#I'm really unwell today
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Mental breakdown PAUSED THERE'S VALENTINO ROSSI FOR MY VIEWING PLEASURE
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Cosette is better than me because if my weirdo recluse father suddenly showed up with a massive, festering burn scar acting completely unconcerned and telling me to call a vet for him instead of a human doctor, I would have simply started killing.
#we talk about Valjean's saint-like qualities but what about Cosette man. that's a feat of mental strength.#also I'm reading the Donougher translation and I presume 'dog-doctor' means something like a vet? truly wild.#Valjean's wretched self-image strikes again#brick completion sprint#anyway Victor Hugo really set out to hurt me with the Jvj & Cosette dynamic in the chunk that I read today..#the bit abt why he hates Marius + the chain gang + the wound back to back to back?? evil. i am unwell.#cosette fauchelevent#jean valjean#les miserables
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#i'm fine in case anyone was wondering#nishimura riki#ni-ki#enhypen#enhypenet#enhypen ni-ki#God is really looking out for me today#i'm so used to giving now i get to receive#and also#i feel like i'm so used to being mentally unwell over him#that it's just my new normal now#and i've become mentally well again#he does put a lil smile on my face#so the moral of the story is: if you're going to unhinge-stan someone into depression.......keep going bc you might come out the other side#the other side might be Hell#but i guess i got lucky!#or i just really enjoy the aesthetics of Hell#red and black are our colours after all
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Jason and Helena teaming up and realizing they wanna kill different people so when Roy is like stopping Helena from doing something like a mercy killing someone innocent who in Helena’s view is magically/sci-fi corrupted by a vilian past the point of being saved Jason’s like YEAH Helena you’re a real scumbag and when Roy is holding Jason back from shooting a guy who was involved but mostly just in their way and definitely not the Big Bad Helena’s like you’re disgusting Jason even Roy thinks it. Idk why this turned into Roy having the leads of two backpack leashes in his hands
YEAH YOU GET IT. YOU UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LETHAL JUSTICE VIEWS.
bc Helena is DEFINITELY a mercy killer. bc to her that is genuinely kindness for certain situations and she believes it's her job to do what heroes like Batman *won't* bc sometimes, it's the only way to bring someone peace. killing *is* kindness to Helena in some situations. and generally she's *not* going to go after lower level foot soldiers. bc they're just that, foot soldiers and there will always be more and most of them probably didn't choose to end up in this situation. when she kills, she tends to kill Big Names, people higher up whose deaths will make a difference.
as for Jason, he objectively views the actions of a person above who they are as a person. if they have done Bad Things, then they have done Bad Things there is no grey area to him. he has killed lower level ppl simply bc they did something he did not like or approve of. and for Helena, there's more nuance. so there'd be a deep level of clashing on certain aspects of who they think should be killed. just bc they're both pro-lethal justice does *not* mean it's in the same situations, which is the one thing i wish ppl understood about them when drawing comparisons.
also love them dragging Roy into it. their arguments will always lead to "well Roy agrees with me" bc sure, Roy *is* probably going to agree with not killing someone no matter who says it. he rlly does have two backpack leashes and he cannot leave either of them alone for too long bc someone will die. or they'll try to kill each other.
also interesting on the *very* rare occasion when Roy does want to commit lethal justice, bc he has been known to do so if something gets personal enough for him, how Helena and Jason react. Helena, who believes in lethal justice *because* of her "blood for blood, omerta" mentality would be supportive. and Jason, who believes Bruce should've killed the Joker, would also likely be supportive. sure, it's scary when Arsenal is holding back Huntress or Red Hood from killing. but it's somehow much scarier when Huntress and Red Hood are letting Arsenal kill someone bc that's how you know you *really* fucked up. them helping him through the aftermath of murder could be so fun too, bc he tends not to cope with it as well as they do, so it'd be a very complicated situation. i think sometimes they might kill someone *for* Roy, just so Roy doesn't have to deal with the emotional weight of doing it himself. which is always *so* fun.
#necrotic answerings#helenajayroy#i'm captain of the ship now and you're all my crew.#it'd be so good.#roy and helena canonically had a thing once#and a lot of ppl like the idea of jason and helena#so we're putting them all in the same soup now. it would work.#roy would be stressed 24/7 but it would work.#i'm unwell and now I have to create the content I wish to see bc no one else is as enlightened as the anons talking to me about this.#y'all get it.#i'm so proud i've spread a couple of really rarepairs today.#rarepair shipping is eating well. ty.
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Have any pride headcanons for the main cast?
here are just a few, some I've had set in stone for a while now but others I really needed to sit and have a think about ^^;
Thomas: polysexual Edward: omnisexual Henry: gay Gordon: bisexual James: trans masc Percy: pansexual Emily: lesbian
#askbox#ttte humanized#lgbtq#ttte thomas#ttte edward#ttte henry#ttte gordon#ttte james#ttte percy#ttte emily#pup's art#tjp au#thomas is me fr#just my personal hcs#i'm so unwell today but i really wanted to get this out before the end of pride month
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I might have OCD actually
#idk i can't tell if its ocd or paranoia#but all my life these “share this text to 10 contacts or your mum will die” always made me unreasonably panicked#and more and more because of posts like “donate now or you are a horrible person” make me deeply unwell#i feel so selfish because i know it's not their fault#im not blaming palestinians reaching out for help more like the people who share the posts and then guilt trip everyone#and i really dont wanna block the tags because it'll make me feel even worse and i still want to be informed#i have so many asks pilling up but idk what to do because I'm useless i can't help in anyway i dont have any reach and no money in my name#and i dont wanna close asks because i do enjoy ask games#but also idk what to do#because when i reply its so hard i feel miserable because i can't help but as soon as i reply i get 20 new ones and it's incredibly overwhel#overwhelming#but when i dont answer my brain is screaming at me “if you dont reply your while family will die in a car crash”#and it's a simple mental image to think of the more asks i answer the more i get the more my brain tells me awful things#I'm sorry to any mutual i may have unfollowed because they shared so many guilt tripping posts i genuinely can't do it anymore#and i feel terrible#and I don't wanna leave Tumblr because it's my only social platform left lmao and thevother ones are all awful its the inly one i like#I'm just not in the right mental state to constantly see “donate or you dont deserve to live even if youre poor” kinda posts#it's not even triggering its just making my “ocd” worse than it ever was#all day long my brian been telling me “you will die today because you didnt answer the asks!!”#it's genuinely horrible idk what to do and eother way i feel like a piece of shit i feel like i dont have the right to feel this way
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He had prayed for a swift and dignified death, but it seemed that such prayers were to be left unanswered. It was a foreboding thought. For what could such silence mean for his soul after this lifetime was over…?
Overhead, a gull cawed. A blessed breeze tickled his face.
The kind, gentle sea carried him on.
for @maivalkov – happy birthday and happy nedport day (coincidentally, both today! c:)
[ read the fic on ao3! ] 🌊 [ nedport, teen+ ]
#hetalia#helia writes#nedport#hws netherlands#hws portugal#i fear i may need to re-edit a good chunk of this tomorrow bc it's late and i'm unwell BUT i really want to post this today qnq#for maiva: a dear friend and inspiration ♡#i hope you enjoy!
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*wheeze* slowly, but surely, working on art of them all
#bg3#myart#wip#I want to make every tav/companion pairing I have a dedicated. fancy piece.#these started with a concept for a wyll drawing that was very...storybook! inspired.#I would have been done all the linework for these two pieces by now had my weekend gone better :/#I was violently unwell for...about a week and a half? chronic illness bullshit. had started to feel better friday of last week...#...unfortunately fate had it that the weekend ended up being particularly stressful. so the pain returned anew.#it was. somewhat better today. but still not enough for me to really be productive in my free time :(#I will try to complete the linework tomorrow if all goes well. I really would like to start colouring them!#I have delightful colour schemes chosen...#gale/illamin piece has already been sketched in a notebook. once I finish these two- I will begin lining theirs!#illamin's connects to cadence's because they're intertwined like that. but I have yet to finish planning out cadence's piece.#I've gone back and forth on who I should romance with him...the thing with any of the companions is that they are all written to be-#-immensely compatible with each other. so writing a tav FOR a specific companion is a bit hard. often the tav could fit with any of them.#hell. I'm STILL working out details of jantar and corydalis' story & characters. because I can't be normal about this.#that aside- I DO have other. finished pieces...finally.#well. I had some long before... but I didn't want to post them because I wasn't happy with them.#so I went and finished new stuff that I DO like.#4. technically 5 drawings. all horror/horror adjacent in theme.#my extremely detailed hux painting is also NEARLY done. after months upon months of work.#and I continue to slowly chip away at the big scifi themed dbd piece I've had in progress.#I really never run out of things to draw and it's a bit torturous because I never have the time or energy to draw everything...
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I'm so tired of losing things man, half of my day is me looking for my own things because I forgot where I put them. I do this every day the whole year. Things just disappear and appear in front of me hours later when I've given up looking for them. I'm in a prison made up of a goldfish's memory. It ruins all my plans it ruins my whole day and it doesn't matter if the things have a designated spot because i will put at least one thing not on its place and have a breakdown next day as I'm looking for it
#AAAAA#okay sorry im really sorry im just unwell today ok augh#idk what's wrong with me rn im just very bad ok I'm going to fucking lay down I think#vent#auaugh i hate tagging posts as very uhhhh
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#music#halfloves#song recs#audio#good evening oomfs i've brought you another song#unlike the last one i posted i know nothing about this band. this was probably a spotify algo push at some point. regardless it's neat#the music video has a billion comments all going 'just like radiohead!' and i'm like god dammit do i need to start listening to radiohead#whatever man... this is my song of choice today because i'm thinking about mizuki akiyama and it's a very mizuki song#been reading a lot of sekai stories today and i'm really starting to understand why mizuki makes people so unwell lmao. i do see.#being unwell about mizuki isn't a requirement for enjoying this song but it may enhance the experience. xoxo
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trying adhd meds again is so weird
like my brain is quiet? my thoughts are silent? I focused on just doing one sing in bass I stead of bouncing around?
WHAT IS THIS
#luna speaks#anyways fun lol#extra focus always nice#I got one that works for 4 hours so rhat I can use it for stuff I need a bit if extra brain help with#so far I'm actually feeling okay#adhd meds always made me feel unwell when I was younger (so I stopped using them)#I'm just really tired today but I also did get up early to drop off my bass to get set up! MY BOY IS READY TO USE#anywayssss
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is it midnight? yes. but i had to get this concept out there before it ate me alive. the swiftlis are rotting my brain fr!!!
#the way i actually looked at the 5e handbook for this#ANYWAY i've been annoying nyx about this literally all day today and this simply refuses to leave my brain!!! they're so!!!#listen to me LISTEN to me. link deserves the ability to kiss the ouchies away okay#link checking on taylor after a battle and giving him a little smooch to smooth over his injuries...#giving him kisses to help ease some of his chronic pains... even rlly mundane things like headaches... the possibilities are endless!#i'm just. i think that growing up link is a really touchy-feely kid and he loves doting on his friends and giving them lots of hugs#but the kisses i think he reserves just for taylor <3#i have the first part of this written already i'm very unwell abt them#also. yes paper rings is a swiftli song. to me 💗💗💗#dndads#swiftli#happi scribbles
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Chapter 3 of "You Two So Alike" (my Hoffstrahm fan-fiction) is out now! 😊
You can read it here!!
#i'm stressed about posting it and blogging about it af because i'm really mentally unwell today so my inner critic is screaming at me#and my anxiety is kicking my butt#but I went over this so many times already so knowing me it's all in my head again#so I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!!!#saw#hoffstrahm#hoffstrahm fanfiction#saw fanfiction#mark hoffman#peter strahm#stroffman#coffinshipping#mark hoffman x peter strahm#hoffstrahm fics#saw fics#ao3#ao3 fanfic#ao3 link#saw x#my writings
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If I don't find a way to make enough $ to rent a place soon i need someone to put me down. that seems an easier ask than housing tbh
#woof woof#I can't do it I can't do the being homeless thing 🩷 I really can't I had the silentest breakdown today I'm so. unwell
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10 Happy Things
May 11, 2024
Slept most of the day let's gooo
My bed and clothes are so warm and cozy
Called my mom and apparently she was out with people but she stepped outside to talk to me for a bit before going back to them and just feeling very very loved
My mom called me back and I talked to my sisters for nearly two hours hwjoiegdjkl we're just absolute nerds the lot of us
The Bible Plan I've been doing these past few days is just re-looking at everything from the basis of just get right with God, are you following Jesus and it's been very comforting to have that reminder like it is relational, it is supposed to be a delightful life we're living, there's no stress at all about doing x or y and if you're supposed to, it will not be anything but good
I can't really move my toes individually (except the ones at the ends) and I think it's kinda cute. They're a pack. They're friends. Do Not Separate.
The Tim Horton's White Hot Chocolate is so insanely good
Dungeon Meshi is such a good manga broooo
There are so many joys that I don't think I'll run out of them, and isn't that just the most delightful thing ever?
When I started this list I was feeling a little tired but now I'm quite happy and excited!! I'm so grateful to Katie for getting me into this, and my friends who also do stuff like this
#5 happy things#i don't know why but sometimes i feel a bit silly posting these online bc they're always so personal#like my awesome mom and my weird toes and my religious leanings - i know none of it is very relateable#but i think we're all allowed to be a little selfish in our joy and it's little hurt to see someone else's pleasure i hope#i got my period last night and was as usual quite unwell physically but oh what a delight it was otherwise#i went through the little routine i tend to go through with my mom of like dragging over a chair to lay on while in the bathroom#and setting up the trash can and such nearby#and i missed my mom and thought about calling her and i didn't bc it was like 3am though i did immediately today hehe#but i just thought it was really so incredible to have a mom who i wanted to call when i was ill. who i could call anytime i wanted#how rare is that? how wonderful is that? it touched me so much that all the physical pain felt worth it for the proper knowing of that love#i was thinking about all the good things i've been given - my house and bed and blankets and covers and clothes#and as i was praying i was also thinking that this was what my dad taught me and how he comforted me#and when he prayed for me or tells me he prays for me that's how i know he loves me more than i could know#there are a lot of my joys i think are embarrassing but to be treasured isn't one of them. that one's just pure thankfulness#i know i'm quite spoiled and young and silly in many ways and i'm so thankful for it. i hope i can love others even a fraction as i've been#knowing full well that i'll always be in debt to the goodness of the world and the kindness it unceasingly gives me
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