#I'm sorry little vent
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someday i'll get it
#overthinking#misunderstandings#vent art#sorry i'm a little sad rn#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#soap x ghost#ghost x soap#cod fanart
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Even when you have a hard day just remember, Bucktommy "has anyone ever told you you're a vision in a cone?" will always be there. Tommy Kinard looked at his adorable boyfriend with a silly party hat on and thought Evan, you're beautiful, you're stunning, you're ravishing, you're a sight for sore eyes. I could never get tired of looking at you. I cherish you. There's nowhere I'd rather be than behind this couch at your side. And he was so real for that.
#needed to remind myself of this and infuse some joy into this wretched anniversary#at least it's almost over and tomorrow will be easier but man ever since 2018 my bday has inspired nothing so much as the belief that#Michael from The Good Place was right when he said birth is a curse and existence is prison like I'm always so depressed on this day#it's hard to look on the bright side when all I can think of is losing my boy 🥹 family tries to make me celebrate but I just want to mourn#what's that quote about grief being love persevering. I love you so much little mister I still think of you every day#it's just hard on this particular day because I still remember it all so clearly and it haunts me#a sweet Bucktommy crumb can be a nice distraction for a time though. Just like Unknown(nth) was when Hozier dropped it out of nowhere in '22#my kitty was called Oliver too not after OS but it is a nice connection that his work can cheer me a bit#ough. idk if anyone will see these tags but just in case I'll tag#pet death#animal death#to hopefully filter it out for anyone sorry to be all sad on my Bucktommy post I couldn't help it thinking of my boy all day needed to vent#and oh this needs actual tags#Bucktommy#911 spoilers#I hope I did those warning tags right idk if I should say “cw” or “tw” with them
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I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it
This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names
Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool
#my posts#selfship community#anti asian racism#like it's definitely a perpetual problem of white people not seeming to realize asian names are like#a thing that are tied to culture and identity#but it's gotten crazy lately with people pretending to be asian online for clout#just in the past like 3 weeks of things i've seen#we had the white woman pretending to be a japanese woman on comic twitter#the white woman who pretended to be korean to get a 'ownvoices' book published#(who btw. named herself kim chi. you cannot make this shit up)#and then the white guy pretending to be japanese to try to justify his hate of the new assassin's creed game using stuff around yasuke#like it's so draining. i hate how much this is a never ending problem#i hate how casually white people will use asian names#like worstie. i am a korean woman. but i am whitepassing and mixed so i never use korean names for my self inserts#bcs i have the privilege of looking white and people generally only knowing i'm asian if i say it#it feels inappropriate to me for me to name my self inserts a korean name#bcs that would then mean they experience the world in a different way than i do#even being whitepassing bcs of the way people treat korean (and other asian) names#if you are white you have no fucking right to asian names#idgaf if your f/o's an anime character. stay away from asian names bcs they are not yours to dress up in#vent a little bit sorry team#i've been dealing with white people doing this shit and being assholes to me about it for well over a year now. it's exhausting
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I hope you're playing around in the garden with the other kitties again.♥︎
#tw animal death#myart#sketches#doodles#edgy-senju#personal#sorry chat i'm having a day#He was my little ray of sunshine#cats#🧡#vent art
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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No one:
Not a single soul:
Me: You know, since Luigi's first official appearance was in 1983 while Bowser's debut wasn't until 1985, that technically makes Luigi canonically older than his 10-foot dragon-turtle boyfriend.
#luigi#luigi nintendo#bowser#bowser nintendo#bowuigi#bowser x luigi#super mario#super mario bros#in case anyone cares I am mentally doing a little better#although there are times where the depression really hits me hard#idk I'm just hoping things will get better soon#because I'm so tired of fighting all these battles with no light in sight#anyway sorry for venting#this Bowuigi idea made me smile when I first thought about it and I hope it makes you smile too
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I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.
#I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep within the last 48 hours and I'm still behind in my classes#I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up at this point#Just grinding constantly for hours every waking moment of my life#I'm stuck wondering the same things#'When will it slow down?'... 'Will it actually ever slow down?'#If it doesn't i don't think i can keep up#Full time in college and full time in work#However#every time i try to speak my troubles or stress to someone they just chuckle#and ignore me saying ''well college is like that. welcome to the adult world''#Why does college have to be like this? why is everyone so fine with this?#I'm very unmotivated right now#My grades are all low despite the numerous 100%s I've been getting#And they're not going back up no matter how many A+ s I get on assignments#I don't like talking to people - it scares me terribly#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say#I like to think of my job at my second home#at least that's not too hard and i love the people#But I just need things to get less intense school-wise#Just for me to get a decent amount of sleep please#Just a little bit#Please#i don't know#I'm not going on hiatus no worries#I love my blog dearly and cannot abandon it for my mental health#I just need encouragement#Because I'm so tired#Sorry for the rant I hate to vent#I'll delete this later if i remember#💬
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Epic showed up to the kotatsu party this morning lol
Also!! How’s it going? I hope you’re having a nice day <3 also I was thinking about your second college au writing again, how did Cross know Epic? Was he also in need of fostering or was he a foster parent that had Cross for a bit? :o Will they ever get to meet again?
That's such a cute coincidence TwT.
I am doing... Alright. Well not very good admittedly lol. Been flip-flopping between wanting to quit college and not, and I spend basically all my time trying to distract myself so I don't start feeling things. Otherwise I'm all good. (That cross post yesterday might've been some or maybe a lot of projection lollll)
About the college AU! Epic was indeed an older kid also in fostering, he was older than Cross by quite a bit and had more experience, he was less 'problematic' than Cross for a lot of families, since he just basically knew to keep his mouth shut where Cross was all outrage and spitting in authority's face. I like to think if Cross hadn't been kicked out of that last house he might've been able to end up living with Epic as his guardian. Since Epic was basically almost old enough to get out of the system. Just another direction Cross's life could've gone in.
If they'll ever meet again I don't know. But I think yes, if only just because it would make me happy lol.
#I just feel like shit a lot for seemingly no reason#along with feeling like nobody likes me even though I have ample evidence that that's not true#I think the whole thing with tumblr and the attention and notes and shit is not helping lol#kinda miss when my blog was teeny tiny lol#not that I'm like Jennifer Lawrence but it feels less and less like just my little corner y'know#maybe Epic could be a vampire too#like he turned and he knows Nightmare and Nm mentions him or something and Cross is like#'who did you say???'#lol#college au#college au info#sorry if someone's just looking for info and got my vent lol
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Man, I am so touch starved right now and I really just want to be intimate with someone, but years of bad relationships just got me shutting down when I think of being naked in front of someone again. I'll be damned if I get one more person making fun of my body or nitpicking small shit that I can't help.
Self shipping and reader x fics are so healing in that way, like just for a moment I can be someone else and not have to worry about someone I love humiliating me at my most vulnerable moment. Sigh.
#ghost whispers a secret#sorry I'm being a little personal haha#that's not what this blog is for but I gotta vent somewhere#it's been festering in my mind
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anxiety posting hello
#us elections#im going to go vote today and waiting for my family to be ready to go is kind of killing me lol#i'm going to vote and then not look at anything for like a week#AND HOPE FOR THE BEST I GUESS AUSGHJKL what are you even supposed to do#anyway sorry for only venting here lately lol I've only been opening tumblr when I feel bad 🫣 I need to put some positive vibes on here#oh I made a little alcove for my cat the other day and I feel like weeping everytime he goes in it because he's SO...ADORABLE...#he rests his head on a little porcupine plushie like a pillow...how am I meant to work in those conditions huh? he's too cute
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So turns out being sick + seasonal depression + sleep deficit + work-related issues + the world going to shit in general amounts to me not feeling so great at all, I am both shocked and appalled by this outcome 😔
#and then I'm like 'at least I'll always have fanfiction'#and then the world is like 'ha ha so about that...' 🙃#sorry to be depressing on main#I try not to do that too much because I want this to be a positive space but AAHH today is just a Day#just not having a very good time atm#as I'm sure goes for a LOT of people right now#I know I'm not special lol#just venting I guess#this is why I hate fall and winter but anywayyyy#big shoutout to the wonderful nonnie who send me an ask earlier though <33#you're the only good thing about today and I love you#I will reply when I'm feeling a little less maudlin <3#minnie talks
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"How sad, it seems this Jigglypuff can't bring herself to sing. Perhaps she lost her voice?..."
I'm absolutely heartbroken over the news of Rachael Lillis' death. As someone who's loved Pokémon all my life, her voice has been a huge part of my childhood. I have such fond memories of the characters she brought to life.
A lot of people will miss her. I'm gonna miss her.
🩷
#rachael lillis#rip rachael lillis#pokemon#jigglypuff#gastly#vent art#I'm sorry if it comes off a little cheesy#but i thought it might help ease the pain#it's sad really. I've been having trouble doing more art and it's in this time of tragedy i find the will to do it.#it doesn't help I've had a lot of other stuff weighing on my mind#the death of someone who i had a lot of nostalgic attachment too was just the cherry on top of the depression sundae
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god I'm so tired of feeling so hopeless all the time. occasionally something good happens and I feel okay for a few days but something always goes wrong right after and I'm back to feeling hopeless. I'm drained. I miss my old life. I think moving countries was a mistake but it's too late now
#sorry I just need to vent a little. I'm really struggling#I miss when I wasn't struggling every day
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I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.
But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.
But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.
To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.
There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.
I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.
#some sleep deprived introspection#will probably delete later I've just been feeling exceptionally isolated lately and thinking about it a lot#and for some reason posting about it despite it technically being something I would normally never do#let's get a round of applause for sleep deprived poor decision making 👍👏#or I guess not really poor just something that would embarrass more sane me#sorry about this man#not a vent btw just kinda musing out loud#or maybe I guess it is a vent bc it is still personal negative feelings in a way#I just mean in the sense I'm like. fine. just a little sad haha#sunny with clouds#cw selfcest#selfcest#selfcest ment#juuuust in case#I guess I also had a bit of an unusually uncertain response to my own interest bc I've never really shipped before At All. so like.#that made it feel even weirder and more out of place even to Me yk. idk
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current editing moodboard, please send help
#perfectionism is really kicking my butt rn#that and the fact i had like a week away from writing properly bc chronic pain and now i can’t get back into the headspace#so yeah#perfectionism and brain fog#the inimitable duo#and i know i just need to be patient because it’ll get in the end there like it always does#but rn i’ve spent two nights in a row trying to polish up the last bits of this chapter#and i still just feel so detached from it all i want to pitch my laptop out the window#but i can’t afford a new laptop each time i want to defenestrate it#so this little rant will have to do instead#UGH#it’s so annoying because i am actually so so proud of this chapter and have loved writing it and can’t wait to share it#it’s just this last little bit that i seem to be hitting a brick wall with#anyway sorry#four walls readers don't worry i go through this just about every chapter lol#i'm just feeling it particularly this time because it's a particularly big chapter (both in terms of length and content)#and sometimes venting in the tags and creating an alex moodboard is very therapeutic#writing stuff#alex turner#writer's block#lulu posts
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