#IM GOING TO LOSE IT.
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I'm meeting dan and phil of danandphil fame today. what the fuck
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I feel weird and I hate it. Like I’m not me.
I feel like part of that is because I’m having an identity crisis right now, and I don’t know what I am. It’s mostly that I think. But I feel like I can’t choose, or like I don’t have a sound mind in the moment. I feel fuzzy in the head, and think to hard about it is making me panic and want to cry. I don’t know how to navigate this because it’s so hard.
I want to be a boy so badly, but I feel like I can’t. Because I don’t fit the normal traits of a transmasc person. I know that thinking that would be toxic masculinity, but I still can’t help but feel like I can’t call myself a boy even though I want to so badly. Maybe it’s me subconsciously trying to protect myself given the fact my family wouldn’t ever accept me, maybe it’s because I still like doing my makeup sometimes.
I’ve noticed that the nagging feelings of “wrongness” when it comes to wearing a dress or having long hair or my chest have grown more frequent, but I feel like I still cannot call myself a boy. I’m so confused right now and I hate it. Why can’t I just figure it out. Why can’t I be like those people who just know. How do people do this. Do I even enjoy “girly” things?! Do I want to be a girl?! Do I like being a girl?!
#i cant be trans#I literally cant#for my own sanity#If my family ever found out I’d be in trouble#But then again I’ve been wanting to be a boy and consistently wishing I was a boy for so goddamn long :(#I don’t know :(#I’m scared that I can’t tell the difference between wanting to be a boy and being fine with how I am#ARG BUT THE IDEA OF BEING ORETTY IS STILL APPEALING FFS#LIKE DRESSING UP AND BEING PRETTY SOUNDS LIKE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ME BUT I KNOW I WILL NEVER WANT TO DO IT IN THE MOMENT.#IM GOING TO LOSE IT.#🎞️-+*
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Sapphire: [quiet] I just wanna go home. You know? Navigator: And where is home. Do you even remember? Where home is? Sapphire: [scoffs] Navigator: Do you even remember where home is. Sapphire: Well… Navigator: Where the home is. Sapphire: [pause] …hm. Navigator: You know, I haven’t been home in a long time either, because I’ve been busy. Been working. Sapphire: Do you… remember. Wait. [chuckles] Do you even remember… where home is? Navigator: The thing is— Sapphire: I don’t think you do. …Oh? Navigator: The thing is, I don’t think you can come back.
(Clocktower)
Navigator: Don’t you wanna go home? Can you even remember home? How long has it been. Sapphire: It’s been millennia. Navigator: [giggles] If it’s any consolation, back home… It’s been like, I don’t know, like fifty years? Maybe? Sapphire: [laughs] Oh, I know. I’ve been here for so long.
(Beginning of the End)
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i feel so stupid i didnt even think much of it when i woke up and he wasn't in bed with me. hes fucking gone. where did he go
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IS HE ABOUT TO CUCK HIMSELF.
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i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.
#sorry im bored of the same tags on this lmao#sometimes i think the confessional style loses impact because everything has to be excavated from the depths of the soul#and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd.#i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist!#something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content#idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently#mine
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#arcane#silco arcane#jinx and silco#my art#please don't repost#that man is in pain he's looking at that shimmer rain...thinking...oh the money im losing#some doodle/wips i had on the side#i need to be a serious artist#season 1 redraw of course because of course#i need to let that old man go but then i don't want to
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hunting down a specific image but finding miscellaneous storyboards/some cut panels from the stan comic story instead
#someone with the b&n version of the comic pls.... pls show me the extra pages#(cos i ain't paying again when i dislike 1/4 of it lmao)#the original storyboard for ford's dream not having the boat/swingset/portal....#NOT THE CLONE DIPPERS HAVING A PIC OF WENDY! ENOUGH!! YOU TWO HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS#thats it im working on an old fic again about existential crises and missing your twin who isnt your twin anymore#so then you become your own twin...? truly the healthiest way to go about this#mabel pines#dipper pines#stan pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stanford pines#gravity falls#im guessing this first storyboard is from the petting zoo short#but mabel posing in the stan's tattoo one is making me lose it#kinda wish we had more s1 storyboards#heck i wanna see the deleted scenes too#cos the ones we got were all s2 except for that one dreamscaperers one with the alt bill intro
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the way that irving and helly's body language INSTANTLY switched from conflict to comfort as soon as helena switched out was INSANE. he cradled her so fiercely AND SHE CLUNG BACK. irving knew he wasnt going to come back from that, but helly was worth more to him than his life was at that point. all she knows is that she's cold and wet and that irving was there, and of course irving wouldnt hurt her, so she embraces him back! anyway they love each other theyre family and i need to bite something
#im losing my goddamn mind#listen. irving is sucidal. helly is suicidal. both of them Get It#so i feel like he understands that helly would rather die along with helena than let her use her body against her friends#and the way that IN DOING THAT he kills himself. knowingly. he knows hes not going to recover from that#severance#severance spoilers
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That's how it went
#tma#the magnus archives#tma podcast#magpod#mag 160#tma spoilers#tma s4#tma season four#jonathan sims#elias bouchard#my stuff#thats all i could think of after hearing elias talk abt jon being an archive#all jokes aside it makes me so sad and crazy to think abt it#like theres a lot in tma about losing ones humanity#and jons choices surely contribute to him losing it as well#but for the most part its him being dehumanised by others#well mostly elias and his plans of creating an archive of fear#jon going from 'a person having a position (the head archivist)' -> 'a person being a position (the archivist)' and finally to 'a position#(an archive)#its just so sad#and the fact that it ties with him losing bodily autonomy and being viewed like an object instead of a person#im dead on the floor crying#okay im done sorry#tma shitpost
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#i feel like tge fact im apprehensive about posting this is kinda proving my point#the way everyone talks about both weight gain and weight loss is just horrendous#like idek if i could fit all i wanna say in here especially while im at work but#i so badly wish people could be normal about weight gain and talking about it#its like if youre not in some constant state of wanting to lose weight people want to kill you#god forbid you want to put on weight to feel more comfortable in your body outside of muscles and a butt#fatphobia is a given thats a whole other few paragraphs#im grateful i have mutuals and friends who are normal but ill have or hear these convos and go#ok i feel sick. why do i feel this way why do you feel that way.#anyways i think fatphobia is one of the worst things to ever happen
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when the. the. the 🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌
#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#traffic smp#trafficblr#impulsesv#i. ig im tagging the snails as their counterparts BAHSDHAHWHW#goodtimeswithscar#pearlescentmoon#mumbo jumbo#grian#bdoubleo100#isdoodles#losing my mind. the whole time i was drawing this i just keep going this is so stupid BHAHDJWAEAHHEA I LOVE THEM
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2/2
#“better late than never!” ahh post#this quote reminded me of ren's thought process during 2/2. its not supposed to reflect the canon dialogue. rather his internal monologue#had to adjust it a little to fit the context tho#anyway yea im clocking out happy shuake divorce day everyone#the fact that any reality where ren and akechi meet is always destined to end with akechi dying is so fucked up#persona 5 royal#persona 5#shuake#akeshu#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#lotus draws#something about akechi’s death always being a sacrifice…..its always so intriguing to me#like despite the fact that he embraces his identity as an assassin so thoroughly and even thinks virtue and righteousness is blithe#he still performs the most selfless act of all when he’s backed into a corner knowing he will lose#this could be read as a) he would rather go out on his own terms and die making a statement where he actively chooses to sacrifice his life#knowing that the enemy could never kill him in a way that matters bc he has never had an ounce of control his entire life#and for once at least he demands control over his death. if nothing else in his miserable life where everything was predetermined#OR b) deep down inside he still remembers the child he used to be who would idolize heroes and their justice#he may have been a villain his entire life but in that moment when he knows he’s doomed he’d rather let the “heroes” get the upper hand#by buying them time with his death. at least in one way he was able to live up the the childlike fantasy he so cherished#anyway yea auughh akechi….truly made to fuck me up
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yes i'm still thinking about the botw champions in 2024
#botw#breath of the wild#loz#legend of zelda#revali#urbosa#daruk#mipha#botw champions#art#fanart#illustration#comic#digtial art#digtial illustration#drawing#artwork#artists on tumblr#theartofmadeline#i cannot stop thinking about the sos signals. im losing my mind.#it's been years but it's eating away at my brain again.#god i love them....#cant stop thinking about the moment they all realized they weren't going to make it
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why does this literally look like that trope of immortals/reincarnations looking at depictions of themselves in museums though
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#maige's posts#philza#misstrixtin#mcyt#losing my mind those are literally their characters#ngl i completely thought that the hood on the angel was a sunhat im going feral#phistin
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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