#IM SO CONFUSED HE JUST DOESNT EXIST

[ratatatastic]

maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"

sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"

"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it

media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)

the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet

[ashdownunderscorebeloved]

Gamers PB is either gonna have to bump some of the 72 up to L rank or give us a shit ton of S and A+ ranks cuz my god there's a lot, also I think I figured out how they split them in terms on ranking but I have no clue how they did the countries LMAO

I'm still in the early stages of this deep-dive so for all I know everything I'm about to say is completely and utterly wrong so please do not take my ramblings as fact my friends! It is more than likely completely wrong cuz I'm stupid :D This is also strictly following the Ars Goetia cuz that's pretty much all I know!

ANYWAYS, some of them have multiple classifications (ex. Zagan being classed as both a king and a president, so they'll show up twice but the 1st appearance is italics and underlined and 2nd appearance is bolded so you can see yes yes) so there's that! Anyways this is what I've determined so far, starting with the known ranks:

King - L/S/A+ (?): Asmodeus (L), Bael (S), Belial (S), Paimon (S), Zagan (A+)

Duke - S/A+: Dantalian (S), Eligos (A+), Astaroth (A+), Bathin (A+), Gusion (A+), Barbatos (A+), Valefor (A+)

Prince - S/A+: Sitri (S), Stolas (A+)

Marquis - S/A+: Amon (S), Leraye (S), Naberius (S), Orias (S), Andrealphus (S), Ronove (A+), Phenix (A+)

President - S/A+: Marbas (S), Foras (S), Glasyalabolas (A+), Morax (A+), Buer (A+), Zagan (A+)

Count - A+: Morax (A+), Glasyalabolas (A+), Ronove (A+)

Putting more straight up WORD VOMIT under the cut! If you wanna stop here you can the rest is just even more nonsense!

So, you may be saying, "Ashdown U. Beloved, that's only 25 in the game/confirmed out of what number are we at? Where are Satan, Mammon, Bimet, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Lucifer, and Belphegor?" AND TO THAT I SAY: There is no mention of any of them in the Ars Goetia. Bimet doesn't even exist in anything I've seen so far. Now, it's possible this is just a super rare spelling of another demon (my suspicion is Beleth, another spelling of his name is Bilet so it might be possible that this is Bimet), but idk man someone help me on this one!

Something else I've noticed is damn near every Duke is an A+ rank despite the hierarchy of hell having them directly below Kings. Princes so far have a 50/50 shot of being either S or A+ (there's only two of them), while Marquis are overwhelmingly S rank. And now, for the rest of the 72 in the Ars Goetia! Once again got some double-dippers so I'll put them in italics and underlined first and bold second again and at the end of the listings, their rank will go with their lowest classification following what I'm calling the Zagan effect!

The rest of the classified Kings are: Beleth (Bimet?), Purson, Balam and Viné! Chances are they'll all be S rank, save for Viné.

The Dukes are: Agares, Aim, Alloces, Amdusias, Berith, Buné, Crocell, Flauros, Focalor, Gremory, Murmur, Sallos, Vapula, Vepar, Vual, and Zepar! I'd imagine they'd be following the Duke ranking of mostly A+ with a few S ranks! I would suggest that they decided by how many legions they command but Eligos commands 60 as opposed to Dantalian's 36 so there goes that idea lmao, gimme your thoughts on this one it's kinda whack.

The rest of the Princes!: Vassago, Orobas, Seere, Ipos and Gäap! Is it gonna keep being a 50/50 or are they gonna pull a sneaky on us? Who knows!

The Marquis! What's the plural of Marquis?: Samigina, Forneus, Marchosias, Sabnock, Shax, Andras, Kimaris, and Decarabia! Betting on mostly S ranks, maybe 2-4 A+ ranks from this batch!

And then we got the Presidents!: Haagenti, Caim, Ose, Amy, Valac, Botis, and Gäap! Not counting Morax and Glasyalabolas, we have 2 S ranks and 2 A+ ranks in the previous Presidents! Gäap will probably end up as an A+ alongside King-President Zagan!

Last but not least, the Counts: Furfur, Halphas, Räum, Bifrons, Murmur, Andromalius, Ipos, Botis, and Viné! So far, all of the Counts have been solely A+ rank! Will the surprise us, especially seeing and two of them are Prince-Counts and one is a King-Count? Maybe!

Now, we also have another conundrum! The fact that all of the canonical Kings except Asmodeus are NOT in the Ars Goetia yet are part of the 72 in-game (and maybe Bimet)! That's 6/7 spots in the 72 taken, so are 6/7 of the actual 72 gonna get booted? PrettyBusy please explain to me how you did this I'm genuinely so intrigued.

My ass /srs looking up demons trying to piece together who's under which country LMAO

[megamindsupremacy]

I need to marinate more thoughts for this but. okay so gravity falls au. partially inspired by this. fiddleford has the memory gun and he's This Close to using it on himself to erase what he saw in the portal. he pauses. he thinks, just because I forget doesn't mean stanford will stop building the portal. he thinks it's all or nothing. he goes to stanford's shack in the woods. he sneaks in through the side door and sees stanford sleeping on the couch. it's dark outside. the lights are out. fiddleford can barely make out the shape of his former-friend's body. fiddleford looks at Stanford one last time. he types into the memory gun, Stanford Pines. he points the gun. half a second before he fires, Stanford stirs, as if sensing the danger he is in. he manages to get out "who-" before fiddleford, panicking, pulls the trigger before he can chicken out completely.

stanley wakes up on a couch he doesn't remember falling asleep in, with a terrified looking man standing over him, holding a glowing gun, and thinks this is one hell of a situation i've gotten myself into

[cavesalamander]

Scum Villain fic where Shen Yuan wakes up out of a coma and realizes that he just had a very, very vibrant dream about his boy and that web novel he hatereads.

When he gets back home after observation it's so... surreal. He feels so much older now. He's practically lived a lifetime in that dream, even if only a few months have passed.

His room is so... cringe is the word he wants to use, but he can't help but find his past self endearing about it all. Except that line of thought makes... no sense at all. His past self is just him from a couple months ago.

He decides to check up on the story he'd been dreaming about and finds out that, though there were a dozen more chapters, they had stopped updating completely without warning just a few weeks after his own coma.

(The comments after his coma, a few mention him, calling him out or cheering for him finally giving up on the story. Some people even speculate he might have died.)

His old comments were so embarrassing to read, but there's a part of him that... sees his love for Luo Binghe even in these.

Wait, why is he suddenly okay being gay for this protag??

He thinks he probably shouldn't be quite so chill about it.

He wonders what happened to Airplane. He stops himself from thinking too hard on the possibility it could all have been real. That was ridiculous!!

Meanwhile in the world of the system....

Luo Binghe is flipping OUT. His husband his shizun his beloved just up and went POOF. No trace of him, no clue left behind.

(Or is it worse if he dies? The original goods died that night he qi deviated and was replaced by Shen Yuan, so there's no soul there to replace him. Luo Binghe has had to deal with dead Shizun before but this time it's... different.)

Either way, after a whole lot of everyone flipping out, Shang Qinghua seems to know a little too much about... something.

The truth comes out. Luo Binghe admits he's suspected something like that for a while now, but thats not important. He needs his shizun back, so how..?

Cue dimension hopping shenanigans.

[geee-three]

okay now that im actually confronting it this makes a whole lotta sense that im going to continue to ignore

[starshineandhappythoughts]

This is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Do you actually want me to die, Jeff? Do you???

[silbeni]

Brewing an alt timeline w Ryoma in the Rohan live action

[lesbianpegbar]

Very excited abt blue exorcist s3!!!-> person who never watched the anime…this will either be vindication or continued annoyance depending on how people treat yukios characters in the season tho(is the anime worth it to watch?)

okay so full disclaimer i haven't touched the anime since i was maybe like. fifteen or something? so my memories of it are a bit fuzzy however Comma, i remember it being pretty good except for when they went anime original in season 1! it adapts the manga faithfully until like s1 ep 15 or somewhere around there, and then the rest of season 1 sucks. bad. BUT for season 2 they just. act like the anime original shit never happened and start to adapt the manga again from where they left off, and from what i remember season 2 was really great i have very very fond memories of the anime impure king arc!! so if you don't want to sit through anime original stuff then you can just skip it it has literally no bearing on season 2 or anything going forward, its a very clean and easy skip. the animations alright (aside from some poor, dated cg lol) and i remember the voice acting being really great! it was very nice to see the characters move around and talk lmao, so with all that in mind yeah i'd recommend it if you're interested at all!

[jonny-b-meowborn]

I'm so sick and tired of feeling like a fucking intruder at my own home. I don't understand why my brother hates me do much. I know it's frustrating to have to share space, I wish we could live in separate rooms too, but it's just what we have to deal with. We're moving out in a few weeks, hopefully, and then we'll have our own rooms, but that doesn't change the fact that over the few last year's he's been increasingly hostile towards me. I feel like I don't belong at my own home I feel like I'm not allowed to exist in my own room. He can do anything he wants and I have to adapt. I can't even speak to him. No matter what I have to say he doesn't listen at best, at worst he tells me to shut up and there's nothing I can do about it. Our mom is helpless, too, she tries to get him to act normal towards me but he doesn't listen. I'm not allowed to interact with him I'm not allowed to have my pride flag in our room I'm not allowed to use my own desk I'm not allowed to make any sound or occupy any space. It's only a few weeks more of that but I'm just so fucking tired

[strwbrymlkshake]

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do 💀

[29121996]

.

[h377b7iss]

.

[unmeinoniwa]

ㅤㅤHUH ? Why was Dark suddenly so flustered ? It was an innocent question and yet he was getting awfully defensive over nothing ( it was almost like Dark was proving the librarian's point without even trying ).

ㅤㅤTaken aback, Theodore stumbled a couple of steps back from the closing proximity between them but he froze as soon as Dark stopped right in his tracks to jab an angry finger right at the librarian's chest as if to stand his ground. " I - I wasn't necessarily trying to make any other assumptions about you ! But actually ... you didn't exactly deny my claim either so doesn't that mean I'm somewhat on the mark ? " A nervous laugh. " I suppose indifference is better than resentment ... "

ngh --- ?!

' S-SHUT UP ! '

obviously , things were way more complicated than that ! ( no , in the first place , what did it even matter ?! ) ' that's got nothing to do with anything ! ' despite the growing red fluster on his cheeks , he marches forward to let his finger angrily poke and prod at the center of the other's chest . ' don't get the wrong idea , you weirdo --- i don't feel anything for you at all ! there's nothing either way , okay ?! ' like , dislike , love , hate , whatever ... ! ' you just ... exist ! and that's it !! '

[byrdffv]

fuck you, pyramid steve headcanons

so hes like bill but less fucked up

He's still an 'antagonist' but more in a 'yeah sure ill mess with these people a bit why not that sounds fun'

His parents are very alive but they live in another dimension so he only sees them on holidays

Sells off brand merchandice and pirated movies in his free time

also claims to 'sell divorce' but no one knows what that means

Im realising now ive kind of just made him spamton-coded bill

Hes lived a very, very long time, not quite as long as bill but quite a while, as a result hes a bit 'out of touch' with humans.

He doesnt need to eat but he likes occasionally eating various inedible materials, copper is one of the elements on earth that he's particularly a fan of

would not do weirdmageddon but would definitely do the whole dream demon thing, but instead of manipulating people he just confuses them with shapes and colours

most people who meet him just think he was some weird drug hallucination they somehow got, so hes not nearly as popular as bill

from a similar dimension as euclydia, but not quite (maybe exwhylia???) he somehow left (to go 'find work in the city!' he said to his family) and has been to quite a few different dimensions at this point, hes been arrested in at least 2 of them

His favourite colour is magenta

one time in the 1800s someone walked up to him from behind and he got spooked and accidentally snapped their entire spinal cord using magic, killing them instantly. he has never told anyone about this and would like to forget about it

has a habit of forgetting and mixing up names a lot, sometimes even his own. one time he accidentally inroduced himself as steph and he will never live it down

doesnt have gender, the first human he met just assumed he was male and he just was like 'i guess i am now then'

his 'body' would be like a plastic-y silicon texture, as opposed to bills metallic stone

has met bill once, and bill HATES him, every now and then bill remembers that steve exists and deeply regrets not killing him instantly when he had the chance

He thinks bill is 'pretty weird honestly, but im sure he has his good aspects, yknow?'

[sturnioz]

hi im sleepy as fuck but fb!chris is invading my mind so ive been thinking ab him n shy!reader for idk how long </3 so so upsetting he doesn't like her romantically. especially since he decided to stick with her, its so ....!!!1?3!2!1?!! could honestly see her getting a little confused since fb!chris would defend her but the next second be telling her to 'not let it get to her head', since it 'doesnt mean anything.' secretly she thinks he cares about her just a little bit. deep down. deep deep deep down. thoughts r so jumbled rn but i have lots of scattered thoughts for your au n just lil things in general about the two :( hes such an asshole n she deserves SOO much better. someone let her friends know to pry her off him the next time shy!reader is all up next to him i swear . girl doesnt deserve this :/

i love you for creating them n i adore you sosooo much kiss kiss kiss. hopefully you fight off that flu as well baby <3

hes toxic for a reason !!! hes so !!!! he does have a soft spot for her in some weird way like i said but ... the romantic feelings ??? yeah. that does not exist. he doesnt allow them to. he doesnt want them. someone needs to save shy!reader asap and give her some love ... please i beg

and i loooove you !!! <333

[lxmine]

can i request how diluc, xiao, scara, cyno and tighnari confess to the reader?

❝i love you.❞ + diluc, xiao, wanderer, cyno, tighnari x gn!reader

+. fluff

+. summary ; them confessing to you

+. A/N YES NONNY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT THANK YOU SO MUCH MWA MWA MWA and I JUST KNOW TIGHNARI ALSO KNOWS VARIOUS LANGUAGE JUST LIKE AL HAITHAM TOO, NOT MANY AS AL HAITHAM BUT U KNOW HE’S A SCHOLAR TOO HE’S GOTA KNOW OTHER LANGUAGES TOO

wanderer

sitting somewhere in vanarana, you didnt know such place existed, though you couldn’t see the children of the forest, you could still feel their presense near. kuni insisted on taking you here. you smiled as kuni bashfully took the flower crown off him, but you kept on placing it in his head. “stop, this is so childish.”

“you look beautiful!” you complimented, cupping his cheeks making him look at you but he avoided eye contact. he sighs, how can such a mortal he calls his friend make him feel like this. though without a heart, he could feel something beating fast in his chest, he doesnt understand.

he clears his throat. if you were to embarass him, he too shall embarass you. confused when he so suddenly grabbed your face closer to him. “i… i’d destroy teyvat for you.” he says with a faint blush on his face. “if you are ever to be taken away from me… i’d gladly be the villain again.” he says softly caressing your face.

you smirked. “is this your way of telling me you like me?” you chuckled letting go of his face, letting him just hold you. “wow, you’re not too dumb to not notice.” he jokes looking at your face. “i’d do anything for you, if you ask me.” he smiles, slowly leaning closer and closer. “kuni…” you whispered as your lips touched his.

“arapacati thinks it’s a happy ending!” says the aranara who’s beside them. “arakavi thinks arapacati should cover arapacati’s eyes.” arakavi says peeking over to the two lovers and then covering it's eyes once again.

cyno

sitting at the tavern along with tighnari, kaveh and al haitham while cyno pours out drinks for kaveh. they both seemed drunk already, and cyno really does seem different while he’s drunk. “you know, you know al haitham?” asks cyno while a hand placed on kaveh’s shoulder. al haitham beside you gives them a side eye.

“of course, he’s my roommate after all.” kaveh chuckles. “oh god, i regret joining. they are so embarassing.” says tighnari who’s already dying of embarassment. “why is he always so close with [name]!? are they together or something?!” cyno slams his fist on the table making you, tighnari, and kaveh startled.

“you know, you should keep your boy in line kaveh! i’m telling you, the next time i see him so close with them again… i… i will gut him!” he says giving the table another slam. “holy shit, cyno can you stop doing that, my ears are sensitive you know!” tighnari complains kicking the general under the table, but cyno’s eyes are glued to you. and you’re a blushing mess too.

“oh there they are. hello [name].” he smiles giving you a wave, al haitham chuckled beside you. “you, green man! get off, they’re mine okay?” says cyno standing up from his seat, swiftly pushing al haitham off. “yn~ i love you so much.” he mumbles clinging onto you. “im so glad i bought this kamera.” al haitham says before snapping a picture to black mail the mahamatra.

diluc

diluc didnt know what to say nor how to react. looking at you smiling at him unapologetically. “how… how the hell are you even smiling right now?” he asks sternly, looking at you with an intense glare making you feel really scared. “look, i’m sorry okay? it’s just… i thought i was of help so i jumped into the scene!” you explained.

“havent i told you to not act so impulsive!? look where that got you!? you almost fucking died!” oh no, diluc is cussing. that’s when you know you messed up real bad, diluc is not one to lose composure easily afterall. “i told you to stay back, protect yourself from harm while i do my damn job. i could’ve lost you!” he says almost in tears, slowly walking over to you.

falling onto his knees in front of you, leaning his head on your knees “‘luc… why do you even… worry so much?” you asked placing a hand on his cheek. he looks at you with his adoring gaze. “i would have thought you caught on by now.” he chuckles, holding your hand that is caressing his cheeks and kisses your palm. “i love you. i always will.”

he held your hand tightly but softly, as if you’d slip away from his grasp the moment he lets go. “i love you, so please? i know your will to help, i adore that. but i don’t wanna lose you.”

tighnari

“wrong.” he chuckles looking at you work on your sumerunian essay. you aren’t from sumeru after all and just moved three months ago and still working on the language of sumeru. gladly tighnari became your friend as soon as you moved in to gandarva ville, and he also knew how to speak your native language.

“huh?! but isnt this how people confess!?” you asked looking at your paper. “your worded it literally, you have to change some words in order to make it look appealing, don’t just short cut it. how do you say my darling you are so beautiful?” he asks, leaning his cheeks onto his palms as he watched you think. a smile painting his face as he watched. “jamil habibi!” you said proudly.

“close but not quite. it’s habibi ant jamilat jidana. you short cut it again.” he flicks your forehead lightly. “hey.” he calls, looking at him with a small pout. “Je vous aime.” he says which means i love you in fontaine. “i think i’ve heard that before. let me get my fontainian dictionary.” you said taking out a huge book out of your bag. “go on, i’ll wait.” he smiled, looking at you fondly.

(i just got these translations from google translate idk how to speak french and arabian pls T-T)

xiao

“i see you collecting trinkets here and there, i didn’t know you’re one to be fond of them, xiao.” zhongli smiles as he looks at the yaksha from behind. it is surely a surprise that the yaksha has come to liyue harbor without any occasion. “re- mr. zhongli… i actually came by to see you…” he said hesitantly. “would you wanna talk it over some tea? it helps with calming down, helps you express yourself more too.” he smiles.

now there the two are, inside wangsheng funeral parlor. “i believe people would call this as love, xiao.” zhongli nods at he looks at xiao who seemed conflicted ad confused. “am… am i even capable of having such feelings? am i deserving of it?” he asks playing with the small butterfly shaped crystal on his hand. “of course.” answed zhongli.

“even the evilest of creatures has one they love. don’t be harsh on yourself, child. everyone is deserving of love.” zhongli puts a hand on his shoulder. “i suggest you face it. love is a beautiful thing, it’s special. don’t waste it.”

and now here he sits outside your home, underthe shade of your tree while he ate almond tofu. he admires you while you looked through the stylish box of trinkets he had given you. “why don’t you just put it in a simple box, it’s much more easier that way.” you chuckle as you put the small compass necklace inside the jewelry box.

“it’s because it’s special.” you smiled taking out another one, this time, a hair pin that seemed to be from inazuma. “how so, they’re just things i found from the wilderness. i thought… you’d like them because i see you collect things like that.” he looks away before munching in the last bite of his almond tofu. “it’s special because it’s from you, xiao.”

archons, that look on your face. it makes his heart beat fast and his cheeks go warm. “love is bothersome.” he grumbles as he looks away. “but then i guess, if it’s you … i don’t mind.”

RAAAAGGGGHHHG OMG I JUST MADE A BOUQUET OF PAPER FLOWERS IM SO NERVOUS I GOT DARED TO GIVE IT TO THE PERSON I LIKE T-T