#I've talked with some friends about it and we can all agree that the man DEFINITELY had a thousand yard stare for the rest of the day

[diced-sugar]

Thoughts on Rei's route

A few nights ago me and my gf finally finished Rei's route, which means that we are halfway through Slow Damage (we finished Taku's the day after Christmas, what a treat!). I wanted to share my personal thoughts on the route and some critiques about it, especially Rei's main struggle.

This will cover a lot of spoilers for Rei's route, and maybe even some spoilers for the later routes, so please keep that in mind before reading.

Disclaimer: These are my own thoughts and opinions. You don't have to agree with any of what I say and there are many other perfectly valid interpretations, but I just wanted to get this out there. Rei's gender struggle is highly complex, and there are lots of different ways you can go about it, but this is just my own thoughts after having discussed with my gf.

Also, keep in mind that this will cover the events of Rei's route with the good ending. This will also not take into account the events of the drama CD. And to be explicit, I will be talking about the English localization of Slow Damage that was published by JAST. Even if it's different in the Japanese version (which I am genuinely interested to know about), this is how it is in the English version, so that’s what I’ll cover.

So with all that said, if you want to read what I have to say, then click on the read more and let's get into it! Rei is one of my favorite Slow Damage characters and perhaps my favorite of the love interests, so it's going to be a long talk session.

(Also, side note: the screenshots are like that because I took them on my phone. My gf was streaming Slow Damage to me on Discord.)

Introduction

I've always heard that Rei's route is controversial, but I really got to see why after finishing it. In short, it was a... bumpy ride. But overall, I thought it was pretty good. I felt that Rei's route was at its best when it wasn't focused on the gender struggle, which all things considered, is not good when that's possibly the biggest part of Rei's character. But the relationship between Towa and Rei--their tenderness, their love, the messy newness of their relationship--it was all exactly what I was looking for in Reitowa.

Not all of the critiques I have about it are in regards to Rei's gender struggle, actually. I'd also like to talk about a few thoughts I have about the stuff leading up to the route--not just in Kirihara's chapter, but in the opening parts of the game, parts of the game that are not supposed to be Rei-centric. So I'll begin by starting with this...

Rei's Violence

Rei is obviously the most feminine love interest in the game. He has the longest hair, wears the cutest clothes (sorry to all the other guys), has lots of piercings and jewelry, and if you look in the art book, he's wearing hot pink crocs in his clinic outfit, which is absolutely amazing. And to top it all off, both his hair and eyes are pink! Not saying that any of these features couldn't belong to a man, of course that's not the case at all, but these are all features associated with femininity.

Additionally, Rei's speaking patterns are also considered feminine. He uses acronyms such as FYI in his speech, uses words like 'like' and 'totally' a lot. Keep these speaking patterns in mind, because if you have gotten to the end of Rei's route, you know that they will be important for later.

However, contradictory (get it) to Rei's feminine impression, Rei is a very violent character. He is known to compete in Deathmatches alongside his three friends, and as stated by Inada in an Exploration during his route, Rei is also known as the strongest of the four (this will also be important for later). Later explained in his route, Rei also says that he gets a thrill from fighting and enjoys it, only feeling guilty about what he's done after killing someone in Moneymatch. But seeing as Deathmatches aren't fatal despite the name, he can let loose and have fun, enjoying the rush of the fight without having to carry the guilt after.

Kirihara's chapter also further displays Rei's violence. After all, the models are supposed to reflect something about the upcoming love interest, or at least have a relation to the love interest/Towa in some way that will reveal something about them (like Asakura revealing details of Taku's past and Ikuina showcasing how far Towa can go for a euphoric episode). Rei is targeted by Kirihara for many reasons, but among them is the fact that Rei is a strong fighter.

So if Rei is known as such a strong fighter, and has a love for violence, then why don't we really see much of that in the events leading up to Rei's route? I mean, at least in Taku's route, I doubt you would be able to accurately guess the importance it plays in Rei's route. Sure, you can say that Rei has a temper because he's always harping on Towa one way or another, but at least for me, I always interpreted this as playful. On a meta level, Rei also serves as a vessel for the player to call Towa out on his bullshit, for smoking and drinking way too much. In comparison, Taku for the most part just does whatever Towa wants.

Rei's jobs also don't reflect this very well. He works as a bartender and a part-timer at the clinic, both of which are far removed from the violence that Rei enjoys.

Towa also comments on this at one point, saying that Rei isn't the type of person you'd think would be involved in fighting; he never has any scars, and from his friendly and open personality, you'd never guess that he goes out and does Deathmatches at night. However, I think that this is a a bit of a cop-out in order to serve the dedication to a feminine aesthetic. Let me explain.

The cultural ideal of femininity is a smooth, beautiful woman. One without scars, even though scars are simply a healed wound on the body, and not representative of one gender or the other. In order for Rei to appear as the most feminine love interest in the game, this may be why they chose to not give him any scars.

Rei is a contradiction. That's his whole thing, and the title of his chapter and his painting. But I don't think it would go against the theme of contradiction at all to give Rei a few scars, even if only on his hands, to better ease the player into seeing the other, more violent sides of Rei. Despite his apparently peaceful nature, you would be able to see that there are sides of Rei hidden to you, behind the meaning of those scars.

It just seems like such a sudden jump from the opening chapter to getting into Rei's route, and building it up more would have made for a smoother story.

That also leads into another side of Rei: his body mods, which will also ease us into my thoughts about his gender struggle.

Body Modification

Another one of the big facets of Rei's character that ties into his big idea--the gender struggle--is his job as a body modification artist. I feel like this also sort of just is kind of thrust onto the player, and could have been built up to better, but ultimately I like it a lot. The conversation that Rei and Towa have with Igarashi about it at the Roost is a good enough way to properly introduce it. Igarashi also gets freaked out about how Rei gushes about how Towa turned himself into a work of art all on his own, which I enjoyed.

Rei's obsession with body modification stems from the fact that even though he feels like he can't change his own body, he can at least change others and make them happy. I do like how this lends to Rei's gender struggle and thought it was a very nice way for them to tie it all together. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Rei's gender struggle, but aside from that, I like this. It shows Rei's insecurities about his own body and shows his compassionate nature for others, which is sweet.

That's all what I have to say about the body modification... oh, well except for the fact that I think it's cute how dedicated Rei is and that he wants to travel not just all around Japan, but the world to meet with other artists and learn new things. It's a cute way for Rei to grow and shows that he still wants to make a difference, even if his gender struggle was "resolved".

With that in mind, now I want to delve a little more into Rei's gender struggle by bringing up what Rei had to say about Kirihara.

The Impact of Kirihara

The way that Kirihara impacts Rei's gender struggle to me is very interesting, because Kirihara didn't intend any of it at all. That guy cares about exactly one thing: emulating his and his brother's relationship, and all the pain that comes with it. (I wish that guy could be rehabilitated somehow, but we're playing Slow Damage, not Slow Rehabilitation.) The reason that he attacked Rei was because he was one of Kirihara's "favorites", not because he was feminine. However, it still made Rei feel that way, which is an interesting point.

Especially because of how Rei was targeted in the past for his femininity, it made him feel like Kirihara must have been doing the same exact thing. It's a nice way to tie the two together, and this dialogue provides some insight as to why Rei was so messed up after the attack. There's a scene where Towa is watching over him in the clinic where Rei's smoke briefly flashes red, which must have been hinting to the true feelings that Rei describes here.

(Also, I want to say that it was really cute and a great development towards their relationship that Towa protected Rei during the Kirihara fight by taking the attacks for himself. It's also a good character moment for Towa, since it shows us that he really cares about Rei and the people around him, even if he doesn't want to say it.)

But, to help bring up my main argument towards Rei's route, what I don't like about this is that Kirihara's attack is used to enforce the idea that Rei's true and more powerful self must reject femininity. While it is a realistic touch, since of course women are targeted for being perceived as weaker by men--and it would make sense for Rei to believe this--this idea is never challenged.

Instead, it contributes to the idea that Rei must reclaim himself by denouncing femininity as weak and fully accepting masculinity as strength. It's just an outdated idea, and one that is even challenged within the game since Rei's girl group is right there, and they're called some of the most powerful Deathmatch fighters.

Speaking of the girl group, let me touch on them and how they relate to Rei's gender struggle.

Rejection of Feminine Speech Patterns

Now let's bring back the rejection of Rei's way of speaking for a moment. During the end of Rei's route, he says that he wants to start talking more "like a man", and as such, he has to stop using all of his speech mannerisms that I talked about earlier and use more "manly" words like... well, "cool" seems to be the main one he uses in place of the other words.

Junko and Honami (and Arata, but they're a bit different from the rest of the group, and I didn't notice them speaking this way as much) also have these feminine speech patterns. I suppose Rei's rejection of these speech patterns just makes me wonder what the narrative is trying to say about the girl group too. Even though they are Rei's friends, and are very much shown as Rei's friends through their interactions, there seems to be a distance from them that Rei doesn't have with the men in his life.

During one of Rei's interrogations, Towa brings up that Rei feels like he can't fully trust his friend group, which is why he didn't tell them about his current situation. Additionally, Rei's friend group is one of the last people that Rei tells everything to (which is not a bad decision by any means; I actually like this a lot for drama in the story), and those three aren't invited directly by Towa or Rei to the final Moneymatch (also not a bad decision exactly). The point is that all of this creates distance between Rei and his friends, which ties into my feeling that Rei's rejection of the feminine speech patterns gives femininity an undertone of embarrassment.

One thing I will gladly give the game is that the narrative never insulted or treated Rei's friends as lesser. I really loved them, and I wish that they were incorporated more into the route, but the scenes that we got with them were amazing (I wish that Honami and Junko were allowed to beat up Rei's dad). Towa also never comments on this, but since I don't have another section for it, I also just want to mention that Junko has a habit of yelling when drunk, which I think is really cute.

But to go back to what I was saying, even though they are never treated as lesser, Rei's friends are left similar to what Rei began the route as: feminine, and not ashamed of it. I suppose you could say that this is the game's way of saying that it's alright to be feminine like the girl group, but as Rei is the focus character and we don't get to see an in-depth perspective as to what made the girl group the way they are, I don't really think so. Rei's route development pushes aside femininity and treats it as something that cannot belong in a person who was born as a man, as it says that keeping something around like that for your whole life is holding you back in some way; it's embarrassing.

Especially with the way Rei talks about changing his speech patterns, often going about correcting himself near the end of his route with a tone that suggests embarrassment about the way he speaks, it makes it feel like the narrative is saying that Rei's friend group is a bit embarrassing for staying the way that they are. Once again, I have to emphasize that when Rei's friend group is around, I never once felt this way, and it's never stated or even hinted towards that the girl group is embarrassing for staying as they are, which I really appreciate.

But that doesn't change what I found to be implied. I don't believe that this was an intentional message of the game, it's just a bit discomforting.

Before we move on, I do also have one more thing to say about Rei's relationship to the girl group (thank you very much to my gf for pointing this out). Though Rei's interactions with them are somewhat scarce, often times Arata seems to be the one that is closest to Rei. From what I saw, Rei seems to give Arata the most attention after they get attacked by Kirihara compared to Junko and Honami (though I believe this was also for brevity in the story, as Arata is the first to be targeted), and interactions between the two generally seem to be more abundant compared to Rei interactions with Junko and Honami. I find this interesting because even though Arata is also gnc (Towa's main takeaway from their appearance that he writes about in the croquis is 'androgynous'), they are the most androgynous, most masculine-leaning of the three. They are not dressed as flashily compared to Junko and Honami, and is also the quietest of the trio with feminine words mostly absent in their speech.

Even in this subtle way, distance from Rei and femininity is created, as Rei's strongest relationship, or most focused-on relationship in the group is with Arata.

Desire for Male Validation

Rei's ability to accept a new gender identity seems to hinge, at least a little, on male validation of that, whether good or bad. The bad being that Rei's father pushed him towards only showing femininity, and the good being Towa's wholehearted acceptance of whatever and whoever Rei wants to be.

As I'll elaborate more on in a later section, I think that Rei being put in a box of only being feminine is not good, just like Rei being put in a box of only being masculine isn't good either. Rei clearly has a desire to express both sides of the spectrum, which he should absolutely be allowed to do.

But it seems that although Rei did feel like a girl before his father yelled at him, having his father confirm that to him is what pushed Rei to feeling like he could only show femininity. Likewise, having Towa become closer to him during the events of the route and say that he accepts him is also, unintentionally, what pushes Rei towards rejecting femininity entirely. I also have another section covering this later, so hold your breath a little. But for now, the point is that Towa's acceptance of Rei is beautiful, yet unintentionally flawed for reasons out of Towa's control.

Towa is a crucial part of Rei's life, and also someone that Rei said he admires greatly. I mean, he clearly must if Rei stalked him for all those years. I really love that he's the one to come to Rei and help him with his gender identity. Towa says that he accepts Rei, all of Rei, and likes him for simply who he is. Femininity or masculinity doesn't matter to him with Rei. As long as he is Rei, he will love and care about him. These are all things that Rei doesn't realize, and having those things finally expressed is absolutely adorable.

But there were already plenty of people who were supporting Rei and accepting him wholeheartedly. Three whole people who accepted Rei just as he was, caring about him and trusting him intimately enough for the four of them to form a team in Deathmatch. Three whole people who I'd say were a lot closer to Rei than Towa was for the past few years.

In turn, a side effect of Towa being the one to come and help Rei be able to accept and express himself is that it seems Rei only feels like he can after Towa--a man--says that he can. It's another form of requiring male validation. I only really have a problem with this because it's not explored in regards to Rei's feelings of absolute masculinity. Of course, plenty of people in real life struggle with only being able to accept parts of themselves or do certain things because they need that male validation to do so--it's something that is engraved into a lot of people thanks to societal values.

It's not bad at all for Rei to need help. He expresses that he's an insecure person, and having that acceptance is also realistic to a lot of gender struggles. I really like that he needs help because it helps Rei and Towa connect, as well as Rei come more out of his shell and become a more confident person with a solid support system. But the downplayed importance of Rei's friend group in this process, as well as Rei leaving behind the femininity he once celebrated along with that group, just makes it feel... kind of sour.

Towa and Rei's relationship obviously needs to be prioritized because we're playing Rei route, so it also makes sense--and actually should be the case--that Towa is central to whatever Rei's problems are. It's just that considering how this development all plays out, culminating in Rei's complete rejection of femininity, I consider it troublesome that the narrative says Rei can only find peace through purely male means.

Sakaki's Poker Game and the Definition of a Real Man

Near the very end of Rei's route, Sakaki invites Towa to play a game of poker against him. The deal is this: if Sakaki wins, then Towa must follow a single order from him. But if Towa wins, then Sakaki will cancel the Izumi family's debt, ending Rei's struggle to win enough money through the Moneymatches to pay for the debt.

Of course, Towa is Towa and if you play your obvious cards right, then he will win. But at first, Sakaki is in the lead, which requires Towa to get under his skin and fluster him.

While in the lead, Sakaki taunts Towa. He tells him that a real man would rise up to the challenge with confidence, urging Towa to place down more chips. However, when Towa starts to worry him, and sends the taunt right back at him--Sakaki changes this definition, and states that a real man will step back and examine his situation before taking action. Additionally, this definition is actually what leads to Sakaki's defeat in the game. Another special thanks to my gf for pointing this out.

The wavering definition of what makes a man a real man ties back perfectly into Rei. Who's to say what makes a man a real man, if whatever a real man is always changing depending on the situation?

The idea of masculinity is constantly evolving and changing. Whatever is masculine one year, or even one day, might not be the next. What constitutes a real man is as uncertain as the basis of Rei’s gender struggles. Who’s to say that femininity isn’t what makes a real man? What’s more masculine: never backing down and charging forward no matter what, or taking inventory of the situation to decide? The answer, in itself, varies from situation to situation and personal belief.

It’s contradictory. It all is, and I wish that that was the overall message of Rei’s route rather than making it decidedly, undoubtably, that Rei must abandon his femininity to become a real man—what he calls his true self. What comprises being a real man or a real woman is inherently not solid. Gender roles shift and change, and perception of those roles do as well.

Because they’re always shifting, what I’m getting at is that I wish Rei’s route was a recognition of that. Rei doesn’t have to fit in a box. All he has to do is follow his heart and be Rei.

You could say that’s what Rei’s route is about. Rei doesn’t want to be feminine anymore, so he wants to be masculine, and he wants to be proud of it.

But that doesn’t shake the layers of misogyny and embarrassment regarding Rei’s past. It just feels inauthentic, and the message doesn’t sit well with me. Rei can’t just be Rei. Rei needs to become a real, masculine man, and that means leaving behind what Rei once took so much joy in: his speech patterns, his jewelry, his long hair.

Rei says that when he made friends with Arata, Junko, and Honami, he felt like he could finally be his true self. He could be as feminine as he wanted and finally, shamelessly, express his sexuality.

So what are we supposed to believe? What’s the real Rei? If you want to be feminine or masculine then find it’s not working for you, you can switch. There’s no shame. But clearly, Rei enjoyed these things. So why must he leave them all behind? Why must femininity not be part of the decidedly real Rei?

I’m just not satisfied with it, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It’s okay if Rei’s gender struggle is messy. It’s okay if Rei experiments—more than okay. I think it makes his character realistic. But I can’t help but feel that the message is just sad. If I had to sum it up, I would say that the message of Rei's route would be:

The True Self Equates Conformity

Now let's back it up a bit. Multiple times, Towa says that he doesn’t care how Rei acts. Feminine or masculine, he loves Rei. Even though he does call Rei's regular self naggy and annoying--Towa fully accepts Rei, no matter what. I don't have a screenshot for it, but Towa says that Rei's femininity is minor to him. Even though Towa is uncomfortable around women (which is because of his past with Euphoria and Maya), that doesn't matter at all when it comes to Rei. What he likes, even loves, the most is--simply--Rei's soul.

Rei also commits to accepting himself during his final interrogation. All of himself--the good, the bad, and the contradictions. However, this seems to be in direct opposition to the very message of Rei's route. In order to become his true self, as I've said many times before, Rei says that he must leave behind all traces of femininity in order to become masculine. In other words, he must conform to the standard idea of a man.

Which is strange, isn't it? After all, Rei is presented as gender non-conforming. A feminine man is seen as a contradiction in modern-day society, and for many, many years before that. And before all of this, Rei also has to say this about his life:

An important part of fulfillment for Rei, as we see from the entire point of his route, is finding fulfillment in his gender. Being fulfilled in his gender expression is what brings him happiness. So then, once again, what are we supposed to believe? Is Rei happier presenting more masculinely or femininely?

The answer to that can change at any time, and that would be a perfectly valid ending, I think. But what I'm getting at is the message of Rei's route is that he can only find true, real gender fulfillment in conforming to his birth gender and taking on the identity of a cisgender man for good, conforming to what society thinks an AMAB person ought to be.

It just doesn't sit right with me that the gender non-conforming love interest is, at the end, forced to conform. Rei is all about breaking free from his horrible past and challenging the status quo, and yet in the end, his gender struggle is resolved by deciding that he needs to give in to the status quo.

The narrative says that Rei is something to be fixed. Thinking about it, at first this writing decision perplexed me since feminine men are a lot more popular in the current day, but to my knowledge, there are no other NC love interests as dominantly feminine as Rei. And when you put in a struggle for gender on top of that, it's bound to turn out rough.

Headcanons and Rei's Relationship to Femininity

Anyway, all this to support the fact that I really like headcanons about Rei that allow him to be more than just purely masculine with no traces of his former self. My personal favorites are Rei as a trans woman, Rei as genderfluid or just using multiple pronouns, or even just Rei being a feminine man as we were canonically introduced to him.

Not to go too off the rails of just talking about what happened in the game, but in my personal opinion, all of these headcanons could still have been used to explore Rei's relationship to masculinity in an interesting way. After all, there is a lot of interesting dialogue about Rei's relationship to femininity.

A huge part of the reason why Rei has a strong connection to femininity, which is stated many times, is because he realized that he was gay. However, I think it's important to note that the turning point of Rei thinking of himself as a girl was not when his father yelled at him, but it was a natural feeling that he had when he was younger. Yes, it was influenced by his mother and the people around him, but it was an identity that Rei embraced and was proud of.

The way that it's phrased in-game makes it sound like Rei thinks it's something to be ashamed of in the current day, but this is already at the point where Rei has decided that he wants to become a real man, so it makes sense as to why he would phrase it that way.

I would say that with this, in my opinion Rei's femininity represents comfort and safety to him. It also has strong ties to his sexuality and ability to express himself, as well as to live a more fulfilling life away from his father. I mean, that's why Rei was able to find the girl squad, after all. To put it into one sentence: even though the narrative ties femininity to weakness, for Rei, femininity is also salvation.

It's for the above reasons that I just can't detach Rei's femininity from him, and why I like the idea of him being any of the identities that I mentioned. Maybe Rei might find that she wants to express more masculine sides of herself, even if it's for reasons such as wanting to be perceived as more powerful after the Kirihara incident. Or, I also like the idea that maybe Rei, after noticing that Towa is seemingly exclusively into men, tries to act more masculinely as well to get his attention. Just ideas, but I think they would all lead into interesting discussions and stories if handled properly.

I also find it interesting that Rei says that he wasn't comfortable with suppressing his masculinity. Clearly, Rei has (or had) a desire to express himself as masculine while also having ties to femininity. (Though, I also have to ask. Wasn't Rei already expressing both sides of the spectrum before? I mean, yeah, he's feminine-presenting most of the time, but I'd say he still has a masculine charm to him. Plus, he does other things culturally associated with masculinity, like riding a motorcycle and doing Deathmatches. I get it if he wants to incorporate that more into his gender presentation, but the way that it's phrased, it makes it seem like he was purely feminine.)

I think this just reinforces my point that Rei doesn't want to be (and shouldn't have to be) trapped in a box, yet that's exactly what the story does to him. The way that Rei also equates masculinity to power, talking about how his manly side came out when he fought, ties back to the part about Kirihara.

Perhaps because of Rei's apparent need for male validation, he finds that he can give himself that male validation by becoming a "real man". That would certainly explain why the narrative says that Rei can only find peace through masculinity, and would explain why Rei says this, but simultaneously ends up rejecting all femininity:

So, that's all I think I had to say about Rei's gender struggle. Femininity and masculinity, in tandem, serve as Rei's salvation; in turn, I find it sad that Rei isn't allowed to have both in his life, and that we just have to stop and accept that full masculinity is the final destination for Rei. After all, as he says in the final scene of his route, which I have as the sort of cover image for this post: "Let's forget about the past and enjoy our happy future together."

Other Facets of the New Rei

Of course, not all of the "new Rei" is bad in my opinion. Rei genuinely grows in a certainly positive manner, and I think that this is best illustrated through his relationship to his father.

Rei's feelings about his father are complicated. Even though he despises him because his father shut him out when he came out as gay, and in the present day his father uses him to pay off the debt through intensely dangerous Moneymatches (it's a bit more complicated than that; it was Sakaki's idea for Rei to participate in the Moneymatches lest Rei's father be put back to work as a human trafficker, but Rei's father still uses him), Rei still feels the tiniest urge to help him out. In combination with that, Rei repeatedly lambasts his father and feels as though his father deeply traumatized him, and is the root of his insecurities. Rei himself says it best:

I thought that this was a very inspiring and amazing part of Rei's character. Despite everything, he's going to take control of his own life. He refuses to let the trauma that his father inflicted on him torment him forever. And who is it that Rei hears during this fight to take back his life? Of course, it's Towa, who has always accepted him just as he is.

(Personally, I also like to think that Rei did hear Junko, Honami, Arata, and Taku calling out to him, even though Towa says it's unclear if he could hear them or not.)

I literally started clapping when this was happening. One thing you have to know about me is that I'm literally the type of person that stands up clapping when something good in a movie happens.

Isn't it a stereotype that white people will clap for anything? Well, I'm white and I'm the living embodiment of that stereotype. The final Moneymatch was peak is what I'm saying.

But, that all culminates in Rei's father also calling out for him. Seeing his son almost die at the hands of the Moneymatch Crusher (that's what he's called in-game), he realizes that his son isn't just doing "martial arts stuff" and is at a very real risk of death. This is all his fault, and now he knows it. So yay, we also hopefully broke that gambling addiction, which means no more risk of debt for Rei!

After the match, and after Rei gets better, him and his father also talk. From what I'd heard, I was under the impression that Rei was going to forgive his father, but I was pleasantly surprised to find the opposite. Even though Rei didn't forgive his father and still wants essentially nothing to do with him, he doesn't feel the intense hatred that he held for him before. Which is a good thing. It's a heavy burden to carry that kind of hatred around with you, and now Rei is able to move on from his father too, and live peacefully. That was a very nice conclusion to that plot, I felt.

Now, before we get into the conclusion, there's one more topic I want to cover:

Rei Was Doomed From the Start

In the end, Rei was always going to be doomed. A character in a yaoi game with a gender struggle will always turn out to be, without a doubt, a man. Because that's the essential idea of the genre. It's two men together, so of course that's what you're going to get. For NC, we haven't reached the day where we will even see a canonically trans man be one of the love interests, so this was really them dipping their toes in the figurative pool of gender dysphoria. Overall, I do think Rei's route turned out pretty good, but at least for me, I find it pretty hard to get over the rough writing of his gender struggle.

Even still, I can't help but feel that Rei's route is a sort of slap in the face to all the people that liked him, and wanted to do his route, because of his femininity. The Rei you get at the end of the route is a different person compared to the Rei that you begin with and see in all the other routes. And even if we were to disregard everything that I just talked about in this post, on a base level I think it doesn't work because a lot of the parts of Rei's character just kind of... come at you. Rei doesn't really change in regards to gender identity in Kirihara's route, and doesn't really change with that even in his route until you're a few hours to the end. Because of that, the developments feel rather sudden and confusing.

Of course, the point of a character route is that they're going to change. By the end of Taku's route, you come out of it with him fighting back against Toono and standing up for himself (in the good ending at least). But all of the base parts of Taku that would entice the player to him are still there. He's still Takuma Murase, the silly old man doctor, just now having discovered his sexuality with Towa and gaining necessary confidence to overcome his struggles. It’s a wholeheartedly positive development that provides Taku with freedom.

But Rei is initially presented to the player as kind, sweet, generous, a little dramatic, confident and a willingness to fight for what he holds dear, and most importantly, feminine. And in the end, you get a totally different Rei, one who wants to dedicate himself to leaving all of that in the past. On the side, you have the transformation of an insecure character to a confident one too, but the problem with this is that Rei's gender struggle treats like there was something wrong with his gender presentation before, and that it needs to be fixed, which is why that aspect of his character development doesn't work for me.

Ah well. I still adore Rei and I feel a lot better that I got my thoughts out. I also feel better seeing that a lot of people still draw feminine Rei and that there was such a backlash to that buzzcut. Rei, you will always be my queen.

Side note to shove in at the end, these cream puffs look fucking delicious. All the food in Slow Damage looks so damn good. Where can I get some Purr Purr Cream Puffs?

So, that's all for now. Thanks for reading if you got this far, and remember that I am just a person on the internet. This sort of turned out to be a character analysis of Rei with some thoughts about his route thrown in there, but in the end I think there's a lot of ways you could go about it. I find Rei to be intricately complex, and honestly, for the latter part of chapter 3 you could go line-by-line and write whole paragraphs of analysis about them. There are definitely things I didn't cover here either, but these are just my overall thoughts about the route.

And with all that said, have a nice day! :D

[rustedleopard]

The events of UTY's Pacifist Route have to be INSANE from Dalv's perspective.

While everybody else in the cast are fighting for their lives and secrets are being uncovered and people are finding out that the people we love/idolized weren't who we thought them to be and there's shocks and betrayals and Clover is at risk of being murdered and put into the "innocent human SOUL meat grinder" to pump out the monster equivalent of a super soldier serum, Dalv is moving into his house and fretting over if he'll have enough corn to last him the week.

...How do you think he found out that one of his first friends that he'd made in a while died? And not just to some random battle or something, they chose to sacrifice themself.

...Do you think everyone clued him into what happened to Clover after they left the Ruins? Including the super serum plot???

...How do you think he'd take knowing that his Corn Friend--the person that he looked up to/who helped him when he was depressed and paranoid--was the same guy that was responsible for the death of Integrity (the human that terrified Dalv into hiding), experimented on their SOUL and died from those experiments, and then put his wife to the task of murdering the next kind-hearted human who fell into the Underground, which just so happened to be the same kid that convinced him to leave the Ruins and reintegrate into society and explore his passions?

[harrysfolklore]

lando norris being down bad for his girlfriend: a compilation

summary: lando norris can’t help but talk about his girlfriend whenever he cans, fans make compilation videos about it

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

Lando Norris could be described as someone who's not scared of saying whatever crossed his mind.

And that's why he never, ever, missed the opportunity to talk about his girlfriend whenever he had the chance.

He mentioned her during interviews, press conferences, social media post and even fan interactions. To the point where fans started making compilation videos with all the moments he publicly obsessed over his girlfriend.

The most popular one gathered millions of views on YouTube, showing multiple occasions Lando couldn't help but be down bad for her.

The video started with a clip from Q&A with fans, someone asked him about his favorite way to relax after a race. Without missing a beat, Lando replied, "Cuddling up with my girlfriend, of course. Nothing beats that."

"You're really whipped man, It's embarrassing," Oscar, his teammate, teased beside him, making the audience laugh.

"It's not, really." Lando shrugged proudly.

The next clip was taken from McLaren's Tiktok account, their content creator tried to do the "Can you watch my ___ for a second" prank on Lando.

"Oh my girlfriend already did this prank to me," Lando said, laughing at the camera, "Baby, If you're watching this, I miss you. Your pranks are way better than McLaren's"

The video moved to show Lando during a post-qualifying interview, his suit hanging by his waist and his fireproofs showing, when asked about his strategy for the race, he cheekily replied, "Well, first I'm going to call my girlfriend for some good luck wishes. Then, I'll focus on getting to the front."

"Zak Brown should hire your girlfriend as your strategist then," the interviewer joked.

"That would be great but I don't think we would be getting any job done. You know what they say about mixing business with pleasure."

The next clip showed Lando with his friend and fellow driver Max Fewtrell, playing a trivia game about how well did they knew each other. Max had to answer what was Lando's worst habit.

"I'm going to say leaving dirty plates around the house," he said, showing his board, "You do mate, admit it."

"My girlfriend would agree on that," he admitted, "She's always complaining about it."

"I don't know how she's still living with you."

"Because she loves me, and I would die if she leaves me."

On the same note, a video of Oscar teasing Lando followed right after.

"Who's most likely to snore?" Lando read the question, and Oscar quickly put ut the cutout with Lando's face, "How are you so sure? You didn't even hesitate."

"Mate, I've heard you, plus your girlfriend literally complained about not being able to sleep properly last night because you kept snoring."

"I did keep her up last night, but it wasn't just because of the snoring," Lando said, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Put the not safe for work disclaimer at the beginning of this video please."

The next segment was from Lando's own Youtube channel, he was doing a little vlog in Miami before the race weekend.

"Hi everyone," he said, filming himself in the mirror with his camera, "Today I'm back with another LandoLog, I'm going to be filming some behind the scenes of this Miami weekend, so without further ado, let's go," he moved the camera around, focusing on his girlfriend who was putting some mascara on her eyelashes, "Here's my beautiful girl, who takes ages to get ready. Say hi baby."

"Hi everyone," his girlfriend waved, laughing, "I'm not taking ages, I'm just making sure I look good."

"You always look good for me," Lando said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning the camera back to himself, "See, I told you she's the best."

The next clip showed Lando and Oscar together once again, this time they were giving a tour around the McLaren hub.

"This is my driver's room," Lando said as he opened the door, "It's cleaner than Oscar's, clearly, and looks like I have a bed."

Lando moved to put together the small bed that was behind the door, "This is an upgrade from last year, we didn't have this. I'll be definitely giving it some good use, to nap or with my girlfriend."

"Can we have a video where you're not a horndog please?" Oscar said, putting his hands on his hips.

"You're the horndog, I never said what we were going to use it for, we're just going to cuddle."

The video moved to show one of Lando's post race interviews after winning the Miami GP, he had been asked ho would be the most excited person about this win besides him.

"My girlfriend, definitely. I couldn't have done it without her," Lando said, his voice filled with emotion, "She's been my biggest supporter, my inspiration, and my motivation. This win is as much hers as it is mine."

The video then cut to a scene from Lando's gaming stream with Max Verstappen. The two drivers were deep into a game of Call of Duty, their banter and laughter filling the screen. Lando was focused, his eyes glued to the monitor as he coordinated with Max.

Just then, Lando's phone buzzed on the table beside him. He glanced at the screen and his expression softened, the comment section noticing, "Hey, mate, I need to go. My girl needs me for something," he said, setting down his controller.

"Lando! Are you serious right now?" Max said, his eyes still glued to the screen.

"I am, see ya," he turned to the camera, smiling not so apologetically "Sorry, guys, duty calls. See you next time."

The last scene was a snippet from an interview, Lando had been asked what he saw in his future.

He paused, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Honestly? I see a lot of racing, hopefully some championships," he laughed, "but most importantly, I see her. I can't imagine my life without her."

The screen faded to black, showing a text that read: Get you a man who is as down for you as Lando Norris is for his girlfriend.

[mclacedes]

sweet like candy (LN4 SMAU)

summary: in which Lando is a complete simp over singer Y/N L/N

warnings: a little bit of hate, cursing, suggestive content

pairing: lando norris × singer!reader

face claim: sabrina carpenter / morgan riddle

✧ next up

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ENJOY. 　⁺ 　 . ✦

ynln

📍 literally everywhere

❤️ by ybffname, ysistername, ynfan1 and more

ynln: la dolce vita or whatever they say

click here to open comment section

ynfan2: woman how DARE YOU being this aesthetic????

ynfan3: i love you please marry me

ynhater1: omg can you stop begging for attention

ybffname: love the vibes and all, but when are you gonna stop traveling around and come back home huh?

ynln: i'd say about never but we'll see how things go 🥰

ynfan4: jesus christ woman where AREN'T YOU

ynfan7: okay but have you thought about stopping at a F1 race or something

ynln: tell me more about it 💭

ynfan5: london, italy, paris... GIRL OMG

ynhater2: i don't think you should flaunt like this when there's literally people starving

ynfan6: literally dream life

ysistername: cute but can i have my hair clip back? THANK YOU!

load more

landonorris

🎶 Thinking Bout You - Frank Ocean

❤️ by ybffname, ymother, landofan6 and more

landonorris: they do say la dolce vita :) but whatever right?

click here to open comment section

landofan1: hot.

landofan2: i do have a lot to say but i have some decency

maxfewtrell: i think your shirt's a bit unbuttoned mate

landonorris: thanks mate! hadn't noticed

ynfan7: am i dreaming or that caption...

ynfan4: girl the caption, the song, those pictures... it's all for her

landofan3: what?

ynfan4: check out y/n l/n's latest post

landofan5: HOLY FUCK

landofan5: don't judge him for making it about her,if i were him i'd do the EXACT same

ynln: thanks for letting me know :)

landonorris: you should stop by a race, maybe i could tell you a thing or two about italian :)

maxfewtrell: mate, they still have DMs :)

A WEEK LATER

ynupdates:

ynupdates: Us too, Lando! During his friend Max Fewtrell's Twitch stream, Formula 1 driver Lando Norris admitted to having a crush on Y/N L/N, as transcribed below:

Lando: “If I like Y/N? Yes, absolutely! There is no reality in which I don't listen to her songs or that I'm not a big fan of hers.”

Max: “'Fan'? Mate, drop it, we all know how you're a complete simp over the woman.”

Lando: “What?”

Max: “Be for fucking real, now! We know it. You've talked about her, not once, not twice, we lost count! Can't keep track of it anymore. You're down bad."

Lando: “Shut up, you bastard. But I will admit, I think she's cute.”

click here to open comment section

ynfan7: IT'S HAPPENING GUYS

landofan5: god knows how much i've waited

ynfan8: ok but where has lando talked about yn multiple times??

landofan9: he once brought her up during a video with oscar (his teammate) for mclaren, saying her songs are huge part of his pre race routine

landofan10: or when he sang her song "God is a Woman" on live

landofan11: or when he literally posted one of her songs on his stories

landofan12: or when he said she's his favorite singer

ynfan8: i agree with max tbh

TWO WEEKS LATER

y/n via instagram stories.

ynupdates

ynupdates: NOBODY MOVES!

Y/n L/n was seen on the McLaren garage ahead of the Dutch Grand Prix weekend - today, it's qualifying! Go papaya!

(let's try not to clown but just so everybody is properly informed, Lando is a McLaren driver.....)

click here to open comment section

ynhater3: ofc she's gon cling to a man for relevancy... typical yn

ynfan7: pls go suck a dick

landofan7: OK OK OK IM SO OK WITH THIS

ynfan9: OMG OKG OM WJAT

ynfan11: that's literally momma and papa

landofan10: she's literally there for him wtf 😭

ynfan15: im not fraekingnout AT ALL

mclaren:

❤️ liked by ynln, landofan6, landonorris and more

mclaren: Having set the fastest time in Q3, Lando grabs pole position! Tomorrow, we go racing!

click here to open comment section

landofan17: OMG SHE LIKED IT YALL

landofan18: can we focus on the racing for a bit?

landofan5: my prayers didn't go unnoticed... good to know!

landofan19: soft launch i fear?

[logansdoll]

Heyyy. Ok really cheesy but I’d like to request a Logan x reader friends to lovers where it’s like an accidental confession. Maybe someone makes fun of the reader and Logan without thinking about it just starts yelling and defending why the reader is great and everything he loves about her? Ik it’s a little OOC but maybe he gets so mad (as Wolverine does) that he gets all mushy without realizing lol. Thanks ❤️❤️

lotus

while on library duty, Logan overhears two girls talking shit about you... and corrects it quickly.

CW: sorry i went in a little different direction, suggestive, profanity, takes place during the timeline of the og X-Men, these girls are bitches, etc.

"I just don't get what's the big deal about her," Maya scoffed, resting her cheek in her palm as she thoughtlessly flipped through her biology textbook.

Talia nodded, glancing up from her notes with an excitement that screamed nothing to do.

"No, seriously," she agreed. "Like we get it... you can grow shit. Big deal."

That piqued Logan's interest.

With Jean and Scott off on a date, the professor away, and you and Ororo teaching a joint class, he was slapped with library duty—watching the kids during their scheduled study period.

Now, originally, he planned on simply plopping himself down in a corner and puffing his cigar, hoping to fall asleep and just ride out his sentence.

And he was halfway there, too.

But just as he was about to catch some Zs, his hearing picked up on a conversation between two older girls who seemed to be trash talking his girlfriend.

"Word," Maya turned the next page, a grimace settling on her face when she noticed the image of a flower.

One you were very vocal about liking.

"She won't shut up about these stupid lotus flowers either... Hey! Did you guys know that the lotus is considered sacred in many Eastern cultures? And it often symbolizes purity, beauty, and rebirth!"

Talia let out an obnoxious snicker, the impression not nearly as funny as what she was making it to be.

But maybe she just hated you that much...

"You sound just like her," she commended, very much amused. "Only she's always smiling. Like I've never seen her frown before... it's almost creepy."

"Seriously creepy. But Peter can't get enough of it... you know he has a crush on her, right?"

"Seriously?!"

Logan let out a quiet chuckle, tickled by the news.

He'd caught the boy staring at you during a few Danger Room sessions, but didn't think much of it, assuming he'd just caught him while he happened to be looking in your direction.

Oh, how wrong he was...

He couldn't wait to tell you later tonight.

"Mhmm. Half the boys at school nearly fall over themselves to make sure they're not late to her class... It's almost funny."

"Funny, my ass. Why'd it have to be Peter?" Talia huffed, tossing her pencil at the textbook in frustration. "She's not even that pretty. I've had dogs that look better than her."

Maya attempted to muffle a snicker, but Logan heard it loud and clear, his brows furrowing at the horrible comment.

"I'm serious. She puts up this whole nice and innocent act, but I bet she's a raging bitch behind closed doors."

That was it.

All the stuff before was just normal, teenage jealousy; something he'd—albeit reluctantly—let slide.

But calling you out of your name?

Insulting your character?

Comparing you to a dog?

A line had to be drawn.

"Tali, you can't say that," Maya chuckled, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

"Like I care," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I'd tell it to her face if I ever got the chance. Just walk right up to her and say—"

"Say what?"

The girls nearly jumped out their skin, whipping around, only to be met by Logan's arched brow, the man leaning up against a bookshelf as he puffed on his cigar.

They were at a loss for words, unable to say anything under his imposing presence.

"Don't get shy now," he goaded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Go on. Tell me what you're gonna say to Dr. (l/n)."

The two were practically frozen, frantically glancing at each other for assistance, Logan's eyes flicking between the two expectantly.

"Nothing?" he hummed. "That's funny... 'cause you both seemed to have plenty of shit to say earlier."

Both their faces fell almost instantly, the color practically draining from Talia.

"You heard that?" Maya squeaked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Every word," Logan nodded. "And what I managed to gather from it was that you both just can't stand her because she's kind, passionate, pretty, and beloved."

He listed each trait off on his fingers, glancing at the two for confirmation.

"How's that? Am I in the ballpark?"

They remained silent, hanging their heads in embarrassment as Logan's confrontation had garnered the attention of the whole library.

"Well, then, how's this..." he pulled the cigar out his mouth. "I'll let you both off this time with a warning... but if I catch either of you trash talkin' anybody again, teacher or student, you're grounded."

"'Til when?" Talia asked, nervously.

"'Til I tell you you're not."

The end of day bell punctuated his statement, a flourish of shutting books and closing pencil cases muffling the girls' sighs of relief.

"Now get outta here."

He had never seen two students pack up so fast.

They were gone in T-minus ten, and once the library was cleared out, Logan allowed himself to sit down, letting out his own sigh.

He could've tore into them infinitely worse—and he honestly wanted to for that dog comment—but he figured that was the right, and legal, amount for a teacher.

But even still...

'I dunno how a girl who can only float two inches off the ground is talkin' about (n/n) havin' a shitty power...'

[alchemistc]

There's been something about the woobification of Buck that's been sitting on the tip of my tongue for weeks now, and I think I've finally figured it out.

This is, of course, mostly in reference to the moral outrage about a decade-ish (give or take) age gap between two adult men and the infantalization of one said grown man, so all the puritanism isn't really coming from a place of good faith anyway, but here's the thing that's been bugging me that I couldn't quite put a finger on until now.

Buck has people he goes to for certain things. He has, what are in his mind, experts in the field for most of the things he can't think through on his own, that he goes to for a sounding board.

He went to Hen to talk through the sperm donor dilemma for a few reasons that made sense to him. 1) She's a mom. She has very much had to deal with the reality of 'giving up' children she considered her own. Buck is aware that he would be giving up something that could mean something to him, and he wants to talk to someone who has some insight into that. 2) She's dealt with IVF. She knows the risks, she knows the trials and tribulations, she knows about this thing that he is thinking about agreeing to be a part of so she's going to have a fuller grasp on the enormity of everything this process entails.

And they drink about it. Hen gives him what she can and cautions him where she thinks she should and they continue to talk about it and regardless of what SHE thinks, he makes his mind up in part because he got to talk to his Expert.

Bobby is often his go to when he feels like he's losing his grip on things. He's seen Bobby staring down the bottom of the bottle. He's seen the work he's done to pull himself back into the world, and he's seen the way he fights for his family, his people. Buck leans on him in times of questioning himself because he knows Bobby has pulled himself off the ledge with bleeding hands and a bleeding heart.

He reaches out to Maddie about interpersonal shit constantly. We see it all the way back in S2 when he's starting to question what the hell he's still doing in Abby's apartment, and that never really changes. She's the one with advice for him when he's angry with his parents, upset with the firefam, worried about his friends, or just generally concerned with the way he's perceived by people or how he perceives the world. He goes to her when he's embarrassed, ashamed, because he knows she won't judge him for it. She'll call him out, for sure, but she's not going to look at him differently when she knows he's done something he considers bad behavior.

When he goes to her during the Tommy arc, he's there for one reason he'll admit, and another she has to ferret out. 1) He lied to his best friend and he doesn't know why. 2) Oh yeah he went on a date with a dude that's not strange WHY IS THAT STRANGE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ALLY PLEASE DON'T PULL BACK THE CURTAIN - and Maddie is there with two things: 1) It's not weird but it IS new and something you clearly haven't worked through all the way which is why 2) you'll tell Eddie when you're ready

And Eddie is sort of his go-to to bounce ideas off of. Eddie is his Buck expert. Eddie is the guy who can sort through all the bullshit and who sees Buck for exactly who he is, every time, regardless of what Buck himself is thinking. Eddie is his best friend, and he knows the good the bad and the ugly better than anyone else. He is also, quite frankly, the one Buck seeks out to help him contextualize all of his romantic feelings for people. Eddie's the guy he talks to when he's interested in someone, when he's falling for someone, he's the guy through which Buck filters his love interests into the firefam. I do the same shit with my best friend. It's instinct to want the person you consider the expert on you to meet the person you are interested in, it's instinct to want them to like each other, to get along. Buck knows Eddie loves him (in whatever way you see that love, Buck knows Eddie loves him) and he wants this person who loves him to be at least an active listener as he talks himself through the minefield of relationships. I do also think that up until the events of season seven, Buck considers Eddie sort of an expert on that traditional love-marriage-kids-white-picket-fence relationship Buck thinks he's striving for - in a very naive way, because obviously the wasn't what Eddie and Shannon had and Buck knows that, but he's probably fed some of Eddie's rose colored reminiscences back into that notion.

When he comes out to Eddie he's got two worries. 1) I lied to you and I figured out why but I'm still a little worried you think it's weird and 2) I screwed it up with someone I really like and I don't know where to go from here.

And Eddie (Buck expert) reassures him that just because it's new and unexpected doesn't make it strange, that it doesn't change anything in their friendship. And then he gets right to the heart of it - if you like him you should reach out and tell him that. He doesn't know you like we do but if you give him the chance to, he'll love you as much as we do. If he doesn't give it the same shot you want to he's the idiot.

With all that context in mind, Buck isn't seeking out Tommy's attention because he wants an authority figure, or someone to take care of him, someone to guide him through sex or love or relationship dynamics or any of the other random shit I've seen ppl infantalizing Buck about.

What he's looking for, and what he ultimately tells Tommy he'd like to pursue, is a partnership. Someone to walk (or more likely for Buck, speedrun) through experiences together. The Athena to his Bobby, the Chim to his Maddie, the Karen to his Hen.

So every time I see someone infantalizing Buck for seeking out a relationship with an older man for X or Y reason, I'm just like - no. He has Bobby, Hen, Maddie, Eddie, Chim etc for that. He doesn't want or need Tommy for that. He is a grown ass man who has built these strong relationships with his peers and his mentors and he is so fucking aware of that because he reaches for their help any time he feels the urge for a helping hand.

So yeah, Tommy's older. Yes, Tommy has more experience with his sexuality than Buck. And that - that's really it. Buck's been in the same career for more than half a decade. He's lived on his own since he was no older than 19/20. He's had serious relationships, he has a rich and fulfilling life. There is no power imbalance in the relationship between Buck and Tommy.

And while the age gap may be a bit of a draw for Buck, it's not WHY he's attracted to Tommy. We know because he's told Maddie. He's cool. He's interesting. He's confident. He has a cleft.

Buck isn't going into this waiting for someone older and more experienced to take the fucking reins. He felt like he clicked with Tommy, like there was an immediate connection, and yes, Tommy had to kiss him about it for Buck to actually figure out what it was he was experiencing, but from that point on it was all on Buck (and the people he leans on for advice) to help him sort through.

Tommy didn't do shit other than pump the brakes and try to give Buck the space he thought he needed to decide what he was ready for. Buck (again, with the help of his experts - Maddie for the emotional piece of it, Eddie for the Buck of it all) did the work on his own. Tommy didn't swoop in and overbearingly hold his hand through a sexual awakening. He kissed him, asked him out, realized he wasn't ready, stepped back and then checked in multiple times when Buck came back at it going 120 miles an hour.

And then he did everything he could to prove to Buck he wanted the same thing - a partner, someone to talk to, and lean on, and flirt with and rely on to show up whenever they could feasibly manage it (and sometimes when it's a little unfeasible too).

The narrative even acknowledges that Buck had no reason to go to Bobby in this scenario, when he often would, and lays out exactly why.

Within the canon of this particular arc, we're meant to see this as Buck realizing he has the experience necessary to think these things through on his own. This is Buck finally taking control of something that's always felt like it fell into his lap a bit. This is Buck doing more than treading water until his legs give out.

And minimizing that growth bc you personally don't like the LI he's pursuing is gross at best. At worst it's something much more insidious.

[melrosing]

why did martin made cersei evil from the beginning? tyrion and jaime are very fucked up but they still have some kindness and empathy in them. at age 7 she was torturing baby tyrion by pulling on his genitals and threatening the wet nurse her tongue would be cut out. she killed her friend at age 10. having all these negative traits baked in from the beginning makes her more flat for me. plus martin made her stupid and mockable. she has zero self awareness. she is dishonest with herself. even d&d had more respect for her. do you think cersei is a sociopath? i think martin doesn't like her. do you agree with me?

ok you pose several arguments here but I will try and reply as entirely as I can.

why did martin made cersei evil from the beginning?

I've questioned this choice sometimes but I don't think it was necessarily the wrong one?? the scene with baby Tyrion is to me a deeply disturbing but still very interesting one that says a lot about Cersei, her relationship with Tywin, and the greater part she's played in shaping her relationship with Tyrion.

here, she has obviously very quickly absorbed Tywin's 'the baby killed Joanna' narrative, and is punishing Tyrion in a manner that's like. both childish and horribly violent at once, like she doesn't fully understand how violence is usually applied (pinching is a really childish form of violence in my mind), but she knows how to make it hurt.

then there's also the fact that perhaps Tyrion now represents a rival to second place - her status over him is that she's able-bodied, but his over her is his sex. maybe Cersei has some vague understanding of this at seven, and that's another part of why she hurts Tyrion is this extremely particular way.

and also like. Tywin is ultimately a man of extreme violence, and Cersei has always been listening at the door trying to learn from him. it makes sense that she'd be trying to apply his teachings where she sees fit, and that this would result in disturbed behaviour like what she does to Tyrion. I think it's also interesting that we can distinguish this from what Joffrey does to the cat, for example. there's a kind of obliviousness to that act of violence in Joffrey's early childhood (making more the case for nature over nurture, though nurture plays its part). Cersei's childhood violence is a lot more intentional: it feels like she's trying to exercise power of her own, and that is very much fitting with adult Cersei's story.

however, I think Cersei herself identifies the Melara incident as something of an outlier in her childhood. I don't say this to suggest that Cersei was not a very violent child, but that she didn't do it out of pure evil. I think the key factor driving Cersei to do what she does to Melara is a fear for her own mortality - Melara points out that if noone talks of Maggy's prophecy, it needn't be true, and so Cersei kills the only other person who knows of it (besides Maggy). I do think spite towards Melara for yearning for Jaime factored insofar as this helps Cersei build just enough spite towards Melara that she's able to do what she does, but it is primarily an act of self-preservation, I think. I think many evil acts of Cersei's are self-preservation, though taken way past the line of what's justifiable to that end.

and ofc, Cersei as an adult feels some level of guilt about what she did to Melara. it does fuck with her a bit. I think the main reason is that Melara was a friend and confidante for a time, someone who she could have held close but instead cast out (same as how she briefly reflects on Sansa and how she might have done better by her). so..... again, it does come down to self-preservation in the end, but I don't think Cersei was a two-dimensional evil kid. you can find the sense in her reasoning, which is pretty absent in what Joffrey does to the cat.

tyrion and jaime are very fucked up but they still have some kindness and empathy in them.

i personally find the cersei/her brothers dichotomies kind of frustrating cos like. not every character needs the traits of empathy and kindness. Cersei is not the only character in ASOIAF who lacks these traits. Littlefinger, Euron, Roose, Ramsay, Tywin himself, etc, all lack these traits, and yet are not afforded anything close to complexity Cersei is. she is the only POV character among these villains. and whilst I do think that the whiplash between Cersei's occasionally-played-for-laughs foolishness and her sexual trauma is sometimes verging on ill-judged, fandom should take more accountability for the extent to which they relegate Cersei to dark comic relief. she was not written as this.

and as I've said before, whilst I do think it's notable that Cersei is our primary female villain yet written as often foolish and ridiculed as such, yet male villains comparably tend to be much savvier, it still makes sense that Cersei would lack these smarts: she wasn't taught them. still, sure, to some extent I agree that GRRM should not have played this for laughs so often.

returning again to Cersei lacking empathy etc - well, you have other characters who lack evil. Brienne hasn't really got a gram of darkness in her body, yet is enormously complex in other ways. then you've got characters like Asha, who have more of a balance of the two, and yet aren't even half as complex as Cersei (despite being a POV). GRRM has not refused Cersei complexity, and he has not written her, on his own part, without empathy. we see Cersei grieve, we see Cersei traumatised, we see Cersei frightened, we see Cersei humiliated. again, as I've said before, GRRM makes us hold Cersei's cruelty in the one hand, and Cersei's pain in the other, and reckon with both at once. neither excuses the other, as they might in a lesser story - like Game of Thrones!

and i'm not going to go deep into GOT right now, but I don't agree that d&d had more respect for Cersei as a character. d&d cannot conceive of Cersei as anything besides a mother. they reduce everything about her to motherhood, and when she runs out of children, they stick another one in her. they cannot imagine what might drive a character like Cersei beyond motherhood. it is essentially the final note of her story - 'I don't want our baby to die' etc. i don't think i need to say much more to explain that I think reducing a character like book Cersei to this, is deeply misogynistic. if you want to see that misogyny in action elsewhere, see how the finale ultimately frames a dichotomy between the childless Dany, a freak tyrant, and the pregnant mother Cersei, who the writers think we'll want to escape to Pentos to survive with her baby, and who we're supposed to weep for when she doesn't make it out. and now remember what happened like. one episode before with Missandei, the last black woman on this show. d&d couldn't respect a woman if their lives depended on it

do you think cersei is a sociopath?

GRRM says she has an 'almost sociopathic' view of the world, but obviously shies away from identifying her as such, and I think he's right to - these kinds of labels are far too prescriptive when what you're trying to write is a character in a book, not an article for a medical journal.

do you agree with me?

nah not really. ultimately I think whilst Cersei is written as unabashedly evil, this doesn't mean that that evil is two dimensional. she exists on the darkest end of the spectrum because I think that is the most interesting place for her to occupy - I don't believe Cersei's story would be improved with a redemption arc, or a couple of instances where she sneaks Sansa a sweet or w/e. grey characters are interesting, yeah, but they are not invariably more interesting than those in the darkest shades, and I don't think GRRM has done Cersei an injustice by not painting her lighter.

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddieholidaydrabbles.

You Could Have Cut and Run

Prompt Day 10: Shopping | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language | Tags: Single Dads AU, Meet Cute, On the Hunt for Elusive Holiday Toy of the Year

They have it. They fucking have it.

Steve is fucking thrilled as he reaches down for the very elusive Lego set that was specifically requested for Christmas. He's checked every damn store within twenty miles, even braving Toys "R" Us. And nothing. Just bare shelves. He really didn't know what he was going to do if he couldn't find one. 

It was number one on her list, everything else a distant second.

He had promised, not thinking anything of it. It's a Lego set. He figured he'd be in and out, it in hand, within fifteen minutes.

Oh, how wrong he'd been.

But there one finally is, hidden at the back of the endcap. Steve squats down, pulling it towards himself, only to feel it being tugged on from the other side. He doesn't let go, but peeks to see who he's playing tug-of-war with.

There's a man with long, shaggy hair sticking out from under a stocking cap looking back at him with big, shocked brown eyes.

"Uh…" Steve trails off, and isn't sure what the etiquette is here. He really needs this exact set. It's the one thing his daughter wants.

"Oh, that's a relief, I thought maybe there was a gremlin down there," the guy says and Steve laughs. He was expecting a fight, not jokes.

"This is awkward," Steve says. "I suppose you really have to have this exact set, too?"

The guy nods. Then asks, "Flip for it?"

And Steve nods, agreeing. A fifty-percent chance is better than zero-percent, and he really doesn't want to brawl in the middle of a toy store.

The guy lets go, and comes around to Steve's side of the aisle.

"I kind of thought you might run," he says, and Steve laughs.

"Didn't even think of that. Damn," Steve teases, reaching into his pocket for a quarter.

"I'm Eddie," the guy says, and Steve looks up.

"I'm Steve. For your kid?" Steve asks.

Eddie nods, "I've already been to six stores. This is the only thing she really asked for."

"Same, man. Same," Steve says. "Why is this damn thing so hard to find?"

"I don't know," Eddie admits. "It's not like it's a Tickle Me Elmo."

And Steve laughs, it's definitely not. He's lived through that, and wishes to never do it again.

"How old is your kid?" Eddie asks.

"Nine. A girl," Steve says.

"Mine, too!" Eddie laughs, and it makes Steve smile. Steve moves to flip the coin, but Eddie covers the quarter in his fingers. "Wait. How would you feel about a playdate? So they both can enjoy it?"

Well, sure, why not? 

Steve can't look at another store. He can't.

So, Steve smiles and nods, "Absolutely."

"We're new to town," Eddie says, "a friend might be nice."

Steve's not sure if he's talking about a friend for his daughter, or himself, but Steve would be game for either.

"Same!" Steve says, "We just moved here last month."

They exchange numbers, and flip the coin for who will get possession of the set. It's Steve, and he promises they won't open it until they are all together in one place.

So, it looks like Santa is gonna come early.

A week later, after some back and forth with scheduling, Eddie sits on the brand new couch in Steve's house. Steve's glad it showed up yesterday. Having guests over to an empty house would have been pretty weird. He wants to come off as cool and fun, not a potential serial killer.

Eddie looks over at him, "You know, I kind of thought I'd never hear from you."

Steve crinkles his brow, "Why?"

"You won the coin flip, you could have cut and run."

Steve laughs, goading him, "Is that what you were planning to do?"

"No!" Eddie shouts, a little too loud, and both girls look over at them. They wave them off, letting them know everything is fine, that they can keep playing, keep getting to know one another, as they put together the coveted set.

"Sure, sure," Steve says, and Eddie elbows him. Steve giggles. He likes Eddie. They've texted back-and-forth all week, and as much as it felt like setting up a playdate, it also kind of felt like they were getting to know each other to set up a date-date as well.

Two single dads, two girls the same age.

It's straight sitcom fodder. 

Waiting for the pizza to arrive, Eddie slides his socked feet under Steve's thigh. Steve looks down, and wraps his hand around Eddie's ankle, holding on. Returning the signal, as tame and PG with the little eyes and ears around, as it might be. 

It's weird to say, but this has felt natural, and a little bit fated, from the moment they met. Steve feels at ease with Eddie, like this was all somehow meant to happen. Like they knew each other in another timeline, or something equally implausible. Usually Steve would move slower with introductions, way slower, before entangling his girl in any sort of relationship he starts.

But it feels like she's somehow the one that guided him in Eddie's direction, by sending him on that wild goose chase.

Even, still. He feels like he has to be sure.

But there's a little voice in the back of his head assuring him that he is sure, as dumb as that sounds. They just met. They've spent a couple hours together. That's it.

Eddie pulls him out of his head.

"You know, they aren't gonna get that whole thing put together today," Eddie says.

"Guess we'll have to do this again next weekend," Steve answers, and squeezes Eddie's ankle.

"Won't that be a shame," Eddie teases, and by the grin on Eddie's face, he's definitely down for that. And when he slides his hand on top of Steve's, rubbing his thumb against the back of Steve's hand, Steve is sure of it.

"Definitely a tragedy," Steve banters back, looking forward to seeing where this will go.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieholidaydrabbles and follow along with the fun!

[bitchface24-7]

also, i know i just sent a message but i realized i do have a request if you are accepting and have time. i would love to see your take on plus size!reader x jayvik.

SO, i saw a post a while ago (not on tumblr) essentially alluding to jayce and viktor not being attracted to a plus size person at all and it lowkey messed with me bc i am a plus sized person and i love jayvik. and maybe they wouldn’t but id like my delusions… you know? LOL

and i feel you’d write it beautifully. and if possible, maybe reader is not hella confident???

this is of course if you have time! and are accepting requests. thank you! thank you!

BEAUTY IS SUBJECTIVE - JAYVIK X READER

synopsis: you don't look like most people in Piltover, and you're not saying that to be a pick-me. You're softer, larger. With stretch marks, thighs that rub together when you walk, a tummy, and some rolls on your back. It’s hard to see beauty in something that isn't considered the standard, but beauty is subjective.

warnings: plus size reader, talk of insecurities, people being mean (they can kiss my ass!), Jayvik comforting you, angst, fluff, AND suggestiveness, Grammarly is my beta

genre: m/m/f or m/m/m

p.s. I totally get you anon. I'm a size 16, I'm short, I'm the largest one in my friend group, and I've never been in a romantic relationship. I'm lucky that I'm curvy in a sense as to I'm considered the “acceptable plus size/chubby” but still… I get it. I hope this does your idea justice, and screw those people who said Jayvik would never go for plus-size people. THEY’RE FAKE. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’D GO FOR!! (also why was it so hard for me to find a pic with a casual fit? Like you didn't specify for a fem reader, but that seemed unnecessarily hard to find wtf Pinterest)

People are assholes, lets get that out of the way.

If you don't fit into society's standard of beauty, you're a beast. High cheekbones, big eyes, tiny nose, big lips, nice jaw, perfectly sculpted body with either abs only possible if you're dehydrated or perky tits, massive eyes, a waist the size of your neck, and no stomach.

You either have to be blessed by the generic roll or have disposable income out the wazoo to get a whole bunch of plastic surgery.

You've heard what people say. How they talk about how you look, how the question how Viktor and Jayce could ever be attracted to you.

It's irritating, it's insulting, it's making your insecurities flare up.

You know you don't fit the beauty standard, you don't look like the upper echelon of Piltover. It’s frustrating having your whole being as a person be judged by your physical appearance. You're much more than the weight on the scale.

But sometimes even you forget that little tid bit of information.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You’re relaxing in bed, snuggled up under the covers as you read a book. There was an event you agreed to go to but now— you're not in the mood.

You don't want to dress up, fake a smile, pretend you don't hear other people talking about you, come home, and get comfy as your mind screams at you.

So you've debated rescinding your approval.

Jayce and Viktor will wonder why. You've been anticipating this event for weeks now, it'd throw them for a loop you saying no.

They also agreed to come with you.

Speak of the devil and they shall appear, you're two lovely men come waltzing into the bedroom as they bicker over what colour of tie they should wear.

“Theres nothing wrong with a classic black tie Jayce.”

A sputter, “It's boring! And every man is going to do it! We want to be better than them!”

“Black goes with everything! Then you don't have to worry if you’re mismatching! Love, can you settle this debate its been going on for ten minutes— Love? Why aren't you getting ready?”

The debate ceases at Viktor's question. You're lounging in bed, in pajamas, as you read your book. You have forty-five minutes before the event starts and you need to get ready asap so you all make it there in time.

“I’m debating if I want to go.” You calmly state, and the two men look at each other.

“Debate?! You've been waiting for this for weeks! What happened?” Jayce asks, his eyes full of worry as he examines you. You're not sick, you're not hurt. What’s going on?

You sigh, rubbing your eye, “I’m just… not in the mood.”

Viktor purses his lips, “You’re hiding something. Please just tell us. We can truly stay home if you want to, but I want to know why you've done a 180° in regards to this event.”

A light thump is heard as your book closes, you place it on the nightstand, “I’m not in the mood to be looked at in a hostile way, given back-handed compliments, or passive-aggressive remarks.”

Jayce just looks confused, “Who does that? Why would they do that?”

“Because of how I look Jayce.”

“Beautiful?”

“Not to their standard.”

Viktor ahhs at that, “You mean that you're not as thin as the Piltover elite. That you have curves, a different beauty as to what they deem acceptable.”

“I also have stretch marks, jiggly thighs, a stomach, a double chin when I look down, my back isn’t smooth. I can go on forever! I've heard enough people talk about me, as if I don't know what my own body looks like. I don't want to do that tonight.”

Jayce looks upset, his lips set into a frown, “I have stretch marks.”

Viktor quickly adds, “I don't have a smooth back, I've got metal drilled into my spine.”

You huff a laugh, oh your sweet boys, “That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because you two are the most handsome men I've ever had the privilege of seeing.”

Viktor and Jayce join you on the bed, taking up either side of you. You're now squished in between them.

“I’ve got a weak leg, a weak spine, I’m as pale as a sheet of paper with dark circles that put the night sky to shame. I use cane and multiple braces. I'm not Piltover’s definition of beauty.”

“I have a gap between my teeth, my laugh is too loud, I don't like physical contact by people I don't know— and I prefer to initiate it. I'm covered in small scars and burn marks from working in the forge.”

You see where they're going with this, and it makes you feel a bit better. The way they continue it makes you flusteredly laugh.

“You’re gorgeous. Do you think we get hard cause of a gust of wind—”

“I mean it could happen—”

“Shut up, darling.”

Jayce continues as you giggle and Viktor shoots you a playful glare, “Do you think we’re constantly pawing you, kissing you, teasing you, and begging for you cause what… we pity you? We do it cause we love you and are attracted to you.”

“People are fucking rude—” Viktor calmly states as you squawk in laughter and Jayce rubs his face groaning, “They are! They're mean and rude because they either have nothing better to do, they’re projecting, or they're jealous. Don't let other measly people drag you down.”

You smile at the two of them and sniffle a bit. Before you know it, you're essentially tackled by love as your face is smattered with kisses by your partners. You squeal as their assault pushes you back into the bed.

“Okay! Okay, I get it! People are mean and they can kiss my ass.”

“Actually I rather they didn't.”

“Jayce!”

“What?! Viktor agrees with me!”

“I do.”

“Viktor!”

The three of you burst out laughing, a serenity passes over you. What would you do without them?

“You still want to go to the event?” Viktor asks, his tone light. You ponder for a few seconds before nodding, “Yeah, let's go. I'm gonna dress up, look hot as hell, and have the two finest men in Piltover as my dates. One for each arm, and ill get to watch as the upper echelon of Piltover seethes in jealousy.”

“Well we gotta be quick cause the event is in twenty-five minutes and we’re all in our pyjamas still.” Jayce casually states. With that the three of you book it out of bed to get ready.

Yeah. You're gonna make all of Piltover seethe tonight; especially since you're the one who gets to bring them home and into your bed.

Nice fluffy comfort! Hope y'all enjoyed! I'm so tired and its only 5:36 pm (17:36) I can't nap or go to bed 😭😭

[venus-vault]

Friend of the Family

Mr.Reed × Fem!Reader(Mid-20s) [18+]

Synopsis: Part 1 - (y/n)'s boring family Christmas vacation to Colorado doesn't exactly go as anticipated...

⚠️TW: Boring Family Dynamic, Age Gap, Alcohol Consumption (all parties of age), Oral Sex (Male & Female Recipients), Raw P in V Penetration, Breif Mutual Masturbation, General Smut. ❄️

"So do I even *actually* know this guy?" I interrogate, unsure why we're staying there instead of some mountainside Airbnb. "Of course! (y/n), you've met Mr. Reed plenty of times, you were just, y'know...smaller." Dad explains, cheery. "Okay... but when you said 'Colorado Christmas Vacation' I thought we'd be like... snowboarding, or hanging out in a cute mountain town, or at least renting a cool cabin in Telluride... not like... the middle of nowhere part of Boulder with some guy I haven't seen since I was a kid..."

He sighs, defeated by my expectations yet again. "Listen. He's my best friend, a few years back he lost his wife, and its true, I haven't gotten around to seeing him in person since you were four, Bug."

He drones on,

"He's a really nice guy, and super cool. He loves that Lana Del Rey girl you're always talking about, and he's got a really nice collection of records and books, its like a mini Barnes & Noble in there! You might find you have more in common than you think!" He offers.

And I decline : "With a 64-year-old retired engineer from England? Yeah thanks, I'll pass. I'm just gonna stay out of the way, keep my headphones on, and let you two reconnect."

I pull out my phone, pop in my earpods, and open Tumblr, pretending to care at all about the latest posts on the Spencer Reid tag. Out of the corner of my eye I can tell I've hurt his feelings, but fathers never say the right thing, and he can withstand a little sting every once in a while. It's what he deserves for not telling me where we were staying til halfway through the plane ride.

Our plane finally touches down, we funnel through Boulder Municipal into a cab and I won't be the first one to speak. I take one earpod out just in case, which Dad takes as an invitation. "Just got a text from Mr. Reed, and I hope you're hungry Bug, because there. will. be. pie." He beams as though this is some great revelation, elaborating "He's got this wild recipe with earl grey in the crust and lemon zest in the filling, it's award-winning. Seriously! He enters it in the local contest every other year and it's only lost once!"

Despite how riveting my father finds Mr. Reed and his Great British baking exploits, I do not, and apparently it shows as his smile tamps down to a simper. "Sweetie, I'm really trying here. I can't convince you it's gonna be the best Christmas ever, hey, we'll probably both have altitude sickness the entire time, but let's just make an attempt, okay? Nothing has to be perfect." He's an idiot but he's right and I agree. "Okay, yeah. I'll be nice." I sigh "That pie does sound pretty good, I guess..."

The cab rolls through the city of Boulder as Lana lilts gently in my earpods about 'haaa-aa-ow toooo disappear~' and maybe this trip won't be so bad after all.

We're finally dropped at the gate to Mr. Reed's house and -you're fucking kidding me- his driveway, long and winding, is gravel. I wince inwardly at the realization that I'll have to lug two wheeled suitcases up that path and flash Dad a fake 'I'm so glad We're doing this' smile before yanking them out of the trunk and making my way up to the stoop. This pie better be incredible.

Once Dad and I are situated on the stoop, out of breath and travel-weary, I assault Mr. Reed's doorbell. It's cold and I need a shower.

ding. .... nothing. ding-ding. nope. dingdingdingdingdingdingdingding-

The door opens, finally, and a sweet-looking older man in a well composed cardigan-button down combo and jeans steps out to greet us, smiling bright as his eyes fall on Dad.

"Jonathan!!"

"Reed!!"

Laughter ensues as I observe their embrace, holding back a heavy eyeroll. Somehow I am already third-wheeling.

"Oh my god, Mr. Reed, you remember (y/n)? She's just finished a semester at Oxford!" Dad smirks, gesturing to me and I give a shy wave as Mr. Reed's eyes scan over me, widening in surprise.

"(y/n)? As in, little (y/n), (y/n) who was- ?" He holds his hand flat, bringing it down by his knee as he looks between me and dad in disbelief.

"The very same, can you believe it?"

I purse my mouth into a smile, just completely overwhelmed by how awkward this interaction is.

"Well look at you! You've certainly grown up, haven't you?"

"I suppose so!" my best fake laugh.

Mr. Reed's eyes trace my form again and he pulls me into a quick side hug. He's warm and smells like lemon zest, vanilla extract.

"Let's get you two in then, supposed to be a blizzard tonight."

He grabs one of my suitcases and we follow him as he shuffles back inside.

His house is simple and a little cramped, but I do smell pie. 'Bless This Mess' reads a framed piece of embroidery on the wall, and if there is a God, I hope he does.

We toss our bags into our respective guest rooms at the top of the stairs and I finally get to take my shower before making a way back downstairs to the dining room.

We sit through a meal -shepherd's pie, what is it with this guy and pie?- and my dad and Mr. Reed discuss people they both know who died or lived or have moved or haven't moved and I am in hell until-

"Little after dinner drink then?"

My eyes snap up from my plate to meet his, a small smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth. His eyes crinkle at the ends when he smiles, warm and comforting and it occurs to me for the first time that Mr. Reed is...handsome... If he were 20 years younger he'd definitely be my type, in fact...

"Alright! So that's one, me makes two, Jonathan, little shiraz with your pie?"

"Well how could I say no to such a generous offer?" Dad beams.

We move back into the living room and sip and I pick at the pie. It is good and after a glass and a half of shiraz Mr. Reed looks just as appetizing, but I decide I'm not going to eye-fuck this old man in front of my father, or at least not in an obvious way.

So I sit, tepid, on my phone and pretend not to be bothered by the lack of service while I half listen to their conversation, looking up strategically to ogle Mr. Reed every now and then. His eyes find mine and I watch him nibble at his lip and does he know?

"So then (y/n), Oxford, hm?"

"Uhm, yeah, I'm in their creative writing MFA program right now... its... interesting."

"Interesting boring or interesting incredible?" He crosses one leg over the other and leans in, attentive.

"Uh, I mean it's going well, people in my classes are a little...er.. pretentious..?" I giggle, nervous.

"Exactly as I remember it, then!" He laughs loudly, and dad joins in, snickering along. His laughter is infectious and this wine is making me blush and I smile.

"You're an alum?"

"What, the accent didn't give it away?" A chuckle, "Yeah, yeah, I was lucky enough to take about an eon of courses in engineering sciences there, immigrate in the 90s, build this place, blah blah blah, but enough on me, it seems we may just be in the midst of the next great American novelist, eh Jonathan?" A wink.

"I don't know about that," I tear my eyes away from him, focusing in on the details of a floorboard.

"Oh (y/n) don't be modest, Reed you'd love her stuff, she's got some of the most well-metered prose, and-"

"Dad." I warn, eyes wide with embarrassment.

"Oop, sorry bug," He cringes "Didn't mean to dad-out on ya."

"I'd love to read some of your writing sometime, granted you'd be comfortable enough to share." Mr. Reed interjects.

"Uh, yeah. Maybe. Sometime..."

"Can I top you up?"

"Sure." He fills my glass just to the midpoint and does the same for himself.

"Jonathan?" He smirks playfully at dad.

"Ah, I dunno, I should probably be getting some shut-eye actually."

"Aw come on,"

"No, no, these days if im up past 10 with a drink in hand I'll be totally useless the next 24 hours." He stands, patting my shoulder. "Night, y'all. Don't have too much fun without me!" And there go the finger guns so now it's my turn to cringe.

He finally leaves the room and I'm alone with Mr. Reed. There's a heavy silence in the air and I take a small sip of my drink.

"So, (y/n), big on Lana Del Rey I hear?" He smirks.

"One of my favorites." I breathe, forcing a smile.

"Norman Fucking Rockwell or Blue Banisters?"

"NFR."

His eyebrows raise "it's okay to be wrong."

"But I'm not."

"Lust for Life or Born To Die; Paradise Edition?"

"... you ask hard questions, Mr. Reed."

"And you... answer them."

"And if I give you another 'wrong' answer?"

"Why would it matter? Are you trying to impress me?"

"...Paradise." I squint at him.

"Mm, see? We agree on something."

I'm powerless to the smile that forms on my face.

"Yeah?"

He lets out a low laugh. "Yeah,"

"What drew you to her, originally I mean?" He looks me over.

"Well, like a lot of young women I do have the obligatory depression diagnosis and Tumblr account combo, and things spiraled out from there I guess..."

"Ah, and here I thought it was just your ill-suited attraction to old men!" He lets out a warm chuckle at his own joke and I must've misheard him.

"What?" I shift a bit in my place on the couch, called out.

He scoffs. "Come on, (y/n). Let's not play this game. You've been eyeing me up since dinner, sitting there and sipping your drink and sucking berries off your fork in the most salacious way, letting your gaze linger, innocent and doe-eyed yet so apathetic to it all," he rolls his eyes like he might be as well, "when in reality, it seems, correct me if I go wrong, but you've been looking at me all night like you want me to touch you. Is that accurate or am I projecting a fantasy?"

The tip of his tongue trails his lip, my gaze following its path and I'm warm. His eyes search mine, that was supposed to be a question.

"Uhm... no that... that sounds...accurate..." I admit almost silently, eyes boring into the floor as I sheepishly take another sip of my wine.

"Hm. I see. And in front of your father too...tsk, naughty girl. Lucky for you the man's terrible at reading body language or subtext of any variant,"

Mr. Reed rises from his chair across the coffee table and plants himself on the edge of the sofa next to me. "I, however, do not have that problem." I look up at him and his eyes are two blue marbles behind those wireframed glasses, his cheshire smirk enough to melt me, it's overwhelming.

My face grows hot and my body tight as he delicately removes the wineglass from my hand, sets it down on the coffee table, and leans down to kiss me.

He's tender and gentle and his lips are soft, his tongue stained with blueberry filling as it finds mine, and he strokes my cheek. I place a shaky hand on his knee and one of his covers it as he presses his forehead to mine, breaking the spell. "Are you certain this is something you want, (y/n)? I wouldn't want to impose-" I cut him off with another, more assertive kiss because I need this.

The holidays are stressful and I'm horny and he's here. Fuck it.

As we continue making out, Mr. Reed scoots onto the couch beside me and I find his zipper. His dick jumps to meet my hand through the fabric as one of his hands slips under my sweater and he moans at the softness of my breast.

I pull away to unzip his pants and stroke him a couple times before moving to kneel between his legs. I look up to him, reverent, then back down to his cock, throbbing in hand. Giving him a few steady strokes, I lean forward, parting my lips.

"Can I?" I blink.

He nods eagerly, transfixed.

I take as much of him into my mouth as I can and swallow as his tip hits the back of my throat.

I hear him suck in a breath and his hands find my hair as I start to bob my head over the length of him, holding his balls with one hand and methodically stroking his base with the other. His breath catches, ragged and I feel him spasm in my mouth. I need him. I finally come up for air with a gasp and wipe a tendril of spit off my lower lip as I look up at him. "Mr. Reed, I want to fuck you," I breathe.

"Well all you had to do was ask," he sighs and I pull myself up off the floor, undoing my jeans and tugging them off my legs as quickly as I can before tearing off my sweater and within seconds I'm standing before him in just my panties and bralette. His eyes trail over me. His teeth sink into his lower lip as a hand wraps around his dick and I place a knee on either side of his legs, straddling him. Fair is fair and my fingers slip under the hem of my panties so I can work myself for him as he takes me in.

"How do you want me?"

"Turn around."

I follow his blunt instruction and as I do his fingers hook into either side of my panties, pulling the dampened fabric down my legs.

"Now, you're going to squat down for me... slowly."

I do as I'm told and he guides my hips, lining himself up with my center. Mr. Reed rests his hands on the tops of my thighs, pushing me further down into his lap and I gasp as I feel him begin to penetrate me. I knew it was big, I mean, he could barely fit in my mouth, but christ. I swivel my hips in an attempt to adjust to him, and hear him draw in a breath.

"(y/n), I want you to bounce for me, and you. will. not. make. a sound. understood?"

"Y-yes Mr. Reed."

I start to raise and lower myself slowly on him and gasp sharply as I feel myself tense. He holds me steady by my biceps and guides me up and down.

"Good, that's- ohh that is good, just keep going... mm, mhm, just. like. that. you. Are. Brilliant..." he murmurs, squeezing my ass and I bite back a moan

"Shhhh-shh..."

"Ssorry Mr. Reed," I manage quietly.

He continues to guide my movements, faster now, and I watch his head tip against the back of the couch. His cock twitches inside me and gasp sharply.

"(y/n), stand for me?" And I do.

He turns me around by my hips and I blink down at Mr. Reed and he's panting, glasses perched on top of his head, looking me over hungrily.

"Lay back on the couch here, pet."

He sets a pillow down for me to rest my head on and I do as he says, watching him part my legs, settling between them as he presses gentle kisses up my inner thighs, staring intently into my eyes as he does.

He hovers over my core and I gasp at the warmth of his breath. I watch Mr. Reed's eyes close for a moment as he inhales the scent of my sex and smirks to himself.

"Does your pussy taste like Pepsi Cola then, (y/n)?" He lets out a low chuckle at his own corny little quip, bringing his mouth closer "Shall we find out?"

He pins my thighs open and slowly licks a wide stripe up my vulva from entrance to clit. I can't hold back the whimper that slips from me at the heat of his tongue, and it's even harder to silence msyelf when he dips two fingers into me, curling the pads of his fingertips just slightly as he steadily works me, his tongue moving in a synced rythym against my clit.

The sensation is almost too much and I gasp as I feel myself spasm a couple times around his fingers. He hums into me and the vibration sends a shudder through my body. He tilts his head up, panting as he continues fingering me, and my hips arch up to meet his hand.

He removes his fingers, pressing them against the plush of my lower lip and into my mouth. I suck and lick impatiently, and before long his mouth is on mine again as I feel his cock slip back into me. I can't help the soft moan that escapes my lips as he begins to slowly rock his hips into mine.

"Mister Reed?" I breathe

"Mm?"

"It's... you're just...so big...." He smirks.

"Oh, I'm aware dear." He picks up his pace some "You're taking me so well, though..." he presses a kiss into the side of my neck and I gasp.

"Being so good for me..."

A loud creak interrupts us from overhead and Mr. Reed stops moving, eyes glued upwards as he clamps his hand over my mouth.

Heavy footsteps make the floorboards groan above us as he slowly starts to fuck me again and I take in a sharp breath through my nostrils, looking up at him, panicked.

"Shhh, shh-" another low creak.

Mr. Reed quickens his thrusts and I involuntarily whine against his hand which finds it's way to my neck instantly, holding firm.

"I said. Be quiet." He whispers sternly.

I bite my lip in an effort not to cry out, nodding and I begin to feel that familiar tension coiling inside as he bucks into me, my mind going totally blank at the way his hand feels wrapped around my throat.

The footsteps and floorboards finally stop, his grip on my neck releases some, and a warm haze overtakes my body as he continues to forcefully piston into me. I feel myself starting to tense up and struggle for breath as I unwind completely under him.

Seconds later, Mr. Reed lets out a low groan and I feel his orgasm pulse out acutely within me as I weather my own.

We lay there for a few minutes and as we come down together, the weight of our indiscretion settles in some.

I've just fucked my dad's best friend. Three days before Christmas. And I liked it. A lot.

"Needed.. that..." I huff.

"I could tell," he chortles.

Mr. Reed slips out of me, grabbing one of the discarded linen napkins from the coffee table to clean himself off with, before gently tucking it between my legs.

"Oh, and... it does, by the way."

Part 2❄️

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 97: An Old Love Story

Okay, say it with me: FOIL!

You can see it too, right? Looks like Martha x Henry (Henderson)'s story is a foil of Twilight and Yor's story.

Henderson was in Twilight's place; the smart, lonely young man so focused on his ideals that he was blind about who was in front of him and his very own feelings.

Martha was in Yor's place, the strong and graceful girl too young and inexperienced to know her own heart and that she was in love.

This is exactly what's happening with Twiyor, the main couple of the story, and I think we may get to see one of the possible endings for our beloved Twiyor through Martha and Henderson story.

Now, what do we know about these two 🤔...

We know that Henry Henderson has a daughter and a son-in-law. It was mentioned he writes to them, but there was no mention of his wife. This leads me to believe that:

His wife is no longer alive.

He lives with his wife, so there's no reason for him to write to her.

He is divorced.

So, with this information we still can't know what's the current relationship between Martha and Henry, but we can take a guess 😉

From the way the story is being told, it almost feels like it's a semi-tragic love story, doesn't it? We can almost assume that they didn't end up together...or did they?

Theory one: Yup, everyone is right and Martha and Henderson eventually went their separate ways for reasons we'll probably get to know in the next couple of chapters.

If this theory is right, I think it's beautiful that they are getting a second chance 💖They certainly look more mature, confident, and calm (also elegant!). I love the way they look at each other, so much trust and love 😌

Theory two: I know this one is a long shot (and Henderson just said in that panel that "She is merely and old friend") but maybe...they're actually married. Why am I so bold to even consider that possibility?! Well, there's this panel:

The matron is clearly teasing Master Henderson, don't you agree? If she does it, it's because she knows something. Either she knows that there was something between those two in their youth or she knows they are married. I don't know, but they way she said the word "partner" and the fact that Master Henderson is married made me think that Martha is his wife. I know, I know...it's a remote possibility, but you have to remember that marriage is mentioned a lot through different characters and couples during the story, so maybe those two were actually married. (But, it's quite possible it's theory one).

Other things to consider...

How long have Ostania and Westalis been at war?

My guess is that we're talking about two different wars between the same countries; very much like WWI and WWII, where there was a brief period of peace before a second conflict. So, probably the first war started while Henderson was in his 20s and the second war started when he was in his 40s (and Twilight was a kid).

It makes a lot of sense that now they're in a period of "Cold War", just like in real life.

The Garden

I am convinced that the Garden is involved in this. I've talked about this before (read it here). After this chapter, I still think the Garden is going to pop up. Want some evidence?

Do you recognize this guy?

That's right 😏 That's Matthew McMahon. What is he doing there? Too much of a coincidence, don't you think?

And also the way this is phrased:

Odd that there was a mention of the word Garden, isn't it? And the fact that the whole story between those two takes place in a garden...🤔

In addition to that, in a previous chapter, Twilight observes how Martha moves like a soldier. Franky mentioned earlier that Garden people are like soldiers. And the Garden has a history of recruiting young skilled/strong people, like Yor. Things keep adding up.

The Consequences of War

This is a prevalent theme throughout the whole SxF universe: how war (violence, intolerance, manipulation of information, propaganda, politics) has affected the life of all the characters.

No matter their background, nationality or education, we've seen it again and again with most of the characters big or small, like Twilight, Franky, Sylvia, Millie, and now we're about to see it with characters from an older generation like Martha and Henderson.

My guess is that this won't be the last time and this pattern will continue while the story lasts. I think what the story is trying to show us is how war is seen by some (politicians and men in power like Desmond) as a natural, inevitable course of action, but at the same time how brutal the consequences are in the smallest stories. That's one of the things that is truly remarkable about SxF.

[arjudy224]

The Intern: Small Talk with a Dead Man

After a dramatic realization during Christmas break, Y/N has been peacefully trying to live her life without the influence of the Batfamily. One night after classes, she is visited by an old friend...

*Fluff*

Prequel: Death of a family

The Intern: Day one

The Intern: The Laughing Fish

The Intern: Busy Work

The Intern: Outreach Gala

The Intern: Teachers Pet

The Intern: Visiting an old friend

The Intern: Chemical Valley

The Intern Small Talk with a Dead Man

The Intern: Billionaire Boys Club

I shouldn't have been surprised. TV broadcasts. Google Alerts. The radio guy who complained about Gotham's newest Crime lord during my morning commute. A few local news stations dared to ask, "Is Red Hood more dangerous than the Black Mask?"

Despite all those warning signs, my heart stops when I see him again. A flash of lightning illuminates the man across from me. The signature Red Helmet drips rainwater on my ratty tan carpet. Judging by the watercolors across his knuckles, he must have driven from patrol.

From the corner of my bedroom, my phone vibrates on the nightstand. Dick's grinning face covers the screen. I hurriedly decline the call. Tim's face makes an appearance. The screen goes black. I drag my gaze back to the dead.

"Hatchling?" Jason observes motioning to Tim's contact name, "What's Damien's? Infant?"

I pause to think about it. What did I make Damien's?

"Sassy pants... with several angry emojis." I elaborate showing him the contact.

"Ahh... fitting for a child raised by assassins."

The room feels too small. Stuffy even. After years of dreaming of what I'd want to say to him, I blank. How do you even begin to approach this conversation? A painful silence forms. The helmet drops from his trembling hands with a thud. My heart stings when I hear his voice break.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go."

That breaks me out of my stupor. Crossing the room, I shush him.

"Take this jacket off before you track any more water in. My landlord is terrified of mold."

Reluctantly, he lets me peel the wet leather away from his goosebumped riddled skin. The hulking man slumps towards my touch. In the darkness, his features soften. He stops my quiet fussing by brushing the side of my cheek with the palm of his hand. For a moment, he takes a labored breath. Slowly, I meet his gaze. I can almost forget how long it has been.

How many nights did we do this? Bruce starting a fight. Jason sneaking in through my childhood window with a devilish grin.

"I figured I've already disappointed one father figure. Why not disappoint them both?"

The image of his charred corpse flashes in my mind. I flinch away from his grasp. Some memories don't age well.

"Go sit in the living room," I command throwing a towel in his direction, "Do you want tea?"

"Yes please." He agrees following my heels, "Do you have-"

"The usual? " I interrupt with a sly backward glance, "Who do you think I am?"

I almost blush at the look he gives me. Good God. My back turns to face him while I turn the kettle on.

Which mug do you give a dead man?

I correct myself.

Which mug do you give a crime lord?

I look past the cluster of random holiday cups to my shining star. A brand new Superman mug complete with a washable cape napkin. Water. Green Tea and chamomile bags. A little bit of honey.

While I set everything up, Jason studies the collage of photos on my wall. Some from Gotham. A mix from school. His eyes fall upon a selfie of Dick, Alfred, Barbara, and I. Encrested on the frame, it reads, "Jason Todd Memorial 2022". My throat gets tight. It seems so meaningless now. Leaning against the kitchen counter, I analyze the man. The new uniform is much more outwardly utilitarian than his Robin costume. No more shorts. The guns are new. He had set a few in a cluster on the coffee table. Jason takes a postcard from the collage in his hands.

"George Clooney?" He muses turning over the card, "Dick always had a flair for the dramatics."

"It runs in the family," I retort setting down his mug on the table.

As I draw near, he smiles at the choice of mug.

"I didn't realize that you picked sides."

"Alfred sent it to me as a peace offering," I shrug.

I motion to the brown patched-up couch. Jason eagerly reclines. His body stiffens at the strange lumps towards the center.

"Courtesy of Ma Kent," I joke, "I'm convinced she lined it with kryptonite, so Clark wouldn't jump on it."

Rubbing his sore shoulders, Jason grimaces sitting up.

"Well, I'm sure this is the only couch that could cause the Man of Steel back pain."

Sitting next to the sweaty young man, I sip on my own tea. The bitterness of the green tea grounds me to the present.

"Do you want to talk about what happened in Gotham tonight?" I question glancing at the freshly bandaged cuts on his arms.

He shakes his head grimacing at the memory. New City. New topics.

Grabbing the remote, I start, "What are you feeling tonight? I've been aching to rewatch "You're Next" for a while."

He eyes me with playful suspicion. Jason folds his arms behind his head.

"What? I've always found scary movies comforting after a long day."

"Like the way you find Ma Kent's Couch to be comfortable?" He teases fidgeting with the coarse fabric of the homemade pillow.

The random stains make him raise an eyebrow. Thunder shakes my apartment.

"It's an acquired taste." I reply pulling the pillow flush against my chest, "Besides, horror is the only genre where your anxiety is always right, but the horror never stays for too long. It’s nice to see the Protagonists survive to the end of their story."

For a moment, he looks like my Jason again. The slight bruising around his left eye causes him to squint ever so slightly, but he flashes me an amused smirk. Studying the man beside me, everything about him feels so familiar yet so foreign simultaneously. He has the same onery smile, yet it doesn't stretch as far as it did before. This new Jason is big... Somehow in the last few years, Jason doubled in size. What were they feeding him?

"You watch too many movies." He remarks offering me half of the blanket.

I pause trying to ignore the pit in my stomach. My Jason had blue eyes. A flash of lightning illuminates the small TV screen. Sitting next to the furnace of a man, I inadvertently inch closer.

"That is probably true." I reply lying my head on his shoulder.

Taking his large, calloused hand in mine, I turn it over in examination.. The skin is torn at the knuckles probably due to some unknown crook starting something he couldn't finish. His swollen splotchy purple fingers wrap around mine.

"Does it hurt?" I ask curiously

He responds with a painful shrug.

"Not as much as dying."

Jason eyes me curiously waiting for my reaction. Against all odds, I laugh until I snort. He turns his head to hide the smile on his face. Eyes on the TV, Jay continues.

"Well, it's true."

Taglist: @nosyrobin,@jjsmeowthie.@epicy0n,@gaychaosgremlin,@rory-cakes,@luna-zendra-star,@b4tm4nn,@anuttellaa,@chibiduck

[mapiforpresident]

Hi writer, prompt number 16 with Barcelona femeni(maybe platonic)

I'll Try to Behave

fcb femení x teen!reader

warnings: alcohol

The team bus was loud before you even got on it, but as soon as you made your way up the stairs the whole coach cheered. It was a couple hours after Barcelona had won the Supercopa in which you scored three goals.

"I knew I brought you here for a reason" Lucy yelled over the music Patri and Pina were playing on a speaker.

"You didn't do anything, it was mostly Keira and Ona. If anything you were on my con list."

"I'm taking personal offence to that," Lucy said as she slid into the seat next to Ona towards the middle of the bus. Ona was a good friend of yours having played with her during her two years at Man United. You were also close with Lucy and Keira from being on the Lionesses together.

As Lucy and Ona got lost in their own little world of staring into each other's eyes lovingly, you fake gagged at them and continued to the back of the bus where your closest friends Patri, Pina, Mapi, and Cata were all yelling some song in Spanish that you couldn't understand a word of. Alexia and Ingrid were also sat in the back although based on their frowns, you had a feeling they thought the music was a little bit loud.

You dramatically flopped yourself on Alexia's lap who was sat directly in front of Pina and Patri's seat. "Yo Pina play that one I like next please and Patri can you please pass me one of those beers."

"No, absolutely not. Have you lost your mind." Alexia exclaimed while she was trying to push you off of her onto the seat next to her.

"Ale I'm seventeen, I've drank a beer before. Mapi even gave me two at the last team bonding night after you feel asleep like a grandma during The Lion King."

"You were not supposed to tell her that y/n." Mapi angrily whispered at you from across the aisle. "Great now she is going to murder me and never let me within ten feet of you"

"I swear to god Mapi. Why are you corrupting the baby. And you," Alexia said as she turned to you, "no drinking or dating or anything of the sort until you are thirty."

"You do know me and Pina had a beer chugging contest in the locker room before we got on the bus right."

"Claudia Pina." You had never seen anyone glare with as much exasperation at someone until now. Claudia coward under Ale's gaze and pretended to be staring out the window until Alexia was called up to the front of the bus by Jana asking her a question.

Patri decided to break the tension by shouting "truth or dare anyone," down the aisle of the bus to which you immediately agreed.

"Truth or dare, y/n," Patri asked you. You decided to go with truth for the first one knowing if you chose dare already, Patri would mostly likely give you one that would end with Alexia dragging you to the front of the bus and not letting you have anymore fun.

"Have you ever had a crush on anyone on this team." Patri really wanted to know the answer because you rarely talked about crushes or your love life.

You smirked at her. "Yes. Truth or dare Mapi"

"Wait hold on who is it" Patri asked as Pina asks "Do you still have a crush on them."

"That was not part of the question. Truth or dare Mapi." Mapi decided to go with a dare much to the displeasure of her girlfriend sitting next to her.

"I dare you to call your mom and tell her your pregnant"

"You know she is never going to believe me seeing as I'm with Ingrid and all," Mapi replied, but still pulled out her phone and dialed her mother's number not one to back down from a dare.

As Mapi made the call, the rest of the team listening were trying their hardest to contain their fits of laughter, the alcohol already consumed not helping. You couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation, watching as Mapi put on her best dramatic performance, her eyes widening in feigned panic as she spoke into the phone.

"Mom, I have something to tell you... I'm pregnant," Mapi announced dramatically, her voice laced with faux distress.

The reaction on the other end of the line was immediate and intense, Mapi's mother launching into a tirade of disbelief and concern that had the entire bus doubled over in laughter. Even Ingrid couldn't contain her amusement, shaking her head in mock disapproval as Mapi continued to play her part until eventually Mapi's mom heard all the laughing and figured out Mapi was pranking her. After she hung up she asked, "Claudia, truth or dare."

"Truth."

"What’s your biggest turn-on?" Mapi asked.

"Um probably eye contact," Claudia replied as she blushed a little. "Ok Cata, truth or dare."

Just as Cata was about to reply dare. Alexia called out to the bus that they had arrived back at the parking lot.

As you stepped off the bus, the night air enveloped you. The laughter and banter of your teammates echoed around you, their voices a comforting melody amidst the bustling streets of Barcelona.

Patri and Pina led the way to Patri's car, the promise of continuing the celebration at a club with friends sparking excitement in the air. You were about to join them, already planning how many shots you'd take, when suddenly, Alexia's firm grip halted you in your tracks.

"Absolutely not, hermanita," Alexia declared, her gaze unwavering. "I already asked Olga to set up the spare room for you. We can watch a movie before you go to bed if you're good on the car ride home."

You pouted playfully, but deep down, you were grateful for Alexia's protective instinct. With a resigned sigh, you agreed, knowing that Alexia always had your best interests at heart.

"Fine," you relented, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "As long as I get to pick the movie."

And so, the night continued, filled with laughter, music, and the warmth of friendship that surrounded you like a comforting embrace. As you fell asleep that night, nestled between Alexia and Olga, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the football family you had found at Barcelona, knowing that no matter what the future held, you would always have each other's backs.

---

Let me know if you guys have any tips or comments to improve my writing. Also my requests are open so feel to request anything and I will get it done asap. Thank you!!

[blazinghotfoggynights]

Can Team Tuck and Team Buddie please agree that both can exist and serve as positive spaces for queer male representation?

I've been thinking. Let me run something by you.

Oliver says he has always felt Buck was a bi-coded character? Right?

Does that mean when TK thought Buck was hitting on him, he was?

If Buck was always bi, but just didn't know it, are we supposed to believe he never flirted with Eddie just because his first kiss was with Tommy?

Was Tommy his bi awakening or was Tommy the embodiment of the attractive traits he has seen in a man he's been falling for over five seasons?

You can like or even love multiple people. Even at the same time! 😮

Believing that Buddie is or should be the endgame does not negate or disrespect Buck's arc with Tommy in any way. I question if Tommy was just a convenient character. He's a safe guy to explore Buck's evolution with. He has a history with members of the 118, but he is not integral to the cast. If it doesn't work out, he is easily explained away. Remember Natalia?

I think it is possible to have a Buck and Tommy centered arc, focused on Buck becoming comfortable with his sexuality and exploring it in a healthy, positive way and still have Buck and Eddie eventually realize they have been each other's person for years. Having both doesn't make the other any less important. How many people have dated others when their eventual life partner was right there? They had no idea they saw that person in that way.

Now that we know Buck is bi, it could lead to different interpretations of scenes:

Buck is looking at Eddie. Tommy is not there and we don't know for sure who Eddie was speaking to.

2. Look at that smile and his eyes at the end. Buck positively beams and bats his eyes when he realizes Eddie is going to look at him. That's how platonic friends look at each other?

3. But we can take it all the way back if we have to. Look at Buck when Eddie compliments him.

3b. Do you know what that reminds me of?

4. If Buck has subconciously been into guys for a long time, then this scene takes on a whole new context.

Moving closer to the other man? Check.

Eye contact? Check?

Smile and shy head duck? Check.

*I'd like to state that I have no doubt Edmundo Diaz knew Buck was into him. Look at the reaction.

5. When I'm into someone, you know what I don't talk about? Someone else.

6. Wow. Look at how Buck looks at Tommy.

6b. We have never seen that before have we?

Buck x Tommy and Buck x Eddie can coexist in harmony. Life stories are long and have jumpscares, plot twists, plot holes, etc.

Buck being genuinely attracted to Tommy doesn't mean that all the scenes from the past five seasons that made us all side-eye Evan Buckley didn't happen.

If we never get Buddie, let's just take the win. ABC said, "There are queer men in the world who are masculine, hot, and relatively stable. Let's show that."

Do we really need to talk about how the LGBTQ community was represented on their former network? I could stand on that soapbox and go off for days. Let's just say I know others who also felt some way about it, whether they were straight, queer, or allies.

I am just going to enjoy what is shaping up to be an amazing season. Moving to ABC breathed new life into 911 and I am excited. (Season six? Can we just not talk about it?)

[stark-ironman]

What happens in Vegas... Part 2

18+ No Minors

A/N: guess who finally wrote a long fic!! Well long for me. This was going to be 3 parts but I got carried away. I still could though 😈 also, the Hugh drama with his Broadway costar came back up during this sooooo i wrote it in. Enjoy 😁

Warnings: Accidental marriage, angst, jealously, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it)

Part 1

The next few weeks have flown by quickly as you and Hugh learn more about each other and this new life you both chose to live. The four of you had to leave Vegas early due to the fact someone leaked some pictures from inside the wedding chapel and your hotel was swarmed by paparazzi.

Ryan and Blake reassured you that everything was okay and they was fine going home early because they was ready to see their kids. Even Hugh tried his best to cheer you up but it didn't last long due to the fact your publicists and both of your families were blowing your phones up with questions on your relationship.

As of right now, everybody thinks that the relationship has been under wraps for a while now and you both decided to just elope so until you're ready to discuss it, only Ryan and Blake know the actual details of what happened. Since leaving Vegas, you and Hugh decided it would be a better and safer decision to stay at your house in Colorado instead of his penthouse in New York.

Your place is secluded on a big plot of land and it's been the perfect opportunity for the two of you to get to learn about each other in a more intimate way, minus the kissing and the sex. Don't get it wrong, you want to do those things with him but you both agreed to move slow with this relationship so you're waiting on Hugh to feel comfortable enough to make the first move.

"Y/N, did you hear me?" Hugh asks taping his fork on your plate, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Sorry, I guess I zoned out. What did you say?" You look at him and see a small smile on his face. "I asked what are we going to do when it's time for me to head back to New York since you live here and I live there." He says cutting another piece of steak.

"I've been thinking about that actually and I wanted to talk it over with you. You know how I feel about living in big cities, especially New York.." Hugh nods and you continue, "Would you want to move here and we just keep your place in New York so we could visit? Or we find a house on the outskirts of New York?"

Hugh takes a deep breath and thinks it over for a moment before saying, "You're my home, darling. I will go wherever you go." You feel your heart skip a beat at his words and tears well up in your eyes. "Are you sure? I know how much you love New York." He grabs your hand and nods. "We can visit whenever we want. Since staying here with you, I've become a little spoiled by this secluded farm life you live. I love being here and I love being with you." His voice is sincere and you can't help but feel yourself falling in love with him even more.

"Hugh, I need to tell you something.." You start to say but you're interrupted by his phone going off. Hugh apologizes and answers, standing up and walking away, leaving you with your thoughts.

You almost admitted to this man that you love him and while you're sure he feels the same, you don't know if he's ready to take that step yet. One thing about Hugh Jackman, the man is a flirt with everyone. He's a very smooth talker and he is really easy on the eyes. Would he be willing to give all that up? Would he ever cheat on you when he tires of you?

While you know him as a loyal friend, you don't know him as a partner or a lover. Yes, right now he's saying he's happy with you but what happens once you both go back to work and he has to kiss a girl for a movie? Or do a sex scene with one? You know you're not the best looking woman in Hollywood but you try to at least hold the self confidence of one.

Your eyes search across the room until they land on Hugh and you can't help but admire the way his back muscles look and how his pants fit in just the right places. You need to snap out of this little crush before you wind up hurting yourself and the friendship you two have had for many years.

You're pulled out of your thoughts by Hugh walking back in the dining room, sitting back across from you with a sigh. "That was my agent. They want me to come back to New York and do a Broadway show called The Music Man." He says, looking in your eyes as if trying to see your reaction. "When do they want you to leave?" You ask, trying to be a little nonchalant but you know he can tell you're not happy. "They want me to fly out of here tomorrow and be in rehearsals the next day."

"You should go. It's a great opportunity for you." You say. "Are you sure?" Hugh's eyes widen, shocked at you giving him the opportunity to leave. "I'm not going to stand in the way of this. You love singing and I love seeing you happy. Plus, I can come stay with you once I get things settled here."

Hugh breaks out in a smile, kissing your hand softly before standing up. "Let me go pack and we will spend the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling." He runs off to pack, leaving you sitting at the table by yourself with a heavy heart.

You don't want him to go but you're not the type of person to ruin a great opportunity for anybody, especially Hugh. You just hope he doesn't find somebody else while you're both away from each other.

------

It's been about a month since you've seen Hugh. He had his first show and you was there in the front row happily supporting him but shortly after the show ended, rumors circulated that Hugh was already cheating on you with his co-star, especially after she came out saying they spend a lot of time together in her dressing room. You seen the chemistry on stage between them but you was hoping it was nothing.

Hugh has tried to call and text you for the past couple of weeks but either you've short replied him or just said you was too busy to talk.

You were hurt. You knew it, Hugh knew it, everybody knew it. Ryan and Blake have even tried calling to tell you the rumors weren't true but you just couldn't handle hearing it.

A knock on your door sounds throughout the house and you already know who it is. "Darling, please open the door." Hugh's voice is muffled by the door but you ignore it, feeling the tears well up in your eyes again.

"Baby, please. I promise you nothing happened between me and her. She's just doing it for the publicity." He says, hearing something sliding against the door as he continues, "I know things have been less than ideal with us but the past few months have been the happiest of my life and it's all because of you. I only have eyes for you, even before we got together, it was always you. Ryan used to make fun of me for how in love with you I was and that's never changed. Accidentally marrying you was the best thing I ever did and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I love you, darling and if you don't want me here then at least tell me that you don't."

Hugh goes silent and you can't help but walk towards the window, seeing him sit with his back against the door wiping at his eyes. You open the door slightly, watching as he stands up quickly to look at you.

"I'm sorry," You whisper, looking into his eyes, "I knew this would happen the day you recieved that phone call to go back to New York. I didn't want you to go but I will never stand in the way of your career. I tried to stop myself from being happy with you, from loving you, but no matter what I do I can't help but fall in love with you even more with each passing day. I ignored you because I was scared the rumors were true and I wanted to protect myself. You're a natural flirt, you do it without even knowing majority of the time and I didn't want to make you change anything about yourself. I love you the way you are but Hugh, I don't want you giving other girls the time of day. Call me selfish, call me whatever but I want you to myself. I want to have kids with you and live on a plot of land away from the spotlight. I love you more than I ever loved anybody and it scares the shit out of me."

Your confession causes the tears to flow as Hugh steps in the house, taking your face in his hands as he wipes the tears away. "I want this. I want you." He whispers, looking down at your lips.

His lips meet yours. Your arms wrapping around his waist to pull him closer, vaguely hearing the door shut as he leads you to the living room, laying you gently on the couch as he slots himself in between your legs.

Your hands find the hem of his shirt, raising it up and over his head as his lips meet yours again, his tongue running across your bottom lip before sliding past and attacking your tongue. A moan escapes your lips,

"Do you want to stop?" He mumbles against your lips. "No." You whisper back and he quickly sits up, removing your clothes before doing the same to his. Your eyes widen, quickly remembering the last time you two had sex was when you both blacked out in Vegas, but Hugh quickly reassures you. "I'll take my time, darling. I'll be easy... today." He smirks, crouching on the ground as he spreads your legs,

Hugh admires your core, as if savoring the whole thing to memory before lowering his head and licking a stripe up your slit, running it over the little nub and teasing it. "Taste so perfect.." He murmmers, wasting no time closing his mouth down and latching onto you as if he's been starved. You gasp as his tongue worked against you with long, calculated strokes, your hand gripping his hair as if your life depended on it as his lips enclose around the sensitive little bud.

You moaned his name loudly, your back arching with each pass of his tongue as the pleasure hits in ways you've never experienced before, your head falling back against the arm of the couch.

His mouth continues it's assault, your legs trembling around him as he pulls you close to your orgasm when you feel two of his fingers slide in, his lips enclosing around your sensitive spot causing you to cry out from the pleasure. He slides a third finger in, pumping his fingers into you as your release rips through you, keeping his mouth on you as he works you through your release.

Your body trembles and you're left breathless, thighs shaking from the intensity of the moment as he sits back to look at you with the most sinister smirk you've ever seen on him. His lips glossy and his hair tousled from what just happened and he leans forward, kissing you deeply to let you taste yourself.

Hugh's hand grabs his base, rubbing the head of his erection against your entrance and you shiver from the sensitivity, moaning softly when he dips his head down towards your breast and takes a nipple in his mouth.

He presses the tip against your wet folds, sliding into you slowly as if to not hurt you. Once he bottoms out, he let's you adjust to his length and when you give him permission to move, he moves slow making each thrust hard and deep. You notice he's holding back though so you decide to remind him not to.

"Hugh," You breathe out, "I won't break.. you can fuck me." Hugh let's out a low growl, placing your legs over his shoulders as he starts pounding into you, the force causing the couch to slightly move and your fingers to dig in his forearms.

His thrusts continue to go deep as you watch his head fall back from the pleasure, his mouth slightly open and low moans fall from within. "Fuck, I knew you were made for me... your pussy was made to be all mine.." He grunts, leaning down to sloppily kiss you, pressing your knees to your chest. "I'm never letting you go after this. You own me now, baby." His voice is full of promise and you kiss him again, holding on tightly to his shoulders while he continues his hard, brutal pace.

"Hugh... I'm close.." You choke out against his lips and he smirks at you. "Come for me baby." He says angling his hips just slightly, memorizing your face as you release all over his cock, moaning softly when he hears his name fall from your lips.

He continues his pace, chasing his own release. You clenching around him pulling him closer and closer, finally releasing deep inside of you and a deep growl erupting from him. Hugh rides out both of your releases, thrusting slowly inside of you for a few minutes before finally pulling out, both of you moaning softly at the feeling.

Hugh grabs you and pulls you on top of him, holding you close as he kisses the top of your head and you play with his chest hair. "I meant it, darling. After today, you own me. I don't want anybody else." He softly says, looking down at you. "I'm all yours too. Especially after that." You say with a chuckle, causing him to chuckle to.

"Will you marry me, again?" Hugh asks and you lift your head up to look at him. "I know it's not the most romantic time but we agreed we would do a ceremony if we chose to be together. I want to marry you and say our vows, this time with us both remembering it."

"I would marry you in every lifetime." You say, kissing him softly.

For the first time since Vegas, you finally feel like everything is falling into place and you are extremely happy for the future with Hugh.

[sluggzillaa]

You Smoke?

Word Count: 3.6k

✧ Pairing: Joost Klein x GN!Reader

✧ Summary: You and Joost have been apart of the same friend group for a while now but haven't had the chance to get to know each other. Thats till they both go on a smoke break.

✧ Warnings and tags: pet/nicknames(Sweetheart and star) , smoking(cigarettes), just some fluff, acquaintances to lovers, cursing, alcohol consumption, implied smut ,  panic attack, fainting, claustrophobia, no pronouns, angst if you squint

✧ Authors note: I've recently gotten into Joost and his music. I'm usually not into blonde men but he flipped a switch for me. Enjoy this thing my brain came up with, i'm very proud of it. If I made any mistakes or missed a warning PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Also, my requests are open so please request something so I have an excuse to post more. ps, MINORS SHOO!

⋆.ೃ࿔*

“Say it!”

“Okay, okay I will”

It's a Tuesday night and everyone is tipsy. You and your friend group had spent the majority of the day helping your friend Joost with a video shoot. You then all came back to Apson’s apartment to relax and have a couple drinks. A couple drinks then turned into a bunch of shots. Now you're all sharing stories, obviously extremely dramatized due to the liquor in your system.

“So I bring this girl home after a gig at Bolwerk” Joost starts

When Joost talks, everyone in the room listens. He is constantly the center of attention. He commands a room.

“We get to my place; getting in the mood.. I leave her on the couch so I can get a rubber, but when I get back this girl is passed out!”

“What did you do after?” Apson questioned 

“Opzouten! I went to bed and put her in a cab in the morning”

The group laughed and went into separate conversations. Joost stood up from his seat and grabbed his bag. 

“Alright, i’m gonna go have a smoke” 

“Mind if I come too?” You speak up

He nods towards the balcony and steps out. You follow and close the sliding door behind you. You admire the city as you learn over the railing. Joost looked through his small bag. He let out a sigh and cursed to himself.

“You got a lighter?” he questioned

You nodded and passed him the lighter that was in your pocket. He pulled out two cigarettes , placing one between his lips and handing you the other. He lit his, taking a drag to ensure an even burn. He inhaled then blew out the remaining smoke. He held the cigarette in between his lips and leaned over towards you. You placed the cigarette between your lips and looked up at him. He cupped one of his hands to the side of the cig and turned the lighter on. You scanned his focused face but your attention was stolen by him eyeing you. You took a pull and watched as Joost moved away, still never peeling his eyes from you. You leaned over the railing and watched cars pass below you.

“I had no idea you smoked” Joost broke the silence

“Well we don’t speak much to know anything about each other”

“Which is odd since we hang out so often”

“You hangout with the group often, we don’t hangout at all” You corrected

He chuckled at your snarkiness and finally looked away from you. He admired the skyline and took a drag from his cig. He turned back to you again.

“I know everyone in the group pretty well, besides you”

“What are you getting at?”

“Maybe, we could get some drinks or go out to eat or something”

“You’re making it sound like a date, Klein”

“You’re the one whos thinking of it like that”

⋆.ೃ࿔*

You agreed to hangout with Joost but tried to find something that didn’t seem so ‘datey’. You decided on going to a local venue where a few underground hardstyle artists were playing. You knew you both had a love for music so you made your plans based on that.

You stood in front of the barricade as you watched people trickle in. You quickly took notice of a familiar blonde haired man walking in, dawning a pair of shades and an ushanka. He searched the crowd till his eyes finally landed on you. A smile pasted itself on to his face and he sped to you.

“Hallo!” He greeted

“Hey.. what's with the shades?”

“I didn’t want anyone to notice me”

“Yea, because no one is going to recognize that bright mullet and your very.. Distinctive style”

He gave you a sarcastic laugh before taking his spot at the barricade. He looked around and took in the venue.

“So do you know anyone in the line up?”

“Nee, but it's always good to support new artist”

You nodded in agreement

“I remember when I was in their position, it always feels good to know that people who are bigger in the scene are interested in your art” He continued

“Enough about me, tell me why you chose this spot”

“Well, I always come to shows like these. It's such a fun atmosphere.. Plus I know how passionate you are about music so I figured it was the perfect way to bring both of our likes together”

“You're very smart”

The comment slightly threw you off but you ignored it and tried to get back into small talk. Before you could even get a word in, the show started. The speakers immediately started blasting music and the room was now lit up by the stage lights above. Joost noticed the crowd begin to get rowdy so he quickly stood behind you and placed his arms on either side of you, hands gripping the barricade. You looked up at him and gave him a thankful smile. You turned back to the front of the stage and moved your body to the beat of the music. Joost looked down at you, ensuring you were comfortable and safe. He eventually let loose and enjoyed the music along with you. The bass and the volume of the music made it extremely difficult to communicate but you did what you could.

“Joost!.. JOOST!” You attempted to grab his attention

“Yea! What do you need?”

“Can you get me a drink?”

“You’ll be good on your own?” He questioned, you gave him a sly look and rolled your eyes

“I am a grown woman, I can handle myself”

He nodded and pushed through the crowd so he could get to the bar in the back. Once he left, you attempted to assimilate yourself with the crowd. Unfortunately, The crowd was getting even more hyped and seemed to lose any sense of awareness for others. Before you knew it, you were pushed into the center of the pit. You were being heavily shoved around and elbowed painfully. You tried to push your way out but the more you struggled, the more it became harder to get out. You’ve been in pits before but only when you intend to; you had never been forced into one. The large amounts of people and the pushing began to make you hyperventilate. Your chest was heaving and your heart was racing. There was a sudden ringing in your ear and before you knew it, black.

You weren’t sure how long you were out but you woke up to a bright light in your face and feeling insanely sweaty. You sat up and the light was moved from your face. The first person you saw was Joost, looking insanely worried. This was the first time you’ve seen him with any other reaction but happy. Once he realized you were awake, he quickly rushed to check on  you, looking all around for any marks on you or any signs you needed to be rushed to a hospital. The medics urged him to give you some space but he ignored them.

“Holy shit, are you okay?”

“Like I would fucking know.. What happened?”

“You passed out in the pit, Why the fuck would you do that after I left?”

“First of all, I got pushed into the pit.. Second of all, I don’t need your constant protection”

He donned an amused smile and looked up at the medics, ushering them away. He tucked his arm under your armpit and slowly helped you get up.

“Still just as independent as you were before you went out.. Come on i’m taking you home”

“No it’s fine, I’ll get a cab”

“I brought my car. Turn off your ego for a second and let me do something for you”

⋆.ೃ࿔*

Joost pulled up to the front of your apartment building and put his car in park.

“Do you need me to take you upstairs or?”

‘I’ll be fine but thank you”

He nodded and stepped out of the car. Right as you were about to open your own door, he quickly swung it open.

“As the gentleman I am, I should be opening doors for you”

“Joost stop making it weird”

You stepped out of the car and shut the door, snatching it from him. He rolls his eyes and walks you to the door. 

“Let's do that again”

“Maybe not THAT.. I think we should just get coffee next time” He joked

You nodded and stopped at your building's front door. Before you opened it, you turned back to Joost and placed a quick peck on his cheek. You gave him a soft smile and opened the door.

“Thank you.. Text me so we can figure out the next time we can hang out”

Joost just stood there, frozen in place. No matter what you said he would just nod in agreement. 

⋆.ೃ࿔*

You had spent the last week texting back and forth with Joost. It first started off with him checking in on you after what happened at the concert. It then turned into him just talking to you randomly. Now you two can’t go a few hours without talking. After being in the same group for so long, you finally feel like you’re actually getting close to him.

Star: I just finished all my paperwork

Moon: You’ve been working on that stuff for 2 days straight

Star: Yea but its finally over

Moon: Good good

Star: I am really bored right now though

Moon: I’m at the studio right now finishing a project

          All the guys just left so it's just me right now

Star: Are you asking me to pull up to the studio?

Moon: Maybe

Star: I’ll see you in 15

⋆.ೃ࿔*

You knocked on the door of the studio and waited for Joost to open. He wasted no time; he practically swung the door off its hinges. He greeted you with a wide smile and ushered you inside. You greeted him with a nod and walked in. You spun around, giving yourself a mini tour of the studio. It was decorated with LED lights and had few plants in the corners. You looked at one of the walls which had a comfy looking brown couch against it. Joost sat down in his chair in front of the control panel. He patted the chair next to him, signaling you to sit. You plopped down in the chair and watched him as he quickly opened his music program on his laptop.

“Listen to this and tell me what you think”

You nodded and followed his every move. He placed the laptop on the desk in front of him and quickly pressed the spacebar, causing the music to play. The song was slower than what you were used to with his music. His voice was very soft, following the beat. The lyrics were extremely heartfelt. Full of love and passion. It was very enjoyable, arguably one of his best songs. He leaned forward in his chair and watched your facial expressions. The song came to a stop and he immediately bombarded you with questions about your opinion.

“It's a very beautiful song.. I love it”

“You don’t think it's missing something, though?”

You shook your head and leaned back in your chair. Joost rubbed the back off his head, thinking. Suddenly something clicked in him. He grabbed your hand and forced you out of your seat. He opened the door to the booth.

“I need you to go into the booth and record something for me, please”

“Fine but you owe me”

He gave you an excited nod and rushed back to his seat. You walked into the booth and shut the door behind you. You looked out the window and spotted Joost ushering you to put on the headphones. Once you did, he spoke through the intercom.

“Okay, so what I want you to do is say ‘Joost, take me to the moon’ but in a soft voice.. Not a whisper though”

You giggled at his specific instructions and gave him an understanding nod. You got up to the mic and gave Joost a thumbs up, signaling that you were ready. A red light turned on above the mic, showing that it was on and recording. You gave yourself an assuring breathe before continuing with the phrase.

“Joost, take me to the moon” You attempted to put on your most calming yet slightly sensual voice

You looked over at him through the window, He just sat there staring at his laptop with an earbud in. He nodded to himself and waved for you to come back out. You hung the headphones back up and walked out of the booth.

“How was it?” You asked

“Fucking perfect.. It was exactly what the song needed”

You smiled to yourself, excited by the praise. He packed up his stuff and grabbed yours as well. He shut off the lights in the studio, The only light in the room being an LED lamp he has on the desk next to all the tech. He stood for a second just admiring the silhouette of your features. Weirdly enough, you did the same. You took notice of the way his nose buttons out and how he constantly had a dimple peeking. Though you couldn’t really see them, you felt his eyes meet yours. The two of you moved together ever so slightly. You two were already so close, if you kept going at this pace you would be directly on top of each other. He placed his hand on your hip and the other on the small of your back. You turned your head to the side and dared to lean your face closer. Right when your lips were going to slightly touch, his ringtone loudly filled the room. He let you go and rushed to grab his phone from his pocket, it was Aspon.

“Shit.. Hallo?” He answered the phone and walked to the other side of the room

You huffed and turned away from him, attempting to snap yourself out of this flustered state. He said goodbye to Aspon and turned back to you. 

“Let’s get going”

You nodded in agreement and opened the door. You made your way downstairs and waited for Joost to lead you to the car. The car ride was pretty quiet besides you helping him with directions. You didn’t once acknowledge what happened upstairs. He pulled up in front of your apartment building and put the car in parked. He got out of the car and walked over to the other side, opening the door for you. You stepped out and walked with him to the front door.

“See you soon?”

“Yea, i’ll text you when i’m home.. Okay star?”

You nodded and headed back inside.

⋆.ೃ࿔*

He didn’t

He hasn’t spoken to you in a week. He hasn’t even made any plans to meet with the friend group. You haven’t heard a single thing about Joost. You knew it was kinda awkward after what happened but you didn’t think it was that bad. You spent day and night last week waiting for any sign of him. The more time that went by with no contact, the more time you began to gave up. That was till you actually gave up. You no longer spent your mornings trying to get pretty in case he wanted to hang out. You no longer tried looking for new ideas of things you could do together. You just stopped trying all together. You had no interest in putting so much effort into someone who obviously didn't care much for you.

You laid in your bed on your laptop, doom scrolling. You hadn’t found a way to stop until your phone chimed. You turned your head to the device and saw a text from someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.

Moon: You busy?

You stared at the text and contemplated whether you should answer or not. It was like his words were a spell, pushing you to respond. You picked up your phone and quickly got to typing.

Star: No

           Why?

Moon: I’m having a get together for the release of my new song

Star: Okay

Moon: And I was wondering if you’d like to come

Star: Where is it and when?

Moon: At my place

           Tonight at 8

Star: I’ll see

He sent you one last text but you didn’t bother to check. You wondered how he had the balls to contact you after leaving you in the dark for so long. You also wondered how he had so much control over you to make you give in so easily.

⋆.ೃ࿔*

You knocked on Joost's apartment door. You had only been here once before for a get together that Ski had invited your group to. You don’t really remember it much because you started drinking as soon as you got there.

Joost opened the door. A slight smile creeped onto his face. It immediately dropped when he realized you weren’t as happy to see him as he was you. You walked straight inside and looked around to see if you recognized anyone. To your surprise, no one was even there. You turned to him with a confused yet slightly confused face. 

“Where did everyone go?” you questioned

“You’re the first one to arrive”

You scoff and walk further into the apartment. You spot the bottles of alcohol and mixers on his dining room table. You grab a cup and begin to fill your cup with a mix of vodka and cranberry juice. You took a sip, making a face at the taste of liquor. You turned back around and trailed to the couch. You plopped down and leaned against the arm of the seat. Joost walked towards you and gently sat down onto the cushion next to you. There was a moment of awkward silence before he finally decided to break it.

“I’m sorry”

“About?”

“The other night..”

“Are you really sorry about the other night or are you sorry about going ghost?”

“Both?”

“What exactly are you sorry for?”

“Um..”

There was a moment of silence again. You watched him as he fidgeted and bit the inside of his cheek. He finally turned to you. His cheeks were a light shade of pink and his eyes were slightly wider. You sat on your legs and leaned closer to him.

“Are you sorry or do you just regret something”

“Maybe I do have some regrets”

“Was it not kissing me?” You said boldly

He kept quiet but his eyes kept flickering to your lips. You leaned closer, practically being pulled towards him. He let out a desperate sigh and leaned into you. Your lips brushed against each other. You closed your eyes, preparing yourself to finally get to kiss him. Then the bell rang. You pulled away and threw your hands up in defeat. Joost got up to answer the door. You grabbed your cup and walked out to the balcony. After that, there wasn’t a moment where the door was closed. The apartment was now full. Everyone was packed in like sardines yet everyone was still having a great time. Joost pushed through the crowd and rushed to you.

“I’m about to release the song, come!”

You stood up from your chair and followed after him. The two of you stood with your group of friends. He grabbed his laptop and pressed the upload button. Once it was up, he pressed play and allowed his song to fill the room. It was a slow and sweet melody. Everything you said in the studio stood to be true. It was a perfectly beautiful song. It was full of love and passion. The song was coming to an end, a part you had never heard.

jij bent het mooiste waar ik mijn ogen op heb gericht, mijn ster

(you're the most beautiful thing I have laid my eyes on, My star)

Your mind went cloudy. The name took you by surprise. To anyone else it would seem like a random nickname, but to you it meant so much more. In the background you heard your voice closing out the song.

Joost, Take me to the moon

Everyone clapped and cheered for Joost. You turned to him with a dreamy expression on your face. He was just smiling down at you, tuning out the entire room. He made your blank expression turn into a wide smile.

⋆.ೃ࿔*

Joost said goodbye to the last few guests and turned to you. You stood directly behind him with a huge smile on your face that hasn’t gone away since he revealed the song. You threw your arms around his neck and pulled him into a long awaited kiss. His eyes fluttered shut as he melted into the kiss. He placed one of his hands onto the small of your back and the other on the back of your head. You reached your hand up and combed through the blonde’s mullet. He took a sharp breath in through his nose whilst pulling away. He gave you a goofy love struck smile. You panted as you attempted to catch your breath. You giggled at the sight of the very red Joost.

“So is that why you didn’t speak to me all week?”

“Yea.. I just got so caught up in making it perfect for you, Schat”

You pulled him back into the kiss, this time it was even more heated and passionate. He trailed his hands down and placed them on the back of your thighs. He tapped on your skin, signaling you to jump up. You did as you were instructed and wrapped your legs around his waist. He held onto you and walked you over to his room, never once breaking the kiss.

⋆.ೃ࿔*

joostklein

The Netherlands

♡ ❍ ➣

205,750 likes

joostklein “Love letter to a star” Out Now! ✨

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June 15

bbnomula: I LOVE JOOST KLEIN

nelib0st: who’s the song about

yungpepsi: Omg is joost dating some1

missharli: Beautiful

ticetip: JOOST LET ME BE YOUR STAR