#I've been very worried since yesterday but even yesterday I kept seeing A LOT of 44s during the day

[nei-ning]

Short and weird dream super shortly:

I sat inside a car at the front while, apparently my mother, was driving. We were at the parking area during beautiful summer day. Mom drove slowly behind this small white, egg-shaped car, stopping / parking our car behind it. Only thing what I instantly noticed was that this car had number 44 on its register plate and nothing else!

That number is VERY important to me. Very good sign / message from the Universe / God etc. however you like to name it. All Is Well ❤️

[pablitogavii]

Heeyy, i've been obsessed with your writing for a week now and i can't stop reading it. So can you write about Gavi dating a very clumsy reader? Where she's always bumping into something or even tripped over her own feet. And one day when they were cooking together, the reader accidentally tripped and hit a hot frying pan or anything that hurt herself because of it?? This just happened to me yesterday lol and the rest is up to you but i prefer a lot of flufff 🤩 Thankyouu and ily!

Ever since you were a little girl, your parents would call you 'clumsy' since you would always be the one to fall from the slides in the park, or slip on a wet floor but even as you grew up, your clumsiness grew with you so much that your boyfriend now uses the same nickname.

One time, Pablo even got concerned about some bruises on your hips that were the result from hitting the edge of the table one too many times over the week.

"Don't worry, Pablito. I'm used to it" you reassured him but he shook his head massaging some cream onto your bruises looking at them sadly.

"Please, be more careful amor..only bruises I want to see on this body are my hickeys..that's it" he said and you blushed bright red looking at him while he was very focused on gently massaging the area on your hip.

Tonight, some friends are coming over to our apartment and you are making dinner in the kitchen while Pablo is fixing up the table in the dinning room.

"Arrg!" Pablo heard rushing into the kitchen seeing your bloody red burn on your hand and his eyes opened wide while he rushed to your side.

"Amor! Put it under cold water! Easy now!" he said helping you while tears escaped your eyelids since this time it was very painful. Stupid pan!

"I'm sorry..I tripped..uhh" you said through tears feeling bad for continuously making Pablo worried but he gave you a gentle smile and a kiss on your forehead.

"Shh I'm going to fix you up and you will be like new..come here my clumsy baby" he said and you both went to the bathroom where he kept his first aid kit.

"Sit down amor and give me your hand." he said and you did as asked sitting on the bed while he kneeled in front of you taking your hand gently and applying some cleaning anesthetic on it.

"Ouch! Ouch!" you whined and he sushed you saying it will stop hurting very soon and to stay brave for him which you tried very hard but you were always a cry baby whenever you get hurt.

"Alright, let's apply some of this cream and then I'll add some cause so you don't touch it until it heals..okay princesa?" Pablo said looking up and pouting when he saw that you were crying. His fingers dried your tears and he left a sweet kiss on your lips before fixing up your hand.

"Come on amor, no more tears mi nena hermosa. This will heal in a few days, I promise" Pablo said after finishing with the gauze leaving a soft kiss on top of it and you gave him a weak smile snuffling a little.

"Why do I have to be so clumsy??" you said and he sat besides you pulling you into his arms careful not to touch your hurt hand and kissing the top of your head lovingly.

"Aw nena, I don't know..but you have your Pablito to patch you up whenever you get hurt..It's okay" he said and you smiled nodding your head and kissing the side of his neck in response.

"We should go back to the kitchen and finish dinner.." you remind him a few minutes scared that the moment you get up, you will get hurt again and be right back here.

"From now on, I will be your human shield..come on princesa" it was like he knew exactly what you were thinking, getting up slowly and holding your hand making sure you don't hit anything on your way to the kitchen.

"Thank you Pablo" you smiled and he kissed your lips hitting the stove playfully and cursing it for 'hurting his princesa' which made you giggle and return to fixing up the rest of the dinner.

A few hours when your friends arrived with their girlfriends, everyone asked about your injury which made you a little self conscious feeling stupid for being so clumsy.

"Our stove was bad and hurt mi princesa because it was jealous how much I love her.." Pablo said realizing how stupid that sounded making everyone including you laugh and kiss his lips sweetly.

"I love you so much Pablo.." you whisper to him seeing his cheeks turn pink slightly in embarrassment but he pecked your lips while nodding his head.

"Yo te amo tambien princesa" he said into the kiss leaving a soft kiss on your forehead before you both returned to eating the delicious meal and enjoying time with your friends.

It's not that long, but hope you enjoy :)

[nonny-nonny-anon]

[I'll be ooc for this in case some aren't familiar with my writing style.

TLDR; I'll be taking a break from Nonny for who knows how long because I'm not up to mentally and emotionally RP safely as Nonny right now. Or in general really. This isn't a call out post, don't go after anyone out of any self conceived notion of righteousness. I don't care if people shit on me though, just don't go after others.

What happened last night has honestly taken the rest of the wind out of my sails. I don't know if the mun the other anon actually did block this blog or not so I don't know if your side of fight was in character for you. Please know that my taking of a break isn't your fault, it's just something that's been building up for me irl side.

As a side note, as much as 'it's a public post' and 'anyone can interact with you' is real, please be aware that interacting is a two way street and the blame for any fights usually doesn't solely lie at any one person's feet. It's easy to forget, but the words one so easily puts onto the the internet does have real world effects. What really got to me though was the response that the other party had upon seeing Nonny's reaction. It was disheartening. Have I taken that out of proportion too? Maybe, but to me personally it's disparaging.

I'll admit that I did get heated during the three paragraph response, but that was still in character as Nonny does have a lot unresolved issues that, admittedly, come from a lot of my personal experiences. For that I'll apologize for because I should have separated my feelings from Nonny as a whole, but I won't apologize for keeping it going. By the time I got explaining my side of the things I'm pretty sure it was obvious that I, as Nonny, was already done with the fight and just wanted it over and done with. I, as mun, was already way past done by that point and was replying out of courtesy, but that doesn't really matter anyways.

Am I 'creating a situation' out of it again? Probably, but I'm also curating my own experience and I'll be doing that by taking a break. Call me sensitive, vindictive, a bitch, pathetic, or whatever else but I just wanted to get this out here and be known. Yesterday was just a bad day for me and that fight hit very close to home for me. Seeing that now, I want to take some time away from all of this since RPing is starting to weigh on me instead of being fun anymore.

I'll be taking a break because doing this whole RP with you all was fun. Was. After this whole thing with all of your guys' arcs and then that fight, as well as being a bad time of the year for my family, I won't be able to put the effort and care into this as much as I used to if I kept going. I know my limits and I can tell that I'm starting to get to the end of my rope so I've actually been looking for an excuse to cut down on a lot of stress while I still can and that whole thing gave me the perfect excuse to put Nonny away for awhile.

Anyways, I'll be taking a break from this blog. I don't know when I'll be back, could be inbetween tomorrow, days, months, or even never. Nonny will come back in blog form whenever I feel like I can safely do RP again mentally and emotionally. For anyone worried about my mental, don't. This just happens from time to time and like I said, yesterday was just a bad day for me and I shouldn't have been doing RP to begin with. My dms and ask box will still be open and answered.]

[the-danmei-multiverse-and-angst]

Working on another MDZS fic ☺️

I literally just wrote this yesterday. WIP MDZS fic, based on some prompts I've been talking about. Something I am going to work on.

 It has been two and a half years since Wei Wuxian has come back thanks to the sacrifice of Mo Xuanyu.

  Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling stood side by side after finally conquering the yao during their night hunts together, also after a nearly fatal hit to Wei Wuxian because he had jumped in the way of an attack meant for Jin Ling. 

Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian had been spending a lot of time together, with the others, and most of the time Lan Wangji. Jin Ling had also learned many more tricks and tips from Wei Wuxian (when Jiang Cheng was too busy to help him or join them both); Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng were still slowly patching their relationship as best as they could. Baby steps and all. Jin Ling still kept night hunting a lot of times with the Sizhui and the others and training outside of his sect duties, and always learning from Wei Wuxian and learning more about the man who he had been taught to hate when he was growing up, learning he killed his parents.

It had never been that simple or clear cut. 

Jin Ling regretted stabbing him two years ago and felt deep remorse. Wei Wuxian would laugh it off but…Jin Ling knew it could have been very, very bad. 

Jin Ling decided then. “I have something I want to say. And don't…don't say anything. Don't be…you for just one moment. Even though I know it's a difficult task for you.” Jin Ling muttered the last part under his breath. 

“I know an apology can't change what happened, or erase it and I know you…you just pretend or say that it was nothing..or whatever. But..ah..” Jin Ling cleared his throat, looking down at his feet nervously, and felt his cheeks reddening. 

Wei Wuxian chuckled slightly at that. “What's this? What's got you all worked up, Jin Ling?”

“I'm sorry!” Jin Ling burst out. “I'm so sorry for stabbing you at Koi Tower that day!” 

Wei Wuxian flinched back a little at the reminder, also recalling the after image he saw in that moment. He was also shocked. 

“Jin Ling, no. It's fine. I deserved it and besides, it was nothing. I'm fine, am I not? I'm still here, Jin Ling.”

“-Don’t. Don't do that. Please.” Jin Ling held up his palm facing out, tears springing to his eyes, his expression part angry and solemn. “Don't brush what I did off like that! That's not okay! Why do you-? Just…don't. It doesn't change the fact that I did stab you and things could have ended up turning out very badly, and I was almost the cause of it. And you and HanGuang-jun…I almost.. I almost took you away from him again, and away from Sizhui and everyone. From…me and uncle. I would have robbed everyone of a second chance. And-” Jin Ling was starting to shout and was rambling but he couldn't stop.

Wei Wuxian just stood there staring at him, slack jawed as he ranted. 

“I know, I know it's just how you are…but do you think, even when you brush it off and say it's okay, it magically makes things better? Because it doesn't. I know it's partly to reassure us, or for us to not blame ourselves and it's what you were taught. If I was the one to get hurt or Sizhui, or even your precious husband, you'd have feelings about it right? You'd be worried, angry, and protective, and looking for ways to make it better. That goes for us too. When you get hurt…seeing you hurt..it's not just painful to you but to us. You care so much more about everyone else than you do about yourself. But I..we care about you.” Jin Ling’s voice started to lower and crack, tears streaming down his face. 

“I-Jin Ling-” Wei Wuxian took a step towards him and paused, a pained look on his face.

Wei Wuxian had been horrified as tears fell from Jin Ling’s eyes and he reached out his hand, no longer smiling. He worried about him but he was also listening. 

Jin Ling paused, taking in a shuddering breath to try and calm himself down and instead of pushing Wei Wuxian hand away, he took a hold of the other's wrist and pulled him closer. Jin Ling's lips were trembling, holding back sobs and his eyelashes wet with tears. 

“You're so brilliant but also an idiot, Wei Wuxian.” He laughed a little, his voice hoarse. “That night hunt the year before for last year…was a really close call. You were in a really bad way. We almost thought you wouldn't make it. After seeing you like that, after protecting Sizhui and me that time too… and spending so much time roaming around together and the stories you told me of mother and father, and you, Jiujiu and A-niang-” He choked a little, sniffling. 

“For so long, it was just me and Jiujiu.. and then you came back and turned everything upside down and…you opened my eyes. And I also not only heard the truth after not knowing what happened but saw it through empathy on the night hunt you nearly… I know how much you loved my A-niang, Jiujiu and…I know everything about what happened and the choices you were faced with. And I want you to know…I don't think A-niang hated you, even after..I think she just wanted her little brothers back and to know what went wrong and why you pulled away. She knew you, that you wouldn't have intentionally hurt her like that. It would break you and it did…in the end. The first siege…”Jin Ling paused, and swallowed after seeing Wei Wuxian face go extremely pale. 

“I know.” Jin Ling spoke gently, after a long pause. “You-” 

Wei Wuxian vehemently shook his head and backed up. “Jin Ling.. you should have never been forced to see any of that.. and empathy..of all things. Jin Ling, that's not a technique you should have done and you-”

Wei Wuxian's memories of that time of last year was vague and blurry, he remembered saving Sizhui and Jin Ling and hearing his husband call out to him, hearing the worry and fear in his voice before Wei Wuxian passed out. 

As far as geniuses go, sometimes his rationality goes out the window when he sees the people he lives deeply in imminent danger, and he takes action without thinking during some of those times, instinctively. After everything in his first life…he couldn't bear to lose any one of them. 

Jin Ling gripped his wrist a little more firmly when Wei Wuxian attempted to pull back. Jin Ling refused to let go.

“The point is, is that…I'm sorry. And I'm so grateful.”

Wei Wuxian blinked, “what?”

Jin Ling smiles, tears still in his eyes, but no longer falling like they were. “I know you didn't ask or choose to come back. I'm glad you're here though. I got to know my Dajiu, the little didi my A-niang loved and risked her life for. And I know she would have done the same for Jiujiu. She would be sad if she saw the state of your relationship now though. But things are slowly getting better between you two, finally. Thanks to me, of course. Because you and Jiujiu are both idiots.” Jin Ling rolled his eyes. 

“Hey, you brat!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed with an obvious playful pout, back to trying to lighten the mood, and ruffled Jin Ling’s hair with his free hand. 

“I'm grateful to Mo Xuanyu too. Even though he had other reasons and possibly pushed into it, if he hadn't done the ritual…you wouldn't be here right now. And I can't imagine Jiujiu and I going back to the way things were now, not when I'm used to you being in my life. I like having you in my life, a part of my life. And I'm sorry we were both robbed of that chance by Grandfather and-” Jin Ling winced. It was still difficult for him to bring up Jin Guangyao. 

“Well.. anyway, try not to get yourself hurt all the time, okay? I know you attract trouble and all, but at least try.” Jin Ling complained with exasperation.

“I'm more than capable of handling things, Jin Ling. I've even been practicing again with my sword and thanks to..well let's just say this body's golden core has gotten much stronger.” Wei Wuxian winked. “And I still have-”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, the ghost path. Even then, you're still powerful but having power doesn't make you invulnerable, nor does being a genius since things will happen in life that we can't control. You are the inventive genius here. Instead of rushing to injure yourself for our sake, if it's possible then don't forget to try and find another way first. It's okay to put yourself first, Dajiu. I know that's easier said than done, because we tend to lose it when we care about others. I know it's easier said than done but…just try…please.” Jin Ling finished.

“Mmhm. And don't forget I remember the stunt you pulled to save your friends, Jin Ling. If anything has happened to you, Jiang Cheng-” would have never recovered. Wei Wuxian didn't finish that sentence. Wei Wuxian spoke seriously this time, scolding him in the same manner but more firm. 

Jin Ling looked down, and scuffed his foot across the ground. “I know. Fine. We will all try.”

Wei Wuxian smiled at him. “Jin Ling, both of your parents would be so proud of the man you're becoming. Shijie would be especially.”

Jin Ling stared at him in shock, tears trying to spill from his eyes again. “Do you mean it? Do you think A-niang would be proud of me?” Jin Ling’s voice sounded small and unsure. 

Wei Wuxian pulled Jin Ling into a firm hug, much like that time in the temple. “I know so without a doubt. Jiang Cheng too. He might not say it, but I've seen it.”

Jin Ling wipes the tears from his eyes, and gazing at him hesitantly. “And you? What about you?’

Wei Wuxian laughed. “You have to ask? Of course I am proud of you, Jin Ling. Absolutely.” Wei Wuxian grinned. 

Jin Ling blushed and turned his nose up haughtily, getting embarrassed and overwhelmed. “Whatever, Wei Wuxian! I have to go. I promised Zizhen I would meet him at the inn he's staying at when we were done.” Jin Ling turned and ran off in a rush.

Wei Wuxian laughed, watching him go.

Dajiu. Jin Ling had called him that. More than once. It made warmth flare in his chest and he was touched. He never thought Jin Ling would really want much to do with him, much less call him Dajiu. But it had been Jin Ling to reach out first on his own, to try night hunts with the two of them, and more with the other little ducklings that seemed to appear when he and Lan Zhan were roaming around. Especially his little radish Sizhui, Jingyi, and Jin Ling. 

Wei Wuxian gave a fond sigh. 

Look, Shijie, your son is growing into a fine man. I wish I had been there from the beginning but I'll do my best to be here for him from this moment onwards and Jiang Cheng. 

Always. 

Wei Wuxian turned, starting to hum the tune of his and Lan Zhan song.

The moon gazed down from above, the rays of light beaming from it seemed to glow even brighter for a single moment, like the beam of a smile before fading into a softer stream of light, lighting Wei Wuxian’s path home to his husband. 

-until next time (will be continued, angst ahead) and here is a link to the MDZS fic idea. Inspired by two Fics I've read by two separate writers. The latter half is stated but I forgot the first one, but well it's in the doc. It's about post canon MDZS post canon AU WWX gets his body back but...not in the way anyone expects. It will have a lot of angst and some fluff and healing and bonding moments and danger and all that. And I've been searching for fellow artist beta readers that may be interested in helping me edit seeking solace and help me plan out this fic and possibly help write it if I need some input and fresh ideas. ☺️.

I'll make another post later and add more songs that I feel fit the fic vibe and all that, Wei Wuxian's character, and etc.

[nightdemon04]

First try at angst let me know what you think!

I gave this fanfic a very personal spin so i hope it's not too bad.

Angsty? Comfort? Idk you can decide

Warning! Self isolation, mention of sh and sh scars. If any of these trigger you please don't read.

Atsushi Nakajima x gn reader.

Enjoy!!

I splashed water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. Eyes puffy from my latest crying session, i took notice of the scars that are still there but atleast i didn't go that far this time. I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone started ringing..

Probably Kunikida calling to see where I am, I really wish I hadn't plugged my phone in yesterday, it's been silent for the whole week. Now I'm going to have to explain to everyone why I'm missing for the week, not that any of them bothered to visit to see me. I'll just tell Kunikida I was sick and couldn't get out of bed.

I checked my phone only to see a lot of missed calls and unread messages, I'll answer later. I can't be bothered right now. I lay back in bed staring up, I don't know what happened for me to feel like this. I guess it started when I saw Dazai and the others in a bar without me, they couldn't even bother to invite me. It wasn't even their fault I was away on a mission but it just reminded me of my past and how that went.

Now i'm here talking to no one, going back to how it all was before i joined ADA. I always thought it was normal until i met the people I know now, I can't help let the past haunt me and ruin everything I've build so far.

I should probably atleast text Atsushi, he's probably worried sick about me. I'm suprised he hasn't shown up on my doorstep but I understand. I do live quite a bit away from him. I'm also glad he hasn't shown up, no idea what I'd do. I'm scared to face him. He's the love of my life, he's been there for me since he joined. He gave me the best birthday gift even though he didn't know me. I love him with all my heart so i don't want him to see me like this.

I rubbed my eyes hoping for the tears that I felt building up to dissappear. After a while i fell asleep again, only to be woken up by knocking on my door. I groggily open the door only to see Dazai. "Dazai? What are you doing here?" He pushed me aside and walked inside. He turned to look at me, grabbed my shoulders and started talking. "Get off ur ass, stop pitying yourself and get something done." i looked at him in shock unable to say something.

I felt the tears coming up again. Dazai kept staring at me. he wiped them away.

"Staying home and pitying yourself won't help you, it will make everything worse. Go work or go on a date with Atsushi, go to a store, go to a dog park, i don't know but stop it." He looked at me calmly but there was another emotion hidden deep inside of him. I couldn't say anything, just staring at him. He slapped my cheek softly snapping me out of it and i started nodding and softly said a "yes Dazai."

He looked at me so serious, I've never seen Dazai like this. It's honestly scary to see him like this. "I'll come to work tomorrow i promise." He suddenly smiled. "Good u need to help me with paperwork!" he winked at me.

Ofcourse what else did i expect. Suddenly his face dropped again "Y/N.. Don't let whatever happend stop you or push anyone away. Everyone was worried sick about you, come to us when you need help don't just isolate yourself." i nodded and hugged him tightly.

I felt him tense but slowly hug me back. "Don't ever hesitate to ask for help or advice, just don't wallow in self pity that's just stupid." i nodded again and let him go, he walked to my fridge and took out a bottle of water.

"I'm going now, i better see you at work tomorrow" he was almost past the door when Atsushi came inside panicking. "Y/N i saw your door open are yo- Dazai?" Atsushi is here now too? Just my luck.. "Hello and goodbye Atsushi" with that Dazai left quickly and Atsushi turned to me with confusion.

I just lifted my shoulders i didn't want to expose Dazai or even explain it all. "What are you doing here Atsushi?" He looked at me nervously. "I came to check up on you.. You haven't answered any of my texts and haven't been at work so I've been worried." He cares?

I decided to stop it here i might make a second part though. I've been struggling a lot with life so do excuse the rare updates.

Also I'm working on some headcannons but for some reason i just can't think if anything I'm going to ask some friends to help me cus i really don't have any idea how to tackle that. Either way i hope you liked the fic!

Stay healthy and safe!

Drink enough water and eat too!

[nervouscloudtheorist]

April 27th 2024

Dear Diary,

I MISSED IT. I MISSED WEEDING DAY. I AM SO UPSET WITH MYSELF.

Okay so I was feeling extra sleepy and not too well yesterday so I kinda slept in...for the entire day. I know I know, because when I woke up it was 6:00am TODAY. Uggghhhhhhh I am so upset. I wish there was a way for me to turn back time so that I didn't miss it. I couldn't even go into Leif shop today because I don't want to even talk about it. I was hyping it up to you, to Clay, to Chrissy, to Dierdre, to everyone really and when the day came I was the only one not there. So disappointing,

I don't even really have a good reason for it either. I was practicing my art skills so that I could better design clothes for Sable's sewing machine... I didn't even get far in it. I have nothing to show for missing Weeding day except my tears.

Back to my daily stuff before I continue with the self loathing....

Dierdre invited me to her birthday party on May4th which is awesome because mine is the very next day! Also it's the only birthday party I've been invited to so it's gonna be extra fun. I have to make sure I get her a really good gift. Probably something mermaid related?

Also T-Bone is leaving. I have a hard time being sad about it since I didn't really talk to him all that much but I hope that he finds a place where he can try all the food he wants like he was talking about.

I can't help but feel like a bad mayor...not just because I missed weeding day but because everyone keeps wanting to leave it feels like. I know I may sound super confident in my skills but deep down I'm worried I'm not doing great. I try to visit and talk to everyone but there are just some people I don't click with and I feel like as Mayor that should be kept to a minimal as possible. But much like how I can't go back in time, I can't change what has already happened. I guess like mom says, I can only move forward.

I checked on my turnip prices today and they were 111 bells. I remembered what Joan said about how they only last a week so I made sure to sell them and I want to believe that I made a profit but I cannot remember how much I bought them for. I will need to make sure that I keep a note of that tomorrow when I buy some more turnips cause you know me, I am all about making that bread. Not today though, I am pretty sad.

I spent a lot of time in the museum looking at the fish and realized, I still don't have that many fish here. I should really work on that if I want a place to sit when I am sad. I mean I have outside on the beach but that's not the same as watching fish swim by...

ALSO where is the club that Shrunk promised? It still hasn't been built. I wonder if he told me that it would take longer than normal projects and I just tuned it out because I was thinking about capturing that golden stag beetle. I was also thinking about buying a diving suit but that really doesn't help me when the ocean is still cold on the mainland.

I aldo found a few more Gyroids today. I think I'm on a roll with finding them now. I don't know why it took so long but it seems pretty fantastic to me. However, when I was going around looking for them, I fell into a pitfall. Sly was right there when I fell in so I feel like my suspicions that it is him are completely justified. It may have also been one that I personally planted but I'm not sure because I planted a few. He then asked me to get a cherry for him to eat after he didn't even help me get out of the hole. It is because of these things, I am confident the pitfall seed planter is Sly. Granted Ribbot walked by with a shovel...but that's not important. I am sure he was looking for Gyroids to give to Clay as well...

Regardless, I am going to run a full fledged investigation on Sly starting tomorrow. He can't keep getting away with this!

We will see what evidence I “dig” up.

-Finn

P.S. You know that was funny.

[pendragonthegreat]

dj machale at creature feature weekend!

yesterday i went to gettysburg, pa to creature feature weekend to see dj machale! this was a horror convention so he was there for ayaotd, but he seemed happy to talk about his books with me! following under the cut is a very long summary of all that happened, enjoy reading (or just look at the pictures if you want)

i got two books from my collection signed: my german merchant of death, and my special edition raven rise. he told me a little about both of these books:

on german tmod, he first asked if i was german but i explained i'm just a collector of his books, and i love the cover art for this one... he told me that it's one of his favorites too! i'm really happy to hear that and to have it signed since it's the source of the icon i use most places, including here on tumblr.

he seemed really surprised to see the special edition raven rise, saying he hadn't seen one in a really long time. i had always wondered about this book, and he explained that it was a kind of promotional tool sent to bookstores and libraries before the ninth book came out. he also said that it's basically an ARC, which surprised me because i thought it was just a special dust jacket, and that the actual book was the same as any other raven rise. but i'll have to compare it with another copy to see. will update

he said while signing raven rise, "i'll sign this the way i sign all pendragons" and of course wrote hobey ho... :]

(he also seemed to remember me from the zoom call i had with him back in may after i reminded him!)

after we talked about the books i brought, i mentioned that i watched flight 29 down at his recommendation and he seemed really excited to talk about that show! he told me about how the show was originally only made with 2 seasons, and it wasn't until after high school musical came out (and corbin bleu became more popular) that dj was asked to finish the story and they made the movie. i found this super interesting! then he told me about how he recently went to see corbin in new york, as he's currently starring in little shop of horrors off broadway. he even showed me a picture of them together yayy

after i got those autographs i waited around until his panel, which was mostly about ayaotd. a lot of it was even stuff i've heard before in interviews, but it was still a lot of fun for me! he also mentioned tower of terror. huge for me. and after the panel he played a really corny 90's music video from one of the vhs releases of ayaotd which was really fun to see :)

then was my photo op! this was super fast but i was really hoping to show him my sylo dog tags (i'm wearing them in the pic but not the right way around lol) and he was really shocked to see these too! at first he thought it was from f29d because apparently there were also dog tags made for that show.

then we talked about sylo and he seemed excited to talk about that too! he asked me how i liked the ending and we talked about the movie that never got made and it was soo fun but really fast and in fact the photographer had to cut us off to get to the next person. lol

here's our picture!

this could have been the end but i kept thinking like... it's not against the rules to just get in line at the autograph table again... so i did that.

i was kind of worried he'd be sick of me atp but i think he was pleased to see me again? lol idk. still i tried to make this interaction short so other ppl could talk to him so i just showed him the picture we took earlier (he was really unhappy with the background so i promised i'd tell everyone he didn't pick it lolll) then i asked him if he's working on anything right now and he told me he's still working on getting the paper trail (his next book) out, and he's pitching a horror movie right now that may or may not get made. i got one of the ayaotd prints signed and then i told him i'd be looking forward to his future work and thanked him profusely for his time... and he thanked me for coming... and that was it. okay thanks for reading

[falsettos-tight-knit-family]

30 Day Falsettos Challenge in 2 Days

I found this challenge on Google yesterday, but since I feel like answering a question a day isn't very interesting content, I'm just gonna split all of them up into 2 longer posts. I was planning on doing it all in one, but then realized how long some of my answers were and that you probably don't want to read all that. So here's the question list

And here's are my answers to the first 15 of them:

1) Favorite Character: Whizzer. This should come as no surprise, I love this man with all my heart

2) Least Favorite Character: Charlotte. Not because I like her less, I just wish we got to know her more. Since she and Cordelia only got one act, I feel like I didn't get to know them as well, especially in her case.

3) Most Overrated Character: Ngl i have no idea- It's a very character-based musical and I feel like they all deserve the hype they get from what I've seen

4) Most Underrated Character: Caroline /j But honestly, any of the women

5) Favorite Couple: I love them all, but I'd be lying if I said anything but Whizzvin

6) Favorite Song: Currently, probably The Thrill of First Love. What can I say, I'm attracted to both actors and love a good argument song

7) Least Favorite Song: Something Bad Is Happening Reprise. I appreciate the pain it brings through the implication of Marvin also having AIDS, but it's ultimately only a couple sentences long and doesn't impact me as much as Falsettoland Reprise.

8) Favorite Scene: Off the top of my head, probably the Racquetball scene from A Day in Falsettoland. To be able to see them genuinely happy and having fun together as a couple is so satisfying, and it just shows how much healthier their relationship is now.

9) Funniest Scene: Again, first thing I think of is "You are gonna kill your mother, don't feel guilty, kill your mother" "Everyone hates his parents, now I see why-"

10) Saddest Scene: Fuck man idk at this point- Unlikely Lovers gets me on a lot of levels though; Marvin refuses to leave Whizzer's side, Whizzer tells him to go home so he doesn't worry (even though Marvin by his side is probably the thing he wants most), and everyone trying to focus on happier things to distract from the fact one of them is about to die. Especially on Cordelia's part, up to this post, she's basically always been smiling no matter what, and I think this is the first time the smile starts slipping and it's so important to her character to me-

11) Best Character Development: I haven't delved too deep into the depths of their characters, so I'm gonna go with the most blatant change from Act 1 to Act 2, Marvin. He goes from a complete asshole whose internalized homophobia and misogyny fuck over everyone else in his life, to a genuinely good father and partner who has learned from his mistakes.

12) If You Could Change Something About The Musical, What Would It Be? I'm the worst critique, does it count if I say I wish they'd kept a lot of the lines from the original versions of the songs for the revival? Both ones for comedic value ("It's queer Mr. Marvin") and ones that give more depth and understanding to the characters (Can't find the exact quote, but there was a cut line from Trina explicitly about suicidal intentions)

13) A Moment That Made You Change Your Mind About A Character: I remember thinking Mendel was more annoying in the beginning and I'm not sure exactly when it changed. It might have been a Marriage Proposal when I got to see he and Trina's chemistry together that made me see him as less annoying and more just awkward and endearing.

14) A Song You'd Want To Be In: Either The Thrill Of First Love I'd just really like to be part of that choreography, or The Baseball Game because literally any role in it would be fun in my opinion. Either I'd be done with Marvin's bullshit or, in Cordelia's case, laughing my ass off at his antics.

15) A Character You'd Want To Play: Either Whizzer or Cordelia. Whizzer because he's dramatic and petty and I think he'd be fun, and Cordelia because she's just me as a girl so I think I could do her justice.

[mr-leach]

So I've enabled tipping on my blog because I'm in a rough spot and I'm gonna be struggling to feed everyone for the next week or two, depending on certain factors. Sob story is below the cut cause I genuinely hate having to drag this shit out but I also feel like I owe it to the people potentially willing to help me out, so:

So some of you may or may not know that I recently had a bout with thyroid cancer this past year or so and that I had surgery in the summer to have one side of my thyroid removed. If you didn't, it's cause genuinely I'm not a huge fan of talking about it in online spaces cause it's pretty personal and I don't really like the type of attention stuff like this gets.

Anyway at the time I was not doing too badly financially--I actually had a bit of savings built up and I had enough work hours accumulated that I qualified for EI sickness benefits so I wasn't too worried. Well, what I didn't know was that the "insurable weeks" number for my region was increased from 15 to 24, which heavily altered their calculations and made it so I was essentially getting 35% of my regular paycheck each week.

On top of that, the CRA still wanted me to pay back their CERB "loan" (if you follow any other Candians you may have heard about this garbage move by the government to sign up workers who were laid off during the start of the pandemic onto a benefit program that, while it kept a lot of people afloat, apparently included a caveat that if you didn't use 100% of it and went back to work you would have to pay $2k back to them, essentially punishing essential workers for going back to work) and decided they were going to garnish my already dismal benefit payments. They figured I would be fine to survive off of $90 a week while recovering from surgery.

Predictably, my savings disappeared. I am very grateful that my roommate was patient and did not see fit to make me move out when I couldn't pay rent, and when I got back to work I tried as hard as I could to pay him back as quickly as possible. I was essentially giving him every dollar I was not already spending on rent and bill payments. I struggled to pay for groceries and had to beg folks on twitter for money.

At the same time I started to develop further health issues. I couldn't sleep at night, I felt like sleeping all day, and I started experiencing episodes of somnolence (sudden feelings of tiredness bordering on falling asleep) while at work. I would have to leave work early, or sometimes I would even fall asleep while eating my breakfast in the morning. I missed more and more work and when I did make it in my performance would plummet after 4 hours and I would make major mistakes or even injure myself. I work in a garment factory btw.

I struggled to get in touch with my doctor, or really, any doctor to figure out what was wrong. Our healthcare system right now is in the process of being tanked to hell by the provincial government so they can justify introducing a two tier semi privatized system that values money over care. All this to say I was basically on my own trying to treat my worsening health with sleep supplements and energy drinks. It helped, but not enough. As of early February I was still missing work and struggling to stay awake most days.

I hit a wall and my anxiety made it impossible to go to work in the morning. Full on anxiety attacks, self harm, emotional breakdowns, the works. I asked to take a leave of absence to try and focus 100% on getting better. I've since been able to get in contact with my doctor and hopefully work towards a solution.

Right now I am waiting. I am waiting on EI to get back to me about benefits. I am waiting to hear from Social Services to see if they can help. And I am waiting on my tax return to be reviewed so I can pay my past due rent. I have a negative account balance. I went to the store yesterday and bought milk and margarine with a roll of change. The CRA is saying I could be waiting until the 13th to hear about my tax assessment. EI does not have an estimate for me lol. Social Services hasn't even gotten back to me and I'm dreading trying to reach out due to past trauma working with them.

Anyway. If you have anything to give the tip option is there. I'm gonna attempt to make dnd adoptables as well in the meantime but I'm gonna be real it might take too long to make anything worthwhile and idk if it can wait. I got myself, my spouse, and Victor to keep fed and my roommate breathing down my neck at this point so if you've read all this and have anything to spare it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

[nathank77]

12/22/24

3:11 p.m

I went to the gym. I had an effective arm, back, and chest workout. The annoying thing is i woke up with left trap pain.... from sleeping... cause I haven't worked my back in over a week.... my trap injury was the right one. It finally got better. But it was that neck pain you get from sleeping in the wrong position...

I did do a very effective ab workout too. I was there for almost 3 hours. The majority of it was abs and calisthenics... I threw in a bunch of oblique workouts... cause I can't really hit them with more than one machine since I can't control the ab coaster. I might have over done it but we will find out.

I felt high when I left the gym. I'm so addicted it's bad... you know you got a problem when you are willing to leave the house in 8 degrees weather and scrap your windows every morning.. it's annoying af to clean the windows. To freeze. But once I'm there i mean it's so nice.

I was laying on the mat doing calisthenics and it was so nice inbetween closing my eyes and staring up at the lights... closing my eyes isn't fun for me but sometimes it's relaxing.. it still give me anxiety unfortunately...

This morning i woke up at 6:15 and ate a protein bar and couldn't fall back to sleep. Keeping my eyes closed was anxiety provoking.... nonetheless I passed out at like 10:30 last night... so I got enough sleep anyways... it would have been nice to get more.

I hate the anxiety closing my eyes causes me... I wonder if it'll ever get better. I'm always worried about my rapid eye movement. Like I could stop it or like if I have a mental picture to the side like my eyes will look that way and break my eye muscles. Thanks psychosis. The ptsd of closing my eyes is real. And really uncomfortable.

Nonetheless laying on the mat inbetween workouts in the silence hearing the clanging of the weights. It was relaxing. These annoying kids started working out next to me kinda ruining it but they left and it went back to being relaxing..

But the spray bottles and people using them gives me anxiety when I'm in a machine nearby and people start spraying... like i close my eyes.. the clorox bathroom incident had some long terms effects in terms of anxiety around chemicals... I get anxiuos when I get it on my skin or on my hoodie since I use my sleeve to spray the bottle sometimes it gets on my sleeves..

I hit my obliques hard.. but yea it was a nice workout. I def made up for the two rest days I'm going to have.. but I mean my ab workout was way better than last time. I guess I just was overtraining and my body needed a break... bc my reps went back up... maybe Thursday I'll do legs and then do the upper body and abs workout on Friday. Idk. I just want to hit my upper body 3 times a week as well as my abs............

I only do legs bc of the endorphins and all that. Idc about making them bigger...

I guess I'll see how I feel. My biceps and forearm pain improved significantly this morning from yesterday. So I decided to hit the gym the way I wanted to. We will see.

Anyways, I've been watching sports in my free time. Idk why. I mean it's high dialogue. And it's interesting. I've been watching hockey, basketball, the x games and even ufc...

I mean I love hockey. Basketball is sorta interesting tbh... and I always loved the X games.

Ufc is brutal. I remember that Elise watches it.... they kept advertising the Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson match and it made me want to watch it... and holy hell idk how she watches it. They beat the shit out of eachother and they get swelling and shit. I'm having a hard time watching it.

My brain is changing a lot...

I'm trying not to overthink my mother's nose bleed.... and trying to de-traumatizes myself bc like in hockey there could be blood on the ice. I remember loving that... loving that in movies.. and my mom scared me. It's different when its someone you care about.

But yea I'm still worried about the tinnitus... and thinking about that post below.. I got to shower soon and do some chores around the house. I really don't want to. I got to get ready for Christmas eve... I'm anxouos about sleep... that's why I'm taking more xanax. I'll be gone. I do got to pick an outfit.

I still don't know what to do about Christmas day.. but i have an idea.. imma plan to stay with my mother.. maybe i can fall asleep without extra Xanax on Christmas eve night.... maybe.... if not I'll take more... but I mean I could decide to stay home....it's possible...

Last year on the day before Christmas I couldn't fall asleep... I closed my eyes for hours and couldn't hit sleep stage one........... I didn't go to my dad's bc I didn't sleep....... which is depressing.... this was before Xanax..

Speaking of xanax very soon my xanax birthday is coming up. A full year of xanax. How fucking disgusting huh? But over this last year of xanax I've fallen asleep every night except 3... before xanax once psychosis hit after microsleep I was sleeping every other day bc my brain just wouldn't sleep.

Its really disgusting tbh what Kristen's negligence did to my brain. Imma be on xanax until the day I die just so I can sleep. Once I wake up 4 or 5 hours after xanax i can't fall back to sleep. Xanax is the only reason i sleep. I'm so fucking thankful for xanax.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

07/31/24, morning

Actually slept okay. I would really have preferred to get, like, at least one more hour, but for once I didn't wake up at like, 5 AM randomly so I'll take it. I've actually heard that sleeping worse is a common side effect of being at a caloric deficit, so maybe that's actually a good sign...? I haven't been counting my calories really- just my protein, though even that I know I've been undercutting quite a bit. I'm probably getting about 100g on average, when I should really be shooting for at least 130-150g, but it's just really hard to convince my stomach AND my wallet to consume that much food in one day. This might be a "you just need to incorporate protein powder into more meals/snacks throughout the day" situation. I'll do some research, but honestly, this early into my "fitness journey," I don't think my body is going to do a lot with that much protein anyway.

Decided the overnight oats need to be eaten pretty quickly. While distracted by another activity like drawing or posting art or something, I tend to eat and drink very slowly, so yesterday it probably took me an hour to eat my oats, and they got pretty gloopy and unpleasant after a while. Good to know.

Red Beans and Rice were a great success. Best pot I've made so far. Added a red bellpepper to the usual trinity, diced everything up MUCH finer than I usually would, threw in a good scoop of bacon fat after browning my andouille to sautee my veggies in, cut a few seasonings in favor of a couple big tbsp of Tony Chachere's, threw in a few dashes of a nice vinegary hot sauce, and simmered the whole mess WAY longer than I normally do- like twice as long. Blown away by the result. I was worried the Tony Chachere's being mostly salt would keep the beans from softening, but cooking them down longer made up the difference just fine, and now I've got a vat of rich, delicious red beans and rice that'll feed me for like a week! Think the only thing I regret is not having some cornbread and collard greens to go with it all. Next time I wanna source a ham hock to throw in too.

Still keeping up my morning exercises. I decided what I'd originally committed to was too much too early, so I've mostly been doing 3x10 knee push-ups, 3x20 crunches, and 3x20 glute bridges the last few days, but I think I'm gonna be ready to tack the bicycle crunches back on soon, and I'm just about ready to graduate to full push-ups. I can see myself trimming up a little bit, and my shoulders starting to fill out just a little, but I think it's mostly just that I've been shedding water weight. I haven't been using my scale the last week or so- the battery died and I keep forgetting to grab a replacement, so I don't know how much I'm actually losing, but again I'm pretty confident it's mostly just a combination of water loss and eating less overall, and fewer things that would make me bloated or gassy shrinking my tummy.

I'm very used to starting a new exercise routine, and then quitting out through shear distraction about a week later, but I'm really doing my best and this is the longest I've kept it up in a while. That said, I haven't had much DOMS since I first started besides a little achiness in my thighs the day after squats here and there, and it's making me nervous. I hope I'm not sabotaging myself by not lifting heavy enough or something, but even my shoulders didn't get achy despite really struggling on even just 10lb dumbbells for my side lateral raises. I couldn't even quite finish a 3x10 that way- I think I got to, like, 3x8 and had to tap cause I couldn't even really do a decent partial rep by that point. I was really expecting that I'd be sore after but my shoulders are absolutely fine. Well, yesterday was my "rest day." I didn't even hop on the treadmill, though I wanted to, but being that I hadn't walked much yesterday anyway since I was just drawing all day, I wasn't exactly prepared to spend 100 minutes on a treadmill to hit my 10k steps for that day anyway. Today I'm back on weights though. I think I've got a good idea of what I should be lifting for each exercise, but I think I might still need to up my squat weight more. We'll see tonight.

Think that's about it... Uh, final thoughts: Furikake and sriracha are great, they make like 50% of all my meals right now way way better. My shift at the day job today is short enough that I won't really wanna bring a lunch, but I think I'm gonna hardboil an egg to snack on anyway to try to cram a little more protein.

Think that's it. Think I'm gonna try to relax and conserve some energy before work- maybe read my book and clean up around the apartment just a bit. I need to hit up my friends and try to get them to play pickleball with me or something.

Tchuss.

[timeoverload]

I am feeling better than I did yesterday. Today was ok. I didn't get overwhelmed by anything. My leg is bothering me again and that vibration sensation in my outer thigh is back. I'm not in too much pain at the moment, thankfully.

Only one bad thing happened. The guy who has a crush on me asked me if I had always been anemic out of no where. I have never talked to him about that and I thought that was a rude thing for him to say. It was another one of his "jokes". Of course I got offended because I have been since I was born. I have a hard time getting enough iron. I used to take a supplement but it was so hard on my stomach that I had to stop. I don't think he even knows what anemia is. He kept apologizing but it doesn't matter. He needs to learn to stop opening his mouth without thinking about what he is going to say. He also knew that I took tomorrow off and he had to come say goodbye to me. I did not want to talk to him at all after what he said to me but I was polite. He looked like he was going to cry. It was so weird and I don't want to deal with him acting that way. I need to get away from him.

I'm happy I got everything done on time and I didn't leave a mess. I feel bad for the girl doing my job tomorrow because the schedule looks horrible. I'm so glad I have the day off.

I left work and stopped at the store on my way home so I don't have to go anywhere in the morning. I know I will probably want to sleep in as much as I can. I am trying not to get stressed out about anything. I don't have much to talk about right now. I think I need to relax soon because I'm starting to get a headache. I don't think I had enough water today. I will try to enjoy my night anyway. I hope that tomorrow will be a good day.

I hope everyone else has a great day tomorrow too. :) 💖💖💖

I'm not sure if you guys are trying to convince me to apply for that job or not. I think it would be fun to work there, but I don't think I would be very good at that. I am not the best at socializing and I'm really good at saying embarrassing stuff on accident. It has been like 10 years since I worked with the public. I have been afraid to do that because I made a fool out of myself before and it was hard for me. I think I would be too nervous to ask to apply and I would need to revise my resume. I haven't had an interview in a long time and I'm really surprised I even got hired for the job I have now because I felt like I bombed that interview. I'm not sure what to do.

Maxwell, I just wanted you to know that I'm not very good at flirting either. That makes me a little nervous and worried. I think we are both a little socially awkward. I wish things didn't have to be so hard. Why can't we just hug or something? I don't really know what to do or say. I hope things get better and that we can figure something out. I don't want you to be sad. I am still looking forward to seeing you because I've missed you a lot. I love you. 💖💖💖

[autisticgymbro]

i helped a drunk woman living in the street yesterday, and all I could think about was "what would Jesus do?" again and again and again. I wasn't trying to shake the thought away, but I also wasn't trying to be religious either. The sentence just kept going through my head. I'm not a religious person by any means, I'm an atheist. But that didn't stop my brain from making the connection between my morals and Jesus' morals. And I didn't know why.

A couple of months ago, a certain philosophy caught my eye. Stoicism. And the reason was simple. It focuses on what you can control and it throws away what you can't. A good example is "I may not be able to sleep right now, but if I take a hot shower, I might sleep after" and so on.

Stoicism was just right for me to deal with my anxiety. I stopped worrying about what people might think of me, I stopped worrying about the news and politics. I didn't care if what I liked wasn't popular or if my opinions were too much for some people. I started working out because it was something I could change in my life, and honestly this perspective has been helping me a lot. But as all philosophies I've lived by, I stretched it to see what were its limits.

And one of the loopholes I found was: if you constantly think about what you can do as a person, you will never consider collective power as an option, and many social movements might fall short because of this stoic principle.

Since then, many things have changed in my life, including my giving in to negativity. I've always felt that life is too hard and that it was surrounded by suffering, but it was hard to admit to myself that life didn't have a big meaning, that humans were not that relevant and that at the end of the day we're just hairless monkeys floating on a rock in space.

I didn't have a name for this philosophy, I honestly didn't know it was a thing, until I read this comedic moral philosophy book called "How To Be Perfect". And when the author described existentialism and how senseless it was to be negative and still care about people, it dawned on me that I knew exactly what Søren Kierkegaard meant with his communist leanings and existentialism together in one single belief.

Now, existentialism assumes that life fucking sucks. Life is suffering and agony. And I agree with that. But, to me, there is a big difference between consensual agony (waking up early, choosing to work, choosing to exercise) and non-consensual agony (poverty, abuse, addiction). Therefore, a key factor in my brand of existentialism is: because life is suffering, we need to help all beings to not suffer non-consensually as much as possible.

That means, helping the poor, feeding the hungry, comforting people, supporting the little guy, supporting people who do the same and bashing people who don't. And that inevitably reminded me of Jesus.

After I embraced my negativity, the amount of good deeds I do have skyrocketed, because I don't want people to suffer as much as they do, especially when it comes to non consensual suffering.

There is a big difference between someone that goes to the gym consensually and someone who has to do manual labor in order to not die. Both people may even use the same amount of calories but the consent is not present in slavery.

So, I started helping people. And being kinder to everyone. I started saying "thank you very much" instead of "thank you", I've started giving more tips and saying "good evening, how are you?" with the hopes that it might help people having a rough day, since every single day is rough.

I started feeding and petting stray cats. Bringing them water.

I started buying homeless people meds and food. I started giving them bills instead of coins.

And that brought an array of reactions from people. Especially my family. Straight away, I told them they shouldn't be mad at me since I'm doing their duty as christians, calling them out for their hypocrisy.

And that stayed in my head. How come the middle class feels so different from homeless people when they would look just like middle class people after a shower, a haircut and new clothes?

But yesterday, something happened.

I got out of Spanish class, ready to walk home at 9pm. I don't mind walking at night because it feels so fresh, and I love to see streets a little more empty. But someone appeared in front of my Spanish school, and I knew her.

She was a homeless woman my mom helped to buy a med months before. At the time, she was pregnant and her feet were bleeding, so mom bought her a pain killer and an anti-inflammatory.

Now, she seemed very drunk, and with no belly. She is a very small woman, 5 feet tall, less than 100 pounds. And she asked for food, although I couldn't tell right away what she needed.

I told her I'd buy her anything, and she said she wanted some yogurt to feed children that lived with her. I asked her if she had children and she said she had been pregnant 6 times and gave all of her babies to adoption. "But it's okay, I'm a drug addict and couldn't take care of my babies".

Her left eye was bruised.

So we started to buy food. I told her to choose everything, and that I'd pay for it. 95% of what she bought was for the children, the only 5% for her was a cheap liquor and toothpaste. Everything else was baby soap, diapers, yogurt, milk and fruits. She kept counting the children, 5 children, repeatedly so she could get the exact number of treats to each of them. I paid and right after, a guard took us out as if we weren't buying anything when we got more than 40 items.

After that, she told me she'd get the cart to her house and that she couldn't give the cart back to the market. I told her I'd give them the cart no problem when I walked home. So we went to her house, and we talked a lot.

She talked about her babies, her abusive husband, her addiction to drugs, how she wanted to sell the candy we bought and a lot of god talk. She was very into god, faith and honesty. After a while we got quiet.

- So what is your life like? What do you do?

- I'm an English teacher

And then she began singing a song about an English teacher in a Portuguese boat and how a man was in love with her.

We laughed and got quiet again. She asked me what else I did, "do you fuck, do you drink, do you smoke?".

- None of the above, I'm dating a girl far away, and I can't have sex with her.

- How does she give you pleasure if she's far away?

- Well, we call and text and that's it.

- I fucked a woman once. It was nice, but I didn't have an orgasm.

And I laughed again.

We got to her semi-house and it was dark as hell. All I could see was two men standing up and dogs. Lots of dogs. We got there with the cart, and they were looking at the cart and told her that the children's families were sleeping. She told them that she'd take the cart then, and she did. We walked away. But before we left, she was shivering. I knew that one of them was her abuser.

So we left as soon as we got there. And we walked to my home instead.

In many instances I had to lift her cart up on broken cement, grass and dirt. And she asked me how the fuck I was so strong. I told her I lifted weights. She asked me why I did, and funny enough I do have an answer for that. I want to be a powerlifter. So she imagined herself having to lift. We stopped many times so she could mimic a snatch. And I laughed because she was so confused over how the hell I'd lift 100kg for the Olympics.

My mom was worried about me and started calling, and I didn't want to answer because we were already close to home. Kátia kept telling me to call my mom back, because moms don't deserve to worry about their kids. I hadn't thought of it like that, because my mom never worried about me. But I called my mom back anyway. And I told her I'd be going home asap.

We got close to my home, but I knew how these things go. When a homeless person knows where you live, there's a good chance they might start depending on you, and I knew my parents would be pissed if I helped her all the time.

So I told her to wait a block away from my home. and I ran home, got normal panties, period panties, shoes, a shirt, shorts, a coat and jeans. I gave her everything and she decided to wear every piece I brought. But she couldn't put the shoes on because she was drunk from less than 100ml of the liquor. So I got on my knees and helped her. And immediately Jesus washing his apostles feet came to mind. I got mad at myself for making that association because I wasn't superior to her, and she wasn't superior to me. It wasn't humbling to help her. It wasn't to show anyone, or myself, it wasn't to give an exemple. I did it so she could put her shoes on.

We hugged. Tight. I could feel her skinny body under 4 layers of clothing, and all my anger, pity, love and loneliness started possessing me. How come no one helps these people? They don't want much. They need a safe house, light, water, and food. That's it. It shouldn't be hard. It can't be that hard. Then she touched my shoulders and thanked me. I told her I hope everything goes well.

She left with the cart, jumping and saying THANK YOU GOD! I HAVE FAITH! I AM FAITHFUL! And I went home. Thinking about how christians would burn in hell if their god was indeed living and all powerful. But at the same time, isn't god the first hypocrite? Sending his children to Earth to suffer for no reason? Fuck god.

[notebookmusical]

Ya I was talking about Emily Henry's YA. I actually read a bit of Happy Place yesterday and it seems promising. By the way, how do you feel about all of her books becoming movies? Anybody you can picture in these roles.. cuz I feel like that sometimes helps me. Which one are you most excited for? I feel like that might have been another reason I stopped reading her books cuz I wouldn't want the movie to be way different than what I thought and wanted to wait for the cast but it'll probably be a long time now.

Oh wow..I had no idea it was a popular book..I found it randomly and read it based on the title a few years ago lol. I don't want to get your expectations high with the Normal People comparison.. cuz I read them around the same time maybe. The Stepping Off Place is actually a book I think would make a great movie..and that's the first book I read where I could picture the whole movie. I even added stuff in my head about the characters that probably only make sense to me and added scenes. Ever since Taylor mentioned working on a movie, I have been thinking about this so it might be another reason why I feel so connected to it. I think it's kinda similar to John Green if I had to compare it to something.

Anyway I guess I'm the same with books or movies I love but I feel like it's easy for me to see why someone wouldn't like something..and I also have a hard time giving books 5 stars sometimes cuz I can always find small flaws even if it's something I really liked. I didn't wanna give too much away with these, since I just went into it not knowing anything, but there could be trigger warnings here just so you know. I would also love any recs you wanna give! My Monday is good. Hopefully trying to get rush tickets for Les Mis tour tomorrow!

hi friend!! hope you had a good day and hope you got les mis tour tickets 🤍 so sorry for the delayed reply!! i kept meaning to sit down and reply to you and then i kept getting pulled away in different directions! i'd love to hear your thoughts on les mis if you got to see it! i am super, super nervous about emily henry's books being adapted into movies! her books (particularly beach read + book lovers) means so much to me, and i'm worried that they'll diminish the role that grief (as well as the other heavier topics) plays in both books in favor of other things. there are also, very few adaptations where i feel like they do the original source justice (little women 2019, normal people, etc.). i really like the idea of jonathan bailey and simone ashley in book lovers, but that's heavily influenced by the fact that bridgerton season 2 had come out just before i read book lovers, and i was seeing both of them everywhere! and one of my friends sold me on zoey deutch and glen powell (they're in set it up, which is one of my favorite romcoms — highly recommend it if you haven't seen it yet) as harriet and wyn in happy place! i don't think i have a perfect cast for beach read or people we meet yet, but i was toying with the idea of kathryn newton (who is phenomenal as amy in little women pbs) as january for a while. i've been trying to be better about thinking of adaptations as a separate thing from the original source, but it's something i really struggle with, especially when the book means a lot to me! but it does look like emily henry is pretty involved with the movie, so that gives me a little more confidence in it. i'm so bad at picturing adaptations for books! i think it's easier for me with fantasy (not necessarily a cast, just like how it'd look visually etc.). i don't watch a whole lot of tv/movies (that's not entirely true; i watch a lot of hong kong tv/movies, but that's it) so casting people in books is often really hard for me. i'm so so curious about taylor's movie, and what that might look like! i'm really curious to see if the movie soundtrack will mostly be her songs or if it'll be something else. i personally have also been wanting her to write a musical (or at least, the score for one) for ages, whether it's an adaptation (like sara bareilles with waitress, ingrid michaelson with the notebook musical) or something completely new! i think the only books that i give five stars incredibly liberally are memoirs! i also do have a habit of giving a book a higher rating on goodreads than i do on my reading tracker — or on here, and also i have a tendency to adjust my ratings as i think about a book more. i'll look up the trigger warnings before i read either book; thank you! 🤍

[postwarlevi]

Thank you! I really hope so, too. How was your work day? Mine is super slow. I'm pretty tired for some reason. Yes! I want several cats and a horse! And chickens and quails. And I want to grow pumpkins and have an old apple tree. And also blueberries and strawberries. Oh yeah same here with shampoo when it comes to "not buying". I'm obviously a hoarder lol Same! I just discovered character x reader here and I absolutely love it for obvious reasons. Oh, I don't have as much time atm, but the deaf reader story sounds awesome and I will put it on my to-read list! What a lovely idea! I've never done that really - like inviting myself over into others' worlds. Mostly because I hardly have moots here (except you <3) and second because idk if it'll annoy ppl since I ship myself with Levi, too. Oh, thank you! I have so many ideas. So far, my fluff story is better liked that the smut. Which surprises me. The problem is, all fluffy ideas I have are basically part of a really huge thing, and idk if I should just put out the parts in the order I feel writing them or start from the beginning...

Hiii I'm on day one of three days off yay! Yesterday was kinda dumb at work. I don't want to annoy myself again but there might be issues Monday and I'm trying not to worry myself on ME time, you know?

Slow days can be awful, they take forever. Just let me do something and get this day moving! haha.

Okay so, I say I want the cottage core life, but that will take a lot of work and homemaking and I'm kinda lazy haha. But, if it were something where social media and internet was very limited along with most electronics, that seems like something very doable. Lots of cats, chickens, goats, a garden, organizing and making our own food and other things. And YES I love apples I want an apple tree!

I have an abundance of hand soaps. We just kept buying them over the years and now it's been years since I needed any, they're finally dwindling down!

No hurry on reading the story idea, I just wanted to share. It's very near and dear to me, that and being a long fic I guess are why I haven't done it yet.

Most people are chill about self ship. I won't invite myself to join if I don't know the person well or anything. Otherwise it's fun sharing the different versions of what you'd do with your person, even if it's the same person! Usually people are very supportive!

Yeah from what I've encountered fluff doesn't do AS well even though it's just as good, but it's still pretty well received. Before I started on tumblr I had a long fic going that I realize now I'll never finish, so I was taking scenes from that and making them into stories for tumblr.

If you see yourself releasing or wanting to release the fluff story one day start at the beginning. Or if you do what I did with mine, go in whatever order you feel at the moment!

[jamiebluewind]

Guys! GUYS! I'M GETTING HER!!!!

After literal MONTHS of being sick being stuck between my bed and a hospital bed,

I'm FINALLY starting to recover. I'm walking short distances (with a cane or walker but still), I can swallow certain regular people foods without choking or having a coughing fit (yesterday I had a Wendy's burger), I'm awake more than I'm asleep, and I was able to get out of the house this week!!! Between having a cause to celebrate and saving money for over two months from being stuck in the house and not needing to buy regular groceries (don't worry, my diet was very limited but part of it was a nutritional drink that was partly covered by insurance and kept me from having nutrition gaps), I decided that for once I was going to splurge on myself and get something awesome. So, I got THIS! Also got the Spyre map and junior year pins of Gorgug and Adaine (would have gotten box of doom pin too, but they were sold out) as well as a poster for a friend. It's on its way and I'm so excited ^_^

(hiding the long ramble I went on about Dimension 20 under here)

I've loved Dimension 20 a long time. I've been watching since the first episode went up on College Humor. Eventually, I stopped worrying about being a single fandom blog and started posting/reblogging about it. I'd watch Sophomore Year live and type up info on episodes (actually saw Ally pop a stitch from their top surgery live from laughing too hard XD ). Made my own theories. Got all my friends into it and made a couple new ones that are still my friends to this day. Even when I got less active on tumblr, I was still getting enjoying Dimension 20 (when I could afford a month or two of Dropout). This past Christmas, my best friend's mom got me/us a full year of Dropout and Sarah, @winterpower98 and I have been watching new seasons and rewatching old ones together as often as we can.

When the charity auction came up the other day for stuff from the first season, I SERIOUSLY considered using my savings on a building from the original DM screen. It's the reason I got into D&D. That my FRIENDS got into D&D. Brennan made us all fall in love with the game and he and the cast showed characters that we could all see ourselves in (LGBTQ+).

In the end, the price went too high for me to afford and I had to give up on the idea, but I still wanted to find a real treat for myself to celebrate starting to recover after having bronchitis (kept spiraling into worse and worse stuff) since December. Then, I saw the Ayda statue. It wasn't a piece from the show, BUT she is one of my favorite NPCs (I'm autistic too) and she looked like an enlarged version of something from one of the battle maps. The auction was still going on, but when I looked at the statue, I knew it would be enough for me.

I ended up allowing myself to add on a few pins (junior year Adaine and Gorgug) and a map for myself (I've wanted pins and posters for a long time, but always talked myself out of it) and Winter picked out a Game Changer poster. I gave myself a few days to be sure before I ordered and got the tracking today!

I know I'm mostly writing this for myself, but I guess I just wanted to say how much this show means to me, how happy I am to be recovering, and how GENUINELY EXCITED I am about having something that a lot of people might find silly, but means a lot to me.

I decided to link to the Dimension 20 YouTube if anybody read this far and wants to check it out. They have the full seasons of Fantasy High (freshman year, 28 hrs total), Fantasy High live (sophomore year, 52 hrs total), Escape From The Bloodkeep (guest players include Matt Mercer, 14 hrs), and Unsleeping City (34 hrs). Dropout has all the seasons, the live one shot shows they did, Adventuring Party (a talkback thing that they started doing since A Crown of Candy), 40 min video about what Rick Perry (production designer) does, and a bunch of game shows that Winter loves (I sometimes watch Game Changer with her).

New in the @dropoutdottv Store: Ayda Aguefort Statue 🔥🪶📚

The statue is 9.25" h x 7.5" w, arrives fully painted, and features box art from @caitmayart

🛒Shop here: https://store.dropout.tv/products/ayda-aguefort-statue