#I've been trying to get through to people

[sanguineterrain]

falling behind | spencer reid

Summary: During a movie night with Spencer, he confesses to you that he feels like he's falling behind, having never kissed anyone. You offer to catch him up.

(based on laufey's falling behind)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!bff!reader 

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings/tags: spencer's first kiss, s1/s2 spencer, best friend reader, kissing, mentions of sex, some angst at the end.

the divider

"I think you need another bookshelf, Doc," you say, narrowly dodging a stack of books that comes up to your hip. 

You’ve let yourself in for your traditional movie night that’s become far and few ever since Spencer started at the FBi. His days off are rare, but they’re always spent with you. You hang your coat and scarf over Spencer’s designated hook for you. Spencer’s putting about in the kitchen, cups clinking.

"I've been trying to find one at a flea market," Spencer says from the kitchen.

"Even though flea markets give you the heebie jeebies?" you call back, flipping through a thick hardcover about ancient Rome. Aaaand that's a naked man. You close the book. Spencer’s the mature one out of the two of you. That’s why he’s got books about Rome and you don’t. 

"I'm not crazy about bringing home furniture that was once in someone else's house, though it’s usually very cheap. Still! They could’ve had termites. And that’s a best-case scenario. You won’t believe what some people have in their houses.”

“Oh, I know. Pet dandruff. Mold spores. Your worst nightmare.”

Spencer appears with two mugs of Ovaltine. He's adorably cozy, cocooned in an oversized Caltech sweatshirt and green slacks with the giant cargo pockets he loves. They're so practical!

“There’s no need for sarcasm,” he says, mouth pursed the way it does when you’re being a smartass.

“There’s always a need,” you say cheerfully. 

He's wearing the Doctor Who socks you got him three years ago for his birthday. They're worn a little thin. You've offered to buy him new ones—Spencer insists these are still good.

“So how’s life in our nation’s capital?” you ask. “Besides all the serial killers.”

"Good. I still haven't gotten used to these D.C. winters but I feel a lot less silly making hot Ovaltine when it's not sixty-five degrees outside," he says, bending to set your mug down.

Instinctively, you pull out two coasters and Spencer puts your mug on one and cradles his own. He sits on the overstuffed couch he took from his mother's house. You'd helped him take it. You’d followed him out here, actually, after his second PhD, and you live just outside of D.C. because you’re not a big-shot FBI profiler. You’d split the cost of the U-Haul from California and stayed with him the first night because Spencer can’t sleep in unfamiliar darkness. 

It had been four years since you’d seen each other. You’d shared a bottle of cheap wine to celebrate his new job at the BAU. Later, Spencer cried over Diana and you held him through it. 

"Turning the heat on might help," you say.

"That's simply a luxury the FBI doesn't pay me for. Anyway, thermostats increase the chances of a fire. Especially if the pipes are old."

"We should ask your friend Penelope to hack a bank so you can buy a mansion," you say.

Spencer shakes his head and brings the mug to his lips. "Please don't give her any ideas. Are we starting the movies?"

"Yes! Home Alone?”

“Don’t we always start with your favorite?” he asks, smiling.

“We do. You indulge me, Spencestar.”

You get up to fiddle with Spencer’s ancient TV and DVD player. It takes a couple of strategic smacks to get it running, but you do and you put the DVD in. It’s a tradition, your holiday movie marathons with Spencer. 

You get up and unfurl the giant fluffy gray blanket that Spencer keeps neatly folded on the sofa. You sit next to him and pull the blanket over the both of you, then take your Ovaltine into your hands. 

“You know, you could always invite your new friends at the FBI for movie nights,” you say. “I’d be okay with that. As long as they understand that I'm your oldest and bestest friend and therefore take precedence.”

"As if I need you telling them embarrassing stories about me,” Spencer says, looking at you flatly. “I know your motivations. It’s bad enough that Derek calls me the baby bird of the bullpen."

“Derek is the one that set you up on a date?” 

“Ugh.” Spencer covers his face. “Please don’t remind me.”

It had only been a month ago, Spencer’s date with the sister of one of Derek’s friends. She’d been nice enough, according to Spencer, but you’d sensed more had happened he didn’t want to dive into. There was likely an underlying judgment that Spencer’s encountered too many times to not be sensitive to. 

But Spencer always got nervous about these things too. He had a habit of psyching himself out. For a long time, the only woman he’d ever had a full conversation with was you. 

The TV screen freezes. You groan and get up, putting your mug down. 

“Try moving the antenna,” he says.

“Yeah. The FBI should give flat-screen TVs for Christmas bonuses.”

You play around with the antennas. When that doesn’t work, you turn off the TV. It’s not an exact science—whether the TV wants to play or not is up to forces out of your control. Spencer thinks you have the magic touch, though. 

“That date was pretty bad, wasn’t it?” you ask, checking the wires behind the TV. You wiggle them around and try plugging and unplugging stuff. 

“No,” Spencer says lightly, in that mild, polite tone that might work on a stranger but hasn’t worked on you since fifth grade.

“Spencer…”

“It wasn’t!” he says. “Honestly, it wasn’t even her, it was… I don’t know. I felt so silly doing it. Like I was a kid trying to do adult things.”

“You are an adult. Is it playing?”

“No. Yeah, I know I am, but I also feel so behind. Like everybody learned stuff I didn’t and now I can’t do a simple thing like go on a date with a woman.”

“You’re not behind—ouch!” The TV shocks you and you snatch your hand back, grimacing.

Spencer stands up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks. Where was I? Right. You’re not behind, Spence, you’re the smartest person I know. You’re the smartest person most people know.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Then Spencer suddenly appears, kneeling next to you. You grin.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hi. You don’t have to get shocked so we can watch a movie. I can pull it up on my laptop.”

“No, I’m gonna make this work. Here, hold this.”

You hand Spencer a wire. He obediently holds it while you fiddle with the back of the TV.

“She tried to kiss me,” Spencer says quietly. 

You pause and look at him. “Who did?”

“The woman Derek set me up with.”

“Oh.” You put down the wire—you’re starting to get the feeling that this is the kind of conversation that can’t be had while you’re trying to fix a TV. “You didn’t tell me that. Did you?”

“No.” Spencer scowls. “I chickened out. I just… Derek would’ve told me to just kiss her because she was pretty and she wanted me. But I didn’t want to. And that’s so stupid, ‘cause I should’ve, right?”

“Spencer, there’s no rule for when you should and shouldn’t kiss someone as long as both parties want to kiss,” you say.

“Yeah, but I’ve never kissed anybody. I’m twenty-five and I’ve never kissed anyone. How pathetic is that?”

You frown and turn to face Spencer fully. “Hey. C’mon, where’s this coming from? You know I don’t think any less of you for never kissing or dating or any of that stuff. You do it when you wanna. And I’d tell anyone that. I’m not just telling you ‘cause you’re my best friend.”

“I know, but…” Spencer shakes his head and it hurts to see him so defeated. “I told that woman that I hadn’t kissed anyone and that’s why I didn’t kiss her. And the look she gave me was so… I-I’ve gotten that look before, but… and I could just tell she was thinking freak, freak!”

“Spencer,” you say, voice cracked like an egg, and his name is the soft yolk spilling out. “Oh, Spence. You’re not a freak. I told you that when we were fourteen and I still mean it. Nothing is wrong with you for never kissing anyone. And someone who thinks there is isn’t a person you want to be intimate with anyway.”

He sighs. “I just feel like I’m falling behind.”

You press your lips together. Then you make a decision and stand. 

“Come on,” you say, offering your hand.

Spencer takes your hand and lets you pull him up. “Where’re we going?”

“To the couch,” you say, more casual than you feel. 

Spencer follows you to the couch and you sit. You take a deep breath.

“Who would you want to have your first kiss with?” you ask.

He shrugs. “No one comes to mind.”

You bite your lip. “What about me?”

Spencer blinks. “I—what?”

Suddenly, you’re overwhelmed with all of Spencer’s attention on you. It doesn’t normally overwhelm you but considering the circumstances… 

“Well, um. It would be low-pressure, right? I mean, we’ve known each other for so long.”

Spencer licks his lips. You track the movement, then look away, embarrassed.

“I guess so,” he says. “But won’t it be weird? Kissing each other?”

Yeah, probably. “No, I don’t think so. Well, a little, but it’s just so you don’t feel out of sorts when you go on a date. It’s, like, practice.” That last point feels a little weak.

“Practice,” Spencer repeats.

“Yeah.”

It’s still and silent for several painful moments, and that’s when you contemplate bolting and changing your address. But then Spencer speaks.

“Okay,” he says. “If you’re definitely sure about it.”

“I am,” you say. 

He nods. You take that as an invitation to scoot closer so you’re facing each other. Spencer brings one knee up so you can be within kissing distance.

“So, um.” You clear your throat. “So when you kiss someone, it’s important to find a place for your hands. They can be on their face or their waist or arms.”

Spencer nods. “Got it. Like this?”

He puts his hands on your waist. You stutter on your next breath. You hope Spencer doesn’t notice.

Look, you’re not blind, okay? Spencer’s tall and cute and smart and a sweetheart and your roommate in college once commented on how he’s got hands made to finger a woman, which you’ve never been able to forget, much as you’ve tried. 

So yeah. You know your best friend’s good looking. You know he’s a catch. 

Does that mean you can be absolutely emotionless while kissing him? Not so much. 

But you love Spencer. You’d do anything for him. 

“Yeah, good.” You drape your hands loosely around his neck, his curls tickling your fingers. “Okay?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then you make eye contact but not too much. Don’t scare them.”

Spencer smiles with half of his mouth. “Don’t scare them. Noted.”

You roll your eyes. “Smartass. Alright, then you, um…”

“Kiss?” he asks.

You nod. “Y-yeah. Then you lean in and kiss.”

You press your lips to Spencer’s lightly. His mouth is soft but he’s stiff, which means he’s going to kiss stiffly.

“Relax, Spencestar,” you say against his mouth. “‘S okay. Part your lips a little.”

“Like this?” he asks, his mouth losing some tension.

“Exactly. Fit your lips to mine.”

Spencer’s warm, his breath tickling your mouth. Your heart feels like it’s going to beat right up your throat and into Spencer. 

“I read about kissing,” he says. “For research.”

That makes you smile, a short laugh slipping out. You rest your forehead on his mouth by accident. 

“What?” he asks against your skin, smile clear in his voice. The sensation gives you shivers.

“Nothing. You’re sweet, Spence,” you say. 

You lift your head and close your eyes. And then you kiss him. 

Spencer kisses gently, which you never thought about in-depth, but experiencing it now, it makes sense that he does. He’s so gentle in everything else, from the way he opens doors to letting you have the last bite of pasta. Of course Spencer kisses the way he lives in the world: kindly. 

Your hands slip to his jaw to guide him. Your kisses are short first, to warm him up. You feel Spencer’s pulse in his neck under your palm, feel his easy hold on your hips, the way he twists a loose thread on your shirt.

“You can be a little more firm. Move your hands around,” you say, and Spencer nods.

He kisses you with a little more pressure, ever the quick learner. His hands travel up your spine and down, like he’s soothing you. It makes an unexpected sob work up your throat and you quickly swallow it down. 

You thread your hand through his hair, your senses completely surrounded by him. Spencer’s more confident now, pulling you into him slightly, curving your back with his palms. 

And before you do something really stupid, like kiss his neck or tell him you love him, you pull back. Spencer’s eyes fly open when yours do. 

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

“No, no. You were good. That was good, Spencer. I just, uh… we’ve been kissing for a while, so I figured…”

“Oh.” His face turns pink. “Right, yeah.”

“Yeah.” You scratch your neck. “But that was good. It just takes practice.”

Spencer nods a lot. “Yes, of course. Like any skill.”

“Exactly.”

You drink your Ovaltine, needing to put your attention on anything but Spencer’s kiss-swollen lips. The Ovaltine is cold. You make a face.

“I’ll reheat it,” Spencer says, practically leaping from the couch. “Be right back.”

“I’ll try to get the movie started,” you say, making a beeline for the TV.

You turn it on, trying to calm your fluttering heart. This time, the movie plays with no issues. Of course when you want it to have issues so you don’t have to be curled up next to Spencer on the couch, it doesn’t. Figures. 

Hesitantly, you return to the couch. Spencer comes out a few minutes later with your reheated mugs. He gives you yours and sits on the far end of the couch.

“Want the blanket?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “I’m okay. I warmed up.”

The movie continues from where it froze. You and Spencer watch that one, then Home Alone 2, then the Muppets Christmas Carol. 

And it’s fine, it’s normal. It’s normal, except you’ve just kissed your best friend. And Spencer doesn’t curl up next to you under the blanket for the rest of the night. You get this sinking feeling, wondering if catching your best friend up comes at a bigger cost than you thought. 

[hannieehaee]

First of all 'closer' is one of the greatest svt fics i've ever read. I could just feel all the wild butterflies aaaaaaaaaa and I still reread it from time to time

Also I've been thinking about mean dom jeonghan a lottttt. So can I request dom jeonghan x reader with like lots of nipple play (idk how you feel abt anal but if you're uncomfortable no need to add it!)

Feel free to scrape this if you're uncomfortable or simply not interested <3

18+ / mdi

content: softdom!jeonghan cuz im really bad at writing doms oops, nipple play, smut, dry humping, anal fingering and anal penetration, afab reader, teasing, jh is an asshole lmao, etc.

wc: 1427

a/n: thank u so much!!! thats my most popular fic haha i had no idea people would like it this much but it makes me so happy<33

a/n 2: also can u tell idk anything about anal oops</3

masterlist

"told you not to argue back, baby. now look where your bad behavior got you."

every word that left his lips did so condescendingly. had it been anyone else (or even under a different context), you wouldve argued back, protected your dignity.

but this was jeonghan. and you were sitting between his legs as you suffered through every one of his touches.

maybe suffering was a bit harsh, but that's exactly how it felt at the moment. his hands had not stopped their torture in the past hour, alternating between circling your clit and finding their way north and on your nipples, liberal in the way he pulled and twisted at them.

endless whines and breaths of frustration left you (meddled in with sounds of genuine pleasure), which you were sure went straight to the length currently pressed up against your back.

"you know this isn't the worst of it, right, baby?", he taunted, "wait til i get my hands to even more fun places. or when i finally put my mouth on you," you could hear the mischief in his voice.

and soon enough, he made good on his word. before even realizing what happened, you were on your back and your gremlin of a boyfriend was smirking above you as he leaned down to kiss at your chest.

it started off slow, soft, just as everything did with jeonghan. but it evolved into teasing and eye-watering. his lips wrapped around your nipple, eyes still on your face as he sucked at it. soft wafts of air were let out against your skin as he breathed through his nose, mouth too occupied on your tits.

"you're so fucking soft, baby. so pretty," and despite the teasing, he continued to be sweet to you.

the juxtaposition between the pleasure from his words and his lack of finesse while sucking at your tits made goosebumps form on your skin. your hand found his hair, pushing him closer, wanting more of both the softness and the harshness.

"love when i play with your tits, don't you, baby? naughty thing," he chuckled, finding your other boob.

meanwhile, his hips had been grinding into your own, molding against them while he entertained himself with your boobs. one of his hands laid itself next to your head to hold himself up while the other played with your neglected tit. you were thoroughly stimulated, yet you knew jeonghan would somehow try to go even further.

and you were proven correctly when his hand left your boob to find its way between your legs. but unexpectedly to you, instead of moving to play with your clit, he bypassed it to reach lower. your body followed with his silent desire, scooting up to give him access.

it was unspoken. his mouth remained occupied with your chest, leaving it more raw and sensitive by the second. his fingers found your hole while you were distracted by his mouth nibbling and pulling at your left nipple, gasping out at both the sudden intrusion and the bite.

"like that, baby? shit, so tight for me. can't wait to see how tight you'll be around my cock," he breathed out as if picturing it.

it didn't take him long to find that spot that had your eyes rolling back. and in usual jeonghan fashion, he made liberal use of it, taking turns in stimulating it and missing it altogether just to get you to cry out in frustration.

"god, you're so easy, baby. i can touch you anywhere and you cry," he chuckled, "such a sensitive little thing."

with his lips still on your chest, he mocked your moans between flicks of his tongue. it was too much. your breasts were overriding with sensitivity, but it felt too good to tell him to stop. you couldn't make a sound anymore. all that left you were hiccuped gasps or silent whines.

at every whine leaving your lips, jeonghan hummed into your chest, encouraging the sounds you made for him and even mocking you at times. it was so frustrating, so damn annoying, but it felt too good for any words of complaint to actually leave your lips.

"you know i won't make you cum, right, baby?", and his fingers suddenly left you. you could feel a smirk and the vibration of a cackle against your tit.

your whine of complaint was only met by a bite to your nipple, making you whine even louder.

"tsk, it's so hard having such a whiny girl begging me to touch her 24/7," he feigned annoyance, "but, maybe if you get on all fours for me, i might consider fucking you," he said it with a patronizing tone that made you want to sock him in the face, but you knew your body.

and so when he distanced himself from you, you willingly turned around, using your elbows for support as you lifted your hips up for him to take into his hands, positioning you against his crotch and teasingly grinding against you.

"see what a good girl you are? you deserve a reward, angel."

instead of reaching into the drawer for the usual condom, you heard the clacking of items as he blindly pulled out a bottle. you heard him struggle to open, letting out a few very jeonghan-like sounds as he opened the lube and squirted out a generous amount on his hands.

being the annoying tease he was, he made sure to slip his fingers in once again, muttering some half-assed excuse that he wanted to check just one last time to see if you were ready for him. your complains were met by a squeeze of your hips and a childish bite to your left hip.

"be good, baby. you were being so good, don't stop now," he tsk'd, "i'll give it to you now, okay?"

it wasn't often that jeonghan made use of your other hole. it was usually saved for special occasions. something about wanting to enjoy it as an extra treat every so often. some very jeonghan reason.

it was a bit of a struggle, but you were always reminded of how worth it it was when you'd hear his moans of struggle as he attempted not to cum within the first few seconds inside you.

"always so tight through here, baby. fucking strangling my dick," he sighed, "but you're ready for me, right, pretty? need me to fuck you now?"

you wailed at him when his hand rounded you, teasing at your clit as his hips began to move behind you. the angle must've been a little awkward for him, but he made it work. he made it work far too good.

"oh god, baby, fuckin' made for me, huh?", he groaned out.

the room was filled with jeonghan's occasional whining and the rhythmic slapping of skin. you were mostly mute, only crying out when he decided to hump at you extra hard in hopes of that exact effect.

"can never last when you're this tight," he whined, "so mean to me. always making me cum so soon," he complained in between thrusts.

he became frantic then, pushing you further into the bed, resulting in your head pressing up on the comforter and drooled. you were a mess, but you were comforted in the fact that jeonghan wasn't likely to be faring any better.

"hannie ..." was all you could mumble as your words muffled. you wanted to warn him, but he knew your body so well that he already knew.

"i know, baby, me too. let go, angel," he sighed out one last time.

you might've blacked out a bit. or maybe he did. perhaps both. it wasn't long til you found yourself lying on that exact same position, except jeonghan was no longer inside you but rather doing his weak attempt at flipping you over so you could cuddle him despite the mess forming between you.

"you make this so hard for me when you pass out," he grumbled jokingly, finally getting you to nuzzle into his neck.

his lips kissed at any area available, even ending up at your arm and sternum at some point. he didn't usually care as long as he was kissing you.

"then don't fuck my ass, you idiot," you bit at his arm, earning a 'wah!" from him.

"brat."

"says you."

he chuckled, giving you a peck on your lips this time.

"i'll give you five minutes before another failed attempt at cleaning you up," he warned.

"sure, old man."

and that earned you a bite in return.

[cloudstrky]

get the memo - r.c drabble

an; don't ask me what this is ok idk just go with it

warnings; scary man follows reader

There is nothing more inviting for a man than locking eyes with him for a split second. Unfortunately, you learned that the hard way. While you were looking around the room trying to spot your best friend Rafe, your eyes locked with a guy you've never seen before (or maybe you had, you weren't really paying attention to anyone else but Rafe).

As it turns out, in a man's brain that fleeting eye contact means you want him. So he slowly, but surely makes his way to you. You try not to look when you feel him close to you and you try to move through the crowd speedily.

You try to ignore the way his slimy hand makes an effort or two to grab onto yours and you try to ignore the way he's trying to grab your attention with even more slimy pet names.

You may be panicking.

You've dealt with people like him before enough times to know a simple no thank you or not interested, won't cut it.

You're definitely panicking.

You finally spot Rafe in the back of the crowded room, standing with a beer in his hand, chatting with some people. He's standing there looking perfect in his white button-down and his light-wash jeans and for a second you almost forget what you were running from in the first place.

A slimy hand on your shoulder reminds you.

"Slow down sweet thing," you hear a chuckle and his voice, along with its condescending tone sends you over the edge.

You make a beeline for Rafe.

It's safe to say he's startled when your hand grabs his shirt tightly, pulling him on you. "Hey I've been-"

"Kiss me." You say absent-mindedly, cutting him off.

"What?" He's shocked, his beer still in his right hand. He brings his left hand up, cupping yours that was still stiffly holding onto his neatly ironed linen shirt.

You peek over your shoulder to check if the guy is still hot on your steps and you find that he is. Because after all, Rafe might as well be your cousin. It's not in man's nature to take a hint.

"Kiss me." You say more desperately this time.

"Yn what's w-"

You don't allow him to continue his sentence and waste more time. Rafe is quick to follow when you yank him forward by his shirt, crashing your lips to his. If he was shocked he was hiding it well because he wastes no second, cupping your cheek with his free hand and pulling you closer.

You melt into the kiss and forget the reason you asked for it in the first place when he deepens it. His hand travels from your cheek to your neck and down to your waist, holding you closely, pressing you against him. Your hand drops from his shirt and finds the belt loop of his jeans, trying to pull him impossibly closer.

Rafe is the first to pull away and you find yourself chasing after him for a split second. His hand squeezes your waist and he keeps his head close to yours, looking down at you with lust-filled eyes.

You allow yourself to get lost in them for a second before peeking over your shoulder again. "He's gone."

"Yeah?" Rafe rasps and your knees almost buckle.

Holy shit you just kissed your best friend.

Without his consent.

"Wanna try explaining this, pretty girl?" His voice is soft and his hand is still holding onto your waist.

You try to take a step back, horrified by the thought that you probably ruined your friendship, but he doesn't let you.

"There was a guy following me," you mutter, looking up at him through your lashes.

Rafe's eyes darken as he looks behind your shoulder looking for anyone suspicious before returning his gaze to you.

"Maybe we should kiss again, just to make sure he got the memo."

Your eyes widen and you shake your head no. "I'm sorry, I just panicked." You explain and Rafe nods, dropping his hand from your waist.

There's a hint of disappointment in his eyes at your refusal to kiss him again but you don't catch it.

"Glad to be of service, pretty girl."

Avoiding your gaze he brings up his beer, taking a big sip.

"I'm sorry," You mutter reaching out for his hand, "It was stupid, I shouldn't have done it."

He looks down at you and for a second you worry you've ruined everything. His eyes search for something in yours before leaning down and kissing you. It's hard and passionate and deeper and it catches you off guard but you lean into it, you lean into him and let him take over as he backs you up against the nearest wall. His hand greedily finds its place on your waist once again and you think that this is what heaven must feel like.

He pulls away first again and chuckles when he sees your shocked features. A warm honey-like chuckle that causes you to smile. Maybe you hadn't ruined anything after all.

"Sorry, I panicked." He teases and you slap his chest.

He has you locked against the wall and he's staring at you like a starved man. You never thought you'd see Rafe like this, let alone be at the receiving end of that stare.

"How about," he whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear, "you get the memo?"

"What?" you ask.

"Don't torture me any longer and fucking be mine."

[biggaybunny]

I know it's already been talked about a lot, but I'm still thinking about that "wouldn't disco elysium be better if it were about a girl in the alps looking for her neighbor's lost cat" (paraphrasing) post. Because I think part of the problem is that it comes from a lack of understanding of videogames as a storytelling medium.

Not saying that anyone misunderstands that videogames have a story, but that's different. The story in a videogame is usually understood as something that contextualizes the player's environment and options for interacting with that environment. Even if the story is not about you the player as directly as something like, say, skyrim, but is instead about a character like Leon Kennedy in Resident Evil or something, the contract between player and game is that the player will assume the role of Leon Kennedy for the duration of the story.

You are not Harry Du Bois! You are not meant to assume the role of Harry. You can like him and even empathize him, I'm not saying any of that is wrong. But your role is very close to that as any other voice in his head. Honestly if anything I feel like Volition represents the player the best. You're basically picking this wet threadbare gym sock of a man and going "fuck's sake, I guess this is what I've got to work with".

The game tries to point this out to you, too. You are not Harry. It is Harry doing these things, saying these things. These are Harry's decisions. What happens if you try too hard to be reasonable and conciliatory and nothing like a Rechavolian cop in a backwater town? You get called the "sorry cop" and mocked for it. If you try too hard to play according to your personal politics? Everyone comments on your weird overzealous and out-of-the-blue "feminism", or you wind up pestering the queer characters in the game with out-of-place and clumsy mentions of their sexuality. What happens if you try not to be inflammatory and opinionated? "Say one of the communist or fascist things or fuck off".

The game doesn't stop you because that wouldn't get the message across. It's a very good game. It is, in my opinion, very possibly the best example of videogames as a storytelling medium we've ever seen. And it's willing to show you just how out of place you'll be if you try to put yourself into the crocodile-leather shoes of Harry Du Bois. In fact it can do that and still tell you the rest of the story it's trying to tell, because the writers were that damn good at their job.

And yeah, the game's going to make you uncomfortable. Harry himself is going to make you uncomfortable. He's supposed to. It's like Trant says near the end, Harry is like a magnetic tape, pressed against the world, recording everything. Even the ugly bits. Maybe especially the ugly bits. But you can't just throw out the ugly bits.

Sometimes you've got to work with something imperfect. Alongside imperfect people. And you can still accomplish amazing things with imperfect people. It doesn't mean accepting their imperfections or ignoring them. It just means knowing what's important to prioritize, and understanding that a good deed done by a not so good person is still a good deed.

But to understand that, you need to be able to look at Harry and recognize him as separate from you even as you go through the story. He's your point of view because he's the protagonist, and you have control over the narrative to an extent because a videogame is not one-to-one comparable to other forms of media like movies or books. But it's still a story you are experiencing, not partaking in. I don't think that's going to be revolutionary for most people, but I also think that most videogames blur that line enough that not everyone's going to innately recognize the difference. I hope I've done a good enough job explaining what I'm getting at.

Besides, Harry would be way better at finding a neighbor's missing cat.

[copperbadge]

[ID: A series of photographs from my recent trip to Detroit; the top two are a drinks menu from Cafe D'Mongo's where I got the Detroit Brown -- Crown Royal, Angostura Bitters, Vernors -- and a fantastic raspberry pastry from Canelle nearby. Below, an image of the entrance to a promenade at Eastern Market, the big year-round farmer's market, set against a cloudy sky. Then more food, including a Detroit pizza from Como's and Eggs Norwegian (eggs benedict with spinach and smoked salmon) from Le Supreme. Lastly, three images from the Zoo Lights walk, including whales, seals, a moose, mushrooms, and illuminated trees.]

Greetings from Detroit! Or rather, retroactive greetings, since I was there this weekend and am back home now. I got to have some delicious food, visit interesting shopping destinations, and freeze my LEDs off at the Zoo Lights! (Worth it.)

I got to see, hang out with, and talk shit with good friends, but this trip was also unusual because I have a friend who grew up in Detroit but moved away decades ago and hasn't been back, and this is the first time I've been there since meeting him.

He came from an abusive home and Detroit didn't have many good memories for him; I told him I wouldn't send photos or talk about it if he wanted, but he actually ended up sharing a lot with me and enjoying seeing Detroit through my eyes, which I think was somewhat healing for him. He said it looked as though the Detroit he knew had mostly died away in favor of something new, and it felt like the old memories had died off with it.

As distracting as it can sometimes be to be trying to take and send photos, text context and have conversations all while touristing and socializing, I do also love sharing the places I go with people. Especially for folks who can't get out much, like when I go to the museum and send paintings to my parents, it feels good -- productive, even -- to be able to bring a city to someone in that way.

[mohntilyet]

literally cannot remember if this is already a post you made but do u think about if illario was a companion character and lucanis wasnt (maybe still rescued from the ossuary, maybe not). would he even be a viable companion character. etc.

i think i've mentioned it in tags but god yeah i've been thinking about companion illario. through bias and visions i think he could have made a really great companion!!!! i just don’t think we had enough who lie to/betray you in veilguard and i was like illario would love to do this <3 or at least TRY to do this and find that he can’t, because the betrayal-according-to-approval mechanic would return in this concept. this assumes a lot of things that i consider to be canon, including that illario’s a genuinely good assassin (YMMV on this i think. i look upon him with rose tinted glasses) but we’re introduced to illario as the second-best option who accompanied lucanis on various mage-killing quests.

he’s recruited in minrathous and not treviso because he’s been killing venatori like a man crazed. i forget who made the post but the one about how veilguard recruitment quests feel forced because you are recruiting, when stumbling on the right people could have felt more organic and a lot less formulated. he’s been operating in minrathous as the ‘demon of vyrantium’, which he admits to rook that he’s not the original. the original was lucanis, who was captured and killed by the venatori, and in his grief, has been trying to kill the magister (zara) that killed his cousin. he’s actually very nice and fun for an assassin, but players get the feeling that the charm is practiced, and there are glimpses into the “something rotten” under the surface.

what the players also do not know is that his hatred for the venatori is definitely projecting his guilt, because even in this au, illario is the guy who originally betrayed his brother and his complexes (slash pos slash hot slash i often picture him on his knees) remain. anyways. plot breakdown under the cut because its so fucking long and please take with a grain of salt because this was workshopped on a call with fie, who ‘yes and’s everything i say, so it might not be the greatest plot ever. nor very coherent. however, this is my blog and i can say whatever i want

act one recruitment: hunting down and killing zara. there’s foreshadowing here or something where she definitely recognises him and the facial animation leans towards “betrayal”. like zara saying “you?” in a way that can be mistaken for fear, when it’s recognition and betrayal + illario killing her before she can reveal anything else. they find evidence that lucanis is still alive and you see how excited he is, but also very conflicted. illario finally returns to treviso, and you immediately see the favoritism when he informs caterina that lucanis could still be out there. caterina delights in the idea of her favorite weapon back in her possession, and illario swears to bring him back.

in between: there’s a venatori leak! the magisters send some back up to weisshaupt which makes things a lot harder for the veilguard (miniboss before ghil?), and it contributes to failing to strike at ghilanain. but who could it be? everyone is a bit wary of each other, and causes friction.

act two: the ossuary <3 inexplicably, illario has found where lucanis is. the veilguard fights their way in and out, escaping with lucanis and destroying the vial of blood. they also find out lucanis is possessed, and when they return to treviso, after the shock and relief leaves, there’s a gleam in caterina’s eyes. illario is moved up in line of succession because caterina can’t see an abomination becoming talon (canon not discussing that he’s fucking possessed pisses me off so bad btw), and she’s obviously envisioning a world where lucanis’ leash is passed onto the grandson she’d seen as lesser, but has recently proved himself better than she had previously judged. suddenly, illario has everything he’s ever wanted, but not in the way he’s wanted it. he’s never wanted to necessarily be greater than, and doesn’t want to lose him. illario is very uncomfortable about becoming a new caterina to lucanis, but can’t express himself or explain it because he’s deeply repressed and he’s trying to be happy because, isn’t this what he wants?

in between: illario’s acting super weird. a high approval illario is a lot more awkward and doesn’t seem to know what to say, which is a first for him. he’s obviously putting on a brave/pretty face on, and hesitates to say something— but finally just thanks rook for helping him get lucanis back. a low approval illario is actually much happier, smiling and laughing and delighted by the way things have gone, with rook/the player none the wiser about what’s happened. (kind of like… bull’s reaction to the chargers in the dreadnought quest being positive either way, but the repercussions come later)

if you are in a romance, a low approval illario will trigger a sex scene, a high approval illario does the dellamorte branded “lean in for a kiss but he can’t bring himself to actually follow through and leaves rook awkwardly”. the differences in reaction would ideally confuse and interest players :)

act three: hinges on approval rating. illario plotted to trade rook’s life for lucanis’. the venatori at weisshaupt was supposed to be their shot to kill them, but failed to do so, and now they’re forcing him to make good on his deal. there’s a cutscene where the party is led into a trap and a high ranking venatori magister— the one who actually experimented on lucanis (because zara is like a middle man. she wants the blood but isn’t the evil mage scientist who did all the experiments)— shows himself and reveals everything illario has done. he was the one behind lucanis’ initial ‘death’. how the venatori leak was him. illario is desperately trying to keep the venatori’s mouth shut, but the magister is tricking him with magic as he tries harder and harder to keep his cover. a fun, trippy kind of sequence where there are illusions and mindfucky magic as illario stabs at the magister and finds out he’s attacking air, and the party keeps getting attacked with magic that they can’t figure out is real or not until it hits them, in this hall of mirrors type freakshow. it splits into two different paths:

low approval: the deal to save lucanis over rook was made early on, and nothing they have done has made illario think differently. he’s scripted to be more defensive and try to stop the magister from speaking, ignoring the party and thinking only about how he can keep his secrets but failing to. he’s angry that his plans have fallen down around him, and attacks both the party and venatori, determined to keep his failures from reaching anyone else (god forbid it reach caterina). the party are forced to kill him when he turns on them, willing to work with the venatori to keep the power he has before it slips away from him again.

high approval: everything they have done has made illario think differently and he’s spent ages regretting and trying to find a way out of the deal (see: the distress he feels right after becoming first talon, interesting codexes, etc). he’s scripted to defend rook from magic, at cost to himself, physically protecting his friends/rook from the magister and getting in the way of spells. he admits what he’s done and pleads with them to help him, despite having no reason to trust him. after the party fights the magister off together, illario begs for forgiveness, explaining himself, how regret couldn’t make up for what he’s done but he’s still tried to change things, change himself. but how could you ignore the feeling that, as with everything else in his life, that this is another lie? you get the choice to trust him and forgive him, or kill him for betraying the veilguard. i think this can hit harder if he’s romanced and you forgive him. the image of him pleading literally on his knees is about to get me to black out, followed by a rook who gets down on the ground and lowers themselves to his level just to kiss him before pulling them both up onto their feet again…. its like a ‘i fear to stain your hands with blood’ moment <3

completed companion quest: faced with compassion that he’s basically never extended to anyone, illario is inspired. he admits this guilt to lucanis, wanting to make him talon and leave everything behind, and while lucanis initially is obviously both angry and distressed, he later seeks out illario by himself, and their reconciliation happens off screen. i’d love for rook to be there so i could this but i honestly do not think its their place like can we leave the dellamortes to do this by themselves. in private its just a very “you went through hell to get me back. i think i need to give you a chance” + a slow rebuilding of the trust they had. and also lucanis has not even gotten the same outside support system as illario has taken his place and i think it’s good to note that. well. illario is about the most positive his relationships get and the only other person he would potentially have is caterina, who is also a more intense and outwardly scheming in this au. so not to be like “lucanis has no choice” but he kinda has no choice LOL. the point is: lucanis decides to protect him, and says that this betrayal is something they have to keep secret together as long as it safeguards illario, which safeguards himself. like what would the crows think of 1) illario trying to usurp power using an outside source (infighting/betrayal is okay. bringing a third party into crow business is not), 2) illario losing the idgaf war and desperately bringing lucanis back, 3) lucanis being possessed, 4) lucanis forgiving illario despite it all because they’re so codependent they can’t even bring themselves to leave the other. house dellamorte so weak that they can’t snuff out the weakness in each other? oh fucking brother. they can’t let anyone know how dire this situation is, and need to present a united front. also the terrible fact that they love each other deeply remains. mentioned in banter probably? eg:

“So… what do the Crows think?” // “The Crows don’t know.” // “…What? But your brother, and you—“ // “Are keeping it to ourselves. We’ve discussed this. House Dellamorte can’t afford to look divided, not right now.” // “So, what, he just forgave you?! You’re moving on? From trying to kill him?” // “'Forgave' is such a strong word, but maybe someday, yes. And we’re not just family, we’re Antivan Crows. You should know by now that we’re odd like this.”

“Illario. How long do you think you can keep that secret?” // “Considering only us, Lucanis and I know about it, hopefully forever. He insists that no one else has to know. Or should I be afraid that you’re going to go tell on me?” // “No! It’s just… Lucanis doesn’t, I don’t know, want vengeance?” // “Ha! He is the vengeancey one. But no. No, he’s… between the two of us, he’s always been the good one.” // “Lucky you.”

i also picture a lot of post revelations blackwall type banters and maybe something like davrin going “I have to believe you can be better, that you’ve changed. Half the Wardens are like that.” and once again i have to grieve varric because if there’s anyone that would understand lying their ass off and having mixed feelings about their brother, IT’S HIM LOOLLL. i think harding would treat him quite harshly, and neve loses a lot of respect because why would you ever even think about working with the venatori. but there’s a recognition over how he’s changed for the better. i think bellara is the surprise sympathiser, with everything she feels about cyrian. (“For a second, listening to Anaris to be with my brother again was worth it. So… yeah. I get it.” // “You weren’t foolish enough to fall for it. I did.” // “But you’re fixing it, aren’t you?” // “I’m trying.” // “Cyrian tried too. And if I can still forgive him, I can forgive you too.” // “…Thank you.” )

i also think a serious talk about being talon happens, where lucanis doesn't think he should be talon (possessed so his self worth is at an all time low. and also he's always thought illario should be talon anyway) and asks illario to keep the title. which is... weird because suddenly illario realises he doesn't necessarily want to be talon anymore. sure he can, sure he finally has caterina's approval, but he's got a new chance in life and he's not sure he wants to spend his life running an organisation that doesn't even care about him, would betray him first chance they got and remind him of the way he used to be, or see who he is the way the veilguard/lucanis has. his bitterness towards caterina also trumps his envy of lucanis, and the idea of lucanis resenting him as much as he resents caterina is something he'd like to avoid, which is another reason he's uncomfortable with being expected to tug at the leash. indecisive, illario can't quite fully commit himself to the crows, but is nervous about what leaving them would mean.

endgame: he would take lucanis’ place as a magekiller in this ofc, so he’s the guy killing ghil, and (for now….) first talon leading the crows to fight in minrathous (illario: “one of us should probably say something. remind the crows in whose name this fight is to be fought. we are emotional beings after all, and rhetoric is the fuel that feeds the fire—“ viago: “maker’s sake just give your speech”) i’ve also implied romance throughout this ask while not discussing it properly (ask me about it later. i need time to think on the whole romance arc and beats i know it exists but i refuse to give out half baked illario thoughts.) and i think the endgame post-fade prison talk would be very sweet and so intensely genuine/sincere and illario’s half struggling with being this truthful but pushes through because he wants to say “i love you” and really mean it. almost losing rook has put his priorities in order, and rook is at the top of this order, which has made him reevaluate everything else in his life and realise, "i don't think i can live without you. please don't make me". it’s fun for me that lucanis’ romance is a first in many different ways, but for illario it would be the first time experiencing actual romantic feelings for someone that he’s not faking, so you can imagine the damage its wrecking on his crow-psyche. sometime here i think there’d also be a decision where he’d ask to leave the crows and be with rook, tho i also think if given the chance to develop he could actually find something he cares more about than being first talon. genuine affection might kill him, reciprocated affection would probably be the nail in that “fuck the crows actually i just found out i like life outside of treviso” coffin.

but this is kind of leaning towards “illario only leaves the crows if you romance him” which i don’t like the sound of. he should be able to do that without a romantic relationship. i think narratively the best way to end this arc is for illario to leave the crows after having found alternatives to what he believed his life should amount to (as i think lucanis should have in veilguard), but i also don’t exactly know how to end it. i do want house dellamorte to be defunct, like an ‘illario leaves, and so does lucanis’ thing, where even lucanis gets the chance to grow out of believing “death is his calling”. i also like the idea that illario, ever the extrovert, gets real friends and is like “LUCANIS. you gotta fucking experience this” LMFAO. i’m thinking maybe the companion you spend most time with illario in the party after his act 3 quest starts to suggest things, so neve being like “you made a pretty great demon of vyrantium. consider making venatori-killing your full time job, you were good at it, despite all the traitor stuff.” or taash going “you know, you wouldn’t be the first lord of fortune to make mind numbingly stupid mistakes. drop by sometime. you and isabela can bond over it.” and they’re half joking but it makes the cogs in illario’s mind turn where he’s like “whoa. i could just. stay with the people who like me!” and where he goes is mentioned in the epilogue. a romanced illario would potentially just join the faction rook is a part of, tho a de riva would probably be unique in choosing if they want to remain a crow.

HOWEVER. i honestly don’t know if this is in character. fie and i convinced ourselves it was but i’ve had some time to really chew on it and idk if he’d want to give his ambitions up?? if someone has managed to read on this far, feel free to suggest things if you like i am always stumped because i don’t actually want to crows to stop being an assassin house, and there’s ofc no way to really make them ‘softer’ without taking away the bite that makes them interesting to play with. but extricating the dellamorte cousins from this WHILE feeling true to dragon age writing is difficult lol. just let me think. i’ll be back with some results hopefully.

side note: if illario is killed, lucanis takes his place with some difficulty (spite getting in the way, and no relationship building as he would get in canon) especially because despite his incredibly complicated feelings about his cousin trying to kill him, all of his anger is directed at rook for actually killing him. it doesn’t matter if lucanis would/could have never forgiven him, or otherwise, rook has taken that chance of hashing it out with illario from him completely, and lucanis won’t forgive them for it.

anyways the potential endings and first talons:

lucanis defaults into first talon if illario is killed as the only remaining heir, and struggles in this role alone, though the fact he is an abomination helps keep the crows in control for a while #cycles #snakethateatsitsowntail #housedellamorteissocooked

illario can remain first talon if encouraged to stay during the endgame, or if romanced by a rook de riva that also chooses to stay with the crows. depending on how the crow missions were complete, his direction with the crows either hardens/softens the organisation.

teia becomes first talon if illario decides to leave the crows, and rook has made choices that lean towards ‘softening’ the crows, eg. sparing ivenci to humiliate him, helping the crow-venatori loves run away, being kind towards jacobus, etc. the crows gain a reputation for coercion and can once in a while be found targeting, killing or exposing corrupt officials.

viago becomes first talon if illario decides to leave the crows, and rook has made choices that lean towards ‘hardening’ the crows, eg. killing ivenci to humiliate him, turning in the crow-venatori lovers, being harsh with jacobus, etc. the crows gain a reputation for efficient, quick assassinations that tip the scales towards anyone who can pay for their services.

if missions were not complete, the antivan crows’ reputation falls as they get sloppier, unable to recover from their losses and struggling to keep ahold of their power. there’s a reshuffling of talons, but the crows are in such disarray that it takes a decade for them to recover and gain back the effeciency they used to be infamous for.

ANYWAYS. sorry for that it is actually getting away from me and i don’t know how much of this is clear and how much of it is just my wishful thinking. i think there’s enough good things here to publish as an answer tho i’m aware this plot is kind of dollar store zevran LOL. maybe the best way to describe it is that i’ve accidentally combined blackwall, bull, and zevran’s arcs into this. hope this is at least a bit compelling for you anon!!!!!

[colourme-feral]

Translation notes for Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu / Our Youth ep 6

As always, I screamed with @nieves-de-sugui and consulted @my-rose-tinted-glasses.

After I graduate, I'm gonna start working right away and live independently/live with my own efforts. Note: Interestingly, the term, jiryoku (live independently/live with my own efforts) in Buddhism means self salvation. While the show isn't specfically Buddhist, I do think it's still interesting that this meaning exists for this term because Haruki is in fact planning on saving himself through leaving his father and making money to support himself.

Haruki: I just get entangled in situations easily. Haruki's mum: Your father was also prone to fighting. You take after him after all. Note: In this scene, Haruki's mother uses "your father" specifically, rather than just drop the "your", which she did when referring to her ex-husband in ep 5. "You take after him after all" is her remarking quite factly in a 'ah, so you two are similar, huh' type of way.

Haruki: Because… I am my old man's son. H: And I will become like my old man sooner or later. H: I might even end up hitting you. Jin: You won't become the same as your father. J: It will be fine/don't worry. H: Will you stand watch for me/look out for me?

Haruki: My mum has (made) a new family, there's only my old man and me left. That's why I think I was scared. If I were abandoned by my old man, I would truly be alone, was what I thought. But now I… want to become a decent person.

Note: In this scene, Haruki mentions mihatte (to stand watch/look out for) and misute (to be abandoned). Both words include the kanji, 見 and the use of them is very deliberate to suggest that they are exactly opposite in meaning to Haruki.

When I go home, I'll also write a letter to you.

Haruki: I've got something I wanna do now. I've gonna live for the thing I wanna do. Kyohei: Are you looking down on me? But aren't you inferior (below me, level wise) to me? K: Those wounds you have sometimes. Aren't those done by your old man? K: Mummy didn't help you either? K: That's way too pitiful. Note: Kyohei also uses mikudasu (to look down on), which also contains the same kanji, 見 as mentioned above.

Jin: Weren't you gonna become a decent person? What are you doing? Haruki: Right? Minase, don't go back. J: 'Your sea and mine have merged/mixed together and are being rocked by the same wave is what I had believed firmly.' J: '(But) it was so easy for you to become far away from me/it was so easy for distance to come in between you and me.' Note: The scene is particularly interesting because both of them have different approaches to being decent people. While Haruki wanted to further himself from the friends he'd made, he realised that he couldn't be a bystander in that situation, which is his decency, especially having been a victim of his father's abuse. However, Jin sees being decent as Haruki no longer involving himself with anything that happens with those friends, which is why he sees Haruki's choice as him choosing to go against what he had said about trying to become a decent person.

[pokemonshelterstories]

ive been trying to research how typing manifests in pokemon moves, and i know professor kukui has written a lot about that, but the publishing company that has his papers has them locked behind a paywall! are there are any resources i can access for free to research this kind of stuff?

ugh, what a pain in the ass. if you send him an email you might be able to get copies of them- though i've had much better luck actually getting a response from his wife! he's the kind of guy who checks his email once in a blue moon, which drives me insane because i send probably 10 emails a day at least.

i'd also recommend checking out the professorssafarizone discord or reddit, as members there will gladly help you get access to papers and books that you're looking for. i've actually met with several professors who share their own works through there! it's a great place to meet people in different fields of pokemon study.

[boringkate]

It's really weird that I've like already lived and worked through multiple porn eras lmao. They were each so short lived.

Like when I started out trying to get money by showing hole online I did it as a cam girl on Chaturbate because camming was just what people did at the time.

Then I got on a bunch of clip sites (like extralunchmoney and amateurporn) because it was obvious that (over time) pre recorded scenes made more money. ManyVids kicked me out for being a t slur, but as it started to get popular they luckily quickly reversed the ban on trans girls.

Then I tried doing stuff on Patreon and OnlyFans. There's a reason why everything from Netflix to Photoshop is a subscription these days. Patreon made me take down my dick pics lol, but OnlyFans and subscription porn sites like it started to get popular. Which beyond changing the payment structure also changed what porn gets made (it encourages photoshoots and allows for shorter videos of things that might not sell well on their own).

Whatever comes next probably won't replace OnlyFans style platforms (just like how Chaturbate and ManyVids are still around), but it feels inevitable that there will be a next thing. Or at least that the current status quo is fleeting.

Also!

If I had gotten started even a couple minutes earlier than I'd have probably had to make my own stand alone website and I'd have had to somehow promote it without social media. Would have been filming with camcorders instead of webcams and smartphones too lol.

That's bonkers to think about.

If I had gotten started more than a couple minutes earlier (like if I was a version of me transplanted to a pre internet era) then like... I just wouldn't have gotten started lol. It just wouldn't have happened. I was never gonna be in magazines. My chubby nerdy ass would not have played the starring role in A Passage Thru Pamela or whatever. I'd have been an old school autist playing with model trains in my parents basement.

[thekaratcake-blog]

"Trans women get shoulder dysphoria from feeling like they're too wide, hip dysphoria from feeling like they're too slim, chest dysphoria from feeling like it's too flat, voice dysphoria from feeling like it's too low, height dysphoria from feeling too tall. And no one will suggest to them that these feelings (and subsequent perceptions and hate from cis people) will be solved by growing out their hair and throwing on a dress." this entire statement is wrong, people have told me I'm stupid for feeling shit like this, you, all trans people go through others telling them to get over feelings that they don't personally understand, I've had plenty of people, from all communities absolutely tell me just wearing different clothes or even "trying a little bit harder" whatever that means, will solve all sorts of nuanced dysphoria, it's honestly starting to get frustrating seeing these posts where people complain about others misrepresenting their struggles and then misrepresent the struggles of others to try and show how much worse they have it, it isn't a competition and you shouldn't assume what others go through and experience like that, idk where you got your information that when trans people talk about their dysphoria around smaller things that people are somehow actually receptive to it, my experience has largely been people telling me to get over it

Rant over just, god, all of these posts about trans men specifically and the discrimination they face seperately to the rest of the community and just, is that even happening? A lot of these posts are doing the same thing they're blaming trans women of, "trans women say trans men have it easier because actually trans women have it easier so..." we're all struggling man, we all have our individual difficulties, and so far this doesn't feel as one sided as these posts make it out to seem Like I'm still thinking of that post talking about how fucked up it is for people to say trans men aren't queer but is that even happening? I thoroughly doubt it

Y'know, when cis people pull the 'All trans men have to do to pass is throw on a hoodie and cut their hair.' It's like... Right. That's dumb, but you're cis, and you will never understand the lived trans experience.

It bothers me more when trans women say it. Because it's like? You know things aren't that easy, you are trans.

Trans women get shoulder dysphoria from feeling like they're too wide, hip dysphoria from feeling like they're too slim, chest dysphoria from feeling like it's too flat, voice dysphoria from feeling like it's too low, height dysphoria from feeling too tall. And no one will suggest to them that these feelings (and subsequent perceptions and hate from cis people) will be solved by growing out their hair and throwing on a dress.

What makes them think trans men don't experience the exact same things but in reverse? Shoulders that feel too narrow, hips that feel too wide, chest that feels too big, voice that feels too high, height that feels too short.

If you experience dysphoria, know dysphoria, and know how awful it can get. And you also know that cis people will use these things against you in order to misgender you. Then I do not understand why you would pretend another party in the same category would not have these issues whatsoever.

And I feel the need to clarify, because this always happens when someone makes a post about trans men's struggles. This is not a dig at trans women, this is not transmisogyny. This is about a very specific group of trans people who downplay the issues of trans men. If you are not part of that group, good! Then this is not a dig at you.

[messenger-of-babel]

Blue is a Christmas Colour

Summary: You attend a Christmas party held by the titans and spend the evening trying to avoid your crush. (Dick Grayson x reader)

Word Count: 2.1K

Notes: Def pushing everything back by a day, I got sick (curse the Aussie summer heat) so I'm taking it easy. Not many warning for this one, except maybe a slightly OOC Dick? Idk I've never had to write them not in pain before.

~RiRi <33

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You had exactly one hour before the Christmas party, yet you were faced with the classic Hallmark crisis of having nothing to wear.

Sure, you had been confident in your outfit a day before the party. You were sure it was going to look nice a few hours ago, and you were convinced you were ready to leave the house and arrive early as you were getting dressed. However now that you were looking at yourself in the mirror, you just couldn't feel comfortable in the outfit. Despite being something you wore no problem last year, it somehow didn’t look right on you, the material was puckering in the wrong places and for the life of you, you couldn't get the fabric to fold down flat.

So now it was thrown across the bedspread alongside half of your wardrobe, a steadily rising pile of red, green and white. You ran your fingers through your hair in frustration. You weren't sure why you were so concerned about looking your best for a simple Christmas party. You had been invited to an end of year get together by the Titans, despite only joining their ranks earlier in August. You told yourself that it was because of being new and wanting to make a good impression, that you could let your hair down and have fun. That you weren't always the hard ass, follow the protocol type that you were at work. You told yourself that it was because you liked Christmas and wanted to just celebrate the holidays in style. Or maybe it was the fact that you were technically in the public eye at all times since you didn't wear a mask, and what if you got caught off guard on your way there? There were a million excuses that you made in about the span of a minute, just to ignore the real reason.

To try and block out the memory of how your stomach fluttered when the team leader, Dick Grayson asked if you'd like to attend. Forget the way that your cheeks burned with heat catching sight of his smile, or the thudding of your pulse against your neck when he shielded you during a mission. You refused to have a one-sided crush, so with a groan you rubbed your hands over your face.

Thirty minutes to go and you were now staring at yourself, happy yet mortified with your outfit choice.

Who said blue couldn't be a Christmas colour? you had split it up with white, but you still chewed your lip. Maybe I could say it's like a snowflake, you thought to yourself. Or like a Jack Frost theme. Still kicking yourself over your outfit choice, you had no time to dally. You were locked into this now. You threw on some accessories on your way to the door, making sure you had your keys and phone in your purse before locking your apartment and hurrying down the stairs. The lift was broken, so by the time you finally got to the lobby you were out of breath from your clipped jog, scanning your FOB to get to the garage.

Settling in behind the wheel you buckled in and checked your phone to make sure there wasn't anything you needed before arriving. The group chat was pinging with people's ETA’s, and you typed in your own "On my way, be there about ten." before locking your phone and putting it back in your purse. Your stomach rolled uncomfortably, making you tap your fingers on the wheel anxiously as you started up the car. Hopefully your subconscious wasn't too obvert, and people didn't have a laugh at you for the left field Christmas outfit. Hopefully HE wouldn’t laugh.

Yet if you had stayed in the group chat for just a moment more, you would have seen the blue heart react that popped up on your message almost immediately, before the other colours started adding to it.

You parked your car nearby the team headquarters, somewhere that you could slip away to easily at the end of the night without being worried about a stupid camera flash. The elevator ride up you couldn't help but fiddle with your fingers, rocking on your heels. You got this, no one's going to notice-

The doors slide open and you almost bump into someone, and you can feel their eyes scan across your figure like it's a hot brand.

"Hey, nice-"

"It's a snowflake." you blurt out, making Donna's eyes widen. She holds a moment before laughing, eyes crinkling as her head tips back.

"I was just trying to say I was glad you could make it." she grins, the confusion in her eyes overwritten by the laughter on her face. "And that blue is a good colour on you."

Your cheeks fill with heat, and you place your palms over them in embarrassment. "Oh."

"OH, is correct." she hums, shaking her head. "Come on, nearly everyone else is here."

Donna links her arm with yours, pulling you further down the hallway until you can hear the faint sound of Christmas music and chatter from behind a door. She pushes it open confidently, half dragging you into the room with her.

The room is decorated lavishly, tinsel and wreaths hanging off every roof and column edge. The few standing tables are filled with ornament table arrangements, and there's an icy sheen projected onto the dance floor. You wave at Raven and Kory lightly, who are standing on the other side of the room at one of the tables. Theres a small Santa hat clipped to Raven, most likely the work of the happy, red-headed alien next to her sporting two mini hats of her own.

You're still new, so you feel awkward talking so casually to some of the other members by yourself, so you stick as close to Donna as possible. She had helped you out a few times on missions, and her internal resolve int the face of conflict had helped you mitigate your own panic more than you could count. It was the same confidence you saw on the battlefield that she used now, except instead of a warzone it was a somewhat active Christmas party.

Some days you wondered how you even got into the hero business in the first place.

The first time you had caught Dick's eye was when you were going to grab a drink from the crystal punch bowls on the side, weaving your way through the small crowd. He came up beside you, giving you that stellar smile that made your head rush.

"Hey."

"Hey." you replied curtly, unable to make anything else come out of your throat.

"You look nice."

"Thank you. It's a snowflake." you blurted, fingers tightening on your glass as you filled it.

"I can see that."

"Yes."

You had proceeded to scuttle away, leaving him slightly stunned. The entire way back to Donna's side you kicked yourself, nails digging into your palm out of frustration. You needed to put some distance between you two. You couldn't get attached. You needed to shake him like the flu, push down those jitters in your hands and round up those stomach butterflies with a net.

Dick Grayson on the other hand, appeared to be much more a trouble than you had begun to imagine. It was almost like he was tracking you down the whole night, appearing when you talked to Kory, sliding into the conversation when you struck one up with Gar. He happened to be around every corner fixing his shoe or making sure that the decorations were just right.

"Had to make sure everywhere was decorated." he'd shrug before striking up some awkward small talk. Teammates had begun to giggle, and so you finally left the main room when you could take it no more, hurrying into the hallway to take a break.

You sighed deeply, putting a hand on your forehead.

Now you were alone, now you could gather your thoughts-

"Do you not like me?"

Your eyes fly open at the sound of his voice. You should have known that if anyone was going to notice your disappearance, it was going to be him first. Dick stands a few paces away from you, suit crisp and holly pinned to his lapel. He tilts his head, studying your startled expression, while hurt is written on him like a book. "I understand that not everyone gets along, but I thought we got along fine before." he frowns. "Did I do something wrong? Could you tell me what I did?" he asks you softly, and you have to stop him there.

"You did nothing wrong. “You rush out, taking a step forward. "You're fine, it's nothing."

"Then why are you avoiding me?" the hue of his eyes flicker with a clear flame of hurt, and his hands hang limply by his side.

You sigh, fingers wringing together. "Dick it isn't you, it's just I-"

"You what?" he presses, stepping forward again.

"I just-"

"Just?"

"I like you, okay? And I don't know how to handle it!" You snap, the pressure welling up in your chest like a dam. He looks stunned at your outburst, and immediately you cover your face. You blew it, and you blew it big time.

"God, just forget I said anything actually. It's just the stress, it's all been getting to me, and the missions lately-"

"I like you too."

"It's all just been building up, you know? So sometimes I say things I don't really mean...what?"

Dick begins to laugh, running a hand through the black mess of hair. "I said I like you."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." he grins, coming to stand in front of you. "Why didn't you just say something sooner?"

"Because not everyone is a charming flirt." you shake your head. "And I wanted to keep things professional between us."

"I think you're very charming." he grins, eyes glinting in the low light like a cat. "Very charming and very professional. It's cute."

Your cheeks heat up, stealing the words from your chest.

"You know, I liked you since you had my six on the rooftop stakeout." He says quietly, eyes shimmering with a boyish look. A lovesick look. You raise your eyebrows in return. "The one where you almost got jumped by a henchman?"

"That's the one."

"I would have thought that was embarrassing for you."

"You stopped him, didn't you?"

"Yeah, by throwing a brick."

"See? you had it handled."

"It was the closest thing to me, and I panicked."

"Just take a compliment, will you?" He laughs, and the sound makes the tension melt from your shoulders as well. You laugh alongside him, not realising how close you had gotten. He was so close that you could fix the shift in his red tie and push the black strands of hair from his sparkling blue eyes.

"Merry Christmas." he says softly, eyes flicking around the hallway. "Say, are you much for traditions?"

You tilt your head at the sudden change of topic but follow his eyes up to see a white berried bunch of mistletoe hanging from the archway. "Did you plan this?" you accuse jokingly.

Dick puts his hands up in mock defence. "Hey, I did say the whole building got decorated." He teases, eyes flicking from the mistletoe back down to your lips. "Do you...may I?" he asks softly, eyes searching yours for permission.

You swallow and nod, blood rushing to your head as he smiles and draws closer. H his hand that comes to rest on your hip feels like a thousand degrees, and when you close your eyes and his lips slot over yours you feel like you're on fire. It only lasts for a few fleeting moments, his actions gentle and soothing before he pulls away. You find yourself wanting to lean forward and chase the taste of mint and candy cane on his lips, hazy as the giddiness sets in that you just kissed Dick Grayson.

"Wanna rejoin the party?" he asks, grinning as he sees the faint shock the kiss left you in. He offers you his hand and this time you take it with no hesitation. You offer him up a smile, seeing your own excitement reflected in the flickering of his irises.

"Sure." you hum. Maybe this wasn't the worst way to end a year.

"Oh, and no one is buying that snowflake story."

[moody-alcoholic]

These Violent Delights

Chapter 20 - Dying To Live

Summary: Poly 141 x fem!reader, a/b/o alternate universe 9k words. What happened? How did this all happen? Find out in todays chapter. Lot's of secrets coming out.

CW:  a/b/o alternative universe, a/b/o dynamics, typical a/b/o universe tropes, descriptions of injuries, mentions of death, PTSD, guilt, all hurt no comfort, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of abortion, Florida, depression, mental health, dead bodies, desecration of multiple corpses, blood, alcohol, description of human remains.

AN: This is the last chapter I am posting of this fic this year. I've been spending time on other things. I do have the next arc planned out and it's a juicy one.

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enjoy <3

The rain is cold. 

The wind is cold.

There’s the smell of burning flesh in the air. Sulphur and smoke.

Her eyes open and there’s pain. 

So much pain. 

Even the rain stings as it hits her skin.

The wind sends shivers up her spine.

She has no idea how much time has passed. 

She should be dead. Whatever God let her survive was wrong. 

It hurts to breathe.

It hurts to move.

She should be dead. 

“Over here! There’s someone here!” The voice is muffled in her ears. She hears boots crash in the pools of water created by the rain. Rubble falling around her. There are lights now. More voices, more scents. She doesn’t need a rescue.

She should be dead. 

Voices ring in her ears as rubble is moved off her body, each piece causing her to grit her teeth, trying not to cry out. She won't look weak in the presence of her captors. They must have already moved some of the bigger pieces of rubble, the large walls that had fallen on her pinning her to the ground. 

She’s not sure how long she’s been here. It’s dark out. Is it a new day or the same late night? She can see smoke billowing up into the sky. The rain is relentless making her body shiver, her clothes soaked through. 

She hears more voices, and there’s more movement. Pressure being lifted off her body. For a second she hopes it's John and the rest of 141.

She doesn’t deserve that luck. 

“You’re going to be okay.” The voice is American, local. He’s bent over her shining a torch on her. “Can you hear me?” 

Yes. Yes I can. The words catch in her throat. Maybe she’s damaged her voice box. Maybe she’ll never speak again. The figure with the light vanishes, and she’s alone again. She blinks a few times, black spots coming in her vision. 

It’s like there’s a cloud over her vision. Maybe she’s lost more than her voice. 

“We need EMT’s over here!” the figure shouts. Piper looks as the figure comes back bending over her. He’s not military, he’s a local cop. He’s young, blonde hair, blue eyes. There are more people now, more people calling her demanding her attention. 

“Hey, my name is Craig. I'm an EMT. Can you tell me where it hurts?” he asks. His voice is dulled out. With more lights lighting up the area she realises she can only see out of one eye. She tries to move her head from side to side.

“No, keep still,” he says, moving around her body. “We need to secure her for transport, get a collar on her.” 

She tries moving her limbs. She can move her fingers, that's good. She tries to move her toes, but she can’t feel anything. Panic sets in and she tries to tip her head but someone grabs it holding it in place.

“I—I-.” She swallows hard, the words sounding wrong in her ears. There’s a ringing now. “My legs—I—I—can't feel them.”

 The EMT looks down over her body.

“HEY! Has anyone moved rubble off this person!?” he shouts as someone else comes down, securing a neck brace in place, forcing her head to sit in an uncomfortable position. More voices, more people. Loud voices. The ringing in her ears is louder. There is a new person with her now.

“Hello, I’m Alice, we’re going to get you out of here. What's your name?” She’s sweet. She seems young as she picks up Piper's hand, squeezing it. 

“Kate,” she manages to say. 

“Kate? Is that your name?” 

Piper wants to shake her head but she remembers she can’t.

She doesn’t deserve this rescue.

“No. Kate. Laswell.” Piper sucks in a breath of air. It hurts, it hurts so much. Her breathing becomes pants. Alice looks worried as her colleague Craig comes back. “Kate. Laswell. Emergency contact.” 

The EMT nods. “Don’t worry about that. What’s your name?” 

She doesn’t want to tell her. It doesn’t matter though because she can’t breathe. Panic rises in her as she tries to bring a hand to her chest. Alice’s eyes widen as she shouts for the other EMT. 

“Deep breaths. In and out,” Alice says, taking her scissors out her pocket and moving to cut her shirt.

“Oh my,” she says. “Craig! Chest trauma!” 

Chest trauma? That’s not good. She tries to suck in air but it hurts. She can’t breathe. Black spots flash across the vision. She can hear Alice calling but she can’t hold on. 

She closes her eyes as her lungs burn. 

…

When she opens her eyes again there is more pain, worse pain. 

“Nice and easy, there we go.” It’s Alice. She has her hands on Piper's chest. She groans in pain. She still can’t feel her legs. What if she’s paralysed?

“Hey, keep those eyes open for us, we're almost there,” she says, smiling. There’s an oxygen mask on her face. She blinks a few times. There is definitely no vision in her left eye. She can feel movement and hear sirens. She's in the back of an ambulance.

Pain in her chest is unbelievable. It makes her dizzy and she squeezes her eyes closed. 

She doesn’t deserve to be alive.

…

When she opens her eyes again there are new people around her. The pain is better, the sharp stabbing replaced with dull throbbing. Machines are beeping, and there is no neck brace anymore. 

“Hello, can you hear us?” 

She has to turn her head to see the person standing to her left. It’s definitely a doctor with a white coat and a stethoscope around his neck. 

She nods.

“My name is Dr. Smith. Can you hear me?” he asks. She nods again looking up at him through fuzzy eyes. “Okay. You’re at Seattle General Hospital. Do you remember what happened?” 

Piper nods her head.

“Okay, when you arrived at the hospital you were exhibiting signs of something we call crush syndrome. That happens when you’ve suffered extensive blunt force trauma.” He stops like he’s making sure she’s listening. Piper nods. She wants to tell him she’s a doctor.

Crush syndrome.

She should be dead. 

“We’re going to move you to the ICU for the next few days to keep an eye on you. You have a lot of broken bones and we need to make sure you don’t develop pneumonia while your collapsed lung stabilises.” 

Piper nods again.

Pneumonia. Pneumothorax. 

She should be dead. 

She doesn’t get to thank the doctor before she’s wheeled out of the room. She looks up watching the fluorescent lights flash above her head. She closes her eyes. Hopefully they called Kate Laswell. She’s her only hope right now.

The omega is safe though and that's what matters.

When Piper opens her eyes there is someone in her room. For a second she doesn’t recognise them. Then she does, the sharp facial details, the high pony-tail, the fidgeting. It’s Kate.

“You came,” Piper says as Kate leans off the wall. 

“I had to see for myself.” She walks over to the side of the bed. 

“The omega. Is she safe?” Piper asks. Kate nods. Piper lets out a sigh of relief leaning back in the bed. 

“It’s not everyday you get a call telling you someone is back from the dead.” 

“I thought I was going to die,” Piper says. She had come to terms with death. 

She should be dead.

“You got beat up pretty bad,” Kate says, picking up her chart. “Broken ribs, broken arm, both legs broken—”

“I did have a building fall on me,” Piper interrupts her. 

“How long do you think it will take you to heal?” Kate asks, putting the folder back down.

“A month or so. I don’t know. It’s a lot of injuries.” 

“I can get you out of here. New identity, fresh start,” Kate offers. Piper shakes her head. Kate sighs like she knew that would be the answer but it’s not the one she wanted. 

“Well you can’t stay here. We don’t need the doctors asking questions. You can come stay with me and my wife. At least until you’re healed,” Kate says. 

“Thank you.” Piper smiles at her. 

Kate shrugs. “Don’t mention it.” 

“Where is she?” Piper asks. Kate sighs quickly looking out the room and moving closer to her. 

“They’re in Canada. They’ll be leaving soon, they just have to wait for things to calm down,” Kate says. Canada’s not far. Maybe she could catch them before they went to the UK, if Kate could tell her where they are.

“What things?” she asks.

“The DOD are still investigating what happened. They’re hiding, laying low for a bit, and the omega was sick, from what I heard.” 

“Sick how?”

“She didn’t exactly take your death well. She had a miscarriage,” Kate says. 

Piper sighs, throwing her head back. Fuck, this was her fault. She should have sorted out the abortion earlier. She should have realised sooner. Of course you miscarried, your whole system is a mess. Hale knew that and he still tried to get you pregnant. His obsession with having a pureblood omega could have killed you. 

“That made her sick?” Piper asks.

“She was in hospital for a few days but she’s okay now. Just mourning,” Kate says. 

“Maybe I could catch them before they leave?” 

“They’re leaving tonight and you’re in no position to be following them across the world. They have enough to deal with the omega,” Kate says.

“What about Hale?” 

“Dead. They pulled his body out before they found you. He’s in the morgue. We’re waiting for the autopsy.” 

“Are you sure it’s him?” Piper asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Who else would it be?” Kate asks. 

“You really have no idea the type of stuff we were working on,” Piper says. Kate raises an eyebrow. 

“Would you be able to ID him?” 

“Of course.” 

Kate smiles leaving the room. She comes back a few seconds later with a wheelchair. She helps Piper get out of bed. She’s gentle, her movements slow as she helps put her legs up. Piper winces in pain as she moves her body. Kate reaches over, picking up the IV bag and hanging it on the pole sticking off the chair. She wheels Piper out the room towards an elevator.

“When did you hear?” Piper asks.

“Hear what?” 

“That I was alive?” 

“I was about to get on a plane back to DC. I turned around at the gate,” Kate says, pushing her into the elevator.

“Why?” Piper asks, watching Kate press the button to the basement. Kate sighs.

“I don’t know.” There’s silence as the doors close and the elevator starts to move. “I didn’t know what I was going to do. I just had to see for myself.”

“I thought I was going to die,” she says again. She doesn’t know if Kate is going to say anything and she doesn’t get a chance as the elevator stops and doors open. New people get in. Piper straightens up in the wheelchair. The rest of the ride goes in silence until they’re on the ground floor. 

“You didn’t have to come. You had no reason to come,” Piper says as she gets pushed out the elevator. Kate follows the signs for the morgue.

“I did,” Kate says without elaborating further. Piper stays silent as she’s pushed into the morgue. Kate talks to the doctor flashing her fancy CIA badge and before she knows it Piper is being pushed through to one of the main rooms. Kate stops her outside one of the fridges.

She goes over looking at the piece of paper in her hand before opening one of the fridge drawers. Kate pulls the tray out with a covered body, checking the toe tag. 

“Here,” she says, stepping back. Piper is holding her breath. She pulls the tarp back. She sighs as the face and chest is revealed to her.

“It’s not him,” she says. Fear rises in her. He’s alive, of course he is. Kate looks confused picking up a nearby chart.

“No look, the DNA and dental records match.” She shows her the clipboard. Piper nods. 

“It’s not him.” She wheels back in the chair using her free hand to turn herself. 

“Pass me a scalpel,” she says, pointing over at a table. 

“What? So you can desecrate a corpse?” 

“So I can prove this is not him.” Piper winces as she tries to push on the wheels to move herself forward. Kate sighs, putting her hand out to stop her. She walks over to the equipment pulling a drawer open and coming back with a scalpel and gloves.

Dr. Piper sighs, using all her energy to pull herself using the body tray. She stumbles and Kate reaches out to grab her.

“No!” she snaps, catching herself before she falls. Her eyes dart up to Kate. “Sorry, I got it.” 

Kate nods, stepping back to her original position. Piper steadies herself, straightening her body and pulling the gloves on. Pain radiates down her arms. This was going to hurt. She brings the scalpel down to his midsection. 

She presses it down and drags it, letting it dig into the skin. She looks up at Kate who swallows, bringing her hand up to her mouth. Blood pools down. She goes back to make the incision deeper, which is harder to do with only one eye and one arm. As soon as she’s through the skin and muscle she can see the organs. 

Stomach, liver, intestines. She sticks her hand in feeling round the stomach. There’s nothing there. She starts to feel round the intestines. She feels a lump and smiles. 

“You might want to cover your mouth for this,” she says looking up at Kate, who nods, stepping back. Piper holds her breath as she starts to cut through the intestine where she feels the lump. She can’t hold her breath for long and eventually she lets out a long breath. The smell of decaying flesh fills her nose. She reaches in and presses on the organ until something pops out. She smiles picking it up and holding the large tablet sized object between her thumb and finger.

“What is it?” Kate asks, trying not to gag. 

“Another invention of yours truly. It secretes the DNA of whoever you chose into your system. Can trick most coroners,” Piper explains, dropping it into a kidney dish.“What about the dental records?” Kate asks. 

“They’re fake records. One of the easiest things to do,” Piper says, sitting back down and rubbing her forehead with the back of her arm. “You really do have no idea what we were working on.”

“So what happens when the coroner finds that?” Kate asks.

“It’s a foreign object. That or try to explain the fringe technology inside it,” Piper says looking over at her. 

“How—what—how did this happen?” 

“You mean how did we create it or how did this end up inside him?” Piper asks, sitting back down in the wheelchair, her body throbbing from standing. 

“How did it end up in that body? Where is Professor Hale?” Kate asks, coming round the body towards her. 

“I don’t know. Hale must have managed to slip it into someone before he left the area.” Piper looks up at Kate and sighs. “We used to do it all the time, why do you think Hale managed to get away with all the deaths? How do you think Dr. Anderson managed to slip past the security checks and get on a military base?”

“Why?” Kate asks. She seems taken back by the whole thing. Piper shrugs.

She starts taking her gloves off. “Why was the DOD even willing to get involved in this project?”

“Honestly, Hale was a security threat. It was in the government's best interest to work with him rather than against him,” Kate says. 

“Other than the super soldier speech, what did he promise?” Piper asks. Kate looks around the room stepping closer to her.

“We really shouldn’t talk about it here. Let’s sort your discharge out.” 

“What about this?” Piper asks, nodding at the body on the tray. Her own body feeling suddenly heavy, her chest sore. She needs to stock up on some painkillers before she leaves

“I’ll need to make a few calls,” Kate says, pushing the body back into the fridge before coming behind her wheelchair and pushing her out the room.

“Is General Shepherd still keeping an eye on things?” Piper asks.

“Yes. He thinks I’m here to ID your body. He doesn’t know you’re alive. I thought if you had any chance of seeing the omega again, it’s best if they think you’re dead,” Kate says as Piper smiles, throwing her gloves in the medical waste. 

“Thank you.”

“I didn't do it for you,” Kate says. She walks around Piper pressing the button on the elevator. Piper swallows as Kate looks back at her.

“What about John? Does he know?” Piper asks. She feels like she’s not going to like the answer.

“No, the only person who knows is me, which is why we need to get you out of here quickly before people start asking questions. Like; who is the Jane Doe and why do her wounds heal so quickly?” Kate says, pushing her into the elevator. 

“I just need some crutches and pain relief, then we can leave,” Piper says feeling suddenly guilty.

“Okay, I’ll look for a doctor. You just get ready to leave. We’ve got a long trip back to Virginia,” Kate says, pushing her back to her room in silence. Both her legs are broken and she has no idea how long it’s going to take to heal. 

She’s lucky she’s even alive. She should be dead. Lost vision in her left eye, broken left arm and dislocated shoulder, both legs broken, 4 ribs, and a pelvic fracture. Honestly, considering she had a whole building fall on her, she’s lucky. 

The burns will take the longest to heal. Her skin is littered with them. Most of the damage seems to be on her left side. At least that’s her non-dominant side. She almost died on the way to the hospital, crush syndrome and a collapsed lung. A few more minutes and she would have been dead. 

She wheels herself to her chart at the end of the bed pulling it out. She can see her x-rays. Her whole body is fucked. This is going to take months to heal. Maybe her eye will never heal. She deserves that. 

She should be dead. She’s not dead and neither is Hale.

Her sacrifice was for nothing. 

She should have died, so should have Hale. You’re never going to be safe with him still after you. She needs to tell John.

2 weeks later

Kate’s house is nice. 

Kate’s wife is nice. 

Virginia is nice. 

She should be dead.

Her body is healing, slower than normal, but it’s healing. Her arm healed first and then one of her legs. Her other leg and ribs are taking the longest. The left side of her body seemed to take the worst beating. She has burns running up her arm and leg. Her stomach is covered in scars and bruises. 

She still cannot see out of her left eye, but she’s used to it by now. Kate and her wife—Hannah—are patient people, mashing up her food so she can swallow it better. Making sure she’s in the guest room on the ground floor. 

They’re too nice. She’s been trying to help Kate as much as she can. She brings intel from work. They’re trying to track down Hale but so far nothing. Piper had spent her time trying to figure out how this happened. How they both managed to survive. Hale was on the top floor, he only had the roof fall on him. Piper had 2 floors and a roof fall on her.

You’re in the UK, Scotland. You’re safe, safer than you’ll ever be. It’s good that they don’t know where Hale is. As soon as they find out and tell Shepherd, he’ll want to send 141 after him. Kate still seems to be confused why Shepherd seems to be so instant on 141 being involved. Hale’s not that big of a threat anymore. 

His houses have been destroyed. He can't start up another lab without alerting the US government. There’s no more chemical. The only way to get a sample would be to reverse engineer it, but that would require the omega and she’s safe. 

There is little news from John but the news she has heard has been good. She knew you would like Scotland. You love the outdoors, you love nature. You’re safe and you deserve to be safe. She knew John would keep you safe. 

Kate comes home around 6pm. She comes through to the kitchen where Hannah is cooking something she’s been working on for the last hour or so. They kiss, and Kate spies Piper out the corner of her eye. 

“Long day?” Hannah asks as Piper shifts at the kitchen table. She’s been surrounded by all the paperwork Kate has bought and there will be more. It’s a good thing though; the quicker Piper can figure out what’s going on the safer you will be.

“More for you,” Kate says, emptying her bag on the table.

“They still don’t suspect you’re stealing classified documents?” Piper asks. 

“You’d be surprised how easy it is if you know the right people,” Kate says, turning to go back to the kitchen. Piper is about as qualified to find him as the CIA are. They thought maybe he would go back to the bunker in Michigan, but nope. His apartment in Manhattan was seized and searched. Nothing. He hasn’t been back there since. 

Officially he’s dead; he and Piper both are. According to the CIA, the autopsies were enough for the DOD to wipe their hands with the matter. They both died in the building explosion. Unofficially they’re keeping tabs on him: he's faked death once before, and he could do it again. It sounds like Kate has been drip feeding Shepherd the idea of Hale surviving the explosion. The autopsy reports are valid though—well if you squint and don’t know what you’re looking at.

She looks over the documents. More random info, most of it useless data from tracking Hale’s personal devices, credit cards that sort of thing. Then there are the document’s Piper has come to call the pointless updates. Mainly contact with 141 or more specifically John. He doesn’t say much, keeps things as vague as possible. They’re only doing it so Kate knows where they all are. 

Piper soaks the words up though. You’re never mentioned, unless Kate is hiding something from her. It feels like things are moving in slow motion. She feels no closer to finding out where Hale might be hiding, or if he’s even still in the US. It would help if Piper could remember all the aliases he would use but that's a lot of information she can’t remember.

‘We’d know if he left the country,’ Kate said at one point. ‘Facial recognition.’  It doesn't give Piper much hope. There are plenty of ways to sneak out of a country. He could be half way across the globe, he could be closer to you than they think. Piper sighs, scanning over the pointless documents Kate bought. No activity on his cards, no use of his passport. Piper is pretty sure he would have a new phone by now. Looking at that page was not even worth her time.

Piper starts packing the documents away as Kate comes back over to the table with a bowl of salad. 

“What are the chances Professor Hale wants the omega?” Kate asks. Piper looks up at her. She hardly ever talks about work at home. Hannah tries to keep the house a work free zone. She went on a rant about not bringing work home with her when Piper first arrived. That made her feel like she was intruding on their personal space. She was, but Hannah didn’t seem to mind that much, at least not when it really came down to it.

“If he wants more of the chemical he needs her,” Piper says, keeping it simple. No need to spend the next few hours talking Kate’s ear off about reverse engineering a formula. Piper hands her the documents and she takes them, dumping them in a pile with the rest. 

“What makes her special? Why not come after you? Or John?” 

Piper hears Hannah audibly sigh as she places a plate down in front of Piper who thanks her while watching Kate’s eyes follow her wife back into the kitchen.

“She’s special, she’s an omega. The only omega,” Piper says. She’s not sure how much detail she wants to go into, especially around Hannah.  

“Why not make another one?” Kate asks, sitting down as Hannah comes back to the table with 2 more plates of food. Piper looks at her. She just sighs as she sits down pulling the salad bowl up to her. Kate nods like she’s just been given silent permission to continue the conversation. 

“He tried. Omegas are very rare apparently. Out of all the people he used the formula on, she was the only omega.” 

“There has to be more eventually though right?” Kate asks. Piper looks down at the food picking her fork up. Guilt washes over her. She hasn’t been completely honest with them. With the omega, John or any of them. She pushes the lasagna round the plate as she musters the courage to tell Kate.

“There was another. Another omega,” Piper says, looking over at Kate who spoons salad onto her plate. She frowns, tipping her head. Piper clears her throat. 

“Hale, he had a daughter, a biological daughter. She was the first. It was early days, so early that the formula was unstable. For Betas and Alphas it was fine but for some reason the dramatic physical transformation for omegas was just too much.” Piper looks over at Hannah whose eyes are digging into her. She looks back to Kate then to her plate. This isn’t exactly dinner time conversation. Not that Piper’s hungry anymore anyway.

“What happened?” Kate asks, encouraging her to continue. 

“He tried to stabilise it. We tried everything. By the end she was just too weak, her body couldn’t handle it. I think it was her death that broke him,” Piper says. She remembers her well. She was only 17 when she died, alone, scared and in pain. Piper spent years pushing her to the furthest recesses of her mind. She wasn’t going to let her death turn her like it did to Hale. 

“Vanessa. He named her after his first wife; she died in childbirth. After that something snapped in him. He left the bunker for 2 years. When he came back he had a new omega.” Piper clears her throat again. She doesn’t get to cry. She doesn’t get to mourn for Vanessa. She did that years ago.

“Does John know?” Kate asks. 

Piper shakes her head. She forks some food in her mouth but it tastes of nothing. Kate sighs. 

“So what happened then?” she asks. Piper looks back up at her. She can’t tell what Kate is thinking. Maybe it's best that she doesn’t know.

You’re not one of the good guys. She reminds herself. 

“He dedicated all his time to perfecting the formula. He thought the new omega would suffer the same fate but she didn’t. She lived and she kept living despite all the odds. He hated that. He despised the fact that she lived and his daughter died,” Piper says. She thinks back to you, how he would talk about you when you were not around. You would never be perfect for him. He would plan your death on a near daily basis but could never bring himself to do it.

Maybe that was the only mercy you ever got from him, his refusal to lose another omega. You were worth more to him alive then you were dead.

Piper fell in love with you though, so much so that as soon as Hale made plans to claim you she knew she had to get you out. 

“What happened to his daughter?” Kate asks. 

“Multisystem organ failure, her kidneys went first then—” 

“No I mean did he bury her? Cremate her?” Piper looks at Kate confused. 

“He buried her. In Florida, she always wanted to see—” Piper lets out a gasp. The fork falls out Piper's hand crashing onto the plate. Kate looks over at Hannah. “He’s going to dig her up. He can get a sample of her DNA. He could create a new formula.” 

There’s silence in the room. Piper looks round at Kate and Hannah. They’re both looking at her, waiting for her to continue. 

“Is that even possible?” Hannah asks, eventually snapping Kate and Piper out of their heads.

“Unfortunately yes,” Piper says, picking her fork up again even though she’s lost her appetite.

“Then he wouldn’t need to go after the omega right?” Kate asks. Piper’s not sure how to answer. He still needs you. Getting DNA from a corpse is not as easy as a living person. 

“He always needs her,” Piper says, forcing food into her mouth. “She’s never going to be safe until Hale is dead.” 

The Shadow digging dumps dirt at his feet. He kicks it off his shoes. There’s no way this was going to work. It was a long shot but it was easier than running round the world chasing after the omega. Cheaper too. 

It’s dark, late evening. Hale’s house is secluded on the coast a few miles away from anyone let alone a town. Deep through the Everglades on the west coast. He’s lucky the only way in is by hovercraft or boat, and the only 2 people who knew this place existed are now dead. 

It’s a good place to hide out. He’s not here to hide though; he’s here for something. Well someone. 

“Is there an institution you don’t have your fingers in?” Commander Graves asks, hanging up his phone call and walking to stand next to him.

“Scandinavia’s hard. So many rules, they like to follow rules,” Hale says. Graves chuckles watching his men work.

“Anything new with the CIA?” Hale asks. 

“They found Piper Montgomery’s body. Kate Laswell was there to ID it in person.” 

“Why?” Hale asks, confused, looking at Graves.

“No idea. We know it’s her though. They’re still under the impression you’re dead, too, by the way.” 

“Good, at least I know I’m getting my money's worth,” Hale sighs, crossing his arms. Graves moves over to look at the Shadows digging in the garden. Hale’s other homes had already been searched by the CIA and FBI. They didn't find anything of course; there is nothing to find. His labs have been destroyed. Now there is just his holiday home left, and he doesn’t even have a proper lab to work with. It’s going to make things a lot harder. 

He always wanted to bring Vanessa here when she was alive. She was always so sick though, it would have been too risky to move her from Michigan down here. She most likely would never have survived the journey.

She always wanted to see the ocean. 

“When do you think I will receive the rest of the compensation?” Graves asks as more Shadows come over with shovels. He should have marked her grave. 

“A few days. Still waiting for my accountant to move some pieces around,” he sighs. Of course he would be hounding him about money. 

“I lost good men that day, they had families too,” Graves says. Hale can hear the anger in his voice.

“You’ll get your revenge on 141. I already promised you that,” Hale sighs. 

“We know where they are now—” 

“Do you want the formula or not?” Hale snaps. He promised it to Graves and all of Shadow company as a bonus for keeping his ‘status’ secret. They just had to find the body first. 

141 did a good job of destroying everything he had. Blowing the place—that had to be Dr. Montgomery's idea. He didn’t think she would actually go through with it. He thought she would be too selfish, to want to survive for the omega. He judged her wrong. Doesn’t matter; she’s dead, but now he has no formula and Graves has to find more staff. 

“Here!” someone shouts from behind Hale. He turns around to see someone's head sticking out of a hole. As they both walk over he wipes his head with the back of his hand. Hale looks down into the hole. There it is, the wooden coffin. He looks at the Shadow and nods. 

Commander Graves starts shouting orders as Hale takes a step back. This is it. He has no idea the state her body will be in but he expects it to be a skeleton. At least then it might be easier to stomach. He reaches into his coat pocket pulling out a cigar. 

If there was one thing his holiday home had an abundance of, it was proper Cuban cigars and rum. He took his clipper out in his hands, shaking as the Shadows excavated the ground around the coffin. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

Hale watches, reaching into his pocket for his lighter as he sucks air through the cigar. He can taste the woody tones, the tobacco. It calms his nerves slightly. He lights it up just as the dirt is almost completely removed from the wooden coffin. 

Someone comes over with a crowbar. Hale is still shaking. He hears the sounds of the wood creaking as they break the top off. There are groans and moans, some of disgust as the lid pops off. Hale swallows hard and walks over looking at the remains. It's only the bottom half of the coffin that has been taken off but he can see the leg and feet bones. Some of the dress he buried her in is still intact, it was a nice summer dress with yellow flowers on it. In the spotlight it just looks like worn browns and greys. 

“If there’s a God, I would start begging for forgiveness,” Graves says as he crosses his arms. Hale takes a long puff of his cigar. There’s no God, and if there was he doesn’t want his forgiveness. 

He’s going to change the world, cure diseases, and create an unstoppable fighting force. His formula will change the world. The he’ll sell it for millions, tens of millions. He needs to perfect it first though. 

This is his last chance. If he can’t synthesise a copy from her DNA he has to go after the omega. He turns looking at more people coming over with a body bag and other tools.

“Try to keep her in one piece,” Hale says, taking a step away. Another long puff of his cigar to calm his nerves. 

“Think it will work? You’ll be able to recreate the formula?” Graves asks him. 

“Let me worry about the science. You keep track of the omega and 141. We still might need them,” Hale says, straightening up and turning to head back to his house. Graves follows him leaving the Shadows to continue to excavate the body. 

“Nice place you have here,” Phillip says, going to sit on one of the sofas in the living room. Hale sighs, walking over to the bar.

“What’s your poison?” Hale asks without turning around. Phillip closes the door muting the sounds of the ocean.

“Whisky,” Phillip replies. Hale picks up a bottle and pours them both glasses. 

“Single malt scotch. 15 years old,” Hale says, handing him a glass. Phillip straightens up accepting the glass. “I get it flown in especially, all the way from the Scottish Highlands.” 

“Can’t be cheap,” Philip says, holding his glass up before taking a sip. Hale takes a long puff of his cigar before taking a drink.

“141 have a scotsman. Sergeant  John MacTavish,” Hale says letting the alcohol burn his throat. “Maybe he’ll give me a few bottles before I kill him.” 

“You’re really going to go after the 141?” Phillip says, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m going after the omega. 141 are in the way,” Phillip sighs, finishing the rest of his drink and getting up to go back to the bar. He picks up the bottle, swilling it around before bringing it back over to the coffee table. 

“You’ve dealt with them before,” Hale says as he finishes his glass placing it down on the coffee table. 

“A couple of times. They know what they're doing. They have allies. I wouldn’t recommend fighting them on their home ground,” Phillip says, opening the bottle and refilling the glasses. 

“Where are they?” Hale asks. 

“Canada. At least that’s where they were before they got a flight,” Phillip says, closing the bottle and leaning back. Hale nods, taking a long drag of his cigar. 

“Where did they go?” 

“Back to the UK we think.” 

“You think?” 

“If they went back to the UK the last movement we have is Heathrow airport.”  

“London?” Hale asks, reaching over and picking up his glass. He looks at the dark oak coloured liquid swilling it around. 

“Yeah. I would send someone over but I don’t know where to start.” 

“How about London then work your way up,” Hale says a little harsher than he means. 

“You’re not paying me to find the omega or take on 141,” Phillip reminds him.

“What would that cost me?” Hale asks downing his drink. Phillip laughs.

“More than you could afford,” Phillip scoffs, shaking his head.

“Money’s no object,” Hale replies quickly. Graves sighs leaning forward in the chair. 

“We can protect you against 141. But if they want you bad then you better be prepared. I hope this omega of yours is worth it,” Phillip says getting up heading to the door.

“These violent delights have violent ends,” Hale calls leaning forward and stopping Graves in his tracks. 

“I flunked English,” Phillip says throwing his hands up, exasperated, letting out a long sigh. Hale gets up picking up his glass and walking over to Graves. He presses himself right up to his face but Phillip doesn’t flinch. It makes Hale smile.

He knew he picked the right guy.

“Get me the omega and I'll make sure the 141 are never a problem again,” Hale says, pressing a finger into his chest. 

“Give us the formula and I will deal with the 141 myself.” 

Hale chuckles, stepping back and taking a sip of his drink. They’re locked looking at each other eye to eye. Hale’s not going to back down, neither is Graves. 

“Professor?” A voice calls behind them. Hale turns to look at the Shadow standing in the living room. “Where do you want the body?” he asks, sounding nervous as Hale walks towards him. He looks back over at Graves, chuckling.

“In the basement, there’s a walk-in freezer,” Hale says, waving the Shadow away. He turns back to look at Graves downing the rest of his drink. 

“Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.” 

“That ended in tragedy,” Graves says coldly.

“Exactly,” Hale replies looking back out to his dug up backyard. 

1 week later 

It had been a long week. 

Piper wanted to go to Florida straight away but her other leg needed to heal first. Her ribs were still messed up but at least she can walk without crutches now. Still no sight in her left eye, and at this point she’s convinced it's permanent. She’s also come to discover her hearing on her left side is also dulled. 

She could really use a trip to the hospital for x-rays at least. She can’t risk it getting out that she's alive though. The burns will take months to heal. Her skin will have to rebuild itself on top of layers of scars. At least when she wears long sleeves no one can see anything. According to some intel from Kate, Shadow Company are still after the omega. They’ve put feelers out for her and they’re keeping an eye on Kate.

‘Course they are, Hale’s still paying them,’ Piper snapped at Kate. It’s not her fault. There’s just not much they can do. Kate has a contact in Key West, someone who can confirm the rumours or not. No one but Piper and Anderson knew about Hale’s Florida home. Anderson is definitely dead, Hale is still out there. 

“What if he’s not here?” Kate asks as they’re driving the last few miles to the Naval base. 

“He’ll be here. He needs Vanessa. It’s the only way he can get omega DNA without chasing down the omega,” Piper says. 

“There was one Shadow in Canada,” Kate says, Piper's head snaps over to look at her.

“Do you think they will follow them to the UK?” Piper asks. 

“They could.” 

“Does John know?”  

“John knows Graves is still after them,” Kate sighs. 

“When are you going to tell him about everything?” Piper asks. John should know; he should know what they know at least. It’s been almost a month since they blew up Hale’s house in Seattle. 

“I’m not. Not until we have a plan. It’s best for everyone, it’s risky to try and contact them right now,” Kate says. 

“They should know. They can’t protect her if they don’t know what's going on,” Piper says. Would they care knowing she was still alive? Would they let her see you again? Piper looks over at Kate. 

“She’s safe. She’s in the best place she can be. If we try to contact them we could put her at risk.” 

“You said there were Shadows in Canada, they could be in the UK already,” Piper snaps.

“That's what we're here to find out,” Kate says back. Piper can hear the rising anger in her voice. “As soon as we can confirm Professor Hale is alive and your assumption is correct, then I will contact John.” 

“What if you’re too late?” Piper asks, gripping her seat belt. She doesn’t agree with Kate yet. Kate came when she asked, she looked after her but Piper wants to contact John. If Kate is right then she needs to wait. But if there are already Shadows on the way then you could be in danger. 

Piper lets out a long sigh. Kate is right. No one knows where you are. There’s no point in worrying you or your pack. They will protect you until the bitter end, there is nowhere on earth safer than where you are now. 

The car drives up to the entrance of the base. A soldier comes over and Kate rolls down her window handing him her badge and a letter. He looks over at Piper and after a few seconds nods handing everything back to Kate.

“First turn to the left and you'll see the visitors centre,” he says. Kate thanks him and they wait for the gate to open. 

“How do you know we can trust this guy?” Piper asks as Kate parks up. 

“We can trust him,” Kate says, getting out of the car. Piper follows, feeling exposed. Maybe someone would recognise her and give her away. She shakes her head. There’s no way anyone will recognise her. Piper follows Kate into the building as Kate introduces them and they’re given visitor passes. 

They sit down on some chairs. They’re not waiting long before a young looking man walks round the corner. Kate stands up as the man hugs her. 

“Good to see you again, Laswell,” he says, breaking from the hug and looking over at Piper. 

“Alex, this is an associate of mine, Laura.” Piper extends her hand so the man, Alex, can shake it. He nods at her and gestures for them to follow him. 

“How’s Farah?” Kate asks as they walk to an empty conference room. 

“She’s good. I was surprised you reached out. I was about to head back,” Alex says, closing the door behind Piper. Kate waits a few seconds letting Alex talk about his visit back home. Piper just wants to get this over and done with. The quicker they can get answers the quicker they can make a plan and tell John. 

“Graves is here,” Alex says before Kate can talk. “He’s been out doing training exercises in the Everglades.” 

Kate sighs. “Why?” she asks looking over at Piper. Alex smiles, turning around and picking up a folder.

“This is everything I have. I assume most of it you already know.” 

Kate takes the file flicking through it. Piper leans over to look, it doesn’t look like there’s a lot in there.

“I saw the bounty, you could do alot with 50 thousand,” Alex says. “It was sent internally, Shadow Company only.”

“Where is she then? This omega everyone is getting excited over?” Alex asks. It makes a pit form in Piper's stomach.

“Classified,” Kate says. 

Alex smiles, crossing his arms, he reminds Piper of Johnny. 

“How’s 141? I thought they would have been with you,” Alex says. 

“We’re not joined at the hip you know,” Kate says smiling and closing the folder. “They’re on leave.” 

“Well, if you need anything else you know where to find me. Why are you so interested in Phillip anyway?” Alex asks.

“It’s not him, it’s who he’s working for.” 

“Ah, I see, all I know is his name is Christian—” 

“Christian Lumbrage?” Piper asks, Kate shows her the folder. She can see the name. It’s him, it’s Hale, one of his pseudonyms. Piper gives Kate a glance, hopefully she will understand. Kate closes the folder, putting it under her arm. 

“You’ve been a great help. Next time you’re in town we should catch up,” Kate says, making a move for the door. 

“I would love to, Farah keeps me busy though,” he says chuckling as he reaches over to open the door for Kate. Piper follows them out listening to them talk about how things are going in Urzikstan. She doesn’t care though; she wants to get word to John. 

Kate shakes Alex’s hand and he turns to Piper. 

“It was nice to meet you,” he says, extending his hand to Piper who shakes it. He really does remind her of Johnny. She smiles then follows Kate back out to the car. Piper doesn’t say a word until Kate starts driving. 

“What now?” Piper asks. She hopes this is it. Now they can let John know what they know. But maybe Kate won’t tell him. 

“I’ll tell John what we know,” Kate says. 

Piper looks over at her. 

“Will you tell him about me?” Piper asks. She’s being selfish but she wants John to know she’s alive at least. 

“I’ll tell him but you’re going to go to them,” Kate says. Piper's breath catches in her throat and she snaps to look at Kate, her hands gripping the steering wheel. 

“Go where?” she asks but she feels like she already knows the answer. 

“To the UK, I’ll tell them you’re coming.” 

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” 

“I don’t know, but the omega needs you,” Kate says. 

“She has her pack, she doesn’t need me,” Piper says, dipping her head. She should be dead. She should have died in the collapse. 

“John needs you. She needs you.”

“They want a cure,” Piper snaps back. She’s not quite sure why she is so angry with Kate. Maybe it's the nerves. The nerves that John is going to find out she’s alive and what he will say or do. Maybe he won’t let her near the omega again.

“I didn't come back for you. I’m not doing this for you,” Kate says back. There’s hostility in her voice. “I did this for John and the omega. She deserves a chance at life. You’re the only person who can do that.” 

There’s silence in the car. Piper looks out at the road ahead. Maybe Kate was right but John did leave her to die. He has all her research. He doesn’t need her any more. 

“If it was up to me, you and Hale would both be facing punishment for the crimes you’ve committed,” Kate says. There’s definitely a spitefulness in her voice.

“We will. One day,” Piper sighs.

“If you live that long,” Kate scoffs.

She should have died. 

Piper thinks back to the building collapse. She doesn’t remember much, just being woken by the search team looking for survivors. She would have died if no one had come looking. Slowly and painfully suffocating, her organs falling one by one as she bled out internally. 

If they were just a few hours later, even just a few minutes later she would have died. 

“We’ll head up to Miami, I'll make the call, book the flight. When you land in the UK I'll give you their address,” Kate says, quickly looking behind her. “In the front pocket of the suitcase is your new identity.” 

Piper reaches back pulling out a brand new US passport and opens it up. 

“Laura Miller,” Piper says.

“Who’s going to see her extended family in Scotland. As soon as you get back to the 141 they’ll take care of the rest. Until then you’ll be on your own,” Kate says, 

Piper nods, closing the passport. 

“Thank you, really, for everything,” Piper says. She’s projecting her scent for Kate not that it matters; she won’t be able to smell it. 

“I didn’t do it for you,” Kate reiterates, letting out a sigh. At least she seems calmer. 

Piper smiles and looks out at the ocean as they drive back to the mainland. She’s going to see you again. At least there is one good thing coming out of this. 

John is woken by the buzzing of his phone. He turns. You’re sleeping against his chest. You’re still here, sleeping in his arms. He thought it would be months before you would forgive him, but you’re stronger than you think. He smiles, picking up the phone and squinting to see the name. It’s Kate.

He slowly pushes you off his chest. You mumble something incoherent before latching onto his pillow. He shushes you before tiptoeing out of the room as quietly as he can. As soon as he’s out the door he answers the call.

“How’s the vacation going?” Kate's voice comes through the line.

“Can’t complain.” He smiles looking through the crack in the door at you. 

“Got some news, you might want to be sitting down for this,” Kate says. 

John’s body tenses. There's silence on the line; he's not sure what to say. 

“Professor Hale is alive. The bounty on the omega—it’s from him. He’s working out of Florida with Shadow Company. Officially he died in the house collapse.” 

John lets out a sigh pinching the bridge of his nose.

“We knew something like this could happen,” he says in a low voice trying to keep quiet, quiet and calm. 

“I managed to get some intel from Alex before he went back to Urzikstan, I’ll send it over.” 

“Keller was in the US?” John says shifting his weight. It had been a while since he checked in with Farah. What if something was wrong? 

“Visiting family. He’s already on his way back,” Kate says. 

He lets out a sigh. The last thing they need is to be moving around right now, but if Farah needed help, they would have to drop everything and go. 

“Does Shepherd know?” John asks.

“No, no one knows just you. Alex got the intel on Graves for me, but he doesn’t know why,” Kate explains. She’s done good again, got the intel and kept it quiet. Now John will have something to work with. Any intel is useful at this point. 

“Good work. Do you think Graves is going to be a problem?” he asks.

“I think they have their hands pretty tied right now. They don’t know where you are, you’re safe, for now,” Kate says. John knows she’s right but at the same time he knows an invisible timer has started. At some point they will have to move. For now they need to figure out how much time they have left. 

“There’s one more thing John,” Kate says. He can hear a change in her voice and it makes the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He waits for her to talk.

“Professor Hale was not the only one to survive the building collapse. Dr. Montgomery survived too.” 

John holds his breath, his eyes widening. She’s alive. 

“She contacted me while she was recovering in the hospital. She was the one who figured out where Hale is and what he’s up to,” Kate continues. John swallows hard looking back in his room. You’re still sleeping cuddling up against his pillow. 

It’s taken you almost a month to get over her death, and now she’s alive. 

“Where is she?” John asks, his voice hard as he takes in the information. 

“She’s on a flight to London. She should be with you within the next 24 hours,” Kate says.

“She’s coming here?” 

“Hale and her survived. They both officially died in that building explosion. We know Hale is alive but we assume he doesn’t know Piper is alive. We have an advantage here. She’ll be safer with you,” Kate explains. That is good news at least. John looks back at you. This is going to be rough. How will he explain it?  

“Tell her to go to the rendezvous location, not the house. I’ll pick her up,” John says. “Of course.” There's silence on the line again. John can hear his own heart beating in his ears. He looks behind him at Simon’s room. He almost wants to wake Simon up and tell him. Get his opinion on the whole thing. Shit. Simon liked her. How was he going to react? 

“I’ll go. You know how to contact me if you need anything. I’ll get those files sent ASAP,” Kate says. John can hear her mumbled speech and the clicking of a lighter. She must be away from home. 

“See you Kate, and thank you,” he says, hanging up. Now he wants a cigarette, a cigar, a glass of whisky, anything to quell the nerves. How was he going to break it to you? Piper is alive, Hale is alive. They had changed nothing. If anything, they just poked the hornet's nest. 

Piper is alive, Hale is alive but thinks Piper is dead. Legally they are both dead. That’s positive and John plans on taking full advantage of it. 

He toes open the door of his room. You’re still sleeping. You just got settled and now your world is going to be turned upside down again. At least this time you don’t hate him and he can be there for you. 

Next Beta reader and editor - rememberwren Dividers by gild-ui & plum98

[bizarropurugly]

OP I wish to add something that I've been seeing with some of the records I've had to review

I've seen a lot of healthcare providers who just absolutely refuse to credential with insurance companies, most specifically - ER docs, anesthesiologists, free-standing ERs, and ambulances. Whatever their reasons are, idk, but they do send hundreds of nonsense to insurers demanding we pay them more than they are entitled by NSA, and there's been more instances than I can count on both hands where they've said they were going to balance bill patients and hung up - which is illegal.*

Well now they're starting to do something that me and my coworkers find sus.

You see, there's always some trend going on with these folks who whine and moan about how much money we don't give them, including those I did not mention. There's always some copypasta they're throwing at us en masse trying to get more blood from stone. It's likely that it works for one of them and it spreads like wildfire, or someone learns some legal jargon they think can be used and it spreads instead, especially considering most of the time the people actually handling all the billing responsibilities are third party call centers.

So lately what we've been seeing is a suspicious amount of NSA waivers.

What are those? Why they're fancy little papers that you sign away your rights with!

Basically, they are typically 2-3 pages with a signature field at the end that, if you sign, means you don't want covered by the NSA and are informing your insurer that you want to foot the entire rest of the bill yourself.

And when we're talking about bills that total typically upwards of 15k - hell I saw a waiver for a one million dollar claim a week or so ago - that's a lot of fucking money.

Unless we can prove that you were not presented these papers in good faith, were coerced into signing, were not of sound mind to sign, had your signature forged, were threatened, etc. we are forced to accept this and let these mooks make you pay that insane amount of money.

We've brought it to the attention of our supervisors a few times because some of them look like stamped signatures or copies of signatures (ie filled in with an image that was taken of your signature), but considering there's still no way to prove you didn't authorize this sort of thing, we don't expect it will bear any fruit.

As someone who has worked as an election judge as well, I can tell you that frankly this is a bullshit ass system that would leave such a gaping hole for people to be exploited through, because when it comes to elections, we have to compare signatures to what is currently on file for the citizen in question, yet insurance companies don't keep that sort of thing on file at large, as far as I'm aware (I sure know as fuck we don't and none of the ones we communicate direct with do) because idk that's too much extra work or some shit.

Please, for the love of g-d, make sure you read each and every thing you are handed to sign carefully, or make sure there is someone who will do so on your behalf.

And additionally: don't rely on anyone else to do a damn thing for you. Please call and make absolutely sure you have coverage for x thing, don't need authorization for y thing, and so on and so forth because for sure your doctor isn't going to and the prevailing policy for dealing with this on the insurers' side is to never engage more than you absolutely have to because it makes you available for the next inquiry faster.

I’m seeing a bunch of posts that make me think most USAmericans don’t know about The No Surprises Act.

It was passed in 2021 (thank you Biden) and essentially states that if you don’t have insurance or your insurance doesn’t cover a service you need (or want) you are entitled to a Good Faith Estimate of the cost of care. (If your insurance does cover the service, you should be able to estimate the cost of care based on your deductible and co-pay.)

As a healthcare provider who does not accept any insurance, I am very careful to not violate The No Surprises Act. Why? Because for every penny more than $400 that the Good Faith Estimate was “off” (or if it wasn’t provided), you are entitled to a refund for that amount.

Y’all. Ask for a Good Faith Estimate. Get it in writing. Compare it to what you are paying. If you are not provided an estimate or if it’s wrong by more than $400, demand a refund.

[teaboot]

Genuine question. I've been in some drama before, but I found it to be more amusing than anything and usually ignored it. People eventually get tired of trying to rile up some rando. But youre a relatively very popular person. What would happen if you simply ignored the entire debacle? I imagine it only grows bigger if you acknowledge it in any capacity.

In my experience, the problem with ignoring everything and hoping it goes away is that you often don't know something is going to be big until it's ALREADY big. For every twenty things circumvented, 1-2 things slip through.

But yeah, for the most part, that's the best strategy 👍

[juustokaku]

Another load of Jealousy - Yunho x f!reader

Summary: Yunho isn't about to even entertain the idea of his girlfriend talking to another man. It doesn't matter how many loads of love, care, and cum it takes to make her remember that she is his and he is hers. Genre: smut (mdni!!!) Pairings: bf!Yunho x f!reader Tags/Warnings: SMUT MDNI, mean dom!yunho (kinda sweet after some time), sub!reader, fingering(?), penetration, unprotected sex, established relationship, jealousy, possessiveness, breeding kink, choking, bulge (lmk if something is missing, I have never done this) A/N: This is the 3rd smut I've ever written in my life... I haven't posted the first two since they were written a couple years ago and were bad, so I hope this is worth posting. The plot isn't anything great because this was mostly for trying to see what it's like to write smut and I didn't want to waste a good plot on this if this turned out bad LOLLL. So please, keep in mind that I've almost never written smut! Word count: 2 300 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If someone asked you if you loved Yunho, you’d answer ‘yes’ in a heartbeat. He was more than just a lover or a boyfriend; he was your worshipper, kissing the ground you walked on. And if someone asked you if you’d ever cheat on him, you’d give a firm ‘no’ and tell the person off. Although you wanted to make it clear to everyone you were Yunho’s girl because you loved him, it wasn’t the only reason to push people away. You’d be in big trouble if he started to consider the possibility of you holding affectionate feelings for anyone else than him. 

“Baby, what are you doing? ~” 

Despite Yunho’s needy tone and presence next to you on the couch, you couldn’t tear your gaze off of your phone. 

“Wait a second, Yuyu,” you murmured. 

He watched as your fingers tap-danced on the small screen, obviously writing a message to someone. Someone who was robbing him of your attention. Your eyes reflected the light coming from the phone screen but Yunho’s eyes shone with something else. He was getting frustrated. 

“Please, I’m lonely,” he whined, his hand creeping up on your thigh, trying to go unnoticed yet wanting desperately for you to pay attention to him. 

Still, you didn’t even glance at him. It was subtle but Yunho noticed how you tried to hide your phone screen, leaning away ever so slightly. 

The longer your attention was on the mysterious person you were talking to, the angrier Yunho became. 

You felt him squeeze your thigh, silently demanding you to finally look at him in the eyes. It was a final warning. Only when his long fingers dug onto your inner thigh, you turned to face him. 

“Who are you talking to?” 

Yunho’s icy voice shouldn’t have surprised you – this was nothing new, given his possessive nature. And like always, while it made you nervous, it also caused your pussy to clench around nothing. You couldn’t help but get horny when he looked like he’d devour you any second now. 

“Just work stuff,” you murmured, taking a glance at his hand. No matter how many times his beautiful fingers had been inside you, reaching the deepest, sweetest spots, you just couldn’t get enough. 

“At this hour? That’s bullshit.” 

While Yunho’s eyes were cold, they were undeniably burning with both fury and lust. You knew the look way too well just like he knew your body. 

“I’m friends with him so I feel comfortable texting him even in the evening. It’s just about a work project.” 

“Him?” Yunho’s eyes narrowed. 

You were too nervous to break eye contact with him, but you didn’t need to see to feel his hand hover over your core, so close but so far. Even though he was barely touching you, he was probably able to feel how your wetness seeped through your night shorts. 

“Please, Yunho... Don’t tease me,” you let out a quiet whine, hoping it’d persuade Yunho into touching you. 

Immediately, he pulled you roughly into a kiss. In a normal situation he would have kept you begging for him, but right now his desire and anger towards you were too much to handle for both of you. His lips claimed yours and showed no mercy or signs of going easy on you. You were enthusiastic to kiss him back, but his need to have you was even stronger. 

The way he started nearly biting on your lips would have soon left bruises, if you hadn’t pulled away. The both of you were breathing heavily after the intense moment, but Yunho wasted no time in trying to rest. 

“Who is that coworker? A friend you say?” 

You felt your pussy get wetter by his demanding words and you tried your best to give him an answer – one that would satisfy him enough yet encourage him to fuck you senseless. 

“We’re not close, but enough to be considered friends-! Yunho!..” 

He interrupted you with his fingers suddenly under your clothing, circling your clit. 

“What do you need friends for when I’m here? Don’t I give you all you need?” 

You squirmed around at the movements of Yunho’s skillful hands. It was hard not to feel even slightly embarrassed; you didn’t want him to know how aroused his possessiveness made you. 

“Y-You can’t do work projects for me... I need him.” 

Your choice of words pushed the wrong buttons in Yunho, and he took his hand out of your panties. He didn’t care when you whined at the loss of contact, just pure jealousy burning in his eyes. 

“You say you need him? Baby, I’m all you need,” his voice was low and dangerous, “There’s nothing and no-one else.” 

It didn’t take long for him to have dragged you into the bedroom, his fingers wrapped around your wrist in a bruising grip. You tried to savor every moment despite knowing there were more to come after this. 

The streetlights outside were the only source of light in your dim bedroom. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust to the darkness, but apparently Yunho saw well enough to push you onto the bed. Maybe he wouldn’t have cared anyways if he had pushed you accidentally on the floor. Whenever he got like this, satisfying his need to claim you was the top priority. 

“Strip.” 

You immediately started taking off your nightwear which you had just changed to after shower. Your hair was still damp and smelling like your shampoo. It was definite you’d have to take a shower again after this – preferably with Yunho. 

“You’re too slow,” he scolded. The way he started pulling your shorts and panties off was surprisingly gentle; even though he was mad at you, he was still your mere worshipper and saw you as his goddess. 

Finally, when you saw him properly, your breath caught in your throat. He wasn’t standing, just on his knees on the bed, but his height was still intimidating. You loved it though. You loved every moment of this, and your pussy throbbed with desire to have him fill you up to the brim. 

His chest was heaving with anticipation, and although seeing it bare always excited you, your eyes were fixated on that cock of his. 

“I-It’s bigger than I remembered...” 

“You’re going to take it nonetheless. You don’t deserve this after how you’ve acted but I need this now,” Yunho stated, his tone leaving no room for discussion. 

You felt like a prey, his next meal, as you watched him crawl closer on the bed and lay you down rather harshly. The intense eye contact just added to the arousal you felt leaking out of you. You needed him so bad, and your legs spread open automatically to give him way to your core that was aching for him. 

“You need a damn reminder every week of who you belong to. I don’t know if I want you to stop teasing me like that or not,” Yunho whispered, his right hand finding its way to your neck, “At least I get to fuck you like this.” 

He turned your gaze back up to him by gripping your neck, when you tried to look at his cock. You managed to see how its tip was covered in clear precum. It was as hard as it always was when you had moments like this, if not even harder. You wondered how it had ever managed to fit inside you with the impressive girth and length. 

“Look at me in the eyes. I want you to look at me clearly so you’ll remember my face every time you talk to another man.” 

You didn’t have time to process Yunho’s words. As he pushed his cock inside you, it was impossible to think about anything else than him. Although you were as wet as ever for him, it was still almost hard to take him in. No matter how many times he had made love to or fucked you, no matter how fast and rough or slow and romantic, he stretched you up nicely every time. 

“My girl. My baby,” Yunho muttered more to himself than to you. His hips had started moving some time ago already, but only now you were coming down back to Earth. 

His hand was on your neck like to use it to support himself, but the grip was still somewhat gentle. It tightened every time he thrusted in, and the lack of air just made you lose your mind in the pleasure even more. 

Your walls were slippery and starting to adjust to his size, so he slid inside with ease. It didn’t mean there was no delicious friction left though. 

“Who do you belong to? Him or me?” he growled into your ear. Although the pace of his hips had grown faster, he made sure to push deep inside you, drawing out every moan he could get from you. 

Your attempt to answer was cut off quickly as Yunho’s hands started squeezing your throat. It would have been hard to breathe even if you weren’t breathless already from having him ram your insides. 

“Answer me. A little choking shouldn’t shut you up like this.” 

Again, you tried to tell Yunho that you were only his to love, fuck, and take care of. But he held your throat tighter again, clearly teasing you. It was impossible to win this game, and you loved it that way. 

A mocking smirk spread on Yunho’s lips, “You don’t have to say it. I know you’re mine by the way I’m the only who ever gets to be balls deep inside you.” 

He released your neck and pressed his hand lightly on your lower stomach. It was no secret that your boyfriend’s cock was big, but the way you could see a clear bulge, the way your lower abdomen moved up and down with Yunho’s thrusts, made you clench down on him. 

“F-Fuck... You make it so hard to stay mad at you,” he groaned out. 

You watched his eyebrows furrow as if he was holding back. Finally, you had been able to catch your breath, although it was still difficult due to his relentless thrusts. 

“I love you. I’m yours, Yunho...” 

Your pleasured admission not only softened his heart a bit but made him even more lustful. He knew you were his. If you tried to leave him, he’d find a way to make you stay – even with force if necessary. But hearing you say out loud once again that you were his satisfied him. 

“I know. I know, my pretty girl, and I love you too,” his eyes met yours in a gentle way even. 

A loud moan slipped past your lips as Yunho’s fingers found your clit, finally continuing what he had started on the couch in the living room. Circling, pressing, and pinching on it – he did it all. Your sensitive skin tingled and almost felt like on fire. 

“W-Will you fill me up?” you grasped at the sheets under you, making them all rumpled and look unkempt. They were dirty anyways due to the sweating. 

Yunho moved your hands on his shoulders. There was nothing more that he wanted than to see your nail scrapes on his skin, a mark of who he belonged to. 

“I’ll fill you up, baby. My cum will be leaking out,” he looked at you before turning his eyes to his cock, slightly amused, “I’ll just fuck a new load tomorrow then. You’ll have my babies in no time.” 

His talk about breeding you brought you closer to your release, and he definitely noticed it by the way your pussy squeezed his thick cock. 

“Look at your pussy, how it’s clenching down on me. It likes to be bred, huh?” 

“Yunho, I-I'm close... so close,” you whimpered, gripping his shoulders like they were your savior. But you knew nothing could save you from the climax you were reaching quickly. 

Yunho smiled down at you a bit cockily, “Have I made clear who you belong to?” 

“Yes!” you whined, thighs trembling. 

“And who do you belong to, baby?” 

If you weren’t in such a state of mind-blowing pleasure, you could have teased him on purpose and said the name of your coworker. However, now that you were so close to coming, you couldn’t ruin this. 

“You! You, Yunho!..” 

A genuine, sweet smile tugged the corners of his lips slightly upwards. By looking at his furrowed eyebrows, it was clear he was holding back as well, near to orgasm but fighting back for your sake. 

And Yunho knew your body so well, that he recognized your sounds of enjoyment and body language, so that just when you reached the peak, he closed the distance between your lips. Your cries of pure pleasure were muffled by his mouth. 

His body shook and it didn’t take long for him to go over the edge, to let out a few stifled groans. Hot cum spurted out inside you, filling you just like Yunho had promised. 

“So, you’re going to block that man’s number, right?” Yunho mumbled, his head lying down on your chest. He could hear your heart beating rapidly after the intense session but eventually calming down to steady, slow beats. 

You chuckled, caressing his hair slightly damp from the sweat, “I can’t block my coworker’s number.” 

A surprised and disappointed whine fell past your lips as Yunho got up and pulled his now softened cock out of you. He looked down at your pussy, watching with glee how his fresh cum leaked out. There was a lot of it still inside you, but it wasn’t enough for him. Nothing was ever enough for him when it came to you. 

“I guess you can take another load then.” 

[blueraith]

It's wild to me just how badly Vi's arc is misunderstood in S2. The claims I've seen that it was bad because she didn't join up with Ekko to help liberate Zaun or didn't "have enough stuff to do."

Big 'ole S1 Vi analysis under the cut because some "hot" takes seem to forget that Vi's S1 arc even exists.

Like, sorry, but that was never the direction her character was going to go. This was spelled out for us in the very first episode of the show when Vander is giving her that lecture.

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish."

"Whatever happens, it's on you."

This is the first conversation in the show that carries an impactful character building statement. We are effectively being given the start of Vi's character arc verbatim.

She is not allowed to be selfish.

And as S1 Act 1 progresses, and Vi expresses a will to fight, to rebel, to revolt, she is constantly and consistently shut down and discouraged from that way of thinking by her father figure. She's fifteen years old or so, Vander is the only authority figure in her life that she respects. Why wouldn’t she internalize any of this as is, let alone after all the tragedy she's forced to endure at the end of this act?

Then we get to tragedy. Vander tells her two very specific things before and after the showdown with Silco.

"Take care of the family."

"Take care of Powder."

You know. Not, "hey, take over my mantle as Hound of the Underground."

Or "lead Zaun to freedom" or whatever the fuck.

He tells her to look after their family. The people closest to Vi.

And I don't know how many of you are older siblings. Or even older sisters. But I question if some of Vi's most heated critics are either neither of those things or lack any knowledge of sibling dynamics, period. When you are handed this tiny baby from a young age and are told "this is your baby sibling, you have to help take care of them, we won't always be here but they'll always have you" by your parents, that shit sticks with you forever. For better or worse.

If you're parentified on top of that through either circumstance or abuse, then that sentiment turns toxic. Vander, as well-meaning as he is in his talks with Vi, inadvertently presents a pretty black and white viewpoint. When paired with Vi's reaction to his (first) death and learning what Powder did, it becomes even worse.

Think about it. Most people seem to focus solely on Vi's anger issues when she strikes Powder for obvious reasons. But there's this selfishness that Vi temporarily succumbs to when she hits Powder as well. She's not thinking of Powder's emotional state or devastation as she realizes what she's done, Vi is mired in her own grief and anger.

She then walks away from Powder to take a moment to herself and presumably recollect her own composure, also a selfish move.

Now, when I call these actions selfish, I'm not assigning any negative connotations to them. Selfishness is not always a bad thing, putting yourself and your own needs first does not make someone a bad person by default. It can be healthy to take some time for self-care.

The "issue" is that Arcane is a tragedy. The narrative punishes Vi for lashing out and temporarily leaving Powder by having Marcus kidnap her and Silco adopt her sister. Not that Vi even knows that much when it happens. For all she knew, Silco murdered Powder.

So, then Vi spends something like seven years in Stillwater in constant limbo wondering if Powder is even alive. The sheer guilt she must have felt at "failing" to protect her baby sister would have likely been agonizing.

Seven.

Years.

Then she gets out. And all Vi cares about is finding her sister. She doesn't care about the Hexgem besides the fact that it's directly related to Jinx, and Caitlyn lied to her by ommission about it.

She's not trying to retake the Lanes in Vander's name. She only cares about bringing Silco's empire down because of what he did to her family. She wants her sister back first and foremost, she does not care to stick with the Firelights and even leaves Ekko and Cailtyn on the bridge initially to go after Jinx.

It's really her burgeoning feelings for Caitlyn that ever cracks this near obsessive compulsion to chase after her sister. Vi was going to choose Jinx until the point Caitlyn was injured and then the both of them were shot at by Jinx.

Even the moment she falls in love with Caitlyn is tied to her guilt about leaving Powder. The story she tells while they're on Caitlyn’s bed, her obvious grief and guilt over her sister. She's mired in this moment of pain until Caitlyn reaches out to comfort her. Like, Jinx and Caitlyn have always been intertwined in Vi's arc after she meets Caitlyn. There is no overarching thread to connect Vi to any of the political plot points in this story.

Vi's arc is character driven. Always has been. She's motivated by her warring desire to protect those she loves with EVERYTHING she has, and this by now guilty pleasure to finally develop something purely for herself.

It's why she pushes Caitlyn away during the infamous Oil and Water breakup. The class differences she's citing are an excuse, an easy thing she can point at to push Caitlyn away. What's really going on is that she failed to get the Council to decisively act against Silco. She's failed Jinx again in her own mind, he's still out there poisoning her mind, and now she needs to take care of him herself. Caitlyn proved to be a distraction from her goal, and so must be removed.

Even after teaming up with Jayce and then going her own way, Vi does not go after more shimmer factories. She's not rallying the Lanes to revolt with Hextech weaponry in (on) hand. She immediately goes to the Last Drop to challenge Sevika, someone she hates specifically because she'd betrayed Vander. She had every intention to confront Silco right after that.

Then we get the tea party, and Vi has to come to terms with the fact that the sister she loved is fundamentally changed in more ways than one. She's given an ultimatum to choose between her self-imposed duty as an older sister and Caitlyn. The only relationship Vi has ever formed purely for herself.

And she can't do it. It's an impossible choice. Jinx ends up triggered intensely, Caitlyn is struck by indecision and doesn't take the shot because of Vi's pleas, and Jinx goes on to fire that rocket.

Like this is just Season. One. Every single important character moment Vi has is tied to either Jinx, Caitlyn, or both. This is not a new thing S2 did with Vi's character. Her arc was always about how much she was giving to other characters without much thought to herself.

I just don't get how some people expected that to radically change in S2. It was never going to happen. I'll probably make an analysis on S2 Vi as well, but this is already getting very long. It's also a good way to remind some folks that each season of this show does not exist in a vacuum. I've read a lot of takes that seem to just... ignore S1. It's pretty bizarre.