#I'm so tired. I'm so sick. I'm so done with all of it. And now I gotta wake up at 7:30 AM. Ugh.

[hanihomed]

Read it once in your life, and never regret it.🖐️✅

Are you bored with posts asking for help from Gaza? You are right, but imagine our situation as we live this war day after day for 15 months!! do you think we're tired too

I have been injured for 12 months and my condition is as it is every day there is no treatment or medicine my condition is as it is every day it gets worse no food or drink in Gaza every day we die of hunger The most beautiful thing for a person is to have a family and a family, but unfortunately my wife gave birth to her daughter Mariam and she died as a result of the war on Gaza.

What is the fault of our children to deprive their childhood of their most basic rights of education, food, drink and fun? They have lost all their childhood memories in our destroyed house.

My father is an older 75 years old, a hypertensive patient who also needs treatment and attention, lost his home, he does not have the ability to walk

Asking for help is not easy, it is very embarrassing, especially for a family that is used to living a decent life. We used to help others, not ask for help.

But the war has turned our lives

I have been Hani for the past 15 months and I have been infected and unable to meet the needs of my family, but my wife has been struggling to get healthy food for my children and medicine for my injury and my elderly father, whose weak body has been attacked by infection and anemia. Where prices have risen 10 times and are very, very expensive, everything is done. As you read my letter, my family and I try to survive through all kinds of suffering.

What was once a beautiful dream and reality is now a nightmare. Hunger is one thing, but hunger and conscription forced you to flee in the middle of the night when tanks suddenly arrive in your area, and you run away to save your life while I am injured and unable to move a difficult and indescribable feeling, I want to flee and my father and my fear for my children and my wife is something tiring and sad to describe all that while we are under fire, leaving behind all his daughters for years

Can you feel my broken heart now?? Can you imagine what I'm going through in these moments? We desperately need your help in the hope of escaping Gaza and reaching safety to save my life from my serious injury and save my family from danger and explosions.

You may feel helpless for this genocide, but you can certainly save my family.We appeal to your merciful hearts to help us escape this catastrophe, which the human mind cannot bear

I know that you share my story out of love and humanity, and I am really grateful for that❤️☘️🙏.

Please share our campaign with your family and friends

The cost of monthly treatment to buy treatment and painkillers for my injury is $ 700 A bag of flour costs $250 and is the main source of food for my family and is required daily to make bread. We live in a tent and my children are shivering cold. All I can do is pray.

Please, don't just watch or share so a small donation can be a lifeline for a hungry or sick child who is suffering🙏🙏

Please help us get out of life's crises and the woes of war

Read more about us in the following link, please donate to us on it and share it 👇

Please help us get out of life's crises and the woes of war

Thank you to everyone who supports us in these difficult circumstances, thank you for your humanity and sympathy with us, may God make you happy throughout your life 🙏

Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #99 ) ✅

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[genderqueerdykes]

i am deeply frightened and frustrated and need to talk about my physical health for a bit

all throughout this year, i have been struggling with digestion and other gastrointestinal health issues. i got my gallbladder removed a few months ago, which helped tremendously to reduce the amounts of pain i was in, and it helped decrease my nausea by a lot. however, i had a colonoscopy done that showed that i have diverticulosis, which are bulging pockets in the walls of one's intestines. these pockets can cause all kinds of problems, they can get inflamed and infected super easily due to old waste not cycling out of the body correctly

nothing was done about it. the doctor never talked to me to tell me if they were infected or inflamed or not. i was told nothing and sent home. for the past year, i have been having debilitating GI issues. i can barely eat food anymore. nearly every time i eat, no matter what it is, i either become nauseated, or end up having to run to the bathroom shortly afterwards. whenever i have to use the bathroom i come out of it feeling weak, exhausted and sick. the pain in my stomach and intestines has been unbearable.

a few nights ago, i ate some bread the food bank gave me, and it caused me so much lower gut pain that i couldn't move or do much of anything. the amount of foods i can safely consume without becoming sick is slowly becoming less and less. it's to the point where i'm just genuinely scared to eat anymore. i don't really know what to do about it. i feel hysterical, like i'm gonna crack and break into thousands of pieces

i have an appointment scheduled with a good medical group, but the soonest they were able to get me into their GI department for an appointment is May of 2025. if i'm struggling this hard to eat now, i have no idea what's going to happen in the next 5 months. i'm so tired of having to worry constantly before every bite of food i eat if i'm going to become sick and spend my entire day in the bathroom.

i hate the american medical system so much. i hate how gross i feel all the time and that there's nothing i can do about it. its getting to the point where i might go to the ER again. i don't really know what else to do, i still can't eat food. i got my gallbladder removed, but i still can't eat. that was only part of the problem. i hate that the rest of it was just completely ignored. if i'm constantly complaining about lower GI symptoms and i have diverticulosis, there's a good chance that is the reason why my lower gut is so miserable. but just ignore it, i'm fat, so it doesn't matter if i can't eat. i'm sure they think it's good for me to eat less. fucking christ.

[onlyrains]

[5:21pm]

genre: comfort, fluff wc: 1.1k ┊not proofread!

you are nothing near from being the greatest singer of the century, to begin with. you're not even a singer at all. but layla, a border collie of your best friend's–jake, might be your first fan ever.

whenever she sees you around in some comfortable circumstances, she's never hesitate to lay down beside you and sometimes even rest her jaw on your thigh. on top of that, one day when jake come to your place to check on you while you lay sick on your bed, she also lies and put her paw on your arm.

she keeps ignoring her nature as one of the most active and energetic breed and you have a soft spot for her also. so of course, you always gladly sing for her. you even made a playlist to sing for her, which full of coldplay's old songs that you found she loves the most.

as an owner, jake found this quite beneficial sometimes when he needs to done his things but very much confused at the same time. what's up with your voice? he's a good singer too. people even recognize him for that. but why's his dog, his best buddy, his love, never react the way she does for you?

"she's my child, jake." you always say.

"stop saying that. i literally clean, do the chores, and work for her?" and he always replies.

today, as he promised yesterday, he came to your place with layla. and no, you're not sick today, it's apparently the opposite. he arrived with a pissed, frustrated face and refuse to talk fifteen minutes ago. he's just walks around your living room with his disheveled white office shirt.

you continue to read your book while playing with layla's hair and humming to coldplay's song. you make sure to open your bedroom door widely to let him know that he can come in when he's ready. it's not the first time you've seen jake in this state and you know the best way to deal with it is just let him do anything he wants. he will talk about it when he's tired.

speaking of which, the tail of your eye catches his movement towards you. well, maybe it is a very serious matter since he has never got tired this quick.

"what's up?" you snap, closing your book on your stomach. layla got up at your sudden movement as she sees her owner walks in your direction. she jumps on the floor and her favorite song is now long gone.

"jake?" he sits on layla's spot earlier and lets out a deep sigh.

"it's work." his eyes looking at the white sheets beneath him and draw an imaginary circle with his index.

"i know. wanna talk about it?"

he drags his body to lay next to you, head burried in your pillow while his arms stretched out to his side and your neck, almost choking you.

"i don't know, girl. i'm just... tired."

"is it that bad?" you ask carefully.

he nods. "there's a problem with the project and this mf blame me for it," he groans. thank god your pillow muffled his voice.

"oh? what a prick."

"can you sing for me?" he raises his head.

you never turn your head so fast.

"what?" you blurt out a laugh.

he lies on his side, perfectly facing you. "oh, c'mon. you always make layla chill out with it."

"but you're not layla?"

"i'm her owner, you know. she's my daughter. like father like dau–"

"okay, stop. you started sound silly,"

"babe, c'mon. i just need to sleep. you know how much effort i put on this project? i barely had a proper sleep,"

as soon as that pet name came out of his mouth you know it's hard to win over him. he will starts pleading as soon as he can, so you let out a heavy sigh and stretch your arm reluctantly.

"c'mere,"

the next thing you know, he already burried his head on your shoulder. well, actually, this is your first time being this close with him in this kind of position despite your nth years of friendship.

so when he’s seemingly already found his spot on the crook of your neck, you can't help but squirm a little, but jake is too quick to catch your waist to prevent you from moving anywhere.

"don't move." he says against your neck.

you bite your inner cheek to hold back a sharp gasp that almost come out of nowhere.

you take a deep breath before placing your hand on his head, brushing his hair lightly. you decide to continue to sing to spark, which was previously forcibly cut off.

"my heart is yours," you start to whisper.

"it's you that i hold on to,

that's what i do,

and i know i was wrong,

but i won't let you down,

mmm, yeah, i will, yeah, i will, yes, i will," your voice get slightly lower.

"i said, oh,

i cry, oh,

yeah, i saw sparks,

yeah, i saw sparks." you massage his scalp lightly.

"sing it out,

la la la la la la,"

you feel his breathing becomes steady while in fact he's just enjoying his action to inhaling your scent that mixed with a soft fragrant from your newly washed sweater. he has never been this relax in a long time.

you keep on with the lyrics in humming as your eyes glued to the plain ceiling of your room. you feel his arm is still lazily attached to your waist then what are you doing, really? is it normal to cuddle your friend from high school? is it okay to comfort your guy friend like this?

you haven't finished think about that but jake already raised his head.

his eyes slightly red from the drowsiness that suddenly hit him but the smile on his mouth is as wide as ever. "y'know, layla actually has a good taste."

a heat suddenly strikes your cheek, causing it to turn to a shade of red.

his head turns to his dog on the floor. "dang, my girl is talented, for real."

you roll your eyes at him. "okay, now move."

he's quick to back on his previous spot, even more suffocating right now as he pulls you impossibly close to his body.

he tilts his head upward to face you. his wet eyes stares at you so innocently, which quite opposite to his actions that practically hugging you so tight while trying to sleep.

"ey, c'mon, don't be so stingy," he snuggles to you, again.

you bite your lip this time. maybe you just as tired as him, but you swear, you saw the sparks.

[lullabyes22-blog]

Snippet - A Survivor's Story - Forward But Never Forget/XOXO

Sevika spittin' facts...

Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Snippet:

"I hear you thinking," Sevika warns, without opening her eyes.

"Thinking?"

"About how to get Jinx away from him."

Despite reflex, Vi doesn't ball her hands into fists. She's getting better at concealment. Not a pro like Sevika. Not a savant like Silco. But she's learning. These past five months, she's learnt enough to last a lifetime. Yet she has so much left to know.

"He's not a monster," Vi says. "I thought he was. Now I understand he's just a fucked-up asshole. But that doesn't mean he's not dangerous."

"He's got his reasons."

"I'm tired of you defending him, Sevika."

"I'm defending—"

"—Zaun?" Vi's jaw grates. "Yeah. That's your big religion. The cause you've given everything to. And he's the messiah. You worship him. The rest of us have to believe too, or be cast out." Her eyes seize Sevika's, daring her to contradict. "It's easy to believe in him, too. I'd like to say otherwise. But I've seen him work in real-time. He's got a mojo. A pull, and he pulls who he wants. But that's not faith, Sevika. That's smokescreen to hide the rot inside. And someone like that, they learn all sorts of strategies to hide it. All that smooth talk, all that drive and charisma—they aren't Silco. They're the bracing that hides the sickness." 

"Look—"

"I have looked," Vi snaps, then takes a stabilizing breath. "I get it, okay? If he hadn't fought for Zaun, we'd still be under Piltover. If he hadn't done awful things, the Fissurefolk would be suffering worse. I understand that. He—Jinx—changed the city in ways no one else could've done. You can't scare monsters unless you're the scarier monster." She shakes her head. "Maybe he's the leader the Undercity—Zaun—needs right now. But what about ten years down the line? Twenty? What kind of shape will our home be if it's just a game of whack-a-villain every minute of every day? How do we take care of each other, if we're at each other's throats? How will Jinx take care of herself as she gets older? She doesn't need more monsters in her life, Sevika. She's got enough. She needs to feel safe. To know that her own city won't chew her up and spit her out if she slips up. To know her own home is behind her and not just a snakepit."

Sevika's features hold a deliberate smoothness. She says nothing.

"What people do isn't always who they are," Vi goes on. "Vander always told me that. I think it's true. For you. For a lot of folks who fought for Silco's cause. It's not true for Silco. Living means changing. Someone who can't change isn't really alive. Silco isn't." She swallows. "Not since Vander drowned him." 

Sevika takes a swallow of her beer. When she's finished, there's a half-smile on her face. Too old a smile, too knowing.

"You're right," she says. "He isn't alive."

Vi stares.

House odds were that Sevika would argue. That she'd shrug off Vi's outburst. Not that she'd pay it off with plainspoken fact.

"He's not alive," she repeats, "because he's forgotten how to be."

"Forgotten?"

"He's not you, Vi." Sevika's tone holds a weird stoicism. "If he was, he'd have had a different story. Not everyone's so lucky."

"Lucky?" Resentment creeps under Vi's skin. "I grew up in the Lanes. Same as you and Silco. I lost my family. My sister was stolen. I spent six years in Stillwater."

"A hard-knock life."

"What's that mean?"

Sevika shrugs. No sarcasm. Just blunt fact. "People in the Lanes—hell, people all over—go through all kinds of shit. They survive wars and famines. They get sold to slavers. They wake up one morning and a crazy Mage burns their village down. Or Noxus rolls in and salts all their fields. It's disaster after disaster. A life of hardship. Some learn early on how to cope. How to deal with pain. Others... it's like they just stop. Stop in time. Stop living completely." Her eyes go heavy-lidded. "Nobody has a perfect childhood. But some kids learn how to be happy, or at least float on when things aren't happy. A lot of it's down to nature. The rest? That's how you grow up. Who teaches you to be strong, and smart, and resilient. For you, it was Vander and your folks. Whoever gave you hope and kept you sane. For me..."

Belatedly, Vi understands.

"It was your sister."

Sevika doesn't flinch. Withdrawing a cigarillo from her pocket, she lights up perfunctorily. Brightleaf drifts in Vi's airspace.

"Don't recall mentioning Nandi to you," Sevika says.

"Silco did." Vi's eyelids droop. She feels tired all of a sudden. Torpid with the humidity; the slanting sunrays. With the surreal passage of time and the inexorable weight of history. "So did Vander, when I was a kid. She was the Priestess at Janna's Temple. Mom liked her." She looks away. "Mom was a believer in the old gods. Said they were a part of us, same as blood. She'd always visit the Temple for the Priestess' prayers. She'd stay for her stories. I remember those stories. I didn't understand 'em much, but I liked listening to her voice. I just never connected..."

That you two were family.

That you lost someone, same as me.

Vi's eyes are dry. But she feels the emotion lodged inside: half-processed.

"I didn't connect the dots," she repeats. "I'm sorry."

A plume of smoke rises pensively from Sevika's lips.

"She was a good woman," she says at length "Better one than me. I've made a career out of breaking bones. Nandi made a calling out of binding them back together.  But it was just a different kind of faith, y'know? She had faith in the divine. I had faith in me and mine. So I took care of her. She took care of me. We were family."

"Like me and Powder."

Sevika says nothing. She tips her chin back, staring at the sun-spangled sky.

"After she passed," Vi says, more tentatively, "you took up with Silco?"

The orientation of Sevika's body shifts.  "Don't recall mentioning that either."

"I—I saw you two."

"Saw us?" 

"Last night." Vi’s tongue burns as the confession slips past. " At the penthouse."

The cigarillo smolders in Sevika's prosthetic fingers: spark and flint. Smoke drifts over her face. Her hair's tied in a high tail today. There's nothing to conceal her expression. Not that there's an expression to conceal. Her eyes, meeting Vi's, reflect nothing in the metalhazy glints.

She is a monolith, and monoliths don't flinch.

Neither does Vi. This isn't a place for shame. They've known each other too long and too bitterly for that.

"I know," Vi mutters. "I know it wasn't my business."

"Then why make it your business?"

"Because—" It's an effort to match Sevika's stare "Because you and him... it's like you're stuck. Stuck on him. Stuck to him. He's bad news, Sevika. Not just for you, but everyone." She takes a shuddery breath, trying to keep the kneejerk anger out. "Whatever you're getting out of it, you can get better elsewhere."

"You offering, Vi?"

The near-flinch becomes a flush. "That's not what I—"

Except Sevika's not challenging her. Her demeanor's the same as when she and Vi used to spar: calm, level, blunt.

The bond between them doesn't go deep. Can't—given their convoluted history. Yet territorial as Sevika is, she takes care of her turf. Looks out for her own. Since Vi's return to the Lanes, she's treated her... not as an ally, but as a fellow Trencher.

They've both known hardship and come out stronger. They both understand that when disaster hits, it can make enemies out of friends—and friends out of enemies. 

Vi and Sevika are neither. They inhabit a shadowy zone in between. But that zone has its own language, and it's a clean one. No deadweight. No dredged-up debts.

Just the give-and-take of hard-hitting truth.

"It's funny," Sevika says. "The way folks throw that word around. Better. They're always thinking of what-ifs. What could be, instead of what is. Me, I like the facts. What's real, not what may come to pass."

"What's real is he's using you," Vi snaps. "Same as he uses everybody. He doesn't love you, Sevika."

"Love." Sevika's lip curls up at one corner. "What’s love got to do with it, little girl?"

"I—what?"

"You say Zaun's my big religion? Well, let me tell you. Love's yours. And it's got you—you, Jinx, Silco—so twisted up in knots, you're a fucking mess."

"I'm not a—"

"A fucking mess," Sevika repeats, and the tone brooks no argument. "All of you. That's the problem. You've got no perspective. No sense of self. No clue what's what. Everything's love, and you tote that word around like junkies with a fix. As if it's the answer to everything. The cure-all. Well, let me break it to you: it's not. Not even close."

"But—" Vi is stunned. "Then what's it for? What's the point?"

"There is no point," Sevika snaps. "Love's not a solution. It's not even a problem. It's just an emotion. And it's not the only one. There's rage. There's grief. There's hate. And they're just as real. Just another part of living." Her jaw hardens. "I loved my sister, Vi. Loved her enough that I'd strangle anybody who'd put a hand on her. Not because she was the best woman in the world—and she was—but because she was the best part of me. She was my family, same way Jinx is yours. When I lost her, I went to war. Didn't care if it was Enforcers, or Topside, or the whole goddamn world. I was ready to tear the planet down. Because I'd already been torn apart. I didn't have anything left."

"Sevika," Vi says, but doesn't finish.

She's been where Sevika has. She understands.

"I was broken," Sevika goes on. "I thought, without love, I'd stay broken. I was wrong. There's a whole lot more to life than that. And Silco..."

Her cadence doesn't waver. But there's a different undercurrent. Something raw, and blisteringly real.

"We had a thing, once," she says. "A shortlived thing. But that's the least of our history, Vi. It's not why I follow him. And it's not why I was with him last night."

"Why, then?" Vi's throat is tight. "Why stay with him?"

"Because… when I was broken, he knew what to do with the brokenness. He didn't ask me to be someone else. Didn't try to put me back together. He took me as I was. Because he understood that grief doesn't just end. It can't. There's no escaping it. But you can't let it end you, either. People have it worse; they have less. Me? I had more. When I had Nandi, I had everything. When I lost her, I lost it all. And what's left was an empty space, and filling it with something. Something that'd last the distance." She lets off a breath. A single strand of smoke uncurls. "Silco gave me that. He put his life in my hands. He laid his cause at my feet. He had faith in me. And that faith meant something."

"A way to go on," Vi says.

"That's the best anyone can ask for." Sevika smiles, and her hard face fills with soft lines. "Love's a fine thing, Vi. But it can't protect your family. It can't keep them safe. You gotta fight for that. And when you've fought as long as I have—taken more lives than you've seen years—it's not about the love. It's about what's left. About doing your part to keep it standing."

"Even if it means dying?"

Sevika doesn't miss a beat. "It's never about dying, Vi. It's about the life you choose before that."

"Silco can't give you a life."

"I know." Sevika's smile dwindles. The softness and hardness don't. "But he's given me everything else. The rest? I'll make do. My sister taught me how."

Vi says nothing. She's run out of arguments. Run, too, out of anger.

They sit in silence, watching the afternoon unfold.

[alexihollis]

Bad Math

*CW: Angst with a Happy Ending and Canon-Typical Violence*

Ajax hated running. Ajax hated running, so why was she once again sprinting down a subway platform? She pushed at Rembrandt's back, urging the smaller woman to go faster. Faster, faster, faster.

"Mercy, hurry the fuck up!" Ajax yelled when she looked over her shoulder to find Mercy lagging. The girl had legs, what the hell was she doing?

"I'm good!" Mercy yelled back and Ajax just shook her head, focusing on Rembrandt once more.

Thank God the door was open on the train. Rembrandt hopped inside, Ajax on her tail. When Ajax turned around though...

"Mercy!" Ajax screamed as she found Mercy several feet away, stopped and facing the oncoming gang.

Ajax still didn't recognize their colors. Hadn't recognized them when she noticed that they were being tailed from Gramercy. The Riffs would be pissed one they found out, but they were currently occupied. They were coming back from a meeting with Masai, Cleon choosing to hang around and have the Riffs drive her back down to Coney later. When Ajax noticed the first knife, she knew it would be too long before any of the Riffs' scouts got word out to their soldiers.

"I'll meet you back home!" Mercy yelled, flicking out her own switch knife. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Mercy, no!" Rembrandt screamed.

Except it was already too late. One of the guys was already on Mercy and it slowly dawned on Ajax what Mercy had done. She had known the train doors weren't going to close in time, they were going to be stuck in a car with this psychos, so she-

"Mercy!" Rembrandt lunged, but Ajax grabbed her, wrapped her arms around Rembrandt's chest as Rembrandt struggled against her. "Let me go! Mercy!"

Two guys were now on Mercy and it wasn't good. And then there was a third. They weren't getting past her, but...Ajax felt sick to her stomach as she watched. At the very least, she could watch.

Ajax held tight until the door closed. Rembrandt's fists pounded at the glass as the train sped away.

"Not again," Rembrandt muttered as she turned her back to the door, sliding down to the floor of the train, hands fisting in her hair. "Not again, not again, not again."

"She'll be okay," Ajax forced herself to believe. "She's strong, she'll-"

"This is gonna kill Swan," Rembrandt said, her voice hollow sounding.

Ajax wanted to throw up.

--------

The apartment was silent. Not even the TV was on as they sat in the living room. Waiting. Cochise hated waiting.

It had been six hours since Ajax and Rembrandt got home and told them what happened. Six hours since they called the Riffs' headquarters trying to get a hold of Cleon. Six hours since Swan had last spoken, hanging up the phone and saying that Cleon's orders were to lay low in the apartment until Cleon either called back or came home.

The apartment was client, but now Ajax decided she wanted to pick a fight.

"Why the fuck aren't you mad at me?" Ajax asked, all but glaring at Swan from where Ajax and Rembrandt sat on the couch.

"Ajax, what are you-?" Rembrandt tried to say, but Ajax continued.

"You haven't said shit to me about this. Why?" Ajax demanded.

Swan didn't say anything. She sat in the arm chair and stared at the phone.

Ajax got off the couch, despite Rembrandt's best attempts to keep her seated, and stalked towards Swan. "Say something. I fucked up! Hit me! Tell me to go out and find her, you're number two, you can do that!"

"Cleon gave her orders," Cochise said.

"Fuck Cleon's orders, this is your girl, Swan!" Ajax yelled. "Why aren't you-?"

"I can't do this right now." Cochise hadn't heard Swan sound like that in years. Not since the earliest days of her slinking around the boardwalk like she thought they were still going to run her off despite the colors on her back. Swan stood up, shoulders hunched, and disappeared down the hallway, the quiet click of her bedroom door the only hint where she went.

"C'mon, Ajax, why'd you need to do that?" Cowgirl asked, tired. They were all tired.

Ajax shook her head. "No. No, she's supposed to be mad at me. Why isn't she mad at me?"

"Because she's worried about something else? Fucking Christ, Ajax, it isn't-"

"Cowgirl!" Cochise interrupted. Cowgirl's eyes snapped to her and Cochise shook her head.

Cowgirl's eyes widened just slightly, looked to Ajax for a second, and all the tension that was building immediately melted out of her.

But Ajax didn't want to back down. "What? What were you going to say?"

"I'm not fighting you either," Cowgirl said.

"I'm not- I- Motherfucker," Ajax muttered, hands on her head, fingers intertwined as she started to pace the room. "Motherfucker."

More time passed.

Then, Cleon came home. As soon as the key was in the lock, Swan was in the living room with the rest of them, waiting.

Cleon entered like the weight of the entire world pressed down on her. She stopped short, looking at them all.

For a moment, Cochise thought Cleon might actually make it through this. Then, Cochise saw the moment Cleon made eye-contact with Swan.

Cleon's mouth opened and her eyes welled and no words came out.

It didn't matter, though.

"No," Swan said. "No. No, no, no."

"I'm sorry," Cleon said. "We couldn't find her. We don't know who jumped them. Masai is still looking, but I wanted to let you know."

"Then we need to go out," Ajax said. "We need to help them."

Cleon shook her head, though. "I told Masai we would lie low. He thinks it was targeted."

At that, the most heartbreaking sob came from Swan. Swan's hands flew to her mouth, knuckles white as she pressed hard.

"Swan," Cleon went to move towards Swan.

Swan backed herself into a wall. Shaking her head. Then, she was flying back down the hall and the bedroom door slammed.

----------

Swan had not left her room for three days. Swan had not unlocked her bedroom door for three days. Cleon tried bribery. She made Swan's favorite meals and placed the plates right next to the door. She offered money. Alcohol. Anything. Cleon tried threats. The worst jobs for a month. Two months. Being on Cowgirl patrol for a year when they went out dancing. Swan refused to unlock the door.

Even worse? Ajax refused to pick the lock.

"You're the one who gave her the bedroom with the attached bathroom," Ajax said when Cleon tried. Then, when Cleon really pushed, "She deserves time alone. Give it to her."

The only thing keeping Cleon sane was that Rembrandt could sneak onto the fire escape outside of Swan's room and peek in, assuring Cleon that, yes, Swan was in fact alive in there.

Masai wasn't helping. "Are you sure those were the colors? Could it have been green and yellow?"

Cleon groaned into the phone. "They said green and purple vests. My girls aren't stupid, they know colors, and Rembrandt is one of the witnesses!"

"Got it. Got it, but- Cleon, no one's talking. And we're talking about Union Square. That's a lot of fucking people to not see shit."

Cleon hung up the phone and wanted to bash her head through the wall.

It was three-thirty in the morning, moving into the fourth day as Cleon sat alone in the kitchen, when she heard the door open. Cleon stopped breathing as she heard soft footsteps move down the hall and Swan appeared in the kitchen.

Swan did not seem surprised to see Cleon, but she didn't acknowledge Cleon either, moving to the pantry and pulling out a box of crackers. Then, she sat at the kitchen table.

Cleon didn't know what to say.

"Cochise," Swan said, staring at the table top.

Cleon blinked. "What?"

"Cochise would be a good second." Swan ate a cracker, like this was a completely casual conversation. "She's smart. Good with people. She stops Ajax from picking fights."

"I have a second," Cleon said, willing her voice to be calm. Stable.

"We both know I'm not surviving this one." Swan could have been saying it was about to rain. "I might make it another week or two. But Rembrandt told me what she saw. Ajax, too. This is it for me."

"You're just gonna give up? After all this time?" Cleon's throat felt tight and her eyes burned. "All this, and you're gonna roll over?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." Swan looked at Cleon, who hated how clear Swan's eyes looked. "I love you."

"Then, stay," Cleon's voice broke, but Swan was already shaking her head. "It's an order. You're staying, I don't give a fuck. I will have Ajax follow your ass until you are seventy-fucking-years old, you're surviving this."

One corner of Swan's mouth ticked up, just slightly. The smallest, saddest smile as she said, "Okay, Cleon."

"Fuck. Fuck," Cleon swiped at the tears that fell out of her eyes as she threw herself at Swan, holding tight. Swan hugged back, less tightly. "I love you, Swan, please. We love you."

It was like trying to hug a cloud.

------------

Two fucking weeks. It took Mercy two fucking weeks for the hospital to let her go. Not even for her injuries, a safety hold!

"We're concerned about your safety at home," they kept saying. Kept asking about a boyfriend or father, despite Mercy insisting that she did not, in fact, live with any men.

"I got jumped," Mercy kept saying, kept trying to explain, but no one believed her! No one!

It wasn't until all her wounds had healed and the safety hold expired that they finally let her walk out. When they asked for an address to send the bill, Mercy's eye twitched, but she got a perverse sense of glee writing her step-monster's address on the form. After all, the hospital was in the Bronx of all places, there was no way Cheryl would find her based on that (the question of why the fucking ambulance took her from Union Square to a hospital in the Bronx had not been answered, no matter how many times Mercy asked).

The worst of it? They wouldn't even let her use a fucking phone. So Mercy was left finding her own transportation all the way to Coney Island.

She made it into Manhattan when she realized she was being tailed.

Then, a car pulled up next to her and rolled down the window.

"Warrior!" Masai called out. "Mercy! Where the absolute fuck have you been?!"

Mercy blinked. The back door opened.

"Get in the goddamn car!" Masai yelled. "Fucking Warriors, do you even-? Jesus fucking Christ."

Masai...was usually not like this. Mercy got in the car, next to a silent Riff.

"Thanks?" Mercy said as the car sped off. "The hospital put me on a safety hold."

"Hospital? Which hospital? We checked all the hospitals!" Masai seemed ridiculously agitated for this situation.

"Montefiore?"

"I checked there," the Riff next to her said. "They said there wasn't anyone there matching your description. I went back multiple times."

"Huh."

"Never mind, that, we need to get you home, Cleon's losing her damn mind," Masai muttered, his hands gripping the wheel tight.

Which...Mercy wasn't exactly sure why Cleon would be freaking out that much, but she chose to keep her mouth shut on the drive home. They pulled up to the building and Mercy was surprised when Masai parked the car.

"I'm walking you to the door," he said.

"Okay," Mercy shrugged.

They made their way up the stairs. Masai's eyes on her back felt like a physical weight.

Mercy barely slid her key into the lock before the door was yanked open.

"Mercy?!" Rembrandt screamed.

"Oh, holy shit, okay," Mercy took a step back before being tackled by Rembrandt.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you're alive?!" Rembrandt was very loud. And now pulling her into the apartment. "Swan! Swan!"

Ajax was suddenly there, as well, though she was by the front door, blocking Masai from what Mercy could tell. "Thanks, but no."

"Just wanted to make sure she got home. Have Cleon call me," Masai said, sounding much more his typical self.

"Will do. Bye." Then the door was closed.

"Swan!" Rembrandt yelled again as she was pushing Mercy down on to the couch. Then, to Mercy, "Do you need anything? Water? Food? Where the fuck have you been?!"

"I-" Mercy tried.

Then, Cleon was there, looking tired and stressed. "Mercy?!"

"Hi-"

"Where the fuck have you been?!" Cleon yelled and, okay, now she was hugging Mercy, too. "Are you hurt? What the fuck? We are having a very long conversation about subway stations and fights! Where have you been?"

"The hospital!" Mercy finally managed to say over the cacophony of Cleon and Cochise and Cowgirl, Rembrandt was muttering something about food. "I was at the hospital! Someone called an ambulance and they took me up to the Bronx. I'm fine, but they put me on a safety hold." Then, after a moment, "I think the Riffs may have accidentally caused the safety hold."

Mercy could see the financial side of Cleon's brain click in. "Oh. Um. Two weeks in the hospital?"

"I sent the bill to Cheryl," Mercy said and Cleon all but deflated with relief and a muttered, "Thank fucking God."

Rembrandt was shoving a glass of water in Mercy's hands. "Drink."

"Rem, I'm fine-"

"Mercy?"

The glass of water was no longer in Mercy's hands, she thought Rembrandt might have grabbed it as Mercy shot to her feet.

Swan looked horrible, which was a new experience for Mercy because she thought Swan looked beautiful even during the Night from Hell. And Swan still looked beautiful, of course she did, but right now she also looked miserable. Dark bags under her eyes and hair barely braided back.

What really broke Mercy's heart was the hoodie Swan wore. Mercy's hoodie, the oversized one that Mercy bought with her first real paycheck from Jenkins' bar.

Mercy didn't notice her feet moving towards Swan, focused only on Swan. "Baby. Baby, I'm so sorry."

Tears welled in Swan's eyes and Mercy rocked back as she had her arms full of sobbing Swan. Mercy held tight as Swan melted, then and there, in a way Mercy had never seen her do before, not in front of the other Warriors.

"I'm here," Mercy promised, pressing soft kisses to the top of Swan's head. "I'm here. It's okay. I'm here."

She managed to get Swan back into their room, back into the unmade bed. Swan curled herself tight against Mercy.

Cleon appeared in the doorway after Swan cried herself to sleep, still clutching tight to Mercy.

"She sleeping?" Cleon asked.

Mercy nodded. Looked down at Swan and brushed at the tear tracks drying on her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry everyone."

"Not your fault," Cleon sighed, heavily. "Just- I don't fucking know. It's bad math with you two."

And Mercy wasn't sure what that meant, but Cleon left before she could ask.

Ajax swung by later, took a seat at the small desk, rocking the chair back and forth on its back legs because Ajax didn't know how to sit still. Gave Mercy a quiet, but large amount of shit for the stunt she pulled at the station.

"She didn't even yell at me," Ajax said, gesturing to sleeping Swan. "When we got back without you. Didn't say shit."

"You guys find the gang thats responsible for it?" Mercy asked.

Ajax shook her head. "Masai thinks it might be some new guys trying to come up." She shifted on her feet, her arms crossed, uncomfortable. "I think Cleon thinks it's the Rogues trying to make some sort of comeback. That that might be why we got targeted like that."

"Awesome," Mercy muttered darkly. Then, "Cleon's mad at me, isn't she?"

"Cleon's mad at Cleon," Ajax corrected. "Swan's special to her, always has been."

Which had been a terrifying realization for Mercy that first day as a Warrior, realizing that she was dating her new leader's adopted little sister, not just her number two.

"Cleon always says Rem and me are bad math," Ajax continued. "That if she loses one of us, the other's not gonna last long. She can handle that with us, we've always been like that, but Swan? This scared the shit out of her, because, as much as Cleon might not want to admit it, Cleon would lose her shit if she lost Swan. More than if she lost the rest of us."

"Oh," Mercy said. Because what else was there to say?

That she wouldn't stay back? That she wouldn't fight for her crew? They thought they killed her, Mercy was sure of it, and they freaked when the ambulance's sirens came screaming. If they were stuck on a train car with only Mercy, Rembrandt and Ajax?

No.

Mercy would have made the same decision.

So there was nothing else to say. And there was nothing else to do except hold Swan tight and be glad she survived that night after all.

--------------

all complaints can be forwarded to the glorious @wutheringhestia who gave me the amazing prompt that sparked this!!!! thank you so much

[angeisherexoxo]

Manifestation cheatcode:

BE NONCHALANT!!!!!!

When I say be nonchalant I mean say you want it done? And move on with your life, just move on.. its simple! And when ppl say its simple ik you're like "how??? How its simple because I've been working so hard to get what i want my entire life and now you're suddenly telling me it is simple.. how is it simple????" I will tell you how just read the post. (Long post ahead)

As i was saying, decide your desir, affirm for it and move on, what do I mean by moving on? I mean:

1. NOT OVERTHINKING IT

2. NOT STRESSING IT!!!

Because if you're someone who gets whatever tf they want, whenever tf you want.. why do you even think twice about it right?

♡: Examples from My own life lately:

1. As some of you might noticed I disappeared here, because I have midterms and I'm a medical student so I've got to study more yeah? Since i didn't study ever since the term started (I was focusing on manifesting as you see in my latest posts)

But as I started focusing on studying and nothing but studying my manifesting process POURED ON ME!!!!!!! bitch I was complaining about how I don't get money as a college student (we have financial issues) , now as I focused on studying and dropped thinking about manifesting (because my brain is so busy inhaling study sheets) suddenly mom gave me 20$ bucks to buy medical sheets for my studies, then she gave me another 10$ to buy something else if i wanted, later at the same day dad gave me another 20$ JUST BECAUSE (Which never happened) , that was at 24 of December right? Yesterday suddenly a relative of ours got sick, and I have an exam, we had to go pick up my grandma so she visits the relative yeah??? She saw me and decided to give me 20$, and I'M NOT EVEN FOCUSING ON MONEY or manifesting I'm literally busy studying..

Q: So ange what happened there? What does this all mean?

A: I HAD no time to even think against what I want!! That's what fkn happened, before studying I was inhaling affirmations and repeating, now as I've let it go (by inhaling my studies and not having time to think about my manifesting process) it all just worked out, who would know that I will suddenly see my grandma and she'll give me money? I DIDNT SEE HER IN MONTHS!!! that's what they mean when they say everything will move for you to have your desires, for me it was that relative who got sick that caused me to see my grandma (pray for the relative btw thanks<3)

And this here was being nonchalant but I did it by studying, YOU can just say you want this to happen and fkn forget about it, Yk when we complain always about buying this book we DESPERATELY want, or that guitar or that phone or that car or laptop and then when we BOUGHT IT and it's in our room we just- ignore it, literally live as if we never desperately begged for it and that's the fkn key, i never understood what bloggers mean when they say “Embody the person you want to be, dont wish you are, YOU ARE, assume you have it and you will” that's what they fkn mean, weeks ago I was hoping for a 10$ now I've got like 30$ per day!

2. My studies!!!

As a medical student it's fine hard to study medicine, especially when you're lazy like my own dumbass, I only study the days before the exam, for example yesterday I had a midterm for 4 sheets that I studied in 2 days, each sheet have 14 pages that's FILLED with informations, and as a girl who has ADHD and a messy mind it was hard to focus and honestly I'm princess coded I just want shit done without being tired I'm sure you all understand since you're reading this, we want it done in the most simple fast way yeah? Fuck yes we do, so! Whenever I stressed and complained to ANYONE (I'm a complainer) I started reflecting the complaining, if I noticed I was about to complain to my friends or My parents about my studies I just immediately start bragging to them, I be like oh it's so easy to me and I'm even smarter than the professors there and LORD how it's easy to predict their exam questions, and istg as I focused on this technique (if I thought against what I want, I immediately start correcting myself and think as if I'm so smart *I am btw* and it's all so easy to me) that's what fkn happened, yes I got tired and I've got so many back pain while studying but I suddenly started making questions out of the sheet instead of just studying the information as the professor has stated it, for example if he said components of immune system are : innate immune system and acquired immune system, I be like oh that's easy he's gonna ask me : Q: What are the components of immune system?

This made it so much easier to study and the next day in the midterm I saw 6 questions of the ones I fkn made in the sheet!!! It's like I hacked his mind???

3. My last and third example of My life is also about my studies, as I said I'm so princess coded and sensitive af guys, and I hate college as a girl who wants no stress and just success, so the last weeks I skipped college, I was sick and stressed and just had so many issues going on so I didn't go, and that's where they announced my name because I crossed the limit of absence (strict medical bitches) and if you cross this limit they won't let you attend the midterms and therfore you won't pass the final because there is a gap due to the lack of the midterm grades, even if you wanted to pass the final you'd have to get a full mark no matter what so you avoid the damage of not attending the midterm, SINCE my cute ass crossed the limit of absence it means I can't attend the midterm, LOGICALLY it means I failed the midterm already isn't it?

But I just decided that it won't hurt me in anyway, why? Because manifesting isn't about logic, if you tell me you can't fly I'll say I can fly and one day I will!! And guess what? That's what happened

The boss of our major came yesterday (first midterm exame as i said) and called my name, and she gave me a paper saying that I only didn't attend one subject- which is so untrue bitch I skipped them all!!! How tf there's only one subject????? I didn't want to correct her I just signed the paper (signing it is like a promise that I won't do it again) and just like that I survived the whole danger of failing- was it logical?? Did it make sense? NOOOOO but it happened omgmgmfmiquwuwu2!!!!

START BELIEVING THAT IT ISN'T LOGICAL, ITS LIKE SUPERHEROES MOVIES, THEY BELIEVE THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DEFEAT THE VILLAIN AND THIS IS HOW THEY DEFEAT IT, THE VILLAIN HERE IS YOURRRR MINDSET, START DOING WHAT I SAID AND SEE HOW SHIT SHIFTS!!!!

I've got more to say for the examples but I've got to go study (wish me luck btw), I hope I helped I really tried my best to <3!

Ps: another side example is yesterday was hella cold in my country so I wanted a vacation (to study more because as I told yall it was 4 sheets and I stressed myself out so I wanted more time to get my shit together) no one said ANYTHINNNG at all about any vacation, but I just thought "idc they're gonna give us a vacation for the bad weather and that's just it) right next hours the whole country started talking about the vacation due to bad weather, all the fkn cities, but for some reason my stupid town decided that there will be no vacation for us because our town's weather is better than the other towns yk? I'm still mad about it because I was soooo close to manifest it, I guess it was because I kept stressing saying "oh god I want a vacation *crying and complaining*

I don't consider it as a success story because I had no vacation I had to go solve that stupid midterm -_- but bitch I got above 10+ towns to have vacations due to BAD WEATHER, THE WEATHER WAS FINE UNTIL I DECIDED ITS BAD. WTFFFFFF, exactly, no logic, logic doesn't fkn exist I'm about to cry oh my godness!!

Another side success story is that i suddenly started thinking void is so easy (it fkn is) out of nowhere, since i was inhaling attempting to tap into it i sat so many alarms to go try to induce it, now whenever i see the alarms i be like- its so easy why tf im complicating it- just bcs i stopped focusing on it!

cheers to all of us dreamers, I'm sure whoever is reading my post is someone who was one a wattpad person who loves Y/N stories, a Harry potter fan, marvel fan, my hero academy fan, fantasy fan, miraculous ladybug fan, in general ppl who just dont want to be here surrounded with logic boring stuff (in my case a girl who wrote fanfiction novels about one directio) , because I know you and I are here because we are dreamers!! we knew there MUST be a magical key to get out of this logical bullshitful and stupid cruel world, you already have the key you FOUND IT YOU CUTE IDIOT!!! you just need to know how to flick it and get that golden door opened (your pretty subconscious mind), me and you? We are gonna do it, just easy on yourself!!! Xoxo

[starsweepers]

you know what. if this gets me run off of tumblr so be it.

i'm done with this. it's fucking stupid. all of it. coming on and reading people's fucking "DNI" lists. and i say this as someone who loves people who have some DNI lists. this is not against specific people and will never be. but i am fucking. so sick. of coming on and having no problem with people but i have friends who suddenly start telling me "don't interact with X"

people on both sides. people i have never had an issue with, who have never been problematic or mean but maybe at some point in their lives did something terrible to someone else.

you know what? i've been trash too. i know i've probably said and did things against good friends. but i talked to them and hashed it out or we blocked each other and moved on with their lives.

i am. so sick of being caught in between people who are fucking fighting. i should not be logging on from christmas and feeling torn in between people. i've basically soft blocked people because i am too old, i don't want to deal with this. but now i feel fucking guilty for not defending friends but also not... sticking up for friends.

i am so sick of this. i have multiple people i have blocked and hate seeing on my dash that good friends love and i just fucking ignore them but then i have friends who have dnis and i gotta fucking respect them or i'm a terrible person.

in real life people just fucking don't get along while some do. it just happens. i'm 30+ i've learned to accept this. i am so tired of being made to pick between people so i end up just blocking everyone i don't want this. it's tumblr rp. stop. i'm so tired, i'm so sick of this. i know dnis are to protect people but making your followers follow that rule? it's just clique behavior.

"the tumblr rp is so welcoming"

no it's fucking not. it doesn't matter the fandom. you pick your friends and you stick by them which GREAT.

but then people like me who are in the middle and just want to write are sitting back and watching a bunch of people i like hate each other. i'm so tired of it. i'm so so so so tired of it. i just wanna write stupid little characters.

if someone has physically caused you problems. block them and move on. stop making your friends choose between you. it's so fucking painful and we feel like we can't win. we win if we do and we're damned if we don't. i'm so tired i want everyone to have fun it's fucking christmas, this shouldn't have been on my mind at all.

run me off of tumblr. i don't care. i'm so sick of this. i came here to write not for all this fucking stupid drama that middle school people do. i hate. feeling like i have to pick friends to the point i've picked no one. now i'm going to lose rp partners and companions because someone is always wrong. i get it, i know they are. i'm just. tired. it's not worth it. this is fucking online. i have real life friends and a real life. i love amber because i fucking know her but in the end most of y'all are just a person i've met online and if you're going to hate me for this then so be it.

i'm tired i want to write, i want to be friends, but i am forced to pick sides because of dnis and it just makes me fucking upset all the fucking time.

you're allowed to want to feel safe on your blog i get it. but you're making other people feel fucking guilty and upset if we get along with someone you don't like.

( disclaimer: like actual groomers and such, fuck them but that is not 80% of what i experience so i'm fucking tired )

[gideonisms]

i'm trying my best but my best is so bad. It is so bad

[moonlit-orchid]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

[girlitfeelsgood]

Why am I like this

[seekingthestars]

we're doing these workshop things to try to address some of the equity/workflow/workload problems in our department and our facilitator wants everyone to email her "the problem [we'd] like to solve in [our] large team" and how do i politely say i just want people to do their fucking jobs

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[ranger-kellyn]

being "good" at your job is such a fucking crock what do you mean i get even MORE WORK AS A RESULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

[thesmokinpossum]

how it feels right now...