#I'm sure that has nothing to do with my symptoms of what looks like ADHD!

[tarraxahum]

Sometimes I remember that my parents were explicitly told not to give me more than one task at a time 'cause otherwise I'll get confused and upset. And then they forgot about it as I grew older 'cause surely I grew out of it right.

Sometimes I remember that I had to be put on strong prescription tranquilizers as a newborn infant because my nervous system was going haywire at a simple touch. And then everyone has the audacity to be surprised at me being an unreasonably anxious and twitchy adult.

Sometimes I remember that with the state my brain was at birth, I wasn't supposed to talk, sit, walk, function "properly". But since I turned out "normal" my parents breathed a sigh of relief and stopped believing there could ever be anything "wrong" with me.

Sometimes I fucking wonder what my diagnosis actually is, but my medical paper trail is a fucking mess. I don't even have anything to show to a professional.

Sometimes I get angry that they decided I should forever be fine and able now because the "worst" didn't come to be.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Right, so, I've been seeing some persistent misconceptions in fanfiction where a character has ADHD. I'm a man of color with ADHD and I want to clear some things up. This is specifically about how people tend to write Ed Teach, but it can apply to other characters you're writing with ADHD. And I'd love if other people with ADHD, especially other people of color with ADHD, have any additions to tack on!

These things are NOT what ADHD is.

ADHD does not make you "stupid." This whole thing was inspired because I just read a fic where Ed cites his ADHD as evidence he's "dumber" than the other characters (and this was supported by the writing in the story). There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence, and we know that Ed is a genius!

ADHD does not automatically mean that someone can't finish school or can't succeed in demanding academic fields. I'm working on my PhD. It just means your character needs coping skills.

ADHD does not mean that someone will "hyperfixate" on or suddenly lose interest in relationships, whether romantic or platonic.

ADHD doesn't mean your character struggles with personal hygeine or keeping their home clean. Please stop making me read fics that characterize a man of color as dirty or incapable of keeping his home clean and excusing it because "he has ADHD!"

ADHD doesn't mean that your character will need someone to look after or supervise everything they do. Ed does not need a White man to take care of him or make sure his work gets done.

ADHD doesn't mean a character will be unable to sit still, focus, stay on-task, or sit in silence 100% of the time. We all have different tolerance levels and those can change depending on current circumstances.

Here are some more realistic, interesting ways ADHD can impact successful, smart characters of color, like Ed.

He might feel the need to be hypercompetent, all the time.

He might get frustrated with himself. ADHD can be frustrating! You can be on top of things 99% of the time at work and school, and have people look up to you, and then you'll realize that you've been forgetting to book that doctor's appointment for six months straight now and you'll feel like a failure.

He might overcorrect symptoms. For example, he might have trouble keeping a neat, organized space and know that messes stress him out, so he overcorrects by being a bit of a neat freak and avoiding mess wherever possible so his space never becomes unmanageable.

He might struggle with The Evil Boredom. That's when you feel super understimulated and nothing is enough to help.

He might have trouble sitting still or saying quiet when he's nervous, feeling strong emotions, or in a boring environment or trying to do a boring task (the scene where Ed struggled with being still and quiet while fishing, while also feeling strong emotions of guilt, was super relatable).

I like to write AuDHD characters (with both autism and ADHD), and it can add a fun new dimension! I personally headcanon Ed as AuDHD. When you have both, symptoms can be frustrating because they can feel contradictory (for example, my autism demands I keep a neat, tidy space and I like routines, but my ADHD means I have trouble keeping things tidy to my standards and routines are super boring).

And finally but crucially: it's obviously okay to headcanon a character as ADHD or with any other neurodivergence when you're White. However, it's important to remember that the experience of neurodivergence looks different for people of color. Boys of color with ADHD, for example, are often overdiagnosed with ODD and labelled as "defiant" or "uncooperative." I often avoid telling White friends and coworkers that I'm AuDHD because it tends to make them infantalize me, as if I haven't already proven to them I'm a capable adult. People of color often have to go undiagnosed or without appropriate medications (if needed) and/or are misdiagnosed. If you're writing about a chracter of color with ADHD, I really recommend finding a sensitivity reader.

[sysmedsaresexist]

so this is an honest question because you seem to understand the ToSD really well, and this is something that has always confused us; is there a specific reason for the idea that identity integration can only be interupted by trauma and not a neurological or biological issue?

We ask because we have autism which has affected almost everything about our existence and functioning from how we process information and sensory input, to how we learn, and even how we experience emotions and more complex things like our self perception and gender.

It is confusing to us that all these other things, including identity and perception, can be changed by something biological/neurological, and thats generally accepted to be true but the idea that and extremely long and complex process that also depends on feedback from other people can't be?

We get specific trauma responses and symptoms but the whole "the only way for states not to integrate/integrate fully is trauma in one specific window" seems to make integration one of if not the only processes in the brain that can't be disrupted by neurology and that is confusing to us

This is a good and valid question.

And here's the truth.

We don't know that it's the only way.

However, that conversation is 100% completely separate from structural dissociation.

It's so important to remember that structural dissociation is specifically and solely focused on dissociation in response to trauma.

Nothing else. It can't be compared to anything else.

I'm genuinely not sure how to structure this post, so I'm going to talk about a couple different theories/ideas, in no particular order. Give it a chance and read to the end, where we talk about the flip side.

I think we need to first talk about trauma in relation to developmental and neurological disorders.

As a reminder, trauma is not an event, but a reaction to things around you.

For children with things like autism, ADHD, anxiety, OCD, they're not only at a higher risk of being abused and traumatized, but they're more easily traumatized by a wider range of things. They're the populations most prone to pathological dissociation.

Did you daydream a lot as a kid? Does MaDD kind of hit hard? Did teachers and parents get really mad at you for your dissociation?

I hate to tell you this, but there's a high chance you're traumatized.

And the thing with CPTSD, what is essentially a precursor to DID and (largely considered) to be a dissociative disorder, is that it can be so hard to pinpoint where and how it started. It's a lifetime of papercuts vs a car accident. Do you remember every little cut? The cause can seem invisible.

The leading cause of CPTSD is emotional neglect, something even the most well-intentioned parents can do without ever meaning to. It's called the invisible abuse for a reason.

And emotional neglect happens so much easier when your child has additional needs that are commonly missed and not diagnosed until adulthood, long after the crucial period where they needed the most help.

All that said, we need to talk again about how many of those disorders include dissociation already.

Not only is dissociation common, but things like autism are highly recognized to affect a person's sense of self, specifically in childhood, but now you're getting into "chicken and egg" conversations.

In my own opinion, I would think that if autism alone could result in dissociated identities, we would know that by now. I mean, look at BPD, we know what happens with trauma in childhood that doesn't result in DID. There's an incredible amount of discussion about whether certain cases of BPD are actually sister-versions of OSDD (think OSDD-1c, the less defined alters seen in 1a, plus the lack of amnesia seen in 1b).

All THAT said, we're talking about dissociation and trauma.

This doesn't touch on the way people define and interpret their personal experiences. It seems completely plausible that people could simply just be more in tune with aspects of themselves, and view life through a comfortable, happy lens of multiplicity.

The multiple self theory has been around as long as the ToSD.

And that discussion doesn't necessarily need to be separate from dissociation and trauma, but I think for some it just is.

In every sense of the word, it just... is.

It simply is that way for them.

I firmly believe these two concepts would be 100% separate and different (acknowledging that for some, these can and do overlap, but I'm talking about brain scan level differences)

Unfortunately, words are limited, and there's only one perfect word for both experiences.

"System".

I hope this was some food for thought. I encourage people to get involved in the conversation!

[tommyssupercoolblog]

It's honestly so funny that a medical professional had to sit us down like

"Okay obviously you're a system and and your pre-existing diagnosises for ADHD and autism still stand, but Tommy? Tommy, you specifically, look at me- Tommy you have some sort of personality disorder. Tommy you as an alter specifically, like separate from everyone else, have some the symptoms and criteria for some sort of personality disorder. You are kind of extra fucked up. Which one? Listen we'd have to test you again just in different personality disorders to know so we'll find out later. For now just continue avoiding having meltdowns and take this special thing on your record that says "this motherfucker has some sort of personality disorder" on it in case you need that for medical reasons or something, but at some point we have to figure out what is going on with you Tommy. You are like. You need extra help dude. Tommy you're like double fucked up. What are you supposed to do about this information if we don't know which one you have yet or how to treat it? Nothing different from what you already do to relieve symptoms actually. But just be aware you're like, OFF off you know"

Like it is genuinely helpful to know why I struggle with the things I do and I'm sure as we learn more this will be great for my mental health but also they really said "oh YIKES get some help and new studies done on THIS FUCKER in particular, Jesus what is THAT THANG??!!!!" While I sat there and blinked at them autisticly with a ":p" ":3" type face an kicking my little leggies around.

Like "We need reinforcements, there's this fucked up little Twink in here and this little guy can fit so much disorder in him; he's physically vibrating from all the disorder stored up inside his tiny catboy body"

Anyways. Sippies my hot chocolate. Guess I'm some kind of symptom holder or something LMAO idk ✌🏻🌈✨ kicks my leggies I guess I'm just so special and the main character that I get an extra little disorder as a treat!! #maincharafterinnit LMAOOOOO

[kanatashinkaifr]

going to talk abt obey me and how they are all extremely neurodivergent!!! gonna go through my thoughts on each characters who stands out to me in one way or another.

Lucifer- he has NPD. dont even try to argue with me about this. from the way he holds himself to an extremely high standard to how hes LITERALLY the avatar of pride, hes just a total narc and I love him dearly. I also consider him to be autistic. half bcuz he shows some signs half bcuz I'm autistic and love projecting onto characters. I think that the way he is so strict and finds being on time so important is extremely autistic of him. he follows a very specific routine, and if said routine is messed with, he is unapproachable for atleast the rest of the day. this is shown in likee late lesson 24 or early lesson 25 I forget. he also has issues with emotions. both showing and I think even identifying them. autistic man. ALSO ptsd. duh.

mammon: adhd. he has adhd. he doesnt have npd, HOWEVER, he totally shows symptoms. he acts like hes on top of the world but the second a minor inconvenience happens he is just. reduced to nothing. I also like the hc of him being dyslexic.

levi: AUTISM AUTISM AUTISM!!! yeah that ones obvious like extremely obvious. stg autism runs into the family or smth cuz it feels like mammon and asmo are the only allistics in that mf house. dont need to explain why Levi is autistic. its obvious. if you really need an explanation just ask. but I also think he has severe social anxiety. like to the point that he gets extremely sick at the thought of social interaction. over the years, and with lots of trial and error medication, he can sort of deal with it now. still freaks him out though.

Satan: I think he takes after his father. like. A LOT. he is so npd and so autistic. I think that he really prides himself on his smarts but like. if he were to fail/get an average mark on a test (especially if lucifer got a high mark) he would disintegrate out of pure self hatred. if lucifer is better than him in any academic topic, you can practically feel the envy and rage coming from him. lucifer understands how he feels, and always tries to help him with his npd issues, but that just upsets him tenfold. "you think that *I* need *YOUR* help??? disgusting!". he has such issues I love him so much. not much to comment on his autism. also quite obvious, especially in nightbringer.

Asmo- I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE THINK ASMO HAS NPD AND LIKE I GET THE IDEA BUT NO. HE HAS HPD AND I WILL FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL OVER THAT HC.

beel: autism. binge eating disorder. ptsd.

belphie: autism. BPD!!!!! B!! P!!! D!!!!!!!! I will scream it from the roof tops THAT MAN HAD BPD IDC WHAT YOU SAY!! impulsivity (especially when angry), unstable relations (mostly hc), uncontrolled anger, chronic emptiness (hc), self destructiveness, fear of abandonment. you look into the DSM-5 and there is a picture of him there. I think that. he might have PTSD too.

diavolo: autism. I dont care what anyone says I think he is an autistic woman who was just forced into masking. c-ptsd due to mainly emotional neglect.

solomon: autism. no canon reason to support this I'm just projecting. c-ptsd. he has very complicated feeling surrounding loneliness and abandonment due to his childhood.

simeon: autism. C-PTSD!!!!!!! I think that. there wasnt nessacarily anything that could generally be considered traumatizing. but a lot of things in his early days were extremely stressful for him. I think that hes always questioned the word of God just a bit. he made sure nobody ever found out, but he always had doubt within him. this has always eaten at him, as he is supposed to be an angel. Angel's do not doubt the word of their father,, so, why does he?

ermm okay I think that's. enough ranting for today...

[jedipoodoo]

Im not entirely sure if your asks are open or not so feel free to ignore this but i read your post about the batch with reader whos selectively mute and thats something i deal with and really related to so i was wondering if you would do the batch with someone who stims and it can vary from a small twitch to a stim that can be physically painful mine can be a small twitch or my head rolls back really fast and i usually end up smacking it against the wall pretty hard again feel free to ignore this if your not comfortable writing it thank you though for your other works im really enjoying them your writing style is amazing 😊

Notes: no warnings, gen fic (no implied romance), discussion of stims and stim toys, SFW, Wrecker has ADHD symptoms, neurodivergent Bad Batch, no use of Y/N.

Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you like my writing style!

"Oh hey!" Wrecker's hand shot out, cupping the back of your head before it could hit the wall.

"Careful, you could end up like me!" He grinned at you, pointing to the scar.

Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment beneath your helmet, your shoulders hunched in an effort to keep yourself from stimming and swinging your head back again.

"Thanks Wrecker," You mumbled.

Wrecker watched the tension in your muscles as you suppressed your usual urges to stimulate your body. He could fairly see your thoughts racing.

"Here," he handed you a little board covered in switches and dials.

"What's this?" You asked. You flipped a couple switches, but nothing happened. Several colorful wires hung off the side of the board, and a couple of them were plugged into outlets marked with the corresponding color.

"I get a little nervous when my hands aren't doing something. That's why I like lifting Gonky so much." He pointed his thumb at the passing GNK droid, and Gonky waddled a little bit faster to get past the two of you.

"I get really nervous if I don't shut down a bomb every once in a while, but coming across those doesn't happen very often anymore," He laughed, and you had to as well. At least that was one perk to being on the run, no diffusing bombs every other day.

"Tech and Echo put this together for me to help me when my brain needs the exercise," He twirled a few of the dials and flicked one of the knobs, turning on a couple of flashing lights.

"Echo called it a stimboard. One of his guys in the 501st had one like it."

Hesitantly, you flicked a couple more switches, even plugged and unplugged a few of the wires. You can see how Wrecker might find it entertaining.

"Thanks big guy, but I don't think this'll help me with my stims," You rubbed the back of your neck and handed it back to him.

"Well then we gotta find somethin' that will!"

"That's okay, I don't need- woah!" Wrecker grabbed your arm and yanked you out of your seat, pulling you into the cockpit with Tech and Echo.

"Do you boys think you could help us make a stimboard for them?" He asked.

Tech looked up from his datapad and adjusted his goggles, reminding you so much of the countless bespectacled doctors you'd seen throughout your childhood that you couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"Given their tics, it would be hard to make a board like yours for them," but he hummed thoughtfully.

"Maybe something like a massage gun? Something that can tap them on the back of their head without it breaking their skull?" Echo suggested.

"You guys don't have to-" You started, but they were already throwing out more ideas, and Wrecker's eyes were alight with such a stimulating distraction in the middle of hyperspace.

"What do you think?" Tech asked.

You sighed, but couldn't help a smile.

"Sounds great, guys."

[forbidding-souda]

Hey Mod Monomi can you do Mahiru, Kaede and Kirumi with a Boyfriend that has ADHD?

Mahiru, Kaede, and Kirumi with a Boyfriend with ADHD

You know my neurodivergent ass can’t say no to an ADHD request!! Also look I'm actually trying to match this blog's theme instead of my usual chaotic one because I felt like it clashed with the other mods! Sorry about that :(

Once again I feel I have to mention this: Although I have ADHD, my experience is not the same as anyone else's and if your symptoms were not represented in this I'm sorry. Please just remember that you are valid and strong!

Okay please enjoy!

-Mod Monomi

Mahiru Koizumi

♡ Mahiru's a bit of the mom type so if you're hyperactive, she might think you're a bit much but she still loves it and loves your energy!

♡ She definitely seems like the type that would remind you to take your meds every day if you're medicated.

♡ Helps you out with any tasks you might need!

♡ If you have sensory sensitivity and can't handle bright lights she always has the flash off on her camera when you're around, even when she's not taking pictures.

♡ Mahiru seems like the type that would write things down for you if you have trouble remembering things.

♡ As we saw in chapter two, Mahiru definitely doesn't mind offering to help if you have trouble taking care of yourself. She just wants to make sure that you're safe and happy. <3

Kaede Akamatsu

♡ Kaede wouldn't treat you any differently!

♡ For her, your hyperactivity was really good energy and it always put her in a good mood!

♡ Lots of words of encouragement. Knows how intrusive thoughts feel and she knows that your ADHD can make them a lot harder for you so she always has something up her sleeve to make you feel better.

♡ And if her words of encouragement don't do anything for you, she's happy to play the piano for you. There's nothing better than listening to one of her songs when your mind is overstimulated.

♡ Kaede comes up with little jingles to help you remember things and it's so cringy but it's the cutest thing in the world hehe!

♡ She uses how much you fidget as an excuse to teach you how to play the piano, explaining how it might be a constructive way to release tension in your fingers.

♡ Kaede will do anything to make you feel loved and happy <3

Kirumi Tojo

♡ Kirumi could tell.

♡ She's essentially the best partner you could have if you don't have motivation because she doesn't mind working.

♡ She's happy to cook for you, clean for you, or do anything else you might need!

♡ Kirumi does lots of research so that she can be more sensitive to you, and she's happy that she did!

♡ Kirumi always keeps some fidgets on her for you in case you need them. If you don't use them, she's still happy to just chat.

♡ If your ADHD makes you talk a lot Kirumi doesn't mind at all! And it doesn't matter what you want to talk about either. If you have a favorite show or a special interest, or even if you're just rambling she loves it all!

♡ Kirumi listens to everything you have to say. You are her favorite person after all. :3

[7-wonders]

Hey again, could I request some Michael hdcns or just a fluffy blurb of Michael with a reader that has adhd? Once you get to feeling better ofc! I've been going through it mentally and it would mean the world to me! I haven't found any Michael fics with a neurodivergent reader. So I'd love to see how your brilliant mind would be able to bring that idea into fruition! If not, I understand! Lmk pls :) !!

p.s, I'm currently sick too and on my period *sigh*, so we're in this together sis :,)

Anonymous asked:

Hey! I hope you're feeling well <3. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. Do you think you could write some Michael fluff with this? Maybe where the reader tells him about it, and how he would react? I hope that makes sense. Just something with Michael and a reader with ADHD and/or OCD 👉👈

These asks speak to me as someone who also has ADHD lol. I hope I do these hc's some justice!

Michael is one of the first people in your life to actually seek to understand your ADHD and help you with it, instead of just getting mad when you exhibit symptoms that make life difficult. It's a total breath of fresh air, and at first, you're a little worried that the other shoe is gonna drop and you're gonna act too neurodivergent for him. Spoiler alert: there's no other shoe

Your emotions are so intense, and Michael often has to remind you to take a couple of breaths and revisit these feelings in a few minutes, rather than letting them take over and ruin your mood. He's almost always right that you'll have a clearer mind after doing that

I tend to get the "zoomies" with my ADHD, where I'm suddenly buzzing and feeling really goofy and like I want to bounce around. Michael finds it fun to join in on the zoomies with you, which usually ends with both of you wrestling on the floor and just acting like a couple of kids

Likes going on walks with you when you're feeling overwhelmed

Always carries a pair of earbuds for you in case you get too overstimulated in public and need to turn music on and tune out your surroundings

(Considering a large part of ADHD is forgetfulness, you're eternally grateful for this because you usually forget to bring earbuds with you)

Has started actually cooking meals so that you can get out of the cycle of forgetting to eat, eating a bunch of random snacks, and forgetting again. Cooking quickly becomes an activity that you do together, and you really enjoy it. When you eat better, you feel better!

Breathes with you whenever you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed

Reminds you to take your meds (he sets up an alarm on your phone because, predictably, you've forgotten to do so)

If he notices you picking at your skin, he'll gently grab your hands to get you to stop

Encourages your hyperfixations and is more than happy to listen as you excitedly explain whatever it is, but also helps to pull you out of that hole so you can eat, sleep, and not burn your eyes staring at a computer or a TV or a video game

Doesn't get mad at you for accidentally talking over him or repeatedly asking "what?" before whatever he's said computes in your head 0.1 seconds later

He took it personally the first time that he tried to touch you when you were overstimulated and you pulled away with him, but only because he thought you were mad at him. Now, he always looks at you before going to touch you, waiting for you to nod before he grabs your hand or hugs you

Is currently fighting a losing battle when it comes to trying to help you sleep normally and through the night. He's tried all the tricks that people recommend: going to bed earlier, having a routine, taking melatonin, keeping electronics out of the bedroom. Nothing works, and it's frustrating for both of you, but you deal

Is always reassuring you that he loves you and that you're not doing anything wrong. You tend to worry a lot, and he wants to make sure that you never doubt him or what he's feeling or thinking

Loves you completely and wholeheartedly, even on the bad days

[insipid-drivel]

I cannot express enough how important it is to look up and research any diagnoses, especially those regarding mental and behavioral health/development, before fully accepting what a diagnosing therapist or doctor has handed down. Especially if the diagnosis is of a highly stigmatized or rare condition.

I see these posts a lot on tumblr from people who spent years, even decades, with fairly common presentations of ASD, ADHD, and other relatively common conditions misdiagnosed to some of the societally-bleakest ones possible. BPD? Bipolar (especially Bipolar 2)? Schizoid personality disorder? Those aren't diagnoses that are going to help someone who doesn't have them.

First off, I want to say one thing: A label is only as good as the information attached to it applies to you. If you're happy to be diagnosed, that's great! If it's still taking time to reckon with a diagnosis? That's totally okay. A lot of people need to spend a long time with support, friends, and loved ones to adjust to having a daunting label assigned to them. This isn't to say that you should completely fob off your diagnosis, either.

Here's the biggest thing I came to understand when it came to the world of diagnostics: A correct diagnosis is like receiving your own Dewey Decimal number at the library: It can take you to where the research and peer-supported information about your condition is available for you.

When I first began seeing my psychiatrist of now over 5 years, he tried to diagnose me with Schizoid Personality Disorder. There is nothing wrong with that, except that it wasn't the right diagnosis for me. I went home after his big revelation with me, looked up what credible sources like the NIH, WHO, and DSM-5 to read about what defined a Schizoid personality and how people who have agreed to interviews and published studies attest to feeling.

When I read the description of the symptoms and common mental and emotional traits for people with Schizoid Personalities, it was like reading a long-form antonym; the opposite of a description of how I felt and what was really going on in my mind.

So, I took that information with me to my next session with him, and after having found other related conditions in the same general family as Schizoid Personality Disorder, I found that I was really Schizotypal, which is a very, very, very different diagnosis. To be sure, I texted the links to the articles I'd read to my psychiatrist, and told him at our next meeting, "I don't feel you have an accurate grasp of what my experience and behaviors are. This [Schizotypal] is a more accurate summary of my life experience, while Schizoid sounds like a different person's diagnosis. Can we try this over again?"

My psychiatrist asked me some more detailed questions, including questions about whether I was showing him an accurate reflection of my normal personality when we were in-session. I answered that I didn't, and so my personality was much more reserved and cool toward him than how I usually felt and behaved around people I'm comfortable with.

I walked out of his office that day with a new diagnosis: Autism, and Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

About 2 years later came the biggest revelation of all: Dissociative Identity Disorder.

My life became very lonely after I came out publicly about that one.

Nevertheless, never be afraid to do your own research, ask questions, or debate differential diagnoses. If the shoe fits you, then it fits you, and you and your therapist or healthcare provider can move forward from there. If trying to study it reveals it's shaped for a horse and you can barely walk around with it on, then it may be worth a longer discussion.

[kosmic-songbird]

Trigger Warning: Animal Hospital Visit

TLDR: I had to take my dog to the vet last night because I left a baby gate open so I'm looking for tips and tricks to be less forgetful.

Had to take my dog Sadie to the emergency vet last night.

This is our second time this year. The first time was for arthritis. We didn't know she had arthritis and we thought she had popped her hip outta place. But turns out she was just very good at hiding her symptoms since she has severe arthritis. Her daily meds help and she hasn't had another flare up.

But last night she came inside and her stomach was severely bloated. I was super scared it was GVD because Dobermans, like all deep-chested dogs, are more prone to having a stomach flip.

I kept my cool better than expected. The grounding techniques I've been learning in therapy really helped. I still was a mess but not as big of a mess as I could have been.

At the vet, we found out it was just a food bloat. I knew she had gotten into the cat food earlier that day, but, truthfully, she's gotten into the cat food before and nothing out of the ordinary happened. That's why I didn't think of it too much when it happened.

The vet was sure it was dog food and they showed us pictures but I was pretty sure it looked like our cat food. When we got home I checked the cats gravity feeders and sure enough they were both almost empty. The dog food has not been touched at all, so it was for sure the cat food.

Really this shouldn't have happened. We have a baby gate that the cats can get through but blocks the dogs from getting to the cats food and litter boxes (she's eaten out of the litter box before too). But I accidentally left the gate open. So it's my fault.

I'm so so relieved this wasn't something worse and I'm not upset with Sadie for what happened. When I got her four years ago she had been abused and was starving. If I had grown up starving I probably would eat myself sick every chance I got too.

What this has made me do is evaluate my current state of living. I have ADHD and am stereotypically forgetful. I leave lights on, the curtains open at night, the garage door open, etc. If I had been paying attention to what I was doing this never would have happened. It's not my fault that my brain works that way, but it is my responsibility to be better.

So if anyone has any tips on how I can be less forgetful and more intentional I would be very grateful if you shared them. I don't want this to happen again and I want to improve as a person.

One thing I'm going to do, if my fiance is okay with it, is write a list of things I want to do better and check it every day. And have him compassionately check me when I forget or just don't do something. Only if he's okay with that. I don't want him to feel like he has to babysit me, and I told him that, so I'm waiting for his response to my request. He's at work rn so it may be a bit before I find out.

And of course, I am very grateful to Hekate for watching over my baby. I always pray to her when it comes to the dogs and she always listens. And to anyone that has made it this far, thanks for reading.

[intrepid-creations]

New Years Message

It's a little long because I get rambly so I'm putting it beneath a cut.

As people in my neighborhood start ringing in the New Year with a truly excessive amount of pyrotechnics - I'd like to thank everyone who have supported me and my journey as an artist. I started this blog almost a year ago because I was getting incredibly down on myself on how my art looked. Some of it was valid self-critique that helped me improve (and boy howdy have I improved) but most of it was just unnecessarily mean comments. So I kinda needed a blog to separate my art from the artist so-to-speak.

And shockingly, it worked out way better than I thought.

On a more personal note than this already is, I was diagnosed with ADHD this year and it was a long time coming tbh (the autism diagnosis was inconclusive ... he could have gone either way but he went with "you're either not autistic or you're masking incredibly well" - that doesn't really matter for this post). One of the symptoms/features that I didn't quite know about before I started taking steps towards getting a proper diagnosis was Rejection Sensitivity. That feeling of dread and anxiety when I posted something, thinking I was about to get nasty comments about it and then I ended up getting nothing.

Rather than just chalk it up to: "I'm not a well known person on Tumblr, this place is inundated by art/writing, obviously you're not going to get a ton of hits or reactions" ...

Well, I went straight to "I suck at art and everything I do"

Emotional regulation: I don't have it.

Like this isn't meant to make people feel sorry for me, this is a real problem and this is something that I've been fighting hard to work on. This shit has wrecked my life for long enough and it's about time I work with it to make sure it doesn't. I've been taking steps so it's not like I'm sitting around lamenting about it.

And I'd really like to thank everyone who's stuck with me through those emotional lows when it seemed like the only thing I had to say about my art and writing was:

"I don't know why I keep posting this garbage"

Honestly?

You know what's improved this year more than just my art? My perception of myself. I feel I am more confident and I feel like it shows in both my creative life and my work life. Yes the imposter syndrome and rejection sensitivity do come crashing into my life like the goddamn Kool-Aid man but I recover better from it than I had. I'd like to keep that general trajectory through next year.

And I'd like to stick with posting that web novel I'm writing, even if no one reads it, and even if I get some shitty comments on it. I just gotta keep doing my own thing. (and I'm not saying that there's going to be either: zero reaction or just overwhelmingly negative reaction ... I know people will like it and I'm not a bad writer).

ANYWAY.

Have a goddamn amazing 2024 everyone.

[crimeronan]

hi thank you! no worries if it’s a short answer or if you don’t have an answer. basically i had a session with a psychologist and from what i told her of my symptoms she brought up bipolar. i know it might be possible i have cyclothymia, but I also have adhd (which i know is often misdiagnosed as bipolar) so I’m concerned i might somehow be creating a problem i don’t have or just confused. i have always had issues with paranoia, mood swings, and some low-ish empathy, which i always assumed was the adhd or ocd or just. symptoms, since ofc diagnosed arent boxes and all that. I just feel reluctant to pay for another session, since i’m wary of therapy and even warier of wasting my money and there have been nothing wrong at all and i’m just being dramatic & could just handle my symptoms with willpower like i always have. i know something has been feeling Wrong for a while, like a little less than a year ? but I just don’t know. I suppose I’m asking if it’s worth asking? If I’m functional and things aren’t clear, should I just leave well enough alone?

my response here might be slightly different from mainstream advice -- what i'm SUPPOSED to tell you is that you should seek diagnosis and therapy at all costs, because therapy fixes everything. however given my famed struggles with medical and psychiatric bias, i will instead give a slightly more nuanced:

i think if you're at a point of feeling Wrong then you're also probably at a point of needing something to change, just for quality of life purposes. for me personally it's dangerous to be without my bipolar medication, but that's not true for Every bipolar person.

it's true that your symptoms could be related to other neurodivergencies given the overlap between things and the imperfectness of psychiatry itself -- but it's ALSO true that sometimes we downplay our own symptoms and things that feel Bad. MOST of the time when i or people i know have said "i think i'm just making up a problem i don't have," you do in fact have a problem. it might not turn out to be the same problem you originally thought it was! but it sure is there

i think it would be worthwhile to look at online forums and subreddits for people with bipolar and see if anyone's experiences resonate; i also think there's a lot of self-learning that can be done by studying other people's coping mechanisms and thought processes. this is a big part of how i've DIYed my own symptom management

i think that if you feel another session would be helpful then you should do it. i think it's perfectly acceptable to do your own online research and thinking before you decide. and if you're not clicking with the first psychologist i would INSIST on reading reviews of practitioners and scheduling with one who has positive reviews from bipolar and adhd patients (and who takes your insurance, if you're american). cause a decent healthcare practitioner can make the difference between a stressful tiring traumatizing experience and a very validating worthwhile good one that's great for your quality of life.

best of luck!

[genericaccount]

sometimes I think I need to pay more attention to what I eat in a day and how that effects ADHD medication and overall mood-emotion-feeling

I haven't eaten at all today which is terrible, I know, but I kept forgetting or telling myself I had to do X, Y, Z first or I had to be up/dressed/teeth brushed first or I would realize I'd waited too long then wanted to have lunch instead of breakfast but then tell myself it would be better to have lunch at X time or after X task.

I know I'm not avoiding eating (although really bad dry mouth symptom from current mystery illness does put me off food) and I know its not because I'm trying to "prove" I don't have to eat/rely on eating (that's a whole other odd past story) but I keep getting stuck in my own bad habit cycle? Like I can't break my own rountine (ex. I have to X before Y) which then has gotten me stuck in this "anti-routine" of waking up before 9-9:30 (this is good, this took me a while) but still end up stuck lying in bed, usually on my phone, till 11-12-or almost 2pm

Sure, time blindness doesn't help, but I know how much Better I feel when I have to be somewhere in the morning and it forces me to be up & dress & (ideally) had breakfast and Outside

More than half the time I usually end up wandering around and have these weird little "oh yeah its kinda nice leaving the house" moments that I ignore/forget later (And yeah going outside in the city means spending money which I really should not be doing right now but)

And yet here I am still internally and quietly telling myself that if I just had the "Perfect Morning Rountine" (because of course its all-or-nothing thinking) that everything would fall into place and I'll feel better (Not in the sense it would solve all problems, I'm still anxious about a work meeting and about a uncomfortable possibly ending friendship situation) But that I will feel more me - more human - like when you finally take a shower that you know you should've taken already and how Clean and Scrubbed you feel after in a very good and minituate rebirth kind of way

But I know logically that it doesn't work that way, not with ADHD and chronic illness and a deficient in self confidence and in accidental social semi-isolation. That my psychiatrist is right when she says that the intial steps are important, like with finally establishing a mostly sucessful wake up time and that maybe I need to find a way to comfortably leave the house that doesn't involve showering so I can fix my hair (wave-curl 2b-2c-3a ish that feels much more unmanageable than it used to be). I used to be comfortable with how I looked, and how I looked when I woke up, but now? I feel ugly. I do. I know I'm exagerating this in my mind and my own perception but yesterday I realized: I hadn't taken a picture of myself in almost a year, I now struggle to put outfits together because I've barely left the house since April so I keep wearing "home clothes", I can see how my eyes are more droopy and sad looking (partially assume its related to consistent lack of enough sleep) and that I hate how I look in photos other people take of me because I no longer know how to smile in pictures without thinking I look sad in every picture.

I know I'm not this person, heck I've managed to do/achieve some pretty cool things and I'm about to start a new path for one of them (its not quite what I was hoping for but it should help me get to where I want to be in a year). I used to be so creative, I used to be more interested in writing and art and just creating. I feel like I've slipped into this near-ghost of myself.

I wish I could say its all social media's fault. That I spent and maybe wasted too many hours on doomscrolling in various apps. But though that is true, I know its not the cause. A distraction, maybe. A draw away from creating rather than consuming, sure. I don't simply "blame myself" (though negative thinking sure tries to) but its not that I'm folding in on myself, but I find myself more often slipping into wanting to exist in couch-tv-vegetable state, wanting to simply zone out to a myriad of media.

Maybe this has all been cumalative burn out? I don't know.

But I'm tired of feeling like this, I say for the thousandth time, I want to start moving forward again. I still don't think this is depression, it feels too other and I don't feel like I'm numb or sinking or any of the ways I hear it described. I think I just feel stuck.

I guess I'll see how tomorrow morning goes.

I'm going to go take a shower.

[sparrow-orion-writes]

Alright, someone asked for April asks? I'm here to provide, you know I'm always up 6 talking about my boy XD

♿ (I feel like that one's a given XD) 🦾🌞☔

~ M <3

♿️ - What is their disability? What symptoms do they show? Be as specific or as vague as you want

I joke that April has Everything Disorder because dear fucking god has this boy Suffered. So, we'll start with the fact he's regularly described as 'unnaturally thin, sickly pale, and constantly fatigued (bags under his eyes). He has anemia (That one was just me being like have my illness), and is anorexic, although that is generally subtext. He's shown having massive bursts of energy (The ADHD and BPD fusion for the worlds worst manic episode), and then crashing horrifically. I couldn't even begin to explain some of the things I've written for April's episodes. The NPD has some interesting symptoms for sure, but I'm not finished with developing those symptoms (not finished projecting onto the poor bastard) to talk about them yet.

🦾- How does their disability effect their daily life? How do they overcome some of the struggles thrown at them?

I think the fatigue comes up where he just sort of crashes. But mostly in terms of the story - his mood swings are definitely the most obvious. And to be honest, April just sort of...goes with it, he has very little impulse control and no sense of immediate urgency in terms of like what's important and when it's important. He does struggle with hallucinations - which he takes medication for (and at one point Ari steals some).

🌞 - What does a 'good day' look like for them?

A good day for April is one where he can think coherently for the emajority of the day, and has lesser amounts (or even sometimes no!) dissociation or brain fog. He can work through what he needs to with some level of focus, and can follow is own train of thought.

☔️ - What does a 'bad day' look like for them?

So firstly, his bad days can be immediate, so he wakes up and feels unrested, he feels simultaneously catatonic and understimulated, wich leads to a sense of dissatisfaction, basically nothing will feel right and he'll struggle to take care of himself. However, his bad days can have triggers that remind him of past trauma, or people who have hurt him, which can bring out either very intense and vindictive anger (where he may disproportionately hurt someone), or full out dissociation. Some days he may go through extremely rapid cycling of emotions which will make it next to impossible for him to do anything and he can and does put himself - and others - at risk.

[fernsandsunflowers]

Naming your Neurodiversity

I don't know if this will help anyone, but I want to tell you about Agatha.

A friend told me about their new trick to managing their depression that's been helping them a lot. They named their depression. I immediately loved the idea, and I had barely formed the thought "what would I name my ADHD" that the name Agatha fell in perfect place in my mind and there she was. Wild, feral and romantic.

I know techniques aren't universal but I never anticipated then how much naming her would help me, so I wanted to share it here in case it would help someone else.

Getting know Agatha, who she is, what she likes, what motivates her, has helped me be so much kinder to myself and just love myself. I used to curse and yell and scream at myself for my inability to function, but how can I treat Agatha that way? She wants to be wild and free, and run around and paint and make random things and rearrange the kitchen cupboard and eat funny tasting food. She loves stories and philosophizing and she wants to find out how things work and how words became words and what that specific plant she saw a week ago is called ("just describe what it looks like on google and if you don't do it right now I will absolutely die" - she's dramatic like that). She wants to go days researching a random thought she had while I was trying write my paper because "wouldn't that be so cool? and it's totally relevant to this paper, I'm sure of it". She wants to storm and rage at the world and revels in plotting petty revenges just for the fun of it. and she's constantly singing though she always forgets the words.

How can I be cruel to her? She's amazing and honestly such a great fucking time. So we hangout a lot now. We paint and philosophize and we start writing stories never to be completed, and order desserts and buy random shit online together. Everyday in my mind, I'm figuring out her personality -- I was talking to another friend a few days ago and we were talking about anxiety and depression and figuring out if these states are the symptoms of adhd or separate to it, at any given moment. And I realized my anxiety was not related to Agatha... anxious is not her.

I'm just doing so much better. I'm not tired and angry and sad all the time. When I spend a whole day getting nothing that needed to get done done, I'm not screaming at myself I just say, 'it's ok, Agatha, we'll try again tomorrow." When I'm completely paralyzed and I want to punch a wall again and again and again, I see Agatha in my mind curled up and crying because she's just having a bad day and she's overwhelmed and her whole body feels like it's being pulled by a hundred horses in hundred different directions - so I just sit down next to her and keep her company until it passes. In the long run, I don't really know if this will help me be more productive or be more functional. I'm working on how we can find a good balance. Agatha just has a different idea of productive and functional, I guess, and that's OK - maybe in the future we can come to a compromise, or maybe we can finally and finally find something where compromise isn't necessary at all. Especially now that I know her, maybe together we can figure out what that latter something is.

All I know is or what I've come to realize through all this is that I don't actually want to tie her up and lock her away - I don't want to compromise her. The world isn't her fault. We just gotta find a way to be that let's her be free.

This is all probably related to the defusion technique I was told about years ago in therapy, and 'would you say those things to a friend' and inner child healing and all the stuff that Inside Out was based on - I don't really know and I don't necessarily want to know the science behind the Magic. I want to let Agatha become whoever she wants to without adding technique to it you know? Which is honestly very in-character for her. Agatha, hates being told what to do and how to do things.

As always didn't intend for this to be this long, but no longer apologizing! I wish for you all to find your Agatha, and when you do, if you want to, tell me about them.

[skyllion-uwu]

1, 3, 7, 8, 12 and 13 for the disability pride ask game?

1. What disability/ies do you have? (And are they mental, physical, or both?)

*Music starts up*

Physical: Crohn's Disease, Celiac, Scoliosis, AND Kyphosis. My ankle might also have something going on with it but I'm not sure if it's a disability from "this has been left untreated for too long" or something else

Mental: Autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, probably more shit if I keep digging but right now I don't think I need to

3. What, if any, disability aids do you use? Do you customize them/their containers/outside?

I have an ileostomy because my large intestine is so fucked up from the Crohn's that I basically can't go to the bathroom normally anymore. I have a cover that a nurse made for me but I always forget to put it on so no customization. I also have some citrus slice chewelry necklaces if those count but I need to order other ones

7. What's a struggle you wish more people talked about?

I think I just wish people talked about ostomies or even just gastro issues in general? Like the most acknowledgement I see are IBS jokes and I can never tell if people are laughing because yeah it is hell or because ha ha poop. I remember when I was first told I'd need an ileostomy that I was like "well this is the end of my social life" because of the stigma around fecal matter. It still gets in the way sometimes but like, my friends don't care. The airplane attendants didn't bat an eye and just helped clean up. My family is constantly trying to help and support in any way they can. Just people acknowledging it as something normal so that when someone does have to get one it's not terrifying to them

8. Does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your life?

Being autistic DEFINITELY plays into me being non-binary. I think my OCD also affects my sexuality like yeah I'm aroace and looking back I've always been like that but my OCD affects how I explore it. Which fucking sucks.

12. What's something people don't realize about your disability?

My parents don't seem to realize that yes I'm autistic and that means sometimes there's more to it than quirky things they like. I've gone non verbal a couple of times and gotten in trouble for trying to communicate in writing, I sometimes have a flat "bitchy" voice because I don't have the energy to emote and that doesn't mean I'm angry at them I just can't be a cartoon character anymore, and I've gotten in trouble for vocal stimming. Also same with ADHD, I get in trouble for not remembering some things over others and not having time awareness. Like sorry my brain latched onto a video game instead of reminding me to grab the cat's dishes because I'm leaving in 10 minutes (this means nothing to me)

13. What's the most Abled Person Thing someone has said to you?

I have TWO things. First one, I used to have this therapist I chose because she said she worked with autistic patients and I was starting to suspect I was autistic. I brought it up at the first meeting, she never really brought it up again except for our second to last meeting. She suggested I was a "highly sensitive person". I looked it up then and

Oh my god it's literally just autism symptoms. I was like "do highly sensitive people tend to be autistic?" and she was like "Erm it's often confused FOR autism". She also specifically said "if" I was autistic that I'm "likely high functioning" and "it wouldn't be worth getting a diagnosis". I don't plan on trying to get diagnosed anymore but at the time it felt like a punch to the gut

The second was also when I was a skeleton (flaring up and losing a shit ton of weight because I couldn't absorb any nutrients) and was being pushed in a wheelchair at Disney World. My mom was pushing me and we were headed to the Nemo ride. The cast member at the line entrance "jokingly" said "Don't think you're the princess for the day" and other stuff after that I blocked out. Sir putting aside the misgendering I am almost quite literally a skeleton and barely have any energy. I do not think I'm the princess I think I am going to die YOU CAN SEE MY BONES-