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Don't you love it when people make up pointlessly complicated theories because the themes of the story have gone completely over their head 👌
It's just really weird when aoex is not like subtle or secretive about it. I was seeing people unable to comprehend children are sometimes accidents a week ago. It's funny but also a frustrating confusion because it ignores the strong story line of how Shiro became their dad. He didn't need to be related to them biologically, he became their father because he loved them. He wasn't perfect, he failed, but he raised two really good boys who are growing into good men. They both just lost their way a little due to his death, but they'll work out. That is such a much stronger and powerful message than Shiro secretly being their biodad.
#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist#kato puts in a lot of commentary about her own culture in her work#she's not putting down what she is on accident#everyone is allowed their own interpretation but sometimes they're wrong given canon and obvious sources#headcanons are fine and cool#I've got my own obviously#but to bend over backwards to ignore the important plot point of who Rin's father is is just wild
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Okay so. JUST SO WE'RE ALL FUCKING CLEAR.
This blog is ran by a transgender person. I personally draw Shadow the Hedgehog as transmasc, as it makes me happy! And I'll be drawing more transfem Shadow on here because it makes transfem people happy.
What we're not going to do is walk up to a trans person and tell them "I support you, but not trans headcanons because [_]". Because if we don't have anything nice to say to people, then we shouldn't say anything at all, okay! We should just keep our traps shut!
I have zero tolerance or remorse for fuckwads like that. And if you want to get pissed because I think transphobes should burn then you can literally go anywhere else but here. This is NOT a safe space for you. ❤️
#you want me pissed? cuz you curtainly got me there#i just fucking woke up i don't have the energy to be nice#i literally made that fucking art BECAUSE I'm having transphobia issues AT HOME. WITH MY OWN FAMILY.#doesn't mean i need little dickweeds like that who are stuck in the 2010's YouTube comments (thank you bestie for that comparison btw)-#to make unnecessary comments on shit that OBVIOUSLY isn't FOR THEM#like dude how long have you seen this blog??#I've been running for almost a month now and you're only NOW noticing that i draw Shadow as trans????#I DRAW LITERALLY EVERY CHARACTER AS TRANS BECAUSE THEY ARE AND I SAID SO#Boohoo cry me a river
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I'm really genuinely so confused as to why I keep getting asks from people telling me that they hope Tommy dumps or even kills Lucy and ends up with Lizzie instead. I've gotten multiple variations at this point of "Lucy deserves to be raped/killed/otherwise hurt because how dare she get in the way of Tommy and Lizzie's happiness." I've just been deleting and ignoring them, but it's gotten to the point where there've been so many that I legitimately do not understand what is happening or what I did to cause this kind of reaction.
Like, I get it. A lot of you love Lizzie and ship her with Tommy. I have never had any problem with that. But if that's the type of story you're after, GO READ SOME FUCKING LIZZIE X TOMMY FICS AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
This series has never been marked as a Lizzie x Tommy story. I'm so confused as to why so many seem to expect that relationship to be the endgame of the series, and not the one that the series is actually tagged with and written around. I'm really starting to question my own writing abilities at this point. Has my depiction of Tommy and Lucy's relationship actually been that off-putting? Is Lucy really that unlikable that everyone hopes she ends up alone and miserable for the rest of her life, or even fucking dead?
I just don't understand. Someone please explain it to me.
#might delete this later idk i'm just tired and frustrated and ranting right now because what the fuck#as a side note i don't EVER want to hear anything about lizzie fans being nicer/better than grace ones ever again#i've gotten hate and harassment from both at this point and i can say that each camp is truly AWFUL in their own right#though at least grace fans have never openly told me that they hope my oc gets violently raped and murdered#so they've got that going for them for now i guess#i always figured lucy wasn't really all that well liked and that this storyline would be controversial#but damn i never could have expected this kind of reaction#and no before some of you get all bent out of shape i'm obviously not talking about all lizzie and grace fans#you know the type of fans i'm talking about#lily babbles
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*gnawing at the bars of my enclosure over the parallels between Darry and Ponyboy's relationship in The Outsiders and Siegfried and Tristan's relationship in All Creatures Great & Small*
#original post#The Outsiders#All Creatures Great and Small#Darry Curtis#Ponyboy Curtis#Siegfried Farnon#Tristan Farnon#guess who's watching a new show#(and it actually is relatively new for once)#just finished season 3 tonight#I've got about a week to watch season 4 before we're going to the local PBS station to see the first episode of season 5#this show is absolutely brilliant and I cannot wait to be caught up so I can dive into the tag and start reblogging things#stay tuned because I've got a few other thoughts rotating around in my mind that I might or might not post on their own#(or later in the tags of relevant gifsets)#obviously though my first post about the show had to be about The Outsiders
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article: hazbin hotel season 2 is gonna focus on alastor's backstory
me:
#hazbin hotel#alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor x reader#alastor x oc#listen..... i Do have an oc that's paired with him so#Lore Time#i've got a few stuff that's obviously just my own hcs but. you know more lore never hurts#i was already hyped for season 2 but now even more so#i'm Sorry okay#if you're my friend and you see this look away i'm just being cringe
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Oh right uhh, Kokoro lives in -2+2 (And Emma, and also Hibiki)
#see. i don't plan on ever writing the Sdra2 portion of -2+2 in full fic format since I don't like Sdra2 nearly as much as Dra#so i really don't mind spoiling/rambling about what happens in that portion of the Au. it's all kinda barebones so far anyway#yall know I've never been the best at keeping spoilers from my own stuff lmao#but don't worry! i will keep the things that will be revealed in-story under wraps :) I'll only mention things that are#disconnected from the Dra part of the au or happen way later#like the Sdra2 stuff + Akira and Beni#since -2+2 it's obviously the Au they're from#so if i was trying to keep spoilers hidden away in the disney vault of my mind i would never have been posting about these two at all#and tbh is you have a sharper mind than me you could probably guess Kokoro and Emma would survive in this#since Sdra2 is a reenactment of Dra. so if Kizuna and Ayame don't die by that logic those two shouldn't either#and Hibiki is spared from execution because Mikado got pissed at Kanade messing up his reenactment with her goofy ass murder case#and insane serial killer thing so he sends her to die so she can despair! kinda like how he just goes fuck you Nikei and executes him in Ch4#so. Sdra2 surviours; Yuki. Yoruko. Syobai. Kokoro. Emma and Hibiki#i can and totally will elaborate on this (or ramble about other stuff regarding the Sdra2 portion of -2+2) if asked 👍#hyena ramblings#dra#danganronpa another#Sdra2#Dra -2+2#Kokoro Mitsume#Emma Magorobi#Hibiki Otonokoji
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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#cartomancy#Playing cards#Without getting into a full post about it:#the historical cartomantic systems most interesting to me are the ones that are rigid and specific#ex: you are always the queen/king of hearts. the spades are your rivals / antagonists#the jack of spades however is probably the devil <- old American South lore kicking ass as usual#the courts are never (almost never) read as qualities or aspects or sub personalities#just straight up: these are people. yeah mostly people other than you. yeah you know who the bitch out to get you is.#anyway obviously everyone reads their own way and you can do whatever you want forever#and I learned every traditional system I could find before banging out my own personal one here#but the approach to the courts is so different than contemporary tarot lore#and imo very useful (and fun) to consider#also yes I'm a snob bc I've been reading tarot since 12 years old bc this was like. Required. in my household.#oh you got your period? time to become a fortune teller baby.#jk! my mother would never have called me “baby” while imposing esoteric responsibilities. or at any other time.
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god is swuarshing me beneath his thumb like i am an aphid or perhaps a clover mite. yeah. its slow and painful and im small. and also meek
#just me rambling again#guys. guys i have been just barely scraping by for what feels like so long it's genuinely so overwhelming and confusing and just very#unsettling for me to be having good feelings especially like.. big ones#i kind of feel like im dying ?? not actually physically but my entire brain just really doesn't know what to do#ive got some rational anxieties but also a lot of really stupid small ones just that are so all over my brain#and the cause feels so stupid. ok cool so ur falling for one of ur friends. happens. ok so same friend VERY OBVIOUSLY likes you too. ok ok#a little weirder but something that has happened before#but there's just so much in mybrain anxious abt stuff (ive been forgetting to take my anxiety meds a lot the past week(#idk i just feel like somehow it's not fair to them??#like. being with me or me trying to maybe be with them feels like... im taking away something from them or from their life#even tho we literally talked last night abt dates we really really wish we could go on#and how we obviously would just work well together we're compatible in basically every way#it also would be low pressure not heavy commitment because at the end of the summer we're both planning to move for college things#and she's looking at colleges in New York and nyc and im looking at colleges in oregon or Washington#so yeah.. literally across the entire country from each other#but that almost scares me more bc i have the it will come back hozier type of attachment issues where it's so so difficult for me to ever#let go of things once ive latched on (everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it or whatever) and i really don't want to leave my#claw marks in them bc like. god i really would adore having a thing for however many months we have but im so goddamn scared#that im either not going to be able to let go or one of us is going to detach well before we leave bc thats a reasonable emotional response#and thatll be it's own hell#but also#im 18 almost 19 (and i will make clear that they're in the year below me which also makes me feel really bad but that's a whole other can o#worms there) and its been a long while since ive just. let myself LIVE. ive been the shell of a man for months now. maybe another#stupid and wonderful and beautiful and terrible teenage romance wouldnt be the end of the world.#hell i was so convinced i would never ever ever not be in love with my more recent ex girlfriend and i still love her as a person but im#definitely not still in love with her and our splitting hurt but it was something that i was able to cope with and grow through#idk im rambling a lot longer than i have in a while i just have a lot of feelings right now.#i want to kiss them (again and more) i want to go to a stupid drive in movie and go to museums together and a picnic and all the shit that#we talked about last night and we both love in similar ways and feel our feelings really big and unapologetically#idk i have so much to say but running out of tags on here. double date maybe on friday ? we'll see what happens i guess.
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guys i've been feeling really happy about my art style lately ^-^
#obviously i have bad days when everything looks like shit but hey! i've come a long way and i like where i am right now!#i fear to look at my old art because of cringe but i know it's important to keep it (don't look at it though)#i still don't finish anything and leave it as a sketch but at the very least my proportions and anatomy got better#not counting exaggerated features because those are Intentional#every so often i start thinking about opening commissions but getting paypal would be a hassle and i can only draw my own characters well#i know this because i'm extremely picky at artfight and draw only the characters that look like something i'd come up with#which would not benefit me at all if people were expecting me to draw their Very Round and Cute and Fluffy Looking OC .#those i can only do in a way more simplistic style that i'm not happy with#n e ways#kavka's sketches
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I tried to mod something and the good news is, it didn't crash the game. 🥳 The bad news is, not what I was looking for lmao.
Like, don't get me wrong. I've seen way worse (the stuff of nightmares) on a modding channel I've been teaching myself this stuff lately, so. It's not like I completely fucked this thing up or anything like that.
It's just... I still gotta ask though.
What went wrong here?
#personal#my mods#(sort of kjdkd)#i was just lamenting this stuff on a fandom discord channel. saying i'm at my wits' end here and about to quit this shit#i tried following a tutorial on a modding channel and i got the whole thing working for the most part#he's sized correctly. animations seem to work. nothing is stretching apart from hair. the textures are all fucked up now but yeah#but because what i'm trying to do here is a little different than what that tutorial does#(they still keep pointing to that very same tutorial though)#it seems that either i did something wrong. maybe i skipped some important part?#(because one answer claimed if it's a model extracted from the same game it doesn't need to be rigged or weight-painted)#but then that video tutorial also says you need to separate some parts so that nothing's stretching etc.#which is obviously a thing that's happening above. that hair is in fact stretching. A LOT#i'm guessing because cloud and zack have different hair. so they must have different hair physics or something#but then. i also learned on that channel that zack doesn't have his own animations. because he's neither playable/non-playable#because he only appears in this one cutscene towards the end of the game. he has his own model and textures though#so i don't know whether that means he doesn't have his own physics either or...?#meaning i probably need to use another model's hair physics as well and somehow transfer them on zack's hair too or smth like that maybe#i don't know. i'm so confused#like i've put so much effort into this. so many retries already. i'm getting sick of the shaders input part actually lmao#and i'm so close but i'm stuck!#i tried asking for help on a modding channel but because my question didn't get answered in a couple of hours i chickened out and deleted i#and now i'm like i need help. i just don't know what i did wrong 🙈 i need strength and courage
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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How is skeleton shaped (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Papyrus#Sans#Some redraws! I just don't feel like scanning the originals so they'll stay contextless for now lol#I apparently used to draw Papyrus' scarf/cape with a little squiggly bit down the middle of his chest as well :0 I think it looks silly now#The donk-pecks I was talking about! :D Give your sibling a family kiss ♪ As much as skeletons can anyhow lol#Papyrus was being silly and then leaned down fully expecting it lol - another thing smol and I do a lot haha#Sometimes doing the cat thing of headbutting for attention lol#Sad skele doodles! Oh no! D: Best boy is the saddest around </3#I used to draw Papyrus' mouth as having teeth behind his teeth so I gave it another go - I think I'm good on it now lol I like his weird jaw#I don't know if I based the original eye-glows off anything specific :0 I wasn't as particular about my notes back then haha#He is still very fun to draw crying tho poor lad :')#Originally the second one of Papyrus with his eyes glowing had Sans comforting him with a forehead donk - even in this redraw!#But I got the angle wrong so I removed him and then had brainworms about it lol#Something something the player (the artist) controlling the appearance/experience and moving the pieces (the characters) around as they like#I already know all that! I've been metaphorically playing with dolls for years years years! It just never stops being weird#It's like being aware of my own breathing and blinking - it's ''natural'' and normal and there's obviously nothing wrong with it lol#There's just a level of awkward....Feeling surrounding awareness lol - intentionality! It's not like I can stop just because I'm aware of it#It's just so whimsical /neutral - if Sans had turned out how I wanted him to he'd be there comforting his brother! But because I...#As stated I have brainworms please excuse me lol#The level of weird feels between the various mediums is really interesting to me tho :) Being a player or reader or watcher or artist!#They all feel different - more or less in control of what happens to them and yet never fully without culpability hehe#Obviously as an artist it feels the most in control - even to my own empathetic detriment! (It's not that serious lol)#The difference between being a player and a reader is a lot closer than being a watcher tho imo it's like a spectrum of responsibility#Though that's kinda also just how I feel about media consumption in general lol - I guess one of those is technically media production#Anyway! Lol#I don't know where I got the idea that his hoodie is two-tone other than the separation of his pockets?#It is a cute design! Dunno if I'll keep it going forward just for convenience but I'm not mad about it lol
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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