#I'm still gonna regret making this post aren't I?

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

It's not like I've ever seen anyone here have any filter for what political messages they reblog, people just see someone talk about a situation in a way that makes them feel like they know who the villain is and press reblog, without question or applying any prior knowledge to their interpretation, especially if it's something that doesn't affect them personally, and especially if it goes against what they think most people believe so they can stick it to the man and feel like they know better. It's not something new and I usually don't hold it against anyone, I'm definitely guilty of it myself, but man does it feel more pervasive than ever now that every 5th post is taking a very confident stance on a war they only know from news and social media, all saying the same thing, enraged that anyone would ever claim otherwise. And it never hit so close to home for me, it was always someone else's problem for me too, someone I didn't know, but this time I got to spend a day wondering if a loved one was still alive, this time I get to be careful in public so I don't get killed for someone else's crimes.

Can we just all (myself included) think a little more, do a little more research before we decide what nuance does or does not exist? I promise you that you're not obligated to post about everything, you're not obligated to have an opinion on everything, and I promise you are going to be wrong sometimes.

[quartzalynlove]

Coming Home Injured

Pairing: Liu Kang, Kenshi, Johnny Cage, Raiden, Sub Zero, Scorpion, Smoke, Reptile x fem!reader (separately)

Summary: returning from a mission with a few bad injuries

Warnings: Canon typical violence, some descriptions of bad wounds

A/N: let's see if I can make personalized pet names for each of them without them being cringe. Feedback encouraged. Also if we're gonna keep writing for all 8 of these guys at once it's gonna take a minute for me to post so sorry abt that but more mk1 content is coming

Liu Kang

The two of you sat in silence from the moment you returned home. You had completed the mission, but only by an inch of your life. The image of Liu Kang's concerned face, before you fainted in his arms, was still clear in your head.

Liu Kang assessed your injuries before treating them, trying not to be alarmed by the long, deep gash cut from your side into your abdomen. All the while, that look on his face never faded. You had seen Liu Kang when he was concerned many times, but this was different. That crease between his brows was deeper for some reason. As his hands shook, uncharacteristically, while he cleaned your wound, you finally identified the expression. It was the same one you saw when Kenshi lost his sight on the mission to capture Shang Tsung.

"Darling," your voice was weak as you looked down at him.

Immediately, Liu Kang's eyes shot up at you. With his worry growing, he placed a hand on your thigh.

"My light, please do not exert yourself."

Slowly, your hand took hold of his. Your grip was so weak that Liu Kang could hardly bear it. Instead, he took your hand in his and kissed your knuckles. You felt a shuddering breath against your skin as he pulled away.

"Don't you think you're a bit too concerned?" You asked.

With deep regret, Liu Kang bowed his head, not able to look at what he'd done to you.

"You shouldn't have returned this injured," his low voice started to break. "I shouldn't have—"

You stopped him before he could say another thing, "Lift your head," you told him.

Liu Kang looked up at you, slowly, his breaths still heavy and unsteady.

"You used your judgment as well as you could, and I fulfilled your orders. I came back to you."

Starting to calm, Liu Kang nodded in understanding.

"Not every round of Kombat is easy, but I'll be okay."

Upon seeing your reassuring smile, Liu Kang's breathing finally steadied, and his grip on your hand started to soften.

Kenshi

You winced in pain as Kenshi finished a stitch on a rather brutal injury. If he hadn't gotten to you sooner, the blood loss would have killed you. What you did lose on your staggering trek back home already made you lightheaded. Kenshi insisted on you resting; he made you something to eat and made sure you were drinking water. As you laid on the couch, resting yourself after a tough mission, Kenshi was rubbing your feet. You noticed his clenched jaw and the tight line his lips formed. Part of you wished you could sit up and hold his face, but you didn't want to risk popping a stitch while it was still fresh.

"What's on your mind, Kenshi?"

He turned toward your voice before trying to dismiss you with a shake of his head. "Nothing, my flower. Please try to rest."

"Don't say 'nothing' when it's clearly something, love."

You didn't say anything else, still too out of it to try and coax anything else from him. Thankfully, he wasn't going to make you do the work.

"I should've been there," He said quietly. "If I were there to protect you, you this wouldn't have happened."

Kenshi was such a gentleman, your very own knight in shining armor, but he often piled too much on his plate without noticing. He did know he didn't have to save you every time, didn't he?

A lazy smile graced your face, "Honey, I'm fine." You told him.

"You aren't fine—"

You interrupted, "I'll be fine," you said slowly. "You've patched my wounds, forced food and water down my throat, and you're even keeping me company here and rubbing my feet. You've saved me already, my hero."

Kenshi sighed as your words put him at ease, silently accepting that you were right.

"Besides," you continued. "I'm a big girl; I can handle myself. You should ask Sento to show you the other guy."

As Kenshi started to chuckle, you wore a proud smile before feeling yourself fall asleep on the couch.

Johnny Cage

Johnny was all over the place. While you held onto your side on the couch, he searched the area frantically for God knows what. All you could hear was his half-rambled sentences around.

"Johnny." You tried to get his attention.

He stopped for just a second just to point a finger at you. "Hey, don't move over there. I just gotta..."

As he left again, you let your head fall back, sighing in pain.

"I'm calling Liu Kang." You said.

Something in the kitchen clattered as Johnny shouted. "No, don't call him; I've got this!"

"I've been bleeding on our couch for five minutes!"

Sighing, Johnny came back again and looked at you. In any other circumstance, it would be cute how frantic he was over you. Unfortunately, however, your life was at stake and he was running around the house like the Roadrunner. Finally, Johnny finished assessing your injuries.

"Water," he snapped his fingers. "I'll get you some water."

"Johnny!" You stopped him before he could take off again.

In Johnny's defense, he was very worried. It was written all over his face. As you sighed, you spoke to him very carefully.

"I keep a first aid kit in the bathroom cabinet."

With many understanding nods, Johnny seemed to calm down before heading to the bathroom.

"First aid kit," he said to himself. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Raiden

You didn't know how you were still alive, and if it weren't for Raiden, you'd surely be dead. Once you got through the portal, you tried to make it home to him, but Raiden ended up finding you collapsed on the academy grounds as blood quickly made a pool around your stomach. When you came to, the only sensation you could make out was Raiden's feet striking the ground as he ran with you in his arms. You must have managed to say something because you saw his eyes meet yours before darkness obstructed your vision again

The next time you woke you were somewhere indoors. A bright yellow light blinded you before your eyes could adjust. You felt Raiden squeeze your hand as your head turned.

"You're awake." He gasped.

All you could muster was a faint smile. That searing pain from the gash that opened your stomach still wasn't gone.

"Not for long." You said weakly.

Raiden's face became worried as he inched closer to you from his chair at your side.

"I must keep you awake," he said almost as a plea to you. "I've taken you to the medics, and they said if you wake I couldn't let you close your eyes again."

You whined with a frown. "It hurts, Raiden."

Raiden brought his free hand on top of yours, trying to comfort you with small rubs.

"I know, but I am here. I've got you."

As you looked at Raiden, the pain seemed to lessen. Everything felt warmer as long as you focused on him.

"I bet Shao thought he killed me." You said.

A bright smile appeared on Raiden's face at your decision to stay with him. "He is in for a surprise the next time you meet."

Sub Zero

You were a victim of Bi-Han's cold frustration. Honestly, it agitated you more than the searing pain caused by the cleaning of the open wound across your side.

From the moment you came back to him, limping through the front door with the last of your strength, he didn't utter a sound. You remained in awkward silence as he had you sit on the kitchen counter with your back straight while he patched you up.

As he stitched you up, Bi-Han was moving at a harsh pace. It wouldn't harm your wound, but it was almost more painful than the wound itself. Bi-Han was aware of the sharp breaths you sucked in and pained gasps, but they were no deterrent to quickness.

"Bi-Han," you finally snapped at him.

With a cocked eyebrow, Bi-Han stepped back, eyeing you with such an icy glare and that scowl you thought wasn't welcome in your home.

Your eyes searched his face, hoping to find your lover buried beneath that avalanche, "You're hurting me." You said.

A scoff came from Bi-Han as he attempted to work on you once again. "This can't hurt nearly as bad as your other injuries."

You wouldn't let him come back to you, however, pushing him back with the palm of your hand. "Well, it isn't exactly helping."

Bi-Han folded his arms over his chest. "Do you expect me to coddle you?"

"Some sympathy wouldn't hurt." You spat back.

In disbelief, Bi-Han came back to you, forcing himself into your view. "You want my sympathy for the consequences of your reckless actions? My assistance is enough comfort."

He readied the needle for the next stitch, but before he could jam another hole into you, you took the needle out of his hand.

You didn't look at him as you spoke. "I would rather help myself."

After staring at you for a moment, Bi-Han walked away with a grunt. However, even as he started to leave, your wincing continued. You tried to finish the stitching yourself, but the wound was in such a place that you couldn't reach it without straining the rest of your body. Not to mention aggravating the wound itself.

Bi-Han couldn't bear to watch and listen to you struggle. You were only hurting yourself more. Casting his face down for a moment, Bi-Han exhaled before returning to your side.

Before you could begin another stitch, you felt a cold hand stop the needle.

"The stitching will be ineffective this way."

That growl had left Bi-Han's voice, and his face softened, save the deep crease between his brows. Although his gaze would not meet yours, you gave the needle back to Bi-Han, feeling in the air that his anger had dissipated. As he went to work once again, he was much more gentle, and his work didn't hurt nearly as much. Still, he was very quiet. It was clear he wasn't angry with you anymore, but something still troubled him.

Once the stitch was finished, Bi-Han went to tend to your smaller injuries, remaining so quiet and drawn away from you. As he went to clean a cut on your cheek his eyes remained fixated on the wound, not once glancing towards you. Becoming concerned for him, you stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm.

"Bi-Han," you began turning to face him, but his face turned away. "Will you look at me, sweetheart?"

He couldn't; he was ashamed to do so. Although he should have had better control over himself, Bi-Han lost his temper with you.

"I was worried," he said, his face finally falling. "Seeing you come home in this state concerned me. I'm sorry I let it contort into anger."

With a small smile, you took the side of Bi-Han's face in your hand, fixing it towards you. It melted him a bit to see your face. Even after how he had acted, you still smiled at him.

"I knew of your anger long before we got together," you said. "And while it can be frustrating, that doesn't mean I'm not willing to work through it as long as you are."

Bi-Han leaned into your touch, sighing as he let his eyes close. "Just promise you'll act more carefully on future missions."

Scorpion

Kuai Liang tended to the large gash across the length of the back. The wound was deep and wide, he could hardly fathom how this had happened to you. However, his focus remained on bandaging you before it suffered any infection. Kuai Liang worked gently as he secured the bandages around you, but you dreaded turning back to him. Once you did, you turned away quickly from his gentle face, eager to get away from where his eyes gazed. Confused by this, he stopped you, taking a soft but firm hold of your arm.

"You should let me help with getting you ready for bed. I don't want you exhausting yourself, precious."

You huffed, but couldn't lose your temper with Kuai Liang's warm eyes gazing at you. Still, you snatched your arm back, turning your back to him again.

"I can manage, Kuai Liang." Your tone wasn't exactly angry but somber instead, bringing a confused expression to Kuai Liang's face.

He started to catch up to you again, "Your injuries are very serious, Y/N." He said as a word of caution.

As your jaw clenched, you quickly turned back to Kuai Liang, your tone more serious now. "And I said I can manage."

Suddenly, a sharp pain radiated through your shoulder, causing you to wince and grab at it. You turned too fast. Kuai Liang placed a hand on your shoulder, generating the softest heat to ease the pain.

"Beloved, what is wrong," He said with concern as he turned back in front of you. "It can't just be your injuries making you this upset."

With a soft sigh, you started to break your frustration, letting the sadness you truly felt manifest in your face, "Aren't you disappointed?" You looked up at him.

Kuai Liang's brows furrowed in confusion. Your expression was so sad and apologetic. How could you think he was disappointed?

"In you," he asked in disbelief. "Of course not, precious. Why would I be?"

Gesturing to yourself, you let out a shuddering breath, "Look at me," your voice began to break. "This is no state for a champion to be in after Kombat,"

Kuai Liang felt his heart break; he knew you always held yourself to a status that kept you worthy of the mantle that was Earthrealm's champion, but he hated to see you acting this harshly towards yourself.

As tears started forming in your eyes, you continued. "You and your brothers fight to bring honor to your clan's name; you persist no matter the challenge. How can I be a champion when I haven't done the same for Earthrealm?"

You faced the floor as tears streamed down your cheek, but Kuai Liang wouldn't let you shut yourself out from him again. Lifting your head with his index finger, Kuai Liang started wiping your tears as his hands cradled your face.

"Beloved," his voice was soft as he spoke to you. "You accepted your challenge and fought with all you had. Honor isn't about winning but fighting valiantly in the name of your clan. By engaging in Kombat for the glory of Earthrealm and its champions, you have brought honor. For that, I am proud of you as I always am."

As your tears slowed, Kuai Liang gazed into your eyes with a nod of understanding. Once you nodded back, he planted a kiss on top of your head.

Smoke

Tomas hadn't left your side since you returned home last night, and though he tried his best to conceal it, you could feel how worried he was. All of your wounds were patched up, and you were starting to feel better, but he still insisted on doing every little thing for you. It was sweet; you knew how much he cared for his loved ones, especially you, but he did know you'd be okay, right?

By the time you had woken up, Tomas was in the shower, and you were starving. It wasn't going to strain you to cook breakfast, so that's what you went to do.

You had just begun cooking when Tomas came out of the shower. When he returned to your bedroom and found the bed to be empty, he froze in fear. Frantically, he hurried around the house, looking for you. It didn't take him long to reach the kitchen where you were cooking at the stove.

"What are you doing out of bed, my love?"

You turned to see Tomas' concerned face. Smiling, in hopes you would put him at ease, you gestured to the pan of bacon on the stove.

"Cooking," you answered him. "I'm hungry; I bet you are too."

With a small frown, Tomas sighed softly as he leaned against the island, "I could've handled this." He said.

As you turned back to the stove, you nodded. "Yes, but you were in the shower. Besides, I felt like cooking."

You could hear Tomas grumbling behind you as he came closer. Suddenly, he put his hand on top of yours, trying to take the pan from you.

"I'd much prefer it if you stayed in bed, my love."

Tightening your grip, you looked back at him. "I've been in bed since yesterday evening, let me cook us breakfast."

By this point, Tomas didn't know what to do other than pout disapprovingly, but you weren't going to have it.

"Tomas," you called him. "Look at me."

With a sigh, he listened, backing up to eye you before you explained your instruction.

"I'm doing better. It's not like I'm going to fall over at the stove."

He tried to interrupt, "You don't—" But you silenced him with a hand on the center of his chest.

You continued softly. "Go sit down and wait for your food."

The two of you shared a brief look before you closed your eyes, waiting for him to kiss you. Once he did, you opened your eyes to Tomas walking to sit at the table.

Reptile

You hissed as Syzoth finished a stitch on your shoulder.

"I know it hurts, but we're almost done." He tried to calm you.

Usually, you tried to fight him when he patched you up, but you came home in pretty rough shape. The only complaining you could manage was in the form of winces and grunts. Syzoth never really minded, though. If anything you reminded him of his younger siblings when they'd hurt themselves playing.

"There," He said, putting the needle down. "You'll be fine in a few days."

As Syzoth looked at you with a soft face, you couldn't help feeling a small sense of shame.

"I'm sorry." You apologized, playing with your hands in your lap.

Syzoth tilted his head at you. "For what?"

"I can be so stubborn when you're only trying to help."

An incredulous slithering laugh started to leave Syzoth at your words, confusing you a bit. Putting your hands in his, Syzoth looked into your eyes.

"Firefly, I have faced much worse than you upset about getting a few stitches. As long as you're okay, you can bicker and grunt at me all you like."

Syzoth kissed you on the forehead before leading you to the bed.

"I never did ask how your opponent ended up." He looked over at you.

With a proud smile, you answered him. "Let's just say if I was injured the same, would have done more than bicker at you."

[emblemxeno]

It's 5am where I am so I'm no doubt gonna regret posting meaningless whining about my favs compared to other characters when I wake up but rn who tf cares

I'm still incensed under the surface about how Byleth gets a better reception than Corrin, and how Corrin specifically is represented in a grand scheme of the FE franchise, mostly with Heroes.

"Corrin gets positions and authority when he doesn't deserve it!" then silence for Byleth when he gets a teaching position, and later either the archbishop spot or outright becomes king of an entire continent.

"Corrin's dragon powers aren't used in the plot enough!" Byleth's powers are only ever plot device fodder, are mechanically indistinct from other FE protag powers before and after him, and have terrible ludonarrative applications.

"Too many people worship Corrin!" About 70% of the cast's morality when defecting from their home (and sometimes partaking in harming it) is dictated by Byleth having enough tea parties with them, after being enrolled in a job he wasn't qualified for

"Corrin's character and personality is bad" Byleth doesn't even have one, he's just a dialogoue choice generator

"Corrin is the worst FE rep in Smash, had the worst trailer, and is representative of FE having imbalanced representation" FE has a clone/Echo fighter problem and consolidating Roy, Lucina and Chrom into Marth as alt skins a la Bowser Jr. would auto fix that controversy given the Smash community's "if I don't see it, it doesn't exist" approach to character slots; there is no universe where a trailer showcasing one of the worst villains in 3H-and the FE series as a whole-is better than even the cringiest lines in Corrin's trailer; there is more unique properties and applications just in Corrin's side special than there is in Byleth's entire kit, which was really a mish-mash of different Smash archetypes, inlcuding ones other FE characters covered. Not to mention the fucking PNG Sothis Final Smash with the embarassing lip flaps, jesus.

Every problem that Corrin is accused of having, Byleth does it worse. Every problem that Byleth gets jabbed with, eventually gets redirected back to Corrin for "starting it."

And it's seen as justified, because why? Well, 3H is a "better" game of course! After all, it's the best selling one! If it sold that much and was so well received that means it must have done everything exponentially better than Fates did! (ignore the fact that Fates was the best selling game in the series before 3H please). Why wouldn't Byleth simply be objectively, immutably better than Corrin in every metric going by this logic?

And, like always, CYL is gonna reaffirm this again for everyone. Cuz why wouldn't Byleth get so many votes last year despite him getting a great Christmas alt just the month before? He deserves it after the female version already won after all! And why wouldn't he win this year when he's guaranteed an Emblem alt in the future, and most likely to be on one of Valentine's, Children, or Wedding banners?

It made sense for the Robins to win one after the other cuz they're cool and awesome and not weak and annoying, so it makes sense for Byleth too!

Why would Corrin get this "it's his turn treatment" when he's not a good character and the female version only won because everyone knows she's just dumb fetish bait 🤪🤪🤪/s

It's just... so infuriatingly transparent. Even Male Alear isn't hit with this quite as hard tbh, because at worst he had half the votes Female Alear did, whereas M!Corrin at best had barely over a third of F!Corrin. And that only fuels my perspective on how M!Corrin, for all his alts, always feels like his presence is treated compulsory and obligated, and F!Corrin is always sold with "she's hot, who cares" in mind.

FE fans made it clear that Corrin's character was hated, so the solution became to sell the Fem one for horny whales, and have the Male one just slightly behind in numbers to keep up the illusion of fairness (while always making him inferior in gameplay).

All that just for Byleth, a non-character, to get every excuse and love from a fandom that hated Corrin for the same issues he has. Crazy.

[ckret2]

Chapter 28 of human Bill is determined to wiggle out of being the Mystery Shack's prisoner, featuring:

Bill eagerly accepts an invitation to Gravity Falls' LGBTQ club. He is not allowed to go unsupervised. Stan (whose masculinity isn't secure enough for this), Ford (who's still hanging out in the closet), and Soos (who's engaged) aren't quite sure what to do. Luckily, Wendy's been looking for an excuse to go.

####

Melody rushed up to the cash register and said breathlessly, "Hey Wendy—I know it's almost your break, but could you stay on register just a little longer? Two of the baby dragons escaped and Soos and I have to find them before the next tour."

Wendy looked at the customers milling about the gift shop. They'd all just gotten out of a tour and were looking over the available souvenirs, which meant in just a few minutes they'd all be lining up to check out. "Ooh, I dunno. I'm pretty hungry..."

"Please, Wendy? You can take an extended lunch!"

Was that worth handling one extra post-tour rush? "Wiiith p—?"

"With pay, you extortionist." There was no real resentment in Melody's voice. She'd worked register duty. She understood.

"Okay, deal."

"Wendy you're a lifesaver." Melody hurried to the curtains to the Mystery Shack museum.

"Hey," Wendy called, "which ones escaped?"

"Orochi and Ryuu."

"Aww, not Oro. That sweet guy will get eaten alive in the real world."

"Right?" Melody turned on her phone flashlight and returned to the hunt.

A deeply tanned tourist with sun-damaged wrinkles approached the cash register. She wasn't holding any souvenirs. Wendy said, "Hey, how can I help you?"

She looked straight in Wendy's eyes and said, "The sun sets a deep blood red."

Wendy stared at her. Why did this place attract the weirdest customers. "What?"

Very clearly, the tourist repeated, "The sun sets a deep blood red."

"Um. If that's some kind of reference, I don't get it."

The tourist let out that sharp little nose-sigh soccer moms made when Wendy did things like refuse to take a coupon meant for a rival tourist trap, shook her head in disappointment, and left.

Wendy got the feeling she was going to regret staying on register.

Sure enough, within five minutes, the line started forming—and on top of that, Wendy discovered, the cash register drawer had jammed shut, preventing her from making change for the customers paying in cash. She was in the middle of explaining to the fourth increasingly irate child-toting customer that he either had to pay by card or in exact change, when two more customers came in the door and made a beeline for the register.

"Wendy Corduroy?"

"Hey," Wendy said tersely, stuffing a customer's t-shirts in a bag. "There's a line."

"We're not shopping, Miss Corduroy."

Wendy turned to face Sheriff Blubs, with Deputy Durland standing close behind him. The scratch cards. Her fake ID. She was going to jail. Dad was gonna find out about her tattoo. "Oh."

Durland said, "Could we ask you some questions?"

"Uhh..." She looked at the cops, and then at the growing line of customers. "Can I... grab someone to cover?"

####

Bill had been sitting at the kitchen table looking at the doorway, waiting for Wendy to appear for several minutes, when he heard her muttering, "Shoot, shoot, shoot..." from the living room. Here she came.

"Hey, Cool Girl. What's the hurry?"

"Goldie!" Wendy turned toward the kitchen. "Have you seen Dipper or Mabel? The cops wanna talk to me—"

Bill's eyebrows shot up.

"—and the register is insane and I need someone to cover—"

"They're both out today," Bill said. Mabel was over at Pacifica's alpaca ranch to help out for the day—but Bill had the sinking suspicion she'd asked to go help so she could avoid him. No clue where the other one had gone. "Sorry!"

Wendy groaned. Then looked at Bill. "Hey. Have you ever manned a cash register before?"

"Yes," Bill lied.

####

"Thank you so much," Wendy said, holding open the "Employees Only" door for someone Blubs and Durland didn't recognize: a woman with no makeup, no bra, and unshaven legs, wearing an eyepatch, a hideous Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and yellow foam clogs. Durland looked her up and down, elbowed Blubs, and muttered, "Hey Daryl. D'you think...?"

"Mm." He shrugged noncommittally.

The stranger took Wendy's place behind the register with an eager grin and called out, "Okay, let's keep the line moving!"

Wendy approached Blubs and Durland. "Thanks for that," she said. "So... what can I help you with?"

"Just a few questions about your weekend," Blubs said. "Where were you last Sunday?"

Wendy blinked in surprise. "On... Sunday?" She paused a moment, lips pursed as she thought back to the weekend. "I visited Shop Thrifty with some friends."

Blubs nodded, like this confirmed what he already knew. "And what were you doing there?"

"Shopping? I got some gift money I wanted to spend on cheap junk."

"What'd you get?"

Wendy furrowed her brows, but said, "Uh... some terrible horror movies, a doll that looks like a cross between a turtle and a teddy bear, and a clock made out of a hubcap?"

"So you didn't go near the men's clothing section?"

Wendy squinted. "Nooo?"

Blubs scribbled that down in his notepad. "About what time did you leave the store?"

"I dunno, probably like three or four?"

"Did you go back to the store later?"

"No? I went home and was there all night, you can ask my family," Wendy said. "What happened at Shop Thrifty?"

"A-ha!" Durland pointed over Blubs's shoulder. "How did you know something happened at Shop Thrifty?"

"Because you're cops and you're asking questions about it."

"Oh."

Blubs patted Durland's shoulder. "Keep trying, darlin'. You're becoming a better detective by the day." Durland beamed.

To Wendy, Blubs said, "But as it happens, we're investigating a burglary." He flipped through the pages of his notepad. "I don't suppose you saw any suspicious figures while you were shopping, did you? Perhaps hanging around... the men's section?" He pulled out a crime scene photo to show Wendy.

Wendy had to stare at the photo a moment to make sense of the empty clothing rack; and then she cracked up. "Did somebody steal every pair of pants in the store?"

"Every pair of men's jeans."

"Oh, man. No, I didn't see any pants burglars hanging around—"

Durland said, "We're calling the thief the Bootcut Bootlegger."

Wendy snorted. "But uh... I guess I'll call you if I see anyone lurking in a dark alley selling jeans?"

"We'd appreciate it," Blubs said. "And, could you tell us the names of the friends you went with. So we can ask them if they saw anything too."

Wendy, who was no snitch, said, "No."

Durland shook his head sadly. "Kids these days. They don't know anything about their own friends. Not even their names."

"Nope," Wendy said. "Is that all you needed, officers?"

"I got one more question," Durland said. He leaned a bit closer to Wendy and pointed at the stranger manning the cash register. "Who's that new gal? I didn't know the shack hired somebody."

"Oh, Goldie? We didn't exactly hire anyone, he's just staying at the shack a while—"

"Ha! 'He'! I knew it!" Durland smacked Blubs's shoulder. "I told ya! Didn't I tell ya?"

"Heh. You sure did."

Durland cupped his hands around his mouth. "Whooee, you at the register!"

"Sorry, I can't make exact change, so I'll do you a favor: just round it to—"  Goldie blinked and turned toward the heckling cop. "Yello?"

"You're queerer'n a three-dollar bill, aren't you?" Durland called. Wendy cringed and quickly pulled out her phone to shield herself from the scene of public humiliation.

Totally unperturbed, Goldie replied, "I'm probably the queerest bill you've ever met! Why?"

Soos wearily trudged through the curtains from the Mystery Shack's museum. "Hey, Wendy. We found Ryuu, but we still can't find..." His gaze fell on Goldie and his voice died. "Wendy? What's he doing—"

Durland walked past the line of customers to lean on the counter in front of Goldie. "Hey, how long are you in town? You oughta come to a Rainbow Club meeting!"

"It's the local LGBTQ support and social group," Blubs explained. "We meet weekly at Town Hall. We're actually meeting this evening at seven!"

"We haven't had any new members in ages," Durland said. "Please say you'll come. We're so bored!"

The more they spoke, the more a grin spread across Goldie's face. "Gentlemen, you had me at 'rainbow.' I'd be thrilled to come! My schedule's free! I've been spending all my evenings cooped up in the shack because I don't know anybody in town." He slowly turned his grin toward Soos, who was watching in slack-jawed horror. "But hey, it's not like I'm locked up in here—right, officers?"

####

When the last customers trickled out and Wendy returned to the cash register, Goldie flashed her a quick smile. "Hey, Cool Girl." He nodded toward the Museum. "I saw Questiony tug you aside, are you in trouble?"

"Nah, not really. I guess he's just bothered I grabbed a non-employee to sub instead of getting him or Melody."

"I won't call the labor board if he doesn't." Goldie handed a wad of bills to Wendy. "Here."

"Thanks." Wendy looked around for somewhere to stow it until they could get the cash register drawer unstuck. "Hey, how'd you handle the customers paying in cash?"

"Told 'em I'd give them a discount for the inconvenience: if they were willing to round up to the nearest dollar from the sticker price, we'd eat the rest of the sales tax so they didn't have to fish for loose change. Everyone was thrilled."

Wendy processed that. "Oregon doesn't have a sales tax."

"Sure, but how many out-of-state tourists in a hurry remember that?"

"Ha! You went to work for the wrong twin, Stan would've loved having you in the shack."

"The Pines just don't appreciate what I bring to the table," Goldie lamented, swooping around the counter. He walked up to the "Employees Only" door, stopped, surveyed it like he wasn't quite sure what to do with it, and then very casually made a right turn into the curtained entryway to the museum.

A minute later, Soos escorted him back, an arm around his shoulder. "Museum's closed, dude," he said sternly. "We're looking for an escaped baby dragon."

"'Baby dragon'?" Goldie echoed. "You mean a lizard with fake wings glued on its back?"

"I mean—we're not telling the tourists that, but yeah."

He pointed toward the cash register. "Like the one stuck in the cash drawer?"

There was a pause. Wendy dropped to her knees to peer at the crack at the top of the drawer. "Oro! Can you hear me, boy? Are you in there?" She heard something rustle. "Holy—Soos!"

Soos shoved Goldie into the living room and hurried over to help.

####

"Less than five minutes," Ford muttered. "He's unsupervised in a public space for less than five minutes, and he makes contact with local law enforcement and sets up a social engagement. This is why he's not allowed out of—" He pushed up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, grumbling.

Ford, Stan, and Soos were seated around the living room table, discussing how to handle the situation. With the sheriff and deputy expecting Bill, they couldn't not let him go, lest the cops come by again to ask what had happened—and the odds that they'd be satisfied by an answer from anyone but "Goldie" were slim.

"This is what he's been waiting for," Ford went on. "He's been biding his time for an opportunity exactly like this."

Soos said, "I'm sorry, Dr. Pines. It happened so fast! I wanted to go all, 'No, you can't go,' but then the cops would have gone, 'Why not?' and I didn't know how to not say he's our prisoner—"

"It's not your fault, Soos," Ford sighed. "It's not even Wendy's. She doesn't know how risky it is just to let him talk to the public."

"So, what do we do now?" Stan asked.

Soos said, "Maybe make him an 'I bite tourists' shirt?"

Ford said, "I suppose... we let him go. And one of us will have to supervise him."

Stan asked, "At the gay club?"

"At the gay club."

Stan, Ford, and Soos—two of whom had grown up in a time when "gay" was one of the worst things a person could be accused of being, and one of whom came from a very Catholic family—eyed each other uncomfortably.

From the doorway, Bill called, "Can I choose? I'm trying to decide who'd be funniest."

Without looking at him, Ford snapped, "Go away, Bill."

"Fine. I'll be upstairs." They listened for Bill's footsteps to recede up the stairs.

Stan spoke first. "Not it. No way. Absolutely not. What would the ladies think!"

Wryly, Ford said, "I doubt any ladies you might meet there would have been interested anyway."

"Well, what would the guys think! What if someone flirts with me, would I have to flirt back to maintain my cover? I'm not that good an actor. It's not gonna be me." He crossed his arms in finality, then looked at Ford expectantly.

Ford hesitated, then shook his head. "Not me." Stan cocked a brow, but when Ford didn't say anything else, he just glanced at Soos.

"Uhh." Soos tapped his fingers together. "I guess I might be kinda sorta willing? I mean, I wouldn't really mind? But, the thing is, I'm engaged, to a woman, and like, Melody would understand if I explain it's just to keep an eye on Bill. But what if people think me 'coming out' right before the wedding is because I'm cheating or—or dissatisfied or something?" His eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe Melody could come too! We could pretend to be bi. It could be like a date! Would that be weird? Two straight people at the queer club on a date pretending to be bi? It—it feels weird." His eyes un-lit up. "I think that's probably weird. It seems disrespectful. Yeah, no, maybe I shouldn't do that—?"

"Are you guys talking about Rainbow Club?"

The trio started and glanced toward the door to the gift shop, where Wendy was leaning in.

Soos said, "Yeeeah, haha, it's kinda awkward, but, Goldie wants to go, but he can't go by himself... so somebody's gotta take him... it's this whole thing..."

"Oh? How come? It's not that far a walk if you cut past the old church."

"Uhh..." Soos looked at Stan and Ford for help.

After enjoying exactly three seconds of awkward silence, Bill called from the doorway, "I'm under a curse that makes it impossible to open doors!"

"Wow dude, sucks for you!"

"Haha, I know right!"

Ford stood, slammed a hand on the table, and pointed at the doorway. "OUT!"

Bill raised his hands, rolled his eye, and left.

"So, hey," Wendy said. "Rainbow Club's for 16-year-olds and up, and I've... kinda been trying to work up the nerve to go for a while, actually. Just to, you know, explore... options?" She shrugged, grimacing self-consciously. "Maybe this is my excuse. So, if you need someone to open doors for Goldie, I could go?"

Stan, Ford, and Soos looked at Wendy with the blank surprise of two men raised in the sixties and one man raised Catholic who sometimes forgot that the categories of "queer people" and "people they knew" might overlap. Then Ford said, "You're not walking there with him."

"I can drive you," Soos said. "I'll just wait outside in the pickup. It's cool, I've got a lot of comics to catch up on."

"I don't know if it's safe letting him walk openly from the truck into Town Hall," Stan said. "Wendy, how do you feel about being handcuffed to him?"

Wendy stared at him. "What."

"That's not necessary," Ford said. "We can use the chain bracelets."

Wendy stared at him. "The what."

"Listen. Kid." Stan stood and put a hand on Wendy's shoulder. "I know we gave you the abridged version of Goldie's history, but lemme make this clear: this freak's on house arrest, and if you're going out with him, you're his ankle bracelet. Do not let him out of your sight. Don't even leave him alone in the restroom if there's a window big enough for him to squeeze through."

"I think his curse covers windows," Soos pointed out. Ford nodded.

"I don't wanna risk it."

"It's okay," Wendy said. "Treat him like a dangerous criminal. Got it. I've got crazy lumberjack ninja training, I can handle him."

Stan eyed her appraisingly, then nodded. "You're all right, kid." He clapped her shoulder and let go. "And if you're into girls, that's fine by me."

"Um," Wendy said. "Thanks? I'm actually not sure if... Thanks, Stan."

"All right. We've got a plan." He waved off Soos and Wendy. "Go have fun with the gays."

####

Wendy sat in the back seat of Soos's truck, staring at her phone, trying to figure out what excuse to give her dad for staying out late. She didn't think he'd mind her going to Rainbow Club—but it wasn't a conversation she was ready to have. Finally, she texted him that she was hanging out tonight with the Mystery Shack crew—which wasn't technically totally wrong—and put her phone away.

Goldie stared out the shotgun seat window as they drove past the sombrero-shaped Los Hermanos Brothers restaurant. "Hey. Can we get nachos?"

"You'll be late to your meeting, dude."

"Can we get nachos after the meeting?"

Wendy piped up, "I'd be cool with a taco run." Easier to tell her dad she'd been having dinner at the shack.

Soos considered that. "I don't see why not." He shrugged. "Gotta get them to-go, though."

"Yeah, fine," Goldie said, a tad irritably. He slouched down, kicking his feet up on the dashboard and crossing his ankles. "I'm not plotting anything nefarious in the restaurant, I just want nachos."

"Then sure, that's cool," Soos said. "Hey. Isn't it kinda... weird for you to eat nachos?"

Goldie turned to face Soos. "Weird how?"

"I mean. You know. Considering you're..."

"Considering I'm what?" Goldie grinned. "What about me would make it weird for me to eat triangular corn chips covered in yellow cheese? C'mon, Questiony. I wanna understand."

Soos glanced toward Wendy in the back seat, and then away. "Never mind," he mumbled. Goldie laughed.

Wendy wondered what on earth Goldie could possibly be that would make it weird for him to get nachos. After a moment of deliberation, she concluded the answer was probably "lactose intolerant." She cleared her throat. "Hey, thanks for giving us a ride, Soos." Even if it probably would've been faster to walk.

"Oh yeah, no problem dude," Soos said. "Hey—aren't you sixteen now? Are you gonna get your own car sometime soon? I don't mind giving you a ride. I'm just curious. Making conversation."

Wendy groaned. "No. I haven't got my license yet, and I don't want to. As soon as I can drive, I'll be useful. Dad's gonna ask me to drive the boys around, and I'll be the friend that gives everyone else rides, right? And being a taxi sounds like crap." She paused, remembering where she was sitting. "No offense, Soos."

"None taken."

"But it's starting to stress me out. My dad keeps asking when I wanna start driver's ed. And I've started having stress nightmares about needing a car in an emergency and not having one? And then Gideon's dad swoops into the dream to offer a Reasonably-Priced Discount Used Car?"

Soos laughed. "Oh man, like all those commercials he's been running on the local stations? 'There's no need to barter—'"

Goldie and Wendy both completed the line, "'—you can drive for a quarter.'"

Wendy groaned louder. "All those annoying Gleeful Auto jingles are seeping into my dreams. How does that even make sense! I don't understand the economy, how do you sell a car for a twenty-five cent down payment and make a profit off of it? What if the customer just doesn't pay the rest?"

Thoughtfully, Soos said, "I think it has to do with interest."

"Well, I'm not interested. Especially when I'm asleep."

"I think Mabel's got a pile of books on controlling your dreams right now," Goldie said. "You could ask her about them."

"Do any of those books teach you how to install dream ad block?"

Goldie laughed. "It can't hurt to check!"

####

"Easy, there," Stan said, watching from his armchair with a can of cider as Ford paced in the entryway, back and forth past the living room. "You're gonna wear a hole in the floorboards."

Ford did not stop pacing. "I should have gone with them," he said. "What does it matter that I didn't want to. Somebody who understands what Bill really is should be in that meeting with him."

"Come on. As long as he doesn't get an opportunity to escape, how much trouble can he really get in? What do you think he's gonna do, kill the sheriff with a folding chair?"

"I'm more worried about his opportunities to network. I don't want him making friends on the outside. That's more people he can manipulate."

"Okay, sure. But how could you stop it if you were there? What would you do, scold him every time he acts nice to somebody?"

A sigh. "I suppose you're right. I just... don't like not knowing what he's doing there."

Stan took a sip from his cider; swirled it a moment; and then cleared his throat. "Hey, Ford, uhh. You know what? Crazy thing, but—I was surprised you didn't volunteer to go to the gay thing? I mean..." He unnecessarily cleared his throat again. "Ever since high school, I always kinda thought you... I mean, I assumed... not in a bad way, mind, but I just sort of figured... Well, I must've assumed wrong. So. Sorry, I guess."

Ford had stopped pacing to look at Stan. He waited for him to finish stumbling through ellipses; and then, hands stuffed in his coat pockets, he said to his feet, "You didn't assume wrong."

Stan waited. "Uh-huh?" he said encouragingly.

Ford shuffled into the living room and took the chair next to Stan. "Truthfully... I can't tell you exactly what I am. When I should have been figuring that out, I was busy writing dissertations and hiding in the woods. Exploring scientific oddities instead of—well—exploring myself. And then thirty years away from Earth, and now that I've only been back among humans for a year... well—I've never figured myself out." He shrugged ruefully. "I can tell you more about eye-bats and gnomes than I could about my own... inclinations. But whatever I am, it's not heterosexual, I know that."

"Huh." Stan nodded slowly, trying to wrap his head around the idea that you could just not know. He could maybe imagine a girl not knowing—the inner workings of a woman's body were still pretty mysterious to him—but in his experience most guys had a compass between their legs that was magnetically attracted to point toward what they desired, whether they wanted it to or not. What was going on with Ford?

Looking firmly at the wall, Ford added, "For one thing, I think there's been too many aliens for me to be straight."

Stan snorted. "Aliens."

"Aliens."

"Well okay, Captain Cork—"

"Stanley, please." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Leave it to my brother to even find a way to be queer in a weird way." Stan grinned crookedly. "You know—when we were getting close to graduating, whenever we talked about treasure hunting and getting babes, somewhere in the back of my head, I was making peace with the fact that maybe you'd find a sailor instead. I was fine with it! I just wasn't expecting you to go for the kraken."

"Stan!" Ford laughed in surprise.

"What! Not your type? What does it for you, Dracula? The wolf man? Mothgar?

"I am not telling you what does it for me."

"Okay, okay, fine." Stan probably didn't wanna know, anyway. Aliens. Yeesh. But who was he to judge, he'd gone on a date with a spider lady. "Is that why you don't wanna go to that club meeting? You don't want to talk about the aliens?"

"Not exactly," Ford said. "Attending a support group for queer people would mean opening up about a private, unexplored... scary part of my own identity. With Bill in the room. Maybe I should go to some of those meetings—but not when he's there." His smile from a moment earlier was gone; his mouth was set in a grim line. "When I thought he was my friend, I—offered him far too much vulnerability that I shouldn't have. I'm not letting him have any more."

And a couple minutes ago, Ford had been beating himself up for not putting himself in that position just to keep an eye on Bill. Stan said, "And he's not gonna get more vulnerability outta you. You don't have to tell that freak anything." Rummaging through his brain for the most supportive brotherly words he could find, Stan added, "But—I'm glad you told me."

Ford nodded. "So am I."

####

When Wendy and Goldie walked into Town Hall's main assembly room, Blubs and Durland were standing at the front chatting. Durland immediately waved. "Hey! You made it! You too, Wendy?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, thought I'd check it out."

"The more, the merrier," Blubs said. He gestured for them to follow him to a door at the front of the room, to the left of the podium. "A larger group uses the meeting room, so we meet in the mayor's office."

The door to the mayor's office was clearly marked by the folding table with snacks across the hallway and a stand next to the door holding multiple flags—American, Oregonian, rainbow, trans, and "Take Back the Falls" battle flag. Wendy paused to puzzle over the eleven varieties of bread on the snack table; when she glanced at Goldie, he'd gingerly plucked up the battle flag by a corner to inspect it. There was supposed to be a ban on acknowledging Weirdmageddon, but Wendy supposed the mayor could get away with showing a little pride in his citizens' resistance movement. "Were you still in the shack during... all that?"

"Hm?"

"The big fight." Wendy lowered her voice, just in case the sheriff felt like enforcing the ban. "That's the flag we flew when we kicked the crap out of Bill's stupid pyramid butt."

"Oh. No. I was locked out of the shack," he said flatly. "Must have missed that." He let the flag drop. "I only remember the part where he kicked the shack halfway across the valley with its own leg."

Tyler Cutebiker waved from inside the office. "Wendy, hi! And a new person! Come in, come in! You're just in time. How's your dad?"

Wendy had been expecting that. "He's good, he's good. Y'know, busy."

"Uh-huh?"

"He's been swamped with work since he got the contract for the deathball arena. He's broken like eight axes, so, I think he's really happy."

"Oh, great!" Tyler beamed. "When we were deciding who to give the contract to supply lumber for the new facility, I thought, 'I know just the man to get it!' I'm so glad we could support our local lumber industry." He hesitated. "By the way, do you know if he ever... thinks about coming to a meeting? I've invited him a couple of times, maybe if you brought it up..."

"Listen. Tyler," Wendy said. "You're cool, but if my dad ever shows up at Rainbow Club, I'm never coming again."

"Okay, all right, that's fine, just thought I'd ask."

The mayor's desk had been pushed up against the office windows, and several folding chairs were set up in a tight circle that pressed to the walls. A couple extra chairs were quickly put out for Wendy and Goldie, and Goldie immediately claimed the seat on the mayor's right. All in all, there were less than a dozen attendees, and Wendy guessed she was the youngest one there by at least five years. One empty chair was left open hopefully by the door.

Once everyone was seated, Tyler said, "Okay, it looks like we've got a couple of new folks here today, so let's all go around the circle and introduce ourselves. Please share your names, your pronouns, and anything you want us to know about how you fit under our rainbow umbrella. There's no pressure, just whatever you feel comfortable with, this is a safe and supportive place for everybody. I'll go first: hi, I'm Tyler, and I use he/him pronouns!" He turned expectantly to his left.

Blubs said, "Hi, I'm Daryl, uhhh he/him, and I..." he turned to stare in Durland's eyes, "am in love."

Durland quickly said, "Hi, I'm Edwin, I'm a boy, and I'm in love too!" They grabbed each other's hands, giggling.

"Aww," Tyler cooed, "aren't you two sweet." He nodded toward the next chair.

"Hello. My name is Tad Strange, my pronouns are he/him, and I'm a cisgender heterosexual ally."

Seriously, Tyler said, "And we appreciate your support, Tad. And the snacks you bring every week."

Introductions continued around the circle. Wendy sorta knew a couple other faces, but didn't know anyone personally. The only other girls in the room were an intimidatingly beautiful woman whose gaze seemed to pass right over the awkward teen with unstyled hair and baggy flannel, and two little old ladies in a throuple with a little old man. 

The introduction spotlight finally landed on her. "Hey guys. I'm Wendy, she/her, and I'm, uh... questioning, I guess? Sorta?" She shrugged casually. "Yeah. Questioning."

Tyler said, "Since this is your first time—we keep things pretty casual, here, but I want to make sure this group supports everyone's needs. Do you think you could tell us a bit about what you're looking for in our little club?"

Wendy could feel every eye in the room boring into her. She fought the urge to shrink into her seat. You're sixteen. You're the cool girl. Act cool, girl. "Oh, nothing specific I guess. I'm just... exploring my options, you know. Exploring myself. Doing the self-discovery journey or whatever. So... I dunno what I'm looking for? I figure I'll know it when I find it."

Tyler nodded. "We've all been there," he said. "And I know I speak for us all when I say we're honored to be part of your journey."

And then, to Wendy's mortification, Tyler started clapping, and the rest of the group joined in. She smiled stiffly, feeling her youth even more intensely. What the heck, Tyler, you were supposed to be the cool adult. Wendy trusted you. Politics changed you.

To Wendy's gratitude, Goldie cut the awkward moment short by piping up before the last of the applause petered out. "Hiya! I'm 'Goldie,'" he put air quotes around his own name, "I've never cared what pronouns you people call me before and I'm not about to start now, and I do not have the patience for all the paperwork to figure out my sexuality so we'll just wonder together!"

Tyler laughed. "Oh, you're funny!" A couple other attendees chuckled.

"I'm just getting started!" Goldie blinked his unpatched eye. "Wink. Anyway, I'm here to meet new people and have some fun!" He turned an intense smile on Tyler. "So tell me, mayor—where do the people in your fine town go to party?"

####

By the end of the meeting, Goldie had collected six phone numbers—"I'd give you mine, but I'm between phones right now, long story"—and four loose commitments to do something somewhere sometime soonish. Wendy was simultaneously relieved to have some of the pressure taken off of her as the new person, slightly miffed that she hadn't gotten to know anybody, and resigned to the fact that as the only high schooler in the room they probably wouldn't have had much to say to her anyway.

As the club members milled around the snack table having bread, Goldie elbowed Wendy and muttered, "I can't believe they clapped for you but not for me. Is looking for a good time not a noble enough quest?"

"Pfft. Dude, are you jealous?"

"Insanely."

Thirty years in the ghost dimension must do weird things to someone's need for attention. "When I introduce you to my friends, I'll tell them all to clap for you."

"I appreciate it."

The club loosely migrated through the assembly hall and toward the front double door. Durland reached it first, opened it, and quickly closed it. Agitated, he said, "Daryl! They're out there again."

"Oh, no! Again?"

The group came to a stop. Tyler took over, cracked open the door, and tutted his tongue. Goldie curiously peered over his shoulder, and Wendy took that as permission to look too.

Standing on the sidewalk in front of Town Hall were a dozen tough-looking men dressed in leather, heavy denim, and sharp metal accessories. They filled the sidewalk, arms crossed or fists on hips, glowering toward the doors. Tyler muttered, "Oh, every time we have a meeting. I wish they'd knock this off."

"Who're they?" Wendy asked. "Homophobes?"

"Oh! No no, nothing like that," Tyler said. "That's the weekly ex-convict rehabilitation support group—they use the bigger meeting room. They're actually a very open-minded bunch."

"That's right," shouted the tallest of the group, a muscular bearded man. He pointed at a leather pride patch pinned to his vest over his heart. "Love is love! We support queer rights, trans rights, uh... women's rights? What else."

"Immigrant rights?" a man with a gray ponytail suggested.

"Immigrant rights, that's a good one. And... any other rights, too! Except pig rights."

Another man shouted, "No cops at pride!"

The Rainbow Club turned to look at Blubs and Durland.

They heaved sighs. Durland said, "We'll go out the back."

The group out front visibly relaxed when the Rainbow Club came out without the sheriff and deputy. The bearded leatherman focused on Tyler as he passed. "Ty."

Tyler started. "Oh! Hiii, Ghost." His cheeks went bright red. "W-we missed you at Rainbow Club this week, again. Any thoughts about coming across the hall from time to time?"

"Those cops still showing up?"

"Well, yes."

The leatherman—who Wendy recognized now as Ghost-Eyes—shook his head. "Pass. But we can catch up next time you're at Skull Fracture."

"Oh—okay, sure. I'll see you there sometime."

"I'll buy you a drink," Ghost-Eyes said. "I like your new boots, by the way."

Tyler went red from his hairline down to his shirt collar. "I—well—you too, Ghost!" He quickly trotted off, giggling to himself. Wendy watched him go, then glanced over Ghost-Eyes—tall, broad-shouldered, auburn-haired, bushy-bearded, and as muscular as a bull on steroids—and noted wryly that Tyler had a type.

A high voice from approximately ankle height said, "Oh, hi Wendy!"

She looked down. "Gideon," she said. "Wow! ... Hi."

"Imagine running into you here! I feel like it's been forever! How're your folks doing?"

"Oh, great, great. Uh, yours?"

"We're all fantastic, thanks for askin'. I haven't seen you 'round here before, this your first time attending?"

Ah, great. Of all the people to find out Wendy was trying to sort out her identity. "Yep. Just checking it out. How's... the ex-con support group?"

"Oh it's just wonderful! Highlight of my week, honestly. It's good to talk to people who have gone through the same struggles as you."

"Aww," Ghost-Eyes said. "You're the highlight of our week too, Li'l Gideon."

Gideon started. "Oh, where are my manners! Blathering on like this. Wendy, you remember my friends, right?" He gestured around him.

"Yeah—the Discount Auto Mart Warriors, right? You guys are still hanging out?"

Ghost-Eyes said, "Of course! We have a brotherhood forged in the fires of battle against a chaos god's tyranny. Also, the court requires us to do group therapy, so it's easy to hang out."

Gideon said, "And I'm sure all of you remember Wendy."

The Warriors nodded in recognition. Ghost-Eyes said, "Weren't you the one driving through the weirdness bubbles last year? To get that kid to his sister?"

Wendy looked up at Ghost-Eyes. "Yep. That was me. No hard feelings for the whole trying-to-break-your-arm thing, right?"

"Of course not! You were fighting the man. At that time, we were the man."

Gideon said, "Really a terrible error in judgment on my part, I can't apologize enough."

"Aw, come on," Ghost-Eyes said, "it wasn't all your fault. We were all out there, too."

"No no, I take full responsibility." Gideon reached up to pat Ghost-Eyes's knuckle. "You all trusted me to steer you true and I let you down."

Wendy felt a slight tug on her wrist—and only then realized that Goldie had been a little too quiet, a little too long. She looked in the direction her magic bracelet was tugging, and spotted him waiting just up the street, leaning against Soos's truck, hands pressed to the small of his back.

"It was cool to run into you guys again," Wendy lied, "but I've got friends waiting for me, so..."

"Oh, of course, of course," Gideon said. "Are you working at the Mystery Shack again this summer? Tell Mabel I said hello!"

Wendy flashed Gideon double finger guns. "I will not do that." She power-walked away from Gideon's fan club.

As she caught up with Goldie, she said, "Hey. Sorry for making you wait." She squinted. "You okay?"

Face tinted a deep angry red and wearing the most sour expression Wendy had ever seen, Goldie said, "Sure. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"You don't look okay."

"I don't control what my face does." At Wendy's skeptical look, Goldie pointed toward the Discount Auto Mart Warriors. "I was—thinking over something ridiculous they said. About fighting a chaos god's tyranny."

"Oh, they helped fight Bill—"

"I know that," Goldie cut in. "It just seems... weird to call it that!"

Recovering cultist, Wendy reminded herself. "What would you call it?"

Goldie considered the question. "Fighting a chaos god's anarchy."

She'd been half worried that Goldie was about to start defending Bill. Instead, Wendy tried to puzzle out the specific differences between tyranny and anarchy, and why it mattered to him. "Huh."

"No rules, no laws, freedom from time and physics..."

That was starting to make sense. "I don't know what Weirdmageddon felt like in the mindscape, buuut everyone I knew was still experiencing a lot of physics. When we weren't being turned into statues or imprisoned in tapestries," Wendy said. "Maybe Bill and his minions had no rules and no laws; but when only the guys in charge can do whatever they want, and everyone else is either serving them or, like, getting hunted for sport? I'd call that tyranny."

Goldie's sour look deepened, but there was something thoughtful in his averted gaze now. Like he was searching for a retort he couldn't quite find. "Huh."

Soos rolled down the passenger window. "Hey, are you dudes ready for nachos?"

####

The gossip grapevine moved faster than Soos's truck. By the time he'd dropped off Wendy and brought himself and Bill home, Wendy had texted a quick summary of "Goldie's" anarchy comment to Mabel, who passed it on to Dipper, in case this was a red flag they needed to keep an eye on; and Dipper in turn had passed the info on to Ford.

Ford wondered if Bill really didn't believe he was a tyrant, or if he just didn't want to be seen as one.

When Soos and Bill came in, the first thing Bill did was snatch his hoodie off the coat rack and pull it on, like a snake that regretted shedding its skin and was desperate to slither back inside. Cheerfully, Soos said, "Hey, Dr. Pines!"

"Hello, Soos. Everything went well?"

"Yeah, no problem! We got nachos on the way back, hope that's okay. I left Bill in the truck. Without the keys."

"I almost died of heat stroke," Bill said.

Already headed toward bed, Soos said, "Don't lie, dude. I cracked a window for you."

"Okay, okay. I was fine."

Bill drifted into the kitchen to finish his nachos. Ford drifted after him, leaning in the doorway. Bill had pulled his hood up. He typically only did that when he was in a foul mood, but he'd seemed to be in high enough spirits as he bantered with Soos. Maybe he felt exposed after going into town without his "body" on. (Three decades ago, during the weeks when Ford had been wrestling with Bill for control over his sleep-deprived body, Bill had hidden a vicious little note in Ford's third journal where he mentioned taking off his "exoskeleton" to feed. Ford wondered if Bill saw this hoodie as a substitute exoskeleton.)

"Well?" Ford said. "How was it?"

Bill turned. The false eye on the hood stared blankly through Ford. "Excuse me?" Bill laughed. "Are we on friendly conversation terms now? You want to hear about my day? Or are you just hoping I'll slip up and confess something interesting."

If Bill didn't already know the answer, he wouldn't have bothered asking. "You can't blame me for trying." Wendy hadn't shared much. Ford hoped that if Bill didn't know what the humans had been saying behind his back, he might give away more about what he'd done at Rainbow Club. Talk of tyranny and anarchy was worrying.

Ford could feel the corners of his mouth turning down as Bill's half-seen smile widened. Bill said, "I thought you said you weren't playing games with me anymore." He turned to sit on his chair backwards, legs straddling the seat. "Okay, Stanford! I had a great time! The regulars welcomed the Cool Girl and me with open arms! Fresh air, unfiltered sunshine, an hour of conversation with a roomful of people who don't detest me, a snack table with eleven kinds of bread—"

Ford's grim determination veered sideways off the road. "Wait," he said. "Eleven breads?"

"Yes?"

"Why were— What else did they have? Condiments? Sandwich materials?"

"Forks, napkins, and water bottles. That's it."

"Forks?" Ford echoed. "Forks?"

"Forks."

"Why did they have eleven breads and forks?"

Bill threw up his hands in an exaggerated shrug. "So it's not just me! I looked at that table and thought, 'This seems lopsided,' but who am I, I don't know everything about humans! One grain product or another is just about the most stereotypically human food I can think of, so—"

"No, it wasn't just you, that's—I can confirm that's weird. Why did they do that?"

"I don't know!" Bill laughed. "I don't know, no one else questioned it so I didn't say anything! I wasn't about to out myself as the alien in the room! I just grabbed a Hawaiian roll and made small talk!"

Baffled, Ford ventured, "Maybe it's a... a gay culture thing I haven't heard about?"

"It's not one I've heard of," Bill said, with a tone that suggested if it was a gay thing, he ought to have heard of it. "Hey, the club's token straight guy is in charge of bringing snacks. Maybe he thinks it's a gay culture thing."

"Maybe." It was a somewhat reassuring thought, that perhaps the bizarre spread was somebody's misguided idea of support.

"Glad that mystery's solved," Bill said, as though to him a theory was as good as an explanation. "Oh, speaking of mysteries—thought you'd find this interesting—the mayor's desk is still haunted by bears." He said it as casually as though he were picking up a conversation from a week ago, not thirty-three years ago.

That wasn't a mystery Ford had ever thought he'd get any follow-up on. "Really? Still?" Ford instinctively tugged his journal out of his inner coat pocket and searched for a blank page. "How many?"

"Just two that I saw. I don't know that the third one wasn't roaming the halls, though. I'm not quite the spy I used to be!" He gestured down at his regrettably human body.

Ford waved off the not-exactly-an-apology. "Of course. The limitations of human sight and flesh. Which ones did you see?"

"One male, one female. The smaller female."

"I find it hard to believe the mother moved on without her children. She's probably around Town Hall somewhere."

"If I see her next week, I'll let you know."

"I'd appreciate that." He started taking notes. "Why would they still be there? I would have thought after the last election..."

"I know, so did I." Bill stood and crossed the room with his nacho tray to peer over Ford's shoulder as he lightly sketched out a desk and a couple of black bears lying atop and in front of it. (Ford hadn't seen the mayor's office in over thirty years, but he'd rough out the shape now and fill in the details once he got a look at the desk again, that was how he always did it. Bill had invisibly watched him fill countless journal pages like this.) "The desk was wider. Nacho?"

"Thanks." Ford absentmindedly took a nacho between his pinkie and sixth finger without putting his pen down, and corrected his sketch at he chewed.

"I've got two theories," Bill said. "One: the bears weren't haunting the desk because ol' Huckabone was using it, but because of something he put in it. A cursed talisman or something!"

"Mm. Mayor Befufftlefumpter didn't tend to mess with forces like that."

"Maybe he didn't know it was cursed. Most people can't see the bears. No one else at Rainbow Club acknowledged them."

"And if there is a talisman of some sort, why don't you already know about it?"

"Just because I can see everything doesn't mean I pay attention to everything," Bill said. "I'll snoop for one if you want! Anyway, theory two: they were here for Huckabone, but they don't know he's passed on, and they'll hang around either until they're reunited with his spirit or somebody dispels them. But I don't like that theory as much," he said thoughtfully, "it's not as satisfying. I prefer the intrigue of a good cursed talisman. Don't you?"

"I doubt that whether it's satisfying is relevant to whether it's likely..." Ford glanced toward Bill and almost jumped out of his skin when a wide white eye stared back at him. That stupid hood again. When had Bill gotten inches from Ford's shoulder? His skin crawled retroactively. "What are you doing?"

"Helping?" Bill ate another nacho and offered the paper tray to Ford again.

Ford stared at Bill, stared at his page full of bear ghost notes, then snapped his journal shut and shoved it in his coat pocket. He was an idiot. Ford stalked off toward the guest room. Remember who you're talking to. There might not have been any bears at all. There might not even have been bread.

Bill called after him, "Maybe you should come next week. I think you'd fit right in."

Ice ran through Ford's veins. What did he mean by that? It took a force of will to keep walking to the guest room rather than turn around and confront Bill again.

He shut the door, closed his eyes, and reminded himself: how Bill's eye had glowed stoplight red when he'd threatened to torture Ford's gniece and gnephew; how Bill had shrieked with laughter when he'd invaded Ford's brother's mind.

Ford had been distracted by talk of ghosts and talismans and, and—and bread. (Bread? Really?) Mysterious and mystical talk made it easy to leave those dark memories sleeping undisturbed.

And that scared Ford. Because he thought, for a normal person, it shouldn't have been possible to forget those things, much less easy.

You'd fit right in with my freaks.

He opened his journal, scratched out half his notes about the bear ghosts, and spent half a page untangling how Bill had lured him into a conversation...

And finally concluded that Bill hadn't done much luring at all. He'd just... talked.

He finished with a "DON'T TRUST HIM!!" and underlined it twice.

####

Well. If Bill and Ford were playing verbal games now, Bill had easily won that one.

He'd peppered in twice that he planned to attend Rainbow Club again next week, and Ford hadn't protested. Ford had even said he'd appreciate it. All that, and Bill hadn't had to reveal that he was busily making friends with the local mayor, sheriff, and deputy, or that he now knew where to find his own wayward one-time "sheriff."

All the same. As much as he appreciated getting a win, he wouldn't have minded going 2 out of 3. Bill had done most of the talking. (One of his most endearing flaws, he thought.) He kinda wondered what Ford thought about the bears haunting the desk. Ford had a tendency to overthink everything in such interesting ways.

Patience. This was the longest conversation he'd had with Ford in decades that hadn't consisted of pure, grim business. He was making progress. Maybe next week he could bring home a haunted bear talisman, see where that got him.

He wondered what Ford had thought of his birthday gift.

####

(Thanks for reading! This is probably the longest chapter we've had so far, but I didn't want to cut off before they even got to the club. If you enjoyed, I'd appreciate hearing what y'all think!)

[spideysbruh]

chicago

a/n I MISSED MAKING THESEEE

liked by tchalamet, yourfriend and 3,188,773 others

y/n 💕

view all 88,729 others

tchalamet forever and ever

liked by y/n

y/n and always

shawnyn god WHEN

wonkaswhore if they ever break up I'll kms

tchalamet just posted a story!

~~~

@ceoofynandtim tweeted- it's kinda been a while since they posted each other huh... im scared. I MISS THIS ERAAA

@teddyyn replied- DONT EVEN THINK THATTT

@girlyyn replied- am I the only one thinking they're engaged? 🤭

@aliveyn replied to @girlyyn- but why aren't they posting each other at all!??!?!? it's v unlike them...

~~

@celebnews just tweeted- BREAKING ‼️‼️Timothée Chalamet and Y/n L/n have broken up. Verified by a close source, the pair have split after four years together.

@phasesyn replied- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

@wonkaswhore replied- love is dead.

@nightlyyn replied- no one touch me. my parents just got divorced

@ynxpaul replied- the way they spoke about each other... jesus how did this happen. never saw two people more in love.

@ronxyn replied- so we're all just believing this ?😭😭

@girlyyn replied- well. no reason to live now tbh

liked by dylanminnette, sabrinacarpenter and 2,817,278 others

y/n if it's real, then can you show me?

view all 87,288 comments

pepperyn omg. that song.

yourfriend you're too gorgeous

rachelzegler MY PRETTY BEST FRIEND

sabrinacarpenter my shirt looks good on you

biyn LESBIANS !?!?!

dystopiayn girl they are friends 😩💀 sab has a bf!

liked by florencepugh, billieeilish and 2,276,827 others

y/n trying to get in my horror era

view all 94,655 comments

rachelzegler the horrors persist but so do we!!

y/n I love you

ynscurtains you're already a scream queen !!

harryynpot im literally a child of divorce omg

modernyn Timothée fumbled omg

chalsyn they both fumbled 💀💀

@celebnews just tweeted- Y/n L/n in a recent interview talking about her split from Timothée Chalamet: "We had a few months before the whole world knew, so I got to kind of heal and process everything in private without people looking at and analyzing my every move. Breakups are rough no matter what, whether or not you're public about it. There are days that feel worse than others, and.. it is because I really, truly, thought i was forever done with that whole dating portion of my life."

replies have been turned off

@tchalametupdates just tweeted- Timothée seen recently greeting fans! When asked about his and Y/ns breakup he responded with, "Some things you just have to get through by yourself. I'm glad that you're all sending me love and support, but I'll be okay!"

@timschal replied- CRYINGGG 😭😭

@laurieslaurence replied- bro he seemed so sad 😭😭

@ynsstan replied to @laurieslaurence- well he broke up with her so idk why he's so hurt 🙄

@steelyn replied to @ynsstan- omg didn't know that you were part of their relationship too... dumbass

@ynxtimmy replied- I still think they're soulmates like they're gonna get back together watch !!!

liked by florencepugh, sabrinacarpenter and 4,188,938 others

y/n took myself out for valentines day this year. it was actually quite romantic

view all 99,927 comments

sabrinacarpenter beautiful girl

liked by y/n

rachelzegler we should've gone together

y/n next year 🤭

timmytimstan MAKE HIM REGRET IT

ynscurtains you're literally a timmy acc hello ? 😭😭

ynsheadphones kms cause their valentine posts were so cute

ynsshoes FRR their captions were always the cutest 😭😭💕

y/n just posted a story!

caption- single girl era 💕💕

@ynupdates just tweeted- While promoting her newest movie, Y/n was asked about Timothée, she expressed how she still has love for Timothée and doesn't hold anything against him. "He was the best person I've ever had the pleasure to love. I hold no negativity in my heart for him. Truly, I wish him nothing but the best forever and ever." She also went on to say that an Oscar win is definitely in his future.

@paulsyn replied- maybe they just need some time apart 💔💔💔💔

@lonesomeyn replied- 'forever and ever' KILL ME NOW

@ynscurtains replied- THEYRE SO NICE ABOUT EACH OTHER PLS LET THEM BE TOGETHERRRR

@ringsyn replied- I hope they stay friends 😭😭

~~~

*3 Years Later*

liked by florencepugh, tchalamet and 3,828,839 others

y/n and when im back in chicago 🎶

view all 92,288 comments

timmyyn remember when timmy and her would go to chicago like once a month 😭😭💔💔💔

vampireyn girl let it go

ynsheadphones UHHH TIMMY LIKED !?!?!?!?!!?????

coolyn BITCH I AM UPPP OMGGG

happilyyn do NOT get my hopes up omg

rachelzegler no invite ??

liked by y/n

@celebnews just tweeted- BREAKING ‼️ Timothée Chalamet and Y/n L/n were recently seen getting close with one another in Chicago. Apparently they were trying to remain unnoticed when someone asked for a photo.

@horroryn replied- GOD IS REALLLL

@chappellyn replied- THEY LOOK SO CUTEEEE MY LOWKEY PARENTSSS

@timmytimstan replied- bro I've been waiting for this news omg 😭😭

@rhodeyn replied- they're like justin and hailey 2.0 omgg

@laurieslaurence replied- the way they're literally matching. they used to coordinate their outfits alll the time and they're doing it again 😭😭🫶🫶🫶🫶💕

@cutesyn replied- THE WAY SHES SITTING ON HIS LAP OH MY GODDD IM SO SINGLE

liked by tchalamet, melissabarrera and 4,188,838 others

y/n me when

view all 121,717 comments

ynslipgloss ARE THOSE NOT TIMOTHÉES FEET 😭😭😭

tchalamet I wish I could like this 200 times

liked by y/n

sabrinacarpenter pretty girl !!

liked by y/n

blankyn I bet timmy took these pics

ynsheadphones HIS COMMENT OH MY GODDD

florencepugh how are you so beautiful

y/n no way you're asking ME that 😭😭😭🫶

airyyn can yall just hard launch already 😩😭😭

y/n okay!

airyyn HELLO!??!!

slyyn WE'RE SO BACK

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- falling... falling... fell

@celebnews just tweeted- Timothée Chalamet spoke about him and Y/n L/n for the first time in three years, in a recent interview. "I'll never forgive myself for being away from her for that long. She is the most exceptional, divine person I have ever known. Being without her, while I did learn and mature a lot, was torture."

@bookyn replied- how I like my men

@timmyandynstan replied- they had to be apart to come back together 😭😭😭💔💔

@halfbloodyn replied- i cant wait for all the content we'll get of them 😭😭🩷💕

liked by tchalamet, dylanminnette and 7,277,838 others

y/n please please please!!!!!

comments have been limited

tchalamet my beautiful girl

tchalamet who needs an oscar when i have you

sabrinacarpenter felt

liked by y/n, zendaya and 10,982,277 others

tchalamet Je t'aime de toute mon âme

view all 132,828 comments

y/n how are you so perfect

liked by tchalamet

timmysgf ugh I thought we were free of her

huffleyn stfu 🖕 fuck off!!!

sabsyn DONT EMBARASS HER, MOTHERFUCKER

floralyn 😭😭😭💀

paulsdunes he didn't even embarass her the first time 🙄

sabsyn omg just play along, it's a song lyric

y/n my darling boy

tieyn remember when they broke up and she was saying how she thought she was done dating and now look 😭😭 back together FOR GOOD THIS TIME

wallowsyn MY PARENTS ARE BACKK

*

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Alright, we've had Nuzi headcanons. We've now had Vuzi headcanons... Let's heart it, you're Violent Biting Biscuits headcanons, N x Uzi x V... Or if you'd rather complete the set, eNVy headcanons. I am curious of both. (Your headcannons are just super cute)

Holy hecc, I'm so sorry for answering these asks so late but i'm gonna be honest- I just never think anyone likes my writings or ever reads them XD

okay then lets see- my ViolentBitingBiscuits headcanons- i will put eNVy for the next ask because someone else asked for it too and they wont all fit here lol.

My NUziV headcanons ovo<3 :

[once again these are only the drone versions, the human versions aren't involved / also i may add some 🔞🔞🔞 ones this time lol >:3 also uhhh apologies in advance but this one is long as all hell so....um]

K we know the drill, they are all together- hopefully in the future- even if any of them dies i'm gonna pretend i do not see 🙄 deadass gonna treat this like the jjba fandom- my faves are ALIVE AND WELL SHUT UP ARAKI-

Okay so there's some things that we have already mentioned in the previous headcanons- ill try to not repeat them unless they are necessary but ill also try to treat this as its own post and lightly repeat them real quick too-

N and V started out fighting over Uzi, and Uzi obviously was mostly into N at first- but after a while i guess Vs advances got to her- especially since she was- in a way- so desperate for attention/affection, so it felt a little overwhelming to her but in a good way. they very obviously flirted with her which got them silently treating it as a challenge- and Uzi being Uzi obviously loved the attention she got out of it- opting to let this just... kinda continue lmao. she didn't expect to let it go far enough for her to end up with both of them but here we are XD

We slightly touched this topic before about V but to reiterate- all of them have different levels of trauma that they all deal with and currently V has gone through the worst of it, both having to endure Cyn's torture in her mindspace and also having to watch N get slaughtered in front of her and possibly even having a hand in it. She fears losing people that mean to her so she became avoidant with a difficult personality to guard whatever's left of her. It took a really long time for her to decide to be with the two and to protect them and not run away from her feelings for anyone or anything. but some days its still difficult for her so sometimes N and Uzi have to literally trap her into a wrestling cuddle pile or something to get her to just... exist, without feeling like the whole universe is weighing her down. N and Uzi want her to know they are there to protect HER from those inner demons too.

sometimes the cuddle piles end up with N and V once again trying to get Uzi's attention lmao which ends up with them being a little too horny on main- whoops :) - everything starts with a little nibble here, a small bite there - maybe some pillow fights and climbing over eachother or holding one another down in different positions- aaaand then they wake up a few hours later with Uzi having regrets cuz these two are horny as f-

ANYWAY- N is probably the most patient of the 3, and although he usually never breaks up fights because he trusts the other two to handle their own problems without him needing to mom them, sometimes Uzi and V go a lil too far and he gets very tired of dealing with this kind of behavior. he never blows up at them- but he usually goes away to take a breather- sometimes hanging out with Thad or the other drones- and during this time Uzi and V kinda feel bad- but then they would think of stuff like maybe planning dates or getting food for him, draw stuff on cards and etc- or go around trying to find gifts to make him happy<3 sometimes they might add some extra kisses and unwinding sessions in the end as an extra treat :p N always forgives them obviously, he just needs some guys night out every once in a while or something lmao-

Getting close to Uzi became an excuse for N and V to get closer to eachother too. ironically, it first started with them bantering about who is better at what- but then it turned into unironically flirting and teasing eachother- but after a while they realized their relationship isn't going to ever be the same as what it was back in their old days but its also something completely new, so they become more willing to accept one another and explore their newer dynamic.

they all love being coddled and pampered every now and then. Uzi and V may not outright admit it- but they really do too. so they take turns with who they put in the middle of receiving affection :p

N and V are VERYYYYYY over protective of Uzi. to the point that they wouldn't even let the doctor [for tech repair obviously] check Uzi or touch her in any way when she had a small virus case lol. Khan had to pay the poor doctor extra for that.... deciding to leave his daughter in her room in a cuddle pile of two murderous demons that have glowing cat eyes every time he comes in the room smh.

V and N really like cuddling Uzi and sticking their hands under her clothes. or sometimes just flat out sleeping or cuddling naked. its less of a sexual thing and more so to do with the fact that the two MD's have higher body temperature and a less efficiant body for cooling- since they have a more compact torso and a lot less oil and coolant fluids going through them [since they need to consume it continuously] and having a bunch of working nanobots and nanites shoved into them to turn into weapons/wings/etc- and Uzi- although having the AS- is still very much less in need of cooling due to still having a more efficient body design for a "exoplanetary worker unit", with a still functioning cooling system inside that doesn't necessarily need extra oil to make it work unless under stressful conditions.... even if she probably does have worms and fleshy tentacles inside her now lmao. But either way Uzi's body is still a lot colder than the others so she's usually shared in the middle and at this point Uzi cant even be embarrassed when they slide their hands under her clothes and grab her wherever smh..... although V also does it as a semi possessive thing so there's that pfft. she was especially handsy after that doctor left XDDD.

Yes Uzi has very much in fact ended up at the medical/tech repair unit multiple times because N and V have sometimes ended up being a bit too much for her to handle- and the doctor [a character yall shall meet later] has absolutely had it. She had to literally sit the 3 down, explain to them their body differences via scans and the damages they may cause Uzi and it was basically the robot version of having "the talk" with your child- and Uzi wanted to die there and then.

Uzi sometimes just tells the two to drink blood from her- the first time they wanted to share oil they were scared about accidentally causing Uzi to overheat- but after a few times of trying it, they continued doing it more frequently either by kissing and regurgitating or taking turns to bite Uzi or vice versa. N and V typically don't use one another's oil because they already have high usage as it is, it wouldn't be efficient. admittedly N and V always have concerns when it came to biting Uzi- but somehow they found out Uzi actually enjoys it a little when they do it and well...they get ideas lmao- they just make sure to lick her indents clean with their regenerative saliva to make the AS work as little as possible on Uzi's body.

N really enjoys seeing his partners smooch..... for study purposes ofc lmao- actually he uses his visor to take pictures sometimes- let the man be a little horny in peace smh. and don't worry Uzi and V know all this- they just wanna tease him a little bit :p

Uzi and N usually chit chat while they are in the bed until they fall asleep- but V prefers to just hug Uzi on the side listening to them while they talk until she falls asleep too

they love going around in human based areas with shops and stuff to find books to read together or any other fun human stuff they can find- maybe table top games? lol- V goes for the sports stuff. she kinda wanna try hitting something with a bat...

[okayyyy so tumblr doesn't let me write any more XD i def have more ideas but oh well. also ill save the eNVy for another ask that i have in my inbox so you'll get that soon too :p]

[jeahreading]

Year-End Moots Post

@glorfie394 - Honestly, i don't think i need to say much other than the fact that you were probably one of the very few people I consider my best friends irl. We've been talking less and less and I really hope we can talk more this year.

@1indigoisles You used to say that I shouldn't consider you a good friend because we haven't even known each other for a year. Well now it's been more than that, so we should also be really good friends, while we didn't talk for most of this year that's only because of academics and I can't promise it won't happen again but I really REALLY want to talk more with you, even if I take time responding once in a while.

@pb-dot - quoted from you, last year "You and I seem to mostly pass as ships in the night, but sometimes the distant sound of a foghorn can be just the thing, to torture the metaphor a little" Honestly you were the first blog I sent an ask to and your clockwork boy amazed me to bits, we're still ships but maybe not so much in the night anymore, dusk?

@mycatisatool - I still remember how we talked last year just a few days before New Year's and how I ranted to you, a random person. Talking to you has never and will never feel foreign, I hope we remain friends or even acquaintances for many more years to come!

@joytri I'm not sure what I should say except the fact that YOU'RE SO AESTHETIC, omg I wish i was even close to how pretty your blog and posts are dffsnbsjdhjf I so wish i could by your stationary T_T.

@chichihuahua1413 - MY SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER, nobody can convince me that we AREN'T twins separated at birth. UGH, I wish I had come to that gathering it's been SO LONG SINCE WE'VE MET. Wow, can you believe we've known each other for 9 years now?? seems absolutely surreal.

@clarablightt - we met unexpectedly and I am SO glad we did, we didn't talk much at first but now when we do I am happy the whole day. Sometimes we talk for hours and it feels like minutes, I wish you all the happiness in this world and someday we're gonna meet istg

@owlsandwich - O yem GEE, even though many years separate us talking to you has never felt that way, you talk with a young soul if that makes any sense, and of course, you being absolutely adorable doesn't help. Heard somewhere that pets represent their owner and seeing Miss Zero, you both seem carefree and loving. I hope you have the best year ever!!!!

@fangirlghost-19 - Found your blog in the most detective way possible hihi, but so glad I did, you're absolutely amazing and you just have that pizzazz not everyone has!

@shua-f4lmings Started talking to you because I really wanted to talk to someone who likes skz, no regrets, I am in LOVE with your aesthetic, that blog change was ICONIQUE.

@baxieblur-turnip Heyyyyyyyy we met on chance and babe that hexagone is hexagoning so hard, we need to talk more frrr

@ek-ajnabee-haseena hamari jugalbandi honi zaruurat hain!! we should sing because i just know it's gonna be so freaking good!

@hxart-of-thx-ocxan - bestie so aesthetic i quacking in my boots, looking at your blogs makes me want to float away on a boat into the ocean and never look back again 🤤🤤

@book-girl4evaaa - I'm pretty sure we first talked because I thought you were desi but you are AMAZING all the same, seeing you talk about the heather is adorable asf and you're fashion sense makes me jealous 😭😭

@dinnerbug - saw you on my side and you actually genuinely intrigued me so much I followed you and honestly you are one of my most curious mutuals. I'm pretty sure I once sent an ask to you telling you to drink less coca cola lmaoo

@zeherili-ankhein - CHINIIII!!!!!! top 3 best persons i've met on this app fr, the mark of true and honest friendship is that we KNOW we disagree on many things but that does NOT stop us from being such close friends, i don't think you realise how badly i want to be irl friends with you istg 😭😭

@no--net - If someone asked me one thing I wanted for you, I'd wish you could understand bangla, i just know I would recommend SO MANY feluda and byomkesh bakshi. 😫😫

@paloma-ascends-into-hellfire - I don't quite remember why we started following each other but I glad we did all the same, my first thought seeing you was literally that one song by Paris Paloma, solely because of the name, which btw hold you high HIGH in my mind!! Wish you the absolute BEST year ahead!

@anonymouse-is-here We haven't talked much but YOU'RE SO ADORABLE!!!! And also your blog is just 🤌🤌

@im-on-crack-send-help CHOTIIII!!!! you're like the sister i never had and i will kill to have 😀🔪. You should really be on less crack and more happiness cuz you deserve it :D. Also beware at night because I will come to you house to steal your eyes and hair and wardrobe, beware.......... ily uwu<3

@telugu-girl-13 - Honestly you're going to be the 2nd reason why I read pjo. You're blog gives me old b&w vibes and it's just top tier imo <3 adorable kwnekjfrnkjnr

@inhachoi0901 - we need to meet more often cuz YASS talking to you is so freaking fun, we also need to like sing together!<33(you also need to tell what shampoo you use)

@mi-stress-of-chaos - you're blog 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇 teach me how to be aeshtetic like you sensei. Also, I'm grabbing a bucket and taking the stress far FAR away from you. you need a vacation i swear<33

@shadowseductress - omg you're like really beautiful, like beautiful like I'm gonna start singing apsara aali and then promptly trip and fall on my face, you're so badass ngl i kinda idolize you 😀😀😭.

@shinchansbitch - you need a shiro in your life, one that talks fr. You're weird but like the really fucking awesome kinda weird. I need tips from you, we need to sit down and you need to tell me your autobiography babe.

@no-idea-where-i-am-lost - Oh my god you're like dangerously adorable, like i need to put orange traffic cones around you, when you and @wulfricnavy get married invite me to the wedding, ashirvaad aur atta dono deke jaoongi.(cutie pie cutie cutie pieeeeeeeeeeeeee)

@natures-marvel - Solving that scavenger hunt with you was so freaking fun!!!!! you're amazing to to talk to and I think we have an mutual want for episode three 😭😭😭

@ineffable-bastard - You're so cool omg, LOVE that fact that your hair always a different colour and please NEVER stop tagging me you're like my no.1 source of tag games and tag games are a straight path to love <33

@hellincarnation - honestly in terms of you, i just don't know what to say, you are kind, you are sweet, you care, you are cute and adorable and with just the correct amount of spice, you're like god's perfect recipe, we met late in the year but it's like we've knows each other for years, getting to know you made ,my year infinitely better and holy shit i just want to minimize you put you in a jar and carry you around with me everywhere, you're an A+ dipshit but also a brother, please take care of yourself and keep showing up so that we can fight more.<333

@mireyaaaaaaaaa - you're not just a ray of sunshine you're the whole freaking sun, you're like and endless energy reserve(stop hogging all the energy give us peasants some!!), you love book and I love book, and now I love you<333. Let's interact more this next year, and all the very best for your 10th you will do well I just know it!!

@fujimomozane - I'm pretty sure we haven't talked yet but, you're always there, for that I thank you(psst you afk art gives me life<33)

@your-reluctant-optimist - you, I'm gonna put you in a little terrarium and I'm going to keep your pocket sized everything in my pocket<3333333333333333

@randomx123 - Dada !! Your art is just *chef's kiss 🤌🤌🤌* and the durga pujo at your house is "bhalobasha", this year we didn't talk very much but whenever you're on my dash I always get happy :D. Don't worry shob kichu bhalo jabe, relax and keep doing what you think is best 😁😁.

@hj-lives-on - yo! i don't think we've talked about anything relevant lmao, but i will say good music taste and let's like, talk about things that are...normal :D

@lyrebirb - You are ADORABLE period. i need to know more about you i swear you are utterly fascinating, we should 100% talk more please!!!<3

@androgynous-bhajipav - i can't believe we became such good friends in this short time!?? Payneland brought together and our dymanic kept us together<33

@mersinia - Us meeting was the best coincidence of this year lmao, the amount of tumblr things we have in common is baffling, we REALLY need to talk more.

@shubhadeep385 - Gave me gangster vibes from the beginning and turns out i was right 😂. But you're also an older brother, like fr. In the proper sense lmao, you told me to never trust boys and also told me the boy I have a crush on is *chomu*, if this isn't proper bhai behaviour i dunno what is. Take care of yourself next bochor, I'm always there 😁😁.

@sittininthepoopchair - I also saw you on my side blog and your adorable ass dad vibes were just too adorable for me to ignore. I might not be your target or comfortable audience but you're absolutely amazing and Seeing you talk about your kids always has been smiling <3.

I'm soo sorry if I missed anyone, but if you are someone I missed just know I love you I love your blog you are adorable as fuck and HAVE THE BEST NEW YEAR EVER!!!!!<3333333

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

[pareidolla]

Saw your recent broken post - please I would love to hear more about the "anger and resentment" category!!

MY BROKEN COMRADE IN ARMS! YES, ANYTHING FOR YOU!

although i am wringing my hands in embarassment because the topic of broken's characterization is something i'm very passionate about, but i've complained about it before, and i don't want to come across as too whiny. i don't believe any one person should be seen as an authority on a character's portrayal, and i don't want to cause anyone undue stress. he's a video game character, it's not that serious.

that being said ⸻ broken is a very angry and bitter voice and i wish that was acknowledged more often!!!

you're the one making things difficult, you're the one making us hurt.

even outside of the tower's pet line, the voice of the broken reminds me of an abused dog. a dog will fight you, naturally, but you are stronger, and if it is wise, it will realize resistance is pointless. you can harm a dog as much as you'd like until it learns to do whatever it takes to satisfy and stay your hand. only then will you reward it, and only then will the dog merely flinch between caresses.

but submission isn't love, and a dog still has it's teeth.

as a hardcore simp, i've read as many broken opinions and writing i can get my paws on, and i've noticed a tendency to depict him as someone who holds no animosity unless directly influenced by tower. in their eyes, he pathetically loathes himself and believes that the other voices are superior in every way.

i disagree with this because, to put it bluntly, broken literally hates everyone. canonically! he may be a sad little shelterdog deserving of many head pats but he's not soft with anyone. his sadness shouldn't distract from the fact he firmly believes the other voices are delusional in a hopeless situation. broken never shows admiration for anyone other than the princess, but he's obviously not always thrilled with her either.

who cares if you (narrator) think we're special? as far as i can tell, the only thing special about us is that we get to experience painfully dying all over again.

[we] can't even surrender right

he's (cold) even worse than her (nightmare).

i think the best demonstration of this is how people approach broken's regret over his actions during the tower route. he's usually portrayed as overly regretful and melancholy for stabbing the long quiet, which makes sense, but i'd like to remind everyone that we have his canonical reaction, and he doesn't care lmao.

(literally my favorite broken line i must shamefully confess he sounds soooo hot here.)

which makes sense! broken is sorrowful, yes, but his more violent actions and words are motivated by an innocent desire to be safe. when he remains silent after being insulted or avoids conflict, it's not because he's afraid of the others, but because he believes it is safest for him to accept the hurt now rather than being inflicted with additional harm later. he's not going to apologize for attempting to save everyone when their futile efforts have now locked them into a cycle of being slain over and over by the princess's hands. like, literally the one thing he wanted to avoid.

it's also why his relationship with tower makes me want to gnash my teeth against the bars of my enclosure. they aren't good for eachother but they're so beautifully entwined and and their dynamic is so...?

broken's soulmate isn't physically incapable of hurting him like damsel, but she isn't determined to hurt him like razor or nightmare. for the price of his everything belong to her, she's able to save him, melting his anger into adoration, and he's even willing to hurt himself endlessly for her. i'm gonna 'hrow up.

[oh-no-its-bird]

TORA AU TIME YES ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN !!!

Ok so first, quoting this from a previous tora au post:

Personal take here: I don't think Itachi likes being in charge! That boy is a born, built, and bred shinobi who follows what he is told to a perfect T, no matter how blatantly horrifically awful the order is! Even if hates it with all of his heart! He'll still fucking do it! And then only blame himself for it and not the guy who fucking ordered it! Because he'll still obey that guy after! Which also adds another fun layer of irony bc hes supposed to be clan head one day! To me, Itachi is a fascinating subject of having an unshakable, unbreakable iron will— and also having absoloutley no spine To be fair tho was also like. Fuckin 13. He was fucked up and was tricked at a very, very young age and unfortunatley that one mistake came to chain him to that one specific way of thinking. If he came to grow out of that way of thinking, he'd first have to admit he'd made a mistake, which wasn't gonna happen bc it was too late for regrets. But anyways: With Tora here Itachi has another "voice of reason" to help steer him away from other voices who might otherwise bind him. There isn't as much pressure on only him + Shisui to here and now choose what they (and only they) will choose to do to save the entire clan or Konoha Tora is a natural leader and quick to take charge, and Itachi is ok with that. When Itachi chooses to speak, he is listened to carefully and his opinions are taken seriously, which is all he can ask for tbh. Otherwise he's allowed to sit there and look pretty till given a nice, neatly wrapped plan approved by 2 people he can really, truly trust. So he's doing a bit better mentally than canon Anyways, in this AU I think Itachi should actually get to semi-retire as a shinobi and actually Sasuke gets to be clan head bc his brother ain't built for it. Plus it can play more into the stuff I was talking ab earlier about Sasuke struggling a lot more than those around him to learn different stuff (sealing especially) only to come out as one of the most terrifying in what he eventually masters. Let the second son inherit!! Let Sasuke have a defining character moment where he decides he wants to help guide the clan, and he's forced to kind of get over his brother worship to confront Itachi to say he doesn't think he'd make the best clan head. And Itachi let's out this sigh of relief he did not know he has been holding for his entire life and tells Sasuke he's proud of him.

With that in mind ^

I think the ultimate ironic pairing for the finale of the Tora AU would be Tora and Itachi ending up together, but with Itachi as the retired ninja housewife and Tora the big boi breadwinner

The ultimate fuck you twist call back to all Tora's parents talk of Tora needing to find a "good man to take care of you" + irony from them originally cheering Tora on when they learned he and itachi were friends bc they thought he'd snag him as a husband and the culmination of Itachi's "I don't really want to be in charge actually" arc

I love a full circle !!

Sasuke is Itachi's best man and Shisui is Tora's and Kakashi gets to walk Tora down the isle instead of his parents who he has no real attachment to

Actually POV I fucking kill off the Haruno's and Tora and Sakura have to deal w the death of their parents, who they both had very complicated relationships with but relationships nonetheless

Mmm I kinda like that, putting that in my back pocket for now

I honestly don't even know how the romance would happen, tbh I'm not the biggest romance fan but I just love the progression of it in the narrative. I think it'd be a cool end to their story, I'll sweat the little details later

Maybe they aren't even in love fr fr

Oh my god wait no hear me out

HEAR ME OUT

Itachi getting out of being clan head via marrying Tora. Don't ask me how this works. They aren't even like in love or anything but Itachi is using Tora as a political shield to fuck off and enjoy his housewife retirement actually.

Tora is similarly using this for one of his infamous political plots somehow, it's all part of his master plan and as usual itachi is just happy to go along for the ride

,,,the perfect queer platonic besties end to their arc ,, I love it this is my new ideal endgame

Sasuke drops that he's gonna fight Itachi to be clan head and Itachi one ups him by going "oh cool. Guess I don't need to marry Tora then."

Queue Sasuke spit take "You don't need to WHAT"

"Yeah we were gonna get married as part of a 10 step plan to help Tora take over the clan council + get me out of being clan head by abusing some old laws Tora found."

"??????????"

"I guess I'll tell Tora we don't need to do it anymore. I'm happy for you, little brother."

"???????????????????"

Anyways yeah, thinking ab tora au again.

I just finished re-reading my vault fic chapter for it and am having Thoughts(tm)

[li-melton]

A comics about how I see George's post-canon.

I was too lazy to rewrite everything on the pictures because I do it by hand, so I'll write a translation for each one down here: 1 page: Christmas Eve, 2006. Bill: You've lost a lot of weight. George: Have I? Like I don't have eyes of my own. Only ears. Bill: You don't like sugar anymore? George: Well, I do, of course I do… But it's better to leave more on the market, isn't it? Especially now Ron's trying most of... *my* products. ... 2 page: Bill: George… You're with family. Calm down. You and I don't see enough of each other. Which I regret. You can just have a *normal* conversation with me.

… It's been eight years. I know it's always hard, and it's probably harder on Christmas Eve, but…

You know, you've been a *separate* person for a long time. I've watched you grow up. Honestly, it's been noticeable since *you two* were younger.

… You *can* talk to me. Or Percy. When was the last time you talked to Percy?

… And that *smile*. George. Honestly, you're looking exhausted. 3 page: George: ... My smile's fine, Bill. 4 page: Order of the Phoenix, 1996. Fred: Why so frowny? George: Nothing, your eyes are making things up. Fred: You know, it still amazes me sometimes how you try to *lie* to me. You can't learn that, Forge. George: Then don't be an idiot, Fred. You know perfectly well what this is about. What I'm not worried about. Fred: Of course I do. Nobody worries about anything else these days.

And yet... 5 page: Fred: I'm *always here* with you, aren't I? And our family is. We're all in this together up to our ears. And we're gonna get through this. Where's our confidence? 6 page: Fred: So just smile a little more, yeah?

I like the way *my smile* looks on your face. 7 page: ... George: You know, I haven't changed a single thing since *you* left.

I know you'd like to evolve the shop. But I couldn't.

The last thing I did on my own, personally, is... 9 page: In memory of Fred Weasley. The first founder of the W.W.W.

Song: Like Him (feat. Lola Young) - Tyler, The Creator

[henrioo]

°•*⁀➷ SMAU: EUSTASS KID

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : Having social medias while dating Eustass Kid can be chaotic, but you wouldn't change that for nothing.

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : Male reader! Homo/gay relationship! Mlm! Law and Kid having some serious discussions (not that serious but mostly aggressive) a lot of curse, some slurs (fag), virgin shamming (kid doesn't like virgins), a lot of dirty jokes and some nsfw insinuations

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : This SMAU was actually in progress some time ago, but I never finished, so I decide to finish now to post while I finish the others stories because they are most hard to finish. Again, women = block, I am not discussing this anymore so be careful :3 and for the masc people welcome I have a lot of things planned for us hehehe

ThepunkOwner posted

liked by DeathEMO, ThepunkOwner and 332,546

ThepunkOwner how would ever say that Eustass Kid can be this soft?

view all 689 comments

TheREDpunk no one because I would kill them

╰ Pastakiller yeah you aren't that badass saying that in a photo you look like a child petting a cat

╰ TheREDpunk fuck you

ThepunkOwner posted

liked by hotheat, MONKEY, pasta killer and 465,789

ThepunkOwner the disadvantages of dating a band leader is this asshole getting back home at 3am and still sleeping

view all 1092 comments

Hotheat bruh the show didn't end that late

╰ ThepunkOwner then where fucking my boyfriend was???

╰ HighTensionWire ask Killer???

╰ Pastakiller don't put me in that shit, he wasn't at with me

╰ ThepunkOwner can you guys just tell me where he was before I get single again?????

╰ TheREDpunk I WAS SLEEPING IN THE PARK BECAUSE I WAS TO DRUNK TO GET BACK HOME BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SLEEP IN THE COUCH WHEN I WAS DRUNK, THAT'S ENOUGH FOR YOU??? CAN YOU JUST BACK TO BED NOW???

╰ ThepunkOwner I'm fucking killing you when you stop sleeping but yeah I gonna get back to bed

TheREDpunk posted

liked by HawHaw, ThepunkOwner and 890,667

TheREDpunk I'm fucking getting single after that

View all 2098 comments

Pastakiller nha you not, you are single for like years before (y/n), no one can hold you stupid ass

╰ TheREDpunk EXCUSE ME??? A LOT OF GIRLS WAS INTERESTED IN ME WHEN I WAS SINGLE OKAY????

╰ DeathEMO and what? You are gay, don't make any difference if girls like you, you don't like girls

╰ TheREDpunk WTF CALL YOU HERE???

╰ DeathEMO cry about it fucking fag

╰ TheREDpunk WTF YOU CALLING FAG??? YOU DON'T LIKE GIRLS EITHER

╰ ThepunkOwner how a ice cream cone start this???

Pastakiller posted

liked by MONKEY, Hotheat, TheREDpunk and 21.079

Pastakiller these two drunk asses are crying in my coach because they love each other so much?

view all 1567 comments

Hotheat they stole my bunny

MONKEY Gizao is funny, he asks me to be the priest to their marriage, I accept

╰ DeathEMO first you cannot be a priest, second he probably gonna regret that and is gonna even invite you to his marriage

╰ MONKEY oh :(

Pastakiller posted

view all 360 comments

liked by MONKEY, hotheat, theREDpunk and 31.897

Pastakiller while we have Kid showing the snow dick he tried to do, we have (y/n) trying to make some animal with the snow and failing again for the sixth time

ThepunkOwner I'm gonna be successful, I know

╰ Pastakiller no you not, just give up

TheREDpunk you guys can't deny that was looking like a small dick

╰ Pastakiller yes we can

╰ Hotheat yup, definitely not a dick

╰ HighTensionWire that wasn't even a good try

╰ TheREDpunk I hate all of you

DeathEMO actually looks like a small dick... Your small dick

╰ TheREDpunk I'm fucking killing you

ThepunkOwner posted

view all 689 comments

liked by Rorozo, DeathEmo, pasta killer and 238.098

ThepunkOwner looks at my poor baby... He tried so hard in his exam that his sleep from exhaustion...

DeathEMO yep... Definitely because of trying hard on his exam... Obviously not because you two were in a part until 5am... Obviously not

Rorozo bruh Eustass drink his ass off

ThepunkOwner can you two stop difaming my man??

╰ DeathEMO no

╰ Rorozo no

ThepunkOwner you guys are not invited to the wedding

TheREDpunk posted

view all 1.756 comments

Liked by Pastakiller, hothead, MONKEY and 890.678

TheREDpunk Try to find another punk guy that would take his boyfriend to Disney because he wants to take photos with the princess and fail miserably

DeathEMO punks don't do that because they have dignity

╰ TheREDpunk well I cannot have dignity but at least I have a boyfriend you fucking virgin ass

╰ MONKEY oooooooh he got you traffy heheheh

pastakiller you taked photos with Mickey ears wtf you trying to hide?

╰ TheREDpunk stfu

ThepunkOwner don't worry bae, you still can be my scary punk even if you almost cry taking a photo with Mulan

╰ TheREDpunk SHE BADASS OKAY???? SHE LITERALLY WON A WAR WTF YOU ARE SAYING???? HAVE YOU WON A WAR? NO? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT

ThepunkOwner posted

view all 2.678 comments

liked by MONKEY, DinoDrake, pasta killer and 340.876

ThepunkOwner He didn't want to ride in the ponies with me :(( but at least I won a kiss

TheREDpunk the only one I want to ride is you baby 😈😈

╰ pastakiller Jesus nobody needed to read that

╰ DeathEMO bottom Eustass kid confirmed??? Ooooh I'm sending this in the college group chat

╰ HawHaw he always looked like a power bottom tbh

╰ DinoDrake yeah I don't think nobody is actually surprised...

╰ TheREDpunk WTF YOU GUYS ARE SAYING??? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM I WANT TO RIDE MY BOYFRIEND HUH??? YOU GUYS ARE JEALOUS??? YOU FUCKIN VIRGINS

╰ DeathEMO stfu and go choke with your boyfriend dick

╰ TheREDpunk YES I WILL AND HIS DICK IS DEFINITELY BIGGER THAN YOURS

╰ ThepunkOwner I just posted a cute photo of how this ended in a fight about my dick?

MONKEY is it true that your dick is bigger than Torao? Can I see it?

╰ ThepunkOwner NO

╰ TheREDpunk NO

TheREDpunk posted

view all 567,654 comments

liked by Pastakiller, DeathEMO, ThepunkOwner and 897,878

TheREDpunk Happy birthday to us baby, another year having your beautiful ass on my side

ThepunkOwner sometimes I think I'm only my ass to you, and he is not that big

╰ TheREDpunk he definitely is, but dw prince, you can be the most ugly man in the world and I still gonna love you

╰ ThepunkOwner oh... Who would think that Eustass Kid could be romantic... I love you too babe

╰ TheREDpunk is better you do, because I'm never letting you go, you can be sure that you gonna be only mine even after death

╰ ThepunkOwner cute <3

╰ TheREDpunk only for you <3

[atierrorian]

Could I request Lilia Vanrouge helping his SO dye their hair? (Reader is the SO, if that wasn’t clear.)

Dyeing the hair

Context: He got a hair dye.

Warning: None.

Characters: Lilia Vanrouge

Note: It might be ooc but I haven't exactly been playing TWST for a long time now because I've been losing interest and I'm really busy. But I'll try my best to post as much as I can!

"Are you sure you want to do this Lilia?" You sweatdropped while you held the magenta dye in your hand. Weirded out by the sudden request Lilia had demanded of you a few minutes ago. You had never even dyed someone's hair before in your entire life.

He nodded, "Yes, I'm sure I want to do this." He was already sitting down, waiting for you to start.

You sigh as you realize you really aren't gonna get out of this. But you do wonder why he chose you of all people, after all, he knows you have ZERO experience in this. You're worried you might accidentally do something bad to his hair...

"Why me? Out of all the others you seriously chose me? I think I have to remind you that I have no experience in this." You gently grabbed Lilia's new haircut that was caused by Malleus.

"Because I trust you."

"Do not say something you'll regret afterwards my love. Because I can assure you this will turn into a disaster."

And after a few minutes of bickering with each other, you decided to give in. It's tiring having to argue with him about something like this knowing he would not let up. You sigh as you begin to start the process and silently pray in your head to the Thorn Fairy that this will go smoothly.

"Please don't let this end in a disaster..."

After a few hours, you looked proudly at your handy work. It wasn't too bad and it actually looks nice! It also suits him so that was a plus as well. Lilia looked content with your work as well and pecked you on the lips for a good job.

"Thank you, my dear, this really looks nice! And it suits me." He said as he continued to admire his newly dyed hair. You nodded with a small smirk on your face while you clean up.

"I'm just glad that it didn't end in a disaster, who knows what would have happened... Besides, your haircut is already a disaster, so I'm glad I didn't make it worse." You muttered the last sentence to yourself. You don't know whether he heard you or not, but it didn't matter because he was still looking in the mirror.

After you cleaned up, you were about to go to your room and take a nap until Lilia suddenly grabbed your hand and kissed you on the lips.

You were, understandably, surprised and didn't even get to mutter a word when he pulled away and smirked.

"And another for complying with my request."

THE END.

BONUS:

"Oh, so that's how your hair is like?"

"Yup! All thanks to my amazing love!"

"I'm surprised they even complied in the first place..."

"As expected from them! They are always amazing and talented!"

[dreamdolldiary]

you either make moves or burn.

this one is for the people who are prisoners of their own mind and depending on who this post reaches, this one is gonna hurt but you need to hear it.

drag yourself out by the hair if you need to.

you want something? go get it.

before you think this is a "rise and grind 24/7" culture type of post, hear me out first.

stop pitying yourself and stop wanting pity from others. stop waiting and wishing and start creating. stop holding yourself back with fear. i have MDD and countless of other disorders and it has all made me weak. physically and mentally. hard circumstances at home, you get it, no sob story. i had the medications, i had the counseling. 2 times in my life since high school, i had to take off and even quit my jobs because i couldn't deal with it anymore. i just didn't want to be here. at all.

i would always try to find the answer "i need to find my purpose in life. i'm scared that i won't be able to work because of my illness. what if i can't show up to class or work because i'm just not in the mood? i can't perform my best."

you want to "find" your purpose? create it. don't wait for it to just show up. you're scared to work, go to school because of tough circumstances? do it WITH your tough circumstances. do it scared. do it sad. you can't just wait until everything else in life is all dandy for you to start making moves. that is NOT how it works for the people who are prospering.

can you give it ONE more? the only correct answer is yes for those who want to actually be the person of their dreams. be SO sick of wishing you were better, be SICKKK of crying over spilled milk - things that you CANNOT change and just CHANGE YOURSELF. if you aren't doing anything at all to be your dream person, you are just chasing. desiring. we don't do that here. we take inspired action.

you are here anyway. might as well create a meaningful life while you're at it. okay?

i used to let myself pass on by with "yeah, well it's a disability. it's not my fault." and there's nothing wrong with what i said but it's about what is MISSING from this sentence.

"it's not my fault. i hate wishing i had a better life but since i'm still here anyway, what are some things i can do to be better? even if it's in the slightest way?"

"no pain, no gain"

"pain of discipline or pain of regret"

so used to seeing those quotes as a bad thing. yuck. but with a new perspective, you don't have to anymore.

nike's slogan is so simple but so effective. "just do it." but what did i do? it was summer. i drove myself to a nice neighborhood in a nearby city, put my headphones in and walked. i just walked. i kept walking. 20k steps that day. it made me feel accomplished. i went back, i enjoyed it. i kept going back and some days i dreaded it but i looked up at the trees, the people who lived there who also indulged in daily walks all said hi. the dogs walking. the sun beaming. the people in the car who let me cross the street. the clear roads i get to walk on. my shoes i had the privilege to wear. i noticed something new to appreciate and be aware of everyday.

i did that mostly every single day. i walked when i was okay, i walked when i was in a good mood, i walked while bawling my eyes out. (and while i was driving there too, so bad that i had to pull over). but i kept doing it. and it was so good for me. my body, my mind, everything.

one habit led to another, i took my dog with me, i started to eat healthy, i started a fitness journey. i gained a spark to study code, i picked up multiple habits by doing a full reset of my life and even though i've had my down moments, i'm here and better.

it's a snowball effect. do something simple. it doesn't have to be physical but first, maybe a mental shift. start to realize that if you're here, on earth, reading this post, that's a privilege you have and something you could/should cherish. you literally have an abundance of information and opportunities at your literal fingertips. one decision can change your life completely but it all starts with you and the first step to take. oh its hard? yeah well it's supposed to be if you're in a tough place in life.

you are here. you are living. you are ALIVE.

ALIVE.

do something good for you. it's supposed to be challenging. not everything will be hard in life, the same way, not everything will be easy peasy. you deserve good and it is VERY possible to live a life of smooth sails but lead yourself out of the storm you find yourself in or the waves are just going to take the wheel for as long as you let it.

[destinygoldenstar]

🌟Can Gays Coexist In Peace?🌟 - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 3 Episode 2 “Gone Buck Wild!”

I WAS VERY EXCITED TO SHOW YOU GUYS THIS.

So, I kinda maybe DITCHED THE SCREENSHOT EDITS...

Instead, for this season, you're getting complete digital art from me as headings.

I'll put these on their own in separate posts later.

SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY A GABELLIE HEADING.

Don't worry, you're not gonna see art of the same character over and over again. It's just 'who did I find interesting the previous episode?' 'what do I feel like?' Ya know?

I think these girlies are here to stay. So I gave them some spotlight.

...I know my art isn't great :(

Alright today we're going into the game itself! We got Red Yellow And Blue!

...oh wait, sorry, we got yellow, blue, and PINK.

OF ALL COLORS, YOU PICK PINK.

I like pink, but also, that's a color that screams 'disaster' when you put it in this setting.

I have literally no reason to make fun of Pink Team yet, but here we are. XD

Thank you all for the support btw. And your warnings that this season is terrible. Appreciate it.

I mean hey, if it's bad, I want it to be the fun type of bad. That's all I ask.

What did you say? "YUL ReGRETT this?"

I already regret it just from hearing that pun... /s

Alright, so... I'm doing it anyway. It's on me if I'm tortured.

I can't get over that the very first second of this intro is lady whats-her-name killing Oliver by shoving him off a plane.

Ooh does Lake's suitcase have a flower on it?

Don't say I'm not watching the intro every time.

XD

First minute, and we already have the child getting hurt.

WHOOPS.

"My bad! Never used one of these doo-hickeys in my life."

Yeah she didn't mean to do that.

She wouldn't willingly hurt a child, even if it's Fiore.

"Oh god, we're on the same team."

"WHO IN TARNATION DECIDED ON PINK?!"

Yeah I wonder how that's gonna go, since, ya know, Fiore's the main source of Ashley's downfall last time. And Ashley has a good motive for the money.

"I wasn't lying, I'd never used a parachute before, but I definitely chose to land on Fiore."

OKAY NEVERMIND SHE DID MEAN TO DO THAT.

WHAT THE HELL ASHLEY?

"Far as I'm concerned, even though I'd never wish pain to a little girl, she deserved worse than a kick to the head."

I mean... is it bad that I kind of get that logic??

Like, it's shitty cause it's a kid, but this is Fiore we're talking about. She WANTS to be treated as grown up by everyone.

So that's what she gets.

Plus she's a bit of a psychopath who would murder people for money, so yeah.

I act like Grett and Riya are any better...

I like Fiore too, so you know.

"Think this is where we split."

No. Don't split.

We need to talk about this.

"On the jet, you mentioned we would get a chance to talk."

Yes. Thank you.

"Seeing as we aren't on the same team this time... this could be our last chance. You think we can talk now?"

I know. This is a rather tragic circumstance.

You finally see each other again, and then you can't hang out?

I mean, they can visit camps, right? They never said you couldn't do that. They can still catch up.

"Oh um-sorry-I um... need to get to my team as soon as possible."

Tom.

Tom what's going on?

I mean... I think I get it.

After what happened last time, you might be freaking out...

...but come on. Do you want to sort things out or not?

Goddammit Tom.

"Let him go, Jake. He's clearly not interested in patching things up."

Yeah, that might be it too.

Though, it is in character for Tom to not want to talk about hard stuff.

He probably already moved on.

He has a new job. He has a new life now.

It just didn't work out. And now you suddenly see them again? It's gonna be like that.

"I don't want to assume things like last time. I want to hear it from him."

"His silence speaks volumes."

"After everything we've been through... is this really it?"

Surely not.

I wouldn't be able to take it.

We're two episodes in. You got time.

It's a lot of PTSD. People with that don't want triggers.

Idk I'm really trying here. I think they're gonna explain it at some point.

"It might be time to move on."

Awwwww 😥

He's not gonna be able to connect with anyone here.

Hunter has two girlfriends. James has a boyfriend.

He's alone.

And it's hard to move on from something like that too. It just really sucks cause she might be right.

AWWWW GABBY'S HAIR IN A PONYTAIL!!!❤️

"I hope there aren't too many from our season..."

UUUUUUUHHHH ABOUT THAT...

Yeah...

"After how you treated me on the jet over here? You're lucky I even acknowledged you."

YOU SLANDERED EVERYONE PUBLICALLY.

"If you guys continue to bicker, it'll be the death of both of you!"

YUS QEEEN 👑

GABBY PUTTING HER FOOT DOWN.

"NO FIGHTING AT THE DINNER TABLE!"

"I'm glad I have Gabby and Tess, but having to deal with Sheriff Himbo's grudge-"

DID YOU JUST CALL HIM SHERIFF HIMBO?! 😂

That doesn't have a right to be funny.

"I know there's no point in apologizing since you won't believe me, but I want to play differently this time."

I'll believe it when I see it. How about that?

"We can work together. As long as it's on my terms of course."

"But after all I've done?! I protected you this whole game! I helped you win the zombie apocalypse challenge, saved your life in the cave, covered up your plans so no one would suspect you're a PSYCHOPATH, and you STILL eliminate me?!"

"Hey! Words hurt you know!"

I thought you knew that 'Demon Child' is accurate.

You yourself said that.

"Dang, why did we have to get the little girl on our team?"

DAMN, NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH HER.

I mean look at it this way.

You have an easy first boot on your team.

"The problem is that last time, we lost almost every challenge because of you."

Uh... let me think about that...

*Does the math*

Actually, that is only not true one time. Episode 4.

Episode 5 in a half cause that was a collab between her and Alec's failure to cook.

So 1 1/2 out of 4 that's false.

Yeah, she has a point.

"I'm screwed."

YA THINK?

"Never told you this, but as a young lad, I was in the scouts. Really made a man out of me."

Look at Connor being useful!

"Grett, the human hemorrhoid."

Hemorrhoid?

OH.

MIRIAM, WATCH IT.

"Wow granny, you look just like this old woman I got accused of pushing down an escalator."

Oh yeah, Yul is here.

I almost didn't notice him till he opened his mouth.

"Also, if you call my girlfriend a hemorrhoid again, you'll be rolling down this hill."

I'd like to see you try.

Props for defending your girl I guess...?

Grett does not look happy about it though.

"To put it nicely, this team is a hot mess."

No it's not.

You have two queens who know how to play. Miriam's a good brains. You're a good brains.

The only reason it's a hot mess is because there's this one pesky stain here.

Get rid of him and you will see the light.

"What if we cover the tent in leaves?"

Does that work?

Does that actually work?

"Mind if I tag along?"

"I do mind actually."

Girl, what is your problem?

Just because he's dense and absent minded doesn't mean he doesn't want to help you.

You are literally beefing with your boyfriend because he can't remember every single detail of your words straight away.

"Alright, I know I look like a jerk for not remembering her game, but listen, Ally remembers a lot of video games. Remembering every game she talks to me about would be harder than advanced calculous."

Yeah. EXACTLY.

Why is she so mad about this? She should know he's like this.

Like... just tell him again?? Is that hard???

You act like he's ignoring you on purpose.

Jake and Allyson are gonna be besties.

"OMG MY LOVER IGNORES ME TOO!!!!"

"Is it even worth making a fire? The rain's just gonna come put it out."

Yeah why would you waste flint like that?

"I'd like to think about potentially forming an alliance."

Didn't they already say no?

NO MEANS NO.

"Hunter and Ally are a couple and James seems to be close to them."

Oh, that's true...

You can probably sway Allyson though.

And if Hunter is cool with it, boom. Four Person Alliance. Fiore and James are the minority.

"That's a risk I can take."

Yeah, I get that.

Jake's just like "I just came here to get some alone time with Tom AND NOW I CAN'T GET IT 😠-"

"I wanna discuss it privately with Jake now."

Oh?

*whispering* "Hey Jake, I think this girl is desperate."

"Relax, I just wanted her to go away. Her darn voice was starting to hurt my ears."

"I AM IN HEARING RANGE!!!!"

Awwww, Yul's suffering, how sweet 😄

Though I act like I'm better. I was out in the COLD at work most of the day. My skin was RED and I had FOUR LAYERS ON.

"What was my manager thinking sending me out here in a crop top?"

OH RELAX YOUR CROP TOP HAS FIRE ON THAT. THAT WILL WARM YOU UP RIGHT AWAY.

"And at least we still look good together."

If SHIT if your standard of good. Then sure.

God I still can't believe this is real...

"You all should have prepared better. I brought my alpaca fur coat, which not only is warm, but makes me look fabulous."

LOOK AT RIYA SHOWING OFF HER QUEEN STATUS.

GIRL IS FLEXING.

"For my next showing, I shall get everybody fur coats! We shall bond as a team making fur coats out of the fluffiest animals we can find!"

NO RIYA GABBY WILL SMACK YOU INTO NEXT TUESDAY!

"Riya's coat slays."

OH NO CONNOR DON'T TELL HER TO SLAY! SHE'LL DO IT!

"You know, now that you mentioned slaying, I WAS thinking about it..."

"I'm really worried about what this game is doing to Riya. When we're alone, she can be really sweet."

Yeah...

Though her being sweet off camera is kind of a shock, actually.

"But as soon as the cameras are on, she becomes someone else entirely."

Yeah because her reputation is based solely around being that someone else. Because the real her is the her that gets no success and no attention.

AWWWW LOOK AT THE BLUE TEAM BONDING OVER RAIN, THIS IS-

This is actually so nice. It is so nice to just relax for a bit and see characters bond.

This is so sweet. I like this. ❤️

I really miss stuff like this in Total Drama. Over the seasons, they kinda got rid of this stuff in favor of action.

This is taking its time. I appreciate it.

"When it rained, I was hiding in the camp, looking for something to help me with the Jensen problem."

And that was AFTER you were eliminated. Which was MERGE.

Damn. The Season 1 cast got lucky.

"What were you doing that night, Ellie?"

"Nothing..."

"I was just... you know... ruining a relationship... the usual."

And do not tell me "Ellie breaking them up was a good thing, actually!"

They were sorting things out on their own just fine until she butted in and fed lies!

And now look at the state of both of them not being able to get over it cause it hurt them THAT MUCH.

Don't tell me they deserved that!

If they were gonna break up, they would have done it on their own. Enough said.

"OH, OH REALLY, OH, so you don't recall stabbing me in the back and making me look like a moron on national television?!"

EXACTLY. THANK YOU.

"Well, it worked."

*spits a laugh*

Okay, that was good.

"BUT-BUT ELLIE COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING ELSE-"

Here. I will educate you.

"I didn't break it up to start an argument!"

"GODDAMMIT I'M GONNA HAVE TO RESORT TO BREAKING BRIDGES WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER!"

You better hope to GOD Gabby doesn't get a sledgehammer!

YOU BETTER HOPE TO GOD!

"You know it's bad when I have to be the voice of reason."

I... yeah. That is very concerning.

Still. Gabby slays.👑

Oh my god they're all in uniform.

I say that like they weren't in Season 1 too.

The PINK is just making me not take that team seriously. I'm sorry.

"PINK IS THE MOST INTIMIDATING COLOR!"

They're reminding me of Barbies.

Well, two Barbies, a Chelsea, and three Kens.

"Uh James? What are you doing helping the other team?"

That's his boyfriend.

I mean, of course JAKE is the one who says this.

"I DON'T TRUST THAT GUY! HE'S TRYING TO SABOTAGE HIS OWN TEAM!!"

"...I mean, I don't blame you for not trusting me. But learn to chill."

"I'LL CHILL WHEN YOU'RE DEALT WITH! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE A HAPPY LOVING RELATIONSHIP WHILE MINE WENT HORRIBLY WRONG AND WAS PUBLICALLY HUMILIATED AND GHOSTED FOR BEING ME AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"...well shit."

"They only let us film a new season here in exchange for repairing the environment."

So you set it on fire.

Sure.

God this is bad timing.

Oh my god XD

"How would you rate your Survivor experience?"

*Everyone goes in the red one*

"Fair enough."

"The yellow containers have eight mildly harmful animals."

What do you mean by mildly?

Mild as in a rabbit? Or mild as in a bear?

"And the red one contains four very dangerous critters."

WHO APPROVED OF THAT?!?!

WELP, SOMEONE'S GETTING MAULED.

Is a bever really that dangerous?

So... all the red is 40. All the yellow is also 40.

Just go for all the yellows. And the other two teams will split the reds, and boom, you win.

WHY WOULD YOU PUT THE CHILD AS YOUR DEFENSE?

BOO, PINK TEAM SUCKS.

Okay. AIDEN as defense.

WHYYYY?!?!?!?

WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC?!

Riya looks like she's just here to slay, honestly.

"I can attack and look good doing it. For my next showing, I am going to show you my secret football skills! They will fall before me as they tackle each other to the ground!"

NO RIYA FOOTBALL IS A DANGEROUS SPORT!

"Let's get the red container!"

GO FOR THE YELLOW. YA DUMBASSES.

XD

Okay that's just funny. Idk why.

Don't just leave the goat there- oh my god.

And this is just the second episode XD

Okay first off, GET OFF ITS ASS. IT DON'T LIKE THAT.

Second, leash it from behind and let it run. It'll chase you through the door.

But mostly, DON'T TOUCH THE ANIMAL'S ASS!!!

DAMN SHE JUST ONE SHOT HER!

👑

Why is Gabby slaying so much this episode?

"Hey! Gabby punched me!"

That was a SMACK.

And also, THAT'S THE GAME!!!

I DUNNO WHAT TO TELL YA.

DON'T. TOUCH. THE ANIMALS. ASS!!

Please don't fuck a wolf.

It looks like all three of them are trying to fuck a wolf.

Oh look at the Yellow Team working well together!

"Don't think I've forgiven you."

Well, you just saved her from Hunter's bullying, so...

She's not even on your team, secondly.

"No one on my team likes me!"

"Can you blame them?"

Not really.

THANK YOU!

I WAS VERY CONCERNED WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO THAT WOLF EARLIER.

ALSO THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME!

Heyo. Tom. You're uh... you're kinda...

Oh my brain just got dirty. THANKS WOLF.

OH MY GOD LOOK AT RIYA BEING SMART!

GO OFF QUEEN! 👑

"For my next showing, I shall tame the wolf! And teach it human civilization! The better to eat you with, dear!"

NO RIYA THAT FAIRY TALE IS A VORE FIC!

"Change of plans! Go for the green containers!"

GO FOR THE YELLOW!

"Do you mean the crate or the team?"

*face palm*

NOPE.

OH GOD DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT!!!

Aw, Yul is suffering. That's nice. :)

GET HIM GOOSE!

She's just vibing XD

This challenge was made for Gabby.

Aw, Jake :(

Tom moved on. Hate to say it.

"Man, I have no friends."

"Seems like Tom's already replaced you."

OH GOD DON'T ADD SALT TO THE WOUND.

"He's been smiling more than usual around Aiden."

Yeah. Tom making friends. That's... pretty unlike him.

"But I was his sunshine..."

"I wouldn't be surprised if they talked before this."

Uh, Aiden was in Brazil, so uh... how would that be possible?

Jake's gonna be like "You really think I buy into that crap? Come on. You just want to hurt me."

"Which leaves Team Magenta with a messily twelve points."

Oh wow.

Okay. Noted.

PINK TEAM SUCKS 😂

I THINK WE FOUND OUR TEAM VICTORY.

"Hey James, can I ask you something?"

Is he actually gonna tell someone what happened?

That's shocking coming from Jake. But proud of him.

"Have you noticed how quickly Tom and Aiden became friends?"

Huh. He's CALM about it too?

Damn. Jake's development is actually consistent.

"Yeah, so, I haven't seen or heard from Tom in two years, and him quickly making friends like that doesn't seem like him. And I have trust issues, so I don't want to assume the worst out of it or believe Alec. Can you help me out man? Thanks. Appreciate it."

I gotta admit, I expected Jake to be pissed and not talk to anyone about this.

"No. I'm not on their team."

DUH.

"I think you should talk to Aiden."

Good idea. WOW. 👍

Talk to Aiden. Find out the truth. You find out Alec is full of crap. You clear the air!

Jake is actually taking this really well and doing the right thing!

"What are you implying, Jake?!"

Wh-?

Why are you mad at him?

He said FRIENDS. He didn't say cheating.

CHILL.

"Well, it just seems very unusual to me."

As Jake WOULD assume. He hasn't seen Tom since last season.

He just wants a full picture and understand what's happening. Which is justified.

"Respectfully, you don't know Aiden. Be careful what you're suggesting."

I'm pretty sure he was talking about Tom's side of it.

JAMES. CHILL.

"Woah, no need to be that hostile."

YEAH. HE ASKED CALMLY AND OPEN MINDED.

WHY ARE YOU UPSET?!

Come on. If Jake BELIEVED Aiden was cheating on James with Tom, WHY WOULD HE CONFRONT THIS TO JAMES SO CALMLY AND SUGGEST TALKING OUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

He's coming here cause he doesn't want to believe it and wants solid proof and help to assure him that it's a lie.

And James is getting all fired up for no good reason.

"You are making stuff up about my boyfriend!"

ALL HE SAID WAS THAT HE WAS FRIENDS WITH TOM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

James, you're killing me right now!

You did in Season 2 as well, but still.

"I didn't make anything up! Others have noticed too! Are you blind?!"

And now you're firing up Jake.

James, ya fucked up.

"Listen boy toy. Clearly you have trust issues. My boyfriend is not cheating on me."

So why are you yelling at him instead of helping clear the air?

YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE.

JAMES JUST STOP.

"Are you calling me a liar?!"

"A lie would have to be smart. You're delusional."

Bruh.

James, you fucked up.

And now I remember why I don't like James XD

I'm surprised Jake was handling that well though. He actually learned something from Season 1. He didn't explode until James snapped at him.

I'm proud of my boy.

But now I think he is gonna be bitter about the friendship because Tom won't talk to him, so it just further proves that he doesn't care about Jake anymore in his mind.

Clearly Jake has no friends, so that hurts even more.

"Well, anyone I ask for help is being a dick to me, so you know what? SCREW PEOPLE. SCREW EVERYONE HERE. YOU ALL SUCK."

"The casting team really dropped the ball inviting Jake back. I mean, have they seen what he posts? Crying about never finding true love? Hashtag Thirsty."

Okay that's just mean XD

"This is the fortieth day since the incident... I have never been the same... I'M OUT OF ICE CREAM!! AND HE HAS NO SERVICE WHERE HE LIVES!!!😭"

🎵"ALL ALOOOOOONNNEEE, PRETENDING HE'S BESIDE MEEEEEE..."🎵

Yeah, so Jake has NOT BEEN DOING WELL since Season 1.

I don't blame him one bit.

And I don't blame him for assuming the worst either.

And James is still a piece of shit.

"Ever since Jake blew up on James-"

James blew up on Jake. Were you not eavesdropping?

"Fiore is the weakest member of the team. If we want to win challenges, she should be the one to go."

Which is fair logic, actually.

She is kinda useless without her strategic power that no one is falling for anymore.

"Jake was on my side on voting Fiore, but since the argument, he's been begging me to change our vote to James."

Do I blame him?

Honestly? Do I blame him?

I was coming into this thinking "Yeah Jake is gonna be an asshole. I'll support him, but NOT because I'm on his side."

...well shit. I'm on his side.

"This is the perfect chance to get revenge on Fiore. For Will, Lill, and even Nick who I don't care about but I'll stick him in there too."

WAS THAT SURVIVOR REFERENCE?!??!?!

HEYO!!!! I KNOW THAT LINE!!!!!!

VERY CLEVER DISVENTURE CAMP!!!! VERY CLEVER!!!!!

I understand losing Fiore.

But also, I kinda want James to go.

'JAMES'

Nice. Very nice.

'JAKE'

Yeah yeah yeah, fuck you James.

'JAMES'

XD

Fiore's handwriting.

I can't memorize everyone's handwriting. But Fiore's is just so obvious.

'FIORE'

Oh wait, is Fiore going...?

I mean it makes sense.

'FIORE'

OH MY GOD SHE'S GOING.

Welp, bye kid!

OH.

OH MY GOD. ASHLEY?!

ASHLEY LOCKING IN JAKE AS AN ALLY?!?!

That's... actually very smart of her.

Because the two are voting against each other, and if Fiore goes, that tension makes Ashley an outcast and the next to go because Allyson and Hunter are sided with James-

So the best move is to get James out.

By doing that, she locks in Jake as an ally, and evens the numbers with Allyson and Hunter, because they won't work with Fiore!

Wow!

Well played! 👏

THAT WAS A SMART MOVE!👏

I LIKE THAT!

"I can't believe you guys sided with that spoiled brat!"

Look who's talking.

"SPOILED?! I HAVE NOTHING BUT A SURROGATE GRANDMA!"

"From last years champion to first boot."

I know, right? That's crazy!

HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

"Good luck having a paranoid nutcase on the team."

He's not wrong.

I'm not gonna defend Jake and say he's perfect. Cause no.

He's the problem person on this team.

"I'm sorry James... but Jake is the only person on the team I've formed a small bond with in this short time, and I don't plan on burning it now..."

That's crazy.

I thought it would be Jake and Allyson.

Jake and Ashley was NOT on my bingo card.

"I can't help but feel bad."

Aww.😥

He's remorseful about it.

"Am I right to suspect something between Tom and Aiden? I don't have that answer right now, but in case it's true... tonight was payback. Now Aiden will feel what it's like to have the person you love taken away."

DAMN.

OKAY. DAMN.

I mean, he's acting out of impulsiveness, right? HOLY SHIT MAN.

I mean, PERSONALLY, I think you did Aiden a favor.

But that is SO MESSED UP.

What did I say?

JAKE IS AN ASSHOLE.

I FREAKING CALLED THIS.

WHAT DID I SAY?

WHAT DID I SAY WOULD HAPPEN?!?!

HE TRUSTS NO ONE.

YAY JAKE IS AN ASSHOLE!!🥳

...that intention was still fucked up and I won't defend it.

But congrats on starting your asshole journey!👏

I...

Okay that really picked up at the end there!

There's some stupidity happening, but when is there not? That shit's been going on the past two seasons.

I did not expect James to be the first boot but you know what? I'm happy about it!

Dude dug his grave!

I'm looking back at that scene real quick and YEAH. Jake was being very calm and kindly asking James to help him out and talk to Aiden about the friendship with Tom. He said nothing about cheating.

And then James just EXPLODES on him FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Like, SHIT, NO WONDER JAKE VOTED YOU OFF. YOU GIVE QUITE A NUMBER OF RED FLAGS.

The top comment I just saw XD

Except he DIDN'T?

Hear me out.

If Jake ACTUALLY instantly believed that, we wouldn't have talked to James at all. He wouldn't have come to James to ask for clarity on what's happening.

Who else could he talk to? Tom won't do it.

It's because he DOESN'T trust it that this whole argument happened.

Or at least, he doesn't WANT to trust it.

BUT GODDAMMIT, JAMES GAVE HIM NO CHOICE NOW.

It's not that he believes Alec, it's that he has a terrible social life since his season and he's hurt by it, and no one is helping him figure it out.

I am all for Jake's Asshole Arc!

That past two episodes was a good build up and starting point to it. It makes sense for him!

YES! BE A DICK! HATE YOUR TEAM! HATE EVERYONE! RUIN YOUR LIFE AND RUIN YOUR CHANCES AT THIS GAME!

You're doing amazing, sweetie! He's gonna fuck up everything.

Aiden is going to LOATHE YOU.

He deserves to be loathed by him though.

OH THIS IS GONNA BE FUN :)

[spectrechosts]

Beneath The Brine

I want to be done reuploading and all I have left is shorter stories I haven't touched in forever which means shit is getting CONDENSED into single posts so I can have all this done by Halloween.

This one is about a terrible shark mermaid pirate and her captive. It was four chapters, and now it is one post.

Saoirse sat, shivering in the terrible black of the void.

She didn't know how long it had been since the ship sank. All she knew was that a stowaway wouldn't get a seat on the rowboats and frankly she would rather just go down with the ship than starve hoping for rescue.

It wasn't so easy to resign herself to death, her body had struggled and fought to survive, found her somewhere miraculously free of water. Still, only a matter of time. The ship creaked, the water lapped at her feet, and there was nothing else left in the world for her. She was already dead, she just hadn't stopped breathing yet.

So she waited, and waited, and wondered if the hull would break before she slowly ran out of air, or if perhaps one of the beasts of the deep would swallow the wreck whole, her and all.

She heard the soft sound of a fin breaching the water before whatever it was attached to could reach her, for there was little else to distract from the sudden intruder in her grave. She held her knees to her chest, drawing her feet hopefully out of the creature's reach. Of all the deaths that awaited her, she dreaded being eaten by something that would take more than one bite to do it the most.

The thing surfaced, and she held her breath.

"Well, aren't you fucked." It said, with a voice like broken glass.

"What are you?" Saoirse asked, unable to see through the unfathomable darkness of the depths. "You… You can't be rescue. It's too soon, and no one knew of me."

"Pirate." The voice said. "The only rescue I have to offer is the swift death of the spear."

"N-No." Saoirse said, her self preservation instincts taking over. "No! You must have a ship-"

"Aye."

"-you could take-"

"Nae."

"Please!" She pleaded. "I can't die like this!"

"You will."

Saoirse leapt into the water, splashing about as she grabbed hold of the pirate. "Please, please I'll pay-"

"What're you gonna offer that I can't pull off your corpse, lass?" The pirate asked, pushing her away.

"I, my body, I can-"

"A sailor has a girl in every port, don't you know." They said, with what sounded like a smile.

"Do you have one on your ship!?"

"This is sad, now."

"I can work on the crew!"

"You won't make it to the surface lass, we're too deep."

"Try!" Saoirse said, on the brink of tears. "Please."

The pirate drew her in, close enough for her to feel her breath.

"If I take you, that's a dive I'm not taking something expensive. If you die, I am emptyhanded. If you live, you will make yourself valuable enough to me to be worth the risk. Understood?"

Saoirse nodded, desperate.

"There are far kinder monsters than me in the deep, lass." The pirate said, holding her tight to her chest. "Last chance to choose the spear. Breathe deep."

Saoirse inhaled as much as she could, and then the two sank beneath the water. She couldn't see anything, even with her eyes held open against the stinging salt, but she could feel they were moving fast. They wound through the broken hull of the ship, and then up, and up, and up, and up until she could see the light of the sun, until her chest burned, until she could hold her breath no longer and the sea swept into her lungs.

~

She coughed, spewing water violently.

"You lived." Rasped the same jagged voice. "You'll regret that, once I return."

There was a loud splash, presumably her rescuer off to find more salvage. She coughed again, dragging herself to the side of the deck to retch the last dregs of the sea from her lungs before she curled into a ball and wept.

~~~

For all her talk, the captain hadn't put her to work yet four days after her rescue.

Saoirse knew what she was now, in the light of the sun. A mermaid of sorts, a terrible beast of empty eyes and endless teeth. She towered over the human crew, even in her landwalking guise.

The captain was a creature of unimaginable violence, a monument of wiry, supernaturally strong muscle. Her rough grey skin was marred with scars, records of the many battles she had survived. Her pride and joy: The worst one, a deep tear across her neck. It gave her her awful voice, the terrible harpoon she carried. Constant reminders that she was unkillable, unstoppable. A force of nature that existed to destroy and take.

And she had done nothing to Saoirse.

"What are you?" The captain asked her, in her quarters on the fifth day.

"Whatever you want." Saoirse said flatly, and the captain scoffed.

"I don't need you to tell me what I know, lass. What are you?"

She shrugged. "A stowaway. A housewife. Nothing."

"Species, girl." The captain spat, irritated.

"…Human." Saoirse said, after a short pause.

"The fuck you are. No human could have survived that dive."

"Think what you like."

"You reek of the sea. I thought perhaps it had seeped into your lungs, you would keel over out of nowhere, drowned on dry land. I've seen it before." The shark explained. "But you haven't. And I don't think you will. I think it's in your veins. What. Are. You. I don't need monsters lying to me about needing rescue, doing god knows what on my ship."

Saoirse glared at her, stared into her shiny black eyes.

"Selkie." She said, finally. "With no coat. Human."

The captain laughed, a horrible, scratching sound.

"An almost drowned selkie. Fucking incredible." She said, uncorking a bottle of rum and pouring herself a glass. "Go on then, where's the coat?"

"If I knew where my fucking coat was I wouldn't be here, would I?" Saoirse hissed.

"You must have some idea."

"It's where it always is. Some fisherman decides he wants a wife, and suddenly I'm trapped."

"And so you run, aye? You stow away, and your ship sinks, and now you've traded one captor for another."

More of that awful, jagged laughter.

"So? A fisherman decides he wants a wife, and what next?"

Saoirse withdrew into herself, not enjoying her life being regarded as entertainment.

"I take the kitchen knife to him when he takes me into his home and tries to tell me hiding my skin makes me his."

"Good lass." The captain said, nodding. "But he wouldn't tell where it was?"

"No."

"And he lives?"

"Yes."

"Ah, next time maybe." She said, finishing her drink. "So the plan was what? Do the same to me, fight through my crew, row your way to freedom?"

"I wasn't planning anything." Saoirse said, irritated. "Though if I could have seen down there how ugly you were, I wouldn't have offered my body even if I planned to kill you when we reached shore."

"Hah! And if could have seen how whorish your tits were, I'd have just said yes instead of giving the scary pirate queen speech." The captain cackled. "But no, starting now you earn your keep like anyone else. Welcome to the crew, landlubber-selkie. I am Reka, you will call me Captain."

Reka offered Saoirse her hand.

"Saoirse, Captain." She said, taking it.

"Good. We'll have you start swabbing the decks, doing whatever anyone tells you needs doing. Maybe after enough time we'll make a real pirate of you." Reka said, shoving a mop into her hands. "You don't get paid or leave this ship until I decide you've earned your rescue."

"How long will that be?"

"Swabbing decks? Longer than you'd hope, lass. Especially if you'd like to eat while you're here. But you'll come out the other side a free woman, and there are worse prisons than the open sea."

Saoirse grumbled and started mopping as she was shunted out of the captain's cabin. All she'd wanted was to return to the sea, and now she was trapped there.

How fucking poetic.

~~~

Saoirse had no illusions of noble pirates with hearts of gold. Nor did she have qualms about stealing, or killing if it came to it.

Reka had put her to reloading all the broadsides, which was one of the worse jobs she had been assigned. Cannonballs were heavy, she would be sore later, and Reka planned to use them on a ship that had already surrendered to her.

The regular gunners had boarded the other ship to carry off what their victims were willing to give in what they thought was exchange for their lives. She remained, to load the cannons, and Reka remained to watch. Her fun would come later, scouring the wreckage for what goodies were left behind.

"This seems needlessly cruel." The selkie grumbled, both at Reka's murderous plans and at her making her do this when she could do it herself trivially.

"There's plenty need for it." Reka said, counting off the reasons for it on her fingers. "One: Nobody ever gives us everything when they surrender. They hide things away. They think I will be appeased with portions. They have treasures they'd rather die than part with, and so they will."

"Right, I forgot you were a greedy bitch, of course this is reasonable then." Saoirse said under her breath, lugging her crate of cannonballs to the next set of cannons.

"Two:" The captain continued, ignoring her. "I don't need them bitching to the navy that there's a shark woman robbing them, and I don't need people thinking they can cross me and live to tell the tale. No survivors."

"And I am..?"

She shrugged. "Unpaid labour? A kidnapping victim twice over? An attractive nuisance?"

"How wonderful for me."

"And three: If the weaklings wanted to live, they should never have entered my seas. Any questions?"

"Permission to be insubordinate, Captain?" Saoirse panted, breathless as she set her crate down.

"For my favourite swabbie? Always."

"You know how sharks eat seals?"

"Aye."

"I think I'd prefer that to working for you."

"Well, shame you aren't a seal then."

"Fuck you." Saoirse spat. "You're going to kill them all just because you happened to come across them?"

"And because I want what they have."

"You're a monster."

"That I am, and you're loading my guns. Which you could be doing faster, by the way." Reka said smugly, grinning wide to show off her monstrous teeth. "Unless you want to drown with them."

She did not.

~

The cannonade was deafening. Saoirse's ears rang as Reka made her watch their cannons tear the other ship apart, cackling the whole time.

"I love a good shipwreck! Watch them squirm!"

The sailors that escaped the wreck thrashed about in the water, struggling to latch onto anything that would aid in their survival. Reka just kept laughing and shot at them, until they all fell still.

"You really are having fun with this, aren't you?" Saoirse asked, monotone.

"Of course!"

"I don't get it. Do you hate the humans?"

"I love the humans! I love their drinks, their weapons, I especially love their women!" The shark guffawed. "Do you?"

Saoirse watched the corpses slowly sink beneath the waves.

"The sailors, maybe." She said.

"Aye?"

She certainly didn't like the sailors. They trawled her waters with nets, they tried to catch her with harpoons, they stole her fucking skin-

"This is excessive." She said. "You're sick."

"I'm strong, and they're weak, and that's all that matters in my seas, lass."

"I suppose you think me weak."

Reka shrugged. "You still live, don't you? Enough slacking-" She said, tossing off her coat and directing Saoirse to a hauling rope. "I will loot, you will wait here and haul whatever I bring up onto the deck to dry. Feel free to steal any baubles you desire, I'll just add them to your debt."

She stripped off the rest of her clothes and dove into the water, harpoon in hand.

Saoirse grunted, hefting the net at the end of the rope overboard. The fuck was she to do with baubles.

She waited, and waited, and every so often she struggled to haul up a crate full of whatever treasures Reka had collected, because she could just carry it the slight distance further to the deck herself, but then she wouldn't get the satisfaction of making her do it.

She spread the captain's clothes out and arranged her ill-gotten gains atop them to dry, deciding that I didn't want anything to roll overboard was a plausible enough excuse to inconvenience her slightly.

Reka was either truly consumed by greed or just fucking with her. Piercings still attached to chunks of skin, rings with broken off fingers still inside, gold teeth that Saoirse had to sort from the regular ones.

Whatever.

She wasn't squeamish. She had tried to pry secrets from living flesh, she could pry gold from dead. Reka would need to try harder if she wanted to make her balk. The refuse went overboard and a ring went on her finger, to show her defiance.

Then came the real treasures. Sacks of coin hidden away from their first looting. The few miraculously intact barrels of supplies from what they were left with to make it ashore.

Neither appealed to her, she had nowhere to spend any riches and could hardly sneak a fucking barrel in with her scant possessions. However- A jeweled dagger caught her eye, some officer's trophy. She unsheathed it and inspected the blade in the sun, a thin, needle-like thing.

Any baubles I desire, eh?

She sheathed the blade and stowed it in her sleeve. It would pay for itself, in time.

Nothing else was of any use to her. She kept hauling and laying things out until Reka finally climbed back aboard.

The water on her skin glistened in the setting sun as she stretched and slowly cracked her neck, her naked body on full display. Saoirse felt a terrible pang of want deep within herself, of envy towards the women Reka loved instead of treating like this.

She pushed the feeling down.

"Good, you cleaned the meat out." The shark rasped, squatting down to inspect her loot. "And you took the knife I got for you. Very good."

For her?

"Now, what you gonna do with that, hm?" She asked, grabbing Saoirse by the chin and making her look into her soulless eyes. "You gonna kill me?"

"If I have to." Saoirse said coldly, holding her gaze.

They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like forever, until Reka laughed and clapped her on the back.

"That's what I like about you, lass!"

She got up and walked away, chuckling.

"Oh, I'll make you a terror of the seas I will, just wait."

Saoirse watched her cross the deck and enter her cabin, carefree. She was indebted to a madwoman. A madwoman that saw something in her, something horrible, and wanted to cultivate it.

Something that Saoirse worried really was there, as her heart pounded and she held her new dagger tightly. She would do anything to survive, to get her skin back.

Anything.

~~~

Six months passed, and Saoirse was increasingly unsure if she wanted to slit Reka's throat or share her bed.

Both were possibilities. Possibilities that were entirely too achievable.

She had been sleeping in the captain's quarters ever since she took the knife, whether as a reward or a test or a power play she couldn't tell.

They didn't sleep together, nor did she have a bed of her own. She slept on the floor at the foot of Reka's bed like a dog. Better than her previous lodgings with the rest of the crew, but undeniably humiliating.

Some nights she was just happy for the nicer blanket and pillow. Some she silently wept at her demeaning treatment, still forced to do all the jobs no one else wanted even now that she was the captain's pet.

(Though, perhaps she had been her pet since she was brought on board, and it just took time for her to realize.)

And some nights, she took her dagger in hand and watched Reka sleep.

She couldn't kill her. It would serve no purpose, even if she could somehow fight off the entire crew. She'd be drifting alone until she died, and she would never see her skin again.

But she could think about it.

Reka had to want her to try, right? Some bizarre trial, so she could cackle about how they weren't so different after all before throwing her into the brig to begin the next stage of whatever she was planning. Give her a knife, give her an opportunity, and then just apply pressure until she snapped.

The ship groaned as it was rocked by the waves, and Saoirse rose from her makeshift nest in one smooth, practiced motion.

Reka slept rather soundly, for a murderer. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically, and Saoirse watched for any minuscule change in that rhythm as she stood at the end of her bed and waited for her eyes to adjust to the inky darkness.

She would not snap. She would not play Reka's game.

The ship swayed and creaked, and she took slow steps in time with it until she loomed over her captor. Her breathing remained constant. She didn't stir.

But what to do, to assert her victory? Not kill her, of course, but prove that she could have, that Reka wasn't as untouchable as she thought.

Sweat dripped down Saoirse's brow, her heart pounded nearly out of her chest.

A new scar, perhaps? No, no, that could just be interpreted as a failed attempt on her life. It was all worthless if Reka didn't know that she had won.

She slipped the dagger back into it's jeweled sheathe with shaking hands. Blinked the sweat from her eyes, and let her breathing slow to match Reka's.

With imperceptible slowness, she slipped the dagger beneath her captain's pillow. Lifted her head just slightly, in time with the rocking movements of the ship, to position it just right.

This would show her.

Saoirse withdrew as slowly as she had bestowed her mocking trophy.

And then she waited.

Watched.

Long minutes passed in the dark.

Nothing.

She walked back to the foot of the bed, steps disguised by the sounds of the ship.

More watching, unblinking, for the slightest evidence she had failed.

None came. Her victory was perfect. In the morning, Reka would understand that she wasn't to be fucking played with.

She waited for a particularly loud creak, and dropped to the ground.

"You know what the difference between us is, lass?"

No.

Saoirse sat bolt upright, and watched Reka pull the dagger out from under her pillow.

No! NONONONONO-

"Me, if our places were reversed, I would have killed you on the first night. Just for thinking you could fuck with me."

"How?" She hissed, furious.

"But you, you might want to kill me, sure, but you're a thinker. Killing me would feel good, and that's reason enough for me to do it, but you know deep down that you need me."

"I was perfect. How?"

"In a moment. See, that's what I think makes you so valuable. If you want something, you'll do whatever it takes to get it."

Saoirse barely listened, devastated by her failure. She- She had beaten her. She was sure. Reka struck a match and lit a lantern, having paused her speech to watch her wrack her brain for answers.

"Don't beat yourself up too much now lass. Here, congratulations!" She tossed the dagger back to her. "You've earned your rescue. Next time we dock, you're free to go."

Saoirse said nothing. This was pity, and she knew it, and after another moment of watching Reka grinned monstrously.

"But, I can see you really wanted to impress me. If you stay, lass, ohhh." She said, licking her lips. "We could be very useful to eachother, we could. I love a dog that's eager to impress. And, were I so impressed…" She purred, shifting forward to lean over Saoirse. "I could scare the secrets from your fisherman, lass."

Saoirse closed her eyes and whined.

She wanted her skin back. God damn it, she wanted to impress Reka.

"How did you know?" She asked, her voice small.

"You snore, lass. I don't sleep until I hear it."

"God damn it."

"It was a good effort." Reka said, smiling. "You know what? Since you tried so hard, you can sleep on the bed tonight."

She patted the edge of the bed, and Saoirse reluctantly climbed up and curled into a ball at her feet as Reka extinguished the lantern.

It was so fucking comfortable.

"Good dog."

[charcubed]

Look, I personally lose nothing if Lokius doesn’t become explicit canon. And if that were to become the case, I’d also have no regrets for saying for years that that would happen in the show by the end ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I’ve said it before, but by now it would be Disney/Marvel’s loss, NOT mine. Whoever wasted or limited the potential would be the idiot, not me.

I’m simply never gonna feel crazy for noticing what’s happening in a story or silly for daring to hope it’ll be brought to fully satisfying narrative completion. That's just a me thing. Maybe this is because at heart I’m stubborn! But I’d like to think I’m not unreasonable. I can’t control whether writing stays consistent or censorship is overcome... But I just do my best to construct solid arguments, and as long as those arguments remain solid, I stand by them :)

I know not everyone would say the same, or they consider this to be "hope" or "optimism," but I see it as logic based in noticing what the text of a show/story is doing. And personally I also consider blatantly evident subtext to be "canon enough," so if we get my personal minimum, my happiness may still outweigh any potential disappointment for me.

However. Here's what I've come here to say today, in reaction to things I've seen floating around in the fandom:

While I do understand on some level why people worry that Lokius won’t be more explicitly canonically romantic because it could be censored by Disney.... At this point, I don’t understand how people can think Loki/Sylvie will still happen.

As of right now, there’s no way to argue for that in my opinion. (I'd like to see someone try.)

The show has set up a fun but very simple situation from basically the start:

They made romantic love a point of relevance in the show’s story. More specifically, they pointed out Loki's desire for a "real" romantic love, and had him learn the lesson that he doesn't deserve to be alone. They didn't HAVE to do all of those things and tie them together. They CHOSE to make romantic love relevant – and they have actively continued to choose to do that, to the point of including a mirrored dark love triangle in s2 ep3. That narrative thread simply has to be fulfilled.

So if they deliberately established that Loki wants and needs a “real” love, and his relationship with Sylvie was referred to as "fiction" so she cannot be a real love for him.... Who does it have to be?

Obviously it has to be Mobius. And of course, the whole show points to Lokius also, for countless more reasons than just this simple breakdown. But pointing this element out is the simplest argument one can make.

So either...

1. They take Lokius to full narrative completion with explicit canon, as they should and as I expect them to,

or

2. Loki's desire for a real love is left unfulfilled, open-ended, and/or made clear through subtext that it's Mobius.

Those are the options, if you ask me!

This is aside from how Lokius’ love story is now even at the core of the show’s themes and plot, which is an insanely strong vote in favor for their future canonicity.

But for the purposes of this post, I’m talking about whether we'll get explicit romance specifically, like a love confession or a kiss – and I do actually genuinely think we'll get both of those things. I'm not trying to force you to agree with me, but just to be clear, that's where I'm at with it and have been since 2021 lol.

So in regards to worrying about Loki/Sylvie...

They were never really a romance (yes, even in season 1) and they sure as hell aren't now. I can’t imagine they'll become one even IF Lokius is left subtextual.

So what actually remains to be seen is if the writers got to go all the way with Lokius, or if that central queer love story was censored on some level in the end.

My hot take is no one should be ~worrying~ about Sylki at this stage of the game. Free yourselves, people.

If the story starts abruptly going in a Sylki direction, even with only 3 episodes left, I will certainly be the first to say so lol. But I simply sincerely, truly doubt that'll happen.

(Hot take in the footer: this is not the post to get into this at length, but in case this comes up… In this house we do not use the word "queerbaiting." It is a useless, nearly-meaningless, insufferable term that devalues the legitimacy of subtext and queercoding more often than not; it's rooted in the idea that media must hit arbitrary and inconsistent checklists often set with cishet approval in mind; and it perpetuates a focus on the false and harmful myth that many creators are "cowards" instead of leaving room for nuance and the fact that industry censorship still exists.)