#ik its also for comfort reasons and that still hurts

[frozenhi-chews]

Man.

[whomturgled]

yrkeby4ur8

[plumpblunt]

Hiii,I don't even write but I was craving something like this yk? So I just did it myself ik its not good I just daydreamed a bit and wrote. Writing ain't for the weak! Lemme tell you!! Writers are sorcerers bruh! Enjoy and criticism is allowed or maybe I hv a degradation kink? Idk🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️not proofread

DELIVERY BOY-TOJI FUSHIGURO

Warnings:SMUTT ,18 AND UPPP💋💋🇹🇹🎀

Lounging on your couch in the late hours of the night binging your favorite show after a long day at work was something you knew you needed,it was like a long awaited reward. For some reason though,you still feel like you were missing something. You could not quite put your finger on it but you knew you wanted something. The ad that played vividly on you TV screen made it certain. Food. You knew to yourself that getting up to make your self something to eat was out of question because 1. You had to restock.2. You were lazy. So you had no other option but to order,so that you did.

After an unnecessary amount of browsing and contemplation, you finally made your choice. Korean. Not only was it the closest to you but it was also cheaper,you were not about to spend unnecessary amounts of money on some mediocre  oriental take out. Choosing your option tteobokki ,jjajangmyeon and tirimasu with a  peach  iced tea sounded way too good to pass up. You finalized the order and snuggled back into the comfort of your couch waiting for your delivery.

Ding Dong! Indicated that your food was there ,you jump up and scramble to find your wallet. Skipping to the door in glee you straighten your loose night gown that was threatening to nipslip and you open the door. You didn't even realize that it was raining until you look at the tall,drenched brooding man that held your food ,a cap concealing his eyes from your prying ones. He held his empty hand out ,you placed the money in it ,not missing show  burly and rough it was when yours bumped his. Tattooed too. When he hands you the bag the rain started to poor heavier.

He stood there counting the money,at the last bill he looked directly into your eyes pulling it from the stack and holds it out to you. You look at him confused,slowly reaching for it. "Your total is $30.00, you gave me $120.00 he gruffly states with a slight smirk. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry I didn't real-" "It's okay doll",he says with a smirk. You miss the way he glances at your chest, nipples on full display under your skimpy night gown.  "You know what ,keep it, as a tip,also because you are drenched and also because you were honest ."you state with a smile. "I don't need your money little girl,but if you do want to repay me ,I have something in mind" he slyly states.

"Uh!,oh! ,ha!,ugh!" You moan as he relentlessly snaps his thick , built  hips against the the curve of your wide pudgy ass. Your pretty pink acrylics dig into the bed as he continues to fuck  you into it. Your beautiful tear stained cheek mushed against the duvet,he leans down groaning out profanities  and praises,he kisses you,its filthy but firm,he groans as he moves his heavy,rough hand to your nape ,squeezing ,catching your moan  in the vice like grip he had on it. Letting you feel a bit of what you were doing to his cock. His cock,veiny,thick and long. The bulbous tip continues it's abuse on your cerix."I know baby ,I know."he softly mewls.

He let's up the grip on your neck and replaces it with his thick muscled arm, holding you in a headlock. Now forced to stay up ,the stretch burned and hurt so good ,arch so deep against his chest it subtly hurt to breathe but the pleasure was too good. Both your hands hold onto his bicep for stability as he continues to rut into you like a dog in heat. A dog he was. Huffing and grunting as he bites onto your shoulder, licking over the mark it made. His free hand going to your tummy feeling the evident bulge he makes ,hand now going to your clit rubbing in circles and what you could tell was his name. "Tell me where you feel me baby,hm? ","Do you feel me baby?,tell me where hm?"he asked teasingly. You feel the coldness of his gold chain on your neck.A babbling mess,you still manage to guide his hand to where you feel him. Directly above you bell button.

He lets out a taunting laugh as smoosjes your chees together to sloppily kiss you"Ughhh fuuuuuckkk,I'm so-,I'm so close daddy" you moaned out ,"Yeah?you're gonna cum on this dick baby? You goona give me what I want? Hm? You gonna let that fat ,tight ass pussy cum on this dick baby?"he asked,you nod desperately, "Anything to please you daddy"you mewl nails digging crescent shapes into his forearms. He let's you out the headlock and you slump forward, he catches you and puts both hands on your titts,you put yours over his and he somehow fucks you faster than before and you  feel him twitch inside you.

Within seconds you see white and squirt your release all over him. You feel him twitch once more and he quickly pulls out ,his release painting the expanse of your ass,you feel his warm cum ooze between you ass cheeks and down yor back.

   He pats your other ass cheek praising you."What a good little bitch,taking cock like a champ huh?"he smiles. He leans over to caress your cheek and wipe the tears. He kissed your swollen lips and you feel him come off the bed. He wipes his nut off your back and ass with some damp tissue and tucks you in. You are knocked out by the time he leaves his number and a bottle of water  on your night stand. He puts your food in the fridge and locks your door from the inside and leaves.  "Who knew a shitty ass job would get me the nicest piece of ass are ever had?"he smiles to himself making it back to his car.

[dorims]

What kinks do u think Roman has?

I just know they’re weird (and I’d still be into them)

so if i have to be honest, ive never really thought about roman's kinks 🥲 HOWEVER you know how he shamed tom for swallowing back his cum after tabs sucked him off?? yeah he's definitely into that and you can't tell me otherwise.

and without further ado! a little brainstorm under the cut <3

tags. VERY SUGGESTIVE, MDNI, an overall masochistic vibe, degradation/praise, allusions to cheating, impact play, mentions of roman's low self-esteem

a/n. psa im not familiar with writing smut and if i gotta be honest im pretty vanilla myself so...do with that what you will LMFAO

masochism

hes a masochist, we been knew

its pretty much the central theme of these hcs too

degradation/praise

so definitely degradation bc its roman, cmon. but for some reason i cant help but think that he's really into being praised too?

could be wrong but i feel like he'd only let himself be praised after he's developed a solid bond with his partner, and it'd probably go from being degraded to a mix of degradation and praise to full praise in some occasions.

if theres not a smooth transition i feel like he would panic and shut himself out. like it feels too intimate or smth.

cuckolding (controversial)

i think he would like it bc it hurts. like his partner sleeping with someone else is kind of like a slap to the face

a situation that has him constantly thinking 'I'm not enough' and that kind of hurt i think he gets off on bc masochism <3

but thats only maybe with the condition he somehow gets the chance to prove to himself and to you that he is better than the person you're sleeping with

OR he's into 'pseudo-cuckolding' so he likes the idea that you COULD go and sleep with someone but you dont, kinda like what happened with grace and the server

SO MAYBE IM WRONG and he would actually hate this but you know, im trynna brainstorm

phone sex (is this even a kink?)

only the sound of your voice and his,

kinda like the romangerri situation LMFAO

because think about it, this way you dont have to actually see him. that would comfort him in some way because of his low self-esteem and self-image issues. that way you can picture anything you want and not be disappointed with the real thing, you know?

i also think that phone sex (or bathroom door sex????) would help him open up until he grows comfortable enough in the intimacy the two of you are building

love how this are supposed to be smut hcs yet im making them slightly angsty

impact play

i think this might be a little self-explanatory, but yes, getting hit in a sexual context turns him on

only when he is receiving ofc

dom/sub dynamics

he's a massive sub and no one can tell me otherwise

its literally on the show TT

ANYWAY, he's probably bratty at first but then just gives in to your every demand because he aims to please

still likes to get on your nerves though, like a lot and i think thats because even when he's been an annoying piece of shit in bed you still take care of him and that reinforces, in his head, that, sure he's being unbearable but that doesn't take away the fact that you care for him and love him, ya know?

also, he would probably call you mommy/daddy at first jokingly but the it kinda sticks??

freud would have a field day with roman roy

OOC BUT FUN TO THINK ABOUT: vanilla sex

hear me out, ik roman's character is pretty much the personification of the words 'kinky mf' but idk

i think vanilla sex would suit roman SOO much. i think for roman to reach the point of having sex with ANYONE there needs to be a established foundation of trust and respect and perhaps love too

and i know sex doesn't necessarily mean love, but we are talking about a man who's definition of love is pain - like love HAS to hurt for it to be love - and undoubtedly he would twist his perception of sex to fit that same definition of love because love is a branch of intimacy and so is sex, you feel me?

i just feel like it would show roman another side of intimacy. all gentle and kind and giggly sex and intimacy doesn't necessarily have to hurt for it to feel good.

like imagine just plain vanilla sex and its banter and laughter and quips and help me lol

vanilla sex and aftercare would solve all his problems, i said what i said /hj

[pumpkinsy0]

IK we hear a lot of Darry and Dallas probably clashing the most within the hang, but I could also see Darry clashing a lot with Two-Bit. Specifically I could see Darry unintentionally taking out some of his frustration on Two-Bit. Two-Bit like soda is emotionally intelligent, except as we see in the book he’s mostly an observer. He can’t comfort as well as Soda can or soothe someone’s worries. I just think there’s a lot of angst potential there.

NOT that Darry is bad by any means!! But I could see that Two-Bit’s calm demeanor to stressful situations would in fact bug Darrel to a certain degree. I think what would bug him more is Two-Bit just accepting the anger he throws at him. Not cause Two-Bit can’t fight back but rather cause he KNOWS Darrell needs to get it out of his system.

ALL THIS TO SAY: Hurt/Comfort HC’s of this??

OoOoOo rare two bit post, whats goodddd

•i think when it comes to two bit, ppl THINK he cant read the room and thats y he jokes, but its the exact opposite, he jokes BC he knows the tension in the room and is trying to settle it down, sometimes it just doesnt work/land, and that happens more so w darry

•when it comes to darry, i dont think two bit jokes???hes more so of a “look at the bright side” kinda guy, and darry can only take so much of that before he snaps, he usually just sighs and tries leaving but two but is always checking in on him and doing that over n over

•two bit knows darry holds a lot of things in, considering two bit is the oldest in the gang (darry canonically isnt rlly in the gang apparently, i just could him as an unofficial official member), darry doesnt rlly hold in his feelings near him, hes seen darry stressed out at the table n stuff, so he tries taking him out here n there

•atp sometimes thats where darry snaps bc he doesnt WANT to relax, he wants to do what he has to do first, darry never gives himself time to calm down, he has a pretty big “work first, play hard” ethic hes hard on himself for and thats what two bit is “attacking”

•darry does feel super bad when hes done being angry though, he truly doesnt WANT to snap at anyone, he just does at times, and its not like he says anything like, OUTRAGEOUSLY mean btw, hes not that kind of angry where he says something deeply personal unless u rlly pushed him there, more so venting about his own issues

•he still apologizes profusely and its just,,,,kinda sad to watch honestly, darry has his head in his hand (or hands) and looks like hes just crawling into himself, and its like, two bit CANT b mad at him

•two bit rlly doesnt take it personally, doesnt hurt his feelings either, of course hes a bit taken back, but he doesnt exactly argue back, he lets darry get it out of his system and THEN says what he wants to say (hes not called two bit for no reason he WILL add in his 2 cents) which is usually what darry HAS to hear

•two bit tends to give a heads up to anyone whos about to step in the house when darrys upset, mostly to guys space, but also bc he knows the others might take it to heart and fight back and just worsen the situation

•also!!!! if two hears pony talk badly about darry after an argument, he scolds pony for it, ofc he also sympathizes w pony, but theres this thing in the gang where sometimes they rub into darry for his anger bc theyre also angry at him and two bits the one to try and defend him, cause if he doesnt, who will (this excludes soda btw, two bit and soda talk about darry sometimes)

•nobody rlly, sees their outburst btw, the most ppl ever see is like, two and darry talking at the kitchen at most, and two bits just not his “up eat all jokester” self he looks genuine, but when they notice ur there everything goes “back to normal”

[everythingwasnormalhere]

ik you're big on the chronic pain kenny, but any hcs for chronic pain tweek?

excuse you anon i am big on ALL chronic pain headcanons ever >:D i pick kinny bc he is the guy who gets the Projecting™ but also sometimes i instead (or, rather, in addition to) choose clyde, craig, everyone i can get my hands on.....

.....including tweek

(fys!tweek is my only chronic pain'd tweek atm but still<3 luv him lots - typical normal au tweek bs for this though lol)

first disabled character i write whos relatively quick to accept it lmfao

"being always in pain is normal everyone gets that" "tweek nobody gets that" "...oh"

he's used to his body, brain and surroundings doing weird shit though, so it's not like it's that hard to accept: he's aware he's living life in hard mode already, it's not that big a change to know there's one more thing wrong with him

his parents try to gaslight him into believing theres not though (fucking assholes)

he's used to accomodating for himself already so he just...does as much as he can

oh my fuck twitching hurts so much

having one of 'em bad days and trying to get comfortable and stay relatively still to not be in too much pain... then of course he gets a huge tic and it sends a flash of pain through all his body. that pisses him off so much man 😭

mainly pain in his back and upper body

his hands are the worst ever. which sucks because he likes using them

he needs them to make coffee, he likes building legos, he likes drawing.... but alas, ouch

gets frustrated abt it often

he ever drops a coffee mug cuz the strenght and pain it took to hold it was too much? he's crying of pure anger at himself

compression gloves. craig suggested them and they fixed his life istg

abt crog btw, hes great abt the whole thing :) didnt make a big deal out of it though

craig is always warm and so cuddling him helps tweek so much dealing with pain (little guys<3)

tweek mainly goes on with his life normally bc yk thats what he can do, but sometimes hes chillin' walkin' 'round and suddenly *big stabbing pain all over his body that leaves him breathless* for no fucking reason

will likely collapse bc of that

gets back his breathing, pain calms down a bit, gets back to going on with life as if nothing happened

its not even internalized ableism atp, its just how he copes with anything 😭

between shit hand-eye coordination and hand pain, fine motor skills are a big fat nope

velcro shoes his beloved

craig began buttoning up his shirts for him when he learnt he struggles with it<3 faggot

as many things, Pain's Cause gets diagnosed when he finally ditches his parents

won't get on disability because getting goberment money creeps him out though

motorized wheelchair :3 not too decorated but clyde and jimmy have managed to put a buncha stickers on it

also mandatory spikes on the wheelchair's handles always (someone pushed him without permission once, big panic, never again)

oh my god why is Tweek the most well-adjusted disabled guy ive written. tweek. well-adjusted. what the fuck

[nonexistent-introvert]

All of you

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Content: Angst, very heavy angst. Major character death

A/n: Im sorry this one hurts. Inspired heavily by that one tiktok i saw about Joel and ellie's conversation but with a bojack horseman audio (weird combo ik) I have one more week of exams before I'm truly free and back! Also wrote this instead of studying oops.

  Befriending the silence again was not a pleasant experience. You could have sworn that every day you still woke up to the sounds of Joel moving around in the kitchen. The hums that he let out while doing chores and the melodies that came from the strumming of his guitar, you will walk into the room expecting him, only to be reminded that all that was left of him was his belongings around his home. The belongings that you could not bring yourself to clean up, the part of you that so desperately wanted him back wouldn’t let you. 

    It was humiliating to look up at the door eagerly whenever someone knocks. When realization settles in and you soon realize it was not Joel coming back safely to you, It was someone who cared for you instead. Either Tommy or Maria checking up on you. Even Ellie seemed to have distanced herself from everyone else ever since Joel left. “She’s learning a little too much from you” Joel used to say with a proud smile, now that memory only served to make the hole in your heart grew wider.

    The house was empty without him, it didn’t even seem like a home anymore. The guitar that he used to play now sat in one corner gathering dust. Its strings had snapped and you still blamed yourself over it till now. You just wanted to hear those strums of the guitar again, your one last reminder of him. 

   Joel had played his guitar so often that the strums of the guitar had practically become his second voice. “Do you want to learn?” Joel asked, grinning at you as you leaned against the railing of the porch, listening intently to him. “So you can stop playing for me? You’re not getting rid of me so easily.” You huffed, Joel chuckled. “I will play for you whenever you ask me to, just thought you would be interested.” “Yeah, I am interested, in both you and the guitar.” “That’s so corny” Joel commented despite the light flush that colored his cheeks. “We’ll save teaching me guitar to some time in the future. When you become boring, maybe teaching me guitar would make you interesting again.” You joked. He shook his head at you, a soft smile gracing his features. 

   “Anytime darling, you’re stuck with me till the end of time anyways.” 

   Oh, what a lie that was.

You picked up the guitar, tears falling onto his guitar as you recalled that memory. Your fingers gently traced the fretboard of the guitar before strumming. Its familiar sounds making you feel calmer already but then you soon realized that all you could do was strum, Joel really should have taught you how to play. You continued this routine for weeks, picking up the guitar and just strumming aimlessly, desperate to find some comfort in the guitar and to escape the silence in the house. Until one day, the strings snapped while the guitar was in your hand. “No.. no shit.” You cursed, not knowing what to do with the broken strings in your hand. The images of him surfaced again, the images of his bloodied head in your arms, his hair stuck onto his barely recognizable face. His lifeless body in your hands. The sight of the broken strings and his body flashed in your mind, you dropped the guitar in your hands in shock.

    “I’m sorry Joel..” 

    You never found comfort in the guitar again. It was also the reason why it now sat broken in it’s corner. 

    Tommy was glad to see you out and about again. He didn’t mean harm by bringing you to the bar. You downed the drink in your hands eagerly, his words becoming a blur to you. You had subconsciously sat down at the corner seat, the same seat that you had always occupied. Joel always sat on your right, the seat Tommy sat on now. You tried your best to focus on Tommy, your mind already in a mess, the alcohol only seemed to worsen the effect. When Tommy’s features started becoming a little too similar to Joel’s, when his voice started sounding like the low drawl that you were head over heels for, you only swallowed the lump in your throat. Forcing yourself to look away before you do something that you regret. 

    Joel gave you a nod of acknowledgment from his usual seat at the counter. You pursed your lips, turning away from his glance. The attraction you had towards him was not something you wanted to admit. “Rough day?” You jumped when Joel slipped into the seat beside you. “Sorry, I’ll leave if you want me to.” Joel quickly said, noticing your lack of words. “No, stay. I could use it.” You smiled at him. Joel nodded awkwardly, “I- you see. It’s rare that John and Emily would come out. They just told me that it was their anniversary, figured they could use the seat more than me.” Joel explained, gesturing to the crowded bar. You frowned at Joel, “John and Emily?” He scratched his beard, “Shit, forgot you’re new around here. Well, they’re the oldest couple around in Jackson. Been together for over 30 years.” He looked towards the elderly couple sitting at the bar. You just looked at them in admiration, the idea of finding ‘the one’ for you intrigued you, but it also just seemed so unrealistic to you. “That’s admirable. I hate couples.” You muttered under your breath. Joel chuckled next to you, “Not a fan of romance?” You shrugged, “Just seems like a fantasy tale to me. Especially not in this world.” Your eyes followed the couple, John had just pulled Emily onto the dance floor, the smiles on both their faces, the adoration as they looked at each other. 

     “I hope someone turns that fantasy tale into reality for you.” Joel told you, a certain sparkle in his eye. 

   The whirlwind of memories the both of you had in this bar. Your eyes started seeing glimpses of him in the crowd and the music seemed to only deafen your ears. 

   “I’m sorry Jo-Tommy” 

   You never visited the bar again. 

   The warm glow from the lights on the porch caught your attention. You hesitantly took a step out onto the porch and your breath immediately hitched. 

   He was in his brown jacket, leaning against the railing of the porch. His iconic owl mug in his hand, the steam from his hot coffee still evident in the cold weather. You closed your eyes, forcing them tight shut, trying to rid the image of him out. “You’re not real, you’re not real.” You repeated over and over. When you open your eyes again, he stood at the same place, his back against you. You took a breath, straightening yourself up before leaning against the same railing beside him, staring at him. The image of him was clearer than ever, the scar on his nose was still there as he sipped from his cup of coffee. “Joel..” You whimpered, tearing at the sight of him again. Your memory of him seemed to get blurrier as time goes on, but today, today it was as clear as day. Joel finally turned, looking at you with a sad smile. “It’s ok..” He said softly. “Joel I missed you so much.” You clasped a hand over your mouth, trying your best to stifle your cries. “I know..” He whispered softly again. Joel straightened up, gripping onto the railings with a tighter grip. 

      “Wouldn’t it be funny if this was the last time we ever talked to each other?” A melancholic smile on his face. You looked at him, trying to imprint his features into your mind. The smile on his face, the way his eyes crinkled, the scar on his nose. The nightmare flashed again, his handsome face turned into a bloodied mess. Your eyes widened in fear, your jaw clenching at the reminder. Joel looked away from you, as though he knew what just flashed across his face, he didn’t want to hurt you any longer. “Um-Anyways-” He started, trying to change the topic. You looked down, clenching your fists.

     “No, no Joel. We have to talk. I need to tell you.” You forced out, hiding your face in your hands as you tried to rid the tears from your eyes. 

   “No, you don’t have to. You don't owe me-” 

  “Shut up Joel, just let me talk ok? I have to tell you before I lose my chance.” 

    His eyes focused on you, you have his fullest attention. 

    “Thank you- and.. Everything’s going to be ok. I’m sorry Joel… and-” You swallowed again, you hated yourself, you hated how you couldn’t even tell him a full complete sentence. 

    “I love you.” The three words, the three words that he had waited so long for. The three words that you once believed was only something out of fairytales. Only him, only Joel Miller could make fantasy into reality for you. 

    Your eyes remain closed, letting out breaths as you tried to calm yourself down. Your whole body shaking with emotions. Joel’s reply never came, the cold wind that blew past you reminding you of reality. 

     When your eyes opened again, Joel wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t by your side. He was never there in the first place. He would never be there again. Your tears fell as you stared helplessly at the empty spot beside you. 

     The silence consumed you from then on. You never heard traces of him anymore in the house. You stopped seeing or hearing him in Tommy. He really did just disappear from your life and suddenly everything you went through with him just seemed like a dream.  

   The only trace of him left was the ring that sat on your finger. The promises of a forever that was cut short. 

[sillylovesongsk]

Has anyone ever thought that the reason why we love Heartstopper so much is because it’s so refreshing to see healthy, pure and affirming queer relationships?

This is what I longed for growing up as part of the LGBTQ+ community. I longed to see healthy relationships on TV because all I wanted was a healthy and accepting environment in my life (since books and media were my constant escape and refuge). Growing up with Queer As Folk, The L World, ATWT (Luke/Noah), Hollyoaks, Skins and even Glee made me think that this was what I was bound for in my teenage/adult life… full of toxic relationships and unsafe environments.

It’s so nice to see that this is what the next generation is getting, that they’re getting to see acceptance and patience at its fullest. Even if the heteronormative society we lived in deprived many of us from having this kind of beautiful young queer intimacy and experience (yeah ik, we have nostalgia and we’re mourning), we should still acknowledge the fact that things are getting better for future generations. I’m just so happy for all the queer young people that get to have this positive experience, and how this positive LGBTQ+ representation that’s happening, will change so many lives.

I cry tears of joy because we get to see more of that patient and accepting mentality from Charlie (when it comes to coming out) and none of that “if you love me, you will not hide me” mentality that was so frequently seen in media and so present in many queer relationships.

Also, it’s comforting that Nick really cares about Charlie and wants to protect him, not by being Charlie’s superhero or savior with a fixing mission, but just by being patient and allowing Charlie to open up to him… giving him space to fully let him in on his own time. Not by telling him “you need to stop doing this, you need to stop hurting yourself”, but telling him “can you promise to tell me if it ever gets that bad again?”. Which makes me think he knows that he won’t be able to fully stop it (because that’s how it is with people that have disorders and depression, it doesn’t help for people to force us to just “get better and not hurt ourselves”), but he knows he can be there for him to make the path to recovery or stability easier.

Seeing the slow and patient way in which Tara and Darcy allowed each other to open up, and not leave at the first sign of “trouble” but tackled it through open communication makes me happy.

The way they handled the relationship between Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ayaji was on point, exemplifying perfectly how you can still have nice first-time experiences at any point in your life, regardless of you realizing that you were queer later in life.

It makes me cry (sometimes happy tears and sometimes sad tears) when I see most of the parents being a safe place for their children and allowing them to trust in them because of that safe environment they’ve created.

While writing this I realized that the reason why I’ve read so much fanfiction since I was very young (8 yo, that’s nearly 20 years now) is because we got to create and read these stories where we imagined safe and healthy relationships that we didn’t get to live and see in real life or media most of the time. I think the reason I love Heartstopper so much is because of how similar it is to any of those wholesome fanfics that I took refuge in back when I was younger and living in the closet.

It has everything I wished to have back then and everything I wish to have at one point in life:

Family fully accepting you

Healthy and safe family (non-chosen and chosen family)

Partner being patient and supportive

Protecting those you love

Open communication that I’ve always craved for in all relationships in my life (romantic and platonic)

Giving light and acknowledgment to the struggles each character lives but not making it their whole personality (because we’re more than those struggles… something I’ve come to learn after so many years in therapy. I’ve suffered domestic abuse, bullying, depression, anxiety, EDs, among so many other things my whole life and I’m more than all of that and it isn’t my whole personality).

I just think that these are some of the reasons why we love Heartstopper as much as we do. What do you all think?

[prettiestboy1nthemorgu3]

I really hate being jealous a lot of the time it's over nothing and I freak out i convince myself they hate me or they like their friends more than me but after I get upset over it I freak out again because I feel like me always being stressed about it is making them slowly resent me it's like I can't relax I'm always overthinking and it sucks because I can't get away from it I'm ruining myself and I can't do anything about it I physically hurt when they talk about someone else and I hate being so selfish if I didn't meet them and didn't have anyone it wouldn't be this bad but I would feel so empty and always be searching for some kinda of relationship or validation and also just I love them but my point is I make myself worse when I have someone I wish i could go back to when we first met we got really close really fast and before I got bad it was nice I mean I wasn't as comfortable with stuff as I am now but I felt loved and I liked that I could show how much I loved them and I'm worried that will never come back

I'm not the full reason for that we both have things but I feel like I make it worse even though they told me the reason and ik its not that but I mean rn maybe the reason changed and maybe it wouldve gone back if I didn't get worse when that happened

Idk if they still like me romantically or if their feelings will ever come back of they're gone if not they might still like me in a platonic way and sexual but idk if I could live with that ik I will still do it but idk if I could handle it for long

I wish I was easy to love

[evertidings]

"hehe no i’d actually say they know themself almost too well." okay good just confirming to see if it fits, (is big brain anon here again) but id like to believe that k psychoanalyses others because they feel like psychoanalysing others means they always know what to expect, andf so that they wont get hurt by them, and they can brace themselves. K's angst is rlly obvious considering everything. they dont want pity (remember when they told mc their fam was dead? 'how could i ever feel pity for someone as heartless as you' yeah.) K's a complex character, but it's no doubt that their immortality (duh big brain, its been said 100 million times) is a burden to them. they also want to psychoanalyse people to know their positive traits as to why they keep them around, and negative traits for how they plan to bury their grief after a friend is long gone. also, they probably feel comfort in the ocean, because the ocean id big, deep unexplored and full of mysteries, but the one trait it has is that it's always there, whether you know of it or not (ooh, much like K themselves). K's very lonely (ike I believe N is, N, K, Rylan and Blane are all similar in tears of lonliness, it just depends why they are, and i think even a is lonely to some extent, like they're all lonely which is why found family works so well for them, but lets not do that rn this is too long <3) they also psychoanalyse behaviour's, so they notice when it changes. like if person is getting too close to K, or if K is noticing person is diff than usual, they want to know. i also think that when they try to psychoanalyse MC and realise they they have no idea as to why they're there, it probably starts to freak them out a bit. MC is an enigma, they're unpredictable, and that means that K is at risk of getting hurt again, but their isn't anything they can do to protect themselves except push people away, except now that they've lived so long and still cant figure MC out they're now more intrigued, even if they wont show it. (fatal flaw, K. curiosity killed the cat / jk because satisfaction bought it back). also wrote this all on a whim so lmk if it sounds like im somewhere near their arc.

i actually think it's a lot simpler than this haha. i love this theory but in my eyes, i think it's more that K likes to know what they're dealing with. they don't like surprises, don't like the unknown—they've dealt with people long enough that they can read them quite well and because they lowkey have no filter, they tend to say it to people's faces.

they find the hunter interesting for more reasons than one and are definitely pulled in by that, but they're able to pull away when they feel like they're getting too close. even if they're extremely intrigued by someone/something, they're well-practiced at shutting down their emotions. they are extremely lonely and recognize this, but like Rylan, they think it's for the better.

also K liking the ocean has nothing to do with anything haha. they simply find the sound of the waves soothing, though i guess i agree they like how it's always the same.

[xxbl00ds0akeds3raxx]

hey, fifi? seraphina? my love, my one and only… we really need to talk.

i was reading through your old posts and i found some REALLY weird stuff there.

like, okay, i know we’ve talked about ur other… flings before. i’ll tolerate them for you, you still know that. but.. what’s this about working at the brothel??? PLEASE tell me someone was joking writing that… in all of those asks… this has to be some weird joke, right???

at least with ur modeling and streaming, i can keep you safe. no one can hurt u there. but the brothel? sure, the whole town is crawling with rapists, but why would u intentionally go where they’re all gathered??? u even SAID that u KNOW it’s unsafe. why do u keep working there? it has to be a joke. if it’s not, u need to quit.

please. I can get us a flat or something since u can’t stay at my house. or get my parents to like u more. It’ll just take a bit more time. u don’t have to keep working to earn money. or at least not there. i could keep us safe, and happy… i just don’t know why u don’t trust me to do that!!

…i need to go look through the rest of ur posts now too. don’t block me, i have other accounts too, you already know that. u can’t keep hiding these things from me.

is there anything else u want to admit now too?? u know i'll find out eventually.

i’m TRYING to be good for u here. but it’s getting really fucking hard. i'm just trying to protect u.

…please reply.

- kylar

hhh hello kylar! my love, my pretty boy!!! umm!! tha thing abt my old posts is that they r old! ^.^ no need to look through the rest of them. not that i'm hiding anything from u— i just think we should talk b4 u... mmm, rile urself up more maybe ??

ofc i have no reason 2 lie to u sooo ahaha... ^_^ yes, i used to work at the brothel. i mean...,, i technically still do but mostly just to restock the facilities! i dont dance anymore. except for fridays,,, but all of that is very meticulously planned out and none of it is real! just a show!! briar makes sure it's safe 4 me bc umm the audience rlly likes me and i make her a lot of money so i can't just... quit really–

i don't have 2 fuck anyone there anymore, so its okay, right?? i could go over tha terms n conditions of shows w/ u if it'd make u more comfortable ??? ^^' i swear ik what i'm doing & i am being safe now, i didn't tell u bcos i knew u wld get worried and i never want to make u upset im sorry :((

baby, that sounds wonderful but... how would you even afford a flat— ? i mean, i could pitch in of course, but i still have to pay off bailey :/ and i have 2 be responsible 4 robin as well,,, u know im working hard 2 get on ur parents good sides but it will take time ಥ_ಥ

i do trust u!! i know u have my best interest in mind <3 it's just that um... sometimes wat u want isn't... realistic- like,,, even if i did quit, the problems wouldn't go away. i made my bed n now i gotta lie in it & until i have tha resources to cover it up,,, its smth we have 2 live w/ 〒▽〒 ghhh im sorry that i've dragged u into all of this :( i will make it up 2 u i promise !!!

u are being so good and i'm so proud of u, i love u so much <3 plz be patient w/ me, i'm also trying,,,

[strawberrysadmeow]

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Cradle Me(づ_ど)

Sayori and Monika.

{Angst, hurt/comfort, kind of a lament but also not really, Sayori and Monika are not enemies, Monika is not demonized, Sayori is sweet}

-

Sayori wanders in a world where everything is still. She twists and turns throughout the blaring white realm, as even the air around her weighs her down until her every step is slow and sluggish. Every step hurt, but she was afraid that if she stood still, then she wouldn't be able to start moving again. She felt like she wasn’t supposed to move, supposed to breathe, supposed to live.

Yet for some reason, she’s never felt so free.

Her skin is cold and the air is hot, or maybe her skin is hot and the air is cold. It doesn’t matter, all she knows is that her skin tingles and jolts as if it just can't stand the temperature of wherever she is right now. Everything here id foreign, or maybe it’s her who is the stranger.

She squints her eyes, the whiteness is painful. She aches for anything else. She aches for softness, dimness; she craves darkness. She craves darkness that comes during the night to aid in a deep slumber, she craves the darkness that warms the sky and tucks away the sun, she craves for the darkness that fills her mind when she is alone.

When she is in bed alone watching her alarm clock tick until she’s long too late for school, she is shrouded in darkness. Darkness that clutches onto her and doesn’t let her wake up, darkness that stains the stars and hides the sun, darkness that is with her no matter what. Darkness that won't leave her when everyone else does.

That is why she likes the darkness, her blanket, no matter how warm and suffocating it is, it is always there. But where was that darkness now?

Even when she closes her eyes, all she can see are colors. Her ears hurt from something shrill playing over and over again. Was she screaming? Her lips wobble but her throat doesn't hurt. She isn’t scared. It isn’t her scream.

She walks towards the noise, because no matter where she is, Sayori will always help someone who’s hurt.

Eventually,  she stops at the figure. The figure is crouched on the ground, back hunched, face covered in their hands. They’re covered in darkness, blackness, nothingness, sunken deep into their skin. Their darkness isn’t beautiful or haunting like hers.

Their darkness is nothing. It isn’t soft or sharp, gentle or violent. It’s the absence of light.

She reaches her hand towards the figure, carefully prying their fingers away from their face. She plucks away each finger until she can see the figure’s bright green eyes clearly.

Unlike her, the figure is scared.

Unlike her, the figure cannot help anyone.

Like her, the figure is alone.

She wraps her arms around the figure, gently rubbing their back.

“It’s okay,” she whispers, surprised at how her voice sounds so clear and smooth against the cacophony of everything else, “everything’s okay.”

The figure sobs.

“It’s just me,” she hugs a little tighter, “It’s just sayori.”

Monika sobs harder.

-

ik ddlc doesn't have a very big writing community even though its doki doki LITERATURE club but i really wanna write about it anyway

yipee

[crystallizedkingdoms]

I had a crazy autism car crash moment and thought about what each of the yiik characters TMA affiliated entity would be so now I’m going to list out all my possibilities + my reasonings. I haven’t listened to tma in forever i need to relisten sometime so this is off of my Memory and the wiki so BE NICE.

Alex: ik The Extinction was kind of my immediate gut feeling because of the whole y2k destruction thing he has going on AND I STILL FEEL THAT FITS. BUT! going off of his actual character alone, the Web is honestly sooo him. with how he spins the whole narrative to fit whatever he feels suits him best. he fears so much about not having control of his life that he turns around and starts doing it to everyone instead. and it’s just never ending in that sense. this feels the most blatant honestly No Notes.

Vella: shes very Buried to me for reasons i am struggling to explain, but i think what draws me to it is how shes been known to shut herself out from situations she cant control and when the world is falling apart around her. like thats literally how we meet her in the first place she had a bad circumstance and she escapes it by trapping herself in another fucking dimension. which feels very Buried to me. also i like how she presses the sides of her head with her hands when shes stressed i like to think tight spaces comfort her just as much as they frighten her in a way.

Rory: IM STUCK BETWEEN THE LONELY AND THE VAST. on one hand the Lonely is so obvious that it hurts, Rory surrounds and pretty much defines himself in loneliness. and to that end you’d think it would be kind of hard to give him anything else. but then you think specifically about his little theories, how thoughtful he is towards the idea of how humanity and souls occupy space, and its like oh shit. so i believe there is Some element of Vast in him. also i love the idea of him and Vella as physical foils OKAY THERE I ADMIT IT.

Claudio: this man could not be more Hunt coded if he fucking tried. his search for his brother is practically endless because he won’t just accept the most likely answer that he’s dead, until the search literally consumes him. when it becomes clear a physical Hunt won’t fulfill his desire for the chase, he starts using the Internet/ONISM to start a digital Hunt that can go on forever and ever and ever. maybe there’s even a little part of Claudio that doesn’t even want to find Aaron, knowing it’ll bring an end to his Hunt.

Chondra: when i make this into a full fledged AU with some semblance of story, i imagine her being the only one who starts out not clearly affiliated with any particular fear because of just how incredibly disinterested she is in anything trying to drag her down. HOWEVER, i think that she would be marked by the End, what with how the death (in her eyes) of her brother haunts her everywhere she goes even if she tries to distance herself away from it, until eventually she gives in and lets it claim her as an avatar.

Michael: i had to save him for last because he’s the one that made me think of this at all and i have so many ideas. HES SO FULL OF POTENTIAL I FOUND THREE GOOD ANSWERS. Part of me wants to separate it into the different facets of Michael that we see throughout the game + the little snippet of I.V. the Michael whos the eternal best friend and blind to the broken narrative Alex creates is such Stranger, i can imagine him Literally being a life sized doll painted to look like the Michael of Alex’s dreams but it’s just. a little off.

meanwhile Red Michael is The Spiral, so achingly aware that everything about the world Stranger Michael lives in is a lie but being unable to communicate that to himself outside of the red room so he spirals into ONISM and consistently tries to find reality where everything is a nostalgia-based deception that further pulls him to the path of Distortion,

FINALLY. Proto-Michael, consumed by the Eye, being painfully aware of everything around him, when no one else seems capable of doing so, and desperately wanting to know the answer to it all. I think this is the entity that fits his entire, Singular the most, because Michael is such a solution-oriented, curious guy and his need to understand every strange, supernatural thing in this world really reflects on his entire character. ALSO the camera motif with him would go FIRE with the Eye. so when i make this an AU separate from the canon events of yiik that’s probably what im gonna go with. But still isn’t this super cool.

uhhhh this was super long and doesn’t even feature other prominent characters but. hey this is the main cast so at least i got that. I’ll keep working on this tho yippeeeee

[aesrot]

🧸🪀🔔 for any character you fucking want. go wild my dearest <3

sorry for taking so long, tumblr deleted everything i wrote and i had to write it again :') also since you gave me the liberty to choose, i made two of these about riptide and one about bitb! heads up for spoilers, specially in the last one.

🧸hurt/comfort headcanon

since jay and gillion are so emotionally fucked up and traumatised, they have a reeeeally hard time figuring out their feelings and talking about them. talk through it is not something they understand. they are used to action and violence, not emotional support.

chip, on the other hand, had a better childhood (at least for as long as it lasted w the black rose pirates), he had people to talk to him when he was upset and who were there for him when he needed support. obviously he's still pretty fucked up bc of his own traumas, but i believe he's the one who's most likely to actually process his own feelings in a healthier way than the other two.

so, its slow and it doesnt always end well, but he tries his best to be patient and to show the others that they can be vulnerable around him. that he will listen to them, that they dont have to suppress it all, that they dont have to suck it up and deal with everything by themselves anymore. its not easy, but they're slowly opening up and healing.

🪀silly headcanon

not sure if silly or angsty, and i said this b4 i think, but i believe timothy rand knows how to bake. his only reason for learning that is because he wants to make edibles (or thats what he tells himself). so he'd often hang out in the kitchen with his mom to watch or maybe even help her cook when his dad wasnt around. but deep down thats a way for him to bond with his mom, because he doesnt know how else to approach her.

so, the silly part is that although rolan is the canon malewife and does all the cooking, he lets rand help him sometimes. rand, ofc, tries to sprinkle some weed in their food when rolan isnt looking, and even tries to create his own recipes with kians help (well, help is a strong word), which may or not go terribly wrong and end up w rolan scolding them and making them clean the entire kitchen.

🔔unpopular opinion

idk about unpopular, but i believe there's a chance niklaus isnt a villain. i know i was brainstorming with bee earlier (which btw she has some pretty fucking cool ideas, everyone should check it out), but hear me out.

ik niklaus has everything to be the bad guy: he knows everything, he's too powerful, keeps making shady deals, and his name is followed by dread. hell, he fits perfectly in the stereotype of 'villain wants powerful thing that he cant get it by himself, so he manipulates everyone to get it for him'.

BUT we know too little. theres some information there that we dont know yet, that we're missing. he could very much make a deal with the other bad and powerful guys (aka the navy or the elders or god knows who else is out there) but he's sticking to the people who are against those guys. idk, something about the deals he makes sound kinda desperate for me. obvsly he's too composed to show that when he talks, but i sense there's something that makes him worried, anxious, so he's always ready to intervene if the situation goes out of hand. and the whole thing with arlin? sus af imo.

maybe he is the bad guy. or maybe he has the knowledge of some greater thing thats still beyond our (and the crew) comprehension. so he can sense what things are leading up to and is pulling some strings to shift their destiny to do or avoid something specific. but we'll have to wait and see

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello, lovie!! its not during the day for you but i really needed to sleep for a bit. its either gonna be really long and have more than 2 parts or really short (not likely). 'matt like mumbling' he!! hes the least understandable person in hotd for me. i love you man but can you like.. SPEAK.. open your mouth yk. hope youll watch the episode. 'T_T Спасибо, любимый' cute but its a masculine form.. one friend calls me that while joking TT Всё нормально, дорогая. 'I ALREADY LOOKED UP THE LYRICS AND GOT THE ROMANIZED RUSSIA' omg its so sweet of you TT so. im listing my fav songs so you can just choose whatever youre comfortable with. my ultimate bias is '24/7' by the neighbourhood but it has rap. but ive got a feeling that your magnificent voiced sound so good in this. 'the lighthouse' and 'honey' (idk it also has some kind of rap? not really but yeah. im that kind of person fr) by halsey. ive seen you dooing some kpop covers so if youre ever interested i think youd sound great in 'she's fine' by heize. oh and ive just found 'why do you love me' by charlotte lawrence but ive been listening to minnies cover. ohoh and. have you ever seen steven universe? it has great songs no matter what (i havent watched the last seasons so cant say anything). so 'love like you' and 'here comes a thought' are soso AAAH. maybe youll like them. thats all ig. tbh, id love to see whatever cover you make! bc youre just the most pretty and talented hottie-cutie and i luvluv you <з 'this is how i feel about music' ooh its good to know! well-well im 18 and im studying slavic philology. yk passion for.. just language. dull but still. 'i wanted to write it but now i dont' omg beauty idk how i can help you TT hope youll make it out. no matter if youll manage to write it or decide not to. 'i think you mean your are ok with yourself getting hurt' well i didnt mean it but not gonna say its completely wrong. i meant this more in a.. sarcastic way? a fake joy of ruining my life. here we have a culture of death and depression related jokes and sarcasm and so on. the pressing environment. it sounds awful but.. were all so mentally ill its DREADFUL but funny) 'idk what i feel about the nickname' i meant it in a 'good person' way but if youre uncomfortable with it, im sorry. the bread eating tradition is actually from the ancient Rus ig? but nvm its become stronger after the wwII bc of the lack of bread during it. now 1) lots of teens says against this culture bc now we have enough food and they say its outdated 2) a culture of healthy eating is strong and twisted a bit? a lot of people dont eat bread to not gain weight. i just dont like bread so much to eat it with everything. 'DAMN WITH NO RICE' yeah were criminals. well its not really an equivalent of flan but it reminds it in a way. 'запеканка' literally means a thing that is baked?.. its usually made with the cottage cheese or the shortbread and then literally anything a person can think of. idk whos nada... but ill definately watch this vid later! give me more english vids with some social themes pls. 'ok for me not to feel that much feelings at all towards nada' yeah ig thats it? tbh tolerance is a little overrated?.. ik how it sounds but hear me out. maybe its just me but preferring something or smn with privileges over smth or smn without those very privileges seems not so right nowadays no matter what is the reason? as not liking a woman arouses a question about being a sexist while not liking a man isnt discussed and everyone understands why. i know why its like this but im not gonna continue, its going to be long. you have a right to not feel strong feelings when you dont feel them. its simple. it doesnt matter if its a male or female character. we all are too determined about our sexes? ok but im not continuing THIS definately. ig ill answer to why you love that issue the most in the next part. and i want to discuss smth else about discrimination. so! have a nice morning/day/evening, see you in the next part!

Hello baby!!!

i appreciate the fact the person put the kitties in the towel/blanket.

its not during the day for you but i really needed to sleep for a bit. its either gonna be really long and have more than 2 parts or really short (not likely).

you should ONLY send me asks when its day FOR YOU 😡🤺 pls take care of yourself T_T i dont mind waiting T_T

'matt like mumbling' he!! hes the least understandable person in hotd for me. i love you man but can you like.. SPEAK.. open your mouth yk. hope youll watch the episode.

LOLAHSKHASLFHKLAHSFHSAFHFH FOUL poor matty T_T BUT NAH UR SO RIGHT he be mumblin but i love him we still love him HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OPEN YOUR MOUTH BOY i'll try to watch it

'T_T Спасибо, любимый' cute but its a masculine form.. one friend calls me that while joking TT Всё нормально, дорогая.

i didnt know you have fem/masc form of words O.O mind blown. i checked the translation and apparently it became darling? i typed my love actually so thats on google translate. it seems like something a friend would do HAHAHAH

'I ALREADY LOOKED UP THE LYRICS AND GOT THE ROMANIZED RUSSIA' omg its so sweet of you TT so.

idk if i;ll ever sing it but i do like that song

im listing my fav songs so you can just choose whatever youre comfortable with. my ultimate bias is '24/7' by the neighbourhood but it has rap. but ive got a feeling that your magnificent voiced sound so good in this.

but theres no rap here? the verses just are quite monotonous or they dont sing in a wide range of notes. rap usually are atonal meaning they dont have a pitch its like talking but with rhythm. it's a fine song. i like the neighbourhood. i now know what kind of songs you gravitate to

'the lighthouse' and 'honey' (idk it also has some kind of rap? not really but yeah. im that kind of person fr) by halsey.

i listened to lighthouse! i like it exponentially more that the first song because of its grit. it kind of has a rock vibe, which i enjoy. i havent listened to halsey in a long time so you've made me like her again. random fact i was so freaked out by her name when i first encountered her T_T because i couldn't read it as any other way than ashley (which is what her name is an anagram of) idk i think i have mild dyslexia. i listened to honey too! i like it as well but i like lighthouse the most because THE GRIT 😩 but i could do this one too. halsey be talkin about thighs and being mean HAHHAHA kinky HAHAHAHAh thank you for reviving my interest in halsey btw none of these songs have raps babe

ive seen you dooing some kpop covers so if youre ever interested i think youd sound great in 'she's fine' by heize.

pls why would you watch my old videos T_T its cringe cos i didnt have equipment yet at the time. id rather not do a kpop cover because im very concerned about pronouncing words wrong. also the song is just fine to me HAHAHAH like its title. i will do lighthouse then HAHAHH gimme a few days to learn it. im also editing 2 songs so i can finally post it. i recorded yesterday. i hope you like it when i show it to you. i wont link it anymore since you have my youtube so i hope you subbed and put notifs on HAHAHH

oh and ive just found 'why do you love me' by charlotte lawrence but ive been listening to minnies cover. ohoh and.

this sounds so much like so happy together by the turtles . i like it shes like fine shes toxic HAHAHAHHA we love that in art HAHHAAH shes quite monotonous too so yeah its fine

have you ever seen steven universe? it has great songs no matter what (i havent watched the last seasons so cant say anything). so 'love like you' and 'here comes a thought' are soso AAAH. maybe youll like them. thats all ig.

i know steven universe. I listened 'love like you' AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH but i would have to do the instrumentals and if i dont the song would be ruined and the instrumentals are so sweet i might mess it up idk. i like the second song too, here comes a thought, but the first one is so much nicer to me. maybe because the performer is better in the first one.

tbh, id love to see whatever cover you make! bc youre just the most pretty and talented hottie-cutie and i luvluv you <з

aw thank you baby T_T

'this is how i feel about music' ooh its good to know!

<3

well-well im 18 and im studying slavic philology. yk passion for.. just language. dull but still.

WOW I HAD TO LOOK UP WHAT PHILOLOGY IS THATS SO COOL ITS NOT DULL AT ALL om ur 18 T_T ur a baby T_T ur a literal child T_T my goodness T_T T_T T_T i feel kinda weird now T_T for interacting with someone thats about my younger brothers age online T_T my child my goodness

'i wanted to write it but now i dont' omg beauty idk how i can help you TT hope youll make it out. no matter if youll manage to write it or decide not to.

HAHAAH I MEANT I WANT TO WRITE IT BUT NOT ANYMORE AT THE MOMENT it happens HAHAHH but i still will write the fic dont worry

'i think you mean your are ok with yourself getting hurt' well i didnt mean it but not gonna say its completely wrong. i meant this more in a.. sarcastic way? a fake joy of ruining my life. here we have a culture of death and depression related jokes and sarcasm and so on. the pressing environment. it sounds awful but.. were all so mentally ill its DREADFUL but funny)

ah i see. i have friends who joke about death/dying a lot but i never like it nor do i condone it as the designated mom friend so pls i know its a joke but dont be so ok with it.

'idk what i feel about the nickname' i meant it in a 'good person' way but if youre uncomfortable with it, im sorry.

NO WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING I JUST SAID IDK WHAT I FEEL ABOUT IT ITS NOT UNCOMFY ITS JUST LIKE ??? IDK WHAT I FEEL ABOUT IT STOP APOLOGIZING 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

the bread eating tradition is actually from the ancient Rus ig? but nvm its become stronger after the wwII bc of the lack of bread during it. now 1) lots of teens says against this culture bc now we have enough food and they say its outdated 2) a culture of healthy eating is strong and twisted a bit? a lot of people dont eat bread to not gain weight. i just dont like bread so much to eat it with everything.

ahhhh i see. wwii L. diet culture is ulTRA MEGA L. i love bread but not just like plain bread. i understand what you mean about bread. i mean love the possibilities you could have with bread. you can make it toast you can eat it with hot choco you can make a sandwich YUM but bread < rice lol

'DAMN WITH NO RICE' yeah were criminals.

well its not really an equivalent of flan but it reminds it in a way. 'запеканка' literally means a thing that is baked?.. its usually made with the cottage cheese or the shortbread and then literally anything a person can think of.

i see! this looks like a cheesecake like the baked version (because there's a no baked version) REALLY INTERSTING LOOKS YUMMY 10/10 would lOVE TO TRY even though i cant even read the russian symbols and my brain is like ah yes the one thats almost is a rectangle is a p (based on all the russian texts ive seen since talking with you) wtf why is the a 3 and the k is probably not a k

idk whos nada...

yes i know T_T HAHAHAHAH

but ill definately watch this vid later! give me more english vids with some social themes pls.

that channel that made that video (theyre called the take) have amazing insight on things. i think the first video i watched on them was about himbos or perhaps it was the one i enjoyed the most?? which is why i remember it but yeah they have amazing takes on things pun intended

'ok for me not to feel that much feelings at all towards nada' yeah ig thats it? tbh tolerance is a little overrated?.. ik how it sounds but hear me out. maybe its just me but preferring something or smn with privileges over smth or smn without those very privileges seems not so right nowadays no matter what is the reason? as not liking a woman arouses a question about being a sexist while not liking a man isnt discussed and everyone understands why. i know why its like this but im not gonna continue, its going to be long. you have a right to not feel strong feelings when you dont feel them. its simple. it doesnt matter if its a male or female character. we all are too determined about our sexes? ok but im not continuing THIS definately.

but this is very true. some people can be like oh u dont like this woman you misogynist ??? no thats not how that works ???? it was a good food for thought for me though, kind of this catharsis I had over nada. i went from omg am i internally misogynistic to oh wait nah its just that she's literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada. this now kind opens the discussion of, oh women are only used as plot devices for character development of men. and yeah thats a problem but T_T yeah lets not get into that AHHHHAHAHA

yeah you should be able to like and not like a character but hopefully you only do it based on their character not something like apperance sex or whatever

ig ill answer to why you love that issue the most in the next part. and i want to discuss smth else about discrimination. so! have a nice morning/day/evening, see you in the next part!

AH YES LETS GO PHILOSOPHICAL DEBATE HOLLA

xxx

[kusundei]

chat^_^. i am kind. imsokind. i dont fucking care its okay^_^. how i wish i never told them bcuz why is this your business??????? i dont mind talking ab it but sharing it with other people and brhind my back?? maybe im a hypocrite and im evil but i dont need to hear you talking ab her inches away from me. something ab it just. sincerely pisses me off. like what do you know???? i dont care ab sav and ajax thats granted and they know and honestly i think i bring it up more than they do and its fine because ill talk ab it its just.? i truly only wanna talk ab that w them. i wish i didnt overshare at the time i always regret it??? and going out of ur way to interact w her and harass her??? idk chat. ayden was already pushing and i think the reason its making me so upset is just. what they say cuz they dont know. and then??? interacting w her??? following her and trying to comment,????? sharing it with pther people like what the fuck are you doing???? idk i think its just cuz its. them but its fine im okay.

if anything i thought. the tweet was abit? humorous? also cuz like what the helll . like ik what lyric ur talking ab u dont have to act like its only that part ur referring toooo ^_^ god forbid both of my exes would end up??? evil and.??? transphobic????? just oddd. im sorry i was emotional and i wasnt what you wantef and didnt dooo what you wanted i was just. being. vulnerable with you. comfortable enough to cry and be honest and im sorry i was always hurting???? truth be told iiii an honestly still the same way. i can definitely cope w it alot better but nooo i still bounce back and forth the same way j suppose. still sad most pf the time like i was before so idk. i was just rlly in a state back then^_^ but i swear im not always falling to bits (heh) ^_^. anyways nooo im kind. ill be fine its just a little bothersome. ill give her the benefit of the doubt and hope she didnt truly mean it like that. just odd because shes. talking ab me again. perchance ive?? enabled her??? i just hate that its alsooo. made ajax upset. oh to not have gotten him wrapped up in my shit i wish even now we had kept everything between the two of us but i was selfish because she was too??? but i was supposed to be MORE MATURE. if anything i just truly wish i had never told ethan. aleena if i had asked probably wouldve kept her mouth shut but no she. talked too much. same w kyle and alex i wish it just. stayed between me and everyone not everyone w everyone???? but its fine. im kind i dont know why shes at school today its a friday??? but its okay. i have bigger worse things to worry about . just hoping ill be fineee when i go home and ajax would be feeling better…… but its fineee its fine. i love savannah she keeps me sane in times of despair 💗

praying my mom stays kind because of yesterday. it seriously hurts likr alooot. kyle kept pushing on it and it hurt so bad ??? jot to mention hes just being evil again but im not letting it get to meee. i need to stop wearing this shirt he always … is more handsy when i do??? id put the cardigan back on but its making me evil. but yeah no its aching so bad and i wanna check the thing but im aftaid the bandaid wont be sticky anymore if i do and erm. wouldnt help. no because she was talking about like stitches??? i think it just looked really bad wuen it happened cuz after cleaning it it seemed fine. maybe cut through the first or second layer or whatever im still just shocked a chair did that to me. but oh well i think. if it truly went further it’d hurt alot more than it doesss. its just i can eee the putline of the blood jn the bandaid cuz it wouldjt stop bleeding but i wohldnt need stitches for this??????? im just gonna stop thinking ab it. i neeeed to lock in….. im being dramatic everything is fineee.

i am sooo. out of it? idk i woke up this morning just a little humored oddly enough but it is draining out of meee. i am so tired i genuinely contemplated just waiting so id miss my bus or something. im exhausted and im tweaking like physically but i guess im okay still??? my hand is aching even more today and its bruising around the sides but regardless its fineee. was gonna say ohhh i hope no one asks (someone is going to ask. sav probably) but its finee.

just feeling veryyy. exhausted today. like i wouldnt mind if i got hit by a car just now sorta thing. also just threw on whatever and called it a day and i also have that test and allll that other shit like ughhh. but its fine ill lock in. a little worried again but im sure he’ll be okay when he wakes up or something.. still pandering to my mom and praying kyle isnt here this morningg i dont feel like dealing w this today ^_^ but it is. okay. im filled with loveee. i think ^_^