS to get the last word HAS to snap back (as seen by his brief ball scuffle with kd at the Olympics .. where he literally STOLE keldons ball 😭😭). i think he can be ur sorta mean teasing tp or your brat bttm yaknow it all Depends ! Kyle WISHES he had the range !!!

ABOUT THE LAST ONE, that's an INTERESTING query!!!!! A little problem in paradise perhaps??? LMFAO idk! I personally, going off bam's smartass dumbassery, like to see his relationship with kyle just being like. Competition 24/7 but the VIBES! they don't Necessarily compete like? Physically, but with Wit. Because bam and jimmy banter 24/7 and are both petty bitches AND NOW.. bam has to deal with TWO petty bitches.. and kyle is Extra powerful because he's a little man with nothing to lose and bam can only lose So much until he goes home and starts beating up his backpack pretending it's kyle LMAO. I think they just Really like getting on each other's nerves! They being said tho ... i wonder if they.. Do compete physically tho? hm.. some food 4 thot

Also ...... deebo/kyle/jimmy/bam 4some WHEN 🤨??? And HOW ... hmmm. Much food 4 thot

[alittleemo]

I wanted to leave valentine asks in all of your inboxes but it’s late and im tired so im making an appreciation type post instead!!!! long post under the cut bc i dont want to subject yall to that lol

@shades-of-blue- faith you add so much positivity to my day and you show so much love for me and all of your other mutuals and i hope you know how lovely you are <3 i love your art series and how positively u interact w your mutuals and followers, and seeing u in my notifications reminds me that other people are interested in what im saying and it really means a lot to me so thank u, sending u all of my love <3

@lunawedlers- audrey you bring so many new movies and shows to my dash and i adore it. you are so kind and supportive of others and your talent is out of this world and it brightens my day to interact w you or even see u on my dash and u deserve the world and all of its beauty. I may have no idea still what the plot of succession is but i thought i saw Tom when i was watching Star Wars the other day and thought of u and i think thats what love is yk? (it wasnt actually him but its the thought that counts <3). i love u sm bestie, im rlly glad we’re friends <3

@12monthoctober- grace you have always been one of my fav mutuals, you show so much consideration for others and your enthusiasm for the AO3 remakes brings me so much joy and u are such a friendly, supportive, and caring force on my dash and i love u and miss u. you were one of my first mutuals and quite honestly in the early months i was on tumblr and we were mutuals were able to ground me and bring me so much joy and ive stolen so much of my music taste from skam nt and the fact we already had similar tastes rlly enhances the vibe. I love seeing u on my dash and on my Spotify bar and i hope u are doing well, i love u sm <3 

@lesbeanfatou- clara you provide such a chaotic and kind whirlwind force on my dash everyday, and your boundless love for all of your friends and followers is so wonderful to behold. literally the joy i had in u immediately following me back and interacting w me in the beginning meant the world to me and i hope u know im here for u always. your love for 1d passed on to me and now i actually follow the convo when ppl talk abt them and my sister and bestie love me for it and ive saved too many of ur reaction images to use myself so ty for that too <3 love u queen u deserve the sun and all of her stars

@coffee-and-moo- grace i literally cannot describe how much joy i get from seeing your Star Wars and marvel posts on my dash, u share and encapsulate so many of my fav interests that i feel like we were destined to be mutuals. your enthusiasm inspires me and i love seeing u on my dash and in my notes—i feel like at this point we are equally spam liking each other’s posts and i love u sm for it bc i see posts to rn specifically for u now lol. you are so lovely and sweet and i hope the world is treating u well and i love u <3

@pianoandcookiedoughlover- you’re such a lovely presence on my dash, and it means so much to me that u took time to check on me after some of my rant posts, j the feeling of knowing other people care enough to check in and your calm, rational way of looking at situations was so important to me. im so excited for skam colorado s2 and i hope you’re doing well and ily <3 (also ive taken to calling u honey in my head bc of ur profile pic color/bc u have no name displayed lol but if u would prefer smth else lmk!!)

@maade-of-stardust- val you were my first mutual and literally the rush i got from a person following me for the first time fueled me for weeks. we don’t talk a lot but i love seeing u on my dash and your fics are incredible and deserve so much love and attention considering all of the love you’re put into them. I hope you are doing well, there are so many people who love and care for u and i love u <3

@paint-dreamscapes-on-the-wall- iris you are such a sweet person, and i still havent forgotten how u took time to give me phoebe bridgers recommendations when i didnt expect to get any—your thoughtfulness and excellent music choices really brightened my life a lot. i happened to find skam boston in the middle of quarantine (may or June i think??), and waiting for your updates everyday grounded me and added a sense of stability to my life as i watched graciela navigate her season. u are such a lovely being and i love u a lot <3

@fakieu- aj u are so creative and your sense of humor is immaculate and you have been such a positive influence on me (that sounds weird lmao but fr your calmness and creativity have inspired me and helped me so much). skam dc was the first remake i actually listened to with music, and i j have to say literally my music taste this summer was almost entirely stolen from u, so i appreciate that a lot. I hope you’re doing well and that school isnt beating u down to much, love u <3

@womenstan and @nori-in-pink- we haven’t interacted a lot but both of u are so sweet and the support u have for your friends and the enthusiasm u have for others is so affirming and rlly helped me feel like people cared about what i had to say here. em- it meant the world to me that u actually made something out of my gif suggestions, i have lots of ideas bouncing around but actually seeing them was mind blowing and i loved them. courtney- i love the cheerfulness u bring to my dash and u are such a lovely soul and i hope u are both doing well

[kreidewaltz]

YEAR END LOVE.

happy holidays and advance happy new year everyone!! this was supposed to be for christmas but.. yeah hope u had a great time w your loved ones <33 this is for my friends who helped me get thru shitty times, who made me laugh so hard, and made me feel appreciated :) to my mutuals, thank u for taking ur time to talk to me!! any interactions from u guys makes me so so happy <3 im proud of you for getting through this year!! this is gonna b a long one .. hehe <3 sorry if i didn't mention u!! i still love u :( this is in no particular order dw dw ily all d same

to my followers, mutuals, and people who likes my stuff in general ツ

AAAAAAA guys ily you rock !! thank u for supporting me and just being there for me (esp for the ones who listened and stayed w my shit !!) ty for liking, reblogging about my stuff, or just interacting w me!! pls pls talk to me let's have some good convo hehe i hope no one will send me or any blog hate bc that isn't cool >:( happiness and love only are allowed people!!!

@sunakissses ツ

my bestie, my bae, babe <3 you rock val if im honest :( even tho we haven't been friends for a long time, we just clicked !! and yeah talking to u is just makes me at ease n u have that comfy vibes :)) and our interactions r so funny and wholesome <33 i just love when im talking to ya you know :(( and idk i love ur supportive aura whenever i do something hehe :( lets keep going next year and be more closer >:) and yes u and suna r going to be the cat's first ever aunt and uncle <3

@romaune ツ

okay .. the literal meaning of sunshine, yes you gracie baby :( you're so wholesome i wanna cry thats me 2 u !! i love your aura and just everything, i get so excited when u reply to my asks fr, because ure so enthusiastic n i like that a lot !!! :( ik we don't talk a lot yet but from our interactions (or just us screamin abt our mans winks) i know i gained a friend, a good n funny friend for that:) and ure so like hinata i wanna squish and hug and talk to!! i love how we scream abt our ongoing suna brainrots HAHA can't forget that <33

@cryoqi ツ

people put ur hands up 4 the coolest person ive met !!!! >:( istg you're so kind and so funny even if thats not ur intention T_T at first i was intimidated by u but then yeah <33 we vibe :( only the real ones know abt us and me bein your bread anon <33 ure rlly great and can't forget d time us and dove sang thru texts ...? yes that i cried while laughing HAHA, and yes i love the way u write 2!! so you and just amazing overall :)) n yeah i like to talk to u a lot in the server !!! ure so funny & relatable at times hihi

@miyasangel ツ

arden bae !!! you're so ... cool and pretty and one of the people i want 2 talk to in here <3 you're like cool and the way you write is chefs kiss >:( and i love it whenever we talk abt random things AHSHS and when we talk abt atsumu <33 i love love that !! n yeah good thing i interacted w u b4 on ur old blog and get to talk to you more !!! i was so shy n nervous while sending you asks sometimes LMAO idk why :(( ure rlly a great friend <3 n i think u also became a factor on why im liking inarizaki :D

@cafemiya ツ

omg hail to issy !! i know we don't talk that much yet but i literally like u a lot >:( you're rlly great w your long fics !! n handmade heaven lead me to you and ur asks <3 and you're so chaotic too HAHA i like that :) dw ill always shower u w compliments bc u so deserve it bby !!! and i squeal sometimes when u reply to my asks w the same energy :(( n yes i just love you and your vibe in general <3 and im so excited 4 the collab !!! <3 thanks for reaching me out hehe or my slowburn fic journey wont happen :( anw ily and keep slayin issy baby!!!! :D

@kuro0luvr ツ

omg kieran .. the big phat supporter of chlojime is here people !!! <3 i just love loooove talking to you esp in the server & we scream abt anything n everything :( and thank u for always giving me support and everyone else when we're down!! you're one of my sunshines 2 :( i love how we just talk and instantly b close friends you know!! even tho we dont chat like in dms we r so close hehe :( and yes ill never forget how happy u got when i complimented that u have akaashi vibes <3 ty for being a good friend n supporter to me :(((

@oikawasbliss ツ

milo everyday !!! >:) i missed our interactions tbh :( you're just so chill n i vibe w u a lot!! your themes omg i want em its so aesthetic and everything <3 and uhm i love ur love for oikawa >< i mean who wouldn't but whenever i see smth kawa related i think of u immediately T_T and yes ure just so so cool :(( lets talk more soon gah and maybe talk abt aot hehe smirks <3 and yes i just like ur themes and vibe a lot <3 lets talk more soon gah >:)

@himichii ツ

I KNOW we didn't talk really like until few weeks ago but ... you're so funny and kind n lowkey sweet HAHA u were so intimidating before i can't talk 2 u <//3 but im glad i did !! not me writin this and listening to the playlist u made for me :( omg thank u for that and the other that u posted, i felt nostalgic and (good) sad on d inside <3 HAHS lets talk more omfg idk what 2 say :( OH oh ure a greatt writer :( the angst u sent yesterday made me sad gah <3 let's talk more in the new years!!! :(

@hajimine ツ

oml lexy bae where do i start??? omg ily like <3 because you're so nice n sweet n so funny 2!! glad i started participating in your ask games and on that we became friends hehe :( i love how we just talk abt anything on your asks <33 like ur life keeps me entertained HAHA and when u became more chaotic n all that .. i liked it!!! :( and oh u write so well if u didnt know >:( can't wait 4 more interactions w you bae !! <3 and ugh omg ily <3 literally cannot express how much :( you have good vibes n i wanna have that too !! and love how we just scream over one man ;D

@lcaita ツ

omg kai ... hi <3 HAHS sorry if im so awkward wtf but ure so cool and so funny !!! i like ur vibes always even tho ure not always around <3 and when youre around i just get happy !!! >< for some reason i love ur name hehe and uhm i love ur aesthetics hehe on ur acc !!! >:) and yes thank u for being a kind friend hehe :( lets talk more next yr abt anything!!! maybe abt ur mans (kaashi, semi, others) hehe ;)

@kemochie ツ

nea !!! i just . wanna say that you're a sweet human being :( and deserve the world :( ik we didnt interact much yet but !!! i love u already n your aura in general <3 and i just get soft on ur username for some reason T_T i love our little interactions from time 2 time n i wanna boost that more on the new years!! <3 idk i like u :( that's it thats my say :(

@nightmareupondaydream ツ

kana baby !!! im so grateful for u whenever u send me sweet words at random times ... and when i need it <3 and i missed our chats in dms :( lets do it again sometime !! im gonna be here for u okay :( and you're so sweet fr i love u,, and yeah just talkin about how shitty life is or how my writing goes, let's do that on the new years oki!! <3333

@ravscrii ツ

thank u for being there like really >< ik u have own probs to solve but you still helped me :( ty for being a great listener and supporter hehe <3 u deserve great things !!! and pls dw okay we're good even tho we arent talking that much :( i miss that hehe n ure a kind and funny person ASHS esp in the server ur replies n everything make me laugh :( lets talk more soon like the old times AAAAAA i miss it hehe <3 and goodluck on genshin HAHA pls entertain me w it even tho i don't play </3

@rintaroll ツ

olivia babe <3 omg i missed u sorry 4 not checking on u :( forgive me <//3 just wnna say u totally made my 2020 better n a little more bearable <3 i like ur vibes sm and ur name .. olivia wow i like it :( and oh you're so aesthetic like ur blog in general ??? hello pls step on me :( and u also influenced me (for some reason) to like tsumu more ?! which i dont mind at all .. i like it when we scream over tsumu or i tease u n him getting horknee :D yeah and god i can't forget the time we fangirled over gojo on ur asks ... and u sent me gojo gifs which made me scream <3 one of my unforgettable moments w ya!!

to my hajime anon + mod ツ

thank u for always being here :( and you just chatting w me makes me so happy <3 i hope you'll see this hehe and just thank u and ily yknow :( when im down or happy, or shitty you're just there, supporting me always <3 im so grateful for that!! and hajime anon mod ily :( thank u for taking ur time to chat w me and make me so happy hehe <3 take ur time okay :)

to my baby, stella ツ

AAAAAAA idk if you'll see this but shoot me an ask if u saw :( uhm i love ur vibes and you're so cool !! promise <3 and your theme changes r always so beautiful <3 pls pls i love you so much agh im so worried when u deactivated :( pls dont overwork okay whenever ure working :( i love talkin to u always in ur asks !!! ure so sweet and lovely grr >:( u deserve all d good things okay ily stel :((

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

it's loving my friends hours, folks

hi so. i hit 1.5k a bit ago and while i dont want to do a follow forever (did one for 1k, it took so fucking long), i do want to like. talk about my friends! because i love them. so here we go, time for emo hours here at james jamesvanriemsdyk dot tumblr dot com

to all of the people ive met and talked to in the past few months: i am so grateful to have met you. i am so grateful to be your friend, whether we talk every day or not, and it is such a huge fucking gift to know you and be known by you. i would give you all a little paragraph but then i would get out of control and this post would never end because i have a lot of fucking love in my heart okay??? i love yall a whole hell of a lot ( @goaliehugs​ @farfrombucky​ @andrewcogliano​ @couturriere​ @brockmcgrinn​ @boesersson​ @steadyfreddie​ @nicolasaube-kubel​ @alexvass​ @beauvilliers​ @girouxes​ )

to all the mutuals i see in my notifications a lot (and the ones i dont), the new followers and the old ones, all my super sweet anons, anyone who’s tagged a post with a lovely comment or who’s messaged me with sweet words: thank you. for just like - existing in the same timeline as me, and being wonderful, and choosing to be kind even though im a clown. i love you all a lot.

to @heckeyleague​ @iceburgh87​ and @assistantcaptainmitchmarner​ : im so grateful we still talk, if only every once in a while, and if only through streak snaps. it’s been, what, how many years? four? more? i look forward to snaps of your pets and the little glimpses of your lives i get every day. i love yall to pieces.

and here we go:

@fireworksatdawn​ : hi jayc. its, like, really hard to believe that ur essay comments on my fics led to this but - im really grateful. just, really fucking grateful. youre so kind and so loving and such a wonderful presence in my life and im so grateful that once c*vid has died down, we’ll, like. be able to see each other? fucking wild. thank you for all the fic convos and the tswift tiktoks, and the memes when im sad. i love you a ton, and im so, so glad you’re my friend. shoutout to philly as, like, a concept for giving me all the emotions i needed to write my heartbeat fics. (im still emotional about the fact that you tell me ‘its late for you, go to bed’ every time i stay up past 10pm. its the being known for me <3)

@pencilhoarders​ : my favorite flyers art witch. what an incredibly kind, talented soul you are. what a beautiful heart you have, really and truly. i love listening to you talk about your ideas and seeing your art process, and i love that your mind works like mine does, and that we really do understand each other. i love that you’re going after your dream and i know you’ll be incredible at whatever you decide to do post-grad - you’re simply too amazing not to be. thank you for sending me those anons about the canes what feels like forever ago; i am so fucking glad i get to call you my friend.

@majorpenalty​ : you are, without a doubt, one of my most favorite people ive ever met on this site. your life is fucking wild and you are so funny and kind and resilient, and i never want to not be your friend. i love losing my mind with you for five to eight hours on zoom, i love just being able to just exist with you even though we have half a country between us. you are so intelligent and strong and lovely, and you deserve every single good thing in the entire world. thank you also for sending me those wild ass anons, and for sending me all the videos of you singing trap bunny bubbles and tswift on snap (we have the yellow heart now uwu) and for just - being there and understanding. you are so brilliant and i cant fucking wait to watch you continue to grow and succeed. i love u so fuckin much.

@softgrantaire​ : hi, alex! kiss the cats and your baby for me and tell your husband i said hey. also, sorry in advance for how long and sappy this is about to be, because im already choked up thinking about it! so: i would not be the person i am today without you. its been a literal month since we became friends, but i literally have never felt more immediately loved or accepted by anyone in my life. you are, probably, the reason i felt comfortable enough to change my name in public; youre the first person i told i was deeply uncomfortable with my name and you changed it immediately, without fucking blinking, and i knew trans friends hit different, but i didnt realize how different it would hit til i met you. and its not just that, either, its the kindness and the trust and the mutual respect, and the pics and vids of jules and the cats all day, its being genuinely excited to see your name pop up on my phone screen, its the voice messages on my way home from work and its the sound of you laugh and the comfort that exists in the little space we’ve carved out for ourselves. i love being your friend, and i love that you’re my friend, and i want us to be that for a long, long time -  ill always be the nolpat to your g. i love you so fucking much, dude.

@codyglass​ : ngl, i typed your url and just like - froze, for a minute. because like. how do you talk about a friendship like this? how do you put it into words? how do you describe all of the laughter and the tears and the years we’ve had together? its the kindness for me, its the communication and comprehension for me, its the unconditional love for me. there isnt a place i feel safer than our friendship; there isnt a person on earth i love like i love you. thanks for all the late nights, all the massive fic concepts/outlines we’ll never write but always find solace in, for all the nolpats roasts, for all the hockey tears and all the real life tears too. for listening to folklore with me for the first time when it dropped, for understanding when i couldnt turn it off for weeks after, for getting the days i send you 30 messages in a row and the days i cant get out of bed. it’s so fucking insane that we’re friends, still - how fucking incredible is it that i met my best friend, who lives 1846 miles away from me, through fucking hockey of all things? youre the best gift life ever gave me, and its such a fucking blessing to be alive at the same time as you, much less to be your best friend. i love you to the moon and to saturn.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

it’s always the sanjays and adityas that end up as traitors smh. sangamesh is like that weird guy who can’t take a hint to leave you alone lmao.

can.. we just appreciate ✨tall women✨ they get so much shit cause of patriarchal standards but a pretty girl and you have to look up to see her pretty face 🥰

ahh i wish i could find it for you, but i spent like ten minutes googling “the moon is polyamorous tumblr” and i think my FBI agent is getting bored of me.

no! i like hearing about names, i think the idea of them are so cool. like we made sounds that refer to a person, but then some people have the same sounds so we added more and called them last names and even then people have the same sounds??

okay fine, i may... leave you for abigail thorn or kristen stewart.. but could you blame me?? also holy fuck i just found out abigail thorn is 6 foot.... *throws a non-existent wedding ring off my floor, picks bags off the floor and kicks the door open* bye bitch

nooo not the broken heart, we’re allowed to leave each other for hotter people okay /j

(also yes i have and i absolutely hated it. srry if you liked it, but the toxic masculinity and misogyny made me not like it, also maybe cause i was kind of in a hard place when i watched it and it definitely didn’t help lmao. i heard there’s an f3 coming out 😬)

yay!! i’m so proud of you (drop the @ so i can see what you’re up to). i think it’s a great idea and i’m glad you’re not stressing over it. also maybe i’m biased because i like your nonsense- mostly cause i’m part of it.

my life’s pretty boring, but i’m going on vacation. i’ll probably send you random asks cause i’ll miss you too much if i don’t. <3

also sometimes it hits me randomly that your telugu. like that still hasn’t fucking registered in my brain lol. and you know how every desi person knows each other, what if we like met irl and neither of us knows. ngl that freaks me out a little cause i don’t want to be perceived irl but it’s kind of cool cause i’ve never met anyone like me before :)

(that was long and rambly but hopefully the words came out right)

dw about answering my asks! i just like hanging out with you (in my head we’re just vibing in a room).

anyways i love you *squeezes you tightly*

mwah! here’s a pretty flower🌷

- indi <3

sooo true, if i were evil i could use those names but unfortunately i only want to destroy capitalism 😔 no but one of the names on my list was Vijay Kai. i want you to take a minute to guess the main reason why i listed this name. think hard. take a deep breathe and think more.

youre wrong! jay and kai were my favorite characters in ninjago and i made it Vijay bc it was indian and also the nickname V would be super cool. i am dead serious.

no but actually tall women are like 🥰😍🥺😚 im lov. feel so small and safe with tall women, lets just appreciate tall women for a minute, ty (and by tal women i mean literally everyone, im five one so)

no i googled it too, i think theres a blog with that name bc i couldnt find anything else, lmao. fbi agent should be happy theyre getting some variety in their daily lives of "i accidentally swallowed glue help!"

no i completely agree, like especially how some names can just be words, like naming your kid river or sky, but then others arent and theyre Just Names, like Wilson or Michael, or some other names that arent survival movie names (sorry to the people named wilson and michael lol) and like how technically we dont need names, like its easier with, but we could do without if we wanted to, but we were like "no i need to identify my friends and people i know!!"

nah, i wouldnt blame you, i too would leave myself for abigail thorn. wait shes six feet?? *beats you to the door without furniture bc Priorities*

mutually preemptive divorce <3 we part ways amicably only to come back together in the end

(no yeah, the jokes that they actually made werent funny At All, but the whole bit where the women "forgave" them only to give them a taste of their own medicine was the only good part. and the anthega guy, i couldnt get over his face, plus im gay for Tamannaah, Mehreen, and Varun Tej, so i spent the whole time simping lol) (but have you seen Varun Tej in Gaddalakonda Ganesh/Valmiki?? sir 😭✋🏽 some of us are gay)

ah thank you 🥰 its @thoughts-of-a-trying-tree, i wanted to keep the tree theme lmao. i love your nonsense too <3

ooo, a vacation!! thats exciting, i hope you have fun! im cool with you sending random asks but make sure to enjoy yourself and let go too!! ill live vicariously through you, lmao

no i feel like that sometimes too, its a bit strange to think of other people similar to me bc i spent so long thinking everyone else was opposite to me, if that makes sense? we've probably seen each other at suvidha or bawarchi lol, or maybe you were that kid stuffing kinder joys in their mouth so they could steal them (imagine if that was actually you, lol. dont tell me or ill lose my mind)

i am hanging upside down from the ceiling, swinging precariously and hoping i dont bring the roof down 😌 what a wonderful rooooom

love you toooo *hugs back* <3

aw, thank you! ill put it in a little vase <3

[angelmichelangelo]

idk if this is discourse or something you dont want to get into but are garrett and shane still friends??

short answer: 99% sure they’re not. and i’m saying 99% because i obviously can’t be entirely sure because. i don’t know these people irl lol but in my head im like 100% sure they’re definitely not on speaking terms right now, and haven’t been in a loooong while.

long answer? and boy, it’s a long answer: i think garrett removed himself from shane’s circle (with the exception of andrew ofc) long before the drama kicked off. i don’t really recall because i didn’t watch them at the time but i do remember seeing garrett kinda.. disappear from videos around the whole j* era .

i think garrett made a choice when he thought about who he was hanging around with and whether he needed those people in his life. considering andrew was working for shane at the time still, i imagine it would have been hard? i guess? to just be like “yeah i don’t wanna hang out anymore except you andrew but you’re here like most days anyway”

which obviously in the end when needed, andrew took off too and both garrett and andrew created their own empire without shane lmao.

looking back, i don’t think shane even liked garrett that much. as much of an “empath” that he says he is (it gives me such bad second hand embarrassment to even write that lol) he really didn’t give a fuck about garrett. and people would and probably still do, argue that that’s just their level of friendship! lightly bullying your friend but knowing the bondries as to not ever really hurt their feelings.

but shane always pushed that boundary. he was downright cruel to garrett in some instances. and it’s not just the “harry potter is lame” jokes that garrett actually mentioned kinda suck, which they do! but garrett was treated like the comic relief in the group, because in shane’s little bubble he wanted everyone to be what he wanted to be.

you had shane: the hero of the story.

ryland: the sassy back talking witty one (though ryland has the personality and the wit of a broom so that didn’t really work did it)

andrew: the sweet, middle ground, quiet one.

morgan: the clutz thats hastag relatable

and then you have: garrett. the idiot fool who bumbles around, making a scene wherever he goes and is practically babysat by everyone else.

one thing that fucking IRKS me about this is that if you watch garrett’s videos, you know he’s goofy, funny, an insanely fun person. but he’s far from being an idiot. shane couldn’t have someone else besides himself (in his own mind) being funny AND clever (again, in his own mind) so he belittled him and acted like he was a burden to have to lumber around all the time, rather than just a silly, goofy friend that would joke around a lot.

one part of a video was when they were at an airport (i think they were going to Texas) and andrew and garrett are goofing off as they put benjamin in the bag and ryland literally goes “we’re all waiting, garrett,” with this.. snarky, shameful tone. AS IF THEY HAVENT ALL EMBARRESED EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC BEFORE like UGH the whole fucking bunny video makes my blood boil i can’t even get into it it makes me too mad lmao.

so i think garrett definitely decided at some point that he didn’t want to take that kind of abuse anymore, and i definitely think andrew saw it as well - because andrew and garrett were friends way before shane came along, so to me, i feel like andrews priorities always were always with garrett, and if garrett were to leave, i think andrew knew he’d leave to, job or no job, he cared more about his friends than money and fame (looking at you shane ryland and morgan)

shane doesn’t care about his friends or his “loved ones” or any of the people around him. he cares about money and fame and numbers and attention, even if it’s the negative kind. he’d joke that he KNEW he was treating garrett like shit and he’d use that as fuel to keep going, because he knew it drew more people in. plus, i feel like shane knew how popular garrett was getting. his channel exploded and he started making videos and people LOVED him. rightly so lol. nearly half the comments were about garrett; something he said and did, and rather than be excited for his “friend” shane took his anger out on him, almost, and again this is just my opinion, but in a way.. to control garrett.

i think it’s only human to think certain things, and i wonder if garrett had any worries that all his growing success and attention was because of shane and not because of himself. i wonder if maybe, deep down, he had some kind of fear that if he left, his subs would leave too. but obviously, he took the plunge, and everyone stayed and shane’s channel went up in flames lmao

garrett is one of those youtubers i think is very genuine. whilst everyone wears a certain mask online, which is fine, i feel like garrett’s is very thinly veiled. what you see is what you get with him, and the fact that his personality was used as an emotional punching bag by people he trusted and cared about, is really awful.

and i don’t fault him for sticking around shane. we’ve all witnessed toxic friendship/relationships, and im sure a lot of people understand how HARD it is to just get up and walk away. i think garrett tried his best to help shane and make him a better person, but i think it reached his limit, and he had a talk with andrew and they made the mutual desicion to move on without the rest of them.

AND THEYRE KILLING IT TOGETHER!!! i mean, fuck morgan for trying to shift blame on them for leaving, and fuck shane for obvious reasons and fuck ryland for no other reason that i hate him with an inch of my soul GOD he’s so fucking boring to look at. where’s the flavour???

i personally do not think that the nature of their friendship is something garrett is ever going to casually mention or make a sit down video about. i think the only information we’ll get is from shane’s pov either rather snarkily through rylands podcast or if shane ever attempts to come back to youtube, he might just mention them in passing OR they’ll all eventually all break the mutual on social media and that’ll be that. i feel like shane is the kind of person that won’t outright say anything on his own channel to hurt andrew or garrett because he’ll still want to keep up his uwu soft boy personality, but my god i can practically hear the fucking snide comments they’ll make on the podcast that don’t outright namedrop them, but they’ll probably make comments about “fake friends” or some shit like that, and all the brainless shane stans will use that as an excuse to be leave nasty comments on garrett and andrew’s stuff like they already do. so i guess we’ll just have to wait and see and know that hopefully andrew and garrett are prepared for any hate they’ll no doubt be receiving once shane tries to force his way back into the circle again.

so yeah, that’s my long answer lol. i don’t know if there was a discussion between them all but i have a feeling garrett just went away and kinda faded them out, and obviously im guessing there were conversations with andrew and shane since technically he worked for him, but yeah, there’s no way they’re all good friends behind the scenes. and im so fucking fine with that because andrew and garrett were 100% the reason i used to watch shane’s videos, and i’m glad they removed themselves from such a toxic environment where they went off and found success together without needing money or fame or any drama attached.

[swampgallows]

i got distracted earlier and forgot to post but im thankful for my mutuals who have helped me time and again, even if it’s in ways you may not know. i appreciate you all so much and i am so grateful for the friends i’ve made here and the small but intimate community cultivated through tumblr. 

zbfc and wch, thank you for everything. @zeyan i love you with all my heart and i’m so fucking thankful i could have funny airbnb time with you and @aeiroki grimlock hunterpunter. you make me laugh every single day and i always want the best for you both (and jack!!! and PARKER!!!)

@lokaror thank you for letting me share my love of rexxar and bears with you. we’ve shared a lot of fantastic laughs together, some very fun stuff and some very deep shit too. i treasure every one of our convos together, and your playlists too!

@reglei thankful i finally got to beat you into submission at blizzcon. youre a sweetheart and a sleepyhead. thanks for listening to me ramble late into the night. i appreciate all the times youve had my back, whether it was creepy dudes or spoilers or w/e. you shoulda killed me w gorehowl when you had the chance

I LOVE @amarysue i miss you when you work long hours but i’m always so happy when we get to play games together. i hope you can leave the mcdonalds playplace soon. also i dont get to say it much but i love talking about academic stuff with you. i know i rib you about dark leafy greens but you are very educated in a lot of amazing fields and i love when you share your knowledge with me!!! i love amary!!!!

@theabsolutevoid i know youre the void but youre a golden human being of radiant light. you are so spectacular, we are all always in amazement of your passion and creativity and constant flow of ideas, and your compassion seems boundless. i am so grateful to know such a special person and spent many late nights laughing to tears with you

@perce the dynamic duo... im thankful daygo got me into ladybug so i could hear all of your amazing takes on it as they are equally as hilarious as your wow takes. i admire your resilience, though that might be weird to say, and though i know i’m an old crone youre definitely a role model for me taking command of my own life and establishing boundaries to become the person i want to be. i’m so grateful we got to spend blizzcon together again!! and thank you for getting me the long-forgotten hippogryph. its a very important memory to me.

refugees i know i dont pop in much but i still love you all dearly. im embarrassed actually because you are all functional adults and i’m not but when i get a job and reenter society i want to be able to come back and say i’m a big kid now

thrainosh squad @irenthel @wckhamm etc thank you for letting me indulge my interests without ridicule or judgment. @fitzefitcher i dunno you changed my life SORRY there is not a less fucked up way to say that. no pressure

@sithisis & crew thank you for so many incredible hots games and wonderful memories and all of your sweetness and fun times!!! sith you have inspired and supported so much of my writing and my ideas and i am in awe that you are getting so many amazing opportunities working in games journalism!!! i know theres a lot of grunt work but at the end of the day it seems like youre really doing something you genuinely love (and are good at!!) and i’m so happy for you. you work hard and you deserve it. im love skitty w a gun 

@steblynkaagain your art is such an inspiration to me, and i’m amazed by your cosplay too! i’m thankful that even across language barriers we can enjoy thraina and silly modern AUs together. i am so impressed by your intelligence and achievements. your comic where you pledge yourself to Thrall’s Horde is still so important to me, and every day i think about your mechanic garrosh..... and doctor drek’thar, and doctor thrall, and SHAMAN GARROSH....... (sob)

@captainkaprozyx and @sdei ... i am so thankful for all of your artwork and your amazing gifts. i am working on getting them framed, and your zine was amazing! you are a great team and I love your collaborations. also sdei’s birthday gift is still my discord icon. we just really love a big guy huh....... cannot express how inspiring your artwork is. the detail, the colors... it brings me to tears, i am so stunned. you are both so incredibly talented!

@omnifariousness bro i dont even know where to start. many good dog times and we can strike up the late night jawin again soon i hope. shit has been scattered and i know youve been dippin back n forth on the road but i hope the shit evens out soon for you. excited for you to see tool in feb and damn dude every DAY i think about the reading you treated me to of the 40k stuff for your reel. god man i want that VA shit to work out for you bad. your diction is impeccable and you so deserve it

@darnjam i know you guys dont read this but i love you so much and every day i’m so thankful we’re all still friends. @daygloow thank you for being like the sole source and catalyst for my personal development for like the last 3 years, im so proud of you and everything youve worked so hard to achieve and i’m so glad youre getting the recognition you deserve. thank you for always picking me up (vehicular and emotional) and for watching cartoons n playin vidya with me. god whens the next GOOD rave? i need to make you proud and actually dj so i can play banana

@bluntcrusher every day i’m like god when will king tori take the throne... im so thankful that youre in a good spot finally and that youre getting the love you deserve. and plus a sweet pucci mane. my blogs a mess but im glad youre still stickin around for it haha. always happy to see youre safe and THRIVING

@swarnpert love you dude thank you for lettin me harass you w 420 snaps. bro when you sent me those sabaton snaps i was in line for the haunted mansion at disneyland during blizzcon and it was just like... my heart was so full, it meant so much to me ALSO HOLY SHIT i love your art please NEVER STOP drawing

@nelfs i love your blog and your art and your FEELINGS like I dunno how to word it in a not-weird way. i think you are a very bright person with a good heart, and i’m thankful to know someone like that, even tangentially. it is fortifying also to see someone stand up for the things they love, whether it’s just a cartoon show or something of serious concern like animal welfare. i admire your healthy relationship to yourself and your strong integrity.

@neophyte-redglare i think about bead world garrosh every fucking day of my life. cannot thank you enough. i treasure it

@redpandalori THIS IS THE MVP RIGHT HERE. i dunno when you started sending me floods of kittums but every day i look forward to it and every single one means so much to me. i wear the kandi you handcrafted for me every single day and i show it off constantly to my friends because it’s just mindblowing. you are so sweet and thoughtful and i love sendin you snaps and it’s just incredible how the internet is. thank you for sending me rain snaps and kito & harley/ears & lilith pics all the time

@hungwy i dunno WHAT you get outta my blog but i’m thankful for the reams of sweet animal pics and interesting linguistic and anthropology posts on your blog. you’re a very positive force on my dash and you seem a wonderful person irl too!

@ubersaur im so happy we’re still mutuals after all this time lmao. you were one of the first aces id ever known so we’ll always have that solidarity and i’ll always be thankful. and i have to seriously catch up on magus bride haha. thank you for all of your love and support after all this time, i hope i offer the same to you!!

@18milliondeadplebs the rare and beautiful nexus of my two sole interests... warcraft and raving. dude just thank you for existing man LMAO i hope we can go ravin together some day

@kontextmaschine what a strange long fuckin trip it’s been dude. super surreal to have raved with you and had you come all the way down for burst but i knew i’d be remiss if youd missed it. you definitely deserved a potent taste of the 90s. thank you for the usb sticks, im still waiting on a worthy recipient for the other two. the majority of your blog is practically in hieroglyphics to me but man when the posts hit... they fuckin hit. i know you dont need me to tell you, but youve got a great talent and weirdass fuckin eye. a very very particular eye. love you man. please kiss badger for me.

@ironbull thank you for suffering in wisdom tooth hell with me. i am glad you had a good time at disney world and im hoping we can both be free of all of our tooth woes soon. thank you also for your advice and support in my personal stuff too!!

@kittensceilidh thank you for your sweet messages! every one of your hugs means a lot to me!!! it is nice to feel seen when i am in dark places.

@dimedog warcraft and foggy forests... hell yeah dude

@tim-official man sometimes it really is as simple as just laughing at the same funny shit, but youve reached out to me too and i appreciate it!!!

@peanotbotter thank you for all of the laughs and the kind words! thank you for caring about me, i care about you too!! i hope we can play hots again or wow together soon!!! 

wow this got long but i love a bunch of people. there are more of you that i love and are very special to me and i apologize if i didnt get to you. i hope you all had a nice holiday, if you celebrated. thank you for believing in me

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[seonfhwa]

hello friends! tis your favorite (or not) mingi stan, here with her first follow forever! 

recently, i hit the big milestone of 1,000 followers, something i never thought would happen! really, i want to thank all of you for following me, for supporting my content, for being a part of this mess of a blog. 

to those who came on over after i remade, and to those who only started following me yesterday, i love you all from the bottom of my heart.

click for some more fun things for my moots! (it gets long, i’m so sorry)!

i was thinking of doing something special, but i don’t know to what extent i could really do for all of you guys ;; if there’s anything you want (a lil blurb, a moodboard, a smol gifset) just let me know! this part’s only for mutuals, though, so keep that in mind. i don’t know how quick i can get all of the stuff done, but i would definitely do anything for you guys!!

for my mutuals, i’ve written each of you a little message. some may be shorter than others, but know that my love is overflowing and unending even if i may not be good with words!! also this isn’t really in any specific order!

@smol-joong 🌟 miss anett... i have a whole lot to say (if i say all of it we’ll be here forever), but honestly the main thing is... you’re my number one. you’re the sweetest, the most lovely, the most heartwarming. you’re someone i can count on no matter what, whether i need a pick me up or just attention. i love you, i truly truly do, and you always know how to make me happy. thank you for being my friend, for letting me love you, and for always being there for me!

@cherryjoong 🌟 maggie!! you’re honestly the sweetest bean, the most relatable human i’ve ever met. you were one of my first mutuals who really ever spoke to me, and i will forever hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re another person who’s always there for me, who really deserves the whole wide world. thank you for having such a big, caring heart.

@honeyboysan 🌟 jules, darling jules. frankly, you’re one of my first friends on this hellsite. you know how my first thing to you was me going “i poked around on your blog for a while before finally following you”? im just a big babey and you’re one of the most lovely people in the world. i’m really glad we’re friends, that i was able to meet someone like you. you make my heart happy, and you deserve all of the happiness in the world. it’s really, really good to see you happy.

@heoneyology 🌟 miss rainah!!! everyone always says you’re the mom type, and i’d have to agree. you’re sweet, you’re loving, you’re charming, and you’re one of the funniest people i know. your love for your biases (especially jooheon, zico, hongjoong, and ravn) makes my heart swell, and whenever i see you on my dash, i just get so happy. not to mention, when you’re happy, i’m happy! thank you for always being there to pick me up when i need it, and for being a ray of sunshine in my dull life.

@multidino 🌟 kimora!!! my multifandom queen!!! honestly, first of all i want to thank you for supporting me in all of my adventures and being one of the first people to help me kickstart my vav blog. second of all-- thank you, for being you. for being a great friend, for being a kind soul, for being one of the best people on this website. you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters!!! i love you so so so so much!!!

@ateezartblog 🌟 hello my sweet pumpkin. how are you today? have you eaten? did you sleep well? are you taking care of yourself? i hope you know how much i care about you!! i know you’re usually the one to come and check up on all of us, but sometimes you need it just as much as we do. please, angel love, remember to take care of yourself, even when you feel like you shouldn’t. you are just as deserving as everyone else, and one day, i hope you can see that. until then, i’ll make sure to remind you all of the time!! i love you lots!!

@wooyuong 🌟 precious angel baby inna!! hello my sweetest beanie baby. frankly, i don’t know how someone like you wanted to be friends with someone like me, but every time we talk i’m like !! that’s her im super blessed bc !! we friends!! you’re super talented, you’re super cute, and pls pls pls always remember that!!! you deserve all good things in the world and i’m so super glad that we talk ;;;

@wangtaeil 🌟 iconic miss bee!! life’s too short to only have one bias, and your words haunt help me to this day!!! i’m really glad i met you, because you’ve kinda sorta been a really big source of inspiration and help for me, especially recently. from feeling shitty about gifs, not wanting to be around, to even needing help with some stuff, i know i can always trust you and confide in you. you’re a talented woman, and you really have so much going for you. and you want to be friends with a lil nugget like me??? i am undeserving but thankful.

@choisansbitch 🌟 upaamaaa!!! now every time i eat a tuna sandwich, i think of you (i eat tuna a lot, so take that... i’m ALWAYS thinking about you). i know when we first started talking, i was nervous because i ??? really didnt feel like i even deserved to talk to you, cause you’re like... super amazing. but i’m so glad we’re friends!! you make some of the best gifs, and even if you don’t think so, i love them so so much!! and you’re honestly one of the sweetest, most relatable people in the world. please never lose your charm, i love you so much.

@missminji 🌟 hARLSS!!!! im still shocked that your super secret detective skills figured me out, but hey!! in the end they helped because now i actually talk to my “redacted” (we all know who redacted is) and i love her sm ;;; we havent been talking too much recently (i think life’s been kicking us rip) but no matter what, i love you, and i love getting to talk to you whenever i can. thank you for being my friend, i don’t deserve someone as lovely as you.

@utopiagf 🌟 you crazy, but ily. that’s it that’s the post-- ehrbgjehb im kidding, there’s so much more. you’re literally one of the most fun, bright, cheery person, and i love seeing you around. i know you just remade (and i was confused bc i was like?? nik??? where she go??) but literally i love love love seeing & talking to you, even if these days i’m still... super intimidated by you. but you’re such a sweetheart, and thank you for blessing me with your presence in my life. uwu

@visualsan 🌟 honestly i need to talk to you more ehjbrhjge every time i talk to anett and we mention you (all good things, of course uwu) i’m like?? why do i not talk to bea more?? literally you seem like such the coolest person, and i love love love seeing you, your gifs, everything uwu so yeah!! pls let’s talk more ilysm!

@prettyseonghwa 🌟 yas, i think you have one of the biggest hearts around here. you are so caring, so loving, and you really need to know that. i love you, really, so so much. thank you for always being there for us, for always giving the best advice and love that we all need. just know!! that you deserve a break too. you deserve all of the love you give-- and more. 

@dreamboyunho 🌟 cami, miss cami, my numba 1!!! you’ve always been someone i adore and cherish with all of my heart, but even recently we connected in a different, probably more personal way. it may not have been the best of circumstances but i’m really glad we did! i treasure you so much, and i’m glad i found someone i can truly confide in. we’re like!! two peas of a pod!! i’m really super duper glad i met you and that i can call you my friend.

@jonghostation 🌟 miss adelle uwu you’re so sweet and precious and we need more jongho stans like you (and more jongho stans in general) in this world!! i love talking to you, though recently i’ve been dead and not really socializing but i really do enjoy seeing you around and getting to talk to you!! you’re such a sweet soul and i love you. recently i saw you said you lowkey wish i was your mom?? c’mere baby you’re my child now uwu thank you for being the sweetest angel. aND I COULD NEVER FORGET YOUR ICONIC URL!!! ATINY LESSGEDDIT!!! DROP THE BEAT YOOOOO!!

@celestial-yunho 🌟 nini, you are literally... so talented. i dont know how i managed to score such a talented, loving, and sweet friend. your art!! is so good and im always really excited to see more of what you do. you’re my lil moon witch, and i love you so so much. thank you for giving me the time of day to get to know you, to be able to say that’s her!! thats nini!! thats my friend uwu you’re so precious and i hope you know that!!

@nctyping 🌟 im gonna be honest idek why i first followed you-- not in a like “ugh why did a follow her,,” i literally just cannot remember why i did. either way, it was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. you’re one of the sweetest people in the whole world and i love reading what you write. like?? teach me your ways ;;; ily abbey!!

@toothgaptual 🌟 sun sun sunshine sunnie!!! okay, we don’t talk a ton, but i love love love when we do get to interact. you always manage to put a smile on my face, and i looove seeing you on my dash. please never ever think you’re bothersome or annoying, and talk your heart out! ilysm you cutie patootie!

@wonderhwalls 🌟 sweetest little flower, i know we’re more recently mutuals/friends, but i’m really glad i met you. talking to you always makes me feel better, whether its about what we’re doing, gifs, breaks, etc. you’re a voice of reason amidst the mess of this world, and i love being able to talk to you when i need a good pick me up. ily mika!!!

@atiteez 🌟 sonia, i literally think you were the first atiny mutual i ever had. i will always, aLWAYS hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re such a precious soul, and you’re lovely inside and out. i still dunno why you call me a moodboard queen-- i’m not thaaat good at that kinda stuff-- but i love you so much nonetheless. thank you for being my friend and helping me step into atinyblr (even though now we’re dying off).

@wlwrensung 🌟 miSS YUKKIIIII i hope you’re having fun on your trip!!! you’re one of my favorite people in the whole world, and i love love love talking to you. i mean?? someone like you??? wants to be friends with someone like me?? idk what you’re on that you wanna, but pls you’re the best ;;;; thank you for looking on someone like me and deciding “that’s it that’s her i wanna be friends with her” i dont deserve you but im all heart eyes bc i get to be friends with you!!

@shikyus 🌟 im an idiot with a brain the size of a pea and the memory of a goldfish. i love you-- i really do!! you’re one of the only people i clicked with immediately, and that’s kinda rare for me. you’re a sweetheart, you’re one of the most lovely people i’ve met, but you’re so chill and cool!! how do you do it?? honestly i’m really glad i met you, because like??? how often can someone say that they met someone and immediately clicked with them? i mean ok it happens often but !!! im still shocked!!! thank you for being my friend, for being super sweet, and kind, and caring-- a-and hopefully forgiving ;;;; im sorry im a dummy ;;;;;; im a big lovable dummy tho!!!!

and last but not least, miss kiki. i know she’s isnt on tumblr for now, but if she ever sees this... i have so much to say. thank you for being one of my best friends, for being one of the sweetest people in the world. i love you, i love everything about you, and i miss you. thank you for being my friend uwu

some other super awesome mutuals that i don’t have a ton to say about (either because we’re new mutuals or i havent talked to you too much yet) that i love with all my heart nonetheless: @meinyunho @fan-chngchng @ultvisual @seonghwalove @han-seungwoo @kthscenery @yooyonqha @woovoung @sanbotaged -- come talk to me more often!! i love to be bothered uwu

super special shoutout to my 3 starlight buddies who came over here and followed me despite originally knowing nothing about ateez and still supporting, loving, and talking to me: @hakjeon @babieken and @hansanghyuked. my longest standing mutuals, and even annie’s more than just a tumblr mutual-- she’s one of my closest friends. i love you guys ;;

now, i can’t leave a special message for every single one of my followers. hell, tumblr won’t even let me tag every single one of you (stupid tag limit), but know that i still love all of you. if i could (aka if i had time and energy), i’d go down the line and personally message each and every once of you to tell you all the important things.

you are all wonderful, you are all lovely, and i’m truly blessed to have all of you following me. remember to smile, to keep your chin up, because when the world gets going tough, i’m always there to support you! i love you all lots lots lots, whether we do or don’t talk. stay sweet, angels!

[trigger-talk]

🌟I dont know if this is going to sound dumb or bad or what but ive. I think at least, come to the realization that my exes name might be a trigger for me? Whenever i see someone mention or say it i just start shaking uncontrollably untill i can get my attention focused entirely on something else. even tho i know it prolly it, i just… is that normal? I feel like it is, but ive never BEEN traumatized before–i had a super sheltered, healthy childhood compared to… it seems like literally Everyone Else On the Planet sometimes.

but then i entered my very first real relationship, which lasted three years and ended around–i think it was almost exactly a year ago? And it was just. A horrible relationship. We were still only teenagers, and we were extremely toxic for each other, they emotionally manipulated me with love talk and su*cide threats and told me i was a bad person any time i even remotely disagreed with or upset them??

but because i was A year, almost 2 (weird birthdays situation), older than them, they told me and a lot of our other mutual friends that i was the only one who was abusive, and completely shut me down whenever i tried to tell people about how they treated me–and i recently found out that, even tho i have them blocked, they have people stalking my blog and theyve been vague posting about me and trying to get certain fandom groups to shun me, so i cant even vent about this fear on there bc theyll say im being manipulative and shitty, and i don’t know what to do or how to feel about it.

i know i wasnt the best partner, and that I should have known better, but i was a dumb teenager who /didn’t/ know any better because id never been in a relationship before, so i know i shouldn’t be blaming myself s, but i cant tell if this even counts as.. really being traumatic? Is it bad enough for me to “get to use” the word trigger in regards to how their name makes me feel? Is that even what triggers make people feel, is there another word for it that i dont know about, it is just extreme paranoia???

Im sorry if this isnt the best/right blog to go to, it was just..  the only one i could find that gives any kind of advice AND has been at all active at all in the past 2 months-a year. Im sorry if this is too much, like, to process,and if you just want/need to delete it for your own mental health reasons, i understand completely, i just… am desperately searching  for a place to get some kind of answers or validation or clarification or. Anything at all, really??

Im sorry for sending this as a submission too, i just think it really requires the context and i didnt want to flood your inbox with numbered asks bc i know that ce be annoyingto deal with–Thank you if you can answer, and if not, i hope you have a really good day regardless, Mods! The blog is a blessing that seems to have helped a lot of other people, so great work!

-

Mod Meep’s Response: Hi, love, I’m so sorry this is a bit delayed. I’m going to start at the top and work my way down:

Yes, that definitely sounds like a trigger for you, that is a very common response to seeing/hearing one. And triggers can happen to anyone, not only is there no shame in having one even if you had a Healthy Childhood, I’m glad you can recognize what it is and seek out help. 

Your ex does sound very abusive and honestly dangerous. I don’t know the whole situation but if they do ever try anything towards you, you might consider legal action against them - even if it’s only to stop the vague hate. 

I promise it’s okay and what happened to you is not your fault, not in the slightest. You were young, you make mistakes when you’re young, and even if you did make mistakes you were hurting at her hands and that needs to be addressed. Suicide baiting, false claims of abuse, negative and violent talk, all of that is extremely hurtful and traumatic and not something that you’re faking. It’s not just extreme paranoia - and even if it was, your emotions and feelings are valid and there are ways to make them easier to deal with. For example, if you have the funds and resources you may want to try a therapist, which might help you move on from the relationship and get you help. If not, there are online resources, or you could try exposure therapy with maybe an online consult first. I would advise against any sort of treatment without talking to a doctor first but understand that’s not always possible.

It’s totally fine that you sent it as a submission, I promise it is, you could’ve sent it by homing pigeon and we would’ve answered :D. I don’t know if its the best blog to go to but I hope this response helped, we’re not experts here but maybe this will point you in the right direction. And thank you, I’m so glad we could help some people!

-Mod Meep

[brolinskeep]

so i saw endgame.

spoilers under the cut, but first of big thx to my MCU posting mutuals who saw the movie before me and never slipped up tagging their spoilers ❤️

the movie, the plot, the look backs, the team ups, THE ARMIES-OF-GONDOR,-ROHAN-AND-ELVES-LIKE ASSAMBLY OF EVERYONE KICK SCROTUM FACE’S ASS: yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYESYESYESYESYES YESYESYESYESYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

the ending: no.

america’s butt: 🍑 thank you for your service (and to whoever among the writers finally had the courage to acknowledge it)

“i lost our boy”: 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #superfamily

new asgard: 😊😊😊

Tony “I am Iron Man” Stark:          . . .

its been a long time since i cried like this from a movie.

i mean i understand from a like story telling pov this seems to be the only conclusive way to end this aera of the MCU cos like how could shit go sideways in future on earth and tony stark not being there to save the day as long as he lives one way or another, how make it believable that spiderman could face odds onyl he alone can overcome when the audience was more or less aware that ultimately somewhere out there tony stark was chilling in the back but could still send a technical update to help save the day.

but it hurts. so much. and it so unfair. for him who has been there for the last 10 years to save the day, building the avengers alongside steve, and now that he finally had the chance of a happily ever after with his little family, to have to make the ultimate sacrifice so everyone can have the final victory and peace except him.

as i said, i kinda understand why TPTB did this, but as a fan i was hoping they’d do it as they did at the end of the first avengers movie. we would have been ok with not seeing tony again on screen but knowing he’s living his best life in peace.

Steve Captain America Rogers: you can pass on the shield, but there’s gonna be no one like you, oh captain my captain. im happy for him and Peggy, i truly am, but it’s with the same bittersweetness as i was for frodo at the end of LotR:

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.

Thor: we’re here for dadbod god of thunder, (and shallow, thirsty me who wants 8pack pirate-angel baby back for GotG 3 can sit in the corner and shut up for a bit) who stands up for his buddies against online bullies and is scared, too scared to face his ex and just wants his mum back. and is just so fkicng proud of his buddy steve lifting-mjölnir-cos-he’s-as-worthy-as-the-godking-of-asgard rogers while starring death in the face saying ‘not today’ now please get your brother back somehow i dont care how!

Natasha: LISTEN MARVEL YOU BETTER FCKIG FIX THIS OR SO HELP ME HELA!!!

Clint: they surely made you pay for sitting out infinity war jfc ;A;

Bruce: we stan our big, green nerd!

Rocket: the one true snarky guardian of the galaxy, this show would go the shit without you bb

Carol Denvers: first of all YESSSSSS and please hang out with peter from time to time

Scott: didnt think id ever get emotional about ant-man, but jfc here we are ps: #epicpunchisepic

Valkyrie: long live the queen!!

Loki: same as for natasha 😡, how am i supposed to enjoy his upcoming solo series when there’s gonna be this small voice in the back of my head constaly whispering ‘whatever. he’s gonna die anyway and you’ll never get your thorki happy ending’

Pepper: i got nothing. i just want to hug her and let her cry.

little Morgan: you’re loved 3000 times and more

Rhodey: it’s been an honour.

Peter Parker: *builds pillowfort, makes hot choc gets your fav ice cream, wraps you in a 1000 blankets and protects you from all pain forever*

Sam: on your left! thats one big shield you’ll carry there buddy

Bucky: not enough time with steve

Wanda: i was almost certain they’d let you do the same to scrotum face as you did to ultron and i was 100% here for that

Hope: float like a butterfly sting like a wasp!

Peter Quill: thank god Gamora is back, now please let her reunite with her crew in GotG 3 to turn his head back into place.

Nebula: hope you find peace, get some closure and therapy, dear

Gamora: sisters before misters 👭 and glad to have you back

Drax: i couldnt see if you got him good, but hope you feel like you avenged your wife and kids

Groot: do you ever leave your bunny again please

Mantis: go kick names and takes asses, love, and never change ❤️

Black Panther: da king is back in town!

Okoye: yaaas queen!!

(Nakia: i understand Lupita Nyong'o has much bigger things to do but Nakia has been missed)

Shuri: make ‘em pay, bb!!

M'Baku: idk if you got snapped in A3 or not but epic battles arent the same without our big king from snowy mountain

Doctor Strange: your plan sucks doc!!!

Wong: your boss doesnt know what he has in you

Korg & Meik: time for another revolution guys :D

Nick Fury: where’s Goose???

Happy: you gotta step up your gmae looking after his kids now, buddy

Howard the Duck: didnt see you there but good to know you’re still around even though i still dunno what you are and why

Stand Lee: thank you.

thank you robert downey jr thank you jeremy renner thank you scarlet johansson thank you chris hemsworth thank you mark ruffalo thank you chris evans thank you tony thank you clint thank you nat thank you thor thank you bruce thank you steve thank you for being our heros.

— 𝕞𝕖𝕘𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕒𝕨 𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕘𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕩𝟚 (@leufeysonwinter) April 26, 2019

[borhapstyles]

Hi friend!! Would you mind doing a domestic lazy day with Lucy for a thing? Thank you!!

*whispers* im so gay for you lucy.

My first time writing about her (and definitely won’t be my last). Hope she sounds like herself here, sorry if it sucks. Lots of love to you all, especially my lovers who are just as gay for Lucy as I am x 

a domestic lazy day with Lucy was always filled with something that made your heart flutter 

you two had stayed up the night before, not too late but a bit longer than you normally would if she had work that day

and it was marvellous, the night before

you two had made hot chocolate for yourselves and sat in front of the tv watching her favorite film just because she begged you with the bat of her eyelashes and the pout of her lip to

you could never say no to her, especially when she’s like that 

she repaid you later that night tho as she went down on you in between the sheets lol

the next morning, you two woke up tangled in each others arms, sunlight streaming through the window 

all your mutual friends were texting you two, asking if you guys would want to come out for a picnic or something

but you two shared a look and you just knew to text everyone back saying no

“i know we’re probably two idiots for not going out and enjoying this weather in london but i can’t be bothered to get up, Y/N,” Lucy said, tugging you closer and resting her head on your shoulder “besides, I can think of much better things to do indoors”

so you guys stayed opted to stay in

and after a morning of making love

the two of you went down to the kitchen to make french toast and other breakfast foods you both loved

it’s then that you realise she’s wearing one of your sweatshirts that you thought when missing months ago

and when you asked her about it 

her cheeks go red with embarrassment as she said “I-I brought it to LA with me when we were filming so I’d always have you around, I hope you don’t mind.”

of course u dont cause she cute as fuck 

Lucy then left for a minute to go to the restroom and she was so quiet when she came back, you didn’t even notice 

you also didn’t notice was Lucy snapping a photo of you at the stove and posting it with the caption “Morning in with my love. She makes the best breakfast and you can’t tell me otherwise.”

to which Joe commented “I’m hurt that I wasn’t invited over for breakfast, but the cuteness of this photo makes up for it. I’ll allow it.” 

you usually hated having your photo taken in the morning but Lucy always had a way of taking photos of you that you genuinely loved

and maybe it was just because she took them that you loved them, maybe it’s because she was a genuinely good photographer

either way, Lucy always made you feel beautiful and that was enough

and so she comes behind you, resting a head on your shoulder with her arms around you

she inhales the sweet scent of the food your making, lays a kiss on your neck and says

“i’m so lucky to have you”

and you’re like ??? lucy do u know who u r (lmao u dont say that but)

so you say “lucy, i don’t think you know how lucky i feel everyday being with you”

and she says “i do, i think i do, because i feel it when i’m with you, darling.” before kissing you lightly

afterwards you two sit at the dining table, giggling and laughing with each other at the weird faces you make from across each other

you’re both dorks so i mean anything makes you both laugh, especially each other

when breakfast / brunch is finished, the two of you lie in each others arms whilst in the living room

youre playing with each others’ fingers as you both read,

lucy’s reading a script and you’re reading a book lucy picked up for you whilst she was out in America because she read the back of it and knew you’d love it

you’re only 30 pages in but you love it dearly so shes never wrong thats a fact

and occasionally, she’d put her script down and just stare at you till you put your thing down

which doesnt take long cause you always get blushy when she stares at you, you can just feel it

and you say “w-what?”

she just smiles and you and tells you she loves you so much

“when I was a teenager and crying about over some prick who broke my heart, i would think back to this moment here to make myself feel better”

and you’re like “this moment? what do you mean?”

Lucy would move closer, look down at your intertwined fingers and continue smiling and say 

“this, what we have between us, right here. this is all i’ve ever wanted, to be able to sit and read with the love of my life without a care in the world on a beautiful afternoon, just this. just us, y/n”

so you grin and you tell her you love her too before kissing her passionately

and later that night, when you both realise you guys have a shit ton of laundry to do that you should’ve done that day but didn’t want to face it,

she just laughs with you and tugs you closer and says “i’m glad i’m with someone who just doesn’t give a fuck sometimes either”

bottom line Lucy makes you feel loved and special everyday

and when in bed that night, she’s spooning you and telling you just how much she loves you when she says

“today was perfect, I know we technically didn’t do anything but that’s just how I like it because I was with you.” 

so. who wants to be my Lucy and have a domestic lazy day with me cause I’m more sad and lonely than usual because of this lmao