kwpw-vent

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Started passing out at the dinner table :/

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I’m tired

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Felt very uncomfortable at church because I felt too feminine, but my friend referred to me as man and it made me relax a little

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The hair dysphoria be hitting today 😔

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Good luck with getting your permit!! You got this :D

Thank you! We actually didn’t get it today, since the wait would’ve been close to two hours, so we’ll try again next Friday :)

I did get to drive around in a mostly empty parking lot and had lots of fun learning

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About to go leave to get my permit ;-;👍

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I made myself a binder substitute and I should probably take it off- it’s been close to ten hours since I put it on 👍

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I'm not entirely sure how to help with your identity crisis, but I do understand it and I can say that you're not weird or there's nothing wrong with you. I think sometimes you just gotta sit back and let things figure themselves out. I know it may not be great advice, but I hope you can feel better soon. I love you :)

I am currently working through it, and I think I’m getting closer to a conclusion, so I appreciate that

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I feel so dissociated rn it’s crazy

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I feel weird and I hate it. Like I’m not me.

I feel like part of that is because I’m having an identity crisis right now, and I don’t know what I am. It’s mostly that I think. But I feel like I can’t choose, or like I don’t have a sound mind in the moment. I feel fuzzy in the head, and think to hard about it is making me panic and want to cry. I don’t know how to navigate this because it’s so hard.

I want to be a boy so badly, but I feel like I can’t. Because I don’t fit the normal traits of a transmasc person. I know that thinking that would be toxic masculinity, but I still can’t help but feel like I can’t call myself a boy even though I want to so badly. Maybe it’s me subconsciously trying to protect myself given the fact my family wouldn’t ever accept me, maybe it’s because I still like doing my makeup sometimes.

I’ve noticed that the nagging feelings of “wrongness” when it comes to wearing a dress or having long hair or my chest have grown more frequent, but I feel like I still cannot call myself a boy. I’m so confused right now and I hate it. Why can’t I just figure it out. Why can’t I be like those people who just know. How do people do this. Do I even enjoy “girly” things?! Do I want to be a girl?! Do I like being a girl?!

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I’m usually so good at not crying why am I crying so frequently now

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This type of shit makes me want to kill myself man

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Love how my dad immediately accepted my sister’s description of seasonal depression but when I began describing my depressive feelings, he immediately shot me down and said that there’s no way I’m depressed then proceeded to automatically assume I don’t want to hurt nor kill myself when we filled out a thing for my therapist 🥰

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Appetite for the rest of the day has been utterly ruined

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I hate that my dad says going to church is an expectation. Even when I feel like shit. I should be able to choose for myself, because it will ultimately push me away from the religion.

Dude I don’t want to have to mask now, I’m too tired for this

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I feel like it’d be really unfair to me if my dad forces me to go to church tonight when I don’t feel good and don’t think I’ll be able to handle being around a loud church but there’s a good chance he might.

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I hate going to my popi and nani's house ;-;