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I wrote down all the reasons I won’t go back to you
But when I’m craving something familiar the words hold no weight
They’re just meaningless symbols dirtying up the page
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In a whirlwind of anger and sadness
Lost in a storm of my own creation
Most evacuated
I can’t see the road ahead
The only way out to admit the monster I am
In the storm I stay too weak to speak my truth
Dysfunction feels like home anyways 
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In a world where everyone wants to be seen
I am irrelevant
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Desensitized from all your lies
And broken doors
And drywall floors
Your violence may have never touched me
But your words sunk deep into my skin
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Not the lowest
All too familiar
The hallow chest
Warmth rolling from my eyes
How did I get here again
Why does it feel like I never left
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I stopped crying as often
Not because I don’t feel like crying
I got tired of explaining
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Do I love you and want to hate you?
-or-
Do I hate you and want to love you?
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I go so far
But leave myself behind
Somewhere no one can find
And I question why I’m lonely
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I’m terrified of wanting you to stay,
No one ever does,
It feels like a fantasy to think anyone ever will.
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Have you taken all you can yet Isn’t this all it was All anything ever is This is where the end begins right The peak Down is the only place to go Should we call it Or keep chasing the bliss Doesn’t that just make us like the rest
This is the fucked part of me
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Where do I begin Better question Where do I end I extend When I go There’s so much left behind But fully replaced I find You
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I fight so hard for happiness, It makes me sad.
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